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choices-binglebonkus · 5 years

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Opinion post: best and worst LI’s from each series

I was pretty bored, decided I’d make a list of who I think are the best and worst LI’s in each series and why. If you’ve got some time to spare, please be sure to post your opinions too, I’m rather curious as to see how the fandom thinks.

Note: Since Nathan and Paolo are antagonists/pseudo-love interests, and you CANNOT end the game in a relationship with them, I’m not going to be counting them on this list.

The Freshman/Sophomore/Junior/Senior

Best: Honestly? All of the love interests were a little bland for my tastes in this series, but if I had to pick one, it would be Becca. She started out as a spoiled bully from a rich family and ended the series a humbler, kinder woman who learned to work for what she want, respect those around her, and she even got into the law school of her dreams. Now that’s dedication!

Worst: Without a doubt, I think Kaitlyn Liao is the worst love interest in this series. When the series started out, I actually thought she was great. I didn’t want to romance her (or anyone else but I had to *eyeroll*) but she was my best friend. But then I began to realize how detestable she was as a character. She turned on MC after she accidentally came out to her parents, she turned on EVERYONE when she joined the Gutter Kittens, and only when her circus tent came crashing down did this sad clown emerge and ask for help cleaning up the remnants of the big top. She’s immature, rude, she goes off on people for doing things she doesn’t want (Annisa talking to Natasha, MC writing an unbiased article about the Loose Pins and their strong performance, etc.), and worst of all, she’s a criminal.

A LEGIT criminal. Not on the level of the Alphas, but she’s committed her share of crimes, including underage drinking, breaking and entering on multiple accounts (when she broke into the observatory in TF book 4, investigating the studio’s security room in TJ, and breaking into the old dorm in The Senior), trespassing which basically goes hand-in-hand with the last crime, vandalism (when she broke a $500 bottle of whiskey in a bar in The Senior), and fleeing the scene of a crime (when she broke the whiskey). The other characters have also committed some of these crimes, but I’m mainly gunning for Kaitlyn because she’s a repeat-offender, not to mention she’s committed more crimes than any of the other love interests. Just...why did her character go totally south after book 3?!

The Crown & The Flame

Best: Raydan. He’s loyal, incredibly strategic and knowledgeable, can hold his own in a fight, and he’s charismatic as hell. Playing as Raydan was incredibly fun and I loved seeing what sorts of mischief he got up to on his adventures. Plus, his romance scenes were incredible. My favorites were the flower scene in book one and the tent scene in book two.

Worst: Shockingly, Dominic for several reasons. He’s Kenna’s best friend and he’s held that title since their childhood, but I can only see him as her best friend. The romance scenes between Dom and Kenna felt a little...I dunno, forced? There’s not really any other way to say it. I married Dom in one playthrough and I regretted it so much. When Kenna and Dom get married, they become the most boring heterosexual couple in the game...honestly! I also found Dominic just a very boring character in general, which is pretty shocking considering A. He’s a frickin’ fire mage and B. He’s in TC&TF, one of the best damn series in the game. Whenever I saw the words “You are now playing as Dominic Hunter”, I wanted nothing more than to see “You are now playing as Kenna Rys” because I was so bored with his character.

Most Wanted

Best: ...I honestly don’t know! It’s been so long that I don’t even remember any love interests in the game.

Worst: Same here!

Rules of Engagement

Best: It’s a tie between Dean and Mira. Dean was an incredibly down-to-earth character who started off as MC’s faithful companion and eventually fell in love with her. Friendly and never afraid to lend her an ear, Dean made sure MC was faring well during tough times and took her out on dates/hangouts whenever she needed a pick-me-up even though his job as a Bartender *probably* didn’t pay that well. During their marriage, Dean took on two roles, as not only did he agree to be her husband, he remained MC’s best friend as well.

Mira was also a really good love interest. Even though she was paywalled to hell, she was a genuinely sweet character. I got the wrong impression of her at first, thinking she was just a snooty chef brought to the kitchen to cause trouble for Party Girl Sister, but oh man. Mira was fantastic. When Party Girl Sister was in the middle of her pregnancy scare, Mira got involved and frequently checked in on her to make sure she was okay. She helped her unwind and relax when the stress got to her, offered her advice from when she was pregnant with her son, and was overall an unexpected friend that Party Girl Sister needed. When the time came to pick a love interest for PGS, I didn’t hesitate to pick Mira, who was truly her loving angel, and I don’t think I made the wrong choice in that at all.

Worst: I’m going to get plenty of hate from this I’m sure, but William and Leo. They’re both incredibly rich and famous men who don’t even seem realistic, yet they fall for a completely ordinary girl. William annoyed me on the first date when he saw my (non diamond!) outfit and had the audacity to say “Oh...” with a shocked look on his face. I mean...”oh”? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? But also, William was just kinda boring. It seemed like he was using his money to compensate for how boring his personality was.

Leo is quite the opposite of William personality-wise, but I can’t say I liked his whole bad boy/rebel/”let’s do illegal stuff because in the end it’s fun” shtick. Like William, Leo also seems largely unrealistic and rather unrelatable, which I think is a pretty big problem if you’re trying to resonate with the readers.

Endless Summer

Best: Jake and Quinn are a pretty tough choice, so I can’t say for sure which one I prefer. They’re both attractive and both are rather different personality-wise. Jake is brave, but at the start of the book he only really cares for himself. As the story goes on, he starts to care about the other characters as it becomes apparent they’re all stuck on the island. While Jake is a good guy, his nick-names got very, very old after three books. Additionally, he’s one of the overused cynical/loner/sarcastic male love interest archetypes, but I’ll give him a pass this time because he was the first of his kind, plus he had a pretty good reason to be as cynical as he was.

Quinn is super cute and is probably one of the sweetest LI’s in the game. She’s friendly and compassionate from the start, and knowing that she has an illness that will one day result in her death, she has become brave and willing to live her life to its fullest. Her romance scenes were also amazing. My personal favorite is the sex scene in the kitchen when she and MC make cupcakes together. However, one thing I fault the writers for with Quinn’s writing is that she’s frequently portrayed as the damsel in distress. You have to protect her from the Sabertooth, save her when she almost drowns, save her again when the Vaanti attack the hotel, save her AGAIN when she nearly dies from Rotterdam’s Syndrome, save her again when she and the group are held at gunpoint in the MASADA complex...the list goes ON!

Worst: Sean. Sean is an incredibly kindhearted character who cares about his friends to the point of not eating food until everyone else has eaten. He’s selfless, brave, and an overall friendly guy. However, that is his fault. I know it’s odd to be faulting such a great dude for being one of the sweetest guys in the game, but the only problem I have with him is that he’s a cookie-cutter clone of Chris, Caleb, Griffin, basically any strong, benevolent male character in the Choices series. For the most part, they’re largely identical in personality, and that takes away from their originality. I still love Sean. Saying he’s the worst just means I think he’s the worst of any of the amazing LI’s in ES, but he’s still a really great guy.

#LoveHacks

Best: I really can’t pick any of them.

Worst: I’d honestly have to say all of them. They’re either A. Wishy-washy B. Boring C. Introduced way too late in the game and their development is either non-existent or way too rushed. Hell, I forgot Mark Collins even existed until I stumbled across his page on the wikia.

The Haunting of Braidwood Manor

Best: Eleanor by default. She’s paywalled and you have to pay diamonds to keep her alive at the end, but she’s pretty, she’s sweet, she cares for her younger siblings enough to live(?) with a dark secret that’s left her traumatized, and we get to spend lots of time with her in the book.

Worst: Victor. We barely even get to know this guy! There’s almost nothing about him on the wikia pages either simply because he’s almost never in the story without diamonds and we barely even got to know him.

The Royal Romance

Best: Even though I didn’t marry her at the end (I still had some flings with her though), Hana. Hana is incredibly sweet, she’s really pretty, and she’s got overbearing parents which, in my case, makes her a really relatable character. She does anything she can to please her parents/friends and she quickly becomes a very loyal friend (or lover) to MC as she finds her way as the newest noble in Cordonia.

Worst: Drake. Oh, Drake, have I got a bone to pick with you. Not only is he one of the many, MANY cynical/loner/sarcastic male LI archetypes, the story could have gone on without him, rendering him pretty useless. I cannot think of a single non-romance scene where I thought: “Oh man, Drake is a really necessary character!” Not to mention, Drake is picky as hell. He gets to live in the palace for free, gets to eat food and hang out with Liam, but he whines about not wanting to become like those gosh darn nobles, and he whines about the food being “too fancy” or whatever when there are people starving in other parts of the world. I would understand you not eating food if you’re allergic or can’t stomach it, but really, Drake? Because it’s too fancy?! Come on!

Hero

Best: I have to say, none of these love interests were up to par. The book is great, the LI’s are lacking.

Worst: All of them. They’re not too bad per se, but man...they’re just so lackluster! Grayson is boring, Kenji is cocky, and Eva got on my nerves a lot.

High School Story

Best: Emma without a doubt. She’s pretty, she’s very sweet to her friends and MC, and she’s a shy character who’s surprisingly well-written. Though I didn’t choose to romance her, I still think she’s definitely the best love interest in this series because not only is she an amazing friend, but in other playthroughs I’ve watched, she’s a very loving girlfriend to the main character.

Worst: Probably a tie between Caleb and Maria. Caleb, like I mentioned earlier, is pretty much the same as Chris, Sean, and Griffin, which makes him rather dull. Maria isn’t too bad, but she could get very intense at times, and that gave me a really negative first impression of her that never truly went away.

It Lives in the Woods

Best: Andy. Frickin’. Kang. He’s strong, rough and tumble, and really brave, but he’s also soft and gentle with the MC if they romance him. He’s the first trans representation in Choices, and I personally think Pixelberry did a really good job with him. I really felt for him when he and Tom were being discriminated against on the basketball team because they were both Asian, and because Andy was also short and transgender. Yet, even after all this, Andy doesn’t quit the team and doesn’t give up his dreams, and if he survives the final game with Mr. Red/Jane, he becomes the basketball captain and eventually goes on to play for a college team. Way to go, King Kang!

Worst: I don’t think I can really say any of them are the worst because all four of the other love interests in this series are pretty great.

Home for the Holidays

Best: None of them. NONE.

Worst: ALL OF THEM! This book was abysmal, and one reason it was so hated is because the love interests were awful. Nick was unnecessarily cruel, Wyatt was so happy it was creepy, and Holly was really boring.

Red Carpet Diaries

Best: Oh dear. Same case as HFTH, none of them.

Worst: I can’t choose just one, so...I guess all of them. Matt was forced upon the player, Victoria is one of those mean girls/divas that has a complete 180 in her personality at some point, Teja and Seth were absolute morons for the entirety of book two, and Addison and Hunt were purely a fanservice for people who played Hollywood U (which is a good game, but if you ask me, Addi and Hunt should’ve never become LI’s for this series).

Perfect Match

Best: I really don’t even know with this one, you guys. I was never a fan of this series (oof, I can feel the hate I’m getting from that sentence right now) and the LI’s all seemed really unimpressive.

Worst: Hayden. While I really dislike Damien and think he’s undoubtedly the most overrated love interest in the entire game, I’ve got to say Hayden is the worst. You get to customize their gender, appearance, and eventually their name, and while they’re a robot with sentience and human feelings, this just makes them seem LESS human. Not to mention, they stupidly left the group on multiple occasions and went on walks alone to brood and be edgy, which eventually led to Harley infiltrating and causing our already feeble plans to fail yet again. Lastly...Hayden is one of the love interests that repeatedly gets crammed down the player’s throat whether they like it or not.

Bloodbound

Best: Jax is a great love interest, but since he’s one of those overused cynical/loner/sarcastic archetypes, I’m going to have to say Lily is the best in this series. She’s tragically underrated, quirky, goofy, and she’s a GAMER with GLASSES, which is totally my weak spot. Lily is just the cutest thing, I swear. And since I love Jax and Lily almost equally, I went NUTS when I was offered a diamond threesome scene with them. That day was a huge win.

Worst: Even though he’s not too bad as a character, Adrian. You don’t get to customize his name or gender, but you still get to customize his appearance, which I really don’t like in love interests because it makes them seem like interchangeable parts.

Veil of Secrets

Best: Kate. She’s paywalled unfortunately, and she only becomes a love interest at the very end of the book, but she’s very beautiful and sweet. You have to spend the entire story saving her, but fortunately, she isn’t forced upon you romantically like some of the other love interests are in the game. It’s really unfortunate that she became a love interest so late in the game.

Worst: Probably Naomi, only because she was boring. Otherwise, she’s not too bad.

America’s Most Eligible

Best: None of them.

Worst: All of them because they’re really bland compared to some of the other love interests Pixelberry has given us.

Desire & Decorum

Best: Hamid. He’s sweet, gentle, he’s good with kids, and he’s really attractive as well. Overall, though, I think all the love interests in this series are pretty boring, but Hamid is slightly less boring than the others.

Worst: Sinclaire. I originally hated his guts, but he’s not that bad to be honest. He’s one of the cynical/loner/sarcastic male archetypes, and while not as extreme as some of the others, he’s still a part of the archetype. He’s grown on me, I will admit, but only as a friend, nothing more.

Across the Void

Best: None of them.

Worst: All of them. The whole book is a mess, and that trickles down to the love interests. Minimal character development, forgettable love interests (I forgot Meridian and Titania even existed at some points in the book), Kepler freaks me out, Sol was a dick at certain points, Zekei is more of Eos’s love interest than MC’s, it’s a whole thing. The siblings’ love interests aren’t any better. Eos has Lyra who isn’t too bad, but damn is she boring. He also has Deimos and Oberon who came in out of literal nowhere, same thing with Pax’s love interest, Zaniah, and she turns out to be a freaking villain that you have to pay diamonds to redeem. Lastly, we have Holmes...who’s really annoying to me. Sigh.

Big Sky Country

NOTE: I feel the need to tell you beforehand that I wanted to remain single for this series, but they force you into kissing someone in the last chapter whether you like it or not, so I picked the lesser of the evils.

Best: Juliette Mendoza, and I’m ONLY picking her because she’s absolutely beautiful.

Worst: Sawyer and Dallas. Sawyer because he’s forced, Dallas because he’s yet another one of the cynical/loner/sarcastic male archetypes. Urgh.

The Elementalists

Best: I don’t care for any of them.

Worst: Beckett, but before you murder me, it’s only because A. He redeemed himself in like one chapter which is incredibly lazy writing on Pixelberry’s part, and B. He and Griffin (who I rather like, actually) get lots of diamond scenes while love interests like Aster are getting sidelined.

High School Story: Class Act

Best: Skye, but I wouldn’t romance her simply because she’s more of a friend than anything. She’s incredibly sweet and she’s the polar opposite of her shitty family, and having a storyline about Skye and the abuse she gets from her family would actually be really interesting. I’d love to see her family get their comeuppance and Skye end up living a better life, because that’s what she deserves.

Worst: I legitimately could not choose who I hate more. Rory and Ajay are both on my shit list. Rory is one of the most forced love interests in the entire frickin’ game, and is a complete Mary Sue. I’m not just saying that either. Rory is attractive, talented, popular, and lots of people have crushes on them (Erin says in one of the first chapters of HSSCA book one that their last play got a good turnout because 1/3 of the audience had crushes on Rory), and is *supposedly* completely oblivious to how many people like them, which would be kiiiiinda hard to miss, especially with Natalie and Clint.

But otherwise, Rory has almost zero personality. They’re friendly, but most love interests have that trait. They also have a mother with cancer and participates in a play to fund treatment for her, but that’s about as complex as Rory gets. The worst part about them is that they’re constantly getting shoved down our throats. The game and characters constantly imply MC has a crush on Rory whether we like it or not, and MC ceases to function during rehearsal when they realize Rory is going to ask them to homecoming. For Pete’s sake, we join the damn play just to get closer to Rory. And for people who don’t give a fuck about Rory, like me, that makes the book remarkably frustrating.

And we also have Ajay, who I hate about as much as Rory. From the start, he was rude, condescending, and snarky. But then when Rory tells everyone their mother has cancer, Ajay says “yeah man, I’ve been super harsh because I want this to go perfect, blah blah” which, to me, is a TOTAL cop out. Even if the play didn’t go perfect, the audience would have already paid for their admission and donated beforehand. I didn’t excuse Ajay’s dickish behavior throughout the book, especially when he never apologized for siding against MC after the whole theater cube fiasco, even when there was zero concrete evidence against them. Annoying, rude, never apologized for making an accusation that turned out to be untrue, and...god, every time he speaks, my mind reads his words in Brainy Smurf’s annoying, nasally voice.

