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knowyourworth-sellyoursoul · 3 years

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Proposal

Ask: Hii welcome to fandom 😆 i hope you have lots of fun 🤭❤ so i saw your post and i was thinking: could you please write Bucky proposing to fem!reader? Like he tries to come up with something special but gets a bit nervous and ends up just telling reader why he loves her and does the whole kneeling thing hahaha 💗

Thank you so much for your ask @alotofrandomfangirling. Here it is!

This got away from me and I am not sorry???

Author’s Note: Brief mention of anxiety. This is fluff central. Seriously it is going to rot your teeth.

This is my first fic for this fandom and I would love to have more prompts! I am just getting back into the writing game and this was so fun to do! Also in my world I do not acknowledge Nat, Steve and Tony’s deaths. RIP Marvel but I’m different.

Bucky paced anxiously inside your small foyer. You had sent a text twenty minutes ago letting him know you were on the way home. He flexed his arms in the t-shirt he was wearing-one of your favorites on him- and glanced at the door again when he passed it, willing it to open. On his second pass in front of the door, he pat his pocket, making sure the small box was still there. A snort behind him made him look up. Steve stood in the doorway leading into the living room.

“It’s going to be fine Buck.”

Bucky grunted and continued pacing. Steve watched for a moment before snagging his shoulder, stopping him on his fifth pass in front of the door.

“Seriously Buck, what’s got you all worried.”

Bucky looked him in the eye for only a moment before his thoughts came tumbling out.

“The flowers. I ordered too many. She has allergies Steve! She’s not even going to be able to stop sneezing long enough for me to-“

“Buck they’re carnations-her favorite- which she told you was because they didn’t make her allergies act up and-”

“-‘they last forever’,” Bucky interrupted, smiling at the words you said each and every time he picked up your favorite flowers for you. “What about the candles? We have cats Steve! Those goblins knock everything over if it so much as touches a surface they want to sit on.”

Steve laughed as one of your cats, Queen, took the opportunity to come prancing through the foyer to follow her brother up the stairs. Bucky watched as she swished her tail at him. Queen was originally your cat and she had not taken too kindly to her new brother, Bronx, that Bucky had introduced to the family after a particularly awful mission.

Bucky took a deep breath and smiled at Steve. “Okay I guess the cats won’t be a problem.”

Steve nodded his agreement and released Bucky’s arm. “Just relax pal. She’s going to say yes.”

From the other room a large crash came through the walls. Bucky ignored it. Sam and Nat had said they would help set up the living room for tonight. They could handle it. Another second later he heard a curse through the wall and a quiet thump that had him wondering if they had broken your favorite picture frame. Steve held up his hands to keep him in the foyer as he went to investigate. With the situation under control, Bucky began pacing again.

Three minutes and twenty seconds later, Bucky heard your car pull into the driveway. He took a deep breath and shook out his arms, the metal clinking lightly when he shook his metal hand roughly. “She’s here guys.” Without another word he watched Nat, Sam, and Steve leave through your side door. He could only hope they had successfully set up the room for him.

Bucky took one last steadying breathe as your keys jangled in the door and you pushed it open in a flurry of movement. You looked windswept, keys in your left hand, three bags slung over your right shoulder and your phone pressed into your ear through what Bucky could only assume was the reversal of gravity.

“-and I understand your frustrations Ms. Danner, but we need to work together to come up with a plan for Dante. At this rate, he is going to fail English I and I certainly don’t want him to have to repeat the class again next year.”

Bucky met your eyes as you registered his presence and couldn’t help his breathe catching for a moment. You smiled at him largely, eyes crinkling slightly and cheeks turning a dusty pink. He returned your smile and grabbed the bags off of your shoulder as you kicked the door closed. Seeing you working was something he could never grow tired of. He asked constantly to come watch you teach at your high school. Each time you laughed lightly at him and smacked his chest playfully. “The students would think I’m trying to intimidate them with my extremely handsome and famous boyfriend.” He would roll his eyes at your compliments and ask once more. Your response was always the same, “Once I can introduce you as my husband and people can see you’re mine, then sure.” It always made Bucky laugh how possessive you were over him. It wasn’t an unhealthy amount as he knew you trusted him, but he still loved to see you want him and want other people to know you were his.

You brushed past him with a small peck on his cheek while kicking off your shoes. You headed up the stairs and into the bedroom. Bucky knew you would be changing into your comfiest clothes. He walked your bags into the office to the right of the foyer and set them down. As he waited for you to come back downstairs, he watched Queen and Bronx run down the stairs. Before he could grab them, they sprinted into the living room.

“Hey babe!” He turned to see you coming down the stairs in your sweatpants and tank-top, hair pulled back into a messy bun and glasses sitting askew on your face. He smiled as you reached him and wrapped your arms around his waist. He corrected your glasses as you looked up at him. Before leaning in to kiss you, he bopped your nose gently with his metal finger, sending your face into a little scrunch that he adored.

“Hey doll.” He gave you a kiss. “How was the last day before break?”

