#havent been doing a lot of experimenting as of recent as ive been kinda depressed and just letting myself stick to my comfort zone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

incendavery · 7 years

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gosh, thank you! that is so sweet??? I hope you (and any other of my followers who celebrate!) have/had a very happy Eid!💖 💕

on another note, I’ve finally gotten around to cleaning out my askbox! under the cut is almost every ask I’ve gotten that i haven’t answered in the past.... I’m not sure. it’s been a WHILE though.

as a warning, there’s all sorts of stuff, and it’s all untagged! also also, if you sent one of these asks and want me to remove it, just let me know!

yes!! @fuckaspunk IS super sweet and talented and i AM very lucky to have them! and I’ve heard from reliable sources that the feeling is mutual~~💕

i’m glad my comics make you feel less alone; that’s a rough situation you’re in. i really hope you find yourself in a better environment soon!

thank you!!!💕

thank you for understanding! and yes, aidan is a huge help to me??? even when they’re not answering asks, they’re always supporting me in some way, whether that’s making sure I’ve eaten enough, or talking me through my anxiety, or all the other ways they’re there for me every single day💕💕

ok, my tips are!!:

draw as much as possible! even if it’s just lines and shapes with no meaning, you’re still developing your hand/eye skills

BUT: dont draw if you’re not feeling it! if you’re feeling fried, it’s better to take a break. go on a walk to somewhere scenic, read your favorite book, listen to some new music, hang out with friends, or just take a nap! rest up and find some inspiration! you can come back to your sketchbook when you feel energized again

draw stuff that you like! you’ll improve way faster if you’re passionate about what you’re doing

look at art you like with a critical eye. try to examine the different components and figure out what you think works or doesn’t work. try incorporation those components into your own work

read a lot of tutorials and other resources, but take what they say with a grain of salt

ultimately, remember that the only real rule to drawing is that doing it should make you happy

good luck!! i do my best not to pick, but it’s a real struggle; i have lots of scars from it too. ;v; im cheering for you!!!

ALWAYS!!!! if you do, please show me!! my notifications get real busy, but anyone is welcome to IM me any time!

thank you! i actually get very worried about my style; i tend to admire artists with complex linework and delicate shading, so i often feel my style is far to simple! so thank you!!

that is really high praise????? gosh??!?!?!? best of luck with the next three years; i hope you grow to be someone you like even better than me!

thank you!!

peanut time is the best!! i haven’t gotten to do a proper one in a while though ;-; i’ve mostly been feeding the crows on my way back home from night shifts, when i give them the reject eggs from the continental breakfast.

wow, neat!! chickens are so wonderful; i cont wait until i can have some of my own :>

dont be nervous! i know i can be hard to get ahold of over the internet (bc i get overwhelmed easily) and hard to talk with irl (bc i get so nervous and interacting w ppl doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL) but honestly i?? love making new friends??!

thank you!!? im thankful every day that someone as radient as aidan is in my life for the long haul

thank you!!!!!!!💕

i completely feel that? its ok to hit rough patches! just do your best!!

i dont remember what i felt bad about but THANK YOU💕💕

honestly its done me worlds of good to share my art?? hearing people talk about how they go through all the same shit i do makes me feel so much less alone, especially on the toughest days! so i guess thank you, and thank you?

youre welcome!!!! :>

huh!! i dont know much about shoegaze (other than thinking abt that post abt the guy who pronounced it like fugazi I THINK ABT THAT EVERY TIME) but thats real neat!! im glad youve found something that works for you!!

hey, neat middle name! and youre very welcome; i hope things have been looking up for you since you sent this?💕

i dont remember when this was from but im currently doing really well with my meds!! i switched to a combination of lexapro in the morning and benadryl in the evening, and its been working super well!✨

thank you??!! ;o; i would love to see all your favorite birds!!

hey, right back atcha!!!

ty!!!

hey. thank YOU

you’re absolutely not bothering me! thank you so much!!

!!!!!!!!!!

hey, nice! im glad you like both me and my music!

gosh thanks?!?!

she is the most beautiful and handsome!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her! thank you from both of us!!!!

aw, gosh! im sure i like you too!!

this was from.... A WHILE AGO.... but youre welcome?? i just wish i could have done more

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

thank YOU and a very very belated merry christmas!!!

that does make sense!! reconciling friendships and crushes is tricky business. the best i can say to you is to be as honest and open with each other as you can

i dont personally get those, but ive heard of people experiencing them as a sideeffect when coming off or switching meds

i think these two are part of the same message? but oh man yeah that sucks when ppl are misgendering you AND hitting on you at the same time. on a different note, ive never heard of using a corset to stim before! neat!

i mean, 1. depression doesn’t care if you have a “””good””” reason and 2. ive literally never met anyone w depression (including myself) who thinks that they do have a “””good””” reason for having it. thats the insidious part of depression, is that it makes you think that theres nothing wrong and that its all just you not measuring up in some way

so i guess that would make you.... someone with depression?

real BAD

💕 💖 💞 💓 💗

not yet haha THANK YOU

hey, im glad you like it!! since this blog has gotten so big, its kinda my happy place to be? (for anyone wondering, my reblog blog/personal is @spinels!

that IS a fun fact!! thank you!

it’s absolutely ok! i get a little bitter when people take my work WAY out of context (for example, straight people removing the caption that says “im just really gay” before tagging their bf/gf) but i am 100% ok and happy with people relating to my work in a different way than i intended (ex: a comic i made about being ashamed of my derma getting reblogged by someone struggling to be ok w their visible burn scars)

hoo gosh, thank you!!

glad to have you here!! im glad people can relate to some of the weirdly specific shit i write about tbh???

i’m sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you; that a terrible situation

if you have a teacher you trust, i would absolutely bring it up to them. that is 100% not an ok thing for those kids to be doing. at all.

im glad you at least have your friends that support you!

:0 WAIT is this someone i know through ucsc?? :0 :0 :0

aaaa thank you! that is high praise ;v;

i have no words; this is such a touching message. thank you so much ;v;

this is belated but!! the main creative community i can recommend is kzsc, the radio station! i had a real cool time there, and its a great way to make friends and connect with ppl of all sorts! :0

yeah, its totally normal! ive had roommates ive been super tight with, and roommates who i barely ever hung around with. its natural! i doubt you’ll finish college w/o finding a roomie that you get ~The Roomie Experience~ with though, even if its like a housemate or s/t!! ;0

i’ve never been told that, actually! neat!! (and wow?? i cant believe i inspire ppl.... wow......... what a concept tbh??)

oh yikes... i do hope youre feeling better :( im glad my comics can help a little bit at least!

