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haileykitty69 · 4 years

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28 Detentions Later

It was Friday, and it was the end of school. While most kids were going home, the other kids stayed because they had detention, well some other kids had to stay because they had clubs, Lisa was in one of those clubs. Bart was there because of a prank that ended up having one teacher in a full body cast, Milhouse was there as well since he was with Bart when the prank was going on. Nelson, Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney was there because bullying of course. There was one last student there, the kids in the class find her mysterious, creepy, and insane. She was wearing a dark gray beanie, she had a white shirt with blue sleeves, red pants, dark pink shoes, her hair was brown and had some blue streaks. Her name was Hailey. Why was she there exactly? Well, let's just say that one kid had to go to the hospital because of her. Why she did it? She heard that kid said something awful about someone she loves. She also did that so she can be with the person who she loved, when he finally came into the classroom, she was really happy to see him. He however wasn't that happy actually, he was more tired. "Darn it, why do you have to misbehave all the time? Why can't you just behave for once? If you behaved, you could of just stayed at home and do stuff like playing video games, watching some movies, having pizza, drinking a lot of soda and eating a lot of candy. But no, you had to do awful things today. It's the weekend for crying out." The male principal sighed. "I'm only here because I love you, Seymour!" Hailey replied. "Well, stop doing bad things then! Okay?" Seymour took off what was part of his suit revealing the lavender shirt he wears with the rose petal pink tie, he was feeling a little hot right now. When he started getting bored, he started doodling, one of those doodles had some kangaroos, and there was even one where he apparently drew one character from My Little Pony what seem to be Fluttershy. Hailey got up from her desk without Seymour noticing, then she started looking at the pictures he was making. "those look really good!" She said as he jumped. "What the- thank you, but please get back to your desk. just because you gave me a compliment, doesn't mean you're gonna get out of any detentions for getting out of your desk. But really, thank you though. You still have detention, but since you're really nice to me, then you can go use your phone to pass the time, listen to some music, watch some videos, or play some games on there." Seymour replied. Then she went back to her desk and went on her phone to make a few drawings on there since she has a drawing app on her phone. Milhouse wasn't feeling so good right now, he felt like he was gonna vomit. "P-Principal Skinner? Can I go to the bathroom?" Milhouse said weakly. Seymour looked at the blue haired boy and noticed that he looked sick. "Dear God! Go straight to the nurse, young man! you don't look well at all! And if she says you're sick, you have to go straight home." then Milhouse left the classroom to go to the nurse. "Wow, He really convinced Skinner. Although I wonder how he was able to make himself look so pale. It was like he really looked sick." Said Jimbo. "Excuse me? but that didn't look like makeup or anything, young man! I think he was actually sick because he looked like a walking corpse! I think he was gonna throw up right there and just collapsed! Besides, he isn't that talented with makeup." Seymour replied.

Milhouse was on his way to the nurse, then he opened the door to meet Lunch Lady Doris dressed as a nurse. "yeah, before you ask, I'm a nurse as well because I get two paychecks for this." She said as Milhouse was confused. "So what's the problem?" "I feel like I'm gonna pu-" Milhouse started vomiting everywhere, This Startled Doris. After Milhouse finally stopped puking, he fall down on the puke covered floor face flat. "Oh my god! Get up! Hello?!?" then Milhouse slowly got up and Doris was relieved. "oh thank god, I gotta tell your parents to pick you u-AAAAAAAAAP!!!" Doris screamed as Milhouse jumped on her.