You sighed and leaned your head against his chest. He could feel the tension leaving your muscles as you stood there, just breathing. It was something that you had started doing a long time ago to help him with his anxiety and dissociative episodes. You called it co-regulation. Bucky tightened his arms around you as he matched his breathing to yours, finding the moment with you in his arms the calmest he had felt all day. After a minute of standing together, breathing and hugging, he felt you pick up your head.

“It was fine. I had to make the last few phone calls about failing students. It seems even after the Blip, kids don’t want to show up to school even to socialize.”

Bucky laughed and let his arms slide away from yours. As he opened his mouth to respond, a massive crash sounded from the living room. You both turned in that direction to see Bronx and Queen running back out from there and up the stairs.

“Shit.” Bucky muttered as you walked into the living room. He heard you let out a large gasp and an “oh my gods”. He followed you and groaned at the scene before him.

Where there was once what Bucky could only assume a delicate display of flowers was now a massive puddle with petals scattered everywhere. Candles were knocked down from their perches and wax covered surfaces Bucky wasn’t even sure it could get removed from.

“Those goblins! I am going to put them back out on the streets I swear!”

Bucky watched as you surveyed the room with a questioning look. Suddenly the box in his pocket was extremely heavy. He felt his right palm get sweaty and he flexed the fingers on his metal hand.

“This isn’t what I planned.”

You turned around to him, the questioning gaze still sitting on your face.

Bucky glanced around the living room, eyes frantically searching for something that he could anchor himself with. It was ruined. He couldn’t propose to you like this. It wasn’t right. He felt his pulse jump slightly as your hand gently rested on his chest. His eyes snapped back to yours and it wasn’t until he felt your hand moving up and down rapidly that he realized he was hyperventilating. You looked at him calmly, waiting for his breathing to slow down.

“I wanted it to be perfect.”

He watched you nod.

“It isn’t.”

You smiled then, shaking your head. “It’s our home Bucky. It’s always going to be perfect.”

“There’s wax in the carpet.”

“I have a trick for that.”

“I’m going to throw those two monsters out onto the streets.”

“No, you won’t.”

“I will!”

You laughed then. “Honey, you’d miss them too much. You’re their dad through and through. You once threatened the neighbor when they complained about Queen running into their garden.”

“She’s a cat! They can’t expect her to understand property lines.” Bucky smiled and then looked around your ruined living room. On the mantle was one flower still intact. He reached over and grabbed it, handing it over to you. You plucked it from his hands and pressed it to your nose.

“I love you, (Y/N).”

He waited until your eyes were open again before kneeling down. His metal hand whipped the box out of his pocket and quickly flipped the lid. Inside was a beautiful ring, subtle in design and shining brightly against the back satin of the box.

“I wanted this to be a romantic moment for you because we aren’t doing this a second time. I don’t intend on letting you go anywhere (Y/N). For as long as you’ll have me, I’ll be here.” He watched as a few tears fell from your eyes and you began to tremble. His other hand reached out to hold your waist gently, grounding both you and him in the moment.

“I thought that I was too broken to find something special like this. To find peace. Then I met you and my entire life shifted. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I never went to pick up Peter that day and I just can’t imagine. I love you so much sometimes I wonder if there is room for anything else in me. I want our life together. I want our family- cats included.”

At this you chuckled and dropped down to your knees in front of him. Both hands framing his face as your watery eyes searched his. Bucky smiled and plucked the ring from the satin, holding it out to you.

“Will you marry me?”

It took only two seconds as you collected yourself to choke out a yes. Bucky grinned wildly and slid the ring onto your finger. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him. He kissed you back enthusiastically, pulling you closer and then both of you up into a standing position.

Bucky pulled away and looked down as something grazed against his calf. Queen looked up at him and meowed. Bronx came into the room and laid in the mess of petals on the carpet, proceeding to groom himself.

“We’re late for their dinner time.”

Bucky groaned and as he pulled away from you.

“Can’t I have one moment!?”

#bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes x you #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction

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hufflepuff-ravenclaw-reviews · 6 years

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Review of Wynonna Earp Season 1

I've been aware of Wynonna Earp for a while now, but it had never really crossed my mind to watch it. That is, until somebody told me that Michael Eklund was in it.

...Don't pretend like half of my reviews on here aren't because of some hot actor.

Anyway, the premise of the show is thus: back in the day, there was a man of Wyatt Earp. (Look him up, kiddos. Does the O.K. Corral ring any bells?) Well the thing that often gets left out of history is that those who walked away from the shoot-out... went on to lead exciting lives. (No, seriously. All of their stories are really interesting, and if you love western documentaries, I'd recommend looking it up. There's no need for any of that Hollywood bullshit... Their lives were so fucking wild.)

But anyway, somewhere along the way, Wyatt Earp was cursed. And this curse carried on to his children, his grandchildren... And you guessed it. Wynonna Earp is Wyatt's something-great granddaughter.

When Wyatt was still alive, he killed all of these people. As one does when you're a sheriff living in the “wild west”. However, the curse causes all of the people he killed to come back to life. And they can only be killed with his gun, Peacemaker, which has some sort of... carvings all over it. It is the only thing that can send the revenants back to hell... where they will remain until the next Earp heir shows up in a generation.

