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jaerie · 3 years

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Fic Writer Questions

I was tagged by @allwaswell16 and @becomeawendybird

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 125 not counting anons

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 1,311,423

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

3 fandoms. One Direction, Hanson, Thor. Wait. The Moffatts as well. So 4 I guess..... maybe a few others sprinkled in WAY back in the day.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Where Do We Go Now

Just Jump

come on over, we've got something to share

Woke Up Feeling Knotty

The Post-War BP

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ummmmm angstiest ENDING? ummmm maybe the dexter AU? because it doesn’t really explain much, just gives you an illusion of how things are

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Ummmmmmm pretty much all of them because I get mean comments if it doesnt end the way people want it to.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Not much. I did write a Dexter AU... and I’ve wanted to write a bunch, but I just really haven’t. I guess my wordplay fic this year is technically one! I don’t know about anything crazy though

8) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Absolutely. Dirty, graphic smut. The kind of smut that will introduce you to new kinks and make you question your whole life up to that point.

9) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

It’s like new years resolutions. I always say I’m going to... and then............ My intention is to answer comments but it just becomes A LOT. And I never know what to say other than “thank you for reading!” unless its something specific I can comment on. Soooo I guess my anxiety says it’s better not to comment than to just say generic thank yous. I miss the LJ days when you’d write novel comments for each chapter and then have a long thread back and forth with the author fangirling over specific scenes or wording or plot point or a particular line that struck you... but Ao3 just isn’t that kind of community really.

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Sure have! I’ve had some of the nastiest things thrown at me both directly and indirectly. Mainly by entitled people sitting behind computer screens sending me pissy comments on anon because I didn’t write the fic the way they wanted it to be written tailored to their preferences and fantasies. Or people who are all WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN type hate comments.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. They used to pop up on Wattpad a lot. I even had someone repost on Ao3.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I’ve found translations up on Wattpad before... but the above reason is exactly why I don’t allow translations. That and because (and this is no offense to ANYONE who is multilingual, that is impressive!) I don’t trust that the story and feelings and emotions would be translated correctly.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Kind of? But not in a serious cowriting situation. It was moreso just for fun in the past but I think I’m too much of a control freak over where I want plots and characters to go.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Harry and Louis probably. I’ve never written so many fics for any other fandom nor was I ever so consistent on reading a specific pairing before. They just fit. I don’t really have another explanation.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m going to get tomatoes thrown at me if I say which one I’m really thinking of :-x but I have plenty of half finished fics in my google docs that I want to but will never finish because of hate comments or things people have said about it that stomped all over my excitement. Like this one fic I won’t be too specific on because certain people will know what I’m talking about and I’m not out here to call out the person who did this... but it was a hybrid fic and in a group chat we were explaining hybrids and I shared artwork I found explaining how I envisioned hybrids in my head and someone in the chat said “that’s not a hybrid, that’s a furry” and the way it happened basically made me want to delete every hybrid fic I’ve ever posted and made me abandon the whole thing even though I’d already written 30k of it and it was GRAND. God I loved that idea so fucking much. A certain someone asks about it now and then... but yea. That’s the real reason I abandoned it and will never finish it even if I sometimes want to. Actually I might have deleted it during one of the #darktimes a few months ago. RIP to all the fic beginnings and fragments and nearly finished masterpieces that fell victim to the massacre.

16) What are your writing strengths?

World building? Smut? Emotion? This is hard because the things people probably think I do well are probably things I think I suck at.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

English. And double spaces. I will take those to my fucking grave. Fight me.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I.... don’t. Because of above. Someone will tell me I’m wrong which my brain will translate as you’re dumb and should never attempt to write words in anyt language again LOL but for real. The fear of messing it up is too strong.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Hanson

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Hard one... All of my favourite fics are also fics that I know could have been better had I dedicated more time to them or been more patient before rushing to post. Doing that sort by kudos thing above really shocked me that some of my least favourite or meh fics are the most popular

In no particular order, here are some of my favourites through the years:

Old Photographs & Times I'll Remember

Sisterwives

High Heels, Red Dress

Tonight's the Night

As We Were, As We Are

The Wilds

OmegaVision

Captain Jack

Saving's What I Need

Stay Close, Hold Steady

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gumnut-logic · 4 years

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Fanfic Asks 1

This is for @tsarinatorment and @faerie-dancer who asked for V I R G E and V I R G respectively ::hugs you guys:: And also for @such-a-random-rambler who asked for I R and in part for @louthestarspeaker and @janetm74 who also asked for I and @coffee-and-lenna who asked for G. You guys are wonderful.

V. Do you prefer writing established relationships or first times?

If you had asked me this a couple of years ago, I wouldn’t have had a clue, but having written so much Virgil/Kayo (something I would never have thought would have happened), I have to say that I certainly enjoy writing a relationship that sticks like glue. While I don’t see it happening in canon at all, whatever it was I managed to do with those two seemed to work. They have their issues (aka Virgil being a self-sacrificing idiot at times and Kay refusing to admit she is human every now and again), but their relationship is just wonderful to write. Scott and Em, on the other hand are completely different, yet still stuck together.

It was a challenge to get both couples together initially. Virg was the easiest. At the end of Lug Day, it was like he’d been shot by cupid’s arrow….not that he would admit it until I drugged him up several thousand words and fics later. Kay was a wrestle, refusing to show any vulnerability. Virg has the patience of a saint. Em was a little starstruck, but battling so much else at the same time that she didn’t realise she was in love until it suddenly epiphanied. Scott…Scott was the worst. The man would not let down his shields. I had to fight him and it took him a long, long time…sixty thousand bloody words to finally get him there.

In summary, established is easy, first times are hardwork. But they are both fun :D

I. Do you have any particular inspirations when you write fanfic?

Inspirations or aspirations?

I get inspired by all sorts of things. Single word challenges are great. Convos with fellow writers (aka you guys). Lots of ‘what ifs’. Single scenes that sprout in my head then need twenty thousand words of plot to reach.

As for aspirations…I like a challenge. Can I do that? What would happen if I did that? Ooh, I don’t think that has been done before. That would just be a cool scene.

I do try to be different, partly because I can’t help myself, and partly because I just like to explore concepts.

R. Would you ever write a sequel to any of your fics? Which one(s)?

::cracks up and points, laughing:: Apparently I can’t help but add to the AUs I’ve created. According to Ao3, I have fifteen series and I know for a fact that isn’t the total number of sequels.

As for ‘which ones’…the latest is the Anna Kent series which I refuse to leave alone and will hopefully be writing more. The Kermadec AU is definitely going to have more added to it – I have written plans for a sequel to the main fic…once I finish the first one. One sequel that may not be apparent is one that was nudged by a reader on Ao3 who said they would like to see the other side of ‘That Musical Voice’. That fic has rested long enough now for me to go back and re-read and yeah, I think I could manage that – lots of Scott and John worrying over an injured Virg. ::hides ‘The Joker and the Hero’ behind my back…I haven’t forgotten them, I promise::

G. Do you prefer writing one-shots or chaptered fics?

Ummmmm….do I have a choice? I try to write one shots and you’ve seen what happens. One shots are good for finishing and feeling accomplished. Chaptered fics string along for weeks and torture my ability to complete things…but at the same time can be great fun to explore and enjoy with friends.

My problem is I traditionally couldn’t write long. Now apparently, I’m having trouble writing short.

Well, at least I know I can write a novel if poked and prodded and cheered on enough ::hugs you guys::

E. Have you ever written a crossover?

Apart from the inevitable blending of Thunderbirds Are Go with Thunderbirds TOS, there have only been a couple of rare instances of me writing crossovers.

There is one tease scene of TAG Warm Rain/Knight Rider – I Really Need Saving, featuring Kitt (apparently I like writing AIs) and way, way back when I was a teenager (you know, back in the dark ages of the late 80s) I wrote a crossover between Star Trek: TOS and Star Trek: TNG which never made it off paper, much less was finished.