Bart was completely bored in the classroom, he couldn't do anything right now. Nelson was asleep, Jimbo was whispering with Dolph and Kearney about their plans to escape detention, and Hailey was listening to music while drawing a lot of pictures. They suddenly heard someone screaming, then Lisa ran into the classroom and slammed the door shut, locking it. "LISA! WHAT THE HECK?" Seymour started panting. "It's Milhouse! he's eating everyone alive!" Lisa screamed. "Lisa, I expect this stuff from Bart, but I don't expect you to make stuff like that up. And Milhouse is probably home already. So I'm just gonna unlock this door and you will go right back to your club while I go to the bathroom, I did drank a lot of grape juice." Seymour unlocked the door and Milhouse was standing there. "Milhouse? you're supposed to go home..." Milhouse started getting closer, Hailey saw this and pulled out a gun from her backpack just in case something awful happens. She only has a gun in there in case someone starts a school shooting. "Milhouse?" then Milhouse jumped at him, only to be shot in the face by Hailey. Seymour was completely frozen in fear, he didn't know how to respond to what just happened. He didn't have to go to the bathroom anymore since his pants were completely soaking wet now after witnessing a student getting shot in front of him. Nelson would of done his usual "haw haw" when something embarrassing happens to someone, but after seeing Milhouse getting shot, he didn't know what to do anymore. Bart was silent for a moment, then he started charging at Hailey but then Lisa grabbed him so he couldn't attack her. "YOU KILLED MY FRIEND! YOU MONSTER!" Bart screamed at the top of his lungs as he tried to get out of Lisa's grip. "He was a flesh eating zombie you idiot. didn't you see the blood on him?" Hailey replied. "YEAH, AFTER YOU SHOT HIM YOU JERK!" then Seymour snapped out of it and saw what was going on. "ENOUGH! EVERYONE CALM DOWN! I KNOW SOMEONE JUST GOT SHOT, BUT STOP IT!" everyone stopped except Hailey because she wasn't really doing anything right now. They were really surprised when they heard him yelling that loud. "DEAR GOD! ...I don't know what to tell his parents...oh god...but could you guys just stop...I'm already stressed out with what's going on...please stop...I don't think I can take this...any..." then he broke down into tears, all the students were supposed to see him crying. "I HAD TO DEAL WITH BART'S CRAP! I HAD TO DEAL WITH THE ABUSE MY MOTHER GIVES ME! I HAD TO DEAL WITH MY BOSS YELLING AT ME ALL THE TIME! NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS?!? MY LIFE IS ALREADY STRESSFUL!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I JUST WANT THINGS TO BE PERFECT! BUT NO! IT JUST KEEPS BLOWING UP IN MY FACE!" Seymour continued crying while Hailey tries to comfort him. Lisa ran up to the door and locked it just in case. "We can't just stay here right now! There's clearly a zombie apocalypse going on! If we want to survive, we need to shoot the ever living fudge out of those brain eating dummies!" Hailey said as she picks Seymour up. "what the- how are you able to- woah!" Seymour was surprised when Hailey started running with him on her back while she has her backpack on. "we also need to get food! And since money has no meaning right now, everything is free! So I can get all the chocolates and sodas I want! EVERYONE, FOLLOW ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE! and eat a lot of chocolates!" Then she breaks a window with a chair, makes sure there is no more glass shards there, and ran while everyone else even Lisa started following her.

Everything was going great until a bunch a zombies ambushed them. "SCATTER! SCATTER GODDAMN IT!" Then Everyone ran in different directions where the zombies aren't at while Hailey who still had Seymour on her back ran in a different direction as well. When both Hailey and Seymour got cornered by the zombies, Seymour got off her back and started to panic but then she handed him a paddle and took out a shotgun. "Why did you give me a paddle?" Seymour asked. "Ever Watched Shaun of the dead?" Then Seymour jumped when Hailey used the shotgun on the zombies. "kinda, but didn't the other guy used a shovel?" then Hailey shot the other zombie that was about to bite him. "I only have a toy shovel because they were all out of real shovels....but I probably might get a real shovel when we get to the store." Seymour then started to beat the zombies to death with the paddle. When the zombies were all completely destroyed, they continued to get to the store. When they were finally there, Bart, Lisa, Nelson, Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney were surprisingly happy to see them. They got in the store and started to get food, drinks, weapons, and other things. "Now we need to go to a different place so the zombies never find us!" Everyone was confused about what Hailey said. "But didn't we already-" Before Jimbo could say anything, Hailey looks at him. "Hadn't you watched zombie movies? Hadn't you seen someone's tips on surviving a zombie apocalypse? Sure, stores may be a perfect place, but it's actually not good to stay in stores while there's a zombie apocalypse going on." Said Hailey as she grabbed her backpack and puts it on. "You think the mall's a good idea? I could go for those cinnamon pretzels right now." Bart's stomach growled as he kept thinking about the delicious cinnamon pretzels. "Well, if we lock that place up and don't let any zombies in, then yes! And Seymour, no matter what, don't open it for your mother! She could be a zombie!" Seymour was confused about what she said. "um...okay?..."

They went to the mall, Hailey found a car and started hot wiring it, they were surprised to see her make a car work. "Yeah, I saw some videos that teaches you how to make a car work without a key." Then everyone got in the car, Seymour got in the driver seat, but then a zombie came up and Hailey moved Seymour into the passenger seat and started driving extremely fast and started to run over all the zombies. They finally got to the mall and ran inside, there were surprisingly no one in there, and there weren't any zombies in there either. They then locked the place up, and everything had worked out. No one died and they all lived happily ever after, the end!

