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#have a doodle because even though I haven't really drawn anything in a while
anxiouspineapples · 2 years
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tiny lil mj doodle in my work notes
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rkgk-art · 1 year
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I have terrible art block. Until yesterday I haven't drawn for about a month, if not longer.
Lately I just don't like what I draw. Sometimes to the point I only draw a friggin circle to start off with the head and I already hate it! A circle! Then I continue to draw the head and I hate it even more afjsjgagjagja
And that continued on for the past few weeks.
I doodled some stuff yesterday and today and for the first time in a while I like what I scribbled. Even if it wasn't much, I didn't outright hate it LOL.
I drew my vendetta IF MC in February but didn't like it, now I don't dislike her as much anymore--maybe I redo her design in the next few days, I really feel like drawing some stuff :3
Today, for the first time, I doodled on my phone with a pen using a different art program. It was difficult (because I'm not used to it) but fun nonetheless! :D
I also must apologize to the anon I put off for so long that asked for IF recs. I had an exam at that time and after that I just...didn't feel like doing anything at all. Most of the time I was staring at my screen watching videos because I didn't wanna move a muscle _(:'3/ L)_
I hope I can get to it in the next few days though :<
Sorry for the rant and inactivity.
Here have the doodle I scribbled on my phone today--it's a character called Puzzle from AK (he's not yet released but I'm looking forward to him coming to global)
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jar-of-ectoplasm · 3 years
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Rohan Kishibe w/ an Artist! S/O
a/n: this is the start of my spring break writing thing because i'll have a lot more free time than usual so,,,,send in requests (maybe about characters i haven't written for yet)
Genre: Fluff, established relationship, Rohan being a bitch
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-LITERALLY HE'S SUCH A PRICK ABT IT FOR NO GOD DAMN REASON
-Always trying to start some shit
-But he respects the hell out of you and whatever type of art you do
-He can and definitely has drawn you while you're working, just to capture the look the of pure concentration on your face. even though he'll literally never ever say anything about it and never ever show you (unless you steal his sketchbook)
-sometimes he'll be his own special type of funny (basically just being an asshole but not really meaning it) and hang your art on the fridge like a parent would to their child
-long hours of comfortable silence between the two of you while you're both working in his studio
-so many collaborative pieces between the two of you it's unreal
-if you have a sketchbook, he'll steal it and look through it without you knowing
-If you need a model, Rohan is very used to sitting down and not moving for several hours (he makes sure he's your only choice)
-if you sell a piece that he really liked, he'll go and buy it off whoever got it from you (or he'll just be the one buying it to begin with)
-Likes creeping around and watching you work when you think he isn't home (it's his weird way of admiring you from afar, he doesn't know how to be regular)
-Rohan thinks it's absolutely PRECIOUS when you've been working with paint and manage to get it all over your arms and face
-if you ever doodle on his arms he'll pretend like you've inconvenienced and offended him greatly but he'll start drawing on you like 6 seconds later
-ADORES going out to the park and drawing with you
-if he EVER catches you drawing one of his characters he'll never stfu about it ever
-Rohan used to be such a snob about keeping his art supplies very organized but now every single thing he owns is just mixed in with your art supplies. nobody knows what belongs to who anymore
-he'll leave little drawings of you around the house for you to find, most of the time they look very stupid and were drawn in like 2 seconds. you are now obligated to do the same thing to him.
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littlemissnoname13 · 3 years
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Wisps of Smoke (Draco Malfoy x Slytherin!reader) - Part 5
Summary: y/n and Draco find themselves drawn to an abandoned classroom every night
Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin!Reader ft. Theo Nott, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini
Warnings: Excessive smoking, mature language and themes, smut labeled as ⚜️, 18+ content, reader discretion is advised, also Draco is kinda soft in this one. Just sayin.
A/n: Ik this was supposed to be the final part but I wanted to wrap things up properly. The last part will be dedicated to the ball itself.
A massive thank you to everyone that has read WOS. Your feedback makes me so fkn happy. I love you all sm.
Word count: 3700
Link to Part one, two, three, and four if you haven’t read them already.
My other stories are over here. And you can join my tag list here.
As always, Smoking is injurious to health y’all.
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24th December
Home was just the way you’d remembered it. 
From the Goldchild Ivy covering the white colored walls and the stepping stones leading all the way to the main entrance to the way your parents kept nagging you about your “future” with Adrian Pucey.
“You still haven’t told me what kind of dress you’d like to wear to the ball.” Your mum reminded you after taking a small sip from her wine glass. 
“I don’t know mother.” You sighed,stabbing repeatedly at the sautéed mushroom on your plate. “Can’t I wear something I already own? Like the blue one I wore last year.”
“Well, what is Adrian wearing? May I suggest some colour coordinating?” 
“I really don’t know mother.” You coughed. 
“Well, why don't you ask him?”
