#i kind of pass over with how annie was in mixology certification except annie only did the fake identity thing once | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fujobritta · 20 days

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weird storytime and an abed analysis (abednalysis ?)

in s1e17, physical education, abed says that he didnt mind changing for other people because hes comfortable with who he is . a season later, in s2e19, critical film studies, he says instead that he doesnt like change . and now i realize what he really meant when he said that he didnt mind changing .

when i was younger, around 11-12, i would pretend to be other people online . more than five different separate identities in one discord server . because i wanted people to like me more . i made these alt accounts and assigned each one a personality, a different typing style, a reason for joining, a region, and a timezone . and for the most part, they were people who were nicer and just generally likeable . because im not someone who is any of those things . i am not a nice person . i dont even think im a good person . and god i am not likeable . at all .

so i played these characters . most of them only being active for short periods . i would have full back and forth conversations with these alt accounts to sell it . i had these weird insane elaborate plans . a 16 year old former drug user, lives in manitoba, somewhat parental . 13, california, liked minecraft and drawing -- completely different artstyle (and different software) too . etc .

i would let these accounts bake (make them and then not use them) so that it didnt seem suspicious with a brand new account joining the server . then i would spend a week making the account and forming a character to go with it, sometimes asking people to help me out . it was so fucking crazy . i was insane . might still be .

…yeah i probably still am .

i was such a better person on those different accounts . because i didnt know how to change on the inside, i just started over and over again . different account, new me . like i was experimenting with who i really wanted to be like . formulating the perfect person to act like when i finally decided that i wanted to become a better person .

i gave up eventually obviously . im not a tween anymore . i was a really weird tween . obviously . but i think about it a lot .

honestly i only went back to being myself because it was comfortable . i felt better being a fucking douche . and i still am a douche . im not a good person . i dont think ill ever be a "good person" . what the hell is a good person, anyways . all i know is that im fine with myself like this . even as much as i not-so-secretly hate myself, and deny it out of fear of seeming like an "edgy attention seeking loser" .

its not that abed doesnt mind change, he just doesnt mind changing the persona . he doesnt mind changing the person showing on the outside . a separate identity . but ultimately, he wouldnt ever fundamentally change as a person . because hes fine with who he is, even if other people might not like him for that . and i want to be like him . i want to be someone who is fine with who they are, even if that someone is a socially inept ass who learned tenth grade math at age ten but cant figure out when their own face is making a smile or not .

#shui talks #nbc community #community nbc #community tv #abed nadir #jeff winger #this is such a jeff post dude .#this is like #shui posts that are basically just shit jeff would probably say and do . part idk how many but probably a lot .#theres that thing jeff said #about slater and britta #how slater makes him feel like how he feels when he writes his new years resolutions; the guy he wants to be #and britta makes him feel like the guy weeks after that; the guy he really is #abed is my slater #and jeff is my britta #ultimately . im just jeff #hes my community parallel #but i guess because of this i kin abed #abed is god . truly #sorry i dont know what my point really was with this post ??? i just wanted to share this weird life experience #and also because ive been rewatching community and this episode really just struck a chord . in a good way ? i think ?#gave me a moment to think #i kind of pass over with how annie was in mixology certification except annie only did the fake identity thing once #and according to troy abed does that like every week #which is basically what i was doing #man i was really fucking weird . what the hell #i got bullied in school if you couldnt tell

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