-o-o-o-

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #writing #fanfiction #meme

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kinkymagnus · 5 years

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Idk if someone has ever asked you this before but somnophilia? Like Alec (consentually) slips like some Seelie drug into Magnus’ tea or something the night before and then wakes up early to rim finger and fuck Magnus, plug his ass with his cum inside. Maybe he even throat fucks him. So Magnus just wakes up way later, after Alec is gone to work, feeling thoroughly fucked out with the most intense set of blue balls he’s ever experienced, knowing that he can’t come til Alec gets home.

dfghfghhg ok so, yes i have been asked this before BUT

1. i said i don’t mind it but i probably wasn’t going to write it (but i maybe have changed my mind?)

2. i have since read a reallllly good fic on it for malec so

3. honestly it’s

4. ok but this? this particular idea you’ve brought up? this is new.

because here’s the thing, in pretty much every fic/idea i’ve read about consensual (of course! for some reason, every somnophilia fic or idea i’ve read/talked about/liked people are always like “i liked how it was consensual” like yes????? why would it not be?? i mean i suppose that’s just the internet being a dark evil place but still, what the fuck) somnophilia is like.

person a fucks person b awake. person b awakes to the cock/toy inside them or to being pleasured in some way, it’s a whole thing. it’s pretty cool.

but this. this is magnus takes a special tea or whatever to stay asleep, and then wakes up to the aftermath–such as hickeys all over him, ass plugged and full, cum all over his thighs or whatever, kind of sore, possibly with the faint taste of cum in his mouth, and with an intense need to cum (hmmm….cock cage?? eyes emoji) that he can’t release until alec lets him. and alec’s side is, of course, fucking his sleeping boyfriend, taking care of him, knowing magnus trusts him even when he’s literally just ridiculously vulnerable, to take care of him and make him feel good.

now i want to write a somnophilia fic with cock cages and shit like that, goddamn. i wonder if i could combine it with one of my existing prompts. i only have one involving cock cages that i haven’t already got something for and i think i could make it work. i just hope they don’t mind me adding somnophilia to the mix. (i guess if they do they can comment and be like “ummmmm hey so” and it’s totally cool???? yeah)

#malec smut

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nurseydexunsolved · 6 years

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My first ever nurseydex fic! Please go on ao3 and leave comments and reblog & all that jazz, I’ll love you forever. Also! If you have a prompt you desperately want someone to fill, just send it my way! Okay enjoy :)

William Poindexter was wheeling someone, but for the life of them, no one in the haus could get him to confess who.

Nursey noticed it first, entirely on accident. Dex had walked into the kitchen, shoulders at least two inches lower than they usually were, expression calm, and when Nursey knocked over his water, Dex just laughed and said, "Don't worry, I'll clean it up."

Nursey stared at him, shocked. The shock had to be the reason he said something as stupid as what he said next: "Whoa, bro, who took the stick out of your ass? You're acting... weird."

Unfortunately for Dex, Ransom, Holster, AND Shitty were all in the kitchen (preparing for the kegster that night) when Nursey said this, and the way they all immediately stopped their conversation and zeroed in on him was truly frightening. Dex barely had time to give Nurse the stink eye before he was being devoured by their well-meaning but invasive friends. Nursey wanted to join in on the chirping, but he realized he was feeling a little bit sick to his stomach, so he escaped upstairs.

Despite this, or maybe because of it, Nursey was the first person Dex told.

A couple days later he still hadn't cracked, to the endless irritation of Ransom's spreadsheets. They were hanging out in the library with Chow, but when Chris went to the snack shack downstairs, Dex tapped Nursey's foot with his.

"Hey," he said, which made Nurse's heart start thumping a little bit harder, because what could he possibly have to say that Chowder couldn't hear? And Dex's expression didn't help. He looked... nervous. And a bit vulnerable, like he was made of glass, which of course was never a good combination with Derek's clumsy ass.

"Yeah?" he said, trying to be delicate.

"I kind of have a question."

"What's it about?"

"Well, it's about... poetry," he said, looking anywhere but Nursey's eyes."Poetry? Bro, have you been holding out on me?? Do you need me to critique your couplets? I'll do it, I promise, there is nothing I want more than to read poetry written by Mr. Grumpy—"

"Shut up," Dex laughed, the tension eased a little bit. "No, it's not my poetry. It was written... well. It's kind of, um, about me. And I want you to tell me if it's good."

Nursey's heart plunged into a cold lake. "Oh, for real? Well, I mean, there isn't really such a thing as bad poetry, you know. I'm not elitist about that sort of thing." The look on Dex's face told him that was the wrong answer. "But, I mean, I'll take a look. Do you have it with you?"

Dex wordlessly handed it over, and Derek read.

"I've never been very religious I believe in entropy and science, experiments and evidence, gravity and stars But then I look and I swear, there is something in the glow of your golden eyes and well that is an unexplained phenomena if I've ever seen one And perhaps you were always meant to disprove my hypothesis Because I swear I found Virgo in the constellations on your collarbones And there must be a gravity around you because I feel it like a tug on my sternum when you leave And if there is a God, he must be a sadist Because I am sure he made you and thought, "Here is a smile they will start wars for.""

There was a lot going through Derek Nurse's head.

First, his English major brain started critiquing it: too short, not a very smooth flow, some odd sentence structures.

Then he thought, God, who could describe Dex in cliches. Gravity? Constellations? I would have said—

Then he stopped himself. And started to panic. And realized this person was really in love with Dex, because duh. They weren't wrong about the smile.

He glanced down and saw he'd been gripping the page tight enough to crinkle, and smoothed it onto the table.

"So?" Dex said, searching Nursey's face almost desperately. "Is it good? Do—do you like it?"

Nurse almost laughed at that. Was it good? Yeah, maybe. Did he like it?

Fuck no.

He focused on the first question.

"Um, well, I really liked the way she tied the subject to her questioning religion and science, almost making him a messiah-like figure, and the continuity of that metaphor—"

"Nurse. This isn't workshop. I asked you if you liked it."

Derek tried to imagine that he'd been presented this piece in workshop, and not by his d-partner, who was currently giving him the most unbearably eager expression. Nursey couldn't imagine why his opinion mattered to Dex, but he glared down at the paper and said, "Yeah, overall, I liked it."

Dex stared at him for another really long moment, and Nursey didn't know what to do with his hands, and then Dex grabbed the paper and shuffled it around.

"So. I mean, not to pry, but obviously—"

"His name's Evan," Dex said. "I met him at that Sunday kegster, the day party. He told me he wanted me to 'look' at his poem, but it's obviously about me, and I don't know. He's really nice and cute and it's just." Dex sighed, avoiding Nurse's eyes. "It's nice to know someone looks at me like that. That someone could, in any fucking universe, describe my eyes as 'unexplainable phenomena.' But I didn't know if it was just bullshit or what, so I wanted to show it to—to you."

Dex finally looked him in the eye again, and—oh. Nursey had been so fucking stupid, he was so mad he hadn't thought of writing poetry about Dex's eyes first. They were so raw, so expressive. He was a tad dumbstuck, until he managed to sputter out, "Well, do you—do you like him too?"

"I think I could," he said, like it was a confession. He looked away, toward the window, and Nursey really wished he was a photographer in that moment, so he could capture that look. "I really think I could."

In the end, Evan gave himself away.

Dex and Nursey were sitting alone at the kitchen table, with Bitty humming happily at the counter, when Derek saw it.

Before he could help himself, he whispered to his phone, "Oh, you know not what you do."

This earned him a very confused look from Dex. He simply handed over his phone, watching Dex's eyes bug out, as he raced to unlock his own phone and delete the incriminating evidence.

It was too late. They heard the loud, "Dude!" followed by Holster's booming "DUDE!!!" before Dex had even pulled up instagram. Ransom was on insta almost as much as Bitty was on twitter.

Dex's fate was sealed.

"Ummmmm DEX?" came Holster's voice down the stairs before he thundered into the kitchen. "Who is this HOTTIE commenting WINKY FACE EMOJIS on your selfies??"

"It's not a selfie—"

"Actually Holtz, I believe the comment in question was, 'looking good dex,' then the winky face emoji."

"Oh, of course, how could I be so foolish."

"Did y'all already send the screenshot to the gc?" Bitty asked, looking down at his continuously vibrating phone. "Oh, give Dex a break, will ya?"

