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the-dragon-invasion-is-near · 2 years

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Blue from AvA / AvM!

She is also one of my blorbos, and i was so excited to make her design and share her headcanons, so all of them under the cut!

(also I completly forgot about the lines thingy, i think im 100% gona drop it lmao)

link to tsc design

She/her. Okay, this is one that im excited to talk about. It's really common to find she/her blues in the fandom, but usually they hc her as a her because "uWU mUZt proTekct sm0l beAN Uwu" or "UWu thE d0ctor of ThE gaAnG" or "uwu SHE LIKES TO COOK" or "uWU sHE doEZN't lIKe t0 fIght" or "uWU She cRIez a L0T" and i hated that, a lot. They seemed as awful reasons to headcanon her as a she, so i never headcanoned her as a her. BUT, then i came across really cool stuff that made me reconsider, and i ended up actually liking this reasons to hc her as a her. The stuff was:

She could be a herbalist witch, and that sounds awsome.

She could be the botanic/scientist of the group, and her friendship with my red would be really cool.

i just think blue is a cool af character, with way more cool stuff than the few talked about in the fandom, and that usually the she/her hcs let out a lot of that, so i want to do it with more dept.

moving on, i think she is closest to green and red. The green one is canon, but green tends to gravitate towards tsc, and i think blue might do the same but with red.

I find her rlly creative, specially since she found a way to fight with potions and plants, but also because of her interests in cooking, and how she experiments with all the potions, trying to find out what x or y thing would do, and how it all works. Same thing with the botanic area, she is curious about how to grow them and well, she got a fucking adiction to the nether wart because of that, so yea.

She is the kind of people who would put almost anything on her mouth if it looks as if it has a cool texture/flavor

She is good at long range combat, i mean, she uses a bow.

I don't think she'd be the doctor of the gaang, maybe she'll be the one to prepare the meds, but tsc is the responsible one, so they get that title.

She and red both dislike fighting hard, and fighting in general unless it's friendly

i really think she has a lot of issues with purple, both her and green, it seems to me that blue has it more internalized than green, who expresses it a lot, but, i think blue hates purple the most.

The apron's got pockets but i fucking forgot to put lineart on them.

She also has a kind of belt for potions

the boots are for the same reason as red, and dirt is rather uncomfortable

i put a star on her face cuz it's cute xd

she cares a lot about the environment as well as red, they just focus on different aspects

when shit goes down, she is usually on red and yellow's side, while tsc and green are the other side

she cares a lot about her loved ones, and she is emotional about is, as well as red. But while red is louder and like, bouncier, about it, blue gets emotional when bad stuff happens.

the uh, blouse? shirt? under the apron it's mostly because of aesthetic honestly, i liked the sleeves and leaving them as part of the apron leaved a weird look, so now she has a shirt but no pants i guess

They all are stick figures, im so not drawing anything more than a stick figure. Not having clothes is NOT WEIRD, they use them because of aesthetic and practicity, they don't have clothes on canon, don't be weird about it please.

i THINK i have more hcs but i'll add them later cuz i don't remember rn

#wow that was a lot #blue is also my blorbo btw #and you can see i don't quite like some of her interpretations by fans #but oh well #blue ava #blue #blue avm #alan becker #blue alan becker #animation vs animator #animation vs minecraft #blue animation vs animator #blue animation vs minecraft #dragon's art

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keytomythoughts · 3 years

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Perfection Imperfections | Chapter 1

Chapter Index

»»—————————————-　

Finally, summer break. It’s been a while since I was able to go home. Having to attend high school rather far from my home in Seoul, I never thought that I’d adjust to the new environment. Fortunately, I wasn’t entirely alone, since I stayed with my aunt for the four years of my high school life. School wasn’t so bad, but the homesickness is what killed it for me. Even though it was my parents' idea to send me a rather vast distance—me not being too excited about it, but I knew I wouldn’t get my way in the end—there was some good that came from it. The two only good things, actually.

I glance outside the train window, the buildings of Busan zooming past me. Sure, it may not be my home, but I won’t lie. I’m really going to miss this place. My phone suddenly vibrates in my lap, glancing down to see a text from my group chat, smiling as I respond.

