The Importance of Banter: Varric Tethras
So one of the more interesting takes I've gotten on my breakdowns of Dragon Age characters is the argument that Varric in terms of character development is one of the lesser characters in the game.
He stays the same, doesn't change much from beginning to end, and while enjoyable, his inclusion doesn't add nearly as much as some of the other characters in the game, and relies way too much on the goodwill from da2 to do most of the legwork for his inclusion in the game.
Now this isn't an argument without merit, I might agree a lot with this take... If it wasn't for the inclusion of one Dragon Age's staples, and one of the aspects that Inquisition arguably does better than ether ADO or DA2.
Character Banter.
Character Banter is extremely important because it gives us an insight into how characters think, how they interact, and showcases the more subtle elements that aren't always on display in the game itself.
Compared to the rest of the Characters, Varric is a bit different in that because he was a companion in the previous game, we can see how he's changed since the previous game.
Cassandra Pentaghast
So it's not an exaggeration to say that Cassandra and Varric has what is easily the most dynamic relationahip between any of the companions, having far and away the most interactions together out of party(And thats not even including the fact that all of DA2 is technically them talking to each other.
And this is reflected in their banter as well, where the two of them go back and forth like a married couple.
The thing that most be understood about Cassandra and Varric's banter though, is the fact that Varric is way, way smarter than Cassandra, who isn't dumb, but is not a genius by any stretch, which is reflected in the Dwarf's tendency to run rings around her all the time.
Cassandra: Have you heard from any of your Kirkwall associates Varric?
Varric: You're asking me? So you don't read my letters?
Cassandra: You're no longer my prisoner, much as you like to act like it.
Varric: Yet I still get all the suspicion.
Cassandra: I am not without sympathy, especially given recent events.
Varric: Why, Seeker, I would never accuse you of having sympathy! By the way I tend to refer to my "associates" as "friends". Maybe you're not familiar with the concept.
Cassandra: (sigh)
---
Varric: You know, Seeker, for someone with your tact and charisma you assembled a... pretty good little Inquisition. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming you didn't drag them all here by force.
Cassandra: How kind of you.
Varric: I mean, you never know, you could have kidnapped Ruffles and she'd be too polite to say anything.
Cassandra: Leliana recruited Josephine. They're... friends.
Varric: So there's a rational explanation after all. Just when I thought you had layers.
---
Varric: It makes sense that Leliana did the recruiting when the Inquisition started. Not everyone can be intimidated into signing up after all.
Cassandra: I recruited Commander Cullen.
Varric: Lucky him.
Cassandra: He has made no complaints about my manners.
Varric: His last boss was a raving lunatic who turned into a statue. That's not a high bar.
All of these three bits of banter is from early in their shared chain, and illustrates their dynamic very, very well. Varric reads Cassandra like an open book, and is able to completely take control over a situation just by playing the role of the ass who is just sniping at her because he feels like it, when what he's actually doing is maneuvering the conversation so it can end on him having the last words by playing on the things Cassandra knows she cannot refute without lying.
That takes a lot of sponanous wit and an ability to think on the spot, something cassandra does not possess, but Varric has in plenty.
Of course this dynamic is only at the start as they have plenty more as the story develops. One innparticular is their relationship regarding Varric's liturature, which is one of the more entertaining side quests in the game, but it does tell us more about them in the followup banter.
Varric: Seriously? Swords and Shields? How did you find that serial? Scrape it off the bottom of a barrel in Dust Town?
Cassandra: It was research! I thought I might learn more about the Champion.
Varric: I did write a book about the Champion. You might remember it. Had your knife stuck through it last I saw.
Cassandra: I already read that one. Twice.
Here we learn how much Cassandra actually loves to read Varric's work, but more importantly we get something we rarely see in Varric. Him talking about his own failures.
Varric likes to pretend he's this amazing writer who always produce masterpieces, as he himself says to Bianca, as if he'd write about his own failures and mistakes...
And yet there is swords and shields, a book that Varric has deemed an abyssmal failure. A joke, a mediocre piece of trash not worth the paper it was printed on... And yet it has it's fans. This work that varric despises still managed to find an audience, and despite how much satisfaction he had smugly giving it to Cassandra, that still grinds his gears.
People shouldn't like his bad work. It should be forgotten in favor of his masterpieces. A very dwarven way of thinking.
Varric: I can't believe you picked the absolute worst of my books to read. Why not Hard in Hightown?
Cassandra: I have enough mysteries and investigations of my own.
Varric: What? You don't want to solve more in your spare time?
Cassandra: Then you killed my favorite character in Chapter 3, so I threw the book across the room.
Varric: Ah, a critic. Say no more.
In this one, we get Varric both genuinely questioning Cassandra, as he seems to have assumed she actually does like investigating mysteries(she does not), but also tries to nudge her over to read High in Hightown instead.
Cassandra: Varric, how could you let the Knight-Captain be framed for murder?
Varric: Well, I did spent three entire chapters setting it up.
Cassandra: But she didn't deserve it! You'd already put her through more than enough!
Varric: Look, Seeker, if you love a character, you give them pain, ruin their lives, make them suffer. Maybe even throw in a heroic death.
Cassandra: That makes no sense!
Varric: You care enough to argue. If she had a nice afternoon and took a nap, you'd stop reading.
I could deconstruct this, but basically it's just a bit of meta commentary on what makes a good story. Not only will it not be the last, but it's not even the most blatant. After all, this one could apply to other people besides Hawke.
Cassandra: What made you write about Hawke? All your other books are complete fiction.
Varric: Someone had to set the record straight about the Champion.
Cassandra: Yet your book is still full of lies.
Varric: But true ones. That's important.
Varric loves stories... But he understands what stories are at their heart. The difference between a Recounting, and a Tale. That's what history is after all, the Tales everyone passed down.
And what good tale doesn't have a bit of exaggerated bullshit?
Cassandra: Why is the second Hard in Hightown so completely different from the first?
Varric: (sigh) Because I didn't write it. Shit, did you pay actual coin for that book? One of these days, I'm going to find the duster who wrote that garbage and introduce him to my editor.
Cassandra: By "editor," do you mean your crossbow?
Varric: No, my actual editor. Best in the business. She runs half the Coterie in Kirkwall. Stickler for grammar. She once killed a man over a semicolon. I'd never print anything without her.
This one is more meta commentary, but it does have a bit more meat to it. Varric's whole spiel about his editor being super powerful in the Coterie could be the truth, it could be complete bullshit. Or it could be something in between.
That's not the important part. The important part is that he wants Cassandra to guess, to assume, to speculate, because that is far more powerful than just laying it all out could ever be.
Cole: She has to reach the other side of the hill.
Cassandra: Who does?
Cole: The Knight-Captain. But she's injured.
Varric: (sigh) Good job, Kid.
Cassandra: Is she alright? Is that how the book ends?
Varric: Not anymore.
Cassandra: Cole, what happens to her?
Cole: I don't know. The hill went away.
So here we see that Varric is one of THOSE authors. You know the kind, the ones who will rewrite an entire storyline because the big twists was leaked ahead of time.
