apparently weather is supposed to be really bad here tomorrow afternoon :) like tornado bad :) anxiety is. here :)

Ok this is silly I had this thought and didn’t know what to do with it so since I know you’re from the midwest too here you go lol; no one explaining to billy the concept of testing tornado sirens after the move to Indiana so he’s just sitting in class on a sunny Wednesday morning when the sirens go off and he’s the only one freaking out (does Indiana even get tornadoes? idk)

Being born on the coast, right on the water, practically on a surfboard grants Billy wings. Flying high on the surf of tsunamis and hurricanes--tropical storms that lay palm trees flat when the wind blows just right--Billy knows that whatever monsters exist in Hawkins probably lie dormant under the weatherman's bed, or something. Completely harmless save for two weeks out of the year.

But.

Butbutbut--that doesn't stop him from preparing. He's got half a brain for self preservation, being raised by Neil, so Billy does the math. Scans a few Farmer's almanacs the week after they move into their cozy little shit shack on Cherry Lane and finds that Indiana has had 32 tornadoes in the last year.

Thirty fucking two.

And 1,015 people got hurt. And 32 Midwesterners died trying to rescue their hay bails from landing dick first in Oz, or something, but no one ever seems to be talking about it. No candles line the streets. No public vigils are held, Chief Hopper disgracing the dead just as he does the living.

Nope.

Things continue on with regularly scheduled boredom, until second period History. Billy's relaxed. Loose limbed, leaning into the blunt he smoked on the way across town this morning, and he's happy, for a Wednesday.

Counting the seconds until lunch, staring at the back of Steve Harrington's head, just. Salivating over waves of barley falling to rest against the collar of Harrington's stupid little shirt...when the wailing starts.

Typical.

And Billy's fingers go white-knuckle on the desk in front of him, carefully highlighted notes fading in and out of focus as his throat dries up.

Billy's never heard a noise like this in all his life.

It's a fucking nightmare. Cosmic punishment--nails on the black board, and screeching children, and road burned tires rolled up in one.

Billy thinks the skies have cracked open for the angels to sing with their high, scary voices. He thinks the walls must be vibrating with it. Humming in tune, as the wind whips a hole into the cosmos--

"Hey, are you alright?" Steve Harrington asks.

Mrs. Decker's gone.

Everyone's gone.

Billy tries to make sense of it, eyes blinking in rapid succession. One, two, three. Onetwo three twoo--

"Where did everyone go?" Billy tries, sounding. A lot weaker than he means to.

"You look like you're gonna hurl." Steve says, shuffling awkwardly. "I could, like. Grab a trash can for you, if that'd help?"

Billy tries to breathe in through his nose, and. Out through his mouth, or something.

Steve waves a hand in front of Billy's face, all, "Look, dude, if you're gonna ralph just tell me and I'll get the trash can."

"I don't want to--"

"Connor O'Murphy blew chunks in the one by science hall last year and it smelled like peanut butter." Steve says. Mean, like Billy's trying to be difficult. "It's not a big deal."

He waits for Billy to say something.

Billy doesn't.

Steve gets on his knees, leans back on his haunches, and. He looks kinder up close. Worried. "Hey." He says again.

Billy frowns. "I'm not deaf, alright, don't talk to me like I'm--"

"Okay."

"--I heard you the first fucking time--"

"Alright," Harrington snaps. "Jesus, you're not sayin' shit. And you're frozen in time or something. Freaking out." Steve tosses his hair.

Right out in the open like that, like. Billy didn't need the air in his lungs anyway.

Steve frowns. "You alright?" He tries again.

And Billy's had enough. "Where the fuck is that noise coming from?"

Steve looks over his shoulder and back again, like, "What noise."

Billy lets out a sound. It's rough. Hurts, a little.

Steve touches his knee. Billy smacks his hand away. "That noise," He says, as the angels hit another high note. "What the fuck is that, It sounds like a bomb's gone off somewhere."

Steve makes that stupid face again. The one with the doe eyes, and the puffy pink lips, and the flop of hair across his forehead.

The one that sets Billy's blood on fire. The one that makes him mad. Harrington eases the burn with a frown. "The tornado siren?" He supplies.

And.

Billy's whole ass, fucking. Drops into the gymnasium below.

"There's a tornado?" He whispers, chest staging a riot. "Why is no one doing. Anything. Why is no one--"

"Woah, woah, hey--"

"Why aren't we finding shelter?" Billy demands wildly. "There were thirty-two tornadoes last year, and 1,015 people got hurt and thirty two died and--"

"Listen, you gotta breathe, Hargrove." Steve makes a big show. Puckers his stupid pink lips and demonstrates how to do it.

Like human's aren't conditioned to breathe on impulse. Like Billy even could, with Harrington's lips looking like that--

Billy slaps the hand away that finds his chest. Gasps, too, like the room is filling with smoke. "Shouldn't we be finding shelter?"

Steve shakes his head. "No, man, 's a test siren." He says easily.

Too easily.

Billy stares at him. Watches him breathe in and out until his own breaths match up, just. Naturally.

"What?"

"Yeah." Steve's hand finds his knee again. Billy wishes he'd stop doing that, as Harrington's fingers toy with the rip in his pants. "Every Wednesday--"

"Bullshit."

"Let me finish." Steve says, almost. Fondly. "Every Wednesday from February to May they do practice drills."

"Who does practice drills?" Billy says thickly, trying to breathe. "Who's they, why would they do that--"

"How should I know?" Harrington snaps. Then; gently. "The power plant? The mayor? Channel 15? Who's to say."

Practice drills.

Billy goes back to monitoring his breathing even as Steve crowds into his space and immediately backs up. Looking like he wants to touch. More than just a knee.

"I hate the Midwest." Billy stands. Gathers his shit into a pile before thrusting it into his bag.

He can feel eyes on him. Soft, soulful brown eyes that pin him down. Hold him hostage.

"Look," Harrington says. Billy does, heart thumping in a way that has nothing to do with the sirens. Steve watches him for a moment before grinning softly. "I got a joint in my car." He says.

Billy frowns. "Yeah? And I got a will to live."

"I told you, it's not a real tornado--"

"But it could be." Billy finds the strength to stand smile. "If I'm gonna die in a natural disaster I don't want it to be because the corn swallowed me whole."

"I'll protect you." Harrington says fiercely.

And Billy's got half a brain for self preservation. Like a boy scout who couldn't pass the D.A.R.E course.

Turns out? He'd sacrifice it for a pair of brown eyes.

Typical.

Philadelphia

You’re pretty down to earth. You’re very loyal to your sports teams. You like cheesesteaks. You or someone you know rides a bike regularly. You’ve improved a lot recently. But there are things that you’d still like to change. You like history. You have a wild streak. You prefer smaller, independently owned stores. People tend to underestimate you. Total: 4

New York

You’re often up until all hours of the night. You have lots of friends, and people seem to enjoy visiting you. You have a multi-faceted personality. You enjoy theater. And fine dining. You can be a little pretentious sometimes. People tend to think a lot of you. You like all different kinds of people. You love shopping. You have a summer home. Total: 3

Washington, DC

You’re interested in politics. You love punk music. You like being clean and well-kept. You have a lot of distinguishing features. You love museums. You’re very cultured. You find foreign cultures fascinating. You love trying new foods. You’ve been told you’re attractive. You’ve received a plant or a tree as a gift. Total: 6

Austin

You’re pretty quirky. You like tex-mex. You’ve ridden a mechanical bull. You have a lot of pride about where you’re from. You’re smaller than most of your friends. You like comfortable, flowy clothes. Total: 4

Baltimore

You’ve been in trouble with the law before. You love zoos and aquariums. You live or would like to live by the water. You or someone you know has tried heroin. You have a rough side. You’re pretty artsy. You really like cake. You’ve been told you’re charming. You like originality. You’re fairly modest. Total: 5

L.A. You’re a vegetarian or a vegan. You’re pretty health conscious. Some people think you’re fake. You’d say you’re pretty popular. Summer is your favorite season. You’d rather be at the beach. You keep up with all the celebrity gossip. You wish you could be on the Hills. You usually have to go on a highway to get where you need to go. You like being tan. Total: 1

New Orleans

You’ve lived through some kind of natural disaster (flood, tornado, etc.) Cajun food. You like jazz music. You’ve got a lot of personality. You love the south. You’ve been known to throw wild parties. Live music is awesome. So are flea markets. You have a distinctive dialect. A lot of your friends are black. Total: 3

Boston

Cold weather doesn’t phase you. You’re a college student. People generally take an instant liking to you. Education is pretty important to you. You’ve had problems with authority in the past. You stand up for what you believe in. You’re pretty well off, financially. You love seafood and/or dairy products. You appreciate the fine arts. You listen to ska. Total: 4