(Binnie)

R u still on the train?

Yeah have been for the past like 30 mins

(Eunuwu)

Going back to ur parents? Or r u moving out?

Funny

Yk I can’t move out, at least not on my own. My parents won’t allow it

(Binnie)

What about Jaehyun?

Idk, they rlly dc what he does tbh

They’re just hell-bent on me getting into the top schools and shit

(Eunuwu)

Damn, rough

Mhm

(Binnie)

Try talking to them, u never know

They might change their minds?

Nah, I already know how it’s gonna end

Me crying and stuffing myself with pints of ice cream

(Eunuwu)

Doesn't sound so bad

(Binnie)

¬_¬

(Eunuwu)

Except for the crying part ofc

But c’mon it cant really be THAT bad

I’ve been over plenty of times, they seem nice

(Binnie)

U’ve been to her house??

Yeah him and oppa are friends too

(Binnie)

Righttt forgot lol

And that’s bc you were there dumbass and half of the time ur either in oppa’s room or out somewhere

Interaction with my parents = minimal

(Binnie)

That sounds awful ngl :( sorry Hyuna

But hey we should all hang soon!

(Eunuwu)

I’ll be in Seoul for the summer too so y not?

I miss y’all :’(

Ok I should be there around like 5 ish so I’ll text then

(Binnie)

Aww I miss u toooo

(Eunuwu)

*puke*

Shut up, ur just jealous

(Eunuwu)

Me? Jealous?? Of what, ur face?

Yea no thx, Ive got a great face already

And personality 0:)

Gr8, explains why ur still single

(Binnie)

LOLL

She got u there bro

(Eunuwu)

Shut up

Ur talking as if u’ve got a gf

Idiot

(Binnie)

At least I didnt reject them as coldly as u did lol

See? My point exactly

Your fAcE scared off every girl in sight bc of tht pErSoNaLiTy

I almost feel bad for them, u little heart breaker

(Binnie)

He made a couple of em cry I heard

Rlly?!?

YAH

U MORON

(Eunuwu)

Bin wtf

(Binnie)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

U JERK HOW COULD U??

Those poor girls omg

Im so kicking ur ass when I c u

(Binnie)

Me 2

(Eunuwu)

Wtf?? Y???

(Binnie)

No reason lol, just feel like it

And this is why ily Binnie

(Binnie)

:D <3

(Eunuwu)

GROSS

Can it u demon

Read 4:02 PM

I snort, turning off my phone and placing it back down on my lap as I go back to staring outside my left-hand window again. Meet Cha Eunwoo and Moon Bin, my two best friends. The only reason I got through high school how I did without major setbacks. Sure, there was the occasional homesickness and all, but had I not met these two, I probably wouldn’t have even attended and graduated.

Being so far away from the place I grew up never really suited me, and they saw it right away from day one how lonely and upset I looked. I didn't seem to fit in, especially since I skipped a grade and was placed in classes that were very advanced for me. Not that I minded the vigor, but it was hard for me to socialize, let alone make friends.

That’s when I met them. Freshman year in homeroom before my first literature class. Moon Bin, a boy with parted, coppery-golden hair accompanied by his shy, puppy-eye smile and sweet nature, offered me an empty seat next to him in class, even going as far as to share his textbook and asking how I found the school. No doubt, I was embarrassed and immensely shy, stuttering over my words and failing to meet his soft gaze. However, he didn’t make fun of me nor find me odd. All he did was smile, laughing lightly at my slightly flustered state. He stuck his hand out, introducing himself (most people just call him Moonbin or Bin) with that smile of his, thus the start of our new friendship. Since then, he became someone who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down. No moment was ever dull with him by my side.

Eunwoo, the tall, brooding black-haired and charismatic student almost everyone knew (and crushed on) of, was usually with Moonbin when we hung out together, but he normally kept to himself. Though quiet and sometimes reserved with his intimidating looks, it didn’t take long for him to break the ice with us, the three of us becoming close friends. Promising to stay like this until we went to college and beyond. Regardless if we all diverge and tread different paths, we would always converge and come back to one another.

Four years flew by and graduation was upon us. Just like that, the two became like family to me, my ride-or-die duo. The two who were able to turn my world upside down, finding solace in a time where I thought it was nearly impossible for me to.