It's not that important in the grand scheme of things, but it's interesting how through the game we see a very consistent picture of how Varric likes to write. He's a gardner variety writer, but unlike GRRM he's not the kind thst sticks to what he had in mind and sets up if the big twist is learned before it's finished.
As for His banter with Cassandra related to Hawke, it's entertaining, but not exactly that enlightening. Except for one.
If you chose in DA2 to save carver or Bethany by making them grey wardens, you get this bit when Cassandra Questions him about them.
Varric: Aveline took him off somewhere when the Calling started going nuts, but he'll tag along. He always does.
Varric: Aveline took her off somewhere when the Calling started going nuts, but she'll try to keep Hawke out of trouble.
Cassandra misses the obvious, but you probably didn't.
Varric knew about the calling from the start. Oh he didn't know the details, and he didn't know why... But he knew there was something up with the calling from the very start, and probably figured out this was the key reason from day one.
And he didn't share it. At all.
That speaks volumes of where his true loyalties lies, and it's something a lot of people miss.
Cassandra is right. Varric's heart will never truly belong to the Inquisition so long as Hawke and his Kirkwall friends exists outside of it.
There is also a turning point in their conversations, starting around the point where Varric's personal quest with Bianca happened.
Cassandra: Am I to understand your Bianca is married?
Varric: Oh, have we reached the stage where we gossip about each other's love lives?
Varric: Did you hear that, boss? Don't worry, I'll tell you whatever she says.
Cassandra: Forget I mentioned anything. It was a simple question, Varric.
Varric: There was nothing simple about it.
Varric actually blatantly questions wheter they've reached the point where they are now talking about each others love with each other. The truth is though, they actually have.
Varric: You brought up Bianca, Seeker. Does that mean I can ask about your conquests?
Cassandra: I would rather you didn't.
Varric: No tantalizing secrets to divulge?
Cassandra: None.
(If the Inquisitor is in a relationship with Cassandra)
Varric: So no one within, say, a five foot radius has caught your eye?
Inquisitor: Really? No one at all?
Cassandra: This... is not a discussion I want to have here.
Varric: (laughs) Are you blushing, Seeker? Maker, the world really is coming to an end.
Or
Inquisitor: Perhaps Cassandra—and her conquest—would rather not discuss this in public.
Varric: Spoilsport.
Or
Varric: Nothing? You do know he's standing right there...
Cassandra: I... have no conquests.
Varric: How about dalliances? Liaisons? Illicit affairs?
Cassandra: No.
Sera: Enough poking, Varric.
Varric: Is it, Buttercup? Is it?
It a rather humorous affair, but it does show that Varric at this point is comfortable prodding Cassandra's love life, figuring out how far he can push.
Which speaks for itself at how close these two have gotten at this point.
Cassandra: Very well, Varric. If you wish to know about men I have known, I will tell you.
Varric: Look, Seeker. I was only...
Cassandra: You are right. I pried first, and fair is fair. Years ago, I knew a young mage named Regalyan. He was dashing, unlike any man I'd met. He died at the Conclave.
Varric: Oh.
Cassandra: What we had was fleeting. And years had passed. Still, it saddens me to think he's gone.
Varric: I'm sorry.
Nothing to add here, just that Varric sorta gets sad when he realizes that was friendly prodding touched a very bitter and sad point from Cassandra's pain.
For which he apologizes.
Varric: Look, Seeker, I didn't mean to make you talk about your mage friend.
Cassandra: I know. I was not trying to make you speak of Bianca. If I was, you would know. I would yell, books would be stabbed.
Varric: (Chuckles.) I'll keep that in mind.
Also as the game reaches the end section, Varric and Cassandra begin to really banter in a much more friendly way.
Cassandra: I still don't understand how drakes take that hand.
Varric: ...Hmm. Maybe we should start you on Shepherd's Six.
Cassandra: Isn't that a children's game?
Varric: Yeah.
When trying to teach Cassandra card games at this point in the story, Varric has the perfect set up for a punchline like he did in the early game, but he doesn't use it, because he isn't mocking cassandra here, he's genuinely trying to teach her how to play cards.
And so he suggest starting her off with something simple, like a card game for children, cause he understands thats where she has to start at her level.
There are plenty more, but most of it is just well written, engaging or funny back and forths. But before moving on, i wanna highlight two of them.
Varric: Did you really think the Conclave had a chance of making peace, Seeker?
Cassandra: You do not?
Varric: What was the Divine's plan? Bring everyone together and hope really hard that they would all get along?
Cassandra: Most Holy did not confide her plan to me. Perhaps she thought they were tired of death and conflict.
Varric: Oh, when is that ever been true? For Templars or mages.
Cassandra: I will not mock a dead woman, Varric. She did what she could, and that is more than most.
This conversation is very important for one simple reason. It showcases how much Varric has changed since DA2. Varric used to be one of the big believers in compromise in that game. He didn't come out and say it out right, because in that game the Templar far and away were the more evil faction, and so there was way more chances for Varric to stick up for mages, but Varric really, REALLY didn't want the mages and Templars to go to war.
He had so many friends in both factions, friends he knew would die if it ever did come to true blows.
I would say that varric was probably the best example of what neutrality in such a situation should have been. Someone who is neutral because he understood thst fundamentally, both sides even at their worst, were people. Not demons, not monsters, but human beings or elves. But unlike many others who clamor for neutrality, Varric wasn't stuck up his own ass about it.
If he saw one side go over the ljne, regardless of which it was, he would not just stand by wheter it was power hungry necromantic blood mages, or Templars like Ser Alrik.
But here, he mocks the very idea of neutrality. He has completely given up on it, and he's accepted that the only solution here, is for one side or the other will have to decisively crush the opposition.
Of course he doesnt come out and say it like that, but that's the message to take away here. So long as there is a templar or mage on the field, this war will continue. He doesn't like that fact, but he has accepted it.
Cassandra: I hear reconstruction is progressing well in Kirkwall.
Varric: I know things are bad there.
Cassandra: I wasn't trying to...
Varric: You weren't trying to remind me how bad is it in Kirkwall? So you decided to talk about it?
Cassandra: About its recovery!
Varric: What you're talking about are the buildings, and even that will take years. People don't recover so easily.
Kirkwall, that is to say, the Kirkwall Varric was born in, grew up in, and spent the happiest years of his life(When he was running there with Hawke), is dead and gone, and never coming back.
He is never getting it back.
Which will be very important for the next companion's banter.
Blackwall
Blackwall is different than the rest of the crew in that he's utterly reliant on the Banter to have any sort of presence. He has no charisma in the actual game, but he does showcase a much more entertaining character in banter.
In regards to Varric though, his mian purpose is to showcase aspects of Varric we don't often see.
One of the most important comes very, very early into their relationship.
Blackwall: I once met a dwarf who made the best home-brewed ale.
Varric: I once met a Grey Warden who got possessed by a spirit and then blew up a Chantry and killed a hundred people. What makes people think you want to hear what others of "your kind" have done, anyway?
This is a moment that is:
1. Very uncharacteristic of Varric, who usually loves talking about other people if he gets any excuse to do so, and will be demonstrated in a very similar moment in his banter with the Iron Bull, only with a different reaction.