💕 💖 💞 💓 💗!!!

HUGS

i dont remember what this was in reference to, but good to know?

also good to know!?

i think the crows and jays do! i dunno about the squirrels and other birds. and thank you!!

the youth gang..... i love it..... how good???!

i wrote about getting yuri right here! he’s a southern alligator lizard and i love him to bits.

heres a pic of the Long Boy doin his thing:

hey neat! i’m glad youve chosen a lame you can be proud of!!💖

ive never heard of that!! wow

what play is this?? :0 :0 :0 im so curious now!!

oh SHUCKS...,,,,,,,,,, ;v;

hahahaha omg thank u

i dont actually have any more of them interacting, unfortunately! the owl isnt one specific person, like a lot of my characters are meant to represent. the owl more represents as a whole all the people i run into in my life that i am very very gay for.

thank you!!!

youre very welcome! im glad you feel better!!!!

aaa gosh thank you!!!

hhhhfgh ive gotten less of it recently BUT YEAH that was bad times™️

thanks for the info!!! :0

no problem! a lot of the credit honestly goes to @fuckaspunk, who is always keeping me updated on that sort of stuff.

i didn’t know that! a lot of the symbolism seems to come from multiple sources sometimes, from what ive seen?

aaaa gosh omg thank you ;v;

aw thank you???!!

nice!!! oct 24 bdays go!!!

thank you!! it really does mean a lot actually!!!!!!!

of course?? antisemitism cant be ignored in this fight

aw, thats so cute! id love to hear what headcanons you have tbh???

hey thanks?! this is really cool to hear, tbh. i try to be positive most of the time, but im not going to like,,, kid myself when im not feeling it and im glad that other people can appreciate that too, ya know?

wow!!

(this one!) thank you i love that one too???!

hey, im glad you found your way here!! thank you so much!!!

aaaa ty!

hmmm i have two leopard geckos, and they made very good beginning lizards for me and aidan! but i would maybe ask someone a bit more experienced than me, like @kaijutegu or @wheremyscalesslither!!

thank you!!

one day at a time! (but seriously, thank you!!)

yummy yummy sauce...... ty!!!

awww, gosh! thank you!?

AAAA TY BOTH I GET SO SELF-CONSCIOUS ABT MY VOICE,,,,, ;o;

:0 i havent watched that, but it sounds rly cool!!

i like that fun fact a lot! ty!!

pae stands for paerlin, which is what @fuckaspunk‘s internet handle used to be! i used it to refer to them on my blog in secret back when they still didnt know i had a crush on them.... ;//v//;

aaaaa thank you!!! ;o;

nice nice nice ty!!

>:0 get back down here!! (jk that’s rly neat! highfive!!)

those are all good words that i like!! thank you!!!!

i dont know anything about him, but i looked him up and i guess i can see it?!

@fishcrow is really cool! ive never really interacted with them, but im p sure were mutuals...? anyway yeah their comics are rly cute and cool!

that is me! thank you; i hope things go well for you as well!

hello to you too!

aaaa ty!!! tbh the number of nice anons i get way way way outnumbers the mean ones <3

thank you! thank YOU for existing!

:0 chocolate croissant, here i come!!!

thank you!!!!!!💕

its literally my pleasure!!!

aaa ty!!! 💕💕

hehe im glad!

sldf;j;sfjdklfdslfjs thank you so much?????? what a compliment omg gosh

yeah!! i have a hard time on settling what class id be, but i feel like id be a heart player!

ohh um! im not sure which pens youre referring to, but if you mean the ones I use for my comics, i color them with Winsor & Newton ProMarkers, and I do the lines with a purple fine-point Sakura Gelly Roll Classic pen! i also use micron pens of all different sizes and colors in some of my non-diary comic art!

aww thank you so much!!

:0 :) :0 !!!!!!

ty!!! ive grown to love him very much as well!!

thank you! i hope you are doing well also!!

i love them very much?!! id put a picture but i dont have one with all four of them so instead imagine me lying on the floor crying abt how much i love them bc thats me basically every day

you dont mean......

?!?!?!?!?!?!

awwww ty!!!

HEY WOW

aaa gosh thank you!💕

DOUBLE FOLLOW

gay dragons combine the best of both very good things: gay and dragons. im glad you appreciate them w me tysm ;v;

aaa what a lovely message! ty💕

3rd-shift-working, depression-having, corvid-loving solidarity fistbumnp!!!!

huh! ive never heard of that; ill check it out maybe!!

ah im really glad? tysm!!💕

my understanding is that it helps people who have text-to-speech readers? but im honestly not as well informed on that as i should be!

hell yeah!!!!

gosh!!!!!

hnmngnhng youve probably already made a decision but i just gotta say.........shadow rulez

delicious!!

i havent!! i really want to though!

oh man ALL THE TIME. i usually try to either reality check with someone i trust, or to do an activity thats easy and i know i can do, or both!

i love andre and karl!!! its actually a huge influence on me and my art tbh???

i had a good (and safe) trip! ty!!!

hey, thank you!!!

oh jeez thats bad :( i think this was in response to when i needed to wait between med refills?

i cant give a precise reason, tbh! when it comes to whats lucky, i just sort of.... go with my gut, ya know?

thank you!! 👍

that sure sounds like insomnia! its almost hard for me to say tbh, bc ive had trouble sleeping for as long as i can remember, so NOT having trouble sleeping is bizarre and unrealistic to me haha... but i think the bottom line is, if its interrupting your daily routine and making it hard for you to have enough energy, then its something you should look into remedies for!

:0 :0 :0

ohhh how nice! ill give it a try! :>

omg,,,, nope, just me!

thank you!!!!!!

honestly? thats such a good way to look at it i love the idea of my blog as a big zine

always!!!!! go for it!!!

