i dont get why a lot of social media shows stuff like your likes or the tags u follow etc so that when ur oomfs are scrolling they'll see "xxx is following this!". like i dont need everyone knowing the stuff i'm into if i didnt post it myself

Chapter 9

THE WARNINGS oh my god ooh ma gad im excited for this but im scared after last chapter

OH MY GOD HE IS WEARING THE SLUTTY GLASSES 😋🤤😩🥵 the smut is understandable

Uhm…not really, but do you have to? mood💀

ooh vampire books, she is trying to connect stuff i see u gurl

omg the tension is still there even after a week damn

If he messes up the little markings you put in there, you will personally end him. PERIODT

oops joon was here to study welp or is he?? 👀everything is sus here, its soo sad ........... i love it (jimin is such a slytherin for saying that xd)

Oh dear, really?” Namjoon gasps. hunty i can hear the fakeness through a screen and thats saying something

Don’t read this, it doesn’t make sense” oh so this is the one that might be true huh

This story however is claimed to be the babbling of a drunken person did jin make it haha

oh my god im cringing and dying please joon go away, get a stomachache or something and go to the toilet, let there be an earthquake, urgent phone call aaah😭😭

as if someone else was controlling it for a moment while your consciousness is still trapped inside and is trying to escape. But it can’t, so you have to do what your body tells you to do whilst panicking inside. no, but similar one is anxiety attack from the moment you woke up, your consciousness all confused cuz there is nothing to panic but ur body does anyways

list soo long, she wrote it down damn 😭😭

is joon genuinely shocked about the bite marks NO SHE TOUCHED HIS CANINES I-

my canines were really sharp when they were new, and i bit a girl cuz she accidentally choked me and there was 1 deep puncture and small puncture on her hand 😭😭thankfully it didnt get infected

holy shit now we dont know if he is lying or not

nah yall aint gonna study, its going to be jimin pt 2

Namjoon’s steps are silent another sign yall

holy crap, I literally can’t remember.” did joon do that, or is it all jimin and tae's "good night's sleep"?

im losing my mind seeing her losing her mind and joon just scaring both of us AAAAH

I thought you were a complete snob, but you are actually really sweet aHa aHa 😃

they just look a little intimidating. they do until u see them for more than a minute

“Oh ___, you are adorable im starting to think anyone saying this is weird

I’ve talked with you enough to know that your mind has enchanted me OH MY GOD AJBFQ XLAH;CWOUIRA he is not weird/scary and im not scared TAKE ME DADDY IM YOURS

SEXY AND SMART JOON SAYS IM SMART AND WITTY I GOT THE ULTIMATE COMPLIMENT IN LIFE MY JOB IS DONE BYE

HE LIFTED MY CHIN AND WHISPERED “Don’t turn away from me DIED

HOLY FUCK IM GONE DIED EVAPORATED PHOTOSYNTHESIZING

OH MY GOD ITS TOO HOT, I FORGOT WE WERE IN THE LIBRARY

HE SAID PLEASE NO WAY WE WORE UGLY PANTIES

“Hush, it’s okay. Relax IM RELAXED, CALLED ME GOOD GIRL WHAT THE HEL KSDAHDLSKK AFL *turns on fan

ok suddenly im scaredbye NO THE LIBRARIAN SAW US BYE IM SHAVING MY HEAD, EYEBROW AND GETTING FACE PIERCING AND TATTOOS

STOP WE U APPEARED IN FRONT ME STOP LYING AAHAHHAHAJ she is having the same conversation again gosh aaah what power does that screaming have? shit its wednesday and she doesnt know fuck

im more confused and scared and pls just hang out 2seok and kook bye 😭😭😭😭😭

OH MY GOD HE IS WEARING THE SLUTTY GLASSES 😋🤤😩🥵 the smut is understandable

lmaoaooaoao ME FR jfjasdjf also a black turtleneck. the smut is understandable.

Uhm…not really, but do you have to? mood💀

fjdasjf me when men

ooh vampire books, she is trying to connect stuff i see u gurl

LIKE MISS GURL IS SO CLEVER I LOVE HER

omg the tension is still there even after a week damn

akdfkasj me fr like he could get it so hard

oops joon was here to study welp or is he?? 👀everything is sus here, its soo sad ........... i love it (jimin is such a slytherin for saying that xd)

JDFJAJFS no but what was he doing there fr??