It Lives Beneath

Best: Tom. What can I say except Tomoichi “Tom” Sato? Ever since ILITW, he's been a good friend to Andy since they were toddlers, helped him throughout life with his friendship, prevented Andy from committing suicide at one point, and was friendly throughout the first book. In this series, he's a love interest, and is one of the few love interests who isn't drawn with a super-duper fit body (thus making him a little more realistic). And his sex scenes are wild, dude. I mean, in a PHOTO BOOTH at a festival full of people?!

He's loyal, goofy, and he's realistic because he's awkward and flustered if MC flirts with him. Be honest, if an attractive stranger starting forwardly flirting with you within not even a day of meeting you, wouldn't you be pretty awkward and stuttery? Also, Tom is cute, he appears to have a friendly/romantic chemistry with MC, and all the scenes with him and MC are well-written and pleasant to read.

Worst: Out of fear of being personally attacked again (I even got one or two death threats), I will not be going too in-depth about why Imogen is the worst love interest of this series. All I’ll say is that, for the majority of the book, she was an extreme weak link and I feel like she redeemed herself too late.

A Courtesan of Rome

Best: Syphax. He’s really gorgeous, and he takes the fall for MC when she sloppily murders a Roman authority. That’s some serious selflessness, and I really admire Syphax for that, but he is a bit forced on the player in the first part of the book.

Worst: Marc Antony. He really gives me the creeps.

The Heist: Monaco

Best: Eris. She’s sassy, spunky, but she’s got a soft spot for MC and is actually really sweet. She’s absolutely beautiful and I didn’t have a hard time choosing her as my love interest. Though...if Sonia turns out to be a love interest, I might have a problem later.

Worst: Probably Fabien because, yet again (I’m sorry, okay!), he’s a cynical/loner/sarcastic male love interest archetype. But he’s really not a bad dude, I like him. He’s just the worst out of this bunch.

Ride or Die: A Bad Boy Romance

Best: One word: none.

Worst: All of them! They’re all criminals, and they’re not noble criminals who screw over corrupt people like MC and their crew in TH:M, they’re legit criminals who endanger other people’s lives for fun.

So, what do you guys think? Who are your best/worst LI’s for each series? Don’t hesitate to reblog and ring in with your opinions, because like I said before, I’m really curious to see how the rest of the fandom thinks.

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westallenfun · 5 years

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Before the Hood - 2/6

For @jade4813 from @backtothestart02

…

Chapter 2 -

Slowing his horse’s gallop to a trot, Julian brought the animal to a stop in front of its stall in the stables and swung one leg over the side to drop down onto the ground, while his stable hand held his grand horse steady.

“Thank you, Felix.”

The boy nodded and guided the horse into its stall.

Julian moved almost immediately after that, heading straight into his residence. His tutor would be in the library, no doubt to teach him more Latin. He abhorred Latin. It had no purpose, given few people could read and only the friar and other clergymen could understand and speak it in turn. Julian had no interest in spending long hours inside the house of God, dedicating his life to that of blind servitude and sacrifice and celibacy. Despite the fact that his knighthood had been forced upon him by his father, one of the highest-ranking guards of the King, he enjoyed the respect it granted him. And training in the art of jousting and archery and sword fighting certainly beat any other job he could’ve been pushed into.

Women fawned over him. Men looked to him as a promising lad for the future. He would go to the Crusades soon, and when he returned, he would obtain everything he wished. Separation from his father, a marriage to the woman Barry Allen loved, and all the gold and jewels he desired.

Maid Iris was a pretty little thing. Her dark hair and skin accentuated by her light-colored dresses, pinks and purples and yellows, all that were of a satin material ever since she’d become Sheriff DeVoe’s charge. Julian went to visit her often, trying to make a good impression. She appeared to be uninterested. But he’d impressed Sheriff DeVoe with his knighthood and manners and shared knowledge of Latin – ironically. Julian knew before he left Collin Woods for the battlefield, he could convince the man to sign a contract in Iris’ place, so they would be wed immediately on his return.

Julian wasn’t blind to Iris’ lack of affection towards him. He knew she’d been closed-minded from the start, unwilling to even consider him an option, because her heart still lie with the foolish boy who’d swept her off her feet before her father and brother had abandoned her in their departure from Collin Woods. As pretty as she was, and as admirably stubborn, Julian had no problem admitting that he wanted her for himself solely so Barry Allen couldn’t have her.

The odds were already against Barry with the scandal of his father taking on a female pupil in the practice of medicine – and not only a girl, but a peasant. Her only place should be that of cooking and cleaning and to marry another peasant at her own level. The fact that another knight, Sir Ronald, had promised himself to her baffled Julian. But he supposed it was not his place. He was even more uninterested in Caitlin Snow than Maid Iris on her own merit. All he cared about was hurting Barry Allen, who had more to live for than he could have dreamed. And he deserved none of it. He took all of it for granted.

Barry not only was able to get by without a real job that would add to the income of his household, but he spent most afternoons shooting off arrows in the middle of the forest. Reckless! If you asked him. Especially since he knew for a fact the arrogant boy had no intention of ever fighting in the great war of their time, alongside their King, who he claimed to miss dearly with the idiotic Prince John in his place.

Henry Allen might’ve preferred his son practice medicine, but he did not disown him when he refused to do so. If Julian had refused knighthood his father would have done exactly that. Thrown him to the streets, because how dare he not want something that came with so much honor, so much nobility, that promised him victory in his life and all that he desired. Despite Julian warming to the idea, he would always be bitter and hold resentment against his father for the pressure he’d put him under. When Julian had announced he was pursuing Iris, his father had just barely approved, and only because her station had been lifted up in Joseph and Wallace West’s departure. He supposed he should be grateful for that. But he couldn’t. It was only another instance in which Sir David Albert reigned supreme.

His father had never mourned his wife or his daughter’s passing. He beat Julian when he caught him in tears over their deaths. Women were not meant to grow attached to, he would say. They were meant for cooking and cleaning and bearing children. In his wife’s absence, Sir David Albert had hired a maid, Louise. Only five at the time, Julian had spent the next eight years being raised by her until he was forced into knighthood by his father. He’d thought it would bring them closer, but it only made him all too aware of what a villain his father could be. It benefitted him that he and Sheriff DeVoe were of the same nature, but Julian swore he would never be like him. He would obtain Iris for himself, but he would never lay a harmful finger on her – something that could not be said of his father’s actions towards his mother.

If Iris did not wish to clean and cook and sew, Julian would find a maid who would do those things. And he would make her fall in love with him so that she would never want to leave, never cry in the dark when she thought he was unaware. He would overcome his father in that way and also leave Barry Allen a destroyed mess without the woman he loved. Would he come to hate his father? Would he turn on his mother for never trying to stop Henry Allen from tutoring a peasant girl? It didn’t matter. The key would be in seducing Maid Iris.

That was the most difficult task. If he couldn’t do it before they were wed, he would be sure to do it afterwards. Either by turning her against Barry or by making him disappear. The idea of killing or hiring someone to kill the young Allen appealed to him for only a moment before he realized that would be still worse than what his father had done. He would not become worse. He would be better.

But Barry still needed to be poison in Iris’ eyes or he needed to leave. Julian just didn’t know how to go about choosing the latter.

“You’re lost in thought,” his tutor said as he walked into the large, quiet room.

Julian came to a halt and nodded once.

“I am ready for my lesson,” he said.

His tutor gestured to a comfortable chair in front of him, beside which sat a table and piles of books for him to learn from.

“Something troubles you,” his tutor said, looking at him contemplatively.

“When does it not?” Julian asked rhetorically on a sigh, selecting a book and flipping through it to find where they’d last left off.

“Let’s talk about it.”

Julian paused and looked up at the inquisitive, wise, older man, and wondered how best to get out of this particular conversation.

“I won’t tell your father,” he said, setting aside his own book. “Your welfare is my top priority.”

Reluctantly, Julian closed his.

“That’s not what we pay you for.”

“Consider it charity then.”

“I don’t need your charity,” he spat, harsher than he’d meant to.

“But do you need someone to listen? To really hear you, Sir Julian?”

His lips thinned.

“Is it Bartholomew Allen?” he questioned. “Do you want what he has?”

“I am not envious of him if that is what you are asking. I have almost everything I desire, and soon I will have the final piece.”

“The affections of Maid Iris.”

“Her promise to marry.”

“She is willing?” his tutor asked, surprised.

Julian’s brows narrowed. “In time.”

His tutor analyzed him most uncomfortably, until Julian nearly stood to his feet and walked out of there.

“You want something else.” His eyes widened. “To destroy young Bartholomew and all he has.” He paused. “To kill?”

Julian was unnerved by how his tutor could appear to know so much about what he was thinking. There had been rumors of him being a wizard in another land long before he arrived in Collin Woods. Julian had not believed it. But at times like this he wondered.

“You presume too much. You should keep to your studies, and to teaching me mine.”

“Perhaps.”

Julian shook his head and opened his book again.

“Let us get on with the lesson. I will forget this talk, and you should too.”

“As you wish.”

When the two had found their place in the accurate book, Julian met his tutor’s eyes to wait for his direction.

“Tell me what is on your mind, my pupil.”

Julian licked his lips, hardly daring to ask. Once it was out, it was out. If his tutor had truly once been a wizard, it was possible he could grant his request.

“Something…other than murder, something…equally devastating.”

“Betrayal, you think,” his tutor said, then thought again when Julian looked to interrupt him. “The appearance of betrayal.”

“A farce.”

“Within the Allen family. A façade that destroys.”

“Mmm.” Julian nodded. “Yes.”

His tutor’s eyes locked on his, Julian felt for the first time not unnerved, but powerful.

Will you do it?

“Twelve lines down at the beginning,” he directed, and Julian lowered his eyes to the book.

He began to read the Latin words, aware all the time of his tutor’s eyes on him. An agreement had been made. He felt it in every fiber of his bones. Something dangerous was about to happen, and he was responsible for what would unravel, all by the workings of his presumably loyal yet mysterious tutor, Eobard Thawne.

…

Snuggled close to her love, his jacket spread over her shoulders to keep her warm, Iris relished the feeling of contentment that came with being in the presence of and so near to her darling Barry Allen. He was everything to her. He was security and love and happiness and everything she could have ever dreamed. Growing up she resented the fact that women were forced into servitude of their husbands, but as she fell deeper in love with Barry Allen, she knew she wouldn’t mind that one bit. She would make him new jackets and hats. She would cook him tasty soup and roast a nice, hot chicken. She would kiss his worries away and bear him many children. She would do everything and anything expected of her as a woman without complaint if it could be solely directed at her love, Barry Allen.

What’s more she knew if she did decide to toe outside the line and do something for herself, that her Barry would let her. Even more so, he would encourage it. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree, and both his parents were warm and welcoming and loyal to any cause they took up. After all, Henry Allen had taken on a peasant girl as his pupil. Not to spite his son, but because he saw a yearning in Caitlin Snow to learn the knowledge he had to give. He did not see what society bestowed on her but what she wanted for herself. Barry was every bit like his father, though he undoubtedly had a soft spot for his mother. Even if they were the poorest of the poor, Iris would want for nothing as long as she lived with Barry by her side.

But she knew the possibility of their happily ever after was a far and distant dream. She was kept under lock and key in the DeVoe household. Clifford was a resentful, greedy, arrogant man she detested. He did not beat her, nor his wife that Iris was aware of, but he spoke harshly and had an assuming air about him. In fact the only visitor that he allowed into the house as long as she’d been there was Sir Julian Albert.

Julian’s detest of Barry and vice versa was more than enough of a reason for Iris to dislike him, but his eagerness to impress her in a clear effort to win her affections disgusted her. He knew she loved Barry, and maybe that was why he had developed a sudden desire to see her. She knew it could only possibly be to win her hand and steal her away from Barry. But she would not be stolen away so easily, or at all. Even if she and Barry could never be together, her heart would never belong to another. Especially since Julian appeared to get on so well with Sheriff DeVoe. Never in her life would she consent to marrying him. He would have to take her by force, and she would not go quietly.

But she preferred to push those awful circumstances to the wayside when she was with Barry. When she was with him it was only them. She could pretend they were really together for everyone to see, that they weren’t worrying about who might catch them, that everyone was happy for their union and they were soon to be married.

But as light started to trickle across the sky in shades of purple, pink, red, and orange, Iris was forced back into the reality they lived in. And that reality was that they’d stayed out far too long. And if they were caught, the results would be devastating.

“Barry!” she whispered in a gasp, his jacket falling off of her as she sat up abruptly. “Barry! Wake up!” She shook him fiercely and finally his eyes opened.

“What…What’s going on, Iris?” He rubbed his eyes. “Why are you so-”

“It’s dawn!” she said, stumbling to her feet. “It’s not night anymore. It’s daybreak. If I don’t get back before the DeVoe’s wake up, I may never be able to see you again!”

The gravity of the situation made Barry spring up and take her hand. They ran through the forest, near the sounds of the birds so their running feet could be stifled by other morning noises. When they reached the fortress Iris was meant to be locked up in, Barry started to lift her up so she could find her footing and climb over the other side.

“Barry, wait.” She gripped his arms.

“Iris, we don’t have time. I can’t- I’m not going to be the reason I never see you again.”

Her eyes filled with tears.

“I don’t want to be the reason either,” she said, clutching his shirt tighter.

“Then don’t be,” he whispered, cupping her face to reassure her. “Climb over that wall, go to your bed, and sleep a few hours more. Pretend you’ve been there the whole night, as you always do, and tomorrow night we will meet at the lake again.”

“Even if it’s cloudy?” she asked on bated breath.

“Even if the earth is shaking and the heavens pour forth water from a thousand seas and everyone is watching, I will meet you at our place, and I will wait as long as it takes for you to come to me.”

“Oh, Barry.”

He kissed her. There in the wakening day, he kissed her hard, pulling her flush up against him, willing this to not be the last moment they shared. When they broke apart, he locked his eyes on hers, begging her to listen to him and follow through with what he asked.

“Go,” he said.

Iris swallowed and nodded, letting him help her up the stone wall. When her legs swung over to the other side, she looked down at him and he smiled up at her – a little one, to congratulate her on her little victory.

‘I love you’ on the tip of her tongue, she decided against it, choosing to believe they would see each other again. She used the vines and protruding stones to climb her way down until her feet touched the grass again. Then she turned around, quietly crossed the yard until she was inside. But when she opened the door to her room, she was stopped dead in her tracks. For there in the chair beside her window sat Marlise DeVoe.

“Good morning, Iris,” she said.

Iris didn’t move a muscle.

“I thought we should talk,” she continued, gesturing to a wooden chair across from hers.

“And if I don’t want to?” she said, indignant in a way she couldn’t be with Clifford.

Marlise smiled sardonically at her young charge.

“I really think you do.”

…

Barry’s heart was racing the whole way back to his house. The sound was so loud in his ears that he couldn’t even hear his own feet on the ground, which he no longer tried to conceal from any early morning risers.

They’d never got that close to being caught. Never.

They’d always been so careful. Meet up at the lake, spend some time getting lost in each other eyes and telling each other how in love they were, and then get back to their homes before anyone suspected a thing.

But this time, he couldn’t recall whose decision it was, but they had ended up lying on the grass in the warm summer air, and before either of them knew it, they had fallen asleep. It was probably the best sleep Barry had in a while if he was being honest. Even the sun stretching across the sky wouldn’t have been enough to wake him up with Iris cuddled in his arms.

So, in truth, they’d been lucky that Iris was a little more likely to startle herself awake when danger was imminent.

And it had been imminent. Barry just hoped it was a close call only and not the last time he’d see her. He didn’t want something terrible to happen to her in that house if she’d been caught. He never asked her about her experience there, not in the six months she’d been living there, but she didn’t volunteer information either, so he figured it either wasn’t that bad or it was bad enough that she didn’t want to talk about it.

He’d let it pass from his mind without a second thought before, but now he worried for her. He’d be going out of his mind with worry until nightfall when they would meet up again. If she met him at their spot, he could ask her what had happened, and hopefully she could soothe his worries. But if she didn’t…

Well, he didn’t want to think about that. Not now. Maybe he’d pester Cisco later in the day. He’d reassure him, right? It wasn’t as if he could go to anyone else. Cisco was the only one who knew about his late-night meetings with Iris, and he preferred it to stay that way.

Finally approaching his home and grateful to see his bedroom window still cracked open, he moved toward it, hoping to get inside unnoticed and a few more hours of sleep before he went in town to distract himself with repairs and babysitting.