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

omg, thats so great! thank you!

im so glad; thank you!!!

thank you so much!💖 (and mexico, neat! i love hearing where people are following from??)

aaaaaaaaaaaa ;//v//; thank you??? i get so happy whenever ppl tell me they like my singing aaaaaaa

aw, hey, no worries! money is all well and good, but in some ways, messages like this mean just as much!

its cool that comic gave you plural feels! im def not a system though :>

its tricky, isnt it? i still feel like im no good at it lmao

LISTEN,,, there is a 99.9999% chance i wont notice, and a 100% chance i wont judge. reblog away!

THANK YOU ARENT THEY THE BEST I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

thank you!! i hope you have a good day as well!

aaa ty!!💖

aa ty! (what a cool name!!! im kind jealous ngl!)

awww thank you💖

i do my best! i just worry when im not active, bc i tend to connect my self-worth to my output (;^; )

aaaaa ty!! 💖

!!!!!!!!!!!! omg wow i love being called a pretty boy???? ty???????

hey, neat! crow high-five!

aw, thank you!!! 💖

im doing my best! thank you so much, messages like this really help when im in a place like that tbh ;v;

gosh this is so sweet? thank you so muhc !!?

thank you all!! im sorry that saying thank you over and over sounds so repetitive, but i truely do mean it for every one of you!!!

i am..... one of those things!

well thank you!!

ohoho~✨

thank you! and honestly im sure it does??

hey, cool! good for you!!!!!!! and ty!!

aw gosh thank you!💖

hey, wow! thats super cool; thank you so much!

(i dont follow the first person i followed on tumblr anymore.... they became a hockey blog rip haha)

aaaah, thank you so much!!

almost???

i do!! drunken lullabies is an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!

i am!!!! thank you!!

aw, ty!!! 💖

hee hee, thank you!

my biggest tip honestly?? have someone who can be by your side to help you with... basically everything... during your recovery. bc trust me, i was n o t a v a i l a b l e. i spent a lot of my recovery playing 2048 at the same time as watching tv, bc doing both at once distracted me from how much the bandages itched.

thank you!! (i think this was in reference to getting top surgery!)

how shitty??????? yikes. i hope your supervisor has your back??? bc wow????

hey!!! thank you!!! i draw all my comics traditionally on paper! im not sure what you mean by the writing though? if you mean the word bubbles, i do those by hand on paper too!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING,,,, im so happy ppl talk to me, but i get really nervous about saying the wrong thing.

when i’m down, i usually crave validation. i like being reminded about things ive done right! i also like gentle reality checks, like, ‘hey: this is the situation, this is what we can do about it. ok? ok’

i unfortunately dont have any!! i had a couple at one point, but they’ve since been lost to the depths of my old laptop. and hey, thank you so much!!

now thats a nifty trick!! im terrible at telling all my white tablets from each other lmao

!!!!!!! ITS ME!!!!!!!!

maybe you just need some space? i know i sometimes temporarily block people i know, if i need some private space or if i dont trust myself to keep cool and solve problems constructively. do what you need to do to feel at ease, and go from there, ya know?

thank you!!!

its,,,, up somewhere above in this monster post lmao i,m so sorry,,,,

thank you so much!!!

WOW NO WORRIES??,,,,,,,,, INCREDIBLE 10/10???????

all four of these came right after i gave myself a hair cut and THANK YOU SO MUCH??? i live for validation and it feels so good to have my actions affirmed ;o;

#WOW THAT TOOK LIKE THREE HOURS HAHA #hopefully next time it wont be as long!!#daveanswersstuff #long post

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undeademoprincess · 7 years

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82 Truths

rules: once you’ve been tagged you’re supposed to write a post with eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people.

tagged by @hoseokjinns bruh this has been sitting in my drafts for how many eons????

name: Dawn blood type: b nickname(s): Celeste (cousins mainly) and then anything else is adding an e or i sound to the end of my name (tho i have noticed dawners is a frequent name) r/s: dead inside zodiac sign: libruh pronouns: she\her favorite tv shows: dude, i havent seen any tv shows since i was 8, that was well over a decade ago. i collect the dvd/blurays of tv shows but not often. my mother and i are really into futurama but other than that its usually animes that i collect long or short hair: literally lopped my hair off myself like 3 days ago height: 5′5″ do you have a crush on someone: if fictional characters count then yes, the husband list keeps growing and i need another closet to shove them in but real life im fighting a “battle” what do you like about yourself: i have yet to be called annoying or that im an ass to those i love and i support them with all i can, so ive got that going for me right or left handed: right, tho i am ambidextrous over weird ass shit. like gymnastics im left dominate in??? idfk either man list of three favourite colors: literally any color associated with fall/autumn and ill be a happy camper

right now: eating: just ate a cracker that had peanut butter on it cause im munchin hard drinking: sweet h2o man i’m about to: probably go to bed or i might work on my drafts for my writing blog, havent decided yet listening to: a mix about cats, love, breakfast and being tired by in love with a ghost (on youtube) kids: hell no, unless i know i can support the damn thing with all i can while living comfortably along with someone i KNOW wont leave both me and the kid and help me then maybe, but its still a really strong no. pets are fam tho, so technically i have like 5 kids already get married: down for that, annoying someone all the time as a “job” sounds fun, especially if we get late night adventures and do weird ass cooking class shit for fun. ITS IN THE CONTRACT YA KNOW career: i really want to travel the world and get paid to do so, but at my own pace

most recent: drink: water????? idk what you want from me man im a thirsty hoe for livin phone call: been on discord all day today with 2 of my best friends and listening to music with my bot the other half on it song you listened to: lauv reforget (literally just came on)

have you ever: dated someone twice: no been cheated on: nope, and im not the type to let them get away with it if they ever did kissed someone and regretted it: no lost someone special: yes been depressed: yes, began at a very young age due to the death of my father. literally had a midlife crisis when i was 4 cause of his death been drunk and thrown up: hell no kissed a stranger: no had glasses or contacts: glasses had sex on the first date: no, not really my thing broken someone’s heart: i think so, never really ask how they felt about it afterwards turned someone down: yuuuup cried when someone died: yes fallen for a friend: mmmmm, not really??? i usually crush on an acquaintance and my friends drag them in and somehow become friends later???

