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lotusthewriter · 1 year

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What I've Done - Chapter 1

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist (2003)

Rating: T

Relationships: Alphonse (Wrath) & Edward

Characters: Alphonse Elric (Wrath), Edward Elric, Sloth, Dante, Envy; other characters to be added

Summary: "As soon as the homunculus decides to shove these feelings down his throat and take the alchemist to Dante for once and for all, his troubled opponent finally dares to say something that stops the world from going.

“... Al?”

It paralyzes Wrath."

A Homunculus Alphonse Elric AU.

Word count: TBA

AO3

A/N: I thought of this AU back in 2021 and it changed a lot since then, but I was at least able to write the first chapter and hopefully the second will be up soon. The rest of the AU is mostly loose concepts and I'm not sure if I'm really going to finish this story concisely, I was still excited to introduce this AU in writing form.

I will be adding the trigger warnings for the whole AU, not this chapter necessarily. Please read them and try to look after yourself if you can.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - death, repressed trauma, child abuse, physical and emotional abuse, emotional neglect, canon-typical violence, self-sacrifice, suicidal thoughts, blood and injury and loss of limbs. (More might be added)

P/roship DNI.

“It’s time.”

Someone like him could easily be spotted and not recognized as a human. Pale skin, purple eyes, purely long, black hair… and in his case, two limbs that don’t belong to this body. Whoever it must belong to, Wrath is not aware.

Everyone else already got to meet the young alchemist that seeks the Philosopher’s Stone. Wrath, however, has never actually left Dante’s mansion until now. When she wasn’t teaching him alchemy, Wrath would be alone in his room, bored out of his mind, but knowing he couldn’t leave or do anything about it.

This is the very first time the homunculus goes on a mission. He’s all on his own. Well, even if he wanted help, he wouldn’t get it: either because they don’t care about him, or they outright hate him. So, he’s not entirely disappointed by being alone. If anything, Wrath has gotten used to it.

He only has one mission: bring the alchemist back to the homunculi, alive. They failed in the first try, but Dante rests assured that Wrath will change the course of fate.

The boy is driven by his want to impress Dante and the other homunculi, so they would finally see that Wrath is worth something. He’s trained a lot to be part of their battles, and he needs to prove himself useful if they want him around.

Thus, Wrath is hidden behind the endless green of the forest, moving slowly, not making a single sound. While Dante receives her former student, he hunts down the alchemist in the wild, knowing he stormed off outside.

“You know what to do.”

It’s simple.

It doesn’t actually take too long to find a presence in the wild, not much far from the mansion. Wrath, already camouflaged, takes a peek where the light touches. Immediately, he detects braided hair, blond like gold, and overall black clothes. From this angle, the alchemist looks… short. He’s young but that was the only detail Wrath was informed of.

The teen appears to be thinking, hands inside his pockets. He’s rather quiet, looking up at the sky. Judging by his low shoulders, the prodigy seems… sad.

Wrath will definitely be detected.

So, he waits.

Observes.

For someone with such lively colors, the alchemist doesn’t reflect on them at all. He’s seeking the Philosopher’s Stone, like every other alchemist who tried, so he must be trying to bring someone back, right?

Before Wrath can even wonder, the homunculus shakes his head to focus instead on his enemy’s movements and noises, to advance in the perfect moment.

After a couple more minutes of nothing, Wrath is a bit surprised when the other boy takes something in his hand. The former can’t see it very well from here, but he hears an opening noise, kind of metallic.

“... Don’t forget…”

Wrath is able to leave the tree, slowly, as the blond’s attention is entirely on whatever is in his hand. The former’s arm has already been transmuted into a blade made of stone, so he can threaten the alchemist with it. If he’s fast enough, that is.

His purple eyes remain focused, whereas the other doesn’t seem to care about the world around him at all. Just this one object.

“... I won’t.”

Wrath does not make a sound.

The perfect spot.

“I promise,” the tired voice speaks out to the above, “I’ll make it up to you…”

Now.

Yet whatever name the alchemist was going to say, is never known.

