#gonna need to insert more personality to each character + their DIALOGUE TOO omg dialogue is so fucking hard & speech tags are so blegh
Text
writing fluff is so hard esp for a character you haven’t written for before + other characters in the fic 😭
#satoru i’m abt to get real acquainted w you in this fic#so far it just all sounds v corny and not at all like how satoru sounds so i need to rework everything#also it’s so hard to segue into another part of the fic or just another paragraph for me so i need to practice FLOW#and NOT make it choppy/clunky#and i also have to find voices for tsumiki & megumi 😭 miki’s is pretty easy she’s sweet & playfully teasing#wanna make megs adorable yet slightly grumpy bc i know he’s mature but i still want a childish vibe for him hmmmm#i’m actually… SURPRISNGLY. having a LOT of trouble w the ‘reader’ themselves#i just can’t seem to find their dynamic w each character yet… hmmmmmm#y’know what i may have to do… keep the beginning part but scrap everything else and start fresh#sighhhhhhhh.#i’m willing to do that though bc this story so far isn’t hitting the way i want it to#and i love the Premise of the fic a lot and want to do it TOTAL justice#like it’s serious business to me 😭 i don’t play around when it comes to this omfg like i HAVE FUN but i want it to be decently written too#gonna need to insert more personality to each character + their DIALOGUE TOO omg dialogue is so fucking hard & speech tags are so blegh#i actually might dream on it tonight and imagine how it would realistically play out in my head and then go back to fic writing#yeah i’ll do that it’s 9:30 pm rn basically so i’ll just dream on it 😭#personal
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thoughts on Putting Others First: SvS Redux as they come to me
AN HOUR LONG?!?!?! Y E S THANK YOU
I am LOVING this opening art style. The way it shows all the things Thomas could say and shuts them each down, the silliness tying in perfectly to the video game setting, the way we could SO STRONGLY empathize with Thomas despite him not saying anything. Well done!
“Eff friends, Patton!” Patton and I made the exact same gasp and noise at the same time in reaction to that dsjfhljdhg
Lookit Thomas’ lil vest awww <3
ROMAN WITH THE PUNS I LOVE IT APPRECIATE HIM
rhymes
rhymes
they’re rhyming is this gonna be
A SONG!!!
(Logan off somewhere watching all of this: “You guys are doing a RAP? Without ME? .....Unacceptable”)
Seriously poor Logan being left out BOTH TIMES despite clearly having excellent points on the matter
But I’m loving this Patton/Roman dynamic being explored in this way. They have a lotta similarities but the differences are really standing OUT so far and I like it! Also it looks like Roman isn’t gonna just shut up and do whatever Patton says out of fear that he’s a bad person/bad for Thomas this time. I’m glad they’re both getting a chance to talk cause they aren’t exactly taken seriously a lot of the time.
RETURN OF THE BLINDFOLD METAPHOR followed by Roman saying “in Patton’s defense...” so they like, KNOW what Deceit meant about the blindfold? Were they playing dumb? Or do they just suddenly get it now that it’s coming from Thomas?
Ok this Feral Cat Story of Roman’s is too specific for me to dismiss and now I’m convinced either Remus brought a shitton of cats home one day and they just flooded their house/rooms, or Patton brought home a bunch of cats out of love and didn’t realize he couldn’t take care of em...either way that’s an adorable anecdote
The car jump line that Patton took literally is just making me miss Logan even more :(
I’m glad they’re giving context to the relationship between Thomas and Mary Lee & Lee! A lot of fander questions and opinions circled back to “well it depends how close they were” so it was smart of them to fill us in.
“those baby-makin’ catholics”
6:45 Patton has clearly thought through a lot of possible outcomes to talking to Lee and Mary Lee before going to the wedding... he never brought them up, even when Roman did and then Deceit did. But he’s bringing up points no one had addressed, and I think that’s a great way to put more intensity to Patton’s apology to Thomas for lying back in SvS pt 1. He hid a lot more than he let on. Man, how much guilt is this poor man feeling right now? :(
“Talking about it could have been harmful” I’m very intrigued by the parallels between Patton wanting to keep things from Thomas’ friends to protect their feelings in this episode and SvS, and Deceit disguised as Patton in CLBG trying to get Thomas to... keep things from his friend to protect their feelings...
WOAH “But was it worth it? I don’t--” “No.” Thomas cutting Roman off with that much certainty DAMN Thomas REGRETS going to the wedding HARD and also is agreeing with Roman finally??
Patton: “sometimes you can make all the good choices, and still not get the good ending.” Thomas: “I’m not even sure there was a good ending to get.” Roman: “Mmmm, I’m pretty sure there was.” There is so much to unpack here oh my gosh.
WOAH WOAH WOAH WHAT??? DAMN THOMAS CAME FOR PATTON WHAT ON EARTH??? Patton: “I think we can all agree that you are a good fellow.” Thomas: Can we? ALL? Agree on that?” Patton: *sputtering noises*
Poor Patton... I mean they’re right but gosh I feel for him. He wants so badly for Thomas to be a good person and he realizes now how strict and unyielding he’s been, and wants to not do that but doesn’t know how to be more lenient without sacrificing integrity cause that’s his JOB and he doesn’t know how to do it better aaaa this is such a mood
MUSIC IS THERE ANOTHER SONG COMING?
Return of the bagel. Except this time it’s Roman guessing/wanting the bagel and Patton being like “what? no?”
ok not a song but video game style is back!!
“ugh you’re such a dad” I love it
Patton just made more puns and Roman omg “Like, you’re SUCH a dad that like it’s too much to handle sometimes”
I am loving this whole scene jdfhjadshg Patton ily and I relate
Thomas and Roman teaching Patton how to come up with imaginary scenarios skjfklsjdfh
Sondheim wrecking Leslie Odom Jr is such a hilarious visual
Ok all three of them are peak dumbass and I’m so here for it (like they’re smart and all but they’re peak dumbass)
Daaaamn Patton is letting out so much this episode. Like he’s been holding back but wowie. R: “Just like how you didn’t HAVE to give him a hotdog” P: *sucks air through his teeth* “I feel like you kinda do though?” YES PLEASE let’s discuss the concept of obligation in morality again!!! Where’s Logan when you need him? Or Deceit even? (I feel like D’s gonna show up later but I wanna hear Logan’s thoughts this time too)
Patton: You can disagree! But... it’d kinda be wrong?
LOGAN POPUP! Ok fine if he isn’t in the ep at least he pops up in a lil dialogue box on screen. Also he popped up to support Patton... neat!
“It’s just me, Logan. I’ve taken this form because I didn’t want to be too...invasive.” POOR LOGAN NO YOU’RE NOT INVADING ANYTHING YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE HERE! Also Roman getting scared by the popup while Patton just waves happily like he always does upon seeing Logan aww
Okay I am getting serious DOPAMINE from Logan talking. Like, he’s spittin’ FACTS. Something about the way he talks is so interesting and soothing and makes me so excited to LEARN. Roman mockingly mouthing ‘behoove’ had me snort though XD
LOGAN AND I WERE IN UNISON HELL YEAH! Patton was all like ooh you’re sharing your lil factoids! And Logan and I at the same time corrected, “Facts,” and proceeded to state the definition of factoids (we worded it differently but yeah as usual Logan is on my wavelength)
Logan’s sprite getting so disappointed at Thomas’ interruption joke jgdkjghks he looks so DONE
OML I LOVE LOGAN’S DIALOGUE BOX TALKING TOO FAST FOR THEM TO READ THIS IS SO ACCURATE
Oof Thomas finally feeling like he GETS it and Patton being like yeah but not if you’re doing it bc you want to feel good tho... (also that’s the same argument Deceit made in SvS pt1??? I’m confused by Patton/Deceit’s functions lately and I’m very invested)
Oh ok Thomas just brought up that very point haha
“we all agreed the right thing to do was go to the wedding” um are u sure about that
“I was wrong” PATTON CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?? I know Logan has the reputation of not being able to admit when he’s wrong (which isn’t true -- he doesn’t like to but he has done so countless times...well not literally countless but you understand my meaning), but Patton rarely is in a situation where he has to, so this is jarring in a hopefully good way. Istg if this is Deceit disguised as Patton again I’ll be so disappointed... I feel like the writers wouldn’t do that though
Patton: says smth deceit said. Roman: and you...agree? Patton: Definitely! I mean uh maybe? (WHAT IS HAPPENING INSIDE PATTON’S HEAD RN SO MUCH TURMOIL)
Roman: “I’m not an expert in the... moral medium” Thomas: “Go ahead Roman, we wanna hear what you have to say.” Patton: *halfhearted gestures and noises for roman to go ahead* jashfjdh he’s trying so hard
AWWWW they’re validating Roman so much I love it
“whomstsoever” ok I take it back roman’s not valid
I adore Logan’s popup fun facts, and him giving definitions for Roman’s vocabulary reminds me how much the two of them love writing and poetry and language aaaa
Patton trying not to be harsh is somehow 10x harsher than he normally is
oh wow that got real.
I know I’ve said this but I love logan’s insertions... but I do wish he got to say them out loud like earlier :/ Pausing to read them is less fun than hearing him talk.
oh wow that got real part 2
I want. So badly. To jump into this video and debate Patton on the nature of morality and what “the right thing is.” Roman you’re not being dumb, you’re bringing up excellent points and you’re valid again.
Oh no Patton... empathy is not morality... please please address that there are people who can’t experience empathy and choose to be moral and good
THE TROLLEY PROBLEM HERE! WE! GO!