in the last year have you: made a new friend: uuuuuh, maybe 3??? i dont like leaving my house nor do i like wasting my time on strangers, especially if theyre rude fallen out of love: yeah laughed until you cried: many times, MANY FUCKING TIMES met someone who changed you: uh, i think so??? idk, i kinda find my own flow in life and people either respect it and enjoy the ride with me or fight it, and i dont have the energy to deal with pointless shit found out who your true friends were: ooooh yeah found out someone was talking about you: humans talk, its natural. i dont really do anything but i can see why someone WOULD talk shit if thats what this is asking about kissed someone on your fb list: ew no

which is better: lips or eyes: eyes hugs or kisses: hugs, i like being warm shorter or taller: both have pros and cons romantic or spontaneous: both? both sensitive or loud: idk what the fuck this is asking about but if its about being around people who are loud or sensitive then neither, im sensitive to headaches so loud people irritate me and trigger the pain and ive had bad experiences in person with sensitive people where they dont leave me alone and wind up stalking me???? i love being alone so neither hookup or relationship: relationship troublemaker or hesitant: one can be kinda fun but also a pain in the ass if they get you into trouble a lot and the other might not be as constantly fun per say but at least you shouldnt be in trouble as often

first: best friend: Samantha surgery: thankfully nothing yet sport i joined: badminton vacation: everything my parents did was while i was literally an infant soooooo yeah, greaaaaat memories

do you believe in: yourself: not all the time, but i rely on myself more than anyone else. i dont trust anyone for shit when i know damn well i can do it myself and know that if something goes wrong i myself fucked it up and can probably fix my mistake miracles: yes and no, i believe theres a reason for things to happen the way they do, and there are times i see it as miracles love at first sight: i believe in attraction at first sight, not immediately seeing someone soul or some shit heaven: im more for reincarnation and spiritual aspects in life and death

extras: how many people from your fb list do you know irl: 90% of them do you have any pets: im not counting my outside pets because there are too many to even keep track of to count so my children are 5 cats, toto my conure, oz my dog, tubby my gecko, and a beta fish and a catfish do you want to change your name: if i ever did, which i dont want to do, it’d be either Celeste or Aurora (my mom actually debated on calling me aurora after like the disney princess if you will and funny enough shes always been my favorite princess) what did you do for your last birthday: 2 of my friends kidnapped me and took me to dinner and we drove around and looked at interesting things. this years its during ren faire and im so damn happy what time did you wake up today: 9 pm. im sick atm and its really fucking up my sleep schedule what were you doing last night at midnight: just got out of a call with one of my best friends and sat on my own server for a bit chillin with my music bot before my other best friend joined my after like SIX HOURS, DAMN YOU SIMON something you can’t wait for: ren faire, getting married cause then i get to sweater slap someone and get away with it, and being comfortably happy in life last time you saw your mom: a few hours ago? i went to the kitchen to get my cat to love on her and saw her then what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i had more determination to see things through and not be scared to take the leaps to see it through have you ever talked to a person named tom: i worked in retail, so probably what’s getting on your nerves: a lot of things, mainly petty things. kinda wanna cut a toxic person out of my life but we all know thats easier said than done especially seeing how he talks to literally all of the people i talk with on a daily basis save one soul and he treated her like shit when he talked to her sooo yeah, dunno wtf is his problem but im tired of being the object of his frustration and anger, idk how the rest of my friends deal with his shit but im just so damn DONE

man im not taggin 25 people. if youd like to tag me as a “i found it from so and so” then go for it man, let youre dreams run free friend. im just a lazy sack of shit and am tired and im amazed im still up and that its TAKEN ME A MILLION DAMN YEARS TO DO THIS IM SO SORRY LEANNE

#my post #tagging meme

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mykie-hyun-blog · 7 years

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❤️

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Id probably laugh 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? I love him & he doesnt love me 3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? No, the guy I was talking about is and I dont care, everyone is a bloody druggie I just dont care anymore I love him as a person despite his addictions 4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Nope 5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober I think he was a little high still tho I wasnt high because i showed up late lol 6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? I don't think I did anything wrong, he just doesnt get into relationships. But he didnt tell me until after I fell in love Cuntcunt I think about him every day 7. What does your last received text say? "I look shit in that photo and I still look better than her" Aha true 8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Many times 9. Where was your last kiss at? On the side of the street, it was a goodbye kiss :/ had no idea that would be my last kiss from him 10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Never lol 11. What do you drink in the morning? Pink lemonade lucozade 12. Where did you sleep last night? Bed 13. Do you think relationships are hard? They shouldnt be but most of them are aha me & my best friend atm just bond over our shit relationships. Theyre good to talk about. You need to spend one night with a friend deep talking about your life every once in a while. It clears your head & you might get some great advice 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? I dont remember that far 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Id probably cry lol I love him and part of me wants to be locked in a room with him gdi We'd end up kissing probably but I know he doesnt actually love me 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Depends,if im inside then rain but if im out sun 17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Alot of people Its my grandmas name :) 18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? None of the above 19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? Probably 20. Does anyone like you? Yep 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? No 22. Is the last person you kissed gay? No 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? Ya & she looks like she has acne braille on her forehead It says H-O-E 24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yeah but only a small one 25. In the past week have you cried? Ya ive had a lot of deep talks 26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Rat 27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Both because i love absolutely flooding the bathroom floor 28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Im going to Soon 29. Do you think you’re old? No 30. Do you like text messaging? Yaa good way to connect with people ..? 31. What type of day are you having? I dont remember Im pretty spaced out its good i think Boih i got my crushs snapchat AA Not the one i made out with another one i liked for a long time ❤️❤️❤️ SKKRR 32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Ya i was going to idk though 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Warm :) 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yeah...:( we dont talk anymore We made out 3 weeks ago tho 35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Definitely a relationship Flings fucking suck when you get attached 36. Are you a simple or complicated person? Complicated complicated 37. What song are you listening to? Slow hands~ This song was on repeat when i was deep talking..we had two last week because we're fucked up and i definitely need someone like her to talk to about him 38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Sometimes 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? I dont know..im v complicated The girl i was talking about knows alot i think..when i start talking deeply about myself & my problems i start crying Im not sad/depressed at all!! Like im good but im just reeally emotional and i cant help it 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? Well theres 2 I just cant explain....i just.....love them. With my entire heart. I'll talk about the one i fell in love with 3 weeks ago Hes hot but thats not why i like him. I love his personality. He's just....everything that id ever want. But i cant be with him. Forever is a long time to spend without him and i dont know if i can do that 41. When did you last receive a text message? An hour ago 42. What is wrong with you right now? -Anxiety -He doesnt care about me. He saw me first, even made an effort to show off in front of me lol. Looked at me like he genuinely loves me, we kissed a lot. And other things tmi, but he doesnt give a fuck clearly -I havent been eating since i found out, not because im starving myself i just physically cant eat. 43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Shes the girl i was talking about before 44. Does anyone disgust you? Yep. Shes trying to take the guy i was talking about. Go fuck yourself She tried to ruin her best friends life, shes jealous of everything she has. Tried to take both her boyfriends (one after the other not @ the same time) I could go on 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? Yes yes Nothing feels real rn Theres like..a space between me and my emotions. Id be excited as helllll life would be amazing but theres like..a space.... 46. Are you in a good mood right now? No idea lol 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? . 48. What color shirt are you wearing? Im wearing a grey bodycon dress 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? Him.. 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Kindof.. i cant help being in love 52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? I just 53. Do you like rain? Yea 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? Dont care at all id date an alcoholic doesnt stop me loving them 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Ya my crush I might tell him soon but im so scared of telling him since the ordeal with the other guy..i can tell he likes me but im so paranoid If he says no i dont know what id do Like id stop eating completely probably 56. Do you like to cuddle? Yes!!! 57. Are you shy? 58. Do you get along with girls? Ya 59. Have you dated the person you texted last? No haha 60. What do you carry with you at all times? My..emotions....gum idk 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Bitch id do that for 5 dollars 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Of course :) 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Kindof haha Hes like..famous where i live and we were kinda a thing 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? Yes :) 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? I dont really remember that far :/ idk My crush smiled that was cute 66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 15, 16, 15 My age so 67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Do myself bih 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Zebra 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? Im 15 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Whos luke bryan 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? A while ago with friends it was amazing I had dominos last week tho, me & G (the gal i was talking about) ordered dominos :) we both struggle to eat after our /experiences/ and i came over 2 days later & we had the leftovers

