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themaninthegreenshirt · 4 years

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Evelyn Waugh's guide to wine [1948]

The first and essential thing to be borne in mind about wine is that it is something made to be enjoyed. The pleasure it gives is the only ultimate test of any vintage. The corollary of this is that, like all the good works of man, its pleasure is enormously enhanced by knowledge and experience...

The titles of connoisseur and epicure are by no means synonymous. An epicure seeks pleasure for its own sake, not knowledge... A connoisseur is a scholar and a specialist. He requires an abnormally sensitive palate which is capable of causing him as much pain as pleasure. Indeed, of recent years it has caused much more pain than pleasure…

Let us give all honour to the connoisseurs, as to pre-eminent athletes. If we have not their peculiar gifts, it is a mistake to simulate them. There are those who drink their wine so anxiously, in fear of being caught out in a bad judgement, that they fail to enjoy it... Let us rejoice, rather, in the fermented juice of the grape in all its vast variety. After all it is the wine merchant's function to know all the niceties of his trade. His service is to find his customers the wines they enjoy and having studied their idiosyncrasies, gently lead them towards something better in the direction they have taken. It would be a poor librarian who was always seeking to press Virgil and Dante upon readers in search of a novel...

The reputations of certain vineyards have not been capriciously or arbitrarily fixed. They rest on the considered judgement of generations. In general it will be found that the more wine becomes a part of one's life the more one's tastes gravitate towards the famous vintages. But do not set out with any preconceived snobbery. Drink copiously of what you enjoy, because you enjoy it: keep your curiosity alive to find if there is anything you enjoy more...

Champagne

Whatever purpose is served by cocktails is more nobly served by champagne in its naked beauty... Its uses are limitless from launching ships to reviving the moribund. It is acceptable at every hour of the day and night; it can be drunk with every variety of food. Drunk in excess it has the least direful consequences. If I were confronted with the appalling decision of having to choose one from all the fermented liquors of the world to be my sole companion and stay for the rest of my life, I should choose champagne.

Bordeaux

The wine of the whole area is good and eminently suited to day-to-day drinking. To find the finest wines we must particularise and choose from the châteaux of the Médoc which in 1855 were judged and put into various legal categories. There have been slight changes in quality since due to the relative care that has been bestowed on certain properties, but the 1855 categories still stand as a very fair judgement. Three châteaux alone - Lafite, Margaux and Latour-were placed in the first class. There are many connoisseurs who would now give equal eminence to several wines that were then classed as 'second growths,' but what must be borne in mind, and is sometimes not realised, is that to be classed at all is the mark of wine that stands among the finest the world produces. A wine in the third class is not a 'third-rate' wine. It is rather as though a committee had decided that Virgil, Dante and Shakespeare alone among writers, stood in a class apart. They would not thus make Milton and Tolstoy second rate writers...

White Bordeaux… are strangely neglected in England and America. Many dubious liquids appear under the name of 'Sauternes' and many wine drinkers are inclined to dismiss them all with a single perfunctory nod of recognition towards Château d'Yquem. By false analogy with champagne, their sweetness, all their own, natural and deeply scented as the rose, is held against them. There are four or five château bottled Sauternes which can stand slightly behind, perhaps, but in the same first rank as Youem. The taste for them, once acquired, is immensely gratifying and personally I find them incomparably delicious after champagne, to drink very slowly when the thirst is entirely quenched.

Burgundy

The system of land tenure in Burgundy greatly complicates the problem of recognizing its fine wines from the outside of the bottle. Wines greatly dissimilar are entitled to the same communal title... The Château Margaux of a given year is a definite, invariable wine; two bottles of authentic Chambertin of the same year, blended by different merchants, may be very different indeed. Again, the only security for the amateur wine buyer lies in dealing with a wine merchant of the highest reputation who studies his customers' tastes.

Sherry

Sherry is a name much misused and even in the strictest sense applicable to a great diversity of wine from Manzanilla, as pale and dry as old paper, to the heavy, sweet, brown wine sold under a variety of names, often as 'East India' or Solera… I do not, myself, find that the richer and sweeter sherries serve any purpose that is not more perfectly fulfilled by port, but this is purely an individual judgment. Nothing can be more delicious than a glass of pale, very dry fino, chilled at noon in the height of summer. It makes an admirable apéritif before and at the beginning of dinner. Like all good wine it is best enjoyed in tranquillity; the 'sherry party' of recent growth is an abomination to me. As long, however, as people continue to entertain between six and eight in the evening, they will find Amontillados and Amorosos a useful knock-about stand-by, less deleterious and less expensive than cocktails.

Port

Port is the wine proper to the heavy drinker, and it may be admitted that whereas champagne, claret, burgundy and hock are all entirely beneficial and indeed, in a Well-ordered constitution, essential to the digestion of food, port, and the very finest port at that, can be slightly deleterious. Its charm insidiously invites excess, and excess of port, though not in itself harmful, sometimes discloses latent infirmities. The heavy port drinker must be prepared to make some sacrifice of personal beauty and agility. Its martyrs are usually well content with the bargain and in consolation it may be remarked that a red nose never lost a friend worth holding and that by universal testimony the sharpest attacks of gout are preceded by a period of peculiar mental lucidity.... No one, I think, ever contracted gout by port-drinking. What can be said is that those who are naturally gouty may find their weakness aggravated by port. Port is not for the very young, the vain and the active. It is the comfort of age and the companion of the scholar and philosopher. The particular qualities of British university scholarship - its alternations of mellow appreciation and acid criticism -may be plausibly derived from the habits of our Senior Common-rooms...

