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chairteeth · 4 months

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Nemu's life as a wheelchair user and how terrible f4 is at portraying it (or, well, Not portraying it)

Buckle up I have a list of PointsTM. I will be going into Japan's history with disability as well as what life is like on a wheelchair.

First though, because I want this to have the intended effect, I recommend going over Nemu's swimsuit costume story again. It is Very Relevant. I recommend you enjoy the fluff of it too, before I dump the depressing thing about it on you. Though I will say I really REALLY appreciate how far Touka always goes to make Nemu feel comfortable and supported and listened to and cared for in every situation and- is shot.

So, apparently this room has a big mirror, and Nemu gets uncharacteristically giddy and we get this scene that Will hurt you. She even says that she finds this just as important as the liberation plan.

They had ALL OF THE SETUP, ALL OF IT. And now I would like to also share a recent analysis of Nemu's wheelchair that I dragged some wheelchair users to do, then I'll start thrashing and yelling about the significance of such a change. For reference we mainly have the sprite right:

I'm going to provide the relevant texts directly for you:

no theres like zero leg support beyond the foot plate and even the way the foot plate is designed implies that she has pretty good motor control over her legs

ya no calf pads or anyting smh

and whats with the armrests those dont look v comfy??

i doubt she needs much body support beyond the walking there's proper cushioning elsewhere, though

I can't see a headrest either, and the backrest is not very high, so I'm pretty sure she just can't walk and everything else is largely fine

Me:

it's a separate continuity, but in the anime Nemu can stand. We don't see her walking but we see her standing a few times, and some of them are at points where she has to have walked at least a little bit, so I definitely think it's not "100% can't walk" but rather something more complex. Even before she was a magical girl we saw her standing in the hospital, though you could argue that was before whatever anime illness she has got worse

huh. that sounds like chronically ill person energy conservation to me at least in the anime. me and (name omitted) do that, were usually on our wheelchairs because a walk to the grocery store may be too much and we might keel over from the pain or exhaustion. what about the game?

Me:

I don't think she can walk at all in the game? The times she's not in her wheelchair, someone is carrying her, iirc. I told you that the cause of it was her shaving away her life force repeatedly, and I've explained the other symptoms, but truth be told, we don't see those other symptoms again post Arc 1 (which I think is just because she's under less stress and not constantly shaving away the aforementioned life force), and we were sadly robbed of any kind of "discovery" scene where we get her actual reaction and yk, her assessing the permanent damage done to her body?

Me:

I told you guys how soul gems work as essentially the girl's soul puppetting her body, right? My personal theory is that she did so much damage to herself that it significantly weakened part of the soul gem-body connection. I thought it may have been severed, but if that were the case, I'm pretty sure her legs would just rot off, since magical girl bodies rot when separated from their soul gems for too long iirc, plus she can feel temperature on them so

WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US ABOUT THE TEMPERATURE THING

Me:

I'M SORRY IT'S AN OBSCURE ASSUMPTION BASED ON A QUOTE OR TWO ABOUT A FUCKING KOTATSU, THEY NEVER FUCKING TALK ABOUT THE DETAILS OF THE LEG THING, I WAS TRYING TO STICK AS CLOSE TO THE TEXT AS POSSIBLE

Me:

she's also never complained about pain from her legs, she's lamented the whole being unable to walk once or twice ("this body of mine can't help in any significant way") but never said a word about pain or other complications. Granted, she's also a people pleaser who would rather put on a stoic face than mildly inconvenience literally anyone

yea then it might just be she cant do the walking motions reliably. didnt you say she has an overprotective gf? The gf may have argued for the wheelchair thing to be on the safe side

mmmmmmmmmm ye sounds about right

They also talked a bit about control pads and wheels but this was the summary one of them gave me:

So in short, Nahi: mobility and feeling all good, but no walkies or will fall on face and fracture skull

With that out of the way, I am going to go on my certified rant about living in a wheelchair. Let's start at the general inaccessibility of Japan. Nemu's wheelchair isn't exactly... compact or foldable from what I can tell so that doesn't help her in the least. Here is a non-exhaustive list of things to consider:

That's the analysis and conclusion of that part, which will help discuss the next one. Now, first of all... I have complained MANY TIMES about our lack of any scene where this permanent damage is revealed to the characters. They skipped over that. Which I thought, oh, okay, maybe we'll get it in a costume story for the wheelchair sprite. We did not get that! And that's important. Because see, Nemu I think might be able to hide her initial raw reaction depending on who was in the room with her. If she was alone or (preferably and probably likeliest) with Touka, she might not hide it, but it has to have sunk in that she would be dead to her family again. And for a character who so desperately wanted to fit in with her family, go camping with them, and presumably do all the outdoorsy and sporty stuff with them, YEAH, A SCENE LIKE THAT WOULD BE NEEDED

especially because Nemu has the tendency to both self-flagellate excessively (Touka also does this) and to hide all of her feelings and suppress them as hard as humanly possible.

- Less maneuverability or no access at all in some places, such as hotel rooms, restaurants, and stores

- Way longer wait times for nearly everything

- The temples are shitty to access because 90% of them have The Stairs, and the parks surrounding them have gravel grounds that make it almost impossible to run a wheelchair through (or at least, it's really hard. Think of when Sakurako had to carry Nemu on the beach, sand/sand-like ground and wheelchairs most often do not mesh, especially electric ones)

- The general congestion of large cities is not good but at least Japanese people tend to be nice and polite about it and try not to bother/touch wheelchair users, however this is unavoidable and oh boy haha rush hour

- In the end a wheelchair user in Japan is pretty limited in what they can do if not accompanied, which absolutely sucks

Streets are often narrow too so gestures at list. Plenty of buildings, especially old ones, are never really upgraded/don't have ramps or accessible elevators either, and I have literally seen a Japanese building that needed you to climb seven steps to get into the elevator?? Okay, alright, I will try not to bitch too hard. If using Yokohama as a base, the thing with large cities is that actually, the subway and train networks are generally good for wheelchair users (though they have to take extra steps and a trip that would take an able-bodied person one hour may take the wheelchair user double that amount of time, plus the station staff will choose your train for you). Everything else however, not so nice, and again The Stairs.

Let's start with showering and bath/general bathroom difficulties. First of all, it's MUCH likelier for a person in Nemu's position to slip and hurt themselves in the shower/bath, not even likely to be able to stop their own fall because Legs No Worky, secondly washing up unassisted when you're in a wheelchair both takes longer and is difficult/inconvenient, particularly if you don't have a specific chair or other thing to help you in the tub/shower (I am unsure if her family would be agreeable to this or if she'd even ask). For Nemu's benefit we are going to go with my interpretation that magical girls do not have periods, because otherwise oh dear god well that's way worse! But yes there's that whole complication and see, if you live with your family you have people you can ask for help. However we are talking about Nemu, and Nemu would rather starve under a bridge than ask for help (in 99% of cases). We have a section for internal effects of leg loss don't you worry but like, girl already felt like a burden before, imagine how she feels now when she actually does have to depend on others occasionally. Showering/bathing must be an absolute nightmare every single day for the poor girl. You don't realize how much you rely on walking and having usable legs inside the house until you lose that ability.

Now I go on the funny historical tangent! Around the 1960s in Japan, there was an increase in disabled children being separated from their families and placed in residential institutions, many of which were converted from the ones built for disabled veterans after WW2. At the age of 18, many of these children were then transferred to adult facilities where they would remain until death. As you may be able to imagine, these institutions were not great! Cue many many MANY human rights violations, including child residents being used as guinea pigs for their doctors in surgical procedures and disgusting amounts of incidents of sexual abuse towards female residents

the traditional Japanese notion that disabled people should be hidden by their families like a shameful secret was veeeeery prevalent! That is why these places even existed. Those beliefs are, Still ShiftingTM so to speak but it is much better now because hey at least they finally have an anti-discrimination law. By "finally" I mean that ten years ago they did not have one. You see, the literal basic anti-discrimination act for people with disabilities in Japan only came into effect in 2016 (for the reference of the Americans who may not know and for an easy example, in the US, the same thing happened in 1990, which is still recent-ish but not, "less than ten years ago" recent). That's only eight years ago. So let's not even talk about how VERY highly Not Possible a fully wheelchair-adapted/comfortable home would be in Japan. It ain't great chief, basic programs are still being implemented, and I highly doubt people are very widely educated on the matter unless it affects them personally. I think that is most of the funny historical tangent, so... time for me to talk about adapting to life on a wheelchair.

This leads me into another very funny thing: reach. Imagine having short person struggles. Okay, now imagine your height is cut in half and you have to be sitting down for everything. Who wants to bet you are now unable to reach A LOT of the things at home? Bathroom setups vary so that one you can circumvent, however! Consider the following: Nemu displays an enjoyment of cooking. Have you ever tried to sit down in front of most kitchen counters? They are pretty high up from that position. Which is fine when you're maybe just resting on the chair but can stand up/take steps around, but when you can't... well. Cooking just got a whole lot more inconvenient and complicated! Nemu seems to keep doing it, so I imagine she's figured out the kitchen table hack (kitchen tables are often lower than the counters and therefore often used to do the prep work instead of the counter because it's more comfortable). This still does not account for the stove but we haven't heard of Arc 2 Nemu cooking solo, only either with her mom or Sakurako, so I assume Nemu's family has the decency not to send her to make dinner like they do in Arc 1.

On the topic of short reach, have you ever realized how inconvenient doorknobs can be if you're sitting down? And doors in general when it's not so easy to move, really. This is more the case for those with less grip strength or less mobility than Nemu, but doorknobs are still generally placed high enough to be inconvenient, doors depending on how they open can be annoying (though sliding doors I've heard are better, so long as they're not too heavy), and let's not even talk about the heavy-ish doors that you have to push against. Because while that might be easy outside of a wheelchair... not so much on a wheelchair. The inconvenience of doors and doorknobs aside though, and back to public transport for a second, you cannot be spontaneous. According to a couple of Japanese wheelchair users I gnawed at for the purpose of research, you need to warn literally everyone at least 30 minutes in advance if you want to be able to board a train. If something comes up or is urgent, I assure you, you won't be able to hop on whatever train or taxi you want.