“I can't.” You mumbled dropping your fork on your plate. The loud clanging sound earned you an eyebrow raise from your otherwise quiet father. 
“Why not?”
“We broke—we aren’t seeing each other anymore.” You said quietly before quickly standing up and dismissing yourself from the dining table before your parents could ask you a thousand questions.
As you walked away from the table and towards the balcony, you could still hear your parents calling after you while simultaneously speculating about just what you may have done to scare Adrian away. 
You weren’t going to tell them about Draco because you weren’t even sure what to tell them.
I broke up with Adrian because I’m sleeping with Draco Malfoy.
Yes, the one that is getting engaged soon. 
No we’re not together.
I may or may not have developed feelings for him.
Yes, it is inconvenient because I have no idea how he feels. 
Did I mention he is getting engaged? 
You tugged on the sleeves of your sweater to warm your hands up as you stared up at the surprisingly clear night sky splattered with only a few clouds and shimmering stars. 
You took it upon yourself to start counting the stars to distract yourself from thinking about Draco again.
Unbeknownst to you, Draco was standing on the balcony of his room trying not to think of you too. 
The only difference for him was that the sky was a little less cloudy where he lived and he wasn’t going to bother counting stars. 
“Happy Christmas Draco.” You whispered to yourself,staring at the shiny emerald ring on your finger. 
“Happy Christmas Y/n.” Draco mumbled into the night air as he fidgeted with your amethyst ring. 
~~~~~~~~~~
25th December
It was a surprisingly quiet Christmas Morning at the Y/l/n household. 
Your parents were still fast asleep when you walked towards the kitchen to fix yourself a cup of coffee. 
It was probably because your parents hadn’t quite processed your break up with Adrian and had spent their night discussing it.
Seeing it was Christmas, you decided to put a dash of white chocolate and whipped cream in your cup of caffeinated goodness in order to feel a bit more festive.
You were feeling anything but festive. 
There was a kind of dread crushing your insides when you thought about the ball. 
You’d have to watch him dance with her and kiss her lips at midnight. 
Fuck, you’d have to congratulate him after he slipped a ring onto her perfectly manicured finger. 
Just when you were about to take a sip of your drink, you heard a knock on your door. 
You frowned and walked towards the door because it was way too early on in the morning for anyone to come over. 
When you yanked the door open, you saw him of all people, standing on the other side of the door with his white blond hair messier than usual. 
He was wearing one of his rare genuine smiles that showed his pearly whites making you feel wobbly in the knees. 
“Draco—What are you doing here?”
“Happy Christmas to you too.” He said with the smile still fixed on his lips. “Tell me y/l/n is this how you greet all of your houseguests?”
“How rude of me.” You muttered to yourself still befuddled as you stepped back to let him in. “Come in, sit down. Cup of tea?”
“I’m actually in a bit of a hurry.” He said as he fidgeted with his blazer pocket. “Just came to drop off something—ugh hold this.” 
He placed a pack of cigarettes in the palm of your hand before fumbling with his pocket again. 
“Ahh. There we go.” He retrieved a lilac colored box from his pocket and brought it back to its normal size before handing it to you.
“What’s this?” 
“What does it look like y/n?”
“But—But I haven't even gotten you anythi—”
Before you could finish your sentence, he leaned in, tenderly pressing lips against yours. 
The softness of his lips made the heaviness you were feeling on your shoulders fade away as you faded into him—only him and the way he held you firmly around the waist as he suckled on your bottom lip.
“Thank you.”  You whispered burying your face into his chest, trying to inhale a scent of his cologne. “Thank you.”  
When Draco left, you ran up to your room and opened the lilac box to find a blush coloured slip dress folded neatly with a note on top of it written in his neat handwriting.
~~~~
Dear Y/n
I really am sorry about what happened to your old silk dress but I just couldn’t help myself. 
I hope you’ll understand.
I also hope I get to see you wear this one someday.  
Yours,
D.L.M
~~~~~~~~~~~
26 December 
The day after Christmas, the boys decided to do a little cleanup. 
Quidditch and house memorabilia, novelty artefacts they no longer cared enough for and items of emotional value. 
The boys wanted a fresh start. 
A clean break.
A clean slate. 
Theo and Blaise were done with their cleaning so they were now at the Manor helping Draco who was surprisingly not very convinced about the whole “fresh start” ordeal. 
“Remember this?” Theo chuckled, clearing out all the books that covered Draco’s desk and using his wand to cast a quick spell that revealed carvings they’d made the summer before their second year.
“Oh?” Blaise gleefully raised his eyebrows walking towards Theo. “I’d forgotten about this.” 
Draco rolled his eyes and followed Blaise and the three boys stood around the table reading out everything they’d managed to carve out. 
There were some very unholy words, tally sticks and unfortunate looking doodles of Harry on the table.
“Theodore Nott was here.” Draco read out loud looking unimpressed.