Logan’s popups bc he doesn’t want to “be too invasive” and making them optional to read hurts my heart :( He knows Patton, Roman, and Thomas aren’t reading any of it but he doesn’t want to be too much so he stays silent. Why?? Logan it’s okay! Why is this a thing now but not in the last 2 episodes? What happened to Logan :(
OOOOOOH Patton didn’t flip the switch :o Interesting! Daaaamn he’s arguing to let 5 people die rather than flip the switch so only one dies
LOGAN’S TEXTBOX WAS SO BIG AND FAST IT KNOCKED PATTON OVER I CANNOT BREATHE hang on I gotta read it
HE’S TALKING ABOUT DEONTOLOGY YES LOGAN THANK YOU FOR TELLING PATTON WHAT I PHYSICALLY CANNOT please tell me you’ll talk about utilitarianism and moral particularism next
Okay he used consequentialism but it’s close enough to utilitarianism that the outcome is the same. (Do you get it? Do you like my joke about how the outcome is most important? When we’re talking about-- oh you got it already? Good, moving on.)
DID ROMAN JUST FJCKING KILL LOGAN
“I’m okay, figment of your imagination, so.” Okay so CAN the Sides get hurt or can’t they?? Cause Patton clearly got bonked, roman got hit in the eye with paper and said ow, but logan got hit in the head with a throwing star and had his teeth ripped out and he was totally fine?
Thomas is being so HONEST with himself so early in the episode, wow this is refreshing and I’m hype
AW YAY Patton called textbox Logan in to help with philosophy yay :’)
Logan: “Pity seems to be at the center of your idea of ‘putting good into the world’” first, Logan doing a voice impression of Nietzsche is GOLD, and second.... I wish they’d let him finish cause I was waiting for a “but” cause Logan siding with Nietzsche on this one feels... wrong? Like I could see Dee bringing it up or Logan using it in an argument only to continue with a contradicting philosophy but Logan equating empathy to pity... idk I thought he’d grown more than to think that :/ Actually I don’t think he ever saw it that way. It feels out of character but I’m guessing he had more to say to debunk that.
HOLY SHIT PATTON SKIPPED ALL THE REST OF LOGAN’S DIALOGUE AND YEETED HIM OFF THE SCREEN bruh he may have been right and he should’ve gotten to say it >:(
ROMAN ISTG DO NOT TRY AND MAKE THIS YOUR FAULT
I SAID DON’T
GODDAMMIT
sjfkdjgjsh okay aww Thomas good job, Patton too. Thank god they’re being nice to him
Patton is having a breakdown holy heckity about time
damn Patton is freaking HARSH
“I have a difference in opinion on this one, Patton” Thomas: *relieved sigh whisper* “ohhh thank you, Logan” YES APPRECIATE THE BOY YES YES I LOVE HIM why are they looking around like he isn’t making sense?
LOGAN YES! CALL HIM OUT! LET THOMAS VALUE HIMSELF AND PUT HIMSELF FIRST SOMETIMES! “Every point you’ve made in today’s discussion has contradicted that sentiment.” I love you but also you sound a lil like deceit... very lawyer-y and feels calculated like he’s been keeping notes for this purpose... I want deceit and logan to debate already damn it. Maybe it’s just that Logan’s inflections feel reminiscent of Deceit to show...something?
Ok can I just say that Logan gets so much rep for his strictness or high standards but he’s been SO GOOD about that lately and him teaching about the importance of leisure and self-care and freedom in your life and self-esteem and valuing yourself like you do with others... not even just this video -- he’s been like this in the last few as well and these recent episodes remind me of early Logan (esp My Negative Emotions) and that makes my heart so so happy.
Continuation of the above, compare this to how Logan acted in Why Bed? with regards to Roman. Roman advocated for leisure time and following dreams, while Logan had a schedule that optimized productivity and health. Now he’s taking a similar stance to Roman and asserting the importance of these things... WHY is so much of Logan’s character development OFFSCREEN?? I wanna know what made him switch on this! Maybe just cause he’s listening to roman from why bed?
Why is Logan being so abrasive? He sounds like his intent is more to disprove Patton rather than state what he actually thinks... not a fan of that but he’s not wrong
WOAH WOAH TOTAL PATTON BREAKDOWN WHAT HAPPENED WHAT THE FCK HE’S A LITERAL MONSTER IN THIS VIDEO GAME?
OH, MY GOD. If Logan didn’t step in and save them here this would have been catastrophic. I can feel my relief. I mean, he screamed, but it was a relief. WAIT IT WAS DECEIT THE WHOLE TIME??? Daaaamn good job on this one Deceit and I definitely like him more now but also WHERE IS LOGAN. Was it the whole time? That makes sense in hindsight and makes me feel better about some things he’s brought up but I feel like it really was Logan at the start, it wasn’t until he started calling out patton that his voice and inflection and stuff changed
Patton trying to attack Deceit and hitting Thomas instead was an EXCELLENT way to showcase the effect SvS 1 and 2 are having
Deceit’s lil “A DUH DUH DUH DOY” looked and sounded just like Logan’s lmao don’t tell me it’s another switcheroo (I doubt it greatly lol)
REAL LOGAN REAL LOGAN REAL LOGAN
So wait what was the point that Deceit switched with Logan? Cause Logan’s saying “one more fact” so he was himself earlier right?
“Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed.” Nooooo they care </3 “I will do you all a favor and spare you my company” okay OUCH
EFFECTIVE ALTRUISM YES aw he’s talking about him and patton working together yes thank you
Damn, Deceit is LOVING everything Logan says haha same
Logan and Deceit teaming up to teach Patton that it’s okay to care about yourself
DECEIT WHAT he’s being so supportive of Roman holy heck this is so genuine OH Roman’s arguing with it this is a lot of stuff I didn’t expect roman to say out loud wow
THOMAS JUST SAID DECEIT THE CHARACTER ISN’T INHERENTLY UNETHICAL WOW this episode really said let’s make Deceit--
WAIT WOAH SORRY HIS NAME REVEAL!!! He’s Janice?? Is that true?
WAIT WOAH PART 2 BUT DECEIT JUST SAID IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE MUSTACHE HE WOULDN’T KNOW WHO THE EVIL TWIN IS BETWEEN ROMAN AND REMUS HOLY SHIT HE ACTUALLY LOOKED VULNERABLE AND THEN HURT AND THEN RIGHT BACK TO SNAKE
ROMAN’S GONE
fuck.... patton...roman....deceit....thomas....logan....I’m gonna go cry about all of them now
LESLIE ODOM JR IS HERE??????? oh there he goes
patton oh my god I love you this ANGST are you trying to kill me?
Patton telling thomas he’s worthy of love I actually teared up
dfjdakjhfa deceit don’t push it
Wowie that was an EPISODE
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
This is a review for the amazing sasusaku fanfic Perpetual Winter by @thefangirlslair
It’s a brilliant modern AU and I highly recommend it!!! You can read it on fanfiction.net or tumblr :))))
FF: c l i c kkkk
Tumblr: Part I, Special Chapter, Part II
And time for a criminally late and obscenely long review!!!
Pt I
Winter has never been his favorite season
Damn what an intro, I’m already getting angst vibes lmao. I really like how you set the scene and stage the world of this AU. I didn’t expect the existence of clans in this piece, with it being a modern AU, but this is such a fascinating twist on the setting to me. I loved how you described Naruto’s endurance as unnatural, “like there’s a demon living inside him” and Sasuke and his clan have inexplicable warmth….inexplicable do I dare say…fire ???? ;))))))
Lmao seriously what a great way to pay homage to canon though. I love these attributes!
Modern au Sasuke that reads poetry and drinks coffee is a brand of pretentiousness I can get behind
Aaaaaaa omg I really REALLY REALLY fucking love this intro! I love how you describe Sasuke as appreciating liveliness, and vibrance—which we can honestly assume is canon with how his two closest people are the embodiment of these traits. And I love how you tie it back into the seasons. This really gives so much life to that motif in this story, and the title. That was clever af
…he was taken back to the time where winter was just a mere season, Bon Iver was playing on their shared earphones, and Sakura was his.
WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST FUCKING DESTROYED ME WHAT A WAY TO SEGWAY INTO THE NEXT SCENE OOOOF IM KSJDFHLJSAKFL
There are so many things I love about this following scene… you really know how to write a couple in casual, mutual love. The banter and candidness of their interaction just has me floored. I also REALLY love that this is from Sasuke’s perspective, and how even though he doesn’t have an overwhelming amount of dialogue, we’re in his head, and his appreciation and love for Sakura just radiates. Lines like these:
From her latest discovered band to a recent discovery in medicine by a genius dude whose name he doesn’t even remember, she shares it with him. Favorite anime character, favorite memory with him, favorite pair of underwear — he knows it all because she’s that open to him about things she love.
They’re just….so good. I can hear his voice, his ardor, and his impeccable understanding of Sakura’s personality while also expressiong his own. The choice of having the narrative skewed through his lens was def a good decision. And ugh this piece is just overwhelmingly amazing already
He doesn’t know the pain to be dealt with when you’ve broken up with someone because Sakura was his first girlfriend. And honestly, he doesn’t, couldn’t, even think about being apart from her. Just the thought of them breaking up already makes him panic a little. He always thought to himself, ‘I will never let that happen.’
Okay this paragraph……………this paragraph tho……..dropping this. KNOWING. They’re gonna break up……….HOW DARE U
Seriously, what powerful writing. I don’t know how you do it……
I think it’s incredibly interesting that you chose music to be the catalyst for this beautiful, climactic moment of closeness My best friend/partner and I have had convos before about it, and she and i once talked about how we think of sex with music lol. I don’t know how to entirely explain myself on that, or where I’m really going with this, but I get the same vibe here too. Music that’s close to you is like an artistic intimacy and there’s something very personal and vulnerable about it. Maybe it’s an auditory thing, like getting lost in one of those guided meditations. (idk if you’ve ever had one that actually worked, they don’t always for me, but when they do god damn, it’s unreal) Either way, I really loved the way this scene played out, it was highly relatable and highly emotional, and I feel serenity and ardor just reading it. Beautifully done.
