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saltpepperbeard · 4 years

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A Jotato’s THG Story (novel?)

So a few days ago, the lovely @everlarkedalways asked me to Weave My THG Tale™. And, in being VERY on brand in regards for my THG Story, I’m late to the party lol! Mostly because of work, partly because I was avoiding Ballad spoilers, and a tad bit because...I’m a potato. BUT, now that I am free of any large projects and finally have Ballad in my hands, I’m finally able to look past my potato roots and talk about how a certain wATER POTATO ARCHER CHANGED MY LIFE lmao.

Ara has jokes though, let me tell you. “Keep it short” l m a o; THIS IS ABOUT TO BE A NOVEL AND WE KNOW IT. ARE YOU READING BALLAD? HERE’S A NEW 500 PAGE BOOK FOR YOU TBH-

I’ve told this story a few times before, but it’s always delightful to look back on things and see all the twists and turns I’ve experienced with this franchise. The most notable being, I started out HATING Hunger Games lol!

I was in ninth grade when THG started to become like, a global phenomenon. Everyone was reading it, everyone was talking about it, and it was everywhere. And for whatever reason, instead of actually sitting down and, idk, GIVING IT A TRY LMAO, my reaction instead was to DESPISE IT. Guess it was that edgy, irate, “I’m ABOVE the general masses ha look at me,” fresh-out-of-middle-school mentality. And also, my justification for hating it so much was along the lines of, “Wow it’s just a series about kids killing each other? WHAT’S THE APPEAL???”

Which like fjlksjdksds...If I could look back on my early 2012 self?

She had no idea what was in store for her lmao.

Anyway, the premiere of the movie came and went, and I was still hard set in my ways. THAT WAS, until that same summer. I can’t exactly remember which clips I stumbled upon first? But I know I came across the Joshifer+Liz Banks interview, and also a ton of Perfectly Legal Movie Clips™ on YouTube. Both of which silently chained my soul without me realizing LMAO. I remember thinking that the main actors were so cute and played off each other well (AGAIN LMAO, GIRL, BIG STORM COMING), and also remember being totally intrigued by all the clips I watched. It was mainly clips of Katniss in the arena, and I think it made me realize that wow hey, there’s an ACTUAL STORY HERE, WITH A FEMALE PROTAGONIST NO LESS.

The story gets a tad fuzzy for me here, but I do believe I got the books and quickly read through them shortly after I essentially watched the entire movie on YouTube through clips jdksljdks. I can’t really recall what I thought about the books really? Because, I think I BREEZED through them. I was so excited that I just ZOOMED TF THROUGH. I inhaled the series in one GIANT GULP. I think I even read THG in a single day jdlsjklaads. It definitely wasn’t a cautious read through to get a better sense of the detail and literary devices.

BUT, despite my excitement, I still hadn’t reached the God Tier “OBSESSIVE” stage yet. The light bulb hadn’t fully come on yet. It wasn’t until late 2013 when Catching Fire came out that I REALLY STARTED TO GO BALLISTIC LMAO. Actually, one of my fondest THG memories comes from this time, because I think it was really like, the OFFICIAL starting block for my obsession.

I was riding on a bus to a Theatre Competition, and my best friend had just gotten the CF Soundtrack for us to listen to. I remember being absolutely enamored with it- Mirrors, We Remain, and Lean in particular. And idk, something at that point just kind of told me that Catching Fire was going to be my anchor. Sure enough, after the competition was over, said friend and I went to go see the movie together.

And I astral projected lmao. I ACHIEVED HUNGER GAMES ENLIGHTENMENT. THE LIGHT BULB SWITCHED TF ON.

I was quick to see it again the following day, and I think saw it another two times in theaters after that. I also started drawing fanart of it, and looking for more pictures/interviews. And the want for more content, the DESIRE to go crazy about it, is what eventually lead me to finding the fandom here on Tumblr. I had had a Tumblr since 2012, but never really used it with a purpose. But when I realized there were people posting all sorts of stuff about THG? Boom- another light bulb. I followed tons of people, and officially changed my url to what it is today. “Star’s” for my internet alias at the time, and “Mahogany” for my love of Effie/that Iconic Line.

HOWEVER LOL, Tumblr would lead me towards a different side, something I didn’t expect to get pulled into so hard at all. Because, I distinctly remember coming on one night in December of 2013, and seeing @joshmopolitan and a few others posting about Josh going to the UK game. And that of course, lead me down the Celebrity Rabbit Hole, and lead me towards the Chaotic, Wonderful, Crazy-

JOSHIFER FANDOM.

((Also, before you crinkle your nose, *raises cane* BACK IN MY DAY, EVERYONE SHIPPED JOSHIFER LOL. *Snow voice* DON’T LIE. Like, everyone thought they were cute to some sort of degree, or believed they were going to get together. Shoutout to the Joshifer Golden Days, man.))

And thank goodness for it tbh. Because it was JUST when I was itching to write fanfiction with everyone else, and just when I was struggling HARDCORE with writing Everlark. @joshmopolitan and @youarebeingridiculous were sort of my introductions into RPF, with @youarebeingridiculous giving me nudges towards my first Everlark fic, before also nudging me towards my first Joshifer fic. And when my first Joshifer fic garnered attention/when I had a blast writing it? ANOTHER. LIGHT. BULB LOL.

So I was dead af from that point on. I was absolutely drawn in. Even though I was still invested in THG, Joshifer was definitely my main focus from 2014-2016ish. I was there for the typical ship wars, there to read and write all the fanfiction, there to read all the theories, and there to partake in all the crazy moments. Shoutout to Cannes 2014 in particular lmao; I was in the car and my phone started going off like CRAZY, with many of my friends SCREAMING at me about the events/articles that had transpired.

Being attached to Joshifer also allowed me to write my first, and so far only, full length, These Words are a Lie. It started out as just a four part series, two parts of which I actually published. Befffooorrre getting to the third part and realizing I had WAY too much to deal with/explain/write, which consequently lead to me pulling them down and expanding upon them! And thus my messy, lovely, 25 chapter peanut journey started lmao. Though I look back on it now and realize how disjointed it was, I’m so thankful I was able to see that story completely through. I’m also very thankful for the SUPPORT and following it got. Wouldn’t have gotten through without y’all!

ANYWAY LMAO, because this is my THG story and not my Joshifer story, let’s get back to that. 2014 was WHACK because...LG was utterly tripping with its promotional material. And to think, it was just the START of odd/lacking promo, seeing as they were SOMEHOW WORSE WITH MJ2 LMAO. But even though I was incredibly salty at the time, it was so fun to be mad and chomping at the bit with everyone else lol. The SUFFERING OF NOT HAVING ANY NEW CONTENT BROUGHT US CLOSER TOGETHER. Also, going to Best Buy to watch the teaser trailer under Heavy Guard??? Was an EXPERIENCE LOL??? But man was I so stoked to get my poster and pin, because that was some of the first merch I got!

ALSO, MJ1 was the time where I got the idea to create a small YouTube series called “Tributes React.” I really really wish I could have been in the fandom earlier, because it would have been, dare I say, FIRE LOL to react to more than just the MJ1 and MJ2 trailers. But it was so so fun regardless, and everyone’s participation was incredible! And now all of our early, embarrassing, INTENSE fangirling is stuck here/memorialized forever PFFFF.

And, not to mention, Fran Solo himself watched one of them. Someone tweeted the video at him, and he tweeted back that it made all the hard times worth it. MY GREATEST FANDOM ACCOMPLISHMENT RIGHT THERE???

And finally getting to watch MJ1 in theaters lmao omg. I went with my friend before, and also one of my guy friends. And the entire time, he was HARD STARING AT ME WAITING FOR ME TO CRY LOL. SO HE COULD TEASE ME. AND HE GOT HIS WISH BECAUSE OF COURSE THE LAST 30 MINUTES OR SO UTTERLY RUINED ME. I remember shivering so so SO bad when the rescue mission for Peeta started, and having to hold my friends’ hands when they were creeping through the Tribute Center, and utterly SOBBING when Peeta attacked Katniss. Because...hello...I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again...WAY WAY MORE INTENSE THAN THE BOOK LMAO??

And then came the beginning of the end. I remember that promo time was even DRYER for MJ2 lmao, and that we were all DYING. Like, I think the big trailer didn’t release until like, SEPTEMBER??? WHICH...LG WHAT THE ACTUAL-

And we were also back to watching trailers in Best Buys jfkssdkdlsk. My Best Buy was also DUMB and didn’t have any posters, but @infinitegraces was awesome enough to send me numerous copies! Bless you, thank you; I had them on my wall all through college lol! DESPITE THEM BEING A HAUNTING REMINDER OF HOW HARD LG SMACKED US LMAO.

Despite my salt towards the INITIAL promo though, the premieres and what not definitely lead to MJ2 having a special place in my heart. I had just gone off to college, and was a timid, lonely little freshman with nowhere to turn. But the fandom was there for me, and MJ2 promos/premieres gave me something to be excited for. It all kept me going through that ROUGH first semester, and was there for me before I met my best friends. So thank you MJ2, and thank you all for sharing that excitement with me! <3

Also, I’d like to mention that I was SO desperate to continue the tradition of seeing the premiere with my friend thaaaaatttt...I left for Thanksgiving break two or three days early/skipped class JUST to make it back home in time to see it with her lol! I WASN’T HERE TO PLAY GAMES, Y’ALL. THG > ACADEMICS APPARENTLY PFFFF.

