#her love shows through her effort
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Chapter 87 - I'm convinced that Yor would have had a much easier time fighting Wheeler for Twilight than cooking that breakfast for Loid and Anya. Cooking is clearly very difficult for her and I think it's sweet that she puts so much effort into taking care of her family like this. She could have just picked up take out or served them something easy like cereal, but she decided to do her best to cook for them instead.
#spy x family#spy x family manga spoilers#spy x family spoilers#sxf spoilers#spoilers#chapter 87#mole arc#Twiyor#Loid Forger#anya forger#Yor Forger#her love shows through her effort#she's not just taking the easy way out#maybe loid can help her get better at cooking sometime#she's just trying so hard to take care of him
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Wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife babygirl wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife love wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife princess wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife honey wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife wife
#im gonna kiss the mental break down out of her#i love women...#hecho con amor#wife <3#im not ready to wake up yet tho... nor to face the consequences of that message....#i wanna hug Kotoko.... gently hold her in my arms while we lay down on our bed. ill run my fingers through her hair and place little kisses#on her head 'its going to be okay. im here with you' i whisper softly 'you arent alone. you did what you could'#i just wanna hug her so gently and give her the soft treatment she deserves...#heh .... im now imagining the full fledged scene... at the very end of it just a soft#'thank you for trusting me. i know it wasn't easy. im proud of you for trying'#because she would be so hesitant to say anything...barely able to show herself like thst in front of anyone..m she truly is making an effort#heh and after s couple seconds of silence after that thank you i can see her hugging slightly tighter#burying her face on my chest/neck area and sighing 'i dont like this' as in being emotionally vulnerable#'thank you for doing it still' i would whisper back to her softly#lets see if i can still sleep for a bit more
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WHICH SYMBOLIC FRUIT ARE YOU?
Cherry. (Man, this is going to need some tag rambling; because while it's what I suspected and it's very fitting in many ways, I need to address one element).
In popular culture, cherries have come to represent sensuality, sex, and seduction. In the cult classic, Twin Peaks, Audrey Horne expresses her sexual expertise by tying a cherry stem with her tongue. "Cherry" is also used to refer to the concept of virginity: why? I don't know to be honest, but here we are. Much like the cherry, you're a sensual person who enjoys all the creature comforts the world offers. You enjoy delicious food, dynamic relationships, passionate lovemaking and stimulating conversation; however, you may also come across a touch vapid or shallow, due to your quickly fading attention when something has served its usefulness to you. To quote some man on tinder: "you're here for a good time, not a long time". You can come across, at times, slightly tart, carrying a bit of a bite to you that not everyone can handle. That’s okay: you’re an acquired taste!
Tagged: @basbousah (Thank you 🩷)
Tagging: I don't tend to tag for quizzes easily but this one was actually fun, so let's harass. @immobiliter (how about Furina?) @kushtibokt @genus83 @genius81 @spiderwarden @delusionaid (Wriothesley, or Zhongli— porque no los dos? 🤭) @apocryphis (Topaz) @aventvrina @resolutepath (Elio) @daybreakrising (Blade) @astrxlfinale @kahakera @cygnor @chasersglow @scrtilegii (Jing Yuan)... and anyone else who'd like to do it, say I tagged you because I'd love to see the results!
#[ games. ] the game only works when we follow the rules; though i'll be none the wiser if they're broken. let morality be your guide.#[ this has been open in a tab since yesterday. ]#[ okay but i actually /love/ this result. BUT LET ME SPECIFY-- to those who haven't read my other post. ]#[ please read 'sex' and 'seduction' through a very old fashioned lens. very old fashioned. ]#[ and then i think it's a lot more fitting. think film noir/1940s femme fatale /instead/ of the modern femme fatale and you got it. ]#[ seductive in the way that a woman can be inherently alluring. ]#[ sex in the way that it /is/ something she engages in. but in the way that one does without overindulging at all. no promiscuity. ]#[ i'm not saying religious-type 'it means everything'. but i'll forever live by that line by blade. ]#[ “she must have sought something extraordinary. everything she does comes at a great cost.” ]#[ the thing is-- he knows she lacks fear. so i don't see 'at a great cost' being a value tied to anything because of personal risk. ]#[ or fear of chasing after it. it also means something that it comes from blade. who likely also has an interesting tie to 'fear'. ]#[ but any way that means 'at a great cost' means investment/engagement (time. effort. sacrifice?) ]#[ which shows a deep rooted dedication to something. which speaks to me of a certain passion that needs to propel something like that. ]#[ and if we take passion into the equation-- then i think that fits for how she speaks and handles everything blade and tb-related. ]#[ then i also can see 'sex' very fitting. she would; when engaging in it; be incredibly all-encompassing but not in a 'dominatrix' way. ]#[ nor a traditional 'dominant' way. but simply incredibly present. engaged. passionate. ]#[ those two things can fit incredibly next to sensuality if you simply look at it from a specific lens that isn't casual and/or modern. ]#[ outside of that... dynamic relationships? ☑️ stimulating conversation? ☑️ which PLAYS INTO THE NEXT PART. ]#[ which is /yes/ she is bored. she gets bored. you /need/ to be able to stimulate her by having something of your own to interest her. ]#[ she also wouldn't/doesn't like people who serve her every whim. no. have your own interests. ]#[ as to elaborate on an acquired taste: she isn't everyone's cup of tea. if you don't have something that interests her-- you won't... ]#[ enjoy being around her. if she doesn't /like/ you. you won't think she's fun. in /that/ she's an acquired taste. ]#[ and has a bit of a bite. ]
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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)
#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me#like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes#and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style#like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting#like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to#which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own#it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch#but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way#what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian#like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me#i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively#people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation#but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc#(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either#bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme#idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance#even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do#that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes#like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16#because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem
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why write chandler if you hate his canon relationship?
