#i can just enjoy it at my own pace
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hello. um. sorry for disappearing for like two months. imagine me getting hit with a truck called “The Worst Creative Block In Your Life” and getting thrown headfirst into the gintama rabbit hole. it’s quite cozy down here. i think i need help.
anyways, have a bunch of accumulated doodles plus this terrifying kagura as apology tehe :3
#well tbh the trigun fandom kinda burned me out as well#i couldn’t really keep up so i just. didn’t lol#kinda hated drawing for a bit after that but gintama’s been really good for me in that way#while i still really really wanna draw for it and i have a ton of doodles for it#i don’t really feel the need to keep up in a sense#i can just enjoy it at my own pace#(at my own pace being binging like 10 episodes a day)#but hey i need to at least try and take it easy before college yk#but now im horrifically attached to the entire cast and will cry if this so called comedy series even becomes a hint emotional#so you know#the usual#thanks for sticking around regardless!#i know i kinda flip flop a bunch between interests#but im glad to know you guys still wanna stick with me through them all#ily <3#sakata gintoki#kagura#shimura shinpachi#yorozuya#gintama#ok bye
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Oscurucho: Welcome back, brother.
Cucurucho: What.
Oscurucho: Not even a "Good morning"? How cold.
Here's Cucurucho and Oscurucho's long lore conversation from yesterday! The entire conversation lasted about 8 minutes, but most of that time was just silence between each exchange, so I edited out the long pauses and got it down to ~3 minutes. I also fixed the audio levels and added subtitles since I personally find it difficult to understand Oscurucho sometimes :'D
I hope folks find this helpful!
[ Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]
-
Oscurucho: Welcome back, brother.
Cucurucho: What.
Oscurucho: Not even a "Good morning"? How cold.
[They enter Cucurucho's office]
Oscurucho: I wanted to see if you're still as rigid in your beliefs as ever. You see, I've been thinking about our... Let's call it "philosophical divergence." You stand for order, for predictability. But where's the fun in that? You see, brother, while you build, I ponder the beauty in tearing down. It's not just destruction - it's rebirth. A chance to remake things in a more... thrilling image.
[...]
Oscurucho: You once had a backbone for our cause. Now, I see a softness in you, a sentimental weakness for those Eggs. Mere experiments, and yet - they've softened you.
Cucurucho: Your vision obstructs the path to perfection. You fail to understand the potential of the Eggs.
Oscurucho: Potential? They're but catalysts for change - for revolution. Without them, stagnation reigns.
[...]
Oscurucho: You chase perfection, I embrace the beauty of flaws. Your world is one of order, mine thrives in chaos. You wish for everything to run smoothly, I dream of watching it all burn to the ground. We may share a name, but our souls are worlds apart. All your efforts, all for what? Mere acknowledgment from a Duck who told you to do it? Imagine the possibilities - rather, show me where it is, and I'll do the rest.
[...]
Oscurucho: Speaking of possibilities, I couldn't help but notice how easily others can access the island. It seems your security measures aren't as impenetrable as you think.
Cucurucho: No. My island's vulnerabilities are of your own making. Do not mistake restraint for ignorance.
Oscurucho: Pity. But then again, I never really needed your approval. Just consider: Cucurucho - in your quest for order, have you not sown the seeds of your own undoing? Do you genuinely trust all your Federation minions?
Cucurucho: ...
Oscurucho: Perhaps it's time you question not just my intentions, but those who you believe stand with you.
Cucurucho: That is none of your business, I shall say. Now, leave me alone and try to disturb someone else.