I love the way you moved back to the present and we immediately feel the differences and the similarities. The fondness and affection is still there, if not a little more muted, and it’s so obvious they still have feelings for each other. But there’s definitely moments that speak to their separation too, with the little differences in Sakura that Sasuke notices, or instances like her no longer drinking coffee or him deciding to open the door.
I really like how you inserted the interaction with Kakashi too. One thing I’m quickly noticing about this fic and your writing is how you very stealthily relay information to us readers. It’s seamless and entertaining, and I’m learning about this world and the past in ways that are so attention grabbing I don’t even notice it.
Also Itachi’s death and the way you handled it from Sasuke’s pov is so reminiscent of canon and also so gut wrenching. The lines
How dare Itachi leave him alone? How dare Itachi sacrifice himself and die? How dare Itachi pass his responsibilities onto his shoulders…
especially gutted me because of how is stands in stark parallels to the Sasuke we know in canon. This really smacked my head around with feels….poor Sasuke
OMFG POOR SASUKE !!!?!?!??!?!??!? THAT ENDING OOOLOGDSLGFSLKDGHLSDHFLKDFHVSLKV WHAT A FUCKING CURVE BALL LMAO
I mean maybe I should have seen that coming because like of course!!! But also I’M LOSING M Y SHIT HAHAHAHAAA
I can’t wait to see how this unfolds!!!!!
Special Chapter
This is such a powerful scene to start with. Itachi’s entire character was such a major influence in canon and seeing the way his death is affecting everyone now is so emotional. I feel so bad for Sasuke, having to take on all the burdens Itachi had left behind for him.
Also these lines:
“Mikoto cried, “Don’t you think it’s too soon? I just buried my first-born just barely a week ago and now we’re discussing how you’re gonna ruin my youngest’s life just like you did with Itachi?!”
The way her voice cracked when she said his brother’s name broke his heart. She’s still grieving, probably forever, and here they are talking about Sasuke’s suicide.”
Literally killed me. Dead. Deceased. Fallen to the Void. It’s so brilliant and powerful, and speaks so deeply on their dysfunctional family dynamics and feelings with so few lines. Really loved this…
This next scene was so stark and sad and beautiful. I meant to comment and pull lines again, but I couldn't stop reading tbh. Sasuke's thoughts and emotions concerning Sakura are so vividly gentle and full of praise. There's such a soft worship in the way you write his feelings towards her and tbh it's my absolute and only interpretation of feelings I care for concerning the depiction of their relationship. Still, you do this with a certain cleverness and mastery. It's really so moving for me...
The dream sequence that follows is absolutely debilitating, but so well done. I got the sense it was a dream only a few lines in just from the bluntness of the lines. It was truly very dream-like lol. I really could feel the panic and guilt along all of his inner turmoil. It's incredibly horrific to have such a dream about murder just after Itachi's too. This was devastating.
I really loved the way Sakura calms him groom the panic/anxiety attack. I've actually had a similar experience once, where I woke up from a nightmare and I was very frightened and stiff and couldn't really articulate myself. I remember I had felt deep horror and self loathing and nothing else. (I still remember the nightmare too, it was horrible.) My best friend at the time just threw herself on the bed and held me.
It's so crazy how grounding touch can be. I really felt that with Sasuke and Sakura too. The comfort she offers him is so seamless to her character and so ardently palpable. The repetition of "I got you" really touched me especially. It breaks my heart knowing the inevitable end of their relationship to come.
Oooooohhhh daaamnnnnn
I did NOT see the raunchy sex coming lmfao!! Although in hindsight, I probably should have. You already told us how they tend to get down and dirty when emotions run high with the arguments and make-up sex. I imagine this is instigated by Sasuke often, with him struggling to articulate his need for Sakura verbally so he does so physically. And I imagine Sakura is just kinky enough to crave this sort of animal want.
I do love how sexual interactions are easily moving in tandem with their emotions, how it just feels like another mode of communication. Sasuke breaking down during it leaves me feeling so tender too. It's tragic
She smiled. Sasuke doesn't know if he wants that smile or not.
These exit lines are going to fucking kill me istg
The following events honestly hurts to read because Damn haven't we all been there... the fallout of a relationship to the point where you're just dragging it through the mud… it’s a true deterioration of soul and you capture that slow death so well. I really feel terrible for Sakura—Sasuke too—but it sucks for her to be in the dark like this.
I love the way you write Karin!!! Honestly, I think it really mirrors the way she's written in canon. She's cold and strategically loud and generally calculating and overall kind of apathetic. She doesn't really know the value of meaningful relationships (and therefore doesn't prioritize them) until much later on in the series. I definitely get this sense of her here too. She's a little cold, but not cruel, and she has the pragmatic values of her and Sasuke's union in mind as she agrees to it all. I really like how you made her personality come through here.
Meanwhile there’s him, sucking all the hard traits from their father. His competitive streak, arrogant way of speaking, harsh words — it’s all Fugaku. And suddenly, he feels so exhausted.
This line hit me so hard. I love this fic already for an endless number of reasons but a striking one is how well you interrogate the relationships between family. When you described Itachi’s death as Sasuke losing a part of him, I really felt that. And here when you write about the way Sasuke takes after Fugaku and hates it and is also exasperated from it, just like how his father likely is, it just runs bone deep. You really know how to speak to life experiences and relationships in consistently intimate ways. I love that about you
This is his reality now — no more dream, no more Itachi; and pretty soon, no more Sakura.
’It hurts,’ Sasuke thought. 'It hurts, aniki.’
Wow death by angst lmao thanks for the pain, maren, glad to know you like to torture your readers as much as our ninja babies. Srsly tho the cadence of these lines and the material itself sync up perfectly. It’s such powerful writing
This entire scene is stuffed to the brim with dread and turbulence, and it’s so lifelike, I feel it’s haunting. The way you describe the suffocating atmosphere of the car ride, how Sasuke snaps at Sakura for simply knowing that something is up, the awkwardness of the dinner… You really brought so much passion into these scenes, I feel like I’m being tortured right with them lol
I looooooove the drama of this playing out omg. The way you have this convo go down is like a punch to the gut. Sakura announcing her acceptance to Harvard, and then her refusal to go. Sasuke knowing he’s the reason why…the guilt…the anger…
Also omfg these lines:
Sasuke hardened his resolve and stiffly said, “No. I don’t need you, Sakura.”
’Yes, I do.’
Sakura shook her head, “Yes, you do.”
I DIED. Sakura callin’ him out on his bull shit I fucking LOST IT lmaooOOooo I love this so much and I love how you write their dynamic! It’s funny how this fic plays into a lot of romantic clichés but also subverts them—gives them a twist that knocks the reader right off their feet. It’s honestly incredible
I loved the way you brought in winter into this scene too. The image of it, the feel of it, the terrible, lonely tone. It suits the entire mood of it all.
This is going to sound super dumb but I genuinely love how much agency you give Sakura btw. You probably know I’m a raging, batshit feminist by now and I gotta say, her dialogue is consistently powerful and reeks of someone who knows who they are, and their worth, even when in the fallout of a relationship where they are getting the short end of the stick. Like I’m just sitting here reading “Sasuke, you dumb jackass, what are you doing” lmfaoooo LIKE GURL I WOULD TREAT U SO GOOD…. SAKU BB IM SO SORRY BUT ALSO TRUST I KNOW HOW IT BE
I really do love it. And I love how you wrote Sakura as an orphan too. It really flips the script on the canon material (eat shit, kishimoto!! Women can have trauma and real backstories not centered around men, u misogynistic pile of adskjfhsklhfalkd) I just feel she’s very well written, and tangible, and powerfully human. I’d be just as smitten as Sasuke tbh
The last scene is so upsetting… it’s also strangely warming too though. It’s terrible Sasuke’s been broken down like this, but there’s something about this scene where he feels raw, and expresses his pain in a very infantile way, literally crying out to his mother about how it hurts. I really feel he’s been stripped of not just his life, but himself, under the weight of Itachi’s death and all that’s come with it, and it makes my heart ache. I loved this chapter, in all it’s infinite sadness.
Part II
He closed his eyes and thought about his talk with his father earlier, “We’re okay now. He called me while I was with Itachi.”
Love the ease and depth of this single line of dialogue. How Itachi is not alive but is still with him, and how it speaks to the way we humans grieve and the continuity and strength of relationships even after someone leaves. It’s just very simple and human, and it popped out at me.
He couldn’t even remember the last time they talked on the phone, or the last time he heard Fugaku as a father, not as the Uchiha patriarch.
Uggghhhhhhh this is exactly how I felt Fugaku was like in canon too. This fic is just full of brilliance, I really adore the way you describe all the relationships, but the complexity between Sasuke’s and Fugaku’s is really striking to me. You nail it perfectly.
And this whole intro where Fugaku apologizes to Sasuke and tells him he is proud…. I feel as if a major levee has been broken. While he’s in front of Itachi’s grave too. This Sasuke really has that same parallel with the one in canonverse where I feel he is held back by his family trauma, family obligations, the weight of blood. And this scene feels like a breaking point. Where Sasuke can be a man instead of an Uchiha, in the same way Fugaku gives him this moment as a father instead of an Uchiha patriarch. It certainly feels like a cleansing of sorts.
Once you thought you’re over it, one pink-haired beacon of spring will bloom in your eternal winter and blow all your progress into next week. What a woman. He will never find anyone better.
AaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA !!!! this IS what I mean!!! His inner thoughts of her ugh….i’m so weak…Sasuke you lovesick fool…. And the return of the beautiful seasons motif. I love this so much
You can say they were drunk — with liquor, with each other, with love.
