#i know so fucking much about harvey dent. why is dc so fucking bad about him
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oh yeah i’ve got a bunch of loz aus that i haven’t really talked about. a few of them are listed and slightly explained in this poll and explanation reblog but i haven’t gone out of my way to actually list the aus i have and really explain them. so that’s what this post is for. here are some... decently simple explanations of my major aus and what they're generally about
i have two kinds of aus: original aus (loz aus that are set in their own kinds of worlds with their own stories and twists on character roles) and then crossover aus (we all know how this works i just mash loz and a thing i like together)
original aus: (many currently dont have actual titles, so the titles will often just be concept shorthand)
in the court of the crimson king/crimson king au: probably the most developed and closest to being written out. it's got one of the longer premises; set in a industrial-esque hyrule city, following linebeck as the main character, as the adoptive older brother of link and aryll, living with them and their grandmother as the only one able to reliably make money to pay for rent and food, leaving every other work to do jobs, but he moonlights as the 'demon of the gray moon', a masked persona he'd created as a child that had long since become a city-wide urban legend, anonymously taking unsavory jobs from whomever can contact him and offer pay, often working directly for bellum, a childhood friend, the one who enabled and trained him to become the demon, and one of five anonymous leaders of the city. linebeck effectively lives a double life, and tries to stay out of too much trouble to avoid drawing attention to himself or making his adoptive family worry, but he gets dragged into more and more danger as bellum becomes curious about the identities of the city's other leaders, and linebeck falls in love with a man named ganondorf, suspected to be one of those other city leaders. ive got a few posts related to it already: this one being another vague concept descriptor, this one being an actual scene i have written out.
'gimmick' au: i cannot explain the gimmick without spoiling the au. put simply, in this au, hyrule as a whole has been at war for ten years, every race and kingdom taking sides in a conflict that seems to be going nowhere. link joined the hylian army young, and has made his way up the ranks to become trusted by queen zelda herself, and things in the war take an interesting turn as he and zelda discover a new faction, unaligned with any particular kingdom and with unknown motives, and zelda decides to set out to the different parts of hyrule, link and a chosen group of trusted allies in tow, intending to try negotiation one more time before things take a turn for the worse.
sci-fi/space au: the fun one that probably would need to be done in a visual medium. it takes place in a solar system of a few planets, link growing up on the planet hyrule and occasionally traveling to the others as a knight specializing in investigating and taking down dangerous bounty hunters, working for zelda as a friend. he and zelda uncover a plot by the yiga clan to accumulate a number of highly dangerous research and weapons held by each species as they aim to resurrect a demon to wreck havoc on the solar system- the b plot being about the top bounty hunters in the solar system screwing around, eventually colliding with link and zelda's a plot as it begins to involve them.
murder mystery(?) au: one of the older ones, maybe one of the oldest that i still stick with. this might actually be one of the first ones i tried writing. the plot begins when zelda returns to hyrule city years after her father- the former mayor- was murdered, finding that he has been replaced by ganondorf and that while things seem fine enough on the surface, random and organized crime run the show, and she begins a private detective agency as 'sheik', a masked young man, and with the help of impa, and old friend and confidant, she moonlights as sheik and uses her daytime identity as zelda to help chip away at some of the city's biggest problems and finds herself drawn into a long string of murders that appear to be anything but random violence.
ruined hyrule 1: i have two au’s with the premise of hyrule being ruined. neither of them have more specific names yet. this one begins with the majority of greater hyrule's population having long since locked themselves in hyrule castle town in order to escape the increasingly dangerous wildlife. zelda, a young girl at the beginning, becomes curious about what lies beyond the city walls, and makes friends with many other children within this sheltered hyrule, and as they grow up together, aim to eventually venture out into the wilderness to see what may have caused the outside world to become so incredibly hostile.
ruined hyrule 2: the other ruined hyrule. set in a devastated hyrule, roughly ten years after the royal family was killed, link failing to save them or hyrule in the time since. he now resolves to set out and indiscriminately destroy every demon that plagues the ruined hyrule, meeting and bringing along various allies, each of which has been uniquely affected by and have different lived in this altered, dangerous shell of hyrule.
modern (school): i also have two modern aus. this one isn’t plot driven, just a concept i have, would work best as little vignettes or something. essentially just the idea of a group of loz characters hanging out together in a modern high school (or college?) setting.
modern: this is the one with an actual plot. follows the general idea of zelda characters living in a modern world only for the typical legends to begin resurfacing and heralding dark events. plot specifics are murky, but that's the general idea.
dark mage: this is the au that where the seas meet the sands takes place in. basically just ganondorf x linebeck shenanigans in this alternate hyrule while actual plot sneaks up on them. named 'dark mage' mostly because the initial idea behind this au was that linebeck would learn magic.
horror au: doesn't have the best name, and it's ended up just being a personal sandbox for me. constantly changing, with the cast and setting often altering if i find that something isn't working or sticking. it's an au i've considered (and even briefly tried) writing in the past, but it's still too fluid, and writing horror effectively is difficult. it's a fun au, though.
mecha au: spawned because i watched neon genesis evangelion. a lot of this au's basic concepts can be found here: x but the short version is that hyrule is being besiged by massive monsters, but each race has created their own mechs to combat them. link is just a farmer who happens to have a strange knack for being a mech user, so is brought in by zelda as a gamble to bolster their chances, and he is tasked with working with a new and less-than-trustworthy crew to help fight those monsters.
'amnesia link' au: an au that sprang up in about a day and hasn't gotten too far since. basic premise being that three years prior to the story, link and a group of allies has faced off against ganondorf and, despite their best efforts, lost, with link being presumed dead by their enemies. now, link has woken up from his coma, his memories gone and hyrule taken over, and, with guidance, must once again travel across hyrule, aiming to rediscover his allies and try to face ganondorf once more.
A quick list of crossovers: I won't explain these in length, since they can range from having their own plot to just being a fun mental concept. So, the things I have made crossover aus with are:
Warrior Cats
Batman
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure
Persona 5
Pokemon
(there are other, smaller ones, these are just the ones i consistently pay attention to)
So! These are the majority of my legend of zelda aus, some of which I may write, some of which just exist in my mind for fun, all of which I wouldn't mind talking more about if anyone is curious!
#i had to find an actual list i made to remember most of these tbh#salty talks#salty's loz aus#lmk if any of the colored text on here is hard to read i can change it#for some of the duplicate name aus the colors help me remember which is which but ill change it if it makes it hard to read#this took absolute ages to finish partially bc i dont have much physical evidence of these aus. they live in my mind and my mind only#my favorite little tidbit is that in the space au linebeck is a bounty hunter known for being a really skilled sniper#and i did not. in fact. be inspired by sniper tf2. this au predates my knowing about tf2. space au linebeck is inspired by fuckin#ttgl yoko littner and sao (gags) sinon. this will always be funny to me. space au linebeck is probably one of my favorite au linebecks#fun fact also. counting the crossover aus linebeck plays an antagonistic role at some point in 10 of these aus#also anyways worth reminding that a lot of this shit isnt actually very developed. the murder mystery au does not have a lot of actual plot#most of the developed plot stuff in these aus tends to be directly connected to linebecks role in the story bc a lot of these aus happen to#exist bc one day i was like hm what if linebeck was in (hyperspecific situation that led to the creation of one of these aus)#gimmick au is a really good example of how a linebeck in xyz situation thought can spawn a huge fucking story#but i cant get too specific abt that without spoiling the fucking gimmick and ive already said too much#'dark mage' au is also called that bc i think it was REALLY inspired by me thinking abt linebeck in the fe awakening male dark mage outfit#this has been sitting in my drafts for. so long. and then in two days i slammed all of those out and bam. here we are#the crossover aus list is also a list of 'media that also gave me brainworms and therefore got the honor of meshing with the Big Interest'#im not even a big time batman fan i just saw the 2022 movie and scrolled through an entire blog dedicated to harvey dent#i know so fucking much about harvey dent. why is dc so fucking bad about him#anyways welcome to the bottom of the tags. hope you enjoyed your stay. these r my weird loz aus#post-ph isnt here cuz i dont consider it an au. its something else between ‘au’ and ‘speculative canon’
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saki i'm sorry i don't know much about DC comics, but i have been confused about something recently when seeing fan comics — are Bruce and Two-Face (Harvey?) still friends post-whatever happened to him? I think they were friends before, maybe, but some fanon has been suggesting to me they might still be, so I was wondering about that. Opinions on him, too, maybe? I know fuck all about him but he's so quirky
i wouldn't say they're... still friends exactly. let's do some background real quick.
i think the really sweet and close friendship bruce wayne and harvey dent had prior to his acid attack, that inspires a lot of fancontent — is from Batman: The Animated Show. in this iteration of their history, they're close friends who obviously mean a lot to each other, which is why the guilt batman feels for two-face is only more painful.
(of course in much earlier comics and harvey's original introduction (detective comics #66) bruce and harvey are friends too. though, it's not often referenced as his origin much anymore.)
in the comics however, the friendship starts and unfortunately ends with batman. batman, (captain) jim gordon, (DA) harvey all work together to try and solve the case in Batman: The Long Halloween.
they grow close and personally, i think bruce was really starting to form a close bond and trust with harvey throughout their partnership. this really shines through when after harvey becomes two-face (which is a long and sad story), bruce still has somewhat of a belief that harvey can still be good.
though, we know now that two-face ends up having a permanent spot in gothams rouge gallery, but i suppose it's because of this history of trust that batman continues to encourage harvey to turn his life around (a sentiment he has with a lot of his rouges, but something that is especially prominent in his relationship with two-face).
as for what their origins are in the new 52? i have no idea! moving on.
for what their relationship is like currently;
the most recent interactions i think they've had is in ram v's current Detective Comics run (which is FANTASTIC) and out of all the harvey and bruce comics i have read, it is probably my favourite. they're not even the main focused relationship, but it is such an important one for the theme of this arc.
in this run harvey is at war with himself, struggling between being 'good' and being 'bad' — but also struggling to simply have a choice at doing either. bruce is also facing a similar turmoil. so we see this really wonderful parallel in the midst of a battle where harvey is debating whether or not he wants to save bruce or leave him to die, and bruce is battling whether he wants to give in or keep going.
two-face does end up saving bruce. this is something very important to both of their characters.
it shows bruce that the man he befriended is not lost and it gives harvey a sense of autonomy that he's been stripped of for a long time. it's a short but very moving subplot about hope.
that being said, harvey isn't doing this because he wants to be friends with bruce again. or well, two-face isn't. it's complicated.
i don't think i could do the writing justice (there is also like, an insane overarching plot going on). once he drags bruces half dead body to safety, he threatens him, leaves bruce there and is currently, on the run.
so friends? not really. enemies? also not exactly. really tragic story about missing someone you once knew, wondering if you ever really knew them in the first place? ABSOLUTELY.
there is also some insanely obvious queercoding taking place in their story, but i focused on their friendship side of things.
it's one of bruce's more complicated rouge relationships, and probably the best one thematically. harvey is such an interesting character and if dc wouldn't use the same green headed dumbass as the villain in all their batman stories, two-face would definitely be the most compelling rouge for bruce.
i don't know if this actually made any sense, and also apologies for taking so long to answer this! here is probably one of the best detective comics covers ever made as an apology (it is bruce standing in the middle of a split two-face carved golden door with a batman shadow in the back. this shit is marvelous).
