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darealsaltysam · 3 years

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what your paladins main says about you

a comprehensive essay by a paladins player of right around 4 years

this is like really long so i’ll make it under the cut so my followers don’t have to scroll through this if they don’t wanna

(for context i’m a current maeve main, i used to main skye and sha lin and played tyra a long while ago)

Androxus

it’s not a phase, mum

“i don’t care we don’t have healer, i’m really good at him i swear”

you ult every time it loads in and you die before the final shot

your favorite mode is siege because you can fly up and shoot the whole point on ult

you’re usually really stand-offish and don’t communicate much and/or a 13 year old boy with anger issues

Ash

you are level-headed but in a scary way

you will hold the point solo even if it costs you your streak

“get on the point” “guys get on the point” “attack the objective”

you’ll ult to save yourself 99% of the time

good leader

Atlas

you probably used to main lex or androxus before he came out

“he’s like a flank, but a tank, he’s great!”

you chase after solo kills instead of sticking to the point

healers hate you, flanks and damages fear you

your favorite mode is death match

Barik

you’re a former/current tf2 player looking for something fresh

you don’t like working too hard so you spam turrets on the point and hope for the best

“healer stick to me i’m boutta ult”

actually really nice between rounds

but you don’t communicate much mid-game and kind of do your thing

Bomb King

you’re a really old player. you have the beta makoa skin and you were there when lex was first released. veteran’s discount.

your favorite maps are the old ones and they barely show up any more

the team always underestimates you

“who plays bomb king in 2021 lol?”

you need a hug

Buck

“wait, he’s a flank? i thought he was a tank??”

you’re also a veteran in the game

you’re a dying breed. i like never see you. do you even exist?

you’ve been here since like the first day of the game

buck gets so many skins and you want all of them but the best you have is a random recolor

Cassie

sweetest person alive

“we can do it guys! let’s try to all rush the point this time!”

you are the bane of every flank

the opposing team hates you, your own team kind of doesn’t notice you’re there

*casually gets a pentakill*

Corvus

you know those weirdly political kids who like ww2 and know the details of every tank to ever exist? yeah that’s you

but like that’s corvus. as a character.

but no one ever plays him.

like i never even see him do you exist???

you are a cryptid.

Dredge

yo ho you’re a hoe

no seriously the other team views you and they FEAR you

“yeah i just got a penta kill” “YOU WHAT?” “eyes on the point mate don’t get distracted”

hella good at the game and hella casual about it

you like onslaught on the one sea map the most

Drogoz

another veteran, are we?

you’re either useless or can wipe out a whole team in seconds. there is no in-between.

you always have a really cool skin.

dovahkiin, dovahkiin...

“i don’t care about the point i gotta get them trips”

Evie

you bought her because you thought she was cute, admit it

*turns into ice right before dying* *turns into ice right before dying* *turns into ice right be

your personality type is identical to her. no question about that.

always buys faster reload and better speed

strangely good communication with the team

Fernando

gay gay homosexual gay

“he’s kinda hot if you look at him the right way”

fernando is the tank for gay people

you are gay people

i don’t have much more to say

Furia

mum energy. not as much as inara mains, but still, mum energy.

will protect every member of the team with your life, even the flanks

you’ve been maining her since she was first added

i bet you didn’t even know she’s canonically seris’ sister

“we’ve literally failed to capture the point the last 3 times we might as well give up and go to another game”

Grohk

“yeah i have a gremlincore tumblr blog, how could you tell?”

i honestly have no words

you’re kind of like a catboy but a racoon

do you even heal the team or do you just pretend

you were there when lex got announced and thought he was cringe, now everyone finally agrees with you

Grover

he was your first purchased character and he’s stuck around ever since

he’s the only healer you can play well

“i am groot lmao”

you would never say a word to your team

would give your life for the tank but that’s about it

Imani

daenerys targaryen on drugs

your favorite anime is my hero academia

your husbando is todoroki

you see where i am going with this

“team protect me i’m gonna ult” *dies 5 seconds into ult*

Inara

BIG MUM ENERGY

your team is your family. you will protect them with your life.

can only hold your own with a good healer so you have good teamwork going for you

*cutely places wall in front of your ult*

useless in tdm so you stick to onslaught, siege and koth

are you a furry, furry, or a furry?

“victow! dont ult on my tweam pwease! uwu!”

you 100% find her attractive in some way shape or form

you are either a 30 year old redditor who enjoys loli content or a 16 year old teen who is playing a shooter for the first time

she’s kind of cute, i guess

Jenos

i can never tell if i’m going to absolutely destroy you or if you’re gonna kick my ass

*cutely holds you up so the whole team can shoot you to death*

kamehameha

you’re a healer??? i guess???

your character has such deep lore and i bet you don’t even know half of it

Khan

one day you were playing and your team desperately needed a tank. you picked the first one you saw. suddenly, you’re lian’s foot stool

despite 2 layers of heavy armor, you’d still let this man walk all over you

“this skin is really cool, wish it wasn’t behind a pay wall...”

YEET

you actually know the game’s lore, for some reason

Kinessa

i never trust people who are good at a sniper. if you’re bad that’s natural and you’re 99% of the population. if you’re good you are definitely up to something

you’d sell your sister for 5 pennies if you could

you’re missing from the team all game and somehow have the most kills

“we have a kinessa???”

you are an urban legend to your team

Koga

someone’s been watching naruto

you are so shit at the game. like i’m sorry. no one’s good at koga i’m so sorry

how do you have so many skins for one character???

you’re always missing from the point

healers hate you. so does the enemy kinessa.

Lex

quit the game /nm

“who mains lex in 2021??? lmao???”

wall hacks, aimbot, and it’s all legal for you as an ability. you are a hacker in a world of puny vanillas. you like it easy so you go for the easy min max character. have fun getting hated

you think he’s hot and press on his loading abilities just so he can scold you and you can hear him being mad at you

*bonk* go to horny jail

Lian

"she could step on me”

you used to main some sort of healer but switched over when you got sick of everyone being needy

you can hold a point all on your own for a really really long time but the moment your team gets there you start flunking

you wish you had more skins for her

you don’t

Maeve

so imagine this. it was like 2018 and you were just chilling playing the game. you kept getting killed by maeve. in every game. she was in every game you went to and she kept killing you over and over and over again. you got frustrated, snapped, and bought her to see if you could do the same to others. you are now the maeve in every game. the cycle repeats.

your whole team doubts you but then you casually get a quad kill and they just sort of look away

you die a total of two times each round and 99% of the time it’s because you go too fast and fall off the map

you repeat everything she says in her accent because you think it’s cute

“welcome to ze meant streets, kitten!” “can you shut the fuck up” “i hate to cut and run, he-he!”

Makoa

you have the plushie skin or the beta skin, otherwise you don’t main and only play casually stop lying to yourself

“attack turtle go brrr”

you’re really good if you get paired with a good healer

otherwise you’re useless

you wish you could get better teammates because you could really thrive with an organized group. but on paladins you won’t get that, i’m sorry-

Mal’Damba

i always forget this guy is even in the game

you’re definitely under 6 foot IRL

you have an older sibling you always fight with

you’d love to have a snake irl

you’re really chill outside of the game, but when playing you hella rage

Moji

you are so precious

but also such a little shit

you annoy me but i also want to give you a hug

“let’s go guys!! to the point!! wheee!!”

please never change but also get out of my sight

Octavia

you always main the new character until the new person drops

somehow always have enough credits to buy the new champion whenever they come out

you don’t like having a stable main cuz you get bored

you like hanging out at the training rage

hate siege and love team death match, you like your games quick

Pip

you are the worst and best thing to ever happen to this game

you only pick him to heal yourself and hardly ever heal your team

no one notices you there until you ult

then you get focused

honestly you just seem like you wanna do your thing and i can respect that

Raum

you probably go to therapy or desperately need it

“BIG MAN BIG. HE IS BIG. BRRRR”

you always love the demons in media

you like being in charge of the team and wreck the point any time you are there, you like fighting on your own but having a healer nearby is nice too

you probably have daddy issues

Ruckus

you think ruckus’ and bolt’s dynamic is cool and that’s one of the main reasons you started playing him

he’s the only tank you can play

you used to main either inara or ying at some point but chose violence instead

really short irl. you physically relate to ruckus and spiritually to bolt.

“funny goblin man :)”

Seris

certified girlboss

you can hold an objective all on your own or heal your whole team no problem. either way you are SLAYING

“alright. who’s ass am i kicking today?”

mum energy is inferior to inara but still kind of there

i’m like 50% sure you have a foot fetish

Sha Lin

*pointing and chanting* incel, incel, ince-

whether that’s about you or the character you can decide

you like minecraft bedwars on the side

“if i don’t get this headshot i am literally going to spontaneously combust”

really useful when there’s no other long distance people - otherwise a nuisance

Skye

AWOOGA *jaw drops to ground, eyes roll out of head* BOOBA BOOBA BOOBA

you bought her for the tiddies, didn’t you?

she’s actually really satisfying to play once you get the hang of her, but can be real tough on rough days

you need a break i think - maybe play some other game for a bit?

*casually gets team kill with ult*

Strix

you own at least one pretty knife

you played him when he was unlocked on rotation, fell in love, and spent a whole evening collecting credits to buy him fully

“haha bird man”

i’ve said what i said about snipers. if you’re actually good at him you are hiding a body somewhere. i fear you.

why does everyone ship him with viktor????

