#how is THIS being overlooked while Aziraphale is taking all the blame for how shit went down in the finale. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wanna-b-poet31 · 5 years

Text

Aziraphale Addresses His Abuse

In case anyone cares, here are some more musings about the significance of Aziraphale’s confrontation of his abuse in Good Omens. This is an extension of a segment in my longer piece: An Angel in Recovery

Needing Closure

After Aziraphale finally admits that Heaven is like an abusive parent, he needs to come to terms with the fact that he’s got >ALOT< of shit to deal with. Not least of which is his internalized self-loathing as evident in the above gif where we can see his association with “soft” as a negative trait. And we all KNOW Crowley would fight Gabriel for personally helping to instill the belief that he’s a “bad angel” for being kind and compassionate, and loving humanity >and Crowley<.

But, choosing a side is not closure.

What it is, is a support system and a promise to help build up Aziraphale’s confidence. Choosing his side provides safety, and it strengthens his relationship with Crowley, but choosing Crowley alone will not address his underlining trauma. While he now acknowledges that his 6000-year treatment is fucked up (like really fucked up), it is but only one step on his journey towards recovery.

Once Aziraphale chooses Crowley, to be his partner, to stop Armageddon, to defend humanity, he indeed realizes that the line between Heaven’s abuse and the threat of Hell’s is a fucking thin one. Both adversaries team up to actively destroy everything the Ineffable Husbands love, employing gaslighting, physical attacks, or emotional traumatizations to achieve their goals.

In order to have the closure that he desperately needs to properly cope with his trauma, he needs to confront his abusers and reclaim his sense of self, reaffirming his choices to pick the healthy support system that is Crowley.

There are four distinct moments where he gets his closure: With Heaven, With Shadwell, with Gabriel, and finally, with Hell.

Defying Heaven

I didn’t note this before, but Aziraphale’s first direct act of defiance is to his duties as a leader of Heaven.

After Aziraphale has picked a side, he is...inconveniently discorporated...and sent into the den of lions that is Heaven. Now, having realized that no one in Heaven has Earth’s best interests at heart, he walks in with his eyes wide open to the abuse and unhealthy nature of Heaven. Once he is face-to-face with his “duties” as an Angel thrust upon him. And how is he, a principality, an angel of heaven, treated?

Like dirt.

The Quartermaster >yup weird mustache guy is named “quartermaster”< berates him for losing his body (that up until that point had never been discorporated before) and being a “pathetic excuse for angel”. The verbal abuse is strong in this scene because, as the above gif shows, Aziraphale flinches at his words, visibly becoming uncomfortable with the treatment. And, instead of denying the problem or repressing his feelings, he sees Heaven for the nasty “parent” that it is.

And then we see Aziraphale finally. fucking. snap.

For the first, but not the last, time we see Aziraphale assert his own desires to heaven. Although in the garden he clearly asserts his desires and kindness by giving Eve and Adam his sword, he lies about where it’s been to both God and Gabriel. He does not lie here. He makes a choice and he does not back down. He deflects blame somewhat, but he admits that the sword is gone, and righteously asserts that his actions were just.

When the Quartermaster yells abuse at him, then tries to control Aziraphale, promising to overlook his “indiscretion” if he gets in line “now”, Aziraphale fumbles for a second but then comes out in full force.

He. says. no.

Not only that, he tells Heaven, on no uncertain terms, that he wants no part in waging war against humanity or Hell. This act of agency defies the hold Heaven has on him, and where, in the past, he would have suffocated on his own repression instead of acknowledging Heaven’s actions as wrong, he won’t be silent any longer. Heaven isn’t used to being told they’re in the wrong, and it lends to their overall power over all angels. But, Aziraphale does it anyway, knowing full well what the consequences are if they retaliate.

But, he’s chosen his side and damn it all if they think he’s not going to see it through until the end.

Instead of denying there’s a problem with Heaven’s behavior, he demands to be returned to Earth so he can call/contact Crowley and stop the war from starting in the first place. Finally!!! His own wants and needs above the toxic, controlling parent that is Heaven.

And more than that, he tells Heaven the truth. Up until this point he had repressed his misgivings about Heaven’s actions, lying through his teeth to Heaven about his true feelings towards humanity. But here, when faced with an ultimatum, he tells the truth and DEMANDS to be sent back to Earth.

Heaven, it seems, now is not worth the effort. He has a support system he trusts implicitly and without question -- Crowley. The control Heaven used to have on him has been replaced with defiance and anger because of their cruelty to him, to Crowley, and to humanity.

He has some closure!

Handling Homophobia

Then there is Shadwell.

So full disclosure. I haven’t really talked about Shadwell in many of my metas because of all of the abusers in Good Omens, I'm most triggered by his homophobic behaviors. I grew up closeted and queer around people like Shadwell (although they were admittedly less dooms-day focused). I have some family like him and his constant usage of homophobic slurs towards Aziraphale hits close to home. Sorry if this isn’t as detailed as my other sections, disregarding Shadwell is a form of self-care.

It is clear with his introduction that Shadwell is dismissive of most people. For example, he elects to call Tracy “Jezebel” and other derogatory terms for her profession, only treating her kindly after she retires. For Aziraphale, he calls him “Southern Pansy”, which is a major slur in the UK for gay men.

