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heartz4vee · 8 months

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His Imperial of Doom

It's 4am and I wrote this on a whim. It's small and quick and not that great, I just wanted to write something angsty with my wife (Simon)

Am I projecting onto him in this? Yes. Yes I am.

Words: 1,748

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Doom. Death. Destruction. Or some other terrible fate.

It was a word Simon was all too familiar with. The word and its very definition seemed like it was just constantly looming over his head, over the course of his entire life actually. From being cursed to be the Ice King for a thousand years, losing the love of his life, and now having to live in this new, futuristic Ooo. He didn’t fit in with any of these… New humans. Nobody ever knew what he was talking about, and nobody seemed very interested in whatever it was he was talking about. Despite being surrounded by all of these people, he felt so isolated.

As he walked through the Human City, he moved past all of the other people that lived within the city. They were all so much happier than he was. They were content with what they had. They were able to go about their everyday lives, not questioning a thing, or having to think about “what could have been”. He felt a twinge of jealousy watching all of them. Simon didn’t feel real surrounded by all of them. He just felt like an NPC going through the motions of it all, giving the occasional wave when approached.

But, as of lately, all of his interactions with… Anyone, just felt forced, and robotic. Whether it was forcing a laugh at whatever Finn was talking about so he didn’t suspect anything was wrong with him, or trying to hold a conversation with Marceline. No matter the interaction, he felt so disconnected from everyone, especially himself. He barely recognized his own reflection anymore. He didn’t know who he was supposed to be around anyone. He didn’t know how to act around Finn, he didn’t know how to act around Marceline, and he definitely didn’t know how to act around all of these other strange new humans.

Listening to the idle chatter of those around him, Simon couldn’t help but look around and think about all of the places around he would have visited with his fiancee, Betty. He was sure she would have loved living in such an odd world such as Ooo. She would have loved to drag him on different expeditions for various artifacts, and he happily would have gone along. He looked around at every weird little home, and every weird little shop, visions of his beloved popping up around him, her voice filling his head.

“Look at this, Simon!”

“We have to go in there next!”

“Didn’t you mention this in some of your studies? We should totally look for it!”

It drove him crazy.

—

Once back inside of his locked up little home with very little to no light, the man just sighed and leaned against his closed walls. Even being in the comfort of his own… “Home”, he felt completely out of place. His body felt strangely heavy, but it wasn’t a new feeling, not at all. His mind was empty but flooding with thoughts at the same time. He felt sad. He just wanted to drop to his knees, curl up on his floor, and sob to his heart's content for hours.

But, he felt too numb to cry. Too numb to be angry with anyone or himself. His mind and body just moved on autopilot every single day. And moving on autopilot, Simon went to change and get ready for bed.

He stared up at his ceiling, reminiscing on memories he knew he’d be better off without. Simon hated this part of his days. Trying to fall asleep, only for memories of the past to come rushing in. Memories of Betty, vague blurred memories of the Ice King, memories of him and Marceline’s past. Every old memory that suddenly resurfaced sent a strong wave of pain through his body. Sleep. He needed to sleep. That would get this to stop.

So, he closed his eyes, and tried to let his mind wander to anything or anyone that didn’t seem familiar to him. He just attempted to let his mind go completely blank, he didn’t want to think of anything, just for once.

For once, he wanted some peace.

For once…

—

The gentle feeling of having his face poked is what stirred him awake. That, and the sun beaming down onto him. But… His museum-like home didn’t have windows. So how was there sun…? The touch on his face made him give a small smile. The touch was warm. It was familiar. It was a feeling he had been aching for.

He slowly opened his eyes, squinting and bringing his arm up to his face to block the light from his face. Realizing he wasn’t in his own home, he quickly sat up with a startled gasp, looking around the grassy field he had been placed in. It was so bright. There was nothing for miles except for more of the field. Dandelions surrounded him. It was beautiful. It was tranquil. It gave him that peace he’d been looking for for so long.

“Finally! Rise and shine, Simon!”

