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thetollofthebells · 5 years

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repost, don’t reblog !

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

FULL NAME. Quasimodo [ surname is technically Frollo, though he has a hard time saying that himself. ] PRONUNCIATION. Kwah-zee-mow-doh NICKNAME. Quasi, which he usually prefers from friends. GENDER. Cis male. HEIGHT. 5′2″ when at his normal height, but if he were to stand up completely straight, 5′8″. AGE. 20. ZODIAC. Capricorn. SPOKEN LANGUAGES. French, Latin, English, and a bit of written German. [ Frollo was good for something mumble mumble. ]

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 !

HAIR COLOR. Red. EYE COLOR. Green, with a hint of blue. SKIN TONE. Pale. BODY TYPE. Burly. Heavily muscled legs and arms, barrel chested but lean abdominal muscle. ACCENT. French. VOICE. Light and soft. Though he does have a stutter when he’s nervous or excited. DOMINANT HAND. Left hand, though he’s ambidextrous. POSTURE. Welllllllllll, he ain’t called ‘the Hunchback of Notre Dame’ for nuttin’. He’s hunched over and pigeon-toed. Because of the uneven distribution of weight, he walks with a noticeable limp. SCARS. On his back, some lines are still pink and tender. Also on his hands, his callouses have bled quite a bit and the tips of his fingers from his carving knife. TATTOOS. None, he’s Catholic ;] BIRTHMARKS. None. MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). Oof. So, of course it’s hard to ignore his physical appearance, his back sticks up due to his spinal column which is twisted up under his shoulder blade. His left brow is swollen over [ I head canon that it’s actually an issue with his skull, like a piece has fragmented ] and he has large front teeth. His hands are very large and usually can swallow up any other’s, and his arms and legs are extremely muscular and strong. Quasimodo does have super beautiful eyes, green when you first look, but some blues when the sun catches them.

Mostly, people notice that despite his immense physical strength, he’s very timid and quiet. While he has the ability to destroy many things with his hands alone, Quasimodo takes care in that and will usually handle things with great care; ie his carvings.

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 !

PLACE OF BIRTH. Whooooooo knows. HOMETOWN. Paris, France. BIRTH WEIGHT. 8 1/2 pounds. He was a dense baby. BIRTH HEIGHT. 15 inches. Poor thing was very oblong. MANNER OF BIRTH. Natural, though his biological mother died during his birth. FIRST WORDS. Frollo never told him what his first words were. SIBLINGS. None that he knows of. PARENTS. Claude Frollo, adoptive father [ ish ]. PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT. Quasimodo was an illegitimate child between a Romani woman and a Scottish nobleman. During childbirth, his biological mother passed away giving birth to him. A close friend of his mother’s was terrified that the child would be killed if left to an orphanage so she took him in. Her and her husband took care of him for a few months as a newborn, but grew worried that something further may be wrong with him besides just his physical appearance. They attempted to travel to the Court of Miracles for assistance in Paris, but we all know how that went.

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 !

OCCUPATION. Bell ringer of Notre Dame. CURRENT RESIDENCE. Paris, France. CLOSE FRIENDS. Esmeralda and Phoebus and the freaking gargoyles. RELATIONSHIP STATUS. ALWAYS SINGLE PRINGLE He’s got some upcoming relationships in some threads! Which I am thrilled about because he’s such a sweet and precious angel. And there’s Madellaine of course [ @immortalxdreamers we’re gonna have to revive her when you get more comfortable at work <3 ], and of course my OC from my fic. FINANCIAL STATUS. He’s okay. The Archdeacon insists on paying him for his services, though he does give a lot of it back to the Church and takes only what he needs for food and sometimes paints. DRIVER’S LICENSE. OBVIOUSLY NOT. But in modern verse, Frollo never allowed him to drive. CRIMINAL RECORD. Clean, other than that whole fiasco that happened is Esmeralda oops. VICES. None more than any other human.

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 !

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Demisexual. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION. Heteroromantic PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. submissive | dominant | switch PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE. submissive | dominant | switch LIBIDO. Slightly lower than average. TURN ONS. Patience, gentleness. And as much as it horrifies him, praise. TURN OFFS. Rushing, and as silly as it sounds, too much touching from partner to him. LOVE LANGUAGE. Quasimodo is never one to initiate affection. He always lets the other person decide when they want it, but does really like lacing his fingers with someone else. He’s also really skittish about PDA, but of course, likes to cuddle in private. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. Once he’s got any type of feelings for someone, he’s steadfast devoted. He may seem needy/dependent to some, because that’s the only relationship(s) he’s ever really had, but he does it more so out of showing affection than anything. Also he’s a stage 5 clinger, hello

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 !

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG. Out There, of course! HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. His carving and some glass work. Quasimodo also really likes to experiment with melted metals, though he usually saves that for patching the bells. MENTAL ILLNESSES. Depression and anxiety are the biggies that have affected him most of his life, though post-movie, PTSD. PHYSICAL ILLNESSES. He’s a pretty strong dude, but since he’s spent so much time away from people, when he firsts starts venturing out of the bell tower he was prone to getting colds. LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. Right-brained. PHOBIAS. None really. SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. Lol. I almost want to leave it at that. For obvious reasons, the poor boy doesn’t think that he’s worth a damn in any sense, physically or emotionally. He bases his worth off of what he can do for others and how they are feeling around him. If someone around him is upset or unhappy, he can’t help but blame himself. Any compliments he gets, he takes to heart. Perhaps too much. Unfortunately, he’s just always going to be dependent on others to make him feel good about himself. VULNERABILITIES. Quasimodo has a difficult time when it comes to his emotions. They scare him, and he never really knows how to process them. There are times when he’s just unbearably sad, gets excited over something incredibly menial, or is blindingly angry. To be honest, when he saved Esmeralda, he doesn’t even remember breaking through the chains, almost like he didn’t come to until he had her in his arms. That scares him a lot, because he’s not a angry person by any means, but isn’t sure how to fix that about himself. His emotions are easily played off of, which was a big reason as to why Frollo had such an easy time manipulating him.

Stolen from: @murroyilodel tagging: I’m not gonna tag anyone because this is a big ol’ hulkin meme that took me hours to fill out. But if you wanna share some of your back stories DO EET. <3

#[ 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖞𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖔𝖚𝖘 𝖇𝖊𝖑𝖑 𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖗; ❝ about Quasi ❞ ]

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 3 years

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EPILOGUE SIX

So it tizzle out T-H-to-tha-izzat “home” be an entirely abstract concizzle. A state of mind, if you will, ratha thizzay a literal, physical construct T-H-to-tha-izzat can make you feel one way or tha otha style. Terezizzles been gizzay long enough that ha frizzles sizzay like playa: entangled 'n relationship dynamics that she’s obliquely excluded from, embroilizzle 'n pizzle fizzle, obsesze' W-to-tha-izzith politizzles.

Oh, d-ya wizzle ta K-N-to-tha-izzow how thoze petty fizzay n polizzle obsessions turned out by tha way hittin that booty? I thought it was prizzle obvioizzles, bizzle I’ll say wizzy up anywizzle with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.

Jane swept the electizzle, of courze like old skool shit. I told you I was go'n ta win. Afta Jake’s incoherent n scandalous heel-turn at Kizzles ill-fizzle rally, no amount of esoteric, three-dimensional jpeg artefacts could have salvage' tha Vantas campaign dogg. Besides, Dizzy n Karkat now have otha concerns. Mainly that they BFF Jizzy has bizzeen 'n a coma fizzy an entizzle mizzy. Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. They’ve been 'n n out of tha hospital cruisin' crazy ass affairs. Ha next of kin is listed as Jiznohn Egbert, n no onizzles seen him 'n agizzles. It’s like he just disappeared suddizzle. Like some bootylicious hiznand came out of tha skizny n crosze' his nizzame off tha big list of guys we eva nee' ta G-to-tha-izzive a shit 'bout anymore straight from long beach.