"Yeah, I would love to, Bitty," Rans said, grinning at his phone with what could only be called malicious glee, "but it turns out Dex's new boo-thang has been posting delightful candids of our boy here along with captions written in—wait for it—free verse poetry."

"How the fuck did you find--? He's on private!" Dex objected, the confusion momentarily distracting him from hiding his very red face.

"Dude, this kid can write," Holster said. "Are you sure he's not only dating you for an excuse to write autumnal prose?"

"YES!" Rans yelled. "The poetry drew her in! Lardo joined the flaming!"

"GOD," Dex groaned, muffled into his sleeves since he was facedown on the table. "LET ME DIE HERE.”

"Now, of course we all support you and your sexuality, but in the interest of equal opportunity chirping—"

"SHUT UP HOLSTER!"

The real problem began when Nursey went to his poetry writing seminar on Wednesday, because now he knew what Evan looked like. He’d put a face to the poem, and discovered the proof confirming Evan’s sadist theory that God was personally TiVo-ing Derek’s Actual Life and laughing his ass off, because Evan?

Evan was in Derek’s poetry writing seminar.

Even better, when the prof counted them off into groups for mini-workshop sessions, Evan was in his group.

Guess which poem he brought to workshop?

Derek would have been the first to admit that he maybe didn’t handle the situation as maturely as possible. He had a reputation in their class of being opinionated, but even he knew as the words were coming out of his mouth that he was going overboard. He talked about this metaphor not hitting just right, that line maybe wasn’t totally accurate? (After all, he did know who the poem was about. He could judge accuracy.) By the end of class, he had practically rewritten the whole thing for him, but to his credit, Evan took the whole thing like a champ, taking notes on everything Derek said.

“By the way, are you married to the whole second-person thing?” Derek said, hating the words even as they came out of his own mouth.

“Um, well, I kind of conceptualized it as a literal love letter. Like, I wanted to evoke the feeling in the reader of like, the person who I love is pouring out their soul to me in an ode, and all that’s missing is some cursive and a postage stamp in the corner,” he said.

“That’s a really cool idea,” Derek gritted out, mostly because he meant it. “Is that why it’s so vague?” he asked, because maybe there was hope. Maybe he really just wanted Dex to read his poem.

“What?” Evan replied, looking surprised.

“Well, I mean, you don’t have any particular details in it: this could be about anyone. Did you do that intentionally so the reader could envision it being addressed to them?” And, honestly. His prying was getting a little pathetically obvious now.

“Oh. Um, I guess you’re right, but that wasn’t intentional. Actually, it is about a really specific person. Ha, guess it’s just the closeted queer kid in me, avoiding any obvious markers of gender or whatever. You’re totally right, I’ll work on that.”

Derek sunk back into his seat, real guilt settling on his chest as their groupmates sent Evan sympathetic looks.

It would have been much easier to hate Evan if Derek didn’t like him so much.

He didn’t mean to write the poem.

Honest. It just spilled out of his fingers, typed into a shame-note on his phone, not even titled.

Well, until the third draft. Then he titled the note, “Freckles.” And then he had to transfer it to google docs, where all his poetry went, just to be safe.

And somehow, some way, Derek ended up in the library printing out 20 copies for his entire workshop to read.

It wasn’t that he hated himself; nor even that he was convinced that it was that great of a poem. The whole “having feelings for Dex” thing was too confusing and intense and new for him to be able to be objective at all. It was just, he’d procrastinated the hell out of the assignment, since he'd had two essays due the same week and thought, “It’s a poetry prompt. I have notebooks stuffed with poetry. I’m sure I have something.”

Except, then it was the night before Wednesday, and he realized he didn’t have anything that fit the prompt.

Well. Except one poem.

Which was how he printed out and handed his own ode to Dex right into his boyfriend’s fucking arms.

Oh yeah, because that was a thing.

A couple weeks ago, half the team had “accidentally” run into Dex and Evan on a date, where Dex had introduced Evan as his boyfriend and Evan had tried to chat with Nursey about their seminar and Nursey had excused himself to the bathroom, to quiet his shaking hands.

Since then, whenever Dex went to kegsters and the bars and even a house party at one of Rans's Weird Sciencey Friends's place, Evan was with him. Which like. If you didn't know they were together, you probably wouldn't even guess it. Nursey had never seen them kiss, and the most PDA he'd spotted was Dex dragging Evan out of a kegster by his hand. Technically. But the thing was, Dex was so...different when he was with Evan. Evan made him laugh, like belly laugh, all the time. Dex was constantly smiling or laughing or joking whenever Evan was in the room, and Nursey really just could not deal. If he'd thought he had it bad before, that was literally a joke compared to the sight of Dex animatedly telling a funny story, swinging his arms everywhere, barely able to finish for laughing so hard.

The problem was that he wasn't telling the story to Nursey.

All this, maybe, possibly, Nursey could handle. He could move on. If Dex hadn't walked into their room looking extremely distraught less than a week ago.

Well. Extremely distraught on Dex looked like mildly perturbed on most other people but Nursey could read Dex pretty well at this point.

"Dex?" he said, "Are you alright?"

He expected a brush-off, like every other time Nursey inquired after his emotional state. What he got was, "I don't know."

Nurse swiveled away from his laptop, full attention to Dex. "What's up?"

Dex gave a frustrated huff. "It's just...ugh. It's gonna sound shitty."

Nursey raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

Dex huffed again. "Okay. But I might not say it right. Um, so Evan has some... mental health issues. Which is fine! That isn't the problem. I like all of who he is, not just... ugh. The problem is... I don't think he's really... dealing with it?"

Nursey kept his face impassive. Dex knew about Nursey's mental health struggles as well, and yet he chose to come to him for this. He would withhold judgement until Dex said what he had to say.

"Like he... he makes me happy, and he makes me laugh, and he makes me feel good about myself. But he puts himself down all the time. And I don't think he's fishing for compliments or reassurance or anything, but it feels like, if I don't reassure him every time, I'm just feeding into it and reaffirming those thoughts and making everything worse. And that's like, a lot of pressure? And he has some really concerning symptoms. Like, he'll just casually drop that he had a panic attack in class or that he dissociated for hours this morning and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help. I can't, I am so not qualified for that. So I'll be like, 'maybe you should see a therapist or get a diagnosis or like...talk to someone'? And he'll just be like 'I probably should' and then do nothing. And I try to tell him nothing will change or get better if he doesn't do anything, and I'm just starting to feel like if I don't make his mental health a priority then no one will, and because I care about him, I want to see him, I don't know, be okay. But that means taking it all on, and I just, I don't, I've been monologuing about this for long enough and please help."

Nursey nodded, face still carefully composed. He'd been in a similar situation with a cousin, and told Dex he was on the right track and had to take care of himself first, and to talk to Evan about it first, and if after that he couldn't prove he was making an effort to improve his health then Dex should end the relationship. All in all, Nurse was quite proud with his maturity in handling the situation, and could sleep well knowing he gave Dex the advice he would give anyone.

Except.

Knowing this was so detrimental to Nursey's dumbass feelings-for-Dex heart balloon, which expanded with shallow, selfish hope with the knowledge that Dex wasn't totally happy and that Evan had, like, at least one flaw.

It was the stupid balloon that had made him write the poem in the first place. He just had to let some of the air out before it popped. How could he have known it would end up like this?

He reread the poem nervously while class was winding down, tuning out the prof's droning about atmosphere.

i bet you heard that your freckles were constellations, stars scattered across shoulders but i have never heard something so wrong stars are dead things, explosions of heat and gas, and what we see are the remnants of light, hanging on only to the echo but your skin is a living masterpiece a splattered miracle of pigment and sundrops and pointilism you might be the water droplets that bead up on the car ride home, as i watch two drops race each other to avoid looking at your hair or your eyes or your freckled fists on the wheel, because i know if i look i will do something stupid like fall in love— but it's too late. i didn't see it coming because i always thought it would be gradual, but all it takes is for me to see the fireworks of freckles on your sternum, permanently burned onto your skin like the imprint of the sun on the back of my eyes and it explodes in my chest, this thing that i let happen so no, dear, you are not like the constellations so fickle, disappearing every morning, hiding behind the clouds your freckles are like freckles because i have tried and tried, but i cannot for the life of me think of a more beautiful word

An elbow in his side jolted him back to class. It was Evan's.