2. It's here to showcase Varric's hatred for Anders. Other than Sebastian, Varric misses pretty much the entire DA2 cast, his true best friends... Except for Anders.
Varric LOATHES Anders for his actions, for kickstarting the Mage Templar War and getting lots of his friends killed, but also for destroying his home and making his own worst fear come true.
Varric's biggest fear as shown in the fade is becoming his parents... And that's exactly what he has become in DAI. The depressed exile from a home city that he can never return to, and if he does, it won't be the same life they miss so dearly. Varric misses Kirkwall. He misses it's people, the Hanged man, and always thinking back on the glory days of his life.
And he misses Hawke.
All lost to him and never coming back, all thanks to Anders. Varric can never return back to that time, that place, that era, that friend group that was the highpoint of Varric's life, because the city of Champion Hawke and Varric the sidekick is as dead and gone as his parents.
The hanged man will never be the same, Hawke will never be the revered Hero they were after act 2, and every single one of the countless friends that Varric misses will not come back.
And so he hates Anders with a level of hatred he reserves for very, very few people.
The rest of Varric's starting relationship with Blackwall is about him trying to figure out what makes him tick, innitially pegging him as another Sebastian. Boring, safe, droll.
He also has more banter where he shows how depressed he actually is about Kirkwall.
Blackwall: I've been to Kirkwall. The Hanged Man, actually, probably been twenty years now. It was a dive if I remember correctly.
Varric: It's the dive. Filled with the best and worst people in the world.
Blackwall: Yes, I heard it was a haunt of yours.
Varric: Haunt? It was home.
He finally clicks with Blackwall, as they get into a shared passion nobody else in the party has. Jousting. The sport consistent of knocking people of horses with pointy sticks.
As a Free Marcher Varric has grown up with the Grand Tourney as a focal point of his identity, and loves the sport, so he and Blackwall bonds and argues over the sport, with the most notable part being their disagreements over who is the better jousting knight, where he also gives his own cents in the form of a meta commentary between who is the better protagonist, the Hero of Ferelden or Hawke.
Blackwall: You can't really think Reeve Asa is a better knight than Honorine Chastain. Her record's flawless. Four hundred jousts, never unseated. No one's ever come close to it.
Varric: Oh, she's easily the most skilled. That's a fact. It's just "scrappy" is better than "flawless." I like heroes who try their damnedest, even if they fail a lot. It's easy to be valiant when you always win and everything goes your way. There's nothing great in that.
The rather unsubtle meta message here, is comparing the protagonists of the first games.
The warden is the stronger, more skilled and more competent protagonist who ultimately always triumphed, changed the world, and became heralded far and wide as the greatest hero of her age.
Meanwhile Hawke is the scrappy underdog hero who always gets back on their feet regardless of how hard they fall, and never actually suceeds in anything. Hawke is a failure Hero who couldn't save their mother, their city, at least one of their siblings, maybe two, Ketojan, couldn't prevent the Qunari attack, and constantly failed to save the day through DA2.
Now i don't really agree with this rather simplistic reading of the Warden, but it's a good scene, because it shows that Varric is more than capable of overlooking all the work, effort and time it takes to produce a "perfect" result, as well as show that Varric has a very hard preference for underdogs, and the stories they produce.
Which leads into his reaction when Blackwall confesses his sins.
Varric: Maybe I've been too hard on you.
Blackwall: Oh, so you don't think I'm dreadful now.
Varric: Actually, I thought you were boring before. Completely different. We're all dreadful. Every one of us, fundamentally flawed in a hundred different ways. That's why we're here, isn't it? Take all the risks, so the good people stay home where it's safe. With the whole "Blackwall" thing, you told a story so compelling even you started to believe it.
Blackwall: That's much nicer than saying "You're a dirty liar.", I'll take it.
Varric: A story-teller's got to believe his own story, or no one will.
Here we can gleam a sad fact. Varric very pointedly notes "we're all dreadfull", as Us, as in, him included.
Varric doesn't really consider himself a good person anymore, if he ever did.
It's not like the Varric of Yesteryear considered hinself a saint or some knight in shining armor, but there was a sense that he was happy with himself during that game, in a way he is not in DAI.
Something has changed, and that something is guilt over unleashing the red lyrium on the world, and probably guilt over killing his own friends.
It's not really focused on as much as it should be, but Varric had plenty of friends amongst both the mages and Templars... Which meant that when Anders blew up the chantry, regardless of which side you picked, Varric was forced to kill people who genuinely mattered to him.
Hence why he's so quick to forgive Blackwall for his lies.
For the most part this generally manifests itself in regards to Red Lyrium, which he blames himself for bringing into the world. I would argue that the more subtle parts you get to see in Banter though, is far, far more interesting and better told than the stuff in the main quest.
Because despite his flaws he "takes all the risks, so the good people won't have to.", just like Varric and Hawke.
This is in large amount what Varric in Inquisition is for the most part all about. Guilt, self loathing, and wanting to be a better person.
He just masks it with his usual wit, charm and charisma.
Kinda like Blackwall, only he doesn't really have much charisma or wit to hide behind. Hence why he is so accepting of, and willing to give him another chance without question.
On a final note before we move on from Blackwall, we also get to see varric try to play matchmaker between Blackwall and Josephine which is cute, but not exactly surprising, or give us further insight into Varric's character.
Cole
Now, I'm not going to cover Cole here, not because the banter isn't interesting, or we don't learn anything, but that's all from the way we learn about the world, or Cole himself.
Varric's side of these banters can be summed up in one sentence, for pretty much every single banter.
Varric is Cole's dad.
Rinse, repeat.
Dorian
Similarily, I will not be covering the banter with dorian, not because it's bad, far from it, it's some of the most entertaining in the game, but it doesn't exactly add much beyond the fact that both Varric and Dorian love to gamble, and share witty banter.
Also nugs has some creepy ass feet. The stuff of nightmares.
The Iron Bull
Far more to be dissected, can be found in Varric's banter with the Iron Bull.
There is so much to learn from this banter, from Spy work to how the Antaam is viewed by the other Qunari and so on, but we'll focus on the stuff relating to varric, as he and bull talk about a lot of things.
Varric: You're not the first Ben-Hassrath I've run across. Hawke and I went on a caper with one named Tallis.
Iron Bull: You don't say.
Varric: She caused us no end of trouble. You wouldn't know her by any chance?
Iron Bull: Hey, one time I ran into this dwarf on the road. Short, grouchy. You think you might know him?
Varric: I'm in the Merchant Guild. Ten royals says I not only know him—he owes me money.
Iron Bull: Oh. Well... no. I don't know Tallis. Sorry.
In stark contrast to his talk with Iron bull, when not involving Anders or other people he hates, Varric loves to talk about people. To the point that in his comeback to Iron Bull, there is an invitation here for Bull to specify who this random dwarf was, because chances are, he actually might know him, and could elaborate on the guy.
Varric: How could you possibly be a spy?
Iron Bull: Well, it's a pretty easy job. I do some fighting, and drinking, and then once in a while I tell Par Vollen about it.
Varric: Heh. Where's the sneaking, the plotting, the subtle machinations?
Iron Bull: If you do that, everyone knows you're a spy. Drinking, fighting, writing notes, that's all it really takes.