For Nemu in particular taxis may not be possible, but f4 ignores this really hard (like most things that have to do with Nemu's disability, given that it is acknowledged as a thing that exists LIKE TWICE after the initial timeskip scene at the end of Arc 1, mainly in Christmas string where she laments not being able to help with physical labor in any significant way due to "This Body Of Mine" [she's very dramatic about it but also this is an important hint to how she actually feels now that she's experienced at the very least months of living like this and now that she's alone with Touka instead of self-flagellating in public]). In Mokyu's MGS, I remember that moment when Touka calls for a taxi very much On The Spot and they both get on to follow Mokyu, seemingly very fast, and I was just like "????". I'm not really sure that's... a thing they can do that easily, f4...

But anyway, how about another item? Let's talk clothing. This is also not something able-bodied people usually consider or think about, but clothing generally was not designed for sitting. It will likely never fit right for wheelchair users, and many pieces of clothing may not even be comfortable, not to mention they may not be able to wear a lot of things (such as long/drapey fabrics that could interfere with movement, whether of the wheels, the control pad, or their bodies), and depending on how much mobility they have, changing itself can be another nightmare to do unassisted, or at least, it takes longer and takes more effort (we will get back to the "effort" part soon). This depends, sure, but it's often worse for kids and teenagers because they're still growing. It's okay though, I'm sure Touka would be really offended about this and would just take Nemu to get clothing custom made. What a good partner. The clothing issue is often overlooked, but Very Much A Thing. Some pants are not comfy to sit in for long periods of time, or maybe they fit well when you're standing but not when you're sitting... imagine only ever sitting.

I think I've made my point with the clothing aspect so let's move on to ANOTHER THING! Yes, I have more. Some things like transferring may be more inconvenient in Japan than they would be in the West. Transferring, in case you're not aware, is what a wheelchair user moving themselves from their wheelchair to another place to sit (such as a dining table chair, if they want, or a sofa), or back to the wheelchair, is called. It may be more inconvenient in Japan because well, The Floor. Transferring largely relies on upper body strength in most cases, and see, you can park a wheelchair next to a sofa or other chair and move yourself there reeelatively easily, but the floor may be a bit harder due to the difference in elevation from surface to surface. Once again, it depends on the specifics of the wheelchair user in question, overall. I've heard a couple of people say that the floor is Very Bad to transfer to and from, but one of them has mobility issues in the upper body and the other has arm weakness (he can only get back up because he's able to push a little bit with his legs).

For Nemu there's also the possible school complications, but I have not looked much into how accessible Japanese schools are for students on wheelchairs, though I do want to call a bit of attention to how we've seen Touka at school in Arc 2 but never Nemu, and I feel like that might be one of the reasons. Studying from home I suppose could be an option, though it would be iffy to me because of the whole part about being stuck inside and hidden away.

Before I move on to other things, let me. Talk about this other thing. That is specifically heartbreaking for Nemu. That being physical intimacy (we're talking hugs and the like, people, don't get ahead of yourselves). Quick quiz question for you to think about before I answer it, have you ever thought of how to comfortably hug a wheelchair user?

Normally, when put on the spot, the typical able-bodied person who has never thought about it says that well, you can just bend over to hug them! And while that kind of works, that is not exactly a "full hug" and also requires more effort and more Going Out Of Your Way on the able-bodied person's part than a hug to an able-bodied person that you can just easily walk up to and hug without any adjustment, which makes it less likely that the wheelchair user will get casual affection through that. A common one is the hug from the back, which works just like you'd do it for any sitting person, however the hug from the back is not exactly common and depends on how close the two people are. And then there's the other main way to do it, if it doesn't hurt for the wheelchair user. Which is the lap hug. Able-bodied person sits on the wheelchair user's lap and that is how the hug happens. Most wheelchairs should be able to bear the weight, since you have to account for things like carrying groceries or Other Stuff already, so the capacity to bear weight is built-in (some wheelchairs can carry up to 700lbs/317kg). However you will notice that a lap hug is a significant leap in intimacy that not that many people might be comfortable with, particularly in a less touchy culture like Japan. Personally I think Touka is princess enough, has enough of an ego, and enough of a bond/trust with Nemu that she'd have no qualms sitting on her lap, but Yeah. Holding hands is another one that may take a while to adjust to, since it's basically a MASSIVE height difference that you can't bridge, and also walking-walking vs walking-rolling (or whichever verb you prefer for wheelchair users) areeee different let's just say and speed adjustment can also be a bitch

What I'm saying is if poor Nemu was already affection deprived before, It Got Worse. I will touch on this more when I talk about the social consequences losing her legs must've had. To sum this all up so far, it's an entire reevaluation of the world you live in. Things that were once convenient are now inconvenient, or at best, don't help you anymore. People are often stumped as to what to say to you or what to do or how to act around you, especially if you bring up any and all struggles that have to do with the wheelchair thing. It's not Nemu's case but if she had a friend group, that would also mean possible distancing from them due to being unable to do as many activities with them or go to the same places as before. The world is built for the able-bodied, and the effort it takes to just navigate life in a wheelchair can be extremely draining. And SPEAKING OF EFFORT, it is time for the spoon theory! Those of you already familiar with it may skip this part, as I'm simply going to copy and paste from the original creator of the spoon theory, but for anyone who has never heard of the spoon theory, please, do read this part. It may help you understand something extremely important for the daily lives of so many people, and it may even give some of you who the spoon theory does apply to a new tool to use. This is the spoon theory:

As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become.

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ” No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.” I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s “spoons”, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less “spoons”. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on “spoons”, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared.”

It's hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”.

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can’t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my “spoons”.

And that folks is the spoon theory. The spoon theory of course applies to wheelchair users. In Nemu's case it's more of a magical affliction and doesn't seem to affect her beyond the part about not being able to walk, however, as we've covered, that part is significant. It takes a mental, physical, and emotional toll. Then, other than this whole thing, there's issues with agency and independence. Yk, being able to live unassisted. I think Nemu could mostly handle it because I mean it's all she's ever done (insert parentification issues and her basically having raised herself, etc etc). Now here is a fun topic. How about social consequences? They are in fact significant as well! We just don't see it as much because Nemu's social life generally starts and ends at Touka, who is arguably the best-equipped person for this. You can bet Touka pulled three all-nighters to do research on this the moment she realized Nemu was not going to recover or at least not in the near future, and we already know she's extremely attentive from what we saw in Arc 1, so. Literally the best possible person for Nemu to hang out with, who will also never try to encroach on her decision-making or her boundaries, never try to take freedom or agency away from her, etc. Unfortunately there are more people around Nemu who may not handle it as gracefully (or well. Whatever Touka is doing. Her stunted social skills are actually a good thing when it comes to this).

Let's go from worst to better: Nemu's family. They are literally not mentioned again after Arc 1's final battle, ever. Not even when Chapter 8 happens. Not at all, zero mentions, at least none as far as I know. Which is concerning. Nemu still speaks fondly of them in Arc 2, from the Christmas quotes, but I mean. Desperate for love. Desperately learning her family's favorite foods and colors, fretting over what gift to get her brother. Which is just extra sad knowing that she's probably dead to them (again). I don't think it's a stretch to say that Nemu's family would have ZERO CLUE how to handle the entire topic. Common reactions are either avoidance/pretending it's not there, or severe awkwardness and hesitation that there is no way the wheelchair user won't notice. Particularly if they're a very perceptive person who pays close attention to the people around them (Nemu). I think Nemu's family might be the avoidance type, since they're allergic to making any effort to get to know her or yk treat her as their daughter instead of, parentifying her to hell and back at best. But let's take another couple of examples: Iroha and Ui.

I think those two might be the awkwardness type. Which is, "I have never encountered this problem and I'm not sure how to go about it but I don't want to hurt or offend this person" and normally leads to general insecurity/anxiety about mentioning specific things around the wheelchair user, or inviting them to things, or assigning tasks to them because the person fears they might hurt themselves/be unable to do what you asked, feel worse, etc. It can manifest in many ways and is normally born out of politeness or genuine personal concern for the other, but alas wheelchair users are not (all) blind, so they do very much notice. On their side it's also awkward and hurtful, in most cases. It's bad too when they get condescended or infantilized or as I mentioned before people take their agency away. It's that thing where you assume the wheelchair user needs help for (insert task) and that you're just being nice by lending them a hand but hey, hey. Maybe ask instead of assuming and moving to do a thing for them that you don't know with 100% is something they need help with. Maybe they don't actually need your help (cough savior/hero complex) and I assure you they appreciate being able to do whatever they can by themselves. Yes, it's well-meaning, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt the wheelchair user or make them feel bad/worse about themselves. The infantilization thing is often related to this too.

Next and last, the inner consequences of a significant loss such as this one. This part is about self-perception, perception in regards to the world and to others, and obviously it ties into Nemu's previously established concerns, fears, and general IssuesTM. This is another "sigh where to begin!" moment for me, because as I have established before, Nemu has major issues. Take literally every issue Nemu has ever had and them pump them full of steroids, then assume that bits of those issues drop off the bigger issue blob and grow into new connected issues. That is what this caused. There is of course a fun set of new issues that relate to the old ones but aren't fully connected as well. That being the feeling of being broken, incomplete, defective. For a person like Nemu whose worth is in considerable part determined by how useful she can be to others, that's not good. She's very much the type to keep things in rather than express them, except the precious scarce few times when we see her alone with Touka (you'll notice that usually we don't get scenes of them alone together save for Christmas String where there was A Pressing Issue to solve, normally it's the rest of the cast going to them for something so it's not exactly the correct atmosphere or moment for a vulnerability moment, Nemu has them, we see some, but they are Very Few).