"Can't wait to read your poem!" he said.

"Haha, thanks," he said.

Haha, fuck, he thought.

"Nurse. I read your poem."

Nursey's eyes tracked slowly up from his reading to the puppy-dog eyed boy in front of him. Evan. Shit.

"I can explain," he said.

Evan slid into the booth next to him at Annie's. "I need your advice."

Nursey repeated Evan's word in his brain once, and then twice, and then a third time, really breaking down each word, and he was still confused. "What?"

"With Dex. I have eyes. You obviously really care about him. Like, you're in love with him, I mean. And maybe that makes me stupid for asking you, but I don't really have anyone else I know who'll hear what I have to say and have Dex's best interests at heart, and so I'm trusting you to be honest with me, because I don't really think I'm capable of being honest with myself right now."

"I'm sorry, are you asking me for relationship advice?" The words left his own mouth but they still didn't make sense.

"Kind of. It's just. Has Dex told you anything about me?"

He knew what Evan was asking. "He told me you had some mental health issues, yeah. And that it's been... well. A support system can't be one person."

Evan nodded, like this was what he had been wanting to hear, which only succeeded in confusing Nursey more.

"Yes. Exactly. So. I wanted to ask someone who actually knew Dex about it, because I don't think he's being honest with me. I mean, I think he's trying to hide his feelings because he's afraid it will like, break me, or make me feel worse, or whatever. I guess my question is... am I hurting him?"

And, fuck. All of Nursey's irrational dislike of Evan flew out the window when he heard that soft little question, Evan's voice almost too raw to bear.

Which was why Nursey knew he was being honest when he whispered, "Yes." He rushed on to amend, "Well, it's not actually your mental illness, whatever that is, Dex never specified. It's that Dex feels like the responsibility for your mental well-being is entirely on his shoulders, which is not healthy for anyone to feel, ever. He really cares about you, Evan. But from what I gather, you're putting a lot of weight on him. You need to have someone else besides Dex: your family, other friends, maybe a therapist. Okay, no, as someone with bipolar, you actually should definitely have a therapist. But it's gonna take a while, dude. And until then... yeah. You are hurting him."

The fucking look in his eyes, man. "I need him," he said.

"I know," Nursey replied. "Which is probably why you have to let him go."

Evan sighed, a release of understanding, of learning something you already knew. "Thank you. I just needed someone to say it out loud to me." He looked down at his hands, picking the skin off the side of the nail. "Um. Do you know how... where would I find a good therapist? Do you think?"

Things after that were harder. But also better.

Dex was devastated, he was. But Nursey could also see the relief in the set of his shoulders. That Evan would be okay, or he was on his way to being okay, and it wasn't Dex's job to fix him. Or anyone's job but Evan's, honestly. Nursey had almost forgotten the whole ode to Dex thing.

Almost.

Until Dex burst into their room, paper in hand, yelling, "Hey, Nurse? What the fuck is this?"

Nursey froze at his desk. He didn't have to look. He could feel the words on the paper in the room with them, haunting him. Why did he have to be so melo-fucking-dramatic all the time?

"What's what?" he said instead of all that, swiveling around calmly, thinking maybe if he acted chill his blood pressure would be fooled and decrease.

(Or maybe it would increase just enough that he could have a heart attack and be in the ER and not this room?)

"Nursey. Please don't insult my intelligence."

He risked a glance up to Dex's face, which didn't look mad or embarrassed or any of the emotions Nursey would immediately associate with an unwanted love confession.

"Look, you were never supposed to see it, okay—"

Dex let out a laugh, one of those laughs when there's some sort of emotion in you and you don't really know where to put it and it just bursts out into a laugh. Nursey thought of volcanoes and pillow fights and popped balloons. His fingers itched for a pencil.

"Oh, so you were just gonna let me be ignorant forever? You were really never gonna tell me this is how you feel?"

"I—" Nursey watched Dex's face, but he really couldn't reconcile Dex's tone with his words with his face. They were all criss-crossed, like Dex's eyelashes when he woke up from a nap.

His hand actually made it all the way to the pen on his desk, screaming to write it all down, before he forced it to return back to his lap just to fiddle with. It wasn't his fault Dex looked so beautiful like this. So alive.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

This was clearly not the right thing, because he saw the irritation settle into Dex's face, like tinder on a campfire, before he closed his eyes, leaning back, and breathing in deep.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come in here picking a fight. I want you to be honest with me. Please."

"I—" Three seconds ago, he'd been composing poetry, prose, metaphors about his feelings. And yet somehow in this moment, he couldn't think of one single thing to say.

"I'm obsessed with you," he blurted. "It's kind of embarrassing, actually. I think about you literally all the time. And I always write what I'm thinking about. So I wrote that."

Dex shook his head, his lips turned up faintly in disbelief, like he was laughing at a joke no one had told yet. "I'm sorry, when did you write this?"

"Um...like... a month ago? I think? Maybe."

Dex's eyes closed, like he was having trouble with the math. Dex was really excellent at math.

"So you're telling me you've liked me about as long as I've been with Evan."

Nursey mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "maybe."

"What about his poem?"

Nurse blinked. "What about it?"

This time Dex really did laugh. It sounded a bit delirious. "When I showed you his poem! Did you really think I wanted your opinion on his prose?"

Nursey said nothing, but the look on his face probably betrayed that yes, that was what he'd thought.

"For someone who can write such brilliant shit—" he waved the paper around, "—you really are dense sometimes. I was giving you a chance! To say something, to stop me, I don't know. But then you said you liked it, so I thought, 'well, that settles it, he's not into me. Time to move on.' And then I did. And then you have the audacity to write this motherfucking—"

Dex looked like he was edging into full on rant mode, so Derek stood up quickly and interrupted with, "Hey Dex?"

Dex hit the brakes, looking up at Nursey like he very much wanted to finish. "What?"

"Can I kiss you?"

And, man. Dex was so beautiful like this, arms askew in the middle of the point he'd been making, hair mussed, face confused, like his words had stopped but his brain was veering off course. He kind of looked like a mess. Derek's heart swelled.

"Okay," he said.

Derek rushed in, worried if he waited any longer Dex would keep talking.

He didn't.

Dex's hands found Nurse's waist, paper still in hand, gripping at his back and grabbing him, pulling him closer. Nursey framed his hands around Dex's face, dragging him into the kiss. One of his hands gripped at the back of Dex's neck, sliding up over his short hair, like he'd wanted to do for months.

His mouth was so warm, just like the rest of him, but more, somehow. Nursey opened his mouth, sucking on Dex's lip. Dex's hand reflexively squeezed Nursey's waist. Before he could get too cocky about that, Dex caught Nursey's bottom lip in his teeth, scraping slow over it, sending chills down his scalp over his whole body.

"Wait, wait, wait," Dex said, pulling away, kinda, in the sense that his mouth was no longer attached to Nursey's, but he was still pretty entwined all up in Derek. He leaned his head down to catch his breath, his panting blowing over Derek's neck, giving Derek the mental image of Dex kissing him there, which, fuck—

"I was gonna say something," Dex said, eyes still looking kind of scrambled.

"Mm-hmm," Derek hummed, leaning in close again. One of Dex's hands left Nursey's waist and brushed his own lips, and yeah, Nursey knew the feeling. His mouth was literally humming, floating away from the rest of him.

"I can't remember," Dex said, grinning, already leaning back into Derek.

"That's okay," Derek murmured against Dex's pulse, which he could actually feel thrumming rapidly against his lips. "We have time."

And he kissed and kissed and kissed him, until there wasn't a single freckle left untouched.

#nurseydex #dexnursey #derek nurse #william poindexter #dex x nursey #nursey x dex #omgcp #Check Please!#my fic #my nurseydex fic

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canonicallyanxious · 7 years

Note

7, 10, 13, 29, 42, 44

Hello did you know that i love you?? Thanks friend

7 and 10 have already been answered here!

13. hardest character to write?

