#has a fucking “lizard people” t-shirt in his store
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Finding a fairly interesting sounding channel and actually watching a video from them & and finding out they sell antisemitic & conspiracy theory merch is like just- the fuck is wrong with people
#this guy has right wing jokes slipped in2 his videos#has a fucking “lizard people” t-shirt in his store#his entire program is “talking about conspiracy theories and then debunking them at the end”#which is an interesting premise! he talks abt crop circles and cryptids but then goes nuts with the right wing bs#AND#this fucking guy apparently was a writer for the legend of korra! what the fuck!#he has some good points but then immediately fucks them up by being a bigot#i don't get this shit man#i don't#elliot rambles#rant#antisemetism mention#the w-y files
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My hero - New life and a friend from the past
I’ve always had this idea about what would happened if Izuku was a woman then one thing lead to another then in this quarantine…so now she reincarnated in the medieval era where she was supposed to be a villainess followiing AFO.
In summary, ex villainess + sassy deku + reincarnated deku + pinning kacchan So enjoy!
First chapter.
.
.
.
She never thought that she would end up like this, dead and it’s because of that bus that appeared in front of her. She was walking down the street on her way back from returning a book borrowed from the library.
Just a few hours ago, she was a normal teenager that was studying for final exams.
Books gave her freedom from those boring mathematical problems and sleepless nights of studying. You could go everywhere, be it a romance story or a fantasy one, with knights in shining armor, dragons and princess.
“I know, cliche but a girl can dream..my head hurts, everything hurts like fucking hell.” She mutters.
The feeling stopped.
She is in some kind of a dark corridor that has no end. She rubs her eyes to at least improve her eyesight and perceives a wooden door at the other side.The girl is getting closer and closer. Someone is calling her name but at the same time it doesn’t belong to that girl, very familiar. When she is about to touch the door a middle-aged woman opens the door. She’s a short lady with green hair and a gentle look on her eyes, she likes her already.
“Izuku, breakfast is about to get ready!” She closes the door.
Huh…
She turns on both sides and a recognizes that is a bedroom. Just a single-bed, a wardrobe, a desk with some books, a small dresser that faces the bed along with a huge mirror on the wall. This is not her body, she used to have a simpler appearance, brown hair, dark eyes and an average face. Now she possesses very wild green curled hair and big eyes of the same color along with cute freckles on her cheeks.
That’s when it clicked, that’s why it was so familiar to her, recently she read a book named ‘My hero’ that was dated in the medieval ages but with a little detail, there is magic and it doesn’t matter what type everyone has it but some people have more than others.
The story unfolds around five characters, a knight who possesses amazing speed, a prince who dominates ice and fire, a magician who dominates gravity with the things her hand touches and dragon prince who causes explosions from his hands along with his dragon. They take the path to stop the greatest enemy that dominates the darkness, they called him master, well no one knows what exactly his power was and for that they have to find the greatest hero of all time, All Might. These two had a battle many years ago that left them both badly wounded and both disappeared. This is where this girl enters, Izuku Midoriya, one of her followers who carried evil everywhere on behalf of the master while he sees from the shadows waiting for All Might to disappear from the map and return.
“A little coward if you ask me,” She mutters “the events of me being a villain should not happen yet because I remember that Izuku became evil because of the death of her mother at her village, for not having the ability to protect her and without a father or other familiar in her life she was left alone.” She was running away from a thief and killed him with her powers to protect herself, people marked her for a murder. Someone from the past came back, not a good person… Hisashi Midoriya.
Her father disappeared many years ago, it turned out that he sided with master and returned to take Izuku to the villain league. She learned how to kill, she was very good at summoning powerful creatures and could levitate things with her mind. Sadly she dies by the hands of the master cause she hesitated to kill All might in the last battle, I guess she was not that evil. That was basically the first book with All might defeating the bad big guy with the last bit of magic left in him.
“So, I just have to practice my magic, levitate things...Fuck yes how cool is that?!” She always wanted to have powers and save people who needed help just like the movies with a smile on her face. In her previous life, when she was twelve years old, her family was caught in a fire in our home while she had to go to the store that was nearby. When she returned, the house was almost about to collapse and the firemen did not let her in to save them.
This time it won't be the same if she can do something about it.
Her name is Izuku Midoriya and her new life just began.
Getting out of the bedroom she quickly finds the dining area, breakfast already set, Inko Midoriya, she is her mother, she's the lady from earlier that is humming to a song, she doesn’t know what came over her, she hugged her.
“Why the sudden hug my lovely daughter? not that I’m complaining...did you had any sort of a nightmare?”
“You could say that...I just... I love you mom!” She smiles, she means it.
“Me too, my darling!” She smiled so kindly and squeezed back.
“Let’s eat or the food will turn cold.”
“Indeed...Oh I almost forgot, what would you like for your sixteenth birthday?” She asked so spectantly with big eyes. Hearing no answer she puts her hand on her chin thinking and then clasps her hands together making a loud sound as she smiles. “Right...when you were younger you told me that you wanted to become a hero, you can enroll at the UA guild”
Of course, in this world people have powers, because of that they created guils to train their powers, do jobs and become heroes. Anyone can enter and there is a famous guild nearby called UA so it’s a perfect opportunity to become stronger but…
“What happens if I go there?...I won’t be able to save her.” her worries came out.
Let’s stay out of the plot events.
“I did?”
“Yeah, you used to play with that kid from the dragon tribe...kacchan it think it was his nickname.”
“Uuuh d-dragon tribe?” Izuku asked with a crooked smile and alarmed trying to recall that name somewhere but nothing came.
“His name is Katsuki Bakugou, the crown prince from de dragon tribe here from the Badlands.”
That’s when a few images appeared in Izuku’s mind from a boy and a girl playing in the forest, blurry ones. Then she felt a strange fluttering feeling in her chest.
They knew each other? That was not part of the book.
“I just recall a few things” Izuku bites her bottom lips nervously and looks away.
“Well you were pretty young, like six years old and you haven't seen each other for 10 years.”
“That’s long... I don't think he will recognize me after all these years.”
“He will”
“How confident”
Her mother points Izuku’s neck, more like the thing around her neck. It’s a simple necklace with a little pendant of the same color of her eyes.
“He gave you that necklace, it’s a traditional ornament from his tribe and curiously it’s the color of your eyes.”
“Uh...waaah I’m sooo full so I’ll do the d-dishes!”
The woman just laughs at her daughter’s embarrassment.
Izuku runs to the kitchen trying to hide her red face having a particular thought over and over again.
What are the odds to see him again?
Izuku started to train her magic in the forest, six months ago she could levitate little things like little rocks but nothing more. Now she’s able to move heavy objects or even herself at the same time, she’s a fast learner.
Some attacks have occurred near her village, they have been looking for someone with the same features, blonde hair and a height of about 6 feet or more.
They’re looking for All Might.
In one of her trips through the woods she discovered a small waterfall about five meters high piled high with rocks that climb high into the forest and mountains of the badlands.
Maybe she shouldn't go any farther because according to the book she remembered how close dragons live in the Badlands, which means the dragon prince Bakugou Katsuki could be close.
That's not a good sign.
The book says that he was a very explosive man, she found it funny how it goes pretty well with his powers. He has blonde hair almost going to ash, with crimson red eyes and an almost barbaric way of dressing.