Port is, of course, designed to be drunk after dinner. It should be drunk at the table; only so in the masculine calm which follows the retirement of the women, when the decanter travels from hand to hand round the bare mahogany, can it be enjoyed at its best. The best of all tables for wine-drinking on winter evenings are those excessively rare eighteenth-century pieces made the shape of a semi-circular arc which fit across the fireplace; some of them have brass tram-lines and a little wheeled carriage to carry the decanters. He is a fortunate host who possesses such a piece of furniture; he must, however, confine himself strictly to male company, for no body of men once established there can be persuaded to leave for the chintz and chatter of the drawing-room...

Hock

Shall we ever, I wonder, drink good hock again?... No one can say what the future of these wines will be. Perhaps they will survive only in memory. They were the product of centuries of devoted skills directed against the hostile forces of nature; if these forces are reinforced by the malice of man there is little hope.

A word may not be out of place here about wine which is 'corked or, more correctly, 'corky' or bouchonné. I have heard people complain their wine was 'corked' when they found a fragment of broken cork floating in the glass. When wine is truly corky the cork is diseased and foul-smelling, and the wine is more or less tainted. It should never be drunk in this condition. Any respectable restaurant or hotel will immediately exchange a bottle found affected...

Wine is a bride who brings a great dowry to the man who woos her persistently and gracefully; she turns her back on a rough approach. For the sot or neurotic who drinks merely for the kick.' 'kick" is the mot juste. Wine has attracted as many false suitors as the art of painting. Do not let impatience with the charlatans lead you into thinking all discrimination affected. Even the matter of dress is important. It is difficult to enjoy a good wine in a bad glass. A good glass is large and thin and clear; the best are slightly tulip-shaped. I have drunk a lot of claret out of an army mug and enjoyed it, but only half as much as I should have done in gentler circumstances…

All that I have written may seem to some readers to apply to an Arcadian age which can never return. Leisurely entertaining, profuse expenditure, a worldwide choice in the market - all these may seem the condition of a past age. We are all poorer and likely to remain so…

If we cannot afford to drink fermented liquor more than once a day, let us drink with our dinner. A half-bottle of sound, unambitious red wine nightly does not cost more than the accumulated short drinks which the average man consumes in the course of the day. If you cannot afford even that, emigrate to a wine-growing country or become ascetic. Do not become that pitiable type of modern life - the man who never keeps anything 'in the house' but likes stopping for 'quick ones' at public houses. If you can afford, sometimes or often, more than this minimum, build round the central fact of the dinner wine - add a glass of port after or a glass of sherry before the meal; choose a slightly more interesting main wine. Choose your friends from people of similar tastes and when you entertain them, build more ambitiously. Ensure that the food, however sparse and simple, shall be what will enhance the wine and not destroy it. These are the foundations on which the restoration of good living can be built, until perhaps we shall one day see the return of days of plenty, and wine fully honoured in all its splendour.

#Evelyn Waugh #writers #literature #booze #champagne #drinking #wine #alcohol

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littlemissnellie · 4 years

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and finally for glimmerbrook we have a household of my own creation: the akers.

ex-crook jamari turned his life around when he met darwin, a rather unassuming potion merchant, who took his breath away the second they met each other’s gaze. he was certain that he’d been jinxed, that was the only rational way to explain the way he felt, but alas, it was all from his own heart. his friends had led him down the wrong path from a young age, but his desire to impress this guy could be the the thing to finally pull him back onto the right one. low and behold, spending more time figuring out how to get that handsome guy from the potion shop to speak to him than figuring out which rune statue would be the easiest to smuggle home does wonders for a person’s mindset and at the end of it all he came out the other side of this plot a changed man, with a loving husband to show for it. if darwin wasn’t enough of a reason to change his ways then their children certainly did the trick. this was the first time in jamari’s life where he had people depending on him, after years of fending for himself and being the only one that had to face the consequences, he now had three, innocent, little lives in his hands that he had to protect. they all think of him as their hero, darwin included, but jamari can’t shake the fact that he still feels like a villain...

as always, if you’d like to have them in your game then check out the download link below, and if not then i hope that you enjoy finding out a little more about them in their fact files!

download: simfileshare

i hope you’re doing okay!

jamari akers:

what began as taking a tiny crystal from a market stall to give to his friend for a birthday present he couldn’t have otherwise afforded quickly spiraled into an unshakable habit of swiping things that weren’t his - after a while it became less about the monetary value of the items and more about the thrill of the game, but when he realised that there were people out there that needed the money he could get for the items more than he did he became the robin hood of glimmerbrook - take from the powerful and give to the needy, all anonymously, of course

he’s not proud of his past, but the one thing he did take from it was a lot of connections with other spellcasters in the realm - it wasn’t the most noble of approaches to friendship, but he had to get to know his victims before he robbed them; it helped him understand their way of thinking - now he takes the much more civilised route of a fortnightly book club

a really avid reader, even as a young boy he loved story books - he’d imagine himself in each protagonist’s shoes and get lost in their tall tales - he never felt like he could be himself, but books allowed him to shed that uncertainty and become a new person entirely, even if it was just for a chapter or two at a time

darwin akers:

never would have pinned jamari as an underground criminal the first time that he saw him, not that he had a ‘model thief’ to base him off, but still - sure, he had a sort of roguish charm about him, but that didn’t exactly scream ‘i steal things for sport’ - he never asked him to change his ways though, that was entirely jamari’s decision and although he’s very grateful for the fact that they don’t have to run from the law every other tuesday, he is kind of attracted to that bad boy side of his husband

unlike jamari, he always strove to do the right thing - he lived an unassuming life up until jamari sauntered into his potion shop to shake everything up and whilst jamari changed his delinquent ways, darwin came to realise that his life by the rule book had been a rather dull one - he wasn’t exactly inspired to start committing petty crimes, but he did start straying ever so slightly closer to the wild side to spice things up a bit