I’m assuming this is in the SKAM fandom? POV wise i’m always gonna say Isak, because i swear to fucking god that boy fights me on every single goddamn word skjdfnsdkfs it’s just so hard for me to wrangle his voice into words!! idk why!!! it just is!!!! But i also find boy squad super challenging to get right!! will i one day be brave enough to actually attempt one of their povs hahahahahahaaksjdnkasjnda

29. Favorite story/poem of another author?

ummmmm. hm. i’m gonna do both original and fic [and again we’re keeping it to the skam fandom because bringing in other fandoms is just gonna get messy as fuck], because i find them both influential for me. also i’m sorry i’m going to be physically incapable of picking just one for either aksjdnaksdnsa

Original [in no particular order]: The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman, The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets at the End of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz

SKAM fic [in no particular order]: stay a minute by @hotchocolatenthusiast, with love from anonymous by @westiris and @bechnaesun, a mental archive of love unwanted by @icelandcurry, An Equal and Opposite Reaction by @junkshop-disco, next to you is where i call home by @call-this-a-mask, and they were right in front of you this whole time by ihavecoldhands, don’t want anything but all of you by @boxesfullofthoughts, everything by these authors and honestly everything i have ever recced on @evaksbinder THERE’S SO MUCH GOOD STUFF IN THIS FANDOM!!!

42. Do you plan or do you write whatever comes to mind?

For multichaps - i am a chronic planner but like in the most disorganized way possible?? It’s actually pretty bad lol like before i start writing a fic i’ll know how many chapters it’s going to have, what each chapter will be called [if they have names], what the fic will be called, what POV i’m writing from, the Official Fic Soundtrack, and like every major plot point except for the important stuff which is... like... how i’m going to get there?? “general development” is a very common phrase in my outlines, #yikes. but no in general, i need a plan, i find if i attempt to write a story without knowing what i want the endgame to be and how i’m gonna make the endgame happen it’s just... not gonna work out well.

For one shots i’m a little more flexible! usually i just start with a general concept and see where a good ending feels right. So like using skam fic as an example, when i was writing a dream to be close to you i just started with some of the angsty long distance feels because that’s what inspired me, and then i built more of the beginning around it as it felt right, and i was going to write over a longer time span but when i got to what ended up being the last scene it just felt like a good place to end it. And for you’re beside me breathing so loud i originally had like ten scenes sketched out but i wrote like half of them and like, that felt like enough to get my point across, otherwise it would get redundant. but even with one shots, i still have to have at least a vague idea of what i want the ending to leave the reader with so i can build toward it.

44. Do you write linear or do you write future scenes if you feel like it?

I’m like, physically incapable of not writing linear lol, at least for multichaps. I mean, i have tried to write future scenes in the past, but in my experience that usually results in me having to invest a lot more time in editing fixing up the scenes i wrote out of order so that they fit better in context. For me personally it’s just easier to know how to write a scene if i know exactly how i built up to it.

Send me some numbers and i’ll ramble incessantly about writing and fic and stuff

#askybison #answers

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suudonym · 7 years

Text

received a tag from @bixxa-boom which is always a fun time o:

Rules:

1. Post the rules 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger 3. Write 11 questions of your own

1. What’s your favorite pun? foreign language puns are my favorite, right now I’m partial to the one I made on naraku no soko de matsu

2. What’s a funny event that happened to you that makes your face red whenever you think about it, or something you saw happen to someone (friend or stranger) that would make you blush if it was you? eeeehhhhh nothing really comes to mind... I mean we all know someone who walked into a door or wall without realizing but that’s so cliche I’m not sure it really counts as funny

3. If you could laze around in any sort of fancy clothing no matter how expensive or out of context it was, what would it be? hate to be boring but if I’m lazin around it’s in the same tshirt + jacket + jeans combo I always wear, comfort trumps all

4. What’s your favorite dog breed? =D pitbulls (*ฅ́˘ฅ̀*) .｡.:*♡ their faces are soooo cute but they’re too smart and energetic for someone with a disposition like mine to be able to be able to take good care of one

5. Of all the series that you’ve watched or played, what’s your favorite soundtrack? (if you can’t decide pick your top five) oh boy uuhhhhhh.... I’m gonna have to do five favorites but in no particular order:

Tales of Legendia: which isn’t known for being an excellent addition to the tales series or even a very good game in general but boy that music

Nier Automata: which I haven’t actually played or even watched yet but boy that music

the Ar Tonelico series: which I’ve only watched a little of because it’s fundamentally hard to stomach but holy shit those vocal tracks

Made in Abyss: which is just really good in every way including the soundtrack

Haikyuu!!: which is a close-to-my-heart example of yuki hayashi’s all-around excellent work

6. Share an obscure fun fact about yourself that no one would know to ask about ummmmm I’ve got no gall bladder? bitch gone

7. What gives you the most second-hand embarassment from other people? probably when somebody makes an incorrect assumption about something another person said and gets all worked up and angry/upset about it. makes my toes curl to witness

8. If you could meet anyone (artist, singer, comedian, tv character, meme legend, etc) from any time and place with no language barriers between you and that person, who would it be? after great and lengthy deliberation I think I have to say, given the choice..... that I would rather just not meet people. oh but do animals count? I’ll take a snuggly kitten

9. What are your go-to songs when you’re very happy, sad and angry? I don’t really have mood music tbh? or rather, “want to listen to music” is its own unique mood that generally only ever overlaps with the “I’m going to work on something” and “why am I browsing the internet in silence” moods

10. What are your favorite tropes to see in fiction? [banging fists on table] FOUND FAMILY FOUND FAMILY FOUND FAMILY

and also I don’t know if it’s a trope but that thing where two characters that you wouldn’t really expect to have much to do with each other become close friends

and also also family in general. friendship and family that’s honestly all I need

11. If human society had Quirks Superpowers what would yours be? are we talking like what power would I pick or what power would I just end up with when I was born because if the former thennnn... that thing where you have mind control but only over your own mind and can manipulate yourself into feeling motivated or confident or whatever, and if the latter then......... shit idk. something useless, common, and/or unimpressive probably. maybe a good memory if we go on the basis of something I’m already kinda good with

I know I’m supposed to make new questions and tag people at this point but man I’m gonna have to be really boring, I don’t have the mental faculty to ffffuckin come up with words independently of external prompting

#sorry for not doing it right I'm just so #tired on top of not terribly good at the ''tagging others'' thing to begin with #forgive me my lethargy #slash laziness #saydonym

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drundertalescum · 7 years

Text

The Kings Beneath The Mountain - Fic Questions

SOOOO...

@audaciousanonj asked a few questions, and then @rabbitpietale decided to challenge me to do ALL the questions for this fic, so I’m doing all the questions for this fic.

Please send me questions for not-this-fic.

I’ll put it under the cut. It’s long.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I was in an angst mood and started writing for a few hours and ended up with a huge, disconnected mess. A week later I decided to publish the first part since it was pretty solid and could stand on its own. Then I made the mistake of trying to continue before I was really ready for it.

I don’t really remember the exact inspiration for the first night of mad typing. It was probably a migraine. That’s the cause of most fics I write down.

2: What scene did you first put down?

HONESTLY? It’s a scene way in the future. Like... 20 chapters ahead if it continues at the pace I want to? I’ve got doubts about going down that route for a few reasons, so there’s a chance the fic will divert before it ever gets there, but it’s... uh... it’s really not pleasant.

Maybe if I do divert I’ll spin that off into another fic. I do really like the scene. I just... I dunno. Self doubts.

3: What's your favorite line of narration?

It’s a paragraph, not a line, but this:

Undyne would have known what to do. She knew all sorts of things about magic, and about Asgore, too! She knew how he handled things, the way he made it all work. This was knowledge he desperately needed now. And it just would have been lovely hear her stories and share a cup of tea! (Papyrus himself hated tea, but he drank it all the time now. Asgore must have had good reason for drinking the stuff. Which flowers did he use again…? He was so forgetful lately.) They didn't have to spar or cook or do any of the stuff they used to. They could just chat or walk around the garden and reminisce about older, better times. His joints hurt so much; that sounded more appealing. She'd probably think it was boring, but he could make it fun! She could play piano for him and he could try to sing along. They should have done that more. It was fun. Or maybe they could watch some of those baby cartoons together. He didn't know which one was her favorite, and he felt now that he'd really like to know.