Simon felt a sense of dread and relief hearing the voice beside him. He turned, only to see his fiancee sitting beside him, smiling at him like she used to. She wasn’t some eldritch god, she was just… Betty. She was the brilliant woman he fell in love with all those years ago. As much as it ached, he missed seeing her.

“Thought you’d never wake up. Forgot how heavy of a sleeper you can be.” She teased, gently nudging his arm. Simon just chuckled, “I’m sorry.” Immediately, Simon felt as if his whole world was closing in on him the second those words left his mouth. It was something he’d been wanting to say to her for so long, but had no way to reach her. Even if he could, would he be able to say it? It was something he meant, but he was positive he’d just… Freeze up at the opportunity. The man sighed, and looked down into his lap.

Betty tilted her head seeing his suddenly saddened demeanor. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder,

“Simon? What’s wrong?”

“…I’m sorry, Betty. I’m sorry you had to sacrifice yourself for… Me. Now you’re not even here anymore, because of me. And all I can do is sit around screwing up the second chance you’ve given me. But, what am I supposed to do? I feel so stuck without you. It’s like the minute I realized you were actually gone, my mind and body just stopped working. Now I don’t know what there is for me to do…”

Betty nodded, “Grief is a tricky thing. You’re not used to not having the person you lost, and it’s depressing, it’s isolating, it’s hard to forget about. But, where there’s grief, there’s eventually healing. Nobody can stay stuck in the grieving process forever.”

“We were doomed from the start, weren’t we..?”

Betty chuckled at his notion, “Maybe we were, or maybe we weren’t. Personally, I don’t think we were “doomed from the start” as you like to put it. I don’t think there’s always been some divine fate tearing us apart. I think somewhere down the line, we did that.” She heard Simon give a small groan in response. She just smiled and picked one of the dandelions from the field.

“Doomed or not, I don’t regret a moment I spent with you. No matter what we could have done differently, I’m satisfied with the ending we got. Of course I do wish it could have been something… Happier. But, you’re okay. You’re alive. So, I’m fine with this.”

Simon shook his head, his frustration and sadness quickly building, “But I’m not! How can you be fine with this? How can you be happy about this? How can you be so… Content..?” He sighed, before placing his head in his hands, “How can anyone be satisfied with anything they do? I don’t get it… I don’t know how to do that…”

“I know you don’t, Simon. I’m sorry. I know this isn’t something you want to hear right now, but; you’re someone who won’t ever let himself be happy.”

Simon perked up at her words. He lifted his head and looked over at her, eyebrows knitted together “What..?”

“You’re someone who’ll wake up every morning, and go out of his way to avoid anything that might make you happy. You have an anxious thought that every situation will only end in doom, so you don’t go out of your way to try and be happy. Maybe you don’t recognize it, but it’s self sabotage at best. I don’t know the reason you do this, I never did, but I do know it’s something you need to seek help for. It’s not good for you. You… Have an identity outside of our relationship Simon, I want you to realize that. Maybe you’ll see that one day…” She reached over and placed a hand on his cheek, to which Simon immediately fell into, placing his own hand over hers.

Simon let out a shaky breath, tears quickly falling from his eyes, “It’s too much. Everything lately is just… Too much. I hate waking up, I hate having to move, I hate interacting with people, I hate that people have to see me everyday, I hate that I have to pretend everything is okay! When it’s not! Nothing is okay! I’m not okay! I… I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m so tired…”

Betty slightly frowned hearing this. Instead of saying anything else, she just gently laid him back down in the grass. He whined, but closed his eyes, slowly drifting off as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“You’ll be okay, Simon. You’re strong, you just don’t see it. But I do. I’ll see you next time…”

—

Abruptly, Simon woke up ten minutes before his alarm was supposed to go off. As usual. He hated that dream. It was never the same, they always just talked about different things. It was everything he knew he’d never have. He’d never be able to apologize to Betty. He’d never be able to see her again.

Most of all, he’d never be able to genuinely feel happy. He was never able to, for as long as he could remember. His chest panged with pain and an overwhelming sense of sadness and dread at the realization of that.

He would be doomed until the day he died.

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