“I mean he is shirtless all the time...not good for my eyes and my maiden heart.” She muttered under her breath.
She touches the water near a big rock and from the looks of it the water is not very deep so it is perfect for swimming.
There are no bathing suits here and definitely she won’t get into the water in mere underwear so in a simple pants and a t-shirt will do. Then out of nowhere a emerald little lizard with wings steps over the rock in front of her making her jump backwards.
“What the fuck?! that’s a freaking dragon!” The creature only observes Izuku with its dilated eyes, his pupils are only a thin line and moves his head from side to side looking for something in her eyes. After a few seconds, apparently, he finds it since his eyes returned to their natural state and approaches her. He just purrs at her and starts to rub its head against her legs.
“What a cute baby dragon...I guess we are friends now!” She scratches his back.
A loud explosion from above echoes.
“Oi! where are you, you little lizard!” the dragon hides behind her like playing hide and seek.
That’s a male voice, she cringed “Wait a damn minute...I’m not your hiding spot!” She whispered tensing up while getting up, alert.
A big shadow lingers above her head, more like in the sky and she looks up. It’s a big red dragon with a person on its back, She can’t distinguish who might be that man and she hears another explosion. The man jumps, he lands on the ground with a strong boom leaving a leaving a hole from his landing and she opens her eyes wide, waiting any way to escape.
Again, not a good sign.
“What do I do?! Oh fuck he might think that I stole him” her thoughts screamed in her head.
Neither of them take their eyes off each other. As he approached Izuku, every muscle and every fiber of his body appeared to strain to force out his next movement ready for any possible fight.
“He has the most beautiful crimson eyes…” her thoughts betrayed her.
Katsuki held up his hands, his palms crackling. She immediately started to feel the presence of things around her in case she needed to fight but she preferred not to so she held her arms in sing of surrender.
“Where's Kaia ..? depending on what you say ... you’ll live.” he growls.
The cracks from his palms stopped.
Curious, Izuku roams his face with her eyes to notice that he is looking at the necklace gaping with with mouth.
“...Deku?” the blond man asks with a deep voice.
When she was about to open her mouth the little bastard started to roam all over her body like some monkey, now she really looks life she stole him.
Run.
And boy she ran.
While running Izuku turns to look back and all she sees it’s a demon.
Scary.
“Oi stop it! Fuck!”
“Be gone you demon!” She yells and then she hears a loud explosion.
He caught her.
They rolled to the ground and falling together down the hill. Izuka found herself on her back, Katsuki above her, with his hands holding down her wrists. Both of them gasping, taking in deep drags of air, drags that smelled of ash, nitroglycerin, mint, a smell of earth and skin. Their chests raising and falling. Izuku could feel the power in his thighs against her holding her in place. Katsuki was gritting his teeth, as if he were in a battle. A moment that felt like hours, Katsuki and Izuku stared at each other trying to memorize their features afraid as if any movement would cause someone to disappear from their field of vision. Katsuki decided to break the silence and smirks.
“I know it’s you shitty Deku…I would recognize that necklace anywhere.”
“...K-kacchan?”
“You’ve changed.”
“Well it’s been 10 years, of course I’ve changed ... you’ve changed too.” Izuku replies nervous and looks to the side.”Um...I didn’t steal him.”
“Hah?!”
Izuku gathers courage to look up into his eyes and answers almost breathlessly.”The baby dragon.”
The moment she mentions her little friend, somehow the dragon finds its way between the two of them breaking the spell. Katsuki grumbles and stands up looking at the dragon in Izuku’s lap.
“Just for the record, Kaia is a female.”
Izuku looks at the dragon confused and pouts. “He's a she?!”. Katsuki chuckles and approaches her.
“It’s your first time seeing one isn’t?” He reaches out his hand to Izuka and she takes his hand gladly standing in front of him.
“Huh...yeah… I mean I’ve never been in your tribe.” She scratches her cheek with her index finger nervously and Katsuki tenses up. “How come she’s here and not...in your tribe.”
“Lately they’ve been robbing the young ones in order to dominate them better and use them to search for …”
“All Might...he came back.”
“There has been circulating rumors that he has returned saving towns, but he disappears the moment he finishes the job.” Katsuki glanced back up the hill from where they fell. “Let’s go back.”
Izuka started to climb back but katsuki stopped her grabbing her hand and held her against his chest.
“Put your arms around my neck.”
Izuku hesitantly hugs his neck looking up.
“...Kacchan no.”
“Kacchan yes.” He said imitating her with a squeaky voice and kicks the ground with a loud boom.
“Noooooo!” She cried out with being suspended in the air and notices that Kaia is flying at her side following them towards the red dragon. There was a small crack and then landed on the dragon. They sat with Izuku in front of katsuki, he grabs the pointy spikes on the dragon's head and she could feel a strong arm surrounding her waist.
“Wow wow wow wow wow Where are going?! This is not my way back home.”
“To the Dragon Tribe...ppf obviously.” He snorts as a matter of fact.
“What?!”
After 15 minutes they landed on a very lively town, full with a lot of dragon with different colors and sizes. A very excited Izuku livitates herself off the dragon leaving a very amused Katsuki with his extended hand towards a empty spot. It brings to him a smirk to his lips but it fades just as quickly as it appears.
“Is this the famous Izuku of the forest?” The voice is a deep rumble, emerging from somewhere low in the dragon's throat, he shifts into a man with red hair and eyes. “Names Eijiro Kirishima.” He said while pointing himself with his thumb.
Amazing. That’s all she can think.
“Um Izuku Midoriya...a pleasure.”
“Fuck off shitty hair!” Katsuki snaps.
“Hey I’m a man for only one woman.” Kirishima from the corner of his eye spots a woman with pink skin walking by. “Ashido wait up!... nice meeting you Midoriya.” He said and runs towards the woman.
Katsuki just grunts a reply and faces Izuku.
”Didn’t knew you could levitate yourself.”
Izuku turns on her heels to look around and glances sideways smirking towards katsuki to say. “There’s a lot of thing you don’t know about me…I can’t for long distances though,been practicing in the forest on that.”
The moment the start walking they hear a lot of screams in the distance.
They're under attack.
Next chapter.
#katsudeku#bakudeku#midoriya izuku#bakugou katsuki#boku no hero academia#mha#fem deku#female deku#ao3#reincarnatedsoul#dadmight#medieval au
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LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE
NAME : Bartholomew Henry Allen
EYE COLOUR : dark brown but with a tint of cherry red that seems to give him a topazish look. he has BEAUTIFUL EYES TYSM, ESP IN THE SUN.
HAIR STYLE / COLOUR : it was, as a sort of “Stick it to the man” or “Stick it to this foster parent i fucking hate” thing, pretty long for a while. Then he finally cut it but THEN he got his powers and his hair tends to grow really fast??? He currently tries to keep it shortish with a long on top thing that gives him somewhat of a basic undercut/top curl vibe but he has to go get it cut often. It’s black.
HEIGHT : 5′11
CLOTHING STYLE : Barry is a thrift store king. He can only finally afford newer clothes when he gets his job in the crime lab at CPD. Otherwise he dresses comfortable, jeans and band t-shirts, hoodies and over shirts for warmth. Layers!!!! Plaid!! Skater punk??!!
BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE : His wide smile. He has an extremely beautiful mouth tyvm and he knows it.
LAYER TWO : THE INSIDE
YOUR FEARS : All of his hardwork for nothing, not going anywhere in life, going in CIRCLES. He wants to not only make his dad proud but he wants to actually prove his dad is innocent and if he spent all these years to get where he can attempt that and then finds out he’s wrong... yikes. But also to spend all these years toward this and realize he hates where he is? Double yikes.
YOUR GUILTY PLEASURES : Being that he is not someone who has a lot of money ot spend sometimes a guilty pleasure is simply buying himself something nice for no other reason than to treat himself. And that means a NEW thing too, not something thrifted and def. not a thing found in a dumpster and refurbished.
YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE : People messing with his set ups, like either in his lab or apartment or at work. LEAVE HIS STUFF WHERE IT IS. ASK BEFORE YOU SIT DOWN. DON’T JUST START BORROWING STUFF WITHOUT ASKING!!!!
YOUR AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE : PROVE HIS DAD IS INNOCENT!!! Figure out all the potential with his powers and make the League proud, get to a point where in his job he can support himself and potentially his dad if his dad gets out of prison. If he gets there then he might think about a family.
LAYER THREE : THOUGHTS
YOUR FIRST THOUGHT WAKING UP : nooooooooooooooooooooo
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED : if i go to sleep now then i’ll get exactly five hours and twenty-nine minutes of sleep, if i go to sleep in ten minutes..
YOU THINK YOUR BEST QUALITY IS : His optimism.
LAYER FOUR : WHAT’S BETTER?
SINGLE OR GROUP DATES : Single, no need to embarrass himself in front of more than one person.
TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED : Respected.
BEAUTY OR BRAINS : Brains
DOGS OR CATS : Dogs AND cats AND LIZARDS.
LAYER FIVE : DO YOU . . .
LIE : Yes
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF : Yes!!! He’s always like I CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT LET ME DO IT GOSH.
BELIEVE IN LOVE : YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WANT SOMEONE : A thousand percent but he isn’t sure he can have someone and be the flash and all that entails..
LAYER SIX : EVER BEEN . . .
BEEN ON STAGE : Yep.
DONE DRUGS : Smoked the devil’s lettuce.
CHANGED WHO YOU WERE TO FIT IN : He has not and it has singled him out a lot.
LAYER SEVEN : FAVOURITES
COLOUR : Dark red
ANIMAL : .... the tapir..... (hehehehehehehe)
MOVIE : Hot Rod
GAME : Dragon Age
LAYER EIGHT : AGE
DAY YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE : May 19th ... 2019!!!
HOW OLD WILL YOU BE : 27
AGE YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY : uhhh it varies per verse but ill just say like 21.
DOES AGE MATTER : Somewhat… he def isn’t into people younger than like idk 23?? 24?? and older than him is generally okay as long as they are okay with his age.
LAYER NINE : IN A PERSON
BEST PERSONALITY : Someone who is patient and kind. He’s dealt with way too many impatient and jerkish people in his life, esp as foster parents.
BEST EYE COLOUR : No preference.
BEST HAIR COLOUR : No preference
BEST THING TO DO WITH THEIR PARTNER : GO DO FUN THINGS. Go to the park, go swimming, go to the beach, go to the zoo or the museum!!!!!! Learn a new thing together!!!!!!
LAYER TEN : FINISH THE SENTENCE
I LOVE : my dad.
I FEEL : restless.
I HIDE : my powers.
I MISS : my mom.
I WISH : I could figure out who really did it.
TAGGED BY : @kulinaboys and @shieldchosen
TAGGING : @nolaroots @youmaythinkyouknowme @atlantisking @imreportant @sacredjustice @godveiined @americanasitgets @hawkborn @vespertiilian @valadhxfndr
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A review of "How WHITE is Dan?!- DNA TEST RESULTS"
I was riding in the car on the way to the store when I heard a familiar alert coming from my phone. I wondered aloud “Ooo is that Dan?” He was due to have a video out today or tomorrow, but it could be one of the few other channels I’m subscribed to. I’ve been psyched out before. I opened my phone and yes it was Dan and what was more, the word DNA was there. “They were right!” Those psychic IDB members with their “strong feelings” were right.
I for one didn’t think Dan would make this video. Mainly because he said so himself during a liveshow in the spring, shortly after Phil had posted his. He had admitted to taking the test as well, but the results were so vague and he was disappointed. I could relate, having bought DNA kits for my parents and getting very broad results, particularly for my mother’s side, which we wanted to know more about.
However, one shouldn’t take Daniel Howell at his word. He could be lying, or in this case he might just change his mind with the seasons. He wasn’t feeling it back then, but there was a hint in his last solo liveshow that he was thinking about ancestry again. The chat asked about “the grandma tweet” and he pulled up the photo of someone’s distant relative who had a strikingly similar face to his. Someone said it could be his great-grandmother, after all his own grandma was adopted. So reasonably, someone on IDB predicted that Dan would work this photo into his DNA video. After all Dan often sits on ideas for videos and then decides to make them when he feels the “the time is right” (or the topic is relevant).
Dan did indeed choose to make this video now for a specific reason, and while the photo may have inspired him, it didn’t make an appearance or get a mention. Apparently the driving force behind this video was current events. Current events that some fans were disappointed that Dan and Phil had not mentioned. The heated protests in Charlottesville, Virginia were mentioned in the first eight seconds:
“Hello Internet, in these times when apparently (camera zooms in on his lips) *some people* find it difficult to tell the difference between protesting racism and *racism*, I thought it would be relevant and mildly interesting to make a video about the shared genetic history of all humans by finding out *the origins of my ancestors*.“ (Cue the soft grey filter with fake lens flares, zen music and calm hand movements from Daniel).
I was immediately intrigued, but a bit skeptical. How was a video entitled "How WHITE is Dan?!” going to positively address racism? Especially knowing that his results were boring, so probably not that diverse. Well, he did it by following through on his topic sentence and actually showing the shared genetic history of all humans through maps of human migration. He also did some historic research into his small percentage of West African DNA. Of course the little sign in the background reading ‘AYY FUCK NAZIS’ and his black shirt with red Cyrillic letters that translate to “equality” were nice aesthetic touches.
Mind you, the actual factual human migration information comes later in the video. First we have sarcastic philosophical Dan waffling on about lizard people on Pangea slowly drifting apart “metaphorically and physically, until the inevitable nuclear apocalypse blows our planet into tiny chunks floating infinitely into the abyss of space” with a starry falling through space effect. Woah there nihilistic Dan, stay with us.
It’s okay, there is a quick jump cut that changes the tone immediately. It’s a mention of Phil and his DNA video, complete with a clip of “Science!Phil”. What’s more, Dan says that Phil ordered the DNA test kit for him. Perhaps, it’s just to set up his own reluctance, as he goes on to do just that. For some of us, the idea of Phil ordering DNA testing for both of them (even if it is to use in a video) paints a pretty domestic picture. Though in Phil’s video he says he was given his for free by a friend of the family who is a doctor, thinking it would make a cool video. Perhaps this is why neither of their videos seem to be sponsored by the DNA testing company, 23andMe. Or are they?