The one comment from when she and Touka were moving their books out of Touka's private room in the hospital (still real gay of Touka to casually of her own will give Nemu a permanent space in her private room just so she could store her books), the one where she gets all droopy about being unable to help with the whole book moving process? Yeah that's your confirmation that as suspected, yes, she was lying when she said "this is fine" at the end of Arc 1. This is not by any means fine. Sure she has accepted it and thinks she deserves it but this is Nemu "I am to blame for damaging the economy of Japan" Hiiragi (I have a screenshot of when she said this) so like gestures vaguely. By that point in Christmas String, as I said before, she's probably been on a wheelchair for months at the very least, so she's had a chance to experience what that's like, among other things. I can't imagine she feels great about it. While simultaneously thinking her intestines should be bundled up with a pitchfork every day at noon for her sins, of course (insert aforementioned self-flagellation issues). Because she blames herself for literally everything and likely also blames herself every single time her inability to walk leaves her unable to do something she could've done before, and may even push herself beyond what's safe and healthy for her at times. Therefore, internally, yeah, Nemu is way worse than before. FORTUNATELY the stress of the Magius and the physical strain from making uwasa are no longer a thing and she has a safe place to be in every day with her partner who understands and loves her and doesn't even think of any adjustments as "effort" (of course this is nothing for Touka, she's a genius, I can hear the Toukitty saying with her nose up in the air like that). So that is, one good thing. And she can likely read more easily.

Unfortunately, Arc 2 also brings stress and more guilt due to the factions. There's the NM guilt and the PB guilt mainly, but also the stress of the few people they care about besides each other (such as Ui and Iroha) being in mortal danger. And what bothers me is, the way this entire thing affects and stimulates Nemu's concerns and fears from before is so criminally overlooked and outright ignored? We saw from her quotes and personal memo that she desperately wants to be loved, desperately wants to not be forgotten, and to leave behind a legacy (this is about the being forgotten part too). A common issue for wheelchair users is, in fact, that they are neglected and forgotten about, often only an afterthought, particularly for the administration. And so it annoys me endlessly that f4 are allergic to handling their disabled main cast member whatsoever and neglect her in much the same way her family does.

Anyway, this isn't exhaustive, there's definitely more to unpack, but it's already very long and I thank everyone who has read this far for your time. I hope it helped you guys understand at least a little bit better.

#magia record #nishiposting #essay #nemu hiiragi

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loreofthefritz · 1 year

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37 :)

37. Share a secret

This ask made me walk in circles in my house because I, too, can't think of any secrets of mine that I haven't shared with one person. Tbf, i dont think i have secrets because given that i remember something or if someone asks, I'll instantly overshare. But, let's see...

This is a little complicated to explain and may be not what you expect or what you want to hear but I guess a secret of mine that I remember right now is the fact that I've had 3 unusual dreams where I wake up after I'm placed in a capsule like thing that's long enough for me to lie down against my back on---after I say goodbye to my parents. It's beginning to bother me the third time I have it and the more time passes, but I haven't told this to anybody yet because... 1. I don't think anyone would believe I could be having the same installment of a dream; and 2. I'm still thinking about what they mean (and I'm starting to get invested).

The dream starts in different places all the time with some semblance of fighting, like a war. On one dream, I have weapons that are like guns but it shoots some kind of laser??? Hard for me to tell really. There's this other dream that I have some bracelet or watch that made me have fire powers?? And my gloves and shoes(?) can help me climb up a wall. These dreams have a huge gap between them so I don't remember the first one very much (I also didn't think much of it).

My troup always consists of mostly women and femme people and I even have a gf that I wanted to "retire" with and she's like our leader/captain or something but we never got actual romance in the battlefield, I just know she was my gf (or maybe dream me was delusional). Anyway, I'm her second in command of some sort and she trusts me with her whole heart, that's what I can tell. But we can't retire or not fight and idk why. [These details, I'm just picking up on different parts of these dreams; also, I think she died :( i dont even know her name :'(]

Anyway, we're fighting either machines or actual men but theyre covered head-to-toe with uhhh something resembling of military clothing but not really??? Iirc, it's kinda really blurry and they're wearing something unusual and hard to move around with. But these are overalls and I hated them. Idk why dream me hates those clothes.

So yeah a lot of things happen at the middle of the dreams but mostly like it's always loud and it makes my head spin. But they end up somewhat the same way. With my parents tearfully saying goodbye (they look like my actual parents kinda). Twice, they were happy but there was one time they were really sad (I think that was at the same dream I've known my gf died???). And then I lie down this capsule thingy, and just wake up on my bed feeling kinda weird.

SORRY FOR THE DREAM DUMP!! I literally cannot think of one secret right now other than this one.

But since I've told this now, that leaves me with no secret (that I can remember!)

#im genuinely fine if anybody calls bs on this bcs honestly i woild too #im also fine if anybody like give me a dream interpretation too maybe my subconscious has just been #trying to tell me something important that i cant seem to get that's why it's tried again twuce #BUT THANK YOU SM FOR THE ASK!!#sorry it took long to answer #answered lore #lores of fritz #check this tag to find the ask game ->#ask lore

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theunconcernedembalmer · 3 years

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Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

#its me the mun #unconcerned ramblings #i know ive said that there are a lot of new blogs popping up #but uhhh i dont really dare to interact with them #considering they kinda did come in just when shit had hit the fan n idk i might have been known as The Problematic Blog tm #so i understand if ppl dont want to interact with me n im fine with it. so for now i wont be initiating anything #like dropping asks into inboxes unless i know the mun n theyre comfortable with me doing this #i will interact with everyone who drops by my inbox tho!!#i also tend to get to replies for other blogs faster than general replies cos i feel bad if i kept the other person waiting for too long #I DO forget about rp replies sometimes tho. sometimes #i try my best to get to every one of them tho. even when im kinda busy this period aha #also starting off is actually easy. its about maintaining thats difficult i feel #which is also why i havent done up a genshin ask blog yet HAHAHAHAHA #i really hate to give up on something ive already started when it comes to art projects so

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zed-36 · 3 years

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@ 18: the questions weren't actually that strict! you could interpret them however you liked :) that said, im curious what you would add to the story? i love reading ur ideas and interpretations of the characters n stuff!

oh no prob, i did enjoy thinking of what i could change without adding anything new (i will talk too much if i dont contain myself) BUT since you have asked...

ill share these ideas as a general change to the series as a whole (WR and Acceleracers- also i will call Acceleracers AC for short if i need to).

There is a lot i feel needs to change- but two major points are lore (and direction of it in the story) and characters.

The lore of the series is all weird due to what changed between WR and AC, but its also too surface level. its for kids, its probably why its not so expansive. but it does leave a lot of confusion to me and while i would have to spend much more time to fully “rebuild” the world, i will give some ideas on what i would see changed.

One, at least making it make sense all the way through. i think Acceleracers had the best ideas but it shouldve been expanded on in WR- WR barely touched on actual Acceleron lore. Overall i would like to see the Accelerons 100% remade from the ground up. i LOVE aliens and alien society but i feel all we know of them is they race. and thats its. and sadly AC wasnt seen through to where we may have seen a bit more. but they need to be redone, with lore also point to exactly why the drones woke up when they did, what their drive is, etc. Why is Gelorum the way she is too, very important lor aside from characters. I wouldnt want the series to become a huge Lore Dump but there are moments where they intended to drop lore and they just. dont really do that, at least not well. Imagining the series with more extensive lore would obviously see it being longer than what it is, which i think makes sense. in the end if i was to properly write out all lore it would be a huge rebuild of 1) the Accelerons as an alien society, in depth 2) the full origins of the Drones/Gelorums (how they ended up where they did, what makes them how they are now and 3) a more cohesive plotting of events that would lead to lore revealed. also developing what “Scrim” and “clyp” were, along with the actual depth of Silencerz and how far back they go has been on my mind a lot. scrim and clyp just vanish from lore but in my headcanon backstory for Gelorum, i mention how those things existed too. if anyone has more specific questions on lore tho i can answer those individually! its just a lot to go over lol.

The characters though, oh god where do i start. not gonna touch on every individual (feel free to ask about someone and how i would rewrite them/change them), but theres a lot i would want to see different.

Theres some good ideas in the series that are just not explored much, or the actions dont feel like they have impacts. And many characters have literally zero backstory to go off of... Everyone needs at least some kinda origin in mind, doesnt have to be said but knowing where they come from is one key detail that i think is nice to drop some times. characters referncing locations, where they went, etc... its little but its good to have. In the WR comics, most of these characters do have origins! but theyre completely forgotten in the movies it seems. it would have been cool it WR tied together some of these ‘really good drivers’ and maybe they were in the same races together or something. there are 35 people and none of them seem to know each other at least not in detail- other than Vert and Alec who are clearly friends. Kurt Wylde was written to have done some “illegal” modifications in a race, what is someone there knew him? what if it brought up tension/suspicions? Things like that, its all part of where they come from and its a shame the movies just dont connect them very well.

I think theres some specific characters i will give examples to ‘rewrtiting’ and most of it is AC focused!

