#i hate them so much i wish they had more time i wish they were happy they fucking deserved it fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
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The Kumquat (The Surprise, Part 4)
Emily Prentiss x fem!reader
Warnings: pregnancy times, established relationship, fluff on fluff on fluff, some references to past sexual trauma (nothing graphic), a Pap smear (aka the WORST medical exam and I will stand by that)
Word Count: 1.4k
Summary: It's Emily's first non-local case since finding out you were pregnant, and you're both struggling. Especially because it means she'll have to miss you first prenatal appointment–and the first sound of your baby's heartbeat. Maybe there's still a way to share the moment, though...
Week 10: The Kumquat
Your heart beat wildly as you pulled into the parking lot of the OBGYN’s office. You wiped your sweaty palms on your jeans and checked your phone. Nothing. You groaned and rubbed your forehead.
You had a hard time with doctors, particularly with gynecologists–a stubborn remnant of past trauma. Emily knew that. Emily knew it was your first appointment and that you’d be scared. She’d wanted to come along; she would have asked all the questions you'd forget.
But duty called. It always did. You’d gotten lucky over the last month since finding out you were pregnant. The BAU hadn’t caught any huge cases and, even the cases they did catch had been local enough that Emily still made it home to you most nights. But, of course, your luck had run out.
You were angry with Emily for leaving, but you knew that was unreasonable. This is what you’d signed up for. Her job was important to her. It was important to you. The fact that she was so passionate about and dedicated to her team and the work they did was one of the things you loved most about her. You were always sad to see her leave and, yes, sometimes frustrated when she had to miss things you’d planned together, but at the end of the day, you knew she loved you, and that was all that mattered.
But this time. This time you were struggling. You tried not to take it out on Emily too much; it wasn’t her fault that your hormones were going wild. You were more everything than usual. More angry at her for leaving, more sad while she was gone, more terrified of going to the doctor.
You glared at your message-less phone for a few minutes before taking a deep breath and texting Emily.
Headed into the OBGYN🤞 I wish you were here. Be safe love 💗
You waited a few minutes with no response, taking a deep breath to swallow your rage. For all you knew, she could be in a bulletproof vest trying to talk down a murderer right now. She loves you, you reminded yourself. If she could be here, she would.
In the office, you were assaulted with the smell of rubbing alcohol and Lysol. You filled out what felt like a full novella of personal and family medical history. When they finally called you back, you felt like a science experiment–poked and prodded and measured. When the doctor pulled out the stirrups, you flinched.
“Is that necessary?” you asked.
She nodded at you. “Sorry. It’s just been long enough since your last Pap smear that I’d rather be safe than sorry.”
You hated it. Hated the whole process, you always did. It was painful and invasive and it made you remember things you’d really rather not remember. Emily usually went with you, to let you squeeze her hand and to whisper that it was okay, you were safe.
You clenched and felt tears prick at your eyes as the cold metal forced its way into you. Hands gripping at the paper covering the seat, you tried your very best to imagine Emily’s voice, her face, the smell of her hair. And you tried not to feel too furious that she wasn’t there. It’s not her fault, you repeated like a mantra.
They took some blood, they asked about running tests to screen for the baby’s health.
“Yes,” you said. “Run all of them.”
“The good news,” the doctor continued, “about these tests is that you also get to find out the gender earlier if that’s something you want.”
You knew you’d need to talk to Emily about it, but part of you didn’t want to know. Emily stubbornly calling the baby he, so sure was she that it was a boy, and you calling the baby she out of pure spite, had become an endearing part of your pregnancy to you. You might just rather be surprised.
“Now for the fun part!” the doctor said, clapping her hands together. “Would you like to try and find the heartbeat?”
Your stomach fluttered with excitement. “Really!? Isn’t it too early?”
“Sometimes we can hear it early with Doppler.”
You nodded vigorously, lifting up your shirt. It was the only time in your life you’d voluntarily had a doctor examine you.
She pressed the device to your lower belly, searching for sound. You waited rapt, barely breathing, so scared were you that you’d miss it.
But then: a whooshing sound and a quick, urgent, pattering heartbeat. Your baby’s heartbeat. You grinned wide.
“That’s her?” you asked, giddy.
The doctor nodded.
You felt like crying, from pure joy, but also because you wished Emily was here. She would be so sad, so sad, to have missed this. But maybe you could bring the heartbeat to her.
You took out your phone. “Can I record this?” you asked. “I want to send it to my wife.”
“Of course,” the doctor said.
You pressed the record button on your Voice Memos, and recorded a good thirty seconds of the baby’s heartbeat, knowing that Emily would listen to it again and again and again.
When you finally left the office, proud of yourself, you hopped in the car and checked your phone. Still nothing. You sent off another text to Emily.
Must be a hard day. ❤️Here’s something to cheer you up! 👶🏻🫀I miss you. Call when you can.
Later that night, as you lay in bed reading, your phone started buzzing. You smiled wide. Emily.
“Good evening, Agent Prentiss,” you joked.
“The heartbeat!” she squealed, so loud you had to hold the phone away from your ear.
You grinned and gushed. “Isn’t it the most beautiful heartbeat you’ve ever heard!?”
“Yes! After yours, of course.”
“Wow, you’re laying it on thick.”
“I’ve got a lot to make up for.” Emily sounded genuinely sad. “Honey, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”
“It’s okay,” you said, most of your anger dissipating the moment the words I’m sorry left her mouth.
“It’s not okay. I should’ve been there. You hate going to the doctor, and it’s our baby. It’ll get easier after we tell my team. Then I can take a step back.”
“It’s really okay, Em.”
She sighed, and you could tell there was nothing you could say that would alleviate her guilt. She’d carry it with her until she was home again, until she could scoop you up and hold you and take care of you the way she wanted to.
“Was everything okay? With you and Little Kumquat?”
“Kumquat looks good. Healthy as a horse. I–” You thought about the Pap smear, the taste of metal seeping into your mouth. “I’m okay, too.”
“You’re lying.” Emily’s voice shifted, now deep and concerned. “Y/N, what happened?”
“I’m not lying!” Sometimes you really hated being married to a profiler.
Emily grew more panicked. “Is something wrong? Honey, do I need to come home?”
“No! Em, it’s just…” You sighed, picking at your fingernails. “They had to do a Pap smear.”
The line was quiet for a moment before Emily spoke, her voice thick with emotion. “Oh, honey. Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” you answered, shaky, afraid if you tried to say more you might start crying.
“Y/N, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I know how hard those are for you.”
You stayed quiet, willing yourself not to cry. Emily felt guilty enough; you crying would make it ten times worse.
“Listen, I’m at a hotel tonight, okay? I’ll have my phone by me all night. I know sometimes you get nightmares after, so just call me if you wake up, okay?”
“Emily, you don’t have to do that,” you said softly. “You need sleep.”
“I won’t sleep one wink if I’m worried about you all night, so promise me you’ll call.”
“Okay. I promise.”
“Thank you. Ugh, Rossi’s waving me over. I gotta go, but I love you so much, and I miss you every second, and I can’t wait to get home to you.”
“I love you, too.”
You slept with your phone on the pillow next to you that night, and it wasn’t the same as having Emily there, especially when you woke up gasping in a cold sweat. But her voice lulling you back to sleep was pretty close, and you were so, so glad to have her–even from far away.
#emily prentiss#emily prentiss x reader#emily prentiss x fem!reader#emily prentiss drabble#emily prentiss fluff#emily prentiss fanfic#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic
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So here’s my idea! Sam x Colby x Reader but with temperature play!!
My vision is Sam and Colby both being on the dom side and reader being sub and one of them uses/chooses something really cold like using ice and the other using something hot like wax play candles and they use them at the same time on the reader and its just pure love and smut and filth with maybe a sprinkle of after care?(the reader may go into sub drop???) (Also I kinda imagined her tied up to kinda intensify the sensations but she doesn’t have to be at all!)
Im sorry if this is to specific! I just love your writing and think you would do amazing with this! (Ps if you want not Sam x Colby x Reader requests I have SOOOO many ideas and could send as many as you would like 😂😂)
Tap once for no, twice for yes - EXPLICIT
Summary: Sam and Colby never competed for your love, never once made you feel like one was better than the other. One day, you decided to tease them, whilst they were both not home on separate outings. After sending them saucy photos, you made it officially a competition.