Because he’s quick to also use a blade of metal out of his right arm, defending himself from Wrath’s attack.

But the homunculus is not going to give up so easily. He’ll do whatever it takes, for everyone’s sake.

The human alchemist is thrown off, panting, eyes wide. Eventually, he seems to calm down as he processes what has just happened, analyzing Wrath and frowning in confusion.

“You’re… a kid,” he notes. “But… you’re just like them , aren’t you?”

Wrath doesn’t reply.

“Wait, your arm is”– the other gasps in realization –“you can do alchemy?!”

Again, the prodigy gets no answers.

Only another fast attack, so the blond can only dodge and even throw Wrath away, but not taking off the latter’s stance. He can barely breathe.

“You don’t talk too much, do ya?” The alchemist tries to joke. “Not even a sad backstory?”

Wrath doesn’t show any emotion, not even annoyance or hatred. He just attacks.

That leads the blond to use the ground to create walls behind walls, only for them to be destroyed by Wrath’s own alchemy. The purple-eyed boy can also create spikes, shields, pretty much everything the other is using to fight. It’s like Wrath knows his enemy from the palm of his hand, despite the fact they’ve never met before.

For most of the fight, the human prodigy is stuck in the defense, never given one second to rest as Wrath is intent on immobilizing him. The alchemist is growing increasingly tired; after all, he’s just a human teenager, doomed by his physical limitations.

In the middle, Wrath realizes that his opponent’s right arm and left leg are made of metal. For one, the latter can transform his arm into a blade like Wrath does. But mostly he could tell by the strength and hardness of said limbs. The homunculus is his very opposite, bearing human limbs in a pale, soulless body, but it’s still the right arm and left leg, too. Wrath never quite understood where his human parts came from. His memories are a haze, he can only remember quick flashes of different moments, unsure if they were from the human he was supposed to be, or his existence as a cursed creature of Earth.

Wrath’s body is mostly hidden by his clothes; after all, he wouldn’t want to be spotted and captured. When he finally has the chance, he uses his shirt to trap his enemy. The latter defects most of the containing shreds, only for two of them to grab his metal arm, and his exhaustion only catches up with him. For the first time in the battle, Wrath smirks, even if subtly. The prodigy has no way out.

As Wrath starts closing the distance between them, the alchemist rages as a last resort. He pulls the other with full force, aiming his metal blade at Wrath’s head, giving the homunculus little time to dodge. Thankfully, Wrath doesn’t actually get hurt, but he stumbles and almost trips as he and the human boy go separate again.

Only this time, Wrath is the one who’s shocked. Maybe because this is his first real fight, and even if he’s a homunculus, getting sliced in the head sounds far from a pleasant experience.

He feels like something was taken from him. He feels… incomplete.

His human and artificial hands have black hair strands in them.

Then it clicks.

Most of Wrath’s hair was forcibly cut. Even just turning around a bit, he can spot the black mess lying in the grass. And for some reason, his enemy just… stands there. He doesn’t try to attack Wrath, even when the latter is now vulnerable.

Wrath feels something intense. Anger.

He knows he’s not supposed to be impulsive. He needs to focus his anger on the right things, and fight for the greater cause. Yet it’s like something boils inside him the more he stares at the lost black hair. Wrath consciously chose to let his hair grow, to be his own person, to be accepted by Dante and the homunculi.

This part of him was taken away from him, like everything else.

Tightening his fists, Wrath seethes and attacks again, but not calculatedly. After remaining silent the entire fight, he growls and yells, except he gets no reaction from the other end, therefore he traps the stubborn alchemist against a tree, left arm trapping him while his right prepares to punch his enemy in the face.

However, Wrath doesn’t hit him just yet.

Not with the way the blond is staring at him.

Golden eyes staring at him with a look so pained that Wrath has never seen in his life. The alchemist’s lips quiver in the same way his human body shakes. Regardless, he isn’t afraid. He’s horrified but… in a guilty way. Mournful, even.

It’s like… he knows Wrath.