canon relationship - ? i ... buddy, timon and pumba are more canon than fucking joe and kent
#would i really write a character if i didn't disagree with the majority of the fandom's really fucking awful ideas?#no.#but sure i can list the reasons for the hate#1) it is offensive to argue that IMITATING someone's mental illness is a healthy supportive gesture#imitation does not mean understanding.#if my partner tried to 'understand' and 'support' my mental illness by pretending to fucking have it in an effort to be like 'me too babe'#i would simply fucking lose it#2) NOT EVERYTHING IS GAY. just bc youre a woman that wants two men to be uwu in love .. doesnt mean that they are.#even if you are also a gay man (hi buddy. i love u) ... remind urself that not everything has to be gay. we should want GOOD representation#3) i'm sorry did no one watch the show? kent is literally so unlikable. he is the walking pole that holds up the giant red flag#4) the argument that the actors supported it is completely invalid bc rupert said in EVERY INTERVIEW that joe was absolutely not aware#5) the ending scene is not joe agreeing to go with kent. hes agreeing to go to the pub with the TEAM and im sorry but you are cheapening#that boy and his arc and his struggle through the entirety of series 4 not to mention the whole show by making it about kent.#6) yall just gonna sweep morgan under the rug and leave her laying there huh? thats fine thats fine.
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the difference between the fourth wall breaks of something like the Deadpool movies compared to something like Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn and She-Hulk: Attorney At Law is that every joke in Deadpool feels masturbatory like the writers think they're so hilarious for doing a fourth wall break like that's never been done before whereas both of the other two not only feel right at home with the characters' personalities but are much more natural and much more well done compared to the jokes in Deadpool or its sequel. (do not get me started on Deadpool 2, the movie sucks ass in basically every way except for the characters of Domino and Yukio. every single joke in it was outdated before it was even written. they were making fucking dubstep jokes in 2018. it was a 2012-ass script made way too late and riding on the coattails of the first with even less effort into being actually good.)
but the difference between those properties is that Deadpool wants to be congratulated for being some insanely crazy shocking movie that's pissing off the studio system or whatever but every single joke in it was approved by those people because it makes them money like it's so antithetical to the entire point they're trying to make and it makes for a very infuriating watching experience sometimes. the cognitive dissonance is hard to swallow with that one. but the way BOPATFEOOHQ and She-Hulk do their bits feels so much more authentic and less self-congratulatory and also just like they're clearly done with so much more passion and effort and care? when I watch either of the Deadpool movies, I feel like I'm watching a bunch of executives jerking themselves off. when I watch the other two, I feel like I'm watching a passion project that the executives clearly didn't give a shit about and thus the creative team were actually allowed genuine creative freedom with not a lot of oversight. that's a little less true with She-Hulk (especially in terms of that glorious finale although even that feels more authentic and artist-driven than most things in either Deadpool movie. Kevin Feige's boring, sanitized ass does not have the range to do that finale) being a MCU property although Phase 4 was so fucking experimental and it was a joy to behold even if not everything hit but it's still true and more authentic for the most part. with Deadpool it feels like the only person who really really cared about it was Ryan and like maybe a few of the other actors who actually did do commendable work with what they were given but with the other two projects, it feels way more collaborative because every single person showed up and cared deeply about what they were making.
(this is an addition to the tags bc I ran out [apparently i forgot there was a 30 tag limit] but. anyway the point is. Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn is a phenomenal movie in basically every single way and you should watch it.)