Talus

little furry child

he reminds me of tommyinnit because he is small and annoying

if you play him you are tall and intimidating

i’m friends with a tall scary talus main

i can’t say bad things please spare me

Terminus

you always ult at the worst time and just get killed again 5 seconds after

“hey losers watch this” *goes on the point, dies, revives, kills one person and dies again*

you’re only a good tank if you cooperate

you don’t

on your own you’re a pretty good player

Tiberius

*sigh*

you think the cat is hot, don’t you?

“his accent is kinda cute tho hehe”

you saw that one ending scene in zootopia with the dancing tigers and it CHANGED you

you are probably a furry. if not your awakening is coming. be ready.

Torvald

you’ve been playing this game for too long

you’ve seen skins rise and fall. you’ve seen nerfs and buffs. you’ve seen reworks and remakes. you are ancient. older than the dragons and wiser than makoa. respect.

people see you on the opposing team and get really annoyed

“the point is really crowded, we can’t move in” “don’t worry guys, my ult is charged up”

you’re really good at all the characters but you like this guy a lot because you think he’s funky fresh

Tyra

you’re either new to the game or have been playing for too long

either way you can KICK ASS but you need to keep behind your team to do the most damage

flanks are the bane of you, especially the fast jumpy ones

you really want one of the cooler skins but you can only ever get the basic ones. such is the curse of maining one of the OG characters.

“bite me”

Viktor

you are level 100+ guaranteed, and everyone fears you

“oh shit they got a victor. flank focus him”

you probably play COD and CS:GO normally and wanted to go with something familiar and easy. your skill from the other more advanced games DWARFS everyone else

but why are you playing “guy with gun 132″ in a game with magical elves and fairies. like come on bro.

you don’t have any in-game friends because paladins is your guilty pleasure game you would never admit to

Vivian

“step on me” syndrome cranked up to 100%

this woman could spit on you and you’d still respect her more than your own mother. good for you

“i’m not a simp. i’m just tier 3 subbed to pokimane ironically”

you sweat the game hardcore. former victor main or he’s your secondary.

you’ve got her on level 50+ at least

Vora

like the maeve mains but somehow worse

bought her out of spite or played her while she was on rotation, now here you are grinding credits for her a day after she became unavailable

honestly you’re really good at the game i have nothing else to say

you enjoy the newer characters more than the OGs - you’re either a former vivian or lian main

you miss the play of the game feature in the game because you’d get all of them with this girl

Willo

you seem like the moji mains at first but show your true colors soon after

“fuck you” x50

you are a trash talker on max overdrive. you need to sit down, do some breathing exercises and have a drink.

you hate your own team more than the opposing guys

when you see a willow on the opposing team you make it your sole goal to eliminate her as many times as humanely possible

Yagorath

i bet you didn’t know she was canonically female until you read this

you don’t like sweating too much so you pick the tank that leaves you heavily relying on your healers and damages

you can hold a point really well so you like siege and onslaught

“are vora and yagorath connected in the lore somehow and do i really care?”

you have a friend who you always party up with to be your healer, otherwise you might switch to another character

Ying

“tanks love me, flanks hate me”

you are too powerful. literally. how are you so strong

you’ve mastered the most difficult healer in the game. the others are really easy for you to play but you have trouble with seris

motivate your team a lot but start shading and trash talking if they don’t cooperate

you’ll gladly play someone else for a long while and like taking breaks from her

Zhin

this is your first main after switching over from overwatch. we can smell it on you.

you’re really annoyed with his personality and voice lines but the character is too good to play for you to pass him up for that. you respond to his voice lines aloud very aggressively to let him know he’s an ass

“YES ZHIN HEALERS AREN’T USELESS YOU SELFISH PRICK”

you try your best but you’re not a great team player

infinite trips on a good day, die repeatedly without kills on a bad one and you switch over to vora or skye for a bit.

this took me hours to write out pls leave reblog and note thanks uwu

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s-n-a-k-e-p-i-t · 3 years

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alright x3, i just finished the folk of the air series and biiiiiiiiitch

first of all, I would like to curse myself into oblivion for not reading this book sooner. was it recommended to me? yes. did I not read it because I was unsure about faerie stories? you bet. and yes, don’t worry, I know I’m an idiot for that.

however, I am OVER THE MOON that I finally decided to give it a go because OH MY GOD. And before I jump into this I just gotta address something, because I watched a tiktok last night of this girl RIPPING INTO this book and it honestly pissed me off. I’ve seen a lot of dislike for this series on, as mentioned, tiktok and goodreads. And I get it, I understand why people don’t like the conflict in the first book because it seems juvenile... but we also gotta remember the characters are young and in school, so naturally they have problems that may be difficult for someone not in high school to vibe with, but THAT’S YA FICTION BABY! (and that’s why I love it tbh) I’m very glad I ignored all that slander and picked this lil baby up, because it was right up my alley.

SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE CRUEL PRINCE, THE WICKED KING, THE QUEEN OF NOTHING

Let’s go.

First of all, the first book had me from the first chapter (my friend also had me at ‘enemies to lovers’). And Cardan had me from the first mention of him (and the rings on his hands). He was my ideal awful favorite character and I absolutely loved the entire arc of hating to loving to hating to loving him throughout the entire series. I absolutely LOVE when a character has that much substance.

I think Jude is one of my favorite female protagonists. She’s morally grey, gotta love it but she’s also a badass and I loved being able to see the way her mind works. It was fun to try to piece things together as she too tried. It was also a kick to the gut with every reveal (cue ONLY DEATH) to a riddle I couldn’t figure out. Though when I first heard the riddle, I imagined a bloody Cardan just sorta walking out of the dark or erupting from the floor, but maybe not being entirely himself, but I quickly forgot the thought and kept reading.

I loved how I never trusted Locke and how The Bomb stole my heart instantly and I really owe that all to the writing. Just like faerie it was carefully planned out and every gesture meant something, and those two characters I feel were really well executed. I loved the diversity of the couples (Vee and Heather yee yee) and I liked that it wasn’t forced into the story the trademark bi couple whose problems stem solely from coming out. Which is really freaking refreshing from the more recent years of inclusion.

I also can’t believe how fast I tore through this. I mean I know my fanfic period of September-Now has rapidly increased my reading and with work, having to read fast is literally the only option, but still I was not prepared to finish this series in two days. I started The Cruel Prince on Monday at around 5p (ish??) and then just finished The Queen of Nothing today (5p) okay so yeah, it took me two days--and that includes a full time job and a hefty workout schedule--so good for me :) But the ferocity I ripped through this with was such a good feeling that I love and honestly haven’t felt in a while (probably since Shatter Me)

Also as much as I love my sweet Warner, I think Cardan just stole the spot of guy to beat. His cunning and trickster ways was just such an interesting read--cue me screaming into my pillow when Carden exiles Jude and laughs at her when she announces she’s queen-- I was FUMING about that for hours. My sister was like ‘can you like chill’ on our facetime call... and honestly, no I couldn’t. I was shaking with anger, in disbelief he would do something like that after all we had been through (yes, we, I went through it too) and I even tweeted Holly Black and I was like UM WTF... (I sent her a nice tweet after finishing QoN don’t worry, don’t worry)

Also as someone who sorta dozes off with war strategy, I felt like this was not too confusing and still compelling and I think that goes back to what I said earlier about us being inside Jude’s mind as she tries to piece everything together. Like it was interesting enough to have all the different Courts and to understand their motivations and their alliances and stuff, normally that stuff wigs me out and I just re-read the same sentence over and over, but here I was pleasantly surprised reading all the differing opinions and arguments of what they should do and when.

Ugh and then when the loml slays that fucking snake boy and he hugs her for the first time and just holds onto her in the middle of fucking battle. CAN WE TALK ABOUT AN ARC I am just still reeling from those emotions. And then when Nicasia is like “he sent you the dress for the coronation” I just about rolled off my chair. *chef’s kiss* brilliant.

Feel like a Madoc death would’ve been lit, but his existence in the mortal world and without violence, seems like death to a part of him so I’ll take it.

I also will never get over Chapter 21 of The Queen of Nothing. So much that I re-read it the second I finished it. “Come here” It’s a miracle no one came to check on me from the sound I made. ANYWAY..

Overall, I just can’t find enough words to describe how amazing this series was and how honored I was to finally take the stick out of my ass and read it. I can’t wait to come back to it one day, maybe a year or so and completely immerse myself in it all over again. CANNOT WAIT.

It’s safe to say I found yet another series that made me feel things the way Shatter Me did. It’s been a HOT minute since a (non fanfiction) book has done that. (And I separate the two because fanfiction I know the characters and with original works I actually have to get to know them but whatever, not important) anyway, it was amazing to be so in love with words again... and even in hate a little bit too, but hey that’s jude x cardan.