Oh dear, really?” Namjoon gasps. hunty i can hear the fakeness through a screen and thats saying something

JFJASDJF he is like *acts shocked* oh no

oh my god im cringing and dying please joon go away, get a stomachache or something and go to the toilet, let there be an earthquake, urgent phone call aaah😭😭

lmaoao the fear is understandable

as if someone else was controlling it for a moment while your consciousness is still trapped inside and is trying to escape. But it can’t, so you have to do what your body tells you to do whilst panicking inside. no, but similar one is anxiety attack from the moment you woke up, your consciousness all confused cuz there is nothing to panic but ur body does anyways

fun fact? i took inspo from my panic attacks JFAJDFJ help me god

list soo long, she wrote it down damn 😭😭

like she is so clever for that though

is joon genuinely shocked about the bite marks NO SHE TOUCHED HIS CANINES I-

"genuinely shocked" HAHHAHAH yes indeed very shocked indeed. also her touching his teeth is so funny like HFHADSHF

my canines were really sharp when they were new, and i bit a girl cuz she accidentally choked me and there was 1 deep puncture and small puncture on her hand 😭😭thankfully it didnt get infected

honestly deserved cause why is she at your neck?

holy crap, I literally can’t remember.” did joon do that, or is it all jimin and tae's "good night's sleep"?

mhmhmmh indeeed mmhmhmmh

im losing my mind seeing her losing her mind and joon just scaring both of us AAAAH

me fr

I thought you were a complete snob, but you are actually really sweet aHa aHa 😃

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH GIRL.

“Oh ___, you are adorable im starting to think anyone saying this is weird

NO BUT YOU AREN'T WRONG FOR THAT JFASJDFAJ imma stick with Yoongi who is rude af to us JFJADSFJ

I’ve talked with you enough to know that your mind has enchanted me OH MY GOD AJBFQ XLAH;CWOUIRA he is not weird/scary and im not scared TAKE ME DADDY IM YOURS

LMAOAO ME FR

SEXY AND SMART JOON SAYS IM SMART AND WITTY I GOT THE ULTIMATE COMPLIMENT IN LIFE MY JOB IS DONE BYE

jfajdsjf felt.

HE LIFTED MY CHIN AND WHISPERED “Don’t turn away from me DIED

BRO NO JOKE ME FR lmoaoa you losing your ass over the smut is so me like if he wasn't so weird about it, i'd be on my knees gobbling him up

ok suddenly im scaredbye NO THE LIBRARIAN SAW US BYE IM SHAVING MY HEAD, EYEBROW AND GETTING FACE PIERCING AND TATTOOS

lmaoaooao

STOP WE U APPEARED IN FRONT ME STOP LYING AAHAHHAHAJ she is having the same conversation again gosh aaah what power does that screaming have? shit its wednesday and she doesnt know fuck

NO BUT THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY BECAUSE WTFFFFFFF

im more confused and scared and pls just hang out 2seok and kook bye 😭😭😭😭😭

honestly?? she should really do that cause 😭

Skyward sword brainworms eh? Here’s a question for you: where do loftwings go at night? Where do they sleep? And better yet, why didn’t Hylia give them night vision?

I like to think loftwings have like, their own little island, maybe with a cave or two to protect them from the elements, where all of them (with a rider or not) have little nests and the alike. It'd be like a big community where they all help grow their chicks and the alike, with the ones with riders bringing their skyloftians sometimes to help them tidy up and the alike. I sometimes add to that the idea of there being some stables of sorts in skyloft, at least for the knights' birds since they'd need them close by in emergencies (even if in the game there are no stables or anything like it).

if we stick more to the game, the cave thing could work, since there are many tiny islands around with cave entrances or natural rock structures in general that you can't access at night, so those could be where they sleep

as to why Hylia didn't give them night vision, I'd guess it's to keep Skyloftians safe. Flying is a team effort in SkSw. You have to practice to fly better and faster, as we see at the very start of the game with Zelda all worried Link won't win because he hasn't practiced enough. Natural talent, both the Loftwing's and the rider's, aren't enough. And this is all at daytime, where both can see everything perfectly around them.

