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#i Hope i dont sound like a hypocrite I was mostly joking in my other post I think I’m aware of when I’m doing too much phphph
solargeist · 20 days
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despite my previous post, I don’t know how to handle when people talk abt things I don’t know or understand bc I focus too hard on my own reactions so I don’t accidentally offend them bc there’s only so many times you can say “oh really?” before you sound sarcastic ‼️💥
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ava-jones · 4 years
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Jen and Ava have a duel
Practice challenge fic pt 2.5
Ava sighed as she walked towards the garden she had seen from her window. It was a little more put together than her wild gardens of Sumner, but it would do. 
She stepped out and looked at some of the flowers, it was quiet. She had never found a quiet place in Angeles as long as she had lived there. It was a nice change. She turned to walk down another path when she saw another selected. It took her a moment but she vaguely recognized her as Jen Li. She was one of the people on her managers "do not speak to" list. However, Ava really liked to stick it to her manager so she approached the lost in thought Jen. 
"Oh hey, sorry I didn't realize anyone was out here.” She apologized but secretly was hoping to make a friend here. This would be a very boring job if she was on her own all the time. 
Jen straightened and turned away from her, “It's okay. I'll just head in.”
Ava felt her older sister instincts kick in as Jen sounded troubled, “No wait, are you okay? You look a little uneasy. Not to like, pry or anything but I've been told I can lend a good ear.”
“No, I... It's just been a lot. They never let you have a moment to breathe.” She replied before mumbling something to herself. 
Ava couldn’t help but laugh. This was a place to breathe for her. It wasn't as free as Sumner, sure, but she didn’t have to deal with stalkers waiting outside her house, or cooperating with sleazy men, “Sorry, this has just been-like my vacation away from never being able to breathe. I don't know if you recognize me or know of me but I'm Ava Jones. My work keeps me pretty thrown around like this so I might have a few pointers if you'd like some?” She offered, sitting down on the bench next to Jen. 
“I mean, if you want to,” she responded before smirking, “and I like Friday.” She added. 
Ava rolled her eyes at the comment of her oldest song, “Thanks. It might be my greatest shame but at least I have the excuse of being 15 when I made it.” She then thought for a moment as she tried to find the right words for her advice. “Well for me, I generally find, like a - and please don’t think I'm an Angeles hipster for this- but a 'zen' place. Like I have a pretty big garden backyard because it makes me think of my garden at home in Sumner. So, for you what's a time or place where you just feel really at peace?”
She took a moment to think, “whenever I'm in my apartment and I'm completely immersed in an essay while my music plays on shuffle. I can just forget and focus on where I know I want to be.” Ava thought she sounded like a good potential friend.
“I get that. When I write a song I'm in a totally different place too. Wouldn't get essays though since I dropped out of high school.” Ava paused for a moment trying to find the next way to help her, “Do you have any topics of interest you'd be able to write on while here?” 
She laughed, “Maybe. You think they encourage individual thought here? Because I doubt they'd like my essays.”
“I mean I don’t think they've discouraged it. Whichever person marries the prince will end up queen so they probably want someone with a brain.” Ava thought out loud not really having considered the topic before. 
“A brain with only shared opinions maybe.” Jen half joked. 
“Well what ideas do you think they'd dislike of yours? You don't seem particularly threatening. I doubt you'd suggest whipping out a guillotine.” Ava added genuinely wondering what ideas she could have that would really be that out there. 
Jen laughed, “ You have no idea. What about you? Do you have any opinions you'd be admonished for?” 
She had to think for a moment as she hadn't really had a moment to consider anything but work since she was fifteen, “hmmm, I'm not really political. There are obvious things like women's equality, especially in the music industry. It's really shit right now. But other than that I can't really think of anything. Maybe an easier opportunity for caste growth? But i dont think I'd be hung and quartered for that.”  
“Maybe not. Some people might want you to be, but... Sorry, you said you don't care about politics,” she shrugged, “Guess someone like you wouldn't have to.” 
My eyebrows furrowed at her second comment, what did she mean someone like me? “I mean I don't not care, I just haven't really had the time to think. Also what's that supposed to mean?”
“Well, it's not like pop stars like you need to. People like you can get by because nothing affects you.” I was in shock for a moment. I grew up in a town of mostly 4s and lower. I was very aware of the effects of economic disparity and the flaws of illea. Just because I hadn’t considered them recently did not mean I was unaffected. 
“You literally just met me. You don't know the first thing about me. Jen Li, right?” I double checked, running through all of the info I knew about her. Maybe she had a family member who was an 8? No. Someone died of poverty? No.
“Yeah, what of it?”
“So in my line of work, I have to expect any questions in interviews and have answers prepared. Therefore, when the selected were announced I received basic information on each of the selected. What's your caste again?” I asked, knowing full well that she’s a three. A higher caste than I was for most of my life. 
“I'm a Three.”
“Mhm, and where do you go to school?”
“Something about the way you're speaking sounds like you already know.”