After that though, things kind of quieted down. I found friends and activities in college, the movies were done, and Joshifer was dying out. It lead me to use Tumblr sporadically, not posting AS much as I had before. I still had tons of love for everything, and still enjoyed coming on whenever I did!

Then I sort of stumbled upon our “renaissance,” like the lovely @everlarkedalways posting re-reads and re-watches. It tugged me in again, and made me excited to post content! I also branched out and began to write Everlark, and began talking about them/the books/meta more than I did in my earlier years.

And of course, said renaissance lead me to attending TOASTCON LMAO. Which I somehow managed to name. On accident. *Dabs unironically*

That of course, was such an amazing experience. Going to movie filming sites has always been on my bucket list, so getting to go to HUNGER GAMES SITES??? WITH FANDOM PEOPLE???? GOD TIER??????

I was also suffering from major panic/anxiety problems that summer, having just graduated college and being thrown out in the Real World™. So once again, THG and its fandom were there for me when nothing else could be. And despite me feeling off mentally, despite me feeling plagued by fatigue, I still thoroughly enjoyed meeting everyone/having such a once in a lifetime experience. Also, getting to FLEX on my friends when we watch the movies and go like “I WAS THERE! I WAS THERE!! I WAS THERE!!!” is...A Time PFFFF.

Then of course, I started working a full time job, and shifted a bit away from Tumblr/the fandom. Not DELIBERATELY; more like, I was too Mentally Tired to really do much after work. But now that Ballad is here, and now that we have new content once more? I feel like I’m waking back up. Hell, I even went to Atlanta to see MORE film sites right before the virus started to make its rounds.

And so here I am lol! A SEASONED THG VET WITH SEVEN YEARS AND COUNTING UNDER MY BELT. I would very much love to tag everyone who had an impact on me, and/or who I’ve interacted with and shared fun times with over the years. But A. Everyone really out here CONSTANTLY CHANGING THEIR URL’s, and B. The number would be Too Great and I would inevitably forget someone on accident.

SO THEN, if you’re reading this, and we’ve ever shared some kind of THG experience together, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. THG has been such a wondrous experience for me, and it’s lead me to meet all sorts of amazing, talented individuals. It’s also been there for me during darker times, and has supported me in every way possible.

I love you all, I love being here, and HERE’S TO MANY MORE TAGS/RAMBLES IN THE FUTURE LOL! Like lmao, a new movie, you guys??? WHAT??? TRIBUTES REACT ANYONE???

-Jotato Out <3

#Jodi rambles #Like #REALLY //REALLY// RAMBLES LOL #thg #THG Story #holy shit i'm so tired katniss #i've been writing for an HOUR LOL #I'M SO OUT OF PRACTICE WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING SPRINTS MAN #MY 2014 SELF IS TELLING ME TO STOP COMPLAINING BECAUSE SHE WOULD WRITE FOR EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT GJSKLDJSK #I'M RUSTY LOL #RUSTY I TELL YOU #also this is probably littered with typos #what with my Clumsy Thumbsies #but here we are lmao #There's also even MORE stuff I have mention tbh #LIKE I NEARLY FORGOT TRIBUTES REACT LMAO SO I MEAN #WHAT OTHER MEMORIES DID I MISS #WHO CAN SAY #2014-2016 WAS UTTERLY CHALKED FULL

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dust2dust34 · 7 years

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Pieces of Always: July 2035, Part 2 (FICoN ‘verse)

Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows.

by @so-caffeinated and @dust2dust34

Summary: Ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens. (You do not need to have read FiCoN to enjoy this, but it will spoil the end. Please see the first installment for additional author notes. Thank you @jsevick and @alizziebyanyothername for the amazing beta!)

A/N: Please see the first chapter for an important Author’s Note, as well as under the cut for an additional one.

A/N: I am taking more of a beta role for right now. The effervescent @so-caffeinated is fully in the driver’s seat (all the Ameliam, omg) and she’s kicking all the ass, so please go send her your love!

Excerpt:

“I did promise you a dance,” Will murmurs, offering his hand to Amelia. She only hesitates a second before placing her fingers in his.

“You did,” she agrees quietly as he helps her up. He doesn’t back up as she stands and it puts them in closer proximity than it should, close enough to make people talk and to make his grandmother huff in distaste. But he doesn’t give a damn that it’s borderline inappropriate. The heat of her body washes over him and, when he breathes in, the scent of her perfume makes him dizzy. He’ll take that over propriety any day… especially because she makes no move to back off, either.

“So, dance with me, Amelia?” he asks.

His voice is soft and heavy, his face utterly serious for once, and there’s no doubt that he’s asking for more than a dance, but he’ll take whatever she’s willing to give.

(read on AO3)

July 2035 - So Close But So Far Away, Part 2

Lillie’s annoyance level is entirely justified. Tonight has been, by far, the worst Will’s ever treated a date and, even though that was entirely unintentional, he still feels the need to make up for it.

“You’re an absolute saint for putting up with me tonight, you know that, right?” he asks, pouring her a very full glass of champagne.

“I think we both know I sin a little too much for that,” she replies with a raised eyebrow and a smirk as she takes the outstretched glass. “But you can keep piling on the compliments. I am really enjoying them.”

“You’re also incredibly charming,” he points out, serving himself a glass, as well.

“Well, your stepmother seemed to agree,” Lillie says. “She told me that at least twice between some really unfortunate mini-speeches about problems with something at work involving down cycling batteries and how your dad needs knee replacement surgery but won’t get it.”

Will winces and makes a mental note to both tell his stepmom ‘thank you’ and ‘what the hell?’ “Sorry,” he tells Lille for what feels like the hundredth time.

“It’s fine,” she sighs in resignation. “If I’d found my younger sibling half dressed, I’d probably have run off to find some brain bleach, too. But, for what it’s worth, your dad really should get that knee replaced sooner rather than later. It’s not going to get any better.”

Neither of his father’s knees are going to be getting any better. It’s not an ‘if,’ at this point; it’s a ‘when,’ despite the fact that his dad is completely unwilling to discuss it. He’s got way too much damage to keep this up indefinitely.

“You’re absolutely right on that,” he agrees with a sigh. “But my dad can be…”

“Stubborn?” Lillie asks, looking up at him with amusement. “Yeah, your stepmom said that, too. Your little sister agreed. Ellie, not the one with the mussed hair.”

“Jules,” Will replies, his eyes instantly skimming the room for his sisters. He finds Ellie right away. She’s chattering away with Sara, looking completely enamored with her best friend’s presence. How, exactly, the other girl hasn’t picked up on his sister’s long-standing crush, he has no idea, but it’s probably for the best for everyone involved. Jules takes him another minute to find, but that’s because she’s on the dance floor, swaying in her boyfriend’s arms. He’s seen Jules dance for more than a decade, but that’s for performances. It’s never been like this. It’s never been just for the sake of closeness with a boy. It throws him, but he also figures it’s something he’s going to have to get used to. “That was… yeah.”

“You’re a pretty solid brother,” Lillie decides, watching him over the top of her glass. “Not the best date tonight, but it’s early yet. I feel like maybe you can make it up to me still.”

Well… that’s suggestive, so apparently the evening with her isn’t a total wash.

“I’m pretty good at achieving things when I put my mind to it,” he smirks at her, slipping a hand around her waist and running his thumb across the curve of her hip. Lillie’s curvy, with full hips and a sizable bust, and while Will enjoys most iterations of the female form, he’s definitely more drawn to Lillie’s than most. This is something he’s made absolutely no secret of from their very first meeting and she’s well aware that he’s more than a little in love with how he can make her body respond to him. She’s a little addictive in that way, in the way so many women are. “Let me know if there’s anything in particular you’ve got in mind for an apology.”

“I feel confident you’ll think of something,” she says slyly, leaning into him a little. It sends a bit of a thrill through him. Not Lillie herself, per se, but the hints of innuendo.

“Well, I’ll put some real thought to it,” he promises, tugging her back toward him a bit and pressing his lips to side of her neck for a brief kiss with just a hint of tongue to it.

If he’d seen her face as he did that, if he’d taken in the way her brow furrowed as her eyes shut and she held in a sigh, he might have figured out right there that things were a little further outside of the norm for him than he’d planned or expected. He might have seen that Lillie’s attachment to him is just a few steps beyond his to her. But he doesn’t. He’s in the dark and at least some of what follows will be a total surprise to him because of that.

“You watching the MI-6 guy?” he asks into her ear.

“What?” she asks with a laugh, tilting her head slightly in his direction.

“British guy near the balcony,” he whispers against her skin. He’s all grins at this point. He knows well how to play this game and it’s one he enjoys greatly. “Keeps tapping his fingers on the tabletop. It’s a signal to his partner at the bar. The leggy redhead.”

Lillie laughs. “Isn’t that the head of the school board? And I’m pretty sure he’s Australian.”