Now, because this is a TV show and we can't have a young woman with just a normal upbringing: here comes the childhood trauma! Wynonna wasn't the original heir; she was originally the middle of three daughters. But when she was a child, the revenants kidnapped and murdered her older sister, Willa, and tried to take off with their father. In her panic, Wynonna grabbed Peacemaker in order to shoot the revenants who were trying to take her father... and shot her father.

As you might imagine, this was the turning point in her life. Nobody took her seriously, and constantly treated her like a criminal. And, since she was being treated so poorly, Wynonna herself started to act like one, too.

The series starts with Wynonna returning to Purgatory, where the entire show takes place. It's where she grew up... but eventually left. She's forced to retrieve Peacemaker from where she dropped it down an old, dry well... But upon doing so, accidentally releases somebody else who was also stuck at the bottom of the well: Doc Holliday. Yes, that Doc Holliday.

He was made immortal by a witch when he was sick and dying. Because... You know what? In a world that's plague by undead demons, why not immortal Doc Holliday?

Wynonna is quickly scooped up by a man who's in town to try and rid the world of the revenants, from a secret government organization called Black Badge. She's then deputized... Much to everybody's displeasure. However, Xavier Dolls is pretty much the only one who's been solidly on Wynonna's side... If only because she's the only one who can use Peacemaker.

Almost right off the bat, there's a lot of sexual tension between Xavier and Wynonna. But also between Wynonna and Doc. Things finally come to a head when Doc convinces Wynonna to sleep with him... and again. And a few more times for good measure. However, Doc constantly feels like he's blowing in the wind when it comes to Wynonna, especially since anybody with eyes can see that Wynonna clearly has feelings for Xavier.

Oh, but the love triangle between them isn't even the best romance. (Well, who actually likes love triangles anyway?) There is a lesbian relationship.

I REPEAT, THERE IS A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP.

Waverly, Wynonna's younger sister, catches the eye of a new officer in town, Nicole Haught (pronounced like “Hot”). However, even though Waverly is a little bit interested, she also has a boyfriend. Until she doesn't, because let's face it: he's a small town loser who was lucky to have a catch like Waverly.

But after Waverly finally tells him to get lost, she and Nicole are suddenly very hot and heavy. Probably a lot of repressed sexual urges in a narrow-minded small town.

Anyway, the first half of the season was a pretty standard “baddie of the day” set up. There would be a revenant that needed to be killed... Waverly would provide Xavier and Wynonna background on the guy that she'd uncovered over the years. Xavier and Wynonna (sometimes joined by Doc) would go out and put a stop to whatever nonsense was happening.

And while it was good, and a refreshing twist on a show like Supernatural that was a total sausage fest... It did start to drag a little bit.

Up until the point where Wynonna and Xavier stumbled across a cult in the middle of the forest and discovered that Willa was still alive!

The revenants hadn't actually killed her, as it turned out. They'd only just used the witch who'd given Doc his immortality to erase Willa's memories, and put her in the cult for safe keeping. Willa at first didn't remember much, but then, she started to remember more and more.

And both Wynonna and Waverly were happy to have their sister back. But as time went on, Waverly was clearly more than a little uneasy about the entire thing. And Wynonna started to get a little uneasy when it was clear that she was no longer the heir, and Peacemaker stopped working for her.

However, things finally came to a head when the head of the revenants, a man named Bobo Del Ray (Real name of Robert Svane) reveals his hand: it was he who led Willa away all those years ago, he was the one who stopped the revnants from killing Willa, and he was the one who arranged for her memory to be erased.

Why you ask? Because of some prophesy where the “lead” would take the revenants out of Purgatory. The lead is the Earp heir, and it has to be done willingly. So... he basically groomed a thirteen year old so that she would do this for him.

Only, when it came down to the time, Willa was more than willing to leave Bobo behind, if only to destroy the rest of the town. However, the end of the world that was predicted ended up being some sort of... tentacle snake thing? It's straight out of some horror movie. Wynonna ended up killing her own sister in order to save her. That can't possibly be good for her already fragile ego.

The entire season, there was a build up of a secondary evil: Black Badge. Oh, but don't worry. Our boy Xavier isn't actually evil himself. He is, however, some sort of weird... werewolf-y thing? He takes medication to suppress the transformation, however, Black Badge cut him off, so he starts to go through withdrawls and such until he got his hands on more.

But, his bosses also don't believe him about the “demons”, and they want proof... But not that kind of proof. Basically, the lady who's in charge hates Xavier for vague yet menacing reasons that seem less to do with Xavier and more because she has anger issues at something that sounds like it was out of everybody's control.

And while Black Badge was building up, I felt like things really came to a head with them at the very end of the last episode, only to be left dangling as what will likely be an important plot point in season two.

Overall, if you enjoy Supernatural, but wish that there was less toxic masculinity and more girl power (or just regular female characters, full stop), then Wynonna Earp is the exact show for you. I know that I'm probably going to start season two as soon as I can.