The window squeaked a little, but his slim frame allowed him to slip inside and shut the window without alerting his parents who he assumed were still asleep in their bed. Kicking his shoes off quietly, he walked over to his bed and pulled back the covers, intending to will himself to sleep despite the sound of birds and the adrenaline from his taking Iris back to her residence energizing his mind.

But after he slipped into his bed and pulled the covers over him, yanking the drapes shut so he’d be able to shut out some of the light from outdoors, Barry realized he couldn’t hear the gentle snoring typical of his parents when they slept. Instead he heard murmuring from a nearby conversation. He held his breath, his first thought being if his parents knew too. What a thing it would be for both him and Iris to get caught because they’d foolishly fallen asleep in each other’s arms. He certainly wouldn’t be in physical danger from his parents. They’d likely just be worried for him and Iris. Still, it was something he’d been hoping to avoid.

Instead, when he went to his bedroom door and opened it a crack, Barry saw his parents in the living room talking. They were clearly tense, and he couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but he leaned out a little into the hall – lucky to still be in the shadows – and focused his listening on the whispers coming from the distant room.

“Henry, are you sure?” Nora asked, wrapping a shawl around herself as she moved to shut the open front window.

“Yes,” he said, then nodded. “I know why you’re hesitant, why you worry. But I think we have enough saved up to keep us going.”

“For a while maybe, but-”

“These people need our care,” he persisted when she turned back to him. “And they can’t afford it. Those damn taxes are raised higher and higher every day.” One of his hands curled into a fist. “And that good-for-nothing sheriff of ours collects twice a week now.”

“I know,” Nora said on a soft sigh, placing her hand on her husband’s and slowly uncurling the tight fist, making him relax.

“Just a couple weeks,” he said, leaning his forehead against his wife’s. “With that much money still in their pocket, I can go back to charging a little so we can stay afloat.”

Nora swallowed hard. “And if not? What if the sheriff raises the taxes so the money they would’ve paid you still ends up in his pocket?”

Henry sighed. “Then Barry will have to get a job.” Nora opened her mouth to object, but he continued. “A real job, Nora. Not…babysitting and nailing some broken panels back on.”

“Henry.” She frowned, her brows narrowed in her son’s defense. “He does more than that, and you know it.”

“It doesn’t matter what he does!” Henry’s voice rose, and Nora placed her fingers across his lips, making a deliberate nod towards the hall.

“Your boy is still asleep,” she said in a hushed whisper.

Barry was grateful his mother hadn’t actually looked down the hall and therefore hadn’t noticed him. Or if she had, she hadn’t let on to his deep gratitude.

“He needs to get paid, Nora. Helping out the townspeople is all well and good, but he’s taking for granted the fact that I can support us and isn’t pulling his weight. He needs an income to contribute to the household. He doesn’t have one. There’s no back-up plan until he does. I won’t turn my patients away.”

Nora nodded, the end of the conversation in sight.

“P’rhaps it’s good he didn’t want to go into medicine then,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. “If you were both in the clinic giving free services, there’d be no back-up plan at all.”

Henry sighed.

“He just needs your approval,” she said softly, rubbing his back. “Tell him you love him and that you’re proud of him, and he’ll find a job that pays a wage.”

Henry groaned. “He’s too good, Nora.” He lifted his head to press a kiss to her lips. “Just like you.”

She smiled slowly. “You don’t think he’ll take a fair wage?”

“I think he has a heart of gold that loves to make people happy. And what makes people happier than free labor?”

Nora chuckled and leaned her head on her husband’s shoulder.

“Just have a talk with him, my love. He may be more willing than you think.”

Barry’s mind spinning, he stepped back into his room and shut the door. He should’ve known this might happen, what with the raising of taxes and his father’s gentle heart, his unwillingness to turn people away who truly needed him. In a way he was doing the same thing with the townfolk who needed assistance with their daily tasks. But his father was right in that they both couldn’t be servicing people for free. A doctor’s income was higher than most, but what they’d saved up wouldn’t sustain them for long if the taxes kept rising.

Barry would have to find a job – a real one – as much as he despised the idea. And he knew people wouldn’t be a fan of him asking for a wage when he’d gone around offering his services for free. But maybe they would understand. Everyone except the corrupt sheriff and prince, as well as the Ramon’s, appeared to have a decent opinion of him. Perhaps someone could offer him work with pay.

At any rate, it would be best to go around asking before his father broached the subject with him. Things would start harmonizing a lot quicker between the two of them if he was one step ahead of his worried father.

#the flash #westallen secret santa #westallen #barry allen #iris westallen #Iris West-Allen #backtothestart02 #fanfiction #the flash fanfiction #submission

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ezilo · 5 years

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Title: Nous sommes davantage dans le temps

Summary: Dan’s milestones are somehow linked with youtube videos and Phil, and sometimes both.

Rating: T

Read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16507325

Author’s note: So. This has been sitting in my laptop for literal months now and I just worked up the courage to post it. Huge thanks to @auroraphilealis for betaing (seriously if this is any good it’s thanks to her) and inspiring this and generally being wonderful. This is kind of dedicated to her, and to everything her writing has done for me, and a lot of people I think. This is based on a list of the most popular type of videos on youtube, my philosophy exam and a conversation with elizajane. I also know practically nothing about philosophy so don't judge me on that. Oh and the title is from something my philosophy teacher said last year: "Nous sommes davantage dans le temps que le temps est en nous" which translates to "We are more in time than time is in us". It was the starting point of this fic, actually.

As always, english isn't my first language so if there are any mistakes, feel free to tell me!

Back to School tutorial

Here’s the thing. Knowing something inside and out, diving into it, knowing every corner of it, apparently doesn’t make you accept it.

Dan knows time. He knows universe. He knows what Pascal, Leibniz, Einstein, and others have said about it. Descartes is no stranger to him, even in the original language, thanks to the Canadian boy he spent a few weeks with (or was it months?) who used to read him the Discours de la Méthode with so much passion Dan just had to kiss him.

Dan knows about the universe. He knows how others explain it.

But that doesn’t mean he’s satisfied with the answers he gets.

He knows that the present cannot be grasped, not truly, has swallowed quotes about this his entire study life, but he’s still longing for something that will help him anchor himself to the present. He’s had the feeling of belonging, finally, at the banged up kitchen table in Workingham, one hand buried in Collin’s fur, curls freed and smiling wide. He’s had the swelling, wool like grasping at his heart of falling in love with eyes and lips and thoughts and giggles.

But still.

Present doesn’t hold him, or he doesn’t hold the present, or he doesn’t understand what present is, or he should stop drinking coffee at eleven pm.

Dan can’t sleep, but maybe that’s because he keeps asking questions that even philosophy cannot answer when he should just ask to sleep. He’s never been good at asking one thing. It’s easier to think his brain is aching because of the sense of time and the universe than because his first class is tomorrow.

He ends up losing himself in back to school youtube videos, and trying not to remember that he’s over thirty.

Funny animals compilation

Dan’s fidgeting with the marker, popping the cap off, pushing it back down nervously, twirling it between his fingers. He’s early, for the first time in his life, which means there’s one less reason he can prove himself to be an absolute fail.

The timetable on the door says that at eight thirty there’s an “Introduction to the philosophy of space and time” by Professor D. Howell.

Professor. For a minute he thought there was someone else named D Howell, because surely that couldn’t be him, right?

He sinks into the chair, head falling between his hands, and he can feel them trembling, where they bury in his hair. He ignores the hollow noise echoing around him that he thinks is most likely his head being annoying, but thus far his head has never said ‘hello?’ in a man’s voice, so he looks up.

“Yes?” he says to the tall man whose hand is still poised on the door.

“Hi! I’m so sorry to bother you, but I’m looking for the seminar room 205 but I got lost, and then I was on the right track and then I got lost again. So do you know where that is?”

Dan’s momentarily baffled by the amount of things the man said so quickly, and the chipper tone of his voice, like all of the words are lifted up in the last syllable.

“Uhm, yeah,” he clears his throat nervously, fist tightening around the marker in his right hand. “It’s right down the hall, then turn left. Third door on the right.”

“Oh, I had no idea it was this close. I’m really sorry to bother you again.” And that doesn’t really make any sense, it’s the first time he’s bothered him, but Dan recognizes the nervous rush of words, he’s felt this flustered himself in a lot of situations.

There’s a pause where Dan is about to say that it’s completely fine if he ever remembers how to use actual words, but the man speaks up again. “And good luck for your class!”

That makes Dan let out some kind of half chuckle, and some words miraculously tumble out of his mouth. “Thanks, it’s my first day,” he says, which is too much information. The man will probably just nod politely and leave immediately.

“I’m sure it’ll go great! Are you nervous?”

“Definitely yeah.” Which is, again, too much information, and too honest.

“You don’t need to be. You know your stuff, right?”

Dan nods, gets a smile in response.

“And the students will love you.”

“Thanks.”

If the man’s offended by Dan’s short answer, he doesn’t say, and it doesn’t show. Dan really wishes he could say something more, he really does, but he’s unsure of what; how do you deal with a stranger’s kindness? This is why he doesn’t go outside.

“I’ll get out of your hair. Think of happy things to relax yourself! Bye!”

And he’s gone. It’s the kind of encounter that starts a movie about a friendly quirky ghost, not the kind of thing that actually happens to people.

Dan shakes his head, but he can’t deny it’s taken his mind off of the class. Think of happy things! The words echo, spoken in a deep voice somehow laced with a sparkly lightness. Dan realizes he still has about 15 minutes left before his class when he glances, up at the clock ticking loudly. He opens up youtube, and gets lost in sloth videos for a while.

Dan’s class goes relatively well. It could have gone better, definitely, but Dan hadn’t said anything too strange, or too random in his panic. He’s been able to answer student’s questions, and even got a few smiles that didn’t seem pitiful.

Once his students are all gone, Dan sits down and feels a smile etch itself onto his face.

And maybe that’s another way to cling himself to the present.

When he pulls up his phone, he finds baby sloths bathing immediately open, and that smile widens a bit.

Dan’s riding high on the adrenaline of having his first class, of it going well, and stands up abruptly. He shoulders his backpack and heads down the hall, turns left, and slows down in front of the third door, lingering outside, as the class is apparently not over yet.

There are thoughts infiltrating his brain now - of this being insanely creepy, of being inappropriate. Paranoia buzzes under his skin, threatens to eradicate the giddiness. But then the door opens, students pour out, and Dan looks on dazedly, drowned in panic.

“Oh hi!”

He looks up instantly and meets crinkly eyes.

“Hi.”

There’s an awkward silence where they look at each other, grumpy students passing them, shoulders bumping while they hold eye contact.

“So how did your class go?” the smile in the man’s voice is palpable.

“Good, actually, better than I thought it would. I, uh, took your advice about the happy things. Watched animal videos.”

“I love animal videos!” The man’s voice booms on love, his eyes snapping to Dan’s, all wide and oh.

Blue.

“Me too.”

How Buffy should have ended

That blue seeps into his life now, through the first exchange of names and numbers in that hallway and then through endless hours at starbucks. The blue is the first thing Dan notices about Phil, but things add up through with every over enthusiastic text, every all caps comment only Phil would think about, every caring smile or giddy giggle. Dan learns things about Phil the way he’s always learned things: obsessively cataloguing facts, and waiting to get sick of Phil like he gets sick of everything after a while.

He doesn’t want to, though.

Turns out Phil isn’t a professor, or a student, though. He just came in to listen to one of his friends, to support him, because Phil just does that. Turns out Phil is a youtuber, because yes that’s a job a thirty-five year old is allowed to have. Not that Dan let his surprise show (much). He wanted Phil to like him and think he’s accepting and open-minded and all that shit.

Three weeks later, when he discovers Phil doesn’t like cheese, he mutters that he hates him, and knows what Phil thinks of him is just right.

The first time they hang out outside of starbucks, it’s at Phil’s, which is blinding and overwhelming, like eating too many ice creams in the summer, desperate for cold, with sugar lingering on your tongue.

Dan likes it though.

They start an anime together, and it’s comforting to know that Phil realizes that that’s a big deal too. They end up in a heated debate over which character’s will end up together, and who shouldn’t, during which they both hint multiple times at their attraction to pretty anime boys.

They’re not subtle and Dan loves it. Dan would be ashamed of his laugh, of his twisted humor, but, well. Phil’s tongue sticks out when he laughs, his sense of humor is surprisingly just as twisted as Dan’s and his smile is accepting.

They talk, too. About Phil’s YouTube channel, about Dan’s existential crises, all laced with sarcasm and humor, but that’s enough for now.

Dan ends up making Phil cave and they watch some of his videos, which makes a delicate pink blush bloom on Phil’s pale skin. They get closer and closer with every video they click on, wandering into parody videos, Phil’s arm secure around Dan’s shoulders, and it doesn’t feel foreign at all.

Phil gets overly worked up about How Buffy should have ended, promptly ends their friendship upon learning Dan hasn’t watched it, and starts up a “vital binge watch”.

Just as Buffy’s cheerleading team gets cursed, Phil’s lips end up on his.

Compilation of saddest love scenes 2

Everything mostly stays the same.

The changes that do occur, in the gaps of their already crackling friendship, are wonderful. Phil gets to shut Dan up with a kiss when he’s being obnoxious about winning Mario kart, the bed is warm, Dan gets understanding and laughter and also a naked Phil on his couch playing fortnite, which is an at first surprising but not displeasing sight. They fall asleep on each other with the computer still on, and Phil drags Dan to the bedroom when the pain in his neck becomes too much.

There’s one night though, where everything feels wrong. The world is subdued and grayed out, and Dan wants to stay in bed all day.

He knows what this is. He’s worked through recognizing his depression in his twenties, but no one warned him that it doesn’t stop with that. Existential crises linger on even if your life is safe and figured out. They don’t stop when you settle down.

But Phil was going to come over tonight, so Dan pulls at the muscles in his distant body and orders some pizza.

But he can’t really pretend for Phil.

He can’t feel bad for not pretending either.

He just can’t, period, and Phil notices.

Phil asks, Dan grunts, eyebrows furrowed. He ends up frustrating Phil, a lot.

Phil’s sighing and cursing under his breath and leaving.

Of course.

Dan will feel that in the morning, but for now he just feels even more choked by sadness than before, even though he didn’t think he could..

He falls into bed, stomach empty, doesn’t feel it. The dark hours of the night are spent watching sad compilations, listening to melancholic songs, and trying to just feel, please.

He’s a bit better by morning. Or worse, given that he feels the pain of Phil having left now.

But, well. He comes back.

At eleven am, the doorbell rings. Dan is wrapped up in his duvet, should be drinking water, but he opens the door anyway.

There stands Phil, feet shuffling, eyes rimmed in glasses, carrying a plastic bag.

“Hey.”

“Uhm, hey.”

“So I wanted to apologize for being a dick last night. I shouldn’t have snapped at you when you were feeling down. I brought you some pancakes as an apology. And if you don’t want to see me anymore, then, well. Enjoy the pancakes.”

Dan just stares.

He wants to say he will explain, he wants to say they’ll figure it out, they’ll communicate, they’ll make up systems, they’ll do this because Phil, well Phil you make me want to talk about the pit I fall into to someone that’s not Dr. Linda, Phil you make me want to be better than this, Phil you make me want to stay up all night just to stare into your eyes instead of staring into the dull London sky wondering why I exist.

“Thank you, Phil.” He says for now.

He’ll say the rest later.

They share a plate of pancakes and pick up where they left off on Buffy, because Dan likes seeing Phil mouth the witty retorts the heroin gives the Mayor. Phil always loves Buffy. Rain or shine, stress or bliss, or both. Dan wishes he had that, but slowly, he starts feeling the warmth of Phil, starts laughing, starts feeling pained when Angel leaves through the mist.

Eventually, he says “I hate you” to Phil after he rambled about why Angel isn’t as good as Buffy, and gets a knowing smile in return.

Let’s play! Sims 34: Our Sim gets abducted by aliens???

They’re tangled up on the couch, laptop on their thighs, after one of Phil’s low days. Their bones are digging against each other and knocking, too warm on the leather, when Dan asks Phil to move in with him.

Phil’s mesmerized by the new episode of their favorite “Let’s play!”, and just hums distractedly when he hears the question.

Dan promptly punches him, gets an indignant high pitched Hey! in response.

He repeats it, “D’ya wanna move in with me?”.

Phil turns to him then, eyes wide and taking on a slightly neon shade of blue caused by the glow of the laptop screen.

“Yeah.” he says, simple as that.

And his head whips back to the sim being transported into an alien shuttle. And, well. There’s not much more to that decision than a domestically tinged obviousness.