“Nah,” he counters as the man lets out a rattling cough into his sleeve. “That’s just his cover. He’s MI-6 and he’s been poisoned by the Triad. He was in town tracking their drug trade, trying to take down the kingpin, but they figured him out.”

“How’d they do that?” she asks, her grin wide and delighted.

“The signals with his partner, of course,” Will provides, building up the story. Lillie seems to enjoy this, but she definitely doesn’t add much on. “They aren’t exactly subtle.”

“They haven’t even looked at each other since we started talking,” Lillie tells him.

“Exactly,” Will replies. “Highly suspicious, don’t you think?”

“I think… that you are absolutely ridiculous, Will Queen.”

“Hmm, maybe,” he muses. “And maybe you like that about me.”

“I do,” she confirms, though he already knew that. She leans into him more, resting her head against his shoulder as she sips some more of her champagne. “What about that one?” she asks, continuing the game.

He follows her gaze to find her nodding toward the table where his grandmother sits with Amelia, the two of them chatting away like the old friends they are. He swallows hard at the sight and takes far too long to answer Lillie’s question, but he can’t help it. Amelia is so sharply beautiful, so utterly entrancing. The world just slows down when he looks at her, something shifts in the air, sets it alight. He can’t explain it, but it’s very real and he’s not the only one affected.

It’s not more than a couple of seconds before Amelia feels his eyes on her and turns, immediately finding his face in the crowd.

The tension is thick enough that it feels like he could reach out and grab it, but it’s also fleeting. Amelia’s heated gaze slips from him to his date. An unreadable look passes over her face and she quickly turns back to her conversation with his grandmother. He keeps watching her for another moment and he knows she’s fully aware of it from the way her cheeks flush and she tucks a stray lock of her long, dark hair behind her ear.

In spite of Lillie watching every moment of this exchange, it’s not her that jars him from staring at Amelia. No, it’s his grandmother’s piercing gaze. She has always been protective of her protégé and she’s never made a secret of her distaste for his interest in Amelia. If you asked Will, he’d say she’s never made a secret of her distaste for him, but he’s also pretty sure that’s not the way his grandmother sees it.

But whatever… any hope of mending that relationship is long gone. It’s not something that bothers him anymore.

Most of the time.

He tilts his head in a mockery of a greeting toward his grandmother before turning back to meet Lillie’s confused eyes.

“That would be my grandmother and someone from her staff,” he replies, trying to force a smile. “It’s a bit harder to play the game with people you know.” Lillie makes a surprised face and glances back toward the table again with fresh eyes. “She was mayor for like sixteen years. You didn’t recognize her?”

“Politics isn’t my thing, Will,” Lillie replies with a bit of a shrug. “She seems kind of…”

“Cold?” Will finishes.

“I was gonna go with reserved, but…” Lillie supplies.

“Yeah, well, you’re not wrong,” Will bites out.

“The staffer with her doesn’t seem that way, though,” Lillie says. She’s fishing, that much is clear, but Lillie’s just a date and he doesn’t owe her any explanations.

“She’s not,” he confirms. If his voice is sharp, definitely not inviting further speculation, that’s entirely intentional. But Lillie also doesn’t seem willing to let it go.

“Is she an ex or…?”

“No,” he replies, wholly unwilling to elaborate. “Did you want to dance?”

That serves as the distraction he’d intended. Lillie’s entire countenance shifts, brightening as he watches. “I’d love to,” she murmurs, letting him take her glass to place on the counter before leading her to the dance floor.

Growing up the nephew of Thea Queen-Harper means that Will has a more than passable dancing skill-set. Most of his earliest memories of his aunt involve stepping on her toes while she tried to teach him to waltz.

These days, that kind of nostalgia is tinged with just a bit of pain. In spite of the distance between Will and his grandmother, he’s always had a fairly good relationship with his aunt and her dancing days are most definitely behind her now. She’s never been well, not the entire time he’s known her, but her condition has steadily worsened these past few years. His dad won’t talk about it, won’t even acknowledge it, but her deterioration is clear to anyone who stops to look. And Will privately thinks it won’t be too terribly long before they all have no choice but to face it.

Not right now, though.

Right now he has a beautiful girl in his arms who wants to dance.

He twirls Lillie a bit before pulling her in and she laughs delightedly. It’s easy to make her happy, easy to earn a smile and a laugh and a kiss. He likes that about her… most of the time. There’s nothing wrong with simple.

Will doesn’t think about much as they dance, just enjoys the feel of her dress beneath his palms and the way her body brushes against his. Maybe he shows off a bit, spins her about just because he can. He likes being charming, likes the way it makes girls smile at him like he’s special, even if it’s all so much more surface level than any of them seem to want to admit.

“You’re awfully good at this,” she tells him as the song changes and he doesn’t miss a beat. It’s slower and Lillie moves closer, draping her arms around his neck, her fingers toying with the end of his hair. It’s nice, comfortable.

“Prerequisite for being a Queen,” he informs her, looking past her to find his father watching him thoughtfully. It’s like he’s trying to figure something out, and Will’s pretty sure he doesn’t like that idea. The look doesn’t last long, though, because Felicity grabs his arm excitedly and points toward another spot on the dance floor with a tremendous, emotional smile. Both Will and his father follow her line of sight to find Nate asking Ellie to dance. It’s the cutest damned thing Will’s ever seen and he grins and shakes his head as his little brother does a very crisp bow and takes his sister’s hand, just like they’d done as small kids under Aunt Thea’s instructions. Ellie, all of seventeen and never comfortable dancing, rolls her eyes and accepts the invitation.

“Is that your little brother?” Lillie asks, taking in the scene.

“Yeah,” Will says. “He’s a good kid.” Too good, maybe. Will sort of wishes he’d get in a little trouble now and then. That much good behavior can’t be healthy.

“They’re cute,” Lillie proclaims. “I can’t imagine my brother asking me or my sister to dance when we were that age.”

“They’re the best,” he agrees. And they really are. Jules and Ellie and Nate and Beth. They’re the most meaningful parts of his life. Taking care of Bethy and worrying over Ellie’s dedication to joining their dad on his crusade, helping Nate remember that he really is just a kid and being an active part of Jules’ life as she takes one big step into adulthood after another… he thinks these may be the most important things he’ll ever do.

“He’s so proper,” Lillie says with a little laugh. He is. It’s true. Nate is painfully square shouldered and moves stiffly.

“Okay, so some of us got those genes passed along better than others,” Will admits.

“We should switch with them,” Lillie says, looking up at him, clearly pleased with her suggestion. “He’d probably like that, right? Having someone to dance with other than his sister? It’s not like there’s anyone near his age here.”

“I think he would,” WIll agrees. Truth be told, he’d sort of like to dance with Ellie, too. He hasn’t even said hi to her tonight. “You sure you’re okay with that?”

“Dancing with a nervous middle schooler with sweaty palms who might step on my feet?” Lillie laughs. “It’s been a while, but I’m pretty sure I remember how to do that.”

“You’re pretty great, you know that?” he asks her as he maneuvers them across the dance floor in Nate and Ellie’s general direction.

“I try,” she grins. “Besides, I have a soft spot for kids.”

This is the third time in as many weeks that she’s made some kind of statement to that effect and Will finds himself forcing the smile on his face to stay in place. Because that’s a sign. It’s a warning signal he’s well-attuned to at this point, an alarm that tells him this relationship is nearing its expiration date. Maybe he’s wrong this time, though. Maybe she’s just a nurse who would prefer working in pediatrics and wants to be nice to his little brother. He’s gonna cling to that notion for the time being, anyhow.

“Excuse me,” Lillie says, tapping Nate on the shoulder once they’re within arm’s reach.

Nate jumps about a mile.

“Hi,” he squeaks. The poor kid’s voice breaks on a dime these days and he’s so damned embarrassed by it. “Hi,” he repeats a little clearer. He’s blushing tremendously, though, which is… intriguing. Is that because of Lillie? Is he actually paying attention to a woman with interest?

“I thought you might like to switch partners, dance with me for a bit,” Lillie tells him. Her voice is sweet and a bit flirty. “How about it?”

Nate swallows hard, his Adam’s Apple bobbing visibly as he turns absolutely fire engine red. His eyes going huge as they dart nervously to Will. It’s so funny that Will has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.

“You, uh… you don’t mind?” Nate asks.

The Will keeps a straight face is a minor miracle. Does he mind his thirteen year old baby brother dancing with his not-a-girlfriend date? No. Not even a little. Not even knowing with absolute certainty that Nate’s thoughts about the woman in question are definitely not the chaste sort. He’s thirteen. That’s sort of expected at this point and, really, thank God, because at least it’s something typical for a teenage boy. Nate’s half child, half businessman and nothing in between most of the time. But now… right now, he’s a gangly teenage boy trying really hard not to stare at his older brother’s date’s clingy dress.

“I’d appreciate it, actually,” Will tells him. “I’d like to dance with Ellie, but it would be rude to leave Lillie alone.” Again. Thankfully Lil has the grace not to point that out.

