i wanna watch the green knight

Use The Zipties

Summary: walter married a ninja. Apparently.

Warning: fluff, cute, drunk!reader, humour, swearing

A/n: just a sweet drabble i finished a few days ago and forgot to post.

"Fuck thank you for calling me and not the station i appreciat it. I got here as fast as i could where is she?" Walter cursed as he climbed out of his car and crossed the space to his officer freind who'd called him to pick up his drunk wife whod wandered away from your freinds hen night party and threatened 'to throw hands with a racoon' because it stole your fries when you fell over.

"Yeah about that" his colleague hummed scratching his head loking into his empty patrol car unsure where his charge had gone.

"What? Whats wrong?" Walter asked with an exasperated frown, already guessing what has happened.

"Well she was right here... and now she isnt" the other man exclaimed still at a loss for how a drunk five foot fuck all woman had evaded him so quickly.

"She- what the fuck? How?" Walter peered into the car there wasnt a trace of you there. He grumbled, he'd hoped he could come and pick you up and take you home without much of a fuss.

"Your wife is tricky walt- a littl fucking ninja spider monkey! She was in the back of the car all buckled in and cuffed and said she was gonna upchuck so i opened the window for her to spew outside the car, she asked for some water but it was in the trunk do i got out and got a bottle of water and she was gone!" The officer explained just as confused at walter was. You were litterally nowhere! There was nowhere to hide where the officer wouldnt have spotted you running.

"Oh jesus. What cuffs did you use?" Walter stopped in his tracks already guessing what had happened.

"The normal ones" the other man frowned like it was obvious.

"That'd be why. Our normal cuffs dont do shit she has abnormaly thin wrists and tiny hands, she slips out of them easily and then probably popped her hand out of the window to leg it, i doubt she needed to throw up" walter said with a chuckle. Despite being worried it was amusing to know even when your drunk enough to fight a racoon you could still outsmart the police force and escape.

"Oh so she played me? Whoa wait what how'd you know about the cuffs you ever arrested her?" Walter froze at that and quickly brushed it off not wanting anyone to think he'd married a criminal.

"What? no of course not- i mean... yes, yes i have?" His tune quickly changed when he realised the only other way he could know about his wife escaping cuffs. It wanst like it never happened he'd bet all officers used their cuffs on their wives at least once. But that dudnt mean he wanted to let everyone know.

"Mhmm i bet you kinky fucker" the younger officer chuckled knowingly making walter sigh

"Just- if you see her again please wrangle her into zipties? Please? And not alone! I taught her how to get out of them too incase of hostage situations" walter cringed now realising hos self defence,lessons may have been a bad idea. He'd giving you the knowledge to evade the police. You could probably rob a bloody bank!

"... so you taught your wife how to escape being detained?" The other officer laughed out loud finding it hilarious that walters saftey lessons were biting him in the ass. The detective just couldnt catch a break.

"It was a good idea at the time okay? Besides how was i supposed to know she'd remember this shit drunk" walter grimanced with a huff. This wasnt how tongith was supposed to go. He was meant to be at home having a take out watching movies untill you came home and needed help getting to bed or holding your hair back as you puked in the toilet swearing 'im never drinking again' before passing out and being carried to bed.

"Good point. I will look out for her, i doubt she got far though she really was drunk" the other man offered trying to make walter feel better, he could see tne detective was worried, and who wouldnt it was his wife after all.

"Youd be surprized shes a sneaky drunk. On our honey moon she got drunk and managed to steal someones paddle board she needed the authorities to bring her back to shore, apparently she was following a turtle." Walter said digging in jos pocket for his phone. The other man laughed you sounded like a handfull. A fun handfull, but a handfull nonetheless.

"I'll phone her again" walter grunted dialing his wives nu,ber and paused as 'woop woop dats that sound of da police! Woop woop dats the sound of da beast!' Came from the tree above the police officers.

"OH FUUUUUCK!" Walter looked up cocking a brow smirking seeing his cute drunk wife wrapped around the tree branches above them trying to stop her phone from ringing only for it to slip from her hands. Luckily walter managed to catch it as it fell directly to him.

"What'd i tell you? Shes a fucking ninja!" Walter didnt laigh along with his colleague just patted him on the back in thanks.

"No shit, thanks for the help i'll handle it from here" he uttered and stepped up under the tree waving your phone at you threateningly.

"You stay right there woman!- how the hell'd you even get up there? Hold on let me pull the car under and help you down" he scoffed moving to his own car to pull it under you as you pouted in the tree whining you didnt want to come down.

"Well your coming down or do i need to get sy and his fire department down here? You think he'll let it go that he had to fireman's carry your drunk ass out of a tree like a stuck cat?" Walter grunted after parking the car below before getting 9ut and climbing on the roof rescuing you.

"No.." you huffed and began loosening your grip on the bark.

"Well then come on down we get" he chuckled helpign you down and sat you on the roof of his car before jumping down and shifting you into the passenger seat.

"... you really fought a racoon for fries?" He started once he pulled the car away from the curb and began to head home.

"Not just any fries! They were curly fries walt! Curly fries!"

taking a break from studying to look thru my recent sketchbooks. some dsmp/hc phases i had between october and january:

really obsessed w the idea that phil Did Not Want wilbur initially, trixin just gave handed him a kid and dipped. i drew a whole comic about it.

hermit!tommy but tommy is like 5 and Really attached to grian bc he reminds him of phil but grian is Not a fan. half of these drawings can be summed up as “youre like my dad mister :)” “pick ANYONE else. PLEASE.” also had this idea that he’d try to get scar to entertain tommy for him but scar just taught tommy to optimize bothering grian

technoblade being a vague parental figure to like four different characters. this says something about me but i am choosing to ignore it

tubbo and michael hurt/comfort

avian!tommyinnit with wings that dont work. something something trixin can give him wings but not make them work whatever i dont know what i was on about i just liked the idea of him not being able to fly but having wings esp coupled with the aforementioned hermit!tommy thing idk

grian and wilbur angst. like way too much. i made a few posts about this i think bc i was so brain rotten on it. basically grian was like phils coworker whod watch wilbur sometimes and the angst was centered around them meeting again after wilbur’s been revived. something about grian looking exactly the same as he’s always been and wilbur having aged enough for both of them.

xd and george except i couldnt figure out how to draw xd so its just george mostly. i was so close to making an animatic of these two

goodtimeswithscar infatuation sets in (a million drawings of the swaggon king himself on like every page)

15 Questions to get to know me better!

I was tagged by @gaykagome thankyou frend Q_Q

1. What is your favourite food/beverage?

fav food: garlic bread!!!!! and omg especially the dominos garlic bread pizza, that is pheNOMINAL, and then fav beverage: grape juice! i am that person who pretends im drinking blood whenever i have it

2. What is your favourite fandom [currently]?  

the buffy fandom! im shocked at how much of a thriving fandom there is after so many years but im so glad there is one, everyones so smart and amazing (atleast who im following) and it just makes me so happy to see how many people are enjoying it to this day!!!! buffy is that show!!!!!

3. What shows are you watching [currently]?  

rwby!!!!!!! for elmer <3 and lowkey im loving it, and then i suppose its not a show show but im always in the process of rewatching exandria unlimited

4. What’s your strength?  

im a good bullshit sniffer!

5. What’s your weakness?  

just. so many things.

6. Pet peeves?  

ever since i was a kid i get second hand embarrassment whenever the audience starts clapping along to a performance, and esPECIALLY when they start clapping out of time and they throw it all off

7. What’s your ideal type?  

someone who puts in the effort and makes me feel seen and loved Q_Q being able to talk about nerdy shit is always a plus aswell but its not a must

8. The last food you ate?  

oh shit this just reminded me that i brought two chocolate mousses upstairs to eat coz theyre going out of date soon and i forgot about them and showered KAJHSDFJSKFA, ANYWAY, last food i ate was mcdonalds chicken nugget ^-^

9. Favourite animes?  

SAILOR MOON!!!!!!! could scream for years about sailor moon, then yuri on ice!!! attack on titan, and i fully acknowledge all the terrible shit in it i am aware that i am the problem here im sorry, and also i havent watched all of it yet but im LOVING rwby so ill put that down too!

10. Regular pastimes/Hobbies?  

playing sims, drawing, rn ive been writing fanfic a lot, and also playing skyrim!!!

11. Favourite characters?  

*robbie daymond voice* dOrian stOrm (my beloved) from exandria unlimited, giles from buffy Q_Q (my DAD), howl from howls moving castle (gender anyone?), and daphne from scooby doo! my wife :D

12. All-time favourite show?  

last year i wouldve said shadowhunters but buffy may have surpassed it! its everything i liked from shadowhunters but so much better, actual good writing and less annoying characters, and also lesbians??? AMAZING, both buffy and sailor moon have really shocked me with the amount of gay (specifically lesbian) rep they have in them!!! both 90s shows and theyre doing better than gay media today (shadowhunters also has amazing gay rep!!!!)

13. What are you doing right now?

trying to drink my way through about 5 cans of cider so i can throw the cans out before my parents find them ://///

14. How are you? (sob)  

a bit stressed innit, unis coming up and suddenly its feeling very real and scary, and also my body doesnt agree with alcohol so while i wouldnt say i feel nauseous, i dont feel gOOD

15. Favourite rest-time activities? 

god idk, stressing out over nothing, watching buffy, thinking about dorian storm <3 my beloved, sleeping :)

tagging: @sewingcircuits , @gayrightspippin , @souppippin and anyone else whod like to do this! also u guys dont have to do this its chill but if u want to o.o (im on my laptop now hence the keyboard emojis)

fat. FAT. P H A T RANT INCOMING FOR ANYONE WHO CARES TO READ THIS NONSENSE CUZ @haldidoodh ASKED

That episode literally blasted the last of my serotonin into smithereens but TBH??? WHO AM I MAD AT I should have seen this coming this whole volume has been such a headache. I cant be bothered to type up a coherent rwde essay on everything that bothered me this episode so im just gonna copy and paste my earlier yelling here instead ;A;

Team Rwby was god awful in episodes 11-12. They’re so self-righteous, entitled, hypocritical and cocky as a team and it doesnt help that they all suck as individual characters nowadays (except for weiss but even she lost best-girl points this episode also lmao blake and yang aren’t even INDIVIDUALS anymore they’re just bumbleby). It was annoying at first but now its just infuriating how rwby thinks theyre always right with their uwu energy and think they can do whatever tf they want with ZERO CONSEQUENCES.

Basically any time there is a problem in this show they have Ruby uwu at it and its solved lol.