#James talks#sorry I just wanna scream about how much I love BOPATFEOOHQ again#the first CBM since 2014's The Amazing Spider-Man 2 that felt more like the voice of artists than the voice of a studio.#I love Shazam but even that felt like it was a little studio driven instead of being a David F. Sandberg movie.#like BOPATFEOOHQ feels artist driven the same way The Batman does and the TASM movies do.#not to derail this tag rant but the TASM movies are Marc Webb movies through and through.#yes they have Sony's grubby hands on them with the product placement and shit but they are inseparable from Marc's vision#they are what Marc cares about more than what the studio cares about. the thematic interests are all Marc Webb.#anyway point is: more art like BOPATFEOOHQ bc it actually cares and less shit like Deadpool that is just pointing and laughing.#Deadpool feels like it's laughing at the concept of superhero media and it's a horrible boring deconstruction of it bc it doesn't get it.#it feels bad to the psyche the same way those meme disney show record scratches do—#like 'my life is kinda crazy' but it's 'ironic' now so it's 'funny'.#'see it's funny bc they're self-aware!' okay but what are they doing by being self aware???#I'm not saying every piece of art has to be some profound exploration of whatever but Deadpool feels bad to watch in a way the others don't#BOPATFEOOHQ is actually fucking commenting on something using its gags!#the fucking 'they call her... the crossbow killer gag' is actually thematically relevant!! women telling their own stories!!#a subversive joke actually playing into the themes of the project!! imagine that! care ajf effort put into saying something!!#anyway Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn is phenomenal.#genuinely one of the greatest CBMs out there. also just a phenomenal time. even tho Parasite is a better movie overall#— BOPATFEOOHQ was my favorite movie of 2020.#some of the best action around with a great script with amazing pacing and phenomenal acting and a great score and soundtrack!!#literally nothing more to ask for.#one of my usual criteria for evaluating how good a piece of art is how much I'd add to it to help it do what it was trying to do.#like not cutting anything from it unless absolutely absolutely necessary. just adding like maybe 10-15 minutes to the runtime and—#helping maybe a few weaker elements shine more. with BOPATFEOOHQ the only change I'd make is to have more of the characters.#let us see more of Cassandra and Black Canary. more of their inner lives and backstories.#Christina Hodson tells us their stories with great efficiency and it's done really well but visually I'd just like to do more with them.#give them each maybe a 2-3 minute scene with what their daily routine is like.#maybe explore Canary's history with her mother more. see how it ties into the GCPD more effectively.#maybe actually see Cassandra's parents and how she deals with them daily instead of hearing about it from her hiding outside
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Very picky about how people write reconciled Crowley and Rowena and even MORE picky over how people write reconciled Cas and Claire. These are the two absolutely devastating spn relationships that you just do not fuck around with in my opinion. Reconciliation plots for them can be done well but if you’re going in on either dynamic without giving the experience of both sides equal consideration then as a writer you have already lost
#If you don’t acknowledge the tragedy on both sides of these relationships you’re simply writing nothing imo#Maybe one side had it far worse than the other but if you don’t at least recognise the feelings of the other side#I think you’re doomed to fail. If your goal is to depict them or explore their dynamic in a way that matters anyway#Obviously if you’re writing self-indulgent wish fulfilment for your own subjective enjoyment you don’t necessarily need to go deep#I’m talking about intentional character studies and such#My posts#Not that Cas and Claire isn’t the most fucked up relationship of all time but I also get why Crowley and Rowena can be trickier#Because getting possessed by angels is Not Real and parental child neglect very much is#Few people can balance acknowledging the hell Rowena went through with not being an abuse apologist for what happened to Crowley#Her mistreatment of him was not a “girlboss moment” like as much as Ruth NAILS the delivery of thee career woman line it’s really not funny#in context.#She later acknowledged the harm she caused him and put real visible effort into becoming a better person#which makes her easily one of the best characters on that whole sorry miserable show but#That still doesn’t mean the way she neglected and mistreated and abandoned Crowley was okay.#(Even SHE knows it wasn’t okay. Who are you pretending it was okay for? Not her!)#But if your brain is wrinkly enough you can also recognise that Rowena was young and was herself was horrifically abandoned#and traumatised by that abandonment to the point where she equated loving ANYTHING with being weak and at someone else’s mercy#which she was so desperately scared of feeling ever again.#AND that she is just not a maternal person who had maternity sprung upon her and then was left high and dry with zero support#and a crying screaming piece of the man who did all this to her. A crying screaming piece of HER that she was too terrified to risk loving#And then when she *did* find people who’d support her they came after her for having a child at all. And she made a choice#You can recognise ALL of this without acting like Crowley wasn’t fucked up for LIFE by her#She was fucked up for life by Crowley’s father as it was. And again it doesn’t make it ok but acknowledgement ≠ apologism#Anyway christ I could write essays about the MacLeod cycle of abandonment so I’ll leave it there#I’m saying all this as someone who loves all four characters mentioned in this post with my entire heart by the way#Which is definitely why I feel so strongly when people write the dynamics while clearly partial to one or the other. They all deserve nuance#To me
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the gas station attendant social link alternate universe is about the past and the future. it is about accepting you who you were and who you are and who you'll be. accepting every aspect of yourself, intangible and tangible. that maybe you are fractured, broken, fragmented, empty, torn apart, or one thousand different things. but you are there for yourself, whoever that may be. whoever they may be. it is about love and betreyal and kindness and malice and caring and hate. deliberate or accidental. it is about learning and realizing and doing something about it and doing nothing about it. it is about the constant pursuit of knowledge no matter how fun it is no matter how terrifying it is. no matter if it's a genuine drive or something forced unto the self as one is pushed to the ledge. it is about life and death and what is real and what is not. it is about accepting what is there and making the effort to make it different. it is about stagnancy and improvement. it is about being the same and about change. it is about friendships about family about relationships about the inherent love present in all of it. it is about finding yourself in someone and the choice to help the other to help the self. to fill each other's half empty cups and overflow with gratitude or spill out and become an emptiness so unbearable that the irony of a rush of tears come flooding out somehow. it is about potential and the need to pursue it and find it and accomplish it and grow and grow and grow and learn and learn and learn and live and live and live no matter what anyone says. no matter what you say. it is about god. it is about human. it is about the bond with the one god once called its puppet but lives in the role itself no longer can be called an actor. because of love. because of love.