WARNINGS: SMUT 18+, dom!sam, dom!colby, sub!reader. Temperature play, hot wax, ice cubes, READER GOES INTO SUB!SPACE, squirting, slut, whore, princess, baby, swallowing, oral, rough sex, restraints, vibrator, overwhelming multiple orgasms. PURE FILTH! Aftercare.
Not edited. Requests open!
Authors note: I hope you like this! I will be doing a part 2 to this request, where reader goes into sub!drop and uses her safe word. I didn’t want to go too hard/negative for the first story in this book… follow to keep up!
Tumblr:propertyofyoutube
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You sighed as you tossed over in your bed. As you picked up your phone it was only 2:30pm. “Ugh!” You groaned as you tossed once more. 4 more hours until Colby was due home and god knows how long until Sam. It was Saturday, which meant business meetings, personal meetings and so much more. But for you, a Saturday was a day off. You hated Saturdays… but you loved Saturday nights. That moment, Sam and Colby returned home, having missed you as always, and making up for the lost time in every sensual way possible.
As you thought about what you had coming later on, your thighs pressed tightly together, thinking about the basement. Damn, to YouTube their basement was the react channel set, but on the other side of that camera was a sex dungeon. Imagine Christian Grey’s red room times one hundred.
Before you met Sam and Colby, you were what most people say “vanilla”. You hadn’t had many sexual partners who explored all areas in the world of intimacy and pleasure. Once you and the boys became an agreed throuple, Colby wasted no time to introduce you to all new levels of passion. And once Sam got a taste, he couldn’t resist seeing you, obeying their demands, on your knees ready for whatever they wish. You could almost feel their hands tracing your curves, your toes curling as they brought you closer to each and every orgasm.
Suddenly your eyes snapped open, bringing you back to reality. “Fuck.” You breathed out as you felt your body desperate for them, for whatever they had in store for you. Your phone suddenly dinged as you looked down at the text message that flashed on your screen in the group chat named, ‘Our girl’.
Colbs🖤: hey baby, how’s your day going?
You began typing out instantly: it’s okay, I just can’t wait for you to-… Your frown quickly turned to a mischievous smirk as you had a bright idea. You held tightly on the back button as the message quickly disappeared. You jumped out of bed running to your dresser. As you pulled on the top drawer, your eyes fell wide as the range of the hottest lingerie sets. You fumbled through the sets and one pieces until landing on the brand new, laced corset top and matching panties. “Bingo.” You said as you chuckled to yourself. You quickly changed into the beautiful set and you couldn’t lie, you looked fucking hot. You bit your lip as you replied,
You: how long will you both be?
Colby’s typing bubble made your stomach flip in excitement. This was a risky move you were about to pull, this was punishment material. But you couldn’t wait to crumble at their touch.
Colbs🖤: I’m not sure baby… why what’s wrong? Is everything okay?
You smirked, trying to think of the best way to get them home. You walk over to your full length mirror, lowering down onto your knees. You begin to type,
You: I’m just trying my best to resist going down to the basement…
You bit your lip in anticipation as you awaited his reply, or Sam’s. It was less than a minute before Colby’s message appeared.
Colbs🖤: fuck… someone’s horny😂
You chuckled as you read his text, but before you could start type out another message came through.
Sammy❤️: wait, what’s happening?
You giggled as you definitely had both of their attention.
Sammy❤️: don’t you dare go to that basement without us, y/n.
You bit your lip, it was working, and only after one message. You sat back as Colby continued, you admired the way Sam and Colby never fought over you, for love, for sex, for anything.
Colbs🖤: agreed. Don’t y/n, or there will be consequences when we get home.
You rolled your eyes, truly not giving a fuck how badly they gave it to you. You quickly positioned yourself in the mirror as you snapped a photo. You attached the saucy picture of you in your sexy set.
You: either one, or both of you, get home now or I’ll sort myself out…😏
You waited in anticipation as both of their typing bubbles popped up. The messages instantly came through within seconds of each other.
Sammy❤️: y/n what are you doing… I’m in a meeting with the merch team.
Colbs🖤: fuck, you take that off right now. I’m in line to get some lunch.
You giggle to yourself, as you removed the corset, placing your arm across your breasts, taking another photo.
You: okay baby, it’s off😉 fine if you’d rather eat that lunch. Stay there.
You teased knowing Colby hated when you tried to boss him around. As you began typing a reply to Sam, you knew exactly what would get them both.
You: please Sammy, please come home. I need you to feel for yourself, just how soaked I am… 🥺
You waited, as Colby’s bubbles popped up first.
Colbs🖤: I know what you’re trying to do y/n…😒
Sammy❤️: baby… I wish I could, but I don’t think I can get out of this one. Believe me, I want to… so badly😢
You sighed loudly, you had to go further. They needed more convincing.
You: I usually wait for you both, everyday… but if one of you doesn’t get home in the next 20 minutes, I’ll quick frankly make myself cum
You quickly ran to the basement, your need for them intensifying every second. Before they could reply you took a photo of the large 4 poster bed, covered in satin sheets.
You: first one home gets to do whatever the fuck they want to me 😏
A couple of minutes passed and you knew that they were probably on the phone discussing the situation. They never competed.
Colbs🖤: fuck Sam, she’s done it now… you’ve been very bad y/n. You better have yourself on your knees, waiting for us.
Sammy❤️: we’re on our way. First one home gets to show you just how bad you’ve been…
Your eyes lit up in excitement.
You: yes sir.
You quickly headed back up the stairs to grab a lighter for the candles and an ice bucket, accompanied by a bottle of champagne and 3 glasses.
You had heard the front door open as you kneeled in front of the bed, facing your back to the door. Your long hair covering your bare back as you left yourself in just the lace panties. Your body tingled with excitement as you anxiously waited for who ever was about to walk through that door. Sam always went a little bit easier on you. You had them both wrapped around your finger, but you definitely knew Sam’s weak spots. He was easier to break than Colby. You knew you’d pushed them to their patient limits today and lowkey hoped Sam came first for the punishment.
“You’ve been very naughty, y/n.” Colby’s voice echoed through your ears as a smirk spread across your face.
“I would say I’m sorry… but I’m not.” You said cheekily.
“And now she’s back talking?” Sam said with a scoff of disbelief. Your eyes fell wide as you hadn’t heard the both of them arriving.
Colby smirked at Sam before slowly walking around to stand in front of you. Your eyes still facing forward, not looking up at him. Colby slowly placed his fingers below your chin, lifting your gaze to meet his. “You tried to make us compete for you, y/n… and that is our number one rule…” Colby said his voice low.
You tried so hard to fight back a smile, “I’m sorry…” you said softly.
Sam sighed from behind you, as you began to walk around to join Colby, “you can apologise by being a good girl for us… now get onto the bed and keep that pretty little mouth shut.” Sam said, his voice demanding and dominant, taking you by surprise. Damn, you really had pushed all their buttons. ‘Oh shit.’ You thought to yourself. You nodded before stand up and climbing onto the bed, sitting in the centre facing the boys who were now stripping down to their underwear.
“Lie down.” Colby demanded as you instantly laid your head back. Your heart beating a million miles per minute as you stared up at the ceiling.
Suddenly, both Sam and Colby appeared either side of you. Restraints in hand. “We had no control today…” Colby said with a slightly annoyed tone.
“I thinks it’s time we reimplemented who is in control here.” Sam continued as your body squirmed at their touch. You nodded slowly as they took one arm, and one leg each wrapping your wrists and ankles in the leather, strapping each of your limbs to a corner of the bed. You tried to close your legs, your thighs desperate to squeeze together as your panties grew even wetter, but it was no use.
Colby stood tall as he walked back up to your head, a red satin blindfold in hand, “you treat us differently.” He said softly as he placed the blindfold over your eyes. “Like we’re polar opposites.”
You swallowed hard full of a mixture of excitement and nerves.
“So I think we should show you, the effect polar opposites can have on you.” Sam said with a smirk.
Sam and Colby looked at each other before nodding with smiles. “What’s your safe word?” Colby asked as your breath shook.
“Red.” You whispered.
“Louder.” Sam said firmly sending shivers down your entire body.
You obeyed instantly, “red.” You spoke clearly.
