i hate how i feel doing or not doing certain stuff for/because of the pain + fatigue since im a fat person :///

I might end up taking u up on that offer this is so so soo fun

I really enjoy it when people make moon mad at fp..like how could she not be yes she cares about fp a lot but siblings don't exactly...do that to eachother very often I think (but maybe they do /j the woes of being an only child)

I think not being able to harm artificer did him good in the end (therapy dog!!) like he would have definitely just wanted to send that thing FLYING into the sun but he couldn't!! he was forced to just deal with it and eventually he realises hey. Maybe this thing isn't so bad... honestly I think he really needed something like that right then given his tendency to push people away (thinking abt how he BLEW UP srs' poor overseer. That made me jump actually i didnt expect it i sat still for long enough to get myself blown up too it was kind of funny...aside from the trek back of course) (ALSO THE ADS HELP thats golden)

Adding onto that like....him being a silly little loser that wants to do everything by himself and the like loving the attention etc I really think that like... the time period he was built in only made it worse??

Like......i feel that being built when he was added to a sort of pressure of needing to feel superior, to not be one of those bugs in mazes. To have something with like a genuine true path ahead instead of blindly grasping for answers

Like...I guess he'd want to prove just how good he is by doing it without any sort of help and he just has so MUCH to figure out by himself that he just...builds that pressure more and more and that's gotta be too much at some point

^^ I like the idea of the triple affirmative stuff happening like...around this point in time (forgive me if my timeline is terribly off) but anyways like..it kind of just fucks up everything for the dude...like all he's worked for is kinda just for nothing so then it leads to everything with the rot as like some sort of last resort. Like he knows the risks but he just cant bring himself to care like he's in such a vunerable state he doesn't think about how it'd affect moon until all of a sudden there's a forced message being sent his way, but even then I guess being younger than like everyone in the group he doesn't fully grasp like oh. This is as bad as it is. Until moons can comes crashing down and hes left infecting himself with the stuff

Anyway you are so very right with the echo actually I haven't thought very much on the shaded citadel but it must have...not been pleasant going through the rains knowing that there's so many others unaffected by it

Sorry this response is so late actually I've been multitasking to all hell but RRAGHGJ squishing the iterators in my hand like stress balls I am so normal about this game

please do! <3 ramble incoming

Moon being angry at Pebbles is fun. I love seeing different interpertations! Though I do think she doesn’t hold actual bitterness towards him in my personal belief.

The idea that she isn’t actually *angry* angry at him makes her very tragic to me. By all means she knows his actions are inexcusable. What she went through was horrifying and painful and she acknowledges that. Nsh even mentions she’s always had way too much patience for him and that she really tried to be a good big sister to him.

So as his big sister and someone who guided him in early days I can see her being unable to feel spite towards him. He fucked up, hes now sick and rotting and it all fills her with grief. It’s all just unfortunate and sad! (definitely see moon being a little hater with salty comments sometimes. as she does but most of her anger is reserved for their shitty parents)

Pebbles desperately wanting to feel superior is something really fun to me!! Absolutely see it! (idk why u went and became close friends with guy who called you dumb and naive but u do you 🤷 maybe u like that. likr OoOo hes the only one that listens to my theories and he calls me dumb <33) We know he learns about what happened to sliver from suns, so I can only assume that happened before he was made..? But the game is vague enough for u to hc it as you want honestly.

What he did was out of desperation for sure! He never wanted to even involve Moon according to what he says while commenting on a pearl by Arti. It was just kind of impossible.

I think what Suns told him just left a big scar on the poor guy. Not only is he being told he never mattered, he has to accept he’ll slowly break down and not even die while still trying to solve their issue he doesn’t even care about. He wanted the feeling of power over his own self back and he wanted to desperately escape. Feeling helpless is the worst.

He thought he could be fast enough and not harm Moon and then failed! He doomed her and got a very bad case of the rot ( consequences of my actions) ((another bracket but the poor fucker tried to cure himself all the way until arti campaign! sad!!)) along with his failure becoming gossip material and a sensation as we learn from spearmaster logs. Which is why I assume he closes all communications.

Also Moon forced many many broadcasts onto him while dying :) not only partly the reason why he failed the project, it also further cemented his helplesness.. because he can’t do anything to help! A common phrase you hear from him is “I can’t even help myself”.

It’s a little treat in almost all scug campaigns iirc.

Also echoes are all so interesting I love them and their silly little opinions. Shout out to the one who told arti to stop being such an angry bitch <3

OK not a liveblog per se but i have to SAY THINGS GOSH and im stalling so i dont finish LOL IM SCARED

alright bc thething is i have had my brain shut off for the past few weeks whatever the fuck i havent been in a "lets sit down and talk ad nauseum about it"

whichis such a shame bc LIKE... first bit of s4? i think the opener was bad but a lot of it otherwise middling- HOWEVER AFTER THAT.. GOD THERES BEEN SO MUCH TO SAY SINCE I JUST HAVENT TALKED ABOUT IT

and speaking of openers. i think its kinda funny. premiere notwithstanding, it feels like farscape kinda sucks at openers but literally KNOCKS IT OUT OF THE PARK with season finales. literally. in the thick of it now- but i genuinely think theyve always been, like, so so strong.and thats genuinely so hard to pull off, man.

like im a dw fan and anyways yeah so dw has some of the most inconsistent finales imaginable and it makes me really appreciate a show that CAN do them. like: theyre busy but paced well; its not predictable but its not overly convoluted; theres ups and downs, and theres complications but theyre never contrived.

and i do think farscape has a problem with benching characters and forgetting they exist sometimes but HERE at least they are keeping all of them constantly engaged which is really hard man i do admire it its like..... theres such an ENERGY . like its a proper culmination of events and people coming together and all characters just on their a-game, with a genuinely good story as a foundation. BC ITS EASY ENOUGH TO JUST BRING EVERYONE IN, and arbitrarily up the stakes BUT its another thing to not just... rely wholly on that? which i say again bc you know. doctor who. SORRY TO BE GUY THAT ONLY WATCHES 2 SHIKWS- BUT ITS IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.

ANYWYS

i shouldhave tlaked more abt the eps in specific but firstly the lead up to this was crazy like the last part of s4 has been so good.

i loved bringing home the beacon. #jirl power. like for all my reservations about noranti and sikozu (which i'll get into more) i do love likejsut seeing... an episode full of women? which i dontknow that probably sounds stupid but god i jsust feel like... EVEN NOWADAYS, when they do have a lot of women in a show sometimes its just forced and i dont mean that in the arsey way i mean that as in, like, they just put more and more women in without properly developing them and so its just a load of stock characters- BUT HERE, we have a genuine range of girlies here carrying the episode each with their own agency, so theyre capable of having such a good dynamic and LISTEN. DUMB BUT ITS REFRESHING. and i really loved the back and forth with aeryn and sikozu in particular and the more tenuous political situation and their reactions to it and how theyre actually similar but obviously have such different ideas on what to DO here like ougghghgh ... AND THE END. SHEESH. its like- its one of those things where you knew it was coming but BY GOD. THE END OF THIS EPISODE.

and then i really loved a constellation of doubt- love introspective episodes, set before/after the more epic finale-type parts - and how it functions like.. especially establishing john's distance from earth and like... how we STARTED this journey with him so desperate to return to it and you'd think that would be the finale of the show but we've been there and it wasnt right bc hes different now and NOW its about aeryn SHE'S the end goal now baby..................

then my fucking god. prayer was holy shit that was DARK as fuck and like- LIKE YAOI BREAK JOKES ASIDE, like... i fucking loved scorpius and john "working together" like that and the tension and JESUS when FUCKING SCORPIUS JUST.... like that whole alternate world is so fucked up man. so fucking fucked up.

AND THEN- GOD, THE AERYN STUFF... LIKE EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT JOHN/SCORPIUS, part of me wishes the whole episode was a long and . immersive look into hers but also i sure a sfuck dont because holy fucking shit like... I WAS SO NERVOUS, YOU KNOW, about the pregnancy storyline going into s4 bc with scifi, stories about pregnancy can so easily go fucking wrong and get horrible and uncomfortable if the writers dont do well AND ESPECIALLY if youre going to darker places likethis like jesus fuckingchrist but... i do think they did a good job of like leaivng aeryn in control of her narrative if that makes sense. i think thats my issue otherwise- like again, with dw the worst fucking offender, who barely even let amy fucking reflect on any of that shit when what she went through was a bodily violation compatable to r#pe but WHATEVER uhm - LIKE... obviously aeryn is also going fucking through it, jesus, horrible fucking shit is happening to ehr, but i dont- like im not against that, you know, so long as we do get to see her and we hear her and its not about crichton although his side is important, and its not FOCUSSED on the horror of it in some strange voyeuristic way (although it can be dangerously close to that) i still found it to be about... HER. YEAH? AND SEEING HER PERSPECTIVE. AND god.....................fuckme.............

andits so funny bc liekfor all i said abt loving the ifnale I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY

I DONT I FOR SURE DONT IM STILL IN IT AND MY HEAD IS FUCKING MUSH THATSWHY IM WRITING ALLTHIS

WHEN STARK REAPPEARED- okay firstly. i love the hair so bad. why didnt we get that. BUT LIKE- WHILST SCORPIUS didnt buy it i for sure bought it at first LOL like msotly bc i have always admired farscape for allowing characters to always have quite a lot of nuance, and having their own individual agenda like.. you know what i mean? its like- going back WAY back to the beginning, with dna mad scientist, it'd be so easy to have them all have a firm allegiance to one another BUT NOPE. and here i'd be like- FUCK, MAN, I DONT KNOW. i wouldnt be fucking mad with stark if he wanted to fuck around and just torture the shit out of scorpius after all he fucking went through, you know.

and speaking of agendas

okay sikozu. which can i say? i keep mispelling her name. thats one thing farscape sucks at. the names are good and inventive and pack flavour- but not fucking memorable, in the slightest. frell me. GOOD CUSSES THOUGH THEYRE GOOD AT THAT I KEEP ACCIDENTALLY ALMOST SAYING DREN WHEN MESSAGING PPL. EMBARRASSING. anyway

where was i

FUCKING SIKOZU

i havent continued watching yet but the whole relevation of her and her allegiance to this resistance... right, ok. heres my thing. i really LIKE it, actually, and i have grown to really like her character and i think shes such a fucking interesting person to drop into the cast and has such a good fucking perspective on things and gives good fucking dynamics with quite a few of the existing cast AND i dont hate this storyline with her at all either and i think if itd been established a bit more beforehand or we'd gotten to explore her a bit more beforehand i would have LOVED-LOVED-LOVED her for what she does BUT

its like.. she kind of got introduced weird AND she starkly.. contrasts the kind of sloppy inclusion of noranti and jool? because listen. i just- i cant help but think...FUCK me. i wish sikozu was introduced WAY back in place of jool, since jool kind of did come back around in the end but ultimately i dont think she ever truly found her place in the show or did much constructive, and what she did do sikozu functions as better as AND that extra time could have really better sewed the seeds of this story bc right now it does kinda feel out of nowhere... not completely far-fetched, though, bc i do think it fits for her as she has always been quite cagey and- SHIT MAN. IM REALISING. I COULD REALLY HAVE FUCKING LOVED SIKOZU IF THEYD JUST DONE HER RIGHT LIKE

and its like i said. i did like jool by the end of her run but i dont think she was... im sorry but i dont think she was ever worth it for what she was and i dont think she really DID much. and i think its like an overall problem farscape as a show has HAD since its moved past s1, wherein like... s1 is SO FUCKING GOOD, and so efficient at building characters well and really putting in the work. but as the show grew it kind of struggled to do that whenever they introduced new ppl which i guess is my frustration with it? they dont rlly take the time to work them into it, in the same way, and i guess they really cant do what they did with s1 bc they have more plot to cover but its a shame. i feel like there was a way to adapt better esp bc like i said like- a lot of the time... the new characters were kind of just?? unnecessary?