“Yeah but you don't seem to be aware of it. You go to Yale, an extremely expensive school, you're also a three, wealthy enough that they picked your caste for all selected to default to after elimination. So I'm really sure that the economic disparities of our country greatly affect you personally enough for you to have an opinion, whereas I clearly don't.” Ava huffed in anger and stood from the bench, “I'm not really a fan of close minded, wealthy hypocrites, I meet enough of them in my line of work, so I'll see you around.” Ava said, turning to leave. 
Jen yelled after her, “At least I do something with my privilege. Unlike you, I don't strut around on stage while being paid millions of dollars.” 
Ava turned around. She could yell how she’d fixed her family's farm, how she’d paid for the medical costs for Michael, how she kept everyone in her town fed and housed, how most of her money went to charity because she was very aware of the struggle around her as she had grown up in it. But she held her tongue, “You don't know the first thing about me, your assumptions show you as judgmental and arrogant. Add those to the list of reasons I'll be taking my leave.” 
Later that night Ava was enjoying a cup of tea in her room when Emily-Rose burst in sobbing. Ava and Emily weren’t really friends, but they did know each other so Emily must have come to her as her only friend here so far.
“What’s wrong?” Ava asked as she sat down her tea. Emily spent the next few hours crying and telling her how she had tried to befriend Jen. As soon as Jen came up she knew this would be bad. Emily being the blissfully ignorant girl that she is, brought macarons as a welcome gift for some of the girls, she was always so desperate for validation. Jen saw this as a display of wealth instead of an invitation of friendship and rejected it. Emily, never being raised around 6s handed the box off to the maid without speaking or looking at her. Enraged Jen stood from her bed and shoved the box back at Emily and told her she was being disrespectful to her maid. Emily was confused so she tried again and asked the made if she could throw away the box, an act that both would upset Jen as she was throwing away perfectly good food and not doing it herself- despite the fact that Jen had a maid and clearly was not doing somethings herself either, Jen called Emily a bitch and she ran off crying. After hours wondering what she did wrong Emily appeared at Ava’s door. She spent the next few hours crying in Ava’s bed until she tucked her in then stormed off to Jen’s room. 
She banged on the door, “Open this fucking door you shithead!”
Jen’s maid opened the door and looked horrified which caused Ava to feel a bit guilty about the late hour, “Oh sorry, I figured she would have dismissed you for the night.” She apologized. She would have waited for this, but she really would rather get over with her last time speaking to Jen Li. She walked in and walked over to her bed, “Wake up!”
Jen sat up and dismissed her maids question about calling security, “What do you want?”
“I have a question for you? Were you raised by bears? Do you have any idea how to be polite at all! I mean I was raised on a farm and I've seen pigs have better manners to do. What do you do when someone offers you a gift, Jen Li?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” 
“I'm talking about Emily-Rose White and her dumbass macarons. Of course they're extra and yes she can be a little annoying. But when someone offers you a gift, the polite thing to do is to take it and move on even if you don't want it. The rude thing that you did do is refuse it adamantly, then even worse, all the person who gave you the gift a 'bitch' which by the way the use of that word is a whole other discussion.” 
Jen looked up in shock, “She treated my maid like a dog. I don't respect people who don't respect others, especially because of their caste.”
That’s rich (like Jen). Ava laughed before speaking again, “Well then you shouldn't respect yourself! You assumed that because I am a two that I am snobby and hoard money. I donate most of my money, I was born a four, and my closest friends who I live with are sevens. And yes Emily is spoiled, and I will speak to her about that, but escalating a situation by calling someone who is simply ignorant does not help anyone. You are arrogant and cruel and someone, unfortunately me, has to speak to you about that before you go making more well intended people cry themselves to sleep.”
“She's old enough to know better. None of us are children, and I'm not going to coddle a bunch of Twos just because they were raised that way. It's not an excuse to disrespect someone in a lower caste. I don't care about ignorance.”
“So instead of try to help and understand another person you'd rather call them a bitch and make things worse? And she's 19 and extremely sheltered, I wouldn't say she's gained the wisdom to know any better. Also no one is asking you to coddle all I'm asking is for you to be fucking polite. You didn't have to assume I knew nothing of economic struggle, you didn't have to shove Emily around, slam a box into her and call her a bitch. There is a difference between not tolerating disrespect and acting disrespectfully back at another person.”
“I didn't slam a box into her.” Ava rolled her eyes knowing that was untrue, 
“So you didn't shove a box of cookies at her repeatedly? Because at least she handed them to your maid.”
“You're making it sound like I assaulted her. She's the one who barged into my room without asking.”
“Oh okay so if someone comes into my room and gives off bad vibes, I can shove things at them and call them a bitch. It's perfectly polite and respectful?”
“That wasn't the reason I did it!” God arguing with her is like talking to a child Ava thought. 
“It doesn't really matter the reason you did it. Because again, there is a difference between not tolerating disrespect and being disrespectful. You could have said "Hey Emily, that wasn't right. I know you didn't grow up that way but maids are people and need recognition in order for it to be polite" Instead you shoved a box at her, she tried again not knowing any better then you called her a bitch. Which by the way the whole thing could have been avoided if you'd just taken the damn present like a sane well mannered person.” 