“Read this one.” Theo chuckled pointing at a carving. “Daphne Greengrass + Blaise Zabini.”
“Hey! We were barely second years.” Blaise protested while his eyes kept scanning the table. 
As Blaise’s vigilant eyes trailed to the farthest corner of the table, a wicked grin started to form across his cheeks making Draco’s face turn pale. 
“Y/n Y/l/n.” Blaise read out loud smirking at Draco. “Well well Malfoy—From the second year?...Interesting.” 
“It was always obvious even though he expressed himself in questionable ways.” Theo shrugged. 
“What was obvious?” Draco quirked an eyebrow with a scowl on his face. 
“The fact that you were and are absolutely enamoured with y/n.” Theo rolled his eyes. “It has always been obvious to everyone but you. Back me up here Zabini.” 
Draco crossed his arms and looked at Blaise who just gave him an apologetic shrug. “I’m sorry but he’s right mate.”
“I am not enamoured with y/n.” 
“If you say so.” Blaise shrugged.
“And what if I were?” Draco spat, clearly irked by the condescending look on Blaise’s face.
“If you are, then I only have one question for you.” Blaise said with carefully selected words.
“And the question is?” 
Blaise went quiet for a brief second before looking at Draco, dead set in the eye.
“What is holding you back, Malfoy?” 
~~~~~~~~~~
27th December
Draco wondered what life decisions he’d taken to find himself seated at a murky little pub with Astoria reclining against his shoulders—sipping on Butterbeer. 
Pansy, Theo and Blaise were taking shots next to him and you were awkwardly seated right across the table next to Adrian fucking Pucey. 
What was he doing here anyway? Who even invited him? 
Even though he’d overheard you telling Pansy that Adrian was there only because of your parents nagging you, seeing you seated together bothered him nonetheless. 
Draco wasn’t even meaning to eavesdrop on your conversation with Adrian but he just couldn’t help but divert all his attention to your sweet voice and the way your lips moved. 
You were telling Adrian about the sweet shop next door and Draco’s lips involuntarily twitched and curved upwards when he noticed just how excited you were about sweets.
It was like you softened him—made him vulnerable. And the whole feeling terrified him.
Between smoking his fifth cigarette, occasionally chatting with Astoria and looking at you from the corner of his eye, one rather simple thought encircled Draco’s mind. 
Why didn’t he knock Pucey off his broom when he had the chance to?
~~~~~~~~~
28th December
Lightning crashed. Thunder clapped.
Fat drops of rain started to fall on the enormous glass window in Draco’s bedroom. 
You placed your finger on the glass as you watched the infinite droplets race all the way to the bottom of the window.
The howling winds brought in the scent of wet grass and sent the dark curtains flying in all different directions.
You took in the smell of fresh rain and sighed sinking blissfully into his embrace.
Lucius and Narcissa were away, preparing for the upcoming ball and Draco had owled you asking to meet. 
And so, both of you were now sitting on the windowsill in his room that was much larger than the one in the abandoned classroom. 
In fact, it was so spacious that it served as his own personal reading nook—complete with a velvety throw blanket and some cushions. 
His hands held open a book and you let yourself get comfortable between his long limbs, still counting raindrops on the window. 
“What are you doing?” He asked looking towards you and away from the worn out pages of his book. 
“I’m watching the raindrops race each other.” You said with your eyes still fixed on the glass. “infinite little droplets.”
“It's just rain.” He shrugged as his eyes went back to his book. “Quite mundane if you ask me.”
Sure rain was mundane. 
But this rain felt different. It sent you into a state of melancholia. 
You couldn’t dare to tell him but those infinite droplets resembled the amount of times you’d wanted to tell him that you loved him. 
Even though you couldn’t find the courage to tell him, it was like the look in your eyes gave it all away.
It made his features soften as he slowly shifted and got up from the nook to fully open the window.
You shielded yourself as cold drops of rain started to hit your face. “What in the actual fuck?” 
“Shut up and follow me.” He said as he climbed out of the window and onto the ledge.
“Are you mental?” 
“Just do as I say.” He said helping you onto the ledge. 
Both of you laughed hysterically as the rain seeped through your clothes as you sat on the ledge with your bare feet dangling in the air. 
One wrong move and both of you could fall to our deaths. But there came an adrenaline rush with the risk of it all. 
He pushed away the hair sticking to your face and brought your face close to his before pressing his rain soaked lips to yours. 
Theo was right. 
He was fucking enamoured.
~~~~~~⚜️~~~~~~~~
After coming back inside, you walked into his ensuite to fix your ruined hair and cast a quick drying charm to your clothes before heading home.
You had barely managed to pick at the tangles in your wet hair when an equally soaked Draco walked up behind you—clothes sticking to his toned body and hair sticking to his face. 
“Draco. Sorry for hogging the mirror. I thought I’d be done sooner but these tangles are—hmmm.”
He wrapped his arms around your waist from behind you and pressed his cold lips against the base of your neck.