#bruce wayne#harvey dent#such an interesting relationship these two have#i have not done them justice with this explanation#saki comic talks
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I didn't mention "trans ally harvey dent" in my first post, because honestly what the kid says in that scene about Harvey acting up the allyship routine pinpoints it so well. It felt a bit inelegant the way it was written/acted, and I'm still unsure if Misha's weird choices for expression and lackluster delivery are part of the plot or just bad acting, but obviously I think more visible trans allyship in media is a GOOD thing generally.
I wish it would be less awkward, and I really don't get why Misha is getting a bunch of online accolades for something his character said, but like. Whatever, I guess. He's no stranger to "stolen valor."
It's extremely disappointing the amount of trans hate I've seen the past few minutes, just trying to look for a clip of that scene for a quote. (Gave up--can't stand to even play any of those hateful videos and fuck my algorithm.) Because the show is bad, but NOT because it has queer characters! I wish people would leave their transphobia out of their reviews, when there are REAL issues with it. Like being a dollar store version of DC.
Like right now I'm almost positive two people are wearing wigs because of how weirdly high off their head their bangs seem/other vague weirdness about styling, but why use wigs when so far everyone looks so boringly normal? Where's the Gotham style? These people took the real-world stylings of Chris Nolan's Batman world and took it to the mundane extreme. This is why I prefer animation.😪😪😪
But back to the point... it's too soon to tell if the rep on this show will get less awkward in text. All the kids giving personal exposition about their home lives and sexuality, whilst simultaneously refusing to cooperate, is weird but typical of a teen show.
I guess it's too much to ask for all shows to have the writing of Windy, where they know how to "show don't tell" queer stories in meaningful, natural ways, and when it does come up in dialogue it's not so awkward.
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Other History? More Like Other MYSTERY
as in it’s a MYSTERY how the hell this got past an editor the week before Pride Month are you fucking kidding me?
I was kind of hoping for more than like... a week of being back on tumblr before I breathed fire and ripped a comic book to shreds. But we all know why I’m here.
There are so many preemptive things to get out of the way before I rip into this thing...
John Ridley as a writer in other forms of media has been incredibly accomplished and an important additional voice to entertainment industries. I do not wish to take away from that or to minimize the impact of voices like his.
But, you know, he’s a voice in media. Not the end-all, be-all to all marginalized people worldwide who can substitute his perspective for any nonwhite straight male voice. And I don’t think that has ever been more apparent than the continued spiral down the drain that has been every issue of The Other History of the DC Universe since the first.
DC’s “new” approach to everything being canon and everything mattering is dumb and filled to the brim with ways it’s going to backfire and reveal itself to be the eye sore of publications that it’s aiming for, but I was curious to see how they would try to incorporate these characters’ long and contentious histories in the comics with the real world issues they often were billed to tackle, and try to fit it into the current pop culture landscape. That was the whole reason I had my eye on this comic to begin with.
By the second issue we were getting some stark warning signs because as much as I appreciated hearing an authentic perspective on how the Teen Titans brand carried on while neglecting its landmark Black teen heroes (Mal Duncan and Karen Beecher), there was a note of cruelty added to the issue that felt otherwise misplaced and uncharacteristic of the tone being set.
There was no reason to have a significant portion of that issue dedicated to Mal and Karen’s monologues taking some aggressive words out on Roy Harper specifically for being an addict.
Perhaps it was a quirk of writing from a flawed perspective or a show of how righteous upset and anger could be turned outward to other people suffering in a vy for your own empowerment.
I’m now pretty sure that wasn’t it at all. I’m pretty sure because it kept getting worse every issue and it’s culminated in today’s issue where the retelling of Renee Montoya’s story managed to be petty, cruel, shockingly pro-police brutality int its adulation of Jim Gordon and especially Harvey Bullock, and managed to make a well-rounded and very beloved Latina lesbian and just retrofit every stereotype she never had before to her without regard for what it did to her story or to the stories of people around her.
Honestly, lapsed faith and a poke at the damage that Catholic guilt can have on especially queer believers is kind of my jam, so it’s not that I wouldn’t be down for a story with that perspective. I could even understand exploring that with Renee. But not at the expense of her established history.
Which is a question all of its own. Here we have the skeletal structure of Renee’s life events that we have read before (in much better stories), but they are surprisingly out of order and also shockingly twisted in a way to make EVERYONE as unpleasant as possible.
And in a way that has convinced me that either John Ridley has never read comics featuring Renee, or that he was mandated to change things that had no business being changed.
According to this issue Renee hated Batman and other superheroes? Which, ah, I don’t even know where that could come from. Ever since the animated series where she got started, Renee’s whole bag has been “the acolyte of Jim Gordon, only other cop who supports Batman”. Like I don’t even know how you get around that.
But according to Ridley she’s hated them all along as an extension of her internalized homophobia and self-loathing. Great.
What follows out of that is that apparently? Renee and Batman specifically butted heads over wanting to rehabilitate Harvey Dent? As in Renee wanted to help him and BATMAN was the one flipping out and saying Harvey was a sociopath and couldn’t be helped.
Like. I’m starting to question if Ridley has read Batman comics before. I don’t know where that interpretation could possibly come from? Bruce and Harvey were friends? Bruce has always held out hope for saving Harvey from his psychosis? It’s like. THE storyline for Two-Face.
The cop stuff... I don’t really know how to talk about the cop stuff to be completely honest. If you mention the LA Riots on one page and a few pages later try to frame it so that over policing and methods of brutality weren’t a thing until 9/11... I don’t know what to say to you.
I’d say maybe I was being ungenerous here except there were two characters who got entire full page spreads about what good cops they were. And one of them was goddamn Harvey Bullock with the explicit commentary that Renee USED to be uncomfortable with his torture methods and general brutality but figured it was “okay” because he knew how “innocent people screamed different” and that he “never collared someone and it didn’t stick” because. Y’know. Police violence and falsifying evidence never go hand in hand. what the actual fuck ever right?
The timeline for Renee and Kate’s relationship is also completely changed which means that we get to add a trope I just LOVE as a lesbian personally, which is that lesbians can’t keep relationships and can’t keep from cheating on their loving partners. Especially when they are butch.
And I’m not talking about Renee cheating on Kate. Oh, no. Ridley decided Kate was the Other Woman during Renee’s relationship with Daria.
And just.. the cruel commentary that Renee had about both Kate and Daria throughout. It made my skin crawl. The way she talked about other women in general made my skin crawl. “Uncomplicated women” “Broken souls” “Can’t be with someone better than yourself”
So I actually planned to go into a full rage post about just the queer content because 1. my lane and 2. it honestly affected me so bad I was shaking and tearing up in anger a bit. Every single friend I know who loves Kate and Renee, see themselves in Kate and Renee, have been the same kind of mess I am after this.
The NASTINESS of the internal monologue. I don’t know how to explain it more than this is how poorly men think of flf and to have one use a character so meaningful to the community to spout this hatefulness has revolted me in a way I... haven’t had happen to me for a while.
I was going to talk about the weirdness of just... randomly deciding to retcon Renee’s parents into being undocumented when that’s never been a thing before and just doing NOTHING with it the whole while after. Or how it’s pretty questionable how Renee suddenly became so adherently Catholic when it’s never been portrayed like that before (that’s Hel B’s bag, JPV if you squint) but it’s entwined with any of her commentary on her ethnicity p sus too but I don’t have the nuance for that discussion right now.
Rena Rants are back and what a fucking JOKE this comic was.
I didn’t pay for it and neither should you.
P.S. bringing back Tim Fox and calling him “Jace” is dumb as fuck too
#VICTOR#CHARLIE#Rants of Unusual Size#Rena Rambles#Wednesday Spoilers#The Other History of the DC Universe (2019)#Renee Montoya#the Question#Kate Kane#Batwoman#character assassination#for who?#take a pick#I didn't even touch on her calling Vic instead of#In the name of the moon fuck you my dude
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Batman Movie Villains Ranked from Worst to Best
Recently, a YouTuber I follow by the name of Mr. Rogues released a list of Batman villains ranked from worst to best. I have nothing but the utmost of respect for Mr. Rogues as a content creator, but I took issue with his list because his long-standing biases were often the deciding factor in many of his rankings. So, I decided to do a list of my own.
I’ll be going over every Batman villain to appear in the movies, briefly analyzing their portrayals and ranking them on a scale of 1 to 5. To prevent the list from being too cluttered, I’ll be separating the villains by which movie series they’re part of. Here we go!