Las Vegas

You’re pretty eccentric. You love to gamble. You hide things from people a lot. You think neon lights are beautiful. You like to entertain others. You like to support local artists. You may not be the most morally sound person. You know someone from Hawaii. You’ve gotten drunk and done something regrettable. You love all you can eat buffets. Total: 5

You are: Washington, DC

-

Water signs Cancer Filling the void with soothing, scented candles Having a lone wolf mentality at work Being hella meticulous and detail-oriented Using sarcasm as a shield for your vulnerability Looking out for your friends during a night out Getting on the verge of tears at the sight of a baby animal Sharing sexual memes as a form of flirting Getting impulsive haircuts to match your new persona Posting music on your insta story to express your feelings 3/9

Scorpio Unintentionally having a stern voice/expression Buying your friends their fave snacks Showing up to work and already wanting to leave Repeating a part of a song with lyrics that describes your life Being a literal walking lie detector Not being experimental and rewatching the same tv shows Crossing the street to avoid people you know in public Enjoying comfortable silence “Deep emotional connections > light acquaintances” mentality 4/9

Pisces Hating the idea of being confronted by reality Hating when people cancel plans last minute but doing it also Having a reassuring and comforting presence Using art and music as a coping mechanism Always trusting your intuition Doing some eyerolling that gets you into trouble Needing intellectual stimulation or your feelings die Psychoanalyzing people based on what songs they listen to Thinking wearing all-black attire is a personality trait 2/9

Out of the water signs, you’re more of a Scorpio.

Air signs Gemini Researching facts to prove that someone’s argument is false Annoying people with “am I annoying you?” Ignoring messages as a daily routine Hopping onto a new persona every day Letting music drastically change your mood Being the first to spot when your friends aren’t ok Wearing black clothes to express your angst Being passive aggressive after pretending that you don’t care Either being extra clingy or extra detached 3/9

Libra Falling in and out of love every second of the day Wanting to be independent and fierce but also babied and loved Cringing at your past self Getting sad after reminiscing Zoning out when someone speaks too much Naturally having an eye for beauty and fashion Receiving boredom-induced existential crises “Idk, you pick” the hell of every date Feeling spiritually cleansed around nature 6/9

Aquarius Having a love/hate relationship with sleep Bottling up your emotions till you explode Avoiding petty drama at all cost Astral projecting when the world gets too boring Finding comfort in solidarity/isolation Radiating intense yet lighthearted energy Acting blasé to hide the fact that you’re hurt Psychoanalyzing people based on what songs they listen to Having anger that goes from 0 to 100 real quick 6/9

Out of the air signs, you’re more of a Libra/Aquarius.

Earth signs Taurus Stress eating because you’re stress eating because you’re stress eating… Listening to heartbreak music regardless of what your relationship status is Relying on random energy spurts to do work Stalking your crush’s social media and getting your feelings hurt Forgiving people but still holding grudges Locking yourself in your bedroom 24/7 Ghosting people because they “didn’t pass the vibe check” Doing some eye-rolling that gets you into trouble Looking at someone and thinking “sweetie, who hurt you?” 6/9

Virgo “I can understand why you did that but I can’t respect it” Loathing the idea of group projects Knowing when to be gentle and listen to others Always striving to be #1 in every damn thing Giving life-changing advice because people lack common sense sometimes Being a freak in the sheets Confusing people with your niche sense of humor Being THAT one person that says what has to be said Casually detaching from society when a minor inconvenience occurs 7/9

Capricorn Having good table manners and expecting people to have the same Always trusting your damn intuition Making very cultured references people won’t get Collecting screenshots to prove someone was lying Clinging onto bittersweet childhood memories Being funny but being very subtle about it Being very flirty and confrontational when drunk Expressing your vibe via fashion Using sarcasm to mark your hurt 5/9

Out of the Earth signs, you’re more of a Virgo.

Fire signs Aries Calling your heartbreak “inspo for art” Going off the rails when talking about something you’re passionate about Lowkey missing the people you’ve ghosted Taking that Kahoot loss to heart and ego Waiting for someone to compliment your perfume scent Using #yolo to justify every impulsive choice Using sarcasm to mask disappointment Abandoning projects and returning to them at 3 am “I feel like they’re copying my shit” 4/9

Leo “Quitting” social media every week Glowing up as a form of revenge Doing rigorous research on your friends’ crush to see if they’re good Being turned on by blunt and assertive people Being warm and open to your small circle of friends Enjoying open discussions/debates Having a playlist dedicated to your crush “I’m a priority, not a goddamn option!” Having an extra-long and untouched bucket list 2/9

Sagittarius A “leave you before you leave me” attitude towards love Thirst trapping because you’re bored Either talking too much or not talking at all Fact-checking the shit everyone says to you Enjoying life by doing things out of impulse “Hey, that’s great advice and all, but don’t tell me what to do” Having an obscure taste in art/music Being THAT student to talk back to the teacher Always looking for people with dept/ a sense of humor 1/9

Out of the fire signs, you’re more of an Aries.

-

You know someone bisexual You know someone who’s Muslim You know someone who because of their beliefs, don’t celebrate Halloween You know sign language You have been to Chicago You have been to Las Vegas You have been to Miami You live in Arkansas You live in Texas You live in North Dakota You have been called a redneck You have ridden in a small vehicle with 10+ people crammed into it You have been somewhere and had your ride leave without you You have accepted a ride home from someone you barely knew You were in a relationship at this time 1 year ago You were in a relationship 6 months ago You were in a relationship 1 month ago You have bought helium balloons just to make funny voices with them You have gotten a speeding ticket You own a t-shirt that supports your favorite band You have won free tickets to a concert You have won money from scratch-off cards You have bought cigarettes when you were underage You use hairspray on a daily basis You have argued with someone today You believe in love at first sight You are a vegan You are Wiccan You have played with a Ouija board You have visited somewhere said to be ‘haunted’ You drive a vehicle newer than a 2006 You own a digital camera You have taken photographs of yourself simply because you were bored If you could, you would spend a week in the 1920’s You would rather vacation at a ski resort over a beach house You have been on a cruise in the Caribbean You are lactose intolerant You sunburn easily You have freckles You have a birthmark You have questioned your beliefs You have questioned your sexuality You are emancipated from your parents You live on your own You live with a boyfriend/girlfriend You live with at least 3 roommates Your mom was a teen when she had you You are adopted You have considered adoption in your future You want more than four kids You don’t want kids You have children already You model your life after someone you look up to You have had a crush on a celebrity You watch a certain tv show religiously You know the Lord’s Prayer by heart You believe in purgatory You have been to a Bar Mitzvah You didn’t pass the first time you took your driving test You remember exactly where you were and what you were doing on Sept. 11th You got detention You know how to knit You can drive a stick shift You have broke curfew You have graffiti-ed something You own an umbrella You are dating the last person you kissed You have kissed someone in the last 24 hours You have kissed more than 3 people in the last year Your last missed call was from a relative You have driven somewhere today You know someone who works at McDonald’s You are diabetic You are hypoglycemic You wear glasses/contacts You have braces You are pregnant You are wearing shorts You are wearing at least 3 pieces of jewelry at the moment You have let someone use you, when you knew they were You have done something you really regret You have told someone something you really wish you could take back You have done something that ruined a friendship You are on non-speaking terms with a relative You have taken back an ex You have been taken back by an ex You have dumped someone and later wondered if it was the right thing You have broken someone’s heart You had your heart broken You have ignored someone who liked you in favor of someone you liked more You have accidentally led someone on You have intentionally led someone on You have been led on You have been hit on by someone of the same sex You have continued to see someone knowing they weren’t looking to date You have received a love letter You have had a secret admirer You know someone with the same name as you You know someone with the same first & last name as you You know someone with the same birthday as you You know someone with the same birthday/birth year as you You have been told you looked like a certain celebrity You are taller than your mom You are taller than your dad You are a legal adult You are currently attending a four-year university You are a psychology major You are an education major You are a business major You are a criminal justice major You have had a Mr. Lewis as a teacher You have had a Mrs. Brown as a teacher You know someone with the last name ‘Harper’ You know someone named ‘Muhammad’ You go to school with a ‘Travis’ You work with a ‘Heather’ You have dated a ‘Gavin’ You have held hands with a ‘Brett’ You have hugged a ‘Megan’ You have went out to eat with a ‘Wyatt’ You have been to the movies with a ‘Stephanie’ You are related to a ‘Jason’ You have a sister named ‘Breanna’ You have a brother named ‘Adam’ You have an aunt named ‘Carrie’ You have an uncle named ‘Kevin’ You have rode in a car with a ‘Rachel’ You have flirted with a ‘Brock’ Your favorite season is Winter Your favorite color is Green Your lucky number is 7 Your favorite animal is a Panda Bear You saw your favorite movie in theaters You have been to a concert of your favorite band You have a cold at the moment You live north of Phoenix, AZ You live south of Detroit, MI You live west of St. Louis, MO You live east of Denver, CO You have visited all 50 states You have visited all 48 contiguous states You have walked around town after midnight You have been stuck on a Ferris wheel when it started storming You have seen a tornado You have been in a hurricane You have thrown up in a restaurant You have passed out in a public place You couldn’t live without your caffeine You have been to the emergency room more than 5 times You have slept more than 24 hours in one sleep session You have received a compliment today You have given someone a false phone number so they couldn’t call you You have introduced yourself with a name other than your own You have given out someone else’s phone number than your own You have convinced someone you had a twin You have convinced someone you had a sibling that didn’t really exist You have taken someone’s virginity You have gotten in the car and drove off with no destination in mind You have taken the long way home just so you could jam out to some tunes You have thought of taking up a hippie-care-free lifestyle You have seriously considered legally changing your name You have walked around in your underwear when no one was home You have gambled online You have fallen for someone you told yourself you wouldn’t fall for You have smoked a whole pack of cigarettes in a matter of hours You have drank so much you blacked out You have been bit by a snake You have been bit by a dog You wish at 11:11 You have found a four leaf clover You pick up pennies for good luck You don’t really believe in luck You have remained good friends with an ex You have been a flower girl/ring bearer in a wedding You have been a best man/ maid of honor in a wedding You have been to a funeral this year You have been to a baby shower this year You have been to a bachelor/bachelorette party this year You have been to a 21st birthday party this year You have been to a graduation party this year You have been to a going away party this year You have been to an anniversary party this year You love the smell of fresh-cut grass You have seen a sunset and then stayed awake to see the following sunrise You have borrowed someone’s coat/sweatshirt and never gave it back You have used an excuse (cold, scared, etc.) to get to cuddle with someone You have died in a dream You have gotten a call from someone and wondered how they got your number You have laughed out loud at something you were thinking of You have gotten lost and ended up in at a completely different destination You have run out of gas before You have done something just because you knew you weren’t supposed to You have been grounded for longer than a month You have babysat more than one child under 10 at a time You have called in sick to work because you were hungover You have stared at the dots on your ceiling and saw pictures in them You have stayed more than 3 days in the hospital You have pretended to be something you weren’t for someone else You have danced in front of the mirror in private You have dialed a wrong number and it turned out to be someone you knew You have been to the Atlantic ocean You have told someone you were fine when you really weren’t You have copied someone else’s homework You have read an entire book in one sitting You have spent more than $100 on a pair of jeans You have taken gymnastics You have taken a karate class You have taken a yoga class You have written something on a dollar bill You have eaten peanut butter right out of the jar You have drank milk straight from the carton You have tried roasting marshmallows using a candle flame You feel like you have no life because you completed this