As soon as the homunculus decides to shove these feelings down his throat and take the alchemist to Dante for once and for all, his troubled opponent finally dares to say something that stops the world from going.

“... Al?”

It paralyzes Wrath.

His fist is no longer firm.

Something resurfaces.

Yelling.

…

“Al?”

The voice sounds far away.

“Al, can you hear me?”

It’s cold.

“C-Come on, Al, say something.”

Dark.

“Please. Please, Al.”

Metal.

“No…” the voice sobs. “No, no, no!”

It sounds painful.

“I gave up my arm! Give him back! GIVE HIM BACK!!”

The pounding against metal is loud, scary even, especially the inside.

Instead of more angry yelling, there’s only mourning sobs and sniffs, until it quiets down.

“He’s my little brother… please…”

The tears aren’t felt or seen, but heard.

“Al… come back…”

As there’s no other answer, the pounding returns, and the voice growls in frustration.

“No! Al! AL!”

“AL!!!!”

…

Wrath unconsciously stumbles back, far away from the alchemist, this time the one wanting to escape from his painful, grasping look.

… his name is Ed, isn’t it?

The same voice…

Despite Ed’s shock, he still approaches Wrath slowly. He might as well cry.

“Al…”

That.

That name.

It brings more memories.

Learning alchemy, bonding, trusting…

It hurts.

When Ed dares to reach out a hand, Wrath slaps it away and runs away.

“Al!” He hears from afar.

The boy finally yells, “MY NAME IS NOT AL!”

Wrath merges with the forest once again, soon out of the other’s sight. Even if he’s quick to return to the mansion, he can still hear Ed yelling that name far away…

Somehow, Dante’s disappointment is the least of his concerns right now. Instead, it’s that lonely nightmare and those yells of grief, so intense… and so full of love.

Next chapter

#fullmetal alchemist #fma 03 #alphonse elric #edward elric #elric brothers #alternate universe #homunculus alphonse elric #homunculus al #death mention tw #long post #fanfiction #fma au

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dokirosi · 1 year

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Good job, you beat me! Goodbye, Edward Elric!

#fma #fmab #edward elric #alphonse elric #fullmetal alchemist #roy mustang #homunculus #fma fanart #fanart

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hyolks · 1 year

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references!! subject to change bc character design is my death sentence. also some sillies bc is it really fma if ed doesnt get called short/kid at least once

#fma #fmab #fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #edward elric #alphonse elric #roy mustang #riza hawkeye #trynna think of the backstory...#OG idea was that they were caught in an explosion (that also killed trisha)#new idea is that they were still caught in an explosion (lol)#BUT it was a tank of scifi-gunk that exploded that would kinda. eat away at their limbs?#that would mean i could incorporate the fun little confetti strip effect that transmutation does on skin (like on homunculus regeneration)#and they could... still look... for a philosophers stone...?#and they act as bounty hunters to hear any rumor of it...???#pending on it #1k #wastelands au #comics

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serafimkrex · 1 year

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polypolyanna · 2 months

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What if Trisha was Xerxian and she and Hohenheim got married and had Ed and Al? And of course Homunculus is there. A nice happy little family.

#fullmetal alchemist #fmab #van hohenheim #homunculus #edward elric #alphonse elric #xerxes au #my art #i haven't seen a lot of this au around #if someone has more art or fics of it send it my way

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fmamangacaps · 3 months

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#fullmetal alchemist #fma #alphonse elric #greed #027 #mangacap #elric brothers #homunculus

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clayscence · 1 year

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Ed and Al

Scar and King Bradley from FMA

#full metal alchemist #fma #anime #fanart #alphonse #edward elric #elric brothers #alchemy #brotherhood #homunculus #manga

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karolinswritings · 9 months

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Can I request envy x gn reader who found him when he was is his little worm form and took him in? And then he reveals himself or something and him and reader just live together? I feel like that would be fun.