#wynonna earp #The Ravenclaw mod

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midnightinterventions · 7 years

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time’s arrow

OKAY WOW. I have the biggest need to write right now because I just witnessed one of the most exceptional, eye-opening episodes of television. Bojack Horseman has become one of the biggest parts of my life. It’s weird for me to say that because I hate comedy, but this show’s dark tones of depression are extremely relatable and sometimes helpful. The show has helped me alot to find myself and get through tough times, which again is weird to say because it is a comedy. I rewatch the show alot to analyze is and learn more about it, and in it’s recent season, episode eleven blew me away when rewatching it.

This episode focuses on Bojack’s mother Beatrice. In this season, we see Beatrice struggling with dementia and calling Bojack ‘Henrietta” rather than recognizing her own son. Bojack tells his new-found daughter Hollyhock that he really wants her to remember him just so he can say ‘fuck you’ to her for being an awful parent and cursing him with the family poison. Bojack believes because of his childhood and how his parent’s were, he is considered unhealthy and unsafe to himself and everyone around him. In this episode, it goes deeper to explore this ‘poison’ that he supposedly inherited by Beatrice.

Beatrice’s past is one of the most heartbreaking things we see on the show. She loses a brother at a young age, her mother receives a lobotomy shortly after that, she is constantly battling with her self-image and pressure from her father, she gets impregnated by a man she just met, and runs away with him to have the baby in California. The show gets a little deeper when the man she runs away with and soon marries has an affair with the nanny. Beatrice is forced to confront the nanny, Henrietta, and convince her to not have the baby or else she will end up like how she ended up. In this scene, we see Beatrice lose herself in begging Henrietta not to have the baby. You can tell how much she regretted her life choices and how broken she feels. Henrietta agrees to get rid of the baby.

The next few scenes made me cry more than any other episode, and it became clear to me on why the show decided to add so much of Beatrice into this season. The two back-to-back scenes show similar scenarios- one of Beatrice helping Henrietta give birth, and the other of a young Beatrice crying as her dad is burning up her belongings from Beatrice infecting them with scarlet fever. We see how the hereditary poison has continued through the family tree because while Beatrice’s father burns her baby doll telling her not to be so attached, Beatrice does the same thing to Henrietta’s baby as she brings her to an adoption agency. Both have no love in their hearts, no sympathy, and no real signs of affection.

We notice this trait in Bojack throughout the past four seasons. He does things to only benefit himself and hurts others in the process. He blames other people and his actions in the moment rather than take the blame on his entire being. He doesn’t get attached to anyone because he is afraid of continuing this cycle. We notice this slight change in him during this season because of his daughter and his year hiatus. Once the flashbacks end, we go back to present day where Beatrice suddenly recognizes Bojack; he is taken by surprise. Bojack let her back into his life and she ruined it even more for him. Just when he was ready to say goodbye to her forever and leave her rotting in a disgusting nursery home, she remembers him. We expect Bojack to do his usual Bojack thing- fuel the poison inside of him, lash out at her and say everything he has wanted to say- but instead there is this sense of forgiveness. Beatrice is out of touch and confused, and Bojack sits with her and describes their summer lake house to her, telling her that’s where she is.

This part was so important for me because we see a true, final change in Bojack. Instead of letting her go or hurting her with every evil thought he has stuck in his head, we see him forgive her and get a little attached. It proves that he can change and he doesn’t have this poison inside him that can’t allow him to be different.

The tuning in and out of Beatrice’s life and Bojack’s life really emphasizes how alike and different Beatrice and Bojack are. This episode especially highlighted the differences, and how Bojack is becoming a much better person than how he was.

I can’t even describe how truly amazing and beautiful this show really is. Along with the absolute reality of depression this show depicts and how incredible the character development is, the humor balances it out and makes the show an absolute one-of-a-kind. It isn’t too dirty or politically correct/incorrect it’s just humor for everyone, ugh. I can write and write and write about this show, but just watch it for yourself and see what I mean!

#BOJACK #HORSEMAN #the best #bojack horseman #season 4 #spoliers AF #SPOILERS #SPOIL #ERS #SO MANY #beatrice sugarman #HOLLYHOCK #THAT angel #times arrow #episode 11 #so #many #hash #tags #personal

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existential-phans · 7 years

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You are my Sunshine - I hope you understand.

Part 2 Part 3

Warning- Major character death, illness

includes- angst, little fluff, more angst

Paring- Phan

Words- 2,200

 Why? Why does it have to be him? Out of every single person in the world, he deserved it the least. There are people out there who kill, people who steal, but he hasn’t done anything to harm any living being, no matter how small. He loves everything and everyone, no matter what they do. And he stands up for those who are in danger because he cares about everyone. So why, why does it have to be Phil? Why did such a horrible thing have to happen to the sweetest soul in the world? Out of everyone, why did he have to get cancer?  Lung cancer to be specific, he has primary lung cancer in both lungs and the lymph nodes. He was diagnosed with Mesothelioma. We have known for about 5 months now, and he is still being treated. So many surgeries, and lots chemotherapy, but it’s not like it has helped at all.  When he got diagnosed…it was…God. How do I even describe it? It was like…it was like…someone had got a blunt spoon, and drove it into my chest over and over until they reached my heart. And then started scooping it out, and mashing it with a potato masher and put it back in my body, to put it lightly. I remember it so so clearly, I don’t want to, I wish it never happened at all. I was crying more than Phil, actually, Phil wasn’t crying at all, he was just silent, sitting there like a doll.