"Hold on! that's it? that story didn't make sense!" Jessica shouted. "Is it because you weren't in my great story?" Hailey replied. "Hey! calm down! calm down! The story was kinda great and all, but why are you telling us about it in detention?" Seymour asked. "I just wanted to sure a story that I made to everyone." Said Hailey. "Well, Your story sucked!" Jessica snickered. "Young Lady, just for that, you have detention for five months!" Seymour yelled at Jessica. "I'm already in detention, idiot!" Jessica started laughing. "You flithy pig! I'll kick your ass for calling him an idiot!" Then Hailey punched Jessica in the face. "YES! A FIGHT!" Francine cheered. "HAW HAW! Hailey's stronger then Jessica!" Said Nelson. "Why did you have me die in the story?!?" Then Milhouse joined the fight and got knocked out. "Okay, Calm Down everyone! If you all stop fighting, then I will give you all chocolate bars! And they are all milk chocolate!" Seymour then gave them all chocolate bars. "Here's some chocolate, Seymour-Senpai." Said Hailey as she gave him a big half of her chocolate bar. "Oh, thank you. I honestly wasn't expecting you to give me a huge part of your chocolate." Then Seymour ate the chocolate.

The End....for real this time.

#the Simpsons

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sinceileftyoublog · 5 years

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The Versions of Shannon Lay

Photo by Denée Segall

BY JORDAN MAINZER

The story of how LA-based folk singer-songwriter Shannon Lay came to commit to music full-time is legendary. It’s akin to Radiohead seeing Jeff Buckley live leading to Thom Yorke’s heartbreaking performance on “Fake Plastic Trees”, but this time, it’s a different kind of inspirational folk luminary. Lay watched Jessica Pratt’s quiet, contemplative, yet all-encompassing music dominate a room; if there’s a demand for it, she, too, could do it, she thought after watching Pratt’s set. Lay decided to quit her job of 7 years at a vintage shop in August of 2017, the month being the namesake of her best album to date and one of the finest of 2019.

August exemplifies so much that Lay does well. The surprisingly linear spontaneity of opener “Death Up Close”--which starts with a misstep and eventually features a Mikal Cronin saxophone solo--is contrasted by the flaneur of “Nowhere”, an ode to enjoying the circular journey without an end, where her voice travels in the opposite direction of the song’s lilting melody. “Will I ever see through?” Lay asks, but not too bothered, layered over drums and hand claps. She sees the humor and delight in the smallest moments: Gorgeous and simple standout “Shuffling Stoned” is a scene in a record store in New York City, a customer buying weed from his dealer as small spider crawls on his stack of records. Many people would want the spider killed, but Lay sees it as no less a sign of life than anybody else. Most remarkable is “November”, dedicated to the woman left behind, Molly Drake, the mother of the late Nick. “Molly did you feel the sting / Of November songs gone quiet,” she asks, again not expecting an answer but knowing that asking the question, embodying another’s state of mind, is what’s important.

Live last month at Lincoln Hall opening for Cronin, Lay and her band members (Denée Segall, Sofia Arreguin, and Shelby Jacobson) were effortlessly good. August songs like “Sea Came to Shore”, in studio just guitar and violin plucks, were much more forceful on stage, while old favorites like “Parked” allowed Lay to show off her finger-picking and English folk chops. The band ended their set with an a capella, almost unrecognizable version of Italo house classic “Everybody Everybody” by Black Box, further cementing Lay’s ability to adapt material to suit her style. The audience, even one prepared for the hell-raiser to follow, loved it. It makes sense; if anybody has experience slaying in front of all types of crowds, it’s Lay, who also plays in Ty Segall’s Freedom Band. She’s thankfully unafraid to call out talkers when necessary, as she told me over the phone earlier this year. “Nick Drake quit halfway through his first tour because people were talking during his set,” she reminded me. “People [who talk] don’t have empathy...they’ve never been up on stage,” she added. Ever the wise reader of people, but one too thankful to let it get to her too much, Lay moves on.

During our interview, Lay shared the stories behind some of the songs, videos, and lines from August, as well as explained her inspiration from The Simpsons, true crime, and Nick Drake and Karen Dalton. Read our conversation, edited for length and clarity, below.

at Lincoln Hall

Since I Left You: A lot of the context of the album you’ve shared in other interviews or through the bio. Is there something else the listener might not pick up in terms of how August is unique as compared to your past releases?