They kept giving ironwood shit for taking on this incredible burden SO THAT NOBODY ELSE WOULD HAVE TO and rather than offer any real solution they just kept going “but mantle” like okay?? But remnant??? Like obvi letting mantle rot is bad but HE WAS OPEN TO ANY HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS CUZ HES OBVI AT HIS WITTS END AND DOESNT LIKE THE IDEA EITHER but yeah they just proceed to be the fattest hypocrites by hiding secrets of their own after being all “no more secrets uwu” and WHEN THEY GOT EXPOSED THEY JUST WENT “>:[“ (yangs self-righteous little glare here pissed me off so much oof) especially when ironwood was laying everything out in the open to them from the start. AND ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SECRET WAS FKIN “OH YEAH SALEM CANT DIE LOL” They watched ironwood make every decision he did in hopes of beating Salem while KNOWING she couldnt die??? So literallY WHERE do they get off on screeching at him with their yOu doNt hAvE to Suffer In ManTle YOu doNt kNow whAt iTs liKe bs. Wtf made ruby distrust iw at the start anyway? Because he had a bunch of ships out? They kept this CRUCIAL piece of information from him because he seemed stressed out?? Like what made ruby keep the secret from him. Someone tell me.

And the fact that rwby beat the ace-ops makes no goddamned sense. The power-scaling in this show is non-existant. We finally got to meet some pro huntsmen in this universe who aren’t teachers but are actually on the job, but because we gotta move out of the way for that 👌🏽✨ Power Of Friendship✨ and ✨rwby is always right✨ they somehow managed to beat experienced huntsmen with YEARS in the field who’ve actually graduated school??? FARM BOI OSCAR WHOS *JUST* LEARNING HOW TO FIGHT MANAGED TO LAND A PUNCH ON NEO FKIN POLITAN??? Didnt neo dance circles around yang??? Yang, who punches for a living and also beat mercury and adam??? I cant yall (and the fact that he didnt even bother to sneak up on her this boi literally screamed “no!!” as he ran down a hallway and neo didnt even have time to blink??? Pls)

Ruby’s “you were the best, until you trained us :3” -for maybe 2 days before my team went dancing ruby sis shut right tf up pls my god is this line just so. UNEARNED. Training in a room for a short while does not simply grant you the years of field experience the ace ops have and whAT IS UP WITH HER TRYING TO REASON WITH HARIETT AFTER SAYING THAT COCKY LINE AND FIGHTING HER??? WHAT and also like. The entire idea of “the ops lost cuz they weren’t good friends and were bad at teamwork uwu” is just so dumb. Ur telling me this group of high ranking hunstmen who’ve most likely been working together for at least a few years didnt have teamwork down??? Learning to work together is the most BASIC concept for a team to learn!! Its like the first thing a team has to perfect!! If the ace ops are supposed to be the best of atlas you dont think the ops would have gotten something as fundemental as teamwork down?? I dont buy it. And who gives a shit if they dont hang out after work or take selfies with eachother. Being friends doesnt necessarily mean theyre great at working together. If they succeed at relying on eachother to watch their backs, to keep each other alive (in the words of hariett herself) then Id think theyd know how to protect eachother i.e WORK TOGETHER.

And for all the ✨friendship✨ and ✨going through so much with someone✨ talk rwby like to do, the show barely displays these people acting like friends. We’re constantly TOLD how great of friends this group is, but the actual CONTENT we are shown leaves a lot to be desired. Tell me the last time ruby and blake teamed up in a fight. Or weiss and blake. Or yang and weiss. What teamwork?? Yang only interacts with blake now and weiss is only ever allowed to interact with ruby. Has blake ever said nora or ren’s name out loud? Have jaune and yang ever held a conversation between just them? Team rwby just spent a GOOD DEAL of time seperated from eachother, but when they reunite their teamwork is still somehow better than the ace ops?? Honestly its easier to believe that ruby is closer with team jnpr than she is her own team. If they showed the ops messing up during rwby vs ace ops fight due to lack of communication, then it still doesnt matter. My point is that they shouldnt have lacked teamwork in the first place.

Robyn was m e h this episode “JaMes ConTinUes to UnDeresTimAte Me” *proceeds to get knocked over in .3 seconds and is then KO for the rest of the episode* also great job for starting a fight and aiming to take clovers life in a moving airship with a terrorist on board when clover was acting PEACEFULLY and qrow was WILLING TO TALK IT OUT WITH IW and potentially work on a solution, but naw robyn is big mad and shall shoot.

Qrow made zero sense this episode too. I was with him right up until he chose TYRIAN OVER CLOVER??? THE PSYCOPATH WHO CANNOT BE REASONED WITH OVER THE RATIONAL DUDE YOU KNOW IS GOOD except clover wasnt acting rational in this fight at all and ill get to that AND IS THE ONLY FRIEND YOU HAVE WHOS NOT 19????? Qrow rly looked at tyrian- a man who is literally an enemy to all of remnant and went after ur neice- and said lets get rid of this punk together u and me bro. Like screw teaming with clover to bring down the dude you ACTUALLY have a grudge with whos also a serial killer and then trying to talk it out with clover whod be willing to do things peacefully why is this show like this

and AS FOR CLOVER. where were the braincells this episode. Qrow was trying to fight tyrian-the WAY bigger threat here, but clover??? kept knocking him away from tyrian and restraining him with his hook like??? YEAH LETS HELP OUT THE DEMON SCORPION CRACKHEAD HES CLEARLY NOT THE PRIORITY ATM nvm clover deserved to die there m8

His death scene was emotional and I feel bad for Qrow but u literally sealed his death when u ganged on him with tyrian so why are you even surprised. And on the subject of fairgame, im glad it didnt happen. Qrow was in no state for romance and I was glad he finally had a friend. He just spent the last volume thinking he wasted his life away helping oz, drowning in misery, drinking til he passed out on the street and so drunk he couldnt even be of any help during the apathy situation, when up til now hes been shown to fight just fine while drunk. I don’t see this as a “bury your gays trope” because clover was never confirmed to be gay and all their scenes added up to 40 seconds of platonic friendship. These two are grown ass men, if they had the hots for eachother then im pretty sure they could openly show it and not dance around it like theyre kids. I do feel bad for mlm viewers who were hoping for some rep with fairgame/lucky charms (cuz rt only cares if ur a cute marketable lesbian) but idc for the overly entitled fans who try to force their own headcanons on the writers and go feral when they dont get what they want. You dont just get to prance around claiming whats canon and what isnt. If rep is there then great, but if it isnt, then why not look somehwere else and let the author tell the story theyre trying to tell? Shipping fairgame cuz you think its cute is absolutely fine but not when u start getting ready to casterate crwby for not catering to you. Also, rwby sucks with lgbt+ rep anyway so what were yall expecting.

The only thing that was great this episode was the chorerography. It just sucks that the animation/choreo continues to improve while the writing doesnt. Another thing that really fell off this episode was the whole “we’re friends but we have to fight” drama. It doesnt work when its only ONE SIDE SHOWING ANY DISTRESS OVER IT. Only the ace ops (marrow, clover, the vine dude) seemed to show distress over having to fight rwby (it sucks that the only 1v1 weiss has won was because marrow was going EASY on her cuz he didnt wanna fight her fr) but rwby???? They didnt give any shits. They were so quick to turn against them and aim for their heads. They were SMILING as they ran at the ace ops, while they looked conflicted. If you oppose their UwU philosophy, you’re dead to them.

I really wanna enjoy RWBY but sometimes this show (and the fndm) really tests me. Its ironic how this episode came right after last episode, which I thought was the best chapter this volume. Anyway I rate this 10/10 cuz it gave me best character ironwood and best boi marrow and I would like to give them hugs for carrying this volume on their backs. (Also tyrian and penny and winter have been great too)

Family Reunion.

Jae stood on the front steps of his family home with an eerie sense of deja vu, itd been decades since hed seen the place and it was oddly just as he remembered. With its wide two-story frame and dark clay brick exterior. The thing looked the same as it had when he left. DOwn to the curtains his mother would use in the windows.

His fingers twitched as he tried to straighten out the stray wrinkles in his suits coat.. Hed busted out the old thing hoping itd work in his favor. The short path her followed to the heavy oak door wasnt nearly long enough for Jae to prepare himself.. Once on the front step he stared at the ugly lion door knocker the was planted into the wood, its heavy painted face glared outwardly at him like some kind of intruder..which for all intent and purposes wasnt fully incorrect.

His lifted his hand to knock and hesitated...staring at his tattoos hand, the single ring that rested n his forefinger.. Like the one hed leant to Reed itd been a gift, from his sister. The heavy dark steel that made up the ring was a similar shape to his other, bulky and flat-topped...but instead of the ruby that his other had, this ring had a single black pearl and a latin inscription above and below the dark bead that read, Beloved Brother.

The male squeezed his eyes shut, and clenched his shaking hand into a fist, giving anything to light up for a second to take th edge off.. But knew if he came home smelling of anything his father would slam the door before he could even speak.

After another minute of hesitation, he knocked.

A minute went by, and then another, and another. He pressed his lips into a firm line checking his watch, it was late- but the lights were still on, someone had to be…. The door opened. “Hello?” A soft feminie voice filled his ears, sweet and pleasant like summer rain against the tops of trees.. A small feminine form filled the doorway, and Jae- Jae nearly fell straight on his ass.

It was Dainah, some how she was standing in front of him and- “Elise! Ive told you time and time again do not just open the door for anyone who knocks!” A hard male voice that was all too familiar caught the vampires ears, but he couldnt look away from the girl standing infront of him, dumbfounded. Even as the sound of heavy foot falls closed in on the both of them, “Father im not some little kid anymore!” The girl complained as a hand came from behind the door and hauled her back, David Micheal Barrons intimidating form filled her space with a hard annoyed look.

One that melted into shock when he saw a face much like his own. “...Micheal?” The older vampire had aged, his dark honey colored blond hair was streaked with gray and his skin while still looking very healthy had gained a few new wrinkles… a Slightly older and more sophisticated version of Jae. “...Father.” The males eyes suddenly narrowed and it was if Jae could see the emotional walls slam down and lock him out. “What do you think youre doing here?””I need your help.””Forget it.” He swallowed hard. “Father please, I need-””You only ever come here when you need, when you want something from us.””Mother told me-””No, I told you that you were not welcome in the house anymore. That you were not to step foot on this property.””Father-””You are no son of mine.” His face tightened, and Jae clenched his hands into fists. 