Okay the end, off to tackle more books on my 50+ TBR list yee yee

#the cruel prince #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #holly black #jude x cardan #fuck me up #emily reads #emily reads books #emily is destroyed #i love reading but it breaks my heart sometimes #i need 3-5 business days to recover #the folk of the air #the folk of the air spoilers

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lihikainanea · 4 years

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okay okay so here me out here. bill and tiger go out to some important dinner or something for a friends birthday or whatever, subtle teasing under the table and all of that good stuff. They leave in a hurry because fUck tiger is getting needy and truthfully bill is too, so they get in the car and while bill is driving tiger absolutely CANNOT take it anymore and just gives him head right there in his nice ass car while he’s driving-

Men driving is a very new kink of mine. And like, the car doesn’t have to be expensive--it just has to be a little understated. Sleek. Minimalist in design. Powerful. Preferably, a manual transmission so the added sound of the revving and that bicep bulging when they switch gears and just this raw sexuality that comes with men who know how to handle cars godddddddd is it hot in here or is it me?

Roman’s car in Season 3 of Hemlock Grove fucking slayed me. It was....god it was perfect. It was perfect for him. I am so fucking determined to own that car one day when I’m rich as shit. I’ll even get a studded step stool just so I can climb up into it because god knows I can’t reach.

In any case, Bill doesn’t want a fancy car. He’s too Swedish for a fancy car. But you know what he wants? Functionality. Efficiency. Minimalism which by default always just has this air of money and luxury to it. You know his car has gotta be big because the dude literally doesn’t fit into like, 90% of the cars on the market. But it’s not egregiously big--it’s big enough. With Swedes, they always go until just enough, never more. I’ll bet it’s black. Leather seats, because that’s not luxury, that’s just proper. I’ll bet it still smells like leather. He keeps it impeccably clean--and not in that way where it seems like a dude cares more about his car than he cares about you--Bill hates a mess and is naturally very neat and orderly so his car is pristine.

And there’s just this raw fucking sexuality every time he drives, that tiger has never admitted she’s attracted to. It’s the side profile of his angular, cut-from-glass jawline that she’s treated to. It’s the way his eyes flit to check his blind spots, or the way he puts his hand on the back of her seat when he’s backing up. It’s the way he handles it--driving it with confidence, self-assuredness.

And he’s probably been mildly domming her all night, right? Just gently, but enough to get her all worked up. Probably told her to go take her panties off, and give them to him. The whole night his hand just inched a little higher and higher up her thigh, stroking. And tiger is not only a totally horny mess by the end of the night, but she’s also real small and subby for him.

It’s a long drive home, and she just can’t take it anymore. Bill’s gigantic hand was covering the both of hers in her lap, but she started getting fussy--whining softly, shifting a little.

“Easy kid,” he soothes, “We’ll be home soon.”

And just to help her out a bit, just so she doesn’t slip into a bad headspace on him, he probably reaches up and taps two fingers on her lips, easing them inside. And while it usually comforts her a little, enough to at least get her home, tonight all it did was just light an even bigger fire under her. So with his fingers in her mouth she whines, makes a little distressed noise again, and starts fumbling clumsily for his belt.

“Tiger, no,” he says gently. And god he has to be so careful, so soft when he says it, because she really can’t handle being told no when she’s like this. But also....listen, Bill is fucking supercharged that night too, alright? Seeing his girl out in public getting a little small for him, seeing the effect he has on her? Bill had to stop himself from dragging her out and taking her in the alley behind the restaurant. And now that she’s getting fussy, now that she’s telling him that she needs him now--god almighty, Bill doesn’t have the strength to turn her down.

So when she fumbles a little more urgently, when she gets his belt undone, he’s not necessarily doing anything to try and stop her.

“Wait kid, we’re almost home,” he tries again. But he’s also keeping his hand on the steering wheel and when she dives for his lap, his other hand just reflexively threads gently through her hair as her mouth engulfs him and he moans.

It’s a pretty easy drive home, really just a straight line, and tiger is not being frantic at all about it--she’s just going nice and easy, enjoying it, calming down with the weight of him on her tongue. And when she slides her mouth up him, he gently scratches at her scalp and pushes her back down slowly.

“Is that better sweet girl?” he murmurs to her. She moans around him and he inhales sharply.

“Nice and easy, tiger,” he says, “Nice and slow for me, just like that.”

He thought he could do it, but it’s too good. There’s no way he can focus on driving when her mouth is that wet and tight around him, moving that slowly, not when she’s making all these little pleased, satisfied noises and taking her time the way she is. So instead, he slows down and pulls over onto the shoulder of the highway. It’s late and nobody is on the roads anyway, so he brings it to a stop and puts the car in park. But when tiger hears the gears shift, she stops and looks up at him--guiltily, sadly.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers pitifully, “I’m sorry, that’s bad. I should wait.”

“No no,” he tells her softly, running his thumb over her lip, “You’re good sweet girl. But you’re making me feel so good, this is just so I can keep you safe.”

She looks a little unconvinced, but he threads his hand back in her hair and pulls her head gently back to his lap.

“Take what you need, tiger,” he purrs, “And take as long as you need.”

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justkeeptrekkin · 5 years

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The Library Is Open- a drag queen AU

This is a little present for my boo @ladycakepops, with whom i have discussed 100000 Drag Race headcannons!! Luv u m8.

000

“Girl, you know she’s been using that same wig all week, yo, there’s flies comin’ outta that shit it’s so stanky.” “Oh no, here she comes, Miss Thing, lookin’ like she think she about to slay the runway but she left her fashion sense at home next to her ratchet-ass 100 Yen fake-lash kit. Oh no, sweetie.”

“And- oh, ladies and gentlemen boys and girls, you know the house gonna come down when Miss Kamui Woods strut on stage acting like she own the damn place, bitch looks like Groot, motherfucker.”

Club Hero erupts into joyous applause and roof raising laughter. It may be dark, the audiences’ faces obscured by the low lights, but Hizashi knows that they’re all smiling. Present Mic knows how to work a crowd. He can always count on his drag persona to keep the customers coming back with her witty one liners.

“And here she is- it’s Best Jeanist, girl, you know what I’m boutta say. Denim? Again? Where’s the variety? That doesn’t mean she don’t look good, though- whew, that waist is cinched to the gods henny. You’d. Betta. Work.”

At this point their careers, all the queens know that Mic will roast them till the cows come home. None of them take it personally. Any more, at least. At first, the obnoxious delivery didn’t exactly make Present Mic a very popular queen. But it didn’t take long for them to see the kind heart and smarts behind the overbearing facade.

They��re family, now.

“Here she is, Miss Tiger is here, hide your boyfriends, people, she comin’ for yo man- oh, nah, rewind, too late, she already run into him in the gym and snatched him at the weights section. Damn, you seen those muscles on that queen? Girl, she could lift me and through me out the window, I swear to Gawd.”

The laughter ripples through the place, a backdrop to the music that makes the floor vibrate a little, the queens strutting to the beat on stage in their runway looks. Mic sits backstage, watching with her microphone and peering at them over her sunglasses like she’s judging horses at the Kentucky races.

It all started out with presenting. That is how Present Mic found her drag name, after all. One night, Hizashi had come to visit Nemuri at Club Hero, having no clue how much it took to run a place like this. And, having never stepped foot in drag. He’d watched the runway behind stage with Nemuri, found a running commentary pouring out as the queens worked. The team backstage had loved it, and so had Nemuri. And Hizashi had been addicted to their attention, their laughter and encouragement to keep going. It lit a fire in him and gave him a purpose- entertaining. The last thing he’d expected was to find such a thing through drag.

“Mm Miss Shigaraki walkin’ on stage with that weird, spooky drag I know y’all love but come on, girl, I said it last week and I’ll say it again, put on some mothafuckin’ chapstick, yo.”

The audience screams at the burn. Mic grins.

“Mic.” He looks up from his seat to see Nemuri watching with a proud smile. She loves this place just as much as the rest of them. At the end of the day, if they really were to become a family, it’d be her family. House of Kayama.

“What’s up.” “They’re really rowdy tonight.” “You know I always give them what they want.”

The two of them watch as the queens step into formation for a dance routine. So very much not Mic’s thing. She has two left feet and could probably take someone’s eye out with her hair, styled the way it is.

Mic’s gaze drifts to the audience. And although it’s usually impossible to their expressions, there’s a small group of salary-men at the front, in the light of the stage, that draws Mic’s attention.

There’s a big guy. A big guy with red hair and a grizzly face, looks like he’d give Tiger or Vlad a run for their money. A mean looking fucker with a mean looking smile to match. The guy next to him, who looks, impossibly, even bigger, but more the gentle giant type- blonde and dopey and excited to be there. And then there’s the third guy. The third guy who’s shorter and less stocky but still broad shouldered. His tie is undone and his hair is slicked back, there’s stubble across his chin and a wicked looking scar on his cheek that makes Mic a little hot under the collar.

What troubles her most isn’t the big mean guy’s sneer as he laughs at the queens on stage- superior and mocking and all the things Mic hates. No, the thing that distresses her most is the look of utter indifference on the third guy’s face.

Bored? Here? Present Mic doesn’t settle for bored.

“Those assholes at the front,” Nemuri mutters, hands on her hips and a deathly look in her eyes.

Mic stares at them. The mean guy is shouting something, probably nothing worth getting kicked out over, but it’s getting the queens riled up. Nothing abnormal in a place like this- plenty come in just to laugh at them. But what they don’t know is that this place is protected. This is Club Hero. Every queen in here has her power, her own little quirk.

Mic’s about to show this dickhead her quirk.