and its like dont get me WRONG i dont think a character has to be actively doing something all the time. i stand by the fact rygel is an important character. i think he balances them out really fucking well, serves an important function on the ship in terms of diplomacy and DOES give really good moments and different perspectives that the others could not give. but i think thats also like... dependent on him being a reliably well established character within the show and a thing that has been demonstrated over seasons and in PARTICULAR early on and its usually done with good measure

whereas jool was justlike... genuinely downright bad for the first few eps she was there and it doesnt really feel like she WENT anywhere either in the end even though she did improve and its like. -_- cmon bc SHE DID HAVE AN INTERESTING PREMISE BUT EERHGHG...

and i also bring up noranti bc she too is kind of... just drifting? dont get me wrong- i actually do kind of like her. i know im listening to a podcast alongside the show- and omg, the hosts HATE her so bad. i think shes definitely a taste thing, so id assume jool is too to some extent, bc characters like this are BUT... i do admit she really... hasnt added anything?

and sorry to do this. but im relating it back to dw again. you know dan, yeah? dan was pointless. i liked him. i liked what he brought to the show and i dont think what they tried to do with him was bad. and usually im of the mindsetof like... oh well if they had some good moments with him it wasnt BADLY spent but no ehrm... look... it kinds was, man. bc look- his stuff was good, but it wasnt so original or unique, and i do think a comic relief character did balance them out BUT... its still kind of, like, lazy to just make a whole character for that, yeah? instead of just... developing the ones you have and committing to them? kind of slapping a bandaid on it? like- can yaz and 13 not be funny and lighthearted? cant they carry scenes? and was his story of, like, some fucking dude so singularly unique that you had to compromise 13 and yaz being alone and working on their relationship more in isolation?

thats a more drastic example but my point is i dont know. shes nice and she has had moments but i jsut feel like her too its like... shes really not necessary and its just- i become super conscientous fo it when it jsut feels... redundant to have them about when theres a lot of other more interesting things to explore. i think they justkinda... needed a fucking plot device to write them out of stuff with her powders but like- cmon man..

ANYWAY GOD

WHERE WAS I WITH ALL OF THIS

fucking hel fuck me ive lost all train of thought i should fucking ginish the episo-

IM SCAREEED IM SCAREDDD IM SCAREDDDDTHGOGUGHGHGHHG

how i would have changed s2 of hsmtmts

obvious disclaimer but im not a screenwriter or anyth so im not claiming what i want is best, this is just for fun lololol

okay so first of all nini would still have dropped out of yac but she wouldn’t have gone back to east, she would have transferred to north bc she was too ashamed to tell anyone she left at first and maybe she still wants to explore who she is away from ricky and the others

nini could join north’s batb and this way maybe we could have some playful rivalry with lily and nini and more scenes with antoine shdhdjdj also it could have been a great opportunity to flesh out lily’s character so those scenes where she reaches out to ricky and her confession at the end of the season actually make sense lol

speaking of ricky ,,, i think he should have left the play at some point hear me out. he only joined in the first place because of nini and barely wanted to do it at all once he realized he wasn’t gonna be able to perform with her. he could have joined crew and been a manager with natalie or smth considering he rlly does see the theater gang as a second family. also this would leave so much room for ej and ricky development and bants since ej joined the av club and began to pursue film. they could have some convos where idk ricky asks ej how he figured out what he wanted to do after duke didn’t work out and ricky could actually develop some interests that arent the play or nini ,,, maybe fucking art club i mean he did p good on that centerpiece for carlos’ quinceañera.

with ricky not being the beast anymore i think seb should take his place that would be soooo good. and since seb isn’t chip anymore carlos won’t make those snide comments about chip being a small unimportant role and we can just cut that whole fight bc it was dumb and bad. we could still have seb being insecure that carlos is only dating him bc there aren’t really any other gay guys at school. in a heartbeat is great and i did like ricky being supportive in the background it was kinda funny too idk dhdjdjfj

ooh i almost forgot abt rini ahshdj okay so i still think they should break up. but in my version there’s no ricky pulling an ej 1.0 and deleting comments off of nini’s insta, cause with ricky in art club and nini at north trying to figure out what she wants i think one of them would realize that they’re going in different directions and only got back tgt because they made each other feel safe cause what they had was familiar. this could be triggered by ricky mentioning smth abt nini at yac and then nini breaks down and tells him that she dropped out and is at north and doesn’t know where she’s going. and then they can both realize they aren’t good for each other rn and have a less tragic mutual break up.

honestly i really liked the scene of nini taking charge after miss jenn freaked out cause with the character detail of nini giving every person in the cast of productions she’s in a thank you note she just seems really like someone who is suited to lifting others up. this could still be explored at north, maybe she could help lily through her issues that were briefly implied in ep 11 and nini realizes she wants to be a drama teacher and encourage kids to go off book and put themselves into their acting, something she couldn’t have at yac.

okay now ej ,,, so like i said in ricky’s section, more bants between them cause i feel like friendships kinda fell by the wayside due to all the relationships so more friendship !!!! also the scene where ej tells his dad he’s not going to duke shouldn’t have been an ending scene, it should have been fleshed out with his dad pushing back saying how he pulled all these strings to get him in and ej saying he doesn’t wanna go if his own hard work couldn’t get him there. and also more scenes of ej doing av club things !!! and realizing he rlly likes film and wants to do it OMG IT WOULD BE SO COOL IF HE BROKE THE FOURTH WALL AND ASKED THE DOCUMENTARY CREW ABT THE FILM INDUSTRY god i would love that. the only scene we rlly got of ej doing film things was at the quinceañera which made me kinda sad. uhhh also i just wanted to specifically mention how ej got mr mazzara that job at cal tech bc it really showed how he wanted to be there for people not just for gina, who he had a crush on, but for mr mazzara who supported him outside of romance, so i wanna keep that for sure.

gina !!! okay so i mostly liked her arc in this season, the only changes i would make would be to flesh it out a teeny bit (god this hypothetical s2 would have to be like 22 eps at least shdjdjdjfj) anyways besides ashlyn singing home to get gina to stay i think there should be a scene where they actually talk in her room abt how gina feels safer when shes on the run (second chance reference ilysm) hhhh and also a scene of her and carlos actually working out compromises for their choreo cause i liked that bit of development too and fleshing that out would make gina an even better foil for lily, who felt a need to hog the spotlight like gina used to. with gina’s own arc fleshed out her character would feel more whole independently from romance and portwell would be even more rewarding than it is in the current s2. the only thing i would really change abt portwell is that they would kiss !!! in the finale but thats bc im biased.

ashlyn should have gotten a more fleshed out storyline about being insecure about not being a good enough belle or the typical belle. there were some throwaway lines when north did their typical dramatics but the only two real scenes that showed it were when ash talked to big red about it and when she was telling nini she wanted to do a run in “home” bc lily did it. ashlyn should get more screen time where she has to grapple with the reasons she doesn’t feel good enough and big red can still support her but also gina too bc i would like more roommate besties interaction.

kourtney could still date howie, that harry potter shit was cute but there needs to be smth else for kourtney’s arc. idk she’s still into fashion so maybe she could be out here trying to create her own line or smth? this doesn’t have to be resolved in s2 like making a wholeass line takes time and she could work on it into a potential s3. kourtney just didnt get much outside of howie and the stuff at the beginning of the season where she said nini inspired her to be independent and that's why she got a job was just dropped?? so i think that fashion could fill that for her if she’s still dating howie cause like having her whole arc just be the pizza place kinda overlaps w big red’s mini arc abt how he wasn’t settling for hospitality, its what he wants to do with his life.

ik what ur thinking. anna, even if you added more episodes, where would u find the room to add all these plotlines?? well first we cut (most of) the seblos fight, so thats some time saved. honestly most of the time that we r going to gain is going to be from cutting ms jenn’s time. things like ms jenn’s and nini’s car ride would get cut, but mostly all of ms jenn’s romances would get cut down. considering she’s the teacher and isn’t actually a character with an arc how does she have THREE love interests this season?? like all of the weird tension between her and zack can be cut, like just some short scenes of them being competitive can stay. all of the stuff with ricky’s dad can go bye bye we don’t need it. i did like her w mr mazzara so most of that can stay i just didn’t like how he said he would give up cal tech for her, ew no that would be gone.

the MENKIES !!!! this is the last thing im gonna address cause in a perfect world every character would get a long fleshed out arc but then the season would be waaay too long and also im mostly trying to work within material the show gave so this is mostly made up of “realistic” deviations from what actually happened. lol idk what that even means it just makes sense to me. but anyways!! uhhh bro idk i thought them dropping the menkies was funny but it also made the finale really BAD lmao. in this finale, seb is the beast, east still had to deal w the fact that they’re underfunded compared to north but no one is injured, lily is less of a poorly written character and maybe ppl are even rooting for her, and wow i just realized i never actually said what role i think nini should have in north’s show. OOH she could be student director instead of lily cause lily both being in the play while also directing was weird considering omg i just checked and according to her wiki page shes a FRESHMAN?? and they let her be student director? lol hell nah. okay so with all that in mind ,,, the menkies should have been the season cliffhanger instead of portwell. east and north should both be nominated, both schools perform at the menkies, and then the award winner is about to be announced and THATS when it cuts to natalie and the end of the season.

one, this actually gives more tension for a summer s3 as we would be waiting to see the consequences of whichever school won. also i bet people would be wondering if nini’s gonna be transferring back to east or staying at north. people would also prob wonder if ej would be getting the scholarship if east won and what that would mean for his interest in film.

lmao that got longggg and idk if anyone’s even gonna read this but it was fun to do :D

hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ‘97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc. 