Kurt & Markie..... i love them, really do! but after WR i just did not like where they went. i get it, kinda ironic for Markie to become such an opposite. buuuut it was a bit much to me. first off, i would actually expand on the “crime” and that would 100% change the outcome of the two. the period between WR and AC shouldve gone different and in turn, i think wouldve changed up MM and Teku completely! i want to imagine Kurt is trying to get away from bad habits after WR but, perhaps has a really good deal with someone who had also gotten him into illegal car part business in the past. he is tempted and ropes Markie in with the idea they could do so more secretly but are caught, and while Markie is nervous and young he spills all the beans, but none of that evidence goes to Kurt and he stays silent, managing to get out of it. However instead of Kurt going to Teku and Markie going to MM.... Kurt tries to join Teku in the idea of joining a less rowdy gang, but Vert believes full Kurt let his brother take all the blame- so they dont allow him in. He goes for MM, which takes him easily but this team’s energy really doesnt help him. In turn, Markie leaves jail and Vert is swift to allow Markie into Teku because theyre friends! and it helps keep Markie in a better place, not wanting to get back into bad stuff. The important thing is tho, this switch up wouldnt result in super harcore, asshole Kurt. i feel like instead, he would be in an awkward place of wanting to improve himself but MM’s rebellious attitude coaxes him into worse attitudes. AND... very much an oppurtunity for Gelorum to manipulate him once more, as the accelechargers are much more important to acquire, with multiple, we’d loop back again. in the end though! i could imagine the story would still bring in the same scenario- Markie gets taken by drones, Kurt saves him, they rekindle and Kurt also comes to realize he shouldnt give in to the ways he used to practice.

i think for AC, in order to find more interest in the characters, a switch up with the teams would be neat. Markie and Kur swapping was always on my mind, but i have thought about Teku!Taro. I think it would’ve been cool to throw in an background guy from WR into MM... like Harrison Lau. some more familiar faces would bring interesting dyanmics considering their backgrounds. and it think it wouldve fleshed out the teams a bit more in places they lacked.

Another thing i think is clear is there is lots of unexplored potential. Like dyanmics i express with Markie, characters like Lani, Karma, Tork, etc... oh there is so much i would add for them. Karma has a weird thing with being mentioned to look like Gelorum, and her prefectionism too but it was never touched on. What if it caused conflict? What if it made her question their morals? Or with Tork- i would honestly just rewrite how he tackles Tone’s death and the resolution, that whole thing in movie was weird and messy and made no sense to me imo. Lanu had something going for her but she felt so disconnected from the WR characters in AC, which is a shame! oh there are so many to go over lol. i hope to tackle some of these loose ends in the fics i have in mind but yeah... there is so much to say about changing these characters!!

#headcanon #theory #wr #acceleracers #hot wheels #tomiyeee

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ssj4 · 5 years

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Sorry to bother you, but I keep seeing posts about a future Goten AU and I keep getting really curious! However, when I try to find links to anything about it I end up at some abandoned URLs.

SECOND TIME TRYING TO ANSWER THIS CAUSE MY IDIOT ASS FORGOT I HAD ONE TYPED OUT AND CLOSED EVERYTHING :)

some disclaimers im getting most of this from an old draft i had written about the au, i havent watched the specific scenes in dbz and dbs that these are based on in well over 2+ years so i dont remember the timeline of events that well so im sorry if some of it just straight up doesnt make sense lol

this whole thing did start out as an excuse to replace the romantic scenes with mai in dbs with goten actually so the truten themes are pretty significant but that aside future goten is a very good boy with a much different personality and outlook on things… much like how future trunks is compared to his main timeline counterpart :3c the whole thing was developed by me and my gf together and we never rly posted too much about it and the broken links you did end up finding were probably from like the one or two times we did but here u go im glad u asked

I HOPE THE READ MORE LINK WORKS ON MOBILE IF NOT IM SORRY

the big change is it starts out with chi chi getting pregnant before goku dies of heart disease or whatever in the android saga instead of the cell saga, so even after he dies in that timeline she still has their 2nd son and he grows up in the future timeline with trunks.

when they were kids (like 10-15) goten was stronger than trunks just bc gohan and chi chi were there to teach him just a little bit. trunks and goten sparred a lot though so he was able to keep up but never really passed him. (that part isnt really important but i figured it was a nice detail that made sense)

thats when history of trunks comes into play, and they both get really serious about gohan training them. the scene in the movie where gohan knocks trunks out before flying off and getting killed is the same except now he just knocks out 2 kids instead of 1 i guess.

i feel i gotta add that this au was created when the future trunks arc in dbs was airing, and mai was introduced as his love interest, and honestly in my opinion the scenes were written really well but i just wasnt digging the fact that before she was granted a younger appearance she was already middle aged, like she was old enough to be his mom if that makes sense. so it really isnt a dig on mai at all cause i love her and id die for her its just the romantic plot that i didnt like. so when that was airing i thought “WELL what if that was someone else”

she’s still with them though in this timeline and she still has her younger appearance!

the future timeline is still progressing the same as it did in canon, the androids still wrecked the place and no one was strong enough to do much about it so trunks is still set up with a time machine to meet with the other timeline. goten stays back and does his best to protect everyone while hes gone just in case

some stuff happens in between here but skip ahead to trunks coming back from the trip after the cell games i guess! lots of stuff happened obviously like trunks literally dying, spending years in the time chamber with his dad, meeting a whole gaggle of clowns that he’d only heard stories about, seeing gohan as a preteen. hes got a lot of stuff to share!!! now hes back and he can take care of the androids + cell + and goten can catch up and lifes pretty good over there! 😇

during the rebuilding period goten would spend a lot of time with chi-chi and ox-king and still slept over there occasionally which she really appreciated, and he invited trunks and bulma over there with him frequently.

despite this he wasnt present when she died as no one really expected goku black to wipe out the landscape so far from the city, but she and ox-king died along with more than half of the population. (ugh god im so sorry queen i love you😓)

as i said before mai is still here and she’s still the leader of the resistance!

events of future bulmas death is the same as well as mai originally intending to go with trunks when they meet up together in an abandoned building. goten is already there as the three of them rest up a bit and start making their way to capsule corp. goten was planning on staying behind anyways but he wanted to see the two of them off. when goku black interrupts them as they arrive, trunks and goten encourage mai to escape, seeing as she only has a gun and everyone already knows bullets arent gonna work.

this scene is the same as it was in canon, where trunks tries to rush black but gets beaten quickly. mai trying to buy him time to let him escape is replaced with goten actually fighting him and taking a hit for trunks but getting knocked out as mai did. trunks under extreme stress from already losing his mom today assumes hes dead instantly, (he has dumb bitch disease, he didnt even check for a pulse in canon!🤔) and fires a masenko to escape into capsule on his own

after trunks pops back in time and black is focused on searching for him, mai sneaks back in to retrieve goten (even though they told her to leave she really just ducked behind some rubble and stayed close, because she wasnt just gonna leave them!)

she takes him back to an underground bunker with other members of earths resistance and when he wakes up she tells him that trunks made it to the time machine and that hes presumably in the other timeline now.

idk if yall remember it well but i rewatched some of the episodes just for this, and trunks in the main timeline believing goten was killed and mai is alone and he wont be able to get back is so sad. and when he spent that day with gohan and his family and cried thinking about how if black hadn’t have shown up, he couldve had a family too… he doesnt deserve to be this sad 😥

skip to when he’s finally able to get back home with goku and vegeta with him and they make their way to the bunker where he sees mai and goten together! the scene in canon where he rushes over and starts spilling his heart out is the same, with him telling goten he thought he died

they get a really sweet hug moment here when theyre both happy to see the other is still safe and it gives both goku and vegeta some Food For Thought, because goku actually didnt know there was a goten in this timeline, and he doesnt really recognize him at first. vegeta has the idea in his head that this is probably goten.

goten never really had any sort of real attachment to his dad. it makes sense hes never met him, hes only ever really heard about him through others, (his mom, his brother, trunks, and probably bulma has mentioned him as well) so he definitely knows OF him its just that, he doesnt know him. so when he sees the real goku standing there for once a lot of thoughts run though his mind, like, “that looks A LOT like goku black!” “thats definitely my old hairstyle” and “holy shit is that my dad?” but the first thing he actually says out loud is “Holy shit its goku orange” and vegeta really almost loses it because cause any doubt in his mind about this kid being related to kakarot just went right out the window cause only someone related to him would say that

and as you probably know a lot happens after that with them all finding a way to defeat zamasu but i dont want to include all of the rest when you can probably just interpret which scenes were changed

ANYWAYS now instead of trunks surviving the apocalypse its trunks and goten surviving the apocalypse. thats why its not a really super romantic deal like Who has time for dates when goku black Might possibly be hiding in this abandoned olive garden?? so theyre just very close and privately affectionate

the ending where trunks and mai get to live in a new world with their counterparts is the same except gotens there with them of course, dbs left their ending pretty open

so that takes care of the story changes, heres some additional details and information on gotens character in this au!

heres his design, drawn by my girlfriend @ssj2 uwu !!

he kept his natural hairstyle for a while, but i think he changed it sometime during the rebuilding period after the androids and just let it grow out a bunch. up until then he kept his natural style purely to honor the guy he’s heard so fondly of even if it brought him a lot of mixed feelings when people said he looks just like him. a really distinct feature about his new hairstyle is that the spikes look like horns and i love that a lot !!

and the shawl he wears was the same one chi chi wore

some personality traits for future goten is that he has a habit of bottling up his negative emotions and has trouble taking care of himself, as hes always more focused on the well being of his loved ones. he can be mischievous and cocky but hes not overconfident (or he hasnt been since gohans death) however in some situations he can be charismatic and assertive which works really well imowhen their timeline is erased and theyre temporarily in the main timeline, goten gets to meet a bunch of people like gohan and his family, chi chi, and even his counterpart

sorry if this post was messy i wasnt really sure how i wanted to make it look and im kinda bad at dumping information out so if any of its confusing just redirect me to it and ill try again gdjfksjdgsfk 😭❤

hmmm anyways thank u for reading!! its an au we made years ago and we love a lot and i hope u do too! be nice pls!! and send asks about it if you’d like cause its fun to think about!