Now, if the knights have to practice intensely to fly better, what does that say of everyone else? Their loftwings are probably slower, maybe even weaker since they aren't taught to attack/dive at monsters, and their riders have slower reflexes.

Even with night vision on the loftwing's part, if they were to go out, what would happen if they got attacked by a monster, weak as it might be? The rider would panic, try to steer their bird away from the attacker without knowing where Away actually is. The loftwing would try to go to safety, but with such a slim chance of their rider trying to go in that direction too, it'd be kind of hard. They'd end up flying in circles and continue getting attacked or worse.

Could that be fixed with the night vision technology the knights seemingly developed at some point? probably. but between that technology being made and Skyloft being lifted to the skies, it'd mean a lot of casualties and accidents. And all Hylia wanted when she sent them up there was for them to be safe. I don't think she'd risk it. If loftwings can't naturally fly at knight, then the people just won't fly at night. Danger avoided. Easy as that.

I’ll beat you- Mondo x Rival! Reader

“Wait, let me get this straight boss. You started a fight with the Crazy Diamonds?”

“Yeah, so what if I did?” You popped your gum loudly, leaning against your bike. You were the leader of the 2nd most famous, more like infamous, biker gang in Japan. The part about being 2nd bugged you. No matter how hard you tried, you never surpassed Mondo’s gang. Probably because he was the ultimate biker gang leader.

But that never stopped you from trying. And by trying, I mean trying anything that could bring his gang down a rank.

Just last night, you requested to race Mondo. He agreed, of course, because he would never turn down a chance to prove he was better than you.

But unlike other races you’ve had in the past with him, this one was different.

You had the bright idea to play dirty, and decided to mess up his bike. You shredded his wheels during the race, and about got sent to hell and back by his gang. But thanks to your gang members you escaped with nothing more than a black eye, a bloody nose, and a few scratches.

But today, while out riding your bike, you encountered Takemichi. He drove you into a stray alley, but didn’t hurt you. He simply told you to be ready for tomorrow.

So, here you were, about to go up against the crazy diamonds tomorrow. So, as gang leader, you informed the whole gang, and told them to prepare for tomorrow, and meet up in the abandoned warehouse you guys usually hung out in.

You definitely didn’t expect the fight to go on as long as it did.

It started out as a normal riot, one that you thought would last a few hours max.

But oh boy, were you wrong.

The fight had started at about 2 in the afternoon, with mainly fist fighting, the two gangs duking it out in the alley infront of your warehouse.

But as night approached, it escalated into people starting to use weapons. You ran back to the warehouse and grabbed your bat, returning it the battle to be met face to face with Mondo himself.

“Hey, y/n, maybe this’ll teach you not to mess with my FUCKING BIKE!” He swung a pipe at ypu, but you stopped it with your baseball bat, pushing with all your might against it. You finally moved to the side, making him slam the pipe into the ground with all his might, the noise of the metal echoing through the ally.

You moved the fight out into the open road where a few of your other gang member were fighting the crazy diamonds, blood splattering the street, and a few cars honking or swerving around the riot.

Mondo huffed as you both stopped in the road, both of you had dropped your weapons and had squared up.

“D-damn.. your gang just doesnt know when to give up, do they?” He growled, swinging at you as you dodged.

“No, and were not going to give up until the Crazy Diamonds does!” You swung at him, punching him in the face. It didn’t phase him though, and he punched you square in the jaw.

“Shit!” You yelled, popping your jaw, before screaming and leaping onto his back as he tried to throw you off. You punched at him, and even messed up his pompadour to rub it in.

He threw you off, and you landed on the ground, blood dripping from your arm and smearing your white shirt.

“What.. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO TO MY HAIR BASTARD?!” He screamed, making some of your gang members and some of the crazy diamonds turn around, only to witness the two go back to fighting.

“..So, how long do you think this’ll last?” A policeman said to his partner from inside the car that they parked a few yards from the fight.

“Eh, either until they get tired or someone surrenders. It should be done tonight.”

Boy were they wrong. The whole night had consisted of fighting, the police too scared to step in. Both gangs were exhausted, but kept going.

A small crowd had gathered at the end of the street, a few people recording from afar, and even a local news station had come to interview spectators.