Easy red velvet cupcakes!

Dan is a mess. He’d barely gotten any sleep the night before, drowning in a despair to find meaning to all of it. Why he’s here, why does he teach when he cannot understand.

Phil tries to help, but they have systems now, and Phil knows he has to leave Dan alone and go back to sleep. The regular snoring is enough to reassure Dan, sometimes.

Dan’s halfway through an attempt at red velvet cupcakes, and it’s not going great.

They are not red, first of all, because Dan mistook the green coloring for the red one, and it’s all just a general ongoing mess. Phil is, of course, not here to reassure Dan,or make fun of him, or press him against the counter and make out with him while the cupcakes bake. Phil picking up his mom from the station.

Which is a thing.

Dan’s meeting Phil’s mom.

He’s not really nervous about her. She must be lovely and quirky. But Dan’s scared of not impressing her, of not being enough for her wondrously creative son, stuck in a philosophy position he’s had for a year and a half now. And what kind of functioning adult has only been working for a year and a half? Dan doesn’t want to have to explain losing three years doing law, or not being brave enough to take the leap and study philosophy, instead dabbling in cosmology for a while, eating up existentialism because it fit him, and adding up degrees through years of procrastination and pulling all nighters writing papers he should have written over the past couple of weeks and months.

He’s a grown man, but he’s still insecure, scared, and a bit ashamed of his past.

Phil works on that too, untying knots of self-hatred in the night with smooth fingertips, so Dan remembers Phil saying, “She’ll love you, Dan, who wouldn’t?”, and fusses over the decorating of his cupcakes, lamenting their lack of aesthetic.

“Dan, we’re home!”

He pauses the cupcake tutorial, cursing the girl with perfectly curled hair and cherry red pastries, places his cupcakes on a porcelain plate, and walks out, greeting Mrs. Lester as she drags him into her arms.

He and Phil munch on the leftover swamp green cupcakes that night and, well, he’s got a new family member now, who seems to like him, contemplations of death and failed baking and all.

How to live your truth

Phil doesn’t come out, but Dan peeks through his channel, through his subscribers comments, through the content and the videos and the theories his fans create.

There’s the sound of cooking during a live show that triggers obsessive all caps and question marks. There’s an unmade double bed in the background of a video that leads to furious googling and careful expressions of happiness for Phil. There’s another hand in a pic of a healthy cherry blossom, zoomed in on and examined. There’s less and less selfies because now Phil has someone to take pictures of him, while he smiles and grins more naturally. And finally, there’s the first joint live shows, with their careful dodging of the actual status of their relationship, and interactions played over and over again in beautifully edited videos reblogged on tumblr.

All of it is a commitment by Phil’s fans to Dan, like Phil commits to Dan every day, to the place Dan has in Phil’s life, undefined but solid.

Dan holds the sky in his eyes at night, and wonders what the sense of it is.

Pascal said that Humans don’t hold the present. And Dan admires Pascal, but his present is rhythmed by Phil’s breathing, their rituals and systems, and the constant disappearance of sugar Phil causes.

Dan likes transparency and honesty about what he feels, and what he wants right now.

But he doesn’t know who he is, not really, dipping into his thirties, and maybe that’s okay. His present is ever changing and slips between his fingers, but Phil is the background of it, holds Dan in it.

And Dan gets up to teach Pascal, and to not believe him every day, because of Phil.

#phanfiction #I managed to post something #shocking #I actually like this

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alexandrawilbraham · 5 years

Text

Best of BBC First 2018 with a cheeky look at 2019

By Alexandra Wilbraham

First published in Dutch translation: https://www.bbcbenelux.com/blog/?article=bbc-first-benelux-best-of-18-19

Joy to the world and welcome to our round-up of BBC First’s best of 2018. Prepare to get festive as we celebrate a fantastic year of BBC series. Stick around to the end to find out what amazing new content you can look forward to in 2019.

So, pull on your Christmas jumper, the one you keep stashed away at the back of your wardrobe and pop on a Santa hat. Make yourself hot cocoa, go the whole hog and decorate your beverage with whipped cream, marshmallows and chocolate shavings. Light some cinnamon candles and snuggle up on the sofa as we dive into the pile of presents this year had to give.

In the first month of 2018, the BBC gave to me! Well, it kind of works. January started with fireworks and a new series of Silent Witness. First broadcast in 1996, the series has seen many cast changes over the years. Series 21, however, saw the return of the amazing Emilia Fox as forensic pathologist Dr Nikki Alexander. She and her dedicated team (Liz Carr, Richard Lintern, David Caves) work closely with the London police to solve a slew of mystifying murders. Sometimes the best witness is a dead one.

Travelling back in time, if I can remember where I parked the T.A.R.D.I.S., to London in the early 1960s, we were again joined by the nuns and nurses of Nonnatus House convent. As they provide care to the expectant mothers of London’s East End, they find themselves tested both personally and professionally. Series 7 of Call the Midwife puts a bit of a downer on the festivities as we said goodbye to the beautiful Barbara (Charlotte Ritchie) whose grave, decorated with a red rose and toy carousel, we lingered on in the poignant final moments. However, with sadness comes joy and we saw both new and familiar faces appear at the convent. Leonie Elliot (Black Mirror) joined the cast as Caribbean midwife Lucille Anderson and a return of Nurse Trixie (Helen George) was heavily hinted at.

Guess what, we’re still in January! But we’re off on our first holiday of the year as we join Detective Jack Mooney (Ardal O'Hanlon) on the sun-soaked island of Saint-Marie. Peaceful isn’t it? Sadly not. Because, even in the beautiful Caribbean, crime will always spoil your day. Series 7 of Death in Paradise has Jack rise to the challenge in a bid to impress the commissioner and make his mark on the island. Luckily, he has his team to support him as he has some almost impossible mysteries to uncover.

Wake up! We’re back from our island vacation and straight into February. Before heading back to city life, we get to spend some time in the English countryside, rolling hills dotted with small villages, rural parish churches and large country houses. There is also a fair bit of murder.

Don’t worry though, as series 6 of Father Brown sees Mark Williams (Harry Potter) return as the charming local priest and amateur detective. Although he is at risk from old foe Katherine Corven, who looks for revenge on Father Brown when she is suddenly released from prison. I think we should move on to March and hopefully, we’ll find ourselves in a safer environment.

To sleep, perchance to dream as March arrives with a series completely new to the BBC – Shakespeare and Hathaway: Private Investigators. No, not William and Anne. Although this comedy-drama mystery is filmed in Shakespeare’s birthplace, Stratford-upon-Avon. Two well-known TV faces, Jo Joyner and Mark Benton, star as chatty ex-hairdresser Luella ‘Lu’ Shakespeare and out-of-shape and short-of-money private inspector Frank Hathaway. The highly unlikely and hugely entertaining detecting duo quickly discover that all is not as peaceful as it seems in their picture-perfect theatre town.

Brace yourself. Our next March series drops us straight to the front line of series 3 of Our Girl. We do get to travel internationally, but this is no holiday. Series 3 takes female army medic Georgie (Michelle Keegan) and the tightknit unit of soldiers in 2 Section from a humanitarian mission in Nepal, across Afghanistan and to a Nigerian refugee camp. With the arrival of old flame Elvis (Luke Pasqualino) and new recruit Maisie (Shalom Brune-Franklin) tugging at her sleeve, Georgie must face the highs and lows of army life while also fighting her own personal battles. As the soldiers face kidnapping and assassination attempts, they have to confront the ultimate battle: head versus heart.

May the merriness be with you. Or rather the conflict, since this family is already in the divorce court before the relationships start crumbling. New family drama The Split follows Hannah Defoe (Nicola Walker), a member of a family who all work as divorce lawyers in the same firm. Following a bitter argument, Hannah takes a new job at a rival firm where she reconnects with the only other man she ever imagined sharing her life with, and her estranged father returns after 30 years. It sounds exhausting but makes for a smashing series.

Ring the bells everyone! The month of June means we are halfway through our TV year. A perfect time for the first Agatha Christie story to be adapted for the BBC by screenwriter Sarah Phelps, who also penned the script for J.K. Rowlings’s A Casual Vacancy. A wealthy philanthropist is murdered and her son Jack dies in prison, accused of her murder. A year later, a mysterious stranger arrives to prove Jack’s innocence. If his story is true, the murderer is still in the family. In one of Christie’s most satisfying stories, the cast presents a host of well-known faces, including Bill Nighy and Anna Chancellor. Murder, plot twists and a fantastic cast. Can it get any better?

It most definitely can! September brings with it the second instalment of Christie magic. Now, how well do you know the person next to you? It’s the question that made Agatha Christie the best-selling novelist of all time. And Then There Were None sports an all-star cast, including Charles Dance (Game of Thrones) and Aidan Turner (Poldark). Ten strangers, each accused of a terrible crime, are lured to an island mansion and quickly find themselves at the mercy of their unknown host. And Then There Were None has seen many adaptations, but this is the first screen version to include Agatha Christie’s original, less cheery, ending.

It’s time for the home stretch everyone! With October we welcome a third Agatha Christie series. In Sarah Phelps’s second Christie adaptation for the BBC, the cast is headed by Toby Jones and Kim Cattrall. Witness for the Prosecution is the perfect Film Noir for a 1920s London. It’s a thrilling two-part drama about the murder of the rich and glamorous Emily French. All evidence points towards her young lover Leonard, but how will the jury decide?

The cold days and Idris Elba go together like bread and butter, or an attractively greying beard and a warm woollen coat. In Series 4, Luther introduces himself very non-dramatically: ‘There are some things you might have heard about me that could be true.’ If that is how Luther introduces himself to his colleagues, you should take care not to become his enemy. After a leave of absence living a reclusive life on the English coast, Luther is back in London on the trail of a cannibalistic killer, while also attempting to uncover the truth behind Alice's apparent death. With trouble following him wherever he goes, the case is fast becoming a test that will push Luther closer to the edge than he’s ever been before.

There we are. 2018 is all wrapped up, but there are more presents under the tree. 2019 is just around the corner and there is so much BBC content to look forward to. Why don’t you have a peek?

In 2019, fans can look forward to Emilia Fox’s 14th outing as Dr Nikki Alexander. Cast members David Caves, Liz Carr and Richard Lintern are also confirmed to return. Although not much is known about the 22nd series, actor Richard Lintern has said the new series will focus on bringing in London more as a character than has been done before.

New year, new Call the Midwife. Harry Potter star Miriam Margolyes, who will always be Professor Sprout to me, joins the cast for the Christmas special and the first episode of series 8. Fenella Woolgar (Victoria & Abdul) and Ella Bruccoleri (Genius: Picasso) move to Poplar as newcomers Hilda and Frances and (yeah!) Helen George returns as Nurse Trixie Franklin.

In series 8 of Death in Paradise, Shyko Amos joins the cast as officer Ruby Patterson. She has, what shall we say, a unique take on crime fighting. From a local radio DJ murdered while live on air to a zookeeper killed by a poisonous dart, Jack and his team definitely have their work cut out.

Welcome back to the beautiful English countryside. Let’s just take some deep breaths of fresh air and ignore Father Brown trapped outside on what is a dark and stormy night, with a murderer on the loose. Don’t bother yourself with the kidnap of Lady Felicia and Mrs McCarthy. I’m sure everything will be fine.

A new adaptation of Victor Hugo's 19th-century classic Les Misérables is packed full of big-name actors and this time none of them has to sing. A brave choice, considering the success of the long-running musical and Oscar-winning Hollywood film. Dominic West will lead the cast as Jean Valjean, with David Oyelowo as the obsessed and villainous policeman Javert. Olivia Colman takes on the role of the abusive Madame Thénardier, while Lily Collins will play Fantine. Adapted by Andrew Davies (War and Peace, House of Cards), the six-part drama will delve deeply into the story of love, revolution and survival, vividly bringing to life the vibrant and engaging characters.

When you manage to book Richard Geer (Chicago, Pretty Woman) in his first major television role for 30 years, you’d better have a story to match. MotherFatherSon is an eight-part original drama created and written by Tom Rob Smith (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story). The story revolves around the toxic relationships of a mother, a father and, err, I forget the last one. Anyway, Gere plays Max, the owner of one of the world’s most influential media empires. When his son Caden’s (Billy Howle) self-destructive lifestyle spirals out of control, he and his estranged wife Kathryn (Helen McCrory) have very different ideas about how best to support him.

And finally, he might not be sporting Hercule Poirot’s trademark moustache, but John Malkovich as the iconic detective is already heading the list of 2019 must-watch television. Malkovich is joined by a collage of well-known faces, including Ron Weasley, I mean Rupert Grint, as Inspector Crome. 2019 sees the adaptation of the ABC Murders by the incomparable Sarah Phelps.

Poirot faces a serial killer known only under the alias ABC. Using the British railway network, the killer strikes methodically, leaving behind nothing but a copy of the ABC railway guide. Poirot must find a way to match his nemesis and, in the process, everything about him will be called into question: his authority, his integrity, his past, his identity.

And finally, that’s 2018 dusted off and stored back in the attic. I hope you enjoyed our little excursion through the best of BBC First. With 2019 almost upon us there is so much more amazing BBC content to come. What were your favourite series and moments of 2018? Are you looking forward to a fabulous 2019 on BBC First? I definitely am.

From me and all of us at the BBC a very merry festive season and a happy new year!

Written for BBC First Benelux

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backtothestart02 · 5 years

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25 Days of Westallen Fanfiction: Day 21 - Before the Hood [2/6]

*Many thanks to @valeriemperez for beta’ing.

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Synopsis: AU - Before he donned the name Robin Hood, his name was Barry Allen, and all he wanted was to be with his love, Iris West.

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Chapter 2 -

“Thank you, Felix.”

The boy nodded and guided the horse into its stall.

Julian moved almost immediately after that, heading straight into his residence. His tutor would be in the library, no doubt ready to teach him more Latin. He abhorred Latin. It had no purpose, given few people could read and only the friar and other clergymen could understand and speak it in turn. Julian had no interest in spending long hours inside the house of God, dedicating his life to blind servitude, sacrifice and celibacy. While his knighthood had been forced upon him by his father, one of the highest-ranking guards of the King, he enjoyed the respect it granted him. And training in the arts of jousting, archery and sword fighting certainly beat any other job he could’ve been pushed into.

Women fawned over him. Men looked to him as a promise for the future. He would go to the Crusades soon, and when he returned, he would obtain everything he wished for. Separation from his father, a marriage to the woman Barry Allen loved, and all the gold and jewels he desired.

Maid Iris was a pretty little thing. Her dark hair and skin were always accentuated by her light-colored dresses, pinks and purples and yellows, all made from satin ever since she’d become Sheriff DeVoe’s charge. Julian went to visit her often, trying to make a good impression. She appeared to be uninterested. But he’d impressed Sheriff DeVoe with his knighthood and manners and shared knowledge of Latin – ironically. Julian knew before he left Collin Woods for the battlefield, he could convince the man to sign a contract in Iris’ place, so they would be wed immediately on his return.

Julian wasn’t blind to Iris’ lack of affection towards him. He knew she’d been closed-minded from the start, unwilling to even consider him an option, because her heart still lay with the foolish boy who’d swept her off her feet before her father and brother had abandoned her. As pretty as she was, and as admirably stubborn, Julian had no problem admitting that he wanted her for himself solely so Barry Allen couldn’t have her.

The odds were already against Barry, with the scandal of his father taking on a peasant girl as his pupil in the practice of medicine. Her only place should be that of cooking and cleaning before marrying another peasant at her own level. The fact that another knight, Sir Ronald, had promised himself to her baffled Julian. But he supposed it was not his place. He was even more uninterested in Caitlin Snow than Maid Iris on her own merit. All he cared about was hurting Barry Allen, who had more to live for than he could have dreamed. And he deserved none of it. He took all of it for granted.

Barry not only was able to get by without a real job that would add to the income of his household, but he spent most afternoons shooting off arrows in the middle of the forest. Reckless, if you asked Julian. Especially since he knew for a fact the arrogant boy had no intention of ever fighting in the great war of their time, alongside their King, who he claimed to miss dearly given that the idiotic Prince John was in his place.

Henry Allen might’ve preferred his son practice medicine, but he did not disown him when he refused to do so. If Julian had refused knighthood, his father would have done exactly that. Thrown him to the streets, because how dare he not want something that came with so much honor, so much nobility, that promised him victory in his life and all that he desired. Despite Julian warming to the idea, he would always be bitter and hold resentment against his father for the pressure he’d put him under. When Julian had announced he was pursuing Iris, his father had just barely approved, and only because her station had been lifted after Joseph and Wallace West’s departure. He supposed he should be grateful for that. But he wasn’t. It was only another instance in which Sir David Albert reigned supreme.