I just adore this line. It really emphasizes the vibe of their past relationship and the picture as a whole, and just that electric feeling of being consumed with someone. The description and cadence of it is just really catching, and I love it
God, this entire scene. Damn, maren. It’s criminal how well you write the tension of such a casual conversation. It feels as if an interrogation of sorts is occurring, and yet it’s still a heartwarming kind. Sakura is not vicious or mal-intentioned in inquiries and yet it still leaves Sasuke weak and defenseless if only because of his feelings for her. There’s so many ways you assert it too. It’s in every line, every detail. This one in particular stood out to me:
Sasuke clenched his fist under the table and scoffed, “I hope my mother didn’t tell you how miserable I was.”
'Still am,’ he corrected in his mind. 'How miserable I still am.’
I remember you used this particular tactic when also describing Itachi’s feelings from Sasuke’s POV. (Something along the lines of how he does became how he did because he is gone) In this fic where time is moving back and forward in a non-linear fashion, these details are especially striking. Despite the changes and pushes and pull, this one fact is consistent—Sasuke loves Sakura. And we, as readers, relearn it with every line.
Also I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOvE that Mikoto saw Sakura off, and that there is this undertone of a bond. Like ughhhhh I’ve so been there, where there’s that depth of understanding between women and relationships that men don’t always know about or know how to grapple with it. My ex resented me for it lmfao
Adkjfasklfalsjdkfakls SASUKE CAN RELATE TO HIM APPARENTLY AHAHAHAAHHA B SNAPPEDDDD I totally get it though, it’s a little intrusive of Sakura to ask for that, but we all also know why she did. Poor saku bb is in love with this emotionally constipated idiot lmao. Oh I love the endless pining and miscommunication of it all !!!
“I thought you’d be here,” a voice came and knocked on the closed door of his heart. He turned his face towards it, he saw her and suddenly his doors came opening again.
The winter sun was directly behind her, giving her this eerie glow. Like a nymph; a spring nymph being born in his perpetual winter. He shivered inside.
Back at it again with that seasonal motif !!!! ugh you are killing me. I also really loved the phrase “knocked on the closed door of his hear.” You really have such a way with these metaphors and images, it’s so striking and makes the narrative of this piece so brilliant
and silence is a comfortable companion back then. When they became lovers, it was like their platonic third-wheel aside from Naruto.
Ngl I busted out laughing on that one. “aside from Naruto” hahaaaa I love the way you include him in this fic tbh. He’s not a very big focus, but he still feels like an integral part of this story, not just as Sasuke’s best friend, but also as another device to unite Sasuke and Sakura. Also he’s pretty fantastic comic relief, probably just as much for the two of them as for the reader.
I really love the way this convo goes down, and the change of scenery from the coffee shop to the playground. Considering the way their love at this point is founded in nostalgia (and perhaps something else, but let’s ignore that for a second) it’s so fitting for them to finally stripping away the masks and cloaks and being genuine with one another—Sakura talking about how she knew all along, and Sasuke finally admitting he still loves her.
I also loved that Karin broke off the engagement!!!!!! And how she did it and how you described it ughghhghg I love this. You really spoke to her character growth and development in canon too. It’s trivial compared to everything else that’s going on, but I love it.
…the pink of her hair, the green of her irises and the gold of the sun slowly setting down behind her.
Sasuke couldn’t see her clearly anymore, only the faint glow of her weeping eyes and the halo on her head made by the sun.
You think you’re slick don’t you…you think you’re some kind of mastermind with these subtle references/images…..well guess what bitch….YOU ARE
I looooove how you tied the music back in. Ugh this departure!! MY HEART!!! Also I’m seeing a handful of songs I love including OUR BOIIIII !!!! rex orange county uhhghhgjak maren this is the romance of a lifetime I AM WEAK
Ughh the forehead kiss…..that was so sweet. I loved Sakura’s choice to give him that bit of affection. This scene is so beautifully intimate, despite their positions.
Omg I FINISHED HOLY SHIT!!! And Sasuke doesn’t get back with her! Wow! Honestly, as much as my shipper heart is like, violently frothing at the mouth and saying “okay they totally got back together down the line tho like THEY HAD TO THEY ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER WHAT IS TH—" I actually have such a deep appreciation for this ending. Their relationship in this almost feels dream-like, and with the way the story unfolds, even if they still loved each other in the end (and I really don’t doubt that they do. We don’t have Sakura’s perspective, but we also don’t need it. the affections are clear) it doesn’t mean they will end up together or are even really suited for each other in such a way.
Their love in this actually really reminds me of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Have you seen that movie? I just really get that vibe at the end. This entire romance cuts very deep and is very passionate and leaves me feeling so whimsical. I really loved this story, Maren… thank you for sharing it with all of us. thank you for writing it. You’re really one of a kind and you and this story has my whole heart <333
Also I’m sorry this is so late, but when I said I am going to write you a review, what I meant was I am going to write you a review. This English degree is good for nothing but sending elaborate love letters to friends and writers in the form of literary analyses and stupid overreactions and BY GOD I WILL NOT LET THIS CRIPPLING COLLEGE DEBT GO TO WASTE !!!
#sasusaku#ss fanfiction#ik its been like a year im sorry#but ily and ur my fav 5evr pls marry me maren my love
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Major Crimes-Conspiracy Theory Pt. 1
Anticipation-three things I was waiting for in this episode 1. I wanted to see the rings. I wanted to make sure the ceremony took place since we, you know, didn’t get to actually see it. 2. To hear if Sharon would be called Commander Raydor or Commander Flynn. I’m hoping for Flynn, so that means it will probably be Raydor. 3. To hear Andy refer to Sharon as his wife or Sharon to refer to Andy as her husband. (I got two out of three, the jury is still out over Flynn vs. Raydor)
So, this episode was a light one. I feel like we needed a light episode after the past 5 depressing ones, however, I’m not sure it was the right case for a comedy episode.
Granted, they were filming this episode long before the shit hit the fan with politicians and entertainers being fired or resigning due to sexual harrassment and assault issues, but, even without everything that’s happening in RL right now, I think it should have been taken a little more seriously. Or at least not had quite so much humor.
Honestly, I think it would have been far more interesting to have this be the storyline that pulled Sharon front and center rather than the trope, life threatening illness. I would love to have seen this storyline used to bring forward Sharon’s own experiences on the force with sexual harassment and also how she dealt with some of that once she was in FID. There could have been great dialogue between Sharon, Andrea, and Amy over this very topic and some of things they have had to deal with. Also, I think it would be interesting for the men to hear this coming from the women they work with and care about. I’m sure some of the things Sharon probably went through would be quite eye opening to Andy. This arc is not over, so I’m hoping, though not really believing, that we still might get some of this from our main characters point of view.
I do love the humorous episodes and I feel like the writers really missed the boat by not writing a classic ProFlynnza episode around Andy’s bachelor party. But, I suppose that would have been too much focus on the characters and the wedding and it would have taken away from the depressing Sharon illness storyline that I still hate and that has cast such a cloud over the whole season.
So, now on to the episode. I promise it’s not full of salt. There were quite a few things I enjoyed, especially considering we didn’t have any talk of Sharon being sick which was GREAT. I would love to be able to put that all behind us, even as I know we have more looming ominously ahead.
Onto the episode--
“Frank Boggs, AKV Security.”
Was it just me or did this guy seem to be a rehash of Dick Tracy? He even looked like Dick Tracy.
“Commander, what are you doing here anyway? I think we can handle an autopsy prelim.”
It sounds like even though they didn’t get to go to Ireland, Andy and Sharon did take some time off for a little honeymoon. I’d like to think they at least got away for a few days up to Santa Barbara or something.
Interesting that Provenza states “Commander, what are you doing here?” I would have thought he would have said “Commander, Flynn what you are both doing here, since I would assume they were honeymooning together. The only thing I can think of was that Provenza was more taking offence that the boss felt the need to come in when he felt he could handle what was going on.
“Nothing random happens in the Palisades.”
I guess I don’t know enough about the Palisades to get all these inside jokes. I do know that Mary lives in the Palisades, but that’s about all I know--and I’m assuming most of America and the rest of the world didn’t get the jokes either.
“Who’s Craig Curtis?”
Andy, Provenza, Sharon and Amy all know their football. Morales is the only one who is lost, after all “It’s not like he was nominated for an Oscar or something.”
“Tackles. Huge TV’s, big burgers, cute girls…Tasteless, the way they dress those waitresses there.”
I do love it when Andy opens mouth and inserts his foot-- and the way he trips all over himself trying to fix things once he gets that narrow eyed look from his wife. Yes his WIFE. He’s not sure if she’s really upset about what he said or not, but I like that she is more amused than anything.
“I should speak to the wrongfully terminated women.”
This is SO something bachelor Andy would have said.
“Don’t apologize again for sleeping with Aidan.”
Okay, so I’m not going to get into how my knickers got all twisted with yet more personal Gusty scenes--we’ve gotten way more of them than the other MAIN couple. What I will say is that when Rusty first starting seeing Gus, I liked Gus. I liked Gus a lot more than I liked Rusty and I felt that Gus was good for Rusty. I liked them as a couple. I didn’t really care about them as a couple, nor was I invested in them and I didn’t really care about seeing any personal scenes between them, but I was okay with them as a couple. Last season I started to dislike Gus and when Rusty said “good-bye” to him, I really took it to mean good bye. Gus thought they could do the long distance relationship but Rusty knew it was over. And it seemed like that was the logical end of the relationship. Then, this season we have Rusty angsting over Gus, stalking him on social media and Gus not responding to Rusty. Get a clue Russ, the guy is done with you , just like you knew would happen when you said “good bye.” Only now we get more. We find out Gus has been sleeping with Aidan and that he and Rusty are through. Okay, cause I thought you were “through” last season, but, whatever. I really don’t care at all what goes on with these two and hope they stay broken up. This is not a good or healthy relationship.