when he gets invested in something, he practically hands his whole heart over - he doesn’t do things by halves, especially when it comes to celebrations or special occasions - his date nights in particular are not to be missed; after hearing about jamari’s feelings of being an outcast, his heartstrings were tugged on so hard they almost snapped and ever since he makes sure to pull out all the stops to reassure him how much he cares

boston akers:

totally idolises his dads - he picks out clothes in their styles, copies the ways they walk and if he ever gets a good grade at school he races home so that they’re the first people to know about it; their praise means everything to him

it’s not like he goes short of their praise though; they haven’t taught him much magic yet, just the odd training spell here and there, but even in those few lessons they’re both blown away at how quickly he’s able to pick them up

really headstrong - it’s rare that the kids at school ever pick an argument with him because they’ve learnt that he just refuses to back down from his point - if he believes in something then there’s no changing his mind

aimie akers:

super duper shy - she’s practically hanging on one of her dads’ legs from the second they step out of the front door to the minute they get back - daycare drop-offs are an absolute nightmare for them; the first time they took her it was basically lunch time before the teacher eventually managed to coax her away from them

gets on really well with her twin sister, but, even though she’s the oldest, she’s definitely not the one in charge; elsie just bosses her around all the time - in all fairness though, aimie doesn’t really mind it, she kind of likes not having to make the decisions

has a lot of imaginary friends that she plays with - she doesn’t seem shy at all when she’s playing with her toys and babbling away to them, so her parents are fine with it - well, were fine with it, they’re a bit more dubious about how ‘imaginary’ they are now after darwin caught her chattering to her bookcase and a book sliding off the shelf without her touching it...

elsie akers:

what aimie lacks in socialising skills, elsie has by the bucket load - she loves chatting away to her parents and her older brother, but aimie’s still her favourite target because she does the least amount of talking back

insists on counting all of her stuffed animals before going to bed - if they’re not all there then there’s no way she’s even putting her head on the pillow - and besides, what else is she ever going to use that counting knowledge for??

gets caught playing with her dad’s potion bottles at least once a week - she knows now, well and truly, that she’s not allowed to even be in his potion room, let alone touch the bottles because they’re dangerous, but she can’t help it; the colours are just too pretty!

#sims 4 #ts4 #glimmerbrook residents #the akers #the akers family #jamari akers #darwin akers #boston akers #aimie akers #elsie akers #littlemissnellie #townie makeover

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thesydneyfeminists · 6 years

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Fitness Programs For Women aka That Time Vee Joined A Cult

Disclaimer: I am in no way getting paid to spruik these programs (but if they want to throw some money my way, I wouldn’t object) and I am definitely not a qualified health professional. This is all based off my own experiences with these programs and my very poor level of fitness.

Over the last few years, one thing that I’ve learned about myself and had to come to terms with, is that I am shockingly susceptible to a fitness cult. There’s no use denying it, the evidence speaks for itself. Like most people, when I started my “fitness journey” (God, I really am a pod person), I had absolutely no idea about what I should be doing for exercise or eating to fuel my body. My knowledge of nutrition and overall health was basically “go for a run and eat salads”, so it shouldn’t be surprising to hear that when I first lost a large(ish) amount of weight (in 2006), it was just by running on the treadmill and restricting calories in an extreme way – I was also going through a lot of personal issues at the time, so stress played a part as well. So I may have lost weight, but I was in no way healthy, and once I’d stopped running, my weight fluctuated once more.

Cut to September 2015, and I’d decided it may be time to change my life a little. I still ate the way I did when I was a teenager, and unsurprisingly, I constantly felt bloated and sick, and I was drastically unhappy with how I looked and felt. Mind you, this was all personal, I’m not saying I looked bad, but my clothes weren’t fitting properly anymore, and I was tired of it (and too cheap to replace anything). I’d been seeing ads on social media, and hearing from people I knew, about an online program called The Bikini Body Guide (hereafter known as BBG) by Kayla Itsines, that people (mostly women) were getting great results from. So, after obtaining a copy through dubious means (as in, I never paid for it, but received it from someone who did), I decided to give it a go – despite my doubts and reservations that the results from the #bbgtransformation / #bbgprogress tags could be real and/or achieved at home, like the guides claimed. I was very wrong.

For some background, BBG was founded by Kayla Itsines and her partner, Tobi Pearce, in 2013, based off the training regimes Itsines (a personal trainer) had been using with her clients. The first two guides (BBG1 & BBG2) were made available for purchase online as ebooks in January 2014, and the program is relatively simple in theory. It’s a 12 week program that consists of three 28 minute high intensity circuit work outs a week, and for the first month, on your “off” days (the days you don’t complete the circuit training), you have three days of LISS training (Low Intensity Steady State – as in a 35-45 minute walk), and one day of stretching. It then ramps up, and for weeks 5-8, you do the 2-3 days of circuit training, 4-5 days of LISS, and one stretch session. Come weeks 9-12 (the home stretch), you then up your game with 3-4 days of circuit training, 2-3 sessions of LISS, 1-2 days of HIIT training (my least favourite cardio activity – sprints!) and 1-2 stretch sessions. The idea of the resistance circuit work outs, are also pretty simple. It’s broken down two 7 minute circuits with 4 exercises in each, and you repeat both circuits twice – but you do the four exercise sets in each circuit as many times as you can in the seven minute timer. That sounds a little confusing when written down, but basically it means if you get through all your repetitions of the four exercises, you start again at the beginning of that set, and keep going until that blessed 7 minute timer goes off. Then you rest for (a year) 30-90 seconds, and restart the timer for the next set. So it’s easy, you can mostly do it at home with some improvisations (I bought a few hand weights, but when I started, I was literally using bottles of water as my weights, and I used a chair from my kitchen to step up onto).