By this point, your gang had decided to bring out knives and pipes against the crazy diamonds. But they weren’t underprepared, and had weapons ready. You and Mondo had separated for a bit, but that wouldn’t be the last time you guys fought in this riot.

It was the next day, nearing night once again. You were currently using your favorite knife against two crazy diamond members, with one of your members helping with a pipe.

That’s when you felt someone pull you by your shirt, and you drove your knife into your attackers leg. They yelled in pain, and that’s when you realized it was Mondo again.

“...back for.. more, eh?” You said, exhaustion evident in your voice.

“Damn.. right. I’m not going to let you.. WIN!” He fought away his exhaustion with a yell, and swung his pipe at you again, hitting your arm with a snap.

Adrenaline rushing through you, you didn’t even acknowledge the pain, and landed a punch on his bicep, stabbing him in his stomach.

He acted as if he didn’t feel it, and pulled back, your knife stuck in him still. He raised up his pipe, ready to hit you over the head.

But before he could, searing pain doused both of your bodies, making you feel like you were being burned alive.

You closed your eyes and screamed in pain as pepper spray covered you, and fell to the ground. Struggling to see through the tears, you finally succumbed to darkness.

You woke up, and your senses slowly faded in. The smell of medical equipment hit you along with the soft beeping of your heart rate monitor. ‘Shit, was it that bad?’ You thought, immediately trying to sit up. But pain hit you in the gut like a truck, and you grunted in pain.

“Hey, lay back down, dumbass!” A loud voice said from the other side of the room. Confused, you looked up and saw Mondo laying in the hospital bed next to you, staring at you with furrowed brows.

“What the hell.. why are you here..” you said, still tired from the fight.

“The doctors put us in the same room. A few of our other members are in the hospital, but they’re fine.” Mondo said, lowering his voice for once.

“Huh? When did you get all quiet tough guy?” You laughed dryly, laying back down now, but facing him.

“S-shut up! You’re one to talk, you look exhausted.” He growled, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, I mean we fought for about two days straight. I wouldve gotten better sleep before the fight if I had known it would go on that long.” You said with a sheepish grin, looking down.

“...you need to take care of yourself. How do you expect to surpass my gang actin like that?” He locked eyes with you, a shocked look splaying on your face.

Your shocked look faded into a small grin.

“Oh, so you care about me now?” You watched his face turn red, as he covered it with his hand.

“No! Well, yea-, well no, not at all!! Well..” he sighed in defeat, looking down.

“..I only care about you because your my rival. We can’t fight if you’re dead.” He finally said, choosing his words carefully.

“...well, I am.. flattered. I guess I care about you too.” Your voice faded into a whisper. “Or maybe even admire you..”

But Mondo heard the last part.

“Wait.. you admire me?” He said softly, looking at you. Now your face was the red one.

“Shit! I...didn’t think you heard that!” You yelled at him, looking to the side.

But instead of making fun of you, he gave a soft smile.

“...You’re adorable when you’re embarrassed.” He smirked, making you even redder.

“You’re one to talk! Just a few seconds ago you looked like a tomato!” You huffed, going to cross your arms but hissing in pain.

“..oops, that’s my bad. I uh.. kinda broke your arm.” He went to stretch, but let out a gasp at the pain that shot through his abdomen.

“..and that ones my bad. I stabbed you there.” You gave a small smile. “Guess we’re even.”

Mondo smiled back at you. “Yup. Good battle.”

For once, Mondo felt like somewhat of a friend to you. Not an objective, not even a rival at the moment. A friend. A comrade. Someone who shared the same desires as you. And deep down, you had a feeling this wouldn’t be the last time you felt this way about him.

“...Good battle.”