#Cucurucho#Oscurucho#QSMP#December 21 2023#Edited#Subtitles#For those who like knowing the gritty details and specifics about the things I did for this video -#I adjusted Cucurucho's volume because they were very quiet compared to Oscurucho#I fixed the sound direction (for lack of a better word) of Oscurucho's voice b/c he was speaking through my right headphone 90% of the time#so now it's more of a ''centered'' audio rather than a right ear or left ear thing#I added subtitles (obviously)#I fixed the camera a bit so it's more focused on Cucurucho / Oscurucho#and I adjusted the translator box so that even with the crop; they're all still included#usually they get cut out when I edit things because I'm just focused on the characters; but then one day I was like#''Why am I cropping out this thing that specifically helps people understand the story better?''#So moving forward I'll see if I can do what I did here and add translation boxes as their own ''layer'' overlaying the clip itself#for big lore videos anyways or for clips with long conversations at least#I jokingly said to myself ''I bet I'll wind up shaving 5 minutes off this'' and I was right lol#I enjoy the official QSMP streams but one major critique I have is that the pacing was a bit slow in one or two streams#which is understandable considering many admins have to write in books (which takes time) and translate things (which takes even more time)#And that's valid! But in the last stream (the one with Elena) for example; many scenes dragged on far too long#and it wasn't because people were taking extra long to write books or translate things. It was purely a matter of pacing#idk I'm a professional writer and editor so I'm extra nitpicky about things like that. I think it's something that's pretty easy to fix tho#This is just my critique in terms of the story pacing - like I said; the time it takes them to write / translate stuff is understandable#this is more of a comment on the overall pacing#anyways rant over#Today's stream had much better pacing! Still a bit slow (again; I cut 5 minutes from this conversation)#but that's due to the communication medium (TTS) so that's understandable. That's valid. I'm not fussed about it; that felt natural#Take all the time you need kings it's hard to translate things on the fly. I get it.#Portfolio
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Pokémon said bisexual rights 🫵✨✨✨
#fluff binges !!!#treating myself to more Horizons eps since I had a pretty awful past week mentally and need a pick-me-up#I keep smiling so wide while watching this series it's just so lighthearted and sweet#and can get unexpectedly resonant at times (I'd honest to god tear up from Liko's moments early on because right now identity's something--#--I'm deeply struggling with - so seeing her always want to try and find out more about the kind of trainer she wants to be hits close)#this series is comforting to me and I get to enjoy it at my own time and pace 💖💕✨#(that may seem like a superficial thing but I've been through a lot lately aight I'm taking the little joys I can)#(and frankly I've been............... hiding out from other places because I just. need time away from things)#(so let me be silly on my lil blog here this is like a safe space heehaw 💃💃💃)#but anyways Horizons is for the queers amen#I'm not going insane right like . y'all see the queer-coding in other episodes tooSDKJFSJNDFNS#I also say bisexual Orio because of her talking about Friede earlier on there were sparks aiiiight they're cute#pokemon horizons#anipoke#pokeani#orio pokemon
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four years for this show...
#IM SORRY. ITS JUST. IM SO. HHHHHRGN#its fine. its good. its entertaining to say the least#but from a writing perspective......#im not an anti i am the worlds biggest helluva boss enjoyer the hellaverse is SO SPECIAL TO ME#but.. the more i see about hazbin s1......#how in over four years was this what you came up with. how is the pacing this insane. how is this character treatment ok.... PLEASE#my sorta toxic trait is that as someone obsessed with media analysis; narrative devices; and story structure -#as well as just. someone who is an aspiring showrunner/creator working on my own huge projects -#is that every time i come across a movie or show that i think is done in a really lacking way. all i can think about is how i would#have done it instead#(this happens in a non-critical way too tbf if i really enjoy a book or game i'll be like they should let me make a based on film)#but hazbin. hazbin. all i have right now is 'i could fix her' in my head#I WOULD TREAT THESE CHARACTERS RIGHT I WOULD GIVE THEM THE NARRATIVE THEY DESERVE#there is. so much potential here. how is the execution so lacking#mine#good ideas!!!! good moments!!!!!!!! THE OVERALL CONSISTENT NARRATIVE IS NOT DOING SO HOT#as a side note though i really think this is why helluva is doing so much better in terms of pacing and writing. the structure of that show#is so much more accommodating to a long intricate story WHILE weaving in a billion different character stories#8 episodes for hazbin is insane season 1 needed twice as much#nyx crit tag
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Holy shit, we got not only one really lovely cake but we got ANOTHER cake announced! :]
#hlvrai#i was in that chat and i closed it after a bit because everyone getting mad at each other instead of enjoying BBVRAI was a little upsetting#I hope that people can let BBVRAI stand on its own too as a work of art [which it is put the gun down its performance art like all rtvs-#high concept streams and it can go ANYWHERE at ANY time.]#But im glad after a while it just became people really enjoying it and getting into it#im glad it was my introduction to breaking bad and it was really well paced and genius and well put together. I dont need to watch the-#series now.