#kommento#sulululat#gsa sl au#// it was my love btw#// thinking that this silly thing is too 'far gone' but it's a fruit tree of so many personal spiels that maybe deep down I brought this#// to the table because I wanted to have people learn about myself? through something we can both love#// but that's just the thing it's become too personal that no one can relate to it and if anyone does it wrong I bite their face off#// I don't know. regressing back into my little bubble and thinking of other problems. being here is a journey and it's still going#// that there's still so much I can do but I'm reaching a tipping point and I can do everything now or drop it all#// like game dev crunch time. spend four years on it and a 1 and a half year chunk to prep for the live demo at the press conference#// and if you flop or show up with nothing the whole project would just be dropped. and there is nothing left#// all that passion and love and effort is washed away#// I don't even know what I'm aiming for. I just wanted a community. and I do have one but am I not satisfied?#// is there a certain sense of community itself that I want? now I'm selfish and picky? I am not sure#// I should make a relationship chart actually. with bubbles and lines and captions and labels or something. peek into my brain diagrams#// three year anniversary coming up soon... but who knows if I'll still be kicking in six more months. it's a surprise 🎉#// gsaslau is about god who is not human and a human who does not believe he is human. and somehow they make each other more human#// it is about a child meant to be the avatar of hope falling to his knees having to accept the truth about the people he trusts#// it is about a girl desperately wanting to save everyone and would offer her life to do so. but she wants to live with everyone else#// without another giving up their own life instead#// it is about a man who rises from despair and becomes the beacon of hope he never thought he could be#// it is about a man who wouldnt believe the emptiness in his heart stings. that he could never lose somethng because he never had anything#// it is about someone who relearns who they were and creates who they're going to be. fighting all the urges to destroy such a creation
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CW: Death, Violence, Familicide
Imperia views Femininity as pure unadulterated strength and wits. Through her femininity is how she is getting and has gotten not only power but joy. After all, she only loved her mother. Her father and younger brother (Gray and Shaxor from Utahime Five) she despised and actively aided the Intoners in murdering them. And she did it with utter joy. In a way Imperia hates masculinity, mostly the traditional toxic masculinity that Gray was.
After her mother's death and when Gray was forced to y'know...actually raise his teenaged daughter he straight up didn't. Even though Imperia was a perfect girl practically. Beautiful, intelligent, even combat capable to a degree. Yet he overlooked her and gave territory to an ACTUAL CHILD instead of her. Which led Imperia to straight up help the Intoners. But here's the thing. Imperia only likes One.
She HATES the other Intoners with a passion. Viewing them as actual fucking children and idiots who doesn't deserve the power they have. Even though, in Midgard at the time they are the pinnacle of "feminine beauty" they are literally goddesses. But they are really only beautiful. Five is frivolous, Four is hypocritical, Three is Selfish, and Two is just incompetent. Only One earns Imperia's respect which got them into this deal, that One would aid Imperia as her successor. Cause Imperia genuinely cares.
Imperia genuinely cares and wants the best for Midgard. Wants to improve on the land after the Intoners are gone. And in such she views Femininity as a leader. A powerful protector with strength and wits that through those things can lead to glory and more importantly, prosperity. Just like how she viewed her mother.
Imperia echoes her mother and wants nothing more than to do all she can to better Midgard through her mother's teachings and that includes whatever sacrifice she will have to make along the way. But in her eyes it is worth it.