Okay I love this request, honestly I find his little worm form adorable. I am sorry for the veeery late reply, thank you so much for the request, I hope you like the headcanons. They turned out to be more like a story, I hope that's fine ^^

Fullmetal Alchemist Envy Headcanons: Envy x reader who took him in when he was in his little worm form

In these headcanons, Envy managed to escape from Mustang, Riza and Ed and he ended up alone on the streets of Amestris before he could return to Father, because of his lack of energy left.

I think when reader found him and took him in, he would be so tired and dizzy that he wouldn't really understand what is happening. All he can remember is a human reaching towards him and the warm touch of their palm.

After resting for a while he would regain consiousness and look around reader's house, observing their furniture and possesions, trying to understand where he is. Looking at their dining table he would see them and recognise them as the person who picked him up and carried him somewhere earlier. That's when it would all come together and he would realise that he is in a human house and has been taken in.

He would definitely know what condition he is in and that considering the absence of any philosopher's stones to help him regain his energy, he would stay quiet and observe their actions carefully.

When he notices reader holding a book and reading carefully through it, as if they are looking for something, and notices that it is a book about lizards and how they live, he would get the idea of pretending to be a lizard until he can find a way to regain his powers.

As time passes, he would quickly notice how careing reader is and how much they care about him. He would slowly start to trust them more and more, letting them feed him and even pet him. He would start feeling lonely whenever they are out and his eyes would sparkle with excitement anytime they come back to him.

At some point, probably after about a month passes and he notices that he doesn't entirely hate humans, specifically reader, now thinging of them as his human, he would decide to reveal himself. As to his plan of running away as soon as possible, looks like it will have to wait for a bit. This human just awoke his interest, he can't just leave.

One time, seeming out of the blue for reader, but completely planned by Envy, the little lizard would suddenly speak.

" Listen here, human. I am not a pet lizard, I am homunculus, so you should definitely stop wasting your time reading all those books, wondering how to take care of me properly. If you wanna know so bad, I might just tell you. If you ask nicely of course."

Seemingly not careing about reader's shocked expression and lack of ability to say a word from suprise, Envy would use all that's left in him to transform into his prefered form. He would have to take a seat on a nearby chair from exhaustion, but would look up at reader with a slight smirk, proud of how mesmerized they look from seeing his shape-shifting abilities.

"What? You didn't notice that whole time that I was homunculus? My oroboros tattoo was all out there for you to see and you just tought it's a spot? You're so oblivious..So, what do you think? I'm quite--"

For Envy's suprise, reader cuts him off and lifts up his chin for them to observe his features, still not really understanding what happened. They take a look at his eyes, nose, lips, making him feel more and more nervous. All of a sudden his cheeks get pink and he looks away, obviously embarresed.

"What? What's so interesting?...Stupid human.."

" You're quite handsome. So you are.. a homunculus? I think I have heard about them before, alchemists say that homunculi are artificial humans. But I definitely didn't imagine one to look so..nice."

After hearing reader's unexpected words, Envy would consider staying with them for a while, and then leaving, but the tought of ending their life doesn't seem to be of his liking, so he decides to put aside his departure until he feels satisfied enough with their presense. He won't think of it for a while.

As time goes by though, he would realise he doesn't really want to leave. At all. Everyone probably thinks he is dead anyways, so why not spend more time here? On top of all, he has his own human now.

He would get addicted to reader's care and would love feeling like a royalty, being served food, treated pretty much as a diety and being the center of reader's attention everytime he decides to tell them about all of his abilities and the pros of being homunculus.

I think he would think of various ways to get to a stone so that he can regain his abilities. Staying with reader and talking to them is quite interesting and new to him, but he would definitely miss being able to use his full abilities. If he manages to return them, the first thing he would do would be to show off to reader, taking in their compliments and watching them stand in awe as he shape-shifts into all kinds of things.

Sooner of later I think he would totaly forget about all the stuff he used to be interested in doing before. He is curious as to how living with his human would be like and in what new ways he would use his abilities.