Even though your hair was entangled and unruly, you looked bewitching to him.
Especially the way the thin and drenched fabric of your seafoam colored dress draped your body—transparent and accentuating all your curves. 
He just couldn’t help himself from unzipping your dress while he admired the sight of your dress slowly leaving your body in the mirror in front of you both. 
“Draco?” You whispered as you watched his lips move their way from your neck to your shoulders. His hands gently gripping and massaging your breasts. 
“Yes?” He whispered into your hair as he began nipping on your earlobe—his hands never leaving your breasts. 
You wanted to tell him that you were in love with him but the words just refused to leave your lips. 
“I—I missed you so much.” You said instead as you watched the corners of his mouth twitch. 
He didn’t say a word back.
Hips lips were too occupied with sucking love bites against your skin. 
He didn’t need to tell you that he missed you too. The deep reddish purple markings on your body said it all. 
Draco intertwined his fingers around yours and placed your palms flat against the marble basin in front of you. 
Your dainty fingers brought out the verdant tones of the emerald ring and Draco couldn’t help but admire his family heirloom on you. 
He slowly moved his hands up your arms and let them brush against your bare back—trailing lower and lower till he was barely touching your soaking wet cunt.
“You like it when I touch you here?” He murmured pushing one of his fingers inside for a fleeting second. 
“Hmmm.” You moaned gripping tightly onto the basin and pushing your hips backwards to get more. 
Draco brought his hand to your arse and struck once causing you to hiss through your teeth. 
“Words darling—use your words.”
“Yes….” You whimpered, opening your eyes to stare into the reflection again. There was a kind of unrestrained hunger in his eyes that only made you want him more. 
“Good girl...so fucking perfect..so beautiful.” 
He reached out and wrapped his left hand around your throat and brought your face close to him while the pad of his right thumb rubbed steady circles on your throbbing clit. 
He loved that you were always so wet and ready for him. 
“Draco..I want you inside me..Please..” 
He could have spent hours on end just teasing you with his fingers and tongue if he could. There was just something about you that just made him want to take his time to worship you—to ruin you. 
But time was not on his side and the reflection in front of him was making him increasingly impatient so he did not tease you any further. He simply unbuckled his trousers and pushed his cock where it belonged. 
“Fuck...yes Draco..”
A whimper let your lips at the sudden push and your knuckles turned pale as you gripped tightly onto the marble basin. 
“Look at you…” He murmured against your shoulder as he stared ahead into the mirror—his cock pounding in and out of you. “Taking my cock like such a good girl.” 
He let go of your throat and used his hands to hold your hips firmly in place as he fucked you mercilessly. 
Every time you two had fucked before this, Draco had constantly reminded himself to be a little gentle with you—but today, he wanted to wreck you.
He wanted you to scream his name in a bittersweet mix of pure pleasure and pain as he fucked you relentlessly.
“More...Draco...oh..fuck…yes.” 
Beads of tears started to slip out of your eyes and you started to squirm—clenching him inside of you as your started to feel your orgasm approach. 
“Don’t.” He growled digging his nails into the flesh at your hips. “Don’t fucking come just yet.” 
You winced when he slipped himself out before carrying you back to his room where he sat down at the edge of the bed—positioning you on his lap with your legs on either side as he slipped back into you. 
Draco let you adjust to the new position for a few seconds as you gripped his shoulders as you moved your hips, slowly riding his cock. 
“My perfect little slut.” He sighed cupping your face in his hands as you continued to move against him. 
After letting you ride him for a little longer, he gripped your hips and started to pound into you making your tits bounce up and down. 
“Feels so good Draco—feels so fucking good. Oh god yes.”
With one hand on your arse and his mouth attached to your nipple Draco kept thrusting into you till the room was filled with the sound of your screams mixed with the sound of his skin slapping against yours and the sound rain splattering against the window glass. 
“Fuck y/n...your cunt is so perfect, you take me so fucking good..god.” 
“Harder…”
“So good when you clench me in like that... fuck y/n..I need to fucking fill you up…”
“Draco please..don’t fucking stop...oh..I’m so close..”
You always submitted to him so easily, he enjoyed the control he had over you.
But your sweet moans, the way your lips moved when you sighed his name was enough to make him weak for you. 
You were completely oblivious to the power you held over him. 
He loved you.
And he wanted to say the words out loud over and over again. 
“I love—I love being inside you..I have missed you so much” He said instead. 
“Draco I’m—I’m fucking cumming.” You whined as he continued to move his hips.
“Let go. Fucking cum y/n. Cum with me.”
You let your head fall against his shoulders and dug your nails into his biceps as you succumbed to your orgasm.
He soon followed, painting your walls with his release as he murmured sweet nothings into your skin. 
You held each other close as you both recovered from your highs and and when he eventually fell asleep you whispered into his ear. 
I’ll be thinking of you too Malfoy.