#frays of fate - info#The Commandeering Heir - Imperia#imperia genuinely is fascinating#cause like on the surface she is an utter bitch#she is rude#and wont waste her time on you.#but in truth shes just like...#the countries mom#she truly cares and will put in effort to show said care even if she fails#she is willing to do so much for midgard#and even though she only respects One#(also kinda falls in love with One depening on the mun)#she still respects that it was only through the Intoners that she got here#god i love Imperia
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Reze haters are so dumb. “She didn’t care about denji at all she told him she was faking everything” AND YOU JUST TOOK HER WORD FOR IT???
#also one person on Twitter with negative braincells being like reze wasn’t walking towards the cafe#THEN WHY DID FUJIMOTO GO THROUGH THE EFFORT OF SHOWING HER LEAVING THE TRAINSTATION AND WALKING DOWN THE STREET#ABD THENIMMEDIATELY AFTER MAKIMA NERFS HER SHE SAYS SHES NEVER GONE TO SCHOOL EITHER AND THEN CUT TO DENJI WAITING FOR HER#USE YOUR BRAIN A LITTLE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD#csm#q#‘there was no evidence that she was walking towards the cafe to run away with him’ YES THE FUCK THERE WAS LMAO??#what did you think she went there to go pick something up she forgot before going back to fucking Russia??#or she was just going back to try to kill him again? read👏the👏room👏
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Claudette Morel having ADHD my beloved
#Dead By Daylight#dbd#Claudette Morel#ADHD#Bruh I relate to her first memory note so much#My teacher's always used to say I had my head in the clouds#And blame/embarrass me for it too#Claudette my dear I'm so sorry#Her hyperfixation on science is adorable#Bruh I had a drawer full of bugs as a kid and I used to sit in the corner of the playground at school-#And watch the ants talk to each other#Girl I would have loved to be your friend#It breaks my heart how much a lot of these characters go through. So many of the OG survivors are only 19 too???#They're literally just kids/teenagers omfg#I'm too emotional about these characters#I love the dbd team for all these little backstories and such. They coulda just made a survive and hunt game#But they literally gave every single character a story and life outside of these trials that makes you really root for them#Tell me why this game has better diversity for race 'insert comma' culture and mental disabilities than most modern media#And does it better than thosetypes of shows that will try but do it completely wrong or somehow more offensive than if they had none at all#Like I really appreciate the devs for how much effort. research. care. and respect that goes into these characters and thier backgrounds#and cultures#I don't know if they've done anything wrong yet as I'm very early in the game#I've been playing for abiut a month now but only just started the rift stuff since I didn't know that was a thing for the first 3 weeks#I have to do it in order tho because of adhd and ocd. So I'm on Tome One Section Two. I can't wait to catch up tho lmao#Tho it means I'm gonna have to get the dlcs which sucks because /money/ but I can't just. Leave out the dlc character rifts#Or it'll annoy me#But we'll do that when we get there#But anyway yeah I love Claudette sm but I do Main Meg because /sprint/
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i hate this “coming back home” business. i hate this “you’re a teenager AND an adult” unrealistic expectations, double-standard shit. i hate that no matter what, in conversations where i try to approach an issue as calmly and diplomatically as possible, i still get called out for being too emotional. i hate that i’m expected to know how to clean a house (or at the very least my room) and keep it that way, but i can’t make decisions about my own screen time. i hate that i can’t express how i feel freely, even if it’s messy, because other people get “overwhelmed,” or because i’m something that doesn’t matter — but maybe for me it DOES? i hate that simply because my problem might be more inconsequential, it means whatever i’m feeling about it is also unimportant. i hate that when all i want is to be validated, all i get is a constant feeling of failure. i hate that when it’s convenient for you, i’m an adult, but when it’s important to me, i’m still a child.
#belle writes#i got home from my month-long trip yesterday. and it’s fucking HARD to be home#even more difficult than i expected#my mom (i know she loves me and did it with the best intentions) decided to rearrange my room on a whim because i’d left it kind of messy#she never told me she was going to do this — until yesterday when i got home and she showed me#and look. i know it must have been a lot of effort & i’m touched that she went through it for me#but i wish it hadn’t been a complete surprise! because it’s so much to get used to#it’s like the space isn’t mine because i wasn’t there to help change it around#it’s giving me ANXIETY because it’s different and a Big Change#i tried to tell her this but she won’t even accept that my response is valid#saying that i should be grateful#that this is just a tiny thing; that problems in Life are not This#as if this isn’t my life already?!?!#as if i need to have it all together because of how i made you feel with my honest response but it doesn’t matter how YOU made me feel?#i already feel like i have so little control over my life and this only Added to the feeling#i wish she would understand#anyway take my venting with a grain of salt#this is not my biggest problem with life obviously but it’s just another reason why my mom and i are always at odds#i’m very emotional. if i have to i’ll rearrange my room myself#stories of my life#growing pains#belle speaks#i Know she thought she was helping but IT ISN’T HELPING
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I was meeting a client at a famous museum’s lounge for lunch (fancy, I know) and had an hour to kill afterwards so I joined the first random docent tour I could find. The woman who took us around was a great-grandmother from the Bronx “back when that was nothing to brag about” and she was doing a talk on alternative mediums within art.