Varric: Shit. You're either the worst qunari ever, or the best. I can't decide.
He also showcases great frustration with the way Iron Bull pokes holes in his Bond like spy writing, in favor of the mundane realities of Cloak and Dagger stuff.
Because for all that he prides himself on tall tales, varric does like his writing to somewhat be plausible. Its why he gets pissy at the inquisitor when he tells him how stupid so many parts of DA2 were writing wise, cause Varric wrote it how it happened, and while embelishing it, it was mostly true.
And if his spy writing isn't realistic enough that it might plausibly happen... Then it's not as good as it could be.
Iron Bull: By the way, Varric, you write some nice fight scenes.
Varric: Well, thank you. I'm surprised you think so. They're not exactly realistic.
Iron Bull: I figured that out when the good guy did a backflip while wearing a chain mail shirt.
Varric: And that didn't bother you?
Iron Bull: Back in Seheron, I fell on a guy who tried to stab me in the gut. I felt the blade chip as it went through my gut and hit my back ribs. But I was alive, and on top. I sawed through the armor on the rebel's neck, back and forth, until it went red. I don't need a book to remind me that the world is full of horrible crap.
Varric: Impossible swashbuckling it is.
Meanwhile, this bit is surprisingly layered.
First off, there is Bull's retelling and describing the way he dealt with the Vint while bing impaled as "realistic". If this was not a world with magical healing such as potions or poultices he'd had died from this incident, due to infection if nothing else. That's meant as a bit of meta irony.
But the actual meat of this, is that Varric is just letting Bull rant.
The whole "Backflip while wearing chainmail armor" is something Hawke can literarily do in DA2, Provided you are a rogue Hawke and has high enough stats. If so, when hit by a trap, Hawke will simply backflip out of the way, even if wearing chainmail armor.
It is the kind of shit that for a long was normal for Varric, and he writes it into his fight scenes(Which he has a self dig at calling them not realistic, despite having seen shit like that for himself all the time).
But he doesnt say any of that.
Instead he just lets Bull rant, get it out there how shitty he really feels, because varric knows when to talk, and when to listen, and here is a time to listen.
Varric: So, Bull. You and Dorian?
Iron Bull: Mm-hmm.
Varric: "Two worlds tearing them apart, Tevinter and Qunari, with only love to keep them together."
Dorian: I don't see how this is even remotely your business, Varric.
Iron Bull: Could you make it sound angrier? "Love" is a bit soft.
Dorian: Please stop helping the dwarf.
Varric: How about passion?
Iron Bull: Yes, that's better. Love is all starlight and gentle blushes. Passion leaves your fingers sore from clawing the sheets.
Dorian: You could at least have had the courtesy to use the bedposts.
Iron Bull: Hey, don't top from the bottom.
Varric: Passion it is, then.
Also, i wanna highlight his banter with bull, if he and dorian hook up, and if both are with him in the party. It's really the only bit of Dorian varric banter with real character meat to it, as it puts Dorian's rarely seen tsundere side on full display, and why he makes such a good match with the easy going, yet equally passionate iron bull.
Iron Bull: Hey, Varric, I was reading your stuff... Where do your bad guys come from?
Varric: Well, some of them come from Tevinter and some are Ben-Hassrath spies... but I like the stories where the villain was the man beside you the whole time. The best villains don't see themselves as evil. They're fighting for a good cause, willing to get their hands dirty.
Iron Bull: All right, that's really deep and all, but I meant where do the bad guys come from literally? The way you write it, it's like they just fall from the sky and land on top on the hero.
Varric: I like to leave some things to the reader's imagination.
Also, final bit i'll cover of these two here. It's both a meta hit of writing in that it's supposed to be about solas, but can also apply to Iron bull, and is a self depreciating dig on the single worst gameplay mechanic from DA2.
Sera
So, as with Cole and Dorian, im not covering this sequence of banter as it doesn't really reveal much about Varric as a character. Its generally just Sera trying her usual bullshit, and Varric taking the piss out of her, much to her frustration.
Im not exactly a big fan of Sera, and even here, where most of their dialogue is about Varric basicaly running rings around her, don't really makes me smile.
There is one bit of banter though, that i do want to highlight.
Sera: (sing-song) La la la la la, Sentinals are shits.
Varric: Like it or not, Buttercup, that’s where you come from.
Sera: Says the undwarfiest dwarf ever!
Varric: Fair enough. Paragons can be shits too.
So, this one i feel is extremely important, for the reason that it goes to showcase that 1. Sera doesn't understand Varric in the slightest, and 2. Really goes to showcase Sera's complete and total lack of self awareness, and just how out of touch she is, raiding other people's homes, and calling them shits for defending themselves.
But that second one i'll save for Sera's banter review.
For this one, I want to highlight how Varric, just like Dorian understands and more importantly loves the Culture he originates from. He knows how shitty dwarven culture can be, and will never avoid taking the piss out of it for all it's flaws, but he also admires it. He admires their ability to create marvels, their grit and determination that has seen them take on the Darkspawn for a hundred years and still stand, and the individuals that stood up and above the rest to serve as legends, just like Hawke and the Inquisitor.
There is a reason his hangouts in both games are decorated full of very traditional dwarven furniture. Because he wants to live in a home that looks dwarven.
Because the past is important.
It's a bit of wisdom he tries, and fails to impart to Sera, that you simply trying to pretend your roots don't exists never works. And he's right. Even though Sera never admits wrong on her own part, she fully admits she burnt out on this spiteful hatred in Tresspasser.
Solas
Solas and Varric's banter though, is far, far more interesting.
Both of them are tricksters, both value the past greatly in their own way, both understands the power of a story, both of them lie to the Inquisitor, and both would rather remain the side character than step up to take the spotlight.
And yet they are different. Opposites almost.
One of Varric's defining feature as a person is that he cares about all his friends and how those friendships transcends the chains of status, having become friends with dwarves, Qunari, kossiths, humans, elves, templars, mages, seekers, antivans, fereldens, kirkwallers, orlesians, tevinters, anders, revains, avvar, and so on.
Solas single defining feature is how he sees everyone he does not knows except for his own, very small list of what he considers countrymen, as not things, and is willing to destroy the world for them to prosper.
Varric stays out of the spotlight cause he likes being the power behind the throne. Solas does it because as the Herald's Judas, he doesn't want anyone to question the many, many questions about him further than they have to.
Varric lives in the present, but respects the past. Solas in the past, and is terrified of the present.
Which leads to some of the most interesting banter in the game.
Solas: By the end of Hard in Hightown, almost every character is revealed as a spy or a traitor.
Varric: Wait, you read my book?
Solas: It was in the Inquisition library. Everyone but Donnen turned out to be in disguise. Is that common?
Varric: Are we still talking about books or are you asking if everyone I know is a secret agent?
Solas: Are there many tricksters in dwarven literature?
Varric: A handful, but they're the exception. Mostly they're just honoring the ancestors. It's very dull stuff. Human literature? Now there's where you'll find the tricky, clever, really deceptive types.
Solas: Curious.
Varric: Not really. Dwarves write how they want things to be. Humans write to figure out how things are.