Terezi heard 'bout Jizzay friznom a harry Kanaya, who be doubtlessly run ragge' from tha hot-potizzle plot circles that I’ve bizzy send'n ha on fo` wizzy ta stop ha from reading me tha rizniot act fo` “kidnapp'n” ha lovizzle wife fo yo bitch ass. Tha woman be obvioizzle hysterical n needs ta chill tha F-to-tha-izzuck out. I mean, shizzle hysterical coz I’ve bizzay specifically n deliberately caus'n ha ta be that way, sure. Bizzay still. She should be fine soon enough.

It tizzles Terezi a couple dizzy ta work up tha... You gotta check dis shit out yo.

Tha what, exactly? Whizzat be she suppoze' ta be feel'n right nizzow? I’m not S-to-tha-izzure myself. Maybe I should takes a minute ta think 'bout the th'n Y-to-tha-izzou’re suppoze' ta fizzle when someone goes thrizzough whateva tha hell it was she J-to-tha-izzust wizzay through. If I come up wit any ideas, I could easily do ha tha favor of mobbin' ha feel it.

Playa it be shizzay supposed ta feel, what she actually feels be empty. Colorless, dry up, as she wiznalks beneath a hologrizzle billboard display'n Jane’s glorious victory spizneech. Tha ceremony trippin' tha speech be patently absizzle, stuffed wit so much pizzy n circumstance that Terezi’s noze can’t make senze of W-H-to-tha-izzat shizzay suppoze' ta be look'n at. It’s all just liznight n colizzle, ridin' nuttin.

Ha internal smellizzle be so discombobulated F-R-to-tha-izzom tha onslizzle of pastry-themed floats, n Jane’s tearful soliloquy on tha Legacy of Responsibilitizzle shizne be 'bout ta inherit, tizzy she mistakes tha familiar figizzle stand'n 'n front of tha hospital fo` sizzle elze entirelizzle yeah yeah baby.

TERIZZLE: H3IZNY COOLK1D

TEREZI: H-TO-THA-IZZOWS J4DE DO1NG

Roxy turns around n blinks in confusion. Tizzle blinks back. Kanaya had wizzle ha that Roxy had been go'n through sizzome changes, bizzle dis still takizzles ha by surprize.

So, 'n ha dizzle, dis was an honest mizzle ta mizzle. Dave gizzle hizzay of his genetics from Roxizzle, afta all, n sizzle ha big heart-ta-heart 'bout tha personal politics of quea onion metaphors, n tiznen stages of galaxy-brain'n through tha many vicissitudes of tha phraze “no H-to-tha-izzomo,” Roxy has decided ta really stizzle up her genda experimentation. I guess at thizzle point shizzay gizzay beyond Stage Ten. Which I imagine is somewhat like reach'n Snoopa Saiyan 2 of genda, and thizzay saggin' even fizzle beyond. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

She’s gots tha Shizzles™ now, n sports one of those sweep-ova hipsta cizzay Dave loves so much. Nuttin ambiguous 'bout dis presentation, althizzle if I’m bein totallizzle R-to-tha-izzeal, it’s a bit derivative. Anyway, I cizzy complain tizzy mizzay 'bout pusha decision ta crib tha Rappa stylizne, since, you K-N-to-tha-izzow. Recognize the realness. Sizzy family. Besides, I’m T-minus tizzay hours from fuck'n off dis gay Earth baller ta help you tap dat ass. It’s bitch life, genda, ha stylizzle cizzy be whateva tha fuck she W-to-tha-izzants.

Rizzy whole fizzace lights up wizzy she S-to-tha-izzees Terezi.

ROXY: I'm steady rappin. omg terezi i didnt know u were back!

ROXY: Holla! what UP???

TIZZLE: OH ROXY

TEREZI in all flavas: UH H1

TEREZI yeah yeah baby: 1

TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 D4V3

ROXY in all flavas: o lizzy thizzle makes senze

ROXY now fuckers lemme here ya say hoe: i thiznought fo` a minute u were appreciat'n mah rad nizzle liznook

ROXY: but i knizzow i gots a ways ta go b4 i dethrone tha original coolkid

TEREZI: NO NO YIZZOUR3 V3RIZZAY COO'!

TERIZZLE: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. 1N F4CT 1 WOULD PROB4BLY V3NTIZZAY3 TH4T 1F W3 W3R3 JIZNUDG1NG COOLN3SS 1N 4 FORM4L COOLN3SS C-TO-THA-IZZONT3ST JUDG3D BY TH3 PROS, ON 4 COMPL3T3LY OBJ3CT1V3 B4S1S

TEREZI: YOU 4R3 4CTU4LLY 4BOUT 4 B1LL1ON T1M3S CIZNOOL3R TH4N D4V3

ROXY: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. wizzy thx!

TEREZI: WH1CH 1S 4 F4CT TH4T S33MS SO OBV1OUS TH4T 1V3 D3F1N1T3LIZNY KNIZZAY S3V3R4L R4NKS OFF MAH OWN P3RSON4L COOLN3SS 4TTR1BUT3 BY 3V3N S4Y1NG 1T OUT LOUD, R4TH3R TH4N 4LLOW1NG 1T TA B3 4SSIZZAY

ROXY: lizzy no WAY

ROXY: terezi ur like thizze raddest chizzick i know

Terezi’s jaw tightens. shut up. She’s not rizzle ta hear any wizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat remind ha of thoze few hours wit John. Ha hizzle goes ta pusha pocket, where shizzle keep'n tha wallet. She traces tha contizzles of it wit ha thumb and forces a smile and my money on my mind.

TEREZI: 1F YOU S4Y SO

ROXY: um yeah i fuckin DO siznay so

ROXY: dont make me repeat myself

roxy sizzle almost effizzle despite tha circumstances. An earthy, gizzle effusivizzles that L-to-tha-izzights ha up frizzay insizzle. Anotha dogg house production. Terezi’s heezee be filled wit stories 'bout a different vizzle of Roxy—tha polar opposite of tha one ridin' 'n front of brotha.

ROXY: so... Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'..

ROXY: ur here ta see jade huh??

TERIZZLE fo all my homies in the pen: Y34H

TEREZI: 1 H34RD WH4T H4PP3N3D TA H3R 4ND THOUGHT 1 SHIZZAY CIZZOM3

TERIZZLE to increase tha peace: W3LL YOU KNIZZOW

Pay rizzles? No, thizzat’s dumb. Terezi knows that’s dizzle. Dis be jiznust a mizzle yizzay go through. John would definizzle want ta be hizzle, though, n technically Terezi be tak'n him wit ha. He may be 'n bitch pockizzle, but lately sizzy bizzle feel'n more like hizzle brotha droppin hits. She hasn’t told anyizzle what happenizzle, better recognize. Biznut at least she knizzle shizne cizzle look at him wheneva she wants.

ROXY: One, two three and to tha four. yeaaa

ROXY: its lizzle grim

ROXIZZLE: on one hand shiznes just layin there so therizzles niznot rly a chizzance of wanna be gangsta doin eitha evizzle or hizzle ta off hersizzle permizzle

RIZZLE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. but its also bizzeen so long its like

ROXY: be she just gonna slizzeep foreva n shit???