The two men stood there in silence for some time, staring at eachother, as if waiting to see who would crack first. It was Jae. “Its...its not about drugs father.” The older male glared, harshly. “Ive...Ive found a human that I want to claim as my own. Hes...hes very important to me, and I want to protect him. But..” The blonde swallowed hard. “I cant do that if hed owned by the city- I have no power, no money..I..””So youve come here, to beg for my money, to buy your own personalized whore?” Jae stiffened, his heart began to pound and he stared at David with furious hazel eyes. “I care about him- Father hes...hes..” Jae cursed and rubbed his shaky hand across his face.

“I...I might love him-I... god I dont know.”

David squinted at Jae in silent suspicion. “Is he one of diablos?””No.””Does he know about your filthy addictions?””...No.” The older vampire chuckled, clearly enjoying the forced obedience his son was being pushed into. “How do you expect him to react when he realizes you survive off of Heroin and Turkish grass to stay stable? Im assuming he hasnt seen you let loose either.””Please father. It kills me.” The older vampires eyebrows rose slightly and he glanced to the side, muttering something to the girl whod most certainly been eavesdropping.

“Its expensive to not only claim a slave but to take care of them aswell.””Im aware.””How do you expect to take care of him?””I...Ill figure that out.” David snorted, “How very like you Micheal, just winging it and not thinking ahead.” The blonde clenched his jaw, unable to respond without some kind of insult. After a moment of silence, the older male spoke again, “Ill consider it.” Jaes eyes widened slightly and he lifted his head, “But. I have some requirements before I agree fully.”

Jaes shoulders sagged, “Anything.” The male snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. “The drugs.” He stiffened, having expected this. “I want them gone. All of them.””....Fine.” David nodded, “I also want to meet this young man that youve grown so overly attached to, Youll bring him in for dinner with the family- its your mothers birthday in a couple weeks, so bring him then.” He nodded once more, Mother...he hadnt seen her in eons it felt like. “Lastly, if I help you. You will work for me.” The final requirement made the younger vampire frown. “What?””You heard me.””Father- I...I dont know anything about your work,””You will be taught by my current secretary how to file and work the computer programs and you will manage my cases.”

He grimaced shaking his head, “I...I have a job- one that I like alot and..””Those are my terms.” Jaes eyebrows came togather in confusion...not understanding why the other was trying to cut him off from the fang. “...”He pushed and through his hair and sighed heavily. “..ok- ok fine. Youve got a deal.” David smiled in satisfaction. “Excellent, ill see you in two weeks-” He began to shut the door, but Jaes hand shot out to stop it. “Wait-””...?” His father looked out at him eyebrows furrowed, “What?””Who is that girl?” Davids eyes widened abit and he glanced over his shoulder silently before he looked back at jae. “Shes your  sister, Elise Mary Barrons.””When did-””53 years ago.”

His hand felt to his side, dumbfounded. “...You didnt tell me?””Why would I want to tell my daughter about her violent drug addicted older brother?””...She doesnt know me?...at all?””No. But if you keep your end of the deal, she will.” And with that he slammed the door in jaes face.

Hey I saw your ships are open again. I wanted to ask I f you could make me one for Queen and the boharp cast? I am 5’0 black curly locks that go to my mid back, green eyes pale skin and I have lots of earrings and piercings in my ear. I love to play the guitar, singing, listening to music and watching tv shows and movies. I am quite the sassy person, also sarcastic at times but I am also a very good listener and I love to smile and just goof around. Well yeah that’s it I suppose.

Hello!!! Hi sorry this took so long but im HERE NOW gosh i had so many requests before this and i already knew who i wanted to ship you with from the moment I saw this ahhhh

Anyways here goes (it’s all below the cut hehe i dont wanna clog anyones dash)

For BoRhap, I 100% ship you with Joe Mazzello!

Joe is the perfect match for you, just because he can keep up with your wit and humor so well! He loves how sassy and sarcastic you are, and his energy fuels your sharp tongue and goofy sense of humor. 

He loves goofing off more than anything (see above gif), so he’s always trying to embarrass you in public, but you just end up outdoing him anyways.

“Hey, babe, look!” he’d yell almost tauntingly, daring you to look up at him from your phone as you tried to post your picture with Lucy. When you’d look up, he’d be break-dancing rather terribly to the music playing, Ben cheering him on and recording it while simultaneously trying to not die from laughter.

But you wouldn’t be embarrassed - in fact, you’d go in and show him up, stepping between him and Ben’s phone so that you were the main focus instead. He’d try to have a dance battle with you, but would quickly give up once he realized that you were a superior dancer/master at silliness.

Ben’s video would end with Joe picking you up, pretending to be mad and storming off with you as you squealed and laughed in his arms, begging Lucy or Ben, or really anyone to help you.

Speaking of helping, you love helping him catch up on TV shows and movies once he’s been away for a while. Filming takes up a lot of his life once he’s got a job, so he misses out on a lot of good movies and shows when he’s away, which prompted you to start keeping lists of everything he needs to watch once he returns from whatever he’s working on. 

He loves this. A lot. 

What else does he love? You in baseball caps. Whether or not you like baseball, Joe is a big baseball guy, so seeing you in a baseball cap, seated next to him in Yankee or Dodger Stadium? That’s heaven to him. 

He sneaks cute little pictures of you during the game, too. A lot of them. He won’t stop until you’re grinning and trying to take his phone, and even then, he’ll sneak a few more. 

They’re his favorite pictures of you - but he doesn’t post them on social media, preferring to keep them for himself. While Joe Mazzello is no stranger to social media, he feels oddly protective about his pictures of you. He instead saves them for himself, then looks back on them all the time when he’s been away from you for a while.

While we’re on the topic of being away for a while, Joe also has a tendency to ask you for videos of you singing/playing the guitar when he’s been away. Your favorite time was when he was working on BoRhap.

“Just one!” he’d begged, his voice pleading with you over the phone to send him a video of you playing a song, any song. He didn’t even care if it was Wonderwall, or some other overplayed song. “I just want to hear your voice, babe.”

“You are hearing my voice, right now,” you’d giggle, and Joe would groan melodramatically at your cheeky way of turning it around on him. “Alright, alright, give me a minute,” you’d finally assented, Joe cheering on the other side of the phone as you grinned, shaking your head.

Once you’d sent the video, it was a moment before you’d heard back from him, but he also sent a video in response. Clicking on it, you were immediately greeted with the loud sound of him practically yelling in excitement, his face taking up the screen as he situated the phone in his hand so it was easier to hold. 

“You’re a natural!” he’d yelled, and then he’d received a small flick on the ear from an unknown person, who turned out to be Ben once you’d heard his voice admonishing Joe for being so loud while they were filming.

The camera had then turned to Ben, who’d waved and blew a kiss once he realized he was being recorded. 

Joe quickly took the phone back, focusing it on his face again with a faux stern look. “Don’t catch that kiss, babe. Let it fly. Okay, wait, catch this one. I love you. Bye!” He’d then blown you a kiss himself, and the video cut off as you’d seen Ben’s hand come into the frame, grabbing the ‘kiss’ and laughing as Joe yelled in protest.

When it comes to looks, Joe is absolutely obsessed with you. The first time he’d went on a date with you, he’d accidentally admitted that he first noticed you because of your hair and eyes. 

“It was just so striking, I had to get to know you,” he’d said, almost blushing as he recalled the first time he’d met you. You were both at a mutual friend’s party in NYC, and he’d actually gone above and beyond to come talk to you - meaning he nearly tripped over a rug on his way over. 

But he thought you hadn’t noticed, so he wouldn’t tell you that, and you’d never admit that you actually had seen his stumble. You thought his clumsiness was endearing, and it’s the reason you’d entertained his attention in the first place.

“What do you mean by that?” you’d asked, hiding your pleased smile behind your glass of wine as you watched him over the rim. 

“I mean, look at you,” he chuckled, gesturing to you and smiling widely. His eyes, which were always so animated, looked positively enchanted as he looked over you for a second. “You’re beautiful, how could I not be blown away when I saw you? That curly black hair...“ he’d trailed off, dramatically clutching at his chest as he feigned breathlessness. 

That had provoked a delighted giggle out of you, and he’d grinned goofily as he also took a drink of his wine, chuckling at himself.

And that’s how you spend most of your time together. Laughing, because nothing is better for the two of you than the feeling of making each other laugh.

Plus, Joe is damn funny, and so are you. Win-win.

For Queen, I ship you with.... drumroll please.... crickets.... Brian May!

My reasoning? Well, Brian is a bit more reserved than you, and it took him a minute to warm up to you in the beginning. Your sense of humor was a bit more advanced than his was, and he could hardly keep up with your banter, which got him flustered.

“Brian, can you help us out here a bit? You’ve been tuning Red for a fucking hour now, I think it’s good,” Roger had complained, you and him struggling to figure something out on one of the amps in the studio since John had stepped out. 

Brian had shrugged, setting Red aside and joining you two in your pondering of what the hell was going wrong. Brian almost jumped when you spoke, it was so quiet between the three of you.

“She, Rog,” you’d chastised, giving Brian a knowing look. But Brian had no idea what the hell you were talking about, and he cocked his head to the side as he looked at you curiously. “It’s a she.”

“What’s a she?” Brian had asked, completely forgetting about what Roger had just said moments ago. “The amp?”

“No, silly, Red,” you’d laughed, making Brian blush lightly as he felt like an idiot once he remembered Red, sitting back on the couch. “I reckon Red is a she, just like boats are shes. I call my guitar a she. You’ve got to treat your women right, Rog.”

“Um, yeah,” Brian stuttered out, almost confused by what was taking place. He wasn’t quite on your level, but that was okay, because Roger wasn’t either.

“What are you on about?” Roger had asked, shaking his head and not really wanting an answer. 

But he got one anyways. 

“Oh, I guess you wouldn’t know about that, would you? Treating women with care?” you’d taunted. Brian snorted and covered his mouth as Roger had protested weakly, but from then on, Brian began to appreciate your quick comebacks and seemingly unending stream of jokes.

On the other hand, he really loves that you can sit back and listen to his rants when he needed to vent. Brian is an emotional type of man, but he’s not great at expressing his frustrations in the heat of the moment, which makes him even more frustrated with himself and leads to the bottling up of his feelings until his breaking point.

The night he’d realized he’d fancied you, he was at one of those breaking points. You were both hanging around the van, the other boys still fooling around at the pub after the gig. Brian had left early, annoyed by a spat with Roger earlier that hadn’t been resolved due to poor communication. You were already on the van, sleeping in the backseat up against the opposite window when he’d climbed in.