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hanxrichie · 5 months

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me too envy… me too‼️

#fmab #fullmetal alchimist brotherhood #fullmetal alchemist #envy fma #envy the jealous #envy #homunculus #homunculi #anime #riza hawkeye #roy mustang #edward elric #alphonse elric

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owarinaki · 9 months

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Fullmetal Alchemist [2003] Special Bonus

"Welcome... New Alchemist" part 2/3

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lotusthewriter · 1 year

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What I've Done - Chapter 3

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist (2003)

Rating: T

Relationships: Alphonse (Wrath) & Edward

Characters: Alphonse Elric (Wrath), Edward Elric, Sloth, Dante, Envy, Izumi Curtis; MINOR - Roy Mustang; other characters to be added

Summary: “As soon as the homunculus decides to shove these feelings down his throat and take the alchemist to Dante for once and for all, his troubled opponent finally dares to say something that stops the world from going.

“… Al?”

It paralyzes Wrath.”

A Homunculus Alphonse Elric AU.

Word count: TBA

AO3

First chapter | Previous chapter

A/N: I actually already had this chapter planned but I hadn't written it out, so here you have it!

The next chapters will take longer to be posted, though, but I want to keep dedicating myself to this AU, because I really like exploring these characters and the idea of a homunculus Al. Even though this chapter specifically will focus more on Ed's side of the story.

If you want to check out my concept art for this AU, you can check out my art blog, @lotusthekat! I usually post it under the #homunculus al tag :)

Alright, so big trigger warning for suicidal thoughts/ideation in this chapter. It applies to the whole fic, but it's very present here.

TRIGGER WARNINGS - death, grief, repressed trauma, child abuse, physical and emotional abuse, emotional neglect, canon-typical violence, self-sacrifice, suicidal thoughts, blood and injury and loss of limbs. (More might be added)

P/roship DNI.

“... AL! ALPHONSE!”

His throat is sore at this point.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been in the forest, looking for that kid. Someone like that shouldn’t be this hard to be spotted.

Edward coughs roughly, exhausted both from the search and the fight that once took place. He has fought many, many powerful enemies before, but he never thought someone would be as quick as Ed, knowing his every move.

Ed has pretty much lost his strength at this point, unable to run or perform alchemy. He’s glad his automail hasn’t broken, but there’s too much inside his head and Ed doesn’t know what to do about it.

As he drops to his knees on the dirt, not caring about it dirtying his pants, there are desperate steps coming in his direction. Ed almost wants them to be that boy, but it turns out to be Ed’s alchemy teacher, Izumi, who also seems to have been hopelessly searching for someone in the woods.

“Ed!” Teacher exclaims. “Where the hell were you?! I’ve been looking everywhere-!”

She stops the yelling when she sees the state Ed is in, her eyes softening in concern.

“Oh, Edward… what happened to you?” She asks as she helps him stand up.

Ed looks away, gulping in fear. Izumi was really angry with him when she found out what he had done, so he doesn’t want to make her mad again. She notices, hence why the woman gently rubs his cheek, probably to clean off the dirt in his face.

“Hey,” Izumi whispers, “you can tell me, Ed.”

He’s not entirely convinced.

Thus, she sighs.

“I… I’m sorry I never made you feel safe enough to come to me all these years,” Izumi apologizes. “So, I want to do this one thing right. I want to be part of your journey. I wouldn’t have come all the way to Dante if I didn’t.”

Her smile is… truly soothing.

Ed doesn’t feel scared of her right now.

Though, it’s really not just her. It’s the fact that everyone involved with Ed will only get hurt or disappear. He doesn’t want that to happen to his teacher, either.

Regardless, Ed finds himself relaxing, letting out the deepest sigh.

“Okay.”

Close.

So damn close.

Yet Ed couldn’t even do this right.

His little brother’s hand was gone.

And there’s a monster in the transmutation circle.

He failed.

But most importantly, Edward failed his little brother.

And he couldn’t bear that.

With his own blood and an absent leg, Ed yells at the beyond, hopefully to bring Al back even if in this armor for now.

Once again, the bright light obfuscates the dark basement.

And Ed has no right arm.

Except…

“Al?”

The armor doesn’t show one sign of life. Other than the monster, there’s no other sign of life at all.

Still, Ed, obviously struggling, manages to cling to the metal armor, to see if it’s going to move.

