hide-san, it’s been 25 years without you but, you know what? whenever we think of you we can’t help but smile because of the beautiful legacy you left behind, a legacy of art, love and many friends who still love you. 

 rest well our pink spider  ♥

I think the world is so wonderful... (Patreon)

Blah more back burner stuff cause I haven’t had time to draw this week

Had an idea for a Luca type au where like they are mermaids but can look human on land and blah blah blah

Self indulgence abound

Lol supposed to go along with these

Merm designs

Baby sun

the fic (don't read the tags if you don't want spoilers)

"hey mom... dead mom..."

Rae tried not to visit the memorial. He knew that if he went there, he'd start feeling the pain of losing her all over again, and he knew there were things he had to focus on. "I can grieve her once it's all over," He kept thinking. "I promised her I'd help her and I failed her. I can't fail anyone else."

And then he found his sibling standing by it, cursing it's very existence. "How could you do this, Rae?" Icarus had asked. "This isn't okay. She hurt me." They had said. Rae couldn't not hear the animosity in their voice against his mother, the hostility against them. He didn't blame them, but he also deserved a place to memorialize his parent. "She was my mother, Icarus." He had said. But to Icarus, that wasn't enough.

Icarus had attacked him there with a potion. Something that made him cough up sculk and sprout new horns and a tail. Something so vile that it made his body fight for it's life so hard it grew new bits.

He knew they didn't like it, knew when he made it that they wouldn't like it, and yet he deserved a place to keep her memories alive. She deserved it too, even if she had made bad decisions.

So, fearing that the spot would be blown up, like how the memorials of the bodies in the Endstone reset Strongholds had been, he started visiting it more. At first he'd try and see it from his windows, but that hadn't eased his mind. So instead he went closer, and closer. And eventually, one time, he decided to sit there.

And then he talked. "Hey mom..." He started with a simple greeting, "Well.. dead.. mom." It felt crazy, talking to an empty grave, a full ground instead of a hollow one, and yet... it was helping. "I wish you were still here..."

"I wish I could've been more of a son to you."

Summer trip mode is: on

Still images under the cut:

"when did destiel sex happen for the first time?" i love that i'm living so far in my own obscure deluded doomed by the narrative canon-compliant version of surprisingly wholesome but tragic destiel that the only right answer isn't even an option on polls: stanford era.

Tuesday after Memorial Day weekend calls for a big NOPE #TortoiseButtTuesday!

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

love n miss you ♡　(for hide memorial 2024)

something about when el went into void and found billy, she saw him on the beach surrounded by sunshine and love and truly fucking actually happy. something about how when she turned around and saw the storm, she put her hands out and felt the ash falling from the sky, and then saw neil abusing billy and abusing his wife. something about how even in the monstrous world from another entire dimension, neil's still the fucking monster in the story

had a day that made me think oh that was a bit heavy on the symbolism, wasn't it

not wanting to base a character on my personal issues vs the realization that a Shawn Spencer (psych) style detective with severe memory issues would fuck like hell, Fight.

Uzal/The Dark Urge

byan disappears for two days but instead of emerging strung out and skittish like usual, their hands and arms are covered in paint and ink stains and they're a little distant but hungry as hell

I brought a barely started scarf (like it hadn’t even been a square yet when we left) to a memorial day party my parents dragged me to so I’d have something to do and I underestimated how bored I’d be as I’m now having to use it as a hat because I can’t carry it around anymore

The interview went terribly.

Zoom wasn't working well, a lot of mistakes happened, and I think I fit my entire foot into my mouth.

But, to make me feel better afterwards, boyfriend bought me the Little Kitty Big City game, and it's very fun.