What I thought that meant: telling us about unique sculpture materials and paint mixtures.
What that actually meant: an 84yo woman gingerly holding a beautifully beaded and embroidered dress (apparently from Ukraine and at least 200 years old) and, with tears in her eyes, showing how each individual thread was spun by hand and weaved into place on a cottage floor loom, with bright blue silk embroidery thread and hand-blown beads intricately piercing the work of other labor for days upon days, as the labor of a dozen talented people came together to make something so beautiful for a village girl’s wedding day.
What it also meant: in 1948, a young girl lived in a cramped tenement-like third floor apartment in Manhattan, with a father who had just joined them after not having been allowed to escape through Poland with his pregnant wife nine years earlier. She sits in her father’s lap and watches with wide, quiet eyes as her mother’s deft hands fly across fabric with bright blue silk thread (echoing hands from over a century years earlier). Thread that her mother had salvaged from white embroidery scraps at the tailor’s shop where she worked and spent the last few days carefully dying in the kitchen sink and drying on the roof.
The dress is in the traditional Hungarian fashion and is folded across her mother’s lap: her mother doesn’t had a pattern, but she doesn’t need one to make her daughter’s dress for the fifth grade dance. The dress would end up differing significantly from the pure white, petticoated first communion dresses worn by her daughter’s majority-Catholic classmates, but the young girl would love it all the more for its uniqueness and bright blue thread.
And now, that same young girl (and maybe also the villager from 19th century Ukraine) stands in front of us, trying not to clutch the old fabric too hard as her voice shakes with the emotion of all the love and humanity that is poured into the labor of art. The village girl and the girl in the Bronx were very different people: different centuries, different religions, different ages, and different continents. But the love in the stitches and beads on their dresses was the same. And she tells us that when we look at the labor of art, we don’t just see the work to create that piece - we see the labor of our own creations and the creations of others for us, and the value in something so seemingly frivolous.
But, maybe more importantly, she says that we only admire this piece in a museum because it happened to survive the love of the wearer and those who owned it afterwards, but there have been quite literally billions of small, quiet works of art in billions of small, quiet homes all over the world, for millennia. That your grandmother’s quilt is used as a picnic blanket just as Van Gogh’s works hung in his poor friends’ hallways. That your father’s hand-painted model plane sets are displayed in your parents’ livingroom as Grecian vases are displayed in museums. That your older sister’s engineering drawings in a steady, fine-lined hand are akin to Da Vinci’s scribbles of flying machines.
I don’t think there’s any dramatic conclusions to be drawn from these thoughts - they’ve been echoed by thousands of other people across the centuries. However, if you ever feel bad for spending all of your time sewing, knitting, drawing, building lego sets, or whatever else - especially if you feel like you have to somehow monetize or show off your work online to justify your labor - please know that there’s an 84yo museum docent in the Bronx who would cry simply at the thought of you spending so much effort to quietly create something that’s beautiful to you.
#shut up e#long post#Saturday thoughts#this has been in my drafts for a week haha#also this is the heart of why AI art feels so wrong#forget the discussion of copyright and theft etc - even if models were only trained on public domain they would still feel very wrong#because they’re not art. art is the labor of creation#even commercial art and art commissioned by the popes and kings of history: there is humanity in the labor of it#unrelated: I did not know living in the Bronx was now something to brag about. How the fuck do y’all New Yorkers afford this city???