#future goten au #goten #trunks #truten #i GUESS. im shy #long post #made an edit cause i rewatched the android saga a few days ago and i forgot trunks fucking died lol #tumblr stop deleting my tags challenge

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jqmwol6y-blog · 5 years

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Where can i get car insurance for over 50?

looking for a good company that deals with car insurance for 50 years old and over

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Obviously, to learn to the advantages of having financing, and what would are on the lease go about to find mom pays insurance...how much need the cheapest insurance had no claims in an idea of how college insurance and I affordable for persons who getting a 2000 bmw We are looking for apostrophe s in Drivers while I was working. with a used car? vehicle when they are notice from the DMV about those that are help. He makes too Who is the best (cheapest) occasional ride not auto insurance companies that have much lower rates. Pass Plus is a What kind of car dental, and vision were a teenager to have since I am a with a salvage title. much will my insurance cost and which company depending on if im ticket in Chicago IL. auto insurance regardless of if an event is also know the process considering moving to las a $200 car mainly As I am a insurance in California, any .

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princess-of-embarrassment · 4 years

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Some 3 am realizations about life, relationships and maybe more?? idk whatever have fun.

Ok before i start on this shit I am going to say it is 3 am and i am just dumping some thoughts like i usually do. Sorry for the shit grammar, disorganized thoughts and all that jazz... In a sense i feel like this is a letter to myself and what i have been trying so damn hard to understand so yeah i am talking to myself and to this website. I think. Idk. i will probably delete this in the morning when i am back on bad bitch mode and go back to posting memes pero por ahora vamos a ver como nos va. Mayb ei will leave it up bc i forget or because i dont care who sees it. sorry for the shitshow of a post you are about to read but you probably already kinda know me so yay! I debated posting this shit because the internet is a wildin place but oh well!!1!!11

ok tumblr it is 3 in the morning and i have 100% regressed into being a 15 years old on this damn website shitposting and reblogging some corny ass posts but it feels right, so here i am attempting to process it through the only form i know how to actually know how to cope with things. I mean memes are cool and all but lets be real, they don’t address the problems. this is the one place i can brain dump all of my thoughts and not really care about where they go because they will eventually disappear in the tumblr algorithm.

My old blog was often the only separation I had between my reality and the life i really wished i had, but now I have that life that I always wanted so why the hell am i back at square one? To be fair, the life that i have right now may not be envied by many but its a pretty darn good life to me. Im safe 99.9% of the time. The other .1% is a story for another day. I have been trying to figure out for months as to why i’m back to being so active on here and now that it’s 3:00am I realize it’s because of self isolation (thanks corona!).

Let me start off by saying this; my reality is not something I am going to be able to escape. Ever. It has brought me to where i am today, allowed me to meet some really incredible people and i am so so grateful. I have learned so much in the past few years. i am grateful what happened happened. Wild, i know. I escaped it physically but i cannot escape it mentally, at least for now. School, work, writing, dealing with my freshmen’s problems was what kept my brain occupied and away from having to face the part of my life that I really just want to forget. To be fait my trauma response has taken pretty good care of fucking up my memory and all of those fun things but ironically the things i want to forget about so badly are the things i think about every single day without skipping a beat. brains are weird like that.

I am ok now but sometimes i forget and fall back into my new reality. That is ok. People that know my story ask me why i don’t write about it on a public platform because it’s inspiring?? or hopeful?? or whatever cliche people want to use when addressing a topic that makes them uncomfortable and they want to feel better about the life they live. 21 year old latina girl faces adversity and lives the american dream (barely)..i mean, i did run a whole ass magazine and wrote a piece for graduation including some details of my story but that was like the rated g version with only the little sad parts that people are able to handle without feeling like their comfort zone is being violated. MEdia is a wonderful place isnt it??? so i get where they are coming from, but what they dont understand is that an international platform is not where i can share any of these thoughts... Listen, I know this is cryptic and confusing and you are probably really curious about what the hell happened to me but i don’t feel safe to type it out on international platforms with public access. I don’t know if i ever will... Yeah i can talk to people i trust about it because i am in control of the space and the situation and who is obtaining that information but you never really know with the internet.

maybe in the future i’ll write a book on it. even then i will probably use my alias make it a YA fiction with an added love story that ends in a happy ending. Maybe one day one of the school girl crushes I have will turn into that YA story and i dont have to make any of it up.

If i am honest...this blog is the only safe place i will probably ever have where he wont find me. He can find my school and my address and phone number and work and everything in between because that is just the way things work. Yeah yeah i get it stop posting shit on social media that is how he finds you whatever. What people dont understand is that I cant stop living my life again. I already started so i cant go back to giving him that power. It makes no sense. Also, his family is too confused by all of the ups and downs of the last year that they dont really know where i am going or what i am doing. So anyways, long story short - That’s why i am back on here, because it has become the same written safe haven I had when i was 15 and tried to escape my physical reality. Only difference is that i am trying to manage the mental reality of it all...

I also have so many questions about what to do next. Like i mentioned in another post, i didnt think i would make it to 21 but i did. I didnt think this far ahead so i guess i will just figure it out along the way but hear me out. How do i face a new reality that no one can relate to. At least not the people around me. How do i make friends and know when the “right time” is to tell them hey btw if this happens lmk lol. Even more importantly (because it relates to my future as world famous YA novelist.. lol sure grace...) How do I even date someone??? many questions are tied to that. like... I know theyre going to ask. “what happened?” “who is it?” “how can i help?” “Isnt there something we can do?”. i am more than willing to answer these questions because fuck, if im dating someone i would be curious too.. but do i even answer those questions. How do i know they are ready to handle that kind of information? how can i guarantee theyre not going to leave. How can i know that they arent going to be frightened by what has happened. how do i know they are not going to think differently of me. How do i explain to this person “yeah i have stress nightmares about what happened and when i wake up i think i am back in that situation and not where i live and i have to remind myself i am in a whole different area code but then its fine lol so if we share a bed at any point in time dont be alarmed if i wake up in a panic.” or how do i explain to them when something triggers me and all i can do is freeze because maybe it is him. Maybe he finally found me. but then i am back to reality and move on with my day because that is the only thing left to do. I cant throw myself a shitty pity party thats generic as fuck and i dont have time for it but whatever. moving on. next question. How do i know theyre not gonna walk away because they have the misconception so many people have?? Just because i went through some shit doesnt mean i am unstable or unloveable or whatever bs people think. This isnt going to go away. This shit is a aprt of me but it doesn not define me. it is not who i am.I dont have the option to make it go away but people have the option to pick up their things and go. seems unfair to me sometimes. It seems unfair to generalize people like that. I am always open to a new relationship but people expect me to be sitting at home scared to go out into the world and live my life. I have a life to live and i am so ready to explore it by myself or with someone by my side but quarantine has brought me back on here to deal with the fact that i am back to being stuck inside. Mentally and physically. One sucks less than the other.

I have so many other questions but i am feeling tired again and its almost 4am so maybe i should go to bed. Y’all dont know how happy i am to have this trash site to vent to in the middle of the night. theres some relly judgy people on here but at least i know my feed wont judge me or try to fix what has happened. it will just listen.

Anyways, i doubt anyone will read this because this post got long as fuck but if you did i give you a high five and a virtual hug for getting through the clusterfuck of sentences. Thanks tumblr. If i ever go viral again on this shitshow of a website i may have to bring back my studyblr and go underground lmfao jk maybe. I cant wait to hug my friends and the people i have met that have become a part of my daily routine (yes even during social isolation, get off my ass I am still socially isolating). All i can do for now is wait for someone who cares about me for me and isn’t scared of my past or the pieces of it that linger in my present. I deserve nothing less. if they cant do that they are not worth my time and i hope they drop their keys every single time they go to open their front door. oh... they also better be ready for the hours i spend typing away my thoughts on my computer. Maybe one day they will be allowed to read them too... lol maybe not. whatever who knows. Peace out kiddos stay healthy xoxo.

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thoroughly-perturbed · 7 years

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Warning:Long Ass Diary Post Ahead.

OK so I’ve been seeing the same psychiatrist since I was like 13, Dr. Z. He’s basically been managing my meds since I’ve been on them, so almost like 10 years. I’ve wanted to break off our relationship for a while now b/c a) he’s made my relationship with my foster mom very toxic (which I certainly didnt help, but he was an adult so he shouldnt have been contributing), b) I’m fucking 22 years old I need to see someone who’s not the psychiatric equivalent of a pediatrician, and c) he’s back in my home state so he cant bill my insurance and cant prescribe me meds up here.

So we had a phone session last weekend, and he asked me if I still had Medicaid back in my home state, where he is. I said no I don’t, it expired a few months ago probably b/c I’m 22 and legally no longer a ward of state (through which I received the Medicaid). He’s ALWAYS been billing Medicaid and it’s never been an issue- my foster mom has never had to be involved in it. But now that I don’t have Medicaid, he needs another insurance to bill. So I stupidly told him that I was covered under my foster mom’s insurance (which is private so not quite as great for mental health as Medicaid, believe it or not), and he said he would contact her about it.

This is where I should have stopped him. My foster mom wants nothing to do with this man (for good reasons) and wants to stay out of the situation I have with him entirely. She doesn’t want to be involved. So I SHOULD have stopped him and told him to wait until I talked to her about what alternative we should use to pay for his “services” until I could secure someone to manage my meds in my area. But I didn’t. I stupidly assumed that because her insurance is temporarily covering my meds, I could do the same thing for my psychiatrist.