With Crowley, Shadwell is less brash. Sure he still fanatical about abusing witches, and wants to milk the situation for as much money as he possibly can, but when he approaches Crowley at the diner, he speaks with a kind of timidness that looks like he’s seeking validation for his actions. I assert this because he’s not scared of Crowley but genuinely sees him as an ally. While it could just be a ploy to get more money out of Crowley, he doesn’t talk back or insult Crowley around him.

However, I firmly believe Crowley would absolutely beat the shit out of Shadwell for his treatment of Aziraphale.

When we look closely at how Shadwell talks to Aziraphale, he is clearly directly manipulative and verbally abusive. He purposefully takes advantage of Aziraphale’s kindness to better line his own pockets by falsely reporting the existence and death of his “soldiers”. Then, out of earshot, he berates Aziraphale for what he presumes his sexual identity is. While Aziraphale is canonically a queer masculine-presenting non-binary entity, Shadwell percieves Aziraphale’s behavior as a net negative (which it absolutely isn’t!!! Fuck Shadwell’s transphobia and homophobia). He uses his prejudice and homophobia to show that he does not view Aziraphale as worth the same respect that Crowley (who somehow Shadwell does not read as genderqueer) is shown.

Shadwell’s abuse is less all-encompassing than Heaven’s, but it’s just as significant because of his dismissive attitude towards Aziraphale devaluing non-normative gender presentations and is generally meant to be hurtful. He is meant to be Aziraphale’s ally, or perhaps his employee. But the homophobic slurs shows malice. Although not as hidden as Heaven, the abusive nature of Shadwell is just as damaging, and the insult is intended to belittle and demean Aziraphale.

This all comes to a head after finding Madame Tracy is angelically possessed by Aziraphale, Shadwell verbally attacks Aziraphale with the slur again. And Aziraphale, who just faced Heaven and walked backward into Hell, is not having any of the homophobic behaviors.

This whole interaction is a relatively “small” moment compared to his defiance of Heaven, but it shows he’s one step closer to confronting the bigger, more direct, abusers in his life. Defying Heaven was monumental but vague, it’s one thing to defy an organization, or even defy expectations, but to defy individuals is harder, more personal, and confronting the struggle helps give Aziraphale closure against homophobia.

The One Where Gabriel’s a Dick

The next confrontation is with Gabriel, the primary abuser for 6000 years. While all of Heaven is abusive, Gabriel specifically singles out Aziraphale, belittles his interests (even when Gabriel himself indulges in some less than angelic behaviors like wrath and indulging in nice, expensive human clothing). He is a vehicle for many of the specific actions that traumatize Aziraphale.

Although I don’t doubt Aziraphale could cut Gabriel with his flaming sword, the most powerful weapon in his arsenal is his words. He defends Adam’s choice to not destroy the world and confronts Gabriel’s use of the “great plan” vs. the ineffable one. Aziraphale knows that poking at Heaven’s excuse for destroying humanity won’t hold up. Adam’s right, there is no rationale for waging war except “to see whose gang’s the best”. Speaking up like that, against a director of war, is ballsy, but Aziraphale does not care. He needs to confront the horrendous way Gabriel/Heaven has treated him, humanity, and Crowley.

And who supports him through this cathartic moment?

Crowley.

With a single glance, Crowley interjects and comes through, supporting Aziraphale’s (extremely clever) plan to protect Adam and the world. Based on Gabriel and Beelzebub’s confused reactions Crowley realizes Heaven and Hell don’t actually know what they’re doing. Aziraphale has them dead to right with his cleverness and devotion to humanity. Stepping closer to Aziraphale, protectively behind Adam, he pushes until Heaven and Hell are forced to admit defeat.

It’s a beautiful confrontation. A perfect FUCKKKKKKK YOU to the embodiment of his abuse, with his support system helping give him the confidence he needs to push past his insecurities and execute his plan.

Facing His Fears: Hell or Highwater

The last distinct moment is the switch.

While Hell specifically hasn’t actually targetted Aziraphale, they have done something worse. Attacked his support system. So, Aziraphale returns in kind, confronting his partner’s abusers head on. And look at the absolute GLEE he takes in showing off how indestructible to Holy Water his partner is. He’s making a performance of daring all of Hell to come after them, terrorizing them like they terrorized Crowley and him.

It’s also him coming to terms with the fact that yes, it’s him and Crowley against the (divine) World. The switch is so significant for so many reasons, but the primary one is that it allows Aziraphale the ability to face his biggest fear -- Hell -- and not flinch.

The Threat of falling (like from Uriel/Michael/Sandalphon) and going to Hell terrifies our loveable bastard angel. He knew that he was disposable to Heaven, but he’s indisposable to Crowley. This confrontation allows him to come to terms with the unhealthy power dynamic of Heaven and begin the rest of his life with Crowley as equals.

Once he returns home, to Crowley, he’s not fully recovered (recovery is a process, not a finish line) but he’s faced all of his abusers.

He has closure.

TLDR: Aziraphale is on the road to recovery with Crowley. #lovewins

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

280 notes · View notes