Example of the way the guides are set up

There are some pros and cons to doing exercise this way, for example, on one hand, you can do everything in the comfort of your own home. I used to put a TV show on and watch that while I did it. Plus, it’s only 28 minutes out of your day, and I found that made it hard to make excuses as to why I couldn’t do it. It also means you don’t have to join a gym if you don’t want to, as long as you can either buy some weights yourself, or substitute with various heavy objects in your house. The biggest thing I took away from doing BBG was that it taught me about habits and routines. Working out stopped being “a chore” for me, and it just became part of my daily routine, something that’s held up to this day. There are some definite cons, however, and I think the biggest one is because it’s an online program, you actually can’t tell if you’re doing the exercises correctly (or in exercise speak, “if your form is correct”). It also gets a little boring after a while, because there’s no variation (this has changed now, since Itsines launched the Sweat With Kayla app where there are at least 3-4 different programs) – I did BBG1 and BBG2 twice over, so I completed 48 weeks all up, and by the end of it, I was bored and ready for a challenge.

Photo of me at 4 weeks, then 24 weeks, and finally, 48 weeks (apologies for the terrible quality).

So for the first time in my life, I set foot in and joined a gym. I started slow, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be strict about going, so I joined one of the cheaper 24 hour gyms, just to get a feel for it. After all, my workouts at this point had only been at home, DIY sort of jobs, and now I was venturing into the scary world of weights and men taking up way too much space. Knowing what I know now, this wouldn’t be an issue, but looking back, I probably should’ve joined a gym just for women. I used to feel intimidated walking into the weights section, where too many buff dude-bros were busy “do you even lift?”-ing, and (it felt like) staring at me. So, I did what I do best in these situations, and in busy hours, I stuck to the cardio section (a treadmill, stair master and cross trainer, I can work with), only daring to venture into the weights section when I worked out at odd hours (the benefit of a 24 hour gym is that I could do a 10pm weight workout – though, unstaffed and only with a panic switch around my neck, luckily I never got into any trouble). But it was the best way for me to learn and gain confidence. After a few weeks of working out late at night to avoid people (mostly men), I finally felt confident enough to start working with weights at normal hours. And I soon learned that no one was looking at me, everyone is too busy doing their own thing to worry about the five foot Korean girl squatting a measly 10kg (total).

Now it’s 2018 and here I am, flirting with F45, the latest cult. F45 (functional training for 45 minutes) started in 2011, and it’s whole schtick is that it’s a fast paced HIIT circuit that goes for 45 minutes, for classes of up to 30 people. Men do attend, but it was initially targeted at women, as the classes are set up like group personal training sessions (and all the people I know who have signed up, are women – not to mention at all the classes I’ve been to are 99% women). I’d seen F45 around for a while, and I’d heard various things about it; how it “changed your whole life” on the positive, and “how I threw up during a session” as a negative. I’d always been tempted to give it a go, but the price tag always stopped me (and the thought of throwing up mid workout, to be honest). But then, just two weeks ago, a brand new studio opened up in my suburb, a 5 minute walk from my house. They were offering a free class on their open day, so I bit the bullet and signed up for it, anxious about whether or not I’d be able to keep up. I was sceptical going in, after all, it’s literally a HIIT class, and I’d done those before, so I didn’t think it would, in the words of Shania Twain, impress me much. Well, as I’ve probably proved by now… you introduce me to a fitness cult, and I’ll want to join. The class I did was Hollywood, a torturous hour mix of cardio and weights training, and though I kept my eye on that timer the whole time, I had an absolute blast (by the way, the me from 2015 cannot believe I’m saying this). The atmosphere is great, you’re in there with a team of 20+ people (all drowning in sweat together), and the trainers are encouraging and really do push you as hard as you can go (one trainer asked if I could do push ups on my toes, and I said that could was a strong word, but sure enough, with her encouragement, I managed to complete my 40 second round on my toes with proper form). There are the standard cringey high fives and supportive cheering (I feel high fiving strangers while covered in sweat is not a pleasant experience for either party involved), but after the class, I felt elated (I also nearly threw up while walking home, but managed to swallow my pride… and vomit, I guess), high on those exercise endorphins, and I really started to understand why people swore by it. So now I’m signed up for the free ten day trial, and I’ve even dragged myself to a few 6am classes (it’s a different class each day, so you can pick and choose which you want to do, and they alternate cardio and resistance days) – I’m at the point where I have to choose what I’m going to do, and I think I’m going to stick with it, at least for the summer, to see if I can push myself a little harder and add some variety to my workouts.

Kayla Itsines, the cult leader of BBG

For me though, it all comes back down to that original program, if I hadn’t started BBG, I never would’ve gained any confidence to join a gym, or even to know what to do in a gym. I’ve heard people look down on the BBG program, or say that the results aren’t real, that the people doing it were already fit when they started (definitely not true, especially in my case), but I think a lot of flack seems to come from the fact that it’s specifically targeted at women and as a result, it’s seen as a waste or time, or something to not take seriously – that’s the real heart of the problem, like most things in society. Things for women are deemed frivolous, not as good, or something to look down on. But the reason Itsines has built this multimillion-dollar empire is because it’s for women. It’s a program designed by a woman, for women, and that goes a long way to proving its worth, in my opinion. Women all over the world swear by this program (I’m one of them), because if you follow it properly, it works. Itsines understands what her target market are looking for in terms of fitness goals, and she gives a very easy guide to achieve them (note: I don’t mean easy as in it’s way too simple to do, honestly I pushed myself so hard in these I threw up in my mouth several times while completing her workouts).