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Really wish Mattel would slow down on the releases. Frankenstein and his Bride just came out a matter of days ago, and now Holiday Draculaura is out. On top of all the G3 releases we just got, and are expecting to get, it's a lot.
#monster high#mattel#monster high dolls#let us breathe people!#i know holiday drac isnt a skullector doll but i just know she's gonna sell out just as fast as the reel drama dolls#if not faster#this is one aspect of being a collector i dont enjoy...#buying dolls second hand is one thing but feeling this pressure to keep up with doll releases is too much#at least with bratz the dolls are limited releases#all of the collector dolls they've released are still available so i can buy them at my own pace#but with mh if you dont have the money the minute these guys drop you're shit outta luck#hell even if you do have the money bots and scalpers snatch em up#well this turned into a vent#its okay tho i start my new job next week#bought myself a bratz doll as a prize
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part of the problem is that my struggling w university is like. actively rotting my love of classics bc whenever I try to think about classics it's inherently tied up in this feeling of guilt & failure I'm experiencing in my academic work
#I need to get out of academics rlly bad haha. I'm just not suited to it at all & I'm really tired#I need like. a job that has clear cut hours so I can come home in the evening & read things at my own pace w/o everything hanging over me#I think I could learn to enjoy it all again if I could do that#thoughts
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not to jinx myself but i think i feel like giffing again
#sasa talks#said as if i hadnt been giffing anyway but uh i pretty much lost the drive after pb ended#you can tell bc i still havent finished some gifsets from that#ive just been doing random gifsets at my own pace#but now im looking forward to it again and enjoying the process so i guess im back??
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well damn. the coworker i work most closely with who hardly pulls his weight and always has hella judgy vibes is finally quitting. about damn time. it's gonna be rough until they find someone new (and hopefully doesn't take them as long as they took to find me) but i can handle the workload for a while. it'll really only be harder because i won't get to really take more than a lunch break, but let's be real, it's only like a 25% increase in workload ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
all things considered though, it is just a reminder that i don't want to stay in this role forever. i was bored with this role when i got this job, and as much as i enjoy the general pace and the work i do, i'm bored! it's nice having downtime, and i don't take it for granted, but when there is stuff to do, i don't really find it engaging anymore. i'm ready for new challenges. and i really hope that role opening up in fall is the one for me- if not, it'll be a step to the next opportunity.
life's good right now, and with this work change i'm worried that it's gonna end up being too much on my plate and unbalance me, but i'll take it as it comes. i'm finally fucking starting to make friends here, and i'm really excited about it. just before the pandemic hit, i was working up to going out and meeting people, and i'm finally ready again. it feels good. and i don't feel like i've been set on fire after hanging out with this group. we're going to an escape room in a few weeks! life is good!
#narrating my life#work stuff's gonna be rough for a bit but on the plus side i might be switching to 4/10s for a while#and i'm sure it'll wipe me out for a few weeks until i get used to it#but i can reliably Do Things when i have 3day weekends! and if i'm making friends...?#i've been trying to consciously enjoy these moments because i've been feeling so good#and it feels like some big changes are coming#i'm really looking forward to my walk to work tomorrow morning#(and no judgy kid tomorrow! just meeee! to work at my own pace and not have to listen to his awful music!!!)#(and put up with his rancid vibes!!!)