~~~~~~~~~
29th December 
Once glimpse of the calendar and all the feelings you had shoved into a deep dark part of your mind trickled out in the form of tears.
Silent tears.
The kind of tears you cry when the silence of the night gets unbearable.
The kind where you suppress the sound of your wail and hopelessly try and mute any kind of sniffle by pressing your face hard into the pillow because you don’t want to wake anyone up. 
Silent tears are the most painful of tears when mixed with the sound of the clock ticking. 
For some bizarre reason, every second gets more prolonged than the other.
You had tried to hold it together for days. You tried to pretend like Draco’s engagement didn’t bother you. 
But it did. 
You turned your head on your very damp pillow and eyed the pack of smokes on your night stand. Draco had left when he came to drop off your present. 
On an impulse, You stepped out of your bed as your trembling fingers reached for the 25 pack of expensive looking cigarettes. 
The second you opened the box, the slight scent of nicotine wafted up your nose and you slowly placed a cigarette at the corner of your chapped and dry lips and lit it up. 
Like always, you coughed and wheezed the second you inhaled. 
You hated how it felt. 
But you loved how close you suddenly felt to Draco.
In a twisted kind of way, It felt like you were submerged in his presence again. 
Your lips tasted like they had been kissed by him again.
The more you inhaled the better it felt.
In a fucked up kind of way, The word felt right again.  
And slowly, the night faded into morning as one cigarette turned into another. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
30th December 
Pansy had flooed to your hour the minute she received a letter last night in your drunken handwriting talking about how amazing cigarettes were and how pretty Astoria was.
With a mug filled to the brim with tea in between her hands, she rested her back against the armchair in your room, tilting her head to get a better look at you. 
Your face was pressed sideways against the pillow and she could tell you’d been crying by the dried mascara stains on your cheeks. 
A half smoked cigarette was pressed into the makeshift ashtray that you’d made out of your bedside table making Pansy wonder if she’d ever seen you this miserable. 
Your duvet was barely covering your shoulders and just as Pansy was standing up to pull them up, your bedroom door creaked open. 
“I just wanted to drop something off.” Draco  mumbled almost like he was talking to himself as he took a step into the room—hand in his blazer pocket.
Pansy didn't say a word as she watched Draco with her eyes narrowed. She observantly watched him pull out a tiny box from his pocket and mumble a spell to restore it to its original size.
“What are those?” 
“Assorted sweets.” He said softly, with his gaze not leaving your sleeping form once. “She wouldn’t stop talking about exploding bonbons the other night at the pub.” 
Pansy heaved out a sigh as she watched Draco place the box of sweets on your bedside table before reaching to gently push away your hair from your face. 
“Don’t get me wrong Draco, but you really shouldn’t be here right now.” 
His weary eyes flickered as he turned to look questioningly at Pansy—retreating his hand from your face. 
“You are getting engaged tomorrow—look at her, look at the state she is in. She won’t say it out loud but It’s clearly killing her.” 
As much as Draco hated agreeing with Pansy, she was right. 
Even while asleep, you looked worn out and restless with your eyebrows scrunched up indicating tension.
He wasn’t even going to get himself started on the cigarettes and wine bottles on your night stand.
“Will you let her know that I came by?” He looked half expectantly at Pansy who gave him an apologetic smile in return. “Never mind I guess.” 
As Draco reluctantly backed away from you,  Blaise’s words lingered in his mind. 
What is holding you back Malfoy?
(To be continued...)
~~~~~~
Part 6: Final Chapter Preview:
The Malfoy Manor was being decorated and every little detail of the decor screamed nothing but aristocratic, pristine, perfect.
It was like everything was just a futile attempt to conceal the dullness, loneliness and the fucked up pure blood traditions hiding deep within the manor walls.
Much like his so-called arrangement with Astoria that seemed so perfect on paper.
Pure blood families, rich family history, old money.
What could go wrong right?..
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tag list: @maybesandohnos @justfangirlthingies @lieswithoutfairytales @dracomalfoys-wh0re @hannahhobnob @sycathorn-slush @mxl-foyrecs @daringvixon @linetteyde @imbadwithunsernames @dracoswhore007 @myunngi @goawayimreadingbeach @loxbbg @icedlattewithalmondmilk @paulina1998 @fa-me @loganrwebb @nee-naw-nee-naw-beepbeep @leaveittobecca @dummythiccwitch @desiredmalfoy @badslytherin @dlmmdl @trainintersection @lilsubbyx @lunar0se10 @babydraco04 @anythings-n-everythings @sistheselenophile @louweasleymalfoy @fantasyfairysworld @malfoyxxdraco23 @thebitchybeatle @teawineaddict @fleursbabe @savagelysarcasticslytherin @emma67 @itchywitch33 @thegaudess @berriemalfoy @loloo22 @rvaldez7569 @letoof @quacksonssandtea @marrymetheonott @wh0re4blaise
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byulsgrease · 3 years
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duly noted
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you've never been one to obsess about your soulmate, assuming you'll figure it out when the time is right. but seriously, what kind of nonsense has yours been writing about recently?