There are many programs out there like BBG, ones targeted for women, off the top of my head, there’s FitazFk and Toned by Ashy Bines, all designed to help women achieve some relatively easy fitness goals. It’s definitely a good way to start, if you’re new to working out and intimidated (like I was) at the idea of joining a gym and jumping right into it. The worst thing that happens with at home programs is you just feel like an idiot squatting while holding a 1L water bottle to simulate weights.

I honestly think fitness programs for women (and especially by women) are essential; they give you routine and structure, they know their target market and teach you to build muscle and strength in a way that’s easy to understand; and most importantly, they create a supportive community online –during my time using BBG, I had my own little #fitfam, with whom I would share progress and exchange tips and tricks. I think that’s probably the best thing about programs like BBG, the community that grows behind it and the support you get from random strangers on the internet, there’s no room for negativity, it’s a safe space that’s all about supporting one another and cheering on successes, but encouraging each other when things are tough. So yes, I may have joined a cult back in 2015, but it changed my life for the better.

By: Vee H

Image sources:

BBG1, Kayla Itsines

Personal photos

https://twitter.com/kayla_itsines/status/758793723270627328

#fitness #women's fitness #women's exercise #fitness journey #fitness programs for women #fitfam #BBG #The Bikini Body Guide #Kayla Itsines #bbgtransformation #personal story #for women by women #feminist revolution

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tellmevarric · 7 years

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Step Into Another Day - Part 8

You can find the other parts here. Or over on AO3.

*gives Bodhi and Cassian an exasperated look* These two live to make my life difficult. Thankfully Hoth came to my rescue with its miserable weather and convenient storms. Who doesn’t like the ‘stranded in the cold and have to huddle for warmth’ trope?

Hoth was cold. Bodhi was used to being cold but Hoth took it to entirely new and ridiculous levels. What was worse was it was the only one of the worlds they’d scouted so far that seemed to satisfy Cassian. Admittedly two of the four worlds they’d already gone to had sentient life forms in various stages of development, which had immediately ruled them out. The third world was scorchingly hot and semi-volcanic and far too unstable to use as a base. The fourth world had been promising at first but while there were nothing sentient there, the life forms that did live there had proven that they were not interested in sharing. Bodhi rubbed his shoulder. It still ached from the bruising he’d received after being bowled over by something very large and very grumpy that wasn’t Baze.

Hoth was a definite improvement on those worlds in many ways. It had no sentient life forms, it was stable and the wildlife was sparse and could be easily avoided if they were careful. But it was neck deep in snow and ice with constant storms raging overhead. It was habitable but in Bodhi’s opinion, only just.

Just then, Cassian returned in a flurry of snow and deep disgruntlement and broke Bodhi out of his thoughts.

“Well?” he asked, wrapping his arms around his legs as he huddled near the small fire they’d managed to start.

“The storm’s closing in fast,” Cassian replied in a manner that suggested he felt personally offended by the news. “Kay can’t get here before it does so we’re stuck here until the storm passes. “

“Oh,” Bodhi said, shrinking down a little as he wondered just how much colder it was going to get. “And the others?”

“They made it back to the shuttle,” Cassian replied, dropping down to sit beside Bodhi. “Apparently they found a cave system that looks promising so we’ll check that out after the storm’s gone.”

Bodhi winced. “You think the Rebellion might choose to relocate here?”

Cassian glanced over at his dubious tone and Bodhi scowled a little at the man’s amused expression. “Maybe. It won’t be good for the electronics and mechanicals but that’ll work for us as well as against us. And this place is so out of the way that the chances of the Empire finding us are much smaller.”

Bodhi noted that Cassian didn’t say ‘minimal’ or ‘not at all’. “They’ll be looking, won’t they?”

“With all the fury they can muster,” Cassian replied sourly. “We beat them. Worse, we humiliated them by destroying their masterpiece. They won’t take that kindly.”

Bodhi shivered and this time it wasn’t because of the cold. “Will… will the Rebellion want to ask me questions?”

“Probably,” Cassian replied. “You probably know more than you think you do.”

Bodhi hunched down and didn’t reply. Cassian seemed to realise something was wrong as he nudged Bodhi gently.

“What’s wrong?”

Bodhi hesitated for a moment. “I… that part… it’s hard to remember a lot of it.”

Now it was Cassian’s turn to briefly fall silent. “Because of what Bor Gullet did?”

Bodhi nodded and hunched in on himself again. Cassian came over and slung an arm over his shoulders. Bodhi tried not to lean into the contact but Cassian felt… strong and he wasn’t feeling that right now. Cassian didn’t complain when he leaned into him, instead all he did was tighten his grip.

“They know what happened,” Cassian said quietly. “I mean, not in full but how you were when we found you.”

Bodhi turned his head slightly. “Found me?”

Cassian snorted and looked amused. “Found you. Thrown into prison beside you. It’s all about the same.”

Bodhi managed a small smile. “If you say so.”

“Anyway,” Cassian said firmly. “They know you were… hurt by Saw Gerrera. Just tell them what you can remember.”

Bodhi nodded. “Okay.” He cocked his head slightly. “You were looking for me.”

“Yes,” Cassian replied. “A contact of mine had heard what you were telling everyone. We knew we had to get to you before the Empire did. Or Saw Gerrera.”

Bodhi frowned and stared down at his feet. “Why did Galen send me to Gerrera if he was so…”

“Unstable?” Cassian sighed and shrugged. “He wasn’t always like that or so I’m told. Given how many years had passed, Galen probably didn’t know how much Gerrera had deteriorated or that the Rebellion had cut ties with him because of his extremism. He was the man he’d trusted with his daughter, after all.”