Burton/Schumacher Tetralogy
Bane: Perhaps the only villain in this series I’d call “bad.” The calculating tactician of the comics is nowhere to be found here; instead, he’s reduced to a monosyllabic, brain-dead stooge for the other villains. Overall, he does nothing that couldn’t be done by a random henchman. 1/5
Two-Face: A deeply layered villain in the comics, Two-Face sadly gets upstaged by the other major rogue in the movie, but that’s not to say he doesn’t leave an impression. Tommy Lee Jones gives him a manic and mercurial demeanor that, combined with his colorful design, wouldn’t be out of place in the Adam West series. The size and scope of his criminal organization make him a genuine threat, and there’s something darkly fitting about Batman’s former ally being responsible for the creation of Robin. 3/5
Poison Ivy: Mr. Rogues for some reason ranked her as the worst Batman movie villain of all time, and frankly, I don’t see why. Like Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face, Uma Thurman gives this character a delightfully over-the-top demeanor that combines with a colorful, comic-booky ensemble to make for another great “what-if-this-character-appeared-in-the-Adam-West-series” take. She does a good job juggling the differing facets of Ivy’s character: she’s the put-upon cynic, the craven opportunist, the radical eco-terrorist, and the suave seductress all in one package. 3.5/5
The Penguin: Fuck the Razzies. Danny DeVito made this role his own and set the stage for the character for years to come. He’s a bit of a departure, but a welcome one: far from the refined gentleman of crime Burgess Meredith portrayed, this Penguin is an animalistic thug warped by a lifetime of anger and hatred of the society who rejected him due to his deformities. His signature wardrobe, trick umbrellas, and Penguin gimmick are all there, but DeVito sells the role by showing amazing versatility: he can go from a comical and pitiable weirdo to a terrifying sociopath at the drop of a stovepipe hat. 4/5
Mr. Freeze: I honestly can’t say much about this character that my mutual @wonderfulworldofmichaelford hasn’t already. Arnold Schwarzenegger perfectly encapsulates both popular versions of this character: the flamboyant, pun-loving criminal genius from the Adam West series and the Animated Series’ traumatized scientist desperate to cure his loving wife of her terminal illness. Sure, the puns and hammy one-liners are what this version character is known for, but Ahnold definitely knows when to apply the brakes and give a greatly emotional performance as he tries desperately to cure his wife. 4.5/5
Max Shreck: Probably the only time you’ll see a movie-exclusive character on this list, and deservedly so. Corrupt businessmen are dime-a-dozen in Batman stories, and most of them have little personality outside of being greedy scumbags who either get defeated by the hero or betrayed by the other villains. Shreck, however, is different. Not only does he have an eye-catching fashion sense on par with any of Batman’s famous rogues, but Christopher Walken brings his signature manic intensity to the role, creating a character that’s as wicked and sinister as he is cool and stylish. You totally buy that the general public sees him as the good guy. His warm relationship with his son is also a delight to watch. 4.5/5
Catwoman: Michelle Pfeiffer does a lot to really make the character her own. She gets a lot of genuinely badass moments, but underneath all of her coolness lies the undercurrent that she’s a broken, traumatized character lashing out at the people who abused her and took her for granted. Even when she takes these ideals to unreasonable extremes, you never stop feeling like the retribution she brings on her enemies is at least a little warranted. Also, she has amazing romantic chemistry with Batman and her costume is fucking metal. 5/5
The Ridder: It’s Jim Carrey. 5/5
The Joker: This role is perhaps the one that set the standard for future Jokers to follow: Jack Nicholson’s humorous yet unnerving performance signaled to audiences early on that this would not be the goofy trickster of the Silver Age, but a different beast entirely. This Joker is a film noir gangster on crack: a disfigured mob hitman who quickly takes the entire criminal underworld by storm and unleashes his special brand of chaos and destruction across Gotham. He’s an artist, a showman, a charismatic leader, and the man responsible for ruining Bruce Wayne’s life. 5/5
Christopher Nolan Trilogy
Talia al Ghul: You know that recent trend in Disney movies where a side character we thought was harmless and inconsequential turned out to have been the villain all along in a twist with no buildup or foreshadowing with the reveal happening too late in the movie for this character to really do anything cool or impressive before being unceremoniously defeated? That’s Talia. DKR is the weakest of the three Nolan films, and I feel like it would’ve been much better received without this twist villain contrivedly shoehorned in. Also, while I could kinda forgive the trilogy’s whitewashing of other villains like Ra’s al Ghul and Bane due to the talent their actors display, Marion Cotillard doesn’t get a pass because she just doesn’t have the charisma or screen presence needed to pull it off. 1/5
Victor Zsasz: While the idea of redefining Zsasz as an over enthusiastic mob hitman instead of a serial killer is very interesting, it’s ruined by the fact that he barely even appears in the movie and doesn’t really do or say much of anything despite the buildup he gets. 1.5/5
Two-Face: Aaron Eckhart portrays Harvey Dent as a character of tragedy in a slightly different way than other tragic villains in superhero movies: he’s lashing out at a society he feels wronged him, but instead of being a lifelong outcast or put-upon loser, he was a handsome, successful crusader for the common good who lost everything he once held dear all in one fell swoop. You really feel for him even as he does horrible things. If I had to nitpick, though, I am slightly bothered by the fact that he plays some comic book movie cliches straight (i.e. they never call him by his alias and he dies at the end,) but it’s a solid performance overall. 3/5
Scarecrow: I’ll be upfront and admit that I’m more than a little annoyed that certain facets of the character had been changed in the name of “realism” — once again, they never call him by his villain name and he never wears a comic-accurate costume — but other than that, I can’t complain. Cillian Murphy plays the character with a smarmy, eerie charm that really makes his scenes stand out, his willingness to ally himself with other villains suits his character well, and the fact that he appears in three consecutive films with a different evil scheme in each really helps tie the movies together. 3.5/5
Catwoman: Much like other secondary villains in this trilogy, she really doesn’t get a chance to shine compared to the main antagonist — and, once again, it pisses me off a little that they do the whole “never refer to her as Catwoman but vaguely hint at it” thing — but she’s everything a modern Catwoman should be. She’s sly, manipulative, really holds her own in a fight, has great chemistry with Bruce Wayne... it’s all there. It’s also great to see Anne Hathaway break away from her usual type casting to play a role this dynamic. 4/5
Ra’s al Ghul: He’s a character that was in desperate need of mainstream exposure, and by God that’s what he got. Making him Bruce Wayne’s mentor adds a layer of personal tragedy to the climax where our hero has to stop the man who made him who he is from destroying Gotham with his admittedly brilliant plan. Add in a strong, captivating performance from Liam Neeson before we found out he was a racist asshole, and we’ve got one hell of an overarching villain. 4.5/5
The Joker: Everybody’s already discussed this version of the character to hell and back and likely will for years to come, so I’ll keep it very brief. He’s funny, he’s badass, he’s terrifying, he has great dialogue, it sucks that Heath Ledger didn’t live to see his performance reach the audience it got, and he basically makes the entire film. 5/5
Bane: Mr. Rogues actually ranked Bane higher than Joker on his list, and keeping it 100, I actually agree with him here. Finally, after decades of being dumbed down and misrepresented outside of comics, Bane is finally portrayed as the tactical genius from the comics. Tom Hardy plays Bane to perfection, being very believable as the peak of human physical and mental achievement, the man who broke Batman physically and emotionally. His design is iconic, his every line is quotable, his voice is weirdly fitting, and the memes are funny. 5/5
DC Extended Universe
KGBeast: Another point where I agree wholeheartedly with Mr. Rogues. He is absolutely wasted in BVS, being nothing but a generic henchman for Lex Luthor. He doesn’t wear his costume from the comics, he’s never referred to by his alias, he doesn’t have his signature cybernetic enhancements, and he never does or says anything noteworthy. 1/5
The Joker: Ugh. I don’t know what’s worst: the tacky clothes, the stupid tattoos, the weird Richard Nixon impression that passes as his voice, the fact that promotional material hyped him up as a “beautiful tragedy” of a character even though he’s only in the movie for like 10 minutes and barely does anything, Jared Leto’s toxic edgelord behavior on set done with the flimsy pretense of “getting into character,” or the fact that he’s just trying to copy Heath Ledger instead of making the role his own. 1/5
Victor Zsasz: Chris Messina proves undoubtedly that Zsasz CAN work as a secondary villain in a Batman movie. He’s once again a mob assassin who enjoys his job a little too much, but unlike Batman Begins, he really gets time to shine. He’s just as sadistic and depraved as in the comics, but he also has this disarming, casual demeanor about him like he’s just indulging a hobby instead of slicing innocent people’s faces off. His close friendship with his boss Black Mask adds some depth to the character as well. 3/5
Killer Croc: Sadly, he doesn’t get much time in the spotlight, but he’s pretty cool nonetheless. The makeup and prosthetics used to create him look amazing, and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje’s deep voice and imposing body language make him really stand out as an intimidating presence. He’s often in the background, which fits his role as an outcast by choice and a man of few words, but whenever he does get focus, he has everyone’s attention. It really would be a shame if this character’s only appearance was in a mediocre schlock action movie, but he makes the most of what he has. 3.5/5
Deadshot: Another highlight of what would otherwise be a forgettable film, Deadshot is just as cool and competent as he’s always been in other media, but this portrayal stands out for one simple reason. Will Smith was a very odd choice to play the role, but it worked out for the best here because you get the sense he truly understands the characters. He’s ruthless and pragmatic, but has just as enough charm and depth to make him likable. 4/5
Black Mask: I, like many, was skeptical when I saw early trailers depicting Roman Sionis as a foppish weirdo who doesn’t wear his signature mask, but upon seeing the final movie, I really feel like he has the high ground over other DCEU villains. Ewan McGregor is endlessly captivating in the role, portraying him as a swaggering dandy who is nevertheless dangerous due to his boundless narcissism and explosive temper. Sure, those who deal in absolutes would be put off from the differences with his comic counterpart — who is far more cold and humorless — but from a certain point of view, this flamboyant take on the character isn’t so much a departure as it is an addition to make him stand out while keeping his role the same. Black Mask has always been a middleman between the traditional mobsters of yesteryear and the colorful rogues that plague Gotham today, and this portrayal perfectly encapsulates that. He works in the shadows, but isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty; he flies off the handle and gets reckless at times, but there’s no question that the whole operation was his idea. 5/5
Harley Quinn: Margot Robbie owns this role. She’s unbelievably dazzling as a badass, funny, sexy antihero who deals greatly with tragedy and proves that there’s always been more to her than her initial role as the Joker’s sidekick. Again, not much to say, but she’s almost perfect. 5/5
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Top ten fallen heroes
These are not reformed villains, though they may go into that role after, or at least an anti-hero, but most of these I prefer as villains.
10. Ozymandias (Watchmen). While you don’t see him do his heroics much in the comics, because he is pseudo-retired at this point, you do know what he did in the past to some extent and you know he’s still trying to make the world a better place. (spoilers for the comic that you really should read because there is a reason why it is considered a masterpiece) Ozymandias sacrifices his own morality to try and stop the world from destroying itself, its an awful thing that he does and thinks its for the greater good, and he clearly feels the weight of what he’s done but still stands by it; which is what makes him a fallen hero.