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

7 Minutes in Heaven (kageyama x reader)

(slightly explicit i guess)

for context (but it's explained in the piece anw) - the boys threw a going away party for y/n cuz she's going to be away the whole week next week, and one of the games at that party was seven minutes in heaven ~ and she's stuck with tobio. ;))

a/n: enjoy my dudes!! ❤ and tell me what y'all think abt it. hihihi

~~~

A few more minutes, and I was out of here.

Honestly, it wasn't so bad. I mean, apart from me wishing I was dead the first few minutes I was in here and the horrible small talk that I so shamefully and regretfully initisted, things went smoothly after all that so it was all good.

Kageyama was still quiet beside me. The burning sensation where his bare arm touched mine wasn't as strong anymore, but I was still hyper aware of everywhere we touched - our forearms, the back of our hands, our knees.

It was a ridiculous of me to even feel all that, and I just wanted to be out of here.

Well, if I was being truthful, I sort of liked that I was stuck in the closet with Tobio. It was...a rare chance to be this close to someone you liked afterall, and thank God only I knew I liked Tobio. If anybody else did, I think I'd die.

Just anything but that. Because God also knows Tobio doesn't see me that way. I am and always will be just the Karasuno volleyball team manager who picks up after them, hands them their water bottles, schedules practices for them and whatnot.

I was nothing special, and I never will be to Tobio. He loved volleyball too much to put anything else first.

And that was honestly okay with me. I loved that he was so passionate about the sport. All of the boys were, but Tobio and Hinata, they had a fire in them that couldn't be quenched, not till they got to the very top, till they've surpassed every one of their limits and bested those they considered were better than them. It was a kind of hunger that only those two could understand.

That's why they almost always practiced. Whenever I found them, they always had a ball in their hands. Sometimes by themselves or together, but during the latter they usually always ended up arguing.

Speaking of which...

"Why did you join tonight's little party?" I ask him, my voice light with curiosity. "Don't you usually practice at this hour?" Last I checked, it was still seven in the evening. They usually practiced till nine or so, or when somebody finally told them to go home.

Tobio was facing away from me. Probably uncomfortable from how close we were. I understood though. He always was uncomfortable with physical contact. "Daichi-san asked me to go."

I nodded, ignoring the feeling that something just dropped in my stomach. So he didn't really want ant to go. "Well, I'm sorry you were forced to be here," I apologized. And it really was sincere.

His eyes snapped to my face then. It was dark, but there was enough light seeping through the cabinet slits that I could still see his wide-eyed expression.

"No, no," he answered a little too quickly. "I wanted to go actually, but I wasn't sure I was invited."

I rolled my eyes. "I think everyone was invited. But if it were up to me, I wouldn't have had this party. It's not like I'm going away for a long time."

His shoulder shrugs beside me. "Still a long time not seeing you in the gym," he said in a voice so low that I almost didn't catch it. And I couldn't help the little flip in my stomach.

"Seeing me?" I couldn't help but ask.

Tobio's face became panicked again. He threw up his palms in a pacifying manner as he fumbled for an explanation. "No, it's just I'm--we're all so used to seeing you everyday and you being gone for a whole week just seems weird and---"

"Are you saying you're gonna miss me, Tobio?" I tease, pushing myself forward and making him draw back, flustered.

He shook his head. Then nodded again, then shook it again. "I mean, everyone will--but it doesn't mean I won't---not like that but---"

I chuckle, waving a hand at him. "I get it, I was just teasing, Kageyama-kun." My stomach dropped again but that was expected. It was my fault for maybe hoping for a little something more with how he reacted and stuff. Typical of me, but very quickly I brushed that feeling off, not wanting to dwell in shame and disappointment any longer and decided to wait out the few minutes left of being in here.

I sighed quietly, facing forward and propped my arms on my knees again.

At least Tobio and I were friends. Better than nothing, right? And besides, this was just a crush. A crush that's been going on since the beginning of the year, but still a crush so it'll pass. Eventually, I'll find it in me to accept the reality of the situation and---

"(Name)-san, can I ask you something?"

I turned to Tobio. His head was bowed and his hair fell over his forehead, hiding his face from my view. "Yeah, sure," I said.

"Seven minutes in heaven is a dumb game, right, where two people get stuck together and it's up to them what they do in the small space they're stuck in, and whatever happens there, stays there, right?"

I simply nod then realized that maybe he couldn't see it so I added a vocal "Yes."

Tobio lifted his head and faced me, an unreadable expression in his eyes. But for some reason, my heart was pounding in my chest, so loud and hard that I felt it against my bicep.

"You'll be gone the whole week next week, right?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered slowly, unsure where this was going.

"So you'll probably forget about this."

I frown. "Forget about what?"

And Tobio answered with a kiss. His lips were warm and incredibly soft against mine. I gasped against his lips, and froze. His lips didn't move; they just pressed firmly against mine. On my jaw was a shadow of a touch, like his fingers were hovering there, unsure what to do.

For several seconds, I remained how I was, my brain and body stil ltoo surprised to catch up with what happened.

But then very quickly, the warmth of Tobio's lips left mine and that sensation snapped me out of my daze.

I locked my hands around his neck to keep him where he was and adjusted myself so I was facing him in a way that I could properly return the kiss. Slowly, but encouragingly, I began to move my mouth against his, angling my head so our lips fit each other perfectly - warm, wet and sweet. He tasted like strawberries.

Now it was Tobio's turn to sit frozen, but that didn't last long. Very soon he returned the kiss, moving gently first then gradually with an almost desperate edge. I don't know how he managed, but he had me pressed against the cabinet wall, legs parted so his body fit in the middle.

He caught my face in his hands, his long fingers slowly snaking through my hair and bunching at the nape.

I gasped when Tobio broke the kiss to trail burning kisses along my jaw and down my neck. His other hand settled on my waist while the other angled my head so he had more access to my neck. The tip of his tongue trailed up the side of my neck, stopping at the point just below my earlobe and he brought his lips down on that spot. He sucked on the tender area and I couldn't help the moan that escaped me. My body arched into him, almost like it wanted Tobio to touch me more. The hand on my waist had inched up to the lower mound of my breast. His fingers, warm and strong through the thin foam of my bra, caressed the smooth area, gentle, and almost like he was asking for permission.

As if he had to.

I went to grab his hand to so he could squeeze my breast, but a voice suddenly boomed from outside the closet.

"Alright you two! Seven minutes are up!"

Tobio and I sprung apart so fast like we burned each other just as the closet door swung open, bathing us in too bright light.

I put my hand up to shield my blinking eyes. When they adjusted, I saw that it was Tanaka with a teasing look on his face, almost like he knew. And from our swollen lips and my probably messed up hair, I think he could tell.

"Well, well, well," he said cheerfully, propping his hands on his hips. "I guess you made good use of your time, didn't you?"

I didn't have to look at Tobio to know we were both the same shade of tomato-red.

Get away - fixed, TW abuse

This is inspired by @gwenweybournes headcanon abt Mikes dad, it's p much canon in my headcanon now asgsh, I deleted all the others and I'm posting it again cuz I fixed some of the dumb spelling mistakes and added a couple things n stuff. If you're sensitive to stuff like this please scroll past, I'm sorry i can't put a Read more cut cuz I'm on mobile, but if you want to read then please enjoy/reblog n stuff.

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Yet another miserable day in the Nesmith household, Mike sat in the floor of the back room with his guitar in lap and record player by his side trying to drown out the sound of his parents going at eachother, it was every single day with them, he just has to get a few gigs and get some money and he'll be out of there in no time.. but unfortunately it just wasn't working out the way he hoped, there was hardly an audience in this side of town. As the two went off on eachother in the living room, Mike sat in the floor of his tiny little room, playing and singing along to his Johnny cash record, he attempted to play the songs despite not knowing any of the chords, he picked at the strings, constantly moving his fingers back and forth on the fret board in an attempt to keep up with the quick chord changes while also trying to figure out what chords they even were. G,, no, no, C.. D?.. F,, A? It was all too quick. He could nearly swoon at the sound of Johnny's bellowing pipes and fast rhythem guitar, such a lovely sound, it was almost enough to drown out all the drama in the other room, it was almost enough to make him forget about it entirely.

The yelling in the other room stopped suddenly, Mike couldn't help but notice. He sighed in relief, maybe one of them finally decided to just end the argument. All was quiet but it didn't last long, that momentary silence was merely the calm before the storm. Suddenly, Mikes door busted open, "What did i tell you about those records, boy!?... Are you playin' that guitar again!?" The burly man yelled at his son, Mike looked up, only to look back down quickly after meeting his father's furious gaze, suddenly, the big man grabbed the guitar by the fret board and snatched it away violently, Mike was surprised that it didn't break with such force. "How many times have I told you to can it with this guitar!?!.. music ain't a job!" He yelled once more, Mike dared to stand up and look at his father. "Give it back." He said firmly, knowing it was probably a bad idea to do so. "You want it? You can come take it from me, then! Or I can it take out back with the wood chipper! Then you can get a real job to pay for a new one!!" he spat harshly, Mike almost wanted to take a step forward but his mind told him to stand still. He stayed quiet. "Got nothin' to say, huh? Well, good! I'll just go ahead 'n take this to the wood chipper and this little problem will be over!.." he said before looking down at the record player in the floor.

"And turn that garbage off!" He yelled before hooking a swift kick to the record player causing the needle to shoot across the record, making it skip and crackle. "Don't do that!.." Mike suddenly spoke a little louder than before, he was stopped in his tracks when his dad looked back up at him. "You have somethin' you wanna say, boy? You wanna get tough?" He asked with a snarl, the only thing Mike paid attention to was his guitar in the big hands of his father, "Why do.. why do you always have to pick fights..?" Mike asked, backing down a little, "Ain't no one pickin' fights here, boy! I'm just tryin' to get it through yer thick skull that you need to get a real job! A full time job! Makin' real money! Not just sittin' around with this hunk of wood 'n strings disappointin' me 'n your momma!" He yelled back, of course he would say that, it always comes down to him being a disappointment, a good for nothing, a wayward son. Mike glared, suddenly his nerves over took him and he stepped forward and grabbed the neck of the guitar and attempted to pull it away from his father, only to recieve a kick to the gut that knocked him backwards, "Come on! Get back up! You want this guitar? Throw a punch or two! Or I will!" He said as his son picked himself up off the ground, "Why is... Why is everything about fightin' with you!?.. I just want my guitar back! I'm sick of always havin' to fight just to have a say!..." Mike suddenly shouted.