My thoughts are interrupted by my “Move” ringtone—yes, I’m a huge Lee Taemin fan—looking down at my phone again to see it’s my brother calling. I sigh, picking up the call.

“What?”

He gasps dramatically. “Is that any way to address your loving older brother after being away for so long?”

I snort, shaking my head. “Loving my ass, oppa. How are mom and dad?”

“They’re fine, living. Didn’t you tell them you’re coming home?”

“Nope, I don’t even text them that often. You already know this..”

He sighs. “Yeah, I figured.”

There’s a slight pause on his end, but he continues. “You took the three-thirty train, right? So you’ll be here around five or so?”

“Yeah, give or take.”

I look out the window again to see the endless stretch of greenery and flowing springs, sometimes even children playing in the fields. I grin mischievously, deciding to poke fun at my brother when he doesn’t respond right away.

“What, you miss me?”

He makes a sound similar to throwing up. “As if. I got so used to the peace and quiet. I’m not ready for it to go away.”

“Yah!” I realize that I had yelled a bit too loudly and eyes were now trained on me, and I bow my head in apology. I lower my voice, “You’re such an asshole.”

“Oh, I know, but you still love me anyway.”

“Shut up.”

I can hear his laugh resonate through the phone and a smile unknowingly tugs at my lips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but it’s true. When I lived with my aunt in Busan for the duration of high school, I missed Jaehyun a lot. Though two years older than me, he didn’t seem to alienate me the way my parents do. While I hate the notion that they spoil Jaehyun endlessly and let him do as he wishes, I won’t lie and say that he was a prick about it. He could’ve been, but he never came off as selfish. I’m really close with my brother, shocking as it may be. Sibling relationships are like that—one minute you want to strangle them with their intestines and the next you’re singing duets together. Crazy, but that’s how it is for us. My parents don’t really pay me any attention, so Jaehyun decides to do that instead. Not complaining though. I’d rather take his pranking and teasing over my parents’ demands and reprimands any day.

“Aight, I’m heading out for a bit. Text me when you arrive.”

I smile again. “Will do, but make sure to get me food!”

“Let me think…” He hums, and I can practically sense the smirk on his end. “Nope. Get your own.”

“Oppa!”

Jaehyun laughs. “See you in a bit, Hyuna. Get here safely. Bye!”

He hangs up the call before I get a chance to retort, and I scoff. Typical of my brother. He knows how much I enjoy street food, and every time he goes out, it’s almost certain that most of the time he stops somewhere to eat. Did he ever bring food back? Sure, but by the time I’d get to it, most of it was gone anyways. That only lasted a little while before I had gone upstate anyways, so he had more food for himself, I guess.

As the train barrels down the tracks, I feel my heart racing in excitement, but there’s also a slight ounce of dread. I really don’t know why. I want to believe it’s because I’ve been away for too long, but part of me knows it’s the fact that I’ll have to face my parents again. Knowing that I only have two months to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, I know the bitter truth is that those decisions won’t be left up to me. Last time, I was sent to Busan.

God knows where I’d be sent to now.

***

“Final destination of the KTX Busan-Seoul train at Seoul Station is approaching and will arrive at 05:30 PM. The doors to alight are on the right hand side. All passengers are requested to dismount the train upon arrival. Thank you.”

That’s my stop.

Gathering my bag and hand luggage, I patiently wait for the train to pull up at the station. Seeing the familiar shops and buildings around me makes my legs bounce up and down in both excitement and anticipation.

Four long years away from Seoul...

Before getting off, I quickly text the group chat and then my brother, letting them all know that I’ve reached safely. Side-stepping the other passengers exiting the subway doors, I carefully land onto the platform with my luggage in tow. I breathe in the air around as I stretch my arms up into the sky, the grin widening on my face.

It sure as hell feels good to be back home.

I try my best to maneuver through the crowds, but it doesn’t stop the rush of people knocking into me. At times like these, I curse my genetics for favoring my older brother instead of me in terms of height. Eventually, I come to a clearing and when my eyes glance upwards, I spot a rather familiar dark brown-haired six-foot-tall male amongst the small crowd waving me over.