Ellie’s clearly pleased with this notion, letting go of Nate and sidling up next to Will. She’s sort of crazy cute. Her dress is bright and colorful, just like her. Whatever heartbreak she’d endured in getting turned down for a date tonight, it’s nowhere to be seen now. Will suspects that has more to do with Sara and her family showing up than it does any fading bruised feelings, but that’s a delicate thing to address with Ellie. She has always, always been in love with her best friend. He’s glad to hear that she’s moved on a little from that - that she’s at least shown an interest in another girl, even if it went poorly - but he’s also concerned that it’s all surface level.

Because he’s seen the way she lights up when Sara walks in the room. There’s no pretending that her feelings have waned at all for her best friend.

“I… would be honored,” Nate says finally, dipping his head a little in a respectful bow to Lillie as he offers her his hand.

“You Queen boys are so gallant,” Lillie smiles, taking his hand.

“I, uh… I might step on your toes more than my brother does,” Nate warns her nervously as he tries to sort out where exactly to put his hands. “He’s kind of better at this than I am.”

“Good!” Lillie says brightly, as she places his hands on her waist. “Then I get to help you practice. This’ll be fun.”

“That sounds… that sounds… really good,” Nate says, nodding nervously and licking his lips. “Nice. It sounds nice. You’re nice. And pretty. That dress is… very pretty. And so are you. In it.”

Oh god, the boy has no game whatsoever. Will just kind of blinks at him wondering how the hell he inherited exactly none of their father’s genes in this particular department. But Lillie, at least, takes it in stride. She plays it off like it’s cute and she’s flattered, which probably does wonders for Nate’s ego as they shuffle somewhat awkwardly away across the dance floor.

“He’s totally crushing on your girl, you know?” Ellie asks, taking hold of Will’s elbow.

“She’s not my girl,” Will counters with a huff.

“Well, whatever,” Ellie shrugs. “I mean, I can’t fault him exactly. She’s pretty smokin’ hot, but he might short circuit and overload from a hormone rush or something.”

“You think she’s hot?” Will asks, because his brain absolutely stopped there. He and Ellie don’t have this kind of conversation. As far he knows, Ellie doesn’t have this kind of conversation with anyone. She’s been pretty uncomfortable with discussing her sexuality.

Not now, though, and it throws Will for a loop when she blatantly looks Lillie up and down.

“Will, I’m pretty sure I’d think she was hot even if I was straight,” she says finally.

That’s… Okay, that’s something Will’s not sure how to process, but he’ll figure it out. This was always coming, but at the same time he has not one, but two of his siblings pretty blatantly checking out his date and he’s not sure what to do with that.

“Does it bother you?” Ellie asks. The nervousness he’d expected earlier has suddenly shifted to take over her face and he could absolute kick himself for not heading that off at the pass as much as he possibly could.

“Does it bother me that my two teenage siblings are both appreciating my date’s… assets?” he asks, putting her hands on his shoulders and resting his fingers against her waist. “A little. I mean, that’s kind of weird. But it’s actually sort of cool to have you talking to me about girls.”

“Yeah?” Ellie asks, scrunching up her nose. She could not be more adorable if she tried.

“Yeah,” he says as they fall into step with the beat of the music. “I want you to know you can come to me about anything. I’m always gonna be here for you, Ellie. Doesn’t matter if it’s about girls or your parents or school or masks. I love you, kid. And I know I don’t have any idea what you’re dealing with here. I’ve never walked in your shoes, but I get that it’s not easy. That just makes me want to be someone you can lean on more.”

“Oh…” Ellie says softly, a pleased little flush working its way across her cheeks.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” Will asks, honestly concerned that maybe he’s given her the wrong signals somehow.

“No,” Ellie counters. “You’ve always been super cool about me being gay. You’re kinda super cool about everything, really. It’s just… it’s weird to talk about, you know?”

“Would’ve been weird hearing you say you thought a guy was smokin’ hot if you were straight too, you know,” Will points out. “I am your brother.”

“Fair enough,” Ellie laughs.

It’s quiet then for a second, but Will feels like he’s on to something and he’d be a fool to let that go.

“So… how’s school? Dad said there was a girl…” Will ventures. Ellie sighs heavily. “He also said not to bring it up, though. Did she turn out to be straight, or…?”

“What? No,” Ellie scoffs. “Why does everyone think the only reason two lesbians won’t date is that one of them is actually straight? My music teacher found out I was gay and immediately tried to give me her niece’s phone number. Because obviously since we’re both gay we must be a perfect couple? Come on… That’s just dumb.”

“Okay, that’s fair,” Will acknowledges. “And your music teacher needs to learn boundaries. But I honestly can’t think of a reason anyone wouldn’t date you. You’re kind of incredible, Ellie. So that was sort of my only explanation.”

“That’s… flattering, Will, but no,” Ellie advises with a wince that can only be described as self-deprecating.

“Did you want to talk about it?” Will ventures.

“I joined this club at school, right?” Ellie asks. She’s visibly nervous about discussing this. “For queer kids. It’s good. I mean, it’s actually super helpful to be around other people like me who aren’t all asking if I maybe just haven’t met the right guy yet or something. I asked out this girl from the club. She’s cute and we get along, but…”

“But?” Will asks after she doesn’t finish.

“But she said she didn’t want to play runner up to my best friend, okay?” Ellie asks defensively with a sigh.

“Oh…” Will says, his heart falling a bit on Ellie’s behalf.

“Yeah,” Ellie agrees. “‘Oh’ is right. I mean… it’s not like she’s wrong, but it’s not something I can turn off, you know?”

“I know,” he agrees, his sympathy wholly heartfelt.

“How have you dealt with it?” she asks.

“What?” he asks, jarred slightly. He damned near tramples her toes when he misses a step.

“You date a lot. You’ve had to get over someone you couldn’t be with, right?” Ellie asks. She’s all innocence, entirely looking for guidance, but she has no idea what she’s asking. “You must have. How’d you do it?”

Entirely of their own volition, his eyes shoot past Ellie to where he knows Amelia is sitting. “I’m not the best person to ask that, Elle,” he tells her.

“Why not?” Ellie scoffs.

“Because there’s exactly two women who I’ve needed to get over,” Will informs her. “The first left me in college. I didn’t deal with it well.”

“And the other?” Ellie asks. “How’d you get over her?”

“I’ll let you know when I figure it out,” he say, turning back to her with a pained look. He can’t help it, but it’s strange to voice aloud. This is something he’s kept to himself for years. Every time he’s seen Amelia it’s like something in the core of his being screams to connect with her, to make this work. But that’s never materialized. It’s ironic, given how often he has no problem at all getting a date. But when it’s Amelia, when it matters… things just don’t seem to go his way.

“She’s here?” Ellie asks, looking around. Will knows she’ll find her. There’s only a handful of women in the direction he’d been glancing and Amelia is the only one anywhere near his age. But he’s still not really prepared for his sister to call him out about it. “The brunette with grandma? The tall one?” Ellie asks, craning her neck to look in a painfully obvious way.

“Would you stop staring?” Will asks, laughing nervously. “Yes, okay. Yes.”

“She’s looking,” Ellie says, smiling past him and giving a little wave to Amelia. Of course she does. Ellie hasn’t listened to him in the least. He can’t help following her gaze back to Amelia. She smiles back at Ellie before looking at him. Like before - like always - it’s painfully loaded. For a moment, he completely forgets where he is, that he’s dancing with Ellie, that anyone else is there. The room narrows down to the pull of her bright blue eyes and he fails to remember to breathe right up until Ellie mutters, “Holy shit, Will,” snapping his attention back to her.

He blinks hard, trying to clear the image of Amelia staring back at him that’s burned into the backs of his eyelids, and avoids Ellie’s gaze.

“Why the hell aren’t you here with her?” Ellie demands.

“Because we’re nothing,” Will tells her.

“Well, that’s bullshit,” Ellie says, calling him out. “Whatever that was I just saw was absolutely not ‘nothing.’”

“That’s all she’ll let it be,” Will says, feeling the truth of his own words weighing heavily on him.

“Have you asked her out?” Ellie asks.

“Yes,” Will tells her. “Three times in the past three years. She’s very nicely said no every time.”

“That was not the look of a woman who wanted to say no,” Ellie informs him, raising both of her eyebrows at him in challenge. “Have you asked lately?”

“She has a boyfriend, Ellie,” he informs her. “In Central City where she’s moving.”

“Well that’s just stupid!” Ellie declares. She’s thoroughly incensed on his behalf and it’s enough to make him smile, in spite of the conversation. It’s also a firm reminder that - Amelia or not - Will already has everything he needs. His family is the core of what’s important to him.

“I appreciate the loyalty,” Will tells her, tapping her affectionately on the tip of her nose. “But, her choices are her own business. It sounds like a good career move and maybe she’s really happy with this guy of hers. I don’t know. Just because I wish I could change things, doesn’t mean I get to.”

“It’s her loss,” Ellie sniffs, chin held high. “She could not possibly do better than you.”

“Thanks, kiddo,” he says, kissing her on the forehead. “For what it’s worth, I do get what it’s like wanting to be with someone you can’t have. I just can’t tell you how to get past it. Not yet.”