Cue relatable slightly paranoid Dan with some sharp humor about “laboratories” and being cloned and replaced “by a compliant artificial intelligence” by Mark Zuckerberg (thanks for knowing the correct spelling of that iPad) or “Zuck”, with a Stephen Hawking like voice saying “I’m coming for you Danny”. Dan of course gave a fake name for his DNA profile (as did Phil), but kept his date of birth. However he admits there isn’t really any point in trying to protect his identity on the internet. Okay, John Johnson.
“Are you ready! Am I ready? I have no idea what to expect to be honest.” Here’s the part where I have to suspend my disbelief and just accept that Dan pretending to react to these results as if he didn’t view them several months ago does make for a better video. Just like Dan pretending to play Bubble Bobble for the first time on the gaming channel in 2016, when in reality he tweeted about reaching level 100 with Phil back in 2009, did result in a very sweet gaming video.
Add a being related to a giraffe joke to the lizard one. I’m not sure if this is really helping the “one human race” thing, but it’s a pretty harmless joke. “Wow. Looking pretty white. That is one blue circle there, isn’t it JJ?” (the blue being European ancestry). Dan is 98.2% European and he jokes that this is the end of the video only a minute and half in.
Dan drags his ancestors for “literally” sticking to four countries (Britain, Ireland, France and Germany) when in reality those results are lumping Britain and Ireland together because they share so much common DNA, the same for French and German. He is also ignoring that 33.8% of his Northwest European genetics is broadly undefined and he hasn’t gotten to the Southern European, Scandinavian or West African parts yet. But I still found “really got out there and saw the world” quite funny. “Okay someone saw the sun at least” was a good one, though I wish he would have addressed his ability to tan darkly in this video, perhaps in the fair skin section. More on that below.
More relatable humor about not wanting to hike or get on a boat gets worked in to Dan finding out that he is not the least bit Asian or American. I vaguely recall a rumor about him being part Asian, let’s lay one that to rest. And I remember him hoping years ago that he might be part Native American because his grandma was adopted, but I found that extremely unlikely. Probably just a bit of wishful thinking perhaps brought on by being Team Jacob.
Now here is the part that interests me the most. On the Ancestry DNA test I gave to my parents, 1.8% was considered a “trace amount”, but in this 23andMe service they give a specific timeline for when each genetic group cropped up and the West African and Scandinavian both span from the late 1700s to mid 1800s, not that long ago. Dan concludes that “a ‘Scandi’ and a West African got it together” (insert graphic of the two countries coming together with a smooching sound effect). I’m not sure if that timeline is definitively saying they were a couple, but Dan’s Wikipedia research supports it and it is an interesting bit of history.
Segue into a brief farming family reunion story. 400 cousins, I’m sure. Shift to black and white and cue the unexplained mysteries music for Dan’s adopted grandmother mention. Dan “feels like there’s some epic adventure story there for another time”. Sign me the frick up! In fact please just bring your grandma onto one of your YouTube videos. She has always been the one Dan has been most comfortable talking about and even sharing pictures of. (Oh 'helo ther’ unflattering selfie from the Tinder spon on Dan’s computer).
I appreciate Dan showing the Haplogroup migrations of his paternal line, but in true Dan fashion it included commentary about “presumably wrestling mammoths and getting frozen or something” in Asia and “then buggered off to Europe to get bitten by a rat or something”. “And consistently had sex for thousands of years. Well done ancestors (Dan applauds) truly incredible story. Lord of the Rings. Ten out of ten. Would read again.” Lovely sarcastic Dan.
And as he hypes up “the fun stuff”, “weird things about your personality, health and biology”, and “intimate specific information” that he probably shouldn’t share with the Internet”, but he will because he’s “just a piece of meat”, I get hit with a mid video ad of Gwen Stefani applying mascara, because the cheeky bastard made this exactly ten minutes and one second long. (To be fair Phil did the same thing recently).
Dan has 300 Neanderthal variants, more than 82% of their customers. This is the same percentage as Phil, who talked about his head and brow shape and nasal chambers, but Dan uses this to relate to his “dank cave” dwelling habits (never opening the curtains of his bedroom). Based on his genetics, Dan is not likely to be a deep sleeper. “As I always say, why bother sleeping when you can stay awake thinking about stuff that makes you anxious. Right! Woo!” Dan addressing his mental health with humor, is always appreciated. I can actually see the power athlete possibility. He could be a big strong guy, but “wasted potential” and all that. (Personally my lazy self recoils at the idea of people dedicating so much of their time to training up their bodies to be these perfect machines, but hopeful D&P are spending some time at the gym for their general health.) “Looking at memes and talking about myself” is a great self-aware one liner.
Alright “cheek dimples”! Flop. What does this test know anyway? Stop referring to them as a deformity Dan, everyone loves your dimples! Okay I just did a bunch of reading on dimples and I guess they are considered a genetic deformity now a days. However on a social-biological level they may have all sorts of benefits, from being able to read emotions more clearly, to people wanting to procreate with you and not abandoning their cute babies. Dan has also been saying lately that he’s double deformed, but it is actually quite rare to have one side of your cheeks dimpled. (I used to have dimples as a child and all of a sudden they are back, but they are closer to my mouth than my smile lines and may just be from fat. Who knows.)
Alright good thing this isn’t a spon, calling the results “garbage”, “pseudoscience” and a “farce” even in jest, might not fly. Dan’s distrust of blonds Tweet is (at least partially) explained. I still think it might also relate to Dream Daddy and it is a mighty coinkidink that it was posted on the one year anniversary of Frank Ocean’s album. Promos all around? We just need to accept that Dan is a multilayered creature we will never fully understand. My husband will appreciate being compared to a unicorn though.
Dan’s pain kink and weird enjoyment of the dentist makes a resurgence! Please make a full video out of this Dan. We promise not to shame… much. “Scrape me Dad-”. Interestingly enough Phil has an average sensitivity pain but thought it would be higher, hates having his gums scraped and implied his dentist might be a sadist.
Dramatic build up and disclaimer for genetic health and increased risk of disease section. Feeling very relieved for the low risk of Altzheimers after reading that tear jerking dementia phanfic the other day (though it was Phil with the disease and I don’t think he mentioned it in his video). Dan was clearly worked up as well. He rests his face in his palm and is visibly pink and blotchy.
He balances the seriousness with an over the top dramatic reaction to being a carrier for red hair, complete with a black and white fake sobbing scene. I’ll admit I found his pause at “So you’re telling me that there’s a chance that I could have children— born with red hair” a bit distracting, though I’m sure it wasn’t mean that way. “There was no disclaimer for this one.” Ha. I case you didn’t know he’s just joking “you beautiful sunset heads, rub those freckles all over me.” Dan has made his love of ginger people quite clear in the past and this tends to start a discourse about Phil’s natural hair color.
I’ll weigh in on this. Phil was clearly ginger as a young child, just as Dan was blond when he was little. Both of their hair darkened quite a bit as they grew up, each becoming increasingly more brown. It’s harder to tell with Phil because he has denied his natural hair color for so long and seemingly makes up things about old photographs. Did he actually dye his hair before his first day of secondary school? Perhaps it was a bit of bleach that brighten it up and brought out the yellow/orange tones. In Phil’s Tinder spon he did admit to his hair getting a bit ginger during the summer. However by the time of his graduation, early university years and his appearance on 'The Weakest Link’ he had light-medium brown hair that I have a hard time considering a shade of auburn. You might call it nutmeg, but not cinnamon. I have medium auburn hair that has dulled with age, but does get more copper in the sun. But I don’t think Phil can be considered ginger anymore, especially as he chooses not to embrace it, so Dan’s love of ginger people seems completely separate from his fondness for Phil (except perhaps the freckles).