“Al, can you hear me?” The boy begs.

Nothing.

“C-Come on, Al, say something.”

Ed starts shaking the armor, though pathetically since he only has one arm to do that.

“Please. Please, Al.”

It smells like tears, blood, and rotten flesh.

And dead metal.

“No…” Ed’s voice is a pitch higher. “No, no, no! I gave up my arm! Give him back! GIVE HIM BACK!!”

He’s pounding on the metal armor, hating it with every force out there, and yet unable to rip it apart in two. Ed is so angry that not even destroying a thousand armors would ever satiate the feeling.

Edward gradually sobs more painfully, growing numb to the pain and the blood coming out of him.

“He’s my little brother…” he whispers, his true priority. “Please…”

He’s probably going to die.

What’s the point, anyway?

"Al... come back..."

He won't.

The older Elric growls loudly and pounds the metal with force, not even caring about hurting his only weak hand.

"No! Al! AL!" He yells. "AL!!!!"

Ed lost everything.

And he’s going to die alone, all because he was too selfish.

“I’m sorry…” Ed cries, vision slowly darkening.

He has nothing. Nothing.

…

There are steps coming downstairs.

They sound like… boots.

Ed already feels rage just imagining who that could be.

Not him of all people…!

The steps rush to Ed’s direction.

The boy growls, “Go away…”

Whoever is there scoffs quietly. “Kid, you are literally bleeding to death.”

“I don’t care!” Ed ends up whining instead of sounding actually angry.

It’s not like he’s even able to resist much considering half of his limbs are gone, so Ed feels himself being held in the stranger’s arms.

“So, you did all of this…” the man mumbles.

The boy’s golden eyes are filled with tears again.

“It hurts…” Ed sobs.

He realizes he’s losing more and more touch with reality.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t see Mom or Alphonse once he leaves.

“... Winry,” Ed whispers nonsensically, his last hope. “Rockbell…”

There’s silence, then a sympathetic sigh.

“You’ll be alright, kid.”

Beyond his better judgment, Ed finds himself hiding in that stranger’s firm arms, clinging to his wet coat. It’s far from comfortable, yet Ed has already lost everything to care.

The only things Ed will remember then are blurs.

When Ed wakes up, he’s in bed taking soup, Winry eyeing him with curious yet terrified blue eyes.

Winry and Granny are apprehensive, neither of them daring to speak. It’s quite a miracle that Ed survived, according to Granny. He expected her to give him a full lecture, and maybe she was about to do so… when Winry asked Ed about Alphonse.

With silence as their only answer, Granny is not even cranky. If Ed isn’t seeing things, she might be letting out tears in secret. Winry appears to have cried, too, and she still does every now and then.

It’s raining too much outside.

Ed knows that creature is still there in the basement, but maybe it’s just going to die due to its state.

Al, then… never came back.

Ed knows he can’t say anything. Nothing will be enough to explain what happened. No apologies will ever bring Mom and Al back. There’s absolutely nothing to justify the older Elric.

Unlike the Rockbells, he’s too empty to cry. Like all the tears were gone with the rain.

The boy doesn’t feel any pain.

He has nothing.

Nothing at all.

He could’ve just… died.

Why didn’t he?

Ed already lost everything.

What was the point?

He’s nearly claimed by the deep rain when the guy that saved him – and Ed already hates him for it – returns, after borrowing the house phone for the moment being. Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang, apparently, was looking for the Elrics’ father thanks to a couple of unsent letters. Ed tunes out of the conversation entirely at the mention of that old man, almost wanting to tell everyone else to leave him alone to die.

Ed is staring at the window, golden eyes deprived of any hope, when he hears the same boots coming to him… gently this time.

“You may not think so right now… but I know you have talent, kid,” Mustang lowers his voice to him. Ed refuses to look back, and the man understands it. “If you want to use it, well… I hope you are ready for the next State Alchemist exam.”

Now is the time Granny Pinako yells at Mustang, appalled that the Lieutenant Colonel would suggest something as such to a bleeding eleven-year-old. At least he leaves before the older Rockbell can kick him out with her wrenches and automail limbs.

