heads up: angst. depression. trauma. idk anymore.

"it's like..."

vernon doesn't say anything when you trail off. he waits, arm draped around the back of your couch as he watches you carefully. your eyes are still red and wet, and he pushes a tissue into your hand so that you can dry your cheeks if nothing else.

"it's like..." you trail off again, brows drawing together ever-so-slightly.

"like?" he supplies, as though it'll do something.

"it's too big a part of me." you toy with the tissue in your hands. "like... going to therapy helps, but i'm never going to get rid of it."

"that's not the point of--"

you cut him off, "i know. i know i'm supposed to get to the point where i can live with it, but... even then, i don't think most people realize how deep it goes."

vernon nods slowly. "try me."

"like..." you trail off once more, and then you meet his eyes. "it's like it's a part of me. getting rid of it would be like losing a vital organ or something. if i just... forgot all of it, i wouldn't be me anymore."

but you'd be happier, a voice in the back of his head says. he pushes it back: maybe you'd be happier without your mishmash of mental bullshit (your words, never his), but he knows what you're saying. you'd still be losing a part of yourself with how deep it all goes and how you're living with it now. "i see."

"it's not just a scar now," you say, fingers trailing over the edge of the couch. "it's me. it's... it's a part of me now."

he pulls you into his arms. "but it's not you," he says quietly. "you're still you. this stuff doesn't define you."

he thinks you want to argue. but you relax into him, wrapping your arms around him. "maybe," you settle on. "just... hold me for a bit. if you don't mind."

(he doesn't. he never does.)

all for her [2]

pairing: dad!bartender!tom x female!reader

warnings: excessive drinking, cursing, mentions of blood, violence, etc.

summary: a single-dad bartender, a supportive best friend and their continuous, unrequited love noticed by his optimistic daughter. is it possible to break a heart they never knew they had?

word count: 10.8k!

the soundtrack:  dancing with your ghost - sasha sloan, chinese satellite - phoebe bridgers, never the 1 - rosie, waiting room - phoebe bridgers, guilty conscience - 070 shake

a/n: im so happy with the response from part 1 & excited that part 2 is now here!!! i think i’ll try to end with the next part but..... who knows. again, thank y’all for the feedback & hope you enjoy!

— masterlist ☆彡

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

The night Summer was left on Tom’s doorstep was one he would never forget.

He moved into his apartment a month before and it was becoming more than the four, blank walls. It was in a quiet neighborhood, facing out to a street view of family-owned businesses and a bus stop. People passed the street often during the day, a good opportunity for people-watching from his small terrace. But when he closed the windows and locked the door, the feeling of being alone quickly settled in for the first time in his life. 

The thought of being independent was reliving now that he had a part-time job. He'd be able to live off his earnings with no guilt and bring whoever he wanted without disturbing his roommates. Even though he had his own place of solitude and privacy, Tom still managed to visit you at campus now that he was closer compared to the hours of driving before. He considered it as a pro to moving, but he really just needed any reason to just have you close.

Most times you’d come over, saying you had homework and studying to do, but with Tom, you never got anything done in one sitting. You made dinners together or ordered something in the middle of the night, watch movies interrupted by your playful comments or you would take a nap between your classes while he did his work.

The two of you were inseparable now throughout college, not stuck with the limited possibilities of what your small hometown gave to you. Everything was going smoothly and Tom was looking forward to what his future looked like, maybe even see you ending up together, but things took a turn when he opened the door and saw Summer, small and swaddled, in the baby carrier at his feet.

It was a Sunday, having your ideal night-in watching your favorite movie, and ordering food for dinner. Your head rested on Tom’s lap, your eyes trying to focus on the TV but they fluttered. Tom had his arm around the back of the couch with his right foot on the coffee table. Sometimes he’d glance down at you, making sure you didn’t fall asleep because you had more studying to do, but he gently shook you every few minutes when he thought he heard your light snores.

“Hmm, I’m awake.” You grumbled.

“Judging from your snoring, I don’t think you are.” He smiled, moving your hair out of your face.

Your face scrunched together, “I don’t snore.”

“You don’t? Not like this?” He jeered, making an obnoxious noise as he leaned his head back.

You pressed your face against his cheek, tilting his head to the side and lightly gripping at his hair. Laughs and giggles echoed the apartment as you fought like kids, Tom’s hand holding your wrist to push it away from his face until the doorbell rang.

“Finally! I’m starving.” You said, thinking the Chinese food was here.

You jumped up from the couch, walking into the kitchen to get plates. Tom chuckled as he headed toward the door, “Are you excited? I couldn’t tell.” He said sarcastically, grabbing the tip money off the kitchen counter.

The baby was asleep, her chubby cheeks were a rosy pink as well as her lips. She looked peaceful bundled in a soft, yellow blanket, but fear instilled within Tom. He wasn’t sure what to do, his mind starting to race and his heart beating faster. He took a few steps into the hall and looked both ways. It was ominous how no one was around, yet there was someone at the door a few seconds ago.

“Hello?” He shouted, his hands against each side of the doorframe.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “What’s going on?” You nervously chuckled.

The moment your eyes met the baby at Tom’s feet, your mouth slightly gapped with a trailed gasp.

“This has to be a joke…” Tom trailed.

You kneeled, reaching for the note tucked in by her leg. It was on a torn piece of notebook paper with Tom’s name scribbled on the front in pencil.

“I can’t take care of her. Please understand. Maggie.” You read off, biting your bottom lip.

He continued to stare at Summer, her hair barely grown and her skin so pink. He assumed she had been born a few weeks ago, maybe months. All he could process was that there was a baby on his doorstep and he had no idea what to do.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

It took a few minutes to get Maggie calm, but they went in the hall to talk so Summer didn’t wake up. It was none of your business, but you still stood close to the door with your back against the wall as their muffled conversation faded in and out.

“How did you even find me?” Tom asked.

“None of your business.” She snapped, “I don’t know why this is  such a big deal.” Maggie chimed, crossing her arms.

Tom scoffed, “Because you’ve never made any effort to see her and suddenly, you want to come and pick her up and take her like she’s a puppy in an ad you found this morning.”

She smiled in spite, “Don’t talk to me like that-”

“How else am I supposed to act? You just told me she’s not mine!”

“Because she’s not! I had to dump her on someone!”

Every word that came out of Maggie’s mouth felt like a repeating stab in the heart. He couldn’t believe anything she said, convinced he hated her at that moment, but he somehow held his head high because he knew he’d fight for Summer no matter what Maggie could tell him.

“You’re not taking her. End of discussion.” Tom uttered, tears welling up in his eyes.

Maggie reached into the back pocket of her denim jeans, pulling out a folded piece of paper, and forcefully handed it to Tom. He stared at it for a few seconds, his hand lightly shaking as he slowly opened it by the ends.

“You still think I’m lying?” She scoffed as they both glared at the paper.

It was Summer’s birth certificate, dated on this day six years ago which made time seem so fast. His dry, tired eyes searched the paper until they locked to the father’s name box, a name he didn’t know and certainly wasn’t his.

“Either I call the police now or you give her… right here, right now,” Maggie growled with no hesitation.

Tom clenched his jaw, “You can’t-”

“I sure as hell can… and we both know you’re not dumb so, just give her to me.” She demanded as if Tom could process all of this while his world was crashing around him.

Tom licked his lips, sealing them to hide the pain that ached in his heart and spread throughout every nerve of his body. A single tear fell down his cheek, but he quickly wiped it with the back of his hand. Tom wanted to composed himself to stay strong, but he didn’t know he could crumble so easily from a small number of words.

“Can we do this tomorrow? I just wanna spend one more day with her.” He asked politely, the whites of his eyes now a light pink.

She stood there, not saying anything and her arms were still crossed.

“Please… Maggie.” Tom pleaded, feeling a bit pathetic.

Tom thought back to that conversation, replaying it in his head so much that he didn’t sleep all night. His constant shifting throughout the night didn’t let either of you get much sleep, but it’s not like you were either, laying there and wondering how much you could do. 

You were surprised he didn’t cry, shout or lash out in some random outburst of pure anger. It’s what you would’ve done, but you knew that Tom was trying to convince himself it wasn’t real. The denial would eat him alive, only because he believed Maggie was telling the truth and would take Summer no matter how hard he thought of a way to not let her.

“Tom?... Tom!” Your voice seemed miles away.

Tom glanced up to meet your eyes, letting out an embarrassed chuckle as his ears tinted pink. The sounds within the diner became audible to him, not remembering how he got lost in a daze. 

“In your own little world again?” You grinned, knowing that he was always one for thinking too much.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m fine.” Tom rubbed his hands down his face and straightened his back against the booth.

You sealed your lips, “You can talk to me about-”

“I’m fine, Y/N.” He retorted, nodding his head at you.

“Okay…” You trailed.

When his whole world was turned around the night before, you choose to not take his short attitude personally. All you could do was be there for him and you wanted to try your best. Seeing his hand rested on the table, you placed yours on top and reassured him, “It’s gonna be okay.”

He didn’t look at you, but you laid your head on against his shoulder. You caressed your thumb over his skin before grasping his hand and giving it a light squeeze. You brushed your cheek against his black hoodie, smelling the fresh lavender and nuzzling against his arm to remind him that you weren’t planning on leaving or letting him go.

Summer ran down the empty aisle, jumping into the booth and she laughed to herself, “I got this!”

You leaned up from Tom so he could see what she had in her small hand. Her casted arm rested on the table, signatures written all over it from her birthday party.

“It’s for you.” Summer smiled, putting the object in Tom’s hand.

He glanced at it, seeing a small plastic container with a yellow top sealing it. Inside was a cheap ring with the metallic paint partially chipped off and there was a blunt blue jewel in the middle.

“You sure you want to give it to me? It’s so pretty.” Tom managed to smile back at her, observing the ring.

“Yeah, Daddy. I promise.” She grinned, her tongue between her teeth as she flashed another smile that he thought resembled his.

Tom didn't want to believe that someone so full of spite and bitterness could be her mother, but he didn't have the heart to tell her. No matter how much he could hate Maggie for what she’s doing, Tom couldn’t ruin their possible relationship because she was her mother.

After the three of you finished your late breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and bacon, you got up to use the restroom, but also gave time for Tom to say his last goodbyes to Summer alone. You rubbed Tom’s shoulder before you slipped out of the booth, keeping your eyes on him until you turned the corner.

Tom grinned at her, but he still wasn’t sure how to tell Summer about Maggie other than she was spending the night with her for a while, thinking she would take to it but instead a confused look painted on her round face.

“I thought Y/N was my mommy.” She admitted even though he had denied her multiple times that you were.

He couldn’t hide his smile, “I’ve told you she’s not. She’s my friend. My best friend.”

“Daddy, I don’t want to go. I wanna stay with you and Y/N.” Summer persisted, placing her blue crayon down. She always got a wrinkle between her eyebrows when they furrowed.

“It’ll be a few days,” Tom assured, but he didn’t know.

“But, I don’t wanna.” She whined, bouncing a bit in her seat.

As much as he wanted to, Tom couldn’t say no. He knew this was going to happen before he could know anything else was going behind his back with Maggie. Summer pouted her lips as her mood changed, leaning back with her hair pushed up against the booth.

Tom shifted over, “Come here.” He asked her, patting where you were sitting earlier.

Summer wiggled out of her side of the booth, touching her feet to the ground before quickly lifting herself into the seat and curling up next to Tom. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her hair, feeling an instant warmth even though she was so tiny. It was as if he blinked and was surprised to see her growing so fast. His sweet daughter went from a toddler with bright blue paint on her hands and knees and blossoming into a young girl with ideas that could reach the moon and back.

“It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna have so much fun. I promise.” He sniffled, his voice cracking a bit.

“Pinky promise?” She asked, lifting her casted arm to him.

His lip quivered, but Tom quickly smiled, “Promise… and we always keep our promises, right?”

She nodded, wrapping her tiny pinky around his then squeezing it tight, “Always, daddy.”

Tom remembered when she was only able to wrap her whole hand around that same finger, wondering where the time went. He wanted to go back to when she barely had hair on her head or when he had to follow her around the room when she started to crawl, as she grabbed at stray cords or tried to get under the couch. 

“You have all your stuff?” Tom asked her.

“Mhmm, got my colors and favorite books.” Summer nodded, grabbing a piece of bacon off Tom’s place, “Do you think she’ll read them in the voices? Like you and Y/N do?”

Tom sealed his lips, “Maybe if you ask her nicely.” He cracked a smile, moving Summer’s hair out of her face.

As you walked up to the booth, Tom lifted his head and mouthed to you that he was okay. In the bathroom, you had to compose yourself before Maggie showed up. No excuse could make this situation better and all you could do was be patient and be there for Tom. While that was easier to think of, you knew as soon as you made contact with her bright green eyes, all you wanted to do was yell and protest that she doesn’t deserve to feel good about this.

“What did I miss? Anything interesting?” You joked, trying to keep the mood light.

“Daddy said I’m gonna have a lot of fun this weekend.” Summer mentioned, smiling at you with her crooked smile.

You gulped, your throat feeling dry, “Yeah, lots of fun.” You forced a grin.

The low music over the speakers filled the silence, not knowing what to say about this, especially in front of Summer. Tom kept his arm wrapped around his shoulder, but he stared out of the window with his hand on his chin, slightly covering his mouth. He didn’t want to cry, he was trying, but the more Tom thought about how there was a chance he couldn’t get Summer back, the more he dug deep to find a way to stop it.

“Hi, Tom.”

He quickly turned his head, seeing Maggie standing in front of the booth. She wore a sleek leather jacket with a maroon shirt underneath and it intimidated Summer. She furrowed her faint eyebrows, but Tom pulled back his arm around her.

“Hey, Maggie.” He didn’t look in her eyes.

She didn’t pay you any mind, choosing to ignore that you were sitting right there, but it’s not like you wanted her to give you any attention.

Summer scooted out of the booth along with Tom, both of them standing across from Maggie. There’s no doubting it was an awkward situation, but nevertheless, Tom continued to stay mature about it. He grabbed Summer’s backpack off the ground, helping her put both her arms through the straps.

“Okay, kid. I’ll see you in a few days.” Tom chuckled with his hands on Summer’s shoulders.

“Promise?” She asked, her big eyes so glossy.

He immediately clenched his jaw, knowing lying to her would hurt like a stab to his heart, but maybe it was for the better right now. There were many ways he could reply that didn’t sound like the lie it was yet he couldn’t come up with anything except, “Promise.” because he knew he would try to keep it as much as he could from where he stood.