-

[RED] You have a fiery personality You get angry easily Red is your favorite color Spicy food is your favorite You’re a red-head You like fire You’re patriotic You’ve had sex this week Cherries or strawberries are your favorite fruit You blush easily Number: 5

[ORANGE] You love tropical vacations You put cheese on almost everything Orange is your favorite color You’re Irish You watch Orange Is the New Black You’ve been to prison You’re a very cautious person You’re from Florida You’ve lost someone to Leukemia Aquaman is your favorite superhero Number: 1

[YELLOW] You’re blonde You get scared easily You love the sunshine Summer is your favorite season Yellow is your favorite color You’re very loyal Lemon is your favorite scent You like to take things slowly You don’t brush your teeth everyday You have a lot of friends Number: 4

[GREEN] You love money You like to smoke weed You get jealous easily You’ve had absinthe Your birthday is in May Green is your favorite color You’ve been in the army/are an Army brat You love nature Reptiles are your favorite animals You’re always on the go Number: 4

[BLUE] You love the ocean You suffer from depression You’re pretty good at staying calm Blue is your favorite color You enjoy studying the sky You’re related to royalty Swimming is your favorite thing to do in the summer You spend too much time on Facebook People find you soothing Blueberries are your favorite fruit Number: 3

[PURPLE] You get bruised easily You’re not straight Grape is your favorite fruit Purple is your favorite color You watched Barney as a kid You use Instagram You like eggplants You’re loyal Your birthday is in February You have dark skin Number: 5

[PINK] You like your steaks rare You’re very feminine You’re in love Pink is your favorite color You shop at Victoria’s Secret You own at least one Polo You like to kiss Mean Girls is your favorite movie You like ham sandwiches You’re very upbeat Number: 4

[SILVER] You feel like an afterthought a lot You’re classy You’re middle class You enjoy classical music New Year’s Eve is your favorite holiday Silver is your favorite color You save change You like to build people up You have a pet horse You’re great at keeping your cool Number: 4

[GOLD] You’re a show-off You enjoy the finer things in life Gold is your favorite color You own your own car You like getting attention You listen to hip-hop You wear a lot of jewelry People borrow money from you a lot You demand to come first in people’s lives You own a lot of things with glitter Number: 2

[BLACK] You’re very serious You have a lot of tattoos You’re obsessed with death You listen to metal regularly Black is your favorite color You watch a lot of old movies You wear a lot of eyeliner Hot Topic is your favorite store in the mall You buy things off Etsy You can name at least one Edgar Allen Poe poem Number: 2

[WHITE] You love snow You’ve done cocaine You expect to get whatever you want White is your favorite color You’re a virgin You want a big wedding You love to go sailing or skiing You’re a very honest person You’re pale You like the simple things in life Number: 3

[GREY] You’re morally ambiguous Elephants are your favorite animal You’re older than 50 You have grey hairs Grey is your favorite color You love big cities Thunderstorms are your favorite kind of weather You cry often You like to be different than the average person You like to work with electronics Number: 4

[BROWN] You’re very down to earth You love outdoorsy activities You don’t wash your hair every day You enjoy eating nuts Bread is your favorite food Brown is your favorite color You like to work with wood You hate shaving Dogs are your favorite animal You like to go antiquing Number: 3

Your color is: red & purple

Life is Strange - the simple truth

It was a long day for Lisa. She stretched her roots, squeezed her leaves and looked around the small room in Blackwell Academy.  “All right, I’m up, where is my water?” she murmured, with a totally blank expression on her face (the one she didn’t have because you know... she’s a plant).

“She forgot to water you again, my mistress?” asked a squirrel who just jumped on window frame. His name was Victorious, but everybody called him Sticky Viki, mostly because his mouth was always full of resin and nuts. Victorious was accompanied by another of his kind, a smaller squirrel called Maximus. It would be reasonable to assume that everybody would call him Max, but Lisa hated that name. She wasn’t sure why, but it in her plant mind it was associated with indecisive people who were traveling back and forth in time and kept forgetting about their duties.

“She always forgets!” squeaked Maximus, and his little grey body shook in disgust.

“She deserves to be punished! Bitch doesn’t give you water, she’s gotta get got.” – Sticky Viki opened another bag of nuts and started eating. He was already full after going through every trash can in the neighborhood, but don’t judge.

“Damn right. I’m gonna get all the water that she forgot to give me, create a huge freaking tornado and shove it up her ass!”

The squirrels shut up immediately.  

“Ass…?” one of them whispered in shock. “Like how…?” The silence was so persistent that they could hear Lisa’s leaves moving back and forth.

“Eh... I’m not sure if that’s a great idea,” said Maximus. The other squirrel grew pale and almost fainted.

Lisa was about to explain how important it is to punish every single slave that pays more attention to stupid photography than doing their errands. And she had to sit in this building where a bunch of crazy people were killing each other over photo sessions, drugs and pregnancy tests. Unbearable.

“Oh, hello there,” Said the doe, coming closer to the building and breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“Oh, hi Rachel!”

“Don’t call me Rachel. Rachel means sheep. How many times have I told you that I’m a freaking deer?”

“You look... hmm transparent today.” Lisa looked down from the window at the glittering animal. “Too much sun? Stop tanning that much!”

“Don’t tell me what to do! I’m an independent, wild and free animal, I can do whatever I want.” Rachel’s hooves trembled with anger. Then she calmed down a little and added: “But you are right, I think it’s the weather. Or…” Rachel thought for a moment. It was usually a painful process and didn’t go well. “Or maybe because I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!”

Lisa exchanged knowing looks with Sticky Viki and Maximus. The squirrels nodded sadly. Rachel had some problem with general perception. Once she started to eat punk shirts, plastic bags and other rugs in the junkyard she was never the same. Unfortunately, there were no therapy sessions for does. Transparent does especially.

And you can’t tell a deer what to eat.