“Hyuna, over here!”

I gasp, my eyes widening. “Oppa!”

He smiles as I begin walking towards him, my feet hurriedly moving across the concrete. The distance between us shortens and I abandon my luggage as he opens his arms wide.

Only for me to sucker punch him in the stomach.

He yelps in pain, grimacing as he holds his abdomen. “Shit, that hurt. What has Aunt Sua been feeding you up there? Rocks?”

I smack his shoulder, my blood slightly boiling in anger. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! Do you know how much money I blew off for the bus fare?”

He straightens his back before going to rub his shoulder, then behind his neck.

“Fine, fine. My bad. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess that didn’t work, did it?”

I cross my arms over my chest, huffing in annoyance. He sighs, nodding.

“Okay, okay, I’ll compensate you. Dinner’s on me.”

At this I grin, blinking excitedly. I grab onto his arm and shake it vigorously. “Really? You mean it? You’re the best, oppa!”

“Look at this brat..” he taunts, shaking his head. In a flash, he headlocks me and rubs the top of my head harshly with his knuckles, upsetting the neatly-tied auburn ponytail.

“Yah! Quit it!” I smack his arms and flail in protest, but he chuckles, saying this is what I get for cunningly finding a way to exploit him the minute I stepped back into Seoul.

What can I say? It’s a talent.

He lets go eventually, and I try to smooth down my already-tangled hair. I grumble incoherently but Jaehyun pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. His free hand gently pats the side of my head in comfort.

“Welcome home, sis.”

I stand there stiff for a second before hugging back. He squeezes me tighter and I find myself smiling into his shoulder.

“Good to be back,” I whisper.

We stand like that for a moment before he pats my back a couple of times, us pulling away from each other soon after. He reaches behind me to grab my hand luggage as he shoulders my bag. I tell him that I can carry them just fine, but he starts walking away from the platform to the parking lot. I call out after him as I run to catch up, and I can see the corners of his mouth twitch. Jaehyun leads me to his car, a sleek matte-silver convertible Mustang. My mouth drops open in shock at its stunning beauty, my body forcing itself to remain composed for the sake of avoiding public self-embarrassment.

He throws my luggage in the back seat before he turns to me, smirking at my expression. “You like it?”

“Shit, do I like it? I love it!” I run my fingers over its metallic surface, the silver exterior gleaming in the evening glow. Grinning, I stare up at my brother who catches my gaze as I stand next to the driver’s seat, my fingers already curled on the handle.

“Can I—”

“No.”

“Please—”

“Nope.”

I pout as I pull my hand away and step to the side. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing my head playfully before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The engine purrs to life as my brother pulls out his shades and wears them. He looks at me and cocks his head to the passenger seat.

“Don’t just stand there. Get in.”

Smiling, I quickly make my way over to the other side and slip into the passenger seat. I barely have time to buckle in before Jaehyun speeds off. I scream in fright, but he laughs heartily, telling me to let loose.

With the wind harshly whipping around us, I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards, absorbing the remnants of my childhood in a place I’ll always call home. A place where my heart always feels at ease.

My name is Jung Hyuna. I’m eighteen years old, and this is my story.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

#moonbin x oc #moonbin ff #moonbin fic #moon bin #cha eunwoo #jung jaehyun #astro #nct #fanfiction #my writings #mine

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fairycosmos · 5 years

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+ i have a job interview tomorrow and i just cant go. its a rlly good job but i just cant. idk why. maybe its my anxiety or me sabotaging myself again. i know my mom will think im a failure. but i just want to keep studying. i want to keep trying. it just feels more important. i want to want be alive before anything else. do you think im lazy?? iknow you'll never anwser this but should i go anway? is it awful that i never had a job? i just feel like a bum. idk sorry for putting this on u.