“Good girl.” Sam said softly.
Colby picked up a candle from the dresser that you had lit. He walked over to the bed as Sam bit his lip, ready to watch the pleasure radiate through your body. “Sam… I think our little slut here needs her pussy eaten.” Colby said as Sam licked his lips. “She’s so desperate, look at her.” Sam couldn’t help but smile at your squirming body, stretched out across the bed as your knees tried their hardest to close.
“Always so desperate.” Sam said as he moved to the bottom of the bed, between your restrained legs. Sam looked up at your panties, he could see just how wet you were through the Lacey material. “Such a slut, you’ll do anything for us to fuck you senseless.” Sam smirked as he spoke watching how his words made your clit ache even more.
Colby leaned down by your head as he spoke softly, “do you want Sam to taste you, baby?” He asked. You nodded your head as Colby shook his, “words baby. Tell Sam exactly what you want.”
Sam’s hands suddenly touched your legs, as he slowly dragged them higher and higher, across your thigh towards your pelvis. “P- please Sammy. Please taste me.” You begged. You could feel your core pulsating at the thought of it.
Sam looked up at Colby from between your thighs as Colby nodded. Sam wasted no time, moving your panties to the side and connected his lips with your clit, sucking and swirling his tongue instantly.
Your back arched off the bed in pleasure, the feeling of Sam’s mouth working away on your core was like a dream.
“Fuck baby, you are soaked…” Sam groaned against your core as Colby licked his lips at how your body moved.
“You know those photos got me all hot baby…” Colby said looking at the candle in his hand. “And you’re going to get just as hot and bothered as I was…” Colby bit his lip as Sam’s eyes looked up at him, his mouth still devouring you. “Remember to use your safe word if you need to.” Colby reminded us as suddenly he tilted the candle over your torso. The hot wax hitting your skin as you moaned louder, a string of curse words leaving your mouth. You felt a knot in your stomach as the hot wax trailed down your body and Sam’s tongue entered your core.
“Fuck!” You cried out as Colby looked down on you and Sam gripped your hips, holding you in place.
“You thought you were so smart to tease us…” Colby grunted as he continued to pour once again, “using your body like a little whore.” His voice sent you over the edge, your orgasm hitting you full speed as you suddenly covered Sam’s face in your juices.
“Fuck baby…” Sam gasped as he sucked you up, “little warning next time?”
You breathed heavily as your heart beat strong and your body shook uncontrollably, “I’m-I’m so sorry.” You moaned out.
“You will be…” Colby grunted as Sam stood up from between your legs. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.” Colby said, his voice even lower as his hard cock was finally freed from his boxers.
Colby didn’t give you a chance to recover, he wanted to take out his frustrations in the best way he knew how to, making you cum, again… and again… and again. Colby lined himself up, hovering above you. He suddenly pushed himself deep inside of you as you cried out. “Fuck Colby!” Your eyes rolled to the back of your head beneath the blindfold as your stomach was in knots once again.
Sam walked over to the ice bucket with the champagne, taking out 2 ice cubes. “After all that wax, you must be a little hot there baby…” Sam said with a smirk. Colby groaned loudly as he fucked you. You could hardly take in what Sam was saying as Colby hit your g-spot with his dick every time he pushed deep inside of you.
Sam climbed up onto the bed after removing his boxers, positioning himself up near your head. As Colby pounded into you, Sam took the two ice cubes as your body froze as the two ice cubes were placed on your nipples. “Oh shit!” You cried out, your back arching once again. Sam began to move around your chest, the ice leaving freezing cold trails of water.
“Fuck baby, you feel so good.” Colby groaned as his face scrunched from the pleasure of your walls wrapped around him. He suddenly sat up slightly, positioning himself so he could continue to fuck you whilst grabbing the candle.
“If you’re going to treat us like opposites, then we’re going to treat you with opposites.” Sam breathed heavily as Colby bit his lip starting to pour some of the hot wax once again. The feeling of both the hot and cold touching your body was sending your senses into overdrive, your head becoming lightheaded with pleasure as you moaned louder.
Suddenly you felt that knot about to explode, “fuck… I’m gonna cum!” You cried out, trying to give them warning this time.
Sam suddenly leaned down, the ice pressed back onto your nipples as the hot wax trickled down your stomach, “cum baby. That’s our good girl.”
“Fuckkkk.” You groaned as you came once again, your body exploding into a whole new world of ecstasy.
“That’s it baby.” Colby groaned louder, but he didn’t stop, he continued to pound into you at a strong pace, not allowing you a second to cool down. “Now be a good girl and open up for Sam.” Colby demanded as you parted your lips. You could cry from the feeling they were giving you, the pleasure, the passion, the overwhelming mix of emotions.
Sam positioned his cock against your lips, “wider.” He said his voice horse. You quickly dropped your jaw as Sam pushed the head of his cock into your mouth, “fuck, princess.” He moaned.
Colby watched as Sam began to fuck your mouth as you continued to get thrusted into by him. “God she’s such a slut for us Sam” Colby said between moans.
“She’s our slut… our girl.” Sam moaned as he pushed his cock further into your mouth hitting the back of your throat.
Colby threw the candle aside as he picked up a vibrator that rested on the edge of the bed. He turned it on full whack immediately as he quickly put it against your throbbing clit. You moaned louder against Sam’s cock as he threw his head back from the feeling. Out of nowhere a surprise orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks as you squirted all over Colby's cock. He pulled out for a moment as you sprayed him and covered the sheets, leaving a puddle.
“Fuck baby girl.” Colby said as he breathed heavily, his eyes wide at the sight. He suddenly re-entered you as he began thrusting harder and faster than ever, the vibrator instantly back in place. Your body was exhausted, you were afraid of how much more it could take.
“Fuck, I’m gonna cum… and you’re going to swallow every bit.” Sam said as he ran his fingers into your hair. You nodded slowly, hardly able to move from the lack of control on your body.
“Me too.” Colby grunted louder as he pounded fast. “One more time baby, you can do it.” He said as he pressed the vibrator harder against your clit. You felt as you walls clenched around Colby once again, your back arching off the bed as Sam leaned across and grabbed a handful of ice cubes, dropping them all onto your body as you cried out louder.
Sam twitched in your mouth, “fuck…” he ground as he suddenly came filling up your through with his hot cum. He pulled out slowly as you lifted your head slightly to swallow. “That’s a good girl.” Suddenly your body was once again filled with pleasure from head to toe, your entrance begging for some relief, for a break as you came once again.
“Fuck Colby! Cum… please cum!” You cried out. As Colby looked up at your scrunched up face.
“You got it princess.” He grunted as he pounded deeper into you one last time fucking you harder than ever, he was right, there was no way you were going to be able to walk. “Fuck y/n.” He shouted as he pulled out spilling his cum all over your lower stomach.
Everything went silent. Apart from the sounds of you all panting. Sam instantly jumped off the bed, grabbing a towel to clean you off. You couldn’t help it, you completely disappeared, reverting into sub space. Your mind escaping to a place of quiet, happiness and calm. Your body lay still, your heart pounding. “Are you okay baby?” Sam said but you didn’t respond. He looked at Colby, they both knew exactly what was happening before they both jumped into action unbuckling the restraints and your body was completely limp.
Colby kneeled next to you on the bed, taking the blindfold off slowly, “baby?” He said softly, but your eyes looked as though you were no longer there. He looked up at Sam, this has happened before but it never worries them any less.
Sam crouched the other side as he took your hand, “y/n… y/n can you hear me? Tap once for no, twice for yes.” He said concerned.
Suddenly he felt two small taps on his hand from your index finger. They both sighed in relief. Colby reached up to stroke your hair as he used his other hand to take yours. “Do you want us to take you upstairs, princess?” He smiled as he felt two small taps on his hand.
Sam jumped up, grabbing a blanket as he wrapped it around you, your whole body no longer in action. Inside your mind, you knew what was happening but it was as though you completely disconnected from your body. Colby picked up, bridal style, the blanket wrapped rightly around you. He walked you up to your bedroom, he slowly lowered you to the bed, beneath the covers. “Do you want us to leave you baby?” He asked reluctantly as he knew sometimes you preferred to be alone when you went into subspace. Suddenly he felt a small tap on his hand. No, thank god. Colby climbed into bed with you, as Sam entered the room, water and food in hand ready for when you came back to them. Colby place you on his chest as Sam climbed in the bed on the other side of you. He leaned down kissing your cheek.