“So, you’re planning a tornado, huh?” said Rachel, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “It would be fun.”

“Wouldn’t it be a little dangerous?” asked Maximus reluctantly.

“Oh, fuck that.” Lisa waved her leaf. “Dangerous for who? Those little creatures called people? I hope so! As for our safety… We can always hide in a bunker. I found one recently - it’s pretty good, with a nice stereo system. And water. Tons of water.”

“Wait… how did you find it?” asked Maximus suspiciously. “You are a plant…”

“So?”

“It means you usually stay in place...”

“So?” Lisa was slowly getting angry. Those creatures didn’t understand her powers, and dared to question her, Lisa, the plant!

That could end badly, but fortunately the interrogation and uncomfortable questions were cut off by yet another visitor.

“Hi guys!” a blue butterfly showed up out of nowhere. “What’s up!?”

The plant and the squirrels moved back a little. This little flying guy had a terrible habit of consuming his lunch, sitting on the janitor’s bucket or on some dead bodies. It was hella creepy.

“Hello Arnold,” said Lisa slowly. She knew that the blue butterfly had some hearing problem and had the attention span of a 5-year old. She had to be loud, clear and patient. “Would you mind creating a tornado for us?”

“A … what?”

“A TORNADO!” Lisa yelled so loudly that squirrels dropped their nuts.

“I heard you the first time.” Arnold shrugged his wings. “But what the fuck do you need a tornado for? Are you nuts?”

“Hey!” said Sticky Viki and Maximus in unison.

“Since butterflies usually don’t last longer than a day, I figured you wouldn’t mind creating a small natural disaster.” Lisa sighed and stretched again. Being the Lady of Arcadia Bay was tiring sometimes.

“Well... sure. What’s in it for me?” Arnold looked at her suspiciously.

Lisa scratched her non-existent head.

“Everybody gonna die?” She tried, with a lovely, most persistent smile that a plant can give.

“Hey, it was my idea!” said Rachel. “I’m consecutively trying to kill everybody in Arcadia Bay, and now you’re saying it’s your revenge plan? Fuck you!”

“The outcome would be the same, what’s your deal?” Lisa slowly regretted being a plant, not a tree. She could at least burn a whole forest with her anger, including all the deer and insubordinate creatures. The only thing she could burn down right now would be tons of polaroid selfies. “You will get more dead people to see. I assumed you would be satisfied.”

Rachel wasn’t sure how she felt about the whole murderous tornado thing, but tried to look on the bright side. As always.

“More dead people to see!” the doe got excited and started jumping all over the lawn.

“More nuts to steal!” yelled Maximus!

“humpffh hummpff humppps,” said Sticky Vicky with a mouthful of food.

Excitement. At last. – Sighed Lisa.

“Peculiar idea, but... why not.” Arnold was willing to cooperate. This was the first good thing that happened to the lady or Arcadia Bay this morning.

 “Can I keep the janitor’s bucket?” the butterfly asked while opening his iPad and going through the weather reports.

“Sure.” She agreed, hoping that the bucket would fly the hell out of this place once the tornado would come. “Even the freaking fire alarm if you want.”

She opened her branches, shook her leaves and yelled:

“Squirrels, does, butterflies and beyond! The time of my revenge has come! We will clean this place out from delinquents, drama queens, water forgetting people and pyromaniacs!”

“I thought we got rid of the pyromaniacs last year?” Rachel frowned.

“There could be more, you never know.”

“Right.”

“Can I name the tornado?” asked Rachel impatiently.

“I thought you hated your name.” Lisa was confused.

“I do! But I don’t like when somebody steals my ideas and doesn’t even care about giving me any credit. It’s unfair...”

‘FINE!” Lisa was already very annoyed. “The tornado will be called Rachel’s Revenge.”

“I think you would have to consult it with the National Hurricane Center,” said Arnold, still above his iPad. The little butterfly’s legs were clicking around as fast as possible. “It’s not up to a doe to name that shit, you know.”

“How do you know, you bucket lover?” Rachel cut him off.

“Fuck off, you limpid deer!”

“Wait!” said Sticky Viki chewing on his nuts. “If everybody is gonna die, who will water you and stuff?”

“I wouldn’t need the water,” Lisa smiled ominously. “I will be thriving on their BLOOD.”

Do you hate people who chew with their mouth open? It’s not my favorite thing in the world. Do you get frequent backaches? Yes.

Do you make your lunch, or does your mother? Or do you buy it? I make my lunch or buy it. Would you try to rescue a beached whale? I don’t think I could do it on my own.

What do you do to protect the environment? Recycle mostly. And I drive a hybrid car. Do you even care what happens to it? Yeah. Are you materialistic or superficial? To an extent. Do you look in the mirror too often? Nah. How hard is it for you to speak up? Depends. What U.S. states have you visited? A handful. Do you enjoy being angry? I do not. Do you think you might avoid happiness simply cause you aren’t used to it? Nope. Are you brutally honest? Depends. Do you think you could change a person? I mean, why would I want to? How important is your virginity to you? Why is it important? Virginity is a social construct. It was never really that important to me, honeslty. Do you ever go on Yahoo! Answers? Nope. Do you love the music on Sims 2? -- What’s the worst kind of music? Anything my brother in law claims is good. Do you think people who drive big Ford trucks are rednecks? I mean, I am sure some are? When somebody tailgates you, do you slow down to fuck with them? No. How prone are you to road rage, anyway? I drive in Chicago, dude, it’s hard not to have road rage. When somebody wants to move in front of you do you speed up or let them in? It depends on if they are moving at a reasonable pace or not. Like this morning someone was merging into my lane but driving the exact same speed as me and then honked when I sped up to let him behind me...like...I’m not gunna stop my car to let you in. Are you passive or assertive? Both? What’s one characteristic that could make you lose respect for somebody? Ignorance. Do you think world peace is possible? Maybe. Wouldn’t you think the world is not as interesting if there was world peace? I don’t know. Do you procrastinate? It’s what I do best. Are you obnoxious or calm? Both? Do you suffer from depression or bipolar disorder? Not that I am aware of. Would you ever have a natural home birth with no epidural? I would never have any birth ever. Are you planning on entering a medical or science career? Nope. How do you feel about people that don’t believe in God? My kind of people. How are your beliefs better? Why do you believe in them? Blah. Do you not really care what you look like? I do and I don’t. Do you like sexist/racist/homophobic jokes? Nope. Do you take life too seriously? Nope.

How do you feel about tomato sauce with chunks of tomato? It’s fine. Do people think you look like either of your parents? Does that offend you? I get my dad more than my mom, and no, it doesn’t offend me.

Do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon? Both. Are you more of a talker or a listener? Both. Do you interrupt when people talk? I try not to, but I’m sure everyone slips up once in a while. Do you think it’s weird when people talk to their pets like people? Nope. Where do most of your relatives live? All over the damn place. I guess most are here, though. What is the last place, other than home, that you stayed overnight? My dad’s. Would you ever buy a motorcycle? Nope. Does your door have to be closed in order for you to sleep? Nope. We never close our bedroom door. The cat would freak out. Do you have anything other than posters or pictures on your walls? A clock. A calendar. A mirror. A chalkboard. A white board. I think that’s all... Have you ever ridden a train? A lot of times. Have you ever done something you told yourself you’d never do? Yup. Have you ever traveled to another country? When I was a baby. Are you tattooed? Or does it freak you out? Yes, I have 8 tattoos. Are you pierced? If so, where? Ears and nose. Are attracted to or put off by people who are heavily pierced or tattooed? Definitely not put off. Have you done anything productive today, anyway? I guess I made it to work? Haha. Eaten anything delicious today? Life cereal. Have you ever taken in a stray animal? Kind of. I found one and it stayed on our back porch. Do you have or want children? I do not have or want children ever. How do you feel about marriage? Ever been close? I am married. Are you confident in your appearance? Not always. Do you enjoying taking pictures? Yes. Do you take pictures of THINGS, or are you just a camera whore? xD Really? Do you believe in “the one” or “soulmates”? For myself, yes. Have you ever dated someone simply for their looks? Nope. What about dating someone simply because you felt too bad to say no? Nope. Are you eating anything right now? I’m about to grab a banana. Does any food always make you sick but you love it too much to not eat it? Nope. How do you feel about alcohol? I like to drink it every once in a while. Have you ever been drunk? Yeah. Do you like orange juice with pulp? I don’t really like orange juice to begin with. Do you scream for ice cream? No. I like it, though. Which orange came first; the color or the fruit? The color, I believe. Are you in school? If so, for what? I work at a school. :P What is your dream job? Event planner. Have you ever experienced a natural disaster? Yeah, a tornado and a flood. Both were minor. Do you feel bad when bad things happen to other people? Or do you not care? If you don’t, do you feel guilty about that? Depends. Aren’t you a little nervous about posting photos online? Eh. I guess I should be. Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? No.