Bodhi nodded and stared at the small fire in front of them. He shivered and felt Cassian’s arm tighten around him again.

“Cold?”

Bodhi nodded. “A bit.”

Cassian got up and Bodhi mourning the loss of the arm around his shoulders, partly or the closeness but also because Cassian was warm. The man was rummaging through their packs and pulling out a few items. Bodhi knew they didn’t have much though. They hadn’t expected to be gone long nor had they expected the storm. He then realised that he hadn’t had much in his pack beyond the necessities for their mission but Cassian was a different story. He was pulling out thermal blanket packs, rations, water bottles and even a small collapsible tent.

“What? Why didn’t I…?”

Cassian gave him a wry smile. “You had all the surveying gear so I packed the survival gear.”

“Wasn’t that a bit reckless?” Bodhi asked with growing exasperation. “What if we’d gotten separated?”

Cassian stilled for a moment before continuing his work. “I… didn’t want you to worry.”

“I’m sure I would have been pleased about that while I was freezing to death.”

Cassian glanced over at him and his expression was so unreadable that Bodhi almost cowered away from it. Then it abruptly cleared and Cassian turned back to his work.

“I wouldn’t have let that happen,” he said so firmly that Bodhi didn’t really know what to say. He then held out one of the silvery blankets. “Here.”

Bodhi took the blanket and pulled it out of its packet. He wrapped it around himself as best as he could and continued to watch Cassian. The man was unpacking the tent in short, jerky motions as he glanced over his shoulder towards the entrance to the shallow cave they were in.

“If this cave was deeper, we’d be fine but the temperature’s going to drop when that storm hits,” Cassian said brusquely.

Bodhi was becoming increasingly baffled and frustrated by Cassian’s behaviour. Half the time he was sure the man didn’t want him around. The rest of the time he was half convinced that Cassian was actually interested in him. Though he wasn’t entirely sure if that was real or if it was wishful thinking on his part. He still wasn’t entirely confident of the things his mind told him these days, though he hadn’t mentioned it to the others. He didn’t want their pity. He wanted to be grounded even less.

“I’m used to the cold,” he said absently as he burrowed into the blankets a bit more and stared into the fire. “Jedha isn’t exactly warm and the Empire doesn’t waste resources on heating if it doesn’t have to.”

He felt the heavy weight of Cassian’s gaze on him again then it disappeared as the tent unfolded itself into shape and the man set to work stabilising and securing it. The door of the tent faced the fire and once the tent was secure, Cassian opened it and started tossing their packs and equipment inside. Once he was done, he picked up the other thermal blanket and a couple of ration packs and came back to sit beside Bodhi.

“You okay?” he asked as he shook out his own blanket. “You’ve been quiet.”

Bodhi didn’t really want to talk about his conflicting emotions about Cassian to the man himself so he tried a little misdirection. “What do you think they’ll do with us?”

Cassian frowned. “Who?”

“The Rebellion.” Bodhi glanced over at him. “Assuming they call this mission a success.”

Cassian’s frowned eased into something more thoughtful. “I’m not sure. We’ve got…” He snorted with amusement. “A fairly interesting skill set as a group. My guess is probably Intelligence… information gathering, spying, maybe some judicious appropriation of property and some sabotage.”

Bodhi was silent for a moment. “No assassinations?” he ventured in an almost-whisper.

Cassian went very still and Bodhi immediately regretted his question. He didn’t retract it though and instead curled in on himself a bit more, hoping Cassian wouldn’t start yelling. That would make waiting out the storm very, very awkward. But then Cassian sighed and slumped down a little.

“I can’t guarantee that,” he said quietly. “I… I’ve always been good at that and sometimes the Rebellion needs the dirty work to be done in the darkness so that the higher ups can do what they do in the sunlight.”

Bodhi swallowed hard. He understood that, he truly did, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be a part of such actions. Or that he wanted Cassian to have to do them anymore.

“They’d probably send me on my own if they needed that done,” Cassian said hesitantly, almost like a peace offering. “Not all of us.”

“That’s… that doesn’t make it any better,” Bodhi said with a frown.

Cassian sighed. “I don’t know what else I can say, Bodhi. Sometimes these things have to be done.”

“But not by you,” Bodhi blurted before he could stop himself.

Cassian turned to look at him, his expression deep and unfathomable, at least to Bodhi. As he watched, Cassian swallowed and looked away, his expression changing to something sorrowful and shamed. Bodhi had no idea what was going on inside Cassian’s head but he didn’t like the direction it seemed to be taking.

“I don’t think you’re a bad person,” he blurted out. “Never that. But… I don’t want you to have to do that anymore.”

“You weren’t thinking that on Eadu,” Cassian said, his voice harsh enough to make Bodhi flinch.

“I never thought you were a bad person,” he said, unable to hide the tremor in his voice. “Not even then, not even when I realised what you were going to do. I didn’t want you to do it but I didn’t think you were a bad person.” He licked his lips. “Besides, you didn’t kill Galen.”

Cassian’s lips twisted sourly. “No, I didn’t but the Rebellion still did.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“I didn’t argue against it,” Cassian said heavily. “I understood the reasoning behind it.”

Bodhi bit his lip. “You didn’t know if you could trust Galen.”

Cassian snorted softly. “No.”

Bodhi was silent for a moment. “You didn’t know if you could trust me.”

Cassian went absolutely still and refused to look at Bodhi as he whispered, “No.”