“A gun…seriously?”
Really? Rusty just leaves his gun laying around? Hardly responsible gun ownership.”
“Man, this calendar is…” Sharon puts her hand out to take it away. “Very offensive Commander.”
Yet again, Wes is so much like Andy.
“You ought to show your tits now cause in a few years no one’s gonna want to see them and you’ll only get hired for your talent.”
OMG, your TALENT. How awful. This scene really hit’s the nail on the head, what with everything going on in the entertainment industry right now. What I found interesting in looking at the reactions of the team to this video, it is the men who are uncomfortable and disgusted--both Andy and Provenza have very visible negative reactions to the video, but Sharon doesn’t. She doesn’t seem to register much in the way of emotion.
I think there are a couple of reasons for this. I’m sure she has had to deal with sexual harassment in the past and this isn‘t as shocking to her as it is to the men. When she asked Jack for a divorce she even made the comment that the time for her needing his ring was long gone. Now that she was in a position of power she didn’t need what little protection a ring gave her. Sharon is a beautiful woman in a male dominated paramilitary profession, so I feel like she’s experienced some of this first hand. When she was young and just starting out I’m sure she had to learn to keep that professional mask on when she was harassed. Then, she was in FID so I’m sure she saw and heard a hell of a lot when those cases came across her desk and that she probably worked very hard to make sure these guys got punished for their actions. This is the kind of stuff I want to know about Sharon Flynn. Much more interesting than her being sick.
“Gus is struggling to find a decent job.”
“Struggling? Why is he struggling?”
First of all I love that Sharon is working on her “thank you” cards--and yes--finally a decent glimpse of the ring. At least there was some continuity with the wedding having taken place, and how like Sharon to get those thank you cards right out.
I loved the amused twist on Rusty’s lips when he tells her Gus is struggling. Mama Bear Flynn has her cub’s back, she seems just as “serves him right” about Gus as Rusty does. Until Rusty says this--- “Because when they stopped sleeping together Aiden fired him and wouldn’t give him a reference.” THAT got her attention. However much Gus pissed Sharon off, he is now the victim of someone who is breaking the law and as such she jumps to attention making sure Rusty knows that Aidan’s actions are illegal.
I think it’s also interesting to see how far mother and son have come and how more open they are with each other. In a deleted scene (that shouldn’t have been deleted) Sharon wants to talk about overnight guests to the condo. Rusty thinks she’s talking about him and he’s absolutely horrified. He can’t even bring himself to discuss it with her. It turns out that she was referring to her and Andy , and of course he didn’t want to discuss that either, but it looks like they’ve had conversations about Gus sleeping with Aidan.
“Detective Paige, Amy. The man seems to have a thing for attractive young women.”
“Well, we’ll do our best but we’re over 30”
“You’d never know. Police work keeps you young. Look at my wife.”
BEST line of the whole episode. LOVED IT. Andy is SO frakking adorable. You know he’s been dying to be able to call her his wife, and now that he can he’s going to do it anytime he can. Loved Sharon’s secret little smile, you just know it gives her a little thrill to be called his wife. His beautiful, young looking wife. And Provenza’s side glance. Very reminiscent of the looks he used to give when Andy started referring to her as Sharon instead of Captain. He’s thinking “Oh Flynn, you sap, you’ve got it SO bad you can’t even see straight.”
“Do you mind, Michael? Some of us are trying to solve a murder.”
This is the first time I’ve heard Andy call Mike, Michael, and I love the way Sharon dropped her forehead onto her hand, like, “Oh, here we go again. Do you really HAVE to get my man all riled up.”
“Did I make mistakes as a husband? Sure. Could I have been more attentive? Absolutely. Should I have slept with so many of her friends, probably not. Bottom line, I treated her like crap. I took her for granted. She left me.”
I don’t know if it’s just me or not, but this guy reminded me so much of Jack Raydor. He even looked a little bit like him. And I got the feeling from the look on her face that Sharon thought so too. I bet she was thinking “I can’t believe I used to put up with a guy like this. Now she has sweet Andy who treats her with such love and respect and who looks at her like the sun rises and sets on her. What I lucky woman.
And by the way. Where was Andy? He was the only member of the team not to go to Tackles. I would have thought it was because he hadn’t been cleared for field duty, but in Sanctuary City 1 he makes the comment that he can be in the field as long as Sharon is present and he was out in the field during that story arc. So, why not now?
“If I leave here today without your signature and a check covering two month’s of Gus’s pay, you have no idea how ugly this is gonna get. Or maybe you do.”
Rusty has learned a lot from his Mama. This scene really reminded me of the scene when Sharon Flynn went to see Sharon Beck in jail and laid down the law to her.
I will end with saying that we got another scene in Aidan’s restaurant when supposedly it was too expensive to film Shandy scenes on location. Those were two restaurant scenes that could have been dates.
Just saying…
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
it wants to give us the exciting parts and the emotional pay off without actually doing any of the work, is the best way I can think to explain it Ria hateblogs Discovery: Episode 7 “[Poorly Written Time Travel] Magic to Make[s] the Sanest [Wo]Man Go Mad”
liveblogged to @kendradaynes
we had entirely 'last time on Discovery' before the intro credits, like not even a teaser ...
kendradaynes... That's an unusual choice
aceofwands I thought so too!
it was just Mudd being left behind on the Klingon ship. probs cause Mudd is gonna show up (we saw in the teaser last week). seems an odd choice too, like it was only a couple episodes ago, we haven't forgotten what they did???
close up of Michael's face, giving a personal log
oh lord
already paused it to write an awful line of dialogue down: "despite my fears, I seem to have found my place on this discovery"
discovery of WHAT
the dialogue is so bad Shin, so bad
kendradaynes..... What? That is...That makes angsty teenage fic seem well written
aceofwands: she's talking about the ship's settled into routine ... which ... what? aren't they in the middle of a war?!!!!!!!!
and about how she's made a friend in Tilly, and how she's taken comfort in her work
and how "this ship has become the most important weapon in the Federation's arsenal"
and I can't even
it doesn't even feel like they're at war! the way they go around on this shiny ship and talk about how it's settled into routine??????
kendradaynes... I want to send them all of DS9 s7 and Voyager's Year of Hell 2 parter and maybe Enterprise season 3 to show WHY THAT WOULDN'T WORK
aceofwands: Stamet's wacky drive piloting ability has "Given him access not just to unseen parts of space but his personality as well" and like ... that's a worry! WHY IS NO ONE WORRIED ABOUT THIS
kendradaynes THAT IS NOT A GOOD THING GET THAT MAN TO A PSYCHOLOGIST
aceofwands I keep pausing this ONE PERSONAL LOG
she confesses she finds some members of the crew more interesting than others (lol what others, they feel even more like background characters than any of the other shows somehow???) and it's her talking to Voq-Tyler
(people online have been debating how it's too obvious that he's Voq, but I don't have any faith in these writers not doing the really fucking obvious)
"Lt Tyler has suffered so much and still maintains such dignity and kindness" I really really hope he actually is Voq like wow I want them to be this bad at writing (and nothing I've seen so far makes me think they're any good at it)
“I fear my personal history interferes with my ability to forge relationships. I am among the others yet also apart." I can't get over this, it's like bad self-insert fan fic (I'm not even 5 mins in lol, I'd better let her finish her stupid log and stop pausing it lol)
oh lord, she's facing one of her greatest challenges so far ... they're having a party
they're ... playing ... beer ... pong ... on Star Trek
this is like a gross noisy college frat party ... on Star Trek ...
why is Michael not wearing casual clothes ...
kendradaynes... #weneedtheorville
aceofwands Orville's party in Pria had more dignity??? which y'know, the show is full of dick jokes
oh it's okay though, Tyler is giving a speech
wait did he just point to a guy who's "sacrificed for us" who had some sort of disability? I went back - there's a guy sitting on what I think is supposed to be a futuristic wheelchair I guess?
how did we get from It's Only a Paper Moon to this?
kendradaynes There are also... Very few disabling things that can't be at least partially cured by the 23rd century
aceofwands yeeeeah my thoughts exactly. but it was unclear and part of a dramatic speech so
Tilly left Michael and Tyler alone together at the party, but they were asked to report to the bridge
I still don’t know why everyone loves Tilly ... she doesn't seem like a cadet, unless you count the AOS crew as cadets ... again, everyone's too 2017
ummmmmmm. so Michael and Tyler were walking along the corridor. when she bumped into Stamets and knocked a container of whatsits over. and he hugged her and asked why she's apologising for a random moment that makes life so gloriously unpredictable and WHY IS NO ONE CONCERNED FOR HIM
kendradaynes... That makes sense. He sounds high
aceofwands ohthe Doctor has just shown up in this conversation out of nowhere. "I deeply apologise for my partner, lately he's been acting ... different"
WHY ARE YOU HERE IN THIS RANDOM CORRIDOR DOC! YOU WEREN'T WALKING BESIDES STAMETS??? WHY DID YOU TURN UP JUST TO BE PART OF THIS CONVERSATION
(I keep pausing it, I'm only 7 mins in, I might uh ... stop pausing it and try to keep up lol)
kendradaynes There are so many plot holes in this show
aceofwands they made a cybernetic augment for his arm??
then they asked what the deal between Michael and Tyler is ... and I just ... why is this show ... so ... clumsy? there is no nuance, no subtlety, it’s like they have to hit us over the head with everything like MICHAEL AND TYLER LIKE EACH OTHER OKAY AUDIENCE, DO YOU GET IT?
kendradaynes Honestly it feels like 18 year old self-insert fanfiction
aceofwands cut to the bridge. Saru and Lorca found an unidentified signal ... its some sort of biological space organism
which Michael knows a lot about
kendradaynes Of course. Because she knows everything
aceofwands protocol requires them to take care of it, because it's endangered, which is nice because actual Star Trek things
and um what
kendradaynes I hate her, jsyk
aceofwands they just beamed it into the cargo bay???????????????????