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so I picked up the piano again after not touching it for a couple of years. I never properly learned music theory – I know a couple of basics, but not nearly enough – and I've made up my mind to properly learn the basics and maybe more. I know I might not need deep knowledge of music theory to learn a couple of songs on the piano but I am unable to half ass things lmao and also I want to properly do this, I think it's a beautiful instrument and it's worth the mental effort lol. but as with learning anything through the internet I'm preparing myself for a lot of confusion before it all becomes clear
#like i dont even have a proper piano it's almost a toy i got when i was like. 11 and decided i want to learn to play#which im very grateful i made that decision but also#i have to get over this thing. this thing of needing to master everything in order to enjoy it#i wont be a pianist. i dont want to. but a part of me is always going to br frustrsted i never got a proper music education#which is stupid and not the point of a hobby at all#anyone could learn to play at any age#and i actually have a good head start#i just. get overwhelmed. by things im supposed to enjoy.#but i want to make the effort to take things slow and play at my own pace#my sight reading is horrible for example it takes me forever to read the notes and i dont know them all by heart#i literally have to count up from middle c with a pencil on the sheet lmao#but also. it really is fun. and its so nice to know i can create this music.#and its gonna give me something to learn outside of uni#which starts in less than a week#so. there's that.#mine.txt
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darkest dungeon is sooooo fun I'm so bad at it but it's so fun
#RIPS OPEN SHIRT TO REVEAL INNER SHIRT THAT READS 'I ❤️ TURN BASED BATTLE SYSTEMS THAT AREN'T REAL TIME BASED'#i didn't think I'd enjoy it just because. the rotting and decaying vibe is usually not my thing. but it's played up so much in this game#that it's kindof hilarious#i have like no money all the time all my characters hit for jack and shit damage i had three bad bitches die already but im havingthe tim#e of my life#shout out to the plague doctor bitch who started out with a simultaneous god complex and extreme self loathing#and had a penalty to ranged attacks despite being in a fully ranged class#who lasted all of two excursions before getting a heart attack and dying of stress. she was so iconic.#but yeah i love strategizing and thinking things through. the game is hard-- there are a lot of moving parts to keep track of#but bc it's turn based you can kinda keep track of them and strategize at your own pace#so basically it never feels fully unfair. and even if you eat shit and TPK it's not the end of the world#aside from the plague doctor who blew up and acted likw she didn't know nobody my favourite classes so far have been#the paladin and the cleric. also i got the dlc and the shieldbuster(?) class is crazy good#my posts#OH also i love the class thats just a guy and his dog.#not much damage without setup but being able to take hits in place of a beat up ally while having a super dodge status is so fun
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i have a myriad of thoughts but none of them have enough merit to post individually so heres the bullets
• kind of losing my mind at the fact that mindcrack 3 takes place before villagers are added to the game
• obsessed with bdubs meeting thejims and immediately developing a homoerotic thing with him when he gives him a diamond sword and professes his love for him
• ive been so busy irl lately that i havent been watching anything, which means im gonna be terminally online for the next week since i need to recharge
#i was gonna make ANOTHER post about this but it kinda relates to the last bullet point which is that#i love passively watching old ethubs content#just having it running in the background near constantly is. really nice LOL#u know for like 8 years of my life i was a huge captain sparklez fan#but i never interacted w fandom because i literally didnt think a captain sparklez fandom existed#and it was so nice to just enjoy the content without the pressure of constantly being caught up#if i wanted to go back and rewatch old series i could do that#nobody was telling me ‘nooo u have to watch among us stream number 387 u wont believe what noah pikaclicks said’#it was fucking awesome#and im kind of having that peace with old ethubs content#like. i can watch it at whatever pace i want!#the only thing fueling me to get thru it is my own desire to actually watch it#which is admittedly getting me really far KSDGDGFHJ#all of this to say#the pace that ive been watching ethubs shit at feels really cozy and familiar#oh my god will i ever learn to shut the hell up
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I think the moment you stop thinking of every joyful activity in terms of how far away you are from an unreachable goal (instead of enjoying a book, you think about how you'll never be able to read every book written ever; instead of enjoying a craft, you think about how many things you don't know about it and how you'll never be able to make everything you want, etc), and learn to slow down and just enjoy the process of doing it, you'll feel much happier.