His father had never mourned his wife or his daughter’s passing. He beat Julian when he caught him in tears over their deaths. Women were not meant for one to grow attached to, he would say. They were meant for cooking and cleaning and bearing children. In his wife’s absence, Sir David Albert had hired a maid, Louise. Only five at the time, Julian had spent the next eight years being raised by her until he was forced into knighthood by his father. He’d thought it would bring them closer, but it only made him all too aware of what a villain his father could be. It benefitted him that he and Sheriff DeVoe were of the same nature, but Julian swore he would never be like him. He would obtain Iris for himself, but he would never lay a harmful finger on her – something that could not be said of his father’s actions towards his mother.

If Iris did not wish to clean and cook and sew, Julian would find a maid who would do those things. And he would make her fall in love with him so that she would never want to leave, never cry in the dark when she thought he was unaware. He would overcome his father in that way and also leave Barry Allen a destroyed mess without the woman he loved. Would he come to hate his father? Would he turn on his mother for never trying to stop Henry Allen from tutoring a peasant girl? Whatever happened, the key would be in seducing Maid Iris.

That was the most difficult task. If he couldn’t do it before they were wed, he would be sure to do it afterwards. Either by turning her against Barry or by making him disappear. The idea of killing the young Allen, or hiring someone to do it, appealed to him for only a moment before he realized that would be worse than what his father had done. He would not become worse. He would be better.

But Barry still needed to be poison in Iris’ eyes or he needed to leave. Julian just didn’t know how to go about choosing.

“You’re lost in thought,” his tutor said as he walked into the large, quiet room.

Julian came to a halt and nodded once.

“I am ready for my lesson,” he said.

His tutor gestured to a comfortable chair in front of him, beside which sat a table and piles of books for him to learn from.

“Something troubles you,” his tutor said, looking at him contemplatively.

“When does it not?” Julian asked rhetorically on a sigh, selecting a book and flipping through it to find where they’d last left off.

“Let’s talk about it.”

Julian paused and looked up at the inquisitive, wise older man and wondered how best to get out of this particular conversation.

“I won’t tell your father,” he said, setting aside his own book. “Your welfare is my top priority.”

Reluctantly, Julian closed his.

“That’s not what we pay you for.”

“Consider it charity then.”

“I don’t need your charity,” he spat, harsher than he’d meant to.

“But do you need someone to listen? To really hear you, Sir Julian?”

His lips thinned.

“Is it Bartholomew Allen?” he questioned. “Do you want what he has?”

“I am not envious of him if that is what you are asking. I have almost everything I desire, and soon I will have the final piece.”

“The affections of Maid Iris.”

“Her promise to marry.”

“She is willing?” his tutor asked, surprised.

Julian’s brows narrowed. “In time.”

His tutor analyzed him most uncomfortably, until Julian nearly stood to his feet and walked out of there.

“You want something else.” His eyes widened. “To destroy young Bartholomew and all he has.” He paused. “To kill?”

“You presume too much. You should keep to your studies, and to teaching me mine.”

“Perhaps.”

Julian shook his head and opened his book again.

“Let us get on with the lesson. I will forget this talk, and you should too.”

“As you wish.”

When the two had found their place in the accurate book, Julian met his tutor’s eyes to wait for his direction.

“Tell me what is on your mind, my pupil.”

Julian licked his lips, hardly daring to ask. Once it was out, it was out. If his tutor had truly once been a wizard, it was possible he could grant his request.

“Something…other than murder, something…equally devastating.”

“Betrayal, you think,” his tutor said, then thought again when Julian looked to interrupt him. “The appearance of betrayal.”

“A farce.”

“Within the Allen family. A façade that destroys.”

“Mmm.” Julian nodded. “Yes.”

His tutor’s eyes locked on his, Julian felt for the first time not unnerved, but powerful.

Will you do it?

“Twelve lines down at the beginning,” he directed, and Julian lowered his eyes to the book.

…

Snuggled close to her love, his jacket spread over her shoulders to keep her warm, Iris relished the feeling of contentment that came with being in the presence of and so near to her darling Barry Allen. He was everything to her. He was security and love and happiness and everything she could have ever dreamed. Growing up, she resented the fact that women were forced into the servitude of their husbands, but as she fell deeper in love with Barry Allen, she knew she wouldn’t mind that one bit. She would make him new jackets and hats. She would cook him tasty soup and roast a nice, hot chicken. She would kiss his worries away and bear him many children. She would do everything and anything expected of her as a woman without complaint if it could be solely directed at her love, Barry Allen.

Julian’s disdain of Barry and vice versa was more than enough of a reason for Iris to dislike him, but his eagerness to impress her in a clear effort to win her affections disgusted her. He knew she loved Barry, and maybe that was why he had developed a sudden desire to see her. She knew it could only possibly be to win her hand and steal her away from Barry. But she would not be stolen away so easily, or at all. Even if she and Barry could never be together, her heart would never belong to another. Especially since Julian appeared to get on so well with Sheriff DeVoe. Never in her life would she consent to marrying him. He would have to take her by force, and she would not go quietly.

“Barry!” she whispered in a gasp, his jacket falling off of her as she sat up abruptly. “Barry! Wake up!” She shook him fiercely and finally his eyes opened.

“What…What’s going on, Iris?” He rubbed his eyes. “Why are you so-”

“It’s dawn!” she said, stumbling to her feet. “It’s not night anymore. It’s daybreak. If I don’t get back before the DeVoes wake up, I may never be able to see you again!”

“Barry, wait.” She gripped his arms.

“Iris, we don’t have time. I can’t- I’m not going to be the reason I never see you again.”

Her eyes filled with tears.

“I don’t want to be the reason either,” she said, clutching his shirt tighter.

“Even if it’s cloudy?” she asked on bated breath.

“Oh, Barry.”

“Go,” he said.

“Good morning, Iris,” she said.

Iris didn’t move a muscle.

“I thought we should talk,” she continued, gesturing to a wooden chair across from hers.

“And if I don’t want to?” she said, indignant in a way she couldn’t be with Clifford.

Marlize smiled sardonically at her young charge.

“I really think you do.”

…

They’d never gotten that close to being caught. Never.

So, in truth, they’d been lucky that Iris was a little more likely to startle herself awake when danger was imminent.

“Henry, are you sure?” Nora asked, wrapping a shawl around herself as she moved to shut the open front window.

“Yes,” he said, then nodded. “I know why you’re hesitant, why you worry. But I think we have enough saved up to keep us going.”

“For a while maybe, but-”

“I know,” Nora said on a soft sigh, placing her hand on her husband’s and slowly uncurling the tight fist, making him relax.

“Just a couple weeks,” he said, leaning his forehead against his wife’s. “With that much money still in their pocket, I can go back to charging a little so we can stay afloat.”

Nora swallowed hard. “And if not? What if the sheriff raises the taxes so the money they would’ve paid you still ends up in his pocket?”

Henry sighed. “Then Barry will have to get a job.” Nora opened her mouth to object, but he continued. “A real job, Nora. Not…babysitting and nailing some broken panels back on.”

“Henry.” She frowned, her brows narrowed in her son’s defense. “He does more than that, and you know it.”

“It doesn’t matter what he does!” Henry’s voice rose, and Nora placed her fingers across his lips, making a deliberate nod towards the hall.

“The boy is still asleep,” she said in a hushed whisper.

Barry was grateful his mother hadn’t actually looked down the hall and therefore hadn’t noticed him. Or if she had, she hadn’t let on, much to his deep gratitude.

Nora nodded, the end of the conversation in sight.

“Perhaps it’s good he didn’t want to go into medicine then,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. “If you were both in the clinic giving free services, there’d be no back-up plan at all.”

Henry sighed.

“He just needs your approval,” she said softly, rubbing his back. “Tell him you love him and that you’re proud of him, and he’ll find a job that pays a wage.”

Henry groaned. “He’s too good, Nora.” He lifted his head to press a kiss to her lips. “Just like you.”

She smiled slowly. “You don’t think he’ll take a fair wage?”

“I think he has a heart of gold that loves to make people happy. And what makes people happier than free labor?”

Nora chuckled and leaned her head on her husband’s shoulder.

“Just have a talk with him, my love. He may be more willing than you think.”

Barry’s mind spinning, he stepped back into his room and shut the door. He should’ve known this might happen, what with the raising of taxes and his father’s gentle heart, his unwillingness to turn people away who truly needed him. In a way he was doing the same thing with the townsfolk who needed assistance with their daily tasks. But his father was right in that they both couldn’t be servicing people for free. A doctor’s income was higher than most, but what they’d saved up wouldn’t sustain them for long if the taxes kept rising.

Barry would have to find a job – a real one – as much as he despised the idea. And he knew people wouldn’t be a fan of him asking for a wage when he’d gone around offering his services for free. But maybe they would understand. Everyone except the corrupt sheriff and prince, as well as the Ramons, appeared to have a decent opinion of him. Perhaps someone could offer him work with pay.

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*Also posted on AO3 and FFnet.

#25 days of westallen fanfiction #westallen secret santa #westallen #fanfiction #backtothestart02 fanfiction #for jade4813

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ranwing · 6 years

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Kadam Fic: Learning to Fly (5/?)

Title: Learning to Fly Series: A New Direction (was Season Four Remix) Pairing(s), Characters(s): Kadam, Kurt Hummel, Adam Crawford, Burt Hummel, Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, Carmen Tibideaux, Cassandra July, Artie Abrams, Tina Cohen-Chang, Elliot “Starchild” Gilbert, Dani, Adam’s Apples, Original Characters Rating: PG13 Genre(s): canon divergence. Parts: 5/?

Summary: As another school year starts at NYADA, Kurt seemed to have it all. The respect of his teachers, a group of wonderful friends and best of all, getting to live with the man that he’d come to love. So of course the universe would throw a few curve balls in his direction.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four

On AO3

As dedicated as Kurt was to his education, he would be the worst liar in the world if he tried to claim that he was in any way disappointed to receive voice mail from Professor Collins regretfully cancelling their morning voice session because of an emergency dental appointment. Having a chance to enjoy a quiet morning and a leisurely breakfast at home like a normal human being rather than just grabbing a coffee and muffin on the go while he rushed to class was just too rare a luxury not to take advantage of.

Adam had already left for his morning shift at the café, leaving Kurt to laze in bed for a bit before getting hungry enough to seek out something to eat. He whipped up some scrambled eggs and toasted a few slices of whole grain bread. Sitting on the couch in his pajamas with his breakfast and coffee while he watched the morning news and did a little frivolous net surfing was a luxury he almost never got to enjoy.

He was nibbling on some grapes that he’d found in the fridge when his Skype app pinged for his attention. He grumbled in mild annoyance, not really wanting to be bothered when he had so few occasions to truly relax but opened the program to see who was trying to contact him. He was surmised to see that it was Adam’s mother. He mentally calculated the time difference, noting that it would still be well into the work day for Ellie Crawford and it was not typical for her to try contacting them from the office. They usually got calls from her or her husband in the evening, when Adam was at home.

Hoping that there was nothing wrong, he checked to make sure that he was semi-decent and that his hair wasn’t doing anything particularly crazy before opening the link to accept her call.

“Good morning, Ellie,” he greeted cheerfully as Adam’s mother appeared on his screen. “Or rather, good afternoon for you.”

Ellie Crawford smiled warmly at her son’s boyfriend. “Good morning, darling! I hope that I’m not disturbing you.”

“Not at all,” Kurt assured her. “One of my classes got cancelled so I’m having a bit of a lazy morning.”

“Lazy? You? Perish the thought,” she laughed brightly.

“Is everything okay?” he asked curiously. “Adam’s not home and…”

“I know, love. I just wanted to touch base with you,” she explained. “I had a little bit of a lull on my calendar today and I saw that you were on line. I can ring up my favorite American lad every now and then, can’t I?”

Having been on the receiving end of her affectionate behavior numerous times since their first formal meeting, this out of the ordinary call really wasn’t too surprising when he thought about it. Her smile was infectious and Kurt couldn’t help from relaxing. “Of course, you can,” assured her, settling in so he could balance his laptop comfortably on his knee.

“Adam’s been telling me that you have all kinds of exciting things happening at school,” she declared. “Getting such an important role in your school production at your age… that’s so thrilling.”

He couldn’t help from smiling at her enthusiasm towards his achievements. “Well, it’s a lot of work. Adam’s always worried that I try to do so much, but I can’t help it. And it seems to be working in my favor for the time being, so…” He just shrugged.

Ellie chuckled fondly. “He cares about you, love” she pointed out. “He just doesn’t want you to overextend yourself.”

“I know he does. I worry about him too,” Kurt assured her. “He’s got so much to focus on with his new job and I just want to take as much pressure off him as possible so he can concentrate on what he needs to.”

Ellie nodded, appearing thoughtful at his statement. “And how are you handling things?” she asked, showing sincere concern for her son’s boyfriend. “I know that Adam working out of town is not exactly going to be convenient for you.”

Kurt sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It won’t be so bad,” he claimed. “I’ve got a dorm room reserved for next semester, which will probably give me more time to focus on my studies. There is a bit of an advantage to living at school with everything going on.”

“Oh, I’m certain, darling,” Ellie agreed. “But it’s going to be a bit of a shock, going from having your own place to more communal living.”

Kurt just shrugged. “I’m sure that it’ll be okay. I’ve got a single so I’ll have my privacy,” he assured her. “So long as the showers aren’t too disgusting, I’ll manage.”

“Well, if you need anything, you be sure to let us know,” Ellie reminded him. “I’m always ready to send a care package now that I know what tea and jam you like.”

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing. “Ah, you’ve discovered my secret,” he confided. “I’m only with Adam for the steady supply of tea and jam.”

Ellie laughed brightly, shaking her head in mock admonishment. “Oh, you scoundrel!” she accused dramatically. “Using my poor lonely boy so cruelly.”

“Well he’s returning the favor,” Kurt teased. “Abandoning me when I need him most.”

Ellie’s laughter quieted and her gaze turned more serious as Kurt’s deceptively light words sank in. “Darling, you know that he’s not abandoning you,” she insisted. “He adores you so much.”

“I know he does,” Kurt said soberly. He blinked in surprise when he realized what he’d just said. “I never doubted that. I… I don’t know why it came out like that.”

Ellie eyed him sympathetically, her voice taking on a soothing tone. “Talk to me, love,” she urged. “Are you really all right with Adam taking this job? You can be honest with me.”

Kurt looked at her image on his computer screen, seeing her sympathetic gaze and felt incredibly disappointed with himself that he’d allowed his darkest thoughts to slip out so casually. “Of course I am. Ellie, I really do want him to do what’s best for himself and I’m so proud that he got cast in that part,” he insisted with absolute honesty. “I’m not blind to the challenges it’s going to make for the both of us, but we’ll have to deal with them.”

Ellie nodded understandingly. “I know you will, darling,” she acknowledged gently. “I just worry about both my boys.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling. “My dad is the same way,” he admitted. “He tries not to be too overbearing and lets us live our lives but he does watch out for us. Adam included.”

“Then you won’t mind if I want to make sure that you’re going to be all right,” Ellie stated. “I know that you’re both big boys and can take care of yourselves, but this is a huge change for the both of you. And I can’t help from feeling that not everything is quite as rosy as you are pretending it to be.”

She smiled at him reassuringly. “Don’t forget, I am a solicitor. I’m very good at reading people.”

Kurt sighed, knowing that she had him nailed. “Ellie, please believe me… I support Adam in this one hundred percent,” he claimed ardently. “This is so important to him and the last thing in the world that I ever would want is for him to think that he should have turned down the job because I’m being childish or insecure.”

“Darling, it’s perfectly normal to feel uneasy about being separated for such a long time,” she assured him kindly. “You shouldn’t punish yourself for that.”

Kurt bit his lower lip, not sure of just how much he wanted to tell her. “I don’t know how much Adam told you about the relationship I was in before we met,” he started uncertainly.

“Only that things ended badly,” she answered. “And that you were taking things slowly at first as a result.”

Kurt nodded, grateful once again for his boyfriend’s consideration. “I was with someone for nearly two years. We met in high school and I was very much in love with Blaine. But he was a year behind me and after I graduated and came to New York, he didn’t respond well. I was only away for a few weeks when he told me that he’d been with someone else.”

Ellie didn’t comment at first, but her gaze was easily readable event through the computer screen. There was a hint of anger at the boy who’d hurt him, but more concern over how that betrayal had impacted him.