Summer wrapped her arms around his legs as tight as she could, “I love you, daddy.” She mumbled.

“I love you too. Always.” He said before kissing the top of her head.

She looked over her shoulder at you sitting in the booth, not forgetting to say goodbye to you too. Summer walked up and got on her knees in the booth, feeling them sink into the cushion. Her small arms wrapped around you and you giggled, giving her a tight squeeze back.

“Bye, Y/N.”

“Bye, Summer.” You grinned, giving her a last glance.

She shimmed once more and stood in front of Maggie, still standing there with her arms crossed and one of her eyebrows arched.

“Let’s get going,” Maggie said, her happy tone sounding forced.

Without caring to hold Summer’s hand, Maggie began to walk away, but Summer stood still. Her little heart was racing, not sure what to do even though she was told to go with this strange woman who was supposedly her mom.

Tom glanced at Summer, his lips going to the side as he watched tears well up in her eyes. She sniffled, looking down at her feet and her body felt frozen. It was a new feeling to her, not knowing why she was suddenly so scared. It reminded Tom of her first day of kindergarten. She hid behind his leg while they stood in the hallway and all the kids slowly filled the room. He tried to nudge her to meet a new friend, maybe talk about her hobbies, but she was gripping on his jeans from how scared she was.

Just like he did on her first day of school, Tom kneeled on one knee in front of her. He angled his head to look into her eyes, trying to see her full face. He tilted her chin up and wiped her tears with his thumb, catching them as they ran down more.

“Hey, you remember when we saw the penguins at the zoo?” He grinned.

She nodded, her lip pouted.

“And you remember what the zookeeper said? That penguins always find each other, no matter where they are or how far they are... they’ll always find their way back to the colony… and just like penguins, we always find our way home too.” Tom explained, fixing the end of her jacket.

“Really, daddy?”

“Of course. You’re gonna have to keep your head up for a few days though.” He gulped, a small smirk on his lips.

Summer leaned in, wrapping her arms around Tom’s neck again and he coiled her arm around her, squeezing her arm tight. He left a quick kiss on her temple and Tom slowly stood up, trying to pull himself away so it didn’t become harder to leave her.

Maggie stood a few feet away, a bit of disappointment in her eyes. She thought this was going to be the easy part of this process, but it proved harder now that she could visibly see the bond Summer and Tom had created. You watched her lips pin together, not knowing what to do but stand there until they were done talking.

“I love you.” Summer said to Tom again.

“Love you more, kid.” He chuckled, his voice breaking from holding back his tears, “Remember to keep your cast dry. Okay?”

She slipped away from his arms and Tom’s heartfelt heavier the more he said his goodbyes. Summer held her head high and walked up to Maggie, lifting her hand up for her to hold. Maggie hesitantly reached for it, but she glanced at Tom for some kind of permission to. Tom sealed his lips and you slid out of the booth, standing behind him as you watched the two of them walk outside the diner.

“She’ll be back soon.” You whispered, rubbing his tense shoulder.

“Yeah…” He trailed, forcing a grin for you. Tom knew he didn’t have to fake his emotions for you, but right now, he didn’t want to admit he was torn apart inside.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

The days didn’t pass by as quickly as Tom hoped. He didn’t realize how fast work was when he had Summer to come home to. It was hard for him to get out of bed, make meals for himself or concentrate on anything he was doing. Luckily, you were there for him or, at least, tried to be. You weren’t sure what would happen to your friendship after your sudden kiss, but you felt like it was inappropriate to bring up with what happened after it. Even though the status of your possible relationship was unknown and your feelings were still strong, you were there for Tom no matter what.

In the morning, you stirred in the sheets and felt the soft fabric of the pillow against your cheek. As you reached your arm over on Tom’s side of the bed, your hand brushed over the cotton linens which made you slowly open your eyes. The duvet was folded over and his pillow was propped up, showing you he had been up for a while before he got up. You let out a long yawn, stretching your arms and legs and feeling the cold air against your skin.

You walked around the bed, grabbing the blanket at the end of it and wrapping it over your shoulders before leaving the bedroom. When you got to the end of the hallway, you saw Tom sitting on the couch with a box in his lap and a few pictures scattered on the cushion. Your lips went to the side as you approached him, trying to be quiet but the sound of the floor creaking made Tom look over his shoulder.

“Morning.” You grinned, standing behind the couch.

You ran your hands over his hair, playing with it before you looked at the pictures. They were of Summer since she was a baby, most of them were birthday pictures or other special events, like when she lost her first tooth or the first time she stood up. Tom cherished the memories, hoping they would make him happy, but all they did was remind him how he felt like a failure.

“Good morning. How’d you sleep?” Tom asked, his voice groggy and deep.

“Fine, and you?” You replied as you trailed your hand from his hair, walking over to the kitchen.

“Good.” He lied, running his thumb against his left eye before grabbing another picture.

It was Summer’s first Halloween and he dressed her up in the homemade lion costume you worked so hard on. He half-smiled thinking about when you drew in a nose with black paint and she scrunched her face, the bristles of the brush tickling before Summer sneezed. Before you could warn her, she wiped her nose with her hand and you and Tom couldn’t help but laugh. With Halloween just around the corner, his smile fell wondering if they would have another one together.

“Here you go. Dark and two sugars.” You softly said, handing him a cup of coffee, just the way he liked it.

“Thank you.” He weakly smiled, taking a short sip.

“How are you feeling?” You asked.

Tom placed his cup of coffee on the table and collected the pictures so you could sit beside him.

“Better. I got a little more sleep.” He muttered and set the box of pictures on the floor.

You pulled off the fuzzy blanket on the arm of the couch before you sat down, laying it over your and Tom’s lap. Your crisscrossed your legs, holding your mug in your lap while Tom put his free arm around your shoulders. When you turned your head to Tom, he didn’t have the same natural glow to him. 

He was struggling to find some kind of closure, but the lack of communication with Maggie made it hard for him to not overthink. There were no calls and rarely a text. Tom was going crazy, replaying the last moments with Summer in his head.

“Maybe you can skip work today.” You suggested, rubbing the top of his leg.

Tom nodded, “I can’t. I need the tips. Hopefully, I can get Halloween night. I’ll be able to cover child support for the month.” He rubbed the back of his neck, closing his eyes as he tilted his head toward the ceiling.

Your lips went to the side, “Did Maggie say when you’d see Summer?”

He sighed, “No. I haven’t heard anything either.”

“That can’t be legal.”

“Summer’s not mine, Y/N. I don’t get to see her when I want.” Tom retorted as if he was defending her.

“You know that’s not true. It doesn’t matter if she’s your blood, you gave her the best life. Who knows? Maggie probably just forged it. People do it all the time. Why would she just come back when you slept together one time?” You acknowledged, not trusting her for a second.

“I don’t want to get into it.” He replied, taking another sip of coffee.

“Then when are you? Because I know you love that kid more than anything else in the world.” You protested, still facing him.

Tom finally looked your way, meeting your eyes, but he didn’t want to say anything. You didn’t expect a response because you knew that he did love her and he was going to find a way to get her back, no matter how long it took. You tilted your head at him, cracking a smile and tilting his chin up. The warmth that came from your comfort helped him see the brighter side in this, motivating him to see that this wouldn’t last forever.

“You know you’re the best, right?” Tom grinned.

You reached your hand up, intertwining yours with his that was hanging off your shoulder, “I try.” You joked, both of you sharing a light laugh.

You ran your fingers through Tom’s hair, trying to fix it, but he was growing it long as he did in high school. Tom let out a low chuckle, feeling your hand trail to cup his cheek and you rubbed your thumb over his cheek and the faint freckles painted across his soft skin.

While the past few days had been confusing, Tom knew that he wanted to be with you, but he didn’t want to stir you in his drama. As much as you had been there for the past six years, he realized that Summer was his responsibility, and to bring you into a triangle with him and Maggie didn’t seem fair. It’s not because he wanted to push you away for his selfish reasons, but because he wanted to protect you from whatever was going to happen from this point. You were still best friends and would always be, but it didn’t feel like enough after finally kissing each other and not wanting to let go.

As you pulled your hand back, you glanced down and see some of the pictures in the box. You quickly lean down, placing it on your lap and you picked through the various photos before there was one that brought back memories.

“I can’t believe you have this.” You chuckled, holding the photo close to your face.

Tom turned his head toward it, not knowing he had his eyes glued to you, and he instantly smiled.

“Ah, when I was your knight in shining armor.” He beamed at the picture of you with your broken arm and he stood next to you wearing his favorite baseball jersey.

“You mean when you carried my books for me and helped me put on my backpack, oh yeah, I remember.” You grinned, reminiscing to when the world wasn’t so complicated.

Tom smiled, “Don’t act like you didn’t love it.” He rubbed your shoulder, both of you chuckling at the memory. You handed him the picture, but he slowly was reminded of Summer and her recent accident.

“Shit..” He trailed, “I hope she’s kept her cast dry. I should call.” Tom said, unwrapping his arm from your shoulders and you watched him frantically looking for his phone around the apartment.

“Tom!”

“Huh?” He asked, lifting some papers on his counter.

You lifted his phone, his screen cracked, in your hand and grinned, “Looking for something?”

A relieved smile painted on his face as he walked over, taking the phone and he kissed a light kiss against the top of your head, “What would I do without you?”

It was nice to see him turning back to his old self, but you knew that his happiness was at the risk of being at Maggie’s beck and call. Even though you weren’t Summer’s mom, you wanted to have a say where she ends up too. 

You half-smiled, watching him walk down the hall to his bedroom. You turned toward the box of pictures, rummaging through enough to get an idea of how to organize them.

Tom slowly paced across his room as the phone rang, sweat on his palms that he brushed on the back of his jeans. He leaned his head toward the ceiling and tried not to overthink what he could say if he went straight to voicemail.

“Hello?” Maggie retorted, running her fingers through the crown of her hair.

“Hey. I just wanted to make sure things were okay.” Tom trailed as he sat on the edge of his bed.

“Fine, it’s fine.” She lied, searching through her laundry basket.

Tom furrowed his eyebrows, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, things are fine! I’m just trying to find this stupid sweater.” She grunted, pushing through all the folded clothes.

“What sweater?”

“Some yellow sweater with a heart on that she won’t stop complaining about.”

Summer was sitting on the couch, insisting she wanted to watch her favorite cartoons after breakfast. Maggie didn’t want to deal with the complaining and poking so it was relieving to keep her distracted instead of having to keep Summer entertained while she tried to work from home.

“Oh, I forgot to put it in there. Shit.” Tom cursed, quickly getting up.

He walked to Summer’s room, knowing the exact drawer he remembered placing it in and not surprised that it was there. Tom lifted the sweater, the sleeves unfolding, and seeing how worn it was from the ripped tag. He brought it up to his face, inhaling the lingering smell of watermelon and kiwi from her shampoo.

“Yeah, I got it. It’s here.” He told her, the phone between his ear and shoulder.

“Okay, I’ll come over and get it.” Maggie huffed.

“No, no! I can go over there. I have to go to work later so I can come by.” Tom offered, glaring at the small sweater in his hand.

“Depends, are you going to bring… Y/N?” She crossed her arms as she leaned against the washing machine, “Because I don’t think she’s been a good influence.”

Tom’s eyebrows arched, “Excuse me?”

“Summer says “Y/N lets me do this or Y/N and I do this” and I don’t think it’s good considering she’s not her mom. She shouldn’t have such big control over her.” Maggie said loud enough for Summer to hear from the couch.

“You weren’t there for her and she was so, I’m sorry if she acts like her mom more than you.” Tom chimed.

Maggie clenched her jaw, “Just drop it off. Okay?”

“Sure. I’ll be over around three.”

She hung up abruptly and Tom was left upset from not being able to talk to Summer. He hated how he didn’t have any sense of control, to think that this could be the way things are until she goes off to college. Out of anger, Tom threw his phone across the room that made a loud thud against the wall. His blood boiled and tears filled his eyes, bringing the sweater back to his face and trying to let the lingering scent keep him calm.

You stood in the hall across from the door and it was close enough to hear the whole conversation. Every word made your heart drop, not knowing what you could do for him. You hated eavesdropping, but it was getting harder to get the truth from Tom as the days went by. He was falling apart and it was getting too painful to slowly watch.

“Tom?” You softly asked, knocking on the door.

He left the sweater on the bed, wiping his eyes with the end of his t-shirt before grabbing his phone off the floor. To his relief, the already cracked screen didn’t have any new damage. Tom wiped the screen against his pants before opening the door to meet your gaze.

“Sorry about that. I just got frustrated.” He avoided looking in your eyes.

“It’s okay.” You tell him, not needing any assurance. All you did was wrap your arms around him and tell him that it would all be okay, even if you didn’t really know if it would be.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

The half-hour drive to Maggie’s apartment felt like hours to Tom, his head filled with what he was going to say to her or how he was going to handle whatever she told him. He bit on his nails on his left hand while the other gripped the top of the steering wheel tight. Right when he thought of the things he could say, his anxiety made him forget all of the rational thoughts.

As he parked in a parallel spot, Tom got out of the car with the sweater in one hand with a duffle in the other. He carefully crossed the street and entered the complex, walking up the stairs to the fourth level. When he entered through the exit door, he saw the floors were polished and the lighting was bright since there were no windows. It all came off as luxurious and bare, nothing but one or two paintings on the wall.

He knocked a few times under the plastic golden numbers, his eyes searching around until he heard the locks click. The door flew open and Maggie popped her head out, her makeup a few shades darker than last time.

“Hey,” Tom mumbled.

“Hey… you brought it?” She asked quickly, opening the door more.

Tom couldn’t help looking past her, seeing if Summer was in there.

“Yeah. Here.” Tom huffed, handing her the sweater, “And I brought some other stuff she might want.” He gave her the duffle too, weighing down in her hand when he passed it.

“Jesus, what’s in this? She’s not going off to college.”

“A few books, shirts, socks, a few Mad Libs.” He said what was off the top of his head, shoving his hands in his front pockets.

“Well thanks, it should keep her busy.” Maggie quickly grinned, but before she could shut the door, Tom took a step forward.

“Can I see her? Just for a few minutes before I go to work.” Tom asked, even though he didn’t feel the need to.

She sighed, “I really have to go, Tom.”

Before Tom could say another word, Summer shouted from behind Maggie, “Daddy!”