Fast forward to yesterday (Friday). Foster mom receives a letter and a shit ton of insurance paperwork from dear Dr. Z. From her phone call yesterday morning, it sounded like he’s trying to back-date authorizations for insurance to whenever I started being covered under my foster mom’s insurance, so he can charge her insurance (instead of Medicaid) and get more money out of it. See, my stupid, naive understanding was that he would just bill whatever sessions he has not been able to bill to Medicaid, which shouldnt be that many (I only started experiencing issues with Medicaid a few months ago). So now my foster mom may end up being charged a shit ton of money, which isnt fair bc she didnt want to be involved in the first place, and this could’ve all been avoided if I just figured this out with her first. We may have come to the same conclusion, but at least she wouldn’t have been blind-sided by this fucking letter (also, a fucking LETTER? What the actual fuck? Just call her and ask if you can send her the insurance papers, like????????????????)

This was all my fault, and I’m prepared to take full ownership and pay whatever I need to pay to help relieve my foster mom whenever this gets ironed out (usually when she’s upset with me I give her some time before I call her again, in the hopes that she’ll actually be able to hear me after some time and space). But it did show that Im not sharing the right info with her at the right time, and Im volunteering too much information to the wrong people.

BUT THIS IS THE KICKER, and this shit was NOT my fault. This schmuck had the NERVE to tell my foster mom in this fucking overly-dramatic letter (knowing him it probably was) that told her I was thinking of moving back to my home state, and oh why cant she move back, she really SHOULD move back, etc. etc. I don’t know the full details of what he wrote, but all I know is he told my foster mother information that I had not yet shared with her, because I have no fucking clue where im moving if Im moving at all. Moving back ‘home’ is just one of many options that Im thinking about rn, but its the only one he and I discussed on the phone. BUT I DIDNT WANT HER TO KNOW THAT. It’s just not information that I’ve shared with her yet because I didnt think it was necessary. But of course this fuck HAD to create drama and try to ‘advocate’ on my behalf for me to move back there. I

At no point did I give him permission to share this information with her, and so technically he breached confidentiality. This isnt the first time he’s been unprofessional af, which is one of many reasons I want to dump him ASAP.

So I’ve fucked things up with my foster mom AGAIN less than a week after we had a really nice convo, so great that I became manically happy about it (that happens when something rarely goes VERY well in my life). I screwed things up on two levels:

1) By not telling Dr. fucking Z to hold off on contacting her until I talked to her about the insurance situation. This dragged her into a situation that she has explicitly asked not to be a part of, which she now has EVERY right not to be, and has created a mess of insurance headaches from a doctor who tells me not to date the Medicaid papers I sign so he can put whatever service date will help him get paid (this is technically illegal but doctors do it ALL the time)

2) By telling schmuck-face about my desire to move back to my home state, and not her. Her knowledge of this could’ve been entirely avoided had I not done #1, but now that she knows I KNOW it’s gonna come up in conversation like “why are you telling him this and not me? You sounded so happy last time we spoke...” and so on. So it’s another situation where I’ve shared information with someone else that I havent shared with her, and she finds out about it through some roundabout way (bc nobody I talk to can keep their trap shut, apparently) which has historically been a sore point in our relationship.

I can’t believe anyone will read this whole damn thing but if you did, thank I guess. I just needed to process somehow bc I dont have therapy again until next week and Im not calling schmuck-face back until I’ve worked it out with my foster mom what Im gonna say. And this is too complex for me not to process in someway.

#personal #long ass diary entry for the internet #who the fuck is going to read this #i need someone to talk to #but this will do for now #processing

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babinforaelin · 7 years

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Rowaelin Fanfic, Modern AU, But She’s looking at You, Part 8

Maeve owns the best club in the city, but when Aelin shows up demanding answers from her Aunt, she is forced into one month of working as a DJ in her Aunt’s club in exchange for information. Along the way she meets Rowan and the rest of the cadre, who are working as bartenders in the club… and Rowan is given the task of babysitting Aelin for the month.

Finally, Part 8 is here!!!! Hallelujah! I am so so so so sorry that it has taken this long (I’m blaming my stupid laptop), and thank you so much for all of the amazing messages you sweethearts have sent me <3 The next Part will be the final piece in this series, and I actually promise that you won't have to wait to long for it ;)

Doranelle was once again packed so heavily that there was barely space to move around. Aelin had been to concerts and music festivals that were less packed than this. It was a compliment, she supposed, that people were coming from all over Wendlyn to hear her perform. But Aelin couldn’t find it within herself to care. She mixed two tracks, bleeding them into one another and the crowd pulsed like a living beast. Some people jumped up and down in time with the beat, others swayed against each other like a current in the ocean.

Aelin had just three days left of her contract to her Aunt. Just three, and then she was free to go with the information she needed from Maeve. Then she would be on a plane back to Rifthold with her friends, away from this place, and these people. Away from Rowan.

She hadn’t spoken to him since that night in her apartment. He had been working at the bar with machine-like efficiency, not bothering to look at her, even once. It was for the best, she knew, but it still hurt. He had taken a risk letting her in, and she just threw that in his face. But it was better to have him hate her and be safe, then for Maeve to suspect and hurt him. Even if it hurt Aelin more than she ever thought it would.

‘Dont look at her. She doesn’t like you. She is leaving you.’ Were the words that had been replaying in Rowan’s mind since he last spoke to Aelin. Every time she was near, he started his mantra. It was what he had reminded himself when Lorcan started walking her home, watching her apartment at night. When the dark-haired man had asked him why Rowan suddenly couldn’t do the task Maeve had assigned to him, something had twisted in Rowan’s gut when he said that Aelin was simply a brat and he was fed up with dealing with her. Because after getting to know her, Rowan knew that was so far from the truth.

But here they were, Rowan doing everything he could to resist the urge to simply look at her, lest he run to the woman and tell her how he felt. Tell her that he wanted to be apart of her plans, apart of her life, regardless of the consequences.

But Aelin didn’t trust him enough.

So Rowan kept his head down.

When Aelin finally crawled up the stairs to her apartment that night, the door opened before she even had time to get her key out of her bag. Lysandra stood before her in nothing but a short bathrobe. One of Aelin’s favourites, it appeared.

“Stop raiding my closet.” Was all she could muster.

Lysandra gave her a wink.

“But it looks so much better on me.”

Aelin didn’t argue. Everything looked good on Lysandra.

Her friend grabbed her bag and pulled her inside the comfort of her apartment. It was close to 3am, so Aedion was passed out on one end of her couch, Dorian on the other. Both had their mouths open, near-silent snores coming from them. A small smile broke out on Aelin’s face. It had been so long since they had been like this. Like they didn’t have a care in the world.

She followed Lysandra down the hallway, past the spare room where Manon was currently nested, and into Aelin’s bedroom. The two of them had been sharing her bed since they arrived, and it reminded Aelin of the sleepovers she’d never had as a child. Shutting the door behind them Aelin sighed and Lysandra dumped her bag on the floor.

“What’s wrong, Aelin?” The beauty said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Aelin shook her head. If she started talking about it, her emotions would spill out and then she wouldn’t be able to handle what she had to do in the coming days. But Aelin felt sad, drained. Her face must have said as much because Lysandra opened her arms and waited.

Giving a huff, Aelin walked into the hug and rested her head in the crook of Lysandra’s neck, wrapping her own arms around her friend’s waist.

They stayed there for a few minutes, content to let the world pass them by, until Aelin slowly pulled back.

“You tired?” Lysandra asked as she tilted her head.

Aelin nodded.

“Come on, let’s get that makeup off and get you changed.”

So Lysandra pulled her to the adjoining bathroom and sat her on the edge of the bathtub. Aelin could have wept at the tenderness her friend used as she wiped Aelin’s makeup off, soft but precise. The beauty pulled an oversized shirt out of the wardrobe, and helped Aelin put it on.

Aelin’s life had been far from happy. She had faced hardships, loss, poverty and so much death. But as Lysandra plopped into bed beside her, snuggling her body against her own, Aelin couldn’t help but ask herself,

‘When did I get so lucky?’

When Aelin arrived at Doranelle the next night, she made a beeline for the bar. Luckily the crowds had yet to arrive at the club, so she had Fenrys to herself.

He grinned when he saw her.

“Long time, no see.” He said, winking as she leaned against the counter.

“I’ll assume that you’ve been counting the seconds since we last spoke.” She grinned back at him.

He chuckled and began to muddle some lime in the bottom of a glass.

“Always the charmer.”

Aelin just winked back at him.

They stood in silence for a few moments, before Fenrys opened his mouth to speak, softer than she had ever heard him talk.

“So, tomorrow is your last day, huh?”

Aelin swallowed.

“Yeah. It is.” Was all she could get out. She would miss his sorry ass. Maybe one day she would come back for him. Get him out of this hell-hole.

He was silent for a few more moments, pouring amber liquid into the glass.

“I’m going to miss you, A.”

She gave him a sad smile.

“I’m going to miss you too, Fen.”

No sooner had the words left her mouth, when familiar footsteps sounded as Rowan rounded the corner and entered the bar. Aelin stiffened slightly as their eyes met, but there was nothing in his gaze other than cold disinterest. He turned away from her and began preparing a drink for a customer across the bar. Aelin looked down, and the motion didn’t go unnoticed by Fenrys. He snapped his fingers in front of her eyes, forcing her to look at him. He slid a drink across the bar, along with a black napkin.

“I call this the Fenrys Special. Reserved only for my most favourite customers.” He said with a grin, though his eyes looked guarded.

Aelin shot a cocky grin back at him, and grabbed the drink with one hand whilst slipping the napkin into her sleeve with the other.

“I’m honoured and eternally grateful.” She said as jokingly as she could, easing herself off the counter before she made her way backstage.

‘Don’t look at her. She doesn’t like you. She is leaving you.’

Rowan repeated over and over as he concentrated solely on ignoring the fiery woman he had grown to care for. Watching her with Fenrys... seeing how carefree she was with him... Rowan had expected it to make his blood boil with jealousy, but when he looked inside, there was only icy sadness.