9. Griffith (Berserk). Now Griffith has many heroic qualities, but he always seemed to have a bit of a dark and selfish nature; but that being said his betrayal still really hurt both the audience and the few surviving main characters; and what he did was so profoundly selfish and evil that he becomes a fantastic villain.
8. Light Yagami (Death Note). Light does his fall really hard and really fast, but it takes a bit before he becomes completely evil. His mental chess game with L is one of my favorite story arcs in all of fiction, and it all started because this seemingly innocent boy found a notebook. There are definitely times when you are rooting for him even though you know you shouldn’t be, and I think that makes for some of the best villains. I was going to put Walter White on here, but I feel like Walt was always just a likable villain, you just didn’t know he was an egotistical dick until much later in the show.
7.Artorias the Abysswalker (Dark Souls). Artorias in any other game would probably be a hero you follow the footsteps of, or just play as; but in Dark Souls you slowly piece together the tragic story of a hero that tried as hard and as long as he could to win an unwinnable fight and in the end succumbed to the very abyss that he was fighting. Having to fight his best friend and protector of his grave is just heart breaking, and fighting him in the DLC was almost as bad. He’s not a character that I prefer as a villain, but he is a fun boss.
6. Angelus (Buffy/Angel). Now Angel is my favorite main character in my all time favorite show, but Angelus is a lot of fun to watch. He just loves being evil so much, he relishes it and is almost cartoonish at time with how fucked up he can be; but he has done far too much damage to the main characters of both Buffy and Angel to be taken lightly (I mean most villains in the show ether respect or fear him, and that’s pretty impressive when he’s been gone for hundreds of years). Having a main character who can go so completely evil if pushed is such a fun dynamic and when he gets to come out and play for real in season 4 it is a hell of a show. He’s such a good villain because he gets to sit and watch in agony watching Angel and friends do good all the time, but the whole time he sees how to push buttons and manipulate people so that when he gets free he can get what he needs out of them.
5. Jason Todd/Red Hood (DC comics). Jason was not a well liked character when he first appeared, or even after Crisis on Infinite Earths, but his death was still tragic and made people really question how good of an idea having a teenage sidekick really was. It was only after he came back to life and starting messing with Batman that I really liked him. Most of the villains on this list have questionable at best motivations, but if I was Jason and Batman didn’t kill Joker to avenge me, I’d be pretty pissed off to. He’s a great foil for Batman because he knows him so well, knows how to hurt him, and is pissed enough to really hurt him. He did eventually become an anti-hero and sort of DC’s answer to the Punisher (though they already had Huntress for that) but I like him more as a villain than I do an anti-hero (though he can be written well when he’s not in New 52). I was torn between him and Winter Soldier, but I think Bucky’s story isn’t quite as tragic because of the amount of time that had passed between him dying and him showing back up, and I like him more as a hero; both in the comics and in the MCU.
4. Two-Face (DC comics). From this entry and the last one you might think I’m a Batman fanboy, but I’m not; he just has damn good villains. There are many Spider-Man villains that were good guys to some extent before something terrible turned them into a villain, but Harvey Dent has the edge for me because of how much good he was trying to do before he became a villain. In his many incarnations you can always see a dark side to him before he falls, but seeing him actually become evil is still painful to watch. He is a fantastic villain because he’s so twisted and evil, but there is still a chance for him to be redeemed. He’s a constant reminder to Batman of his failure to help his friend, and he also has a very unique visual style to him that a lot of different creators have had a lot of fun playing with.
3. Arthas Menethil (Warcraft series). Arthas had your classic heroic backstory; young, handsome, talented prince who cared about his people would stop at nothing to protect them. He was brave and a very powerful paladin, but his arrogance would prove to be his undoing. He started down a path of doing worse and worse things to try and accomplish his goals, and eventually became fully corrupted once he got Frostmorne. Once he got his armor and became the Lich King, he became one of the most powerful villains in all of Warcraft, and the sword and armor he had made him very cool (no pun intended). His role as antagonist for a whole World of Warcraft expansion just shows how powerful he was, and being able to piss off pretty much everyone shows how good a villain he was.
2. Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars). Now the prequels are very flawed films, but I don’t find much fault in Anakin’s characterization throughout them. He starts off just a sweet and innocent child longing for adventure, but the next time we see him he’s a cocky teenager with enough power to back up his attitude. He’s very high on this list because while he did do some evil things before his actual turn to the dark side, he was manipulated into most or all of them; that doesn’t excuse him completely because in the end he still had agency over his choices, even if it wasn’t full agency. Some people say that his turn was too quick, but I think what happened is after he made that split second decision to protect Palpatine, he realized he was pretty much stuck with what he did. He did what he did because he was naive, manipulated, and wanted to save his wife and child. I’m also a sucker for a Greek tragedy and a self-fulfilling prophecy. Everything he did after the death of his wife and supposed death of his child was because of his rage and sadness at what he had lost, and clinging to what little he had left. He’s one of the best villains in all of fiction, and is so incredibly visually striking that even if you’ve never seen a Star Wars film, you know just by looking at him who he is.
1. Superman (Injustice games/comic). Who could possibly be a more tragic fallen hero than the symbol of hope and peace losing all hope and becoming a fascist, murdering dictator. Superman needs no introduction, but the Joker tricking him into murdering his wife and unborn child, and blowing up Metropolis sure is a different take on the character. Its not entirely surprising that something so tragic could make the Man of Tomorrow loose what made him a hero. As you read the comics you see that he started off just wanting to kill supervillains, and slowly he had to compromise more and more to get what he wanted. He never completely lost his morality, just slowly changed and warped his view on it until he became so scared of losing what he had left that he became a dictator.
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London Has Fallen
In which Kate and Devin write a porno
Devin: Okay, so this movie is just Gerard Butler being a badass right? Is this the one with Denzel Washington? Or are neither of those things right.
Kate: It’s something like that.
Devin: Well, Butler showed up in the credits, but so did morgan freeman?
Kate: It’s a trifecta!!
Devin: Or maybe I'm just racist and mixed them up.
Kate: Or maybe it’s the two of them being badass together.
Devin: I made some comment the other day about minorities being underrepresented at the oscars or something and they asked what actors I think should win instead and I blanked on literally every minority actor I knew.
Kate: Hahahah. It’s still true though. And to be fair, could you name any white actors?
Devin: My brain got stuck on Tom Hardy and forgot literally every other actor on earth
Kate:I think he’s on tv now anyway. So far this movie is starting a bit slow. Do you think someone is going to be shot soon?
Devin: I find it weird that we are in....India?
Kate: I think we’re at an Indian wedding. Terrorist’s daughter is getting married
Devin: This is set up for motive?
Kate: Probs
Devin: The Phantom of the Opera and Harvey Dent go for a jog
Kate: Why are politicians always running? I don’t think they do that much
Devin: I think cause DC? it's an easy excuse to pan around the lawn
Kate: Ok well fine, coming at me with movie reasons. Wait, is this a sequel?
Devin: Is it? Was the last one just called "London"?
Kate: I was thinking Gerald saved a president in the last one?
Devin: She has crazy eyes
Kate: She does but she’s pregnant
Devin: I'll forgive it if we get through this movie without her vomiting.
Kate: She’s in like her third tri already so she really shouldn’t
Devin: Google says this is a sequel, to Olympus Has Fallen. Lots of stuff falling apparently
Kate: Knew it!!! I’ve seen that one too
Devin: Really? I'm guessing last time he saved President Harvey Dent from terrorists, wooed or impregnated his wife, and got hired for secret service or unfired from secret service
Kate: Unfired, if it’s what I’m thinking of
Devin: This time he'll save the Prime Minister from terrorists, see his kid born, and...uh. Be knighted? That's my guess
Kate: Seems like a totally logical guess to me. I’m betting he discovers the Prime Minister was murdered. I don’t think people are expected to attend state funerals?
Devin: I think it's cause his vice isn't available? I think normally this is the kind of thing they send him for. But I am basing that on episodes of Madam Secretary so who knows
Kate: New guess!! President is killed and Butler has to protect Freeman
Devin: Hmmm. Maybe. Is Freeman the Vice?
Kate: Yes. He said “Hello, Mr VP”
Devin: I'm missing like half of this dialogue, idk how
Kate: Cause it’s boring
Devin: I want splosions!
Kate: This baby melodrama music is not my favorite. Once again I feel like writing is letting us down?
Devin: Yeah. Be better hollywood!
Kate: Also important people shouldn’t just sign shit without looking at it
Devin: is this the fringe guy? No. Who is he? He's someone
Kate: I think? No?
Devin: Fringe guy is similar but different. Oh! The Magicians? Magicians teacher guy?
Kate: No, definitely not him
Devin: IMDBing....
Kate: “Most protected event on earth”= everyone will die
Devin: Yup. This cast listing order is stupid. Do we know British Gerard Butler's name?
Kate: You mean the head of the British security? Also no. Also I think they’re going to use kids?
Devin: Yes, British guy. Mr. Sands! From Limitless. Thanks wikipedia, for your superior cast list
Kate: Limitless. That’s right, I never watched much of that
Devin: I really liked the main guy and all the arts and crafts in that show. I'm sad it was cancelled. Also we should add the movie to our review list
Kate: Yes!
Devin: Splosion! I didn't think those guards were supposed to have real guns? Then again EMTs should definitely not have rocket launchers
Kate: Hahaha, yeah, those cops are definitely plants. It’s clearly a very well orchestrated attack
Devin: Pretty sure only america gives their cops guns. Also, rocket launcher
Kate: Wow I don’t care how this movie ends the world would not recover from this
Devin: Yeah Kate, it's fallen. Show. Us. The. Egg. It's not London unless I see the big glass egg and the ferris wheel
Kate: How did they know that one president wouldn’t leave on time?
Devin: Trackers? Or they caused the traffic?
Kate: No, he decided?
Devin: Motorcycles, a car's only weakness
Kate: Nice driving!
Devin: Don't injure civilians!
Kate: Ummmm, Devin. I think that ship has sailed.
Devin: He rammed the bad guy into a non bad guy car!
Kate: Oh fuck. Ok so who is the black lady? Is she the First Lady?
Devin: Voight buddy, you could have moved. He's the driver, she's the head of secret service
Kate: He was driving! It was a bullet! Give him some credit. Is she?
Devin: Yes. According to wikipedia
Kate: She’s not doing much. And she hunkered with the president?
Devin: Right? Stop flailing. Where is your gun, woman?
Kate: Oh god. That was brutal
Devin: That was very brutal
Kate: Why didn’t they park closer to the chopper?