I just love their friendship so much and it hurts knowing how much he missed her and how much he was ignoring about his own self-destruction while still thinking about her opinions and ways to spend more time with her.

I also like this ultra secret future snippet:

Creativity was always strongly associated with humans, and for good reason. Papyrus had seen so many old maps and books about human buildings and architecture. If, with unlimited time and resources, you asked a single human to build you two great cities, you would get exactly that: two cities. Different streets, different buildings, different names. A monster, on the other hand, would just build the same city twice. After all, the first was fine, wasn't it? There was no reason to betray tradition-- even if it was a tradition of just a few short days.

There’s another actual line that might be my favorite but it’s spoilers.

4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?

Of what’s currently written:

“WOWIE, UNDYNE! I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WERE FRIEND RULES!” “OBVIOUSLY! That's rule number two of the Friend Rules!!” “AND WHAT'S NUMBER ONE?” “‘Don't talk about Friend Rules!’” “BUT YOU JUST--!!!”

I also like:

COOLSKELETON95: THERE ARE LOTS OF THINGS FOR BABIES THAT ARE STILL VERY GOOD FOR GROWN MONSTERS! LIKE MILK! AND DEADLY SPIKES!

ALPHYS: * ummmmm * spikes!?

COOLSKELETON95: OF COURSE! KIDS LOVE SPIKES!!!

There’s a conversation way down the line that I love (part of the sequence that might get cut that I mentioned) but the whole thing is spoiler-town.

5: What part was hardest to write?

The next chapter. (:

I’m serious. It’s awful. I thought I would be able to get it done months ago! It’s not really all that hard, it’s just finding a balance, because the way the scene plays out really determines the direction of the story in a lot of ways. It’s just the chat with Undyne, it’s not some big surprise, but it’s hard! It doesn’t seem to want to work out right! And I get overwhelmed when I try to work on it.

The dinner with Sans was really tough, to, and the conversation that followed dinner. I didn��t want to give too much away from what Sans was thinking or what he’s aware of and that made it pretty tricky getting the dialogue to not go the wrong way.

The brothers actually wanted to talk things out and this is an Undertale fanfiction. It cannot be allowed.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

It’s really long.

And uh... aside from Papyrus and Alphys friendship showing a bit it hasn’t really reached any of the “different” parts yet.

Fun fact though: pretty much every detail of the King Papyrus ending Papyrus came from is the reverse of the details of my other (planned) King Papyrus fic Observe:

TKBTM:

Fell down 9 months in

Aborted genocide run

not Frisk’s first rodeo

features at least 2 timelines

Papyrus banned himself from sleeping

Papyrus has near-perfect reset memory (from origin timeline to new timeline)

Flowey died in Origin timeline

KPCV:

Takes place 1 year into reign

“Coward” run

the first Frisk run

the only Frisk run

Papyrus sleeps whenever he can he gets it now

No reset memory, only deja vu

Flowey lives

7: Where did the title come from?

It’s a reference to Asgore’s intro-to-battle music, which translates to The King Beneath The Mountain. Only there’s plural kings. Because Papyrus is also a king.

It’s really clever, you see. I’m really good at names.

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

Naw, not this one. This one is just pure self-indulgent fulfillment of my Papyrus angst needs.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Not really! There’s a lot of scenes that I changed or cut and by the end of it there may be a very different ending than the self-indulgent trash I was aiming for but right now its not that far.

Here’s a cut part of the scene where Sans and Papyrus are goofing off after Papyrus throws a glove at Sans’s face. Originally he missed:

“i feel so attacked right now. i better get going before you start throwing your boots too. ‘m weak, not sure my sole can handle it!”

“ARRRGHHH!!!” Sans had shortcut a short distance away before the shoe could properly land, as both knew he would. They’d played this game many times, but it never got old. If anything, it only got better with time. It was hard for Papyrus to maintain his look of great offense while he was holding back a giggle. He started to chase after him, using his magic to prevent himself from tripping from having only one shoe. “GET BACK HERE!!”

“i wouldn’t do that! you’re running a temperature!” Sans dodged out of the path of the second shoe before it even came close. “later!” Sans yelled from his spot down the road, then shortcut out of sight once more, this time for good.

Papyrus smiled as he floated above the ground and gathered up the strewn pieces of his gear.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

There’s no pairings here besides maybe one or two if-you-squints in the future. And one of those squints is... really not a healthy relationship if you read it as a relationship. Please don’t ship that.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

This isn’t clear yet but it’s super self-indulgent on my favorite tropes.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

This isn’t clear yet but it’s super self-indulgent on my favorite tropes.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

hmmm....

You know, I don’t really listen to music when I write. It doesn’t work. (Conversely, I MUST listen to music while I draw). I can’t remember what I was listening to around the time of writing, since music usually plays a role in brainstorming.

Maybe a nice, soft, sad orchestral ASGORE. Or if it exists, a soft, sad, orchestral ASGORE/Bonetrousle mashup.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Sleep is healthy.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

“Nope! Still can’t handle longfics! A pity!”

#my fics #the kings beneath the mountain #tkbtm #bad opinion zone

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gabbalot · 7 years

Text

Another ask meme 👀

So I was tagged by the one and only @merriemelodie who has a knack for making me feel valid on the worst of days, and also who I NEED TO COME UP WITH A SWEET NICKNAME FOR???❤️

The rules are: Post the rules, answer 11 questions, make up 11 new questions, and tag 11 people.

(Or just break the rules like I do. I tag the same people every time I do these so I’ll give everyone a break. If you want to, but don’t feel obligated: @plsetski, @zestyfiretruck, @stregina, @dednout, @vityanikiforova. For everyone else, I’m just being shy but if you see this and want to do it, CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED BY ME! And @ me in your response.)

My questions for people are:

If you could, would you choose to download your consciousness into an artificial simulation of life, where nothing really bad ever happens, and all the good things that you want from life happen in a believable way? Or would you rather live your life as it is now? Why?

If you could pick anything to do for your career, without having to worry about money, what would you do?

If you had to describe yourself with a Wikipedia article, or an article from The Onion, what would it be?

What is your favorite gif/meme??

If you could say anything to your younger self, what would you say? Would you say anything at all?

If humanoid androids became normalized and easily-accessible in the future, would you choose one as a companion? If no, why not? If yes, who would you like them to be based on?

What is the weirdest thing someone has every told you they like about you?

Which would you choose, and why: Bring your favorite character(s) to life? Or transport yourself into their world?

If you had to become immortal, what age would you choose to “die” and remain forever, and why?

What are your thoughts on Pluto? Is it a planet? or just a rock?

What is one thing you wouldn’t trade for $1,000,000 (or equivalent in your currency)?

And here are my long-ass answers for Melodieee:

Q1. Have any unpopular opinions? Now’s the time to say them. It doesn’t matter what they’re about; whether or not you think people will care about them, or if it’ll change people’s perceptions of you. Just let ‘em fly.

a:- Okay so…I don’t…really like Autumn…and it might…MAYBE..be my least favorite season…?? ? (I’m sorry, I know). I feel like this is particularly offensive coming from me, since I’m currently living in New England, which is well-known for having the most beautiful foliage during Autumn. But there’s only so much pumpkin spice and scarves I can indulge in before I have to face the reality that The Darkness™ is coming. Funny enough, I don’t have much of an aversion to Winter. (That’s a lie.) (I can’t manage during late February - March). (I barely make it to the end of Winter every year). All in all, this article pretty much summarizes my exacts feelings towards Autumn. Beware though, ~* 🚫 Autumn-lovers DON’T Interact! 🚫 *~, you will be enraged. ☕️🐸

Q2. Do you cling to summer, or are you typically more than excited for autumn? (Or do you not have a strong opinion either way?)

a:- Wellll I guess I sorta addressed this in the first answer? Hahaha. Aha. H a. (I still feel bad about it). But I suppose I don’t really cling to summer, because I have this icky tendency to…spoil good things before they are ready to be ruined??? Like “Ahhh, well am I going to feel bad eventually? Might as well get started on that right now!!”. Feeling Bad is the only thing I don’t procrastinate, lmao. But yeah, I don’t cling to summer (I mourn its death prematurely), and I don’t get excited for Autumn, I just do my best not to feel Too bad overall. I definitely don’t cry, because I Am A Big Kid Now.