hey. no, i dont think you’re lazy at all. quite the opposite. i admire you a lot for caring so much about your studies, for wanting to make something of yourself and for continuing to try your best even though you’re going through such a difficult time at the moment. that’s a lot easier said than done, and yet you’re still managing it, which is really fucking cool. you should be proud. and listen, i’m 18 as well, and i’ve never had a job either. it’s super, super common. it’s not like it’s easy to get a job these days, especially while you’re still studying. and just cause you’re older now doesn’t mean you’re singularly responsible for the financial situation of your family. it’s not just down to you to make money, and that’s not your sole purpose in life. also, you’re definitely accomplishing more than i am, seriously. i know the world kind of pushes the idea that you’re only worth something if you’re constantly being used, if you’re constantly providing money or results or good grades. but that’s genuinely not true. it takes years and years to come to terms with the fact that it’s not true, but it’s not. honestly, how ‘well’ you perform from a capitalistic standpoint doesn’t reflect who you are as a person. how you treat others, how you choose to experience life, your interests and your hobbies - those all say more about you than whether or not you have a job. i know you’re not going to believe me, but you being here is good enough. your presence is the most important thing. it probably feels like i’m lying, and it will for a long time, but if you start letting that idea into your mind, you’ll begin to accept it eventually.

your parents clearly have fucked up priorities. and i’m sorry. because you deserve so much better than that. having a bad relationship with them will always be shitty, and you’re totally allowed to feel whatever you need to feel about it. anger, sadness, bitterness, fear, guilt. process it all one day at a time. as long as you try to cope with those emotions in a healthy way (letting yourself cry, talking about it, writing about it, practicing self affirmations), then you’re doing fine. but at the same time, there comes a point where you have to realize that your family have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about. they really, really dont. if they only want to acknowledge you when you’re in a top school or when you have a great fucking job, then they dont deserve you at all. they wont even give you a chance to find your balance. seriously. they wont even cut you any slack. you owe them nothing but respect and since they dont respect you, you dont even owe them that. i dont know how else to put it but i cant stress it enough, they’re awful for making you feel so bad for no reason. i know exactly how you feel. and it’s just. like there’s no point in constantly overexerting yourself for the approval of people that are NEVER going to be satisfied. how they feel about you isn’t actually about you. it’s about them, and their own fucked up mindsets. you are not alive to serve them. you are not alive to be exactly who they want you to be, you know? this is YOUR life, not theirs. and it’s the only one you’re ever going to get. so if you have to make a few choices that disappoint them, then so be it. they’ll either get over it or fuck off, and either way you’ll be better off. it’s ok to start making choices for yourself, man. and it may take some time before you work up the courage to do so, but that’s alright too. it’s all a learning process.

it seems like your anxiety/depression is the real crux of all of this, though. it’s really worrying, what you said in your other ask. my heart dropped reading it. if you dont confront that issue then you wont like it anywhere, because you wont like being yourself. whether you get a great job, or make a shit ton of money, or continue to study. whatever path you take, you’ll only be truly comfortable if you make your mental health a priority. you have to take it seriously. it’s okay to put yourself first, before the people around you, before school and work. because struggling with a mental illness is one of the most difficult things in the world. and you dont have to beg anyone to understand that. are you currently on any medication, or seeing a therapist or some sort of counselor? if you are, is it possible for you to ask for additional support? and if you haven’t spoken to anyone, is than an option for you? even if you just begin by talking to your usual doctor, to see if he/she can refer you to someone? if you’re worried about money, there are low cost/free options, too. it’s just that, suicidal thoughts are not something you just have to ‘put up with.’ and they’re certainly not something you have to deal with alone. others have been exactly where you are, others understand more than you realize. you dont have to hurt yourself outwardly to show that you’re hurting inwardly, alright? if you believe anything i say, believe that. your life is so precious and rare and significant, man. and where you’re at right now truly isn’t where you’re always going to be. you’re not trapped, you have a choice to make. making the conscious effort to seek help, to admit that you need some guidance, will make a massive difference in your perception of everything. if you work closely with a professional, then you’ll be able to create a care plan for yourself, you’ll be able to learn how to incorporate healthy coping mechanisms into your life, you’ll be able to find the root causes of why you feel the way you do. you’ll be able to talk openly about your family, and the way they make you feel, and your worries about the future. all of that will make the pain manageable. there is treatment available. it wont be an instant improvement, but reaching out is a wonderful place to start. your mental health is just as important as your physical health. and of course, there will always be a part of your mind that tries to talk you out of it. there’ll always be that moment of anxiety/fear, when you dont know what you’re doing. but you need to try to look past that, and to have a bit of empathy for your future self. temporary feelings should never stop you from getting the care that you need. so even if you just begin by calling a hotline to see what they think you should do next, then that’s still something to be v proud of.