(eventual moonbyul / wheein x gender neutral reader, soulmate!au, trainee/idol!au, ~1.2k words)
a/n: wheein bias wrecker anon! I might've had too much fun with your req and so this is gonna be my first soulmate au 🤠 while byul and wheein don't actually appear in this part (does that make this a prologue? idk), I promise they'll make their appearance soon enough :)
cw: struggles of being a trainee (weight + food talk)
The claps from your dance instructor ring out in the mirrored studio, calling everyone to attention before they send you off for the day. Everyone stands around listening to whatever niceties they're talking about, asking the rhetorical questions of whether all of you want this, how everyone needs to work harder, etc. How many years has it been now, almost three? Evaluations went pretty well recently and you've certainly demonstrated signs of growth since you started, but debut? Who knows. Does anyone, really?
But right now it's late and you're hungry, hoping that your growling stomach isn't loud enough to pierce through the lecture. You're respectfully tuned out anyway, since it's all old news. Nothing you haven't heard before. They clap again once their spiel ends and everyone disperses. Your eyes catch Hyejin's on your way out of the studio, sharing a funny face and an eyeroll before disappearing into the herd of trainees shuffling to the lockers.
Your locker opens with a routine spin of the dial, taking care to slow down and line up the numbers properly so you're not stuck having to do it over again. The inside's pretty cute for a metallic rectangle— it's really the only space of your own besides your notebook. Pictures of your family, old school friends, and fellow trainee friends line the sides beneath a tiny string of battery-powered fairy lights. It's not much, but always a humbling reminder of why you're here.
Unzipping your bag, you take out a pair of slides and drop them on the floor while stepping out of your sneakers. There's not much else in your bag, just a change of clothes and your notebook, of course. Everyone has one. Anything inside could be drawn, written, scribbled, painted. It’s your personal creative space and no one else's, but with two conditions:
You can't write your name in it, not even your initials. Of course everyone tried to as kids against their parents commands, but letters simply sink into the page, disappearing as if they'd never been written at all.
You can only mark up one side. Pages on the right side are for you, and the left side pages fill themselves. Fill themselves with what? you asked your parents. They gave you a non-answer, saying you'd figure it out someday. Great. Only other thing they bothered to tell you was that your right-hand pages were someone's left-hand ones. So someone can see what I put here? Their confirmation sounded rather casual, which you found weird. Someone out there was watching what you put in? But you got used to it, especially since every person owns one. It's a novelty for children anyway. Mark up a page however you want, knowing that someone out in the would will see, and sit back to watch whatever randomness shows up on the left side.
Your left side pages were actually empty for quite a while, save for the occasional "UGGHHH" followed by a typical childish annoyance scrawled messily across the entirety of the page in marker. Not that notebook use was mandatory, but parents usually encouraged it because it kept their kids occupied. There wasn't much you could do about empty pages, nor did you care most of the time, but it did leave you a little jealous of other kids at school who'd sometimes open theirs and be greeted with cute watercolor paintings, mini murals, or skillfully written poetry.
For you, the notebook's served many uses. As a kid it was random doodles and poorly-drawn fantasy scenarios— escapism, perhaps. In middle school it was angsty poems and random journal entries about the random happenings of your life. For the first half of high school it became your to-do list, keeping track of school assignments. And on the rarest occasion, song lyrics. Visual art was never your medium of choice, music came more easily. But drawing staff lines for music notation in the notebook usually ended up being too tedious, so your original stuff was mostly relegated to voice memos on your phone. And now? Who knows. Trainee life may as well be a blur. Sing, dance, talk, eat if you can afford to, sleep, repeat. It's hard to find the energy to write anything most days. Whenever you feel like checking, the left side has random jottings, nearly illegible most of the time.
It wasn't until you got older that you realized that whoever read your entries on the was the same person generating content on the left. And supposedly the person you're supposed to be with for the rest of time? What kind of system is that? I'm just supposed to trust blindly? having asked your parents in exasperation after figuring it out. Again with more non-answers— it had worked for them, didn't it? There's also the obvious question of why people don't just write directly to each other, but whatever. You're still young, no need to obsess over "the one" unlike some of your classmates. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, you figure. And it obviously is, you've got a notebook with (semi-)filled left side pages. What more could you ask for?
The cacophony of clanging lockers opening and closing starts to die down as people leave. Hyejin's head pops out from behind the locker door, laughing in your face when you flinch.
"Ready to go?"
"Yeah, one sec. Man, I'm starving,” you remark while slipping the bag straps on your back and closing the locker door. You don't even want to know how strapped for cash you are, probably in for another night of boiled eggs and canned kimchi.