What was the reason you washed your hands last? I peed.

It’s funny how a completely different natural disaster that's not even near you will send you into a panic attack about one you experienced. 

I always joke about it now but it was a horrible experience. And hearing about the devastation, the damage, the homes and irreplaceable things lost.. I guess it's triggering something akin to PTSD? I just need to type it out because I'm afraid to call anyone

In May of 2003 (May was a record breaking month for tornadoes in the US), a category F4 tornado passed through my town and destroyed my home. 20 people were injured and one elderly man was killed.  (Edit: I believe the confirmed death for this tornado was 7, but the one was in my town alone)

Everything was fine that day. The sky was a crystal clear blue, the most beautiful blue I had ever seen. I think it was the last time I could look at the color and for sure say it was blue and not grey or green or purple. No wind, n clouds, just a bright sun in the sky while I cleaned out mom's car. Being the bratty kid I was I slammed everything I took out onto the counter inside our house and stomped back outside.

I thought I had gone blind.

There was nothing but black. Clouds came out of nowhere in a span of minutes. Lightning was striking so close and we could see it. It wasn't the first tornado I've seen but it was the first one that was directly coming towards me. It was the biggest. We moved fast to grab the animals and get our neighbors. They opened the gate so their  cattle could go, and put the puppies in a shelter (except the runt we couldn't find). There was nothing else they could do. We couldn't get one of my cats and had to leave him behind as we took his mom and our two dogs down into our small shelter with us. We had food and water down there we would be fine.

My neighbor and I were panicked about his oldest son, who was with his girlfriend in her trailer. They were lucky, the tornado just barely missed them.  My step-dad and our neighbor held down the trap door over the shelter, really struggling as the tornado passed over us. It could've ripped right off. The hail was huge and loud as it pelted down on us.

It was over in a matter of minutes, maybe even seconds, but the damage was immense. The shed that was over the shelter had collapsed. Our neighbor and his youngest son were thin enough to get out and help get all the debris off so we could get out.

Everything was gone.

What was left of my house was just the foundation, making my beloved home look so much smaller. Our garage was gone. Same with my neighbor's. My step-dad's truck and jeep were thrown into the field across from us, mangled into each other. It was hard to believe they were separate at one point. Mom's tiny car moved three feet but suffered serious damage, it would never run again. The only structure that really stood was what was left of the shed, which only stayed because a dead tree had it's branches wrapped around the walls, keeping it all firm. Keeping the door from being ripped off and us being taken away. Two arcade games that my step-dad built kept a lot of the roof from completely falling onto us, allowing us to get out once it was done.

A train had been derailed from the tracks right next to us. The engine and the cars across the road, spilling coal into my yard. Because of this it took emergency services twice as long to reach us, having to go the long way around to get vehicles to get us out. I think one cop parked to wait and walk over to make sure we were okay while they called people to come move the train.

The air was so calm it was like it never happened. But so thick I thought I was going to die. My entire life had been swept away, just like that. Photographs, important documents, family things.. Gone. Our clothes, my cat, our entire livelihood.

Our neighbor's pups didn't make it, and neither did the adult dogs he had to let loose. We found the runt in the ditch in front of my house and we named her Miracle, she's still with them to this day I think. Getting on in her old age..

It was maybe an hour before the train was moved and emergency vechicles could get through. We were allowed to grab a few things nearby but had to get out fast. I'm glad we grabbed what we could because looters had already gone through the next day when we came back. In a hole, created by lightning, I found a sheet of mine. Soaked and heavy with mud, but otherwise okay. I still have it to this day and I will not sleep without it. Even now it's wrapped around me.

We were helped into the back of a truck once everyone was sure that none of us were badly injured. Cuts and scrapes, but nothing that required immediate attention. We passed by a field that held horses. My mom initially started sobbing because none of them were moving. Then they snapped out of their shock and started to kick and try to get out of their paddock, since there was nothing but heavy trees and iron pieces in their area. I think someone stopped to open the gate, they were branded. They would be found. It was best to let them run than to have them get hurt.

It was a little bit before we found a place to stay, my grandmother letting us be in one of her rented trailers while we looked for a house to rent.

I was still in school. It was hard, going back for those last two weeks. But my teachers were very supportive of me and let me have space. I spent a lot of time in the counselor's room to get caught up on what I missed and to have someone keep an eye on me. She and some of the teachers got some money for me to go get some new clothes, as I only had the sweats I left at my grandma's. I'll never forget their kindness or the care my counselor gave me. It was so weird, having her tell me we were going shopping after lunchtime. And then given a small bag to take to mom which had a bunch of toiletries and food for us.

Mom went through a serious depression. Her and step-dad's fighting got worse. I think right around then was when I really started to hate him and started to seclude myself from everyone. It was the tipping point into my depression and thoughts of suicide. The real start of my explosive anger, not just my weird quirks.

We tried to build a new house and start a new life. But a family friend swindled us and stole a lot of money while 'building' the place. That and the kids in the area we were building were vandalizing the place every day, doing irreversible damage. We should have hired an inspector, as it wasn't something that the city automatically sent out in this area. We trusted him and he ruined our family.  He has the gall to come up and try to speak with me about a decade later. He knows my step-dad will kill him, and he was very lucky I was at work. All I could do was tell him to leave or I'll get someone to make him leave.

We've just now sold the property we tried to build on. I believe mom gave up on the property in Mulberry.

Every year I think I'm fine. Tornado watches don't bother me, and I'm calm-ish when the sirens go off. I've even had to go to the back of my work during one warning, more annoyed than scared. I joke about it, make stupid jokes. But in the back of my mind I know this was going to happen.

I'm going to be older and I won't have any photos of me as a child. They're all gone. I had an argument with an art teacher of why I couldn't do an art thing of me with childhood photos. They were all blown away. I don't remember what I wore, what I looked like, or who I spent holidays with. And I won't.

This put my family into serious debt, even without the thieving 'friend'. We fought constantly and I would often not like to ask for new clothes. I could find something that I like and actually fits (which was rare ) and then I would immediately put it back when I saw the price. That lead to fights as my step-dad yells at my mom for turning me int this.  That lead to more tears in the fitting room. That lead to me feeling guilty for buying things or having to ask for help.

So, now, here I am. 14 years later having a freak out as these stories send me back to what was probably the worst day of my life.

I've finally searched that day in Google, looking up the damage and even finding videos of it. From an outside perspective.. It's amazing. The shear size of the thing.. But living through what I have? I know I'm lucky to be alive.

About the mun

I was tagged by @vehuhia

APPEARANCE:

5′1, otherwise known as vertically challenged

Hair is dark brown but I sometimes dye it black

Boring brown eyes

My hair was pixie cut for ten years so now that it’s long it’s a frizzy mess that I usually keep yanked back in a ponytail because I don’t know what the fuck to do with it but I don’t really want to chop it off again

I have three tattoos, and lots of scars

I don’t own a single pair of shorts. I wear jeans or long pants every. Day. My legs could blind someone.

PERSONALITY:

Hufflepuff and Thunderbird here. I’m nice to everyone, sometimes too nice, and I’m horrifically non-confrontational. Like, the kind of non-confrontational that says ‘fight me’ in jest to my friends and then proceeds like say ‘just kidding’ just in case they decide to punch me in the face this time. If I think someone is mad at me I languish in mental agony for days.

My Patronus is a Basset Hound. This is accurate, as I am much like a dopey dumb dog who’s happy to get any attention. (Also, I share a Patronus with Eddie Redmayne and that is the fucking best.)

I am socially awkward. I go from not saying anything at all to hearing one word about something I nerd over and proceeding to talk a total stranger’s ear off about it. I then apologizing for talking to them. It works out great. I end up looking like a socially awkward freak who’s obsessive and can’t shut up.

I have four Chihuahuas- Rinoa, Jinx, Mojo, and Zeppelin- and a Papillon named Kujo. My dogs are my life. My dogs are my heart and soul and they keep me sane. <3

I live alone. I like living alone. Also, it’s soul-crushingly lonely, but it’s better than rooming with someone I don’t like.

I impulse buy the weirdest shit. Two days ago I ordered a Final Fantasy XV Carbuncle plushie off Etsy. For no reason. Fight me. (Don’t fight me. I am smol.)

I ignore problems instead of taking care of them. I will ignore them forever if I must.

ABILITY:

I can’t cook. At all. No, seriously, you underestimate my lack of ability to cook. I fucked up toast. I wish I could cook, but even cookbooks that say ‘For Dummies!’ look insurmountable to me. I live on microwavable foods and Cup Noodle.