Moving on to skin pigmentation and the title of his video, “How white is Dan Howell?” He laughs at his genetically light skin. 39% Very fair, 32% Moderately fair and “at most 25% Light beige” and acknowledges his privilege. It would have been a great chance to maturely talk about his ability to tan when he was younger, relating to his Southern European and West African ancestry without making problematic 2010/2011 era jokes. However it seems paleness is part of Dan’s branding now (since Phil has clearly turned him into a vampire). Or it’s just the “never go outside”, “cave dwelling” schtick. We’ve all seen your freckles Dan.
In conclusion he hopes that people took something away from this be it “the possibility that [he] will have a ginger child in the future, that no one believes is [his], or that humanity has so much in common and we shouldn’t be divided by fascism, or that in the near future 'Zuck’ will be able to target ads to us based on our genetic code.” I sure hope it’s the middle one. “Ayy fuck Nazis”. Still, Dan gives us 20 years before society implodes. Finally he turns a joke about exercise into a confession about crying while reading the news. Seriously, well done Mr. Howell. (Nice promo for the casual and intimate liveshows too.)
This was a great contrast to Phil’s light hearted DNA results video with Science!Phil, CushionStack.com, buff kangaroo attraction, naked mole rats, Buffy Summers alias, “top of the morning to ya”, Phil’s French ear, German elbow, Swedish eyebrow and Sardinian freckle, alien jokes, celebrity haplogroups, testing out his photic sneeze reflex and short-term memory and talking about asparagus urine detection. Bless Phill. I love him, truly.
Both Dan and Phil’s videos do inspire me to send off the raw data of my parents DNA to a better company that can give me more detailed results. Maybe 23andMe. I’ve heard good things about the Human Genome Project as well. Ancestry DNA was pretty rubbish. 'Zuck’ and his wife should give these boys some money (if they haven’t already).
#daniel howell#silly pretentious video review for an actually good video#dan and phil#danisnotonfire#phan#d&p#dnp#*mine
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December 4-31, 2016
So I got caught up in the holidays, Real Life™ things, and so on, and now I'm super behind on posting this. Oops. Anyway, here goes a very long list, which covers most of December. :)
This is a compilation of fics that I've read/re-read over the past weeks. Faves get a star ( ★ ). There is also a separate fic rec page for my favorites HERE. ♥
WEEK: December 4-31, 2016 | (previous weeks)
▶▶ A Certain Romance by Vendelin
Teen And Up | 2,967w
Stiles is in college and has heard a lot of things about Derek Hale, without actually meeting him. Well, that's until he does of course, and Derek seems to be everything Stiles assumed he was, and yet not at all.
▶▶ A Crown of Mistletoes and Laughter by howl-to-the-wind (greenleaf) ★
Teen And Up | 3,538w
Stiles had been content to work towards studying to become a Druid and taking up his parents’ mantle as the ambassador for and guardian of the Hale Kingdom's South Border. He thought his life was set. But then, Derek and his children happened in his life.
▶▶ A Pirate's Life For Me by Hepzheba
Explicit | 42,609w
The Sheriff's department of Beacon Hills is finally getting a K-9 unit. Stiles is thrilled. Well, he would have been if he had remembered that they were starting today. He wishes someone had reminded him. He also wishes someone had informed him that his new colleague and the one who's going to help them start the K9 unit is smokin' hot. Or that is new partner in form of a dog kind of lives to disobey him. If this doesn’t work out he hopes his dad will write him a letter of recommendation to a department somewhere in Alaska.
There are no real pirates in this story.
▶▶ A Slight Problem by kaistrex (weishen)
General | 5,839w
The Hale family dog takes a shine to seven-year-old Stiles.
▶▶ A Wolf in My Bed, A Man in My Heart by sterekanigans
Teen And Up | 7,332w
It's not everyday that you adopt a pet wolf, but for Stiles, newly crowned King, perhaps it is exactly what he needs.
▶▶ Absence Makes the Holes Grow Wider by batwynn ★
N/A | 4,928w
Stiles breathes in deeply, and watches a seagull silently drift above him. The cold air is sharp in his chest, but it feels like freedom and the right choice. He breathes out and it doesn't hurt anymore. Yeah, he made the right choice.
▶▶ Adventures and Explorations Series
[1] A Simple Life by Survivah
Teen And Up | 13,763w
Derek plans to spend the rest of his life holed up in the woods after Laura dies. Then he meets a stubborn young fox, and the stubborn young fox meets an urn of Deaton's magic powder, and his plans change
[2] Finding Miracles by Survivah
Mature | 16,581w
Stiles was planning on just being a fox for his entire life. Then, well, magic, true love, blah blah blah, things got complicated. But as it turns out, he still has a lot to learn about this new world he's living in. Humanity, man. It's weird.
▶▶ All I Want (Wrapped and Unwrapped) by fauvistfly
Mature | 2,098w
5 times Stiles gets a pretty good idea of how well-endowed Derek is +1 time he gets to see it in all its glory. Also included: excessive holiday puns, embarrassing amounts of blushing, and lots and lots of dick thoughts.
▶▶ Always Had the Key by Omni ★
Teen And Up | 3,304w
Years after Derek's left Beacon Hills, he runs into Stiles at a conference for werewolves and their emissaries. While they both have changed a lot, some things still remain the same.
▶▶ Ash Buried Under Snow by Kitty_KatAllie
Teen And Up | 5,879w
Stiles Stilinski, aged 19, has been raised by the Argent family since his twelfth year. While he may not be the worst Hunter to ever Hunt, he has a few secrets (and quirks) that keep him from truly fitting into the life of his adoptive family. He's great at faking till he makes it, that is until the day a new Hunt is named just in time for Christmas... and it's the same name as the one written onto his body. And soul.
▶▶ But Then What... by Stoney [Note: Restricted. AO3 account is required.]
Explicit | 24,343w
Senior year is almost over, and all Stiles needs to do is keep his head down to survive. A teacher calls in a favor, leaving him stuck tutoring Derek Hale, one of the most popular jocks in school and a member of a group of douchecanoes who have bullied Stiles for years. He's someone Stiles totally hates. Totally. Like, doesn't like him even a little bit. DEFINITELY isn't attracted to him.
Except that is a total lie. Fuck his life, seriously.
▶▶ Cornerstone by Vendelin
Explicit | 83,738w
Suffering from PTSD, ex-Marine Derek Hale moves back to Beacon Hills to open a bookshop and find a calmer life. That’s where he meets Stiles, completely by accident. Stiles is talkative, charming and curious. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s blind, he’s able to read Derek like no one else.
▶▶ fancy meeting you here by bibliosexual
Teen And Up | 1,870w
Instead of the kind of mass dance party in a dark, sweaty basement he’d been expecting, he was faced with a handful of people sitting around on the floor of Erica’s living room in T-shirts and jeans (and the one guy in the Captain America suit), eating pizza off paper plates and playing Cards Against Humanity. An iPod dock by the door was belting out ""Hooked on a Feeling.” There were a few red and black balloons floating in a corner, and a snack table against the wall laden with pizza boxes and chips and dip. It felt pretty much exactly like all the parties Stiles had ever been to in high school.