“Don’t you worry, baby,” Mic assures with a grin and wild, wide eyes that she knows freaks people out. She lays a gentle hand on Nemuri’s arm. “I’mma get him, yo. I’mma get him.”

When Mic stands, leather creaks. Diamante studs shine from the disco ball above her head and her heels take her to six foot seven. With the hair- almost seven foot tall. And as she walks towards the stage, thigh-high boots squeaking and leather mini-dress riding up just the right amount, Mic feels as if she could take over the world.

It’s the confidence she needs to do this job. And do what comes next.

The place smells like hot stage lights and booze. The backstage crew sense her approaching quickly- a seven foot tall, leather and diamante clad drag queen is hard to miss. They all step aside and let Mic pass, business-like but hiding smiles, knowing what’s about to go down. Mic passes through, deadly and determined.

One of the crew speaks into the microphone. “Settle down ladies- the cockatoo is flying to the stage now.” As code names go, Mic supposes it’s pretty accurate. The wig is kind of bird like.

The sound of her heels click-clocking against the floor gives her the momentum she needs to step into the stage lighting and take a stand besides her sisters. They turn to measure Mic’s arrival, expressions mixed- some relieved, some just outright pissed at the fact that their dance routine has stopped. The red haired guy is drunk, it’s obvious- he’s shouting some bullshit that isn’t all that offensive, but it’s annoying. The blonde guy is trying to shut him up, looking just as angry as the queens. And the third guy- he looks downright threatening. The look of disgust and disdain that he’s throwing at the red haired guy is impressive. That’s some shade right there. And he’s saying something that the dude can’t hear, but Mic can guess is biting.

The queens hang around on stage, deflated- they’ve stopped the dance routine in anticipation, and look at Mic. The audience have noticed Mic appear, too, and applause and encouragement seeps through the sewage of heckling from red-haired guy.

“Read him, Mic!” “Slaaayyyy!”

“Yas, come through!”

Gunhead is the first to walk up to her, removing her mask to look her in the eye. “You’d better get out there fast. You know our security team won’t throw him out yet.” “Don’t worry, I’ll handle it.”

“You always do,” she smiles. So gentle despite that badass drag she’s got going.

The queens flow off stage. Jeanist stops her for a moment with a hand on her arm. She looks like she can barely breath in that corset. Why it gotta be denim, though? Mic thinks. “Don’t go too hard, Mic. I think this one could blow up in your face. This is one angry bastard.”

The grin that spreads across Mic’s face is evil. Jeanist doesn’t recoil from the expression- she’s used to it by now.

“I’mma have to try not to pop off too hard. Hold onto your wig, girl, I’m comin’ for him.” Jeanist rolls her eyes and huffs a laugh, before removing her hand and walking off stage.

Mic turns to the microphone that’s been quickly set up in the middle of the stage for her. She slowly steps towards it, painfully slowly with a cruel smirk, teasing the audience who know that she’s about to read this motherfucker so hard he’ll run out crying. The heeled boots click against the floor. And Mic is no pageant queen, or a pretty queen- especially not with the highly controversial moustache that she refuses to shave off- but she’s got legs for days. People whoop throughout the room as she stalks to the end of the runway.

She slowly wraps each individual finger, nails painted black, around the neck of the microphone. It’s particularly suggestive and earns a few more whoops.

The three salary-men are sat directly below her. The red haired one tch-ing like he doesn’t know what’s coming. The blonde one equally oblivious. And the third one- the third one is staring up at her, entirely transfixed. Looking like he’s already impressed, and Mic hasn’t even opened her mouth, yet.

Ooh. She likes this one.

“Yo yo yo, how’s everyone doin’ tonight, peeps?”

The crowd explodes with cheers and werks and slays and yas queens. Mic removes the microphone from the stand and twirls the cable around her index finger as she effortlessly steps across the stage in seven inch heels. Looks into the dark of the crowd through red tinted sunglasses.

“There are some ugly motherfuckers in here tonoit.” There’s sporadic of applause and laughter. No one is safe from roasting when Mic’s on stage. “You know I don’t like coming out here.” Some aaws, some boos. “Ok, I’m lying, I love it, I love reading y’all to filth.” Laughter. “I just know that whenever I come out on stage like this, it’s because some asshole is getting in the way of my sisters’ show, and you that ain’t cool, yo.” Some people clap. “Nah. That’ ain’t cool. We show respect in Club Hero, am I right or am I right?”

A chorus of whoops and cheers and yaaassssses. She feels all eyes on her, and whilst she feels more confident commentating backstage- she’s always half-joked that she’s got a face for radio, not TV- she knows that she owns the room right now. She just has to remind herself of that when the nerves kick in.

Her eyes fall on that handsome stranger again. He doesn’t look bored anymore.

“I need some help now, people, I need some help.” She walks up and down the stage, dragging the microphone cable with her as she paces. “Now I just- I just don’t know what to do this weekend, you feel? I need recommendations. I got a whole-ass day free tomorrow and I wanna do something nice, do something special, and I thought about getting out of the city for a bit, but I’m not about hiking in the mountains or some shit- I know some people have arbor ardor but I'm more of a city kitty ya dig? Nah, I wanna do something relaxing. Something super chill. Maybe I’ll go see a movie. Or. You know. Maybe I’ll take out a book from the library.” The crowd bursts into cheers. Mic grins, looking down at the table of highly confused straight boys. That red haired bastard is talking loud, angry nonsense to the big blonde guy, who’s glaring at him. Redhead isn’t paying any attention at all.

“Now, for those of you who need educating on drag lingo- when the library is open, and it’ll open real soon-” More whooping. “- it means that I’m gonna pick one person in this room and roast them so hard the smell of them burning makes everyone hungry, you feel me?”

Redhead continues to have a one way argument with the blonde guy, who’s now noticed Mic watching them. One hand on her hip and one hand on the microphone. Waiting.

“This bitch. This bitch doesn’t even know what’s coming, he ain’t even noticed that I’m staring at him yet, the disrespect, you know what I’m saying?”

Handsome stranger battles against a smirk, peers over at the two other salarymen. Blonde guy nudges red haired guy. And he finally notices Mic. He looks her up and down with a disdainful frown. Mic just stands there, seven foot tall and plastering on her most terrifying, shit-eating grin.

“What’s your name, sweetie.”

Some people applaud in excitement, the rest of the room hushes in anticipation. Red haired guy just stares at her, frowning and apparently unable to believe that he’s being addressed like this. Blonde guy is covering his mouth- he’s shaking with laughter.

“Sorry I- I couldn’t hear you, what’s that?” Mic stoops forward with a hand on his ear to listen to nothing. Red haired guy won’t open his mouth. “Right, right, right. I see what this is, you got some pride to withhold, haven’t you. I get it. He likes being centre of attention only until someone calls him out, huh.”

“His name’s Todoroki.”

Mic looks down at the dark handsome stranger who’s shouted out this name. He’s looking smug, not deigning to give his colleague any eye contact as he warns him to keep your mouth shut.

Mic steps to the edge of the stage and sits down, legs hanging off the edge and continuing to twirl the microphone cable flirtatiously.

Those dark eyes fixed on her. It almost makes her shiver. “And what’s your name, sugar?”

A grin. A grin, just as terrifying as Mic’s. “Aizawa.”

“Aizawa?” She says the name with a responding smile and blonde guy nudges Aizawa conspiratorially. “Aizawa, I think you and me gonna be friends. Can you help me read this son of a bitch right now?” He nods. Mic barks a laugh, loud and abrasive just like the rest of her. “Oh he don’t even care, he’s betraying his friend just like that-”

“He’s not my friend. He’s my boss.”

“Oh my- holy shit, yo, my boy’s shameless. You got more balls than I do, honey, that’s for sure. Shit, I like this one.”

People are calling out suggestive noises and laughing, and Mic has to admit she wasn’t expecting it to go this way. Flirting with audience members is fairly normal, but this is the first time that it’s been so reciprocated. This Aizawa man could snatch all of her attention if she isn’t too careful.

She looks out into the crowd and spots red haired dude, Todoroki, sneering with his chin jutting out.

Mic turns towards him, shuffling in her seat. “Oh shit, sorry girl, I totally forgot about you.” That sneer only increases. Ah, there it is- she could tell from the start. It’s always so, so easy to tell when a guy thinks he’s the most important and deserves all the attention.

This guy’s problem is ego, and egos are easy to deflate.

“I was just flirting with this nice man over here,” Mic continues. “What’s your name again? Todoroki, wasn’t it? Yo, you should move seats. For real, you shouldn’t be sitting next to your friend Captain America, he makes you look like his smaller, bitchier, less impressive version of him, you know what I’m saying?” That earns some cackles and cheers. Captain America’s eyes widen in shock and he continues to hide his face. Aizawa purses his lips against a smile. Eyes still fixed on Mic.

Todoroki goes rigid in his seat, squares his jaw, tenses his shoulders and clenches his fists on the table, beside the empty glasses.

“The library is officially open, people. Oh, shit, I knew that would piss you off- you’re a big man. Big important man who likes to be in charge and wants to be the best. Yeah, I’ve seen you before.” Mic pauses. “Bet you got a small dick.”

It’s not clever comment, but it’s an effective one, one that always gets laughs, and one that always, always works with a man like this- who looks the other way, fist clenching so hard his arm muscles are twitching.