I started as a vocal music performance major in college. So, I’m a decent singer. I can also play the clarinet, the bass clarinet, and the piano.

I cannot art. Stick figures even look bad when I draw them.

I published two novels as a teenager. I don’t talk about them anymore because I hate them now.

I love building props for cosplay. My next project is a Tonberry costume.

I am good at nerd wrangling. I’m a manager at a gaming store. <3 I love my job.

HOBBIES:

Writing, reading, and rp’ing

Playing video games like, all the time

Spending time with my dogs

Singing and playing piano

Watching documentaries

Traveling whenever possible

Cosplay when I can afford it

EXPERIENCES:

I’ve been struck by lightning. I didn’t get superpowers. I was rather upset about that.

I have been to many different countries for a variety of different reasons from singing to karate- England, Canada, France, Germany, Liechtenstein, Austria, Italy, Switzerland, China, South Korea, and Japan.

I absolutely love anything to do with space or natural disasters. I can read nonfiction and watch documentaries on those topics for literally hours on end and not get bored. I am a well of useless trivia about black holes and tornadoes.

I grew up going to a church three times a week in which women were not allowed to stand at the front of the church, instruments weren’t allowed, and the biggest scandal was one woman in the congregation marrying someone who wasn’t white. Left the church at eighteen, and now the thought of going to any church makes me slightly ill.

RELATIONSHIP:

I am your basic straight girl.

I am chronically single at 30. I don’t do well with the whole dating thing, so...yeah. The second someone tries to flirt I turn into a klutz who can’t English. A cute guy smiled at me at Starbucks the other day and I ran into a display of coffee.

MY LIFE:

I’m a manager at a gaming store, and I love my job. My employees are the coolest guys, and I get to talk video games all day. <3

My family is a constant fount of ridiculous drama and I try to stay out of it as best I can because it’s endless stress.

I live in the middle of nowhere in Indiana, in a town surrounded by corn and soybeans. I pass a llama farm every day on my hour commute to work.

RANDOM SHIT

I’ve been mostly rp’ing Gramander lately but I’m open to Final Fantasy XV ideas as well.

I live on reviews on my fanfiction. Literally one of the brightest parts of every day is when my phone lights up with a new review.

When I’m in pain I make bad jokes. Last time I was in the ER after a car wreck I did a great job of entertaining the nurses with awful jokes while waiting to find out if my arm was broken.

I tag anyone who wants to do it!

60 Questions

Are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments? Not learning from anyone, but I'm teaching myself to play ukelele

Are you one of those people who always tend to think critically in issues? i dont 100% understand the question, but i am someone who is constantly thinking critically of myself. I'm not so critical of other people

Do you know anyone who is overly flirty with people? Girl or a boy? Yeah, I've known a few boys over the years who seem incapable of having a girl as just a friend without being flirty

When was the last time you had any kind of pork? What kind was it? Had sausage the other day, but i cant remember what day it was my brain isn't working

Are you someone who normally eats a full breakfast every single morning? i usually eat cereal, unless I'm not hungry or when i have to wake up early for something cause i tend to feel really sick

Do you believe vampires are real? Not the stereotypical Twilight kind. surely not, but then there are some strange people in the world

Is there anyone out there who can give you butterflies in your stomach? Yup

Are you someone who has to hide the things you like around friends? not really, me and my friends tend to like the same things

Have you ever been to a porn website? Were you addicted to it afterword? i have, i used to be friends with someone who while we were on Skype would find it hilarious to send me random links and wait to see my reaction when i click it and end up on some horrid porn site.

What is the most disgusting thing you think the opposite sex can do? Idk, i find it gross when i see guys out in public with their hands down their pants :’) and spitting, i hate seeing anyone walking down the road spitting theres no need and its disgusting

Would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? Which one seems best? Teleport. never have to drive again 👍🏻

Have you seen the movie Twister? Did the tornadoes look real to you? i have not seen it

Have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? Thankfully nope. we don't really have anything that bad in england. we did have a bad hurricane once like over 10 years ago that cause quite a bit of destruction. i was actually in the exact area it hit like 5 minutes before it hit which freaked me out a bit

Did your mom ever fix your eggs and bacon into a smiley face as a kid? i didn't have bacon and eggs as a kid

What fast food place, in your opinion, has the best french fries? i really like burger king’s fries or mcdonalds

Do you believe one day aliens might take over the planet Earth? Nope

Are you someone who always looks for sales when you go shopping somewhere? not really, i have to be in the right mood. i do look when I'm online though

Are you constantly re-arranging your bedroom? Or do you not like change? i used to be someone who rearranged my room a lot (i get it from my mother) but since i moved into my current bedroom 2 years ago its stayed the same way with slight changes to what furniture is in there or the way i arrange my books/ornaments etc

Who would you consider the best teen actor or actress out there now? ones that people will know i think are the actors from stranger things, especially the girl who plays eleven. Also the main two out of the netflix version of ‘a series of unfortunate events’ are brilliant

When did you last cuddle up next to someone and watch a movie? not for ages

Where would people most likely find you out on the weekends? at home :’) i don't really go out

Do you like the school you attend or is it just pretty bland to you? im not in school anymore, but when i was i hated it. its was an absolute dive

Do you remember when they used to actually throw candy out at parades? I've never been to a parade that throws candy.

What is your favorite childhood memory? Who did you share this with? going to my nan and grandads house 3 days a week every summer holiday

Are there any windows open in your house right now? Which ones, if so? nope its cold

Is it currently your favorite season? If not what is your favorite? its just past my favourite season, i like autumn and the part of winter where its christmas

Do you like soda pop? If so, which is your favorite and least favorite? what is soda pop?

Does it bother you when people burp around you or do you do it too? Nope, doesn't bother me at all. I've been bought up in a family that isn't

Do you have any siblings you’re embarrassed about being related to? nope Im proud of my sister

Which noises do you currently hear right now? Can you control those? The telly which i could turn off if i wanted to but i dont. also, cause I'm ill I've got tinatus in my ears

What is one thing you’ve never understood throughout your life? a lot of things

When you see an old person do you think ‘sweet’ or ‘creepy?’ Sweet

What is it that makes old women want so many cats in their life? cats are good company and fluffy and low maintenance

What is one kind of music you’d do anything to not listen to in the car? Scream

When was the last time you babysat, if ever? Did anything bad happen? last time i babysat was last year sometime. nothing bad happened. ill be babysitting a lot more when this foster child comes along

How many times a day do you wash your face? Do you wash it really good? I dont wash it as much as i should. i tend to use face scrub/wash when I'm in the shower

Would you consider yourself to have a boring life or a really exciting one? currently very boring

Do you ever talk to people you met online through webcam? Or is that weird? No, thats weird haha

Who was the last person you kissed and why did you kiss this person? Ugh, I've kinda explained this in previous surveys. he was someone i got very close to and nearly dated but then i freaked out and decided i didn't want a boyfriend. then we didn't talk for a while and he found himself a girlfriend but when we worked on the same theatre production together we got close again. one night he was driving me home from rehearsals and he pulled over into a carpark and was like i want to kiss you and i let him kiss me then he drove me home.. the worse part was he gave me his cold too :’)

How many fish have you owned in your lifetime, so far? Did they all die? we used to have nearly 100 fish in the pond in the garden but one day they all died except one so we called him lucky and took him to live in my grandad’s garden pond. I'm guessing he's dead now cause that was like 15 years ago

When do you think it’s the right age to pass away? when you're ready and when its your time to go

If you were to get drunk right now, how would you most likely act? i dont drink so i wouldn't get drunk

How many people have you kissed in your lifetime, so far? Who were they? just one, read answer to earlier question.

Are you going to post this on a social networking site after you take it? Tumblr

Is there something people in general do that bothers you a lot? Just existing

Has anything supernatural ever happened to you? What were these events? Nope

How many concerts have you seen so far in life? Were they good ones? a lot

Do you like doing anything your friends wouldn’t expect you to do? Yup

Can you sing very well or are you considerably tone deaf? im don't think I'm awful.. i can hold a tune i just don't have a voice that i like

When did you last make a survey? How many people took it so far? i dont make surveys

Would you ever consider becoming a scientist? Why would you or why not? Nope im not smart enough & science was my worst subject at school

Where is your favorite place to go when you’re feeling sad and alone? Tumblr

Have you ever had to call poison control while you were babysitting? Nope…

Do you ever look back on the past years and wish you could go back? a bit, just health wise

When is the next time you’ll talk to the cousin you’re closest to? not sure, were on snapchat quite a bit

Does it bother you when people constantly sign in on MSN? Or not so much? nope i dont use msn anymore

When was the last time you saw a bird? What kind of bird was this? i was watching a robin in the garden earlier

Have you ever seen someone getting beat up by lots of people at one time? yeah I've witnessed a few fights cause i live opposite a pub so we get a lot of drunk people walk past late on weekends and occasionally they have fights

Are you really into vintage things? Have you ever been into that stuff? i like the look of some vintage stuff but I'm not super into it

When was the last time you bought new sheets for your bed? bought myself some new festive bedding in november, so like 2 months ago

This is gonna be a long post so sorry in advance, but it's 2am and dysphoria is hitting me hard, so I figure it's the perfect time for a story. This story will contain BRIEF and non detailed mentions of suicide, but I find it to be a happy story over all.