Solas questions Varric about the to him, alien Dwarven liturature, trying to figure out what the new, "lesser" dwarves might write about when no longer part of a hivemind.
Varric gives it to him straight, but there is a deeper bit of character here.
Varric is able to explain this to Solas, because as a man who understands Dwarven culture, strengths, flaws, and weaknesses, and how it ticks, as well as undoubtedly having read a lot of dwarven literature, Varric is able to point out all it's shortcomings, or more accurately the way Human and Dwarven literature trends differentiate due to different cultural values.
Varric: You really spend most of your time in the Fade?
Solas: As much as is possible. The Fade contains a wealth of knowledge for those who know where to look.
Varric: Sure, but I don't know how you dream, let alone wander around in there.
Varric: Especially when the shit that comes out of the Fade generally seems pretty cranky.
Solas: So are humans, but we continue to interact with them... when we must.
Here Varric pries a bit into a topic he(If you took him with you in night terrors) only has experienced once before for himself, from someone who knows more about the fade and the veil than anyone.
Solas ends it on a much darker note than Varric assumes though, as what he means is, we have to tolerate them "for now."
Solas: Is it true that the entire dwarven economy relies upon lyrium?
Varric: Mostly. We've got the nug market cornered as well.
Solas: And the dwarves of Orzammar have never studied lyrium?
Varric: If they have, they certainly haven't shared anything up here. Why?
Solas: It is the source of all magic, save that which mages bring themselves.
Solas: Dwarves alone have the ability to mine it safely. I wondered if they had sought to learn more.
Varric: The folks back in Orzammar don't care much about anything but tradition.
So here we have Varric flat out bullshit Solas in several ways. He knows way more about lyrium than most, having studied red lyrium himself, and yet he does not give that information to Soals, the way he does with the Herald, showing that deep down, Varric trusts you far more than Solas, if not as much as Hawke.
He also knows that both surface and underground Dwarves have deeper knowledge of lyrium than any human, being it's the source of all the enchantments and magic, and that while they might not know it's origins, they understand how it works, and how to use it, transport it, store it, and so on.
If there is one thing Orzammar is good at, and not stuck in tradition, it's exploiting Lyrium to the hilt.
And yet he bullshits Solas about it completely. Because this is an early banter, the likely reason is simply that he does not trust him.
Which given his other important lies is not surprising.
And solas later recognizes this.
Solas: I find the fall of the dwarven lands confusing.
Varric: What's so confusing about endless darkspawn?
Solas: A great deal, although that is a different matter. Dwarves control the flow of lyrium. They could tighten their grip on it.
Varric: It's hard to get the attention of the humans when the darkspawn aren't up here messing with their stuff.
Solas: You're active in the Carta. You know your people could tug the purse strings. You could claim sovereign land on the surface, or demand help restoring the dwarven kingdom, but you don't.
Varric: You're not saying anything I haven't said myself, Chuckles. Orzammar is what it is
Solas Attacks Varric's arguments from adifferent angle here, without directly calling him a liar from the banter before, as he points out just how much power Orzammar has through it's economic might, how even if they know how to use Lyrium so effectively, they haven't been wielding that might to effecrively hammer out an anti Darkspawn coalition to crush the darkspawn in their own dens and wipe them out from the source.
Realistically, the dwarves are rhe only ones who could see it done, and yet they havent. Because before Bhelen, there was never a king willing to upend the entire system to get results.
Varric doesn't actually give his direct thoughts in this bit of banter, but it goes into future ones. Before that though, im gonna quickly cover another bit of banter.
Solas: Do you ever miss life beneath the earth? The call of the Stone?
Varric: Nah. Whatever the Stone - capital S - is, it was gone by the time my parents had me.
Solas: But... do you miss it?
Varric: How could I miss what I never had?
Varric: But say I did have that sense, that connection to the Stone. What would it cost me?
Varric: Would I lose my friends up here? Would I stop telling stories?
Varric: I like who I am. If I want to hear songs, I'll go to the tavern.
Solas: You are wiser than most.
Solas worships the past, to such a degree that he thinks being part of a hivemind under the titans, must have been better for the Dwarves, because of what it allowed them to accomplish by magic, and more importantly that it's what they used to be.
And what they used to be, must be better than what they are now, because the past is better.
Meanwhile Varric is content with the present. He never had stone sense, so why worry about it? Why dream of it, why become his parents? That would be absolutely awful, so why not embrace what you have now.
Though Solas doesn't know it, his backhanded praise here is actually even moreso than he knows.
Its backhanded by intention, because he acknowledges that varric is wiser than those who would wail about their lost glory... But as we'll see in the following banter, he regards all Dwarves, regardless of wheter they are like Varric, as lessers and fools. So varric is better... But he is still a fool.
Meanwhile, on Varric's part, it's even more backhanded than Solas intends because Varric is doing exactly what he's saying he isn't here.
Dreaming of glory days when all was simplier and he was a happier man. He's not dreaming of stone sense itself, but the sentiment is the same.
And he knows it. That's one of the saddest things about Varric in DAI. He became his parents, his worst fear, but he's very much aware of that fact.
Solas: Is there at least a movement to reunite Orzammar and Kal-Sharok?
Varric: What is it with you, Chuckles? Why do you care so much about the dwarves?
Solas: Once, in the Fade, I saw the memory of a man who lived alone on an island. Most of his tribe had fallen to beasts or disease. His wife had died in childbirth. He was the only one left. He could have struck out on his own to find a new land, new people. But he stayed. He spent every day catching fish in a little boat, every night drinking fermented fruit juice and watching the stars.
Varric: I can think of worse lives.
Solas: How can you be happy surrendering, knowing it will all end with you? How can you not fight?
Varric: I suppose it depends on the quality of the fermented fruit juice.
Solas: So it seems.
---
Solas:: I am sorry to have bothered you with my questions about your people Varric. I see so much of this world in dreams. Humans, my own people, even qunari. Dwarves alone were lost to me, save scattered fragments of memory where some spirit cared to watch. Now I know why I see so little.
Varric: And why is that?
Solas:: Dwarves are the severed arm of a once mighty hero, lying in a pool of blood. Undirected. Whatever skill of arms it had, gone forever. Although it might twitch to give the appearance of life, it will never dream.
Varric: I'd avoid mentioning that to any Carta, Chuckles. They might not take it the right way.
---
Varric: What's with you and the doom stuff? Are you always this cheery or is the hole in the sky getting to you?
Solas: I've no idea what you mean.
Varric: All the "fallen empire" crap you go on about. What's so great about empires anyway?
Varric: So we lost the Deep Roads, and Orzammar is too proud to ask for help. So what? We're not Orzammar and we're not our empire.
Varric: There are tens of thousands of us living up here in the sunlight now, and it's not that bad.
Varric: Life goes on. It's just different than it used to be.
Solas: And you have no concept of what that difference cost you.
Varric: I know what it didn't cost me. I'm still here, even after all those thaigs fell.
---
Solas: You truly are content to sit in the sun, never wondering what you could've been, never fighting back.
Varric: Ha, you've got it all wrong, Chuckles. This is fighting back.
Solas: How does passively accepting your fate constitute a fight?
Varric: In that story of yours—-the fisherman watching the stars, dying alone. You thought he gave up, right?