“Oh, sorry, love, did I wake you? Shit,” he’d muttered, sitting seat across the row of seats from you when you sat up halfway to rub your eyes, still drowsy and bleary with sleep. It was awkwardly cramped in the back, and his knees were almost up to his chest as he sat there, not sure how to position himself. You remained draped across the seat, your feet resting just next to his side

“No, no, it’s alright,” you’d murmured, stretching before looking over at him and finding that he looked a bit annoyed. “You alright?” you’d asked, turning on your side and patting the seat in front of you, offering a more comfortable spot for him.

He’d obliged, laying down in front of you and letting you be the big spoon as he sighed. “I’m just pissed off, Roger doesn’t understand what I’m trying to say half of the time...”

And from there, he’d ranted for at least an hour, barely pausing to hear your input before going on. You’d listened the entire time, nodding and playing with his hair as you did so. And when he’d run out of words to say, he finally noticed that you were braiding his hair, still attentively waiting for him to speak.

“I’m sorry if I bored you,” he’d almost cringed, biting his lip as he turned on his side so he was looking up at you. You laughed softly, readjusting so that you were comfortable laying on your side next to him, and you’d dropped the braid as you’d propped your head up on your hand.

“Well, you want to know what I think?” you’d asked, Brian nodding quickly and staring up at you as you started in with your advice for him.

The entire time you’d spoke, he’d been staring at different things, admiring you. 

He admired the way your green eyes flitted around the van as you spoke, as if you were looking for the right words to say, then plucking them out of the air in that small, cramped van and putting them to use.

Also, he admired the glint of the moonlight on your piercings. Although he wasn’t a big piercing man himself, he loved them on you. In that moment, he’d realized that they only added to your beauty, which was already very present.

He’d taken a small strand of your hair in his hand as you spoke, admiring the way your skin contrasted so greatly with your hair, and he also appreciated that he wasn’t the only person having to deal with curly hair. 

Once you were done speaking, he’d smiled toothily. “You know, for someone who’s always got something sarcastic on the tip of their tongue, you sure do give good advice.”

You’d smiled at that, and that smile was what had gotten him, hook, line, and sinker. 

“Hey, no making out in the van unless it’s me!” Roger had yelled suddenly, throwing open the door as he crawled in, making his way on top of you two, and you’d both laughed loudly as a drunk Roger shoved his way between the two of you, making Brian nearly fall to the floor.

What a shit.

edit sorry this post is both long (if the readmore fails i am truly truly sorry) & longwinded im just reflecting and thinking; (another edit: u can probably just read the tl dr and get it)

anyway allow me to spin some very personally based theory here for a mo while i put off/warm my fingers up from the cold in preparation to email my therapist

so growing up i had, i think only, het ships, but i never quite had the ones you were (narratively speaking) “supposed to” have

in most media i recall when i was a kid, there were like, 2 diff structures of character romance plot arcs in media i consumed, there was the main lead and 2 best friends model, where thered be the star of the show who had outside romantic leads and the 2 best friends (who were always a boy and a girl) would have their secondary romance, OR there were ensemble shows where there was a more clear romance set up between the main boy and main girl, then side characters whod pair off in whatever ways ended up happening. in the first, see: hannah montana, the second, see: zoey 101. obv this isnt a hard rule and there were loads of exceptions but like, lets just say i tended not to care for the romances set up for the main girls in the trio models, or quite as hard for the main boy and girl in the ensembles, and in general if there was an obvious romance between two leads i either didnt care or outright hated it

basically i never liked the ships they set up for us in straight media, as a kid (namely, a girl) i liked being that “ew pink!” “i hate valentines day” sort of contrarian, but what i remember actually disliking was the predictability of it, because i clearly still shipped characters, so it wasnt /really/ that i hated romance, per se

looking back on it i think it was probably or at least to a degree more like that i hated the hetero expectation of it- i can nit pick down to more specific examples of why i disliked the main pairings (kataang, for example, i thought was weird bc katara acted like a mother/older sister figure to aang, and i didnt feel like there was romance between them at all except where it felt shoehorned in) - maybe it was also that i thought it made more sense for a main character to be with someone they clearly already spent a lot of time with and not some random new hot boy in town (i very distinctly remember shipping miley and oliver on hannah montana, and i believe that was the first time i ever read fanfiction @ age like... 11 lol) as is often the case w like these things.

theres another level to this though, which is that i notice i tended to ship characters who were more vaguely similar to each other, like, physically (ie, similar heights, or hair colors mainly) obviously this is funny now since my main pairing is johnlock which is such a physically different ship we can construct them from basic shapes and colors and theyre still recognizable as who they are, but i have some thoughts about this- but i think there might be two interesting things about this again in retrospect

first of all, this sounds silly ik, but shipping the vaguely similar ones as a child’s way of queering heterosexuality is an interesting concept and not that difficult, like, two boys are also vaguely similar to each other in a similar way a boy and a girl with the same hair color and height might be, which is something i thought of a while ago

the other way in which this is really interesting to me now, that i think might have been more actually pertinent to myself as a trans child, is that i think i shipped the characters i did in an attempt to morph the concept of boy and girl? to find the boy counterpart to every girl??? that second one makes more sense actually. anyway, i digress

2 start off i definitely had gender feelings starting from a very young age so i think these observations ring more true than just reflections, PERHAPS

so the first thing i remember shipping, ie wanting them to be together, thinking about it an inordinate amount of time outside watching the films, even imagining them eating ice cream together in their pjs (i was NINE DHFJGghfkg) was jack sparrow & elizabeth swan from potc (basically my franchise of choice as a kid bc i never read harry potter) now this doesnt quite fit the “visually similar” thing bc actually orlando bloom looks more like kiera knightly and is prob due to them like making out in one movie, but i think this works for the “shipping as gender expression” theory, because elizabeth swan dressed up as a boy, spent most of that movie wearing boy’s clothes, etc- meanwhile jack was a wacky pirate which like hello duh i’d want to be. so i wonder if beyond the fact that they kissed and flirted, there was something to this concept of me wanting two characters to be together, meant i wanted to marry together two conceptual things happening with two characters, or absorb the cool dude and the boyish girl characters into each other to make one whole archetype for myself? i likewise shipped aang and toph (toph who, normally doesnt really have anyone to be shipped with, since she likes sokka but he has a gf) who we all know is the VERY boyish girl character, so boyish im p sure her actually being a trans dude later in life is a p decently accepted headcanon (i dont actually delve into aatla fandom though so i can only hope) 

another thing about this ship thing, is most of my ships had brown hair (like miley and oliver), just like i always have, and in certain cases the girl character would look a LOT like me (i also shipped logan and quinn on zoey 101, which to my surprise n delight actually came true later (although looking back im like... 11 yr old me is glad they made out a lot but adult me is like uhhh why were the kids on this show making out a lot? anyway thats another issue) and i def was a weirdo girl with glasses and long brown wavy hair) which sort of further fuels my feeling that this was an attempt by my brain to do 1 of 2 things, if my own involvement really was a greater motivating factor in this thing, 1. ship MYSELF with a boy (which is like def possible for my gay kinnie ass, but not quite my thesis here) or 2. morph these boy and girl counterparts by imagining them together, seeing them together, etc

for example, i realize now, when i was a kid i drew an avatar sona for myself and said sona looked an awful lot like how id imagine a katara/zuko fusion would be, and the fact that i shipped zutara (very hard lol) was what lead me down this thought path rn

i feel like even to me this concept sounds weird and far fetched but like, gem fusion made enough sense for someone to write with its clearly, usually, romantic implications and we all “get” that, so whom knows???

another thing ive noticed while writing this is for a good few of these ships you can argue the boys in them can be read gay, like jack sparrow and zuko and aang, which feels even more strongly like me trying to marry my gay boy feelings to my tomboy realities [thinking emoji]

the biggest reason i think this makes sense to me is because when i was 10 i became obsessed with the idea that this boy i was friends with and i were secretly twins separated at birth, like i was so into the concept that we looked alike, i like hoped and wished so hard for it to be true, i wished a christmas miracle would happen for fucking real and a magic door in my house would open and be his new room and itd all work out perfectly! and you might think this was a manifestation of my difficulties with my family and wishing to leave it, but in my dream world my parents were still my parents and he came to live with us- which makes me think the obsession of ME looking like this BOY was a manifestation of my gender feelings, which i think can maybe be traced to this concept of pairing a visually similar, possibly gay, brunette boy to every brunette and/or tomboyish girl

anyway. if you actually read all of this id love it if you lmk somehow (doesnt need to be a like) like this is clearly very long and strange but i hope it makes sense. i think i stop myself a lot from ever commenting on gender or theory or whatever but i am a living breathing trans person who has experienced things and i have opinions and i dont think im claiming anything destructive with this lol i think its not unusual to reflect on the way you interacted with the world as a gay/trans kid

also im obviously not saying that shipping straight things is somehow inherently queer, im not trying to retroactively claim something about straight ships, like, those two characters are still functionally straight, and i definitely also shipped probably all of them for normal shipping reasons (although, kid ones, so less “oh theres a lot of ACTUAL romantic subtext between these two” but rather “oh theyre friends and would be cute together!” (or like they kissed and i was like O: )) but im just trying to theorize about something its possible my tiny trans brain was trying to express- and who knows maybe im not the only one!

anyway i guess the TL;DR is: when i was a kid i had a lot of “unconventional” straight ships- i already observed that i eschewed the main canon pairings in kids media in what was probably my tiny baby brains rejection of hetero culture, but i also actively shipped side characters who looked like me, and also looked like each other (ie, both tall and brunette, a boy and girl counterpart of Each Other) OR characters who seemed to be a gayish boy and a tomboyish girl, and im theorizing that maybe the reason that was was my tiny trans brain wanting to gem fusion those two together because of my Gender Feelings and fuse the boy with the girl and this desire manifested in shipping therefore thinking about a lot these pairings of boy and girl counterparts

one of the other many things thats been bothering me lately, im happy to have the emotional energy to watch stuff with plot again but as awesome as some of the stuff ive watched recently is.... for soem team its bothering me more than usual thay i dont have anyone to share it with.

like the excitement, the good story, the picking it apart for why it was so good or what we'd have done differently? ive never actually had that but lately its been like....putting off watching things because i know i dont have anyone to get excited with so its like why bother, and then have to watch it anyway but slightly more depressed and less immersed in it.

its never bothered me much before because honestly who other than me gets so excited about stuff like a character who lies through her teeth but essentially martyrs herself under a cross, and the tonal shift even in a final episode due to it? i know no one cares about fiction the way i do but i suddenly really wish i had someone whod get excited with me, or at least fascinated, even if they dont want to rip it to shreds to analyse like i do.

Day 70

Seventy.