"Ohh so you wanna mouth off to me, now? Maybe I don't need no wood chipper! I'll have just as much luck smashin' this hunk on the ground! Or maybe right over that head of yours!" He said as he positioned the guitar in his hands, ready to hit it against the floor, but suddenly, he was stopped, "That's enough!" A woman's voice cut through, making them both look over, "Stay outta this, woman!" He yelled to his wife, "Don't yell at mom." Mike said firmly, his dad looked back at him before looking back at his wife. "Take this." He said as he handed her the guitar, as soon as she took it he began stepping towards his son. Mike backed up more and more as his father approached, "Honey, that's enough!! Leave him alone!" His wife yelled, trying to protect her boy, "Shut up! Take that guitar out back! I'll be there in a minute!.." He replied before violently grabbing his son by the arm and snatching him downward, Mike attempted to pull away but his father's strength much outweighed his own, "You're hurting me." He said, his voice was a little shaky, his father suddenly pulled him in close, close enough for him to feel his breath against his face. "Listen here, you little delinquent, if I hear any more of this guitar crap outta you, that'll be IT. You better start thinkin' HARD on what you're gonna do with yerself 'cause I'm gettin' two steps closer to just throwin' you out on your behind!.. if I don't beat ya to death, first!... Now you can either go out and find a REAL job, or you ain't ever seein' that guitar again. Got it!?" He spoke through clenched teeth.

Mike didn't reply, suddenly his father yanked his arm harder and squeezed tighter, "YOU GOT IT!??" He yelled in his face, "........ Yes, sir." Mike quietly replied before his father threw him down to the ground. "Good!!.." he yelled again before yanking the plug to the record player out of the wall and snatching it up without any care for the record on the turn table. "I'm gettin' rid of this thing." He said before walking out of the room, Mike almost wanted to protest but he was too afraid, the door was slammed harshly and Mike was left there in the floor, almost paralyzed with fear. He managed to sit upright against the wall, he couldn't be shocked, this kind of stuff happens almost daily, everyday since he was 15 was spent pretty much walking on eggshells. Mike sat against the wall rubbing his arm for a moment before he heard the door open again, he almost wanted to crawl into the closet as quick as he could to avoid being seen until he looked up to see his mother's worried face, she walked towards him slowly and bent down in front of him, "Robert, honey.. you know your father loves you very much.." She said, she almost doubted her own words, Robert.. he much preferred to go by his middle name, Michael, but she had always called him by his first. Mike looked away.. ".... Sure has a funny way of showin' it...." He said quietly, still rubbing his sore arm. Many bruises hid under his sleeves.

She put her hand on his shoulder, "He only wants what's best for you, sweetie...." She said gently, trying to reassure her son, "..I know what's best for me... I'm not a kid anymore... He doesn't get to decide that.." he replied quietly, ".. Well.... I know you're not a child anymore.. but you're still our little boy.. we're just trying to look out for you.." she replied, Mike continued to look away... "...... Sure..." He said, she then swept his hair away from his eyes, "I love you, sweetheart.." she said as she planted a small kiss against his cheek, "....I.. love you too, mom........" He replied once more. She smiled and stood back up. "I'll try to talk to your father about your guitar." She said softly, "........ Ok..." He replied quietly, still his gaze stayed fixed on the ground beside him. She walked out of the room slowly and gently closed the door behind herself. Mike continued to sit in the floor, at this point he didn't even know if he wanted to get back up.. after a while of staring at the ground, he looked up at the window in the wall and his thoughts began to stray.. he had to get out of here, not just this house, not just this town, but this whole state, to where the audience is, the Golden State, the big city of lights where everyone has a chance for success.. he wanted that, he wanted it like he couldn't believe. Maybe he could use some of the money from his last small gig for a train ticket and take the Midnight Flyer away from this nightmare.

He then stood up and opened his closet door quietly, inside was his guitar case, all he needed was his guitar. But how was he gonna get it back? It would certainly take a bit of planning, but for now all he wanted to do was hide in his room for a while.

Later that afternoon, everything had gotten quiet, Mike quietly cracked his door open and looked around, Mom and Dad were nowhere to be seen.. where did they go? Perhaps to the store? Maybe out back? He was confused, yes, but he saw this as the perfect opportunity to find his guitar and get it into its case and slip out as fast as he could before his parents, specifically his father, returned. He cautiously crepted out of the room, trying to be as quiet as humanly possible, he walked slowly and carefully towards the living room, making sure to peek around any corners first, no one was there.. strange.. but there it was!! His guitar! It laid halfway on and off the couch, looking like it had just been tossed there. He ran towards the couch and grabbed the guitar with a quickness and ran back to his room, he almost felt powerful as he did so. He slipped back into the room quickly and closed the door quietly behind himself. He popped the guitar case open and set the guitar down inside, he grabbed a shirt from the closet and folded it and laid it down beside the guitar, he closed the case and the latches. He grabbed a couple guitar picks from his table and put them into his pocket before reaching into his other pocket and pulling out a bit of change and a few bills.. this should be just about enough to buy a train ticket.

Once that part of the mission was accomplished, now came the next part, it should be easy, all he had to do was walk out the door. That's it. He crept back out and looked around again, maybe he should take the back door, it just felt safer.. he walked into the kitchen where the back door was located and reached for the knob before his heart was stopped by a noise, the front door opening.. oh no.. no, no, no.. from outside he heard a persistent humming, "Honey, please!.. you don't have to do this! Just let him have his guitar back!.." She pleaded with her husband but he was having non of it, "No! I'm done with that darn thing! The only place it's goin' is right into that–" he stopped in his tracks when he saw that the guitar was no longer on the sofa, Mike's heart was racing, it was now or never, he grabbed the knob quicky and twisted it, throwing the door open he pretty much almost ran out, naturally, his parents heard him and quickly made their way to the back door, "What on EARTH do you think you're doin'!!?" His dad yelled loudly, Mike didn't turn back but he stopped, he didn't say anything. "Robert? Honey?.." His mother called out to him, he couldn't help but look back, then. His father approached him, "What're you doin' with that guitar, boy?.. didn't we just HAVE this discussion!?.." he spoke, gradually getting louder as he did. "... You don't have to worry about me disappointin' you no more........ I'm leavin'." He said quietly.

"What!?" His mother and father said in unison but differing in tones, "Leavin'!?.. yea, and where do you think you have to go, huh!!? Y'ain't got no one else to take your sorry self in!.." He yelled, ".... I'm going... To LA.." he replied, turning his head back to the ground, "Sweetheart, No! You don't have to do this!.." his mother cried, "LA!!?... Are you kiddin' me, boy!?.. are ya really that stupid!? That place'll chew you up 'n spit you out and soon enough you'll just be another homeless nobody livin' on the streets!.." he spat, "it's better than living here." Mike replied calmly, but his tone on the outside spoke not for how he felt on the inside. "Really, now? Alright then, go! Get outta here, ya ingrate! But just know this, the moment you're off this door step you're not to set foot back in this house again! Once you're off this door step I've got no son!!" He yelled back, "... Fine by me." Mike replied, but he turned around to the sound of his mother crying, "....... Please.. you can't go to LA.. please, honey!... Just.. think about what you're doing!..." She cried to her little boy, Mike walked up to his crying mother and embraced her gently, "I have thought about it..." He said as he kissed her on the cheek, "Good bye, mama... I love you.. and I'm gonna miss ya.." he said, almost tearing up as he did so, he turned and began to walk and she turned to her husband and threw herself into his arms, "Oh, Robert!!..." She cried, "My sweet baby!!!...." She stuffed her face into her husband's chest, he didn't return any of her feelings, he only watched as his son walked out of his life. "Good riddance!!!.." he suddenly shouted, "And don't think that once you're beggin' for cash on streets that you're gonna just come crawlin' back!!.." he continued.

Mike kept walking, not listening to a word his father said.. he tried to choke back tears as he walked away from home, there's no going back now, he was out of this state for sure.. he was gonna prove his rotten dad wrong even if it killed him.. but.. his mother.. he almost didn't want to leave her alone with that monster.. he was afraid that all the violence once directed towards him would then be directed towards her.. no.. he can't do that.. not to his wife.. Mike tried to tell himself over and over that it was gonna be okay.. he was gonna buy a ticket, hop the train and he was gonna make a new life for himself, and hopefully everything will work out. He kept his eyes on the ground as he went along, it was gonna be okay, he repeated over and over in his mind.. it's all over, now.. he could finally leave this nightmare behind, he could finally start over, he could finally live his dream. He could finally play his music. So he thought, anyway.

He stood and looked on as his son walked away, his wife still crying into his shirt. "Hmph. Come on, woman. The dumb kid's on his own now." He said as he grabbed his crying wife by the arm and pulled her in, slamming the door behind them.

((guys. I think I just remembered where the nickname ‘sig’ came from in my canon. so,,,after I got the eye scar (technically an injury at the time) I ran into gadget and he helped me out and stuff. like he put bandages over it and let me stay at his place and ofc I was still nervous at the time but I eventually felt comfy enough to tell him what my real name was even tho I thought it was weird. so like,,,shortly after that,,,we were like. sitting outside just,,,talking? like he was just tryna make me feel safe after the whole eye injury thing y’know. and at some point during the conversation (not sure exactly when) he called me sig and I was like. confused for a second so I asked abt it. so he explained how it was short for my real name but it would be less weird for me and I. I liked it? a lot?? a shorter version of my own name that didn’t sound weird? like,,,I remember being genuinely happy at the time and that just,,,aaa.))

((like,,,it’s been over half a year since I kinfirmed your local jackal over here. don’t remember the exact kinfirming date cause I didn’t write it down but it was somewhere in may. but like,,,all the memories I’ve had so far have been abt bad things that happened. and I’ve been wanting to remember happier things and then just,,,out of nowhere,,,I get a positive memory. one that clearly meant a lot cause I kept using the nickname even after the war and all that. like,,,aaa? I’m,,,very happy rn. almost makes me want to have people call me sig irl in this life but uh. it’d be a huge change for everyone I know and my sis is currently transitioning (mtf) and adding more changes to the family would screw things up so. might do it later. but! I am,,,a happy kinnie in this chili’s tonight?? like,,,I can’t even describe it, it’s like a happy feeling mixed with childish excitement and some other emotions that I can’t even describe but it’s positive and I’m. aaa!!))

((I am in,,,a good mood tonight lads!! now I just gotta convince my dumb depressed brain to let me stay in this good mood for as long as possible--which isn’t always easy for me but. maybe this time I’ll have a happy episode instead of a depressive episode and everything will be good for a while! I mean my therapist has been telling me to practice having a positive outlook so. why not start when I’m already in a good mood?? ye!!! I’m gonna have,,,a happy episode! cause I got,,,a happy and meaningful memory! and that makes me,,,a happy kinnie!!! :D))

this is highkey like a month late (i mean wbk im a chronic scatterbrain procrastinator) and she’s thicccc but without further ado. my skam s4 thoughts.

I first just want to say a couple things: im not a muslim woc so my thoughts on s4 don’t hold as much value as those of a muslim, woc, or a muslim woc. I also don’t know to what degree sana’s representation was true to real life. I made an effort to look for posts from muslim woc on sana’s season but to no real avail, especially given it’s been two years since skam ended and a lot of blogs have deactivated, changed urls, or posts have become buried :( [if you know of any good posts regarding sana’s season please lmk!]. from what I can recall in 2017, there were mixed opinions on s4 with most being upset (or at least disappointed) with the ultimate execution of sana’s storyline and I agree w that. while s4 means so much to me and has a really special place in my heart, I do 100% acknowledge its flaws. ok!!!!!! lets get into it😤