I’m feeling a lot better today But I just stopped crying so you know. 6 of one. I just hate being made to feel stupid and that’s what just happened basically. But the rest of today wasn’t so bad. I just felt sort of weak. I slept okay last night. I had trouble falling asleep but once I did get to sleep it was all good. I woke up around 9 and it was snowong! A lot! Very pretty! I tried to text Jess but I accidently texted my brother instead. Oops. So it makes sense that she didn’t text me back. I let myself rest until around 10. And then dad came and brought me a veggie burger. Not exactly what I wanted when I’d only been up for 20 minutes but it was appreciated. And it was pretty good even though it has onions and no cheese. I doctored it up a bit and was able to eat half of it. I got washed and dressed and felt tired but pretty good. Just enough to hang out and not take any meds. Which is what I did. I moved myself to the living room and pretty much stayed there on the couch all day. I watched way to many YouTube videos. I painted my nails. Played on Tumblr. I enjoyed the snow. Dad came and watched tv with his fancy headphones. Mom slept in the other room. The internet kept going out so dad had to call to get it fixed. And while we waited for it to reset I showed him some funny videos on my tablet and watched Sweetp and Molly lounge in front of the fireplace. Eventually dad went to go lay down. And then mom came out. But she went back to sleep not long after. And then dad was awake again. I was Very tired but I didn’t want to sleep anymore. Instead I just laid there and watched videos and was a potato. I laid in bed with mom for a little. Dad went to get a pizza for me. Then I went to pack to go see Jess tomorrow. I’m determined. While I was packing I tried on my NYE dress and wanted to show mom. This is where the fight started. Because she hurt my feelings because she’s always making comments about cleavage. And then after I went to go get changed it was digging at me so I went and just wanted to say it hurt my feelings. And then there was yelling and it was just shit. I was just upset and crying and I wanted to go home. I calmed down and then dad came home and I told him what happened and he made me feel a little better. All I wanted was an “I’m sorry I’ll try not to make you feel like that again” and give me a hug. But nope it had to get all blown up. I feel better now. Dad got me water that doesnt taste like metal. But all my adrenalin has left me and I’m very tired. I’m going to take a shower and go to sleep. I’m taking the 10am train so I have to get up early. Okay early for how late I’ve been sleeping in. I’m bringing my suitcase even though I hate to. I don’t want to have to carry anything. But that’s all good. I have lots of Dayquil packed and I’m looking forward to hanging out with Jess even if I’m not super excited about partying. It may or may not be fun. But for now. Sleep. Have a good night everyone.

Flowers

i took pictures of 15 different flowers on the walk today!

got a mail from yale (that sounds so cool omg but i kinda didnt, only coursera) that i havent opened the course in "several weeks" whoops. just bc they didnt want me to take the happiness tests on the phone meh. so i just did those again. and.. the second week's topic is gratitude and savoring, assignments to savour one activity each day and be more mindful of what makes me happy. and note it, plus the same for gratitude, a journal with those moments or sth and.... that is exactly what i am always doing here. noting the sweet moments of the day. exhibit a: my first sentence in this post from about four hours ago. so yeah. i already trying that really damn hard. if that's all their tips are gonna be..? i have that happy moments thread since nearly a year. i am Trying.

this guy in his talk seemed quite privileged, but. i am privileged, so,,, yes i am just going to start and be grateful of more of what life gives me, good and bad.

any and every place (not that many, only duolingo, lingodeer and yonsei uni on coursera) forcing me through hangul lessons and tasks. as if i didnt learn that half a year ago on youtube and already half lost my mind at all the dumb romanisation tasks i couldnt skip on duolingo. whew. just hoping the nice lady is gonna teach me some more theory stuff but i think so!!

i listened to yoongis voice only vlive (kkul fm 200425) while making porridge today and that was so cute, he said so much sweet stuff and deep stuff!! he wants to learn more about psychology to help people like him????? the sweetest. and what he said about passion, too, someone asked how to live with passion and he said whether we even need to always live passionately in a fierce sense. and i love that, because i am happy and chilling my way, too. i dont need a life like the girls i met in den haag, am i missing out? maybe. am i inherently less happy? fuck no. i luv his brains, thats my point, idk. its late. whew uhh 3am oops.

is it weird that every day here i am talking abt bts idk

oh and today i wore the thinner septum ring for the first longer periods, 2h/4h without any problems. and i had it in at lunch and felt mom n dad give me pointed looks, but neither of them noticed?? later mom saw me sitting in the park and asked about it, saw it. dad didnt see it ever,,, and my brain pretty much filtered it out, but he gave a v disapproving comment as reason why he doesnt look at it. k lmao

i will actually try to follow the gratitude/savouring tasks, so: i savoured the moments looking for new flowers to photograph today!

oh and i think i woke up naturally Again?? what even is this. a bit before my 10:45 i think