Except that those parties had never featured a (hot) guy who looked up when Stiles came in and raked curious, appreciative eyes down Stiles’ body before meeting his eyes, smirking, and going back to studying his cards. Holy shit.
▶▶ First Comes Love by MelodramaticSalad
Teen And Up | 5,316w
Laura ropes Derek into taking his six year old daughter on a play date. She meets Stiles' son and the play date quickly changes everyone's lives for the better.
▶▶ For Goodness Cakes by yodasyoyo
Teen And Up | 3,462w
Stiles eats a lot of cake. Derek's communication skills are lacking. And they bitch and snark their way to a happy ending.
▶▶ Future Dreams by littlefrog1025
Explicit | 74,773w
Stiles accidentally summons he and Derek's children from the future to the present.
▶▶ Gonna Write a Classic by jezziejay
Mature | 6,067w
The sexploits that Stiles writes about aren’t autobiographical. There’s never been anything overtly salacious about his own sexlife, nothing that was ever going to be screenplayed for a porno, but he still has a very creative imagination to work with. Usually.
▶▶ guess who by haleofStilesheart
General | 4,140w
The annual Christmas office party at Hale and Associates Law Firm was one of Stiles’ favorite times of the year.
▶▶ Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by mikkimouse
Teen And Up | 1,123w
Prompt: "You're in the hospital for the holidays so I came in while you were sleeping to decorate your room I love you Merry Christmas."
▶▶ hope is the thing with feathers by ShanaStoryteller
Teen And Up | 28,959w
Stiles is ten when he saves the Hales from their burning home and Derek from a wolfsbane bullet, and this establishes a pattern that seem to continue indefinitely.
▶▶ Hotter Than Coffee by Dexterous_Sinistrous
General | 3,060w
"So, is there a reason my son's phone number is on my coffee, and he wants me to call him?" The Sheriff questioned as he looked up over his glasses at Derek.
▶▶ I Have Faith In Nights by DaintyBoots
Mature | 35,808w
Derek had always thought his ability to pick up strays was a bit of a hindrance. But then he met Stiles.
▶▶ if i built you in miniature by keskasi ★
Teen And Up | 6,836w
Derek quietly loves Christmas and is not afraid to wear the sweaters to show it. He hosts a children's TV show about science and history, builds model trains, and is painfully awkward. Stiles works in a Hallmark-type store that sells Christmas decorations and model train pieces, and might have an unhealthy appreciation for sweaters. Of course he was going to fall for Derek. Of course he was.
▶▶ If You Liked It Then You Should've Put A Ring On It by tumblweedblr
N/A | 2,000w
Dedicated to that moment when you see someone cute... and then see that they’re wearing a wedding ring.
▶▶ I'll Get Over This in a Lily Bit by Veera_Kara
General | 2,053w
So Derek has been Stiles’ number uno enemy since like day ONE okay nothing aggravates him more than seeing Derek’s dumb jock pretty boy face every morning of every day of high school. In fact, Stiles hates that fucker SO much that he's been on a quest to give Derek the most fucked up flower bouquets for his girlfriend that secretly mean "I hate your guts" or "you smell like a toilet" or whatever.
▶▶ Important Things by suzvoy
Mature | 71,466w
Stiles learns that even with werewolves, giant lizards and psychopathic hunters on the loose, life can still find other ways to screw with you. Case in point: everyone keeps assuming he and Derek are a couple. What the hell?
▶▶ Inevitability (About Damn Time) by accordingtomel
Explicit | 9,707w
"My dad thinks Derek and I are dating, Scott. Did you miss that part?"
▶▶ Keeping Up With The Stilinskis by hales-republic
N/A | 2,070w
He understood the meaning of balance; how to prioritize his kid, his career, and spend time with his friends. He learnt how to not lose his mind every time he caught Luke trying to sneak out of the house (during these times, he also learnt how to ignore his dad laughing uproariously muttering something about apples and trees).
What he hasn’t learnt is how to react when his kid–his fifteen-year old kid–comes home with a deputy. He still doesn’t know how to react and more importantly, what to react to first. The fact that Luke potentially fucked up so hard he had to get escorted home by a cop or that the cop looked downright murderous and Stiles still found that attractive."
▶▶ Learn to Love Again by Tetota
N/A | 3,811w
While Derek and his pack of four learn to leave normal lives in New York, Derek realizes that his feelings for Stiles are different than he thought.
▶▶ Lift me up by Marishna
Teen And Up | 1,698w
Derek grudgingly met the eyes of the other man as the elevator doors slowly slid closed. He wasn’t prepared for how open and earnest his honey amber eyes were and Derek felt something stretch and tug inside of him.
▶▶ Like James Dean, Only Sadder by 42hrb
Teen And Up | 3,809w
The star of the Beacon Hills High School baseball team and Beacon Hills resident bad boy probably have nothing in common, right?
▶▶ Little Cabin in the Woods by trenonny
N/A | 2,545w
"Your grandmother is baba yaga." There was a growl in the statement, but a quiet one because the woods were silent, the sky was grey with clouds, and who knew just how well a witch straight out of Slavic folklore could hear.
▶▶ Love At First Drink by gryvon
Mature | 4,916w
Derek wakes up with dozens of comments on an Instagram photo he doesn't remember taking with a stranger wearing the engagement ring he bought for his girlfriend. Kate is not pleased. Stiles thinks it's hilarious.
▶▶ love is a weird thing by trilliastra
Teen And Up | 882w
Prompt: "Straight guy worries he's being homophobic to gay roomate, realizes he's fallen in love with him"
▶▶ Loyalty In Their Blood by team_freewill
Teen And Up | 5,831w
When Stiles starts dating the new boy at school, Derek begins to withdraw from the pack. Stiles tries his best to figure out what the Alpha's problem is and get them back to normal.
▶▶ Movie Wolf by dragon_temeraire
Teen And Up | 3,727w
Derek is an acting wolf, taking on a new movie role with up-and-coming actor Stiles Stilinski. Things don’t go quite the way he expects.
▶▶ New Traditions by baneofawolf (InTheArmsofaThief) ★
General | 4,576w
Stiles fiddled with his phone, absently closing and reopening the same app over and over. He'd been thinking about this day for months. Well, for years, if he was being honest with himself, but the actual plan for this actual day had only started forming a few months ago. He'd been thinking about this ever since he found out where Derek was.
▶▶ Not a Promise by eeyore9990
Teen And Up | 1,574w
Promises can be broken. Stiles' love for Derek cannot. That's a fact. But maybe Derek needs to hear it anyway.
▶▶ Now There’s Your Pickup Line by leslieknopeismyspiritanimal
Teen And Up | 2,326w
Prompted from the screenshot of that cop on Tinder with the bio: "Ever shouted Fuck the Police? Well, here’s your chance."
▶▶ operation: bro parenting by allhalethekings
General | 2,762w
Stiles looks at him with wide eyes. "We should totally adopt a baby!"
▶▶ Political Animals by FiccinDylan
Teen And Up | 8,042w
It's the worst day in Stiles' life and the last thing he wants is to deal with Derek Hale's bullshit. Derek feels pretty much the same.