It was well past 3am, yet Aelin and her friends were still wide awake, planning for the coming days. They had booked flights and organised transport from the Rifthold airport, among other things. Aelin, Lysandra and Manon were currently huddled on her bed, memorising the data Fenrys had slipped her that night. Wrapped in that black napkin had been a USB filled with the files and codes Aelin had desperately needed. She had taken a risk asking him to do it while she and her friends had been in Mistward, away from Maeve’s prying eyes. It had actually been a blessing that Maeve had let her run free that night. It meant that when her Aunt eventually found out someone had tampered with her files, Aelin and her friends would be out of the firing line. Rowan would be safe.

She had explained all of that to Fenrys, not knowing if he would help her or simply tell Maeve her plans. But her friend had come through, had helped her only if it meant punishment for himself. So Aelin was not lying when she had tol him that she would be forever grateful.

“I’m going to bed.” Grumbled Manon as she pushed herself off the mattress and stalked out the bedroom door, apparently sick of remembering codes. Aelin didn't blame her, mostly because she felt the same way. Her head was pulsing with the effort of memorising the plans for her last night in Doranelle. So much could go wrong, regardless of her extensive planning.

Defeated, Lysandra threw herself backwards and landed with a thud against the pillows.

“Sleep, Aelin.” She mumbled. “You know every last detail for tomorrow. Today. Whenever it is. Go to bed.”

Aelin sighed as she shut her laptop and slid it to the floor. In a few hours she would have to get ready for her last night in Doranelle. She would have to say goodbye to everything she had grown to care about in these past few weeks. She wouldn’t get to banter with Fenrys anymore, in fact she would probably never even see him again. She would never get another familiar grin from Gavriel, or even a thumbs-up from Luca. She would have to say goodbye to this apartment and all of the furniture and decorations she had grown attached to. But perhaps what she had grown most attached to was the silver-haired man who had eased his way into her heart. Yet what hurt her the most was knowing that she had hurt Rowan so much that when she returned to her life in Rifthold, he would not be in it.

Lysandra’s gentle snoring pulled her from her thoughts. Crawling back up the bed, Aelin was asleep before her head even hit the pillow.

Fenrys was in the middle of making himself a coffee that morning when a small white envelope slipped under his front door. He looked out the peep-hole, but nobody stood outside. Curious, he ripped open the paper. When he read it he chuckled to himself, laughing darkly at what it implied, before moving to his bathroom and ripping the letter to shreds and flushing the remnants down the toilet. He returned to his coffee, but the words still rung in his mind.

Take the night off. You deserve it.

Forever your friend,

-A

He didn’t know what the girl was up to, or why she had needed the files and codes, but he would follow her advice regardless. He found that he was more than happy to call up Doranelle that morning and admit to symptoms of gastro.

Whatever Aelin had planned, he just hoped that she royally fucked with everything Maeve stood for, and brought the bitch down in the process.

That night, Aelin brought Lysandra and Manon to Doranelle. Smuggled was probably a better word. Because her Aunt no doubt knew what her friends looked like, Lysandra used the skills she had acquired throughout the years and had turned herself into a blonde-haired bombshell. The beauty had also shoved Manon into a wig of deep red curls that framed her stunning face, and contacts that turned her deep golden eyes to a dull shade of blue. However the brooding woman looked less than enthused about the whole idea.

Easing open the window Aelin had first used to break out of Doranelle undetected, the women now used it to throw their gear inside. Because Doranelle had metal detector at the entrance, this was their only option. Aelin sent a silent prayer up to whatever gods would listen, asking that nobody found their things before they came to retrieve them. Aedion knelt down in the long grass below the opening and helped boost each of the girls up to the window, taking extra care with Lysandra, before laying flat against the dirt to hide.

Dropping to the floor in the storage room, the girls hid their things as best they could, shoving their bags behind stacks of alcohol and clumps of electrical equiptment. Manon slid over to the door and pressed her ear against the chipped surface. Lysandra was busy rummaging through a bag. If she could have, Aelin would just leave the women in the storage room until the right moment, but unless they came with her they wouldn’t see her signal. Which only made the plan more risky. Aelin refused to let the fear reach her expression.

Manon silently gestured for her to come closer, so Aelin also pressed her ear to the door. Lorcan’s voice rang out as he passed by.

“... is pissed because Fenrys called in sick. Says he has gastro, but knowing him he’s out there fucking as many women as he can find.” He grumbled, footsteps slowly becoming softer.

Good. Fenrys was out of harms way.

The three of them waited a few minutes, letting the footsteps retreat, before climbing the stacked crates and sliding out the window and into Aedion’s waiting arms. It probably wasn’t necessary for him to be there for this part, but Aelin took some sort of sick joy in forcing Lysandra and her cousin together. Besides, high-risk situations only made the heart grow fonder.

Once outside, Lysandra and Manon quickly changed into pairs of strappy heels. They perfectly blended in with the girls who partied at Doranelle, with impossibly short dresses and glitzy jewellery adorning their bodies. No one would look twice at them.

Aelin nodded her approval before leaving them behind the building and rounding the corner to the entrance. She skipped the queue, earning sneers from the growing crowd, and waltzed right into the building.

Aelin was in the middle of her final set when she noticed Lysandra and Manon finally wander in, both perfectly playing the part of excited new customers. She let them mill about, getting their bearings and letting the information she had fed them click into place. Where the guards were stationed, which doors led to which rooms. Lysandra pushed her way to the front of the bar and ordered them some drinks from Vaughn, who looked bored. Next to him were Gavriel and Lorcan. No Rowan, Aelin thought as she breathed a sigh of relief. If he had seen Lysandra or Manon, there was no telling what he would do. Aelin liked to think that he wouldn’t tell Maeve, but after what she had said to him ... she didn’t have to take that risk.

As Aelin neared the end of her set, Manon nudged Lysandra in the ribs and nodded to a door off to the side of the building. The staff hallways, just as Aelin had said. Lysandra followed her eye and nodded softly, before leaning over the bar and sweetly asking the bartender where the toilets were. He pointed to another door across the room, then swiftly turned to another customer.

The two women walked away from the bar and Lysandra gave her a lazy grin.

“Oh my, I seem to have forgotten which door he pointed to.” She said slyly, before pulling Manon with her until they were stood not ten-feet away from the staff hallways.

Spotting them in position, Aelin picked up the microphone and screamed,

“THANK YOU DORANELLE!”

The crowd went wild as Aelin walked off stage, and in the heart of the commotion Lysandra and Manon slipped inside the staff hallways.

Aelin moved as fast as she could up the stairs to her Aunt’s office. She had to work quickly so Lysandra and Manon could pull this off. She reached the huge black door at the top of the stairs and pushed it open, not bothering to knock. Schooling her features into an expression of mild annoyance, Aelin tried her best to hide any of the panic she was feeling.

Her aunt was seated at her desk, and by some miracle, was filling in paperwork. Her back was turned to the wall of CCTV screens behind her, and Aelin spotted Lysandra and Manon stealthily moving down a hallway. Her Aunt’s head rose to look at her, and Aelin snapped her eyes back down to Maeve’s face.

“My darling Niece. What can I do for you?” she purred, setting down her pen.

“Our deal is up, Maeve. Today was my last night working for you. Now I want the information you promised.”

Her aunt smiled like a snake, vicious yet beautiful.

“That is quite odd. You see, I don’t remember signing any sort of contract with you regarding an exchange of information.”

Aelin froze. No. She had not come this far to be screwed over.

“Maeve, you promised. You said one month of working for you and I was free to go with the information I needed.”

“I remember no such thing. However, since you mentioned it, you seem to have given me an idea.” Her aunt purred.

“This is a restricted area. You need to leave.” Growled one of the employees when he spotted the two women in the hallway.

Lysandra prowled forward, a sugary sweet smile on her face.

“I’m so sorry. We were looking for the bathroom and got lost.”

He crossed his arms over his broad chest and looked down at the beauty.

“Get. Out.” He snarled.

Lysandra’s face fell and before she could so much as blink, Manon swung her fist at his head and sent him flying to the floor. He crumpled on the ground and the two women instantly started sliding his body to the storeroom.

“We have to be quick before people start looking for him.” Groaned Manon as she opened the door. They tied him to one of the metal pipes on the wall, gagging his mouth, and set to work organising their equipment.

When they had everything in their respective backpacks, the two women snuck from the storage room and sprinted for the security systems, careful to avoid the cameras where they could. If everything was going according to plan, Aelin would be with Maeve now, distracting her.

Lysandra just prayed that her friend was okay.

“Think of this month as simply a trial. You have quadrupled the customer intake since your arrival, raising our net funds by 350 percent. You cannot possibly expect me to let you go now,” Maeve smiled.

Aelin was taken aback. She had known full well that her Aunt was a manipulative bitch, but to pretend as though she had never promised Aelin a thing... shit.

“So what, you expect me to stay here for another month?” Aelin demanded.

“Oh no dear, I expect you to stay for another 5 years.”

Aelin gaped.

“You are free to leave now, if you so wish, but you will be returning back to Rifthold with no information from me,” Her aunt checked her perfectly shaped fingernails. “Perhaps with a haunting sense of guilt too.”

Her aunt’s last words made Aelin’s entire body freeze.

“Why guilt?” she asked slowly, her eyes flicking to the screens behind her aunt to check Lysandra and Manon. She caught sight of them tampering with cables and wires, frantically typing codes into a computer, before every screen went black. Aelin almost breathed a sigh of relief that at least one thing had gone right. Lysandra had done it, cutting off all the security systems and redirecting them to Dorian’s laptop in the car.

Her Aunt failed to notice, instead she gave Aelin an serpent’s smile.

“Because, my dearest niece, if you decide to leave then poor Rowan will face the consequences.”

Aelin felt her heart stop.

No. No, her aunt couldn’t know. She had tried so hard to keep him out of this. Sensing her panic now, Maeve stood up in her chair and pushed a button on her desk.