Devin: Crashing in 3...2...oh ok nvm
Kate: Hahaha
Devin: He's got a cane so you know he's evil
Kate: So true
Devin: Moral of this movie: don't trust the handicapped
Kate: And yet, they didn’t detect a plan of this magnitude
Devin: Uh, did those people just have labels?
Kate: Yes. NSA and something else
Devin: Like, movie? Movie. We do not care
Kate: I’m assuming it will be important later?
Devin: Why is the lady not doing anything?
Kate: Nice, flares! I like flares. Why are they flying so low anyway?
Devin: I got distracted googling the secret service
Kate: Anything pertinent to share?
Devin: Apparently the director just does the boring shit, so idk why she's even here
Kate: Ummmm, I think the movie should end here?
Devin: Yes they all died. The End
Kate: No way anyone survived that. I call bullshit
Devin: Also, I assumed presidents would have like one guy their whole time in office? But apparently they hire someone new a lot. Oh she dead.
Kate: For the secret service?
Devin: As director. Like Obama had 2
Kate: I mean, that’s four years for each
Devin: Trump has already had 2. The first guy for like 2 months? 1 month?
Kate: Well, Trump does that a lot. He’s had like 8 communication directors
Devin: I just wonder if they choose to leave or if the president purposefully swaps them out
Kate: Also working for the president is really intense, so maybe you just burn out and have to leave
Devin: Makes sense. The local biker gang is here
Kate: I don’t think bikes make that noise. That is dumb
Devin: Yes. Also no one checked the wreck
Kate: At least we know from earlier scenes they are fast runners!
Devin: This looks like he put his manifesto on youtube
Kate: What point is there in entertaining this phone call? Also why does he care about one president?
Devin: Imagine if he called before they watched the video! Like 5 minutes earlier
Kate: Right? He should take the uniform too
Devin:
"Who is this?"
"It's...seriously? You didn't see my video?"
"h/o googling it"
"It's on youtube"
"yeah one sec, gotta sit through this 50 shade of grey trailer"
Kate: Ahhhhhhh Being hunted by motorbikes!! Oh no
Devin: Sure, that's subtle. Also this is a regular subway
Kate: I like that he was able to loot the body for weapons. Very practical
Devin: Jesus Gerard Butler. WTF? You went from zero to torture in no time
Kate: I know, little intense. Definitely running on adrenaline
Devin: This is the most 'murrican fucking movie. You cannot convince me that huge squads of racists didn't come out of this movie going "rah rah ‘murrica"
Kate: Oh god. Unfortunately yes
Devin: Although these talky bits suck. I'd rather have more fighting. Oh, thanks label, I really cared what time it was
Kate: Everyone is dead, that’s what this discussion is. I mean surrender and then ambush. How many people do they think there are? You���re not going to be professional right now? Weird
Devin: Blah blah blah. Bitch it was a wedding. Of course his family was there
Kate: How did you not know his family was there? It was a wedding. So dumb
Devin: What even is the point of that dialogue? There better be drugs in his water or something
Kate: What kind of shoddy intel are you all operating on? This is dumb. Do criticize if necessary. You have to teach them. Also off color jokes?
Devin: "You know what's most important Mike? Children. That's why we are never going to spend time with ours in any subsequent movie."
Kate: Of course it’s not your delta team.
Devin: Yeah why was that message not in code?
Kate: Zoom in!
Devin: Enhance! Your safe house has a fucking skylight!?
Kate: Seems like a pretty lame safe house. Oh this is gross
Devin: This movie is very gratuitous with its gore
Kate: It really is. And president you should not have done that. You are not almost out of this by any long shot
Devin: There must be a porno of this where they fuck right then
Kate: Did all of MI6 just die?
Devin: I'm not going to lie, that weird pirate porno you made us watch that one time is better than this movie
Kate: Haha! Oh pirates. Also my taste is terrible because I still enjoy this
Devin: I don't believe the hackers would make this basic of a mistake
Kate: No, me neither
Devin: Also driving seems like the quickest way to be spotted?
Kate: They kept everything under the radar but you didn’t notice this earlier?
Devin: Ok I guess at least the car is bulletproofed
Kate: How many of these terrorists are there supposed to be?
Devin: It's just the same 4 guys, they're really fast. They keep healing when they're off screen
Kate: Seems like an infinite supply. Mutants!! Also Mike is still somehow always faster
Devin: Now I want an action movie where 3/4 of the way through you realize he's been re-killing the same 5 guys over and over and surprise! it's really a fantasy/horror movie!
Kate: That would be so good. Change the whole game. I do oddly think this would make a good porno with very very little change
Devin: It's cause there's so much standing really close while breathing heavily and the plot is basically just as thin
Kate: Yeah pretty much. It’s a male romance novel
Devin: Also there have been.....5 women? in this entire movie. 6, I guess. Wife, mother, secret service director, beehive, assistant cop, MI6
Kate: Assistant cop?
Devin: Black lady?
Kate: I don’t remember her
Devin: She was in the bullpen with not!Fringe guy
Kate: Ok sure
Devin: Oh, ok, and random lady who had a text label I didn't read
Kate: There was the turning 30 woman and one lady head of state.
Devin: Still, none of these people shooting right now? There's like 20 guys in this scene!
Kate: Nope. Can’t have women in harm’s way unless they don’t have a choice. Also no lady terrorists
Devin: Only lady terrorists allowed are dead motivation ones
Kate: Also I’m subbing lady because it’s faster to type than woman
Devin: Agreed
Kate: Omg. Whispered “Mike.” Straight out of a romance novel
Devin: What? Are you ahead of me or did I miss it?
Kate: Maybe? The president whispered it
Devin: No! I must have missed the Mike whisper
Kate: He should be really tired by now. He didn’t have dinner!
Devin: "Hear that? My boyfriend is coming"
Kate: He really should just kill the president. It doesn’t make sense not to
Devin: There is so much manly eye contact and face holding
Kate: So much
Devin: Like I'm pretty sure almost this exact sequence happened in Outlander
Kate: In the porn there would be a scene where the president seduced him, Mike walked in on it, and then they have a threesome
Devin: With the bad guy?
Kate: Yup
Devin: That seems like it would be out of place plot wise. Would the bad guy turn himself in or something?
Kate: No. Just random sex that doesn’t make sense
Devin: Weird. The sex should make sense!
Kate: It’s for real a thing that happens in porn, you get whiplash. Oh god. This is lame. Really?
Devin: One punch where he runs all the way across the screen. So stupid
Kate: Did we learn who the brit mole was?
Devin: Nope. They hacked the police station I think? Damn! Wheelchair guy didn't even get to make a speech about how bad America is. This movie is not even pretending to care about America's mistakes
Kate: Why didn’t he just shoot everyone?
Devin: Out of bullets?
Kate: He hasn’t run out of guns until now
Devin: What even is this dialogue right now?
Kate: Really dumb
Devin: "You fuck with America? OH HELL NO. WE BAT SHIT. WE WILL FUCKING MURDER ALL Y'ALL."
Kate: America’s not even 500. Witty banter!
Devin: "EVEN OUR PRESIDENT WILL PICK UP A GUN FOR MURDER TIME"
Kate: Also he’s not dead because you haven’t killed him?
Devin: Yeah you just punched him a bit and talked nonsense
Kate: Once again, another thing they wouldn’t have survived.
Devin: I feel like the porno version of this has them go back to their wives at the end with lots of meaningful looks and sly smiles between the two main dudes. Like "yeah, we'll do this again next mission"
Kate: Oh no! But yes probably. Why was there a lock in an elevator?
Devin: Is the president the only one alive from this whole thing? They would definitely make out in this elevator
Kate: I think one other world leader survived? There was a missing link to the terrorist?
Devin: I guess?
Kate: Who sent a fucking video?
Devin: Honestly this plot is stupid Yeah he's def the mole. Also he's running away? Like he obviously did it
Kate: Are we supposed to care about him or her? Because I do not
Devin: They would have had sex earlier in the porno
Kate: Yeah. It would have made more sense. Just kill him already
Devin: Also she would have just arrested him. I feel like the porno would have less murder
Kate: It’s weird that normally I complain about too much sex? But this would just be better as a porn
Devin: Yeah our review is basically "this would have made a better porno"
Kate: How would you have found him?
Devin: Who hears "look out your window" and looks up at the ceiling? Oh maybe that's what the missing link was?
Kate: Also the VP does not have the authority to call that type of strike
Devin: What is this 10 angled shot explosion? Ok, we've got a baby
Kate: So it’s been at least a few weeks
Devin: No prime minister but I didn't realize it was his funeral so I feel like the president is close enough. Now knighthood
Kate: Sure. They don’t know how emails work? Re: is for replies
Devin: "Many people would say this is our fault, but we're america so fuck those people. we'll kill those people."
Kate: “Commence spending no time with my kid”
Devin: In the porno version we end instead with a mirror of the earlier DC lawn scene, with them sitting on a bench watching their wives/kids, and the pres saying something like "still want to quit?" and Butler saying "and leave you, sir? Never." And then meaningful eye contact. Roll credits.
Kate: Hahahah
Devin: Okay, so scores
Kate: Yes. Scores.
Devin: 3/10 for the movie, 6/10 for the porno
Kate: I go a little higher movie? Like 4.5 for the movie. 6 for porno though. I think we can agree that no porn should ever rank higher than 7
Devin: Yeah. Like, even amazing porn is still porn
Kate: Ummmm tropes? So many, “family as our motivation”
Devin: “America is terrible and we never learn anything”?
Kate: Which is so hypocritical
Devin: “One man assumes command of literally every other character without argument”
Kate: Hahahaha. So like 7 on the tropes? They all fit the plot really well
Devin: Yeah, I mean it had a very particular niche and it played to it
Kate: Exactly
Devin: I'm going to give the title an 8/10. Catchy and accurate
Kate: I can agree. Thematic
Devin: London did pretty much fall. Like an old lady in a Life Alert commercial
Kate: Better than Olympus has fallen
Devin: Yeah, plus how fucking pretentious is it to call the white house "olympus"?
Kate: Exactly
Devin: What would the porn title be? I feel like they're usually puns?
Kate: Pun for sure. London may fall but our guys stay up
Devin: kind of long
Kate: It could be the tagline?
Devin: Oh yeah, good tagline. My brain gave me "Banging Private Ryan" which does not fit but is almost certainly a movie that exists
Kate: Hahahahaha. Banging president something? Whatever his name was
Devin: No idea, I called him Harvey Dent the whole movie. London Goes Down?