▶▶ practice makes perfect by bleep0bleep
Teen And Up | 3,340w
Derek doesn’t even need to think about it because he knows it’s a bad idea. He'll kiss Stiles and get to know what it’s like, and his heart will break because he won’t ever get to have him, that this is out of friendship only. But this might be his only chance.
▶▶ punitive acts by subnivean [Note: Restricted. AO3 account is required.]
Explicit | 3,881w
Two idiots, both alike in indignity, or something, whatever.
▶▶ R.A.P.I.L.A. by neko_fish
Teen And Up | 7,198w
The first time Stiles talks to Derek Hale, it's raining, it's pouring, and Scott went and ditched him to 'study' with Allison.
(Thank you, best friend Scott.)
▶▶ Rare Books and Special Collections by KuriKuri
Explicit | 15,288w
In which Derek is a grumpy omega writer, and Stiles is an annoyingly attractive alpha special collections librarian.
▶▶ soft again by thedaughterofkings
N/A | 612w
When Stiles comes home from college there's a wolf in his bed.
▶▶ Sourwoof by DiscontentedWinter ★
Teen And Up | 4,407w
A kidnapping, a head injury, and something about a monkey? Stiles is the most annoying person Derek has ever had the misfortune to be abducted with.
▶▶ Stuck in a Rut by shuglove [Note: Restricted. AO3 account is required.]
Explicit | 2,121w
Derek knows he’s an alpha, and the doctor thinks so too. He hasn’t gone into rut, and he’s nearly eighteen.
▶▶ Suspicious Minds by HaleHole (SweetFanfics)
Explicit | 40,105w
Separated from Laura after being cornered by some hunters, an injured Derek finds himself being rescued by Stiles and his young daughter. In more than one way.
▶▶ Tall Tails by Neaislove
General | 4,825w
The Warsaw Mermaid is a point of contention in Stiles' pod. He decides he should probably head topside to set some things straight.
▶▶ The Cintron Hall Situation by dragon_temeraire
Teen And Up | 3,039w
Stiles is freezing and miserable in his dorm, so he decides to knock on his hot neighbor Derek's door for help.
▶▶ The flamingo in the yard by Vendelin
Explicit | 6,107w
It isn't fair that Stiles needs to work Christmas, when his dad is on the other side of the country. Or that his really hot, next door neighbour is around for the holidays as well. Or that there's a power outage that makes things even worse. Or better.
▶▶ The New Assistant by smokesforsterek
Teen And Up | 11,130w
"I don’t have an assistant," Derek barks out as he looks back to the pile of reports he needs to get done. After the last kid that tried to be his assistant left in tears after the first day, he’s decided he didn’t want an assistant at all anymore.
▶▶ the office by stilinskisparkles
Teen And Up | 3,197w
"Sure, I like him," Derek scowls right at the camera, "We're friends." He blinks, expression suddenly going hopeful, "Why, did he say something?"
*
"I have worked at Beacon Hills Office Supplies for two and a half years," Stiles pretends to hang himself with his tie, glances out of the conference room to where Derek is signing for a package with a suspicious look on his face. "It's not all bad, I guess?"
▶▶ The Road Hazards of Abs by Leslie_Knope
Teen And Up | 1,482w
There is a guy. A really hot guy, in fact, who has the audacity to jog on the sidewalk shirtless, as if Stiles has the mental capacity to deal with that at seven in the goddamn morning. He does not.
▶▶ The Scientific Method by uraneia
Teen And Up | 5,947w
Stiles has a lot of research to do. He decides Derek's kitchen is the place to do it. Derek probably regrets giving him a key.
▶▶ The Sound of Your Heart by Drapetomania ★
General | 8,980w
Stiles has a 5 year plan of how to make Derek's life better and woo him in the process.
▶▶ The Weathered Shell by trilliath ★
Explicit | 14,356w
The young man is standing with an arm casually thrown up to lean against the door frame, displaying his bare torso to advantage, his powerful swimmer's shoulders and lean body pale with moonlight. His cocky grin, however, is fading quickly into a look of shock and confusion. Other than a pelt shaped into a sloppy kilt, his legs are bare too, despite the chill winds coming in off the ocean.
"You're not a girl," he says in a gently lilting accent that's like an odd blend of all the coastal voices Derek's ever heard, squinting at Derek like his eyes might somehow be deceiving him.
▶▶ These Stars Will Guide Us Home by anodyneer
Teen And Up | 9,937w
Derek fell for Stiles from the first time he saw him in a crowded planetarium, and the feeling was definitely mutual. For as well as they got to know each other over the weeks that followed, Derek still couldn't help feeling like a piece of the puzzle was missing - namely, the piece involving Stiles' home life. When Stiles disappears just before Thanksgiving break, Derek learns the truth about his boyfriend - and it's crazier than anything he could have imagined.
▶▶ This is my (not-)boyfriend you are hitting on by Hisagi90
General | 2,072w
Stiles is really popular with a lot of their customers. But he's also known for dealing with 'bad' customers. Insert Derek, who looks like he's on his way to murder someone, and a crazy stalker that just won't leave him alone.
▶▶ This Started As Only Make Believe by thepsychicclam
Explicit | 44,197w
Derek is trying (and failing) to juggle his career, coach lacrosse, and raise his 5 year old werewolf daughter. When he adds his bitter ex-wife and his daughter's slight attachment to him, Derek knows he doesn't have any time for a life of his own - and definitely no time for the super cute daycare teacher.
▶▶ we should just kiss (like real people do) by i_am_girlfriday
Teen And Up | 9,483w
Stiles is the social zero of the sophomore class. Derek is the much cooler junior who befriends Stiles anyway.
▶▶ We've Never Met, But Can We Have a Coffee or Something? by cloudsarefluffy
Teen And Up | 1,644w
Today, instead of his regular, Erica gives him a soft smile alongside his surprise drink. Stiles returns the gesture as he grabs the cup, turning afterwards to see the man sulking in the corner as usual. With a deep breath, Stiles steels himself, and walks over to the guy’s table.
▶▶ What the Hell is a Stiles? by leslieknopeismyspiritanimal
Teen And Up | 1,877w
Prompt: Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I'd hate it but you're actually... kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you're gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this.
▶▶ Written Can't Be Denied by lookslikenico, winglesswarrior
Teen And Up | 54,729w
The story goes that, the first time you meet your 'soulmate', the universe will give you a sign in what should be the most obvious way - somewhere in your immediate vicinity the word 'soulmate' will appear. If reports of 'soulmates' are to be believed, rather than being written of as hopeful delusions, then this 'obvious' signal is anything but, fleeting as it is. The word seemingly only appears for a matter of moments and only when two people first meet. There is no guarantee that they will be looking in the correct direction to see it, nor that they will have any idea who their supposed 'soulmate' actually is.
A fact that causes havoc the day that up and coming actor, Stiles Stilinski holds up a bottle emblazoned with the word 'soulmate' in the middle of a press conference where Derek Hale is working as a photographer, in the middle of the worst day of his life...
▶▶ You Can't Dodge Stiles Stilinski by stilinskisparkles
Explicit | 27,250w
"And what are you,” he points at the boy, trying not to look him in the eye, and failing. "A hundred and fifty pounds wet?"