“Sweetheart, Adam isn’t like that,” Ellie reminded him gently. “He adores you.”

“I know that he does,” Kurt insisted. “And I trust him more than anyone except my father. Believe me, it took a long time for me to get to that point. I don’t trust easily under the best of circumstances and after what Blaine did…

“But I knew that wasn’t being fair to Adam, making him deal with something that Blaine did to me,” he acknowledged. “He deserves so much more and I’ve worked very hard to not keep putting my Blaine issues on our relationship. I know that Adam would never something like that to me.”

“Then what is it that’s upsetting you so?” Ellie asked softly, her eyes kind and expressing her concern for her son’s partner.

Kurt was afraid to look that deeply inside himself, not wanting to see that the scars left from Blaine’s betrayal might still be a bit raw around the edges. “I lost Blaine because I was too busy focusing on school and work,” he started, only to be cut off irritably by Adam’s mother.

“No, he lost you because he was an immature brat,” she stated firmly. “Don’t try to take ownership for his poor choices, love.”

Kurt had known that he still felt some sense of responsibility for Blaine’s infidelity. Even after all this time. Rationally he knew that Blaine was solely responsible for his choices, but it was still difficult to not take on the blame himself. He knew that it was Blaine’s choice to respond to anything that he did or didn’t do by fucking someone else, but that didn’t ease the hurt that still lingered. And he was so damn tired of hurting over it.

“You’re worried that Adam will cheat on you as well,” Ellie surmised, looking at him sympathetically. “Once you’re apart and busy with your own lives.”

“I know he won’t,” Kurt insisted ardently. “He is the kindest, most generous, loving man I’ve ever met. But he’s going to be out there in the real world, meeting all kinds of people who can offer him a lot more than I can. And one day I’m afraid, he’s going to realize that he’s been wasting his time with some silly school boy back in New York.”

He felt his eyes stinging and had to pause to wipe at them, angry with himself for revealing what he’d just said. Fantastic, he reprimanded to himself. He just revealed to Adam’s mother just how childish and insecure he was, absolutely ruining the carefully crafted veneer of maturity that he’d tried so hard to cultivate. Adam’s mother would now see that he was a foolish little boy and totally unworthy of being with her son.

He was surprised to see her gaze holding steady and calm, her eyes so much like her son’s as she waited for him to regain his composure. “Kurt, I’m not going to patronize you,” she promised. “I know that you have very good reasons to be fearful about things.”

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely, feeling even more foolish for his mini-break down.

“Oh sweetheart… there’s nothing to be sorry for,” she claimed, looking at him fondly. “Kurt, have you spoken to Adam about any of this?”

He shook his head adamantly. “No. The last thing I wanted to do was make him think that I didn’t want him taking the job. These are my problems.”

“No, sweetheart. This affects the both of you,” she reminded him gently. “Do you think that you’re the only one worried? I know for certain that Adam’s been working himself into a tizzy over leaving you.”

“He has?” Kurt hated how weak he sounded, but he had to know. “He’s been so calm about everything… I thought that he was really happy.”

“Oh, he’s glad that he found a job,” she corrected. “He’s been very anxious about getting work since he finished school, but make no mistake his first choice would certainly have been to stay in New York with you. Darling… are you telling me that you really think that Adam wants to leave you?”

When he didn’t answer, she made an annoyed sound. “Kurt, for such a smart lad you’re astonishingly dim sometimes. He loves you and the last thing he wants to do is be away from you.”

Kurt knew that his old baggage was making a very unwanted reappearance, but he needed to get this out of his system. “I thought that Blaine loved me,” he admitted. “And it didn’t take him long to find someone else. What’s going to happen when Adam starts meeting people more on his level and I’m not there for him?”

“First of all, the idea that you’re not Adam’s equal in every way is absurd!” Ellie scoffed. “What, do you think he hasn’t been around other people before he met you? If anything, he finds them totally lacking in comparison to you so you can put that silly thought out of your head.

“I’m not going to tell you that it’s going to be easy,” she admitted. “I respect you too much for that. But I can tell you from personal experience that you can get thought this if your both willing to put in the effort.”

Kurt had nearly forgotten that Adam’s father had traveled extensively during his professional career, and he doubted that Ellie would have been able to go with him all the time. “How did you and Peter manage things?” he asked, hoping that she could give him some guidance.

Her eyes seemed to brighten when she realized what he was asking. “It wasn’t so bad at first, right after we got married. I was still in school when he first signed with the orchestra. Much of the time he toured, I was so busy with class that I didn’t have much time to miss him. And when I could join him on my school breaks it felt like wonderful holidays together.

“But after I got my degree and started working, I couldn’t go with him so often,” she admitted. “And then Melissa came along and my career started to demand more time and we would sometimes have to be apart for weeks at a time when the orchestra was touring. It wasn’t easy, having a baby to care for all on my own while managing work and a household. I’ll admit that I was very lonely much of the time and we had our fair share of fights over how often he was away.”

Kurt’s eyes softened when he realized that she really did understand what he was feeling. “How did you get through it?”

Ellie smiled at him sympathetically. “It took a lot of work on both our parts,” she acknowledged. “Phone calls as often as we could manage and just taking the time to be there for one another. We had to make staying in regular contact a serious priority, otherwise our marriage would never have survived.

“It wasn’t any easier for Peter, mind you. He felt like he was missing so much of the children’s lives while he was traveling.”

Kurt absorbed what she was telling him, understanding that he was not so unique in his situation or concerns. “Was it worth it?” he asked.

She considered what he was asking and nodded. “I think so. As much as I would have preferred having Peter with me all the time, he would have been miserable if he wasn’t able to pursue music the way he needed to. He needed it as much as you and Adam love the stage. It’s in your blood. Just like the law was in mine. It was the nature of the fields that we chose.

“And in the end, we both got our chance to grow into ourselves as individuals. Not merely as part of a couple,” she mused. “I think that we’re the better for having that chance. And because we had to spend so much time apart, we very much appreciate the time we have together.”

She looked at Kurt sympathetically, fully understanding his fears. “Darling, you both chose a field that may require you to be apart at times. This time Adam is the one who needs to travel for work. One day you might get hired for a play or a film and you’ll be the one on the road. This is something the two of you will have to work out between yourselves.”

Kurt sat silently for a moment, taking in the lesson she was gently imparting and could not feel anything other than grateful for her advice and guidance. He’d had no one around him who’d faced what he was and had their relationship come out intact in the end. There were so many examples about him that long distance relationships were doomed to end in failure that he’d forgotten that it was indeed possible for them to survive this as a couple.

Their relationship would change, for certain. But change wasn’t always bad. They could come out stronger and closer if they put in the work. And Kurt realized that he did want to make the effort in a way that he hadn’t wanted to with Blaine.

But Ellie was right. He needed to talk to Adam, and he needed to tell Adam the truth.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely. “You gave me a lot to think about.”

“I’m always here if you need to talk, love,” she promised. “We’re all so fond of you and if you find yourself needing some advice, or just someone to hear you rant and scream about things, Peter and I are here for you.

“And don’t put off talking to Adam,” she urged gently. “I know it’s not an easy thing to bring up, but you need to do it. One of you needs to take that first step.”

Kurt couldn’t help from smiling, thankful that the Crawfords were so gracious towards him. “I will,” he promised.

She gazed at him fondly and blew him a kiss. “You’ll be fine, darling. Let me know how it all goes.”

“I will. And Ellie… thank you.”

She smiled brightly. “Have a good day, sweetheart,” she urged, giving him a happy wave before turning off the connection. That left Kurt alone in an unsettling quiet with a head full of thoughts.

He knew that Adam’s mother was right. He wasn’t doing himself or Adam any favors by keeping his fears to himself. He’d always found himself able to talk to Adam, but he also had a bad habit of hiding away his deepest hurts and fears. He knew that Adam would be understanding and would try to ease his fears, but he didn’t want his boyfriend to need to do that. He needed to be able to get his own emotional house in order.

He had a few hours before Adam would be getting home from work and he had class and rehearsals to focus on that afternoon. That would give him a chance to clear his head and consider just how he was going to broach this uncomfortable subject and make some real plans on how they were going to go forward from here.

Unquestionably he had some thinking to do. Ellie had made some very good points and delaying this very much needed conversation when they had so little time left to spend together would not help them weather they long separation they were facing. It was past time for him to face up to his fears.

* * *

The flat was quiet when Adam returned home late in the afternoon. He’d worked a few extra hours at the café since he didn’t have a shift at the bar that evening and he wanted to squirrel away as much money as he possibly could. All going well, he would be able to save most of his pay from the show to tide him over until they either got picked up for a New York opening, or until another prospect came along. While it was gratifying that both his current employers would be happy to take him on again when he returned to New York, he’d much prefer not needing that type of employment.

It would be nice to have some time to relax before Kurt got home and they could maybe have a late supper. Even with all their efforts, they saw precious little of one anther most days, a fact that was troubling him greatly. They had just a few weeks until his rehearsals were to begin and before they knew it, the year would be over and he’d be leaving. But their respective schedules kept pulling them apart.

Maybe it was time to give up his bartending gig. The extra money was nice, but it was just taking up too many hours that he could be spending with Kurt. He’d already given his notice to his boss, so telling him that plans had changed and he would need to leave earlier than expected wouldn’t be a huge issue. This would leave his nights free to spend with Kurt.

Knowing that Kurt would be starving when he finally got home, Adam began to rummage through the refrigerator to see what he could cook. He frowned at the meager contents, thinking that they really needed to do some proper shopping. They both had been meaning too but their schedules had made even basic chores a challenge. Wondering if he’d have a chance to run down to the store before Kurt got home, he sent Kurt a quick text to see what he was in the mood for.

To his surprise, he got an answer almost immediately.

Am on my way home now. Will pick up dinner on the way. See you soon!

He felt a smile etch its way across his face, happy that he and his boyfriend would have an evening to spend together. That reinforced his decision to quit his second job, because the thought of possibly missing out on more opportunities like this. It just made sense for him to be a bit more flexible with his time for the next few weeks and work a bit more around Kurt’s schedule.

It was nearly an hour later that Kurt came through the door, burdened with his school bag and a plastic sack filled with take out. “Hi honey,” he greeted, barely taking a second to drop the bad before turning to Adam for a kiss. “Did you have a good day?”

“Oh, fair enough,” the older man granted, taking a moment to pull Kurt into his arms. “Mmm… I missed you all day.”

Kurt kissed him again. “Come on… I picked up Chinese and I’m starving.”

They settled on the couch in front of the television with their take-out cartons and chopsticks, Kurt settled happily against Adam’s side. Adam couldn’t help from smiling at the selection of food, seeing that Kurt had selected their favorites to share and enjoy. He handed Kurt the bowl of wontons in hot oil and grabbed the container of sesame noodles.

“Thank you, darling. This was just what I needed today,” Adam said happily as he slurped down the savory noodles. “And we had absolutely nothing in the fridge.”

“I figured we both needed a break with the way both of us have been working,” Kurt answered, enjoying the mild burn of Chinese hot oil on his lips. He reached for a container of cumin-spiced beef and dug in happily.

“Well, things might start getting a bit easier,” Adam promised. “I’m quitting my job at the bar, so my evenings will be free until my rehearsals begin.”

Kurt looked up at him, his eyes widening happily. “You are! That’s great,” he said with obvious delight.

Adam just stroked Kurt’s cheek lovingly. “I’m tired of us fighting to find time to spend together,” he explained. “It might mean tightening our belts a wee bit, but I want to spend as much time with you as I can. This way I’ll be here when you get home from rehearsals.”

“Oh honey… you didn’t need to quit your job,” Kurt insisted. “I know that my free time is kind of short right now, but…”

“No, it’s a bit overdue,” Adam claimed, quite content with his decision. “I’m going to need to quit sooner rather than later and I’d rather do it when it gives us the chance to have more time to spend together.”

Kurt felt his heart tighten at his boyfriend’s consideration. “It’s my schedule that’s out of control. I can…”

“No, darling,” Adam interrupted, taking hold of Kurt’s hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You need to focus on your lessons. I know that my schedule is a bit more flexible for the time being, so let’s take advantage while we can.”

Kurt tilted his head to kiss Adam warmly. “I knew that there was a reason that I loved you.”

Adam gazed down at him, his blue eyes warm and tender in a way that made Kurt feel safe and loved. “There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for you, sweetheart,” he said, his accent thick with emotion. “I hate the fact that I’m going away.”

“Adam, it’s okay,” Kurt stated insistently. “I know that you need to do this.”

“I could have waited,” Adam said softly, his eyes starting to water from the emotion he’d been holding back. “I didn’t have to take the first job offered to me.”

Kurt put down the food container he’d been holding and shifted on the couch so he could face Adam fully. He made sure to look directly into his lover’s eyes to make sure that there was no mistaking his meaning. “Adam, you need to start working on your career. You couldn’t turn down an offer just because it wasn’t especially convenient. This is what you need to do for yourself at this point.”

Adam pulled Kurt into his arms, burying his face in Kurt’s shoulder. “I hate that I have to leave you,” he said, his voice muffled slightly by Kurt’s shirt. “I love you.”

Kurt wrapped his arms about Adam, holding him close. “And I love you. Which is why I want you to do this,” he said with a resolution that surprised him. “I don’t want you to go, but the last thing that I would ever want is to stand in the way of something you need.”

Adam lifted his head to look at the younger man in his arms. “You have been so amazing,” he said with a trace of wonder in his voice. “This is asking so much of you and I’m terrified that one morning you’re going to wake up and decide that I’m not worth it.”

Seeing the genuine fear in his lover’s expression caused the reserve in Kurt to finally begin to crack. Ellie was right, he realized. Neither of them had been talking and he’d totally missed Adam’s own misgivings in his efforts to support his lover.

“You’re not the only one,” he admitted softly, hating the weakness that he detected in his own tone.

Adam blinked and pulled back slightly to look at him. “Whatever do you mean, love?”

Kurt sighed, knowing that there was no going back. “I didn’t want you to think that I’m not supporting you in this. Because I am,” he insisted. “It’s just…”

Adam’s gaze softened. “Talk to me, sweetheart,” he urged gently.

Kurt paused to gather his thoughts, wanting to make sure that there was no chance of Adam misinterpreting his meaning. “I’m afraid too,” he explained. “Let’s face it… none of my friends had any luck with trying to manage a relationship over long distance and I’m at the top of the list. I get too focused and too absorbed in whatever I’m doing at the moment. And right now, I’ve got a lot that’s going to demand my attention and I’m afraid that I’m…” His voice trailed off.

Adam bit his lower lip nervously. “What are you afraid of?” he asked softly, giving the younger man a gentle nudge. “It can’t be that bad.”

Kurt sighed and just dove in, knowing that there was no easy way to put this. “I never wanted what happened with Blaine to be an issue with our relationship,” he insisted.

“And you haven’t,” Adam assured him.

Kurt gave him a thankful but frank expression. “Not by lack of trying, I’ll admit. I hate that things he did still bother me and that I’m letting it interfere with us. I’m so happy for you getting this opportunity,” Kurt stated resolutely. “But I can’t help from being terrified that history is going to repeat itself. That I’ll be too busy with my things and you’ll be out there with all kinds of people seeing just how amazing you are and you’ll wonder why you’re bothering with a kid still in school when you can have anyone that you want.”

The confession came out in a rush, as if Kurt had to get the words out as quickly as possible before he lost his nerve. Adam felt his heart tighten uncomfortably at seeing his lover so distressed. “Kurt, I do understand but listen to me,” he said urgently. “There is no one that I want other than you. Please believe me… I don’t care how handsome or successful anyone I meet may be. It won’t mean anything because they’re not you.”

He reached out to cup Kurt face in his hand, his thumb gently caressing his lover’s cheek. “From the moment I first saw you, I was absolutely entranced. And it’s only gotten stronger since,” he promised. “Every moment that we share together just makes me realize all the more of how in love with you I am. Don’t think for a moment that I’m as foolish as Blaine and would look at someone else.”

Kurt wiped at his eyes, the expression on his face was one of profound thankfulness and once again Adam fought down the desire to seek out and pummel Kurt’s ex for betraying his trust so profoundly. That this beautiful, intelligent man should feel grateful that his lover promised not to cheat on him was just appalling, in Adam’s estimation.

“It goes both ways,” Kurt swore, reaching up to take Adam’s hand in his. “I love you and I don’t care how long we’re apart. There is no one that I want in my life more. Next to my father, you are the most important person in the world to me. Losing you would…”

He paused, inhaling deeply. “I want everything for you,” Kurt insisted. “I want you to go out there and be the star that you deserve to be. And there’s nothing I won’t do to support you.”