#tag

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welllbeing · 7 years

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Things I've tried to get high on. (some successful, some not)

I try to try everything at least three times to see if I like it, here are my thoughts.

Adderall - was mainly used to hopefully keep myself from eating. only got to do this once because I only had a small amount.

Vyvanse - first thing I ever tried to get high on, took it from a friend to get through the day on 2 hours of sleep the night before. again, only had one experience.

Welbutrin - someone told me that ‘people on the streets’ call it the poor man’s coke and my dumb ass decided to try it. its a depression medicine and I feel like unless you snort it or just take a lot, you wont feel much other than just a slightly better mood. however, if you snort it or take a lot you run into risk of seizures so I took it with some gabapentin since that treats seizures. idk if that actually helped but I didnt have a seizure even though I snorted and took a lot in one go. I felt paranoid and slightly hyper the first time around and the second time I was hyper and jittery and talkative but I dont think its worth it at all, it burns like hell and the drip tastes awful so I didnt do it a third time.

Kratom (red) - lifts my mood a little but I feel like it just helps me sleep more than anything so thats kind of what I use it for now. kratom is also good for opioid withdrawals.

Kratom (green) - lifts my mood and was just slightly energetic (I honestly feel like I get the same thing from a monster lmao) but also puts me to sleep if I take too much. I dont eat so much when I take green strain kratom (especially if you open the capsules and make tea because it tastes awful) so I’ll take it if I feel like munching a lot. I’ve heard white vein is better for this but I cant find a reputable place to buy it.

Oxycodone - holy grail. I feel great on this stuff, euphoric, relaxed, eventually I’ll start nodding and fall asleep.

Tramadol - tried alone and paired with gabapentin. opioid like high but now that I have a tolerance, I dont feel anything with this anymore.

Gabapentin - at first I thought it was dumb to try to get high on this but I tried it anyway. the first time I didnt feel much but I learned later that I hadnt taken enough so I upped my dose and felt pretty good. again, euphoric but I also felt like dancing a lot and I felt floaty and social. I felt drunk without the nausea and I could reason a bit better. the last time I did it, I got my calculations wrong and ended up taking a shit ton of it, 9g to be exact, and I felt really really amazing but that was probably dangerous. Ive been told that its hard to od on it but still. some people say its like a weed high but I have no idea. I couldnt text for shit either lol.

Vicodin - Just recently started this. its an opioid so I’m relaxed but I feel like its different from anything else. I get just a mild euphoric feeling and I’m more patient but then I kinda just lay around and stare at things a lot.

DXM - totally fucked me up. I felt drunk but the bad kind of drunk, slurring a little bit, falling over, etc. I felt like I was going to die both times.

Benadryl - ugh I’m desperate for a high so I just tried this for the first time the other day. doing it for a second time now. I feel super super sleepy and I feel like everything is going slower and I sort of feel disconnected from my body in a way. Idk how to explain this but I’m holding my phone with both hands and I lowered my arms and it felt like my hands were going to fall off. its not painful but it just felt like they were disconnected for a second. idk lmao. I’ve heard you can have hallucinations but I havent experienced that. I keep feeling things though like as if someone poked me on the shoulder or something. its weird. I also feel like I can’t focus my eyes that well like you get when youre super tired

No matter what I’m on I seem to have a bad sense of time and horrible memory but I kinda think thats just me

#rambling #drugs

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azanycollectormilkshakeworl-blog · 6 years

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best and lowest home insurance in MA

Insurance for the baby?

Before you judge, I have a license, car, job, and apartment and am stable with income. I'm 17, and will be 18 by the time the baby is born, and I am covered under my fathers insurance which was established 17 years ago through my fathers work. Its Cigna PPO. Since then my father has been layed off because the plant closed down. He still has the insurance from his work and does not pay the huge bill because it was covered by his work. Now I'm Pregnant and, I'm trying to understand how insurance works. The baby cannot be added to this insurance because It has already been established. I know this for sure because my brother, 22 and unmarried, had a child in November and his child could not be added to our insurance plan. So will you please help me find insurances, Private insurances not state? Also can the baby be by itself or must it be with it's father or mother, me, on a plan?""

Is there any website I can use to get cheap car insurance?

I've been using Auto Trader insurance comparison and the cheapest I can find is 4,400 ? Yes I'm 18 and I realise it's going to be expensive, but come on ! The cars only 750 ! No way am I paying that much, I will honestly drive without insurance as it's a pure joke to be expected to pay 4,400. I don't believe I should have to pay that much. I only want a car to drive to the Gym and that is honestly all. It's like having to pay 4,400 for the Gym a day !""