“Do you still love us, baby?” He said with a smirk as he always did when this happened, he chuckled as he felt two taps. “Good.” He kissed you once more before sitting against the headboard as Colby did, your hand held tightly in his.
“Take your time baby…” Colby whispered, “we’ll be here when you’re ready.” He kissed the top of your head as you tapped the both of them twice. Sam and Colby looked at each other with a sigh, as even though you loved the sex you all had, they always felt guilty when this happened. No matter how many times you tell them it’s not their fault.
Sam picked up the remote control as he headed onto Netflix and began to play your comfort movie. Both of them holding tightly onto your hands as your head lay comfortably on Colby’s chest. “We love you.” Colby said, honestly.
“So much.” Sam added as you tapped them both twice. You laid there, allowing your body to relax ready for you to come back to reality.
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#sam and colby#propertyofyoutube#smut#sam golbach#fanfiction#sam golbach smut#samgolbach#colby#colby brock#sam golbach dirty imagines#sam golbach imagines#sam x y/n#colby smut#sam goldbach smut#sam golbach one shot#sam golbach x reader#samgolbach dirty#samgolbachdirty#colby brock dirty#colby brock fanfic#colby brock smut#colby brock imagines#colbybrock#colby x reader#colby brock one shot#colbybrockoneshot#colbybrocksmut#samxcolbyxreader#Sam x Colby x reader#dom!colby
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Seventeen as Songs From “The Tortured Poet Department: The Anthology.”
A/N: this album is fucking amazing and has inspired me to write so much. So the way I’m doing this is giving a member a song + a lyric with a mini drabble. In future I might do Song Reactions for a few of these songs *cough* Down Bad and Fortnight *cough* but until then I’m doing it like this. If anyone wants more writing of said drabbles please request it 🫶
Also before I get to warnings let me just say: this is 100% fictional and not at all how I think any of the members are irl. This album doesn’t portray the make counterpart in good light that much (minus But Daddy I Love Him, The Alchemy, + So High School.) however I'm in a angsty af mood so I’m writing it. If you hate it, im sorry. I just have to write it to process my grief. ALSO: not all of them are going to be hella angsty but most will be because this album is unhinged
Warnings: angst (not everyone's though: 96 Line + Joshua is lowkey cute,), Jun's is NSFW so Minors DNI, mentions of alcohol, breakups, heartbreak, codependency, pledis, i also wrote some swear words so if you hate bad words: this album and my writing is not for you lmaoooooo
ღ S. Coups: The Bolter
"With a quite bewitching face
Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless
Excellent fun 'til you get to know her
Then she runs like it's a race."
Seungcheol woke up to an empty bed and couldn't help but sigh before rubbing his face. He let you in again, even after swearing to Jeonghan and Jihoon he was done. However, there was something about you that just kept him wanting more and more. He knew that you were never one for commitment because "Where was the fun in that? Commitment just is a recipe for getting hurt." He knew that trying to pursue a "bolter" was a lost cause but he just couldn't help it. He was madly in love with you and every time you left he felt more devastated than the time before. Every 11:11 he wished that one day you would let him at least try to show you that commitment could be a beautiful thing.
ღ Jeonghan: The Albatross
"Locked me up in towers
But I'd visit in your dreams
And they tried to warn you about me."
Jeonghan knew the risks of dating you. You were what some people called a temptress and a "nightmare dressed like a daydream." He knew that there was a chance you would ruin his life and honestly, at the time, he was all in for it. He was sure he could call your bullshit however time showed that his bullshit was called out. He found out that what everyone said was not as true as they thought. He found you to be the most amazing person in this world so when you left he was heartbroken. You told him you didn't want to be what everyone said but you had to leave and you knew he would find someone even better in the long run. However, he saw you in his dreams, he saw you in faces in the street, he saw you everywhere. He missed you and wished you would be able to let him in so you could prove all of them wrong.
ღ Joshua: Fresh Out The Slammer
"And no matter what I've done, it wouldn't matter anyway
Ain't no way I'm gonna screw up now that I know what's at stake here."
You looked around the crowd of people as you entered a familiar park. You knew this place all too well and your heart was racing. You just got out of six year relationship with someone you swore was supposed to be your forever person. However, you always unintentionally compared him to your first love, Hong Jisoo. For the past year, you were mentally checked out of your relationship because all you could think about was Jisoo. You took a deep breath before you sat down on an empty swing and waited. You waited for what seemed like five hours when the swing next to you was taken. You glanced over and saw Jisoo looking at you with a soft smile. Your heart started to race as you both made eye contact. It had been so long but he looked as beautiful as ever. Jisoo then leaned over and pressed a kiss against your lips while grabbing both of your hands. You smiled as familiar lips that felt like home brought back warm memories. You then put your foreheads together before awkward giggling. "Welcome home, (Y/N)."
ღ Jun: So High School
"Your friends are around, so be quiet
I'm trying to stifle my sighs
'Cause I feel so high school every time I look at you
But look at you."
You are so head over heels for Moon Junhwi as was he over you. You both felt like it was a first love that you would have back in high school. All of the feelings you would feel back in High School came crashing back. One night when you were celebrating something with all of your friends and with his group members you both ran off into a closet and were just making out when it started to get more and more intense. You both were flushed and giggling as you both helped each other get undressed. He made sure the door was locked before attaching his lips back to you. "Try to stay quiet, baby girl," he would whisper as his fingers made their way to your nipples which caused you to softly moan into his lips. "Yes sir." A quickie would be good enough for now as you tried your best to stifle the moans and sighs that Jun was causing. If his friends knew what was going down, they kept it a secret from you but teased the hell out of him when you were gone.
ღ Hoshi: imgonnagetyouback
"And I'll tell you one thing, honey,
I can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean."
Soonyoung and you kept crossing paths and it was honestly frustrating you. You both didn't have a horrible breakup but it still was a breakup that hurt a lot. It took everything to get over him and you swore you were over him. However, every time you saw him, you couldn't help but second guess everything. At one of these "crossroad" moments, the "crazy" in you came out after you kept making eye contact with him one too many times. You made your way across the room despite your friends trying to stop you and pulled him to an empty storage room. Both of your breath was heavy before you glared into his eyes and whispered, "I know you still want me, please come clean." This caused him to scoff before pushing you up against the door and whispering, "you first, baby girl."
holy shit, 100 notes and I will write a one shot for this one
ღ Wonwoo: But Daddy I Love Him
"Now I'm dancin' in my dress in the sun and
Even my daddy just loves him
I'm his lady
And, oh my God, you should see your faces."
A video of one of you and Wonwoo's first dates ended up getting leaked and soon dating rumors started spreading like wildfire. There was both positive and negative thoughts from both of your fans as expected but to be honest it was just "white noise" for both of you because honestly who gave a fuck what anyone thought. When both of your CEO's sat with both of your managers and you, they informed you that dispatch was working on an article "exposing" the truth and that's when you both realized that you both wanted to be the ones to tell the fans. You decided to post on instagram a mini reel of moments between Wonwoo and you saying, "the rumors are true. wanted to let you know before dispatch told you all." Once you confirmed, there was still some negative press but mostly it was positive which Wonwoo and you were both thankful for.
omg i wanna write a one shot for this too bc what!?
ღ Woozi: The Alchemy
"'Cause the sign on your heart
Said it's still reserved for me
Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?"
Honestly, you were shocked to see Lee Jihoon brace an event like this. Especially, after all this time. It was not his crowd or in his comfort zone. You could see how nervous he was as he fiddled with his arm cuffs and nervous laughing to whatever his friend was saying. Based on rough memories you believed his friends name was "Kwon Soonyoung" but that seemed like many life times ago. It felt like a car crash when you looked at him because you couldn't turn away or look away. Memories of you both kept replaying through your memory. You just stared at the man who you once loved exist on the other side of the room. After awhile, he realized a pair of once familiar eyes were staring at him. He looked back and his face softened. It felt like a movie as you stared at each other. Neither of you remember who walked to who first but soon you both were sitting side by side at the bar laughing and recalling old memories. The hole that was in both of your hearts seemed to be patched up as the conversation progressed. When the night was over, he asked if you would be comfortable seeing him again and you couldn't say 'yes' quick enough.