Ed, for the first time that night, frowns.

None of them see it.

State Alchemist…

“... everything has been for Al.”

Izumi’s black eyes are deep with sadness.

“Nothing else mattered,” Ed explains to her. “I would do everything to get my little brother back. I joined the military, I fought the fiercest and most dangerous enemies, all just for Al.” He could only stare at his automail arm… now knowing where his real limbs must have gone.

His metal limbs make noise, shaking.

“I… I never thought… I-I’d see his face again.”

Izumi tenses. “What do you mean?”

Ed’s head is lowered. “... homunculi.”

She gasps. “You mean…”

He sniffs.

“He fought just like Al, but he was much stronger and faster than me,” Ed narrates. “He was… the only homunculus I’ve ever seen performing alchemy.” He blinks. “I didn’t know why at the time… but I think he has my limbs, Teacher.”

Izumi grabs some of her own hair. “No.”

Ed chuckles bitterly. “Turns out I haven’t lost my right arm for nothing.”

His metal fist tightens, almost breaking into pieces. Winry would disapprove instantly.

“He really wasn’t like them. He only focused on fighting me. Until… I cut his hair with my automail, and he was suddenly really angry,” Ed recalls. “His hair was long and it covered most of his face, so it was only when he was about to punch me in the face that I… saw him.”

Growling teeth, intense purple eyes, profound hatred and resentment…

“It looked like… it was really him , Teacher.”

“Edward,” she warns, “you know that isn’t true.”

“It wasn’t just the- the physical appearance, it was like the real Alphonse wanting to beat me up for everything I did to him,” Edward’s voice breaks just imagining his little brother hating him. “And it’s even worse that the moment I called him Al… he looked terrified. He ran away from me. It was like he hadn’t heard that name in years, and… it meant something to him."

Izumi looks like she wants to deny that the homunculus is Al, yet she’s too pained to dismiss Ed’s suffering.

“I’m pissed off, too, that the homunculi never told me about him,” he bites. “They must’ve known this whole time, and they decided to play with my feelings to get what they wanted.” Ed can only remember Nina’s dead eyes staring deep into his soul, after he also failed to save her, after she brightened his darkest days without Alphonse’s sunlight.

The woman sighs. “I’m so sorry, Ed.”

“It’s not your fault, Teacher. It’s all mine.” His eyes grow wet, only for his left arm to dry them. “I’ve already suspected something was off for a while… but after seeing that boy…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence, refusing to come up with the conclusion. Izumi notices, and while she does not force him to spit it out, she grabs him by the shoulders gently yet solidly, her eyes now serious.

“Edward,” she calls him, “you can’t run away from the past anymore. You have got to make a decision, to take up responsibility for what you’ve done. You must, or else you will regret it.”

The pain of a mother giving up her own child, and unable to turn back on it, is heard beneath Izumi’s stoic nature. Ed swallows the tears of his eleven-year-old self, the tears that rarely come out nowadays because he lost everything that night.

Izumi cannot ever go back on her choice. Ed wants to believe he can bring his brother back, but now that the truth has come to take him down itself…

He doesn’t want to give up on this. He can’t let Al go.

Ed doesn’t think he could handle living with his absence any longer.

“It’ll be okay,” Izumi reassures him, wiping his unseen tears for him. “I promise.”

She hugs him like he’s her own child, loving him despite all the mistakes he’s made.

Ed isn’t entirely soothed by the embrace, which is not Izumi’s fault. He knows she’s trying her best and will continue to do so.

The knowledge, however, of that lost boy in the forest, running forever and ever without a destination, and that ghost that keeps haunting Ed whenever he’s near the Führer…

He won’t be ready.

…

Not yet.

#fullmetal alchemist #fma 03 #edward elric #alphonse elric #elric brothers #izumi curtis #alternate universe #homunculus alphonse elric #homunculus al #fma au #suicide tw #suicidal thoughts tw #death mention tw #grief tw #fanfiction #long post

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