Q3. What’s something that you’ve been wanting to tell somebody, but haven’t been able/felt ready to? (Of course, if you’re still not comfortable saying it in a public post, then you definitely shouldn’t feel obligated to do it. This is just for fun. ♥)

a:- The funniest thing is that a lot of the things that leave my mouth nowadays are things that I haven’t been ready to say. But I’ve been lucky enough not to word-vomit anything that’s been truly detrimental to my mental well-being. I’m also lucky to have a few amazing people in my life that I’m able to be quite vulnerable with.

Q4. What would the soundtrack for the film of your life look like? (FOR THOSE WILLING TO TAKE IT UP A NOTCH: if you were to write a Broadway musical about your life, what would some of the songs be titled/be about?)

a:- Let’s see if I can be as dramatic as possible. In terms of a movie soundtrack, I definitely think that the opening scene would be to Tame Impala’s Let It Happen. Once things calm down and fall back into the natural rhythym of grey, expect to enjoy tunes from Radiohead, in particular their track Daydreaming, which plays on repeat in my dissociative head on a regular. When things get desolate, we enjoy The Postal Service’s This Place Is a Prison. When they’re comedic (see: manic), we’re jamming to some Manfred Mann’s Earth Band!! If I could be selfish, I would find my Big Love and/or purpose, and the soundtrack would lighten up with sounds from Coldplay and Active Child. Also, because I am quietly just as dramatic as our favorite witch Georgi Popovich, a few of my Broadway musical song titles include “Sometimes Fireworks Are Silent”, “I’m Sorry For A LOT Of Things, But This Isn’t One Of Them”, “Some Of Us Taste Colors”, “Tequila (TEQUILA)”, and of course “2D Drawings Are As Strong A Medicine As Any”, which has a b-track “Music Is Morphine (Which is Also a Poison)”.

Q5. What’s a poem, story, or song lyric that you think about often? What about it captivates you?

a:- I’ll give you an entire song full of lyrics: The song Bloodstream, which is so aptly named for how deeply I feel it whenever I listen to it. It epitomizes the concept of soulmates for me, which I don’t believe is always a “happy-go-lucky” scenario, sometimes soulmates are just that - a split of your soul, a piece of you in another body, no sparkles and lovehearts, just another self in another form whose destiny is entwined with your own. As someone who isn’t sure they believe in soulmates irl, here’s why the song strikes me - The vocals are a bit eerie, and ever-so-slightly tired. It must be exhausting searching for a missing half. The recurring piano chords in the verses of the song make it feel a little bit like a memory. I imagine that’s what Deja Vu sounds like, which I find to be fitting when you think about all the subtle instances that have connected your life with someone else’s without you even noticing, but sometimes you just feel it. Then comes the chorus, more profound in its intensity, and all of a sudden it’s the realization hitting you like “Ahh, yes. This is the one I can’t live without. I see it now”. And then there’s the bridge, the melody changing again, acting as a flashlight as you wade through the murkiness of Doubt and Uncertainty, and leading you finally to the door of Acceptance. And once you’ve accepted it, and really digested the fact that you aren’t alone, you just float along - adrift but comfortable, because you realize that you aren’t drowning like you thought you would, or like you’ve been all this time. (That was cryptic AF, what does All That even mean??). Idk. I just feel the song deeply and I’m not really sure how to express why. 🎭

Q6. If you had to epitomize yourself with a Wikipedia article title, what would it be?

a:-I think may be Learned Helplessness.

Q7. What do you daydream about?

a:- I have two persistent daydreams lately. One is to lay in a meadow and just rest in a shady spot with the sun’s warmth peeking through the foliage, probably for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t mind being stuck in a time loop if it meant existing somewhere like this or this. I actually have this one saved as my desktop wallpaper at work. I stare at it throughout the day and it brings me peace. The second daydream is imagining what it would be like to go out and get roaring drunk with Yuuri and Pichit. Like…can you imagine the shenanigans??

Q8. What’s your go-to character/kart/track in Mario Kart? (ANY ITERATION)

a:-Toad…..and raiNBOW ROAD BINCH!!! FIGHT ME. #ChaoticEvil

Q9. What’s something people would be surprised to learn about you?

a:- IRL? People would be shocked that I’m pan/bi. Literally no one knows. Friends and family respect that I consider myself asexual, or at least non-sexual, but no one actually knows that I’m not straight. I have hinted on occasion, but growing up in one of the most homophobic and heteronormative societies means that if people haven’t seen you date anything but cis-gendered men (even if it was only for 6 months when you were 14 years old??) then it means you’re straight. Straight until proven otherwise (and simultaneously shunned by extended family for being The Gay Cousin™ ).

Q10. If you could name a crayon/nail polish color, what would it be, and what would the color be?

a:- Tbh, I’m the least creative when it comes to these things, so most likely it would be some sort of holographic sparkly fluorescent pink color, and the name would be “Trophy Husband” (because it reminds me of Victor).

Q11. What’s a question you wish I would’ve asked? ASK/ANSWER IT HERE.

a:- AHHHH THE PRESSURE idk IDK. Ummmmm how about “What do you like most about following me?”. And the answer would be that your tags and writing in general just hit me right in the feels, every. damn. time. Your sense of humor is also A+, it’s never mean-spirited, and you just generally provide a safe space for me to exist comfortably at the end of each day. You’re also incredibly observant, and I feel like I’m a slightly bigger and more important speck in this universe because of you. Thank you for being here ❤️.

THE END.

#here i go again #LONG post #personal #ask meme #😍❤️#that answer to question 5 though...sorry for being a literal lunatic???#what was I rambling about at 4 a.m.??#w hy

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jaerie · 5 years

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11/11/11

I was tagged by @phd-mama and @allwaswell16 and @chloehl10 so this is more like 33/11/11 hahaha I got a little carried away with this but I love answering stuff like this

Answer 11 questions, come up with 11 more, tag 11 people.

1. Tell me, do you like music on when you write??

No, I have to have silence. Or, you know, normal household noises. When I was in high school I listened to music with the tv on while doing my homework but now.... I think it’s moreso because I periodically close my eyes and visualize the scene or really throw myself into the character to get the emotions right and the music just takes away from that. I also hear music in a really complex way which I won’t explain here because this is about writing, but yea, it’s too much stimulation

2. Are you someone who plots everything out before you write it?

Absolutely not. I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve actually plotted something for a fic in this fandom. I’m definitely a fly by the seat of my pants kind of writer. I generally have somewhere the fic is going, but I usually let the characters steer so sometimes it vectors off someplace I never expected it to go. That’s how so many of my better fics have gone. I did have to plot out As We Were, As We Are extensively because wow complex precise true to life timelines, but that’s really the only one I’ve actually done a real one for.

3. Do you write in chronological order?

Most of the time, yes. Occassionally I’ll jump down and write or start a scene that either inspired the whole fic or that I want to get down before I forget it, but I usually write from start to finish.

4. Do you like to eat while writing?

hahahahaha usually no. But only because I’ll get distracted and like.... not write....

5. Is there a trope you love?

I am a sucker for fake/pretend relationships. It’s so obviously one of the most predictable storylines but I’ll read every one of them. I don’t know why. The misunderstanding angst of it... I don’t know!

6. Have you written it? (See 5)

I don’t... think so... Is that bad I don’t remember? But I don’t think I have

7. Is there a trope you hate?

I can’t really do the sugar baby/daddy scenario... there are a few cases where it’s worked but in general, no.

8. Have you written it? (See 7)

I think there is a little bit of it in a couple maybe? And someone asked me to write one that’s still in my maybe pile... so I might.

9. Can you read your main ship with other pairings?

Depends. Usually yes because if it’s a pairing I don’t like I just kind of generically gloss over it in my mind a bit? Or imagine the same description but not that exact person? But there aren’t really a lot of absolute nos for me and it’s usually related to me not like that PERSON rather than the ship (taylor swift for example, have to really speed through fics with her in parts BUT like I said, it’s easy for me to imagine a likeness that’s not HER specifically. Idk). If it’s well written then it’s worth getting through it, if it’s not well written, I probably wouldn’t finish it anyway.