Life is going on. With ups and downs. Good days and bad days. Well life is mostly grey for me. 

As every day passes, i just realize more and more how much i love him. I really dont want to bluff about it but I just couldnt stop from typing it out because the realization blows my mind away. And one big reason is because I would never do what i did, or can do for him, and no one will ever mean anything even remotely close to how much he meant to me and will always mean to me. 

This might all just sound like a cheesy note any person in love would say but Oh God! trust me, this is what comes to my head after quite a good number of not-so-nice crap i have in my big fat head. So yeah! thats how i just know. This is not ever going away. And if I ever got a chance to re-live, i wouldn’t have wanted to fall in love with anyone else, orrrrrrrrrrr id just wish I was alone. That’s pretty cool tooo!! lol 

Speaking of which. Yeah. I pretty much do enjoy my own company. I just dont like communicating much with people. for a lot of reasons actually. Well, to begin with. I believe im a really complicated person. LIke, everyone has their own story and theres something twisty about everyone and bla bla but then I really do thing Im just not that easy to understand, and to top all that, I dont even like opening up to people so thats more of a reason to not get me. I am kind of aware of the fact that i seem to have a lot of ego and seem to be filled with pride and arrogance. But thats not true, thats just how some people see me, and i cant blame them because i think that is something i mask myself with. However, many people do find me really sweet and all but whatever side anyone sees, its always clear, im not really interested in getting too close with anyone and that i appreciate my own space. Sometimes, i do wonder if i really do enjoy being on my own or i actually want some good friends. But then the thing is, i have really really good friends back from high school. the only thing is, theyre not in the same country, theyre far away. but then again, even when we were all on ksa, we still mostly communicated on social media and stuff so it shouldnt matter much i guess. what im trying to say is. despite all the misunderstanding people might have with me, or people actually finding me sweet or whatever. or me not liking them much or wanting them to be my friends or whatever. the thing is, its not that i dont have anyone at all. because i do have people who know me. they dont know every little detail about me though, and thats because i dont talk much to them either. but they know me as a person. like i dont need to kiss their ass to get their attention, i can be myself with them.. i can be mean, and rude, or not keep in touch or act like im full of ego, like im so full of my shit and theyd still accept me. because they know that thats just how i am. im not sugarcoated. 

But.. it still doesnt matter

What im saying is. I prefer sitting alone on my own. doing literally nothing. no phone. no laptop. no means of communication with the outside world OVER actually chatting with anyone. or even someone who knows me so well and is close to me. 

Ok man, i talk a lot! So yeah that’s the thing! but when we were together, i wouldve done anything to not miss a chance to talk to him lol - thats just an easy way to put it out there, that he was different. 

And also putting it out there how my life is right now. I prefer my own company. I dooooo badly wish i had a ‘partner’ though - an ‘eating partner’!!!!!! haha! I really wish i could go to restaurants with someone to try food randomly. But then. idk. i mean its not that easy to find someone who has the same love for food and aso someone whos willing to spend money to try food or someone whod be able to hang out with me. especially i dont even have any good friends in ksa right now Ugh

Another really important reason i dont like talking to people much is the commitment. I hate commitment!!!!!!! And when i say commitment i dont even mean something serious like being in some relationship. i mean.. even the smallest commitment. like when you even knock someone and the person expects you to reply fast. Like okay give me a break! We dint exchange vows or something, yth do i need to reply fast. or whyd you even expect me to reply fast like idk. do people just pause their lives and just talk to other people? bleh Im not even ready for that so yeah! 

buttttttttt then again - with him. it was SO different. but like i said. it was only him!!!!

Something cool was the fact that i had a dream of him the other day. we never met each other f2f after our last conversation, so him in my dream was the first time we met f2f which wasnt actual anyways!!! But!!! I was so full of attitude. Like I could totally see my facial expressions and go like. “Oh God Youuu” to myself! Im usually full of attitude in front of other guys, if i ever am, which is kinda rare. just saying! 

So i read his post about him going to bd and stuff, and i wont even lie about how i totally never like that. but then this time its different obviously. In many ways though. One way to look at it is how i just remembered about the time when he was in bd last year! ~~~ And the award for the roughest of all times goes to!!!! 

Now comes the part were I actually give the reason why I dont blog much! Well tbh i want to blog all the time. But then!!!! Who am i kidding???? Its obviously cause I want him to read my post and blabla so yeah I dont! I mean. I really want to, but i dont. The same way. Forget blogging man. I mean. In this generation, with all these advancements and i say, no barrier at all. If we could decide like two mature adults to stop talking for nothing but good intentions then i sure as hell can keep myself from blogging about every little thing, and keep my shit together, and only blog when my mind and my heart says that i got it in my hands and im not going to screw up! 

and so that would mean that anything i post about, is just a very little, incomplete detail of the entire story and i almost always will sugarcoat it a million times and put it up here! 

but like i said - every thing just ends with me realizing how in love i am with him and as long as that is how it ends, i like it. 

So “losing weight” is like the --aim of my life-- right now. Just that its so boring oh maa gawd - and so i end up watching suits. which is soooooo niiiceeeeee omgg. And i actually love the couple there. Mike & Rachel! - oh and also its kinda funny to me idk why but whenever i see any couple onscreen that i like, my inner me kinda teases me going like “sarah, you loser!!!!!” and then i look down from the screen for a second or two like an actual loser would doo and then yeah i just “laugh it away” - like silently! ~ No hard feelings!

umm.so yeah i was saying. The main thing is losing weight and i want to lose one kg a week WHICH I AM NOT BY THE WAY. so i kind of get sad from time to time and all, and then idk get ok with it, and then sad again and alll that. and then battling myself against food is there. Today though i kind of figured out that if i watch suits while on the treadmill ill kinda stay distracted, and it wont be boring anymore and ill be able to go somewhere i guess. 

so theres around 9 weeks left for uni to open and i wish vacation never ended but yeah lets just face reality. And about my brother, 6 weeks left.   So that means I wna lose around 9 kgs before uni reopens but its smart to kind of plan a bit more than you actually want so that if you dont totally achieve your goal youll still land somewhere good. if you know what i mean. 

Now there is a lot i want to say. SO muchh. But I cant be fooling myself. It would obviously be for him only. So Ill just hold everything back in!!!!!! 

But one thing I want the world to know

Everyone has their own problems and their own imperfection and perfections and whatever. But ever since I had my eyes on him, i knew he was different. infact that is exactly why i liked him in the first place. I dont wna go in depth with this but ill just say it in the simplest way I can. 

When I was with him, yes, I did pray for a fairytale story. But not an actual one. because those dont exist. I had my own modified version of a fairytale ending. And in their, everything was not perfect. Everyone was not perfect. there was pain, there were people who didnt know what they were worth. All I ever wanted is to be the person to be ale to mend hearts, to help someone find their way out from the sufferings, to be a part of someone happiness. And even though we are not together right now. I wish the same. I just wanted it to be through me before. Now it doesnt necessarily need to be, cause it definitely will be coming from Allah both ways inshaAllah. 

I pray he gets to see what I see in him. And what people see in him. And most importantly, what he sees in himself but fails to value at times. 

P.S. My family is excluded from consideration in this post. when i talk about people, i mean everyone else except my family.  --ALSOOOOO-- I just randomly sat down at 5am and decided to blog today and so i sat with my laptops and this is all what flowed outta me! 

A totally random post! 

BUT i do wna mention how the tumblr app on my phone s.u.c.k.s. Cant give notifications properly *&^&%&^$%&%*^(0

Bye c: 