ep1 -as much as I wished isak stayed in kollektivet I’m glad he and even had a rlly sweet happy time this entire season. also evak making their friends move all their furniture while they whisper romantic shit to each other and makeout? peak comedy -you fuckin wish!!! -sana is the one to say “of course you should tell noora about william”.. she Knew and still takes the fall for it :( -this opening clip is such a jarring shift into sana’s pov!! e.g. while easy to overlook in previous seasons, sana’s exclusion from the girls is glaringly obvious once we’re looking through her eyes -adding onto that! sana is the friend who notices everyone else- she’s so observant, which hurts even more when you notice her friends don’t do the same (except mayhaps chris- in my heart of hearts I know chris is also the friend who notices and goes unnoticed, but unfortunately we don’t get enough of her and sana’s relationship this season to fully see that) -yousef and the balloon squad’s entrance.... ICONIC! also I cant believe for 2 seasons they presented those dickbag nissen 97s as the be all end all of hot amazing boys when the bakka third years were RIGHT THERE like,, the penetrators vs. balloon squad + even? no contest ma’am -also! it’s so interesting that we literally had no idea sana had a brother, or that yousef etc existed until now? it’s as if she has a whole private world at home, separate from her friends and nissen (and I think a theme of this season is those two worlds merging) -im obsessed w the yousana train scene but yousef being the only one who notices sana standing off to the side? ;-; -fy faen is such a stunning clip oh my god. when sana leaves to pray? possibly my favourite skam scene ever. it’s exquisite.  -sana is so cute and awkward squeezing thru the crowd shsdhgfhshdf I LOVE her love her -the last shot on yousef and noora... oh my GOD oh my god bc like. being that friend who never ever tells your real feelings or your crushes or is vulnerable with your friends?? and then having to listen to them talk about how good your crush would be with someone else (especially one of ur friends) while ur sitting there silently dying inside? and you don’t say anything since you can’t be vulnerable with your friends and u don’t think u stand a chance anyways so. (in the words of s3 noora. I think sana struck a nerve with the emotional unavailability! abbey r u ok) -this episode is a masterpiece and did such a phenomenal job of both introducing us to sana’s perspective while also touching on a multitude of her struggles AND establishing the themes of the season. plus the cinematography, editing, soundtrack and aesthetic...... o baby. (case in point I deadass just rewatched it after writing this)

ep2 -every shot of sana praying is beautiful (and beautifully edited!!) -sana’s room is usually messy... not smart enough to fully analyze this but I’m sure it means something  -an interesting contrast of what’s expected of her vs. of elias- I can’t speak for muslim families, but I know even in non-muslim families girls are always held to suchhh a higher standard (source: I have 2 brothers rip) -”if you find immaturity charming” hilarious bc sana actually does in fact find immaturity charming  -what’s interesting is how noora comes across in sana’s POV- kinda obnoxious, kinda ignorant, seemingly perfect (compared to how noora is portrayed in eva’s season, for example) -even is one of those ppl who uses the bill gates argument on why dropping out of school makes u richer sdfhfsjskfjfsd -sana staring down the pepsi max squad. fuck em up. -vilde adding magnus to the groupchat jfkjsjfdjfsfsdkj -isak missing eskild :’) sidenote I fucking live for isak and sana’s chats this season. they’re literally my lifeblood like.... 

ep3 -the kiss me scene god I go FERAL -“you need to pull it towards you, not push it away. okay?” yall mind if i SCREAM!! YOUSEF!!!!!!!!!! -there rlly is something about seeing sana, who in everyone else’s POV comes off as cold and harsh and stoic, just absolutely meltinggg when she talks w yousef like she doesn’t stop smiling she’s so sweet!!!! ah🥰 and yousef is 100% that guy who ppl tell “your gf is so intimidating and ruthless bro” and he’s like are y’all talking about sana??????? my baby?? my fuckin cinnamon apple????? -yousef’s lil smile watching sana peel carrots. 911 it’s me again -vilde and sana’s relationship has a really interesting dynamic bc like.. vilde says ignorant shit to sana while also genuinely looking up to her. and sana is probably the harshest to vilde within the group but it’s because she actually values their friendship a lot  -IM HURT BECAUSE YOU NEVER REPLIED TO MY MEME -sana pulling 2yr old receipts off the top of her head to defend vilde. god I stan -sana doin research taking notes..... shameful she isn’t canonically a virgo (honestly her and isak both but like-) -she’s so soft and smiley w her mamma awh... “of course he likes you, who doesn’t like you?” her mamma only knows the real, gentle, beautiful loving sana oh im CRY -even is so kind and loving and thoughtful yall mind if i....... -”you can’t escape the internet girl” foreshadowing mayhaps?

ep4 -david and ulrikke together are fucking hilarious -noora’s “you’re lucky you don’t have to think about this stuff, heartbreak and that” :/ it’s not just vilde who says ignorant things to sana! -that being said sana and noora are cute asf in the exper5 scene.. dorky noora rise (omg josefine and her yogurt in the bloopers too sjhfkjdf) -I HANDLE BALLS BETTER THAN YOU -the yousana scene is sooo gorgeous whew...... -I always cry a lil bit (ok a lot) when yousef brings up even. and sana knew too. even sweetie ily :( -sana talking about her religion is beautiful. it’s so lovely to learn about how she thinks and sees the world. -yousef’s smile watching sana leave like ur kidding right....... -“flawless since 99″ is so cringey. it’s so cringeyyy -sana uses “smh” I knew we were soulmates

ep5 -eavesdropping on ur parent/brother’s argument is peak sibling culture -when ur always paranoid but ur always right..... -sana’s green jumpsuit sign me up babey -I really really really love elias and sana’s conversation -u dont even realize how tiny sana is until she’s standing next to isak and even -not finding out why yousef avoided the fight and why he kissed noora will haunt me forever (could we not have expanded more on that instead of noorhelm.......) -the parallel of sana washing isak’s blood off her hands vs. her washing her hands during maghrib in episode 1. gotta sit down. -vilde gossiping to the pepsimax girls stings SO bad it’s just such a betrayal?:( -“the other girls seem cool, especially noora! she’s so pretty!” ok much to unpack here but: sana again comparing herself to noora (who she sees as /perfect/)... sana being written off despite putting so much effort and passion into the russ bus while noora, who has done literally nothing and at best is indifferent to russ, is the one they like the most. disgusteng -love will tear us apart.. bitch..... -sana abt to cry god I can’t -if sana is anything like me (I mean I think she is but jkjjkhsdfhfsd). looking stupid is the absolute worst so like, her sending out emails abt being bus boss when she was actually being lied to? being played? and her being “paranoid” about sara being shady, but deciding hey maybe im just being crazy? except she wasn’t she was right and she Knew!! and she’s probably thinking how dumb it was for her to get her hopes up, everything always ends badly anyways and no one actually likes her :((((((( -dont rlly know what my feelings are on the fight. im not against it bc isak does have a temper but his apparent motive always seemed weak to me?? and god I feel so bad for even

ep6 -forgot about sana getting bullied in middle school yall mind if I sob?? -sana lying and getting defensive bc it’s hard to be vulnerable, or because she hates looking stupid? or both?:( -isak looking up dandelions in his textbook just bc even put one behind his ear. I HATE this man -sana’s dad asking if she had a bad day aw :( -all the boys (and sana) wearing black but yousef wearing white.... what does it mean.............. -the carrots are back goddammit -radio station playing during this scene: “if I have to choose between the just non-muslim and the unjust muslim, without any doubt I would choose the non-muslim who is just” -ISAK’S NOSE SFFJDFJFSDKJSDF -sana’s text about chris I’m going to bawl my eyes out.           “yeah! looking forward (to going to nissen) but a bit worried. don’t know               anyone else starting there.”           (J: new friends?) “yes, at least one of them. I have german with her (chris)           and she’s very cool!” -the contrast of how blunt sana came off when we’re first introduced to her vs. how she was really just excited to make a new friend bc she was scared no one would like her :( especially knowing her past with bullying and how nervous she was to start at nissen? chris baby I LOVE YOU thank u ;-; -also sana keeping 2yr old conversations on her phone... same -sana is honestly too smart and scheming and overthinking for her own good. she has these elaborate plans that more-or-less always get ruined by her being more kind than she gives herself credit for (e.g. wanting to protect vilde in s1, clearing isak’s name in s4) -everyone in skam texts back so fast smh -chris calling sana “sonic”...... a moment please -I cannot watch the sana/evak apartment scene without thinking of the bloopers and losing it lmfaoooo.. “this is where we live. just come in” -ik it’s based off fanart but there is little I hate more than their matching outfits  -“remember you’re both geniuses!” 🥺even  -once again isak studying is uhhhh me - “you’re a good person” yall i love isak i really do. he puts his foot in his mouth pretty often and doesn’t have a great brain-to-mouth filter and he can be awkward and rambly and blunt and unsure of what to say in emotional situations but also? he’s so genuine. it’s just his honest thoughts and he says it bc he cares about sana and knows she needs to hear it!! -ᶠᵃᵉⁿ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ -sana’s inner turmoil.. thank u iman for inventing acting (ik I haven’t mentioned it much yet but god iman is SUCH a phenomenal actor I owe her my life) -LETS GO BITCHES

ep7 -sana crying silently in her room breaks my fucking heart (IMAN!!!!)  -idk how I feel about the instagram plot but sana watching as her plan falls into place and then storming up to sara... pretty bada$$ -“it’s creepy it was published but it’s more creepy we have a bus boss who talks shit about everyone” THANK YOU vilde -i love s4 isak thanks -sana and jamilla’s chat aw :~) -how awkward do yall think the walk to the bench was lmfao -what sana tells isak is SO powerful and I love it a lot -isak does actually make a good point- the other girls are like that too.  -unfortunately I have been in situations isak describes, where you want to learn more about your friend’s culture or religion because you care about them and you’re genuinely interested, but you don’t know what questions are okay to ask and you don’t want to sound rude or ignorant, so you ultimately end up asking no questions at all. but I hate that the responsibility is put on sana to constantly educate people bc I cannot imagine how exhausting that must be [[[ok so. I know there are VERY mixed opinions on the bench scene but here’s my dumbass two cents. 1- I genuinely think isak was trying to make sana feel better by attempting to relate to her and pass on advice that really helped him. however, I don’t think isak realized what sana eventually told him- that her experience wearing the hijab is a lot different than isak’s experience as a gay man. do I agree with everything isak said? nooo. do I understand why he said it? yeah. 2- it was not isak’s place to tell sana norwegians aren’t racist, or not to look for racism in questions. I think there’s some truth to ppl often just being ignorant, and he does add that there are probably a lot of racist people in Norway, but yeah. not great. 3- in conclusion I think while isak shared some meaningful advice w sana, he put his foot in his mouth too and said some stupid shit. im not trying to defend that. I will add, though: a. we actually do see some growth on isak’s part. when he and even are yelled at on the street, that’s the moment it clicks for him that oh shit, this is what sana was talking about. this is what she has to experience? and that’s why he texts noora, “in the speech for sana, you have to include how insanely strong she is. I don’t think many people understand how much bullshit she has to take” and b. isak’s (bad) advice of “not looking for the racism in things” is ultimately contrasted by yousef (a moc who lived most of his life as a muslim) suggesting instead to show people what islam really is. and that’s so much more meaningful. I think the root of a lot of the issues isak brought up- i.e. ignorance- is a general lack of education, representation, or effort by non-muslim people to seek out information themselves. so sana leading by example and showing what it means to her to be muslim is so much more powerful.]]] -𝒃𝒂𝒎!  -BEST BUDS 🥺