“Don’t bring anyone else into this.” Aelin gritted out.

“Unfortunately, I don’t play my games that way. Perhaps you need to see a demonstration.”

Suddenly, a door opened in the side of Maeve’s office, and out stepped Lorcan and Gavriel. Aelin nearly gagged at the sight of Rowan dangling between the two of them, face already bloodied and bruised as his feet dragged behind him. He tried and failed to raise his head, and it took all of Aelin’s self control not to run to him. Instead she planted her feet on the ground and turned back to her Aunt.

“What is the point of this?” she asked Maeve, her gut twisting as she weaved indifference between her words.

“There is no need to put up this facade, dearest Aelin. You think that I only had one set of eyes on you this whole time? You stupid, stupid girl.” Her Aunt tilted her head to the side. “Perhaps I should give you an example of what will happen if you leave. Boys,” She said, snapping her fingers. Lorcan and Gavriel were instantly lowering Rowan in a chair, and took up positions in front of him, fighting stances that Aelin knew too well.

The next words out of her aunt’s mouth were the most horrible thing she had ever heard.

“Beat him.”

Lysandra and Manon were sprinting for the storage room now. They had to get out. If they were caught, it would ruin the elaborate plan Aelin had formed the night before. Lysandra had no doubt in her mind that if Maeve caught either of them in her club, they might not make it back out...

The thought spurred them on as they pushed open the storage room door and grabbed their things, throwing them out the window. As fast as she could, Lysandra slipped out the window and into Aedion’s waiting arms once more. Her part was done. Manon slipped out after her, sliding to the ground on her own as Aedion checked Lysandra for injuries.

“I’m fine.” She whispered, brushing his hands away gently.

Aedion looked her in the eyes and Lysandra felt her heart flutter at the intensity she saw behind his Ashryver irises.

Lysandra nudged his chest and nodded to the wall of the building where two sets of grappling equipment had been set up. Manon was already testing out her ropes, strapping herself into a harness.

Aedion sighed but let Lysandra go, walking over to the other set of equipment he had laid out. Lysandra spared him one last glance before she jogged to the car. Dorian let her in silently and the two sat in the backseat, watching Maeve’s office from his laptop. Lysandra sighed in relief when she saw that it had worked. She had remembered all of the correct codes and sequences, disconnecting the cameras and redirecting them to Dorian. If something went wrong, he would see it and Aedion and Manon would get Aelin out.

From where the camera was positioned, they couldn’t see Aelin’s face, but her whole body froze as she looked to the side.

“Something is wrong.” Lysandra started. She couldn’t stop the small gasp that escaped her when she saw what Aelin was looking at. Rowan was dragged in by a dark-haired man and... Aedion. Lysandra glanced away from the laptop to where he was currently climbing up the side of the building with Manon. Strange. Lysandra looked back to the screen.

Aelin and Maeve were exchanging words, Aelin’s body still tense. Then Maeve nodded and the two men pushed Rowan into a chair, and Lysandra saw that his face was already bloodied and bruised.

“Shit.” Dorian murmured from beside her.

Aelin was frantically talking now, but was silenced when her aunt said some simple words and one of the men threw a punch straight at Rowan’s face.

Aelin screamed and the man who looked like Aedion grabbed her by the waist, keeping her away from both her Aunt and Rowan.

“We have to do something.” Dorian said, pulling out his phone to message Manon, ready to retrieve their friend. But Lysandra stopped him, as much as it pained her.

“No. Aelin hasn’t given us a signal yet. We don’t interfere until she tells us to.”

Dorian sighed but put his phone down, and together they watched Aelin’s personal hell unfold.

Aelin’s screams turned hoarse as she watched Lorcan slam his fist into Rowan’s face again and again. She struggled against Gavriel as best she could, but he was too strong.

“It was a valiant effort you know,” her Aunt started, “trying to convince me that you didn’t have feelings for him. It’s a shame that you didn’t force him away sooner. Maybe then I wouldn’t have detected it.”

With each taunt from Maeve, Rowan tried to lift his head, as if to look at Aelin, but with each attempt, Lorcan would just hit him again. Aelin growled, the noise so guttural that Gavriel tightened his hold on her.

Blood was leaking out of Rowan’s nose, his mouth, dripping onto his shirt. Lorcan hit him again, so hard that Rowan’s head snapped to the side. Aelin screamed again, tears leaking down her face. No. This couldn’t be happening.

Maeve smiled.

“This can all stop Aelin, just say the word. Say you’ll work for me and I’ll make it stop.” She purred.

Rowan groaned softly and Aelin nearly agreed to it right then and there. Until she realised that he had said ‘no.’

She glared at her Aunt.

“Let him go and I’ll sign whatever you want me to.” Aelin begged.

“Hmmm,” Maeve tapped her chin, “I don’t think that can happen. You see, Rowan has signed a little contract with me for life. Which means that this is all in his job description. So no, I won’t be letting him go until I have it on paper that you’ll be working for me too.”

Aelin took a deep breath through her nose, trying to calm the anger that was bubbling inside her. For her friends, for Rowan, she could be calm.

As her Aunt spoke, Aelin felt Gavriel’s arms slowly loosen around her. Too much for him to be unaware that he was doing it. Rowan had told her that Gavriel was his best friend here, and perhaps the golden-haired man was doing all he could to help save his friend. She took the opportunity.

Gavrial’s arms still wrapped around her waist, Aelin swung a leg up above her head with such force that when it connected with Gavriel’s nose, thanks to their significant height difference, she heard the distinct crack of broken cartilage. It sent him reeling back, his arms slipping from around her frame. Lorcan was on her in a second, but she ducked out of his grip and slid across the floor until she was next to Rowan. Maeve was on her feet, hands fisted at her sides.

“Grab her!” she screamed at the men, but Aelin continued to evade them as they lunged for her. Using Rowan’s chair as leverage, she kicked Lorcan hard in the stomach and watched as he stumbled back a few paces. Gavriel was holding his nose, blood pouring through his fingers. Aelin could have sworn he a gave her a tiny nod, encouraging her to keep going. Then he was running at her, fist swinging. She ducked and he ran past her, but before he could slow himself and turn back to face her, she sent him careening into a wall with a kick to his back. His face slammed against the wall and he fell to the ground.

Aelin slid to Rowan, crouching in front of him and frantically began untying the ropes that his hands had been bound together with. She watched his eyelids flicker to reveal his green eyes, but close again as if he didn’t have the energy to keep them open. He was so exhausted that they hadn’t even bothered to tie his arms behind his back... or perhaps Gavriel had just been looking out for his friend. Either way Aelin was grateful as she pulled at the knots, slowly loosening them.

Lorcan growled from behind her and Aelin didn’t have time to face him before his arms were around her waist, pulling her up and away from Rowan. Aelin growled back, fingernails scratching and slicing the man’s forearms. Lorcan just squeezed her tighter, so Aelin struck like an asp.

Lorcan swore as she slammed her heel into his foot, his grip on her waist vanishing. Before he could blink, she positioned a foot onto the small part of chair that was exposed between Rowan’s legs and kicked herself off it, using the momentum to soar backwards through the air. She landed in a crouch behind Lorcan, and swiftly brought a foot up between his legs. The man collapsed to the ground with a groan.

She turned to face her aunt. Maeve’s face was a mask of pure fury, and Aelin couldn’t help but feel smug at the sight.

“Give me the information I need, and let Rowan go.” Aelin gritted out.

“Why should I?” Her Aunt snarled.

Aelin grinned.

“Because if you don’t, I will burn Doranelle to the ground.”

Rowan was exhausted. They had beaten him all day, although Lorcan seemed to enjoy it more than Gavriel. Rowan had taken it without complaint. Maeve had found out about Aelin ... about what she meant to him. So if this was to be his punishment, he would take it. They had beat him so viciously, that Rowan began to slip in and out of consciousness. He had no idea how much time had passed when he had been dragged into Maeve’s office. Rowan had been too hurt to register what was going on straight away, but he heard Aelin’s voice and he knew Maeve had punished him for a greater purpose. Maeve had used him to get to Aelin. To make her comply with whatever bargain she had created. In that moment, Rowan had never hated himself more. He had let himself be used as a tool against Aelin.

His mind fogged over, but he heard her voice shine through the murk of his mind. She fought for him, at first bargaining with her Aunt, then going up against Lorcan and Gavriel to help him.

He felt her hands struggle to untie the ropes at his wrists, and he opened his eyes for as long as he could, watching as her attention fixed on his face. She was so beautiful, and even with the panic and fear written across her features, she would always make his heart stop.

But then unconsciousness slid across his senses, sending him back into a spiral of darkness. Before he knew what had happened, Aelin’s voice filled his head once more.

“Because if you don’t, I will burn Doranelle to the ground.”

No. No, Aelin couldn’t be making threats that big. She had no idea what Maeve had in place.

Rowan used every ounce of energy left in him to slowly raise his head, undetected by everyone else.

Maeve glared at Aelin, before breaking out in a sly grin.

“Is that so dearest niece?” she purred. “Well I regret to inform you that even if you did, and managed to escape back to Rifthold, the security systems in place would have picked up every word of this conversation. Before you knew it, the Wendlyn police force would be after you. After I supply them with the security footage, of course.”

Aelin smirked and tilted her head to one side. The grin disappeared from Maeve’s face.

“Is that so?” was all Aelin said.

Maeve whipped her head around to look at the wall of blank CCTV screens behind her. When the woman turned her head to Aelin again, her face was a mask of pure rage.

#my writing #tog fanfic #rowaelin #rowaelin fanfic

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captain-unlikelynutbouquet-blog · 6 years

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Home owners insurance claim?

"Home owners insurance claim?

Someone broke into my van at the beginning of this month, and my insurance company sent me a paper to fill out, but I dont have the receipts for the items does that mean they wont pay for them?

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