The past week

So i want to get into the habit of writing down everything that has been happening. I feel like it would be good to see it all written out. So here we go. Last Thursday: mostly just work i guess. I dont remember much. Last Friday: work was crazy. Most of the office went to lunch with an old coworker. Said old coworker refused to do herjob towards the end. We knew she was leaving and she did notify us during her interview that it would be a temporary job until right before she graduates. Ok cool. Except the last 2 or so months she was with us, she majorly slacked on her duties. She would take personal calls on the clock, do homework on the clock, even do job interviews on the clock! She picked and chose bits and pieces of her duties and only did the things she wanted to do, leaving the rest for everyone to panic over, even months after she left because noone realised she didnt do it. Well apparently, she decided that since it was taking her so long to find a new job, she would start her own business, doing the exact things she refused to do for us, and charge over 3x the amount we had already paid her to do a job she didnt do. And one of the principles decided to hire her on as a subcontractor to do all of the things she didnt do... but he didnt tell any of the other 3 principals nor the current owner of the company... so ya.. not cool. Needless to say, since alot of the shit she refused to do got past onto me, im not a big fan of her anymore. So i didnt go. Plus I was crazy busy and needed to leave early. Dustin and the kids were coming up that day but before he could head up, matt had a psychiatrist appointment. And then Adam had an iep meeting. Psych appointment went well except they changed the dose of his meds and dustin didn't have time to get them before heading to my place so i told him to send them to my area and i would pick them up on my way home. Since i offered that, he also sent one of his own prescriptions up. Ok cool no biggie. Then he got a call saying Adam was suspended for the rest of Friday and all of Monday for fighting. Apparently the other kid has been picking on him for months, teachers didnt do anything, and he took matters into his own hands. Fine. Except according to everyone else (the other kids friends and a teacher that didnt even witness the fight) adam started it so he was punished. Ugh. Whatever i guess. I left work, went to one bank to cash my check, ran to another to deposit it, ran to the pharmacy to get Matts meds and.... they wont let me pick it up... told me a bunch of shit that didnt make sense. Yadda yadda. Ended up leaving empty handed. Ran to Safeway to get dustins meds, they arent ready yet so i grab some groceries for dinner, finally get the meds and head home. Had barely walked in the door and was not even half way through telling Mom about the prescription incident when dustin and the kids get there. Get everyone settled. Talk to adam about his behavior and warn him if he messes up even one time i will ground him to the spare room with nothing but a book. Realise he was only defending himself. And tell him he did good standing up for himself but remind him to never throw the first punch. Go inside. Get dinner started. Dustin and adam get into over adams behavior the past few weeks (it has been less than decent) . Finally get dinner ready for consumption and adam promptly drops his grilled cheese on the ground. Go to make him a new one and realise the hot pan was touching the bread bag and melted it all over my stove. Clean that up while dustin gets the new sandwich ready. Finally sit down for a nice family meal and... the kids are already done eating. We eat, go inside, start a movie, and matt comes up to me and snuggles into my side and suddenly my day is perfect! He fell asleep on me! It was so sweet! Saturday: wake up, get kids ready, matt and adam start fighting, dustin get angry, threatens to go home. Everyone disperses to calm down. Mom comes with us to the pharmacy, i get matts meds finally, he takes them on the way to walmart. Cant find the pants i need for my costume. I get frustrated. Dustin gets upset with me getting frustrated. I go to check another spot for the pants, thinking matt and dustin were behind me, realise only matt is, spend the next 10 minutes looking for dustin. Finally find him with mom and adam at the pumpkins. Hes angry (shopping makes him angry for some reason) adam finds a pumpkin, i find mine, dustin rushes matt, matt grts upset, dustin yells and storms off. I find a pumpkin for Dustin and wait for matt to make up his mind. Dustin comes back with hair dye for the kids??? Asks if instesd of the spray halloween dye, they want Splat. Adam says yes Matt says he doesnt know. Not sure why that made dustin get even angrier?? The entire time we are at the store hes angry. I finally get fed up with him snapping at me and the kids and i yell back. He ignores me all the way till we are back at the house. He dyes the kids hair. Finally apologizes. Things are good. Mom makes dinner while i work on costumes and dustin dyes hair. Spent a good hour trying to get the blue dye off adams face. We carve pumpkins. Eat dinner. And end up playing pictionary. Me and Dustin verses mom adam and matt. Matt continuously gets frustrated. We end the game early and go to bed. Sunday: woke up with a kink in my neck and absolutely exhausted. Go out for breakfast just the 4 of us. Go home. Relax. Watch a movie. Dustin gives me a massage. Make sandwiches for the kids and go to the park. Played some football. Dustin proposes jokingly. Then accidentally threw the football into someones back yard haha get the football back, go home,clean up the dye that is now running down matts face from sweating. And they head off. I relax the rest of the night. Monday: work then therapy for the first time in over a month. It was good. Stopped at a few stores to see if i can find pants. Cant. Grab coffee creamer. Go home. Proceed to have a mental breakdown over neon orange pants that dont seem to exist. Find out dustins aunt is in the hospital and unlikely to make it. He rushes to the hospital. Shes on breathing tubes but is doing better. Tuesday: work was INSANE!! Started my day with over 18 things on my to do list. End my day with 8! Not too bad. Go home. Finish shelbys costume. Relax. Bed. Wednesday: work. Never ended up getting anything on my to do list done. One coworker almost spilled the beans on a surprise for another coworker. That pissed me off. Got it taken care of. Then anoter coworker sent me a passive aggressive email about not having any paper towels in the kitchen and complaining that I locked my office door (where the extras are kept) thats a whole other post. If i have time ill explain alot more of this later. Thats pretty much it for now though. Guess i should get ready for work since i was supposed to be there at 9 and its now 9:06 and im still in my jammies. Oops