IT LIVES IN SPACE
IN VACUUM
HOW WOULD IT SURVIVE IN ATMOSPHERE AND GRAVITY???
kendradaynes welp that thing would be dead
aceofwands OMG IT HAS A DEMOGORGON FACE
some dude in a helmet hitched a ride inside its mouth and used it to get on board
its killed a bunch of people, but Michael escaped
oh its Mudd, to no one's surprise
kendradaynes Of course. Because self insert
aceofwands "did you really think you could leave me in a Klingon prison and suffer no repercussions?"
what have they done to his character
good fucking grief
kendradaynes*sigh*
aceofwands he's come here to find out why the Discovery is special, and is talking about how he's gonna sell it to the Klingons, but "not this time". so Mudd's causing a time travel loop. exploding their ship. the Discovery is blowing up. but now it's back to the party
this sucks
usually I LOVE time loop episodes
they're usually so fun! but this show is boring and dumb
oh man ... if you're gonna repeat scenes ... THIS IS THE BEST YOU'VE GOT???? them walking along a corridor talking
OH LOL it's Stamets. he's the only one who recognises the time loop. and everyone thinks he's crazy! "I need all of you blasted people to start listening"
why is this episode not about Stamets talking to someone?
why wouldn’t they listen to him???
Michael's all "oooooh how did Stamets know what it was going to be???"
.....had to pause it. Michael requested being in charge of the operation. Lorca: "I don't give a damn, I just want it done". then Tyler requested being in charge for security. and Lorca: "I still don't give a damn"
this. is. not. Star. Trek.
seriously
when there was a time loop on Next Gen and they started realising they HELD A FUCKING STAFF MEETING! and they realised through the poker game, which was clever! and everything about that was more fun and impressive than this shit has been in the first 15 mins!
the spore drive just activated, and they're all like 'why is this happening?". but obvs Mudd's in engineering
Tyler and Michael are threatening him with phasers, but haven't shot him on sight. oh they finally did. but there was a forcefield. Mudd's trying to figure out how the drive works.
Michael: "You are mad."
Mudd: "No, I'm Mudd."
WHY
I wish the idiots who wrote this garbage would get stuck in a time loop and forced to watch this awful episode over and over until they figured out how to stop it from being so bad
then he yelled at them to tell him how to work it AND STAMETS WAS BEHIND HIM AND SHOT HIM IN THE BACK. and said: "As days go, this was a weird one" which is hilarious
except that I'm not even 20 mins in and somehow bored?
how can they make time loops boring?
they keep saying different things???? in the scenes????
is it a time loop or isn't it?
do they know or don't they?
this doesn't make sense!
kendradaynes That's... not how a timeloop works. It only changes when they realise it
aceofwands yeah it's clearly trying to jump to the parts later on, cause Stamets implies that they've looped many times already. but instead - as usual - it just comes across as .. confused? muddled? like it's not really a time loop because they clearly know it's a loop enough to change what they say, but not enough to realise they're looping???
kendradaynes Yeah that's not how time loops are meant to work and I'm mildly vexed
aceofwands Mudd has got Lorca to come down with him "I really can't take it from the top again Lorca"
ummmm Mudd's talking about how he's explained this to Lorca before, but needs his help to access part of the ship ... if he's aware they're looping then ... why is he so bad at ... I don't even know .... [I stopped being able to explain everything wrong with this episode’s plot around this point]
this episode is a primer in How Not To Write Time Travel
Stamets is explaining how he thinks he's outside of the loop: "it's getting really hard to keep it straight" lol
he needs Michael to talk to Tyler but they're about to loop, and Stamets wants her to tell him something so she'll trust him straight away next loop. and she did??? and he made a sad face and said he was sorry
don't make me have feelings with your decent acting Anthony Rapp
but also do they not have protocols for time travel or like anything else to share???
"now is usually around the time he kills the Captain" - can we stay in that when we fix the loop lol
"you kill a Starfleet captain they lock you up for ever" ummm do they really
LOL WE'RE GETTING ALL THE LOOPS WHERE MUDD KILLS LORCA AND IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY SATISFYING WATCHING HIM DIE
HE'S EATING A SANDWICH AND HAD LORCA BEAMED TO SPACE
53 TIMES LOL
AHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
OKAY
ACTUALLY HILARIOUS PART
loop back to the party: Michael and Tilly talking. Stamets appears, taps Tilly, "I just spotted the hottest guy over there and apparently, he's in a band! Have fun!" (she was explaining earlier how she used to be into soldiers but is lately into musicians, cause that's what passes for character development on this awful show)
genuinely made me laugh
Michael's secret is that she's never been in love ... which we knew from the way she acted earlier in the episode??? not even a secret
HIS DIALOGUE IS DIFFERENT
THIS ISN'T HOW TIME LOOPS WORK
oh that was enough for Stamets to prove he was telling the truth ... and she now has to talk to Tyler about mudd?? idk it's super unclear why this is happening or what they're hoping to achieve ?????
honestly this episode is a terrible muddled mess
...................had to pause it again
to explain this scene
I'm leaving out so much and you're probably confused (I'm watching it and I'm confused)
she blew her chance to talk to Tyler because she likes him, which Stamets points out, and she says she's out of her element, so he says 'dance with me, for science, so I can see what I'm working with ... 'and like .... helping Michael talk to the guy she likes .... .... so they can save the ship from a time loop ... is the worst idea for a Star Trek episode I've ever heard. and I've watched Threshold
stupid space lizards make more sense than this plot
she's wondering how people make connections
and Stamets is explaining how Dr Culber and he got together
because the Doc was humming terrible opera
I ... I ... this
I can't Shin
you'll have to watch this dumb show with me if you want to make sense of it
I have to go back and attempt
no I'll just type out this conversation
see if it makes any sense to you
kendradaynes This sounds like it's impossible to make sense of even while watching
aceofwands
"Hugh and I fell in love after I told him to get lost."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Love isn't logical." (they're slow dancing while this happens)
"I was in a wonderful cafe on Alpha Centauri when three seats down comes this hideous humming. Have you ever heard someone try to hum Casselian opera?"
"I can't say that I have."
"Well I told him to stifle it or sit somewhere else. Instead, he sat right next to me. And he's been there ever since." [Michael looks as confused as I am]
"After such a rude exchange. Why would he do that?"
"I told him how I really felt. And he did the same. And we liked that about each other."
"I'm good at honesty."
"Never hide who you really are. That's the way relationships work."
... ............... I have no words for how little this scene makes sense. that is not how relationships work???? that is a terrible way for them to get together???? and most importantly WHY ARE THEY SLOW DANCING (hint because they realised having them stand around the corridors was fucking boring probably)
kendradaynes THAT IS NOT HOW RELATIONSHIPS WORK
aceofwands I KNOW RIGHT
THEY'RE OUT OF TIME ALREADY? NO WAY IT HAS BEEN HALF AN HOUR
lol Michael is pulling Tyler away to dance in this time loop, the lighting is very purple with lots of close ups of their hands on each other
had to pause it again I am dying of bad laughter at the nonsense
they're dancing and it's kinda sweet and they've got an almost hint at a sexy vibe .... and then Burnham goes "So I hear you were locked up in a Klingon prison cell with Harry Mudd"
whyyyy are they not having a staff meeting about this?
I mean I know Lorca is a jerk and all. but this approach makes ZERO SENSE! she's telling him the whole truth, while they dance ... Stamets is watching and looking bemused ....
Tyler is like "why would he think I'd trust you?"
"Because I like you. And he thinks you like me too."
and he's like 'oh ... tonight's gotten weird but also very interesting'
WHY DO NONE OF THEM ACT LIKE REAL PEOPLE?
like ... how is it that Shakespearean, larger than life characters in previous series somehow feel more real and genuine????? these people just SOUND LIKE THEY'RE IN A TV SHOW????? like it sounds like TV dialogue!
I can't explain it
"if time really is repeating, this won't matter" and he kisses her. of course.
maybe less dancing more saving the ship?
they're talking while dancing "he used to brag about robbing a Betazoid bank"
!"a non equilibrial matter state" - a time crystal, which she learned about at the Vulcan science academy. which they haven't been able to perfect, but a 4 dimensional being must have perfected it, according to Burnham
good thing she knew all of this ??????????
IT'S SO BADLY WRITTEN SHIN
WHAT THE FUCK
there's no figuring anything out!
they just already know!!!!!!
cut back to the bridge, wondering where Michael and Tyler are. Mudd appears, playing music
hahahahaha the computer addressed him as Captain Mudd: "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually tired of gloating"
he's found a weaponised dark matter ball in Lorca's stash of dangerous shit. and he's blabbing on about it "and if any of you were planning on being heroes - including you, random communications officer man" LOL (the guy just ran up to try to stop him) "you'll find there's very little I don't know."
Tyler and Michael burst out onto the bridge for some reason ????
tried to shoot Mudd, the forcefield is still there ... he chucked the dark matter at Tyler .... who dissolved ....