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:3
#some tag rambles bc im having a bunch of loz thoughts to hey why not do a short lived tag ramble#starting with the bad i have thought more on how i feel totk fucked up its characters and its like. yeah any arcs that are there are bad#zeldas is dogshit all of the sages are just. VERY tell no show and it really doesnt matter and otherwise idk#nothing wrong with a static character but imo with a static character you then have to show more of them#reveal some things. also doesnt really happen. the main speaking cast are also kinda weak in relation to link#they dont really work off of him very well bc hes… not treated like a character. hes just some virtuous everyman in the story#so theres no actual chemistry between him or the other characters bc he isnt treated a character so like. he has almost no chemistry#its all mostly one sided and none of the sages but zelda have any real chemistry with other major characters either#and the major characters zelda has chemistry with barely matter so fuck it. like when ppl talk abt like. loz stories#and ppl talk abt how yeah they arent the best but totk is rlly bad. i dont feel like any other loz stories are baaaaad#not in the same way. but they dont feel as egregiously fumbled. imo its bc of the characters most of them time#ofc story can be strong enough and im not discounting stuff like mm and oots themes and atmosphere and stuff#it seeeems to me the most popular non zelda sage is tulin? but mostly bc hes a sweet kid and thats fine and all but there doesnt seem to#be much else to him hes otherwise kinda unremarkable bc he just doesnt do much else and seems to exists mostly to serve gameplay and plot#botw did it better bc the champions actively had a dynamic and a relationship with link they arent the deepest but they have more substance#botw zelda is arguably the strongest character in botw with a unique personality and genuine relationship to link even if we just see it#in the memories and seeing her warm up to link is cool but imp they fumble it in the ending of her arc and how it kinda contradicts stuff#and in totk they doubled the fuck down on her unlocking her powers for reasons related to link and decided ig shed figure she needs to be#links forever bestie and hypeman and she kinda just revolves around him in a really superficial way and this is the negative extreme#of a character being bolstered by being connected to link. but anyways in loz its the characters that tend to be the strongest points#and the characters with a clear dynamic and relationship to link shine the most. think groose ghirahim ravio midna fi marin linebeck sheik#the list could go on but the characters who get a chance to shine by interacting with the Player Character are the ones who stick out#and ofc they get more screen time but they cant avoid that character development or general character fleshing out bc they are in some way#tied to link and in a sort of way link himself is more fleshed out through how those other characters react to him if that makes sense#i think loz is at its best when a good bit of emphasis and effort is placed on characters and character relationships#and when thise relationships and character are written well ofc this fucking matters too#anyways thats why ph is one of the best we love our character heavy black sheep them ds characters carry so hard and so fucking well mwah
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I've also been thinking about Rinoll a lot recently and like. Guys she. She kinda wins in the end? SPECIFICALLY in regards to her relationship with Chocip. She gets what she wants in the end with NO consequence. Dude.
#Sure. Her main goal with him was to make Bianca jealous by dating a doting man of high status and wealth#and THAT failed bc Bianca doesnt give af#But like#Her other goal is to see how far she can fuck up Chocip's life by dating him#Because she knows his family act like this is medevial times and not being with someone of equal or higher status is like#the plague#And she also knows Chocip is the favorite son of the family#And frankly. She knows damn well the family members he care about hate her for exisitng#so she just wants to see if she can make him fall from their grace#Show that he's not a golden child at his grown age. Show that he's no better than his 'trash' siblings.#Let him face the trials and tribulations of wanting to be with someone you love when the ppl around you aren't supportive...#... and ultimately break his heart after all the effort he went through#AND SHE FUCKING DOES THAT. SHE GETS EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTED HERE#And may say 'Well clearly she's gonna suffer consequences bc his family is powerful + rich!'#WELL. 1) just wait and see his relationship w/ his parents after this and 2) Rinoll is literally Just A Gal#She doesn't even live in Creamcrest. Nor is she involved in anything like modeling or the business industry#Rubia and Trige can't ruin her rep bc she's not apart of the 1% and they can't blacklist her bc SHES NOT GETTING A JOB IN CREAMCREST ANYWAY#NOR IS SHE GONNA TRY TO BECOME A MODEL OR WORK FOR A SISTER COMPANY TO RUBIA'S!!!!!#NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO IT DOESNT MATTER. BC SHE'S NOT APART OF THE SUPERFICIAL DRAMA WORLD THE DAZS FAMILY IS APART OF#SHE'S NORMAL! SHE'S A NORMAL PERSON WHO GOES TO ART SCHOOL IN THE COUNTRYSIDE! NO ONE CARES ABT SOCIAL STATUS ROUND THESE PARTS#Much less from fucking Creamcrest of all people#GUYS. RINOLL WINS. JUST THIS ONCE SHE WINS. AND ITS CRAZYYYY DFGHJKHYGHJ#Hate to say it but. Queen.
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Sources for Somerton's Plagiarism from Hbomberguy's Video (as much as I could get)
I went back through Harry's video, focused entirely on the sources James Somerton pulled from in the hopes of creating as much of a comprehensive list as I could--though my Google-Fu is not very strong. I did however find something I thought was forever lost and that made me very happy--specifically the magazine Midlands Zone containing the column by Steven Spinks that Harry poignantly used as an illustration of gay erasure... while Somerton uses it to sound like HE is waxing remorseful about the very subject.
This is not a complete list, I'm sure. For one thing, I was only able to attempt to pull sources that Harry himself mentioned in the video. Surely there's so very much more out there. I expect there to be a great deal more internet archeology to unearth just how much writing and culture Somerton has stolen like he's the British Museum of Natural History but for gay people.