Would abortion be commonplace and covered by insurance if men got pregnant?

I think it would be.

Tickets & Insurance Question?

I drive a 2000 Camry the insurance is in my aunts name........ So my question is if i got a ticket will the rates go up? If the insurance on the vehicle i drive is in her name will the rates go up if i get a ticket? Her name is also on the title of the car

Planning ahead for car insurance ADVICE.?

OK, So I have recently passed my driving test and am now currently trying to sort out a car for myself. As a young driver I know insurance is high. All I want to do is find out how much the insurance is on each small car, so I can find the cheapest. E.G KA ETC. I have looked online such as confused.com and they ask you for the number plate and ask questions about the specific car. Obviously I can't fill it in because I haven't got one. Is there a website that will show all insurance companies and their prices????? Many thanks.""

Car insurance question?

What is the normal price range for monthly payments on car insurance? I'm 23, female, with no prior accidents.""

Auto insurance company that you Do or Don't recommend?

I'm going to be shopping around for better rates soon. I'd like to know names of auto insurance companies that you do or don't like. If you've ever filed a claim with them. How'd they handle it? I live in IL.

What is the cheapest insurance around for a 20 year old with 2001 bonneville?

What is the average car insurance cost for a 20 year old in Maryland?

I tried doing quotes but it asks for too much information. I dont wanna keep receiving calls from car insurance places annoying me to get it with them. I have a 1998 Chrysler ...show more

Can I get free health and car insurance or any kind of insurance if my parent doesn't want to help pay?

My mom died and since im 18, i decided to continue to live with my grandma like i originally was with my mom and when im suppose to live with my dad he isnt responsible for me anymore. emancipated me. but im not living alone im with my grandma. so im wondering if there was a way to get health and car insurance. can i get it for free? is there a plan?""

How much does car insurance cost in California?

I know it varies but I just need a range.

What is the average auto mileage per year?

Farmers Insurance says that it is 22,000 and I don't believe them for a second""

Home Owners Insurance?

My husband and I are looking for the best home owners insurance in California one that includes earthquake coverage and other stuff like fire and theft can you give me places to check out? We will be living in Culver City, California in the USA""

What is the cheapest insurance for a 19yr old?

About car insurance what will happen?

okay so a few days ago i was driving my breaks dident stop in time it was very slow and i wasent going that fast at all my breaks dident stop in time and i left a very very lil scrab on a guys car and he said if i cant get 220 dollars by tomorow he will call my moms car insurance will that make the price higher?

Tax and Insurance question for a Young Person?

Okay , Im 14 years old , and I cannot wait to start my real career (After some years of college) as a Video game producer (or) programmer. My mom says that what ever pay check I get from a job or career , the tax will take money from it. I've calculated my monthly payment from being a Video Game Producer , Which is $5208 a month. How much will money would I Really get after taxes are taken care of and if I have car and health insurance? Is there any other thing I need to know as well?""

Where can I find cheap car insurance for someone who has a dui?

I live in AZ and I am trying to find car insurance for someone who has had a dui. The only company so far is Bristol west but they are too expensive. Where else can I go?

""I have a 11 month daughter, and i want to buy affordable health insurance for her.?""

I have a 11 month daughter, and i want to buy affordable health insurance for her.?""

""Could $5,000 provide healthcare for a family?""

If this credit becomes reality, doesn't it seem logical that a major healthcare provider would put together an affordable health insurance package for the credit amount and market the ...show more""

How do I get my insurance website to bring up quotes?

I want to start an online insurance company but would like to know how I go about getting the website to bring up quotes like with other insurance companies. How do I go about doing this I'm very serious about it so would like serious answers please thank you.

2000's Subaru WRX insurance info for a 20 year old in ct?

Hello I'm looking into purchasing either a 2002 or 2004 Subaru WRX. I live in Connecticut i am 20, have had my license for 2 years with no accidents or tickets. I would like to ...show more""

""In Oregon, is a pedestrian hit by a car, treated as uninsured driver without car insurance?""

Eleven years ago, I was hit by a car walking down a road in Oregon. When it came time for the medical bills to be paid, (spine fractured in 3 places, knee completely blown out, 8 days in hospital) and the settlement I was told because I did not carry car insurance, I am considered an uninsured driver. I was stuck with a $25,000 hospital bill, and a $12,000 settlement. People do not believe me when I tell them this was the law at the time. Anyone know if this is still the law in Oregon?""

Car insurance is abnormally expensive for me (18yrs old)? What am I doing wrong?

I go on gocompare, confuse.com, comparethemarket, etc. to check prices of different cars but I keep getting insurance at the price of 7,000+?! And the crazy thing is, it was for a Peugeot 2002 106 which is like 1.1 litre. which came to the lowest I found. Which was 7,000+. I fill in the details truthfully, such as locked home garage, very low miles per year, etc, but I can't seem to get cheap insurance? Everyone online says they get insured for around 2,000 on a Corsa, Peugeot 106, Citroen C1 and on like 1.4L+ cars etc. HOW TO HELL? Should I just buy my 1st car then insure it on my parents name then ask me to be put on as a named driver? My friends do that and pay around 1,000-1,200 on 1.6L cars.. Also, can you recommend me a good 1st car? (England) Thanks!""

Dental Insurance question?

On my dental insurance card, I have a primary care dentist listed on it. Does this mean that I must go to this dentist in order to have the insurance pay for my appointments or can I go to any dentist that accepts my insurance without having to switch my primary care dentist and still receive the insurance benefits? Will the insurance cover less if I don't go to the primary care dentist? Thanks!""

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""I have a company car, who should pay for the car insurance?

I have a year contract with this company and they are giving me a car for the duration of my employment. they told me i can use it for personal as well as work use. they told me i have to pay for my insurance though. is that fair?

How do I go about getting car insurance in another state?

I live in new york, i want to get car insurance in another state like maryland or delaware, i have friends in each state. What do i need to get car insurance there? Please help me...lots of details please...thank you""

Cost of newborn delivery/childbirth(California...