ღ DK: Peter
"And sometimes it gets me
When crossing your jet stream
We both did the best we could do
Underneath the same moon
In different galaxies."
"It will always be you, maybe one day we can come back together when it's not so crazy." That was the last thing you ever heard Seokmin say after you both agreed it was time to call it quits. Who's fault was it? Honestly neither of your fault. Neither you or Seokmin could say that you did not try. Of course you both tried. You both tried to make everything work but things were just too different and well 'crazy.' With his career, he was everywhere and vise versa. You both were just never in the same time zone at the same time. It was like this for months when finally it just fizzled. Time moved on, as did both of you, but when you looked out the airplane window and noticed you were flying over Seoul your heart couldn't help but mourn. You wondered what could've been. You wondered if he still laughed while clapping like a seal and if he was still sunshine for everyone he met. It broke you a bit to remember. "It will always be you, Seokmin," you whispered before closing the curtain of the window.
ღ Mingyu: Down Bad
"How dare you think it's romantic
Leaving me safe and stranded
'Cause fuck it, I was in love
So fuck you if I can't have us."
"Kim Mingyu, you are a fucking coward," you whispered as you tried to hide your angry heartbroken tears from him. "(Y/N), trust me this is the last thing I want to do," he whispered with tears threatening to fall. Dispatch had found out about both of your relationship three days ago and the hate toward you was heavy. Delusional fans thought their beloved idol was cheating on them and you deserved to die because it was obviously your fault the 'affair." You were down to fight and continue forward but he couldn't handle the hate you were receiving and knowing there was only so much he could do. Fuck, maybe he was a 'fucking coward' but he was doing it because it would be safe for you. Who knows what saesangs could do to you. If anything happened to you, he would never forgive himself. He rather have you hate his guts then have you killed.
ღ Minghao: I Can Do It With A Broken Heart
"I can hold my breath
I've been doin' it since he left
I keep finding his things in drawers
Crucial evidence I didn't imagine the whole thing."
It has been about two months since Minghao and you broke up and it honestly has felt like a fever dream since it happened. Some days were better than others. You honestly thought today was one of the 'better' days but that was before you found one of his cardigans in one of your drawers and you just couldn't help but put it on and lay on the floor. You couldn't help but remember all the memories of him and you with this cardigan. Whether he was wearing it or you were. It was warm just like the memories and it killed you. You wrapped the cardigan around you tighter around you and just sobbed. You knew one day it would stop hurting, but until then, you were just going to run with the punches and try your best to do it with a broken heart.
ღ Seungkwan: My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys
"'Cause I knew too much, there was danger in the heat of my touch
He saw forever, so he smashed it up.
Seungkwan knew he fucked up the moment he stepped foot into his house after breaking things off with you. Truth be told he was terrified of you. You knew him like the back of your hand and he knew you like the back of his hand. He saw a future with you. He saw you owning a dog, living in a house in Jeju, owning a dog, having one to two kids, everything. However, he wasn't mentally ready for that. At least at the time he thought he wasn't. Now that he was alone and realizing what he had done, guilt was eating him up. He lost everything because his own damn anxiety lied and said there was danger. There was nothing he could do to fix it now.
ღ Vernon: The Black Dog
"I move through the world with the heartbroken
My longings stay unspoken
And I may never open up thе way I did for you."
Nobody understood you the way Hansol did. He had the manuscript on what made you tick. Like how you liked your coffee over exactly five ice cubes, how you would always whisper 'thank you' before eating any kind of meats because they once had a soul, and how you would blink twice before laughing at one of his jokes. So when he made the call to end things you wondered how on earth you would ever find someone who could handle your quirks and wouldn't find you strange. It made you feel abandoned and made you hate him so much for hurting you this way. When you expressed your feelings to your friends, they would tell you it would get better eventually. Eventually, whenever "Hansol" escaped your lips to them they would tell you to stop talking. That's why you just were silently heartbroken as you replayed everything over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
ღ Dino: So Long, London
"You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?
I died on the altar waitin' for the proof."
Your phone light blinded you as you stared at Lee Chan's pointless apologies. You both had been struggling in your relationship for the last five months. You thought things were looking up until one of your best friends delivered the heartbreaking news that they saw him kissing a new stylist that started working for them ironically when things started to go shit. You felt many things. You felt betrayed, you felt hurt, you felt sick, you felt embarrassed. He swore he loved you, he pinkie swore he loved you not even three days ago. However, you trusted your best friend and you saw visual proof which was more proof or clues on how much he "loved" you. Even though it killed you, you texted back, "So Long, Iksan." before blocking his number and preparing yourself on officially getting over him.
#wonuwrites#seventeen#svt x reader#seventeen reactions#s coups x reader#jeonghan x reader#joshua x reader#jun x reader#hoshi x reader#wonwoo x reader#woozi x reader#dk x reader#dokyeom x reader#mingyu x reader#minghao x reader#the8 x reader#seungkwan x reader#vernon x reader#dino x reader#dino svt#taylor swift#ttpd#the tortured poets department
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All I Need | Renjun Imagine #6
Title: All I Need
Genre: Fluff, kinda angsty
Warnings: mentions of mental health, vague mentions of anxiety, a little suggestive, making out
Word Count: 531
Author's Note: This was a request from an anon, and technically my request box is closed. However, I thought the idea they gave was cute and thought it wouldn't hurt to write a little something for Renjun. I feel like I don't write enough stories where the reader is comforting the member, rather than vice versa. And I know Renjun won't see this (thank God), but I truly believe he deserves the world and I sincerely hope he's getting the rest he needs for his physical and mental health. I hope those who are also struggling are taking care of themselves too. Thank you for reading ^ ^
P.S. I have quite a few things I'm working on writing-wise so please look forward to my future works!
𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪
When you noticed Renjun’s declining mental health and encouraged him to take a break, you didn’t think he’d actually listen to your advice. You were aware of the concerns and disheartenment that came after the company’s announcement about him not participating in upcoming activities. Despite your boyfriend’s evident disappointment over not performing with his members, you were grateful for his decision to prioritize his well-being.
Shortly after the announcement was made, you headed over to his dorm in hopes of lifting his spirits. When a physically and emotionally exhausted Renjun opened the door to you holding a Moomin plushie and a grocery bag of ingredients for hot pot, he never felt more loved. Not a second was wasted before he was pulling you into a tight embrace.
“Thank you for being here with me,” he murmured, prompting a small smile to grace your lips.
Returning his hug, you rested your chin on his shoulder. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
For the first time in a while, the two of you enjoyed a quiet evening where you ate good food and caught up on your lives. After dinner, Renjun pulled you into his room for some much-needed cuddles. Nestled in his bed, you let him be the small spoon as he shared what had been troubling him lately.
“I wish I could take all your pain away,” you said quietly, subconsciously tracing the contours of his face.
The boy’s eyes glimmered with appreciation, and he relaxed under your touch. “Even if you could, I wouldn’t let you.”
Your lips parted to rebut his words but were stopped by a warm pair of lips pressing against yours. With widened eyes, you saw Renjun’s endearing expression after he pulled away.
“You’re all I need,” he whispered, before leaning in once more.
Admittedly, you thought the second kiss would be the last for the night. But Renjun didn’t stop this time, catching you a little off guard. Even though after a year of dating, intimacy had not been extensively explored in your relationship. Mainly because the both of you had boundaries and wanted to respect them, but this…this kiss that seemed to stretch on and on, and you didn’t hate it.
His lips moved slowly against yours, as his fingers traced feather-light patterns along your jawline. With gentle pressure, he tilted your chin upward for a better angle to deepen the kiss. Eventually, you stopped letting your thoughts distract you and gradually allowed yourself to surrender to the moment. Your hands found their way to his back, pulling him closer as you kissed back in hopes of conveying all the comfort you wanted to give him.
It was enticing, losing yourself in this shared intimacy. Then when you finally parted for air, you noticed the glisten of tears in Renjun’s eyes.
“I love you,” he whispered against your lips, “so very much.”
You smiled, feeling your eyes get glossy as well. “I love you too, Jun.”
He embraced you once more, holding you closer than ever. It was at this moment when you silently promised to stay by Renjun’s side forever.