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Harry's list of mentioned youtubers:
Alexander Avila - https://www.youtube.com/@alexander_avila
Matt Baume - https://www.youtube.com/@MattBaume
Khadija Mbowe - https://www.youtube.com/@KhadijaMbowe
Lady Emily - https://www.youtube.com/@LadyEmilyPresents
Shanspeare - https://www.youtube.com/@Shanspeare
RickiHirsch - https://www.youtube.com/@RickiHirsch
VerilyBitchie - https://www.youtube.com/@verilybitchie
Harry created a convenient playlist of videos by these and other people he wants to bring to everyone's attention.
Please give them your support.
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Midlands Zone Magazine - Column by Steven Spinks
After a great deal of searching, I found an archive of the "Midlands Zone" magazine, where you can read through past issues dating all the way back to February 2014. I have also found the issue from which Somerton took Spinks' poignant discussion of gay erasure:
Overall archive
Specific Issue - Pages 16-17
It will not allow you to download it, but you can read it exactly as it appeared in print form.
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My best effort to find the exact book or article Somerton lifted from to be able to get attention to the original writers
Tinker Bells and Evil Queens
By Sean Griffin
The Celluloid Closet
By Vito Russo
Wikipedia article about the book
Wikipedia article about the documentary
My weak google-fu could not find where you can access the book or documentary. Check your local municipal or university library for book or documentary, or if you know a good source for one or both, please reblog with it added
Camp and the Gay Sensibility
By Jack Babuscio
The Groundbreaking Queerness of Disney's Mulan
By Jes Tom
Personal site with links to social media accounts
Why Rebel Without a Cause was a milestone for gay rights
By Peter Howell
Why "The Craft" is still the best Halloween coming out movie
By Andrew Park
Opinion: From facehuggers to phallic tails, is 'Alien' one of the queerest films ever?
By Dani Leever
Women and Queerness in Horror: Jennifer's Body
By Zoe Fortier
[Pride 2019] We Have Such Sights to Show You: Hellraiser and the Spectrum of Queerness
By Alejandra Gonzalez
Revealing the Hellbound Heart of Clive Barker's 'Hellraiser'
By Colin Arason
Queering James Cameron's Aliens (1986)
By Bart Bishop
Demeter and Persephone in space: transformation, femininity, and myth in the 'Alien' films
By David Greven
Fears of a millennial masculinity: Scream's queer killers
By David Greven
(Scholarly site, unable to access original work, offers a way to request a full copy of the text in PDF)
Queer Subtext in Stephen King's It - Part 1: 'Reddie' Character Analysis
By Rachel Brands
Rachel is the very unfortunate lady who found out she was being stolen from because she supported Somerton through Patreon and saw one of his videos early with her writing--lacking any form of citation or credit
How 'It: Chapter Two' Leaves Richie Tozier Behind
By Joelle Monique
When Horror Becomes Strength: Queer Armor in Stephen King's 'IT'
By Alex London
Why Queer People Love Witchcraft
By Amanda Kohr
'The Favourite' Queers The Past And The Present
By Giorgi Plys-Garzotto
(Wuko) Crush (Mako x Wu)
By MoonFlower on YouTube
5 Terrible Movies With Awesome Hidden Meanings
By J.F. Sargent
The Radicalization of Sexuality: The Queer Casae of Jeffrey Dahmer
By Ian Barnard
Netflix's 'Dahmer' backlash highlights ethical issues in the platform's obsession with true crime
By Shivani Dubey
The Possible Disturbing Dissonance Between Hajime Isayama's Beliefs and Attack on Titan's Themes
Original Article by "Seldom Musings"
(Author has made all posts not related to Attack On Titan private and has retired from the blog)
Everyone Loves Attack on Titan. So Why Does Everyone Hate Attack on Titan?
By Gita Jackson
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The following people are otherwise named in the video. There are no direct citations of articles or books by them in said video. I am unable to guarantee that I have identified the correct individual.
Darren Elliott-Smith
Michaela Barton
David Church
Claire Sisco King
Amanda Howell
Jessica Roy
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Telos announced and cancelled a film likely based on this book:
The Final Girl Support Group - By Grady Hendrix
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I refrained from including certain sources.
First off only focusing on Somerton's work.
Secondly not including anything that might be visible enough to not require amplifying their voice (I cannot speak for all of those I have found links to, but journalism is frequently a thankless job).
Thirdly any source that is of a nature that is antithetical to the very existence of the queer community, such as the right-leaning source that didn't make it into Somerton's video, but Harry was able to identify as a source he had considered using.
If you feel I have missed a mentioned source--or you know of a source from material that was not covered in Harry's video--please do not hesitate to reblog with added details.
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Please share this information far and wide, and please add to it if you find more material that can be positively identified and linked to the creator/writer.
#hbomberguy#james somerton#Plagiarism#Queer#LGBT#LGBTQIA#youtube#Solidarity#gay erasure#Make them un-erased
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