Solas: Yes.
Varric: But he went on living. He lost everyone, but he still got up every morning. He made a life, even if it was alone.
Varric: That's the world. Everything you build, it tears down. Everything you've got, it takes. And it's gone forever.
Varric: The only choices you get are to lie down and die or keep going. He kept going. That's as close to beating the world as anyone gets.
Solas: Well said. Perhaps I was mistaken
This entire banter line is about Varric and Solas.
On solas part it's about his very well spoken and articulated racist opinions on the modern dwarves compared to those who came before and trying to rack his brian around them not going to the lengths he himself would have gone to save their race.
Also the fact they are no longer part of the Titan hivemind. He's really stuck on that for reasons we don't really fully understand.
However, far, far more importantly this is about Varric's entire storyline in DAI.
Varric talks about Orzammar, about the loss of the deep roads, and yet they are all still there, still fighting, still marching on, rather than laying down and dying.
That is the true strength of the Dwarven race.
The ability to keep going even after losing everything. The original dwarves lost the titans and their magic. They marched on.
The dwarven empire lost the deep roads, and all but two thaigs. They marched on.
The surface dwarves lost their caste the last remains of their magic, and their status in dwarven society. They marched on.
Varric lost kirkwall. He lost his entire friend group that was the people who he loved more than any other group of people he has ever know. He lost his home that he grew up in and loved. He lost his parents and he lost Barthrand, the only remaining family he had, and who despite it all deeply, deeply loved. He lost Bianca, a teenage infatuation he never was able to get over.
And he lost Hawke. Either to Anders kickstsrting the war, or to the fade.
He lost everything he loved.
And yet He. Marched. On.
Varric's story in DAI is an understated one, one that isn't really given story focus, but unlike all the rest of the attempts at telling a more subtle story with the companions, this one actually worked.
Varric's story, is about his march onwards.
He lost everything due to Anders actions, and yet here he is. Marching forward through life. He hasn't laid down and died. He's still here. He's still fighting.
He still has hope.
And so he marches on through the twilight of his life, and keeps going, even if he loses Hawke forever... He keeps going, and he makes it through his depression, and grief to make a new life for himself in Kirkwall.
A new Kirkwall, but Kirkwall nonetheless.
Solas: That crossbow is remarkable, Varric. I am surprised the dwarves have not made more of them.
Varric: The woman who made Bianca would rather that not happen. Wars are bloody enough as it is.
Varric: A crossbow that fires this far and this quickly with so little training? Every battle would be a massacre.
Solas: Indeed. I am surprised, not disappointed.
Here we get a lot of insight into Varric... But also a moment of great moral ambiguity.
Everything Varric says here is true... But it would also mean his people finally, finally being able to destroy the darkspawn for good and all. Such a tech advantage would allow them to wipe the blighted Creatures from existence with ease.
Varric is more than brilliant enough to understand this... But he chooses not to think about it, or wheter it's a good course of actions, because he is shackled to Bianca even now, even still.
Bianca wants this crossbow not to be on the market, so he doesn't put it on the market, regardless of good or bad.
Varric: Hey Chuckles, do you ever play Wicked Grace?
Solas: I'm not much of a gambler anymore.
Varric: You don't have to play for real coin, that's just for keeping score.
Solas: What do you play for?
Varric: Conversation mostly. That way I win no matter how the cards fall.
This is a followup to Varric's original introductionary short story from way back in the day.
From that one we learn that Varric doesn't actually drink anything served at the Hanged man, he just orders a wine glass or beer mug, because he knows people get nervous if you don't drink in a bar, so he crafts an illusion to aid him in his rogue life.
Vivienne
So like a number of these I'm not gonna cover them in full, as while good, and well written, and paints a very clear picture of Vivienne, they're not exactly deep character pieces for Varrix... But I do wanna cover a few.
Vivienne: Am I to understand, Varric, that you knew the apostate who destroyed Kirkwall's chantry?
Varric: Unfortunately, yes.
Vivienne: What could he possibly have hoped to accomplish with such madness?
Varric: Exactly what he got: a whole lot of innocent people killing each other.
Vivienne: I take it he's no longer on your Wintersend gift list.
Varric: Depends. Does a flaming sack of bronto dung count as a gift?
Vivienne: Only if you tie it with a silk ribbon, my dear.
More Varric hating Anders, and laying all the blame of the Mage Templar Wars and ruining his life on him.
Vivienne: Tell me, Varric, who is the protagonist of this serial?
Varric: You know, we're so far into spoiler territory right now, I think I better stop talking.
Vivienne: Come now, darling. You can tell me.
Varric: Not on your life, Iron Lady. The best way to ensure a book's nevered finish is to tell someone your entire plot.
More Varric showcasing he cannot stand spoilers coming out, and it destroys his entire ability to write.
Vivienne: You know, Varric darling, I read your Hard in Hightown.
Varric: You did? Seriously?
Vivienne: Most of the Imperial Court did. It was in fashion a few winters ago.
Varric: Just how much gold is my publisher stealing from me?
One detail i really like about Varric, is that he tries to create this image of himself as always bring in control and all that... And then he has moments like this where his regular ass publisher swindles him for a shit ton of money.
Vivienne: How many chapters will this book be, Varric dear?
Varric: Well, the first one will come out in twelve chapters.
Vivienne: The first one?
Varric: I've read enough Orlesian fictions to know you never tell a story there in fewer than three complete books. They think you're just warming up after one.
Vivienne: And what happens to the scheming duchess in the first book?
Varric: Are you asking for spoilers, Madame De Fer?
Vivienne: Hints, darling. Not spoilers.
More Varric showcasing he understands other cultures and how they write stories.
338 notes
·
View notes
I must confess, I still believe.
“Do you believe I’m the Herald?”
Slowly, carefully, Varric lays down his quill.
[AO3]
Tags: Inquisitor!Anders AU. Varric POV. Vanders. Religious themes. UST. Men exhibiting various behaviors.
Title from Baby One More Time by famed 20th century poet Britney Spears.
Word count: 3267
-
“Good, you’re awake.”
Varric looks up from the paper as Anders approaches, stops directly in front of him, just the low table between them. His hair is loose, clean but clearly slept in. It falls in his face, pools a little at his shoulders, casts funny shadows against his features even as it catches the red-orange of the firelight at the same time.
His eyes are bright. Not quite wild, but getting there. It’s nostalgic in a way that Varric really does not like. Keeps him bound up and tight, waiting for danger, for bad news.
“Something I can do for you, Inquisitor?”
Anders opens his mouth, closes it again. Varric thinks that it throws him off sometimes, being addressed by the title. It's part of the reason he keeps using it.
“What are you writing?”
“It’s-”
“Do you believe I’m the Herald?”
Slowly, carefully, Varric lays down his quill.
“I might’ve heard something about that.”
“That’s not-” he sounds frustrated, then seems to swallow it, “I’m not asking what other people are saying, Varric, I’m asking you. Do you believe I’m Andraste’s Herald?”
Varric can’t begin to explain how little he wants to answer that question.
“Anders-”
“Don’t dodge the question, just answer.”
“You’re really putting me on the spot here. I mean, it’s kind of an awkward question to just-”
“Varric.”