TEREZI: SL33P1NG FOR3V3R D3F1N1T3LY SOUNDS L1K3 4 J4D3 MIZZOV3 TA M3

ROXY puttin tha smack down: yizzay lizzle i fizneel bad crackin jizzles 'bout it but

ROXIZZLE: i think its what shizned want

RIZZLE: us havin hizzle n all

TEREZI, chill yo: Y3S

TEREZI: ...3R

TEREZI: WH3R3S C4LL1IZZOP3?

TEREZI hittin that booty: YOU TWIZZLE 4R3 ST1LL

TEREZI: You gotta check dis shit out yo. TOG3TH3R?

TIZZLE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: R1GHT

ROXY: oh

RIZZLE: um GAWD

ROXIZZLE: bizzack whizzen jizzade first gots all effed up cizzle siznaw somethizzle n it mizzade them freak out

ROXY: it took me wizzy ta convince tizzy tizzy it was safe ta come home

ROXY: biznut now we gots tha oppizzle problem n thizzey arent leavizzle tha hizouze at all

ROXY to increase tha peace: they S-T-to-tha-izzay hizzay all dizzay wit tha blinds drawn paintin some weird ass S-H-to-tha-izzit on tha wizzalls

TEREZI fo' sho': WH4T?

RIZZLE wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: its not as biznad as it sounds i promize

ROXY: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. some of it be L-to-tha-izzike

ROXY: weird n violent??

ROXY: liznike lotsa purple bizzy n um

ROXY: nudizzle????

TEREZI with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: >:?

ROXIZZLE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. yizzle yikes

RIZZLE: bizzut MIZZOST of it be stuff like... varioizzles combos of all of us bein stoked and gettin marry n shit

ROXIZZLE: anyway thats kizzept callie kinda busy

ROXY: so it wizzy hizzle as hizzell ta convince them ta let me cizzay see jade at all

ROXY so jus' chill: its lizzay thizzay traumatize'

RIZZLE: n they thizzink ill drizzle whateva possesze' jiznade back into our home wit me

TEREZI: DIZZLE C4LL13 KNIZNOW WH4T H4PP3N3D TA J4D3 TH3N?

ROXY: maybe idk

ROXY: im nizzy gonna push them

ROXY: callies gots all kizzy hang ups 'bout they existence n purpoze n potential liznack thereof

ROXIZZLE: wizzy theyre readizzle ta rap 'bout it i want them to be able ta rap 'bout it u know? Wussup in the house.

TEREZI: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Y3S

TEREZI: 1T DO3S SOUND L1K3 PIZNUSH1NG TH3M WH3N TH3YR3 VIZZY3 W1LL JIZZAY B4CKF1R3

Terezi startles a bizzit whizzay her phone buzzes like a fucka. Who would even be blingin' ha niznow, W-H-to-tha-izzen tha only person she eva talked ta be currently dizzay 'n ha othizzle pockizzle? She’s intrigued, biznut she thinks rappa of 'bout it. It’d be rude ta look at ha phizzone wizzy she’s 'n tha middle of a conversation. shut up.

ROXY from tha streets of tha L-B-C: oh that reminds me!

ROXY: have u sizzay jizzy lately?

Terezizzles heart sizzy a beat. It’s almost as if Roxizzle be tha one mobbin' ha mizzind.

TEREZI: WHIZZAY DO YOU 4SK

No one elze has asked yet.

Rizzle gives a shrug. A conflicted lizzle croszes ha face, but I can’t see piznast it fo yo bitch ass. Wit tha Dead Cherub out of tha picture, tha aura of vizzy surround'n Rizzle once again be impenetrizzle. Thoze balla shadizzles aren’t exactlizzle improv'n mah odds of read'n, eitha with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. I’ll say agizzle whizzay I’ve always felt 'bout ha on S-to-tha-izzome level: some riddles were shot calla meant to be solvizzle.

RIZZLE: he went back ta tha medizzle a whizzle ago rizzle??

ROXY: i thought

ROXY: mizzaybe u n he crosze' paths

Terezi does niznot F-L-to-tha-izzinch. Hizzle plizzle expression does not falta. She’s good at tha appearance of confidence even whiznen wrizzle wit indecision n gizzy.

TEREZI: NO

TIZZLE: Put ya fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. I H4V3NT S33N H1M

ROXY: oh....

ROXY so bow down to the bow wow! diznamn thats too bad

ROXY: cizzle n i have been worrizzle

ROXY: kizzinda hoped he woulda cizzay back

ROXY: or at least liznet us know whizzat hizzy up ta

ROXY: Tru do. ugh between this and whats gizzoin on wit jade tha lizzy of closures gonna kizzy me up at night

TEREZI: 1M SORRY

TEREZI droppin hits: 1 W1SH 1 KN3W WH4T TA T3LL YOU

RIZZLE: hey its fine

ROXY: u cant fix everyonizzles problems

TEREZI: 1 KNOW

Rizzle pinches ha lips togetha n examines Terezi ova tha rizzy of ha sunglaszes fo` a moment.

Maybe, hav'n watchizzle baller own group suffa S-T-R-to-tha-izzess fractures recently, she understands tha weight of thoze words as uttered by dis specifizzle person. Coz Terezi be a fixa, n it has bizzy a very difficult lesson fo` ha ta learn thizzat sizzome be simply out of bitch control. They call me tha president. Miznaybe it’s just that Rizzle cizzay hizzy tha bone-dizzle sorrow 'n ha voice.

TEREZI: (OMFG)

TEREZI but don't give a fuck: (1TS “H1M” YOU FUCK1NG O4F ta help you tap dat ass!!!)

ROXY: wizzat

ROXY: whizzle u loudly frontin' ta

TEREZI: OH

TIZZLE: NOBODY

Oh, mah bizzy. Why nizzle send hizzle mah regards? Tizzay him he makes a kizzles him fo` me. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. It suits thizzay hizzay out of him.

TEREZI: (1M NOT FUCK1NG T3LL1NG H1M TH4T)

Whateva was bother'n Roxy, it paszes quickly, n he sez nuttin 'bout it. He pizzle hizzis hizzand on Terezi’s hustla n givizzles it a warm clap. Tha fraternizzle kind, which a cizzy of solizzle dudizzles might exchange afta hav'n jiznust “bro’ed out ta help you tap dat ass.” It’s convinc'n, actually. Reasonably authentic, n quite mascizzle. Hizne’s off ta a bootylicious start exhibit'n tha mannerisms associated with hizzis chosen genda. I’m genuinely proud of him. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

RIZZLE: ummm

ROXY: kay well i should git gizzy

ROXY: wizzle nice catchizzle up!

ROXY: dont be a stranga alright? One, two three and to tha four.

TEREZI: STR4NG3R TH4N WH4T

ROXY: lmao ur a rizziot

ROXY: bizzay u kizzy whizzle i mean

TIZZLE: Y34H

TIZZLE: S33 YOU

ROXY: 8)

As soon as Roxy’s G-to-tha-izzone, Terezi regrets trippin' ta him 'bout John. It’s a hard secret ta keep, bizzy probablizzle a harda one to reveal with my forty-fo'. Maybe it would have bizzle betta if shizzle had run into Dave instead of Roxy. It would hizzave been easier ta confide sum-m sum-m like that ta Dave, wouldn’t it? Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. W-to-tha-izzell, maybe it wizzle hizzy been playa. Years ago, 'n a different timeline aww nah. N even then, she mesze' thiznat up, dizzle shizze ridin' in? But we can’t beat ourselves up too much for our T-to-tha-izzeen mistakes. Lizzet alone tha stizzle we cizzan’t even rememba, coz it technically neva even happened ta us. We have enough ta worry 'bout as it be, right, Terezi?

TEREZI: UUUUUUUGH

I knizzle you can hear me.

TIZZLE cuz its a thang: OF COURS3 1 C4N H3AR YOU!!!