“Okay, whatever. I'm sorry. But maybe she should've tried dealing with her problems instead of running away like a child.” 
“Not everyone's a stone cold ass who can handle being treated the way you treated her. She apologized and has spent the last thirty minutes crying to me about how horrible she feels. You didn't allow her an opportunity to realize what she had done wrong before being an aggressor. And I'm not the one you need to apologize too I'm just the one who has to clean up your mess.” 
“Why don't you just go back to your adoring friend and mind your own business, Ava? Just because you're famous, doesn't mean I'm going to listen to you. Get over yourself.” Hah! She’s telling me to get over myself? Clearly she hasn’t heard a word that’s come out of her mouth. 
“It doesn't matter if I'm famous or not I'd be in this room yelling at you just the same. I'm not even really friends with Emily, I just don't tolerate people being cruel and disrespectful especially ones I have to live with. Just because you're a three doesn't mean you know everything and you need to start thinking from other people’s perspectives!” 
“I never claimed to know everything, and I do think from others' perspectives, but excuse me if I don't listen to just another privileged Two who got her little feelings hurt.” She probably has no friends.
“You don't need to listen to Emily. Emily doesn't want anything from you. You need to listen to me. Since apparently the only perspective you think you can understand are lower caste people, as I've lived as a four the majority of my life I can tell you, you're not listening to anyone, you're only looking through your perspective, and you're hurting well intending people because you're one of the most casteist people I've met. I've said all I need to say. Sleep well in your rich bed with your maid next to you miss I-hate-privileged-people-and-am-going-to-lash-out-at-them-because-clearly-I-don't know who I am!” 
Ava groaned and turned around slamming the door behind her. She went back to her room and threw herself down in a chair where she would be sleeping through the night and prayed that Jen would be gone soon or she would. 
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hey I'm just wondering what you mean by saying there is a lot of homo and lesbophobia in queer spaces? :0 This might just be my experience but I personally have seen a lot of bi- and transphobia but never homo/lesbophobia? /gen
disclaimer im sorry if my words are clumsy or if im accidentaly offensive. i dont like talking about such serious subjects in english cause i Know what i say risks getting misinterpreted more as i dont master english as much as my native language.
i personally havent seen much biphobia, and most transphobia ive seen coming from queer spaces was a specific brand of transphobia that is subject to debate (like. seeing trans men as different than cis men, this is poorly worded but im not gonna develop this issue here cause this isnt what you asked sjjs) (i say subject to debate cause to some, like me, its transphobic, while to others who have different opinions it isnt. same happens for biphobia i guess), but obviously it depends a lot of which 'circles' you evolve in/which people you follow.
obviously im not the best suited to talk about lesbophobia, but from what ive seen lesbians often get attacked far more often than other groups. especially radical and political lesbians, who get both the ''mainstream'' lesbophobia and very aggressive responses from others from the queer community, because they often adopt a materialist or marxist point of view which clashes with the heavily individualistic queer point of view. its also all of the erasure, i remember at some point pride posts often didnt feature a lesbian flag (i havent seen that as much nowadays but also i follow different ppl and more lesbians now so again what you see highly depends on who you follow). its also stupid shit like people trying to strip the lesbian identity from its meaning by saying bi girls can call themselves lesbians (same happens with queer ppl calling themselves gay and then getting mad when gay/homosexual criticize it. im not gonna enter this debate cause i did call myself gay while i was still bi so erhmm im not the best suited to criticize it, even tho i regret doing it now). its all the 'jokes' non gay people make about gay people's lives and sexuality, like for example the jokes about 'white gays' (when they are coming from white queers. im obviously not saying that the racism in the gay community shouldnt be adressed, but look at most of the white gay jokes, this term is often used with no actual relevance) or 'cis gays' (when said jokes could totally target trans gay men too). its thinking that cis gays and lesbians are the opressor and are privileged as if they dont face homophobia or worse in some countries. like obviously there are power dynamics in the community, cis ppl have the cis privilege, but it just sounds so hypocritical to pretend that cis gays are the ennemy cause they have more privileges and at the same time refuse to aknowledge that trans hets have privileges by being het (yes this is discourse i have seen yes it did make me want to die).
i could go on, but yeah, its ''little'' things that seem ''harmless'' but in the end they add up. and again, it highly depends on who you follow. rn on twitter i mostly follow gays and lesbians who have similar political views as me, so i either see very good stuff or bad stuff when it gets debated. i also think its important to think critically. everyone who participates in discourse says things as if they are the One Truth, but there are in fact many different point of views! just because someone doesnt use the same vocabulary, or doesnt have the same world view as you doesnt mean what they say is wrong or queerphobic. you dont have to 'choose one side'! just because im interested in materialism more than queer thinking doesnt mean i reject the queer movement, i still think there are interesting things in it, and that there are certain things in materialism that arent perfect. in the end you just gotta do you and build your own opinion.
hope this answers your question lol im certain that there are people who'd be more qualified to answer than me with my not-perfect-english. have a nice day <3
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