If you were all he needed, then you were willing to give everything.
𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪
previous masterlist -> current masterlist
#nct dream#nctzen#kpop#czennie#nct dream imagines#nct dream fluff#nct dream scenarios#huang renjun#renjun x reader#renjun imagines#nct#renjun scenarios#renjun fluff#nct dream angst#renjunnie#injun
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Knuckle series is out!! Any thoughts? Does it affect your Jojo and Gang au?
Spoilers for the Knuckles series people! Avert your eyes children!
First, let's talk about the things I liked:
- Sonic and Tails were great for as little screen time as they had. And Maddie trying to be patient with Knuckles while also not strangling him was great, haha. As someone who worked at a Daycare, I related to her dealing with kids like Knuckles and Maddie's facial expressions when she was grounding Knuckles were on point. Also THEY HAVE A PLAIN BED FOR TAILS AND A TRUCK BED FOR KNUCKLES AHHHHH!!!!!
-Pachacamac is a Jedi Force ghost? Alright then. I don't know much about this character outside of Sonic X but I thought that he was fine. And Christopher Lloyd does a great job as usual.
-Wade was not terrible. I like how he has some character growth through the series and at the end he isn't a master warrior/fighter. He's still a goofball but now he's thinking things through and using what he has and his current surroundings to his advantage in a fight, and isn't just hiding and waiting for Knuckles to save him. But him breaking out of the cage in episode 4 was a bit ridiculous. What was that cage made of, cardboard? He really should have broken his hand or something.
-I liked the villains but I wish that we got to see them more involved in the story, especially the buyer. Who was menacing for about five minutes and then was crushed to death like, dang 0-0
-NANA WHIPPLE AND KNUCKLES SPINOFF SHOW PLEASE!!
-Knuckles was the best part of the show. He's the strong tough warrior but with a big heart and good intentions, though a bit misguided at times. Idris did a great job, nothing new there.
And now let's get into the things I didn't like:
-The show is %70 Wade bowling story and %30 Knuckles adjusting to earth and his backstory with Pachacamac and his tribe and his connection to the master emerald and everything else that the show should have been about. The Wade sub plot takes up so much time that we don't get to explore Knuckles. I wished that we had gotten to see him learn to appreciate and call Earth his new home instead of him just accepting it at the end. It just felt so rushed.
-Episode four wasn't awful but I didn't care for it. Also you can NOT show us the Flames of Disaster from '06 and not have Silver or Blaze show up. You can't do that >:(
-Knuckles and Maddie didn't get to have a heart to heart conversation which is what I and many others thought that was what the show was building up to. Also he never gets in trouble for running way and we never cut back to seeing Maddie or Sonic and Tails realizing Knuckles is gone, or even Sonic and Tails trying to cover for Knuckles. I get that the CGI was expensive and voice actor and actor schedules might not have worked out for it to happen, but my point still stands.
-Wanda was useless and you could have cut her out and lost nothing. Don't get me wrong, the actress is good but she feels wasted here. Her character is so annoying and serves no purpose other than to be mean to Wade. And why do we have to have the "siblings who hate each other but make up at the end" cliche? I would have liked Wanda more if she was nicer to Wade from the start and if they had a fun sibling bond with each other. Also if she was able to actually use her skills as an FBI agent to at least hold her own against the gang when they attack Nanna Whipple's house. Also the dad needed to be more comedically villainous, he was too generic.
-Like I said the villains here are fine but the Buyer's whole character is to just show up, have a cool robot fight, and die. We don't get to see him be a threat to Knuckles at all, he just appears for the climax and then is offed in a snap. And the two agents were fun but a lot of their dialogue was graining.
-And that leads me to the main problem with the series. The writing. I'm aware that the writers for the main movies didn't work much on this series, except Jeff did do the first episode. Which is why it's the best one. There is no balance between the jokes and the emotional moments. The show is so focused on trying to make you laugh every five minutes that it sacrifices genuine emotional growth for the characters especially for Knuckles. You know, the whole reason for the show existing in the first place. It suffers the same problems that the live action Ton and Jerry movie had, where the main stars weren't allowed to be the main stars of their film. All of the screen time there went to the human characters who weren't interesting or just plain annoying and mean.
And the dialogue for the show teeters back and forth between actually funny/well written and being dangerously close to obnoxious. And kids shows having jokes all the time isn't a problem. Rottmnt and the Lego Movies are both kid properties that fire off a joke every minute but they knew when to cut back and let the emotional moments shine. The jokes in the Knuckles show felt more like they were pandering to four year old's then actually trying to be funny and the emotional moments felt kind of forced.
I don't want to give any of the writers or anyone who worked on this show a hard time. I can see that everyone worked hard and had fun with this. And I had fun too. There were some good moments between Knuckles and Wade and even a few jokes that got me. But the problems I listed above are just to hard for me to ignore. If you liked the Knuckles series then great for you! I'm happy you were able to have a great time! But for me it was just ok.
Not great. But not bad either. 5/10.
Now, about this affecting Jojo and Gang. I think what I'll do is have comic take place a month after the Knuckles series. And use my AU to focus on Knuckles getting accustomed to Earth and learning to call it home. Basically my AU will do what the Knuckles series didn't.
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Pietà
#trigun#trigun maximum#trigun manga#trigun spoilers#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#vashwood#spoilers#Did it some time ago while reading trimax and didn't post it because I'm an idiot and forgot about it????#sooooo i'm posting it now because i miss stampede saturdays already MY GOD#anyway i had to cope with Wolfwood death in some ways since it ripped my fucking heart in the most cruel way#jesus... the way he screams and cries because HE'S HOME and then he dies with a gentle smile on his face#the way vash seems to mourn in silence and mantaining his composure#only to discover later that he actually had shortened his lifespan in a moment of pure grief and rage against knives arc#fucking poetic#i hate them so much i wish they had more time i wish they were happy they fucking deserved it fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#anyway iconographic religion imagery be upon ye i guess#oooooh there are so many christian paintings and sculptures to homosexualize :3c#chronart
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Steve is most likely to end up in a lavender marriage and Tony's most likely to end up in a “married for tax/immigration/inheritance fraud” reasons.
They meet as married men and pine for each other hardcore and are also trying not to read too much into how their interest seems reciprocated and oh nooooo both Immigration/the IRS and the the Church/in-laws/DADT era army dudes or whatever are snooping around at the same time at each of their marriages and they have to be so good at being married at the people they are married to oh noooooo and they other guy doesn’t know why they are suddenly being iced out and maybe they were just imagining things? maybe it’s for the best with all these eyes around on them…
#not to get too real but i love queer people. we see each other and we save each other#i wish i could talk in depth about this lgbtq history panel i went to tonight without doxxing myself#but basically all of these panelists were older gay ppl & one of them won a very monumental court case in the state#and right after introductions one of the other panelists turned to her and thanked her so profusely for the sacrifices she had made#and the work she did to win that case#and that by achieving that win for herself she paved the way for this other panelist to have her own family recognized legally by the state#i don't know i'm not explaining it well but something about knowing and seeing that gratitude in real time. understanding so viscerally tha#so much of our history has happened within one or two lifetimes. to the point that many of the champions of our current rights are alive#today for us to learn from and listen to and THANK#i met two nb ppl through school last year and have since become very close to them#they are the only two ppl on this planet who use my pronouns the way i want them to be used. they switch it up every time and i love them#a little bit more each time i hear them talk about me. it's magical#my childhood best friend told me he liked boys and girls like a month after we first met each other in the fourth grade#he told me there's a word for that; he's bisexual#i think abt how incredible that was a lot. how brave he was to say that and to own that and how long it might have taken me to figure#out that i was the same had he not said it.#anyway all this to say that yes absolutely i love this#steve and tony meet at a military gala. steve's being recognized for his service and tony and his wife were invited by some higher-up who#imagined he could use the event as a way to cozy up to him and earn some good favor before negotiations start on SI's contract renewal#their eyes meet while steve's up on stage. he hates these things. hates being dragged into the spotlight. he feels naked and bare and#vulnerable every time. trapped in enemy territory with no cover. but he sucks it up he kisses his wife on the cheek and she smiles#big and beautiful; perfect like they've run their lines 1000 times over. like they could recite each other's parts by heart#he makes his way to the podium. breathes deep to center himself before he launches into his thankless thank-yous. steve's a terrible liar#but somehow he's made it this far in his career. he can manage for one more night. except#right as he lifts his eyes to speak he sees him. bright eyes burning into his from a shadowed table in the corner. the brass speaking at hi#on his left and a lovely woman who's bored and unimpressed on his right. and him looking directly back at steve#steve's breath catches and he chokes on air. trips on his lines. forgets himself and loses the beat of the scene#he looks down at his notes and ignores them. raises his face to the light and plays himself to be seen by an audience of one.#anon#signed sealed delivered
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.
