#i just wanna have a chill weekend
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Looking at the number of pages in these academic texts I have to read for class or for an assignment, has made me want for once tell someone to not elaborate! Tell the short version of the story for once
#lets i got 33 pages text for a summary thats due monday#*lets see#read a 25 page text before monday class#2 texts (each 12 pages) for an exercise list...#everything due monday#wait... one is due sunday...#i could so easily freak out#i just wanna have a chill weekend#i enjoy my classes (except for like 2 or 3) but none of the assignments spark joy
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do i dare write the post looking at and trying to explain Queen Kristina's behavior? probably. i swear im trying to be less annoying about it but also like. i do what I want.
#also like *gestures vaguely at the person who used 'she had her son change schools after he got into a fight#so that he would have more supervision and structure WITHOUT CONSULTING THE 16 YEAR OLD CHILD HOW FUCKING DARE SHE' as an argument#like do i condone and agree with her actions? no. not necessarily. but i do UNDERSTAND why she did most of what she did#was she wrong a lot of the time? yes. were there other things she could have done? absolutely#still understand why she did what she did tho#anyway the real debate is do i feel like dealing with the people who are going to ignore me saying that i dont condone her actions#and continue to just say that shes an iredeemable cartoon villain? not really but also like#i havent gotten a chance to rewatch and really think about characters and their actions and stiff for a while#i wanna analyze it again!! i wanna just chill for a while!!#also that person vagued about me. IN the yr tag. which i clearly used. istg they could not have been older that 14.#anywho#i probably will do that this weekend#im off work on friday so i may just do a full rewatch and whip out my yr book#i mean i will do that anyway. whether or not i actually post about it is an entirely other question#young royals#shh ac
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never ever wanna get dating apps again. love love love meeting people in person. it's so wonderful.
#it's GIRF (girlfriend) or NOTHING#my b-day is in t-minus a week boys#the bday party is this weekend#the girlfriend plan by birthday flopped a bit n that's okay#i just know if i don't find her in person we chilling then#but FUCK DEM APPS 4ever. and ever#waittt i do have someone i gotta get back to#idk that 2 week period around a month n some change ago where i tried dating apps again reinforced i dont wanna do it anymore#give me something REALLLLLLLLLL#mew#cat chat
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I found an old fidget spinner and I've been using it (it's been very nice ^_^) but I forgot !!!! It's glow in the dark !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the sky speaks#literally incredible#its nice for restless energy tho i hav so much of it rn i wanna hop skip n jump#just saw my mom a couple hrs ago#it went good !#shes doing okay in the rehab place. better than the last place she went to but theres atill been drama#and theyre pretty understaffed#but nice :)#my weekedn is PACKED!!#tomorrow i work at the zoo then friday im going to fright night#then saturday is visitation for mom again and afterwards is thomas and carries bday party#then Sunday im going to thomas and carries AGAIN to play minecraft togwther#OH and friday i also am going to my moms job#next weekend is packed too dear gdo#and i wanted to open commissions gdi. not gonna happen for a while im afraid#maybe in december ?#ive barely been drawing#too busy#not enough energy to be creative. mainly been playing chill games and reading fanfic ij my downtime#oh i also had my last session w my therapist today! shes having her baby soon so i wont see her til after the new year.... kinda sad tbh#i came out to her as trans last week and we talked abt it some today tho!!! it was rly nice i had never talked abt it out loud before#felt lighter afterwards. she told me to write down everything so i can organize my thoughts better when i tell my parents#bc i wanna tell them at some point. i RLY want a breast reduction dear god. and ive gone back and forth on hrt. still contemplating it#sometimes dad will call me his 'favorite son' as a joke when i help with like. yard work or handy stuff. makes me happy#he sorta knows im gender fluid but not totally?#im juat rambling at this point. goodnight everybody 😴
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i wanna kis (´ . .̫ . `) it's almost midnight ladies u know what that means .. (yearning hours)