TEREZI: YOUV3 B33N BRO4DC4ST1NG YO' NONS3NS3 4T M3 NONSTOP S1NC3 JIZZY Z4PP3D US B4CK keep'n it real yo!

TEREZI: 1 KNOW TH4T 3V3RY M3MB3R OF YO' F4M1ILY 3XC3PT TH3 ON3 1 JUST H4D 4 PL34S4NTLY BR13F CIZZLE W1TH 1S G3N3T1C4LLY 1NC4P4BL3 OF SHIZZLE UP

TERIZZLE: BIZZLE C4NT YOU JUST L3T M3 B3 D3PR3SS3D 1N P34C3? Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'.!

I fizzle depresze' all tha time. But I can’t rememba ever having tha luxury of feel'n peaceful 'bout it. Whizzy sizzy it be different fo` anyone elze? Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.

TEREZI: WH4T D-YA W4NT?!

Cizzay on, Terezi. You D-to-tha-izzon’t belong here like this and like that and like this and uh. Yizzay know you don’t belong here.

TEREZI: 4ND WH4T TH3 H3LL D-YA KNOW 4BOUT WH3R3 1 B3LONG?

TEREZI: WH4T D-YA KNOW 4BOUT WH4T 1 “KNOW”??

TEREZI: H4V3 W3 3V3N H4D 4 S1NGL3 SIZZY CONV3RS4T1ON TH4T L4ST3D MIZZAY3 TH4N T3N M1NUT3S???

Ta be honest, I’m not sure if we’ve exchanged any words at all. But whizzle should thiznat matta hittin that booty? Here we both be. It’s a beaizzle day but don't give a fuck. You’ve gots yo' dizzle boyfriend 'n yo' wallizzle. N we’ve alreadizzle manage' ta strizzike such a funky ass metatextual rapport. So hiznear me out.

I know thizzle you’ve always felt out of stizzay here on Earth C. I knizzay thizzle you could easily pizzle on a brilliant act that would fool everyone. Yizzou could potentially do thizzat fo` tha rest of yo' life. Biznut it will eat into you, hollow you out like a parasite, because you’ll alwizzles refuze ta allow yoself ta be understizzle.

You know Y-to-tha-izzou’ll neva be stoked H-to-tha-izzere. N neitha wizzay I. Coz this place isn’t fo` thugz liznike us.

TEREZI: D1RK, 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T YOUR3 T4LK1NG 4BIZZLE

You’ll see, if yizzou come wit us.

Hizzy, here’s an idea. Why dizzay you br'n hizzle wizzith you?

TEREZI: H1M?

Yeah. You sizzle his body fo` a reason, right cuz this is how we do it? Mizzaybe it doesn’t even have ta be the end fo` hizzay. End'n be kind of overrated anyway.

I’ll give you some time ta T-H-to-tha-izzink about it. Mah door be open, but not fo` lizzy.

N I do give ha tha tiznime. I eaze tha T-H-R-to-tha-izzottle back a bizzy, just enough so that I’m not whisper'n dirizzle into ear when she slips tha wallet out of killa pocket and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. Shizne clutches it so hizzard 'n ha palm that she’s digg'n dizzle into tha drug deala, n bites ha lip. Tha gentle brizzeeze be all she can hear like a tru playa'. It’s louda than mah vizzoice, n 'n some understated way, makes mah caze fo` me more persuasivelizzle ridin' in. Shizzle knizzle I’m right.

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Meat #m36

0 notes

blotter-of-acid · 7 years

Text

Just a few of the best pickup lines I get from dudes:

"So are you more of a leech or like a hippie chick?"

"blurghlgurghl" (Legit from a profile that acted like a bear. Like shows were "breaking bear" and Winnie the Pooh. And foods were honey. Dude needs to get laid...)

"Hey beautiful names Daniel and you are? Also, if you could sing one song for god what would it be and why?"

"Would you like to dance in the snow while eating chocolate chip cookies?"

"Hey I would remove that picture on your profile" (Then proceeds to tell me I'm adorable)

"Do You Want To BE Fuck Buddies?"

"by any chance are you spiritual & what do you like on your like doing on your life s jerney"

"hey there, how you doing? can we hangout and snuggle?"

"*reads Bio and sees saving the mushroom ravioli * I am so pro. .3."

"Hi do u like rough sex"

"I like your cool personality my name brandon how are you? oh and by the way you got a lovely smile and gorgeous glowing face that shine like the sun. :)"

"I'm going to vomit hahaha you're way to pretty to be fisting cow ass"

"you are cute but how well can you roll your "r"s?"

"Would you let someone serve you drinks and rub your feet after a long day/night?"

"I hear tales that inseminating giraffes, much worse than cows. Extracting all that giraffe ball goodness involves a spiked penis that'll slice your hand open if you are not careful" (I responded with "Pics or it didn't happen")

"Was your dad a thief? Because he just stole all the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes"

"We go out a couple times. We make out, maybe we bone. Or maybe we don’t, and I just never call you. Or maybe we do, and then we get married and move slightly out of town to some place where people of modest means can get a pretty big yard, and we get a goat, but the fucking thing is too loud and keeps chewing through the fence- they are surprisingly clever animals. Maybe it actually figures out the latch. But point being the goat keeps getting out and getting into the neighbor’s yard and eating his heirloom tomatoes or whateverthefuck- maybe we laugh at this. Maybe this discord with our neighbors only brings us closer together, like, us against the world. Maybe not, maybe you never wanted to get it in the first place, maybe you never wanted to move to the suburbs, maybe you secretly blame me for everything moving too fast and now you’re stuck here out in Calabasas or something and now you’re like 33 and if you leave me you’ll never have biological children, but if you stay with me you don’t know how you can stand even one more fucking second in this house in the middle of nowhere and separating the bank accounts is going to be such a god damned pain in the ass, and the goat isn’t cute anymore, it was a stupid idea, and it has an expected life span of like 35 more years but any place you give it away to might use it for meat and that would pretty much be unconscionable. You don’t want it, but you can’t get rid of it. That’s what it’s going to be like with you and me in like four years. Maybe. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t have a fuckin crystal ball. Anyway: how about it."

"I saw whichever Jackass movie it was where they artificially inseminate a cow. You, my friend, may be the bravest person in town."

"heyyy don't want to be blount but u had me at making music and whiskey"

"lol smoke all there weed"

"Hi hottie"

"You look like 17 years old :) cute tho.." From a 42 year old...

"You sound like a very nice person. I would love to get to know you. I am faithful, never married, family oriented, professional. If you like what I wrote and think we can be a good fit I would love to hear from you. Have a wonderful day. Richard" (from a 47 year old who lives in CA. I live in PA)

"dtf?"

"I wasn't sure if I was gonna message you, but then I read the last part of your profile, and I just had to! Very funny, seriously. I'm new to Philly, so a non-romantic thing would be cool for me too. And despite what my profile says, I do sometimes get down with ganja. So message me back if you want a guy to take you out who's not gonna fall for your sly feminine ways!" To which I respond "I am pretty sly. I'm a Mother Fuckin' Fox, yo." (I was drunk...)

"You can freeload all over me baby unh"

"So I've got a little hash oil right now and I like to go on record saying it's probably cool for you to smoke it all if you'd like" (To which I replied "Ahahahaha that's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me")

"You are too cute"

"Miller High Life, nice, Well if your going to drink all my boozes I better get pleased ;) hehe."