i know it’s hard. i get it. i understand more than i can put into words. and i know that asking for help is a massive step. i’m not saying you have to make any big decisions right now. i’m just asking you to consider it, consider yourself for once in your life. i know there are days where you feel like living like this isn’t worth it at all. you dont want to live like this anymore, right? and you dont have to, but killing yourself wont solve anything. it’s ok to feel like giving up sometimes. as long as you know the difference between having a thought, and actually acting on it. you dont have to lean into the pain, you can just let it wash over you. your mental illnesses and your family and all of the bullshit is stopping you from seeing how wonderful and worthy you are, how much life still has to offer you. there’s so much you haven’t experienced. there is so much happiness waiting in the future. it won’t be constant, but it’ll become a theme in your life. you have all of the time in the world to figure things out. this is the exact age that you’re supposed to be confused and lost, and to not know what to do. you don’t have to have everything worked out right now. you’re doing so much better than you think you are, i promise. the only thing you have to worry about is taking care of yourself. that’s the only thing that’s truly in your control. you can create a better environment for yourself. you can create a life that you dont want to escape from, and that’s what you truly need. not to die but to re-envision your own existence. it’s healthy to do that from time to time.

as a sidenote, it’s completely up to you whether or not you go to the job interview. there’s no pressure, there’s no wrong answer. but i just hope you know it’s okay to take things at your own pace, regardless of what your dumb ass family has to say. i think the smartest move for you to make is to put all of your energy into reaching out for help. continue to study, just put it on the back burner for now. continue to look for a job (tho i think smth part time is realistically a better option for you), but dont put all of your self worth into it. more than anything, this is a transitional period in your life. it’s the stepping stone between here and there. uncertainty is to be expected, anxiety is to be expected, but that doesn’t mean you have to handle it all on your own. i believe with all of my heart that you’re going to be okay. you said ‘i want to be alive before anything else.’ you should always hold onto that. you’re so fucking capable, and you’re so much stronger than you realize, dude. i’m not bullshitting. i’m being straight up. keep taking it one day at a time. if that feels like too much, one hour at a time. even getting through one minute at a time is something to celebrate. look at the next 24 hours of your life, and see what you can do in that time to help yourself - fuck everything else. i’m always here if you need a friend, or if you want to talk about this properly. i’m sorry i couldn’t be of more help. if you ever need anyone, hmu. if you think you’re going to do something, hmu. and please stick around. you’re not going to regret it.

http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

#tw suicide #anon #long post #chloe makes no sense for 80 paragraphs straight part 2000 #this isn't how i wanted to say this but i hope the sentiment gets thru #is there any way to prevent people that dont want to see anons from seeing them ???

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houses-of-healing · 7 years

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I'm upset. I've run for two positions of leadership in robotics related student organizations and I lost one, and got a really low level position the second. I consider myself a leader and I was confident in my abilities but I'm starting to wonder if they're right and I'm missing something or I've been doing something wrong. I don't know what to do and I'm realizing now that I'm expecting too much of myself and others by trying to do all this when I'm not put together. I don't deserve these

(forgot to number, part 2 of “I’m upset.”) Positions of power and I’m really confused. I feel a wreck and I’m exhausted of fighting for what’s right and trying to fix everything. I’m just so tired, and what’s worse is that I’m stuck in this emotionally abusive family for two more years and I can’t get out. And on the robotics thing, there were awards and things I wanted to do, to accomplish, and now I don’t think I can. Since im not in power I can’t really do anything until next year; and at(part three of “I’m upset”) Point I’ll only have one year, one season to pull everything together. I wanted to accomplish something but right now I feel small and powerless. I know once I get out of this damn abusive house I’ll probably collapse with burnout from not only that but school, and I’m just so fucking sick of feeling so helpless. I usually make do by not giving a fuck, but that’s not working at the moment. I’m already trying to raise money for the move after I graduate, and I’m only(pt 4 of “im upset”) I’m only 16. I feel like a hypocrite for even bringing it up bc I usually get angry and defensive when people bring up my age because of my history with that being used as reasoning to dismiss my ideas and arguments and validate their abuse. Im starting to realize too many things about my behavior and I hate that my parents and my terrible environment have shaped it all but I’m also simultaneously okay with it bc I try to convince myself i like who I am now and so it’s okay(Pt 5 of Im upset) because it’s ‘made me who I am today’, but its just frustrating as fck. I hate feeling like I’m merely existing in a cage, I hate feeling so damn helpless and afraid. My mom recently confiscated my tarot cards (shes previously taken books I bought with my own $ or received of my own volition, and uses her ‘religion’ to abuse me). Im too tired to practice my beliefs and I don’t have that invaluable tool so its become rlly hard for me to get valuable advice. Thnks 4 listening -C