#me n my friend got crossfaded n rly cozy and i wanted 2 cuddle but that wouldn't b appropriate btwn us (´ . .̫ . `) i wouldn't#dare ask omg. but now i rly want someone 2 lay on my chest n hold them n give each other eepy kisses ₍ ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ ₎#i also wasn't expecting company 2 day bc i didn't have the energy 4 stuff this wk and it's like (｡ﾉω＼｡)#i don't wanna kick u out given ur night but i should be laying down rn (´-﹏-`；) either that or doin fuck all in the back lol#and so i brought us 2 the back n we smoked n talked in the dark‚ and got to trade ghost stories bc she also dealt w ghosts as a kid 0:#that was fun (❁´◡`❁) I'd been wanting to do that w her since i found out#it's nice having a friend who's been into horror since they were young too ╰(￣ω￣ｏ) that talk was after watching 2 movies hehe#we saw evil dead rise n malignant 😈 and then talking abt spiritually in a non-religious sense then ghosts#and originally i was gonna get food but nah we used a coupon for 2 pizzas n got delivery it's been an extremely chill night and i needed it!#things have been so crazy this week with work omg. my weekend is probs gonna b uneventful (hopefully!) and i wanna b at home!!#just veg out n play bibyo gaym (〒﹏〒) and buy more bags of food for the squirrels n birds#these squirrels omg 😂 i work in the back and they know i give them food so they've been getting up on my lap sometimes like hello??#or i look over my laptop and fr see a squirrel just sitting in the chair across from me poking their head up over the table staring#i knoooow babies i know I'll get u ur food as soon as possible. omg and i have monday off?? i forgor ;u; !! n e ways I'm feeling good 2night#started out Yearning but (✿^‿^) what a great way to start my weekend. she called me just as i was wrapping things up w work :3#i can actually Breathe this weekend and I'm not exhausted (￣ヘ￣;) nice.#im gonna go listen 2 my silly little music n go back 2 yearning hehe. but hiii a girl is Up now and im v stoned n in sleepover mode
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add “friday night parties” to the list of things I am NOT gonna miss about living in a dorm… I mean noisy neighbors were already on there but this specifically bothers me on so many levels
#see normally I’d just put on my noise cancelling headphones and it’d be whatever but#I am so determined not to fuck up my piercing#and I really don’t wanna tell them to shut up bc it sounds like they’re having fun and I’m in an especially too nice for my own good mood#and! I do genuinely earnestly want them to have fun. I am NOT a hater!! just bc I never got to do any sort of partying and never really#wanted to anyway doesn’t mean I’m gonna project that onto anyone else#but on the other hand friday nights specifically are sacred to me#as the first night of the weekend where I get to sleep in and the first night I don’t have to worry about assignments due the next morning#and also as a kind of religious thing#I don’t really observe shabbat anymore but I never was able to get used to the friday night = party time association#and I don’t particularly want to!! friday nights are for chillin and I like it that way.#anyway all this to say I am trying to enjoy my chill evening and there is NOISE and I’m not gonna do anything about it (at least#until Official Quiet Hours start) but I absolutely will complain#I convinced my mom to get a library card and give me the number so I can read books on libby#(would have gotten one myself but idk if I qualify for one at the library near my school and I’ll be gone in a few months anyway)#and now I am TRYING to read lockwood & co book 1#(yes it is technically a middle grade series. yes I am twenty two years old. if the show is anything to go by it’s a more accurate#portrayal of teenagers than any media I consumed as an actual teen. let me live)#but alas. The Noise#and yeah I know noisy neighbors are not exclusively a dorm thing but I can’t imagine a normal apartment will be nearly this bad#also to be clear this is not a weekly occurrence#I don’t actually think these particular neighbors have given me any issues before#which is part of why I’m feeling so patient with them… probably too patient tbh#I should probably delete this later#probably shouldn’t post it at all but oh well. what’s the point of life if you can’t share every minor annoyance with#a bunch of strangers on the internet?#screams into the void
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#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data#which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done#for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior#so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a#collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more#devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close#bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the#country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will#instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a#different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad#a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi#intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see#them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize#the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b#doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped#that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying#less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating#unrelated