“He about to hulk out, I can tell.” And Mic’s playing a dangerous game, but she knows what she’s doing. She slips off the stage, the spotlight following her as she steps towards the table. There’s a round of oooos as she makes her way with flamboyant purpose towards Todoroki. She pauses in front of him, looming above him, merely staring him down. It’s a testament to his pride that he plays that game, stare locked on her with his chin jutting out.

And then, Mic perches on Todoroki’s knee, legs draped over him and an arm around his shoulder. The audience scream in delight.

“I’ve got some nerve, don’t I?” Mic smirks. Todoroki looks both horrified and furious, in amusing measure. Mic bats her eyelids, puts on her best Betty Boop voice. “Am I making you uncomfortable, Mr Todoroki, sir?” Todoroki stares in the other direction, and he growls the following through his teeth. “Get yourself off of me.”

“He speaks!” Mic proclaims, and the room cheers. “Your voice, oh man, you’re sounding like the shitty porno version of Batman right now.”

She feels Todoroki tense under his arm. She hastily complies, though, removing herself and peering at him over her sunglasses. “Yo, he’s about to kill me just now. Well, maybe I’ll just resort to the safety of my friend Aizawa over here-”

She takes herself to Aizawa’s lap instead, settling on his knees with a feigned bashful expression. And Aizawa looks at her with a mixture of amusement and interest. There’s a furious blush on that face.

“Oh, yes, this seat’s much more comfortable. Shit, when I came on stage I thought this boy right here was straight, I was wrong.” Aizawa smirks, watching her as she speaks, eyes full of interest. “That’s a joke, right? Look at him now, he’s feeling right at home with a seven foot drag queen in his lap. Almost as funny as the joke that people are spreading around saying I’m a top.” Wow. This is one handsome bastard. And not only is he unfazed, he seems to be enjoying Mic’s performance substantially.

Mic likes the attention.

She leans forward a little, resting a hand on the back of Aizawa’s chair. Aizawa doesn’t lean away, eyes on her. “You a top, baby?”

The crowd is going insane, and she hasn’t even started properly roasting this guy Todoroki yet.

Oh shit, yeah, she’s meant to be reading that asshole right now.

This Aizawa guy is way too distracting.

“Oh, honey-” she says in realisation, turning to Todoroki, waving a dismissively apologetic hand. “-Shit, sorry girl, I totally forgot about you again. You’re just that forgettable.” And behind the joyous applause, she hears Todoroki say something. She can read his lips, and that’s the only reason she can pick up what he said: Fucking freak.

Captain America looks furious on her behalf, but sort of like he wants to stay to see how this pans out, rather than drag Todoroki out. And Aizawa doesn’t seem to be paying any attention to Todoroki at all.

That possibly makes her a little smug.

Mic’s had a lot worse before, though. People have called her all sorts of names. People have called Hizashi all sorts of names, even out of drag. But they’re resilient.

A hand flies to her chest theatrically and she makes a motherly gasp. “He called me a fucking freak, ladies and gentlemen!” They boo and jeer. “Mr Todoroki, , how rude. You eat asshole with that mouth?” Even the implication that he might be anything other than straight makes him shift angrily in his seat. The only reason he hasn’t got up to leave, like some people do when they’re being read, is because of his pride. Mic assumes, anyway. That makes it so much more enjoyable.

“No, no, no- I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Mic adds, waving another apologetic hand and crossing her legs, still settled nicely in Aizawa’s lap. “I shouldn’t be so mean to you right now, you didn't know what was coming. I should tone it down, huh. OK, let’s get to know you a little better- what brings a boy like you to a place like this?” Todoroki, predictably, doesn’t reply, just looks stoically the other way. Captain America takes this question, leaning towards Mic so she can hear over the rapturous audience. “My friend recommended it, she’s a drag queen too.” Mic’s mouth falls open. “These boys are full of surprises- what’s her name?”

“Nighteye.”

“Nighteye? Holy shit, you friends with Miss Nighteye? I didn’t think anybody was friends with Nighteye, the skinny, shady bitch.”

Captain America laughs knowingly. Mic drapes an arm around Aizawa’s shoulders, and is momentarily captivated by that look he’s giving her. Like he just wants to eat her up.

She stares back.

And then shakes her head, trying to snap out of it. “I’m gonna have to remove myself, yo, you distracting me too much,” she announces with a nervous laugh. This isn’t usually how this routine goes. Aizawa looks a little disappointed, but no less interested in her as she steps away, little leather mini-dress squeaking as she returns to sit on the edge of the stage.

Todoroki glares at her.

“OK, OK, so Mr Todoroki, you got family?” No answer, of course. Mic swings her thigh high boots off the edge of the stage happily. She gesticulates with her free hand as she talks, Todoroki looking at her like he’s willing her to burst into flames on stage, Carrie style. “He ain’t best pleased, ladies and gentlemen, he ain’t best pleased. Girl why you look so pissed? It’s just a game. And that’s what you get for disrespecting my sisters on stage, you know what I’m sayin’?”

Applause fills the room, and Mic smiles down at Todoroki’s fuming expression. He won’t last much longer. She can see the security team stepping through the crowd.

“Oof. Look at that angry face. He’s so pissed. What’s the tea, sweetie? What’s the tea?” Mic leans forward, elbow on her knee and staring Todoroki down. “I wanna know, what’s the matter baby? Did someone steal that red sharpie pen you colour your hair with?”

And then he snaps. Todoroki finally stands up, but before he can get anywhere he has three security guards on him, pulling him away. There’s always that short moment when Mic is genuinely frightened. But she knows she’s safe. And she knows what game she’s playing when she’s reading men like this. She takes the risk because, in her mind, it’s worth it. And so she calmly watches Todoroki being escorted away, the audience exploding with applause and booing.

Meanwhile, Captain America picks up his stuff and confidently walks towards Mic, brows knit together anxiously. He leans forward so that only she can hear, and she removes the microphone so it doesn’t pick up his words.

“I’m sorry for my colleague. He’s a bully. Aizawa and I loved your show.” Even through all the hate in the world, little rays of sunshine like this man peek through. Mic smiles, heart genuinely warmed. “Thank you. Mr?” “Yagi. Yagi Toshinori.” She nods, committing the name to memory. “You’re a good man Mr Yagi Toshinori.” Yagi smiles apologetically and turns away, broad shoulders practically bursting out of the suit. And Mic is about to stand up and get back on stage, call the queens back out- but here comes Aizawa, a calm look of purpose on his face. He stretches out his hand, passing her something she can’t see in the dark of the audience. She reaches to take it.

There’s butterflies in her chest. Christ, it’s like she’s a thirteen year old girl.

It’s a card. Aizawa turns back into the crowd, walks lazily out of the club with his suit jacket over his arm. Mic looks down at the card.

His business card. With his mobile number.

She can’t help but laugh out loud in disbelief.

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,” she announces with no small amount of excitement. There’s fireworks going off in her chest. Combined with the adrenaline of her reading, this is almost too much. “This is a Club Hero first. I just that nice man’s number.”

The crowd explodes. She turns to look behind her, where the queens are catwalking back on stage and waiting for their cue to being their routine again. Some of them applauding her and cheering her on. Nemuri peers from behind the stage curtain, giving a giant thumbs up. She’s never going to let Mic live this down.

Mic stands up on stage, looks into the crowd, who are still cheering. She laughs again.

“I’m clearly not doing this reading thing properly if I’m coming away with a date.”

#my writing #bnha #erasermic #drag au #fic prompt

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lizzybeth1986 · 6 years

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Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 3, Chapter 17

• I'm basically sitting here and thinking "jeez, these guys really want us to know FOR SURE that they don't give a shit about their lone female LI, do they". Like, you gotta admire the dedication this team has to the cause. Like, the audacity of them to put out an entire extra Drake scene while not speaking a word about Hana's sexuality in canon, esp if she isn't your fiancée. That probably takes guts. Or maybe not. Maybe all it really takes is actually giving a damn (or not) about your characters.

• Title: Save the Date. Alternative Title: Proof That Team TRR Has Excellent Memory, Unless Your Name Is Hana Lee.

• The TRR team everytime they need to do their homework on Liam or Drake:

The TRR team everytime they need to do their homework on Maxwell or Hana (but especially Hana):

• So I assumed based on the description and the title (Save the Date), that this would include a RoE-esque selection of dress, decor, cake, all free except for a few choices. So far all we've been able to select for our wedding is food. Today we choose cake via a diamond option, our maids of honor, the kids who will carry the ring down the aisle and our officiant. And gifts for the LIs.

• Madeleine thinks Gladys has "risen" to her "level". Madeleine has a level???

• Okay so we're doing a publicity run of our wedding preps. Are we that desperate to show the rest of the country how much last-minute-wedding-planning we can cram in two hours??