Kate: London laid down? Cause laid. Get it?
Devin: H/o I have to see if there is a real porn title for this. NSA people monitoring my internet searches, I'm really sorry
Kate: Gives them some spice! A story to take home
Devin: Top result for "London Has Fallen Porn Title" is:
"London Has Fallen movie condemned as racist 'terrorsploitation' "
"London Has Fallen is gun-barrel porn"
Kate: Whelp. Yep. I feel bad for enjoying it?
Devin: "London Has Fallen Is The Worst Film About Our City Ever"
Kate: Oh no it was a piece of shit for sure. Super fucking racist
Devin: “Blowing London.” That's my official submission
Kate: Nice! “Blowing London” is great. I thought you’d actually found it.
Devin: Ok, any parting words?
Kate: It was a dumb racist movie that I feel guilty for enjoying anyway? Which means we should have more action movies made with better plots and motivation. And female representation!
Devin: Or more action movies that are just porn
Kate: Or that. What about you? Parting words?
Devin: If you want to see a movie where Gerard Butler brutally murders everyone, this is it. Or, you know, go watch 300, it is less awful.
Kate: So true.
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My Thoughts on “Batman: Gotham by Gaslight”
After weeks and weeks of dreading disappointment, I’ve finally sat down and watched the latest DC animated movie. I had both high and low expectations. Some had said it was great but recent DC animated movies have been shit so what’s the truth?
I am happy to announce that I loved it!
Warning: SPOILERS ahead!
So what’s the story?
It’s Victorian Gotham and Jack the Ripper is on the loose! Poor women of the night are in mortal danger while that madman is lurking in the shadows. Some people even believe that the vigilante Batman might be the killer.
The actress Selina Kyle is furious at the police’s apparent incompetence of catching the culprit and tries to take him down herself. She lures him into a slaughterhouse, however, he’s able to overpower her. Before a knife becomes her closest friend, The Batman appears and fights the Ripper off. Batman is surprised at what a skilled fighter the Ripper is and approaches policeman James Gordon for more information to help him stop the murders.
One evening, Bruce Wayne and attorney Harvey Dent watch Selina Kyle’s show and Dent, clearly interested in starting an affair with her, invites her to join their night out. While a drunk and moody Harvey really isn’t her cup of tea, the mysterious Bruce Wayne piques her interest - interest that’s mutual... They talk and find out they’re both orphans and were taken in by Sister Leslie who’s always looking out for the unfortunate souls in Gotham.
Bruce realizes too late that she’ll be the Ripper’s next victim, rushes to the monastery, and only finds her bloody body. An old drunk lady Sister Leslie had looked after sees Bruce at the crime scene and at Leslie’s funeral, attempts to blackmail Bruce to buy her silence. An attempt that doesn’t go unnoticed by everyone else there.
Hugo Strange tells Bruce to tell Batman to meet him later. Strange claims to know who the Ripper is which of course means he has to die. The Ripper shows up at Arkham Asylum, kills Strange and flees when Batman appears. Bats chases the Ripper across rooftops, they end up in the police airship and their continued fight leads to the airship crashing, the Ripper escaping, and an injured Bruce fleeing from the police who still think that Batman = Ripper.
Bruce finds refuge in Selina’s carriage and is lucky enough that she takes him home with her. After a night of wonderful BatCat passion, the cops show up (tipped off by a jealous Harvey Dent) and arrest Bruce for murdering that old drunk lady who wanted to blackmail him. Accused of being the Ripper, Bruce goes to Blackgate and as if that wasn’t bad enough, Selina warns him that she’ll tell Gordon who Bruce really is in order to free him and save women from the Ripper. Bruce breaks out, suits up, and rushes to Gordon’s house where he doesn’t find Gordon but a secret room which reveals the truth: James Gordon is Jack the Ripper! After serving in the army, he’d gone insane and sworn to get rid of all human filth.
Meanwhile, Selina meets James at Gotham’s fair and after telling him about Batman, Gordon attacks and drugs her. She’s injured but able to hide from him and turns a searchlight into a Bat-Signal with her own blood. Batman shows up and, after a brutal fight that sets the fair on fire, is able to slap handcuffs on Gordon. The insane policeman however steps into the flames and burns to death. Alfred shows up with a carriage and three orphans that played a tiny part in the movie, and picks up Selina and an injured Batman.
FINALLY we have a good DC animated movie!!! It wasn’t perfect but it was watchable and lots of fun!
I’m a HUGE fan of the Victorian era and of the Jack the Ripper case, I loved the comic book the movie is based on, and I love BatCat. So this movie was made for me!
It had a really nice atmosphere, the look of the city and the clothes were great. Loved the designs for Batman and his steampunk Batcycle. Loved how Selina and Leslie were portrayed as strong-minded, feminist women who didn’t let those idiotic men shut them up. Loved the chemistry between Bruce and Selina.
It all started a tiny bit awkward when the characters were introduced. Name drop after name drop so the audience would know who’s who. The worst was Harvey: “Spoken like a true county prosecutor, Mr. Dent.” WHO TALKS LIKE THAT?! But after the cast had been established, the plot could pick up.
LOVED the dark moments in it, I wish it would have went darker or would have been dark more often. The horrible conditions at Arkham, Hugo Strange’s gruesome death, Gordon’s insanity and Barbara’s past, those parts were delicious bits to feed my hunger for morbid stuff.
The voice-acting was good except for the Robins, they sounded cringy as fuck. Btw, I didn’t really get why the Robins were in the movie in the first place. They didn’t do anything Alfred couldn’t have done. They served no real purpose except for “look, we have the Robins in the movie!”
But I appreciated the detail that they had kept Jason’s red hair! Some fans might not know that: Jason Todd’s a natural redhead but Bruce told him to die his hair so Robin wouldn’t stick out so much.
The animation was great but had some bad moments, e.g. Selina was the only character with pupils, and there was that one moment when her walking animation was a cheap, awkward hopping motion.
The plot in general was nice, it had me guessing till the end. I’m glad they changed the reveal to Gordon. In the comic, it’s a character that doesn’t show up that often in Batman lore so with introducing a relatively new face in a cast of well-known characters, it wouldn’t have been hard to figure out who the killer was. At one point, I even wondered if they would actually reveal the killer, they could have killed him without ever showing his face so it would stay a mystery just like the real killer’s identity is still unknown. But showing the audience the truth caused a nice feeling of closure.
I would have loved to see more of Selina’s abilities. She grew up in a circus, she’s awesome with the whip, and Bruce mentions an act in her show, why couldn’t they show us that? More show, less tell, guys!
Some other things left me scratching my head, like how did Selina take off her clothes that fucking fast; how could Alfred tell the Robins where to go when he had to rely on *them* contacting *him*; Selina mentioned Bruce kissing her hand but that had never happened; why did they think that Bruce was the Ripper when Selina could have easily said that they were fucking all night - two cops had seen Bruce with her in her carriage and even Harvey knew the cops would find Bruce at her place; with the big airship and half of the park on fire, how did Gotham not burn to the ground; Selina’s reaction to the drug was inconsistent; so DID Strange really know the Ripper’s identity and if so, how; how could Selina show up in a carriage and save Bruce - she didn’t know that he was out and about, she didn’t know where he was and that he needed help; how did Bruce know where the Ripper would strike; how could the victims scream so loud for so long while being brutally stabbed in the torso; how did Gordon know that Strange knew his identity and wanted to tell Batman; why was Gordon worried the Ripper would kill Barbara when a) HE was the Ripper and b) he thought of her as a filthy slut as well? That dream sequence and scene in the kitchen were just a red herring so the audience wouldn’t suspect Gordon but in the movie, they didn’t make sense.
Despite some little plot holes, I sincerely enjoyed Gaslight and hope the DC animated movies will get back to their former glory again. I wouldn’t mind a The Superman Monster animated movie to be honest...
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{A/N} ٩(♡ε♡ )۶
I~ have been playing (and just finished!) Batman: The Telltale Series, and I want to talk about it, because I just have...a lot of feelings about it.
So uhm, be mindful below the cut. (♡´艸`)
First things first, I will admit I wasn’t expecting to...get into this game, lol. I decided to play it on a whim, just to sorta...I consider myself “toes wet” with DC (I know Bunny tends to give me more credit than that because she’s a peach ♥) but I figure, this’ll get me more ankle deep, even if it’s not like “canon” or anything--which, comic canon is weird and fluid so whatever, I’m not being real strict with the Telltale TL being canon.
Anyway.
So I figured I’d just play it and see some babies and enjoy that...but I got into it. Being able to be in the driver’s seat, making decisions as Bruce and really simulating his life endeared me to him and his universe more than I anticipated.
It’s one thing, to read comics and see writer’s words coming out of character’s mouths and being all, “Yeah, okay,” but when you’re making the decisions, it personalizes it. And unsurprisingly, I played a compassionate, empathetic, emotional Bruce Wayne, not some stunted machismo machine in a bat cowl like some writers and fanboys want him to be.
So I guess it’s safe to say this made me love him more.
I noticed something, playing--and it’s true Telltale style, like the Walking Dead games, where you have a wheel of sentence choices that determine your path--and it’s that Bruce runs into the same sort of problem that I see with Steve Rogers. I don’t see it quite as much with Tony, but Steve has a problem with writers wanting him to be some white bread, bulging bicep “JUSTICE FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER” machine when there’s so much more to him than that. It’s like uh, like the recent Civil War re-read that I did with Monica, that line where he’s criticizing his soldiers by calling them “Nancies” and basically comparing them to women--but Steve Rogers, MY Steve Rogers, guzzles his respect women juice because he respected and loved the absolute fuck out of Peggy Carter. But it’s writers who put that shit in his mouth and make him say and do things that then make me side-eye the fuck out of him.
And I’m realizing Bruce has the same issue, and I realized that playing this game, and seeing how he talks to people and really playing up the fact that he does have a heart and he does have feelings--and don’t get me wrong. I’m fine with emotionally stunted characters, I think it’s cute, but I’m on about those buttplugs who like, don’t write Bruce treating his sons like his sons because it makes him “soft” or when they make him treat Alfred or Clark/his teammates like shit or when he openly beats his own kids, like??? Fuck off, that’s not what I’m interested in and to be honest I don’t think that’s who Bruce Wayne is supposed to be.