ep8 -haper du har plass weaving in and out of this episode until the chorus finally breaks when the los losers van shows up...... miss julie 😭 -oh my god the pictures. im a fucking MESS bc they’re not only significant to the scene and to sana but also like,, as part of our goodbye to the girls?? -the balloon squad and even :( while the timeline of them reconciling within just this week is kinda wack, seeing even back with his friends looking so happy makes my heart uwu so i’ll allow it just this once -eva’s message to vilde about her and magnus being able to trust each other w/o reading their texts... growth or irony -chris is such a phenomenal friend (and this is why I wanted more of her in s4!!) -sana’s phonecall to the girls breaks my fucking heart bc like. right off the bat she’s finally being vulnerable with them?? telling them about her fears and insecurities and struggles? typing this im gonna start crying lol but god I love her so much. she’s so brave and she put all that on the line bc all she really cares about are her friends, she loves them SO much even if (she thinks) they don’t love her back -lowkey sobbed so hard during the haper du har plass clip I almost threw up and it gave me a headache :)  -anyways this is one of my favourite skam clips and god just. the moment you hear the girls calling for sana??? I LOSE it. when sana just starts BEAMING omg🤧 the girls love sana and support her and if you fuck with sana you fuck with us!!!!!! god. cannot articulate how dear to my heart this scene is. -haper du har plass feels like the end of the episode and the party clip is kinda just tacked on but I love how happy everyone is!! they’re all drinking champagne (who taught isak how to hold things) and dancing and smilingggg 💛 -yousana rise!!!!!!!!  -ok don’t get me wrong I hate william for crashing the party but their entrance slow-mo kinda slaps.... also sana popping up in between noorhelm SENDS me

ep9 -this is the point in the season where the amount of time dedicated to noorhelm is beyond beyond beyond significantly damaging to the story. this is sana’s last episode!! instead of having them makeout in front of william’s car for 20 minutes mayhaps we could’ve had a conversation between the girls and sana, or with her brother (if they had continued the elias alcoholism plotline rip), or maybe even with jamilla or her mamma? like I don’t care at ALL about noora or william. give me anything else. ple a s e -what makes skam scenes so brilliant is their quiet moments!! julie let the scene breathe. not everything needs a tacky song playing over top. -I’ve said this abt like twenty clips now but MAGHRIB. oh my GOD. an absolute masterpiece and definitely tied for my all time favourite skam clip. can’t rlly put into words how stunning it is. & I love sana and yousef’s conversation so much. -“of course I brought food! my name is yousef!” mr. acar you’re the only man I trust

ep10 -as much as my heart yearns for 10 sana episodes I think splitting up the last episode of skam into individual POV clips for different characters was brilliant and such a poignant way to say goodbye :( -okay don’t think about what sana could’ve written in her texts to everyone or ur heart will go sicko mode -I won’t write anything abt this ep since I’ve already written too much but like.. (elias should’ve gotten a clip instead of william. pchris can stay because his clip was funny but he’s on thin fuckin ice) -kjaere sana was such a beautiful way to say goodbye to skam. so yeah. bye skam. i miss you. 

overall ➔I’m not really sure why (possibly a lethal combination of my undying love for sana bakkoush, how much I relate to her, this but my ass was crying EVERY single episode of season 4...... F ➔I’m obsessed with s4′s aesthetic. imo the best editing, soundtrack and cinematography of any season!!!! julie is so talented at making each season feel distinct- to me, sana’s season is cool, vibrant colours (aka the late-night sunset aesthetic- gabie i hear u laughing shut up), crisp electronic/pop music and rap, ethereal city nights..... also sana has the best style of any skam character it had to be said ➔sana’s growth! seeing her open up and be honest and vulnerable with the girls during that phone call. sana sending all of her friends literally the sweetest messages of how much they mean to her and how much she values their relationship. sana being the (MUCH) bigger person and making amends with sara, ingrid etc. I love her so much :’((( ➔I’ve thought a lot about what I would change in season 4 and honestly? im a mf scatterbrain and have no real, structured ideas. my biggest issue is too much noora. dream s4 would be william staying in london and noora being happy on her own (but not rly on her own bc she has the girls and kollektivet!). as :/ as I am about the noora/yousef plotline, I’m not really sure what I’d do to replace the yousana conflict in ep5. maybe involving elias, or the balloon squad and even? related to that- in lieu of all the noora/noorhelm screentime, I would so much rather have a follow-up plot to elias’s drinking problem bc it was kinda just dropped? at the very least, the william clip should’ve been elias’s. I also would've killed for more one-on-one scenes with chris (even vilde or eva!), jamilla, even, members of the balloon squad... there are so many interesting stories that could’ve been explored instead of going down the noorhelm rabbithole again. furthermore, I feel like the social media plot was a bit... weak? again I’ve tried thinking of what I would’ve done instead (while also keeping the haper du har plass clip, y’all can pry that one from my cold dead hands) to little avail. what especially threw me about this plotline is that sana did this in s2 to jamilla, fucked up, and it bit her in the ass. I know that she gets irrational when angry but from a storytelling perspective, it seems repetitive. just.. I feel like there could’ve been a more powerful plot in which sana follows the same character arc. another thing I would’ve loved to see is beyond the los losers van, an apology from the girls to sana. or even just a conversation where they tell her “hey sana, we’re sorry for not paying attention and we’re sorry for being thoughtless/ignorant.” an apology from vilde about things she’s said in the past would’ve been <3. even a gesture! the girls order pizza again but this time it’s halal, or they make an effort to learn about sana’s religion and culture. I know it’s implied through the letter they write for sana, but a final standalone scene would’ve been so nice.  ➔i’ve noticed soo many remakes do this thing where they like.. water down shitty behaviour of their characters. which like- sure. I would love for everyone to be kind and thoughtful and not as horrible as they could be but also... I think that’s the point of skam? to show that people fuck up, but that doesn’t define them as a person. no one is perfect and no one can be thoughtful and considerate and kind all the time. and often these ‘problematic’ actions are integral to the story- e.g. elias saying stupid comments to isak (related to isak’s internalized homophobia and fear of coming out to his friends), the girl squad being ignorant about what sana can eat, etc. so..... your remake is not better because it erased every horrible action every character has done. (nuance.. where r u.........) ➔despite its flaws, I will say- the good moments of season 4? ineffable. I think we sometimes forget that julie literally wrote, directed, and I believe (?) assisted w editing and soundtrack too. i cant imagine doing all that under so much pressure, trying to bring so many storylines to a conclusion whilst simultaneously creating a goodbye-season to a show she put her life into the past two years. I’m so fucking appreciative of her. and you know what? all in all julie wrote some pretty damn beautiful episodes and scenes, and you can tell she loves this show just as much as we do. ➔and honestly this is maybe one reason I’m more wary of watching remake s4′s, bc like.. this season meant SO much bc it was the last season of skam. we knew it was the last season. the final episode is more or less a love letter, a goodbye to the show. whereas w some remakes (do i have to say whomst) its  like.. that love isnt there. it’s just another season. yknow? in conclusion I miss skam so much :(

ok whew if ur reading this ur a champion but also why did you just read 5k of me rambling about how much I love sana bakkoush?? 

hey guys ! i’m kat and atm, i’m either splurging at sephora or on my way home so i can’t be on for this first wave of activity. i kinda whipped everything up between endless exhaustion from my daily routine and people constantly looming over my shoulder at work and at home, so don’t mind my theme and everything, i’m still trying to figure out what i like and that means taking a while to set up my pages sklsd plus i wasn’t expecting us to open so soon, so i’m unprepared af, BUT ! we’ll make do with this intro for now.. didn’t have enough time to finish amla’s before i got off work. now, all of that being said, this is a monster of a post, so get settled as i introduce sovana’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, plots and what not will be up later on !

( jeon somin, cisfemale, she/her. ) hey that’s hyunmi “halle” chae over by the fountain! i wonder if they took a coin out. i heard the twenty-four year old’s been in sovana for three months and they’re known to be pretty darwinian but also charismatic. a song that describes their life would be challenge by lolo zouaï and blades gliding along the surface of ice, classical music on a rainy day, & silk bedsheets always reminds me of them.  

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

this is mostly a carbon copy of an intro i’ve made for her in the past, so while some random points seem a Little dated or repetitive, they’re valid enough to stay here sfdlgkdg

i’ve had inspo for her ever since last year’s olympics and really wanted to use her Somewhere and Successfully, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner — aka sho — to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; hers and sho’s highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld they prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities both in canada and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

which is how, miraculously, she got accepted into uni in seoul ( still figuring out which, rip ). her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, she deemed it inevitable sfkljfdgk

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and seoul and was back on the ice in no time, joining the uni’s skating team under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it since it’s in pyeongchang, however the stars didn’t align when she just missed obtaining qualification on sk’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a few months since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she began seeing when she was “ prepared ” to give it a shot again.. so right after graduating

wrapped up a season dedicated solely to training ( meaning she’s currently on hiatus from the sport, but she knows a good few people think her career is Over now — and it pisses her the Fuck off ) before her sister convinced her to have a proper break that wasn’t Just to appease someone else

.. even though it was to appease her sister. but she let it slide bc the kid’s the Only person who can do no wrong in halle’s eyes and she might as well keep her from stressing

literally the only instance she’ll ever, in her lifetime, Cave to someone SDFLKGSDFKL

so she picked sovana as her retreat at complete random and has been here since april

it’s a little weird to think of her Not being in her usual spots so this is as much of a ride for y’all as it is for me, the bitch doesn’t have many hobbies after all SDFKLSDF

studied history despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves history ok ??

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once. when she was like nine. with some other chick’s skating partner that she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club back in toronto implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport/career but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane hyunmi ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she really just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

or, for a better way to describe it though it sounds like i’m just repeating myself: she gives off Proper head bitch vibes ( subtract the Need to feel powerful in being a piece of shit to anyone who walks past you while being surprisingly thin-skinned ) but she’s really just a blunt and serious brat with a super dry and at times menacing sense of humour

so don’t think i’m taking the piss out of anything on purpose or that she acts out of malice.. i had a better way of phrasing this but completely blanked, sorry SDFKLJDKL

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out korean or her conversational-level french far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was really pretty on all of the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine, but also dance — helps with her choreo for routines too so

oH also probably still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

she’s pan but….. girls disappoint her far less than guys so she has a preference djfgskgdkf

all of that being said, it clearly plays into how she’s perceived by others, so —