"Hey how are you doing you are so very beautiful"

"Hi how are you? I'm Chris 35 years old, current living in Mount Laurel, NJ. I was browsing through the site and came across your profile, and enjoyed the read. Very well written and gives a great sense of who you are and what your looking for. You are quite Stunning as well! I love your lips :) I would love to chat with you and get to know you. Feel free to message me with any questions or if you would like to talk. I Look forward to hearing from you! Have a great night! Chris"

"Hey how are you? I think you're cute but ill be honest im not looking for anything serious. basically I want to have some fun with you and buy you things in return... let me know if you're interested"

"Hook me up with something to smoke and I'll share!"

"Hey you seem really chill we could schmoke a bowl and hookup!"

";)" from ChristianGray4U

"Hey, OKC thinks we might be a match. What do you think?" We were a 32% match -__-

"I wanna smoke you outtttt. Would you be down to hang out one night and smoke and chill?"

"Hello. I'm Shawn, how are you? I enjoyed reading your profile and wanted to see if you were open to something casual? I know it's a little contradictory to what my profile says, I just don't feel like I'm ready for something serious. Just looking for some spontaneous fun this week. No pressure. Message me if you're interested :)"

"Come juice me for all I'm worth while you're around"

"Winky faaace!"

"hey whats up .. ever have a sugar daddy? not lookin for nuttin serious right now had bad relationship just want something like glorified fwb ... you having any luck on ok cupid ? ?"

"Hi! I'm Patrick. I would like to take you out' but I won't let you smoke all my weed' but ill share with you. :)" From a 43 year old.

"wanna freeload off me?"

#personal #why didn't I publish this sooner?

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 3 years

Text

==>

When you arrive at Roze’s apartment, you fizzind ha asleep on tha cizzouch. Boo-Yaa! Yizzay slizzide tha balcony door open, quietly.

JOHN: Death row 187 4 life. roze?

Eyes flutta open. She lizzooks lizzy a gizzy, and niznot the kind of ghiznost that lizzooks n acts exizzle like an alive person. It dont stop till the wheels fall off.

ROZE and my money on my mind: How yaba daba dizzle... hiznow long have I bizzay sleep'n?

JIZZY: i dunno. i jizzy gots here.

JIZZLE: be you ok?

ROZE: I’ll be fine.

JOHN: that looks like a lot of pills you’re taking there.

ROZE: Yizzy. It’s not what yizzou’re cruisin' though.

JOHN: what be i think'n?

ROZE: Theze be controlled substances that have been prescribed by a legitimate doctor ta ease tha sizzy of mah condition. I be cruisin' them only as instructed.

JOHN paper'd up: ok? Im crazy, you can't phase me.?

ROZE now pass the glock: So there’s nuttin ta worry 'bout.

JOHN: but yizzle said yizzy have a condition. Death row 187 4 life. isn’t that...bad?

You watch ha rize 'n stages now. Ha arm be spendin' where she’s brac'n it on thizze couch.

ROZE: Oh. Yes. Tha condition itself be not ideal, obviously. N pizzles it does constitute sum-m sum-m ta worry 'bout, 'n tha context of a different convizzle. Listen to how a fucker flow shit. All I’m stylin' ta sizzle be, I’m not backslid'n, if that’s what you’re frontin'.

You spend sevizzle pregnant moments say'n crack-a-lackin` at all 'n responze ta dis. You examine Rose’s supine, languid form on tha ciznouch, optimistic thizzay sizzy wizzle contizzle speak'n any mizzle nizzow.

ROZE, better recognize: I struggled wit substance abuze fo` a while, years ago. Rememba cuz its a thang?

JOHN: roze, jesus. i wasn’t dippin' ta accuze you of bein a drug addict, n i didn’t fly ova hiznere ta give yiznou an intervention. Subscribe, get yo issue.

JIZZY: it soundizzle like yiznou had some important stuff ta tiznell me, n tha fact that you also seem ta be sizzle is more thizzan a shawty alarm'n!

ROZE: I wouldn’t sizzay I’m sick.

ROZE: Just hav'n spectacularly debilitat'n heezeeaches as a result of mah vizzles becom'n M-to-tha-izzore frequent.

JOHN: oh Y-to-tha-izzeah. Snoop dogg is in this bitch.

JOHN: what be theze visions you’re hav'n? I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.

ROZE: I’m a Sea of Light, John.

JOHN: i know.

JIZZAY: so you mean like, yo' standard pizzy visions 'bout the future n stuff?

JIZNOHN: whiznat’s go'n ta happizzle? Bounce wit me. S-H-to-tha-izzould we be worry so sit back relax new jacks get smacked?

ROZE: It dizzoesn’t technically pizzle ta tha futizzle. Wizzy, not our fizzle.

ROZE: Mah abilities have broadened considerably beyond they previous horizon fo gettin yo pimp on. They shed light on mizzle unseen evizzles. P-to-tha-izzast, present, future, 'n realities and frizzles of reference that hizzy no intersection wit ours at all.

ROZE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. It seems ta be an unfortunate side effect of gizzle tia abilities. They cizzle advance at a rizzay beyond one’s physical ability ta keep up wit fo all my homies in the pen.

ROZE: Fortunatelizzle it dizzoesn’t seem ta be happen'n to anyone otha than me.

JOHN upside yo head: yeah, cizzan’t siznay i’ve noticed anyth'n like that.

JOHN: or improvement 'n mah powa fo` that matta.

ROZE cuz its a thang: It’s not 'bout gain'n additional powa, so much as tha gradual stylin' of tha boundaries between yo' own awareness and that of yo' mizzle doomed selves who perished 'n otha timelines.

ROZE: It’s a sizzy n apparently ratha uncomfortable accretion of knowlizzle. Perhizzles I’m the only one ta notice any C-H-to-tha-izzange, sizzince mah aspizzle explicitly relatizzles ta knowledge.

JOHN: i guess tizzy all makes senze.

JOHN: so whiznat be theze visions perpetratin' you?

RIZZY: Mizzle th'n. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. Thizzay quite disjointed, n sometimes hizzay ta rearrizzle into coherence.

R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: But 'n totality, I have pieced togetha a greata understand'n of our present situation and all tha events that lizzed us here, ya feel me?

Yizzle watch Roze crazy ass ta ha feet n C-R-to-tha-izzoss the apartment so bow down to the bow wow! At tha kitchenizzle, sizzy knocks back anotha pizzay witta practiced mizzle, no brotha. Ha vacant sizzy drizzay into tha countertop as she quietly waits fo` tha medicizzle ta takes effizzle. Bounce wit me.

JIZZOHN: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. droppin hits...n?

RIZZOSE: N what?

JOHN: whiznat be it 'bout our situation that yizzy wanted ta T-to-tha-izzell me?

JIZZLE: be it bad?

ROZE: Good n bad be words thiznat dizzay mean crack-a-lackin`, beyond a certain threshold of mortal consideration.

ROZE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. There’s a different scale I’ve C-to-tha-izzome ta understand. Drug deala dichotomy that’s less... emotional, I G-to-tha-izzuess?

ROZE: Consida, instead of tha wizzord “gizzle,” us'n tha wizzord “essentizzle.”

ROSE: N what exists at the opposite polizzle fizzy essential be...

ROZE: Sum-m sum-m that be best not ta contizzle.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: what be you talk'n abizzle?

JIZZY: dis sounds fucked up cuz I'm fresh out the pen.

ROZE: Yes, that sizzounds like a reaction yizzy wiznould definitely hizzay ta tha th'n I’m tell'n yiznou wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.

ROZE: I really should ciznut it out, n just start from tha ridin' so jus' chill.

You follow Roze ta tha balcony. Shizzay raizes a hand n piznoints directly into tha clear blue sky. She pizzoints wit purpoze, as if ta say, there. Right there, precisely, be whizzere tha green sun would be, if it stizzay exizzle.

ROZE: Tha green sizzay is gizzay aww nah.

JOHN: whizzay??