ASK FROM C TO ANYONE

To my dearest friend C,I hope you are doing okay now. I know it’s a very tough situation to be in right now, but remember you are extremely brave and resilient! You are here and that is what’s the most important. I’m so proud of you.You will hear this a lot and I know you've heard this many many times before, but you are very, very young. You have only a couple of years left, but once you become legally independent (that's very important to think about, when you decide to move out of a situation like yours) you will have many more opportunities and many chances to find good support and love. Right now, you are doing what you CAN do. I would suggest trying to find other ways to cope, like using tarot card websites, or if you have an iPhone, perhaps Vivi's Tarot Card app! (It gives you a daily tarot card thats very positive. I have used it so, so many times and it can, at the very least, affirm your decisions.) Its disrespectful to confiscate any possession of your child, in my opinion, but despair not. When my beloved friends, Sam, Pippin and Merry and I went on our journey, we lost many things valuable to us. It was frightening, to be out without anything familiar to us. We took comfort in remembering the small happinesses we had or taking in what was good in the moment, like the spring breeze, or how warm the fire feels on our poor feet after being frozen to our bone. You, too, can find comfort in the small things. If you have a library near by or a computer, you can find ways to download books of your choosing to read. Your parents can't take them away and you will have the memories. (I suggest using goodreads.com if you want to remember the books you've read or quotes you want to remember!) And you can and will find resources to help you move out and manage being an adult at a young age. howtogrowthefuckup is one good tumblr resource. There are many, many more. There are helplines and text crises lines you can use when you are feeling upset or in despair. You can always come to us, as well. Dear C, I can not show you the deepest amount of pride and admiration I have for you. You are so young, but you stay pure and even on the journey of life, which has so many brittle nettles that sting you, orcs that come find you, you are here. You are not alone. You can reach out to support groups online if need be or even find self-help worksheets to help you cope. Please keep in touch with us at the houses of healing; we do care for you and want to make sure you are safe. For now, keep your chin up, remember you are alive and you can make it through this. When I'm in a slightly safer space on my journey, I will update you with more references and such to help. But for now, feel your heart, take deep breathes in and out, and focus on what you need to get done now, even if it seems trivial. (It is not. Every good deed you do will continue to gather and give you goodness in the future as well.) I suggest also, when you're feeling the most down, think about your future and what you want. You deserve love and support and encouragement, unconditionally. Its something you will have. Thinking or writing down things you want in your future, whether its small, like being able to buy a giant tub of animal crackers or bigger, like ...having a pet to love and be loved by, can help you stay focused.Do not be afraid. You are doing so, so well. Stay in touch, C. All my love and wishes,Frodo Baggins______(lol i cant make a cut on mobile)_____C, I've been in your place before. It sucks. It feels like you're trapped forever. I've had friends who went to hell and came back (literally a few have been homeless) And we are alive. We are okay. We're always trying to find ourselves, but it gets better and easier. It takes time though. You're young. I promise, if you take the chances the universe gives you, it'll be okay. I'm an elusive mod on HOH, but I can always do a tarot reading for you on my personal blog if you feel like you need that. I promise!!!! It gets easier to handle life, it gets better and things will be okay. Sh*t sucks now, but it will never stay like that. I promise you that. -Admin Clare

#abusive relationship tw #family tw #religion tw #answered by frodo #admin: clare

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