•

Terrence, is this your summer job?? Also, Tina, girl, I saved your ass last book after you screwed me over. The least you could do is say "thank you, O Great One and Saviour of Us All" Jeez, what do I have to do to be worshipped around here these days 🙄

•

PURPLE 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 (Sorry I love that colour it's my favouritest). But wait why am I paying for a dress if I'm going to the bridal boutique to pick out my wedding gown...right? Right?? (Orrr am I going to get a lovely fancy wedding gown for free??? 😀 Who woulda thunk!) (...oh. I have to wait till next week to see my gown. Okay. Okay. 😑)

• So we're now here in this boutique with half the court and Ana de Luca. First on our agenda: the maid of honour. If you're marrying Liam or Drake, you get to choose between Hana, Kiara, Olivia, Penelope and Maxwell. All good options xD If you're marrying Maxwell you get those four. If you're marrying Hana, you get three: Olivia, Penelope and Maxwell. Kiara isn't available because by default Hana picks her to be her MOH. Hana is clearly very, very close to Kiara and values her. Way more than the rest of us in the group seem to do, anyway.

The choices I want for Esther are Hana or Kiara. I love both. I'm so glad they included Maxwell, I like Penelope, Olivia is amazing, and all their reactions are wonderful, but these two are my favourites. (Though I'd say Esther would definitely pick Hana. She's closest to her, even calling herself "the Elizabeth to Hana's Jane").

• Once that's done, the LI gets to choose their Best Man/MOH 2. Liam chooses Drake, and he mostly behaves a little surprised and afraid that he might embarrass Liam on his wedding, which is quite the sweet sentiment and a little sad. Drake chooses Liam and from what I see, the narrative makes it a point to mention that Liam has to force his happiness because he's still not over the MC. He shows this even if the MC has not had romance points with him. Maxwell chooses Drake, specifying that even if they weren't related by marriage, he'd still consider Drake family. Drake is surprised and a little touched by the sentiment. Hana, as I mentioned before, chooses Kiara.

• Time for our ring bearers! The number of choices you have depends on whether you bought the corgi in Book 2 or not. If you do, he shows up as an extra option. The other choices are:

1. Bartie, who will be carried along the aisle via Savannah. I'm getting nightmares of the few times we took my daughter V to church and...nope. Sorry Bartie.

2. Cordonian children. Bertrand tells us that using Cordonian kids, as ring bearers and flower girls, would count as "a sign of commitment to the common people". My headcanon for Esther was that she wanted a mix of both Cordonian and New Orleans traditions (she grew up in the French Quarter), so she took every possible chance she could to highlight how Cordonian a wedding it was so the NOLA elements wouldn't completely alienate people. So she obviously chose this option.

• We now move to the last bit. If you're marrying Maxwell or Hana, Liam automatically becomes an option for the role of officiant, since it is mandatory to have a royal officiate the ceremony. If you're marrying Drake, Liam's not included because he is already Drake's best man by default. The other two options are Leo and Regina. If you choose Regina, the MC views it as fitting, given that Constantine would have been the officiant were he still alive. Regina in that sense would be a fitting stand-in. If you choose Leo, the MC maintains that he would lend "humour and levity to the ceremony" and that's something they all need at the moment.

•

This man and his "my love"s slay me every time.

• BAKLAVA REFERENCE FOR LIAM. ALL THE WAY BACK FROM ROE BOOK 2.

• Esther Noelle DuPont would NEVER leave wedding gown stuff for the last minute. Nor would she wind up on the eve of her wedding not knowing who was designing her dress until the day before. She would be badgering Liam about the cake way before. She would be badgering him about the decor. She'd be badgering him about every little detail. She'd be bridezilla. No way would she be chilling the day before her wedding, ice tea in hand.

• But they did remember that Ana de Luca was originally introduced as a fashion designer from way back in MW! Madeleine also gives Ana some of Krona's finest lace, which makes me wonder if it's a tradition to have lace from Krona on a royal/aristocratic wedding gown. My theory about this gown for the next chapter is that it might be the same for everyone, but will have additional elements behind a paywall. Or will she have options between two or three gowns? Idk.

• We get to choose how we want to be announced, and then comes the diamond option - choosing our cake with the LI.

(Screenshots - @kennaxval for Hana, and YouTube channels Vika Avey for Maxwell and HIMEME for Drake)

This is the breakdown of what this scene looks like in each playthrough:

Liam

Cake flavours: Vanilla Chantilly (white), Mocha Fudge (chocolate) and Sweetened Cordonian Ruby (pink). Liam loves the vanilla one for its subtle and complex flavours, considers the mocha one "strong, daring...somewhat sensual" and finds the pink one full of surprises (due to the Cordnian Ruby flavouring) and that "there's more to it than meets the eye". If you notice all of these are flavours Liam has an established preference for (vanilla, coffee, apples).

Decorations: The Royal design reminds Liam of his parents, so there is an element of nostalgia still there. He loves the colours of the Fairytale design, finds them "fantastically beautiful" and thinks it would be good inspiration in case they would like to expand the palace quarters.

Cake Filling: The filling options are the same across the LIs. Vanilla buttercream, rich chocolate ganache and strawberry mousse. In Liam's case, you can either feed ganache off of each other, simply try each flavour, or have him surprise you. I love my Kinky King so I knew "surprise me" would involve a blindfold somewhere 😂 (Love that option. It's quite sexy). I've also noticed that only Liam seems to have 3 options for the ganache tasting, while the rest have just two.

You also get to choose between Cordonian Ruby Pie and Baklava for a surprise dessert!

Maxwell:

Cake flavours: Coconut (white), Passionfruit (pink), and Spicy Chocolate (chocolate). He thinks of the coconut one as being "pina colada in cake form", loves the element of surprise in the passionfruit and thinks its "non traditional" flavour describes them as an aristocratic couple perfectly, and just says "wow" about the chocolate. The baker, who remembers Maxwell once trying to surprise Bertrand with cheetah cake on the latter's birthday, even sends one as a bit of an inside joke.

Cake Decorations: Maxwell jokes about the royal design being more decked out than some estates but thinks that "nothing says you're a big deal like gilded flowers, gold and jewels you can eat". He loves the castle in the Fairytale design and likes to imagine there are little cake people walking in there.

Surprise desserts for Maxwell include Cordonian Ruby Pie and Cheetah Cake.

Hana

Cake flavours: Strawberry (pink), Madagascar Vanilla (white), and Devil's Food Cake (chocolate). She thinks strawberry makes her think of it as "something...different. Adventurous". She thinks of the Devil's Food cake as "daring" and loves the vanilla because classic white cakes remind her of storybook weddings, and on cajoling from the MC to tell her honestly what flavours are her favourite Hana speaks of vanilla in a manner similar to Liam's.

Decorations: Hana is wowed by the artistry of the Royal design, confessing that she has always wanted to learn to make icing pearls as perfect as the ones on the cake. There is a tiny conversation about her baking that takes a minute, tops. The fairytale option feels whimsical and reminds her of that saying about "building castles in the clouds".

The surprise options for dessert are Cordonian Ruby Pie and Hot Chocolate.

Drake

Cake flavours: Pink Velvet (pink), Old Fashioned Chocolate Cake (chocolate) and Tahitian Vanilla Cake (white). As we all must know by now, he is okay with the flavour but finds pink "girly", doesn't have much to say about the vanilla cake and the chocolate makes him very nostalgic, because the chocolate cake was similar to the recipe his mother would use for his or Savannah's birthday cakes.

Decorations: Drake has reservations about the grandness of the Royal design but thinks it works since the occasion itself is an elaborate one. He admires the structure and craftsmanship of the Fairytale design and both him and the MC speak about the cake reminding them of the towers in Valtoria.

The surprise options for dessert are Cordonian Ruby Pie and S'mores.

• I've noticed that the story clearly references Liam's love for baklava and Maxwell's love for cheetah cakes in this chapter, but for Hana and Drake, they use desserts from their first scenes in Book 2 (where Hana prepares hot chocolate for the MC, and Drake toasts s'mores for her).

• Hmm so apparently there's some sort of surprise that all four LIs are planning for the MC. I'm guessing we'll find out next chapter.

•

My favourite scene in this chapter. I loved how Kiara immediately got protective of Savannah and made it clear that she cared about making Savannah comfortable. I think it's also pretty cool that they remembered to reference the Savannah/Kiara friendship hinted at in Book 2, and it looks like Penelope was quite fond of her too.

• The MC now needs to run to a gift store, because Madeleine lets her know at the nth moment that Cordonian tradition dictates you get gifts for the bridegroom/bride and your closest attendants. Savannah offers to help, in exchange for a little advice on her love life.

• We first pick up wedding favours at a patisserie (chocolates or macarons). I had Esther pick macarons coz she has a liking for French cuisine and food, and macarons are delicate, delicious and versatile.

• We then pass by a shop called "The Gilded Apple" that sells beautiful and rare antiques. Olivia, who loves weapons and artifacts, and is hoping she will find replicas there, is understandably excited. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to find any (unless she did off-screen and we didn't know? Poor Olivia. Why was it so hard to find Nevrakis artifacts/replicas there?)

• So even if you buy that diamond choice to help Bertrand woo Savannah at the Costume Gala, she confesses there are still barriers. Savannah fangirling over Bertrand's "stern, yet sexy eyebrows" is a Mood™.

• Savannah tells us the entire story of how she fell in love with Bertrand, pointing out that she hero-worshipped him and thought him glamorous, and was amazed that he was so protective of her. The MC has a range of joke replies to suggest to Savannah, before telling her seriously that she should confess to him what is in her heart. But my big question is: why are almost all the BertVannah scenes for free? Why couldn't you use that free scene to...idk...properly develop Hana's character maybe??