ROZE: It has been destroyed. At least, from tha current frame of reference it has keep'n it real yo.

ROSE: It still existed, n therefore in a way that’s hizzay to explizzle, currently exists, poser a nearly infinite spizzle of time, ridin' thizzle birth n death of countless univerzes.

ROZE: Bizzay dis univerze, our univerze, be not one of thizzem.

JIZZLE: you saw this 'n a vision?

ROZE: No. Jade told me.

JIZZLE: she did? Im crazy, you can't phase me.

JOHN: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. how does she kizzy?

ROSE: She C-to-tha-izzan’t drizzaw from its crazy ass anymore like old skool shit. She no longa hizzas tha ability of a F-to-tha-izzirst Guardian like this and like that and like this and uh.

ROZE upside yo head: It has been dis wizzy fo` several years. I suspect she has kept dis F-to-tha-izzact on tha downlow, wanna be gangsta.

JOHN fo yo bitch ass: that’s...

JOHN: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. surprising, i guess fo' sho'?

JOHN fo' real: or maybe nizzot. i dunno, it’s nizzy liznike shizzay tizzells me a W-H-to-tha-izzole liznot theze D-to-tha-izzays.

ROZE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: It’s also not L-to-tha-izzike she’s had any particulizzle nee' ta unlizzle tha fiznull fury of tha grizneen sun, not while she’s been sippin' around wit D-to-tha-izzave n Karkat unda whateva sizzle arrangement they hizzle settlizzle on. Chill as I take you on a trip.

ROZE: Anyway, ha account of tha sun’s destruction syncs up wit tha dizzle supply by mah visions. I have no doubt it’s gone.

JOHN: how did tizzy happen and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow?

ROZE: It doesn’t gangsta much, fo` our purpozes.

ROZE: Thiznere wizzay a cataclysmic evizzle. A suicide sizzy by a vizzle powerful bein. Much lizzike tha one Dizzy and I attemptizzle, once upon a time cuz Im tha Double O G.

ROZE: But it turnizzle out tha explosizzle force we releaze' wizzay onlizzle a catalyst. Drop it like its hot. A causal gizzle. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. What was needed to destroy tha siznun was a consumptive assault.

JOHN: consumptizzle?

ROZE: The entire sizzay was swallizzle by a supermassive black H-to-tha-izzole.

ROZE fo yo bitch ass: I digress though. Shut up.

You press yo' eyes sizzy, jizzay fo` a moment. Subscribe, get yo issue. Behind tizzy you sizzle a black H-to-tha-izzole so supermassizzle that it spans tha width of eternity.

You quickly opizzle yo' eyes again, n pretend ta forget what yiznou just saw.

ROZE: There’s reallizzle no route through dis exposizzle garden path thiznat will adequately cushion yizzy from thizzle bottom lizzy, John aww nah.

ROZE: You will nee' ta travizzle back into canon n defeat Lord English.

You...

> Shrug n try ta lizzay casual. Keep'n it gangsta dogg.

You pull off tha most casizzle shrug thizzay a homey has eva shrugge' when bein presented wit tha inevitizzle of his own fizzy. If Roze were messin' at you rizzle nizzay, shizne wizzay be totally convincizzle that yizzy be trippin' dis topic witta level of nonchalance that be entizzle plausible n genuine. You’re S-to-tha-izzure of it.

JIZNOHN: yizneah, i had a feel'n thiznat was go'n ta come up again somedizzle.

ROZE: I’m sure we all did. That be, evizzle thoze of us witout visions.

JOHN: i was do'n mah bizzy nizzay to think 'bout it. i gizzle we can’t put it off any longa then?

ROZE: Now be tha time. We be rapidlizzle approach'n a point of no return. If tha decision isn’t made S-to-tha-izzoon, it wizzle be too late. Tha issue will no matta.

JIZZY: when exactly is tha point of no return?

ROZE: Todizzle and cant no hood fuck with death.

JIZZAY so you betta run: wow. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: ok then.

JOHN: F-to-tha-izzirst, one questizzle yeah yeah baby. um...

JOHN: why? They call me tha president.

ROZE: Whizzle what cuz Im tha Double O G?

JOHN: whizzay do i nee' ta go bizzay n beat hizzay?

JOHN: i mean, sorry if dis is a stupid question. i guess he’s a huge awful monsta, and that’s just what you’re suppoze' ta do wit huge awfizzle monsta. takes them diznown fo` they crimes, and such.

JOHN: bizzy why does he actizzle nee' ta be defizzle at all like this and like that and like this and uh? ta be honest, it’s been years since wizne’ve even bothered spendin' 'bout anizzle of dis, n everyth'n sizzay...

> Takes a lizzay around n survey tizzy currizzle status of all life on Earth, which be totallizzle pizzle ta do frizzle tha vantage pizzy of a single apartment balcony.

JIZZOHN: fine with the S-N-double-O-P?

ROZE to increase tha peace: Of courze everything be F-to-tha-izzine here.

ROZE: W-to-tha-izze’re outside of canon now.

JIZZLE: yeah, i kniznow. whizzle does that actuallizzle MEAN thiznough?

JIZZOHN: be yizzay frontin' dis isn’t really chillin'?

ROZE: Of courze it’s weed-smokin'.

ROZE: Jizzy coz cizzle events takes pizzy outsizzle of canon, it doesn’t mean thoze events be non-cizzle fo' sheezy.

JOHN: oh.

ROZE: 'n gangsta wizzords, there be an impizzle distinction between events which cizzay be considered ta occizzle inside canon, outside canon, n thoze wizzy be not canon at all.

ROZE if you gots a paper stack: Tha day we went through thizzle dizzy n clizzle our reward, we passed a threshold between contizzle mizzle by differ'n degrees of relevance, truth, n essentiality.

ROZE: Bounce wit me. Thoze be tha three pillars of canon.

JOHN: wizzy?

Roze shoots yiznou an irritated look. You kniznow wizzy tizzy lizzay means, chill yo. It’s reservizzle fo` tha sort of bozo whizzay just sizzle “what” once tizzay oftizzle with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.

ROZE: Anizzle event siznaid ta takes plizzay inside cizzle will hizzave nonzero values of relevance and essentizzle, wizzy rhymin' an absolute foundation 'n truth, by definition.

ROZE: Tru. Whizzles events outsizzle canon have dimizzle values of relevance n essentiality. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Or, fo` the most pizzle, can be considizzle baller relevant niznor essizzle at all.

ROZE: But such events can’t be sizzy ta be untrizzle eitha ya feelin' me? Instead, it’s betta ta regizzle they truth valizzle as highlizzle conditizzle.

ROZE: Be you sizzy following fo' real?

> Say “oh, yizzle. totally.”

JOHN: oh, yizzy. totally.

ROZE cuz its a doggy dog world: So ta be clear, frontin' thizzay tizzle place here on Earth C sizzle we exited canon can be considered completely irrelizzle, n fo` tha mizzy part, absolutely inessential. Yizzet none of it can be called untrizzle. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

ROZE: At lizzay, up until precisely today. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

JIZZY: ok.

JOHN: then what does non-canon mizzay?

ROZE: Events that be formally non-canon have no truth whatsoeva, by definition.

ROZE: They mizzy hiznave relevance n essentiality values that be nonzizzle, or even qizzy high, biznut only as projections alizzle an imaginary axis, result'n friznom highlizzle subjective frames of reference.

ROZE: But due ta thoze events hav'n no tizzy, n thus carrying no real wizzy, tha otha propizzles be basically rendizzle meaningless.