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#can i be so fucking honest right now#being like the only one in my friend group who doesn't do or even want to try drugs is so fucking isolating#i don't even want to be around it but i can't fucking escape it#they're constantly getting high before or while we hang out and i'm so tired#like we planned to hang out this past weekend and of course i get there and one of them is high and all they wanted to do was sit and#quietly watch always sunny#like. thanks. i barely get to see you guys and the one night in like 3 months i do we don't even get to talk really. cool#and then their parents and parents' friends were smoking in the living room all night as well#and nobody thought to fucking warn me about this even though they know about my shit fuck brain#and then like. the other times when i've made plans with someone and they've bailed because they wanna go drink and get high#thanks i'm glad i'm so fucking boring to you#i don't get to go to a lot of get togethers anymore because they're full of drunk and/or high people#and i'm just. tired.#sick of my shitty fucking brain that doesn't let me chill#sick of feeling like i'm bringing people down and stopping them from having fun#because i don't want to spoil their fun. i want them to be happy#i just. idk. sometimes i really feel like they don't want to invite me out specifically because of this#like i miss out on so much because i have big anxiety about drugs#it's tiring and i'm tired and sad and angry at myself and. idk#today's been. a day i guess
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man im so glad i gave up. this is so fun
#im just fine being average. i wanna chill and hangout and have enough money to buy my boyfriend nice stuff#and then die in and explosion <- reference to that one post. it was a good one#but yeah. chilling so hard rn#chilling on a weekend like usual ^_^ watching spongebob and scoobydoobydoo#voidcore.txt
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i wanna write fluff tonight and theres no fluff on anything im working on mmMMMMM
#does someone wanna prompt me lol#or should i just move back to chapter 3. it doesnt have fluff either but its a chill chapter for now#i just wanna write something cute. short and sweet. fluffy. maybe even domestic fluff again lol#anyways if you do wanna prompt me yeet it over to the side (@underratedandoverit)#im gonna eat now and then i gotta make a schedule for this weekend oof#night is an absolute mess on main
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new day resolution TALK TO PEOPLE!!!!
#im an ambivert in that im always tired and can never figure out why#like i will assume im tired because i capped out my human interaction somehow after talking to literally no one for three days#then wonder why im sad!! its silly!!!!#anyways#im also shy <3#personal#<- im probably gonna do more self-reflecting posts like this so if u wanna mute feel free!#feel free 2 rb or w/e if u want btw. i know how to turn off rbs if i wasnt chill w that ^u^#if u have any tips for the worlds silliest fish (moi) feel free 2 offer input.#i have wonderful friends+mutuals im just bad at being a human sometimes#especially w online social stuff#tumblr seems better for these personal rambles then twitter.#something about twitter makes going fully pessimist really easy which blows#u know what i've been slipping on my positivity goal recently... !#idk if i remembered to mention it anywhere? basically im trying to think self deprecating shit less. bad habbit#ive been doing pretty good this year until october (had a shit temp job lol)#but! its ok!#gonna have a good weekend so i'll start that up again#ok it 3 am now i take a snooze
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My baby nephew, upon me and not his mama picking him up from school, AGAIN: you need to stop being here :/
Me:
#moonspeaks#i was like dkfkhk aww bud are you tired of seeing me? and his ass just goes 'yeah :/' djdkgkh#like im pretty sure with toddler logic he's certain IM the reason mom keeps having to go to school#and unfortunately hes like 4 so i have no way to explain that correlation ≠ causation#like im sorry lil dude but ur mama has to leave whether im here or not#if its any consolation i dont wanna be here and awake at 5am for y'all either 😔✌🏽✌🏽#i love them but he was such a butthead that weekend lol and surprisingly his lil bro was SUPER chill#i can't wait for when he's older and i can tell him he told me to get out of his house like 3 times that weekend dkxkfkhmj#thankfully he only supremely disliked me RIGHT when his mom left in the morning and was mostly okay the rest of the day#one morning he threw SUCH a fit and the mere sight of me was making it worse & he insisted on being in the garage in the dark alone#i was like 'alright then batman but the door stays open so i can hear if youve died'#eventually i was able to make peace by loudly 'hrmmm im just gonna leave this bowl of blueberries here.... yknow...'#'just in case aaaanyone wants some for breakfast'. didnt get a vocal response but i heard his lil feet patter across the floor XD#5 mins later he asked for more blueberries lmao i made him a lil fort in the garage cuz he wanted to be alone that morning#honestly my peacemaking skills are phenomenal idk why I'm not president or something#tag story
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i should go finish my wondrous tales journal in xiv. but i don't wanna.