Summer pushed past Maggie, holding out her arms and Tom immediately wrapped his around her. He spun her around with her feet off the ground. He could cry as he held her tighter, kissing the top of her hair and she giggled, “I missed you!”

He put her back on her feet, “I missed you too, kid. How’s the cast?” Tom smiled.

She lifted it up, “Good, I got more names on it.”

“Oh, yeah? Aren’t you miss popular.” Tom chuckled, watching her rotate the cast.

“Are we going home?” Summer quickly asked.

Tom sealed his lips, “Ah, not… yet.”

Summer’s face shifted, “But, I wanna go home.”

“Not yet, baby.” Tom knew it wasn’t in his control right now.

“But, I wanna go home now…” She protested, a dimple between her furrowed eyebrows.

It was the first time he heard true sorrow in her light voice. A kid always had their emotional fits, but Tom taught her that it was okay to talk to her and didn’t have to hold anything back. There was never a moment of questioning her temper tantrums or how she behaved, but he couldn’t wrap his head around this whole incident. He didn’t know how to answer her questions and help her and it was killing him to feel like he was doing nothing yet also trying to do everything he could.

“Summer, I promise you’ll be home soon, okay?” He promised, running his hand over her soft hair.

“Okay.” She pouted.

Quickly turning away, Summer fled back into the apartment and didn’t give Tom another look. He chewed the inside of his cheek and Maggie put her hand on your hip, not knowing what else to say.

“Well, thanks.” She huffed.

“When can I see her again?” Tom asked, embarrassed from how desperate he came off.

She nodded, “I don’t know...”

Tom clenched his jaw, “I raised her, I don’t understand how you can come back and just take her away like you suddenly want to be a great mother. Do you want something else from me other than child support? Huh? What is it, Maggie?” He asked, frustrated and tired of biting his tongue.

Maggie looked over her shoulder at Summer, meeting her blatant glare, so Maggie stepped into the hall to have some privacy. Tom took a few steps away from her, putting his back against the wall while she stood on her side.

“I don’t want to argue with you, Tom. I really don’t-”

“Then why are you doing this?” He cut her off.

She nodded, “I’m uncomfortable with it all.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not Summer’s dad!” Maggie stated, “Okay? Do you know how confusing that is gonna be to her? That the guy who has raised her for six years isn’t even her dad!”

Tom was in disbelief, his throat dry and thinking as if he got the wind out of him.

“I want to take a DNA test.”

Maggie couldn’t help but chuckle, “You’re not her dad.”

“I don’t care, I’m taking a test. If I’m the father, she gets to stay with me.”

“Well, she’s not so, good luck with that plan.” She boldly told Tom, watching him walk away from the conversation.

Adrenaline fueled him, leaving the building with the last dignity he felt like he had. The doubt rapidly sunk in from Maggie’s words and for the first time, Tom started to believe that she was right. He may have wasted six years of his life, not knowing how he could have fallen for it all.

After slamming the car door, Tom huffed and wiped his hands down his face. He was annoyed at the stress he held back, thinking he had his emotions under control when everything was falling apart. A million voices spoke throughout his conscience all at once and tried to guide him, too overwhelming to maintain his cool he had kept for so long. Tom clenched his fist and quickly jabbed the steering wheel, pain coursing from his blistered knuckles.

The night shift was a wreck and Tom couldn’t gain his confidence back. He messed up drink orders that infuriated his tipsy customers, dropped a glass from how shaky his hands were, and overall couldn’t clear his mind from his argument earlier with Maggie. Nevertheless, Tom pushed through the sloppy job he did but had to flee to the back to get some air from the inebriated crowd.

With a bottle of beer in one hand, he slipped away when one of his co-workers came in. Tom exited to the back alley, the cold breeze hitting his face and the wind slapping his back when the door closed behind him. As he brought the bottle to his lips, Tom took breaths through his nose as he downed the bitter ale. His eyes burned from the icy carbonation, pulling it away after drinking most of it. He tossed the glass bottle into the dumpster across from him, running his hands through his hair as he paced around the dead end.

“Shit!” He growled, his voice echoing.

A few tears trailed down his cheek and he quickly wiped them with the back of his hand. Tom got himself together, but before he went back inside to end his shift, his phone vibrated in his front pocket. He was relieved to see your name headlining a picture of the two of you.

“Hey, babe.” Tom sniffled.

You were taken back by the pet name, “Babe?”

He smiled, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. I’m tired.” He pinched his nose bridge.

“No, no, I wasn’t sure if we were using “babe” or any other grossly cute nicknames.” You jeered, your sweet giggle comforting him.

“It’s just been a weird day.” He pressed his back against the brick wall.

“Things didn’t go well with Maggie?” You sighed, laying down on the couch.

Tom nodded, “Not exactly. But, I’m trying to figure it out.”

Your lips went to the side, not surprised Tom said it because he always liked to tackle everything by himself. There was no need to meddle, but you knew he would come around when he wanted to.

“Hey, I know it’s hard now, but… You’re gonna get her back.” You started, hoping it sounded comforting.

Tom remembered when you said he’d never lose her. He already doubted himself, but he didn’t want to have a lack of uncertainty with you, a person he trusted more than anyone.

“Tom?” You asked, only hearing the noises of passing cars in the background.

“Yeah, babe, I’m here.” Tom shook his head, running his hand down his face.

His voice cracked from the brokenness, causing your heart to flutter. You wanted to fix this all, and you would if you could, but it was equally as frustrating for you to keep your calm. You knew that if you exploded with rage and anger, Tom would follow the same path of destruction and it’s the last thing you both needed to do.

“Okay… are you coming back soon?”

“Yeah, I’m almost off my shift. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”

“Drive safe, please.” You tilted your head, pulling your legs to your chest.

“Always.” He smiled before hanging up.

Tom went back inside to finish his shift, hoping to get a few tips from his charm. He snuck a few shots of Crown and gin in between his orders, looking around to make sure none of his co-workers saw. It was out of his character to drink on the job knowing it could get him fired on the spot, but Tom didn’t care. He wanted the pain inside to numb away with warm liquor until he was sick.

Making the poor decision of driving home, Tom took his time to get back. He rubbed his eyes a few times from the haze fogging his vision, but he slowly pulled into his usual parking spot. At first, he forgot to put on the parking gear, the car rolling forward before he stepped on the brake. A drunk chuckle left his lips as he parked, pulling the keys out and he leaned on the car to maintain his balance.

You fell asleep on the couch waiting for him only to flinch from the door slamming. As you put your weight on your arms, Tom walked in with a sway to his walk.

“Hey, I was starting to worry.” You groaned, stretching as you stood up from the couch.

“Sorry, I was… trying to get home and there was… it was fine.” He slurred, a faint smile on his face.

You furrowed your eyebrows, walking up to him and instantly smelling the alcohol on his breath.

“You drove home drunk?”

“I’m here in one piece, aren’t I?” He breezed past you, kicking his shoes off by the kitchen island then heading to the bedroom.

“You could have gotten killed.” You hissed.

You crossed your arms as you followed him, standing in the door frame. Tom struggled to unbutton his shirt, not able to grip them with his hazy vision. 

“I’m here, okay? I’m fine and I just need to sleep.” Tom groaned, the alcohol fueling his irritation.

You didn’t want to pick a fight, not this late and not with everything else going on, so you digressed and decided to leave it till the morning.

As he lazily pulled apart his button-up, he threw it to the side and left him in his basic white tee. You walked around to the shared bathroom and cupped some lukewarm water in your hands to splash on your face. You could hear Tom unbuckle his pants and he threw them to the floor, missing the hamper by a long shot.

You walked to your side of the bed, glancing at him laying down with his bloodshot eyes still open.

“Tom, you can’t do this.”

“I know. I know, but this… I fucking can’t think about anything else.” He admitted.

You sat up on the bed with your head against your pillow, pulling the duvet over your legs. You ran your hand over his messy, brown curls, weaving your fingers through it and pushing it back. His eyes met yours as you continued to play with his hair.

“From how long we’ve been friends, I know you have always put the weight of the world on your shoulders.” You spoke calmly, your tone soft and sweet like honey, “But, you can’t keep doing this to yourself...”

He gulped, not knowing how to let go of this anger he internalized.

“Then what am I supposed to do?” His voice was broken.

“You need to take your time, baby.” You whispered, running your hand through his hair again.

Tom gently held your hand that was resting on your stomach, brought it to his face, and kissed the top of it a few times. You grinned, watching him bring your intertwined hands to his chest. He kept his eye contact with you, his free hand tucking your hair behind your ear.

“I don’t know how I’d stay sane without you.” He revealed, his eyes glossy.

You half-smiled, “You’d function, just not as properly.” You jeered, trying to make him laugh.

“Oh, always with the jokes.” Tom chuckled, tickling up your side and you began to kick around, letting out infectious belly laughs.

“I can’t help it! You’re fun to mess with.” You beamed.

You shifted down to be face to face with him, lying next to him and forgetting about the world for a few minutes. Tom was never big on affection with who we dated, struggling to open himself up with people he felt were temporary. Little did you know that he was wrapped around your finger since the day you fell off the jungle gym.

“I just want you to be happy.” You sighed.

He nodded, “I am happy. I promise.”

You brushed your nose against his, your head angled from the side. Tom’s light buzz lingered, wrapping his arms around your shoulders to pull you closer to him under the warm, cotton sheets. Your head rested on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and running your hand down his abdomen. As you brought his hand toward you, but you furrowed your eyebrows at the light red and purple bruising across his knuckles.

“What’s this from?” You asked, grazing your finger over his skin.

Tom raised his eyebrows, “Uh, I don’t know.” He lied.

You pouted, “You should ice it tomorrow. It looks kind of bad.”

“Yeah…” Tom trailed, biting the inside of his cheek.

You pressed light kisses against the bruises, “Gotta be more careful, babe.”

His brown eyes brightened, a small smile on his lips before he scattered some kisses against your temple, your cheek pressing against his shoulder.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

When you two went to the clinic to get the DNA test, Tom couldn’t sit still the whole time. From the waiting room until he sat on top of the doctor’s table, he pulled at his fingers or tapped his leg which made you place your hands on him to get him to stop. You gave him words of encouragement, trying to support him through the lengthy process, especially when he saw the needle thread into his dark blue veins.

“I thought it was just gonna be a cheek swab.” He chuckled, discomfort in his chuckle.

“Some places do that, but a blood test is more accurate.” The nurse tried to calm him, her tone soft.

“How accurate?” He hissed at the sudden pinch.

Her lips went to the side, “Above ninety percent.”

His head was turned to the cabinets, fixating on the bold font of one of the flyers. You sat in the black, plastic chair next to the counter, your legs crossed and peering up at Tom. His face scrunched together for a split second, visibly seeing that he still hated needles after all these years.

“What?” He asked.

You nodded, “Nothing. You’re just making a cute face.” You jeered, placing your hand on your cheek with your elbow on the arm of the chair.

“Just reminds me of high school blood drives… Nurse Jenna always poking my vein a thousand times.” He huffed.

“It’s because you squirmed so much, like you are now.” You teased.

He rolled his eyes with a faint smile, looking down at his feet before the nurse pulled the needle away and covered it with a ball of cotton. Tom held it there for a few seconds until she slowly wrapped the light blue bandage the perfect tightness around his arm.

“You should get the results back in four to five days. We’ll let you know right away, Mr. Holland.”

“Thank you so much.” Tom grinned at her.

After the nurse walked out with the blood sample and her file, you stood up, slinging your purse strap on your shoulder. Tom stepped down from the table, pulling down his flannel sleeve to cover the bandage.

“You were so brave. Are you upset she didn’t give you a lollipop?” You joked.

“Don’t worry too much, but I think I’ll live.” He jeered back, leaning in to kiss your forehead.

You wrapped your arm around his back, giving him a light hug before you two left to check out then headed back to his apartment. On the ride home, Tom was fairly quiet with the low music from the speakers filling the car. There wasn’t anything you needed to say, but being there for each other was enough comfort. With the windows rolled down halfway, the fresh air weaved through your hair and your fingers were loosely wrapped around the top of the steering wheel.

Tom looked out the window, watching the scenes you passed by, but his head was in a different place. His elbow rested against the armrest of the door, unconsciously biting his nail and shaking his leg. You cautiously put your hand on top of his, the one settled on his leg, intertwining your fingers together without looking at him.

It was still hard getting used to the quietness, not only from you but within Tom’s life.

Tom missed Summer being at the apartment, looking forward to putting up the crayon drawings she worked on at breakfast or insisting they go to the park on weekends. But, since she hadn’t been around, it gave more time for you and Tom to be alone, at least back to how you were six years ago. For the most part, it was nice to dance in the middle of the living room, spinning each other around and sharing takeout at the coffee table while watching a tooth-rotting, romance movie. Just making it more obvious that Summer changed his life, even in the smallest things she did.

The growth of your relationship was important, but most of it was centered around Summer. It didn’t mean you couldn’t both carry a conversation without her, just that most of the things you did together were for her. Endless trips to the park, going to the zoo, taking her to girl scouts, or even running around the house playing hide and seek if it was a rainy day. Her giggles filled the apartment, endless amounts of laughter from the three of you and the memories you created. It was the one thing that motivated Tom to fight for her, just to make more and more memories and have her back in his arms for good. 

As the grueling days passed, it was closer to Halloween night and Tom was trying to get as many shifts as he could. Not only was it one of their busiest times, but he also got generous tips. Because the holiday was during a school day, Tom’s apartment held an event for some kids to come by and trick-or-treat early.

It would be Tom’s first holiday without Summer there, but the results would come any time now. It’s all that consumed his mind, on top of him working on her Halloween costume without her. She insisted she wanted to be Wonder Woman and you and Tom never used store-bought costumes, not even when she was a baby and you made a pumpkin costume out of orange felts and stitching.

“Hey! You’re gonna be late for work.” You said, running your hands through Tom’s curls when you passed by him sitting at the table.

Tom snapped out of his trance, shaking his head and rubbing his tired eyes with the palms of his hands. Today marked the day Tom should have gotten his DNA test back, checking his phone and email since he woke up before dawn.

“Are you staying late? I know Halloween week is probably like the jackpot for you guys.” You grinned, grabbing a mixed bag of candy from on top of the fridge and a bowl from the cabinet.

“Yeah, if you thought the tips from single moms paid up, wait until you get an open tab from a fratboy.” Tom chuckled as he got up, stretching his back and he brushed down his wrinkled, navy button-down.