And I was next to him, sobbing, and thinking, one day he will go, one day soon. I remember the doctor telling that if the medication doesn’t work he will have about 9 months to live. 9 months that’s all. So I prayed, I prayed to every religion I could think of, every person I look up to, Fuck I think I even prayed to Jennifer Laurence.  Of course, we told the fans, not long after we found out. It was one of the hardest videos I’ve ever filmed. There where so many tears. The comments on that video were so thoughtful, so kind. People telling us how sorry they were, how much they wish it wasn’t real, how we will always have a special place in their hearts. But they can’t do anything, there all only just words, just lines of pixels on a screen, they can’t help us pay for treatment, they can’t help Phil get better. They can’t help me when he’s gone. What will help me when he’s gone?  Right now, I am lying in Phil’s arms, and it’s about 3am. The beautiful man holding me is asleep, and ever since I found out, I haven’t even closed an eye. Sometimes only getting an hour for an entire week, and Phil doesn’t know. I could never tell him because he would just worry, And that’s the last thing I want him to do.

He has so many of his own things to deal with. So instead I lie here, savoring every moment I can get with my lover. I gently move a piece of hair out face, caressing his cheek afterward. He didn’t deserve all the pain he’s going through.

I sigh and removed my hand from his cheek by staring at the ceiling. I smile at the ginger cat sticker, slightly peeling off the ceiling, knowing it wasn’t there yesterday. He’s such a dork. I turn back to him and nuzzle his neck, careful not to wake him.

He will wake up in a few hours, then fall asleep again at about 1 pm, then wake up at 4, we will have dinner and go to bed at 9, and the process repeats again. Of course, I don’t mind in the slightest, I am just glad he is still here with me for the time being. I stare at his face readjust. He was slightly uncomfortable.

I fix the pillow and make sure it was comfortable enough for him to lay on. His face went back to normal, and I gained minimal satisfaction.  By 5 am, I manage to get some sleep, only to wake up 2 hours later to Phil coughing. I sit up instantly, and place a hand on the black haired mans back, and rub softly, he has coughing fits a lot, but every time I still worry. He tries to speak in between coughs, but I whisper soothing words to him over and over.

“Shush, it’s okay. You’re okay, love. Do you need some water?”

He shakes his head. He manages to say something.

“…P-Please…”

He begins to cough constantly but stops once again.

“…Stay h-here…with m-me.”

After a few minutes, he stopped coughing and started to breathe heavily.

He leans his head over slightly so it is resting on my chest, his breathing still loud. I rub slow lines up his arms and pull him close at the same time.

“Shush Phil, breathe for me alright? Just breathe Philly.”

I say soothingly, rocking backward and forwards, my hand now running through his hair. Within five minutes, he’s sound asleep again, and I stop rocking, sighing deeply.  Like I predicted he awoke again within the next few hours, around 9am. We both got out of bed, and he went to the couch, as I made us breakfast. Almost like a drone, I open the fridge and grab the milk, fill and boil the kettle, get the box of crunchy nut out of the cupboard, and two bowls and two mugs.

I pour the cereal into the bowls, then go and collect the hot water, outing it into the two mugs with tea bags in.

I got the milk and poured it into the cereal, then I grab all four items in my hands and take them out to the living area, where I find Phil sitting on the couch browsing through Crunchy Roll. I sit down next to him and pass him his various containers of food and liquid.

“How do you feel about re-watching Deathnote?” I hear from beside me.

I give a slight nod and say ‘yes’ the best I can with a mouth full of cereal.  As the 2nd episode ended, we have both finished our breakfast. I look over at Phil to see that he is clutching his ribs, and has a pained expression. I leap into action, and grab his shoulders.“

"Phil? What’s wrong?” at this Phil just giggles, and shakes his head a little.

"I’m fine Dan, seriously, nothing out of the ordinary, stop worrying too much.”

This time it’s my turn to shake my head.

"Phil. I’m your Boyfriend, it’s my job to worry.”  Suddenly his face lights up with the biggest smile, and he jumps up off the couch and extends his hand to me while placing the other one behind his back.

“Why don’t we dance?” he asks. I groan loudly and throw my head back in disgust.

“Dance? Really Phil? You know how I feel about dancing,”

His face starts to pout, and he pulls out the puppy dog eyes the internet of all too familiar with.

“C'mon Dan! Please? You can’t have Dance without Dan otherwise it’s just a CE.”

I think about it for a moment before Phil decides to pester me again.