“I’ll give you some tips if I figure it out first,” Ellie sighs. He doesn’t have to look to know she’s watching Sara. “At least you know your girl is interested.”

“Is that better or worse?” Will asks with a dry laugh.

“I honestly don’t know,” Ellie tells him.

“Me either,” Will commiserates. “But you know what I do know?”

“What?” Ellie asks.

“That we’ll be just fine,” he tells her.

“And how do you know that?” Ellie questions.

“Because we have each other,” he points out. “That’s more important than anything else.”

“Yeah,” Ellie agrees with a lopsided grin before pressing up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. “Having each other is more important. Especially since it means we have someone to run interference for each other.”

“Ellie, what-” he starts as she steps back. She’s entirely mischief all of a sudden, a secret smile crinkling the edges of her eyes.

“Keep up,” she tells him, turning on her heel and heading over to her grandmother’s table. He’s surprised enough that he nearly trips over his own feet in an attempt to do just that. But the sight of his little sister making a bee-line for their grandmother - for Amelia - is more than enough to spur him to action.

That doesn’t mean he’s close enough to stop her, though.

“Hey!” Ellie says as she reaches the table. Will’s still a few feet behind but closes in quickly. “How’s it going, Grandma?”

“Fine, Ellie,” Moira Queen pronounces, folding her hands primly in front of herself. The look on her face is shrewd, like she’s fully aware her granddaughter is up to something. “You look lovely tonight... Hello, William.”

“Grandmother,” he greets with a tight smile.

“Did Grandpa Walter not come?” Ellie asks, looking around the room.

“No,” Moira counters. “He had business in London this week. It was unavoidable, I’m afraid.”

“Bummer,” Ellie says, nodding. “That’s too bad. I’m sure you’d rather be dancing with him.”

“Oh, child,” Moira chuckles. “My dancing days are all behind me. But that’s fine. I’m enjoying the gala all the same.”

“Sure, well, you’ve got company,” Ellie notes, sticking her hand out toward Amelia with a blinding grin. “Hi, I’m Ellie Queen.”

This was, of course, the entire point of Ellie coming over. She’d had no real desire to hang out with her grandmother and Will knows that. Moira probably does, too. Hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if Amelia did.

“Amelia Prescott,” the brunette counters, shaking Ellie’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you finally. I’ve heard a lot about you from your grandmother over the years.”

“Did you work for her?” Ellie asks. She’s all wide-eyed with fake innocence - like she doesn’t already know, like Nate wouldn’t have told her at some point.

“Yes,” Amelia confirms. She’s talking to Ellie, but she can’t keep her eyes off of Will.

“Oh, so that’s probably how you know Will then, too,” Ellie says, plopping down into the seat next to Amelia and resting her chin on her palm. “I bet you two would like to catch up. With Grandma retired now, it’s probably been awhile since you’ve seen each other.”

“Elizabeth,” Moira says sharply.

“It’s okay, Grandma,” Ellie says, smiling and literally batting her eyelashes at her grandmother. “I’ll keep you company while they go dance. I wanted to pick your brain, anyhow. What do you think of community college?”

Will tries not to laugh, but has to turn his head away instead. Ellie has every intention of going to Starling City University and he knows it. But their grandmother can be a tremendous snob and, somewhat predictably, she bristles at the notion of her granddaughter passing up a four-year university.

“You’ve already applied to SCU,” her grandmother notes sharply. “I thought this was settled, Elizabeth.” Her tone brokers no doubt that she believes it should be.

“Yeah,” Ellie sighs, “I know. But I’m just thinking about options. Maybe I’ll take a year off and travel first. What do you think of hostels, Grandma?” The tight look of annoyance on their grandmother’s face and the force with which she grits her teeth is the funniest thing Will Queen has seen in a very long time. “You two should go dance,” Ellie says abruptly, looking to Will and Amelia in turn. “This might take a while.”

“Elizabeth Dearden Queen,” Moira says in a low breath, shaking her head.

“It’s totally rude of me to drag her into this conversation,” Ellie notes, grinning toothily. No one there has any doubt whatsoever what she’s doing, but that doesn’t mean it’s not going to work.

“I did promise you a dance,” Will murmurs, offering his hand to Amelia. She only hesitates a second before placing her fingers in his.

“So, dance with me, Amelia?” he asks.

His voice is soft and heavy, his face utterly serious for once, and there’s no doubt that he’s asking for more than a dance, but he’ll take whatever she’s willing to give.

“For a song or two,” she agrees, letting him lead her to the dance floor as Ellie cuts off whatever her grandmother had been about to say. It all fades to background noise anyhow. Everything but Amelia melts away.

She’s tall enough that they’re near nose-to-nose when she wraps her arms around his neck. Her fingers rest just above the collar of his jacket and he has to bite back a moan at the shock of feeling that races across the skin of his neck at her touch.

“Amelia,” he breathes out. His voice is shaky as hell and she inhales sharply. He’s holding her closer than he should. It’s considerably more intimate than two acquaintances sharing a meaningless dance. His hand is splayed wide against the small of her back, keeping her close as her thumb strokes just beneath the hairline at the nape of his neck. Her chest brushes against the front of his tux with every uneven breath.

“I don’t know how you do this to me,” she says quietly after a moment. It sends a rush of excitement surging through his veins and he locks eyes with her to the exclusion of absolutely everything else in the room. “What do you want from me, Will?”

“You already know the answer to that,” he tells her. She does. That much is obvious when she licks her lips and looks down briefly, avoiding his gaze.

“We can’t work,” she says after a moment, looking back up at him. There’s no hiding the regret living in her eyes, though, and when he brings one hand up to stroke the side of her face, her eyes slam shut and she bites her lower lip in a failed attempt to keep in a moan.

It’s the best sound he’s ever heard.

“You know that’s not true,” he tells her, unwilling to let her hide behind that excuse. “That’s why you said I’m dangerous. Because we could work. Because we would.”

Her eyes practically beg him to let her keep her illusions. Bright blue and so pained, he has to imagine his look much the same. There’s a longing and a sense of desperation that live in her gaze and he knows it lives in his, too.

“I’m moving,” she reminds him. “I’m with someone.”

“You don’t have to be,” he points out. Her eyes go wide and he swears he can feel her pulse speed up. “Tell him you need space. Tell him you need a break to clear your head. Give this a chance. Give us a shot.”

“This… this is why you’re dangerous, Will,” she points out. Her voice trembles and that alone feels like a small victory.

“Because I want you and I’m not willing to hide it?” he asks.

“Because you make it sound so reasonable,” she corrects.

“It is reasonable,” he tells her. His nose brushes against hers and she melts a little further against him. Suddenly her hand is gripping against the collar of his jacket like she needs a hold on him to keep standing. “But reason has nothing to do with it. This is entirely feeling… Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you don’t feel this, too. Tell me it’s just me.”

“I can’t,” Amelia admits. “You know I can’t. But that doesn’t make it right.”

“Every single thing about this is right,” he counters. “All of it.”

“I’m pretty sure Thad would disagree with you there,” Amelia points out.

“Thad?” he asks.

“Yes,” she agrees.

“Your boyfriend’s name is Thad?” He doesn’t even bother trying to sound respectful.

“It’s not like he picked it,” Amelia scoffs. She’s tensed a bit and he’s already regretting this entire line of conversation, but he’s also just a little too petty, just a little too juvenile to let it go.

“Still,” Will continues, pulling a face. “Who the hell names their kid Thad. The only one I’ve ever even heard of is Thad DeWolfe the Third from the state senate.”

“That… would be him,” Amelia says slowly.

For a moment, Will forgets that they’re supposed to be dancing. He just freezes in place, his arms around Amelia as her hands slip down to rest on his shoulders. They’re a more socially acceptable distance apart now and he hates it

“You’re dating Thad DeWolfe the Third?” Will asks blankly, because this just… this is all wrong.

“I usually just call him Thad,” Amelia replies dryly.

“He’s about to be Senate Majority Leader,” Will says. Like this is news to her, like he’s the one informing her of this fact.

“He is,” Amelia agrees.

“What the hell are you doing with Thad DeWolfe the Third?” he asks. He honestly can’t make sense of this.

“Would you stop calling him by his whole name?” Amelia asks testily.

“Sorry,” he says, his voice wholly devoid of any sort of inflection that might indicate he means it. “It’s just always how I’ve thought of him, on the rare occasion that I’ve thought of him.”

“He’s a good man,” Amelia says, sounding defensive and edgy. “We’ve been together almost a year. He’s ambitious and dedicated to his work-”

“Are you reciting his resume to me right now?” Will interrupts.

“He loves me,” Amelia says sharply. “Is that what you need to hear?”

“No,” Will tells her a bit more soberly. “No, because I don’t give a shit about Thad DeWolfe the Third and how he feels. I care about you. So you tell me, Amelia. Tell me that whatever you have with him is completely fulfilling, that it’s everything you want. Tell me it’s worth giving up exploring whatever this is between us.”

She doesn’t answer right away and he knows he’s got a shot.

“When you dance with him, do you hold on like you’re afraid he’ll let you go? Or is that just with me?”

“Don’t do this,” she says.

It doesn’t escape him that it’s not an answer.