“Well, I’m sure they’re just flirting with you too. You’re so damn charming with those brown eyes and smile.” You winked at him, shifting the big bowl of sweets with both your hands.

He walked behind you, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, “Hmm, well there’s enough of me to go around.” Tom jeered.

Tom checked his phone once again, scrolling through his email and call history, seeing him looking down at it from the corner of your eye.

“Hey, babe, you need to get going.” You reminded him, placing the bowl of candy on the small table next to the door. You walked over to him, wrapping your arms around him from behind and planting a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you, dear.” Tom faintly smiled, nudging his head against yours before you untangled from him.

He shoved his phone in his back pocket, grabbing his denim jacket off the back of the kitchen chair. Tom told you he’d call you on his way home and to have fun, but felt some relief from not being around the kids. He’d barely spoken to Maggie since their argument last week, only getting updates on Summer and her behavior. Tom never knew someone could find the one nerve that could be pinched in any instance, making him incredibly annoyed with whatever he was doing.

The bar was getting packed as Tom walked past the crowd in the front, everyone mingling at the high-rise tables in their various costumes. There was a discount if you wore a costume, usually helping business with more drinks for lower prices, but that meant the night would feel longer with an endless amount of orders piling on top of each other with little patience from a drunken mob.

Rolling his sleeves up to his elbows, Tom made sure their inventory was stocked as he breezed by his co-workers. He wasn’t close enough to them to tell anyone want he was dealing with, but he figured it was better not to talk about it so it never came up during a shift.

Multicolored lights flashed and beamed through the moving mass of people, but enough of the warm light above the bar helped guide Tom when he was scrambling to attend to whoever he could. It took his mind off his stress, too worried about not getting drinks right when it was easy to with how hectic it was. Drink after drink, he collected a bill and shoved it in the shared tip jar behind them, hoping they made enough so everyone could walk with sore feet, but be satisfied with their hard work.

As the night grew longer, it became rowdier and it meant that it was harder to get people out so new ones could come in. While Tom talked to one of his regulars down at one side, an argument between two strangers began to ensue toward the middle. Tom looked over his shoulder while leaning on the bar, glaring at the two boys whose voices howled over the music.

“I think you should get the fuck out of my face!” One yelled, he had dirty blonde hair and a scratch by his lip.

“Chill out, what the fuck!” The other retorted and his piercing blue eyes were bright enough for Tom to see from where he stood.

“Hey, give me one second.” Tom told the man he was talking to, quickly pacing over toward the angry exchange, “Hey, knock it off.” He said with an assertive, deep tone.

They ignored Tom, continuing to argue before one threw a punch deep into the other’s face. It knocked the man on the floor, making Tom jump over the bar to try to break up the fight. While he defended himself from the guy who punched first, the other drunken man pulled Tom down by the shoulders. In his inebriated fury, he jabbed Tom in the stomach, hurting his rib which made Tom hold on his hands there.

“Hey man, get off me!” Tom gritted his teeth, grabbing the guy’s wrist to push him back down to the floor.

Even though Tom was strong enough to do so, the other nameless man tried to help Tom, but Tom was soon met with a punch to the eye, near the nose bridge. The guy was twice as large as him, able to put his weight on Tom as he threw constant punches to his face and jaw. Tom’s eyes teared up, mixing with the blood from his nose before the guy was pulled off him.

Tom quickly got on his feet, holding on to the bar, but he was met with more arguing between the two strangers he never should have intervened between, to begin with. He rubbed the back of his head, hoping he didn’t have a concussion with the throbbing under his skin. Before Tom could recover from what happened, the guy approached him again, stumbling until Tom threw a punch back.

He didn’t know what came over him, but the stress of everything instantly came out with his rush of adrenaline. More people from the crowd tried to step in, even one of Tom’s co-workers, but it ended with two police officers settling both of them. Tom tasted the blood on his lips, spitting it on the dirty floor as his heads were pulled behind his back.

“Calm down!” The officer pleaded with Tom, taking him outside of the bar.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

The sounds of office phones ringing and the news playing lowly were all you could concentrate on. The police station was the last place you thought of being at a time like this, your heart racing since you picked up the phone and told what had happened with Tom. You bounced your leg, the other crossed on top of it and moving your ankle to find anything to make time go faster.

“Y/N L/N.”

You whipped your head, pushing off the chair to get up and speed walk to the front.

“Y-Yes, that’s me.” You said, putting your hands on top of the desk.

“He’s being released now.” The officer spoke with a monotone voice.

You nodded, stepping away from the desk before a short buzz echoed the hall. Tom slowly walked up, his hands behind his back before the officer escorting him released the handcuffs.

“Keep your head up, kid.” The tall officer told him before walking back to the cells.

Tom rubbed his reddened wrists, his face and body in pain from the beating he went through. When you saw his face, you almost couldn’t believe it was him. Red and purple bruises faded on his light skin near his right eye and trailing his sharp jaw. His nose bridge looked displaced and dry blood under his nose, the rest on the collar of his dark shirt. You almost couldn’t stare because of the bright redness surrounding his right eye from popping a vessel. 

“Babe…” You choked, gently holding his face.

“I’m okay. I promise.” Tom gulped, his hands settling on your hips, “Let’s just go home.” He croaked.

“Not before we go to the emergency room. Your eye looks awful.” You say, gently moving his head to take a better look at it.

He nodded, “I just wanna go home, please.”

“No, we can’t, you’re hurt--”

“Y/N, I wanna go home.” He snapped.

You clenched your jaw at his stubbornness, “Fine.”

Once you were back to the apartment, the first thing Tom wanted to do was take a shower. He sat on top of the toilet seat, unbuttoning his button-down, but winced at the soreness in his arms when trying to take his not-so-white, t-shirt off. As he continued to try to get his arms higher, Tom couldn’t push himself to do it. He leaned over in frustration, a grunt passing his lips before you walked into the door frame.

“Let me help you.” You softly said, taking a few steps toward him.

Tom didn’t have the energy to fight back so, he leaned back to sitting up straight and lifted his arms as high as he couldn’t which wasn’t much. You grabbed the ends of his t-shirt, peeling it off him and tossing it in the hamper behind you.

You kneeled in front of him, “You got it?”

“Yeah, thanks, baby.” He grunted, holding in his pain.

You nodded, placing your hands on his face and caressing your thumb over his cut cheek. A tear trailed from your waterline, hurt to see him in the state he was. He leaned down and pressed his lips against yours, giving a light kiss. You ran your hand through the nape of his curls before getting back up and putting your hand on the doorknob.

“Just yell if you need me.”

He just nodded in response, wincing as he stood up and you closed the door.

You let out a deep sigh as you walked back to the kitchen, cleaning up the pots and pans you had forgotten to wash from yesterday. It was something to do while Tom was showering, not wanting to think that this wouldn’t have happened if Maggie didn’t come back into his life.

Tom’s phone buzzed on the counter, making you glance at it. The cracked screen lit up but there were a few bloody fingerprints covered on the glass. You picked it up and wet a rag, wiping off any of the dirt and blood from it but you saw an email that was sent to him a few hours ago. You didn’t want to put your nose into his business, but it could have been from the clinic.

Your thumb hesitantly pressed his code in, opening his email account, but you saw it was just a letter from a subscription. Your lips went to the side, feeling bad for snooping until your read an email that he had opened earlier. The timestamp was during his shift, not knowing if he saw it before or after, but your heart fell when you read the document.

“Based on the DNA analysis, the alleged father is excluded as the biological father. This result is consistent with the statement that the alleged father (Thomas Holland) is not the biological father of the child.”

tags/taglist: @felicityparkers @dhtomholland @duskholland @strawberrytom @itstaskeen @tomhollandsgirlfriend @bi-writes @infinite-imagination​ @honeyspidey​ @hollandcrush​ @sunsetholland​ @pparkersbitch​ @namoreno​ @calltothewild​ @spideyspeaches​ @veryholland​ @osterfieldshollandgirl​ @slutforsebstan​ @bi-lmg​ @sunshinepeterparkr​ @annathesillyfriend​ @madmadmilk​ @antigoneidk​ @hollandcreep​ @wierdflowerpower​  

Hero

A/N: HAPPY FILI FRIDAY FRIENDS HAVE SOME FLUFF! OMG truly what a great day. This happened after watching An Unexpected Journey again and I freaked out over my baby’s safety even though I know what happens and that he’s fine in that one! Ugh. Such stress. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this story and the whole day! Whoooo! As always, everyone lives always. 

Pairing: Fili x Reader

Word Count: 1,522

Warnings: SPOILERS lol you’ve all seen the movie but still, FLUFF, leetle angst for plot.

Summary: Fili comforts his wife (Y/N) when she gets upset by the stories about the dangers the dwarfs faced on the quest to reclaim Erebor.

ALSO KURDUWE = MY HEART AKA MY NEW FAVORITE WORD SQUEAL BYE (also hey! this is a photo edit I made yay!)

Supper had run long into the night. You had been sitting in your usual seat between Fili and Kili for hours now, drinking and listening to the stories of the company. It had been a few weeks since you were all able to dine together and the energy was high and the ale was flowing. You leaned back in your seat and pictured the tales you’d heard countless times, enjoying every second of it. Even Thorin was letting loose and telling stories of his few shenanigans with Dwalin when everyone lived in the Blue Mountains.

You couldn’t remember quite how many mugs of drink you’d taken yourself but you did your best to keep up with them. Whenever you laughed extra hard or asked about a detail of some fudged story, Fili’s fingers would brush over yours and squeeze them. You even caught him staring a few times and it shot excitement and desire into your stomach. You knew that look of his well and could only imagine what he had in store for you when you returned to your shared chambers.

‘Well, at least I wasn’t reduced to throwing burning pine cones at him!” Dwalin bellowed over the table in answer to Thorin’s teasing. “Remember that, eh?”

Kili groaned but held a bright grin on his face. “Yes, Dwalin, we remember. Even (Y/N) knows the story so well she could tell it herself.” He slung an arm around you and you laughed even though you hated that story. It never failed to send your gut into your throat. You sighed, knowing what was coming.

“Forced up into the trees, no less!” Dwalin went on.

You looked down and watched Fili’s thumb run over your knuckles as he held your hand tightly. Your gazes met and you couldn’t help but smile at his blue eyes that were shining with the late hour and the many drinks.

“Hey! (Y/N)! I’m tellin’ ya a story!” Dwalin’s cry made your head spin around to him.

“I’m so sorry. Please, go on.” You did a pretty good job of hiding your chuckle until Kili shot you a look with a roll of his eyes.

“So, there we are,” Dwalin said, “Climbin’ the trees like ladders- and let me tell you, I can make a good ladder-”

“Best ladders in all of Erebor!” Thorin said with his drink raised high in the air. Cheers followed and Dwalin grumbled over them.

Dwalin stood, slamming his hand on the table to silence the crowd. Then he held his mug out in front of him. “And we can see ‘em comin’. They’re running like a giant’s on their tail and they’re headed straight fer us. Ori, here, he’s pissin’ his trousers-”

“I was not!” Ori cried. He looked to you in desperation over the commotion that followed. “I did not!”

You reached over the table to him. “I believe you, Ori. Let Dwalin have his fun, hm?”

Ori slunk back in his seat and you chuckled, again turning your attention to the other head of the table. Everyone grew quiet again, knowing what was coming, but wanting to hear it from Dwalin again like a bunch of dwarflings sitting at his feet.

“We’re stuck in the trees, every last one of us, with no place left to go. Can’t reach ‘em with our swords or axes, we can only wait until they come to us. The nasty demon wargs are snarlin’ and snappin’ at us, waiting for their command when out of the trees comes the devil himself. I couldna  believe me eyes. Azog was alive and he was after blood, he was. Thought Thorin was gonna shit his trousers.”

All laughed at that, but you couldn’t get a smile to crack your stern countenance. You’d heard the stories over and over about how many times the company cheated death on their quest to Erebor and most of them you could handle by now but this one sent your stomach bubbling every time you were forced to listen to it. Your jaw clenched and you stared at Fili’s hand completely enveloping yours and you tried hard to distance yourself from the story and swallow the lump growing in your throat.

Dwalin’s fist slamming the table made you jump. “’Bring me their heads! Drink their blood!’ And then they were after us. Bitin’ off the branches below with their huge teeth. The size of Glamdring, their teeth were!” There was some argument to that, but he continued. “Tree after tree fallin’ so we had to jump to the next one and pray we caught a branch unless we fell right into their jaws. Gloin, he almost fell right down to the ground, but I caught him and threw ‘im with all my might to the last tree in the row! Don’t lie, Gloin, you know it’s true!” Dwalin leaned his hands on the table and lowered his voice, making everyone else creep in. “Every last one of us on that last wee little tree and BOOM! It falls and holds to the ground by one root! And we’re all hangin’ over the damn cliff waitin’ for the wargs to come and snatch us off one by one!”

You sucked in a breath and turned to Fili. “I’m tired, amrâlimê.” You whispered under the story telling. “I’m going to bed, but you stay here and have your fun.” You smiled, took his chin in your fingers and kissed his lips before sneaking out of your seat.

“Don’t leave now!” Thorin yelled to you, but you waved him off.

“You’re gonna miss the best part! Your husband there, he threw the first pine cone!” Dwalin bellowed.

“Oh, I know all about Fili’s heroics,” you said, barely turning to them to hide the tears stuck in your eyes. You thanked Mahal your voice sounded strong and unaffected by your emotion. “Good night, all.”

They called their answer to you and you hurried out of the hall before you heard any more of the story. The moment you reached the corridor, you felt your tears finally fall down your face and you wiped them away with a huffed groan. How ridiculous were you being? They’re all fine! You knew how the story ended. But knowing they were in that much danger-

Your eyes flew open when you felt warm hands on your cheeks. Fili stood before you and kissed your forehead. You sighed. “You weren’t supposed to follow me.”

“How could I not when I know you’re upset, kurduwê?” he said.

You ran your hands over his sides and rested them on either side of his waist. “I’m being absurd! But I just-I cannot listen to those stories, Fili.”

“It’s all right,” he whispered, swiping his thumbs over your cheekbones. “I know that. And Dwalin knows it as well when he hasn’t been guzzling ale for hours on end.”