#Man fuck TikTok..#legit was#mindless scrolling until I hit a a TikTok that had pics of cast and it was all the celebs that were part of a tv show thay passed this year#and ofc included Angus and Matthew Perry were included#but the top comment was about angus and I just burst out crying because I miss him so much#wish I had more time and I wish he knew how much he meant for us and I hate he’s no longer here and I hate he’s gone#like i just had the worst fucking weekend in the world and like had to spend $500 on some new tires and then had to cancel a date#with this guy i really like and on tuesday it will be 4 months since he passed and im still not over it#i wish he was still here i dont wish he was suffering but like i wish he was still on the planet earth living the life he wanted to live#i wish he accomplished the goals he wanted to achieve#and i just wish he was still here for me for selfish reasons#idk tonight was my spiral moment after a long time#like i just can't stop crying and god i fucking miss angus#he deserved so much better and fuck man i want him back#but he's never coming back#never#and i hate 2023 with a burning passion#i want to go back in time and relive the moment when he was still in earth and appreciate them but i cant
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a heem heem whimper
#GOD. i miss him saurr bad 💔#i still see a lotta ppl hating on him and while he did feel a bit unnessecary as a love interest i genuinely found ron charming#LIKE. GUY FROM RIVAL COMPANY. HIM AND REAGAN'S RIVALRY IN EP 1??? i wish they kept that for longer and had them be idk.#enemies @ first then sort of rivals then do the relationship#...but maybe that's the point. maybe it's the fact that they went into it too soon. they didn't take much time to get to know eachother-#past their little adventure in bohemian grove. maybe they should have gone on a few dates first idk??#ron and reagan were never gonna work out. but that doesn't mean that ron wasn't a bad character. it just meant he wasn't right for reagan#she found a good distraction from rand raising hell on the company!! (they could have kept rand's villain arc on screen for longer tbh)#anyways. i love ron so much. i wish they could have kept him in the show... but maybe he's happier in appleton.#he loved reagan with all of his heart but their jobs were holding them back. they knew that.#...it's a bit sad that he didn't get much screentime BUT when he did he was just really cool#the show was focusing more on working through the main development of the characters and plot!! i get that!! but if there was 10 episodes -#in p2 instead of 8 it would have been pretty epic to have ron have screentime w/o reagan#SORRY FOR THE RANT I HAVE A LOTTA FEELINGS AB HIM ♡♡♡#anyways i want him.#ron staedtler
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I ended up reading The Price of the Phoenix and while it didn't make me want to bleach my eyes like Killing Time, I still didn't like it as much as I hoped I would. Don't get me wrong, the homoeroticism was intriguing to me, but the actual writing and storyline itself left me with a headache. I think I get my hopes up with these books, given all of the possibilities that the written word has for Trek, and it inevitably sets me up for disappointment lol
#if u liked it thats fine I just kind of hated it#star trek#The only ones Ive genuinely liked so far is STTMP and the one about Garak written by Andrew Robinson#i wish Roddenberry had written more. STTMP was no literary masterpiece but his writing style had a lot of potential and I feel that#he actually captured the characters authentically and you could relate to their feelings#Price of the Phoenix had all of this corny alpha male shit going on that almost made me feel#like the author just didn't know how to write men or something#Like they relied a lot on stereotypes of the time which sucked considering that Kirk and co. are supposed to be living in the future#the dialogue was clunky and even confusing at times#and the characters were just#idk. vapid to me#Like Kirk and Spock's love for each other is portrayed which is nice but basically everything else about them just didnt feel#accurately characterized or otherwise explored#it was basically just muliple chapters of several different versions of Kirk getting his ass kicked & this big weird villain dude taking up#space on the page with his plan to take over the universe or whatever#the reincarnation concept was intriguing but the themes just weren't clear enough for me#the end haha#sttos#k/s#review#price of the phoenix#well Im glad I read it anyway I was curious#i get kind of leary of certain K/S content TBF since a lot of it- esp around that time- comes off as voyeuristic towards M/M relationships#a lot of those ppl didnt exactly care about queer movements as much as they cared about seeing their two fictional favs fuck#yes there were queer writers but we didnt always exactly get center stage in these things#you can tell what is written with respect and whats just kinda. written. you feel me#i love K/S and its history but Im not gonna pretend all or even half of it was written with the intention of uplifting queer men#i ended up having more to say than I realized uhhhhhh to be continued at another date
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i do really fucking love not living in the town i went to high school in. there's only one goddamn person in that town i still like and i drive the hour it takes to visit him pretty regularly and i get to hear all the stupid drama that's going on with people and then i get to leave again. it's amazing
#HAND TO GOD I NEVER EVER STARTED SHIT ON PURPOSE IN THAT PLACE#Some People just really hated me for being semi confident and cringe and unbothered by them#I was always so nice. idek what I did. makes me a little sad I never wanted to piss ppl off but whatever! heehoo I got out and they didn't!#okay there was one girl I absolutely hated and did not hide it at all but she was the worst u have to believe me.#there r some people I wish I had stayed in contact with but at the same time. what can u do ig. life goes on#(Some People didn't like that I did better in the band-theater sector than they did. despite the fact they were a grade lower#and had all the chances I did to do the same as I did at the same pace as me. without overlapping. incredible behavior)#it bothered me I wanted to be his friend :(#to be frank I also was just kind of better than him and much more casual abt it but I DIGRESS. wanted to be his friend is all#ACTUALLY there r multiple ppl I still stay in contact w I just don't see them nearly as much/see those two w simon (bestie I visit)#hahshdjjdb this one girl I'm still friends with. okay so I was a little terrible to people and I was mean to her in middle school bc she#annoyed me but actually she's great and I tell her that regularly.. girl I adore u I'm so sorry 13y/o me was a bitch she was going thru it#...girl gender neutral. girl with nongirl traits. girl affectionate girl all pronouns with a she/her default
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losing the idgaf war
#kommento#// playing spltoon flopping at every level and dying yelling TAKE MEEE take my brain and cradle it nicely take me into your care#// successfully fading into obscurity because im not necessarily popular nd slandering my own name further so it's smeared in history books#// and my legacy dies an untimely death if I ever had one and leave nothing behind and this gas station dissappears into the fog#// that I couldn't be the one in people's mouths when they think about this One Guy that I was no competition to anyone else#// in this so-called 'community' that was so hostile and volatile to me because I had standards and I projected too hard for my own good#// not that ive been badgered or hurt or maimed or anything i dont think i would even still be in this hellhole if that ever were the case#// but im in this specific pocket of fndom are full of freaks and i want to appease most of them and make a name for myself#// —ambitious i know— majority of these people ARE freaks and so the people who are popular ARE freak themselves#// so techincally im trying to appeal to three people but i want more when it's technically not possible#// and im a little bitch so i hate the turnout ?? this is why i'll never be satisfied in here but ive been still kicking crying and going#// i wish i wasnt a hater i wish the things i dont want to see werent so physically revolting that my heart sinks and i see red#// i wish it was a more minor thing where im a hater for about 50% of it and i can Easily Dismiss it#// than hatership being a part of my personality#// that I've earned so little and lost so much but everyone and everything that I've loved is so genuine and real and too much#// that the stakes of doing something is so high like it's gambling itself that I'm not too sure I'm satisfied with my time here#// despite all the things I believed were good that's happened already#// that if I leave right now on the fickle decisiveness of the squirrel in my brain there would be things on this figurative bucket list I#// never have accomplished and I'm not too sure I can come back to do it because of my home that looks like war trenches itself#// all this time and love I've put into this world and I'm stubborn and selfish enough to believe I have not received what I am due#// and that this love and dedication was never received by enough people as I perceive#// sorry for being a baby's first but my time here in this pit of hell has been th absolute worst and most horrid of other fndoms I've been#// and while I practice the inherent belief I am the scum of the earth and the worst person alive#// and that I leave the things I love so much behind with wordless and meaningless abandonment#// I've made so much and shared so much that enough of my love was perceived by others and that#// I've at least left myself some things behind even if it has never reached others the way I humbly wished it to#// lmao like I'm writing an overly dramatic resignation letter and I leave it front desk and when I exit the building it#// either completely disappears behind me or keeps standing but stay unmaintained for the duration I'm gone#// people could still come and go or I could make it disappear myself. I think I've done a good job at making it easy to do that#// sorry for being dramatic ? idk how to give closure on this if the time ever comes or if this Is The Closure
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...