I'm wondering what the cost is for delivery/childbirth is in California, without taking health insurance coverage into account? Just looking for a general number, but if you want more specifics: -My area is the San Francisco Bay Area (east/south bay) -When I say childbirth, I mean: admittance into hospital/actual delivery procedure (not cesarian)/3 day hospital stay I'm shopping for health insurance, so any number that you come up with to help me budget/calculate would help me out greatly!""

Tickets & Insurance Question?

What height/weight ratio will get me best life insurance rates?

I want to replace some ART life insurance with level term. But I'm worried my weight relative to height might keep me from the best rate. Is there some way to find out what numbers trigger higher risk? If so I might wait another year and try to lose 10-20 lbs.

Why is car insurance so expensive for 18 year olds?

I passed my test yesterday, but insurers are being sharks again and charging thousands of pounds for something we might not need, and charging thousands (2600-23,000) for a small car which isn't even worth 1500. I have been riding a motorbike for 2 years beforehand, but no insurer seems to care. What is the best way for someone like me who needs to get on the road because of his job, to get a cheaper quote online? I've done basically everything.""

""My brother wrecked my car and the Insurance wont cover it, what can I do?

While I was out of the country my brother wrecked my car and the insurance company wont cover it. I have full coverage and my brother had my permission to be driving my car so how can they refuse to pay?

Who has the cheapist insurance. for min.coverage?

I am 16/m and looking for a cheap car insurances?

Im currently living in nyc, I am 16/m and looking for a cheap car insurances. Does anyone know of any?""

Can i park at my aunts to get... a good price on the car insurance?

The insurance is double the amount for cars in my area compared to my aunt who lives at the other side of the town, can i park at hers to get good price on the insurance..?""

Help with car insurance claim process?

A few days ago I scraped a co-worker's vehicle in our work parking lot. She wasn't in a proper parking space, but whatever, it was clearly my fault. I am paying for repairs to her car. I have pictures of my vehicle after the accident, but not of hers, because she left for the day while I was trying to find out who I had hit and find her in the building. I haven't brought this up with my insurance company yet. I initially thought I was going to be paying for scuffs to be buffed out of her back bumper, which wouldn't be cheap to fix but I figured it'd be inexpensive enough that I wouldn't involve my insurance. Today she handed me an estimate for $600+ for bumper replacement and paint work, etc. Fine. It was my fault. I'll eat it. But if I now want to involve my insurance, what do I do? Do I need her insurance info to file a claim? If I call up my insurance, does her insurance have to also become involved? I'm not even fixing my car - the fender's messed up but it's an old car and cosmetic damage doesn't bother me. I don't know what my insurance deductible is...if it's $500+ then I guess I won't bother and will just pay up in cash.""

Best car for cheap car insurance England?

i'm looking for an affordable car for my first one i'm a 19 year old female, i''ve checked a 2001 ford ka 1.3 and it was the second cheapest one for insurance which was 1500 the only thing putting me off is my friend had one and she said it guzzled petrol :P which i think she means it wasted petrol, the cheapest was a fiat 500 the insurance was 1300 but i really can't afford one so just want a cheap run around until i've saved up enough to buy a new one, does anyone know any affordable cars max price 1500 with cheap insurance thanks!! oh and if anyone has had a ford ka do you recommend one?""

Car insurance for 16 yr old boy?

I want to get a white 5 speed subaru impreza WRX (wagon sport) with turbo (standard). How much do you think this would cost considering that i'm 16 yrs old and the car is white and i get good grades? thanks

Where is the best place to find medical insurance?

I am taking a job where I will basically be self employed so I will need to find my own medical insurance. Where do you suggest I go to look into this?

Car Insurance? Do you really need it?

Say for example the owner of a vehicle allowed you to drive it, and you accidently damaged a car or vice versa, would you have to pay for the damage or would the owners insurance cover the car or an injuries that occur to the driver? thanks""

What could make my car insurance cheaper?

I am currently 19 years old and I want to buy myself a new car. It would be about 200 dollars a month for the current car i'm driving for car insurance but it is in my fathers name so I only pay 80. Now pretty much any new car I am choosing the quotes are over 400 a month. Would have car insurance in my name for my current car at 200 a month for 6 months until the policy is over make the quotes for the new car cheaper? Or is the quotes based off of how long I've had my license?

What is the best kind of life insurance to get? Which is most affordable?

(term, whole, universal, variable) I also would like your recommendations on good companies.""

16 year old car insurance with a classic truck?

So my neighbor has this awesome chevrolet apache 10 pickup from the late 50's, early 60's for sale. I am 16 so i am looking to buy a vehicle. I was wondering is insurance more or less with a classic car/truck?""

Good Car Insurance Agency in Kentucky?

I'm going to be heading to Eastern Kentucky, near Hazard. I currently have Nationwide insurance, but may change my insurance around if it is cheaper. What are some good and cheaper car insurance companies?""

Car Insurance For a 19 almost 20 year old?

Im gonna buy a used car, a 2003 sedan (not sure what car yet). This is going to be my first car and I need to know how much car insurance would cost. Thank you:)""

Car insurance rate question?

If I use my dads insurance on my car and get into an accident what will happen? Who would get in trouble me or me father?

What is the most reasonable home owner and Auto insurance?

I need to get a cheaper insurance for car and Auto.Would like to hear from you that have checked prices before you bought insurance.

How much does health insurance cost?

I just got a new job and I am about to enroll in medical coverage. I'm a healthy 29 year old male and I'm going to include my wife as a dependent. I know there are a few different plans, depending on deductible, etc, but I just want to get a ballpark figure on how much will be deducted from my checks. My wife suggests it will be about $150 a month, or about $75 per check.. Does this sound right??""

California insurance--driving a friends car???

I'm not an insured driver, but is it illigal if I drive a friend's car (that is insured) in California? What happens if i get in a wreck? I dont normally drive, but in case my friend's been drinking sometimes she'll ask me to drive her home. thanks.""