“Please, just one song, let’s just finish one song?” I groan again, but take my boyfriend's hand, as he pulls me up of out dark grey couch.  He pulls me close, slipping both of his hands around my back, and resting his head on my shoulder, and I do the same. We start to sway side to side. And then quiet little voice in my ear, It’s Phil, singing.  “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,  you make me happy when skies are grey, You’ll never know dear, how much I love you so please don’t take my sunshine away”  I sigh lovingly, and nuzzle my head further into his neck, as we continue to sway.  “You told me once, dear, you really loved me And no one else could come between But now you’ve left me and love another You have shattered all of my dreams”  My gaze slowly moves down his frame, passing over his strong chest, his beautiful hips, lanky giraffe legs, and down to his feet, where I see his odd socks. Only Phil could manage to have such a vast sock collection. On one foot are narwhals, and on the other are candy cane, it’s not even Christmas. I let out a little giggle, which makes Phil smile, his tongue poking out. He then continues singing quietly.  “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray You’ll never know dear, how much I love you Please don’t take my sunshine-”

Suddenly the singing cuts off, and in its place are violent coughs and wheezes. Phil falls no the floor on his knees, and I drop down next to him, instantly terrified. It doesn’t usually get this bad, I start rubbing his back when a string of red leaves my boyfriend's mouth.  Blood.  Shit.

Why now?

What did he ever do?

Nothing.

But love everyone.  My hand instantly moves to my pocket and I pull out my phone. With shaking fingers, I manage to press the ‘Emergency call’ button on the home screen and desperately hold it up to my ear. As it rings, I get an answer almost straight away.

"Hello, emergency services how can I help you today?”  I do everything I can to try and keep a steady voice, trying not curse her out for her calm tone. It felt like she was mocking me at the fact that I couldn’t, I couldn’t stop my heart from palpitating at thirty miles per hour, I couldn’t stop my boyfriend from wheezing on the floor, that I couldn’t stay a single word without stuttering to the extreme.

My eyes plastered on Phil as he falls farther into the ground, now a little red pool of blood below his face. I wanted to grab him, to tell him to stop playing a prank on me, to stop joking and just talk to me, for us to pretend like this is not even happening.

But I can’t.

“Yes, My boyfriend has lung cancer and I currently having some sort of coughing fit, and is coughing up blood, please send someone I need help.”

"Of course, but sir, can you please tell us your name, the patient's name, and the address?“  I quickly tell her the information and hang up the phone by trusting my body not to drop it on the floor, even though that’s the least of my worries.  By the time the ambulance has arrived Phil has passed out, and I am nearly on top of him, trying to see him by shouting his name, tears plastering and staining my already tear-soaked face. One of the paramedics picks me up and walks me to the front door. The other two paramedics get Phil on a stretcher and carry him down the many stairs.  When we all get to the ambulance, the two of us and two of the paramedics are rushed into the back, and Phil is immediately connected to the IV equipment. They started hooking him up systems, doing whatever they can as I stand in silence. My tears keep coming and I can hear the beeping of the heart monitor in the background, as I desperately grab onto my best friends hand.

I started begging, and hell, I even started praying that he wakes up, that I get to see those beautiful eyes, and that blueish-green color of them. To see that smile again, the way he pokes his tongue out when he smiles, the little adorable laugh, how he brushes his fringe when it his eyes when it falls in front of his face.

I might never get to see any of these things again. All around me people are moving, talking, doing who knows what. The only thing I know now is that I can’t do anything. no matter the outcome of this, I won’t be able to change it. Suddenly through my tears and choking, I start to sing.  “In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me When I awake my poor heart pains So when you come back and make me happy  I’ll forgive you, dear, I’ll take all the blame”

I grasp Phil’s hand tighter and clench my eyes shut, wishing, that this ends okay. That we both make it out of this.  “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray You’ll never know dear, how much I love you Please don’t take my sunshine away”   Suddenly a horrible blaring beep fills the room, and Phil’s words flash in my mind. ‘C'mon Dan! Please? You can’t have Dance without Dan otherwise it’s just a CE.’

‘Please, just one song, let’s just finish one song?’  I instantly know what that beep means. It means that my begging and wishing and praying didn’t nothing. Nothing at all.   And then I realize something.  We never finished the song. And I wish we did.

Because I decided to hold him back.

'Dance? Really Phil? You know how I feel about dancing,’

Maybe we could have finished the song. The last thing that Phil wanted before he went, was something I delayed. And maybe if I didn’t stall, he could’ve been happy.

My head starts to get dizzy, my hands shaking uncontrollably. Tears stream down my face, to the point where I can’t cry anymore. My knees start to get weak.

”…Stay h-here…with m-me.“

I’m sorry.

I couldn’t stay with you.

I hope you understand.

#phanfic #phanfiction #phanfic fluff #phandom #phan #existential phans #dan and phil #writing

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fyeahwynonnaearp · 7 years

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What Just Happened?!?: Let’s Pretend We’re Strangers (S02E05)

So many things happened. So many things are happening. So many feelings were felt and so much screaming at the TV was done.

New Character(s)

Ewan (@unrealfehr): Volunteer firefighter by day and cult leader by night. Likes big shiny axes, red cloaks, bird masks, and working out.