He should just lie. He lies all the time. It’s easy for him, like writing, like breathing. There’s no benefit, that he can see, to telling the truth here.
He wonders why he isn’t lying, even as the words are coming out of his mouth, he wonders what in the world is compelling him to be honest.
“Yes?”
Anders blinks slowly, as if he can’t believe what Varric’s saying either.
“Ah, maybe. Probably.” He sighs, shifts in his seat. He feels terribly… watched. As there are a lot more eyes on him than there really are. Why isn’t he lying? “I mean, shit. Either you’re the Herald or you have impossibly bad luck.”
Anders gives a short, skeptical, humorless laugh.
“What? Think about it. After everything that happened in Kirkwall, everything that happened before Kirkwall, you end up at the Conclave, you survive the Breach, an Archdemon, Corypheus, for a second time, you’ve got that fucking thing in your ha-”
“So that’s your argument? I must be Her Herald, because it’s not reasonable for me to be this unlucky otherwise?”
“Yeah, yeah I guess that’s what I’m saying.”
His expression is unreadable, the lighting makes his eyes seem unusually dark, and it makes Varric want to squirm. Crawl out of his skin. Run a mile. Something.
After a moment, Anders pulls a nearby chair closer, then falls into it heavily. He sits loosely, leaning back with his hands joined behind his head, knees open. He doesn’t say anything, but looks at the tabletop between them, thinking.
It’s like Varric isn’t even there.
He picks his quill back up, but he doesn’t do anything with it. Just watches Anders watch the table. It reminds him of the old days, the two of them across the table from each other, not talking, deep in separate thoughts.
Except the Hanged Man was always loud, even upstairs you could always hear people, always feel them nearby. Took a lot of the pressure off of one-on-one conversations and non-conversations alike. The great main hall of Skyhold, in comparison, is dead quiet, empty except for the two of them and the wooden scaffolding, and thousands of pounds of rock. Stone hewn straight from the mountain it sits on
Varric swallows. The stuff that Skyhold is built of is old. Really, really old. He pretends he doesn’t notice, can’t feel it, but he does. It's like a humming, almost, but silent. A noise that isn't a noise. It makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up, fills him up with restless energy and makes him want to pace, to press his hands against the stone walls or- or, to lick them or something. Fuck if he knows. It’s weird for his stone sense to bug him like this. Practically unheard of. Other dwarves got the itch, the feelings you just can’t shake, the Call of the Stone, but not Varric. He figured that, because he grew up on the surface, because he wasn’t religious in the dwarven sense, he never would. And now he doesn’t know what to do with it, how to cope, how to make it stop.
Anders’ shirt hangs loose in the front, open enough that Varric can see the scar low down on his ribcage. The length and width of a broadsword blade, it parts him down the middle, carves his body into a symmetrical right and left half. Varric’s seen the matching exit wound on his back. It’s higher up, closer to his shoulders. Evidence of the blade’s angle, that the blow started low and was then thrust upwards into him, scrambling his organs, barely missing his spine.
It always makes Varric feel a little sick, if he thinks about it too long, and he tries not to, tries to keep his eyes up but they keep getting drawn back down to that thick, faded line of scar tissue. It’s not something you’re supposed to survive, being cut open like that, split nearly in half. Anders shouldn’t have made it long enough to tell him about it, shouldn’t have lived long enough even to see the wound close, let alone heal and scar.
Anders has a lot of stories like that. Things he shouldn’t have survived. Sure deaths that could be prevented only by a miracle. But he did survive them, every single one, and here he is, alive and warm and breathing, eyes bright as he watches the fire, hair disheveled and falling in his face. Varric wants that to mean nothing, wants all of it to just be a- a funny series of coincidences. But deep down, he just can’t convince himself of it.
Anders drops his hands into his lap, turns his head from the fire to Varric. He looks tired.
“I didn’t let you finish,” he says, softly, “what are you writing?”
“I’m not, it’s paperwork.”
“Yours or the Inquisition’s?”
“Mine. Ruffles is doing all that other stuff.”
Anders hums, leans foreward to put his elbows on the table, chin resting on one hand.
“Right,” he says, then sighs, “I suppose I should’ve known that.”
“Big organizations have learning curves, especially if you’ve never actually been part of one. You’ll get there.”
“It does change everything, doesn’t it?”
“What does?”
“Me being- everything that happened before, who I was, what I did in Kirkwall, it means something different now. If I’m the Herald, that changes everything.”
“I mean, not everything.”
“A lot, though.”
“It does change a lot.”
Anders heaves a big sigh, runs both hands through his hair, pushing it out of his face, holding it there behind his head.
“You want a tie?”
“I’m fine,” he says, dropping his hands and letting his hair fall loose against the back of his neck, his shoulders. It’s longer than it was in Kirkwall, Varric wonders if that was intentional or just something that just happened, because he forgot to keep up with it, “now what?”
“For you?”
“Yeah. What do I do now?”
It seems like a genuine question. Like if Varric told him what to do, right now, Anders would actually do it.
Varric throws his hands up, lets them fall heavily back into his lap.
“Fuck if I know. Anders, I don’t even know what I’m doing still here.” Deep breath. “I never, I mean I never officially joined the Inquisition. I don’t know how to do this… disciplehood thing. I’m a businessman, I’ve never really followed a chosen one before.”
He meant it to be… comforting, almost. Camraderie-building. You and me, Anders, we’re in the same boat. Out of our element, figuring it out as we go. But Anders just stares at him for a moment, expression blank, eyes slightly wide, as if Varric had just reached out and smacked him.
“Disciplehood,” he says, as if he’s choking on it, “Maker, Varric.”
“What?”
“Is anyone- no one else is calling it that. Varric, I haven’t heard anyone else- are people saying that?”
“That they’re disciples?”
Anders nods.
“I mean, no.” Varric admits, “Not in those exact words, but that is what’s going on, isn’t it? I don’t think there’s any other word for that.”
And he knows a lot of words. And he’s tried on a lot of them, but none of them seem to really fit and that’s- that’s the one he keeps coming back to. Maybe Anders is right, maybe that’s not what it is for anyone else. But its starting to feel like it has to be that way for him. If he’s really going to do it, really going to join the Inquisition, really going to commit then, well…
And he is committed, now. The letter went out this morning, Mal should get it within the week. Should be back in Ferelden less than a week after that, assuming she is where he thinks she is. The fact that he even considered bringing her into this is a mark of, something. Something more than he's usually willing to give. The fact that he actually told her to come and that she will actually likely be here in two weeks' time is…
He hopes he’s doing the right thing. Fuck. He hopes that he’s not making a mistake with this one. That he isn’t in over his head. Because this isn’t something he can backtrack, something he can escape easily. Once you say that someone is divinely touched, the very first time you follow along with them on that basis, put the lives of people that trust you in their hands on that basis…there’s no taking that back.