“He’s proud of what you accomplished. As he should be! And as I am. But knowing that you were in so much danger… And Kili as well- all of them, I’ll never be able to joke about such things. And I have enough to fuel my nightmares without picturing it all over again.” You sniffed, feeling more tears tug at your chest and Fili pulled you close to him and wrapped his arms tight around you. Your voice caught in your throat. “It hurts, amrâlimê. I don’t know any other way to explain the feeling.” You tried to hold in a sob but it found its way out anyway.

His fingers ran through your hair and he placed countless soft kisses on your temple as he held you close. When your breathing slowed, he said, “I don’t like hearing the stories either.”

“No?”

“Nothing seems heroic or glorious when you think you’re about to die. It’s terrifying. I don’t like reliving those moments or hearing the tales grow tall and untrue.”

“Are you telling me that Dwalin didn’t actually throw Gloin a hundred feet in the air?” you asked.

Fili laughed and you reveled in the sound and the feeling of it rolling through his chest under your hands. He leaned to your lips and kissed you, and then led you through the corridors with a hand around your waist. “Let’s go to bed, kurduwê. Where we’re both safe, hm?”

You rested your head on his shoulder. “Yes, please. I can’t wait to slide into bed and fall asleep until midday tomorrow,” you chuckled.

You felt Fili nose your neck. “And what if I have other plans for you?” he growled in your ear.

“What kind of plans?” you asked, spinning out of his arms and sloping against the door to your chambers when you reached it. His eyes had grown dark as he stared at you and bent to kiss your neck.

“You know exactly what kind of plans,” he said.

You giggled and ran inside, squealing when he swatted at your bottom under your skirts. “Hey!”

“What? I threw the first pine cone! Don’t I deserve a handful every now and then?”

“Get in here, hero,” you said, watching him close the door behind him.

Taglist! Message to join! @emrfangirl @misslongcep @raindancer2004 @ladybugg1235 @xxbyimm @burningcoffeetimetravel @fizzyxcustard @fire-flv

Tagging those who may enjoy! If you don’t want to be tagged, that’s okay! Let me know. @deepestfirefun @teagarages @therealpamdiaz

Elevator

Hey guys so this is our first fanfiction to be posted ever so be nice. We appreciate any feedback and hope you enjoy it. This is going to be a blog with smut so 18+ only.

Norman Reedus x Reader

Words: 2646

Warnings: smut, cuteness overload, fluff, claustrophobia, Norman Reedus & Jeffrey Dean Morgan (because they need a warning :D),

It was a sunny day in Berlin, Germany even though it was just April. A friend and I had planned this trip for over a year. We met at the hotel we were gonna stay in. we went all out on that vacation and rented a good one. The town was also nice and the people very helpful and courteous.

One morning we wanted to meet in the lobby because we were staying on different floors. I was a little late cause the evening had been long and I didn’t hear my alarm. I quickly got dressed while writing a message to my friend and storming out the door a second later. Fortunately I had packed my stuff the day before. I stormed the elevator and hit the button for the lobby. Completely out of breath and focused on my phone I didn’t even notice the doors opening at a different level and two men stepping in. “Nice shirt!” one of them commented suddenly with a deep voice. I looked at my The Walking Dead shirt then at the guys and almost passed out. In front of me stood grinning like idiots Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Norman Reedus. I was paralyzed and for a moment I was sure I was still asleep and dreaming. My next thought was (Y/F/N) would be so jealous when I stepped out of the elevator. “You got a name?” Norman asked. “(Y/N)” I stuttered. “Nice one. You from around here?”  I was just about to find my voice and reply that I wouldn’t be living in a hotel if I were citizen of Berlin as the elevator jerked violently and then stood still. “what in hell…?” Jeffrey Dean Morgan said more to himself.”It’s not moving. Why is it not fucking moving?” I panicked. “Keep calm sweetheart. You claustrophobic or something?” Norman asked worriedly. “Or something...” I replied. I was not afraid of tight spaces the two gorgeous man trapped here with me were the problem. “I’m gonna press the help button.” so I did. Suddenly a voice came through the speakers.

“Hallo, Sie haben die Notfallhotline erreicht, wie kann ich Ihnen helfen?“

(Hello you reached the help hot-line what is your emergency?)

„Ja hallo wir stecken hier im Aufzug im Mercury Hotel in Berlin. Er bewegt sich seit ein paar Minuten gar nicht mehr, die Türen gehen auch nicht auf und hat vorher ganz schön gerappelt.“

(yeah hi we are stuck in an elevator in the mercury hotel in Berlin. It hasn’t been moving in few minutes, the door won’t open either and it jerked hardly before it stood still.)

„Ja ich sehe es im System aber ich kann keine Ferndiagnose stellen oder es beheben. Ich werde einen Techniker schicken müssen aber das wird etwas dauern. Leider fehlen uns momentan helfende Hände.“ at least she sounded sorry.

(Yes I can see it in my system but I can’t perform remote diagnosis. I’ll have to send a mechanic but that is gonna take a while. Unfortunately we are short handed at the moment.)

„Alles klar. Wir lange wird es ungefähr dauern?“

(Alright. How long is it gonna take approximately?)

„Vermutlich ein paar Stunden.“

(Maybe a few hours.)

„Okay wir können ja eh nicht viel machen. Danke für Ihre Hilfe.“

(Okay we can’t to much anyways. Thanks for your help.)

„Natürlich. Ich wünsche Ihnen trotzdem einen schönen Tag.“

with those words she hung up.

(Of course have a nice day anyways.)

“What did she say?” Jeff asked.

“Seems like we’re stuck for the next few hours. She’s gonna send a mechanic but that’s gonna take a while.” I answered.

“I would have never guessed that you’re German. Your English is flawless. Sounds almost like a native.” Norman remarked which made me blush. I had always loved English.

“Somebody got an idea what to do?” Jeff sounded already bored and we had only been stuck for 5 minutes. “I think I got everything we need in my purse.” I said hesitantly, opened it and pulled water bottles, snacks and a card game out of it. “Oh but I should call my friend first. She’s waiting in the lobby for me. One second.” I took my phone out of my pocket and hit dial on the video chat. I wanted to scare the living daylights out of her. I swear I was a good friend. After two rings she took the call. “Hey (Y/N) where are you?” “I’m sorry (Y/F/N) I’m stuck in one of the hotel elevators and the lady at the hot-line said it could take a few hours till a mechanic is gonna fix the problem and get us out of here. But I have some great company here. You wanna see?” I was so giddy I couldn’t even wait for a response. I just turned around and took the guys with me into view. “What the…?!” (Y/F/N) almost fell over. “You alright sweetheart?” Jeff asked worriedly as she almost hyperventilated and I laughed my ass off.  It was almost the same reaction I had had when I saw them first. “Why in hell are you guys even in Germany?” she finally spat out. “We are filming Ride here. We’re touring Europe at the moment.” Norman let on. “What a damn coincidence. I am not complaining. (Y/F/N) It seems we are not getting out of here anytime soon. Could you inform the people at the reception if they haven’t already? Then you should maybe go to a cafe or busy yourself otherwise. I won’t be able to stay on the phone the whole time my battery is gonna die then.” I explained to her. “Okay sure thing. Talk to ya later when you get out of that steel trap. Bye sis.” she replied. “Yeah bye. Love ya.” with that I hung up. “So she’s your sister?” Jeff asked. “Soul sister.” I replied happily. “We’d do anything for each other.” We sat down on the floor and I took hold of the UNO cards. “UNO? Seriously?” Norman laughed. “Yeah UNO. I like the game and I can’t play poker.” I admitted a little embarrassed. So there I was sitting on the floor of a stuck elevator with Norman Reedus and Jeffrey Dean Morgan playing UNO and eating snacks. “So you’re here for vacation?” The conversation stayed casual. “Yep we’ve been here for a week now.” We talked like we’ve known each other forever. It started to feel normal after a while. We made photos and laughed while eating and joking. I had no idea how much time had passed by when the double doors f the lift finally opened and revealed hotel staff, (Y/F/N) and a team of mechanics and tech support people. It seemed almost comical the way I was sitting on the ground with two grown ass men playing cards. “Oh hi, thanks for getting us out but couldn’t it have waited a few minutes longer I had a winning hand?” I sighed. “Betcha didn’t!” Norman challenged me. “Oh the bet is on Reedus!” I replied. (Y/F/N) only stared at me as if she couldn’t believe that we had gotten so close in only three hours. In the end I really had the win on my side and he had to surrender. I gathered all my things and we stretched our limbs outside. Felt good to finally walk again on more than six square meters. “So guys that is (Y/F/N) you met her briefly on the phone.” “Yeah hey nice to meet you” she was blushing like hell and that amused me a lot. “So it is too late to film now. You guys wanna hang out and show us parts of the town you have discovered yet? Maybe grab a bite somewhere?” Norman suggested. “Ehm yeah definitely!” I took the opportunity to be with them a little while longer. “Great our bikes are in the garage.” Jeff interjected. We made our way to the garage underneath the hotel. “You wanna ride with me?” Norman asked me shyly. It was adorable. “Sure thing but only if you let me drive for a while as well.” “You drive motorcycles?” he looked stunned but somehow also in awe. “Yes I have a bike at home. Been driving two wheels since I was 15. always loved the feeling of freedom that comes with it. And around my hometown there are alot of cool biker routes.” I raved. “Maybe we can drive a tour together sometime.” he offered. “That would be amazing. I’d love that a lot.” this time it was my turn to be stunned. He gave me his spare helmet as did Jeff to (Y/F/N) and sat up front on the Triumph. I put my foot on the footrest and swung my leg over the seat like I had dozens of times in my life before. I wasn’t sure where to put my hands so I just laid them on my thighs but he noticed and grabbed them to put them around his muscular middle. I wasn’t gonna object. He was a good looking and nice guy. We drove kinda aimlessly through town and when it turned late I heard through the com in my helmet that was connected to the rest of the group: “Hey guys I’m hungry. Let’s find a place to eat.” Jeff’s voice sounded strained. Well I remembered we had only eaten the few snacks at lunch time and in that moment my stomach rumbled too. “Good idea you know a good pizza place or so?” Norman asked and I felt him talk earlier than I heard him. That was kinda sexy. “Yes actually there is a restaurant just drive left there then the next right and you can park in front of Alfredo’s. We found it last Wednesday.” (Y/F/N) sounded through the speaker. Said, done. Five minutes later we stepped of the bikes and into the pizza place. It was rather small and not too crowded also no one seemed to recognize the guys which was a relive. “Thanks for taking us with you today.” (Y/F/N) said with a dopey smile on her face. I knew that she’d always had a crush on JDM. The whole day had been one big coincidence but the odds were in our favor. Sometimes fate seemed to be on our side. “order whatever you want. It’s my treat tonight.” Jeff gave us his signature smile again which made me melt. “Cheers everyone! To new friendships!” Jeff toasted. “Slainté!” I tasted back. We sat in that restaurant till about 10.30 pm that evening. We had so much fun. Even (Y/F/N) loosened up eventually. “By the way guys, if you wanna come to my hometown to go for a ride some when here’s my number. You can call anytime you want.” I winked at them but didn’t expect a number back. Then I got surprised by Norman. “Want mine too? Gimme your phone.” I willingly handed him my phone opening the display lock in the process. What I totally forgot about was my crazy background screen with a photo of him and Jeff. I smiled a little embarrassed but he seemed to think it was cute. Quickly he typed his number in and handed it back to me. I had to really restrain myself from completely fangirling right then. After eating we drove back to the hotel and grabbed a few drinks at the hotel bar. It was quiet at the hotel probably because it was out of season so we had the bar mostly to ourselves. After a few beers and shots the guys found out that I could really hold my liquor. (Y/F/N) was the one who ended it at around 2 am. I was still only slightly buzzed. “Let’s get to bed you guys gotta film tomorrow. Maybe we can watch?” she asked carefully. “Watch? You guys are gonna be part of the episode.” Norman assured us. Together we went to the elevators but took a different one that time. (Y/F/N) was the first to reach her floor. “Good night everyone see ya later.” she slurred and walked away. Jeff was next: “Night darling.” “Night Jeff” with those words the doors closed behind him. The second the doors touched Norman turned toward me and pressed his lips to mine. I was shocked but positively… if that is possible. “You want this?” he asked me breathless. “Oh god yes!” I exclaimed. We arrived at his floor and with a ding the doors opened. Because of the late hour no one was in the hallway as he pulled me further towards his room. He fumbled with the key-card and after some teasingly long seconds the door to his bedroom finally clicked open. We were still kissing like teenagers. He shoved the door shut with his foot and pushed my jacket from my shoulders. I helped him out of his clothes as fast as he undid mine and soon enough we were naked and I was writhing under his touch. I needed him so bad I was already dripping and he hadn’t even touched me yet. “Please Norman. Take me. I need it.” I whispered in is ear and he shuddered at my dirty words. “on the bed hands and knees.” he commanded. He was in charge and I knew and loved that so I did what he demanded and kneeled on the bed my soaking wet pussy on display for him. I heard him groan and shuffle behind me before I felt the bed dip. I was getting so much wetter in anticipation. Without warning he plunged two fingers in my pussy and they directly hit my g-spot. He was a master and when he buried his tongue into my folds I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. It was impossible to describe. He drew little figure eights on my clit that send electrical shock-waves through me. I was coming undone seconds later. He pulled his fingers out of me and before I could object his cock pushed in to the hilt. He was bigger than anyone I ever had before so the pleasure was combined with a bit of pain as well but I liked that. It was so amazing. I could feel every stroke of his dick so deep inside me he almost pushed through my cervix. “Norman deeper please.” and “oh god yes right there.” was all I could come up with. My brain was like mashed potatoes. I just felt him and nothing more. He grunted and his strokes became erratic “come with me baby.” he panted and that was all the encouragement I needed and I squirted all over the bed sheets. I had never done this before. Completely spent we laid on the bed next to each other breathing heavily. So fucked out. It was pure bliss. “Thanks for that.” I panted out. “For what? I really wanted you since I stepped into the elevator this morning.” he admitted. After some more silent minutes I asked “Norman? What is this between us?” “I honestly don’t know. Let’s just enjoy what we have here for a while. See where in brings us. I definitely want this to continue.” I was so happy about that statement that I just cuddled up to his chest for an answer.

The next morning we sat together at breakfast. Well when Norman and I came downstairs hand in hand we saw Jeff and (Y/F/N) sitting there next to each other looking completely in love. I made a mental note to ask her later what had happened between them. When she saw our intertwined fingers she smiled at us knowingly. I knew I had to tell her everything when we had time. This was the best vacation of my life by far and I was happy to have been stuck in an elevator for the first time ever.