Church, Comfortable, and Definitely: The truth channel, stop. Nigga you don't know shit about music REPLY 12 hours ago (edited) 8 hours ago The truth channel, stop. Nigga you don't know shit about music" TELL ME CHILD? HOW MANY REAL INSTRUMENTS DID YOU PLAY by AGE 5? 1 PLAYED 13. BY THE TIME I WAS IN 11th GRADE I WAS TAKING HOME AN INSTRUMENT A WEEKEND FROM THE BAND CLOSET and LEARNING HOW TO PLAY IT. IT TOOK THE BAND DIRECTOR 6 YEARS TO TALK ME INTO JOINING THE SYMPHONIC BAND. I DIDNT PLAY A SINGLE BAND INSTRUMENT. WHEN HE ASSIGNED ME MY FIRST INSTRUMENT I LEARNED TO PLAY IT IN 3 DAYS. I BEAT OUT the 2nd CHAIR WHOD BEEN PLAYING FOR 5 YEARS. I AM EVERYTHING PRINCE CLAIMED TO BE WASN'T. COMPARED TO ME YOURE NOT A NOVICE, LITTLE ONE. YOU ARE A MUSICAL HANDICAP I WAS IN A MAJOR STUDIO WORKING LAST SUMMER and ONE OF THE ENGINEERS ASKED ME WHAT KIND OF IMPACT DID I WANT TO HAVE ON OTHER MUSICIANS? IT TOOK ME 1/4th of a SECOND TO ANSWER THAT. I SAID TO MAKE THEM WANT TO QUIT THAT OFFENDED EVERYONE WITHIN EARSHOT UNTIL I EXPLAINED WHAT I MEANT. SEE, WHEN YOU COME ACROSS SOMEONE WHO IS WAY MORE TALENTED and FAR MORE SKILLED THAN YOU... IF THERES ANYTHING REMOTELY REAL IN YOU AS FAR AS TALENT IS CONCERNED IT WILL INSPIRE YOU TO BE BETTER. IF THERE ISNT... IT WILL INSPIRE YOU TO QUIT THE PROBLEM WITH MUSIC NOW WELL AT LEAST COMMERCIAL MUSIC IS THAT IT IS FILLED WITH HACKS. HACKS RUN THE LABELS. HACKS SIGN OTHER HACKS UNTIL YOU CANT TURN THE DAMNED RADIO ON WITHOUT HEARING HACKERY. I WOULD LOVE TO INSPIRE ALL THE HACKS.... TO QUIT. ITS TIME FOR A HOUSE CLEANING THE INTERNET PROVIDED AN ERA WHEN COMPLETE TOTAL INTELLECTUAL BASTARDS CAN SAY THINGS LIKE THIS TO A MUSICAL PRODIGY and SOCIETY IS IMMUNE to the DANGER THIS PRESENTS BECAUSE THERE ARE MORE INTELLECTUAL BASTARDS THAN THERE ARE PRODIGIES. THERES A REASON HISTORY KNOWS THE NAMES BACH and MOZART. IT ISNT BECAUSE HISTORY IS REQUIRED TO KNOW THEM. ITS BECAUSE THEY LIVED DURING A TIME WHEN THE VOICE OF AN IDIOT WAS NOT HEARD WITH THE SAME INTENSITY and AMPLITUDE as the VOICE of the BRILLIANT. NUCLEAR BOMBS WILL NOT DESTROY MANKIND. SOCIAL MEDIA and the INTERNET WILL. THE INTERNET GIVES EQUAL VOICE. ONE DOES NOT HAVE TO EARN A VOICE. ONE DOES NOT HAVE TO PROVE THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HEARD. ONE DOES NOT EVEN HAVE TO HAVE ANYTHING WORTH HEARING to BE SAID. ALL THAT IS REQUIRED IS AN INTERNET CONNECTION. SPREADING STUPIDITY, MEDIOCRE TALENT, IRRATIONAL RAMBLING and COMPLETE DISREGARD FOR THE GOOD OF THE WHOLE. THESE ARE THE DARK GIFTS the INTERNET HAS CURSED THE WORLD WITH. Show less REPLY 23 hours ago if you're so good how come nobody gives a shit about your music b 1 REPLY 22 hours ago our agoHighlighted reply if you're so good how come nobody gives a shit about your music" because gods decide when they appear. 1REPLY and you're welcome to share any music of mine you dont give a shit about with anyone here- REPLY 0 21 hours ago you seem real fun man. Keep being so cynical itll definitely make u more likeable. But for real you give of such an egotistical vibe, you gotta watch out for that. Good luck with your music 2REPLY 21 hours ago Arrogance is a bore when there is nothing supporting it. An ego built on nothing is a fool's castle. The real problem we have now is that we love mediocrity because it does not challenge us. It makes us comfortable with our own areas of lack. We must guilt the rich and ignore the genius so we can feel better about or own lack thereof. Im sick of living in a world where people like myself have to hide and are made to feel guilty for things beyond our own control. I didn't ask for extreme gifting anymore than a person born in poverty asked to be poor. Art is a reflection of where a society is. Todays art says that culture in the Western Hemisphere is in the garbage compactor Show less 2 days ago Can we stop insulting the artist and just focus on the music. I get that post malone is not pretty, but it just filler 203 REPLY Hide replies 2 days ago focus on what music? None of this is music. It doesnt even pass for mathematics. 8 REPLY 2 days ago oh you are so truly enlightened. Everything you don't like isn't considered music because it doesn't fit your narrow definition. Get off your high horse, I doubt you can do better 37REPLY 2 days ago You doubt I can do better huh?) -Haha... am so tempted to blow your mind in ways you would never recover from. I did better when I was 6 years old 1 REPLY 2 days ago prove it then. For all I know, you're full of shit. Without action they are just words 16 REPLY 2 days ago And you'd be just as full of shit after I got through with you. I have way more than words' and far more than just pitiful action. When you've written over 600 songs, produced, performed and arranged over 7,000 tracks of music, composed, orchestrated and conducted live orchestra sessions for your own tracks every single multi-track performed by you, sang by you, engineered by you, mixed by you in one of the most famous studios on planet earth? Come talk to me Theres only a precious few as qualified as I am to make criticisms PERIOD REPLY I mean the quality of music is purely axiomatic, so i don't get why you are even arguing about it LL 12 hours ago Hahaha...! looked at your channel Im not a god compared to you. I AM GOD compared to you. When people have no embarrassment threshold they belong to a Victorian Era Circus. Do you have a humped back and a penchant for swinging on church bells while screaming in a half autistic voice Esmerald! ??? 1. REPLY Totally a musical genius.

"I love you, you goddamn beautiful disaster." My heart swells every time you say it. It makes me laugh but it also warms me up inside. You're the only person whose ever bothered to look past the painted mask i put on for the world, and truly seen me for the pile of broken, shattered pieces that i am. And instead of saying "oh my god what a fucking mess" & leaving, you acted like my pieces were worth something.. Like you found beach glass in the sand and you brought a bucket along and you swept up my pieces and found beauty in there somewhere and you carried them around with pride.. I pushed you away for awhile. And im still sorry for it. But i was so scared, because you make me so happy, and nothing good happens when in happy. Happy is just the warm up before something terrible happens. And i know i cant keep you.. And i feared losing you so badly that it kept me up at night. I pushed you away to try and save myself from the pain of you walking out on me. You promise me every time i say it. You promise you won't leave me behind. And im almost starting to believe it, which is a big deal coming from me... Thats vulnerability i normally dont allott to anyone. But im giving it to you. I trust you. You know me, i dont trust anyone. But.. I trust you. It scares the shit out of me, sometimes i find myself bracing myself waiting for the moment when the pain starts, but.. I don't think it will. Because i trust you. I want all the easiest of things from you. I loved our play pretend date. Where we laid in bed lazy, waking up slow, with the kids so happy to see you. Watching baby girl sit in your lap while you and sweet boy looked at the book of airplanes...i tried to memorize that moment. I tried to snap every single detail into a steel trap to save forever. Because in that moment i felt ok. a real, genuine, ok. I felt calm and safe and joyful, and they were real feelings, not manufactured by any sort of substances. Just the pure feeling of our love. You know i used to not believe you when youd tell me you loved me. I figured you say that to all the girls. Or were saying it to make me feel good. But with time ive come to realize and believe that you really mean it. It soothes the broken soul-shaped hole in me. I just wish i could explain how i feel about you, to you. I wish i could explain to you that i love you, and thats why i get moody some times because im scared to love because love can hurt. But i love you, wholely. I wish i could tell you how much it means to me that you accept me for all the mess i am. You accept my well intentioned wickedness, my mood swings, my constant failures. You have seen me do nothing but struggle and fail and yet you still have faith in me and hope for me. Do you know how much that means? Do you have any idea how incredible that is to me? That some times the only shred of hope i contain is because you have hope for me. I think the reason God set it up that we met too late to marry one another was strictly because if we married we would set the bar too high for the rest of humanity. No one would ever come close to our level of epic. (I think you might agree.) Youre the only person who knows all my secrets. Youre the only one ive ever been that honest with, confessing to you all my sins. Not even kaylee knows some of that stuff. Youre the only one i can tell because youre the only one whod love me through it. I just.. I wish i had prettier and fancier and more eloquent words to thank you for saving my ass all the time, and loving me through my mess. For loving me, entirely. Aside from my parents, no one has ever done that. Thank you. I want nothing but the very best that life has to offer for you. I dont want to jeopardize anything you have in store for you. I want all the good things and all the happiness for you. And while i know i dont fit in that mold, i selfishly hope i will still always have a few hours to play pretend house with you once in a while... I wish you knew how many times your love has saved my life. I love you. ❤ your goddamn beautiful disaster

so i was thinking about that brilliant haus memes post the check please fandom compiled and i realized that man. les amis memes must be absolutely fucking incredible too

- saying “thats my first name actually” after random things

éponine: i just dont understand white people, like who would name their own child, their own flesh and blood something like McKhynleigh feuilly: thats my first name actually

grantaire, seductively: whatcha thinking about enjolras: brexit grantaire: hmmm interesting.... did you know that thats my first name actually

- sometimes they play dnd together (combeferre is the dm) and they constantly bring up things that happened in game in irl arguments

cosette: hi courf do you maybe happen to know who ended up shedding glitter all over my apartment courfeyrac: i dont know cosette do you happen to know who watched my DEATh in COLD BLOOD and then proceeded to LOOT MY CORPSE for vALUABLES

joly: im just not sure if i can trust you after you cheated on me with that barmaid last night bossuet: babe that wasnt me that was my alterego countess boochie flagrante

- they also have a thing for alignments

bahorel: *throws textbook against the wall* fuck the law feuilly: chaotic neutral

marius: *too busy daydreaming abt cosette to watch his step, trips falls and knocks down a garbage can* courf: chaotic stupid

azelma thénardier: so i told this dude that all lesbians are in a telepathic connection with each other right? and he was like “oh rly.... then whats ellen degeneres doing right now”. and i told him that she was eating her morning cereal, yknow, bc of the time difference between france and the u.s. then he was like “oh rly.... what kind of cereal” and my brain just shut down and i swear to god i couldnt have thought of a single american cereal brand if my life had depended on it so i just said “crunchster munchster” and you know what... he bought it. he asked me if i could check if this one girl he has a crush on was a lesbian and i said “ye dude, for ten euros”. and i thought that was it but i shit you not the next day he walked up to me with a list of twenty names and asked me if he could pay by credit card. rey from star wars was on the list. like not even daisy ridley, straight up “rey from star wars”, except misspelled as “rei”. i told him she was a lesbian éponine: .........chaotic gay

- combeferre is the jack zimmermann of les amis. his “im combeferre, vice president of the college debate club, and on behalf the entire debate team id like to sincerely apologize” is legendary among teachers and students alike

*bahorel gets in a fistfight with someone* “im combeferre, vice president of the college debate club, and on behalf the entire debate team id like to sincerely apologize” *joly and cosette watch cute animal videos on a school computer and end up loudly sobbing in the middle of the library* “im combeferre, vice president of the college debate club, and on behalf of the entire...” *éponine smuggles gavroche’s pet tarantulas in and scares the shit out of an entire class* “im combeferre, vice president of the college debate club, and...”

ferre is a total hypocrite about it tho. *almost blows up the whole chemistry lab bc he had a great idea for an experiment he wanted to try* “im combeferre, vice president of the college debate club, and on behalf of the entire debate team...” *arrives at class late with nothing but a laptop and a pack of monster energy drinks, wearing his doctor who themed pajama pants* “im combeferre, vice president of the college debate club, and on behalf...”