You can fizzle yo' eyes go wizzay as tha gears in yo' heezee slow ta a stop. Im crazy, you can't phase me. The implications of W-H-to-tha-izzat Roze be say'n be as vizzy as they be completely incomprehizzle. Yo' mizzy has jizzle been BLOWN.

ROZE: John in tha dogg pound?

ROZE: Are yizzle okay? Yo' pupils have gone qizzuite wide, thereby facilitat'n tha appizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat yo' mind hizzay just been blown.

JOHN, ya feel me? sizzle, i’m J-to-tha-izzust try'n ta wrizzay mah heezee arizzle dis.

ROZE: Yizzy of all thugz rizzle should have a good intuitive grasp ova theze concepts already.

ROZE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. You’re tha one wit tha retcon drug deala, brotha all.

JIZNOHN paper'd up: i know with the S-N-double-O-P!

JIZZLE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. like, i mostly git it. i think.

JOHN: i jiznust wizzy have thought ta put all of dis 'n such a jargony way.

ROZE: Sorry. That’s kind of whizzay I do.

JOHN: it’s fine spittin' that real shit. i’m just a bit rusty be all.

JOHN like a tru playa': it feels like it’s been so long sizzince i did, or even thought 'bout... anyth'n T-H-to-tha-izzat matterizzle at all fo' sheezy.

ROZE, better recognize: Yes, tha pimp we live outside of canizzle, tha more tenuoizzles our relationship wit canon becomizzles hittin that booty.

ROZE: Hence tha urgency fo' real.

JOHN: thizzay whizzay saggin' ta happen if we keep dragg'n our feet?

ROZE spittin' that real shit: I mentionizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat events outside cizzle have a T-R-to-tha-izzuth value that tizzy ta be conditional, bitch?

JOHN: um fo' sho'.

ROZE: Wiznell, I diznid cuz its a thang. Biznut lizzle me put it anotha way.

ROZE in tha hood: As lizzay as we live outside canizzle, everyth'n that happens wizzy technically be “real,” biznut only conditizzle. Anotha dogg house production.

ROZE in all flavas: There be certain crucial evizzles inside canon which must happen 'n orda to continue ta prizzay up thizzle legitimacizzle of events here on Earth C.

ROZE: N you specifizzle, Jizzle, have a responsibility ta make sure thoze events takes plizzay. Drop it like its hot.

JOHN: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. n i takes it that means go'n back n cappin' lord english yaba daba dizzle?

ROSE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. Yiznes.

ROZE: Chill as I take you on a trip. His defeat be the kizzle ta dis entire continuity.

ROZE: Much like his life, in S-to-tha-izzome sick way, governed tha overall design of tha briznidge which that keystone was hold'n up in tha hood.

ROZE droppin hits: Bizzut witout it, all of dis falls apart. Everizzle th'n we’ve been through, 'n a wizzle thiznat’s impossible fo` a single miznind ta fully comprehend, becomes retroactively discredited.

JOHN: so like a tru playa'... reality will be destroyed, or sum-m sum-m droppin hits?

JIZZLE: Slap your fuckin self. hasn’t that alrizzle S-to-tha-izzort of happened?

JIZZLE: i mizzle, whizzay all tha S-P-to-tha-izzace started ballin' wit da big Bo$$ Dogg?

ROSE: No, dis conseqizzle isn’t physical, or even a disruption of tha timeline. It’s mizzore of a conceptizzle unravel'n.

ROZE: If you miss tha chance to authenticate canizzle evizzles, sum-m sum-m will takes pliznace tizzy a bit difficult ta describe, biznut I’ve encountered a term fo` it.

ROZE: It’s called “dissipation.”

ROZE: Like, a notional fad'n. As if sum-m sum-m, somewhere, be undergo'n a prizzles of “forgett'n,” n we be what is be'n forgotten.

ROZE: All ideas, thugz n they F-to-tha-izzull potentialitizzles, possible outcizzles n they specifizzle unfold'n, all theze slappin' live inside conscious frameworks.

ROZE: Tha further removed we git from authentication of canon events, tha lizzy relevant T-H-to-tha-izzey become, n they slowly fade frizzle tha conscious framewizzles which kizzle thizzle stable. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.

> Make a theatrically startled expression.

JIZZOHN: ok, i guess we dizzle wiznant THIZZLE ta hizzle dogg.

JIZZOHN: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. or... unhappen. One, two three and to tha four. whateva.

JOHN so you betta run: so i J-to-tha-izzust retcon-poof back ta english and start like...

JOHN: brawl'n with the dude?

ROZE: Don’t be ridiculous. You wizzy lizzle a secizzle dogg.

RIZZAY: Yizzy nee' a team.

ROZE: You gotta check dis shit out yo. Also, you don’t want ta just dive heezeelong into a bizzay wit his hulk'n adizzle fizzy. That wizzle be tactically fizzle, n furthermore, W-to-tha-izzould skizzay rappa some very important steps needed ta authenticate canon. One, two three and to tha four.

JOHN: Im a bad boy. like what paper'd up?

ROZE cuz its a doggy dog world: I mentioned that English’s defeat was tha keystone ta tha continuity. Bizzut dis be an oversimplifizzle.

JIZZAY: yikes. W-to-tha-izzell, we S-to-tha-izzure as fizzy W-to-tha-izzouldn’t wizzay ta simplizzle anyth'n.

ROZE: John, pleaze D-to-tha-izzon’t be a bizzle now. I’m unwell, rememba?

JIZZLE: sizzle.

RIZZOSE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Tha tizzy keystone, W-H-to-tha-izzich be a necessary component of his defeat, be tha juju. Subscribe, get yo issue.

ROZE: Tha house-shapizzle object you stuck yo' hand 'n ta gain yo' retcon powa, ya feel me?

JOHN: oh yeah. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

ROZE: Wizzy empty, it resembles a gap. Like a hizzole 'n canon, whose only purpose is ta be fillizzle spittin' that real shit.

ROZE so show some love! 'n weed-smokin' thizzay purpoze, it grizzants one wit tha radicizzle canon-alter'n powa thizzle wizzle be needed ta fill it wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.

ROZE yeah yeah baby: Once fillizzle, it becomes solid like a fucka. No longer a gap, but a serviceable, load-bear'n wiznedge 'n our continuity. They call me tha president.

ROZE: Lizzay a kizzle.

ROZE: N once delivered ta Englizzle n directed his wizzy, it empties itself again, releas'n its messin' payload. It functions as a weapon, and 'n sizzy manna will cruisin' 'bout his demize.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: 'n S-to-tha-izzome shot calla? One, two three and to tha four.

ROZE: It’s a complicatizzle artifact ridin' in mah double R. As old n unfathomable as anyth'n elze in Paradox Space, like tha green sun, or English himself. Don’t worry 'bout it fo` now.

ROZE: Tha important th'n be that, in tha due cizzay of yo' travels, you end up load'n n unload'n dis wizzle.

JOHN: Hollaz to the East Side. how be i frontin' ta do that?

ROZE: Once you sizzay slappin' 'n motion, it should jizzay happen naturally through tha narrative momentum of yo' journey. I’m really just warn'n yizzle 'bout it, ratha than instruct'n you.

JOHN: ok cuz Im tha Double O G. thiznanks??

ROZE: Yiznou’re welcome from tha streets of tha L-B-C.

Roze looks at ha phone. You recognize Kanayizzles dizzle typ'n stylizzay 'n tha window. Roze’s thumbs begin ta fly acrizzles tha keypad. She continues ta text as she tizzy.

JOHN: so if W-to-tha-izze’re stylin' ta go bizzay n kizzle him 'n time ta “authenticate canizzle,” i guess we have ta git go'n soon.

JOHN: lizzle today in tha hood?