Part 2 is gonna hit later

Hm... Im gonna go with 23 cuz I think I already know what pairing you're gonna go with and i'd love to see how you do it

(I actually couldn’t decide what pairing I wanted to do but I decided on this one so I hope you guessed right!)

Bad Blood//Larry x Ash (WC:2,170)

Warnings:Language, Mentions of underage drinking, Alcohol Use

"Ash!” 

Sal’s voice was distinct, low and gravelly, cutting across her backyard. Even over the din of the party raging inside, it was unmistakably him, calling her name from the back door and interrupting the conversation she was having with Maple on the garden wall. Maple waved her away with a tilt of her solo cup, and Ash slid off the stone and crossed the yard, a little bounce in her step. 

They embraced, and she gave him an approving once over. He’d been nervous about the party, he’d told her. He didn’t really drink, crowds weren’t his thing, but she’d begged him to come. Eventually, he’d agreed, on the condition that he could bring a friend. She assumed that was who had dressed him for the evening, because he was looking a little edgier and... Laid back than normal. Even his hair hair was braided in a way that looked as though he’d slept in it. It suited him. 

She offered him a drink from the patio table, near where Todd and a few other kids had set up a ping pong table, including one older boy who Todd kept touching on the arm. Sal refused, politely. Sal did everything politely. 

“Nah, I’m good. Larry’s grabbing me a beer from the kitchen.” Maybe it was the alcohol in her own system that caused the delay, but she raised an eyebrow at him over the edge of her own cup. 

“Who?”

“Oh, Larry Johnson. That’s the guy I’ve been telling you about.” Ash felt her heart tighten. That didn’t make sense... For months, Sal had been talking about his downstairs neighbor who was so amazing - Who stayed up late playing video games when Sal couldn’t sleep, who helped Sal with his PTSD flashbacks with bad movies and cups of cocoa, who slept over almost every night so when Sal woke up screaming, he wasn’t alone. That didn’t seem on par with the Larry Johnson she knew. Rather, the one she had known. She hoped there were two in Nockfell and she had just never realized. 

The backdoor slid open again, almost on cue, and Ash’s heart squeezed even tighter. No, it was the same Larry Johnson stepping onto the back patio with the necks of two beers between his fingers. He was tanner than she remembered, taller, more toned. His hair was pulled up into a low bun to keep it off his neck, but she could tell he still hadn’t cut it. Their eyes met, and she had to work to hold her gaze with his - Hard and steady. It was obvious he hadn’t forgotten, but neither had she. 

It had been the summer before seventh grade. Like every summer before it, Larry and Ash had spent every day together. They split their time evenly between Ash’s pool and Larry’s tree house, and they had no secrets from each other. Ultimately, that had been their downfall. At the beginning of that summer, they’d carved their initials into the floor of the tree-house, pricked their fingers and pressed them together to seal a blood oath. By the end of it, Ash had screamed that she’d never wanted to see him again. And until now, she’d made good on that promise.

Sal, oblivious to the tension between them, took the extra beer from Larry and gave him a playful punch on the arm. 

“I was just talking about you, man. Ash, this is Larry. Larry, Ash.” 

Larry started to say “Nice to meet you,” just as Ash started to say “We’ve met.” Sal looked between them, confused. 

“You guys know each other?” Again, they both opened their mouths to speak at the same time. Ash frowned and took a long pull on her drink, draining it. Larry busied himself by opening his beer with his car key. They were quiet for a moment before Sal, clearly irritated, stamped his foot on the concrete. “What the fuck is going on?”

Ash looked at Larry accusingly, but his eyes were on his bottle cap, which he was weaving between his fingers. They were longer than she remembered; slender and bony. She could see a callous on on his index from paint brushes, and a place between his index and middle that had started to discolor from cigarettes. She cleared her throat, and he looked at her without meeting her eye. 

“Do you want to tell the story or should I?”

Larry rolled his eyes and the corner of his mouth twitched, the way it always did when he was losing his patience. “I don’t think we need to talk about it right now.” His voice was low, irritable. Ash huffed. 

“Someone better.” Sal said, cold.

“We used to be really good friends,” Larry started, looking at a crack in the concrete. 

“Best friends,” she corrected.

“Do you wanna tell it?” He snapped, and she folded her arms over her chest, but said nothing. 

“We were best friends, six years ago, and now we aren’t. That’s it.” Larry put the bottle to his lips, obviously done talking, and Ash pulled at a thread in her sweater to keep from reliving the nightmare all over again. Todd’s voice cut through the air from behind them, and she wondered if he’d been waiting for a lull in the conversation, or if he just had impeccably good timing. 

“Ash! Come on, some of us want to play seven minutes in heaven but the some of the guys will only play if you do.” Ash looked hesitant, but Todd nodded towards the boy he’d been fawning over earlier and pleaded with his eyes. Sal, frustrated and annoyed, jumped on the excuse for a change of subject before she could answer. 

“We’ll all play,” he said, grabbing Larry by the elbow and giving Ash a stern look over his shoulder while he steered the former inside. She followed, exchanging her empty cup for a full one, which was empty again when they reached the circle that had formed in the living room. 

Maple was already there, Chug next to her, and Todd and the other boy, who someone had called Neil, were settling into their spots. Sal and Larry took a seat too, and Ash sat on the opposite side, as far away from them as she could get. Maple set an empty tequila bottle on its side in the middle of the circle and gave it a test spin. Her cheeks were flushed and she was laughing at something Chug had said. At least she was having a good time.

 A few more people joined at the edges of the circle, hanging on furniture and sitting on the coffee table that had been pushed out of the way. When it seemed like everyone had settled down, someone spoke up. 

“Who spins first?” 

“Well, it’s Ash’s party.” Came Maple’s voice. “She should go.” Ash blanched, and put her hand up in protest. 

“No, no. It’s your birthday party Maple, you should go.” 

“Please,” Maple laughed. “Half the people here don’t even know me. Just spin to see who you’re going in the closet with.” Ash chewed her lower lip, but leaned forward and spun the bottle. Anyone but Larry, she prayed. Anyone but Larry. The bottle stopped between Larry and Sal. If he hadn’t had his legs crossed, Ash would have gladly been enjoying seven minutes telling bad jokes in the dark with her best friend. But as it were...

Maple, who hadn’t been paying much attention to the spin, noticed the look at Ash’s face and reddened when she saw who the bottleneck had landed on. She seemed to want to say something, her face empathetic, but Larry had already stood, and Todd had pulled up a timer on his phone. Embarrassed and angry, Ash followed Larry’s suit and they stood awkwardly outside the entry closet, shuffling their feet.

“Okay! I’ll start the timer as soon as the door closes!” Todd, who had somehow ended up in Neil’s lap, shouted from his spot on the floor. Larry opened the door and made a gesture with his hand for her to lead the way, so she did, and then the two of them were engulfed in the darkness, surrounded by coats. 

She thought two full minutes had gone by before he spoke. 

“Should I turn the light on?” 

“Why would I want to look at you?” Oddly enough, she did want to look at him, which only made her angrier. She could barely see the outline of his shoulders move up and down in a shrug. 

“Can I smoke in here?”

“No.”

“You didn’t have to come in here with me, you know,” he said, softer. She stuck a finger in her mouth and bit the nail. She didn’t answer. 

Another minute, maybe two, and then, “Do you remember the winter break we ignored the signs and went skating on Lake Wendigo?” She made a small affirming sound. “You begged your dad to buy you skates so we could go, and then the ice broke and we fell in. You were tall enough to stand up, but you freaked yourself out so bad I had to pull you out.” 

In spite of herself, Ash laughed, though she cut it short. “I never went ice skating again. I think those skates are still in this closet actually.” Larry shifted across from her. 

“You looked so small, you know. After I got you out of the water. We didn’t want our parents to know we’d broken the rules so we went back to the tree-house and wrapped you up in the sleeping bag. You were shivering and your hair was stuck to your face.” His voice sounded far away now, like he was back in the tree-house himself, watching. She rubbed her arms, remembering the chill. “Up until then, I never thought of you as a girl, you know? You were just Ash. But in that moment, you became someone I felt like I had to protect.” 

“Hey,” the flame in her voice was reignited. “I never asked you...” 

“Would you shut up and let me talk?” She scoffed and leaned back against the wall. “I’m trying to tell you something.” 

“Fine.” 

“I felt like I had to protect you because I never wanted to lose you. Even though there was no way you could have drowned that day, it still felt like you could have. And I couldn’t handle that... So the next summer... When you kissed me...” Ash was holding her breath, though she hadn’t realized it. “That was all I could think about. Was that I would lose you, and you would stop being my friend. So I started that fight with you before we went back to school because I didn’t know how to deal with how I was feeling.”

“Ben was really sick and you said you hoped he’d die.” The words were sour and slimy in her mouth.

“And you said I was the reason my dad left.” She hadn’t felt good about those words either. She could remember them tasting the same way. “I should have told you sooner what was going on. It wasn’t that I didn’t want you... I guess I just... If we were going to have a falling out, I wanted it to be on my own terms. Instead of just waiting for you to disappear.” 

The closet felt even smaller somehow, stuffy suddenly. 

“I’m sorry, Ashley. I loved Ben, you know that. And you. You were my favorite person in the world.”

“Do you really do all that stuff Sal says?” 

“I... Didn’t realize we were bringing Sal into this but... What does he say?” 

A knock on the door made them both jump. Maple’s voice. 

“One minute warning!” 

“He says you help him a lot. You stay up with him. Comfort him.” She could hear the embarrassment in his voice when he answered. 

“Yeah, I guess I do. He’s a good friend too though. And he’s been through so much shit I kind of feel like it’s the least-” 

Ash leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, cutting him off. He tasted like beer and cigarettes. For a moment, she felt like she was back in time, when she had kissed him before, and he had pushed her away, laughing. But then he kissed her back, softly at first, and then hard, his arms snaking around her waist. 

And then her back was against the wall, the two of them shrouded in coats, the hook of an umbrella digging into her thigh. But she could barely register it over the feeling of his hands, now in her hair, and the warmth of his body against hers. He pulled back, to plant a line of kisses along her jaw, and she steadied herself with her hands on his shoulders. 

Almost laughing, breathless, she said, “I still hate you.” 

He kissed her on the mouth again, and she could feel the smile on his lips against hers when he spoke. “Yeah?” Another kiss, rougher, needier. “Good.” 