• So here are our gifts for the LIs:

A Historical Tome for Liam. This is a hand-written history book with a blank chapter left presumably on purpose. The MC points out that he will appreciate either the rarity of the book, or the empty pages. The second option is my favourite, because the blank chapter seems to signify that Cordonia's story is "far from over" and it is "upto Liam to write this next chapter".

Maxwell will get a statue of his namesake. Savannah speculates that even though he looks like little more than an enthusiastic partygoer on the outside, both he and Bertrand can be fierce in their own ways. The MC gets to joke about what the Beaumonts might do with this statue of their ancestor, including imagining a half-drunk Maxwell using his namesake's spear to pop open champagne from a ladder.

Drake's Marshmallows Inside A Whiskey Box is quite funny and the MC gets to roast him a bit. She jokes about how it symbolizes what a softie he is on the inside even though he looks tough on the outside. It can either be spoken of as an inside joke, or as the MC showing him how well she knows him.

Hana's Telescope...well. It doesn't reflect her actual, genuine interests or personal/family history like the other three do, but instead involves some generic messages about "following your path" or "searching out your passions". Which is...eh. Tbh it sounds more like the MC is buying her a Hallmark card or something. This gift doesn't tell us much about HER, but then again when you don't develop your female LI with enough substance, that's what's bound to happen. You'll just throw over any piece of random bullshit to make do.

• I like the little story Kiara gets with her dad using that telescope, though. The one where he fooled her as a child into thinking she could see all of Europe using a telescope. I like the dynamic of that entire family. Sure they can appear businesslike to some but the love and the closeness is clearly there.

• Okay before I say anything...CONGRATS Drake stans. Nice to see so many of your MCs become Mrs Walkers now.

•

(A huge thank you to VioletFlipFlops for this screenshot)

Okay so if you're a Drake stan, you get an extra scene. The MC wants to give Drake a wedding he will be happy with, and Drake would love it too, so Maxwell suggests they elope and he will be their minister/officiant (apparently he got himself ordained to officiate over a wedding between peacocks). So they go to a nearby cliff, where you can have a lovely view of the sunset. Drake brings with him a horse named Lone Star who came all the way from his mother's Texas ranch. They have their secret country wedding and the screenshots I saw look like the stuff out of every Drake stan's dreams. Story wise, this is important for Drake's arc because it shows that he has found his place and he doesn't have to completely leave behind who he is to be the man the MC wants. Both the duel and this impromptu secret wedding bring his story full-circle beautifully.

I had to leave this scene midway though. I couldn't stomach it, couldn't stand it, and for the first time in forever I left viewing a diamond scene before it got over (or before it got to sex if they weren't my LI). I felt a little sick and quite frustrated tbh. And it really isn't because of Drake. My problem here goes deeper than that.

• From the little that I saw, Maxwell was amazing as well. He set aside the bromance jokes for the day because "this isn't about me, it's about the two of you". Oh Maxwell. You really do shine when the writers allotted for you actually bother, and they didn't do you justice this book.

• It's now almost night and our LIs have returned from whatever surprise thingummy they were planning. Everyone's happy and excited and advising the MC to take rest and Mara is here to lead everyone back to the palace. And then a crowd that first looks like a bunch of excited onlookers closes in on the MC, intimidating her, and from among the lot we see...TERRANCE. WITH A GUN. AND A PAPER FULL OF INFO ON OUR WEDDING PLANNING. WTF.

• YOU SHOULD BE IN SCHOOL DOING YOUR HOMEWORK AND PLAYING CLARINET TERRENCE. YOU'RE GROUNDED.

• The tone of the chapter's end sounds like there will be some level of investigation going on but we can't entirely be sure. In any case, I don't know how they will handle both this and the rest of the wedding prep. Let's see.

General Thoughts:

• We'd better get lingerie. I've been through enough I want the kind of sex where my king rips off my clothes and breaks my bed and makes me scream and Gladys has invest in earplugs next and...yeah. I need the right lingerie for that.

• RoE Book 3 could have been better in certain respects but one of the things they did really well was to spread out the wedding preps. It's tougher to do that here, because of all the subplots, but leaving it until so close to the end wasn't exactly the best idea either.

• I'll be honest: the "girly pink cake" comment irked me but didn't entirely anger me. On one level I hate it when people say stuff like that because I'm a girl who grew up hearing those things and I'm a mum who doesn't want my children to internalize that. It may sound like a small thing, like a casual preference, but stereotyping and forcing people into boxes start out with things we believe are "small"...and whether you think he's that kind of person or not, bottomline is the writers shouldn't have had such a massively popular character say that. It could have been ten times easier to just have him say he doesn't like that colour very much or something. See? Crisis averted.

• However, I didn't have as much of a problem with this scene as I did with, say, that scene where the MC and Drake talk to Kiara in Lythikos. Frankly for me, the fact that Drake's sympathy towards Kiara was conditional and depended solely on the MC's responses was way more disturbing. In one option, it's established that Drake and Kiara both struggled mentally in the aftermath of the attack, and that he understands it's difficult for her to get out of that trauma so easily.

But then...if the MC is insensitive and trauma-minimizing, she gets to question Kiara about not being driven enough, about "what will people say if you spend a crisis hiding away in your home?", and Drake agrees. He doesn't contest what she's saying, he doesn't challenge her, he doesn't seem to even have a mind of his own in this sequence. In this option, the MC and Drake face no repercussions at all for essentially minimizing her experience and not addressing their lack of concern for her safety, after finding out about her PTSD. My expectation when I eventually chose that option was that Drake - as someone who went through something similar - would correct the MC, and Kiara would give her the tongue lashing of a lifetime. But no, in that scene Drake is interested in validating this woman's trauma only on someone else's say-so. If I - personally - were to have a problem with Drake as a character, this scene would highlight why. And even then I know the core of the problem is not Drake. Not really. It's not as much Drake as it is the fact that the writers themselves were only interested in lip-service for this scene, not genuine validation (which is why normally sensitive people like Hana and Liam don't seem to question the group's approach to Kiara much, and nor does Maxwell). The writers possibly didn't think Kiara's experience deserved the level of sympathy that was present by default in Penelope's scene at Portavira (which is why I HIGHLY regret speaking positively about the Lythikos conversation in that chapter's QT now).

• But my biggest problem is not Drake himself. The way he is written wouldn't have been a problem at all, under different circumstances. My biggest problem is the discrepancy in how the LIs are treated in the books, how some get quality content and carefully developed character arcs while others are simply given lazy writing. And right now, the differences are so obvious and so glaring they're impossible to ignore.

• Drake got a whole extra scene today. A whole extra scene, on the logic that unlike the other three, he would be way more comfortable with a private ceremony involving just him and the MC (he says as much in Lythikos, both to Kiara and to the MC). Normally, I would have probably been happy about this. It works for Drake's character and story, and brings it full-circle to that photoshoot they had in Chapter 2 on some levels. From the little I managed to read, I can tell it was written really, really well.

And that's the problem. Over here, we have the team working on AN ENTIRE EXTRA SCENE for this character, after chapters and chapters of well developed scenes that acquire depths and layers if he is marrying the MC. Drake's narrative tends to have extra layers stitched into it - the expectations of being a Duke, the reluctance to let go of who he is while embracing his role as a future noble, the insults he faces from people like Neville and how he manages to rise above them by proving himself. Hell, they even ensure that they reference his bond with Liam and how his relationship with the MC complicates things. In this chapter alone, Liam's pain is highlighted differently in Drake's playthrough compared to the others (he shows some level of heartbreak when Drake asks him to be his best man, compared to when Hana or Maxwell ask him to be their officiant). The group chats, too, highlight Liam being part of the chat in the Hana and Maxwell playthroughs, and completely absent on Drake's:

(Screenshots from (2) @kennaxval (Hana), (3) YouTube Channels Vika Avey (Maxwell) and (4) HIMEME (Drake))

I wouldn't be surprised if they had some kind of a closure scene between Drake and Liam on this account later, while having him be absolutely okie-dokie in the Hana and Maxwell playthroughs. That's the level of attention Drake's story is being given (you can argue that Liam's relationship with Drake is different, and you'd be right, but it just goes to show how much WORK went into building this character).

And this is not restricted just to Drake. Liam has way more in terms of content as well and his scenes are of great quality. He has practically the entire book revolving around him! The book aggressively pushes him as an LI until almost the end of Book 2. The narrative has made an effort to view Liam as someone intimately involved and invested in the history of his country - it shows in most of his individual scenes, and in his cake scene and gift this chapter. Even Maxwell, who normally hasn't been given much attention this book, gets memories and some historical stuff this chapter (such as the ancestor who is his namesake and the story about the cheetah cake).

On the other hand...you have Hana. Whose canon sexuality - and her larger struggle with it - is hardly addressed in the books. Whose experience with bullying at the hands of Madeleine has been largely forgotten, even as we're constantly expected to protect Penelope from the same person. Who has gotten some of the most lackluster scenes in the series. Whose character arc got the laziest wrap-up you could imagine, who now doesn't even get original lines to describe a cake flavour she likes, or a gift that adequately reflects who she is. Whose story is given lesser focus than secondary characters like Penelope and Madeleine. PENELOPE. AND MADELEINE.