The boy smirks at him, and Derek looks resolutely away. He's now desperately trying not to picture him wet.
"I can't work with this."
▶▶ You Make Me All Achy by Emela
Mature | 10,965w
The one in which Stiles is a merman, tries to drown Derek, but when he kisses him falls in love with him instead. (Oh, Stiles.)
▶▶ You're a Mess, But You're a Catch to Me by jsea
Explicit | 11,634w
The laws are clear: omegas are required to have an alpha guardian. So when the sheriff gets shot, Derek is roped in to stepping up as Stiles' temporary alpha while he recovers. Derek knew it was going to be a bad idea, but he never could have predicted all of the ways that Stiles would end up turning his life upside down.
▶▶ ;why are you barefoot? by failwolfhale
General | 2,865w
Derek is twelve years old and he’s outside with Laura when the scent catches them. They don’t even bother putting their shoes back on before running from the river where they’d been hunting for mudbugs. Derek clings to his sister’s hand, two weeks from being eighteen and as tough as they come. Twigs and rocks and thorns and roots tear into their feet as they run but the cuts heal as quickly as they acquire new ones and it doesn’t matter.
By the time they get there, Peter is laying on the ground outside the house, unconscious with little Cora in his arms, protecting her from the flames that were licking up the wood of the house. Derek runs for it but Laura holds him back tightly, clinging to him, her blue eyes wide and frightened. Derek can hear their family inside and he wonders why Laura’s not trying to do something.
That’s when a loud roar goes up, Laura collapses, and when she opens her eyes again they’re crimson red and Derek knows their family is lost to them.
▶▶ Untitled Tumblr Fic by sterektbh
N/A | 3,491w
The doorbell rings– probably the biography of Abraham Lincoln he ordered off Amazon. With a lazy stretch, Derek drops his book on the end table and gets up to answer the door–
–and the world spins–
–and he finds himself standing in a grimy, poorly-lit warehouse, staring down the barrels of at least six automatic rifles.
▶▶ Untitled Tumblr Fic by hoechlbutt
N/A | 2,295w
Prompt: Pack nights usually last a whole weekend in the renovated Hale house. One time Stiles forgets his pillow and Scott accidentally let everyone know Stiles can't sleep without it, Derek goes above and beyond to try and make something work, in the end his shoulder/hug does the trick.
▶▶ Untitled Tumblr Fic by whatthehellisahoechlin ★
N/A | 792w
Stiles watches a proposal happening outside the restaurant he works at. Down on the pier below him, a man is down on one knee, asking the question to a another man with his back turned. Stiles holds his breath. He doesn’t know these people, but he’s invested in romance and grand gestures. He’s going to watch this play out.
▶▶ Untitled Tumblr Fic by pale-silver-comb
N/A | 1,489w
Prompt: "Right... Well... I'm not sure how we ended up kissing like that..."
- - - - -
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Top shirts on closettshirts on 2019/05/14
I am a Ironworker my level of sarcasm depends on your level of stupidity shirt
v-neck
I would also recommend getting out in the world and I am a Ironworker my level of sarcasm depends on your level of stupidity shirt some of it. To have that much money that young is not common at all, take advantage of your hard work and go see something outside of your job. I’m in a similar situation but am really nervous about how to balance it with my job… I can swing about three weeks of travel a year without outright quitting. After that, it’s such a big risk. I want to travel longer but if I come back and have trouble finding another job (hopefully making a similar amount) then I could quickly blow through much more savings than intended.
Cops be like with where you heading probably jail when you ask for my logbook shirt
V-Neck
That’s just in the movies. I personally Cops be like with where you heading probably jail when you ask for my logbook shirt know someone who went to prison for statutory rape of a child and they got through a pretty long sentence and parole without incident and are doing fine now. Not necessarily. In Australia, there have been some pretty brutal cases where child molesters/ murderers have been badly hurt by other inmates. One guy had a pot of boiling water emptied over him and was then beaten by everyone else working in the prison kitchen. Made big news because it was a high profile case he was convicted for.
Which state is better Arizona Texas shirt
v-neck
Much like the last magic number post, I looked at every Which state is better Arizona Texas shirt to get drafted since the 2001 NFL Draft. This is because much like the last time, College Reference does not have any game logs for college prior to the 2000 season. Any data prior to 2000 when it comes to collegiate athletics is spotty at best, so this is just a nice, clean cut-off. Which is weird for him to all of a sudden decide 2001 is a nice clean cut off for college statistics considering he’s used college statistics prior to that year on many other posts he’s made.
I survived King’s landing shirt
v-neck
This is very interesting and hasn’t really been I survived King’s landing shirt as far as I have seen. The idea of striving for something all your life and then not knowing what to do once you get it. She finally reached her goal and now has to actually live it and make it all worth it. When you’re used to striving for something and suffering in the process, you become used to the suffering and it feels uncomfortable when you aren’t doing that anymore. Well, Dany had an answer for that: the North would be ruled by her from King’s Landing. It just wasn’t an answer she was eager to tell Sansa or that Sansa wanted to hear.
Arya for queen 2020 vote for no one shirt
ladies tee
Robyn Arryn is also deeply Arya for queen 2020 vote for no one shirt, but the difference between the two is that Robyn is indisputably the legal holder of the title. Ellaria’s hold over Dorne was alleged popular support due to mismanagement. She has no blood or legal hold on the throne of Dorne, so if she disappears for months or years leaving the position empty, and comes back crazy, who exactly would support her? think he gets the Twins, it is in a sense two castles since Tyrion said he would double any offer someone made. Also, he mentions to Jamie that he wants to die as his sons fight for his fortune, not unlike Walder Frey and his many sons and grandsons
This girl needs a new lipstick shirt
ladies tee
Yeah, those are good ones too, and so is a shot every time Jacob appears on scene This girl needs a new lipstick shirt or tries to come onto Bella. But the ”take a shot every time they just stare at each other” one will land you into a hospital even if you’re drinking water. Especially with the first movie. If fucking Jacob was gross to the ladies, I can’t imagine their reactions to Renesmee/Jacob. Especially since Renesmee would’ve grown to adult size in about a year. The books blabber on about accelerated mental development, but you just can’t acquire enough life experience in that time no matter what happens, and Jacob with his stupid imprint instincts totally wouldn’t wait until she’s off age.
May your day be filled with good thoughts kind people and happy moments shirt
v-neck
I left the immediate May your day be filled with good thoughts kind people and happy moments shirt to get a much stronger drink, which at that point was just multiple shots of tequila with a splash of lime in a cup. According to Chef t took 4 tries to get him off the floor and they had to wrap a bed sheet around him to help squish him into shape so he could even get out. He was walked to his car and told never to come back. He ate whatever he could grab and stuff in his inexplicably large face. Not even carrots and broccoli could escape his hunger.
Aladdin You again? Stop rubbing against the lamb shirt
v-neck
I need to learn more about the Aladdin You again? Stop rubbing against the lamb shirt. It always amazes me how recent it was but I know so little about it. In my town, which was made rich by weaving cotton, we have a statue of Abraham Lincoln due to our support of the north during the war so it is something I feel I should know more about. I would also store the Question. But maybe on a separate USB mood ring. Got to keep them separate you know? Can’t have them falling into the wrong hands. And yes, 42 does fit in a byte.
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