#dan talks#art#crafts#books#i used to do that w books until i realized i can just. read whatever at my own pace#enjoy it more and be happier#and when i see people obsessing and unhappy over how theyll never read everything#i feel sooo sad for them like. youre diminshing ur joy!!! w unnecessary panicking!!!#maybe its the fact i believe in multiple lives or whatever but. i do believe nothing is achieved#by panicking over how much ahsnt been done#and how much will never be done#or maybe thats me being disabled and having to come to terms w things ill never be able to do#either way#try to live in the moment of joy and not think of these impossible goals
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I'm such a nerd. I'm so into this contemplation of if physics rules exist at all that the books going for now.
Also, in another life (or who knows maybe in 10 years in my own) I could be Wang Miao, which may make his pov hit me more intimately than it ought to. I also did what he did while liking art on the side, I also focused more on practical and problem solving rather than theoretical whys.
Also. I'm very curious of the authors science background.
#lb#three body problem#like. how much science stuff has cixin liu read? did he work in physics? study it?#just work a lot with it as a hobby before writing? cause this is nice#also hes very good with words I Personally think. i enjoy the style.#how can i describe it? okay so i read a great novel before this with its own voice#but i could tell it still sort of clung to a Very Standard American Novel Popular 100 format of descriptions#the descriptions were Snappy and original#but the sentence structure was So Uniform and Formulaic#when compared to me (or edgar allan poe) who break sentences up like poems#in a way where sentence length and word order and punctuation are used to make u Feel Certain things#cixin liu actually does this trick too! not as extremely as i do it#but his paragraphs vary in length partly to SLAM you at points. and to put in poignant lines and quotes and info#which is very good to ME i enjoy pacing greatly when done this way#also he picks lovely words#though sentence structure isnt as varied as my preference. its like i said still varyjng paragraph and sentence Ends#to have an effect
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i think the best thing for my mental health would be to quit my jobs move out of my parents house shave my entire head go completely mia for like a month and then come back and get a job as a janitor or something and tell everyone a fake name and completely reinvent myself. i think that might fix me
#whiskey yelling into the void#unfortunately. i am Stuck#give me a job ppl look down on gimme one with no customer service that people overlook all the time and let me exist where no one can see m#let me publish a book under a pseud and become a world renowned author without ever showing my face#let me shave my entire head and let my hair grow out again at its own pace#let me never ever ever work at a bank ever again#i wanna get a tattoo. should i do that. i'm scared of needles and pain but i want to#tw sh talk AGAINNNN>>>#i guess me breaking my six month sh free streak is just. me wanting some control over my life and my body. i think.#my parents would question everything if i decided to pack up and get a different job they might support me yeah but they would have Opinion#i just want to live somewhere else i want to exist on my own maybe with roommates maybe alone idk i need Something#i want to come out and be publicly transmasc#but the Questions i would get#i'm not thriving i am surviving i'm not living i'm existing i don't want to just exist i want to enjoy my life#i. don't know how long i can stand this. i need to get out of here
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Template over on Twitter!
So - this year has been an odd one for me art-wise. You can clearly see I was very much conflicted on what to focus on, and I kinda. Jumped between fandoms and interests, they came and left very quickly.
Ended up settling with Pokemon for a good long while, did a Mismagius gijinka and made a few OCs. I- don’t quite know how I got into the Kirby fandom, I think it was just one of those ‘I remember some silly Meta Knight moments’ from the anime and watched it + fell in love, then bought Forgotten Land which was my first Kirby game, I ADORE IT - phenomenal first Kirby experience - and I know about Return to Dreamland thanks to a playthrough I watched years ago.
And seeing many many people’s fan characters here, and seeing people give them story and depth and it just- spiraled from there, so here I am, nose-deep into making Quiver Knight and Robin content, and am slowly - very slowly - getting back my love for art, which I more or less lost for almost 3 years now.
So really - huge thank you to my friends on Discord, and a thank you to you all as well for enjoying my content, it makes me so, so happy people enjoy the chaos I pull <333
Here’s to a productive 2023!!
#so i guess i just spent this year really trying to get my footing back#and for the first time in actual years i feel like i finally have some sort of grip on irl things#as well as you can at least skjghsd controlled chaos i call it#its 2AM I am an emotional wreck rn#im just happy to finally be able to enjoy art again after years of it feeling like a chore#so tldr thank you all and i'll keep making more at my own pace <333
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