Car insurance renewal?

my car insurance renewal is due on the 22 of this month. but i'm 200 dollars short. can i call them and give them a post dated check for a week later

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/you-experience-opinion-pet-insurance-william-golden/"

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jess-oh · 6 years

Text

Reflection

hey journal,

it’s been a while.

um. i think i like jason. and im so conflicted. i think that’s why i keep thinking im crossing a line. bc i just care so much for him and genuinely want the best for him and i thought i was just being a good friend at first but he’s going through a pretty rough time and i just want to be there for him. and i am so quick to drop whatever im doing for his benefit and i do have a really good time with him but i also know he’s dating angela and i want to respect that bc of the relationship and bc they’re both my friends. and i have imagined myself going out with david as well but i can definitely more easily talk to him as a friend whereas i have a hard time even looking at jason bc i do think hes very physically attractive. i think i am very much in love with him bc hes such a good person and i know he deserves so much. and i think that’s why ive been so judgmental of angela lately and believing they wont last. bc i want to be dating him instead. but i definitely dont want to overstep anything. but hes always so quick to listen, so selfless, humble, caring, kind, generous, compassionate, and most of all—genuine. and i really just want the best for him. but i do think him and angela are trying really hard to make this work and i know that they both thought a lot about it. i found out he, along with james and moonhee, felt overprotective of angela bc she’s never been in a relationship and it hasnt been that long since he broke up with jiwoon. but she seemed pretty eager and wanted to do it and he liked her first so they went for it and i am happy for them. and i dont want to ruin that. that’ll just create unnecessary drama and no one needs that. especially not in a church environment. i just want the best for them both. honestly. and i have to accept that that might not include me. but i just get really happy when i see him happy or excited and doing well. i really really do care about him. i do. and we’ll just see what happens from here. i do want to get closer to him as a friend and thats honestly part of the reason why i want to stay in chicago so that i’ll have that opportunity. and i know it’s so dumb and i shouldnt base my decision off of that but i do really like him and want to grow closer to him. hes a really great friend of mine and i hate how awkward we are on long drives home sometimes. i just want him to know that im there for him and always will be bc i care so deeply and genuinely for him. really. ive really loved being ableot help him out and chat more with him recently. i love getting to know him more. i really do. and ive been pretty distracted recently and havent been talking much with andrew but im hoping that we can tonight and i can tell him all about this and get his opinion. i think, especially with the past few weeks, we’ve both been pretty busy. especially me. and i’ve been really MIA as a result. so im pretty out of the loop and havent been paying much attention to him or sofia. and i’d be lying if i said i wasnt still a little salty with the whole bobby thing but im trying to just let it go and not let it affect the present. i was just really turned off by their attitudes toward the whole situation. anyways, i do miss talking to him bc it has been a while and i am hoping we can have a really long talk again. just about different things. not necessarily deep and intimate and emotional things but just to carry a conversation for hours between the two of us.

that’s another thing. ive been scolding jason a lot lately and i think it’s bc i like him. it’s a “im mean to the people i love” kinda thing. i think i’ve also been kinda scared to face it so thats been my coping mechanism against it.

and i know that ive been quick to judge jason and angela in the past. theyre supposed to be these great figures and leaders for Movement so whenever they didnt do something—go to an event, sign up to read the Bible, etc. I judged them negatively for it. I thought they weren’t doing a good enough job and failed to see them as humans and students. just because thats the culture that i grew up with doesnt mean they did as well. it was probably more chill and laid back. they werent held to such high expectations.

but i do wish i could go home. i am pretty homesick and i do want to rest back in california but i also know how expensive it is to be paying for an apartment that i dont live in. and i know that i’ll be refueled by Christ if I do go back home but im also kinda scared to return to Sa-Rang. I don’t think I’m in a place that’s strong enough yet to stand my ground against everyone. i think most people grew up super sheltered there and are pretty quick to judge those that have been in that “worldly” lifestyle. their problems were never about addiction. it was about family or friends or trying not to fall to that lifestyle but never actually experiencing it. and i have struggled with alcohol and depression and suicidal thoughts and it wasnt always so surface level. people there have no idea how easy their lives are. how could they ever really understand the struggle if they have never experienced it? and im afraid that i’ll be even more ostracized bc they dont understand my struggles. i feel like whenever i’ve come to an upperclassman for help, they didnt know what to tell me. i see how loving and supportive they can be in other situations and thats great and im happy for them but they could never understand my problems. i feel like those that do fall into depression tend to take time to themselves by temporarily leaving the church until theyre ready to come back and thats the situation im in too. and im not ready yet. so for now, im too afraid to go back to that church. not now. not like this. and im so conflicted bc it is always so nice to be around other people that had a similar upbringing to myself and away from the culture at school where no one really understands chopsticks or the commonality of eating rice everyday. it’s not normal for them but it is for me and i do want to be around other people that share my similar interests bc thats not something i get at school. i think it’s really important for me to grow up around other people that i can relate to and especially at columbia, i dont get that. the only koreans ive met have been dana, who is half korean, and 3 international students. ive meet 3 more chinese international students. 1 japanese international student. and the members of ASO, and im rounding to about 10 people. im usually the only asian or colored person in general. if im not, theres 1 other black person. if im not the only asian, which has only happened twice, then theres 1 more. the korean international students in my ITM class and Anushka, the Indian girl from Graphic Design II. im so whitewashed bc thats the community i grew up in. my parents never spoke korean to me growing up so i lost it. and i miss it. a lot. it’s a lost art that i would love to regain. and i miss it a lot too. i am all for diverse churches and i dont think they should be so exclusive to one particular culture. but i cant help feeling more at home and comfortable in predominantly korean environments bc thats never something that i had access to growing up.

sigh. but yeah. i do miss california. i would love to be with and hangout with my friends and family. i really would. and i miss them a lot. and i love them a lot. and i would give so much just to be home with them. but from a financial standpoint, especially right now, it just doesnt make a lot of sense. i would have to sleep on my parents’ floor. i wouldnt have access to water or gas. i wouldnt be able to go downstairs or cook. i wouldnt have a summer job nor would i be gaining any work experience for the future. it’d be pretty pointless. but i would be home. i would be able to spend time with my grandparents. i would be able to go out on dates with my family and friends. and i would be at home. yes, i wouldnt have a job. yes, it’d be a waste of money to pay for an empty apartment in chicago. yes, i would be burning through my saved money fast whenever i go out. but i would be home. and that almost seems worth it. so i kinda hope i dont get the internship, i know my interview went super well and i know i for sure got it. but i hope i didnt. bc then i’ll know it’s a sign from God, telling me to go home. Because I would really love to.

i also dont know if i wrote about this but im getting to be on better terms with p josh and im glad. im pretty open with him, though i am still a bit afraid at times. but i am excited to grow alongside him this coming year. i really am.

#reflection

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