Ali & Carly

Ali: . . . – – – . . . Carly: ? Carly: nodded on your phone Ali: OG 🍑📞 Ali: nah save me Carly: it's pretty lemme just grab a 💄 really quick Carly: what's up baby? Ali: you are and I need distracting Ali: got band practice and I really have to Ali: missed the last two so she's dead moody Carly: go solo ill play a tambourine for you Carly: until you get famous anyway Ali: we'll get you those noise cancelling headphones they give to rockstars kids Ali: then you just gotta close your eyes n shine Carly: aw Carly: you're a 🍑 Carly: but before then I know how to sweeten up rockstars Carly: lots of jd is 🔑 yea so ill swipe ronans & its a party Ali: know that'll go down a treat Ali: almost as good as the ego stroke of calling them rockstars Carly: y you asked me its a not so hidden talent of mine Carly: strokes where needed Ali: 🎨 Ali: alright monet Ali: I'll try not to make it completely boring Carly: i have to take 5 to finish up here or he'll be dead moody Carly: so he's all you have to be more fun than Carly: & whats more boring than a horny lad when ur not feeling it Ali: easy Ali: I remember being that bored Ali: less memory more reliving but shh Ali: all fun and games yeah ✌ Carly: yea Carly: he gets it over quick tho some go & go without getting u anywhere Carly: ha Carly: ive got a home to go to sometimes boy Ali: he's very considerate like that Carly: i wont share it w him too big of a word for rn Carly: wheres this practice @ Ali: 'course not Ali: all he needs to hear is biggest and best Ali: memory serves Ali: in one of the other's garage Ali: so punk rock Ali: I'll come meet you Carly: long as he can call me a slut & I make the right noises it dont matter what I say Carly: thats every lad on here Carly: k well he's done so direct me Carly: u dont wanna meet me outside here Ali: if that's your jam, go off Ali: you mean you don't trust me not to 👊 your mans 😏 Ali: I started walking, call me a pessimist, Ronan 🤷 Carly: yea u kno for a good time call any of these caravans Carly: the old lady w the gnomes is a dark horse like Carly: i don't want u to see me looking this way ty ronan 💘 Carly: so rough about everything Carly: him & u ha Ali: she's living my dream, I remember her Ali: the pink trailer, like Ali: shoulda been going to see her if not you Ali: 🤡 Ali: you alright? Ali: you need a sec or Ali: idk, anything else Carly: her cats are living my dream Carly: lying in the sun all day, getting fat Carly: being loved whenever they ask Carly: i need a drink but im taking all of his its k Ali: duh Ali: only had it slightly better in ancient Egypt, like Ali: forever goals Ali: we'll drink it on the way Ali: need to see where to put their fingers Ali: not code for gay shit but like Ali: also Carly: theres lots they can have some as promised Carly: he owed me for all the 💊 Ali: you're sweet Carly: we can get your gf ☕ to dump it in thats the adult thing to do Carly: trying to make her happy not more mad Ali: she's 17 Ali: she just fronts a good game Ali: suppose one of us should Ali: #badgirlfriend Carly: ur the best wife tho Carly: ive missed u Ali: 😚 Ali: comments like that are why I've deffo missed you more Carly: aw Carly: comments like urs r why ill make today really fun for u Ali: 💚 Ali: we can make anything a party yeah Carly: yea Carly: but u gotta help me carry these drinks to cos i think my wrist was broken from all the coaxing that boy needs when hes been on it Ali: ugh, the struggle is so real Ali: though if you use that as an ice breaker they're all gonna look at you blankly Ali: fucking lesbian priviledge amirite Carly: i bet at least one of them's hurt their wrist trying to get a girl off Carly: half who go to our school r so uptight you need to check for sticks Carly: catholic guilt be like Ali: 😂 real Ali: but you gotta be on my side Ali: already outnumbered Ali: team bi for the day okay Carly: so i can talk about masturbating with my grandma's jesus cross or i cant Ali: you can Ali: that's a story whoevers company Ali: 'cept grandma, obvs Carly: punk rock enough? Carly: if theyre all as scary as ur lesbian im shotgunning more beers Carly: bag of recycling before we even get to the garage Ali: when she cares about the 🌍 Ali: 😍 Ali: they ain't, if we're being real Carly: dont want the earth to die Carly: its so pretty Carly: & fun Carly: k i wont have every can Carly: before we get there Ali: 👼🌟🌈🍓🐰👸 Ali: you Ali: and I'm literally just 'round the corner hold on Ali: not dragging my feet 'cos of you babe Carly: ur too sweet Carly: are you the singer & the guitarist or do they make you just do one cos youre too big of a 🌟 Ali: got it in one babe, I'm relegated to guitar #2 most the time Ali: at least you can own the stage more when you ain't so Carly: ill tell them you need to be 1st guitar & lead singer you're too talented for it to go to waste Carly: its sad Carly: but its cute that youre in a band together Ali: you wanna be backup baby? Carly: yea but i cant 😢😢 Ali: you can when it's just us though Ali: you're too pure for rock n roll anyway Ali: their brand of Carly: how you said that makes me think i need to drink more Ali: it's a good thing about you Ali: just saying though, my voice will be fucked by the end of this Carly: ill get you some 🍯 baby Carly: you can be 👼 again in no time Carly: church ready Ali: only if you coming with Ali: 😈 Carly: only if we do some more sinning first Carly: make it worth the walk Ali: naturally Ali: how we do Carly: k Carly: are all the band dating each other or just you two Ali: 😏 more and more apparent how straight you ain't tbh Ali: currently off again, I think Ali: they've all dated each other though, every which way you can combo it Carly: i have met a lesbian before ur rescued me @ that party Carly: been hit on by lots Carly: i kno they like to date in circles & all kinds of other shapes Ali: I bet Carly: aw don't be jealous Carly: i didnt like it Carly: ur my fave Ali: I'm not Ali: am glad I ain't giving off those predatory vibes though Ali: good to know, like Carly: you give off the best vibes Ali: 👼 energy, baby Carly: 🌟💙 Ali: let's hit 'em with it Carly: yea Ali: after she can drive us to a decent shindig 🤞 Carly: me & a car full of gays Carly: ronan will be in a mood ha Ali: always a bonus Ali: also always in a mood Ali: they really would get on if she could get over the whole man hate vibe Carly: ill bring him to the next rehearsal Carly: he thinks hes got what it takes Ali: 😏 Ali: I'll put my money on Mar Ali: poor boy Carly: steals my 🎸 every time he comes over Carly: i cant be impressed that you can play 2 chords baby boy I'm sorry Ali: 😩💦 Ali: even as relegated #2 I can do more than that Ali: promise Carly: me too & im only groupie #1 Carly: he still tries to teach me tho Carly: so boring Ali: 🙄 Ali: what a dickhead Ali: he just wants to be behind you to 'position' your hands, boys love that shit don't they Ali: I know how to play pool too so get off Carly: we should play my da taught me Carly: make some money & have some fun Ali: I'm down Carly: k Carly: cos i need to buy more 💊s he really did eat them all Carly: 😢😢 Ali: Babe Ali: I know a reliable lad Ali: invite him Ali: make it a party Carly: yea me & him been up since i saw you last how long ago was that? forever it feels Carly: be more fun away from site Ali: damn Ali: how the other half live Ali: I feel like I haven't had any fun since I last saw you Ali: get enough to take the edge of your comedown if nothing else or that'll be rough Carly: i wanted to invite u my baby but u kno how he gets Carly: hates that weve met Carly: ill make you feel good now promise Carly: hes had too much of my time Ali: worried that Imma tell you horror stories like you don't know him? Ali: backatcha 💚 Ali: swear Carly: yea he thinks my head's empty Carly: just a body like Carly: not that weve done school for years together or anything Carly: i kno i dont always go but boy come on Ali: you're miles ahead of him Ali: he only acts like he reckons that 'cos he don't want you coming to your senses and binning him off proper, like Carly: ur lil bro writes & reads better Carly: but hes a smart lil cutie Carly: what am i gonna do move the caravan in the middle of the night? no wheels is there Carly: stuck as fwb til he gets married his wife finds out & comes for me Ali: yeah he likes you too Ali: always chatting on when you coming 'round again so you know Ali: better hang some more, for his sake Ali: I know you got locks Carly: aw i love him Carly: always wanted a lil bro but my rents dont fuck no more so that ain't happening Carly: unless my dad knocks up someone younger Carly: u kno id lock myself out & end up round there Carly: ha Ali: lil blue pills don't fail us now Ali: ick Ali: should go to casa flamenco Ali: don't think she'd steal your stash Ali: oldies always have their own, the real good shit too Carly: that what ur calling it Carly: ill steal hers Ali: exactly Ali: 😍 #babe Ali: ronan who Carly: i do go older but not sure i could handle peeling back the wrinkles Ali: weak 😉 Carly: you seduce her for me, thats love Carly: & you wanna be under her anyway Ali: 'scuse you Ali: I'm happily married Carly: me too Carly: pimping me out to the older generation wasnt in the vows were it Ali: could've been Ali: you know how creative I am Carly: yea i do love that about you Ali: I 👀 you Ali: [runs up and takes some of the shit] Carly: [unnecessarily long hug moment because always] Ali: ['it does feel like forever'] Carly: [just rambling on about how much she's missed her & like all the compliments for how she looks/what she's wearing etc cos again always] Ali: [lbr she'd go all out for rehersals even so it would be a look, Ali lowkey fixing Carly up whilst checking 'cos was concerned but not gonna make it a Thing tm] Carly: [save her Ali she looks like shit rn & your gf don't need to be seeing her like that] Ali: [finishing by kissing her nose 'cos that is a thing] Carly: [😳 but really happy obvs & another hug cos they really have missed each other so] Ali: [walking and talking baby] Carly: [& letting Ali catch up with all the drinks Carly's had] Ali: [giving her the lowdown on the other bitches who are clearly not as scary as kstew] Carly: [you'd think she's not listening because 1. state of her & 2. how distracting Ali is in her lewk but she is] Ali: [is like soz it's boring but I'll make it fun] Carly: [she's like its not you're just pretty & also I'm saving you & making it fun] Ali: ['not about to beg but please do'] Carly: ['knew I should've locked that down in the vows' cos being flirty with it] Ali: ['too late now babe, 'less you make me wanna renew'] Carly: [is just like yeah okay will do, soz kstew but we know its true so] Ali: [turning up to your function, imagine kstews face oop] Carly: [Carly handing the booze out cos she's a babe while kstew talks shit on her by pulling Ali aside like we said] Carly: u want me to go? Ali: [Ali tryna explain but also being kinda over this mood like why can't she be here, u lowkey know why but you know] Ali: no Ali: don't Ali: I'll sort it Carly: k Carly: [Carly just drinking a little bit too hard cos the vibe is wrong & her anxiety don't need this thank you ladies] Ali: [just walking away and being like okay come on let's start 'cos can't argue if you're playing] Carly: [pissing about on some spare instruments while they're setting up cos awks] Ali: I've text the lad Ali: reckons 10 minutes 👍 Carly: 💙🌟 Carly: ty Ali: [ooh crimson and clover 'cos joan did it and it'd be a sexy moment so blatantly directed at carly] Carly: [Carly literally 😍 harder than her gf is, oops] Carly: [& so many compliments as soon as the song is over before kstew can get a word in, god bless] Ali: [gently/not being a patronizing dick with it showing her dance moves and stuff like getting her involved without being like you have to perform now lol] Carly: [k stew fuming like now the WARM UP is done we should play OUR songs we all know the type like excuse you everyone is having fun especially my sweet baby angel] Ali: [being like oh but I just learnt this song it's got a good bass bit we should do that, overruled lol] Carly: [has to go with it cos no argument she can make that won't sound petty as hell and not trying to look like that bitch in front of the squad] Ali: [doing electric feel for the gay sexiness] Carly: [Carly even more into it cos a song she knows cos lets say she don't know the glory of our cat song just because so its such a moment okay bye] Carly: [Marlene calling a 🚬 break immediately after cos fuming & that can also be when Drew comes] Ali: [as if you weren't fuming enough there's how a man here 😍 at your woman, also giving them droogs] Carly: [meanwhile Carly ain't noticed cos sharing a 🚬 with the prettiest & least intimidating lesbian perched on her lap like so cosy....way to kill Ali babe we know she's special but let her know please] Carly: [hops off to get her drugs but still a moment] Ali: [these other girls just stirring the pot rn lmao] Carly: [that girl being like you should come out with us & Carly's like yeah cos she's pure] Ali: you know this one's flirting with you too, yeah? Ali: 😏 Carly: ha Carly: shes nice Ali: yeah Ali: pretty cute Carly: u kno the dealer wants to fuck you tho yea Carly: hes pretty Ali: obvs Ali: his hairs a bit naff but yeah Carly: ur gf is gonna drag him out by it Carly: let me slip him my number first ty Ali: lol 🙄 Ali: better you have his, no Ali: 💊 Ali: idk why she's the fun police today Carly: k good idea Carly: [goes to get his deets] Carly: she's so mad Carly: u gotta love me more when shes not around Ali: i ain't done nothing Carly: shes jealous of me like i am of her Carly: two girls one 💙 Carly: [lowkey flirting with Drew before he gets thrown out] Ali: hmm Ali: maybe you can duel Ali: [helping herself 'cos they clearly got enough to go around 'cos Drew's easy lol] Carly: 😢😢 Carly: you want me to be killed Ali: don't be silly Ali: not very gentlemanly of her, she'd never Ali: for someone so punk she loves following rules you know Carly: y u like her or y ur bored? Ali: [casually loling at her phone like what you think] Carly: [a moment of eye contact soz kstew] Carly: y dont i kno this lad? Ali: idk Ali: he wasn't always that cocky Ali: maybe his pubes came in Carly: ha Carly: ill find out Carly: gotta b known as the school slag not the girl who pissed herself on the stage Ali: more catchy Ali: I get it Carly: u only remember our wedding day i kno but it tends to stick in everyone else's memories Carly: a day of bad vibes Ali: I remember you but not like that Carly: hope its not worse Carly: how you do Carly: [casually taking too many 💊 to deal with the bender she's been on with the gypsies, you know Drew will remember her like this] Ali: nah Ali: you were cute Ali: and nice when all these random english kids showed up Carly: cos you were cuter Carly: im always nice to the pretty ones Ali: 💘 Ali: s'a good line walsh, you get it off him n all Carly: 💔😢 Carly: i love you i dont need him feeding me those kind of lines Carly: we gotta crush some of these tho its gonna take forever to kick in Ali: only joking baby don't be sad Ali: [comes over and helps 'cos why not kstew already furious her band practice has descended into anarchy] Carly: [using a shoe she's wearing for once to crush pills casually but stops to put her head on Ali's shoulder cos is sad lowkey] Ali: [gives her top of the head kisses] Carly: [is smiling again & telling her how much she missed her again and all that good gay content while Marlene fumes in the distance] Ali: [whispers like sorry for the bad vibes and I am gonna fix this 'cos she knows it's been fucked but realistically don't know what she's doing about it yet 'cos where do we stand] Carly: [kisses her on the forehead cos that big brain always thinking & worrying & she know] Carly: u wanna 👃 or 👅? Ali: 👃 Carly: yea dont want a numb mouth Carly: no fun Ali: probably would help my throat but kinda 'bout that smokes and drinks a 40 a day vibe so Ali: soz to my nasal cavity in advance Carly: the 🍯 is coming as promised Carly: [puts enough powder in her hand for Ali to snort, how intimate excuse them like she could have used her own hand or any surface Carly but go off] Ali: you're sweet enough darling Ali: [soz kstew just gals being pals 'cos obvs returning the favour and 'holding her hair out the way' aka stroking it] Carly: [when you more about that intimacy than the drug you're trying to take] Carly: aw Ali: [moment being ruined by some kind of unignorable strop moment from marlene clearly so she has to go and have an argument brb] Carly: should i go now? Ali: wait for me Ali: please? Ali: outside if you like or whatever, I'm being selfish but Ali: I ain't staying either Carly: k Carly: [is outside quietly singing a little mash up of both gay covers while she waits, just little bits of lyrics she likes from each lol] Ali: [not tryna drag this out and clearly we can't let it get to let's break up point so] Carly: lets go have some real fun Ali: [when she comes out, resting her arms on her shoulders and spinning her 'round and 'round like let's go] Carly: [is loving life again bye bitches] Ali: ['we can do anything we wanna' means now but also like always] Carly: [is buzzing because her life is literally so stagnant already like what a welcome premise & hugs her cos that's what she wants to do, always gotta be touching] Ali: [and hand holding] Carly: [complimenting her AGAIN as they going along cos she's a really good singer tbf so] Ali: [chatting away 'bout the kinda music she wanna do and what the band is about and starting her own etc but also about how pretty Carly's voice is and how it's too precious for the stage anyway] Carly: [okay but after they've nerded out over music Carly be like 'wait for me' runs into a shop really quick & buys Ali some honey for real cos she that nerd & presents it to her really happily wrapped in her headscarf or something cos again nerd] Ali: [you know how buzzing and touched she'd be 'cos also that nerd, being like you're such an angel and imma get you something so special etc] Carly: [Carly like you gotta eat it tho & opens it right there like she gonna drip it into Ali's mouth if she don't how gaaaaaay, steals some with her finger too obvs cos cute but also accidentally sexy all the time] Ali: [winnie screeching in the distance] Carly: [gets a phone call from her mum & answers in this state cos no fucks given on either side & then turns to Ali like my turn to take you to a family bbq cos I think the contrast would be hilarious so we should but not now cos give them some alone time @ god] Ali: [is down 'cos she's not a snob unlike someone we know rosalin and she'd be lowkey about it 'cos any excuse to spend time] Carly: [ronan will 100% be there cos hilarious like you gotta fight him Ali tbh] Carly: [just rambling about how much she loves Ali rn though cos always] Carly: 💙🌟🐝👼🚀 Ali: [backatcha and dropping the charity shop plan] Carly: [is so down obvs like little kid levels of excited] Ali: [running thru the streets of dublin like babes] Carly: [god fucking bless] Ali: [charity shop crawl so wild like leave 'em be world] Carly: [like how pure that they think of cat lady Ro & kstew would never bitch] Ali: [probably making friends with all the nice old ladies in there/horrifying the old bitches tho too lol] Carly: [this is why Carly makes my heart hurt cos she'd wanna be friends but would probably horrify lol] Ali: [tbf they are high] Carly: [as per again let them live peeps its summer] Ali: [should steal something but like something really tiny and silly 'cos sinning and stealing from a charity shop is pretty bad in a cute way somehow lol] Carly: [but leaving shoes behind or something cos barefoot life so the universe is balanced] Ali: [and ali would buy stuff for 'em both but making sure carly knows this ain't THE gift 'cos wants to swag that lol] Carly: [okay but can they also come back to buy homewares for the caravan when she gets her own thanks bye] Ali: [absolutely, just window shopping rn how you do like 'when I have my own place' but saying we 'cos #married] Carly: [Ali can actually get one of the actual things when cos its still there, oh my heart]

Christmas in Sherlock: Four Minutes, Four Seasons

ASiP

Mrs. Hudson, might need some food...something cold will do.