#it's snowing again and i'm gonna have to go pick spouse up from work but i don't wanna drive in it more T__T#and it's gonna be fucking super cold again for the weekend#and i just want to sleep until i can finally turn the house thermostat back to 69f#bc 67f for some reason leaves me chilled 100% all the time and i'm always tired
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I cannot wait until I’m home Monday and can do some concepts with you all 🥺
#I’m not having the best weekend#and all I wanna do is talk to you guys about mase#but I’ve got terrible terrible signal#and the house only has one room with wifi and it’s not one I can just chill in :(#so I’m stuck 🥲
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didn’t realize cp2077’s new big update was today and uh………
i am so lost i do not have the brain capacity to figure out the new UI and all the weapon changes and whatnot. so annoyed that i’m probably gonna have to just restart this playthrough (that i started to prep for the dlc lmao) from scratch to make gradually relearning to play this game easier. 💀 naturally this shit hits only after i finally got a hold of clothes i actually like ingame. OTL
also already ran into a bug with clothes. had to delete all my saved outfits and remake them because they were just layering on top of one another. also, does clothing changes take fucking ages to load for anyone else? shit was never this slow before.
#singull plays cyberpunk 2077#what a time for shit like this to go down when i’m already at max capacity brain space thanks to bullshit at work OTL#and then i feel so spread thin with all the hobby shit i wanna enjoy all at once#i wanna read i wanna game i wanna play with my dolls and photograph them for once and relearn html and css#while also making sure the dog gets walked and trained and played with and aaahhh#and i don’t really have weekends to myself anymore where i can just chill and veg out#*flop*#pardon the whining just having a generally shit week in a pretty meh month
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the job has been going surprisingly ok! I got most of my hours for the week done in like 4 days and im kinda hoping next week i can cut that down to getting it done in like, 3 and then having 4 days off lol. but i do have a webinar thing to attend tomorrow and im dreading it dskkfhkj. i never do well at live meeting call thngies. I do ok at in person ones but for some reason web based ones wig me out x_x (its only like 45 mins and mic only so it could be worse??) auggh
#just experiencing Real Heavy anxiety abt it. like im sure itll be fine#but also its kinda objectively funny to have a training/basics and faq webinar. after ive been working here almost 2 weeks? LMAO??#a bit late for training isnt it?? 😭 ive been learning on the job...#ive made a few mistakes so far and my brain is like. the person is going to call u out on ALl of them and be mad#but. the guide literally said u have 3 months to get ur accuracy up to a certain level . so i know thats just anxiety talking#BUT STILL.#at least i recognized they were mistakes on my own and dont make them anymore?? like im still learning TwT;;#i dont actually hate the job its very chill and a diff vibe from my prev jobs and the work is kinda interesting#like its prob not what id choose to do ideally. but. not mental breakdown type terrible?#like itd never be enough to live off of and the work loads are very inconsistent but. yk. its better than nothing#and better than going back to retail hell. ill die before i go back.#im kinda just hoping theres a lot of new hires at the webinar so i can just knda sit back and chill w/out having to say much lol..pls dont#be a small group...#i also want to try and list more things on depop tomorrow or this weekend bc idk whats going on w me#but i like. hate evryhting i own suddenly ?? and want to kinda overhaul my style...#ugggh. my brain is full of bees lately#sanchoyorambles#i also wanna post some art sometime soon bc my art blog is STAGNATING but i havent had anything huge to post#im working on smthbehind the scenes but its BIG and taking TIME
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