Alright so, I am currently 20 years old. I came out at 17, but looking back, I've always kind of known that I was trans. I remember being really young, I'm talking maybe 5-7 years old, hanging out with boys in my neighbourhood and feeling out of place. The only time I really felt comfortable and truly happy was when I was with my best friend.

She and I grew up together. Literally. We were born a few months apart, but our mothers had been friends since high school. They were both mothers to us, and we saw eachother as siblings. We were friends since the day we were able to create memories.

I remember being around 6 years old. My friend, who will be refered to as A, and I were playing in the dirt in her backyard. I don't remember exactly what we were doing, but there was a lull in thw action of whatever game we were playing. A was standing beside me pretending to cook or something, and I was just kind of standing there silently thinking, something I did often and still do. I vividly recall looking up at A and thinking "she's so fun and I'm always happy with her. Why don't I feel like that with boys?"

(Obviously my thoughts weren't that clear at that age, but that's the basic gist of what was going through my head)

Fast forward a year or two. I'm with my male friend in his backyard. He lived across the street from me, ans had a massive fort/treehouse type thing. We were walking from his back door toward the fort, and this feeling came over me. I started to wonder if he ever felt the same way I did about relating more to girls than boys. My young, dumb, anxiety filled brain wanted to ask him, but didn't know quite how to go about it without sounding stupid. Somehow I settled on "Hey _____? Do you ever wonder what it's like to be a girl?"

Tgis os the point where, when I look back on these early years, I wonder if what he said paved the way for my internalized fear of my own feelings.

He reaponded with a simple, but powerful, "No. Why would I want to be a girl? Girls are stupid! Why, do you want to be a girl?"

Not wanting to embaress myself, I said something to the tune of "Haha no I was just messing with you."

In hindsight, that was probably the moment I disconnected from reality, because from that day on, I started to become something that I'm not sure I can ever quite recover from. I started doubting myself constantly, and hating myself for every thought I had that didn't match up with what the other boys were like.

In elementary school, I had this constant feeling that I was outside myself. Like I was watching a puppet version of me living out my life. I felt like I had zero control over everything and anything that happened. I would get bullied for dumb stuff, like being German or having a higher voice than the other boys. I never really felt hurt by anything, because no matter how brutal the other kids could be, it didn't feel like they were saying/doing anything to ME. They were attacking this version of me that wasn't actually me. I started to develop a talent for lying and acting.

I still saw A fairly often, but nowhere near as often as I wanted. When I was around her, I felt like she would grab the real me and pull me back into my body. I wish I'd shown her how much I appreciated and needed her, because come high school, we stopped hanging out all together.

Suddenly, my only anchor to reality was gone, and I was permanently dissociated. My lying got worse, or better in a way. My parents would tell me constantly that I should enroll in the drama classes and become an actor because of my "natural talent". I wanted too, and I probably could've done something great had I listened to them. Instead, I listened to my guy friends, who told me drama and acting was girly and gay. Clearly I wanted to avoid those titles, as the last time I expressed my interest in femininity, it didn't exactly go too well.

So, my link to reality is gone, I'm in a permanent state of dissociation, I secretly hate myself, and I can make people believe just about anything I tell them. A recipe for disaster if I ever saw one.

I know, I know, not a very happy story. Just sit tight a little longer. This story gets a lot worse before it starts to get better, but it DOES get better.

I'm now around 14 years old. All my friends think I'm on drugs at all times, and I've begun to develop a serious case of depression, while my anxiety has grown exponentially worse. My high school bullies love to practice their insults on me, since my only response was laughter, hiding the pain I really felt from everyone. I took up smoking cigarettes, and regularly put my body through any kind of abuse I could. I would run full speed into brick walls, get people to hit me with the biggest sticks they could find, set my clothes on fire during lunch hour. You name it. Why? Partially for the laughter and attention it got me, bust mostly, secretly, to punish myself anytime I had thoughts that I deemed wrong.

Then, a small miracle. One of the bullies I mentioned previously, came out to everyone as bisexual. My school was incredibly intollerent, violent, and hateful. Especially towards lgbt peeps. But all of a sudden, one of the most popular boys in the school, not just our grade, admits that he is bisexual, and everyone is completely fine with it.

Before, I felt like I was drowning in the sea, caught in a raging storm, but suddenly there was a raft. Tge storm was still raging, maybe even growing, but at least I had something to grab onto.

And boy did I grab tight. About a month after the boy came out, I went camping with my (new) best friend. He was a brother to me, and had seen me on the rare occasion that I came back to reality from the dissociation and lies. I came out to him on that trip. Not as trans, I didn't even know that transgender was a thing yet. No, I came out as bisexual. I will truly never forget that conversation.

We were walking along a river in the forest, looking for lizards and snakes and the like. There was a brief moment of silence between us, something that rarely happened, and without thinking, I heard myself say "I have to tell you something."

Immediately I started panicking, thinking of anything I could say aside from what I knew was about to fall out of my mouth. Foetunately, I wasn't quick enough, and as soon as he turned around, I basically vomitted the words "I'm bisexual."

Now, technically that was true, but I didn't know that yet. I was freaking out, as we had both made some honestly horrible jokes at the expense of the gay community. He was quiet for a few seconds, which felt like days, but eventually he looked my dead in the eyes and said, "Well, I guess I'm not homophobic anymore."

His words, combined with the genuine care in his smile made me want to fucking cry. And I did, later that night. I hugged him, and just to put him at ease, made a joke that I will not repeat, because it was disgusting and horrible, but it was exactly what we both needed in the moment.

A few months later, I came out as full out gay to our entire friend group. This clearly was not the case, and I knew it was a lie. By then I had realized that I am in fact bisexual, but remember, I am still in the midst of that raging storm of lies and hate. My basic thinking was:

I feel most comfortable around girls.

Girls like boys.

If I like boys, girls will want to hang out with me.

I do like boys, but also girls.

I can pretend to only like boys very easily.

And so I did. Admittedly I went way overboard in the first few weeks. I had never actually met a gay guy, so all I had to go off of was the stereotype we all made fun of back then. After the first 2 or 3 weeks of trial and error, I had everyone, including family and teachers, fully believing I was gay as fuck. And my plan, kind of worked perfectly. My best friend, the one from the camping trip, got a girlfriend, and she ended up spending more time with me than him. She introduced me to her friends, which opened a world that had previously been unknown to me or any of the boys I knew.

High school boys were immature, rude, competitive, and aggressive. High school girls, however, were so incredibly diverse. Every girl I met was different in nearly every way, but had a sense of familiarity with eachother. My depression vanished in a matter of days. My raging storm calmed to a light breeze. These girls would paint my nails and convinced me to give up the buzz cut in favour of the long hair I had always wanted. They introduced me to makeup and music other than rap. The artists showed me the beauty of drawing, and the drama girls taught me how to truly hone my lying into acting. I felt at home with them.

Unfortunately, but predictably, my plan backfired, and crumbled like a brick house in the path of a tornado. After about a year, the "light breeze" began to pick up speed again. I started hating myself more than ever. I was so damn close to what I'd always wanted, but I realised the closer I got that rather than my path to happiness being clear, there was a glass wall in my way. I was allowed to embrace the femininity that I once had to hide, but I was sti'll just another boy to those girls. I wasn't truly one of them as I wanted so desperatly to be. Worst of all, I had started catching feelings for a girl, but couldn't possibly act on them or express them at all without ruining not only the illusion, but all the friendships I had just finally found.

I'll save you the details, but in short, all this came to a point and I ended up attempting suicide. I was sent to a psychiatric ward, and my friendships, both male and female, began to erode.

Instead of watching everything I lied so hard to achieve turn to dust, I decide to use my new acting abilities (sharpened in drama classes that the girls talked me into) to fool the doctors, nurses, and psychiatrists into letting me out before a single one of my issues had been addressed.

Don't ask me how I managed it, because I still don't have a clue, but I did it. I somehow managed to convince everyone I was perfectly fine, and was released after only a week and a half. This was the first in a line of horrible mistakes made by yours truly.