#tomorrow is the day the measurements start. the start of my 40+ days of torment. but idk im glad its finally here#i dont have to dread it anymore. hopefully its the last time i have to do these type of measurements#i was talking to my boss yesterday and she was like: oh last timr we were out i realized this might be ur last time doing lpi for thr rest#of ur life. and i was like god i hope so. bc thats a process where i crawl across the ground for 50m per transect and identify all the#plants and soil cover and for the life of me i cant fucking remember plant codes. i hate it bc i basically have to talk for like 3hrs and#have someone standing over my shoulder recording me and all the while my brain is screaminf at me bc field work doesnt count as real work#in my stupid brain. so yea ill do lpi and soil stability as benign torment in purgatory#but anyway. im hesitantly optimistic abt the measurements i have to take bc im going to try my best to make it ok bc i have school#interviews looming and i have to pretend im hanging on by more than a single thread ya kno#so we r going to b careful abt it. well at least well see how long it lasts. i also have tk find the time to read a bunch before interviews#while my brain is completely fried idk how. and do other lab stuff. sigh...#idk im probably going to take measurements all the way thru sunday and then monday see if i can fill out patent intake info with a psy#psychiatrist. and hope they take my insurance. i called and checked for providers and they were the only one in the area so shoulf b ok but#ya kno. god im barely a functional person. like the fact that i have to drive 8min down the road is very nearly enough for me to say fuck#it. id rather suffer forever. i just hate driving so much :-P#i just wish i could focus enough to make words make sense and justify the time i spend to learn things. agh#lmao im such an anxious person. a lab mate had a birthday today and my boss and a fellow lab member surprised her with a cake#and im v worried abt when my birthday happens. it wasnt so bad last time bc another birthday was also that week so the focus was off me a#lil but with my boss leaving this school i was like. yes. i escape the surprise gathering. but probably not. same for when i leave#genuinely i do not want a gathering. i just feel like im waiting for them to end. not that i dont like my lab mates but idk it feels so#artificial. and i feel awkward bc i never make eye contact or look at anyone in a way i think is typical bc i see ppl look at me#like turn their head to see my reaction to something and i just like fundamentally do not understand that impulse#whatever. what i want for my birthday or going away is to not attend the gathering. make it more like a wake lol#but i kno that wont happen. last year my boss asked whst i wanted and i said nothing and she said that wasnt allowed#im just so neurotic that if u try to do anything for me itll prob just upset me. but idk ppl like to give presents and stuff#and sometimes things arent all abt me. so i just gotta accept it and go cry abt it later#but thats like 3 months away so i dont kno why im so stressed abt it now. I've got more pressing things to stress abt#unrelated
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thinkin about that one kpop tweet that was like "when jaehyun gets a gf i'm not gonna act fake like the rest of y'all and say "i want her 😍" i'm going to kill myself" because they are the most genuine person i've ever heard from on the topic tbh. ik for a fact ppl just act fake when shit like that happens esp when they were super big "i wanna fuck him" fans before that lmao
#or the 'omg they're so cute!!' ppl. being happy for the person i get but don't lie to yourself and everyone else lmao#i say that but maybe they are being genuine and i don't get it because i am never genuine in that situation#in fact the only time i was happy for someone i wanted to fuck who got a gf was hyuna and dawn bc they're perfect for e/o#but i won't lie when i was obsessed w him before the truth got leaked i was really upset about the possibility of them dating 🙄#simply because i am a dipshit who needs everything to be mine and mine alone and if i express attraction in someone w a gf i get angry#at myself. this i think stems back to my best friend deciding to date my 2 year long crush because she was mad at me and he liked her#and she didn't even like him like that but she would go 'you should be happy for us if you like both of us! why are you so angry?'#even tho she was legit just doing it to MAKE ME ANGRY and then she dumped him a week later after i stopped being mad at her#and tried to be 'genuinely' happy for them#so idk. that was probably the worst thing she could've done to me because i don't think i'll ever get over it and it happened when we were#like. 10#anyways my point is that i may be a delusional freak but at least i don't lie to myself and everyone else abt it 🤷♀️#unless it was like almost a yr ago when i found out abt jrmas gf and i lied and said i was happy for him LMAO but i had to say that to move#on w/ my life and it didn't even end up working bc here i am writing more text posts about how i haven't moved on and i hate his gf for#existing. welllllll i'm a mean and volatile person and i overindulge myself in other people's business if i become obsessed so i was never#a good person but that's the long and short of it i guess.#i really wish i wasn't so stupid and didn't have to proclivity towards people who will never know who i am and never like me if they did#but i have genuinely only been this way and if u read my life like a book u would be disgusted and perturbed by what u saw#but tou would be drawing parallels about this back to the first fuckin chapter i can tell ya that much#idk ig i was right when i said that this would be the last time and that it's him or nobody for me because i just don't care anymore#i can't believe i've ever been stupid enough to think that i'd end up with someone just bc i was a fan of them#and yet she ended up with him as a fan so. just makes me see red but it's whatever LMAO#if u read all that i implore u to block me if you have any bad vibes bc this is just the kind of person i am and i'm sorry i weird u out#and if ya do. thank u for ur concern and i'm sorry i couldn't have been a kinder or more well adjusted person who was worth talking to...#in the end i guess i am just the obsessive weirdo that i have been since i was 6#it all just comes down to me not thinking she deserves him. i think if he stayed w kim i would've been fine and gotten over him normally#but he just had to fuck a fan huh#anyways i'll be fine no worries i just need to do hard drugs and die probably
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I take back... SOME of my negativity about fe:engage. Now that I'm out of prolog hell I have decided the fun eclipses the annoyances. For now.
#speculation nation#engage spoilers/#i still think the ring emblem thing is cheap#... but it also brought me a lot of joy to see and hear Celica again. same voice actress 😭 even if her sprite looks different (worse)#the real separating moment tho was when i went to the side summoning thing and mae showed up. i gasped a little ngl.#apparently i couldnt give less of a shit about marth or sigurd. but celica and the Valentia crew... 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i mean itd probably just be better to play echoes instead of engage if what is bringing me the most joy in this game is Valentia Crew#which. god i wish echoes was longer than it is. it's Easily my favorite fire emblem game#in characters. story. art. music. tactics (LOVE the battle maps)#there is not a single thing i dislike about echoes. aside from the length i guess. but really i just obsessively play it anytime i play#so it feels so short but i do dump a good 50 hours per game. so not Long but not short#ive replayed it like 3 times at least. and god i miss it. i always wanna play it more.#maybe my next game i should play on hard. i enjoy the challenge more lol#uhm. well. ok so engage is still incredibly lackluster in comparison to echoes. but really that's an impossible standard for it to meet. so#other thoughts: i HATE HATE HATE this princess' dress SO fucking much. i though alfred's fucking panteloons were stupid#but her fucking bulb dress is so much worse. and she's not even a healer!!!!! another squishy mage but with a sword too >:(#she came with celica which made it obvious she's meant as a celica copy. but at least celica can heal >:(#i wonder if alm is somewhere. probably in the land of strength??? if i had to guess at least.#ok but the princess' retainers... i actually kinda like them... their voices are actually decent! and that pegasus rider is... 😳#i desperately need another monk. current girl is decently useful as a healer but she is weak as FUCK#the punchy stuff seems cool but i never see it cause i gotta keep her off the front lines bc she's SQUISHY#im warming up to the twins. still hate their voices & i hate when theyre fanboying.#but removed from the protag theyre kind of sweet. plus passably useful in battle.#god i need another healer tho lmfao. pls @ the game give me another healer soon...
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