So playing this game and going the compassionate route, going the route of making Bruce appreciate Alfred and Lucius and Harvey, people who support him and are his friends/family, it reminds me when we were reading the War on Jokes arc and seeing Bruce initiate the “I love you’s”. That shit about melted my heart and to be honest was right up there with his penchant for adopting kids that really made me notice him. To make me give a shit about him and not just because he’s Batman.
Which, by the way, I fucking love that he says that? Like Tony says it, “I am Iron Man,” and it’s cute they share a catchphrase or whatever, but I love that Bruce says it with a straight face and at the most ridiculous times.
I won’t go into like, a full rundown of the game or anything--to be honest I wasn’t going to talk about the game at all, but I surprised myself being so into it and full of feelings about it that I just wanted to talk about it somewhere.
I think I’ll start with the character designs, because it was real hit or miss.
Hit:
Harvey Dent*
John Doe/Joker
Bruce Wayne (...eventually)
Miss:
Selina Kyle
Alfred Pennyworth
Oswald Cobblepot
Now, take my criticisms and compliments with a grain of salt, please~ My tastes are eclectic at best and I like things that are different/out of the norm, so. And it has nothing to do with the character, this is strictly aesthetic.
Let’s start with the hits--Harvey.
I’m sure my love for him here is unsurprising~ But lemme talk about it anyway.
He was a big beefy boi in this game and I was 👀 from freaking jump. I went into this game blind so I had no idea he was even in it, but he was noticeably the biggest boy (okay well almost, there was this one bigger Frankensteinesque dude I didn’t recognize and whose name WAS NEVER GIVEN TO ME) on the block--haha lemme give him Brenn’s title as the Buffest Boy on the Block. He filled his suits OUT and I was here for it. I loved his facial structure, which surprised me considering I didn’t think I’d be keen on Telltale’s art styles.
As for the * up there on his name, I want to say that I went the route of saving Harvey from himself, so I didn’t let him turn fully into Two Face (this go ‘round at least) but I did see that ridiculous mask they gave him and that’s a huge thumbs down for me.
Lemme see them beautiful scars pls.
He looks delectable as Two Face so the only negative is that mask they tried to give him for whatever reason. 0/10, would take that off immediately.
Next up is Mr. John Doe, aka Joker.
And I have to say, like Bruce, he really surprised me--one, because I didn’t know he was in this either (IDK SHIT ABOUT DC STUFF, SO) but two, because I wasn’t prepared to really pay him all that much attention. Harvey’s a given; he, like Arthur, I had a soft spot for anyway because of Kayla’s rampant hatred (thus, giving me a need to love them as unloved characters) but Joker? Everyone loves Joker, so I was tipping toward, like, patting him on the head and sending him on his way kinda thing.
Nope. No. He showed up and I was like ???? WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE ALL OF THE SUDDEN.
Seriously, this art style fucked me up when it came to him. He’s stupid adorable in this game.
I MEAN WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO KISS THIS FACE?????
I’m fucking annoyed by it, I think because I was prepared to just breeze by him, but like I don’t wanna slap him or anything but it gives me the same cute aggression small humans and kitties do. I wanna squish his face and just coo over it, that smile is infuriatingly infectious.
Idk why I find him so cute in this particular style but it was like getting punched in the chest, like he showed up and saved me/Bruce and all the sudden I’m like, murder whoever you want just keep...smiling?
And don’t get me wrong, I’m all for his edgy styles, there are some where he’s almost monstrous-looking, grotesque and the like and you know that tickles my fancy but this particular Joker tickled another fancy of mine. He was almost like a puppy, here.
Eager.
So yeah. I guess I have a crush on Joker now.
And last but not least on the Hit list--Bruce Wayne.
And I’ll admit, as I did up here, that this look took me a little while to come to appreciate. Reminds me a lot of how I felt about Peter from ItSV, but I love that look on him now and that’s how I feel about Bruce. This grew on me the more I played, although when I started I thought he looked way too much like Archer.
And it seems I wasn’t the only one.
And while, like with Peter B., this particular incarnation won’t be my favorite Bruce Wayne look, there’s a softness to this particular incarnation that seemed to really suit the way I played him--which might be why I liked it.
There was a nice touch, though, because when he slipped on the cowl, when he became Batman, there was a decided shift not only in his personality but his physicality, too--
Which reminded me of something I’d read where Clark does the same thing.
So yeah, this incarnation took a little to grow on me, and it may not be my favorite, but I did come to at least appreciate it.
Now let’s talk about the Misses, starting with Miss Kyle.
And it’s weird, because as Catwoman she was stunning and there’s this one scene with her eyeliner on fucking point and it was SENDING ME. Good fucking god I was a dumb dyke through the whole scene, I doubt I could remember a word she said.
But there on the left, her hair was like some weird mix of a bob but too long and uneven to be one? And don’t get me started on her baby ponytail; it seemed too...childish? Sloppy? For her.
And something was off about her mouth. Idk if it was Telltale’s style or if the graphics were a little stiff but her mouth bothered me the entire freaking game.
I feel bad about saying Alfred was a miss but again, this is just from an aesthetic point. The man is a saint otherwise and I won’t say a cross word about him.
It’s not even that I dislike this particular look of his, it’s just, I have a favorite look of his and this is so far from it (and most of his normal looks) that sometimes through the game it would take me a half second to remember this is supposed to be Alfred.
It was like with Bruce, only it didn’t grow on me quite the same.
Like I said, I just have a favored look of Alfred’s (I’d dig up the picture but it’s on my phone and I’m lazy) and this just didn’t make the cut.
Uhm and lastly, Oswald.
Out of the Rogues of Gotham I feel like I don’t know Victor Freeze and Oswald Cobblepot...nearly well enough to be talking about them. But the game dealt with Oz so...I’m here talking about him.
And really my issue with him is that...to me he was barely recognizable because I only know Penguin by his typical outlandish look--short, round as a goddamn beach ball, and with that insane curved/hooked nose.
So I may be wrong in that he does look like this sometimes? I really wouldn’t know, like I said I don’t know Mr. Cobblepot very well at all. I just was surprised he looked like this and when Bruce was all, “Penguin?” I was also ?????? but for a different fucking reason, lmao.
I didn’t put Jim up here because he’s always on point regardless of what he looks like, so. 10/10, no notes for you, Jim. ♥
So moving beyond eye candy, the actual game itself, like I said, it was a surprisingly endearing way to be introduced to Gotham. It’s one thing to read the comics and see this particular writer’s vision of what Gotham is and who Bruce Wayne is, but with me in the driver’s seat and getting to make decisions, I got to shape Gotham and Bruce/Batman the way I would like them to be (at least as much as the game allows, lol) and there’s definitely something to be said about that.
I made sure to try and stick at least somewhat to how I think Bruce would have reacted to some things--especially as Batman. I like to stay true to superheroes’ brands (in terms of gameplay, writing is another story) so I kept the no-killing and tried to be...less violent than I might have been if I were, say, Frank. Which helped me win over Jim, so~ Haha but I uhm, I went the compassionate route with Bruce as Bruce Wayne, I was supportive of those around me and appreciative of them.
Unsurprisingly there was a Bruce/Selina aspect to the game, and I played that more as myself, because like Bunny I don’t really like them together. Selina is fine on her own, I see what she was saying about that, but seeing the way Selina is with people--she says things to hurt Bruce just to do it, and I’m...not down with that. Emotional maturity is a thing, lol, maybe she could steal some of that.
Ha-cha~ That joke isn’t funny but I said it anyway.
But I get it. I...palmed Bruce’s face out of the way and just gave the emotional answers as myself and I could see beyond Selina’s words to what she’s hiding--or trying to. You hurt others to keep yourself from being hurt, I’ve seen that sort of behavior before and I get she’s hiding her feelings by lashing out--a lot like a kitty with her claws out. So I have respect for her as a character because of the complexity, it’s just not how you go about having a relationship with someone, lol.
Like she stole some shit from Bruce, was fine to do it, so I retaliated by stealing some of her tech because i’m a petty ass bitch and she got bitey with me about it.
Like girl.
I also, like I said, went the route of supporting Harvey...because of course I did. I defended him every chance I got, funded his campaign...even after he told me he was distancing himself from me (let me LOVE YOU) and when he started to snap and Two Face was trying to get out, I refused to fight him and encouraged him to get help.
In the end, when Harvey turned on Bruce and literally tried to kill Alfred, Jim asked Batman if Harvey should “rot in prison,” or be sent to Arkham to get help.
I...know Arkham is corrupt and that’s a whole thing in and of itself but I went the compassionate route and sent Harvey to get help.
In the end, I saw Harvey in a cell. He refused to come out and help the inmates during a riot, but the poor baby actually looked kind of afraid?
And not to like, go off on a rant or anything but it was interesting seeing this take on Harvey/Two Face. I could relate to it, in a way, because it reminded me of my Alters and how I created Drette and especially misi to sort of allow myself to be and feel things that I typically try to hide.
Two Face started to show himself and though he...wasn’t nice to Harvey, he did defend him and insist he was there to protect Harvey, that “no one will ever hurt or take advantage of him again”.
Touched my heart. ♥
Selina was also playing Harvey, 100% using him for her own means and she said, about him, “Poor guy just wanted to fall in love so bad.”
AND THAT BROKE MY HEART.
He did seem very lost in this game, like this need to be Mayor and to be this big shot attorney was trying to fill a void, make up for some inadequacies he felt he had.
I’ve always been a sucker for broken toys.
And speaking of broken toys, Joker’s whole deal really wasn’t touched on much in this game (it is in the second one, which I’ll probably start after work) but I want to talk about the fact that I was like one of like 15% of people who promised Joker a favor and I’m fucking weak over it.
Lemme set the scene--Bruce, stuck in Arkham, befriends Joker (because I fucking made him) and Joker says he’ll get Bruce out of Arkham “but you’ll owe me a favor~ When I get out of here.”
And you had a choice, to owe him a favor or not.
I was 0% hesitation to shake his hand, lmao, and I didn’t think much of it until I got to the end of the chapter and it was like, “You and 15% of others agreed to owe Joker a favor.”
And I was like...? Oh shit that probably was a bad idea, lmao.
HE’S CUTE, LIKE I SAID. TF YOU WANT FROM ME.
And Bruce’s little Codex journal (which was adorable, btw) updated to include the favor I promised and he wrote, “Not a big deal to owe a favor to a psycho who will never get out of Arkham, right?”