Juan Carlo (@The_Real_ShaunJ): Re-introduction of the mysterious mechanic/watcher(?). Still uselessly helping and provides more questions than answers. Has a teleporter!Truck? because he drove in with it and disappeared with it.

The Order: A cult of volunteer firefighters whose motto is ‘Praesidium et Conservatio’. Under the (sometimes) guidance of Juan Carlo, they help protect the Ghost River Triangle.

Monster(s) of the Week

Miksun, or The Goo™: Have apparently infected a crap ton of people that The Order had to hunt down and kill. Put down by Peacemaker, but is it fully gone?

Final Thoughts (No Spoiler)

Game changer indeed.

Although The Goo™/Mikshun was the focus of the episode, so many little things happened that may ripple out and have huge repercussions in the future. It was such an intense episode and, as of now, I have watched it three times. Back to back. I am emotionally drained.

Honestly, before watching this show I take one or two or three shots of Fireball and after the show I chain-smoke like Doc Holliday and hug myself to contain all the feels.

Jump into the rabbit hole for some spoiler-filled rants, theories, and fun!

10 Things That Happened/I Learned

1. Ewan and The Order - ‘Praesidium et Conservatio’: We find out that the Purgatory Volunteer Fire Department (or VFD, which makes me giggle because Lemony Snicket) has an impressive battle axe collection, hunts down Goo-infected citizens, and likes nachos as an after-beheading snack. Based on Ewan and The Plate™, it seems that The Order used to have a relationship with the Earp heir. Now in possession of The Plate™ and open to partnering with Wynonna, we will probably see more of Ewan (or FitBit, as Melanie likes to call him). How The Order and The Squad™ will butt heads will be very interesting and I’m ready for The Squad™ to have help because IDK if people remember/realize, but The Ghost River Triangle is a huge freakin’ area.

2. Nicole, the kicked puppy. The first-half of this season have completely REKT the Officer. Goononna was especially in top-shelf form with the emotional beatdown. I expect Nicole and Wynonna to clash because Nicole is clearly the (mostly) by-the-book rookie and Wynonna is the free-spirit protocol-lel-what-protocol Black Badge Deputy. Perhaps Nicole never understood how or why Wynonna got to be in the super secret government agency and was maybe a bit jealous, but damn! Goononna definitely knew her weakness and insecurities and hit where it hurts the most. I’m excited to see how they move on from this and how they form a relationship outside of Waverly. (I’ve read somewhere that Nicole was constantly being mean and a bit of a bitch to Wynonna; I honestly will have to rewatch, but I don’t remember Nicole being an outright massive bitch to her.)

3. IN MEMORIAM: AGENT JEANIE LUCADO.Goocado, or goo-infected!Lucado: Head exploded. Tentatively dead because regeneration is a thing and where the hell did her body go?!?

4. Doc Holliday has a new car. It is red and has a cassette player and I wonder if he constantly avoids eye contact with Nicole while at the station because she knows he doesn’t have a driver’s license and definitely has an unpaid speeding ticket.

5. Purgatory Fair 1952. The plate is important enough that it was hunted down, wanted by BBD, and people were killed for it. It was definitely important to The Order. Not only does it bare their seal, but it might be connected to the broken seal because Ewan was talking about it to JC and it seems they are also responsible for maintaining it.

6. “I will shoot anybody for you”. Not only is Nicole whipped, but this line just cements the notion of the Officer being loyal to Waverly despite her position as a police officer. It might be nothing, or it could be the overarching struggle Nicole will face throughout the season and beyond. Being a good cop matters to her, and being involved with Waverly could mean ignoring things for The Squad, covering things up, and breaking protocol and maybe the law. And, I think we know how she feels about covering things up. I’m excited for this ride because this could be such a wonderful character development storyline and gives their relationship depth and substance many shows ignore. Because Nicole will never ask Waverly to be someone other than herself, but Nicole might have to change and compromise her morals for the woman she’s totally not-in-love with.

7. Hot Uniform for Officer Haught. Is Nicole being Lexa-levels of extra with her new uniform? Gone are the khakis and barely-buttoned long sleeves and the has-anyone-seen-me-this-season stetson. Enter the Black Widow-inspired, Alex Danvers-might-steal-this long-sleeved form-fitting zip-up top and is-this-gay-enough vest and no-really-is-this-too-gay boots and the I-am-a-gay baseball cap. I love it. I do. It would be equally horrifying and funny if the entire Purgatory Sheriff Department changed uniforms because Officer I’m-Too-Haught-For-This hates khakis, but I hope the department also forked over the cash for the super expensive extra-lightweight concealed body armor to wear under that tight-fitting top. Because Officer Haught did not ask for the most gay, hot, are-we-sure-this-is-not-a-sexy-cop-costume uniform just to be a bullet magnet.

8. MISSING: BLACK BADGE HQ. Honestly, I’m confused about the actual organization of the...well, organization. It is introduced as a joint task force between the US and Canada, even the badge shows both flags. Like, cool. But is Moody (AKA Orphan Black’s Art Bell), the Head of Black Badge or is he only in charge of the Purgatory/Ghost River Triangle branch or whichever branch is overseeing Purgatory? When Dolls, Lucado, or Jeremy mention HQ, do they mean the place where Dolls was broken out from? Because that means BBD HQ is near the Ghost River Triangle. So when Jeremy says Black Badge is gone, does that mean just the HQ/where Dolls was being held? Are there more BBD sites like in the comic books? Where are the other agents?