10. What’s a solid NO GO for you?

I don’t have many and most of them even have exceptions so I don’t know what a solid no is until I see a tag that’s a solid no?? And they’re the usual general niche things? (scat, watersports, idk those things) Hardcore bdsm-type is a no for me (but there have been some exceptions). MOST things that are nos for me like daddy kink, I can still read the fic, I just kind of... speed through those parts? I don’t really have any actual triggers... I don’t really read a lot of girl direction if they’re both girls. Which is a weird complicated issue for me because I WRITE IT. And there are some good ones out there that I have read but in general...? idk it’s weird and probably has a lot to do with me being sdpofijapsdgjoidsjfosdj about words for vagina rather than it actually being girls. But to be fair it took me years to be comfortable writing cock and dick without blushing and running off. I don’t know, it’s something about reading it that it usually isn’t my first choice. That was a long complicated answer just to say “not really”

11. Do you have a signature move, aka, let’s say for no particular reason, just because, coming in pants?

oh my god. Yes. Probably. I can’t think off of the top of my head but I definitely find myself returning to the same phrasing or words or actions. Especially when it comes to abo and knotting.

1. What’s your favourite fic you’ve ever written, and why?

Sisterwives and As We Were, As We Are I think because they are the two I put the most into. Plotting, planning, emotions, etc.

2. Pick three words that you think describe your works overall.

Problematic (lol), intense/emotional, sexual.

3. How long does it take you to write a fic?

Varies. I’ve written 20k+ in 24 hours and I’ve written 5k in a month. Really depends on what I’m working on and my emotional state of stress.

4. What’s the hardest thing about writing?

For me? Fluff and filler. And English. I’ve fallen into a pattern of writing that probably has a lot of errors in tense. But... it is what it is.

5. Do you listen to music or anything while you write? What’s normal for you when you write?

I answered this one in depth above

6. How do you come up with titles for your fics?

I have this terrible thing where I just name a fic and run and then regret it and want to change it once it’s already posted hahahahaha There are a handful that I’ve named after Hanson lyrics just because I think it’s funny... but most of the time there is no rhyme or reason to it.

7. What’s one piece of advice you’d give to a new writer?

Just keep writing. Because it’s easy to get discouraged about kudos and attention. Kudos and attention does NOT equal quality. It’s still something that I struggle with letting go, but as a new writer it’s more difficult not to see that as a failure. But my first fics in this fandom still have some pretty low kudos counts and my fics in other fandoms have as few as FIVE kudos. Five. I think they’re great fics, but I’m just not as known in that fandom/there aren’t as many readers. For example, I wrote this AWESOME Brokeback Mountain fic for the Hanson fandom and it has only 15 kudos.

8. How important do you think tags are when you are publishing a fic?

*gets up on soapbox* Tags are the most important part of publishing a fic. I am a firm believer that anyone can write anything the want as long as it is properly tagged. Proper tagging is the writer’s only responsibility to the reader. If those are in place, what follows doesn’t have to be tailored to anyone.

9. Do you write for fests/exchanges? If so, do you enjoy them? If not, why not?!

I have mixed feelings about this. I used to write for both. Now I exclusively write for fests and I’m selective about the ones I participate in. Why? Well for one, deadlines. I’ve made the mistake too many times of overcommitting and then nothing felt right and I was stessed about it and just... not good. As for exchanges... I’ve been burned in the past? By dropouts and such? Or by the giftee not liking or never reading the fic? Or by me needing to drop out for mental health reasons but not because I was writing FOR someone? I’ve done a handful of pinch hits since I swore off exchanges, but they’re too much anxiety for me personally. (I have had some good experiences with exchanges though!! Not all of them were bad!!)

10. Which work of yours are you most proud of and why?

As We Were, As We Are..... because.... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FRICKIN RESEARCH I DID FOR THAT FIC!? ALL WHILE WRITING IT DURING NANO?!?! I put soooooooo much into that fic that I’m sad it didn’t get much attention. It was written for the Alex exchange so Harry is written as Alex so that’s probably why. Some people have a big problem if fics aren’t written a certain way. I don’t know. I was really sad about that though. I LIVED in WWII for months with that fic and it will always be special to me. I’ve even thought about putting more work into into it to have it published somewhere. I know it’s not like... classic 1D fic quality or whatever but I think the bones of it are strong enough. I don’t know, I’m probably delusional. haha but I still like it

11. What’s next for you?

Oh man. Well. I said I was going to stop writing for this fandom. But then this rush of support came in and then I started to feel really spiteful and thought that I’d keep going just because of that... and I feel like I’m only just now gaining a following for my fics that keeps me motivated enough to keep improving... soooo I’ve committed to a few fests coming out this fall. I am also participating in Wordplay going on right now. The first fic comes out tomorrow I think. I also have some Sisterwives timestamps.

1. What fic have you written that you wish everyone would read?

dunkirk fic and sisterwives probably

2. What’s your favorite character you’ve ever written?

hahahahaha harry from one of my yet to be published sekret fics hahahahaha but I really love so many of them like shifter harry

3. What’s your most popular fic and why do you think it’s your most popular?

By Kudos? Where Do We Go Now. And I have no idea. Because I always have to click to even remember which one it is. And it was written so fast and I remember not liking where it went but just hit publish because it was a pinch hit... I honestly have no idea. Someone please give me insight on this because i have no idea.

4. What’s one of your favorite fan fics that you haven’t written?

I kind of answered this above but I’ll also say The Wilds because it wrote so fast. I wrote the whole thing in under 24 hours

5. What is your current WIP about?

Ummmmm Some of them are going to be posted on anon I think? So I’ll just say Thor Harry

6. What is a fic that you hope to write someday?

siiiiigghhhhhhhh my Almost Famous au

7. Do you read fics from other fandoms? Which ones?

I read a lot of Thorki... and random fandoms. I love to read a lot of fucked up shit just for the shock value of it?? I don’t know, I’m weird like that. So I started branching out to general tag searches so I’ve read stuff from tons of fandoms that I don’t even know what they are. I think Supernatural is one I frequent a lot because they have some real fucked up fics.

8. What author or book has influenced you as a writer?

Sooooo There was a writer that really sparked my creativity back when I was in a different fandom. But then they disappeared from that fandom and I ran into them as a popular figure in the 1D fandom but they’re kind of hated in the fandom now?? so I won’t say their name. BUT in the other fandom, they had this fic that I still go back and read to this day every once in a while. It was intense, a lil fucked up, and just... yeah. The kind that sticks with you.

9. What’s one of your favorite books from when you were a child?

Island of the Blue Dolphins. Which I reread a few years ago and ??? idk I was a weird child. I mean I didn’t think it was a BAD book

10. What’s an au/trope that you thought you didn’t like until you read one and loved it?

Harry Potter AUs? haha I’m sure there are more than that because there have been a LOT I didn’t think I’d enjoy and then I loved... OH THE TIME TRAVELER AU. I don’t remember why but I didn’t read that foreeeeever because I didn’t think it was my thing.

11. Choose one: angst or fluff?

angst. this isn’t even a question.

Wow. I probably spent too much time on that. If you’ve made it this far, kudos for sticking in there through my ramblings.

Let’s see.

1. What is the most problematic concept in one of your fics?

2. Mpreg. Yey or ney and why.

3. What aspect of a fic can you write but not read?

4. What aspect of a fic can you read but not write?

5. What fic is your most popular?

6. Is it a fic that surprises you or is it one you wish was not as popular?

7. Is there an exchange/fest that you didn’t write for that you wish you would have?

8. Do you write in any other fandoms?

9. What was the first fandom you started writing for?

10. Do you write other pairings other than your main?

11. What projects are on the back burner?

Omg this was so hard. um.... @tragic---love @wendydarlingfics @reminiscingintherain ummmmmm omg tagging people gives me such anxiety bc i feel like i’m annoying. its a struggle. back at cha @chloehl10

#11/11/11

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