Adam bent his head to kiss Kurt lingeringly, taking his time and feeling his lover shudder against him. When he drew back, he looked deeply into Kurt’s eyes so that there would be no mistaking his meaning.

“I know that this isn’t going to be easy,” he admitted. “And there are going to be times when we’re both lonely and frustrated with our situation. But it’s only for a few months. I am going to come back to you. I promise.”

His broad hand stroked Kurt’s hair, savoring the feel of the silky strands slipping between his fingers. “I want you to have all the kinds of wonderful experiences that you can have while I’m away,” Adam insisted. “I want you to go out and go to parties and have all sorts of fantastic friends. Even if they’re fit, handsome blokes like that Elliot fellow.”

Kurt couldn’t help from laughing at Adam’s urging, his eyes shining as they gazed into one another’s.

“I want you to learn and grow and continue all these wonderful changes that I’ve been watching since we met,” Adam said softly. “And I can’t wait to come back and learn about the man you’ve become.”

Kurt felt a tear begin to trace its way down his cheek but didn’t bother to reach up to wipe it away. Not if it meant relinquishing his hold on the older man. “I know that I haven’t always been very good about expressing myself and not letting the past get in the way of our lives,” he said softly. “But I am trying. I want my feelings about not wanting you to be away to be strictly about missing you and wanting you to come back. Not because I’m afraid I’m going to lose you.”

Adam smiled and with his thumb wiped the tear stain from Kurt’s face. “I know that this is going to take a lot of work on both our parts, but I think we can do it. I will call and Skype you every chance I get and I’ll want to know about everything that you’re doing,” he promised. “We’re going to break that trend. I’m going to be back this summer and we’re going to have a grand time rediscovering one another.”

Kurt smiled as Adam pulled him into a tight embrace, the two of them holding on to one another as if for their lives. The knot in his chest that never totally went away from the instant that Adam had told him about his job finally began to unravel and he felt like he could really breathe again. They would beat the odds, he told himself. And they’d be stronger as a couple as a result.

Kurt knew that the survival of their relationship was no certain thing. He wasn’t so delusional as to believe that it was a foregone conclusion, not after living through Blaine’s betrayal. But they both very much were willing to put in the effort to allow their relationship to survive the changes that they were facing.

Adam was not Blaine, but likewise Kurt was not the same young man that he had been over a year ago. He knew what he wanted and Adam was a large part of that. He knew that it would be a struggle, but it was one that they face head on and together.

For now though, Kurt was content to let Adam just hold him. The future would come soon enough.

* * *

“This is the best idea we ever had,” Rachel chirped happily as she came up to Kurt’s side. Her best friend put his arm about her shoulders and pulled her close, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

It had been a wonderful idea, Kurt considered as he surveyed the dining table in the loft that was already groaning with food. The living area of the loft was filled with friends, old and new, and it felt like a nearly perfect way to celebrate Thanksgiving.

It probably shouldn’t have been a surprise that no one had plans to go back to Ohio for various reasons. Travel was difficult for Artie, so he and Tina decided to postpone a trip home until the winter break to make the effort more worth their while. Santana didn’t want to be the only one to go back and would rather deal with her mother’s complaints than be left out of the fun. Fortunately the Lopez family gathering was large enough that one missing person wouldn’t mar the festivities.

“Did you talk to your dads?” he asked as he opened the oven to pull out the guest of honor. “Damn, could we have gotten a bigger bird?”

“We’re feeding a lot of people,” she reminded Kurt. “And yes, I did. They flew out yesterday and are down in Miami now. They’ll spend a few days there before the cruise sets out.”

If she was upset that her fathers decided to book a cruise and would be out of town for several weeks rather than spend the holiday with her, she made no sign of it. “They invited me to join them, but I think that they’re treating it like an extended honeymoon now that their nest is empty,” she explained without a hint of disappointment.

Kurt nodded understandingly as he covered the immense turkey with foil to rest before carving. There were several covered dishes to be popped into the oven to warm before serving. In the meantime, there were tons of snacks and hors d'oeuvres to enjoy and a chance to enjoy one another’s company before stuffing themselves silly.

The living area was good and crowded with those who had become their second family over the past months. Santana sat on the couch with her arm wrapped about her girlfriend, Dani chatting happily with Artie and Tina with Santana adding her own biting observations. Elliot and Adam were talking over by the window, drinking wine and laughing like old friends. After having eased Adam’s concerns about his new friend, Kurt was glad to see them getting along so well.

And standing next to Adam, leaning into him and laughing at Elliot’s jokes was Mercedes, who had made the long-overdue trip to visit to surprise her friends before returning home to spend a few weeks with her family. Kurt had very much missed his friend and was thrilled to have a chance to catch up with her for a bit.

He poured himself a glass of red wine and approached the trio with a broad smile on his face. “Well you all look like you’re having fun,” he teased, getting their attention. “I’m feeling left out.”

“Well, if you’d get out of the kitchen and join us instead of hovering over a turkey,” Mercedes chuckled, pulling him into a one-armed hug so that she wouldn’t lose her wine. “I was feeling neglected until these two handsome men took pity on me.”

“Well, I should have to thank them for their consideration,” Kurt chuckled, turning to Adam. He kissed his boyfriend warmly, letting Adam pull him into a tight embrace.

“This is quite a gathering,” Elliot complimented. “And I very much appreciate the invite. It saves me the drama of the annual argument between my folks over who’s place I’m spending the holidays at.”

Adam gazed at him sympathetically. “They never learned to share, did they?” he asked.

Elliot shook his head. “There’s a very good reason why they’re divorced.”

“This is a lower key party than we had last year,” Kurt advised, chuckling at the memory. “We’d invited my boss because she was at loose ends and she showed up with what looked like half the fashionistas and drag queens in New York City.”

Mercedes laughed. “Only half the drag queens?” she asked teasingly.

“That was enough!” Kurt insisted, his eyes sparkling with good humor. “We were sweeping up glitter for the next week!”

Adam laughed riotously, nearly dropping his glass. “How did I possibly miss that?” he asked teasingly.

“I’m afraid that was before we met,” Kurt answered regretfully. “A shame about that, because I think that Miss Chantelle would have loved you. And she had the most stunning legs.”

“Not better than yours,” Adam corrected, nuzzling his nose against Kurt’s throat. “Impossible.”

Kurt looked about the room, seeing those he was closest to enjoying themselves and shook his head. “I like this better,” he claimed. “I mean, we had a total blast but I’m glad to have everyone here this year.”

Mercedes just smiled and kissed her friend on the cheek, leaning into him.

“Mercedes here was telling me about her album,” Elliot explained. “I’ve got to say that your friends are pretty amazing, Kurt. A recording deal, two accepted into NYADA, a film student and someone in NYU… all from one show choir group.”

Kurt looked to Mercedes, who gave him a knowing smile. They were very aware of just how special their group of friends were. To have so many intensely talented people in one school and drawn together almost by happenstance was nearly too much to be believed. It was even more outlandish when one considered Quinn’s Ivy League acceptance and Santana’s own budding music career.

For all of William Schuster’s flaws as a teacher and a choir director, he had the wisdom to give his intensely talented students a place to grow. None of the would be where they were without that and whatever misgivings they might have had over favoritism and how the choir was managed, they were grateful for the opportunities they’d had.

Rachel came over and touched Kurt on his shoulder to get his attention. “We’d better start getting dinner on the table before we fill up on snacks. I mean, we’ve got a lot of food.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Kurt chuckled. He looked to his boyfriend and Elliot. “You two want to help?”

With the promise of a veritable feast, the group broke off from their conversation and hurried into the kitchen to help ferry platters and bowls of food to the table. Dani took over the task of carving the immense turkey, skillfully slicing the breasts before moving on to take off the legs and thighs and neatly arranging them on the waiting platter.

“Where did you learn to do this?” Kurt asked curiously, snagging a bit of meat and taking a taste and raised an eyebrow at the seasoning which clearly showed Santana’s influence. “Last time we tried this, it looked like a crime scene.”

Dani chuckle, placing the carving knife in the sink. “Dad taught me,” she explained. “He got really good carving turkeys for holidays on whatever base he was stationed at since we ended up with at least a few dozen birds for the crew.”

“Where is he stationed now?” Mercedes asked curiously.

“Okinawa,” Dani answered. “I love my folks, but there was no way I was going to fly halfway around the world for Navy turkey.”

Santana’s eyes softened a trace, and she reached over to touch her girlfriend’s arm. She knew that Dani had been a military brat and living in New York for school and work had been the most stability she’d had her entire life. It was one thing to be apart from family by choice, but it was a different matter when your family was halfway across the world the way Dani’s were.

Kurt knew that Adam had to endure the same kind of separation, but he seemed to find solace with his relationships, professional and personal, here in New York. He hoped that his presence, and the way his friends had pulled Adam into their tight-knit little group offered some measure of comfort to him.

As if to answer his concerns, Adam leaned over to kiss him on the cheek as he took the seat next to Kurt. “I’m glad that we did this,” he admitted, placing his napkin neatly across his lap. He kept one arm on the back of Kurt’s chair, wanting to maintain the casual contact between them.

“So am I, but I thought that you wanted to do the holiday with just us,” Kurt said. “Making our own traditions.”

Adam smiled, looking about at the happy group taking their seats about the table. “This is making our own tradition. A wonderful meal with the family that we’re making of our friends. And we’re together.”

He leaned close to kiss Kurt again. “That sounds like the best tradition of all, to me.”

Kurt felt his cheeks warming. “I think that you’re right,” he answered softly.

He looked about the table, seeing the smiling faces of friends old and new taking their places. The dishware and glasses were all mismatched, and some were a bit chipped about the edges. The silverware was a collection of random styles and Kurt was entirely sure that the salt and pepper shakers had been stolen from the diner that Santana and Rachel had worked at.

Much like the people seated around the table, he considered. They were a varied and mismatched bunch who had little in common but a love of performing. They had come together and formed friendships that had their bumps and outright fights and resentments that could last for years, but managed to survive and become stronger. These were people that he loved as much as his own family and had become another family to him in their own right. Kurt knew that he would make many friends over the course of his lifetime, but he doubted that he would ever be as close as he was to this select group.

Rachel took her seat at the head of the table and accepted a glass of wine from Tina. “Well, everything looks amazing,” she complimented. “And before we get started, I thought that we’d engage in a little tradition that my fathers started. Before we ate, we would go around the table and everyone gets a chance to say something that we were thankful for from the past year.

“So I guess that I start us off… I’m thankful for all my friends being here today,” she said happily. “The past year was really challenging in a lot of ways and that I’m thankful that you managed to put up with me when I was at my worst. I know I didn’t deserve your friendship a lot of the time, but I’m ever so grateful to have it now. If I can’t be with my fathers, there’s no other people that I’d rather spend the holiday with.”

They went about the table and there were expressions of thanks for things large and small. For friendships and a warm welcome and delicious food. Artie was thankful for finally being in a place where his talent and aspirations were the first thing associated with him, not his handicap while Elliot and Dani both expressed thanks again for the warm welcome that they’d found and their hopes for continuing these new friendships in the coming year.

“Yeah, can we hurry this along?” Santana growled irritably. “I’m getting hungry here.”

“Santana, aren’t you thankful for anything?” Rachel pressed, a knowing smile on her face.

“Yeah, I’m thankful that we’re going to be eating soon and that I didn’t let you ruin the turkey.”

Adam gave her a fond smile, having long since reached an understanding that the young woman hid her tender feelings in a cloak of barbs and jabs. He thought that he could read her rather well by this point and knew that she would never be able to show real vulnerability in front of an audience. It just wasn’t her way.

“Well, since it’s my turn I’ll make this quick,” he promised. “Not quite a year ago, I got my first look at the most remarkable creature. And since then, he’s given me so much to be thankful for. I’ve found love and support and new wonderful friends. His family has welcomed me and he’s made this past year the happiest and most fulfilling I’ve ever had.”

Kurt looked up at Adam, his eyes warm with the love he felt for the older man. Despite a long history of masking his vulnerabilities, Kurt had no problem with expressing his feelings of love and friendship before others. He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Adam’s lips before speaking to the others at the table.

“This time last year, I was in a pretty miserable place,” he admitted. “I got turned down to my dream school and except for my internship I didn’t feel like a whole lot working in my favor.”

Adam squeezed his hand reassuringly, silently letting his lover know that he was there for him.

Kurt’s expression softened into a warm smile. “Things really shifted not long after that. I got into NYADA and I have so many wonderful friends, old and new, that have made my life so full. I have a wonderful family that supports me every step of the way. And I have the most amazing man that I love with everything I have in me.”

He looked into Adam’s eyes, hoping that the older man could see just what he felt towards him. “I couldn’t be more thankful for what the past year has brought me.”

He needn’t have worried. Adam kissed him, not caring that they had an audience. Kurt made a contented sound when he felt those strong arms tighten about him, pulling him as close as he could manage in their chairs.

“Oh God… enough already!” Santana snapped, snatching up the bowl of Kurt’s sweet potato casserole and dumping a large spoonful onto her plate. She then grabbed for the serving tongs and went for the turkey.

“Um, I didn’t get my turn,” Tina pressed, but the older girl shook her head and demanded that someone pass her the gravy.

“Nope… time’s up,” Santana stated firmly, pouring a generous spoon of gravy over her turkey and looking about for whatever struck her fancy.

Rachel looked at her in amusement and shook her head. “I guess that’s our signal, guys,” she chuckled, watching her roommate shovel a heaping forkful of sweet potatoes into her mouth. “Can someone pass the veggies?”

The meal was delicious and reflected the diversity of the individuals enjoying it, yet somehow it all came together. Santana’s Latin spices on the turkey were nicely balanced with mole-style gravy and Rachel’s traditional cornbread dressing. Kurt closed his eyes, savoring the flavor of the vegetable casserole that Elliot had brought.

“Elliot, you have got to give me the recipe for this,” he insisted. The creamy mixture of fall vegetables in a lightly spiced cream sauce was a perfect complement to his sweet potatoes.

“I did a variation of a korma recipe,” the older man explained as he served himself some mashed potatoes and added a heaping spoonful to Dani’s plate. “I changed up the spices to fit in more with what we’d been eating.”

“It’s delicious,” Tina agreed, dipping a piece of bread into the sauce. “Everything is so good.”

The conversation flowed with the wine and good food as they stuffed themselves nearly to the point of a stupor. Mercedes looked over to Kurt as he served himself a third helping of dressing and turkey and shook her head in astonishment.

“How are you able to eat so much?” she demanded teasingly. “Your man there barely ate half of what you did.”

“I don’t even try to keep up with him,” Adam laughed, giving his boyfriend a playful nudge.

“Don’t poke him! He might explode,” Tina exclaimed, holding up her napkin as if to shield herself from an imminent shower of food.

“Oh, you are all hilarious,” Kurt complained, but the glimmer in his eyes confirmed that he wasn’t at all offended. “Can someone pass the cranberries?”

Dani moved to pick up the bowl in front of her to hand to Kurt, but was stopped by Santana. “No way… you get your hand to close to him and he’d probably eat it,” she warned. Using an oven mitt for protection she gingerly nudged the bowl towards Kurt, taking care to remain a safe distance away from him.

Kurt accepted the dish of relish gracefully and loftily dismissed both Santana’s mocking and the laughter of the others at the table as he spooned a portion onto his plate. “Sorry Satan, but there’s only one person seated at this table who’d get his body parts eaten,” he informed her with just enough haughtiness to get a pause from some of his friends before they realized what he really meant.

Adam blushed furiously, turning his gaze to the ceiling while Mercedes burst out laughing. Rachel and Tina giggled and Artie and Elliot couldn’t help from joining in. Santana just gave him an admiring smile and let Dani pull her back to her seat. Through it all, Kurt just had a playful smirk on his face as he finished his dinner.

Once everyone had eaten their fill, they remained at the table to chat and bemoan about the amount of exercise they were facing in order to work off the amount of food they’d consumed. Kurt let Adam pull his chair closer and place his arm about Kurt’s shoulders to hold him close while they talked. Artie was all but dozing in his chair and the girls looked stuffed to the point of pain.

“Ugh… I’m dying,” Dani moaned, patting the little swell where her flat belly had been.

“We’d better start putting the leftovers away,” Rachel mused, looking at the mess on the table. “And I don’t know about you all, but I’m going to need awhile before I even want to think about dessert.”

Tina made a pained noise, holding her stomach. “Oh please… no more food.”

“Wait until you see what Adam baked,” Kurt teased gently. “You’re going to want to find room for that.”