So, I return to school. I expect I'll have to tell everyone why i missed a week and a half of school, and showed up with a mostly true story. I never got to use my story, however, because my school counselor had already managed to inform the entire school that I was "suicidal and extremely depressed". While that was true, that is the furthest from how I wanted everyone to find out.

To save time, I'll skip over the events that took place in those few weeks, to my second admittance to the ward. This time, I was filled with rage and wanted not only my own death, but the death of anyone who got on my nerves. This is when my anger issues started to take root.

My raging storm had developed into a devastating hurricane, and my raft was torn to splinters. Only this time, I wasn't at the mercy of the storm, I was the storm. At one point, the ward staff had to call 3 security gaurds in to get me to return to my room without anyone being injured. I was so lost in my rage and hatred that I milked the shit out of it, and got off the idea that 3 buff ass dudes were needed to return my 90 lbs butt to my room out of fear that I was actually going to make an attempt on someones life. Not my proudest moment to be sure. This is when my friendships were nearly all dying, if not already dead. I ended up making some friends in the ward, who helped me get to place mentally where the staff felt I was safe to be released.

A month later, I was in a new ward. An adult ward this time. With no one my age to talk to, and having very recently become anti social (the real definition, not asocial or shy, though I am very introverted), I turned to the bookshelf as my only companion. I found a book about lgbt definitions and information, and decided to read it for no real reason. I was skimming through pages rather quickly, not really reading or retaining anything, just sort of looking at the ink on the paper. Eventually a saw a word I had never heard before; Transgender.

My curiosity got the best of me, and I started to read the paragraphs. Almost immediately, I realized that I connected with what I was reading. I read the entire book that night.

The next day, my mom came in for a visit. It was my 17 birthday. The first thing I said to her when she walked into my "room", was "mom? I think I'm transgender."

Without a hint of hesitation, she simply looked at me and said, "okay."

After 17 years of hating myself, doubting myself, and punishing myself for something I didn't understand, my mother was able to accept it immediately. I'm not exaggerating. We spend the day discussing it, and she had absolutely no problem with it at all. She supported me not just from day one, but from minute one. It took her a few months to get used to she/her pronouns, and she did get frustrated at my changing my name every few weeks, but she never stopped supporting me. It's been 3 years since I came out. I have exactly one friend whom I didn't meet until I dropped out of highshool, and I have my mom. And you know what? I'm happy.

I struggle still, obviously, with anger, depression, anxiety, antisocial personality, and now gender dysphoria, but thanks to the two amazing women in my life, I'm working through it all. I'm getting better. And my transition has finally begun.

As a side note:

This story ended up being WAY longer than I originally intended. I started with the intent to only talk about the time I asked my friend if he ever wondered what it was like to be a girl when I was like 7 or something, but it kinda spiraled into my life story. So I want to give a little detail to my friend A from early in the story. We've grown apart and haven't seen eachother in years, but we do still consider eachother friends, and as crazy as it may sound, she came out as a HE around the same time I came out as a SHE. We literally swapped. Neither of us knew the other was trans until well after we came out, so we had a good laugh about it. Life is crazy hunh?

Charles Maris and I wanted to go on a cruise so we try and ask everyone to go. So my job was to message Sean, hey we are planning to go on a cruise, do you want to go?? And he doesn't really reply, he declines later and I felt like he hated me. But then he messages me a bit later and he says that he has to cook for his mom at 4pm everyday so he can't go. And then for some reason I'm teleported in front of him and he smiles at me.... and I fall for it. But I feel so guilty that I walk away from him, but he pokes me and giggles. Even though I feel guilty I fall for him because alex was such a jerk in my dream... all he cared about is himself . Sigh. I love Thai people because they care about their family so much.. which was such a good attribute of him.. anyway we still plan the cruise and everyone goes! Acacia Andrew bow Kyle mina Daniel Brian linh Alex I Chibi Gage . We get over the requirement needed to go on the cruise. And then for some reason I'm calling chibi and this small tornado of rain falls on Chibi, then it falls on me! So I move around and freak out and hang up on Chibi because it starts to follow me around! That was scary. My greatest scare is natural disaster following me... AND that's sums up the dream.. emotional wreak

216.

survey by brelee

What was the last thing you had to eat and drink?   Prawn cocktail crisps and some Pepsi max.

Do you take any prescription medications?   Yes - tranexamic acid for my periods, but I only take them 2-3 days per month.

Do you enjoy lore?   No, not especially.

Are you afraid of what's in the ocean?   I’m fascinated by the oceans and what’s in them, but I totally understand why the darkness and depth of them really freaks some people out.

Do you think there are people who are capable of doing magic?   Not genuine magic, but obviously there are some amazing tricksters and illusionists out there.

Do you ever like to take a drive late at night?   I love being a passenger at night but not a driver.

When was the last time you visited a museum, if ever?   Uhh years ago. I don’t really like museums - my parents dragged me to so many when I was younger that i really put me off.

Would you ever own a horse, or have you?   I’d love to own one but financially it’s way out of my reach. Just the cost of livery, food, tack etc. is extortionate - let alone the cost of the horse itself.

What is your favorite memory related to rain?   There isn’t anything specific that comes to mind right now.

Does small talk bother you?   It doesn’t bother me as such, but I’m not very good at it and always end up feeling painfully awkward and like I’ve made a fool out of myself.

Do you ever experience sensory overload?   Definitely. I really, really struggle with it actually - loud noises, crowds, smells - I just find it really overwhelming and have to go and be alone.

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?   Yeah, I hate admitting I’m wrong - that doesn’t mean I won’t do it, though.

What do you think you'll be doing 5 years from now? What do you want to do?   I don’t really plan that far ahead as things are always changing and I wouldn’t want to end up being disappointed in myself.

Have you ever written a love letter?   Yeah.

Do you have a hard time making up your mind?   I’m really indecisive when it comes to minor things like choosing where to go for lunch, but I find it really easy to make major life decisions like quitting a job lol.

What's your favorite charity that you support?   Beagle Welfare.

What color are the shoes you wear the most?   They’re black.

Do you consider violet to be purple or blue?   Purple.

If anything was an Olympic sport, what could you win gold for?   Taking surveys.

Have you ever experienced bad karma?   I don’t believe in karma.

Would you rather have whiskers or claws like a cat?   Claws - they’d be great for fighting off attackers and you can always retract them and use your hands normally.

What's something you have a strong opinion on?   Religion.

Do you prefer driving, riding shotgun, or being in the backseat while on the road?   Driving - sitting in the back is a guaranteed way to give me motion sickness and even riding shotgun can cause me issues, lol.

If you ever played Mario Kart, what character did you always choose to play as?   Mario or Peach.

Do you believe that big foot is real? No.

Do you like to learn about different cultures?   Yes.

Do you stay awake til 3am often?   No, I did it all the time as a student/teenager and when I worked the late shift at work, but nowadays I’m normally asleep by 11.30am - maybe a bit later during the holidays.

Do you know anyone or have you ever been bitten by a wild animal?   Nope, just dog/cat bites.

What's the closest object to you that is blue?   The light on the internet router.

When did you last feel full of life?   Yesterday when I did a new move riding and the wind was in my hair and it all felt like it finally came together and I just felt free.

What do you normally daydream about?   Life in general, lol.

Have you ever seen a tornado?   Nope, thankfully we live somewhere with very few natural disasters.

What was the last thing you apologized for?   Treading on the cat, lol.

Do you ever do anything specific for the full moon?   No - is that even a thing?

Do you know anyone or do you practice witchcraft?   My cousin claims to but TBH I think it’s all a load of bollocks, lol.

When was the last time you were sick?   Luckily quite a while ago. I barely seem to get sick now I work outdoors and never see other people, hahah.

What was the last thing you purchased?   Candles for my wax burner and some dog treats as it was cheaper to order the treats instead of paying for delivery lol.

Do you ever plant flowers for the bees?   No, I’m really not very green-fingered.

What makes you feel powerful?   My dog coming back when I call him, lol.

What was your last coffee order?   Iced coffee.

If you had to wear a crown, what would you want it to look like?   A silver tiara with diamonds and rubies.

What was the last thing to scare you?   I can’t remember.

Do you have to sleep with a blanket to sleep well?   Yeah, under a blanket is vital to me, but I often have a foot or a leg out.

Watermelon or strawberries?   Watermelon.

Do you own any clothing in the shade of navy blue?   Yeah, jeans and jumpers, plus some vest tops and pajamas.

What was the last thing that caught your eye while shopping?   A cake, lol.

What's your top 3 groceries you buy each time you grocery shop?   Bread, milk, butter.

Do you ever listen to the radio while driving or bluetooth?   I plug my phone in and play music via Spotify - my car doesn’t have Bluetooth.

Have you ever had a peach smoothie?   Nope.

What's the last song you sang out loud?   I honestly don’t remember.