“I think that what you have with him is fine. I think it’s completely… unobjectionable,” Will tells her. If her eyes water a bit at his words and she flinches slightly, he’s equal parts sorry for that and happy about it. “I think it’s ordinary. And I think you deserve better than that.”

She starts to pull away at that, but he holds her closer and she gives in almost immediately, gripping the shoulders of his suit jacket instead.

But her words don’t hold on like the rest of her does.

“I’m not the risk-taker that you are, Will.” She sounds almost mournful about it. “I know what I want from my life. I know who am I and where I’m going.”

“And I don’t fit in your five-year-plan?” Will asks.

“You’ve never fit in my plans,” she replies. “That’s always been the problem. You’re… you’re wild and playful and gorgeous and unexpected. I’m a practical person. I don’t make decisions based on emotion. I don’t choose things just because I want them.”

“Then you’ll never get what you want,” Will notes astutely. “Playing it safe is simple. It’s easy. But you’re going to miss out on so much that way.”

Her eyes practically caress his face as she slips one hand up the side of his neck to cup his face. Her thumb traces the back edge of jaw and his eyes slam shut instinctively, the feel of her fingers against him overwhelming his senses entirely. He’s so very weak where she’s concerned.

“I wish I were like you,” she whispers. “I wish I could just… do things on a whim. I wish I were spontaneous. But I’m not.”

She goes to let go of his face and knows immediately that that’s not the only thing she’s letting go of. His reaction is more instinct than anything else, one of his hands lets go of her waist to hold her fingers against his cheek.

“Not yet,” he requests. “Just… dance with me another song. Just a little longer.”

Pretending this is more, that it’s going anywhere, is utterly foolhardy at this point. He knows full well that she wants it to as much as he does, but he also knows she’s not going to allow that to happen. Still… he can’t help wanting to make the moment last, wanting to savor the illusion that this is more than just a moment, more than just a dance.

Because, God, it could be so much more.

Her hand relaxes under his and he feels like he can breathe again.

“One more song,” she agrees. He lets go of her fingers and they settle back against his neck as his hand falls to her waist. If he’s holding her closer than he should, he tries not to think about the fact that it’s probably the only time he ever will and he doesn’t give a damn that anyone else is there to see it.

It’s addictive, pretending that this thing between them is more than it really is. But, he’s pretty sure he’s not the only one living the lie at the moment, when she dips her head so that it’s nearly resting on his shoulder and her fingers feather through the hair at the nape of his neck. A sigh of utter contentment rushes across the skin of his neck and he shudders at the rightness of it all.

He could get used to this so very easily. He could start to need it, if he wasn’t careful.

Will has never been in love, not really, but he can’t help but wonder if this is what it feels like.

That thought slices through him with something close to fear, because he can’t allow that. He can’t fall in love with anyone, but definitely not with Amelia… Amelia who is moving to Central City, Amelia who’s going back to her boyfriend with the big important job, Amelia who might as well run off leaving a glass slipper behind when the night ends. He has to force some kind of normalcy into this moment, for the sake of his own self preservation, if nothing else.

“Did you see the guy by the bar?” he asks, clearing his throat.

“Hm?” Amelia asks, tilting her head up to look at him. Her eyes are all glazed and dreamy and his resolve falters for a second. But only for a second.

“The assassin,” he says, with a little head tilt. “He keeps adjusting his belt buckle because he’s got a poisoned dart in it. He was hired to go after the guy near that potted plant in the corner. He’s an inventor whose work was stolen by a secret government agency and they’re looking to take him out before he goes public about the theft.”

“Oh,” Amelia says, her eyes going wide and a smile gracing her lips as she takes in the scene with excited eyes, picking up easily on his little game. “That would be interesting, but you’re wrong.”

“Am I?” Will asks in blatant amusement. “What is it you see, then?”

“Well, he’s Bratva, of course,” Amelia muses, cocking her head to the side as she watches the man at the bar.

“Is he?” Will asks. He can’t possibly hope to contain the grin on his face as she plays along. And, God, she does it so well. “How do you figure that?”

“He’s very Russian,” Amelia confides. “And he keeps scratching at his arm. Don’t they have tattoos? It’s fresh. He’s new to the family.”

“The brotherhood,” Will corrects as he beams at her. “And the tattoos usually go on their chests, but maybe he’s got too much scar tissue for that so they had to put it elsewhere.”

“Sure,” Amelia agrees. “That’s how he got in. He proved himself after being kidnapped by the Irish mob. He didn’t talk even after they tortured him for days.”

“So, why’s he after the guy in the corner?” Will asks. He feels like he could live off of the sight of her delighted face alone.

“That’s the Arrow,” Amelia tells him with tremendous certainty. Will barks out a laugh in reply. “The mobster figured out his secret identity and now he’s resolved to take him out when he’s unawares, make a name for himself in the Bratva and move up the ranks that way. Of course, it helps that he’s secretly having an affair with the Arrow’s lover. So, he has extra motivation to get him out of the way.”

“Isn’t he a bit… portly to be the Arrow?” Will asks, glancing at the guy who he’s pretty sure is actually the new district attorney. He’s probably in his mid-sixties, balding and looks like he never met a donut he didn’t like. He could not look less like Will’s dad if he tried and he’s sort of wondering how Amelia’s going to rationalize the discrepancy away.

“Well it wouldn’t be a very good disguise if he was an absurdly buff guy in his 40s, would it?” Amelia scoffs. “Really, Will. Secret identities only work if you can’t figure them out.”

His heart utterly flips in his chest at her words. He really had thought he couldn’t be entranced by her more.

“God, you’re perfect,” he breathes out without even thinking about it. “You’re just… I wish I could kiss you right now.”

All traces of playfulness are gone when she looks back at him with those wide blue eyes that feel like they can make him melt under the strength of their gaze.

“Part of me wishes you could, too,” she admits quietly. “But we can’t, Will. I won’t.”

“I know,” he agrees softly as he forces himself to let her go. The song’s changing and if he doesn’t walk away from her now, he’s not sure he ever will. “I know. But if things don’t work out… if you ever change your mind or want to try being spontaneous and irrational….”

“I know where to find you,” she agrees, stepping back. “I wish I could say that would happen. I wish…”

“Me too,” Will says, cutting her off. Because the specifics don’t matter. He wishes it all the same.

“Maybe in our next lives,” she offers with a thin smile. “Maybe that’ll be our second chance.”

“Maybe,” he agrees. “Or maybe that’s what this was.”

“Yeah…” she says, her face falling. “I’m gonna go. I think… I think I have to leave.”

“If that’s what you need,” he replies.

“It is,” she confirms. “But I… I hope you…”

“Don’t,” Will cuts her off, pausing to clear his throat. It’s a cover for how brutally her words are hitting him, but it’s not a very good one. “Don’t say goodbye. Don’t wish me well and tell me you hope I find someone and have a happy life. I can’t take that. Not from you.”

“Okay,” she says dimly. “Then I’ll just say ‘until next time, Will Queen.’”

“Until next time,” he echoes.

For a second, he thinks she’s going to kiss him on the cheek, but in the end she just turns and walks away, arms wrapped around her middle like she’s trying to keep something in, like she’s physically holding herself together. He watches her go. To the table. To grab her purse. To make a hasty excuse to his grandmother. To the door to leave.

All without looking back at him. It hurts so much more than it should, leaves him hollowed and heartsick. He wants… he wants to run after her, wants to grab her wrist and pull her in, kiss her beneath the streetlight with so much feeling that it makes her knees give out and her resolve crumble. He wants it so much that his fingers ache for the feel of her skin and his body seems cold without the heat of her pressed against him. But what she wants matters more and he’ll respect her choice even if it’s quietly killing him.

That doesn’t mean it’s not the only thing he can think about, though, and he’s so caught up in his own longing that he misses the person joining him at his side.

“So,” a familiar voice says. “I’m thinking I ran into you with the wrong date.” Will jolts, glancing down to find his Aunt Thea has wheeled up to his side. The look on her face is more curious and more insightful than he’s ready for. “Why, exactly, aren’t you going after that girl?”

“She doesn’t want me to,” Will advises, feeling the truth of those words keenly.

“That was not the look of a woman who wanted to be let go,” Thea informs him. She says it slowly, like she’s talking to a small child who might not quite understand what she’s saying.

Normally, Will adores his Aunt Thea. She’s fun and sassy. Their senses of humor line up more often than not. But right now… right now nothing seems very funny.

“I’m sorry, Aunt Thea, I just need a minute,” he apologizes. He slips his fists into his pant pockets and looks back to the door Amelia disappeared through. Could he still catch her? Is she in a cab yet? If he hurried, would there be a chance?

“Will…” Thea ventures. He can practically hear her attention honing in on him more and his eyes slam shut as his brow furrows because he can’t handle this right now. “What ha-”

“Thea.”

Will’s never been quite so glad to hear his dad’s voice before.

“Hey, Ollie,” she replies.

“Roy was looking for you,” he informs her. “He was chatting with the executive director for Starling City Children’s Care and they had some ideas about how the Queen Foundation could partner with them on a new project.”