Once the leftover food was packaged and tucked away in the fridge, they got all the dirty plates and glasses off the table and loaded into the sink. Adam quickly took over, rolling up his sleeves.

“We don’t need everyone here for this,” he explained. “Why don’t you all go for a walk? You’ll feel better and by the time you get back, I’ll have this done and we’ll be ready for dessert.”

“Are you sure?” Rachel asked. “That’s awfully sweet of you, but…”

“I insist,” Adam said, smiling. “Take Kurt with you. He looks like he can use a bit of fresh air.”

Dani looked over to Santana. “I really need a walk,” she said almost plaintively, earning a quick kiss from her girlfriend.

“Alright everyone… grab your jackets,” Santana ordered. “Let’s waddle off some of this so we don’t get so bloated that we gross out the rest of the neighborhood.”

Kurt got his jacket and wrapped a gray scarf elegantly about his throat before going over to his boyfriend for a hug and a kiss. “We won’t be long,” he promised.

“Take your time, love,” Adam urged, giving Kurt a smile.

“I just don’t want to be away from you,” Kurt answered back, taking hold of Adam’s shirt and pulling him in for another kiss.

“Are you coming or not, Hummel?” Santana demanded. “Lord Byron will be here when you get back.”

Adam laughed, giving Kurt a gentle nudge. “Go on, you. Before it’s time for Christmas.”

Kurt sighed, reluctantly joining the others. Dani was slipping on her coat and noticed that Elliot had made no moves to join them.

“Aren’t you coming with us?” she asked, slipping her hand into Santana’s.

He shook his head. “Nah… I’ll hang out here and help Adam,” he advised, giving her a smile. “You all go have fun.”

“Thanks, mate,” Adam said appreciative. “We should be able to get this done in no time.”

“If you’re sure,” Dani said, grinning as she was pulled along with the others.

“Have fun!” Elliot called out as he joined Adam in the kitchen. “What can I do to help?”

“Why don’t I rinse while you load the dishwasher?” Adam suggested as he surveyed the pile of dishes. The dishwasher was a rather new, and very deeply appreciated addition to the loft since Kurt had moved out. It made sense, with so many people living there and keeping different schedules. The convenience would make their lives much easier, and he made a mental note that this would be a must have in his and Kurt’s new flat when he got back.

The two men worked efficiently, loading up the plates, serving bowls and silverware into the machine and setting it to wash. They then tackled the platers, wine glasses and roasting pan, Adam washing them by hand and Elliot drying. Between the two of them, they managed to get the kitchen and table cleaned and ready for dessert when the others returned.

Adam turned on the oven to warm the pies sitting on the counter before turning to Elliot. “Want a cup of tea while we’re waiting? Or coffee? I’ll put on the kettle.”

“Sure, that sounds great,” Elliot said agreeably. “Thanks.”

He watched the Englishman move about the kitchen, clearly knowing where the tea and coffee were stored. Adam filled the kettle, setting it on the stove and set the coffee maker to brew a pot. He got out mugs and turned to Elliot.

“We’ve got an assortment,” he advised. “Any preferences?”

“Is there any chai?” Elliot asked.

“I think so… Ah! Here it is,” Adam exclaimed cheerfully, finding the box and dropping a teabag into one of the mugs and selecting Earl Grey for himself. “Santana is absolutely addicted to the stuff so I figured there had to be some about.”

Elliot couldn’t help from smiling. “You certainly know your way about here,” he noted pleasantly.

Adam chuckled in amusement. “I ought to, for all the time I spent here before Kurt moved in with me,” he explained. “If he wasn’t at my place, I was usually here.

“And I got rather fond of his roommates. They’re a pretty formidable lot.”

“Yeah, I kind of noticed that,” Elliot laughed. “They do tend to stick together. I was meeting Dani here once and it was like facing the Spanish Inquisition. You’d think they’d remember that I’ve known Dani for years before she met Santana.”

“There’s a lot of history there,” Adam said sagely. The kettle began to whistle and he lifted it off the burner, filling their mugs. “All of them faced a lot of challenges and even when they squabble, they’ll have one another’s backs.”

“They are definitely something else,” Elliot said admiringly.

“Kurt especially,” Adam insisted. “But then, I am biased on the subject.”

Elliot looked thoughtful for a moment, as if trying to figure out how to say something. “Adam, I like Kurt a lot. But as a friend,” he insisted. “I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression of my motives.”

Adam nodded understandingly. “I know. And it’s okay. Really,” he assured the other man. “I’m glad that Kurt will have friends to distract him while I’m away.”

“A lot of guys wouldn’t be so accepting of someone hanging around their boyfriend,” Elliot insisted. “Especially when they’re not around.”

Adam went to the refrigerator for milk and got out the sugar bowl. “Kurt and I had a talk about things,” he explained as he prepared his tea to his liking. “And while I’ll admit to having some reservations, I know that he’s going to need his friends over the next few months and I’m not going to dictate who he can have around him.”

Elliot spooned some sugar into his tea and poured in a healthy splash of milk. “I knew that you two were really solid, and even if I wanted Kurt like that I’d never stand a chance,” he claimed. “And it’s not that Kurt isn’t totally amazing. I mean, he’s talented and he’s seriously hot but I’m not the home wreaker type.”

“Elliot, it’s okay… you don’t have to convince me,” Adam insisted, sipping his tea. “I’m glad that Kurt has you for a friend. In fact, there’s a favor I wanted to ask you.”

“Sure. Whatever I can do,” Elliot claimed, leaning against th kitchen counter.

Adam looked down into his cup, studying the swirl of tea as he gathered his thoughts. “Kurt has a habit of taking on too much and burying himself in commitments. Especially if he’s trying to distract himself from something that bothers him. I know that he’s a grown man but with school and work and rehearsals, I’m afraid that he’s going to neglect himself. He puts everything else first and I don’t want to see him get overwhelmed or burned out because he tries to do too much.

“I just want you to be there for him,” he explained. “To be his friend and watch out for him. Make sure he comes up for air every now and then. Drag him out for a bit of fun or to parties… anything to give him a bit of diversion. In all honesty, as much as I love Kurt’s friends, they do tend to focus on themselves a great deal of the time and if Kurt insists that he’s doing well, they might not see that he needs a bit of extra attention. I just want someone to be looking out for him since I can’t.”

Elliot nodded. “Definitely. I really like hanging out with Kurt, and I’m kind of honored that you’re trusting me with him.”

Adam chuckled ironically. “I trust Kurt,” he clarified. “Completely. Even if you weren’t totally honorable in your intentions, I know that Kurt would keep things from getting out of hand.”

Adam wasn’t blind to how other men saw Kurt, and if he were a less secure individual it would be easy to find all that attention his boyfriend gathered threatening. The only way they would be able to manage was for him to trust in Kurt and he’d never been given cause to doubt the younger man’s loyalty. Even if Elliot was hoping for a relationship to extend beyond friendship, Kurt would have no difficulty making sure that his boundaries were respected.

He was at first worried that he might have offended Elliot by placing his trust in Kurt, but the other man didn’t seem bothered at all. Elliot seemed to understand that Adam was entrusting someone that he barely knew with something very precious and gave Adam a reassuring smile. “I get that, and I appreciate your honesty,” he acknowledged. “I like Kurt a lot and I’ll help out any way I can.”

Adam smiled back. “That’s all I can ask for.”

Adam put the pies he’d baked into the oven to warm while Elliot set out plates and cups for when the others returned. The two settled on the sofa to enjoy their tea and chat while they waited. Now that he had cleared the air with Elliot, Adam felt a great deal better about things and he knew that Kurt would have people there for him. And Elliot was a really nice fellow. He could see why Kurt was drawn to the charismatic man and Adam found himself liking him more and more.

By the time the loft door opened, heralding the return of the others, the loft was filled with the delicious scent of cinnamon and baked apples. Kurt hurried over to Adam, his cheeks rosy from their walk in the brisk fall air and all but threw himself into his boyfriend’s arms.

“Hello there, love,” Adam said cheerfully, giving him a quick kiss. “Did you have fun?”

Kurt nodded, his eyes bright and cheerful. “Yes, but I missed you,” he pouted playfully, giving Adam a coy blink of his eyes.

“You cheeky little...,” Adam murmured, tightening his embrace and ignoring the others in the room until Santana loudly cleared her throat.

Adam looked up at her, cocking an eyebrow at her bemused stare and how she had her arms wrapped casually around her girlfriend. “If we wait for you and Cock Robin here to get your mack on, we’ll never get our dessert,” she pointed out. “And Thanksgiving isn’t Thanksgiving if I don’t get my pumpkin pie.”

Elliot couldn’t help from laughing. “I think you’ve got your marching orders,” he advised the Englishman, who gave a dramatic sigh in response.

“I suppose so,” he said with an air of exaggerated resignation. Giving his boyfriend a quick kiss, he went to the kitchen to retrieve his pies from the oven. The walk had apparently reinvigorated the appetites of his friends and it was best to appease them as quickly as possible.

* * *

It felt odd to be able to wake up so late, Adam thought as dressed for the day. Six o’clock might not seem especially late to most, but when he had a morning shift at the café he had to wake up at an absolutely obscene hour in order to get there before the breakfast crowd. That would not be a consideration he would have to face for a very long time. He would still have hard work and long days, but now they would be focused on preparing for his show’s debut, not just keeping a roof over his head.

Kurt was coming out of the bathroom, freshly showered and wrapped in a flannel robe that was just ratty enough to look stylishly shabby. He approached his boyfriend and turned his face up for a kiss. “You look very handsome,” Kurt complimented, looking Adam up and down.

Adam smiled, pleased that his appearance met Kurt’s approval. He needed to be dressed comfortably in clothes that he could move easily in since he’d be at rehearsal all day, but tried to incorporate some of the little touches that Kurt liked. A soft scarf was draped about his neck and he wore a set of braided leather bracelets on both wrists. His hair was pleasingly tousled, probably in need of a trim but Kurt so enjoyed playing with his curls that he’d been putting it off. As if having read his thoughts Kurt reached up to run his hand through Adam’s hair, smoothing the curls behind his ear.

“Nervous?” Kurt asked, his voice gentle and loving.

Adam couldn’t help shrugging. “Would you think I was silly if I said that I was? At least a little.”

Kurt smiled and shook his head. “Not at all. I’d probably be freaking out myself. Just a bit.”

Adam sighed and pulled Kurt into his arms, pressing his face into Kurt’s hair and savoring the scent. The herbal component from the shampoo he favored that left his hair like silk. The tang of citrus from his favorite body wash. And beneath that, the clean and unique scent that was entirely Kurt’s. It comforted him in a way that nothing else ever could.

“Why don’t you go pour us some coffee?” Kurt suggested. “Let me get dressed… I’ll be ready in just a minute.”

Adam nodded and gave him a quick kiss before retreating to the kitchen and got their mugs out of the cabinet. Their coffee maker was set on a timer so that there was always a fresh pot waiting when they woke up and made starting their day just a bit easier. Adam prepared their mugs, adding milk and sugar to their preferred tastes and sat down on the couch to wait for Kurt to join him.

They sat quietly together, holding hands as the enjoyed their coffee and what time they could have together before their day began. “What’s on your agenda for today?” Adam asked. Kurt was outfitted in some of his better casual pieces that could easily be accented with a few accessories to make it a bit dressier. “Going in to the office for a bit?”

Kurt nodded. “I promised Isabelle that I’d come in to finish those edits for her and I’ve got my session with Madam Tibideaux. Then rehearsal this afternoon so I’m not quite sure what time I’ll be getting out.”

“Me neither,” Adam mused. “How about whoever gets home first texts the other and we’ll play dinner by ear? We can always bring something in if one of us is getting home too late.”

Kurt nodded in agreement. “That sounds like a good idea. I’m not going to lie… I’m getting spoiled seeing you so much in the evenings now.”

Adam wrapped his arm about Kurt, holding him close as enjoying the luxury of being able to. However rigorous the next month promised to be, it was a far cry from having two jobs to manage.

‘I should get going,” Adam said with a trace or reluctance, not wanting to leave Kurt just yet but he knew that Kurt would need to leave shortly themselves. Having a somewhat more predictable schedule didn’t mean that they both wouldn’t be very, very busy.

Kurt kissed him and went into the kitchen where he brought out of the refrigerator an insulated bag. “I packed some things for you,” he advised, handing Adam the sack. “There’s a bottle of water there. And some fruit and snacks.”

“Darling, I’m sure that we will be getting meal breaks,” Adam reminded him, but Kurt shook his head.

“I know, but you’re going to be working hard and you need to keep your energy up. Just… take it. Make me feel better.”

Adam smiled and pulled him into another hug. “Thank you, sweetheart,” he said softly. “I don’t know how I’d get through this without you.”

Kurt handed him his jacket and tote bag. “Do you have everything you need?” he asked. “What about your book?”

Adam double-checked for his script, finding it in his bag where he’d placed it last night. “Yup… I have everything,” he assured Kurt. “I’m all set.”

Kurt reached up to smooth his hair back again. “Go and show them how amazing you are,” he ordered. “I can’t wait to hear all about it when we get home.”

Adam kissed him gently. “You have a good day, love,” he urged. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Call me when you get a break. Just to tell me how everything is going.”

Adam nodded. “I will, sweetheart. See you later.”

Shouldering his bag, Adam forced himself to leave the apartment and hurried down to the subway to catch the train to the theater district. He wanted to leave himself a bit of extra time to find the building and so that he wouldn’t be the last to arrive, very much wanting to make a good impression. The production had reserved a rehearsal stage in a large warehouse-like building where many shows were developed. It was his first time in this particular space and having the reality of what this job entailed was finally starting to hit him.

He checked in with the security guard and was advised that their room was up on the third floor. Taking the lift, he felt his body starting to quiver with pent up excitement. Walking down the hallway, he found the door with a piece of paper taped to it with the name of his show.

Butcher’s Bill – Cast and Production Only.

This was it, he realized, taking a deep breath to steady his nerves before opening the door and stepping inside.

The room was very much like a large dance studio, with polished wood floors and a mirrored wall. But there were no barres and at the center of the room was a large rectangular table with enough chairs for a good-sized group arranged about it. A small group of men were already seated there, drinking coffee and eating muffins or bagels as they chatted and reviewed their scripts. Adam immediately recognized Edward Keen, the director off the play talking to an older man that Adam thought he recognized from his audition but couldn’t remember if they’d ever actually been introduced.

Mr. Keen looked up at Adam’s entrance and got up to greet him. “Good to see you again, Adam,” he said cheerfully, shaking Adam’s hand. “Excited to be getting started?”

“Very much so,” he admitted, giving the director a smile. “It’s been a long time coming.”

“Definitely. Well, we’ve got some more people that we’re waiting for, so why don’t you something to eat? We’ll start as soon as everyone gets here.”

“Thank you,” he answered before going to check out the food set out buffet style on a table pushed up against the wall. Servicing himself a croissant and some fruit salad, he got a cup of coffee and took a seat at the table where he was greeted warmly by the other actors. They were all young men around his age, and while most were American he was pleased to see that he wasn’t the only refugee from the United Kingdom in attendance. They introduced themselves and chatted casually as the last of the group arrived and took their seats.

Mr. Keen gave them a few minutes to get settled before addressing the group. “Good morning, everyone. I’m absolutely thrilled to finally be officially starting rehearsals for Butcher’s Bill. Now before we get started I’d like to reintroduce Malcom Jellicoe, the writer of this amazing play.”

Adam smiled, now remembering the man from his audition and the actors gave a round of applause. The writer nodded his appreciation to the group, giving a brief statement about how pleased he is to see his play being brought to life but letting Mr. Keen keep control over the rehearsal.

“We’re going to be on a tight schedule since our official opening night in Boston is the eighth of January, so it’s important that rehearsals go smoothly. By now, I expect that you’re all familiar with your lines and that you should be ready to perform off book relatively quickly. Today we’ll be doing our readthrough so that we all are on the same page about the direction and feel of this show. Malcom and I will be able to give you a clear idea about your characters and by tomorrow you should be ready to dive in.

“So don’t be afraid to speak up and ask questions today,” Mr. Keen urged. “I want you all to be comfortable with your roles before we start blocking and working out the staging. Thank you all for your hard work and let’s get started.”

Adam swallowed the piece of melon he’d been chewing on and opened his script. Time to get to work.

#kadam fic #kurt hummel #adam crawford #rachel berry #santana lopez #tina cohen chang #artie abrams #elliot starchild gilbert #dani #nyada students #adam's apples #not blaine or klaine friendly #learning to fly

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