9. Waverly and her ‘dark corners’. Is Waverly an Earp? It’s the question that can be easily answered if only the Earp Sisters didn’t have major communication issues. In all honesty, all it takes is one over-due conversation and a saliva swab, then one DNA test later we get our answer. But, no. Waverly will probably never ask Wynonna “so, our mom was pregnant with me, right?” and Nicole probably won’t overstep and compare the Earp Sisters’ DNA behind Waverly’s back. I just want this issue to be resolved before Waverly crumbles under the pressure of meeting Wynonna’s expectations of what being an Earp entails. Because this season shows us that Wynonna does give being an Earp so much meaning and expects Waverly to act accordingly and this might cause issues between them and it might be hard to remember, but they just found steady footing with each other. If Wynonna keeps expecting certain things out of Waverly all in the name of being an Earp while Waverly is struggling with the idea if she even is an Earp, we might have the Earp Sis angst-fest we don’t really want but we might just actually love because it means they come out of it (hopefully) stronger together.

10. Baby Earp, the game changer. There’s a divide in the fandom: Pro-baby storyline and what-the-fuck-no!-pregnancy-storylines-ruin-everything. No matter what camp you reside in, you must admit and eventually realize that this baby-bump of a game changer is going to be the catalyst for several major character development.

Wynonna: No longer can she numb herself and drown her issues in whiskey. Even though she says her job is to protect her baby sister, we have to remember that she’s been MIA for three year prior and have been mostly absent from Waverly’s life. Yes, she was placed in a mental institution when she was 14 and has been in juvie at least once, but she also willingly spent time away from her sister and ran with the Banditos, a gang that was mentioned in season 1 and explored in the comics. Wynonna joined a gang which could have placed Waverly in danger. With a baby, Wynonna has to be responsible for another life and now has to actually think about the possible consequences of her actions.

Doc: The chance of Doc being the father is really high. Let’s assume that he did get his best friend’s great-great-I-actually-forgot-how-many-great-grand daughter pregnant. Because he’s been established as somewhat traditional, in the loosest sense of the word, he will want to meet the duties and obligation of being a father. That means he can’t really just take off anytime he wants. It means being open and having an honest line of communication with Wynonna, which can be hard for him and his Slytherin ways. While he does let Wynonna be Wynonna, I think that will change when he learns he’s a father. Also, he might start actively searching for a way to reverse the Stone Witch’s curse on him. Meaning, he might have to dig out Constance from the salt flats and OMG is she still out there or did someone dig her out?

Dolls: As much as I would love for DocWynDolls to be one happy polyamorous family raising Baby Earp, there is a good chance that Dolls might feel the need to take a step back and let Wynonna straighten out her priorities. He will be there for her, absolutely, but he might emotionally distance himself and choose to focus his attentions on BBD and figure out how The Squad will continue without a government agency backing them and how to proceed without the power of a badge and probably start figuring out what exactly he is.

Waverly: Protective acting-like-the-big-sister Waverly will be adorable and fluffy and amazing to watch. Waverly questioning her role and childhood and how she was treated will be heartbreaking and will make me leak from my eyes. I think Waverly will be worried about her place in Wynonna’s life now that there will be a baby. Waverly is so used to being pushed to the side that she probably won’t talk about her concerns and will just keep supporting and helping Wynonna. On the other hand, a baby Earp can just be the prompting for Wynonna to start reminiscing and talking about a Baby Waverly and the biological origins of Waverly will finally be settled.

Nicole: A part of me hopes she won’t get shut out and Waverly will start incorporating Nicole into her life and that Nicole will help Waverly with pregnant!Wynonna, but I can see her being shut out. Again. I can see Nicole figuring it out for herself (like always) and subtlety helping Wynonna by giving her food and giving her coffee, it’s caffeine-free of course, but Wynonna won’t know that. I really hope Nicole gets to be involved in some capacity because it will be just one more thing that would strengthen her relationship not only with Waverly, but with Wynonna as well.

Overall, I am happy this show is still true to itself. Some people have said that the show doesn’t treat its villains as actually villains and it all ends up being anti-climactic. To those people, I say to you, this show is not the episodic procedural of monster-of-the-week and one big bad a season kind of show. This is about the people that have to deal with those monsters and demons. This show is about their relationships with each other. It’s about how they grow as people and how they deal with their issues and personal demons. Sure, demons are killed. But unlike other shows, our heroine still questions her humanity and still have issues with the fact that she is destined to kill, whether they are demons or creatures or humans-turned-demons.

It is often overlooked and no one talks about it enough, but I think we need to remember that even though these revenants and demons are all trying to kill her, Wynonna Earp still tells them to “make your peace” and sure she sends them to hell, but she tries to make sure they get some semblance of peace in the afterlife.

#Wynonna Earp #what just happened

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