“Wanna go out for food?” she immediately asks, eyes alight at the prospect of getting to eat something besides convenience store food.
"I wish. Actually, you wish," you smirk with longing in your eyes. The "no" doesn't even have to be said, weigh-ins are way too soon to risk it. She hangs her head, jokingly dejected as you swing an arm around her shoulder to walk out of the company building together.
~~~~
After scrounging up whatever food you call dinner, taking a shower, and flopping into bed, you open up your notebook and grab the random pen laying on your dresser, unsure of what you'll write about tonight. There's chicken scratch on the left page already, ballpoint pen. It's actually legible today, though: In my room every day I see your smile.
What the hell does that mean? Whose smile, yours? You haven't even met yet.
Call me everyday every night, hug me everywhere every time
Utter nonsense. Maybe meeting soulmates is just a huge game of catch-up once everything's finally revealed, surely yours will be. There’s just so many questions. Moving to the right side, you jot down a list of cheat meal ideas along with some assorted notes and pointers from practice that you want to work on tomorrow, drawing little characters next to each list item for fun. After accidentally drawing a random squiggle from jolting yourself awake and feeling the heaviness in your eyelids, you cap your pen and shut your notebook, placing it back in your bag. With the lights out, the last thought you have before sleep consumes you is why haven't you ever tried writing directly to each other after all this time?
[next]
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Sorry to bring this topic back now, but I'm honestly glad to see you talking about the passport tequila(?) thing. I haven't read your passport post yet because I wanna avoid spoilers for the passport just in case I manage to get it one day (but it'll take a while till that happens, seeing Cheritz still isn't shipping to Finland and I still haven't got the bodypillow I ordered from them in May), but I've seen two pictures of some of its contents already. The second one a photoset of him and MC (which btw was seriously adorable and made me wanna get the passport immediately, man he's so cute) and the first one I saw was the doodle of Saeran being passed out.
My friend messaged me about it, also pretty devastated and disappointed that the artist had drawn something like that in the passport, completely forgetting his past and trauma with alcohol. Honestly, because it was the first ever thing I heard about the passport's contents and the first doodle I saw, I was really disappointed and felt hesitant about ever getting it. I went on a whole rant about it back then and then later started feeling like I overreacted a bit...
But not gonna lie, it kinda upset me too because it just seemed so OOC for him to do? You pretty much already put how I feel about it into words really well. I just don't think he'd drink alcohol, seeing that's pretty much where his trauma came from, and also when I think about the friends and mutuals I have who've had alcoholic parents and swore to never drink themselves thanks to that, and how Saeyoung doesn't wanna drink because of his mum and they share that trauma…
Then after talking about it with a few friends I began to think that hey, maybe he wanted to try it out once and already after ONE sip went "too bitter DX" and didn't want more. He likes sweet stuff anyway, even if he didn't have all the trauma, I doubt his sweet tooth would like the taste of alcohol. The first impression my friend and I got was that he was DRUNK, but nah, now he just looks like he's suffering because it was too bitter lol
But then I saw someone here mention that it might not even be an alcoholic drink (or that he passed out from the heat) and hey, I'm just gonna go ahead and headcanon that now, it was just way too bitter for him
In the end I do think that the artist who worked on that passport wasn't entirely aware of his past, which is a shame. Or just didn't think about it. I think someone told them to "make some cute and funny doodles of him" and they thought "hey drunk Saeran lol that could be funny and cute" without thinking about it more, and that's how the doodle became a thing
You’re still waiting for that? Jesus, I hope that the mail service is able to open up soon for your country and that it’s okay for them to ship things around. It’s been a while now, I would’ve thought that they might have been able to work around to get it to you! Well, precautions are precautions, and those are important when the world is like this but huh. Odd that it’s not working around yet. 
It really unsettled me when I saw it. I thought, “Okay, maybe it’s not actually just straight-up tequila or booze, I can rationalize this away as something else cause it’s really not okay to me.” I know someone said in the post that it’s on the Wiki that Saeran’s not a big fan of soda because it gives him headaches, and I know that feeling, so if one wants to think it’s soda, they can. It’s easy to say, well, it’d be possible that it’s the dry heat of the country and he’s flopped over from that after finally getting something chilled. 
It’s easier for me to rationalize it in that manner instead of saying that it’s alcohol even though it’s clearly intended to be seen as that. I’ve unfortunately got similar trauma and I see myself in the Choi boys. Do you know how rare it can be to find characters that are adults that don’t drink or aren’t invested in drinking culture as a whole? I’m fine with people enjoying their vices and doing things in moderation but—
I just cannot relate to it. I’m nearly 24 and I cannot stand even the smell of that stuff. It’s fine if you enjoy your wine or liquor or whatever, it just feels in such poor taste to draw out someone drinking that has made it very clear that they aren’t comfortable with drinking, and they shouldn’t have to explain out their trauma to have their feelings justified. The whole, “Just one sip, it won’t really hurt you,” is so toxic.