“Where?” Thea asks immediately, snapping to attention. The Foundation is her baby, her legacy. It has been for the last decade. Privately, Will thinks it’s her drive to keep making a difference that keeps her going these days, and SCCC is one of her very favorite organizations to work with.

His father’s words are probably true, but Will knows the reason he came over when he did was to give him an escape route. And, if he hadn’t known that before, he would have the moment his dad looks at him with a sad, sympathetic smile.

Honestly, Will’s so grateful to his dad right now that it’s kind of astounding. But he still can’t force more than the thinnest smile possible in return as his father leads Thea across the room.

Any attempt at pretenses falls away as they leave and Will finds himself heading toward an empty space at the bar without even thinking about it.

“Whisky neat, please,” he calls out to the bartender.

“Make that two,” his stepmother says, hopping up onto the stool next to him without so much as a ‘hello.’

Half of him wants to ask her to please leave him alone, but the rest of him knows that nothing helps a bruised heart quite like a mom and Felicity’s the closest thing he has left. So, in the end, he says nothing. At least, not until after he has his drink in hand and takes a healthy swig. His stepmom follows suit, coughing violently and her eyes watering up as she tries to copy him. Red wine aside, she’s never been much of a drinker.

“Can she get a glass of water too, please?” Will asks the bartender.

“Thanks,” Felicity says, putting her glass down.

“No problem,” Will tells her as she takes the water from the bartender and sips some. “So… are you here because you had a sudden, newfound desire for whisky, or…?”

“I’m here because your thirteen-year-old brother is a surprising choice for a wingman,” Felicity tells him. Her gaze is as sharp as her words and he finds himself wincing under the piercing nature of both. “You’re lucky he’s taller than your date. I think she missed most of that dance, but your brother’s pretty pissed off on her behalf.”

“Where is he?” Will asks, skimming the room. Upsetting his brother was not part of his plan… or wouldn’t have been, had he actually had one.

“Other side of the dance floor,” his stepmom tells him, nodding toward the far side of the room. “Lillie’s trying to teach him the chicken dance.”

Well that’s an image. Sure enough, his date is laughing and trying to encourage Nate to dance the most ridiculous moves in history along with her. Nate looks equal parts embarrassed and flattered by her continued attention. But Will also can’t kid himself that Nate’s gonna be happy with him. He won’t understand what happened. He can’t yet. He’s too young for that.

“It really wasn’t my intention,” Will tells his stepmother, as if that makes everything better. It doesn’t. He knows it. Intended or not, any fallout from this falls squarely on his shoulders.

“I know,” she agrees. “It just surprised me. That’s all… Not as much as finding out you’re in love with someone did, though.”

Will’s hand grips his glass so hard his fingers slip and he stares down at the amber liquid for a moment before looking back to Felicity. “You think I’m in love with her because we flirted and danced together?”

“No, Will,” she counters. She looks at him like she sees right through him, like she has him all figured out. Maybe she does. “I think you’re in love with her because you let her walk away even though it looked like she was taking a piece of you with her.” She stops a moment, but Will says nothing because it’s not like she’s wrong. “The last time a man looked at me like that, I married him.”

He breathes out, a slow, steady rush of air through thinned lips, because the thoughts that statement gives him… He lets that slip away, doesn’t even think about it as he downs the rest of his glass, and he doesn’t look back at Felicity.

“You okay?” she asks softly.

“No,” he admits with painful candor. “I’m not.”

There’s really not much she can say to make him feel better, but the way she rubs his back helps a little. It reminds him of the time he was nine and caught pneumonia while his mom was on a business trip. Felicity had just taken over QI, but she still took the whole week off of work to feed him canned soup and let him sleep curled up on her lap.

“I’m sorry, honey,” she says, kissing his shoulder. “I wish I could fix things for you.”’

He hefts a huge sigh and wraps an arm around her. “Me, too,” he agrees. “It’ll be okay, though. I’ll be okay. I have you guys. That’s all I need.”

“If I’d known, I never would have pushed so hard with Lillie,” Felicity tells him. “I sort of thought it meant something that you’d brought her, even if Thea kind of forced your hand there.”

“She’s… Lillie’s nice,” Will says. “I like spending time with her.”

“But she’s not Amelia,” his stepmom notes.

“No,” he agrees distantly. “She’s not Amelia.”

“Does she know that?” Felicity asks.

“She should,” he replies, a little thrown by the question. “I’ve made it very clear that I’m not looking for more than casual.”

“Well… I mean, that’s a lie,” Felicity scoffs, waving a hand dismissively. She isn’t buying that for a moment. “Clearly. But I’m just saying, you bring a girl to a black tie event and introduce her to your whole family, she might start to get other ideas. It’s probably a good plan to make sure you’re still on the same page. Or, you know, now that you’re well aware you’re lying to yourself about not wanting a meaningful relationship, maybe it’s a good idea to give it a real shot and see where this thing with her goes.”

Her words surprise him and he finds himself looking back toward where Lillie has moved on to showing Nate how to do the Macarena. She’s sweet. She’s beautiful and sexy and smart. He has fun with her. But there’s nothing about their relationship that makes him long for more.

“I think it’s already gone everywhere it’s going,” he says. If he sounds a little sad about that, it’s because he is. It would be so much easier if he were just in love with Lillie. “That’s okay, though. Anything more right now would just feel…”

“Wrong?” Felicity asks. “Like a replacement for Amelia?”

“Something like that,” Will agrees. His chemistry with Amelia has been utterly off the charts from the very beginning. Will knows without a doubt that that kind of thing is rare and it can’t be forced. There’s no ‘replacing’ that and it would be unfair to Lillie to try.

“Okay,” his stepmother agrees easily. “But keep in mind Amelia isn’t the only woman in the world. You never know when the right woman is gonna walk into your life.”

‘She already did,’ sits on the tip of his tongue, but he just smiles back at her instead. The look on his face must telegraph his thoughts because the sympathy practically pours off of her as she slips off her barstool and kisses his cheek.

“You’re a good man, kiddo,” she tells him and he finds himself leaning into her touch.

“Well, you’re a good mom, Felicity,” he counters.

She pulls back in surprise. That’s not a thing he’s ever said to her before - not like that - and he’s clearly startled her.

“Will… sweetie, you had a mom,” she says. Her voice is cautious, guarded, but he’s got no questions in his mind about this and he’s at peace with what he meant. “Just because she’s gone doesn’t change that.”

“I know,” Will smiles. “I’m a lucky guy. I had two amazing moms. I didn’t tell one of them that frequently enough when I had the chance. I’m not gonna make that mistake again.”

Felicity hugs him so hard it feels like she’s crushing his lungs, but he welcomes it. He has always been incredibly aware of how lucky he is to have her in his life, to have all of his family. And losing his mom pulled that into sharp relief.

A few barstools away, Lillie eases onto a seat and smiles at him with a happy, breathless little grin. She’s been dancing for a while and it shows, her cheeks flushed and her skin a little dewy. Nate’s next to her, sipping on a coke, alternating between staring somewhat adoringly at Lillie and giving Will annoyed looks.

So… yeah, that’s gonna be a fun conversation later.

“Hey,” Will says. Felicity backs away slightly as he speaks, turning to follow his line of sight. “Looked like you two were having fun out there.”

“We were,” Lillie tells him brightly. “Did you have a good time dancing with your sister?”

“I… did,” he agrees slowly, having momentarily forgotten he’d even danced with Ellie. His gaze shifts over to Nate. “Thanks for filling in for me, Bud.”

Nate works his jaw back and forth tensely. There’s clearly something he wants to say, but his mother clears her throat and instead Nate grits out a tight, “Happy to. Lillie’s wonderful.”

The last part is said like a pointed reminder and Will gets the message loud and clear.

“She is,” he agrees. “Dance with me a bit more, Lil?”

“I think I have a few more trips around the dance floor left in me,” she says, slipping off the barstool and heading his way. Felicity steps away to make room for her and Will takes his date’s hand in his and leads her back out to the dance floor, pulling her into his arms and falling in step with the tune effortlessly.

It is painfully lacking something after having danced with Amelia, after having her cling to him as he relished the feel of her body pressed against his. But, it’s still a woman in his arms. There’s something comforting about that, the familiarity of it and he suddenly feels so very weak.

She’s nothing like Amelia, not in personality or physically, but when he closes his eyes and just holds onto her it feels like an echo of before. He tries to refocus on her, to pay attention to the moment, but his mind lingers in the recent past and he can’t help it.

They dance another half a dozen songs before leaving and when he takes Lillie home he tries so very hard to make it like it was a week ago, a month ago, even a few hours ago. He’s usually so good at this, at savoring the experience of being with any woman, but tonight he’s off his game and he knows it. He still slips the strap of her dress off slowly, still unhurriedly runs his lips along the slope of her shoulder. But instead of relishing the feel of her soft skin beneath his tongue, he thinks back to Amelia’s strapless dress and the smattering of freckles along her collarbone. Lillie can’t read his thoughts, of course, and she whimpers in a lovely way when he shuts his eyes against the imaginary image and pulls her back against him more tightly.

Sex with Lillie should help. He’d told himself it would, that the familiarity of it would click everything into place, that it would be an escape, but it doesn’t work out like that.