Which-
1) You’re adorably naive if you think he’s not getting out.
2) I legit didn’t consider it being a bad idea.
So I owe Joker a favor to be collected later and I should probably be concerned because the end of the game showed Joker out and fanboying over Bruce in a bar.
SO. (oﾟ□ﾟ)o YEAH. TBC.
There were other highlights to the game, like getting to comfort and protect a little boy (BE STILL MY MATERNAL HEART) and for FUCK’S sake, Oswald taking over Wayne Enterprises for a bit.
The entire thing was infuriating as fuck, like I mildly wanted to kick Oz in the face repeatedly by the end of the game, but the scene where Bruce gets his company back and he’s looking at all the shit Oswald did while he had it--I was absolutely in hysterics.
First of all, Oswald used COMIC FUCKING SANS to cross out Bruce’s name and write “Cobblepot Enterprises” on the website. I fucking lost my mind. It was so childish and petty and the YELLOW font looked SO OUT OF PLACE WITH BRUCE’S SRS BUSINESS FONT EVERYWHERE ELSE.
But it gets better.
Oswald had his team hack Gotham’s public records and not only did he change Bruce’s Ivy League diploma to Sociology BUT HE FUCKING CHANGED BRUCE’S MEDICAL RECORDS TO SAY HE HAD SEVERAL STD’S.
WHEN I TELL YOU I FUCKING SCREAMED.
I had to pause the game because I was laughing so hard I couldn’t hear Alfred.
AND BRUCE FACEPALMED AS HE READ THE LIST and my god. I lost years off my laugh, laughing that hard.
I’ve talked quite a bit more than I intended to so I’ll wrap this up but before I do, I want to touch on one more thing and I think it’s that DC really did a good job with making Alfred the reason Bruce is a good man, a hero.
I haven’t read or seen or consumed all the Batman media that’s out there, but this is the fourth or fifth time I’ve seen Bruce’s parents turn out to be absolute shits. I mean this time it was only his father who was a dickhead, but the times his parents turn out to be garbage people vs actual decent human beings is like 6 to 1. And the one time I’m thinking of was some alternate dimension so I’m not even sure that counts.
So as someone who has pretty fucked up parents I think it’s nice to see a story where your parents don’t make you who you are. That timeline where Bruce’s parents lived and he turned into this spoiled, entitled brat, where it really showed that Alfred was the one who molded and shaped the good man who grew up to be Bruce Wayne, Gotham’s Golden Son...I think that’s so important. I really like that side of Bruce’s backstory, I think it’s something that isn’t as touched on as much as it should be.
There wouldn’t be a Batman without Alfred and it isn’t just because Alfred is always there at the end of the com when Bruce needs him.
And you can bet your sweet butt I made Bruce say that to Alfred at the end of the game. And Alfred got all teary and I got all teary and this is that qUALITY CONTENT.
Also? I’m super ashamed at the amount of people I saw in the stats who turned on Harvey and abandoned Alfred. I was in the minority a lot of time for shit I def shouldn’t have been in the minority for.
Half the time the stats would roll and I’m left looking at the PISS POOR CHOICES OF THE COMMON MAN LIKE
Y’all some worthless motherfuckers.
So yes! This was a lot of fun to play and I’m absolutely giddy to start the next game, especially since I get to see Puppy!Joker in it. And he’s going to be friends with Bruce because I’M IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT NOW, BATMAN.
Buckle up, Brucie, we’re full speed ahead toward Crazytown. ٩( ᐛ )و
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5, 12, 10, aaaand an unpopular opinion about harvey dent
5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?
ohh man. so when i was into metalocalypse i started off pretty neutral-to-positive about skwisgaar/toki, i mean i thought it was kinda cute and i occasionally reblogged like fanart and stuff (think like, how i am now with scriddler). but there were all these shippers who just kept like insisting that it was gonna actually be canon, and putting out all these silly conspiracy theories about how “ohh, brendon small secretly ships it and he wants to make it canon but adult swim won’t let him!!!111!!!!1″ even after brendon stated multiple times that skwistok wasn’t a thing and wasn’t gonna be a thing (the whole “snowhorse” incident, anyone?), like there were these long-ass meta posts pointing out all these tiny insignificant details as “proof” that skwistok was canon, and it just got fucking exhausting. not to mention the fact that a nonzero percentage of skwistok shippers (not saying everyone was like this, but enough that it was a problem) tended to shit on the dethklok members who weren’t “pretty enough” for them, which mostly meant murderface, and those people tended to also get really up in arms over murderface being shipped with either member of their otp, and as a big skwisface shipper, that always just rubbed me the wrong way. so even though it was only a relatively small percentage of the ship’s fanbase doing all this stuff, over time i just kinda started to become uncomfortable with skwistok, until it eventually became one of my mtl notps. and it still is, i still have it blacklisted.
12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?
hmmmmmm i kinda like as the crow flies?? like it is absolutely objectively really fucking bad, i’m not denying that. it’s silly. it’s very silly. but crane looks really fuckin good in it (points at my icon that you were nice enough to make me, nursie) and i like the way he’s characterized. i just hate fuckign fright and i would very much like to pretend that she doesn’t exist. because i’m a jealous ass.
10. Most disliked arc? Why?
they’re both technically graphic novels and not arcs but i would like to forget that i read the killing joke and arkham asylum: a serious house on serious earth. like, i read both of them really early on when i was first getting into dc (i think serious house was actually literally the first dc thing i ever read), because i’d seen them held up a lot as “must-reads for any dc fan” and my naive baby ass was like “oh okay!! better fork over an obscene amount of cash for those, then.” and then i absolutely hated both of them and wished i hadn’t read them, or at least wished that i’d read them illegally online instead of giving dc money to read their horrible edgelord garbage.
i hated literally everything about the killing joke, every single word of every single panel of every single page. to this day i consider it the only comic/graphic novel i regret buying, because at least serious house made me laugh with how bad it was. the killing joke was just A Fucking Ordeal to get through, and i kept expecting it to get good, and it never did.
i hate serious house because of how “deep” and “pretentious” it thinks it is, while really just vomiting out a bunch of high-school-level psychology and being utterly incoherent about sixty percent of the time. it’s just like a hundred-and-something pages of grant morrison sucking his own dick and reveling in how smart and deep and edgy he is. and you all know how much i hate tetch for being a disgusting pedophile, right? well, as far as i can tell, this is the story that originated or at least popularized that portrayal. also, at one point two-face shits himself. because smart and deep and edgy. boy do i fucking hate serious house.
unpopular opinion about harvey dent
he shouldn’t have shit himself in serious house
uhhhhhhh this is kind of a minor thing but i hate when artists give him blond hair because of the nolan movies, it just kinda fuckin. irks me
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11 Questions Tag
i was tagged by @escapeintape and @symphonysoldierr 👉😎👉
rules: answer the questions & make up your own for the people you tag
i guess i’m doing both y’all’s questions then?? prepare for a long post, i’m putting it under a readmore
1. Who’s your favorite 13rw character and why? I had to google this because I didn’t realize what we were talking about r i p I refuse to watch the show, but I read the book years ago. I remember hating everyone expect Hannah.
2. Reading or writing? Both!
3. Fuck, marry, kill; Zach, Alex, Montgomery i had to google this again I guess fuck Zach, marry Alex, and kill Montgomery?
4. Why did you create your Tumblr? when i was 4 i sneezed and nobody said bless you and that’s when the devil crawled into my soul
5. What is your favorite show? I don’t really watch many TV shows, even on Netflix, so I’m just gonna list my favorite YouTube series. Monster Factory, Touch the Skyrim, Car Boys, Markiplier’s Octodad playthrough, pretty much everything Cr1tikal and Drew Monson upload. Besides that, I’ve been listening to The Adventure Zone pretty much nonstop.
6. Favorite book/movie combo? I would say LOTR, but I haven’t read the books, so I’m gonna go with Harry Potter.
7. Favorite Disney movie? Princess and the Frog biiiitch
8. Where is your safe space? My room, my boyfriend’s arms
9. When do you feel the most satisfied? When I finish a hard level in a video game, when I finish any homework at all, when I make @seven-sneaky-foxes get all flustered
10. What is your favorite number? 8, because of leftover Death the Kid symmetry bullshit
11.Why did you follow me? Because you are #rad and tbh it’s always good to know more fellow bis
and now for the ky questions
1. Favorite Star Wars movie? The prequels f u ck y ou Hayden Christensen and Ewan McGregor are pretty I give no shits
2. Tea, coffee, or hot chocolate? 90% of what I drink is sweet iced tea, it’s basically replaced my blood
3. #selfpromo Would you read/buy my books if I get published? Bitch yes we’ve talked about this absolutely
4. Favorite Marvel character? It’s a tie between Hawkeye and Iron Man
5. Favorite DC character? ..............harvey dent
6. Have any OCs? If so, are they fanfic ocs or from original stories? t o o fucking many ;-; They’re all from original stories. I don’t think I have any fanfic ocs anymore.
7. Favorite class? (i.e. biology, algebra, not just the subject as a whole) Forensics or jazz choir!
8. Did/do you buy a yearbook every school year? Yeah, my mom does. I like them, though! There’s a really cute picture of @seven-sneaky-foxes laughing in the front cover of our freshman one and it makes me really happy
9. If you could have any iPhone, which one would you pick? (even out of the older ones) Whichever one has the best camera and most memory.
10. Favorite season? Tie between fall and winter. Fall is nice for the #halloweenvibes but I also really like watching it snow and getting to bundle up inside.
11. What color appears the most in your closet? Black, because I’m emo garbage.
and now for the me questions!
1. What was the first book series you read all the way through?
2. What book do you reread the most often?
3. What movie did you watch over and over as a kid?
4. What are your hobbies?
5. Pineapple on pizza: good or bad?
6. Were you a Club Penguin kid, a Webkinz kid, or a Neopets kid?
7. Who's the worst teacher you've ever had?
8. Fuck, marry, kill; Taako, Magnus, Merle. If you don’t know who those lads are, Cher, Madonna, Lady Gaga.
9. Do you believe in ghosts?
10. Do you believe in cryptids? (i.e. Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, the Jersey Devil)
11. Do you believe in aliens?
i tag @andefox3 @seven-sneaky-foxes @nerdycantaloupe @extrasmalldaddy @how-to-be-a-fangirl-101 @bleeding-empress @funkyfunderberker @the-radhood @dammitkethrie and @frickendana
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