Shannon Lay: I wanted this one to be overtly positive. Not as moody as my last ones. I think that was the main difference that I felt--this undercurrent of joy I had never really had making a record. There was always a heartache involved or a brooding of the state of the world. Now, more than ever, I feel like you gotta do what you want to do. Being able to experience and appreciate that and encouraging other people to do that too.

SILY: Did doing music full-time help you think about things in new ways?

SL: Yeah, for sure. It kind of freed up so much brain space that was taken up by the usual life stuff. It was cool to put all of my energy into one thing I cared about so much. It was a really amazing experience I had never really had.

SILY: What was your job?

SL: I was working at a vintage store called Squaresville. It was a great little store. I grew up there, working there from 19-26. Really formative years of my life. The store bought clothes from the public, so there were all these new faces coming in. The staff would have been an amazing sitcom. Everyone was just the most incredible character. It was a ton of fun. My boss at the time was just so supportive--always let me go on tour and come back. She was a huge reason I was able to do this in the first place.

SILY: That’s nice to hear. A lot of the time when you hear about these types of stories, it’s about escaping some sort of soul-sucking desk job.

SL: I was very lucky. I had a cool environment to be in.

SILY: Do you still keep up with them?

SL: Yeah, for sure!

SILY: The first song on the record--does that start with a recorded misstep?

SL: Yeah, it was a total accident. As we were going through the tape, I just fell in love with that moment. The song comes in so quick, it was kind of a “Roll it!” moment, and then the record just goes.

SILY: So it was something you just heard and were like, “We should keep that in”?

SL: Totally. When we were doing the mastering, they had taken it out, since they thought it was a mistake--we were like, “Put it back in! Put it back in!”

SILY: Where did you get the idea for the video for “Death Up Close”?

SL: Me and the director, Matt Yoka, we had been talking about that idea for a year. We finally had just enough money to pull it off. Matt’s the best in the sense that when he gets an idea in his head, he’s going to make it happen no matter what, so we just had the most fun ever. We built all of it. Everybody was so nice. Most of the people were just volunteering. The concept behind it was mainly the idea of having a safe space in your mind that’s never changing no matter how much you change. For me, that’s obviously The Simpsons, my total safe haven, end all be all childhood memory show, and something I still watch every day. It was amazing to become yellow.

SILY: Is there a specific line or joke from The Simpsons that you think about all the time?

SL: The one that comes to mind is such a weird deep cut. There are tons of them. [laughs] There’s one where George Bush moves into the Simpsons’ neighborhood...this is not funny to anybody...there’s one point where Bart comes over and George Bush yells to Barbara Bush, “Bart’s here, we gotta get him out of here,” or something, and she’s just like, “I’m making pies, it’ll be a while!” That’s the joke that I think of. [laughs] There’s so many. I also love the one where Lisa starts to play hockey and Marge has Milhouse’s teeth from the show before. I’m just like, “Stop showin’ us those.”

SILY: There are so many good Easter Eggs.

SL: Yeah, totally.

SILY: What was the story behind your video for “Nowhere”?

SL: I did that one with my house mate Chris [Slater]. He’s a great director. We just used our phones for that one. I found an 8 MM app that was available. We just went around our neighborhood taking some footage, and he put his editing magic on it. I really like the way that one came out. It was a cool visual moment.

I wish music videos had more of an impact, but I think they’ve become this weird thing. You remember back in the day, Making the Video, and they had a yacht, and it was this huge thing...the new Missy Elliott video totally harks back to it, like she has different looks and different dancers.

SILY: The song “November” references Nick Drake’s mother. You see a lot of songs about a prolific or important singer-songwriter who left too soon. Why did you decide to explore the perspective of his mom?

SL: I guess sort of the fact that he did live at home. It was just a normal night that he went to sleep, woke up, had a bowl of cereal, and took one too many pills. I just imagine his mom waking up in the morning and feeling this silence in the house. It just must have been such a crazy moment. I don’t think it was any secret he had some emotional problem, but you never expect anything like that to happen. Putting myself in her shoes for a minute, and feeling such a strong presence leave the world, it must have been really emotional and intense. At the same time, what he left behind was incredible. He’ll live forever. He’s more alive now than he’s ever been because of how many people have discovered his music. I was thinking about the inherent sadness of losing a loved one, especially someone where everyone outside of them could see their potential, but maybe they’re struggling. It’s a whole thing. [laughs]

SILY: I love the story behind “Shuffling Stone”. Do you like spiders?

SL: I do love spiders. Not when they’re on me, but I do like spiders.