He tries, though.

She’s a beautiful picture. That much is undeniable. Her hair loose and one breast fully exposed, the dress half off as he kisses her neck and slips his hand between her thighs, the pair of them standing in front of a mirror in his bedroom. It’s gorgeous. She’s gorgeous. And he tries so very hard for that to mean something, or at least not to realize how much more it could mean.

The first time she comes, it’s around his fingers, knees shaking and body leaning back against him as she cries out his name. He hates that he wishes her voice were just a little lower, just a little rougher, that he wishes she were taller with darker hair, with bigger breasts and smaller hips. But, god help him, he does. He decides maybe he’s just not trying hard enough, that what he needs is to focus more or maybe to lose himself in her. After all, what he really wants isn’t an option, so he needs this, needs something to work, because the alternative is entirely too depressing to consider.

Eventually, he fucks her from behind while she’s on her hands and knees. He watches her breasts bouncing in the mirror with every thrust, her necklace swaying steadily between them. It’s erotic as hell and it should be intensely satisfying - it definitely seems to be for her - but for him it feels like a puzzle missing a piece. Her pleasure is still enjoyable to watch. The way she crests again and loses all sense of rhythm as her warm embrace clenches around him.

It’s only after she comes that second time that he really lets himself go. He is weak. He is so weak in this moment and when he closes his eyes and presses his face into the back of her neck, it’s a simple thing for his fantasies to take flight.

For one hot, blinding moment, it is absolutely not Lillie beneath him - not in his mind anyhow - and just the notion of that, just the hint of a fantasy of it, absolutely overwhelms him.

“Oh God,” he says. “Oh fuck.” It comes out more as a whimper than anything else. One of her hands laces its fingers with his against the edge of the mattress. His other hand grips her hip tightly as he pistons in and out of her with a fast-surging need.

It doesn’t take long for him to come, not with the images playing out in his head, not with the illusion that it’s Amelia beneath him instead. And, it’s easily the most powerful orgasm of his life thus far. His vision whites out and he damned near collapses atop Lillie. It feels like he comes for a solid minute, emptying himself into the condom with enough force that he’s both amazed and insanely grateful that the little sheath of plastic holds out.

It still takes a moment for him to gather himself together enough to pull back from Lillie. Partly because his body is so very spent and partly because looking at her will ruin his illusions and that means facing some rather harsh truths.

“You okay?” he asks when he finally slips out of her and leans back on his heels. “Sorry if I crushed you.”

“Maybe a little,” she admits, sitting up and turning to face him. “But that’s fine.”

She deserves so much better than this, he thinks.

He’s a little startled when his next thought is that so does he.

“This was great,” Lillie says, slipping off the bed and grabbing her dress. “But I think we need to call it.”

“Yeah,” Will agrees, resting his weight on his palms behind him. “You work tomorrow, right?”

“I do,” she says hesitantly, casting him a sideways glance as she pulls the dress over her head and makes a grab for her underwear. The look on her face is strange, though, and it takes him a moment for it to click what she’s really saying. “But that’s not what I meant.”

Oh.

Oh...

“You’re ending things,” he realizes aloud.

“I am,” she agrees, pausing to look at him. There are traces of regret and affection all over her face, which leaves him wondering why exactly she’s doing this. The confusion must show because she shakes her head a little and walks over to him, cupping his face. “Will, you are a wonderful guy and if you tell me anything about tonight was about me, I’ll stick around and we can see where this goes, but I think we both know it wasn’t.”

He swallows hard and says nothing, which is an answer unto itself.

“The problem is,” she starts, “if we keep doing this, I’m gonna fall in love with you. I can see it happening so easily. But I don’t think you can love me back. That’s okay. That wasn’t what this was ever supposed to be. But I’d rather cut ties now than go down that road when I know it’s leading nowhere.”

He nods, her hands still pressed against his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he tells her earnestly. “You’re right and you deserve better than what I can give you.”

“I know,” she smiles, kissing his forehead one last time before stepping back. “And I’ll find it. I’d say you will too, but I’m pretty sure you already have, even if you two aren’t on the same page yet.”

There’s no point in playing coy and he doesn’t try. They both know she’s talking about Amelia and he won’t do her the disservice of pretending she’s wrong.

“I don’t think we’ll get on the same page,” he replies. “She’s moving. She’s with someone else. It’s not… we’re not anything. We’ve never been anything.”

Lillie is maybe the worst person to talk to about this, but Will can’t help himself. But, she affirms herself as a wonderful person, someone he really wishes he could scrounge up deeper feelings for, when she winces sympathetically and says, “I’m sorry. That sucks.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, pulling a pillow over his lap. He feels a little too exposed all of a sudden.

“Maybe it won’t be her then,” Lillie admits. “But it’s not gonna be me either. There are a lot of women out there, Will. And you’re a charming, handsome, wonderful man. I have no doubt that you’ll find someone to connect with that makes your head spin and lights up your whole life. But since that’s not me… I’m gonna head out.”

“Take care of yourself, Lillie,” he tells her.

“I will,” she smiles. “You, too. I’ll see you around, Will.”

With that, she turns and walks away, shoes in her hand and door clicking shut behind her as she goes. Will flops back against the bed and draws an arm across his face. There’s a sinking feeling in his gut and an ache of sorrow living in his chest, but it has nothing at all to do with the woman who just walked out of his life and everything to do with the one who’s refused to be a part of it.

He manages to make himself get up so he can clean off, busies himself with taking a quick shower and changing his sheets. But once he’s done, he just sits, just feels… empty. And he knows full well that he can’t fix it.

But that doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to fill the cracks.

He grabs his phone and pops off a few quick texts. He thanks Nate for being a stand-up guy and suggests they hang out next weekend. He apologizes to Jules for sort of going off the handle about her boyfriend and says if they want help apartment hunting, he knows a guy who can help. He reminds Ellie he loves her and swears he’ll be at her volleyball game this week. He wants to call Bethy, to hear her sweet, happy little voice, but it’s late and she’d be asleep by now. So, instead he sends a message to Felicity.

“You were right.”

He hesitates before sending it, but hits the button in spite of knowing it’s a questionable choice of words and he’ll probably regret it later.

“As much as I’m always a fan of hearing that, especially from one of my boys, I might need a little clarity on what I was right about this time,” comes back a moment later.

He swallows hard and stares at the phone in his hand. A lot of him doesn’t want to talk about it, but he’d been the one to bring it up, he’d been the one to start this, and a part of him needs to have this conversation.

“Amelia. How i feel abt her. How it felt when she walked away again.”

There’s no pause before he hits send this time because if he waits he probably won’t send it at all. Instead he just watches the screen of his phone, waiting for the reply that he knows is going to come.

“I know,” she says. “You okay? Did you want me to come over? Did you need your dad? Or maybe Jules?”

What he needs is Amelia. He needs to rewind his night - or maybe the last five years - to do it all again.

“No,” he counters, which sort of answers all of her questions at once. “It’s okay. Thank dad for distracting aunt thea for me, plz. I’ll call him tomorrow. Just… i don’t know what to do, felicity. Tell me what to do?”

God he feels like a kid again asking her that, like a little boy looking for guidance, but he’s lost right now and he doesn’t know which direction to go.

She types and deletes her response a few times and what eventually comes through surprises him.

“Let yourself love her, Will.”

He blinks at the phone and tries to figure out how to respond to that, but she’s not done and her next text comes through just a moment later.

“Not for her sake, for yours. Let yourself feel it, even when it sucks. Let it hurt. Let it be real. Love isn’t always easy, honey, and it doesn’t always last. But you can’t wish it away and pretending you don’t feel this way about her doesn’t do yourself any favors. It’s okay to feel it. It’s okay to mourn it. But don’t bury it.”

It’s a weighty piece of advice and Will reads it more than once before replying with “yeah.”

“If you need anything, call us,” Felicity replies. “Even if it’s just for me to bring over a good bottle of red, okay? No whisky though. I don’t know how you can drink that. Do you enjoy breathing fire? Did you not like having an esophagus?”

She’s trying to make him laugh and it works. He finds himself grinning and shaking his head at the phone.

“Ha ha,” he says. “UR hilarious.”

“I’m aware,” she replies. “Dinner tomorrow?”

“Is dad cooking or do i need to bring fire suppression gear?” he asks.

“Now who’s hilarious? Your dad’s cooking, clearly. I don’t need to remodel the kitchen.”

“I’ll be there,” he tells her. “Mind if i bring bethy?”

“Of course not. Is she still vetoing all orange colored foods?”

“Nah, now it’s red.”

“Ah, the joys of a pre-schooler… You’ll be okay, Will,” she says. “I know it might not seem that way right now, but you’ll be okay.”

And he will. He knows that.

He just also knows he could be so much better.

Thank you for reading! Reviews literally feed the soul and muse, so go send some love to @so-caffeinated!

#olicity #ameliam #william queen #amelia prescott #ellie queen #nathaniel queen #felicity smoak #pieces of always #forever is composed of nows #ficon #arrow #fanfiction #my fics #my fics: cowritten #so-caffeinated #dust2dust34

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