       you can try to conceal your heart with red and gold titanium,        but you can never truly hide from your demons.

Merlin’s beard, what is ( LEE JORDAN ) doing out at this hour? For a ( HALF BLOOD ) who is ( 19 ) years old, ( HE ) really ought to know better. You know, I hear that they’re aligned with ( THE ORDER ), but that could be just a rumor. I do know that ( HE ) is ( A CIS MAN ) and a ( GRYFFINDOR ) alumni though. They’re very ( FORTHRIGHT ) and ( CAPTIVATING ) but also quite ( IRREVERENT ) and ( BIASED ), which could be why they remind of ( LAUGHING TO FEEL ALIVE AND SPEAKING UP TO STAY ALIVE, A RESTLESS FEELING IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH THAT ALWAYS DEMANDS MORE MORE MORE, HONESTY AS YOUR NATIVE TONGUE ). Some people say they’re the spitting image of ( TREVOR JACKSON ), but I’ve never heard of them. 

LINKS: pinboard. stats page. wanted plots is COMING.

CHARACTER PARALLELS: will be added one day when my brain does work

HEY GUYS, it’s mar again. lee is a new muse. as in NEW. completely fresh. i am Nervous! but i love 1 man!!!  note: lee is quite a Social Man, so i kind of went ahead and assumed some stuff about his position at hogwarts ( like, popularity & how the slytherins receive his biased commentary ) but i’m not trying to generalise at all and say that THIS IS HOW YOUR CHARACTER SHOULD FEEL bc i hate that LMAO take it all w a grain of salt its just how i?? ig imagine things went but if they went differently that is Okie

history.

lee is born in st mungo’s, to a halfblood mother & a muggleborn father. they’re not married. hell, they’re barely in love, but she still squeezes his hand during it all, and he cries, and for a moment they think that - maybe - they can be happy. ( someone should have told them that a child is never the solution, that it doesn’t work like that. )

lee’s mother moved into his father’s place -- a tiny flat, in peckham, but it was bigger than her own place -- and brought only two suitcases and a backpack ( warning sign one ). they tried, hard, for a while. lee’s father worked and his mother was at home, most of the time, looking after her son and making empty wine bottles appear ( warning sign two ) and then staying away during weekend nights ( warning sign three ). 

she leaves for the first time when lee is nearly one, taking one of her suitcases and her backpack and slipping away in the death of night. lee’s father is lost -- for a while, but finds help in neighbours and sisters and his mother, mainly. and that’s how it went for years --- his mother coming back, and leaving, and coming back, until she didn’t come back again, not really. lee’s dad said it was enough, one day, and lee’s mother retreated to her own place. his father tried to get full custody and got it, eventually and then there was his mother, not cut from his life completely, but only semi-there, appearing when she could and - most importantly - wanted to.

he doesn’t really get it, in all honesty, as he’s five when his father tells her mother she can’t live with them any more, and most of his life after that is him and his dad and his aunts and his grandmother. plenty of family --- plenty of reasons to be happy, but an inexplicable gap, still.

lee grows up in peckham, london, and attends muggle elementary there. he goes to diagon alley on afternoons after school and weekends, with his dad, and later alone. he likes gazing at brooms ( wistfully ) and hanging out with fellow wizarding kids and magic, magic, magic. there’s magic at home too, of course, but his grandmother and aunts are all muggles, so there’s not much, but in diagon alley there’s so much of it. he likes the muggle world, sure ( especially video games & music ), but it’s nothing compared to the wizarding world.

i mean --- it’s not like he’s bored, because everything is excitable for young lee, and there’s fun to be found in everything, but there’s just more in the wizarding world - more mystery and excitement and ways to wreak havoc. because that he does love --- pranks, innocent and less innocent, hijinks and shenanigans. getting on his teachers nerves with bad jokes and cursewords. 

lee doesn’t grow up with a lot of the things that some might consider crucial -- financial stability, a stable family life, a nice neighborhood. but it’s good and it’s whole in its own way. there’s plenty of people lee loves and plenty who love him back and it’s good, and when he’s off to hogwarts he’s both mad excited and secretly a bit scared and sad to leave his fam behind.

hogwarts, though, is a BLAST. lee is sorted in gryffindor ( because where else? ) and finds friends, fast. in his own house, outside of it, in his teachers, kind of ( he personally is convinced that minerva mcgonagall adores him, despite her disapproving glares ). he’s okay at his classes -- he has the skills, sure, but not the concentration and focus -- and better at everything else. 

lee starts commentating on quidditch matches after he doesn’t make the team. he’s not broken up about it, in all honesty --- he sees how hard the team has to work and laughs at his mates who have to sweat while he gets to sleep in. commentating is more fun, anyway. it gains him some popularity, some enemies in slytherin, maybe, because he’s not very unbiased in his commentary. he loves his time at hogwarts, in all honesty, even more when he gets that gig.

his father meets his current girlfriend when lee is in his fifth year. they marry in the summer after his sixth year and have their daughter -- zoe -- about a year later. lee loves them. he’s conflicted at first, but he’s happy for his dad, and his baby sister is CUTE AF.

lee jordan is a rebel. in tiny, fun-loving ways ( pulling pranks, cracking jokes, being a bit of a class clown ), but also in a political, angry way. it doesn’t show in his earlier years, but as the war starts, and he grows older, too, he finds his priorities shifting. lee knows injustice. he’s dealt with prejudice his entire life --- at muggle school, at hogwarts, even. and as prejudice and bigotry gains the upper hand in the wizarding world, he grows angrier. restless. 

the DA is a way to rebel more effectively, he supposes. protesting when he’s not in school. cracking open history books when he’s supposed to be practising for his NEWTs ( and he is not taking history ). lee looks at the world and he’s angry, he’s restless, he wants to do something but he does not know what---- because where do you start when so much is wrong?

right now.

lee has graduated hogwarts ( believe me when i say that those last months without fred & george were fucking boring, but he at least got to focus a bit more on his NEWTs ) by now and he’s floundering around. i like to think that he’s working for/with the twins, helping with inventing stuff and marketing kind of things for the www, but if this doesnt mesh with any potential fred/george players, i can 100% alter this skjsdf. 

he wants to do something more, though. tell stories. speak up. journalism has always pulled at him --- not written, but on the telly or radio. he likes music too, of course, and the truth, especially --- and an idea is starting up in his mind. he’s slowly working towards setting up an underground radio, gathering equipment and figuring out ways to organise it. potterwatch is coming, and once the ministry is taken over ( if -- of course, that’s where this rp’s plot takes us ) it will be there, the urgency bigger. i don’t know exactly --- i’ll probably discuss this w sarah too but i think right now potterwatch is just an untitled work in progress.

lee’s not an official order member, but i do think he’s alligned, in one way or another. he’s willing to do what’s right, keeps his DA coin on him because of it, but also tries to take the world with a grain of salt, still. laughter is what makes him feel alive, and everything else he does to stay alive, to still make this world a livable place. 

rebel boi.

personality & tidbits.

lee is a dank meme lordt who would be an icon on social media, if we had it. he just likes dumb ass humour. a bit of a class clown --- he just likes attention, but he also likes making people laugh and having a good. fucking. time.

lee is hilarious and it’s the truth.

he rly loves his fam!! is worried abt them!! he still lives at home its  a blast but he wants to move out tbakjdsf. 

his mother doesnt rly ... idk he does think of her as his mother but not rly as part of his family, bc family is not blood anyway. he’s had a few good talks w her since he’s grown older tho but it’s a sore, complicated spot.

lee loves music a Lot. hip hop, trip hop, some punk here and there ... bonus points if it’s a political bop!!

has the mouth of a sailor and now that he’s out of school he doesnt even try to fight it. no mcgonagall around to tell him off after all!!!

enjoys smoking pot & drinking beers w his buds. just -- letting go, having a laff and relaxing to the fullest. likes watching muggle tv when high especially, such a hobby!!!

idk!!!!!!!!!!!! will add more mayhaps???

hey guys ! this has been sitting in drafts for at least a day now, but trust me when i say i’m as excited as i was when typing this fucking monster of an intro SDKFGJKFD but i’m jules, kard and clc supremacist and a struggling student about to apply to the english faculty of my uni ! like i said, this is a super long intro, so get settled as i introduce asteria’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, extensive plots and an extra list of options are linked accordingly !

jeon somin, cis female, she/her. — have you seen ( hyunmi “halle” chae ) around ( hecate ) ? they’re a ( twenty-two ) year old ( senior ) who’s majoring in ( kinesiology. ) i know they’re busy with ( dance club, women’s volleyball, and kappa delta sorority ), but you should tell them to check their latest starred rating ! ( jules, 21, she/her, gmt-3:30. )

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

this is mostly a carbon copy of an intro i’ve made for her in the past, so while some random points seem a Little dated or repetitive, they’re valid enough to stay here sfdlgkdg

i’ve had inspo for her after the olympics and rly wanted to use her somewhere, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; her highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld she prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities in canada, the us and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

but the latter wound up being a bust bc she opted for asteria u, close to some of the popular yet secluded skate clubs the greats went to during their off-season training.. and before tr*mp got elected bc she would’ve cancelled everything, demanded her money and scholarships back, had she arrived after that LSDFGJFKLD

should be noted that her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, so she deemed all of this inevitable sfkljfdgk

though the school didn’t and still doesn’t offer its own skate club so, that was a slight drawback for the invested bitch

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and was back on the ice in no time, joining one of those aforementioned skate clubs under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it; however the stars didn’t align back in 2017 during her sophomore year, when she just missed obtaining qualification while now on canada’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a couple of years since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she’ll begin seeing when she’s “ prepared ” to give it a shot again

meaning she’s currently on hiatus from the sport, but she knows a good few people think her career is Over now — and it pisses her the Fuck off

studying kinesiology despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves being active and thinks she’d be a resource in the field down the line ok ??

anyways, she’s found new things to invest her time in, such as the sorority, dance club and volleyball

dance helps with the choreo for her routines.... or Did, but we all know she’s still doing Some amount of skating on the side so

and it helps in areas where muscle memory and years of flexibility can’t quite do so

volleyball’s a great second option for her as a sport, mostly bc she can exert as much of her frequent frustration as possible into a game and act like it’s just her being into it. though she really can be That competitive, as you can see, rather than bratty

so, moving onto other things —

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once or twice. the first time being when she was like nine. with her first pairs partner that she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane halle ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she rly just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

or, for a better way to describe it though it sounds like i’m just repeating myself: she gives off Proper head bitch vibes ( subtract the Need to feel powerful in being a piece of shit to anyone who walks past you ) but she’s really just a blunt and serious brat with a super dry and at times menacing sense of humour

she won’t hesitate to call you out on your shit or make it clear that she doesn’t like you, though, even if she appears cordial on the surface

as a result, hockey players HATE her !