• Forget about every other chapter and take just this one as an example.

Notice how there is very little genuine personalization or memories attached either to Hana's cake scene - she simply echoes what Liam says about the flavour of vanilla when speaking about her love for classic white cake, and briefly mentions baking - or her gift which is a telescope, and which the MC attaches some generic saying/phrase to. The gift assigned for her itself is SO random, has little to no connection to Hana, and is a very odd choice for a gift. Couple that with the Hallmark-esque sayings that the MC wants to push forward, and compare it to her thought process for any one of the other LI gifts. You will see the difference.

(While you're at it, also check out this story by @i-dream-so-i-write called "The Perfect Gift". It's a rewriting of the scene for Hana's gift)

There is no throwback to, say, a time when they all had to bake pies for Queen Regina, and the latter praised Hana. Or to stories narrated to her. Or to things the MC knows she likes to do. No memories connected to Hana's grandmother, who she was obviously close to. Nothing that tells us anything new about her.

This isn't the first time this is happening. And it definitely won't be the last.

• And it's not as if they don't get any money from Hana's scenes. Even when she isn't picked as a final choice on a very large scale, she still manages to make it to the top ten in terms of diamond spending. She may not be making as much bank as Liam and Drake, but she IS clearly making bank. I'm surprised that's possible because a lot of the writing for her since Book 2 isn't worth the money people like me are constantly spending on her scenes. So I can't even buy the excuse that she's written badly because she's not popular. Clearly there are enough people invested enough in her to buy her scenes despite the lack of effort.

I wish I had more to talk about besides these complaints about how Hana is written, but I'm really not left with much of a choice. I'd like to close this QT by mentioning just one thing: the original line up of LIs given to us was Liam, Drake and Hana. One of them has the entire plot of the story revolving around him. The other has consistent and well-written character development, including an extra secret wedding scene and vast differences in his dialogue with the MC based on his relationship with her. The third LI...is given less attention and validation than at least two secondary characters in the book.

All these three were characters meant to be LIs from the very beginning. All of them made a good amount of money and had great potential for growth. So why is it that only one of the original lineup is given only scraps, while the other two get an all-you-can-eat buffet?

#the royal romance #long post #Liam x mc #king liam #hana x mc #hana lee #drake x mc #drake walker #Maxwell x mc #Maxwell beaumont #Olivia nevrakis #TRR Penelope #trr kiara #Hana rant #TRR quick thoughts #quick thoughts

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mythological-survivor-no-mikoto · 4 years

Text

Episode 3 - so sado is HELL ISLAND - Adam

After Sam was sent home a high intensity challenge for reward and immunity was posted. It involved creating Shinsen, by prepping ingredients in individual messages. Hiroku was immediately off to a strong start, gaining a lead over Awashima. This lead continued to grow over night and by morning it was clear there was very little chance of Awashima catching up. Despite Rachael’s best attempts to coordinate and motivate Awashima, it was too late. Hiroku won immunity and reward with triple the score over Awashima. Jay and Josh were initially targeted due to their challenge performance. The majority seemed to be settling on Jay, however there was some pushback from Vi and Marc, who wanted to use Jay as a number. However as the day progressed it became clear that there was no saving Jay, and he was voted out unanimously.

Olivia went on an expedition to the lagoon on Honshu, completed the challenge requiring her to burn paper

https://youtu.be/oT1gnCfzuDI

She found the rehidden Izanagi Sword, giving her double worshippers the next time she worshipped.

“Haha sick. Well I know who I’ll be giving that to! (Me). My plan is every other week like boost mine and then take Katie’s down. In the long run it just may work if I keep it up!”

“Fastest way for an alliance to form? Fisting jokes”

“Here we are ladies! I feel pretty good with my position in this game. I really like Rodrigo, yes like my favorite. Jay is cool too cuz he’s a nerd. OH RACHEL my future nurse, looooove her. We talked a lot about nursing school and the career in general. Vi isn’t bad, we just don’t talk much. The first vote off was uhhh Lauren. She was AFK. The vote wasn’t unanimous tho and Adam got some so that was messsssy. I like Adam. He bounced back. Regans annoying but she’s my friend. Cori on the other tribe I did my challenge against and we had a phenomenal rapport omg I wanna work with her. OH AND EXPEDITIONS. Shikoku wasn’t iconic. Main land Japan got me 14 tickets so my ass is gonna feel it’s oats and go on a million expeditions soon lol. BUT we won the challenge and here to slay!!!”

youtube

After being exiled mid challenge: “So sado is the HELL ISLAND”

“The ladies and nikias dominating this challenge? We love to see it”

“I mean it’s just like me and this sweet guy from halfway around the world are playing virtual hot potato with nonsense words like fowl and tray and we’re on this adventure and we’re in a cave and our tribe mates are all asleep next to us and we’re all that stands between us and the evil other tribe from coming into our territory and snatching another one of us up and we’re just two little anxious nerds who get along swell saying random incantations back and forth and it’s raining and I’m so fucking tired does this make sense I’m doing my best to keep our tribe afloat”

“I ain’t even mad. Olivia killed it. Honestly her biggest supporter is a person on the opposing team... 242 with no mistakes what a queen. Rachael is also a queen. Highest scorer for our tribe with 114, 3 mistakes. Fucking jay with his two tries but both mistakes. I literally was sick all day and still did better than half the tribe wth. Adam got a 12 hour penalty so he’s excused and he didn’t mess up. But josh got 13 with 11 mistakes. Screeching. How do you mess up that badly. It’s just copy paste. I’m so tired I’m not even making any more sense. Good night y’all ima go try to save jay’s ass but idk if I want to”

“we love working for 6 hours without our phone all day and still being responsible for 34% of the work in this challenge on a 9 person tribe. we also love when someone does only 2 points worth...and screws up both of them. maybe this could be best for our tribe long term to purge the people that are not contributing? Idk”

On an expedition, Olivia crushed some fruit and found the idol:

youtube

“AHHHHHHHHHHH HOLY FUCK BUCKETS. OH MY FUCKING GOD. THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER

So I have

20% advantage the next challenge

A sword advantage I just used

A block against the first vote

AND THE FUCKING IDOL

Im fuckin loaded wow”

“Nikias making me cry? More likely than you think. I trust him so so much, he is my PERSON. I will defend him at all costs ⚔️”

youtube

https://youtu.be/-S0ldA01GLM

“things have been rly quiet since last time, but it seems like a handful of my tribe really worked together and pulled out the win in the shinsen challenge yay!! Some have not had the opportunity to contribute as much but hopefully they will the first chance they get. I still have my voting coin if I need it, but things are definitely super chill in the hiroku tribe for the time being and I seem to have good ties all over.”

“I’m thankful that this round allowed us to win by such a long shot. I believe that we have such a strong tribe, unfortunately however, we just do not necessarily communicate all that much, or at least that’s what it seems like.

Echoing previous confessionals, I still really adore almost everyone on this tribe. I do not have any issues or concerns with anyone at this moment in time, however my eyes and ears are open just in case, however, I believe I can hopefully stay connected with several individuals in this tribe.

I’m not the best when it comes to challenge performance and I’m the first one that would always say that to myself. That’s why I play such a big social game, because I feel like that although I don’t have any challenge prowess, people will catch on to what my next best thing is.

It would not surprise me If there was an undercover alliance at the moment just based on certain conversations I’ve had but perhaps that is just a thought and not merely reality. I hope that this upcoming round allows us to win yet another competition and continue to do our best like we always do.”

youtube

“HERE WE GO LADIES. Well that challenge sucked. Like, wasn’t fun at all. I personally SLAYED it, with Rachael and Regan. Vi did okay too but like we legit never talk. The people who did the least were Jay and Katie. I’ve had a good connection with Jay since the beginning but he has been MIA. I think he kinda gave up cuz he’s not even fighting at all. Someone said he’s in another game and SIS, me too. But still made time and did what I could. That leaves Katie who I want to go, but it’s not getting traction so I gotta go with the Jay vote unfortunately. RIP BBY GURL. Otherwise I’m still loving Rodrigo and Josh. My ideal 5 some is Me, Regan, Rachael, Josh, Rodrigo. But idk if I can get that to happen.”

“this vote seems too simple it is scaring me. I feel like my social game is lacking. It could easily be better but so is jays like what if he has an idol idk”

“probably Jay going home unanimously tonight unless some funny business happens. He’s lost any kind of fight he had in this game. If everything I know is correct it’ll be 8-1 jay with a vote on josh but who knows.”

“This round went pretty good, i think that kind of tribe wins solidifies a type of loyalty because everyone fight for each other so we can all have a nice week-end with out having to vote anyone out of the game. I think every one loves this tribe the way it is and i kind of wanna push that even more, remain loyal to a tribe is still an option that i have never made before but it is still an option and i wouldn't wanna take away any of my options until it's time to decide. I think right now i am in a good spot, i think if we go to tribal Odd or Zach would be the target which means i am in a good spot. Voting out Sam was a big deal for me because Odd is more beneficial for my game i believe. He is good at challenges and also he doesn't talk to a lot of people so it's something that i can use to my advantage in the future. This is my favorite tribe ever and i wanna keep enjoy this tribe so i would pray to win another immunity challenge”

#Mythological Survivor #episode 3 #survivor

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