Sherlock is then drugged in ASiB, falls in TRF, then is drugged and shot in HLV. He’s also close to ODing in TLD, and beaten by John. More about similar injuries in @ebaeschnbliah meta Strange Similarities.

The scene at the top is from the ASiB Christmas party, and the Norbury scene from T6T is a replay of these events + the date of TAB. John announces that because his blog counter is stuck at 1895, Christmas is cancelled. So, from here on out, Sherlock relives Christmas over and over.

HLV is Christmas

Mycroft even bemoans how long it goes on, before Sherlock temporarily forgets it’s Christmas Day.

(Notice the way it’s framed through a window, a visual clue we’re having to look into somewhere to see the story unfold. Also, the way Sherlock eats in this scene is how he eats the gingernuts in T6T.)

This scene gets replayed in TAB.

Where is was also Christmastime, albeit in ACD terms, it was 1892.

Close-up on an issue of The Strand Magazine. Nearby, a news vendor is calling out to the passing pedestrians.  He is holding newspapers and another copy of The Strand with a small red sleeve around it on which are the words “SHERLOCK HOLMES” and an in-profile white silhouette of the detective.  Offscreen, carollers can be heard singing “Hark!  The Herald Angels Sing.” NEWS VENDOR: Papers!  Papers! (A hansom cab approaches along the street.) NEWS VENDOR: Papers!  Papers! (The cab slows down as Watson leans out of the window a little and gestures to attract the attention of the vendor.) WATSON: Here. (The cab stops.) WATSON: How’s ‘The Blue Carbuncle’ doing? NEWS VENDOR: Very popular, Doctor Watson.  Is there gonna be a proper murder next time? WATSON: I’ll have a word with the criminal classes. NEWS VENDOR: If you wouldn’t mind. (He points towards the figure sitting next to Watson.) NEWS VENDOR: Is that ’im?  Is ’e in there? (Holmes, mostly obscured from the vendor’s view, apparently kicks Watson, who grunts.) WATSON: No.  No, no, not at all.  (He tips a finger to his hat.)  Ah, good day to you. CABBIE (to his horse, shaking the reins at it): Walk on. (The cab sets off again.  The news vendor calls after it.) NEWS VENDOR: Merry Christmas, Mr Holmes! ( x )

So far on SHERLOCK ( x ) 2010 Sherlock unzips the body bag in “A Study in Pink.” SHERLOCK (at the door to the Bart’s lab): The name’s Sherlock Holmes and the address is 221B Baker Street. (He click-winks at John.) SHERLOCK: Afternoon! (He leaves the lab.) MIKE STAMFORD (to John): Yeah.  He’s always like that. Brief shot of Sherlock in his security man’s uniform at the Hickman Gallery in “The Great Game.” Sherlock flogs the dead body in “ASIP.” MOLLY: Bad day, was it? In the warehouse in “ASIP.” MYCROFT: Since yesterday you’ve moved in with him ... (There’s a brief shot of the door to 221B closing.) MYCROFT: ... and now you’re solving crimes together. In the hallway of 221B in “ASIP,” Sherlock kisses Mrs Hudson’s cheek. MRS HUDSON: Look at you, all happy.  It’s not decent. SHERLOCK: Who cares about decent?  The game, Mrs Hudson, is on! Brief shot of the Houses of Parliament exploding in “The Empty Hearse” [which is out of context when so far this is meant to be a summary of the Season 1 episodes]. 221B’s living room in “TGG.” SHERLOCK: Don’t make people into heroes, John.  Heroes don’t exist and if they did, I wouldn’t be one of them. At the pool in “TGG,” John opens his jacket to reveal the bomb strapped to him. JIM (to Sherlock): I’ll burn the heart out of you. 2012 In Irene Adler’s living room in “A Scandal in Belgravia,” a naked Irene clamps her teeth onto Sherlock’s fake vicar’s dog-collar just as John comes in with a bowl of water and a linen napkin. JOHN: Right, this should do it. (He stares in shock at the sight that greets him.) In the sitting room in Buckingham Palace in “ASIB,” John glances at a besheeted Sherlock. JOHN: Are you wearing any pants? SHERLOCK: No. JOHN: Okay. (They both crack up laughing.) In Irene’s bedroom, she flogs a drugged Sherlock, then strokes her riding crop over his face. IRENE: This is how I want you to remember me: the woman who beat you. In Dewer’s Hollow in “The Hounds of Baskerville,” Sherlock looks at Henry Knight. SHERLOCK: But there never was any monster. (The hound howls and everyone turns their flashlights to the sight at the top of the Hollow.) JOHN: Sherlock? On Bart’s rooftop in “The Reichenbach Fall,” Sherlock walks across the roof towards Jim. JIM: Here we are at last. (He shoots himself in the mouth.  Sherlock cries out in shock and leaps back.) Later, Sherlock is talking over the phone from the rooftop to John on the ground.) SHERLOCK: Goodbye, John. JOHN (crying out): SHERLOCK! (Sherlock spreads his arms and starts to topple forward. John runs towards the place where Sherlock landed.) 2014 In the underground car park in “The Empty Hearse.” SHERLOCK (offscreen): Those things will kill you. (Greg Lestrade takes the lighter away from his unlit cigarette.) LESTRADE: Ooh, you bastard! In the kebab shop SHERLOCK (to John): The thrill of the chase, the blood pumping through your veins ... (Brief flashback to John outside Angelo’s restaurant in “ASIP,” jumping over the bonnet of the car.) JOHN (to the driver): Sorry. (He chases off after Sherlock.) SHERLOCK: ... just the two of us against the rest of the world. (John grabs Sherlock’s jacket and head-butts him.) In the streets near Baker Street in “TRF” [again, shown in the wrong season flashback], Sherlock, handcuffed to John, jumps over the iron fence.  John grabs his coat through the fence and pulls him back. JOHN: Wait!  We’re going to need to co-ordinate. (Brief shot of Sherlock’s grave.) At the bottom of the stairs in 221B in “TEH.” JOHN: I asked you for one more miracle.  I asked you to stop being dead. SHERLOCK: I heard you. Outside Sholto’s room in “The Sign of Three.” JOHN: Shut up.  You are not a puzzle solver; you never have been.  You’re a drama queen.  Now there is a man in there about to die ...  [This could apply to Mycroft as well.]

(Brief shot of Sherlock putting on the deerstalker at the end of “TEH.”) JOHN (sarcastically quoting Sherlock): ... “The game is on.”  Solve it! At Appledore in “His Last Vow,” Magnussen opens the doors to his ‘vaults.’ SHERLOCK (voiceover): He is the Napoleon of blackmail. (Brief shot of Magnussen walking through his Mind Palace library. Shortly afterwards, Mycroft’s helicopter has arrived and is hovering near the patio.) MAGNUSSEN: No chance for you to be a hero this time, Mr Holmes. (Armed police move into position.) SHERLOCK: I’m a high-functioning sociopath. (He shoots Magnussen in the head, then kneels on the patio with his hands raised, his face full of despair.) MYCROFT (speaking to Lady Smallwood and her colleagues): There is no prison in which we could incarcerate Sherlock without causing a riot on a daily basis. The alternative, however, would require your approval. On the tarmac at the airfield, Sherlock offers his hand to John. SHERLOCK: To the very best of times, John. (His plane takes off while John and Mary watch from the ground.) JIM’s VOICE (distorted): Did you miss me?  Did you miss me? LADY SMALLWOOD: How is this possible? MYCROFT (over the phone to Sherlock in the plane): How’s the exile going? SHERLOCK: I’ve only been gone four minutes. [FOUR is important.] MYCROFT: Well, I certainly hope you’ve learned your lesson. SHERLOCK: Who needs me this time? (On every TV screen in the country, Jim looks over his shoulder to the camera.) JIM: Miss me? MYCROFT (over the phone to Sherlock): England. (Sherlock’s plane touches down on the tarmac.)

TFP

THoB Sherlock is still living under Moriarty’s shadow, despite Irene revealing that John has feelings for Sherlock, and John not denying it. Also, Sherlock is drugged, and for the first time, experiences doubt.

Moriarty is shot, but according to Mycroft in TAB, his body is never recovered.

Sherlock is killed by Mary in HLV, but he comes back to life for John, only because he imagines Moriarty prompting him to see who will miss him. Which always seemed like an odd thing for a villain to do. So, what if Moriarty wasn’t the Big Bad Wolf, but was in fact an actor like Richard Brooke, on the payroll of Mycroft and Mary and/or Magnussen? So, on the rooftop he shot blanks, and someone else shot Sherlock?

Sherlock shoots Magnussen, but this is edited to be someone else in T6T.

Eurus shoots John, but in TFP we’re told it was just a tranq, even though John is former military and Sherlock told us in ASiP that he knew the difference between a real and fake gun.

i.e. it’s Sherlock’s brain trying to tell him that the gun action is linked to the mystery in ASiP (where he first hears of Moriarty), the events surrounding Irene and her working with Moriarty (being drugged=being beaten), and the gun situation not adding up in TRF for multiple reasons. Moriarty becomes the present for Sherlock’s mirror, because he’s the clue to the case, Goethe is a statue in Sherlock’s room, Ode to Joy is played in TLD, and that’s why Staying Alive was the song. Riechenbach is German, as was Rache from ASiP, and in TRF we get Moriarty saying “I owe you a fall”, which is “Ich schulde Ihnen einen Fall” in German, it can be understood as both: I owe you a fall or I owe you a case. Again, it’s his gift. Heart vs brain. @monikakrasnorada (I’m tired, so I hope this makes some sense.)

My heads narration

Back. Im always back. Alone exhausted. Its fine that no one cares. Why cause who cares about me ? Alot of people but no one knows me or can comfort me. Im so alone. I havent talked to anyone in awhile. Being quite sucks. Shut up Eduardo. Just shut up. Be open? I miss alot of people i let go. For one to a billion reasons for our own good to each others benefit. I miss being comforted i miss being understood not alone. I miss you like all the time. But nothing will happen bc im not sure. She broke my heart again haha. Who didnt see that coming right? You literally saw it from Virginia to California. Youre a stupid idiot. But we learn some how i guess. I dont know what im trying to embody. A guy trying to make it on his own or a guy stuck in a world of feelings and loneliness. So many drugs. Back to back. Worth it? I dont care what its worth all i think about it is not being alone. Although i can never escape it. Its just a sad helpless wish from someone who misses the person that brought life into them. Now they roam around trying to find that feeling again. As if it were tangible, reachable. When in truth its not. Never. All things have a reason. Nothing makes sense. Everything is random. I kinda really wish i wasnt a square. I wish i can be felxible yet firm. Im so fucking difficult. As if i have a higher purpose than everyone. Im the same piece of dust as everyone. I eish i could make ppls life better. I wish i can help. I wish i weren't so helpless. I wish to be loved by someone who knows me inside and out. Maybe i dont need that but its what im looking for its what i want. Im fucking stupid. I took acid the other day its...something else. I didnt have a bad trip but you could feel how easy it was to slip its scary. I feel like it preloaded a bunch of images and shit to my head. Its really something else. My stomach is killing me bit whatever theres a cost to drugs. In all reality all the bs that comes out my mouth or mind. I dont want to be alone. Its harder than it sounds bc you can be with a group of ppl and yet be alone. Or one on one and still feel alone. Needa find the right person. But is anyone looking for me? I wouldnt know. My therapist taught me to let go of horrible feelings and still i run to drugs like some dog to an owner. Im the dog obviously and my troubles my bad thought everything negative or wouldnt want is my owner. I run back like i can fix something or i can learn something by reliving it over n over n over again. Im stupid. I dont know alot of things or shit actually. Im pretty stupid i admit that. I admit that all my decisions arent the best if anything im the worst person you can meet. Like really what am i ? Theres no benefit to me or anything i dont give anyone they want. Just laughs and a break in life then im disposed again and again. Its not putting myself too out there or desperate its just ppl remember that they have a life and then poof. My soul cries everynight for someone to talk to or even get me at some level not even fully. I wish i could talk to someone on the phone. I wish i could vent. I understand i dont get that privilege anymore from anyone cause no cares they have their lives and other people why stop for a stranger or someone who repeats the same problem and cries about it . my silent cries. Regardless how things turn up for my sorry life. I deserve it. All this pain all this debt all this loneliness everything. I broke too many hearts to say im a good person. Im so retarded like why? Lmao. Uh god why ? I know its not your fault its my decisions my genes my everything. I find it really weird that if i cry i laugh alot like im crazy or something. Im not or dont think i am but yeah thats weird. Im scared that all this stupidity is gonna run up and knock me out of my life and ill just be a mess. A reck. Always have been i just throw down a good front. I wish i was more enthusiastic i lack that alot like its not funny at all. But hwo cares right? Ill just be silent again in my bed and look at the wall with no music in a clean organised house. I feel insane. I do think of cutting. I felt some relief but all i thought about was me marking my skin for someone who is sharing their body constantly and doesnt care. If they dont care about their count what makes you think they care about 1 or the many? Yeah if they cared n shit but really? They wouldnt trade that person for everyone. Everyone fills so many holes yet leave you empty. Thats when the loop begins i think. I should learn how to dress. Get more clothes. Better hair. Better smell better person. I need to better myself. I just wish i didnt have to battle being comfortable sad. I wish for some much yet im not willing to give up anything. I say i can but its probably the hardest thing for me. Letting go. I make it seem easy but its a stab to the chest in the morning through out the day up till the night. And in my dreams. Men talk to me about families and their daughters and im here. Alone wishing for their happiniess but maybe their happiniess isnt for me like its not ok at all. Idk my mind is stilk troubled like always. I run back