SILY: “Something On Your Mind” was released before this record was even announced. Had you always planned on putting it on the record?

SL: I didn’t, but it just became clear to me that it sums up what I’m trying to portray and how I’m feeling. The amount of people who don’t know who Karen Dalton is--I’d love to spread more awareness of her. I discovered that song relatively recently and it really hit me, so I started playing it live, acoustic guitar and vocals. Whenever someone did know that song, they’d be like, “Dude, thank you so much for playing that song. I love that song.” I think it’s that kind of a tune. If you have a relationship with it, it’s incredibly special, and to discover it is a really beautiful thing. I hope it points people in her direction.

SILY: What made you want to sign with Sub Pop?

SL: When we first finished the record, I kind of did an email blast and sent the record to all the labels we like. Sub Pop got back so fast and were so stoked. I was surprised because they don’t strike me as an overtly folk label, but that was exciting to me to, to be like, “Hell yeah, let’s bring a new perspective to this established, wonderful thing.” Then I met some people from there, and they were the most wonderful people. I’ve never really experienced the resources they have before. There’s a social media guy, and a PR girl. Everybody is working so hard in their specialized zones. It’s amazing to experience and be a part of. They just seemed so down to earth while also being very professional and serious at the same time. They’re awesome.

SILY: They are pretty stylistically diverse even if they haven’t done much folk. Your sound fits just because of that.

SL: Totally, yeah. It opens a lot of doors in my mind of what I could do.

SILY: I read one review that said Jessica Pratt inspired you to dedicate all your time to music.

SL: The first time that I saw her play, I was super deep in the rock scene. I had always been in really loud bands, considering that people want to see that kind of music. I saw her open for Kevin Morby in LA, and the whole room was silent, and she was just captivating everyone. It was incredible to watch. I immediately went home and booked my first solo show. I had no idea people wanted this kind of music, and I had been making that kind of music, so let’s see what happens, let me book a show. She was totally the catalyst for that. I was so in awe of the simplicity and the beauty of what she was bringing to the table. Music like what she makes has a lasting power and timelessness where you can be anyone and anywhere in the world and people will be captivated. It’s amazing.

SILY: Is it hard for you to switch back and forth between your solo shows and playing in bands?

SL: It’s kind of easy. It’s a matter of mindset and what alcohol you’re consuming. [laughs] I always go tequila for the loud shows, wine for the quiet shows. We’re saying the same things, but in very different ways. It’s kind of nice to have both perspectives.

SILY: What’s the story behind the cover art for the new record?

SL: The guy who took the photo, Matt Reamer, mentioned he wanted to do more portrait photography. He had always a lot of live stuff. We took photos, and as I was going through them, I came across that photo. I love how ambiguous it is. I could be thinking about anything in that photo. It’s whatever you want it to be. I had the idea of getting people to do different versions of it, and it became this cool, unique thing of these different perspectives and the evolution of me in the past year. I’ve been doing a ton of cleaning house, checking in, and learning new things about myself and not taking myself too seriously. It’s been a hell of a journey, and seeing these four versions of me felt really appropriate for the record.

SILY: Are you the type of songwriter who’s always working on new songs?

SL: I’ve been kind of stuck lately, because I’ve had a lot of stuff to work on, but there’s always a ton of voice memos on my phone, little snippets I work on in the car. I look forward to when I have a block of time where I can sit down. I’ve written quite a bit of the next record, but I probably have 5-6 songs to go. I’m excited to get back into it.

SILY: Is there anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading lately that’s caught your attention?

SL: I just watched Euphoria. That was really good. It really inspired my eyeliner game. I’m always listening to a lot of true crime. I’m a big true crime buff. It fascinates me--the extremity of people’s actions. That’s what that song “Wild” is about on August--the things we’re capable of.

SILY: That line, “We are kind things capable of the most evil,” is very fitting. You kind of nail nature versus nurture in just that line.

SL: Yeah, totally. It’s wild. [laughs] The age old question.

SILY: Are you a Forensic Files fan?

SL: I am! Whenever I’m in a hotel room, I know it’s gonna be on, and I’m stoked.

SILY: My girlfriend and I struggle to find new episodes. It’s always our “before bed” show, and we’ll start one and midway through be like, “Wait, we’ve seen this one.”

SL: Have you ever listened to a podcast called Small Town Dicks? It’s the voice of Lisa Simpson, Yeardley Smith, and she has this podcast. It’s amazing because it sounds like Lisa Simpson doing a true crime podcast, but it’s also amazing stories.

Album score: 8.5/10

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