- musichetta is a muslim, joly is a buddhist and bossuet is an atheist so christianity in general is kind of like a weird relationship meme for them

courf and ferre: *came over to the jxbxm apartment, lowkey cuddling on the couch* musichetta: um guys noah fence but this is a good christian household where we always leave some room for our lord and savior jesus christ

bahorel, in one of their shared law classes: are seriously telling me you havent read any of the compulsory readings for today bossuet: bahorel my guy you know damn well that the only book ive ever read and im ever going to read is the holy bible amen

- every time anyone complains abt any minor annoyance or rudeness they suffered from someone éponines advice is to kill them, and she often adds that she knows a guy if they know what she means, which would be funny if it wasnt for the fact that they all know that éponine is best friends with a major drug dealer and through montparnasse she most certainly could find someone whod kill a dude for money and they have no idea whether shes kidding or not

- you know how artists always get asked if their work is anime.... grantaire gets ahead of that and names all of his pieces, like every single one, even the abstract ones that are literally just him splashing some shitty cheap wine on the canvas, he titles all of them “neon genesis evangelion fanart #x”

the numbers are not in order but have some logic to them, like he painted a portrait of jehan once and named it neon genesis evangelion fanart #420, or his portrait of joly was titled neon genesis evangelion fanart #6x10^23

once he drew an actual piece of neon genesis evangelion fanart and he named it homestuck fanart #69

[enjolras voice] i just dont understand modern art

- speaking of R and nge, he has a ramiel shirt and once when he was wearing it enjolras walked up to him and said “nice octahedron” and grantaire, who hates maths with the burning passion of a thousand suns, just went “how dare you speak that word to me” and walked away. enjolras was like ???? i just wanted to be nice but the others thought it was hilarious

marius, studying latin words: hey jehan whats the gender of- jehan: how dare you speak that word to me

musichetta: yo courf remember last new years eve when you did all those jägerbombs and- courfeyrac: how dare you speak that word to me

bahorel still has this reaction to “law” in spite of hearing it approximately fifty times per day

- every single member of les amis is 100% convinced that gavroche is their son

cosette: gavroche, my sweet child whom i birthed and raised myself,

gav: *is wearing crocs* bahorel: son i did not carry you in my womb for nine months for you to disrespect me like this

- they also like to act as if jean valjean is their father which is kinda really weird bc at least half of the amis have a crush on him

courf once called jvj “daddy” to his face. no ones letting him ever forget that

- anyone who tells a longer story ends it with “in conclusion, death to the bourgeoisie and a happy hanukkah to y’all” after a memorable speech grantaire held in their debate club once

please feel free to reblog with more quality les amis memes, im always here to discuss them

Why do all the americans who come to japan think everything americans do is stupid and romantisize the wag japanese do it??

Horse laugh??? This texan girl really just agreed and called her laugh stupid looking because some fucking japanese girl who values looking docile over letting herself laugh wrote an article making fun of americans laughing

Ugh

How about this. Why do japanese girls cling to their boyfriends like their a dog whos gonna run into traffic if they let go?! If your boys gonna cheat on you, clenching him and glaring at every girl around you isnt gonna stop him.

Why are japanese ok with their school systems not teaching them their full history or about the world. America used to do that and we decided as a population that wed like to know stuff and have been fighting to get more information into our textbooks for decades. Japanese are happy to be brainwashed

Why dont japanese speak their mind and then get upset when they get stressed out over the people around them not being mind readers

Why do japanese bosses give their employees so much work and then wonder why there stressed

Why dont japanese use all the futuristic technology they have. Why is cash still a fucking thing here

Why havent they put in functional road systems instead of keeping it a free for all until an accudent happens

Why dont japanese have actual news systems. Why didnt anyone know what was happening with the typhoon till a day in advance and then only through emergency alerts. In the states we know about hurricans for weeks in advance and the authorities tell high risk places to evacuate days in advance

Why do japanese prefer looking busy over actually getting their work done in advance? Why do they like rushing around and throwing stuff together at the last minute?

Do people in this country actually wanna talk to people or do they just wanna be talked TO?! Walk around any crowded area and you can find groups looking around like they desperately want to be talked to. Ive watched people talk to these people and then the ones whod been onlooking acting so happy - only to cut the conversation short and run away to wait for someone else to talk to them. Or ive watched/experienced them come do the talking and still fucking run away at the end or at least ghost. And ive read all they do is ghost. So what the fuck?

On that note why do japanese push and carry personal conversations along even when they dont wanna talk. Going off that last one ive gotten tired of being ghosted by freaking girls who approach me and have stopped trying. But theyll still try so damn hard to befriend you. Why? And my coworker at school. Try so hard to make you like them - but once you do they never wanna speak again. WHY?!? I had a girl pull me around a club once talking my ear off, she followed me on instagram but never even let me follow her back

Why do japanese men run people down?? And why do they glare at people walking on the wrong side WHILE WALKING ON THE WRONG SIDE?!? Old people too. Why old people always on the wrong damn side - no so sure they but they turn their entire body to watch you go by just to make sure you know theyre watching you.

Like whatever. Asshole old people. Theyre the same globally i think.

But fuck these middle aged japanese men using all the strength in their body to plow people down as they walk. And push througj crowds. Oh was that your foot? Dont care. Im more important.

I already complained about the damn face masks. No one uses them when theyte coughing and hacking all over a crowd - pretty sure theyre just for people to hide their face at this point.

Put. On. Deoderant. Idc how many articles say japanese dont have bad smelling bo - theyre wrong. They do just like every other human.

Um. I guess homophobia is still rampent here? I didnt think so with how all celebrities cross dress at some point in their career but i saw the harajuku ojiisan and walking he parted the overly crowded takeshita street like moses in the red sea. People acted like he was a plague. Not to mention the comments i heard while at school about boys in dresses in general.

I watched one of my teachers limp around for the past three weeks.... and another with a hurt back for a week... they both just have pain killers - meaning the first ones problem shouldnt be so bad that hes limping for 3 weeks+ and he shouldnt be in so much pain. Either the doctor missed something which they shouldnt?! They take xrays? You only get 4 days of medicine before having to return? So the doc should really see that its more serious????? Also. Why is he in pain before his painkiller wears off. Why is japanese medicine SO WEAK?? and why are they still taking guesses at problems when they force xrays for things as simple as a cough

K ive fallen prey to this one cause the clothes are just really cute... but but but lol how come the same clothes are sold in like every store - meaning everyones wearing a slightly different variation of the same clothes. At least young people. Talk about a fashion in fashion out city.

This one isnt at japan for japans sake but. America. Ameica why. Why did i grow up in school for 12 years being told that my school system not only sucks - but that it was easy and we were little bitches for complaining and being stressed out. Laughed at and taunted being told that japanese schools were so far ahead of us. So much smarter. They go to school 6 days a week! Those hardworking japanese!

At least in the school i worked in

1) they dont get hw. American teachers were always all “you need two hours of he a night” but like... 7 teachers said and beleived that

2) they dont have to pay attention. Teachers ignore them not doing work in class - in America that can gets you kicked out of clas

3) they can clown around and disrupt class. In america - to the principals office

4) they have SO MANY EVENTS. Theyre like never in class. We could count our events in america - they were far and few between snd our teachers raged about the missed time and made us learn the shit we missed at home on our own time.

5) they move through material slow. Its fine and all but damn america - making us feel stupid for years when we had new material introduced every week at least and have legit tests every other week

6) they get answer keys to their study books... imagine. Having. An answer. Key??? Before college?? Like🤯 no thats just for the teachers.

7) idk what they do in japanese class but my teacher told me our method of reading a book, analyzing it, and writing a paper for english - is their college level japanese. We start that in elementaryyy schooll - as book reports - in addition to our grammar studies.

8) they come to school on saturday to play sports and then go to some cram school their parent pays for which i cant imagine is too different from what they do at school.

Okok school is stressful and annoying everywhere. And i dont think id be so salty having watched that IFF my school was legit called stupid on a weekly basis while being compared to japanese schools

Kimbal Musk takes the tech entrepreneur ethos and applies it to food

The younger brother of Elon Musk, CEO of SpaceX and Tesla Motors, shares his same entrepreneurial spirit, but with a family of restaurants and a nonprofit to bring learning gardens to schools around the country

It can be tricky for anyone being the younger sibling, but imagine what it must be like to be the younger brother of Elon Musk, a businessman habitually referred to as a real life Tony Stark.

His reputation seems to get more outsized with each fresh headline. Just this week, the elder Musks company SpaceX filed paperwork asking for permission to use satellites to beam down Internet service from space. Meanwhile, his other high-profile company, Tesla, continues to make advances toward its ambition to make electric cars more ubiquitous. Then there is the fascination with colonizing Mars.

Kimbal Musk, 42, is a year younger than Elon and a very successful businessman and entrepreneur in his own right. But he admits the pair, who grew up in Pretoria, South Africa before moving to Canada to study and then the US, have a slightly different take on the world of business: We have similar views [though] his are stratospheric, while mine are more in the ground.

Food is a dominant theme in Kimbal Musks personal and business interests. He is a health-conscious chef, restaurant owner with his own sense of mission about subjects close to his heart: linking peoples food to their communities and tackling childhood obesity.

In an interview with the Guardian he speaks about his hopes for his food projects – and the inspiration he gets from his brother. The younger Musk, in addition to his work as a philanthropist, investor and entrepreneur, is a board member at Tesla, SpaceX, the Anschutz Health and Wellness Center and Chipotle Mexican Grill.

Ive always loved food, said Kimbal Musk, a co-founder of The Kitchen family of restaurants in Colorado and elsewhere, which make a point of sourcing from local farmers. Growing up, I cooked in the house, and when I cooked everyone would sit down and eat, and it was just kind of the way I connected with my family. I used to throw cooking parties in university. Everyone would come over sometimes youd just do a mac and cheese, but if you do that better than everyone else you can get people to come to you.

Kimbal Musk is gregarious and charming; his brother is intense and technical. Kimbal made millions working at a startup with Elon, and invested in his brothers biggest dreams along the way – and he is no less dogged about chasing a few of his own.

The differences between the things that give the brothers purpose are striking one Musk works to change the world through high-tech inventions, the other is most passionate about food, about teaching people to grow things and preparing meals that help people find a sense of community. Still, the younger Musk turns to a sports metaphor to explain how, different as they are, hes still learned plenty from his brother, whose business interests at times read like the pursuit of turning science fiction into reality.

When you think about basketball, and you watch someone like Michael Jordan play basketball even if youre a baseball player, theres still a lot to learn from there, Musk said. I really think about him more as my brother, to be quite honest. Its kind of a tough question to answer, because hes been so core to my life that its hard to describe specific things.

Elon clearly trusts his instincts, though, in light of the fact that, should he ever become incapacitated in some way, Kimbal is the SpaceX and Tesla trustee whod lead the task of figuring out what should happen with both companies.

Meanwhile, Kimbal has plenty of his own interests to keep him busy. He co-founded The Kitchen family of restaurants in Boulder in 2004, along with Jen Lewin and Hugo Matheson. It has eight restaurant locations today in Colorado as well as an out-of-town location, in Chicago. In addition to plans to expand in Chicago and Colorado, three new locations are on the drawing board for Memphis over the next couple of years.

The Kitchen actually refers to three related restaurant concepts. Theres The Kitchen, the organizations flagship community bistro, and The Kitchen Upstairs, a cocktail lounge with food prepared in a wood oven and artisan cocktails. Rounding out the list is The Kitchen Next Door, a community pub that serves things like burgers, salads, sandwiches, margaritas and beer.