“It’s okay. I’m not sure I would have trusted me either.” Bodhi managed a small, wry smile when Cassian’s head whipped around to stare at him. “Some half out of his mind Imperial pilot coming out of nowhere with an outlandish message from a man whose only character witness was Saw Gerrera.” He gave a rueful laugh. “Not exactly something to inspire confidence or convince anyone that it wasn’t a trap.”

Cassian glared into the fire. “We’d been fed bad information before. And that was from credible sources.”

“It’s okay,” Bodhi repeated. “I didn’t expect to be trusted. I just wanted to get my message to Saw Gerrera.” He chewed on his lip again. “And… and he might have been a bit crazy but he did give the message to Jyn. It worked out.”

“He hurt you,” Cassian growled.

Bodhi flinched and a moment later one of Cassian’s hand was clamped on his knee.

“Sorry,” Cassian said. “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s okay,” Bodhi said hurriedly, interrupting him. “I mean… it’s not but I’m… okay. Ish.”

Cassian shifted around onto his knees and frowned at Bodhi. This frown however was full of worry and he couldn’t help the surge of warmth at that sign of Cassian’s concern.

“Are you still having nightmares?”

Bodhi nodded. “Most nights.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want…” He grimaced. “The medication they gave me makes me feel horrible in the morning.”

“There are other things they can try other than medication.”

Bodhi shrugged. “I can usually get back to sleep afterwards.”

Cassian settled back down but he didn’t look appeased. He kept glancing at Bodhi like he wanted to say something more. Bodhi put up with it for a while but just as he opened his mouth to say something pointed, the howl of the wind outside suddenly turned into a scream and it swept into the shallow cave, bringing snow and ice with it. Cassian cursed and hurriedly got to his feet.

“Into the tent,” he snapped as he kicked a mix of dirt and snow over the fire to douse it.

Bodhi grabbed both of the blankets and the ration packs and dived into the tent. Cassian followed him and sealed the door. He lit the small emergency lantern and the inside of the tent was bathed in a soft yellow light. Outside the scream of the wind continued, barely muffled by the thin fabric of the tent.

“How long will the storm last?” Bodhi asked as they settled themselves down in the tight confines of the tent.

“Couple of hours,” Cassian replied. “But there’s a bigger storm front behind it. Kay’s going to come and get us once this storm clears.” He looked around the tent. “You should get some rest.”

“What about you?” Bodhi replied.

He’d half expected Cassian to say something about one of them needing to stand guard or something along those lines. Instead, the other man grimaced and nodded.

“Yeah, okay.”

Bodhi was surprised but then he saw the lines of strain around Cassian’s eyes. Cassian hadn’t been the worst hurt out of them – that honour had been a bit of a tie between Chirrut and Baze – but he had been hurt badly by his fall down the shaft and had then compounded it by disobeying the medic’s orders at first back on Yavin IV. He’d been officially cleared for this mission but it was obvious now that he’d been pushing himself a bit too hard. That wasn’t really a surprise. Walking through snow and ice was a touch different from what they’d done on the other planets.

They shuffled around a bit so that Cassian could lie on his good side and then Bodhi curled up facing him. They were covered by the thermal blankets, their heads pillowed on their packs and the lantern sat at their feet. Bodhi was pleased to see some of the strain on Cassian’s face ease.

“What were you going to say before the storm hit?” he asked before he could think better of it.

Cassian gave a start then shook his head. “Nothing important.”

“It was something,” Bodhi replied.

Cassian sighed and Bodhi saw a faint tinge of pink on his cheeks as he spoke. “You, uh… slept well that night in medbay.”

Now it was Bodhi’s turn to blush. He remembered that night. He’d woken from a nightmare about Bor Gullet and Cassian had comforted him, even lying next to him on the bed. Baze had woken them early the next morning before the medics had come in and Bodhi had been a bit mortified to find that in the night he’d all but draped himself over Cassian. For his part, Cassian had seemed uncertain how to react and had quickly retreated to his own bed. He’d been taciturn and standoffish for the rest of the day. That would have hurt except that he’d caught Cassian flicking him confused but warm little glances throughout the day.

“Um, yes,” he said then his traitorous tongue continued with, “You’re warm.”

Cassian looked startled and his cheeks went pink again. “Oh. Right.”

“It got cold in medbay at night and you were so warm and…” Bodhi covered his face with his hands and groaned. “I’m sorry?”

He heard Cassian chuckle then his hands were pulled away from his face. Cassian looked amused and just a touch confused but he didn’t look angry or upset and that was really what mattered to Bodhi right now.

“It’s okay,” Cassian said. “I think Baze thought it was hilarious.”

Bodhi gave him a sceptical look. “Does Baze think anything is hilarious?”

“He thinks Chirrut is a riot,” Cassian said dryly.

Bodhi laughed at that. Baze and Chirrut seemed to make each other laugh at the drop of a hat, often at things that didn’t really seem funny at all. It was a bit baffling but kind of funny at the same time.

“I think they’ve been together for a very long time,” he said.

“I think they’re a bit strange,” Cassian said, still in that very dry tone.

Bodhi laughed again. “Well, they’re married. At least, I think so. They’re allowed to be a bit strange.”

“They’re married?” Cassian said with surprise.

Bodhi nodded. “I think so. They’re together anyway.” He blushed. “I saw… when they brought Chirrut back in from the bacta tanks, Baze… well, it was pretty obvious.” He saw Cassian’s expression and sputtered for a moment. “Not like that, Cassian! They were just… very sweet.”

Cassian looked rather nonplussed, as though he was altering his entire world view to encompass the idea of Baze being sweet, then he laughed softly. “You know, it makes it all make sense now. The way they are together.”