Mudd: "well that was new"
why would they listen to him? Michael you KNOW IT'S A TIME LOOP
STAMETS WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WHAT
THE
FUCK
he told him to stop, because he can't watch Mudd kill any more people
I PAUSED IT UNTIL I STOPPED FEELING CONFUSED BUT I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER STOP BEING CONFUSED
why
would
he
tell
Mudd
what kind of plan ....
why did ....
why
why
why
kendradaynes Is your brain broken?
aceofwands yes
Stamets gave himself to Mudd????? even though he knew it was a time loop?why would he do that?
Michael has figured out the space whale has a ship in its belly .... with Mudd's crystal energy source in it .....
how .... does Michael know about Stella ???? I can't explain this episode to you any more Shin ... you'd have to watch this nonsense for yourself
she has come to sacrifice herself .... because the Klingons want her more than the ship
"you'll get a lot for this ship, but what would I be worth to them?"
"what's in it for you?" "Lt Tyler" "Lt Tyler is dead" "Not for long" ... and then she ATE A DARK MATTER BALL .... to force him to reset the timeline ....
NO
NO NO NO NO
HOW DOES STAMETS KNOW
WE DIDN'T SEE HIM AGAIN AFTER HE WENT OFF WITH MUDD
SO HOW DID HE KNOW TO TELL MICHAEL HER OWN PLAN
or are we supposed to believe she remembers?
this episode MAKES NO SENSE
has Stamets finally told the Captain? why is he on the bridge
yes ... she did tell them .... everyone there knows and Mudd's confused
Lorca greeted him "Captain Mudd, your chair" - offers his chair
he realised Stamets was "passing on notes"
"don't try to con a con man" "I'm not, I'm negotiating with a business man"
"why would a Federation Captain do that?" "I will not have a repeat of the Boran [sp?] [his past ship]"
this episode is complete rubbish
he's leading Michael and Stamets off to the transporter room to meet the Klingons
lol Stamets has found out about his wife Stella. they found out he's been running from Stella, not to her lol
this episode would have been clever if the time loop wasn't so poorly done!
they rewired the captain's chair to send the message to Stella and her father .... who's come to get him lol
why ... why are they even doing this? they're so obsessed with making a new Star Trek series, why keep bringing in old characters for no reason?
Michael and Tyler waiting for a turbolift, Stamets told them both that in a previous timeline they danced .... they're super awkward
OH LORD
"What I'm feeling is complicated, and strange" "It's okay, I'm not going anywhere”
STOP TELLING US YOUR FEELINGS MICHAEL
I actually think they're really cute? I would usually like so many of these characters! but wow the plots are so. bad.
and it's so clumsy!
holy crap that was bad
oh lord, Saru in the next ep, they're on a planet, there are Klingons and the Admrial being tortured
wow. that's over. and took me ages to watch because I had to stop it so often lol
I have watched a lot of time travel episodes in my decades as a Trekkie (and on other sci fi shows) and that has got to be worst I’ve ever seen! It was SO confusingly done!
they just have no internal consistency!
you have Mudd getting revenge and Stamets working against him ... really really poorly ...
and all of their solutions to the problems just made no sense???
Stamets giving himself up to Mudd???
and then the final solution of them all working together ... it wasn't like in the Next Gen episode I keep thinking of, where they eventually realise they're looping and find the message in Data and it feels like they worked together to solve it
it feels like this show ... cuts corners
it wants to give us the exciting parts and the emotional pay off without actually doing any of the work, is the best way I can think to explain it
it was ... choppy and confused
that sums the show up to be honest.
they went on and on about how they’re telling a big serialised story, but it isn’t even? we’ve had these weird interlude episodes with Sarek and now Mudd where stuff just happens just because? and they keep TELLING us they’re fighting a war but it doesn’t feel like they’re in one!
if they’re going to do serialised season long arcs then they need to do way way better, like I just binge watched 9 episodes of Stranger Things yesterday! I know what a good serial narrative looks like and this is not it!
and if they’re going to do episodic then they need to do way way better
the plot of this was just confused nonsense that was weirdly focused around Michael and Tyler’s relationship more than anything else ... it just feels like they’re mashing a bunch of random rubbish together and hoping it works, rather than like a carefully crafted story on either an episodic OR a serial level!
and now I’m just thinking about how much I want to go watch some fun time loop episodes - like man, give me SG1 stuck in a time loop doing stupid shit any day, at least that was fun AND made sense
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
//tornadoes thru ur window, completely shattering the glass: for the writer meme, 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 - 15 - 21 - 25 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 34 - 36 - 39 - 45 - 47 - 48 - 49 - aaaand 50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you're like, "okay, i'll write you down u little fucker"? ALSO IM AWARE THIS IS A LOT, LMAOOO
LDJF;KFGSKGF ADRI MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY KNIGHT, MY SUN AND MOON, THANK YOU OMG, I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A NOVEL OF AN ANSWER LMAO
5. How much writing do you get done on an average day?
LMAO I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CALCULATED PER HOUR just bc that’s how long my train ride is. So I can do about 400-500 words in 50~ minutes.anyway tbh, I write almost never, but when I do, I try to get around 1000 words done??? that’s usually when i lose steam too. (though i guess if i did 500 word spurts instead throughout the day, i’d get more done) (TO CLARIFY, the only reason it’s so much is bc i only write when I know /exactly/ what the scene is gonna be and im motivated. if u sat my ass down in front of a computer each day and told me to write, I’d probably only get 100 in two hours, less even.)
6. Single or multiple POV?
I’m a multiple pov hoe. I’ve thought before of writing something in entirely one pov, but tbh i dont think i could do it if the thing is longer that a 2000 word one shot.
8. Oldest WIP
I HAD TO PULL OUT MY USB FOR THIS GODDAMN
Okay so, my oldest wip ever, is an original story I started in, I think, 2011 and wrote throughout the year. It’s got about 22k words down, but tbh i dont think im ever gonna touch it again.fanfic-wise, my oldest wip is a harvest moon fanfic, that’s around 6k words i think? and i was planning on re-writing it bc i didnt like the characterization of one of the characters and i wanted to fix that, but it’s been like five years now, i dont think it’s ever gonna be done. (I still want to though). (and u can find said wip on my fanfiction.net account)
10. Do you set yourself deadlines?
My guy, i’ve never set a deadline for myself in my entire life. I think I tried to do it once, and i completely let it pass by. (Though the fanfic i mentioned previously, im pretty sure i updated once a week before i fucked up)
15. How do you deal with writer’s block?
I either set it aside (and never pick it up again lmao) and let it stew in the back of my mind until I get something else, oR I POWER THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER, and I’ll probably only write 50 words and hate every single last one of them, but I got it done and it’s better than nothing and hopefully tomorrow i’ll actually have something. (also, sometimes when powering through, what i write ends up inspiring me and im like “oh of course!” and i blaze through it)
21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?in case u havent noticed yet, about 99% of all my characters are snarky to some degree. I need a character with a wry sense of humour, and I’ll usually stay in their pov a lot. The only other character “type” I have are the sunshine pure cinnamon rolls who care and love everyone. Oh, and I guess also the ones who are pissed and bitter at the world at large. (I should.... probably... try to get out of this comfort zone...)
25. Favourite part of writing
okay tbh, my favourite part is when I’m winding down from a good writing session, and I just feel so proud and alive, because I was productive and I created something with my own two hands and mind, and there are very few things that are as incredible as that imo
27. Favourite line/scene
okay so this was hard to pick??? not to mention it’s all crap you’ve seen before but whatever.
There’s this one:
“McCreewas abruptly reminded of when he was nothing more than a teen, snarling andfurious at everyone around him, not willing to trust anyone. And he wasreminded of Gabriel Reyes who stayed calm and collected in front of his fury,gently rebuking him when he crossed a line; who praised him when he did welland willingly trusted him to have his back even though McCree didn’t trust him;who seemed to quietly understand why McCree acted in certain ways, accepted it,but encouraged him to choose better. Gabriel Reyes, who had faith in him whenhe wasn’t even sure he liked himself.“
And this one:
“IfWash’s head was a ghost town, then the Meta’s was a fucking wasteland.
Butthe worst part wasn’t the scorched earth and completely lifeless landscape, norwas it the stormy brown clouds above. No, the worst part was the lava that wasslowly inching its way up the mountain. It bubbled and simmered an awful sicklyorange as it creeped up bit by bit, not fast at all, but inexorably to the topof the mountain, going against all laws of physics. It was so awfully wrongthat he honestly felt sick witnessing it. Not helping was the sizzles it madeas it burned through whatever little vegetation there was and (he had no ideawhy he knew this, maybe it was because he was connected to the Meta’s brain?),it felt like the lava was actually gouging the earth, opening cracks andseeping inside, corrupting and destroying what lay within.
Wasthe Meta even a person anymore?”
(I proooobably would’ve picked something from the tuckington au but.... a lot of my favourite stuff is dialogue, or snarky narration, and idk it’s hard to choose and there aint a lot of depth to it)
28. Favourite side character
OKAY THERE’S THIS ONE SIDE CHARACTER IN ONE MY ORIGINAL STORY IDEAS WHOM I ADORE (even though he has no name yet lmao) BUT HE’S BASICALLY REALLY SWEET AND CARING AND HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE HAPPY AND SUPPORTIVE FOR ALL HIS COMPANIONS BC THEY’RE ALL GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD FOR HIM AND HE’S INWARDLY SUFFERING SO MUCH BUT HE KEEPS SMILING FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY AND FLDG;DKHGFKG I LOVE HIM
29. Favourite villain
I’m... cheating for this, I’ve never written a villain ever actually (and tbh what the fuck??? how??? i have so many original story ideas and none of them are villains??? what the fuck (maybe the true villains were the friends we made along the way))
okay so, originally, this character was gonna be the villain alright. She was mean, cruel, snarky, cunning, and manipulative. But as time went on, and I started exploring her character, wondering why she was like this, what her goal is, and I changed and shifted the plot of the story around she... sort of... became the main character. woops.