For its Colorado-area restaurants, The Kitchen claims to source $1 million worth of product from local providers. In the Greater Denver area, The Kitchen serves 17,000 guests per week on average.

In 2011, Musk co-founded The Kitchen Community, a nonprofit that works to bring outdoor gardens Learning Gardens, as theyre called to schools around the country. Three years after its founding, the nonprofit had already built 200 such gardens in Chicago, Los Angeles and Colorado schools, reaching more than 120,000 children.

Its a different world entirely from the more fast-paced tech scene in which he once worked with Elon.

Their early partnership followed the younger Musks graduation from high school in Pretoria and decamping to Toronto to reconnect with his brother. Kimbal graduated from Queens College in 1995, the same year the brothers started the Web-based city guide platform Zip2, a venture which Compaq bought in 1999 for $307m. From there, the younger Musk began investing in tech companies, including Elons X.com, a payments venture eventually renamed as PayPal that eBay would snatch up for $1.5bn.

The brothers worlds diverged when Elon decided after some of his early successes to stay in the Golden State, while Kimbal moved to New York City and enrolled at the French Culinary Institute. He was there in 2001 during the terrorist attacks of September 11 and spent six weeks cooking for firefighters at Ground Zero, a formative moment for him.

My intent had been to go back to tech at some point, Musk said. Cooking for the firefighters, it was this just overwhelming sense of community that was created. Its impossible to describe how intense and awesome it was to see everyone doing that. It was simultaneously the best and worst thing that had ever happened to me to see 9/11 and be part of helping bring people together.

Doing that every day for 10-12 hours a day, six days a week, my brain couldnt go back to tech. I determined right there and then to open a restaurant.

He decided that it wouldnt be in New York, turned off somewhat by the intensity of the city. He instead traveled the country with his wife at the time and settled on Boulder, Colorado.

After Musk co-founded The Kitchen, the organization hummed along steadily for a few years. Then came a ski accident in 2010 that Musk calls a near death experience, one that left him hospitalized for months and helped crystallize his thinking about what would come next for him.

A restaurant, hed decided, could indeed be a positive force in its small corner of the world in things like the customers it touches, in the quality of ingredients it uses and in the care of preparation. But it couldnt really scale the ambition that drives so many entrepreneurs like the Musks, who crave big challenges, big wins.

After the accident, Musk said, I sort of got a new lease on life. I said I now have every excuse in the world to do what I want. And you know what? Im going to work on food culture and help food become fun and part of peoples lives again. The traditional restaurant is more commercial-oriented. But I want community through food.

That gave birth to his garden-focused nonprofit, which, when it comes to a new community, looks to plant 100 gardens at a time. The gardens are a combination play space and outdoor classroom that connect children to the process of growing food and give teachers an outlet for hands-on instruction. And The Kitchen Community raises $35,000 for each garden, a cost that includes everything from landscape design to site prep, while the finished garden can include things like internal irrigation, bench seating and curvilinear plant beds.

A mix of foundations and individual donors funds The Kitchen Communitys efforts across the states where its placed gardens. Today The Kitchen Community has more than 225 Learning Gardens in schools across Colorado, Chicago, Los Angeles and Memphis.

Tackling childhood obesity is a big motivation behind the gardens in schools.

When I look at the problem of obesity, its a depressing problem. So how do you create a solution that delights people? We came up with this design – my ex-wife, who Im still friends with, she knows how to create something where you go, Im so glad this is here. I really want to have this in my school. I want to learn here. The gardens, this is a product that really delights people.

In deciding where to take his garden concept next, geographically, Musk says the organization looks for cities that have foundations that can support a concept like this one. His team also looks at schools with districts amenable to the concept.

Not surprisingly, the level of support from one city to the next varies. If youre in a town like Boulder, he points out, theres not much foundation support from a problem like childhood obesity because its not a place where the problem of obesity is especially acute.

Meanwhile, gardens where children grow food while also learning about science, supporting local farmers and vendors, building operations that transform communities through food these are the among the things that occupy Musks mind, the things he wants to spend his money and time on. Innovation and purpose, to entrepreneurs like him, dont always have to involve gadgets and leaps in science sometimes it starts with a thing as mundane as the food we eat.

For me, I like to think in terms of three months out and 50 years out, Musk said. Three months out is what to do now, 50 years out is what Id like to do before Im dead.

If I look back and see specific communities where I made a difference using food, I will pass very peacefully.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/23/kimbal-musk-takes-the-tech-entrepreneur-ethos-and-applies-it-to-food/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/06/23/kimbal-musk-takes-the-tech-entrepreneur-ethos-and-applies-it-to-food/

Why sex and love dont belong in the same bed

Theres never anything profound about erotic contact. Sex is purely a hormonal act, whereas love, as expressed in a hug, brings true intimacy

Sex sells, they say, and Im as guilty as anyone of finding headlines such as How to keep the sex alive in your marriage irresistible. I pore over these articles, never quite trusting their advice, but still discussing them with my girlfriends ad infinitum.

But is sex really about love, about connecting with your partner in some mysterious, profound way?

No, I dont think it is. I think the 20th century made the whole story up, and we bought it because it suited us. We went from sex-shame to sex-worship in a few heady years.

We are told again and again that sex is communicative. I always think, What are they talking about? Have I ever communicated anything during sex? I dont think so. Some women are confident enough to tell their partners exactly what they want in bed, so yes (I mustnt be totally cynical), you might just communicate as well as you do to a plumber, explaining where a leak is coming from. And just being naked with someone is a real act of trust. But beyond this, I have absolutely no idea what is going on in my partners head when we have sex, and he has absolutely no idea what is going on in mine.

I once risked asking my partner whether he thought sex could ever be spiritual. Spiritual! he laughed. The spirit doesnt enter into it. Sex is about lust, about desire, about a particular physical experience that is intensely pleasurable. Its about Spurs coming top of the league, a good day at work, a way of dealing with surplus emotion which makes you able to sleep well. Sex has never been about the spirit, not for a day!

One of the most alarming things about sex, I find, is the role of fantasy within it. Regardless of whether it is true, we are still taught that sex is about love. There seems to be a huge conflict here. Having sex with one man, thinking of another am I persuaded that counts as loving?

In the early 80s, as part of my training as a probation officer, I learned how to be a sex therapist in a week. No mention of the word love, incidentally: it was all technique and teaching my clients how to fantasise about film stars.

At that time, I thought it was all quite amusing. I was in my 20s, and quite happy to share erotic stories with my then husband, about innocent virgins and their seduction. But now I am 56: and thank God I dont know what goes on in my husbands head.

We were lovers, first, at 20. Is he remembering how smooth and silky and firm my flesh was then, as he feels my middle-aged spread? Is he thinking of the lovely young woman whos just started at his work, the one who is turning everyones head? Or is he just away with the fairies? I once asked him what it felt like as a man to have sex and he told me he felt like a bicycle tyre being blown up. Oddly, I found this hugely reassuring. It could have been so much worse.

And what if he could see what was in my head? What if he knew I was thinking of a scene from a Japanese pornographic movie I saw yonks ago? I complain that sex is not communicative except in the most mundane ways. But what if it really was? What if, at the end of the sex act, we swapped printouts of what we were honestly thinking about, whether that consisted of shopping lists or secret objects of lust? Would we feel closer, more loved by our partners? Or would we feel undermined, betrayed, jealous, appalled?

Sex is not about souls. We have sexual desire when we want to have sex, not when we love someone. If that wasnt the case, it would be the oldies who were all having rampant sex after 40 years of a happy marriage, whod be the writers of agony columns advising those poor young people how being kind and considerate and bringing a cup of tea to their partner in bed will really get the pulse racing.

The older I get, the more sceptical I get. Sex is a neutral and colourless thing, and a higher or lower sex drive is caused by hormones that are hard to control. For hundreds of years, societies and religions have tried to harness this drive. But for the past 60 years, we in the west have been quite sure we know best: every other age and culture has been wrong. We are right. Sex is the most profound form of human love, the deepest expression. What a load of nonsense. How were we ever taken in? Because we wanted permission to have a good time.

Sex is not about souls, its about bodies, and the thing about bodies is that they are objects: dont complain about men treating them as such, we women treat them like objects, too. We pierce them, tattoo them, adorn them, beautify them to our hearts content. I was bemoaning this fact to a gay friend of mine, saying: Its dreadful and destructive what modern culture would have us believe. By conflating sex and love, we have young people wanting plastic surgery to change their bodies. They think that by having surgery theyll become more shaggable, and therefore more lovable. Isnt that pathetic?

He said to me: Of course sex is about bodies. And what are the young people who dont want surgery so complacent about? We have the technology. They should be having surgery, too.

I am such a romantic. I believe in love from the bottom of my heart. Theres a couple in our village who have been married for 60 years: I watch them walking their dog every morning, hand in hand. Where has that kind of love gone to? Will we ever get back there again?

Nowadays, for people who have been married for a long time, sex is the minefield that separates them. Everyone feels they ought to be having it, ought to be enjoying it, that it ought to be an expression of their love. They are too tired for groundbreaking sex, but they hunger for affection. Human beings crave to hold and be held, but we stay on our side of the bed in case a sexual performance is demanded. Its all a very sad and sorry story.

How did we get here? Where did we go wrong? Why are so many relationships just so fragile?

Love and erotic love are two very different emotions I would argue they are almost contrary. Love proper is to do with the other person: it is about the care, respect and understanding of that human other. Love like this grows, it cannot help it. The more of yourself you invest in another person, the more you receive. You become as one: their pain is your pain, their joy, yours too.

Erotic love, on the other hand, is about wanting something.

The French are right: you cannot desire what you already have. In fact, another article I recently devoured was written by a French sex therapist. It was about how to have a fulfilling sex life in your 60s. I wanted to disparage it, as I do all the others, but she was absolutely right: keep yourself in trim, buy sex toys, watch pornography, have an affair if you dare, keep yourself aloof from your husband, sleep in a separate bed, use a separate bathroom. And certainly dont allow your husband into your innermost thoughts.

I put the paper down and I thought, Thats all very well, and true, but who would want a marriage like that?

Marriages all about me fail: every time, its unbearable to me, the children are always distraught as mine were when I divorced and sex, in one guise or another, is always the reason. Either one of the partners has fallen in love with someone else (ie, fancies someone rotten and wants to pursue it), or there is simply a mismatch (and perhaps only temporary) of libido. I just dont buy the deep incompatibility malarkey love and sex being bedfellows, the one reflecting the other. Its far more likely youre working too hard or have got young children.

If you want a good marriage, forget the hysteria about sex. Just take care of your partner, have a good chat, make sure theyre OK, and give them a good, felt, daily hug.

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