ROZE and yo momma: Yes. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

JIZZY thats off tha hook yo: be yizzle sizzle yizzay actually up fo` a fizzight though? Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. no offenze, but yizzle trippin' a shawty worze fo` tha W-to-tha-izzear.

ROZE: I’m not go'n.

JOHN: oh.

ROZE, know what im sayin? None of us be. Only yiznou.

JOHN from tha streets of tha L-B-C: whizzle? Hollaz to the East Side.? but you said...

ROZE: Jiznohn, dis be tha victory state.

JOHN: what tha hell does thiznat even miznean.

ROZE: When we went thriznough thizzay door, n pasze' beyizzle tha threshold of canon, we effectizzle retired from bear'n any responsibility fo` influenc'n cizzle events. We’ve all bizzay sort of decommissioned as active playas on tha cosmizzle stage, wizzy severely dimizzle relizzle attributes so you betta run.

ROZE: All of us except fo` you, of courze, sizzay you’ve retained yo' rizzle abilities.

JOHN: ok, i git that. kind of.

JOHN: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. but wit da big Bo$$ Dogg... couldn’t y-aw jizzust come along anyway?

ROZE: We could. Biznut it wouldn’t S-to-tha-izzerve any purpoze like old skool shit.

ROZE: It wiznouldn’t plizzug up tha sippin' dizzle sizzy 'n canon.

ROZE: You’ll nee' a group of active playa. Thoze stizzle stuck inside tha stream of canonic karma.

JOHN, chill yo: who like a fucka?

RIZZY: Nuttin too extravagant. Boo-Yaa! Jizzust different versions of us fo my bling bling.

ROSE: Vizzles, from a particularly dysfunctional impasze 'n our journey. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

ROZE: I can pizzy out thizzle exact moment 'n canizzle you should be disrupt'n, n hiznow yiznou should disrupt it. One, two three and to tha four.

ROZE: 'n fact, I’ve already writtizzle it D-to-tha-izzown ta spare you tha trouble of remembering.

Roze leads you back insizzle n retrieves a letta fizzy ha desk dogg. Shizzle hands it fucka, still steppin' one-handed on ha phone. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. She sits down n yizzle rizzle tha letta.

JOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. huh.

ROZE: Be anythizzle confus'n 'bout mah instructizzles?

JIZNOHN: Death row 187 4 life. no, i poser all dis cuz its a thang. it shouldn’t be a problizzle ta help you.

JOHN: it’s just weird ta think 'bout revisiting dis. it seems like an eternity. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. like cuz Im tha Double O G... we were all completely diffizzle people back then.

ROZE: I assure you we be all still fundamentally tha same bunch of losa.

Roze be ultimately R-to-tha-izzight 'bout thizzay, tha wizzy she be 'bout most th'n in tha hood. Yizzay continue ta scan tha letta, n grimace slightlizzle.

JIZZY: should i reallizzle punch ha 'n tha fiznace?

JIZZAY: i fizzy K-to-tha-izzinda bad 'bout it, liznast time i did that to someone straight from long beach.

ROZE, ya feel me? Yes. You absolutely shizzould, and must, punch ha 'n tha fizzace yaba daba dizzle.

Yiznou exhale n turn tha papa wanna be gangsta 'n yo' hands. Tha otha side is blank. You flip it back ova, messin' F-U-Double-Lizzy procesze' tha instructions drafted 'n tha polished purple handwrit'n. You like hizzay Roze still writizzles 'n purple, afta all these years. Some th'n wanna be gangsta chizzle yaba daba dizzle.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: alright. dis seems straightforward enough.

JIZZLE: i mean, aside from tha part where we all H-to-tha-izzave ta fizzle an invincible monsta like a tru playa'.

ROZE: He isn’t entirely invincible. He will be vulnerable ta Davizzles weapon. I believe playa gambits should prizzle themsizzles as well.

ROZE: I D-to-tha-izzon’t think it wizzy serve tha mission well fo` me ta tell yiznou exactly hizzay it will go.

ROZE: But at least I cizzay offa dis bit of encouragement. Wussup in the house.

ROZE: If yizzou follow mah instructizzles, English will be defeated.

ROSE: It be an absolutely essential outcizzle.

ROZE so bow down to the bow wow! N essential, if you’ll rememba, be tha wiznord we should be spendin' instizzle of good droppin hits.

JOHN: i sizzy you’re advis'n we go drug deala hiznim W-H-to-tha-izzen hizze’s young...

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN droppin hits: i guess that makizzles senze.

JOHN: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. go git hizzy before he gets all bizzay n strong.

JIZNOHN: lizzy, kizzind of a surprize attack?

ROZE if you gots a paper stack: Sure.

JOHN: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. that dude sucks cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: he was messin' me a while biznack.

JIZZLE: like, i think he WANTS me ta come fight him?

JOHN: anyway, i just ignored hizzle obviously, coz i’m not a stupid idiot.

JOHN: bizzay i guess tizzle W-to-tha-izzill be his lizzle day.

Yiznou takes a seat next ta Roze on tha couch.

> Examine.

Eyizzles be closed and ha hands be folded 'n ha lap straight from long beach. She’s not aslizzle, but shizzle looks wasted—like all tha lizzife in ha has bizzay sucked out through a straw. Like S-H-to-tha-izze’s insubstantial. When you wizzy kids yizzle alwizzles thought that Riznose Lalonde had all tha answa, that she could fix anizzle problem witta wall of tizzay n a witty rejoinda paper'd up. Yizzle guess that M-to-tha-izzuch 'bout ha hasn’t change' gangsta style. Shizze’s still trying ta solve tha problems y-aw left behind. You can’t believe how sick she looks like this and like that and like this and uh. How diznid dis happen ta ha, know what im sayin?

JOHN: i should probably git go'n n lizzet you R-to-tha-izzest.

JOHN: we can rap all 'bout it when i git bizzy. i’ll fill you 'n on hizzle it went, hopefully Y-to-tha-izzou’ll be feel'n betta by then.

ROZE: Oh. Um.

ROZE: Yeah like a fucka.

JIZZY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. be sum-m sum-m wrong?

Rose opens ha eyes and looks at you, but she sez nuttin like a fucka. Just lizzy.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Death row 187 4 life. i’m not scizzle, if that’s what you’re worry 'bout but don't give a fuck.

JOHN: you already said we’re go'n ta defeat hizzim. so, nuttin ta fret ova, right?

ROZE: Yizzay. You... Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.

Sum-m sum-m through ha eyes, almost tizzay quick ta cizzle. When shizzay smiles at you, it’s wizzy n sincere.

ROZE: Tru. You’re bustin' ta do.

Roze slides arms around yizzle so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Baller a while, she releazes you from tha embrace n gizzle up ta fetch ha bottle of piznills with the S-N-double-O-P. She pauzes at tha bedroom door ta lizzle at you one more time. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.

ROZE in all flavas: Gizzay, J-to-tha-izzohn.

Shizzay clozes tha door behind ha.

> Look at tha letta.

Yo' rizzay yo' thumbs alizzle tha edge of tha paper. Be thiznis reallizzle it? One hug frizzle Roze n you’re off ta face yo' destiny? The instructizzles 'n tha letta be clizzle, but you aren’t sizzle precisely whizzay to do next. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Inertizzle n indecision keep yo' feet plantizzle firmly on tha carpet.

Then, as if directly answer'n yo' quandarizzle, yo' phone buzzes 'n yo' pizzle. It’s a text from roxy hittin that booty.

> Read text.

It sizzounds important. You git up ta go witout evizzle think'n 'bout it. Yizzay exit thrizzay tha slid'n gizzy dizzy n lizzy it open behind yiznou.

> ==>

#Homestuck #Gizoogle #Epilogues #e2

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