“Besides…” Bodhi began, looking rather thoughtful as he tried to remember things that had been said when he was younger. “I think the braids in Baze’s hair are matrimonial braids. They do that in certain parts of Jedha.” He winced. “Or did. I remember my mother talking about that with one of the neighbours once.”

“Huh,” Cassian said.

The wind screamed again and Bodhi shivered. That caught Cassian’s attention. He hesitated for a moment then shuffled over and wrapped his arm and therefore his blanket around Bodhi’s shoulders. Bodhi shivered again, though this time it had nothing to do with the cold. He dared to curl into the other man and ducked his head to hide his smile when Cassian’s arm tightened around him.

“Do you really think the Rebellion will want to use this place as a base?” he asked as a distraction, raising his head. He was glad he’d asked the question because they were lying so close to each other now and it distracted Cassian from his sudden indrawn breath.

“Possibly,” Cassian replied after a moment’s silence. “It’s got a lot of advantages, tactically speaking. It’s far enough from the normal space lanes that anyone coming here would be noticed. Probably. And if they did come, we’d at least get enough warning to do a semi-orderly evacuation.”

“It’s freezing,” Bodhi grumbled.

Cassian gave a brief laugh. “Yeah, it is. I’ve been to worse places though.”

Bodhi scrunched up his face at that idea. “I was going to ask,” he said, “But now I’ve decided not to.”

“I’ve been to some nice places as well,” Cassian offered. “Not many but some.”

“You need a better job,” Bodhi grumbled.

Cassian hesitated for a moment then he smiled. “I think I have one.”

Bodhi looked at him with surprise, suddenly aware of how close they were lying to each other. Something must have changed in his expression because Cassian went very still and his eyes widened even as his face went utterly blank. He then swallowed and licked his lips and Bodhi saw something hesitant and uncertain in his eyes. Cassian leaned towards him then stopped.

“Bodhi,” he breathed. “I want… can I…?”

Bodhi didn’t bother with an answer. He closed the gap between them and pressed his lips against Cassian’s. For a moment, Cassian was utterly still and Bodhi wondered whether he’d done the wrong thing. Then Cassian burst into motion, pulling him tight against his body and deepening the kiss, licking and nipping at his bottom lip with eager fervour. Bodhi squeaked with surprise at the passionate response to his hesitant kiss but when Cassian would have pulled back, he grabbed hold of his shirt and didn’t let him. Cassian shuddered and continued kissing him.

Bodhi wasn’t sure how long they kissed before they finally parted on a sigh. He opened his eyes and saw that Cassian’s were still closed and there was an almost quizzical smile on the man’s face. Then Cassian opened his eyes and Bodhi smiled at him.

“Hi,” he said before blushing and ducking his head a little, mentally cursing his ineptitude.

Cassian chuckled and caressed his cheek. “Hi yourself.” He bit his lip. “I… that was unexpected.”

Bodhi raised his head and looked askance. “Really? You mean I haven’t been pathetically obvious? Because I think even Kay knows how I feel and he’s only been back with us for a couple of weeks. Chirrut knows and he’s blind.”

Cassian looked a bit like he’d smacked him across the back of his head with a board and Bodhi giggled.

“Did you really not know? I… I thought you were just being polite and ignoring it because you…” He paused and drew in a breath then let it out again. “You didn’t feel the same.”

Cassian still looked a bit pole-axed but now he was frowning. Bodhi wasn’t worried because the frown was more disgruntled than angry. Finally Cassian let out an exasperated sigh.

“I’m… it’s been a long time since I’ve done anything like this,” he admitted reluctantly. “I may be out of practice.”

Bodhi had a sneaking suspicion that Cassian had never done something like this. That he’d taken his pleasure when and where he could and never allowed himself to linger or to care. He didn’t mind. It wasn’t as though he had any greater experience. They could muddle through this together. And if they hit a snag, well, Bodhi was sure that Baze, at least, would give them sage advice. He wasn’t quite as sure about Chirrut. He liked Chirrut and he was sure Chirrut would give them plenty of advice if they asked – and even if they didn’t ask – he just wasn’t sure how sage that advice would actually be. Not that he thought it would bad advice or malicious or anything like that but Chirrut liked mischief far too much to give sage advice.

“I think that makes me feel better,” he said with a small smile. “I feel a little less pathetically stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” Cassian said immediately, his frown deepening. “Or pathetic.”

Bodhi smiled at that. “Thank you. But I still felt that way. I was pining, you know.”

Now Cassian began to smile again. “Pining, huh?”

“Yep.”

“I may have been doing a bit of that myself.”

“I couldn’t tell,” Bodhi said ruefully. “I mean… I hoped. You kept smiling at me but then you started sort of looming over me and frowning a lot on that second world we went to so I wasn’t entirely sure what was going on.”

“I… I was worried,” Cassian replied, looking a bit nonplussed. “You got knocked down by that… thing. It was pure luck you weren’t hurt worse than just some bruises.”

“I thought I was in trouble,” Bodhi replied.

Cassian was silent for a moment. “I probably need to work on my worrying. Make it less… threatening.”

Bodhi giggled. “Maybe just a bit.”

Cassian smiled ruefully and ducked down to quickly kiss Bodhi. “I’ll try.”

Bodhi snuggled closer and sighed happily. “At least I’ll know its worry now.”

Cassian made a noncommittal sound but seemed happy to wrap his arms around Bodhi and settle down under the thermal blankets. He seemed to be thinking very hard about something but then he clearly shook himself out of whatever that was and looked at Bodhi. A small, rather intent smile curved his lips and Bodhi shivered at the promise in it.

“Now,” Cassian said, “where were we?”

#fic #writing #spiritassassin #sniperpilot #finally!#rogue one fic #step into another day verse

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