Can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that when I’ve made it very clear that I’m uncomfortable with that and I would rather chug dish soap than be subjected to booze. 
I’m proud of Saeran for how far he’s come in his AE. I sincerely am, emotionally he’s doing so much better and he’s working on himself, but I really don’t see him or his brother ever trying alcohol. There could be a point where maybe they just say, “What the hell did she even see in this? What do people even see in this stuff?” and they try one singular sip, and go: “Yeah, no, this isn’t the thing for me, no thanks.” 
I’m cool with that if that is what they choose to do. It’s their body, their trauma, and their choice. 
Saeyoung and Saeran have very clear trauma from Alcoholism. It’s made very clear from the both of them that they don’t drink. Seven notes that he’s about as straight-laced as they come when it means alcohol or smoking. Unknown can’t really be counted as a smoker, he literally used that as an excuse during the SE to contact Mint Eye. So, I’ve never read him as a smoker, either. It was a good excuse. Neither of them gets involved with addictive vices that are legal for you to use. 
I struggle with fanon content sometimes because I’ll find stories or imagines where the writer has shown Saeyoung or Saeran drinking, and I just have to nope out of that setting. It’s not cute or cheeky. I personally don’t answer any requests that involve the boys drinking because I’ve made my stance very clear on the subject and how I feel about depicting characters that do not want to drink and have made it known that they do not want to drink as drinking. The rest of the RFA? Sure, some of them drink occasionally, fairly in moderation, which is alright. 
The Passport itself is really cute, no spoilers, but that’s the only thing within its contents that made me uncomfortable. The rest of it was definitely worth what I paid for and it made me smile if that’s any comfort to you. It’s just that one little doodle that just... yeah, I think I would go with your theory on this one, and that being that the artist might not have known specifically about the brothers or what they’ve dealt with in their lives, and just went with a cute idea they had and it’s not really anything huge. 
It’s fine to drink and all, but it’s equally important to respect when someone says that they don’t want to do it. That is a personal choice, and I just wish more folks would consider Saeran and Saeyoung’s feelings on the matter since it’s been stated in the canon plenty, specifically by Saeyoung during his Routes events in the game, and you can infer from Saeran fairly easily given what he was subjected to in his life. 
TLDR; It’s fine to drink when you want to do it, and there’s nothing wrong with it in moderation; but, it’s important to respect that not everyone wants to drink or get involved with that sort of stuff. 
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tangerinegod · 4 years
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Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿
hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!
i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!
the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 
also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!
another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 
if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 
these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:
- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?
I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 
- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?
kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 
- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?
100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!
- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?
i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 
i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  
- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?
i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 
sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!
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adziedoodle · 7 years
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You said you haven't drawn in a while but I actually really like how your latests works are looking. I wouldn't say is just improvement (although that too) is more like you're steping out and trying new things!! But if you don't like it or Ur not sure you can always go back and practice other things that aren't quite your forte? Backgrounds or more complicated poses so even if you're not making anything new you're still practicing!!
yes, i had a break for toooo long and was stressing out because it felt like I was losing my art skills :’) I don’t really know what I’m doing right now - I keep pressuring myself to be a lil more “realistic” (some may argue it’s not realistic at all due to my failure at proportions and general anatomy ahah), making art take longer, and my issue with noticing mistakes and getting caught up in them more prevelant. I do like the style I’m going with right now, and I’m really glad to hear you think I’ve improved and have noticed I’m “trying new things” :’) I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the art I’ve been posting recently. In all honestly, I want to make silly doodles all the time, but with the pressure of relying on my art to get me a job somewhere, I can’t help but think I have to do something like what I’m doing now... I’m scared to use my time doing silly doodles, because I want people to take me and my art seriously??? But hhh at the same time I’m doubting what I’m doing now as well????????? I’m in a constant conflict of feeling like I’m in a rut with my art style, but at the same time, I feel like I have no consistency, no solid style.... I like experimenting but once I do I like??? forget how to go back to where I was??? I also wanna try and dO complicated poses and backgrounds but holy crap it’s so hard. I don’t know where to begin...and if I can’t do that ?????? what exactly can I offer to jobs??????
I think this just boils down to my fear of the Real World™ and the animation/art industry and I just.... keep doubting myself and what I’ve done. I may have got a 1st in my degree, but I feel like I don’t deserve it at all because I still feel so new to everything, even after three years of learning it. I don’t know if this is a common feeling after graduation (from an art university) but... hhhh.... boy does it stress me out. I just hope the art I’m making now, and what I make in the future, gets me somewhere. I don’t even know where I wanna go though?? What I want to do with my art?? In all honesty, I just love making people happy with it, if I could make a living off making people happy with my art, it would be a dream come true :’))).
....
.....I don’t know what I’m saying anymore ....but thank you for your message, seriously, I needed to hear this and I needed to get the above off my chest :’) 
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