30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet
IM ONLY GONNA USE ORIGINAL STORIES FOR THIS BC HOLY SHIT
Honestly, I’d probably have to go with this idea I had of a living person picking up the scythe of a Grim Reaper and becoming one and having to learn the ropes of the job.
Okay, I lied, it might actually be this detective series idea I had, wherein the main character, a police officer, has to investigate cases that, for the most part, are reminiscent, or re-imagined versions, of Quebec folk tales, and she has to figure out why the fuck this is happening.
34. What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?
FIGHTING AND ACTION SCENES I HATE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEY TAKE FOREVER AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING THEM UP HORRIBLY I HATE THEM (I could give u a specific example, but i dont want to)
36. Last sentence you wrote
“Shut up.”
(this is actually how chapter 2 of my tuckington high school au ends lmao and there’s nothing to gain from it have fun adri)
39. Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had
OH SHIT I ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, okay so the i have no clue where the idea came from, but for some reason i had this idea of a character who’s mental stability or whatever was linked to these bracelets she wore??? but it was more like she became more primal and animalistic the more bracelets were taken off until she lost all sense of identity, and i think it’s because she was being controlled or used by an organization or whatever. This was just a random idea that I had and okay i know it’s dark af, but it’s honestly the weirdest one. (tbh…. im not sure i have one that could be considered weird…)
45. How much world building do you do?
all of it. just. all of it. I need to know clothes, food, architecture, cultural norms, the history of the world, how the fuck people can communicate when there are multiple countries and multiple languages, and this is why absolutely none of my original stuff has ever been written
47. Best way to procrastinate
Day-dreaming scenes and ideas instead of writing them
48. What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?
W O W ADRI U WANNA CALL ME OUT THAT BADLY HUH?
honestly it’s probably that main character/villain i mentioned previously, bc i just gave her all of my self-loathing and she was supposed to sacrifice herself heroically in the end and there was gonna be an entire speech about why she was the right person to do this. (if it makes u feel any better, I’ve modified it so she doesn’t actually die and everyone is like “wtf? NO!”)
also the protagonist in story, i just gave her my depression and general lostness in life. (most... of my characters... start off with a part of me I want to explore, but over time, as I flesh them out, they become their own people, and actually have nothing to do with me anymore tbh)
49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?
THAT SWEET CINNAMON ROLL I MENTIONED BEFORE OMG YES, I WOULD PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE
50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you’re like, “okay, i’ll write you down u little fucker”?
*LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* OH MAN ADRI U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST ASKED DO U OMG WAIT UNTIL U HEAR THIS
okay so u know that story with the cinnamon roll and main character/villain? The basic plot of that story has been in my brain since around 2011. I still haven’t started to write it. (though, to be fair, that story has changed so goddamn much since 2012 holy shit, and for the better tbh)
tbh adri, ur like 80% of my impulse control, and by that I mean you make me impulsive enough to actually write things instead of letting them ruminate in my brain forevermore. Hell, I’ve only started to get back into writing fanfiction because of you, okay, if u weren’t around I’d probably just give up on writing ever, and let the idea of being a novelist be nothing more but a fantasy i daydream about.
0 notes
Text
rgbevwcwerwg
Rainbow: you should like. start these with a new letter every time. go across the keyboard or something. also WE NEED TO WATCH NEW STEVEN UNIVERSE HOLY SHIT!!!!!!
Jamie: omg. But yeah, it has been like 6 months or something, hasn’t it? That can go above Tri in terms of priorities. :P
Rainbow: thank you! xD not like that speeds it up, lol.
Ethan: I will get around to it eventually... Dx I’m sorry I always take so long.
Rainbow: dw it’s fine, we know.
Rainbow: hmm. a like, new generation of SCRID or something? I mean, I like it, yeah.
Jamie: “SCRID college AU”
Ethan: That’s pretty much what it would be, yeah. :P I’m not sure. I might just keep ... I forget what I was going to say there.
Rainbow: lol. why did you change tabs mid-sentence, then?
Ethan: I have no idea where I’d been going with that. Something about the characters?
Rainbow: but so if Rainbow is 13 and Starlight is 3, when Rainbow’s 18, Starlight would be 8, right?
Ethan: Yeah, but I think she’s 14? I don’t know, their ages kind of slid to be the same as whatever I was when I was writing it, but Starlight stayed 3 the whole time.
Rainbow: well just say Rainbow’s 10 years older than her for consistency then. just so she’ll definitely be 8 or whatever. what would you even be having happen?
Ethan: I don’t know. I think it would be kinda the same as CC in that the other characters aren’t really mentioned and basically don’t exist unless it’s convenient.
Rainbow: CC was like... like, was it basically just abuse and them talking about it?? like nothing else?
Ethan: I’m not sure. I’ll check. :P
Rainbow: oh god
Ethan: My writing style was so different, wow.
Rainbow: “and then she was gone” good sentence, 10/10. also I love Starlight. xD “I noticed he was wearing long sleeves for what had to be the first time in his life” wasn’t that retconned in DD?
Ethan: No. Well, for one thing, the chapters you’re referring to don’t exist, I took them out, but also, they referred to him drawing on his arms, not wearing long sleeves.
Rainbow: ...
Ethan: :P
Rainbow: hmm. is your writing style for Ethan’s pov different than for Rainbow’s, or were the chapters written some time apart or what? oh yeah also! are you gonna include the goddesses in SCRID2? XD please do, I loved them!
Ethan: In that case I guess I will. :P I wonder why there’s a line break after every line.
Rainbow: weird formatting thing. well, obviously, but I mean it probably happened while getting copy-pasted from one place to another.
Jamie: Can I be Starlight?
Ethan: Yeah, sure!
Rainbow: yeah, that works. adorable but surprisingly mature. also magical, lol.
Jamie: xD Apart from that she’s 8, obviously.
Rainbow: yeah but she can still be based on you. but if she directly was you then the goddesses thing wouldn’t work.
Ethan: I don’t know where I was even going with that. It seems like I tried to shove @.% into the plot so many times but always failed.
Rainbow: lolol
Ethan: Yeah, I know.
Rainbow: and, similarly, the drug plots stayed. xD omg I completely forgot Rainbow had a “voice in her head”!
Ethan: Oh yeah! That’s where the goddesses thing was going! Because then Ethan got Kate!
Rainbow: lol it’s really funny how much of it was blatant self-insertion in every possible way.
Ethan: They were basically 100% that. That’s why I want to do a sequel or reboot or whatever. It’s more of a reboot, I think. And it seems that CC is more “long drawn-out drama” than anything else. The first 7 chapters is literally “Ethan cuts himself and Rainbow finds out” but it just takes so long to happen.
Rainbow: lol
Ethan: They say “show, don’t tell” but I went way overboard with that in that I apparently didn’t know how to do time skips or transitions or anything. Like, you can see lots of unnecessary dialogue/writing because I couldn’t just be like “x. y.”, I was more like “x and then he said this and she said that and they did this and that which eventually somehow leads to y”.
Rainbow: lol true.
Jamie: @.CC: Holy fucking shit, Ethan.
Ethan: You were there when I wrote it! You know I was just trying to be edgy/shocking, because I was under the impression that “evoke literally any emotion at all” = good writing.
Jamie: I can’t get over it, it’s horrifying. I don’t understand what possessed you to write that (I mean I have some ideas but just ???).
Rainbow: hey you never know _______________ lol (I’m joking)
Jamie: That’s not funny. We would know if that was the case, right?
Ethan: I think so, yeah. I’ve had bad parent-related experiences and bad sexual experiences separately, so (if you’re assuming it has some kind of basis) I guess just coincidentally happened to combine them? Like, efficient projecting? Instead of having separate instances of each, just make them both the same thing? Plus the shock value thing, like I said.
Jamie: That makes sense. But still. And it’s in first person, too (I don’t know why that makes it worse).
Rainbow: yeah I get the impression from reading it that you were projecting feelings, not details. so the real life basis was like “fear and helplessness” as opposed to “literal rape”.
Ethan: That makes a lot of sense.
Rainbow: also I like how he’s 13 or whatever but doesn’t know what an orgasm is? or has never had one or something?
Ethan: It’s possible. I think. Also, I don’t think it actually says that, or even necessarily implies. It’s written in a way that more (to me) seems to imply “person writing this doesn’t like using sex-related words” than “character doesn’t understand what’s happening”. :P
Rainbow: lolol. though “something that would have maybe felt nice if it wasn't for the circumstances”
Ethan: I guess you can read that either way, but I am telling you that the reason I wrote it like that was because I couldn’t/wouldn’t write any sex-related words. Though to be fair I think I did also imagine him not really understanding what was happening, but I’m not sure. It is kinda hard to tell if it’s described vaguely because I was being vague or because he only has that level of understanding of it.
Jamie: I don’t think it’s super unrealistic for a 13 year to not necessarily know about or have experienced sexual things? Although you definitely had, so I don’t see why made fictional-Ethan not.
Ethan: I think I was assuming that would be the case for normal people?
Jamie: But simultaneously you were also kinda naive compared to people you knew? Like didn’t you only hear about a lot of sexual things from other people talking about them?
Ethan: I’m not really sure, ‘cause I did also read fanfiction etc.
Jamie: Also, it’s 5am. Go to bed. You don’t have to sleep, just go to bed.
Ethan: Okay. I’m really happy I got the assignments done!
Jamie: Me too! Congratulations!
Rainbow: yeah, same! well done! I’m amazed, lol.
Ethan: I guess I will go to bed. Soon.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
leathercubster
Leathercub
polarmolecule
NaH BrO
silversteampunk
Chelsea's Art Blog
adorafashions
ADORA FASHION
triangulore
now @awsok