bc she rips into them the most for frequently poor experiences with her fellow ice people. most of which are them hogging her reserved practice time, and being thirsty and pretentious dicks about it within and outside of the arena

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out korean or her conversational-level french far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was rly pretty on all the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine

oH also prob still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

she’s pan but..... girls disappoint her far less than guys so she has a preference djfgskgdkf

all of that being said, it clearly plays into how she’s perceived by others, so —

her view and reception on starred

she..... probably doesn’t do too hot tbh

well. maybe she Does if starred's social ladder resembled most high school/college shows, movies.... rps, but it doesn't really so —

in all fairness, she probably does do better than i'm assuming rn bc.. she Is a character of sorts, who knows gskfksl but MOVING ON !

her blunt and kinda snarky attitude is partially Why she hates this point system, bc people tend to kiss ass just so they aren’t given a low rating whereas she can only hold back about 5% of her unfiltered opinion — but that’s IT !

tbh she relies heavily on her involvement in extracurriculars, and especially her public image from her glory days, more so than she herself to keep her head above water

so she looks entitled from that alone

given the way i’ve played her in the past, ik she might come across as a hbic type: thinks she’s the best ( which.. she kinda does sjkfgd ), savours the power she tries to or does in fact exert, doesn’t come across as particularly sympathetic or nice, etc

but she’s just a shit disturber with thick skin and a slight kink for receiving admiration and respect, puts herself first a little too much

in fact, she doesn’t really Care to hold people by a leash, but yeah, it can come across much differently since her tone never really Shifts if she doesn’t know you well, doesn’t trust you, knows you’re naive with such things, doesn’t like you, is just fucking around or in a sour mood.... the list goes on

so if your character focuses on who’s the nicest or most cheerful when giving high ratings, makes a v quick judgment on their character from a first impression, she’s gonna be near the bottom of their list dfsghkfgj

and like i said, she doesn’t care for the system Enough to change any of this, so she gets by

KDFJGSKFL uh, let’s end it there bc this is painfully long — congratulations if you’ve made it to the end of this intro from hell ! if anyone wants to plot, like this or im me !! ( ps, if you prefer d*scord like yours truly, just ask for it or send me yours ! )

What don't you like about fandom hanzo? :o just asking because I'm really picky about it myself personally

oh anon youve asked the Wrong question bc i have A Lot of thoughts on my boy hanzo

BUT before i say anything i just want 2 say that Despite the fact that i bitch a lot abt characterization on this blog, i dont intend hate or disrespect @ anyone who portrays characters in the way i bitch about. fandom is about making yourself happy & if a characterization makes you happy then you should pursue it despite what my dumb bitch ass has to say about it. ok.

ive mentioned this a few times before but i 

A. love redemption arcs and 

B. dont like... victimization. whether its canon or not-- like a character whose whole thing revolves around them being a victim of everything in their life? eh. boring. like widowmaker: she was a happy ballerina... she got brainwashed... it’s like... now what. she was happy, now she’s a victim, there’s nothing cool in there to explore.

i dislike characterizations of hanzo where people try to explain away the fratricide with ‘he was abused by sojiro’ or ‘he was brainwashed by the clan of elders’ partially because of what i just said and partially because it just seems unlikely in canon bc

1.chu... a while ago, said genji was part of overwatch when he was human, which we took as a slip-up but i dont think(?) that he ever took that back. 

2.genji says something in retribution like ‘no matter what i do... i cannot escape my fate’ when mccree says they’ve become assassins, implying he’s tried to escape becoming an assassin.  

3. overwatch was conveniently close enough to genji & the shimadas that they could swoop in and save him before he actually died

4. genji wasnt murdered. he was brutalized. he has scars up and down his arms, he’s got burn scars on his face, and when hanzo was done with him he couldnt walk anymore. plus there’s a post somewhere on here that theorizes due to the nature of blackwatch genji’s prosthesis +  the blood spatter in hanamura, it seems that hanzo attacked him from behind

hanzo’s bio says

Upon the death of his father, the clan elders instructed Hanzo to straighten out his wayward younger brother so that he, too, might help rule the Shimada empire. When his brother refused, Hanzo was forced to kill him. This act broke Hanzo's heart and drove him to reject blah blah 

but genji’s death doesnt seem like some kind of duty driven, single-manly-tear-slipping-down-the-cheek, hold-him-in-your-arms-as-he-goes death. he was brutalized. hanzo was angry.

while hanzo’s bio talks about hanzo’s broken heart, genji’s bio says this

Hanzo demanded that Genji take a more active role in their late father's empire. Genji refused, enraging Hanzo. The tension between the brothers built to a violent confrontation that left Genji on the verge of dying. 

and i mean ok. im not here to judge hanzo or condemn him (personally i think ppl who try to assert their moral superiority over fictional characters are.. a little pathetic) & there’s a lot that goes into this, pressure from the elders, japanese culture, unhealthy environments. but hanzo had a choice.

all this stuff seems to imply to me that genji betrayed the shimadas for overwatch. maybe he caught on that he was in danger without sojiro around to protect him. maybe he just wanted out. i dont know. does it matter? 

but hanzo couldve spared him. couldve cast him out. couldve done a bunch of things, but he didnt. 

the fact is. that hanzo killed his brother. (brutalized his brother).

 and thats why i find him interesting. how do you deal with that?

like, okay. you’re standing there, and you’ve got your little brother’s blood on your hands. and you’re looking down at him (at his corpse) and the adrenaline high is leaving and it’s beginning to sink in that you’ve murdered your little brother. in cold blood. what do you do? what’s next?

i mean, you punch someone in the face and you feel bad about it, you go ‘oh shit im so sorry’ and you grab them an ice pack. but genji’s dead. there’s no one to apologize to. there’s no way to fix it. you’ve done a terrible thing. an evil thing. an abusive, awful, terrible thing. and you cant take it back. and there’s no one or nothing to blame it on: you did it and there’s nothing you can do to change that. 

what’s next? where do you go from there?

that’s what i find interesting about hanzo. because thats the thing about overwatch. anyone can be a hero. even if youve killed your brother. even if you’re the worst person on the planet. all you have to do is try.

and. in this context it makes more sense that hanzo rejects genji at first. the cycle he mustve been going down those ten years.

i killed my brother --> im a terrible person because ive killed my brother --> i killed my brother because im a terrible person

his whole concept of himself has devolved into this brother-killer who can never redeem himself, and then genji pops up one day like ‘hey whats up’ and this isnt just forcing hanzo to re-evaluate his relationship with genji, but also himself. it’s a bit self-centered, yeah, but he rejects genji in part because He Is A Brother Killer, that’s just how he sees himself. genji shows up and hanzo’s like, ‘you cant be alive because im a filthy bastard that killed my brother’

its obvious he still regrets it though. he says it was duty (i cant even get into that w/o more context abt what he means by ‘duty’ + the whole situation beyond vague descriptions in bios) and he also stopped using a sword after that. which is interesting either way. was that out of respect? did he just feel sick using one? idk. 

the whole idea of blaming what he did on abuse or brainwashing is just so meh :/ to me because i just dont like those kind of stories. partially because a lot of the time they just feel like the author is trying to garner sympathy for an unlikable character, and partially because oftentimes abuse is passed off as a motivation when it’s not. 

lots of people are abused. there is no one reaction or outcome of abuse. someone lashes out at their abuser and kills them, that’s because they were angry or scared, not because they were abused. the anger was created bc of the abuse but the anger is what led them to act, not the abuse. 

hearing about the abuse just makes me sad, and to be completely honest it doesnt make me sympathize with a character any more or less. it’s just like adding really bland cheese to a sandwich. i can tell the cheese is there, but i cant taste it and it doesnt really affect the sandwich. all it does is give me more to chew.

hanzo didnt kill genji because he was abused or brainwashed, or else all abused/brainwashed children would kill their siblings. hanzo killed genji because he was angry (maybe that anger as born of abuse. frankly i dont think it matters much). what i want to see less of with hanzo is ‘fucked up bastard kills his brother’ and less of ‘poor abused baby accidentally tripped and stabbed genji with his sword :(’ and more ‘confused man tries to figure out how to live with himself after realizing he is kind of an awful person’

plus i feel like hanzo is a very specific balance between a broken man and a complete jackass and no one seems to combine those 2 traits in a way that satisfies me

so my dumb ass decides to spend quality sleeping time creating a blog and doing an intro.. tomorrow’s early rise will surely be an Experience, dear fucking godsdgkljldf. hey guys, i’m jules !! i’m a uni student from canada, thankfully off for the summer, and am.. so obsessed with that hui x somin duet that i went against my desire to play a different fc ( bc im so far up this girl’s ass already ) but.. her abs.. klsgdjl. also excuse the clashing icons in the theme, just added a couple i last had saved until i could make it Perfect tomorrow evening. i’d say more abt myself, but i honestly don’t have the patience dgsjk so below you can read up on seoul’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, plots and what not will be up later on !

└ jeon somin, twenty-three, she/her ┐ this town wouldn’t be complete without chae “halle” hyunmi wondering around. they’re known as the prodigy and have been living here for four years. i hear they really like cranberry salsa, classical music and rain, but can’t stand distractions, laziness and cherries. their sole purpose? i hear it’s to finally become an olympic medalist, but we’ll see how that goes. ( jules, 18+, gmt-3:30, she/her )

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

i’ve had inspo for her after the olympics and rly wanted to use her somewhere, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; her highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld she prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities both in canada and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

which is how, miraculously, she got accepted into uni in seoul ( still figuring out which, rip ). her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, she deemed it inevitable sfkljfdgk

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and seoul and was back on the ice in no time, joining the uni’s skating team under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it since it’s in pyeongchang, however the stars didn’t align when she just missed obtaining qualification on sk’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a few months since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she’ll begin seeing when she’s “ prepared ” to give it a shot again

studied history despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves history ok ??

lives on her own bc she can’t deal with even minimally questionable people as roommates jdfgkls

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once. when she was like nine. with her first pairs partner she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane hyunmi ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she rly just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out english far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was rly pretty on all the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

also likes cranberry salsa?? an odd fave but it’s one of mine and i wanted to include it just bc jgsflddgks

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine, but also dance — helps with her choreo for routines too so

oH also prob still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

ok idk what else to say rn, accept this pls

KDFJGSKFL uh, let’s end it there. if anyone wants to plot, im me !! ( ps, if you prefer d*scord like yours truly, just ask for it or send me yours ! )