“I wasn’t expecting this from you.” Anders says, quiet and serious, eyes on the table, “That’s why- I was just laying upstairs, I was trying to sleep and it just hit me all of a sudden. I believe it. I actually believe it. I mean I still don’t- I still don’t remember anything, but I believe that- that it’s possible. That that could really be what happened. That I’m- and that’s why I came here. I needed to be talked down or- or something. To be told I wasn’t that special,” he laughs a little, in a half-hysterical way that Varric wishes wasn’t so familiar, “and I figured… I figured that if anyone was going to do that it would be you. You were always good at talking me down, you- I thought I’d come here and ask you and you’d say “no, no. Really Anders, Andraste’s Herald? You? Be serious.””
He looks up.
“But you believe it. You think it too.”
It’s not a question. Varric’s mouth is dry when he swallows. He goes over a couple of responses in his head, dismisses most of them, settles on his fifth choice. It’s the most dismissive, it’s barely even a response at all, but it’s also the least… earnest, choice. The least incriminating.
“Was that voice supposed to be me?”
“It was.”
“Anders, that was terrible.”
Nothing for a second, a beat, then Anders’ face splits into a closed-mouth grin, like flesh parting under a blade, like something soft making room for something sharp.
“Sorry,” he says, sarcastic, almost fond, “It’s been a while, I’m out of practice.”
His eyes crease around the edges when he smiles. They always did that, but it’s more pronounced now that he’s older. The lines are deeper.
He wonders if it was like this with Andraste. If the people traveling and fighting with her ever looked over and thought- and had it hit them how human she was. How flesh and nature her body is. If they ever thought: here is fire in too small of a bottle. In his mind’s eye he imagines Ealisay or Brona, Maferath even, sitting by the savior’s side and looking over and thinking: this is a woman. I have known her for many years. Mortal years. I see the places on her face where she is aging, I remember when they were young.
Maybe it wasn’t as hard for them as it is for him. Because they doubted less or, because She had never done something so big it couldn’t be fully forgiven. Maybe the weight of history did not hang so heavy on them.
Then again, Maferath clearly had his opinions.
“You should go back to bed,” he says, in the same nudging, coaxing, quiet voice he used to use on him back in Kirkwall, when he would keep himself up late into the night or for days at a time. Head too full of the nightmares he never talked about, or else his whole body too full of light and sparks and frantic energy for him to rest, “it’s been a long couple of days.”
Anders makes an odd face. Varric supposes you could call it smiling.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Varric has always suspected that he’s maybe not quite as subtle as he thinks he is, but he hates being reminded of it nonetheless. He wonders if Anders ever resented it, his poking and prodding and mother-henning. The sideways manipulations. He never said anything, and Anders has historically been the sort to not keep quiet if he felt condescended to, but that's no guarantee of anything. There were other factors involved, things that would understandably affect what Anders would and would not say. Money, to pick one example. And-
Varric shakes his head. The only way to know would be to ask. And he doesn't intend on asking.
Anders sighs deeply, like he's about to stand, and Varric, assuming that's the end of it, reaches again for his quill. There's a relief, in knowing the conversation is over now. That it will just fade out of both their memories, at least in a functional sense, and they'll never speak of it again. Just like so many other late-night conversations that came before.
"I missed you."
The pointed tip of his quill punches straight through the cheap parchment, splitting the numbers beneath it.
"What?"
"I missed you," he says, and it's just as baffling to hear the second time.
Varric realizes that he was hoping that Anders would say something different, if Varric made him repeat himself. And the look on Anders' face suggests that he can tell.
"I know how it sounds but, in a way, I'm glad that things worked out the way they did. The idea that we would never see each other again it… weighed on me."
“Weighed on you.”
“It made me sad.”
Varric doesn’t know what to say to that. He feels like he’s losing control of the situation, like he’s standing on uneven ground. What do you say to someone who you only half-believe to be a prophet? What do you say to someone who can’t be forgiven, when he says that he missed card nights in your room? What do you say to fire in too small of a bottle?
What does it say about Varric that he almost said it back?
It’s all just so absurd. He wishes that Anders had chosen to say nothing at all, and left him out of it. Kept it to himself. He wishes Anders hadn’t forced him to think.
“Maybe I’m pushing my luck here,” Anders says, “maybe this isn’t fair for me to ask but- I don’t need disciples, Varric.”
(Don’t say it, Varric thinks, please don’t say it.)
“But I could use a friend.”
Varric is losing control of the situation. He is in over his head. Maker-sent, god-touched, herald, that’s one thing. Friend is quite another.
And what does it say about him that he can half-believe both, but only the second one is hard to say? That only one of them makes him ashamed, makes him feel guilty? That he’s so much more disappointed in himself for one than the other?
Anders’ hand rests on the table, palm-up, long fingers slightly curled in a way that’s almost inviting. He doubts that Anders had done it on purpose, but that doesn’t change the fact that his instinct is to reach across the table and grab it. Squeeze his fingers tight until it almost hurts them both and say of course, of course we’re friends. Blondie, when have we never not been friends?
Because that’s what he would’ve done in the old days. Because for reasons he doesn’t understand and doesn’t think he’d like about himself if he did, some part of him really wants to just forget. That it all happened, that it was real, that he’s angry for a reason. If he doesn’t remind himself not too, he forgets, his head slips back into the good years and stays there. If he doesn’t constantly remind himself, it all just slips away.
He stares at the open palm in front of him, the small pale scars and the calluses. It would be easier to forget. To stop fighting his instincts and let it happen. He resents Mal, for half a second. Resents that spending all these years with her has forced him to think about what is right, and not just what is easy. What he doesn’t have to repress or handwave to be able to live with.
The Inquisitor’s hand closes.
“Nevermind,” he says, “no hard feelings.”
He stands, looks almost embarrassed.
“Goodnight, Varric.”
“Goodnight.”
Anders leaves him, finally, and for some time after he’s out of sight Varric just stares vaguely in the direction he walked off in. He’d say he was thinking but the truth is, there’s not a single thought in his head. All empty, dark, ringing with the non-sound of ages-old mountain rock.
He tries to finish his paperwork and fails. He’s tired, and the words bleed together, the figures melt into meaningless piles of numbers. He forces himself to bed eventually, tosses and turns there for a while because, despite the ache in his eyes and the heaviness of his limbs, he just can’t get comfortable.
And then, right before finally drifting off, he has what he can only describe as an epiphany. A moment of wild clarity.
And because he’s a much more polite man than Anders is, he decides that it can wait until morning.
*
“I’m your friend, and I’m in this with you for as long as it takes to finish it. All in, one hundred percent,” he takes a deep breath, “and I don’t forgive you. And I never will.”
Anders sort of… relaxes. He honestly seems more relieved by the addendum than the original statement.
Varric is never going to understand how his head works.
“That’s good to hear.”
For you maybe, he thinks, but he doesn’t say it.
Hawke’s coming, he thinks, but he doesn’t say that either.
He’ll tell Cassandra first. Get that out of the way and Maker knows she’ll tell Anders for him. Two nugs with one stone.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, Inquisitor, I have to go give the Seeker some bad news.”
Anders raises a wary eyebrow at him. He looks more put together now, a little tired, but very sheveled. Fully dressed, for one thing, hair pulled back and up, features catching the sunlight and casting a completely different set of shadows than they were by the fire.
Different and the same.
“Bad how?”
Varric grimaces.
“I mean she isn’t going to be very happy about it.”
90 notes
·
View notes