not 2 be THAT edgy bastard but like. ive been thinking abt this for a while but like. i dont write most of my characters to be inherently likable like. if u like them thats cool but i really dont care bc i want them to be just as unlikable as likable if that makes sense? like. ik i talk abt how shitty my OCs/the characters i write are but like ? its true and i want it to be true like. i want them to rest in this grey area i guess? idk its like my biggest fear is that im a shitty person but everyone pretends to like me or wont admit it to my face (and ik i get like. paranoid abt that and post abt it sometimes) and i really want my characters to like either a)reflect my worst flaws but cranked up to an 11 or b) just be really morally grey and not too great but also not entirely shitty bc its like. idk theyre made for me ig and that probably makes me a bad storyteller bc who wants to read a story where the characters arent likable but like my fav traits in wellrounded(?) characters is that yeah they have good hearts but also theyre so skewed and they do like a couple really shitty(not inherently evil ofc) things and its like !! yeah !! my fav thing is for characters to be Good (tm) but also really bad bc like ?? idk i think that reflects on things the best sorry im rambling abt this i woke up really anxious & like. fearful today in part of a bad dream and i just dont want people to feel forced to like anyone i write like i love criticism of my characters as people bc i think id be bored w them otherwise and like. i really dont care if my characters are unlikable for you bc thats kind of my goal? for them to not be likable for everyone but to still come off as good three dimensional characters that have big bad flaws but theyre also just? people? sorry idk if u can tell that this like. reflects on me and other things but im just so ;____; rn idk i feel like none of this makes sense like i dont want ppl to hate all my characters ofc but even if they do i want them to like. appreciate that even if theyre kinda awful they make a pretty good story together hhhhhhhhhh idk abt that last part lol but like this was formatted better in my head oops it feels stupid to say i dont want people to like my characters right off the bat even tho like. i like to think i put a lot of myself in my characters and that makes it sound like i dont want people to like me and that circles back to “uh duh didnt you say youre worried that people dont like you??” and this all just feels really stupid and doesnt make sense anymore but i just !!!! idk i feel like this makes me a shitty person but its just been sitting on my mind i just want some of my guys to come off as ugly and awful and bad bc its a way of getting that off my chest/off of myself ig? like projecting fears and all like it makes sense in my head lol im not explaining it well here and that probably just makes me sound worse ??? U__U its just important to me that they reflect some big fears/flaws/issues i’ve had/feared having and its okay if people dont like it bc i didnt like those parts either but theyre all still really important to me and even tho theyre important and dear to me other people obvs dont have to like them im not gonna get too too personal here abt it but like idk whatever thats it ig