There is literally nothing on earth that gives me brain rot the way Mass Effect does

guys I have hand pain Im a Real Artist now lol

(I know it's not carpal tunnel, but I do need to give my hand/wrist breaks more often and hopefully that'll fix the problem because the earliest appointment I can make with my doctor is mid-july)

im still gonna draw cause I have no idea what else to do with myself but Imma have to slow down :(

Hey I have a kinda grim update, last night I was working on that animation thing ive teased and while I was doing it my right wrist decided to give up on me. In other words my right wrist started hurting real bad. I'm strictly right handed, so this interferes with drawing immensely. I wasn't able to get want I wanted done despite me pushing myself to try.

I stopped and put one of my dad's wrist braces on, then ate and went to bed like "I hope this fixes itself in the morning," but no. When I woke up the pain had spread to my fingers and down towards my elbow, and thats what I knew exactly what this was.

Now this HAS happened to me before, serveal times, actually. To both of my wrists, too (not sure why it has happened to my left wrist outside of when I fell directly on it once, lol your guess is as good as mine) Its a certain kind of pain too that I can barely describe. I think it might be nerve pain?? I have no idea. Im only 18 so its not like I'd know chornic pain that well. But this time is one of the nastiest ones ive ever had to deal with. I think it might be carpal tunnel, but I can't say for sure. I'm tired of this happening so I plan to ask a doctor about it, so ill give confirmation when I see one.

Now I don't know why this happened so suddenly, because after my cat died and before my life started getting super busy 2 weeks ago, I was drawing A LOT, pretty much every day, there was one day where I must've spent like 15 nonconsecutive hours and pulled an all nighter just to draw for the picnic comic. I hadn't really drawn all too much in the past 2 weeks due to friends and family visiting, and when I finally get the chance to my wrist decides to die.

My theory is that I'm just rusty and I went back into drawing a little too hard, but that's my only guess. But even then, I didn't even draw that much, I just lined and colored Hunter's body and animated only the eyes and mouth for 6 frames. That was literally it.

Normally when this happens it resolves after a couple days, but I'm very upset because this is my last chance to have a lot a free time to draw for a very long time. I go on my annual trip to New York on June 20th, and don't come back until August 20th, and fall semester of college starts August 22nd or 23rd, (and I have a 5 day week now instead of 4) meaning I won't really have complete free time to draw again until December when winter break starts. It's not like I'll have no time to draw, I ALWAYS find a way, but it's still really upsetting.

I'll just have to try and rest my arm until its better, but I know myself, I'm gonna try drawing too early anyway. I do it every time this happens. So don't be suprised if I end up posting something anyway. Im such a bad art workaholic lmao.

Anyway I'll shut up now. Sorry for chatting your ear off lol.

Hey hi ho everyone! I’m still alive lol So as some of you may know, there hasn’t been a new comic out since October 17, and I’ve been getting asks and messages about “When’s the next comic?” And “Are you actually gonna finish this comic?”

I used to be able to pump out comics every 2 weeks, however I developed carpal tunnel in my right hand. It’s hard to use a splint while I draw and it takes me even longer now, so pages that once took me 8 hours to do, now takes me 14-16 hours.

So because of this, starting November 21st, I will make a schedule now to post ONE comic page a week instead of dropping all pages of a chapter at once. This is to help me heal and give me buffer so I can work on personal projects as well as freelancing work.

Secondly, I really really don’t like to talk about my life in public. However due to me getting constant asks and messages about when’s the next comic, I think I have to put myself in an uncomfortable position and mention that I have THREE jobs AND I’m a student.

So asks like this:

Aint cute. Unless you’re paying me to make these comics, don’t demand work from me. You guys are getting my comics for FREE. I had to turned off anons awhile ago for THIS specific reason. So I ask those who think it’s okay to spam @thespinelhouse or ANY other of my other friends about “When is _______ posting the next part???”, I politely ask to please stop. Literally harassing my friends won’t get a chapter out sooner.

And lastly, I’m not getting paid to do this. And I put HOURS into the DSAU comics. So drawing this doesn’t pay the bills.

HOWEVER....

I have a Patreon! :D

https://www.patreon.com/Celestial_Alpacaron?fan_landing=true

I post my concept art there for the comics, as well as my sketches that I refuse to post because I hate posting unfinished work lol People who become members of my Patreon will get a week early access to the next page! Currently a friend of mine (cough thank you @saiscribbles cough) is helping me create more tiers for the future so keep an eye out for that!

But yes, many things are happening, I have ALOT of work outside of art, I also have a secret project I’m working on that I can’t really show yet and I’m very excited, and the more you all support me, the more I’m able to continue with the DSAU comics. And I have TONS of things I want to do with the DSAU so don’t worry about it being dropped because of “oh it’s getting boring.” NOPE I HAVE PLANS WITH THE HELP OF SOME OF MY PEERS LOL.

So stay healthy y’all, remember to stretch and don’t eff up your arm like I did lol

January Week Four Albums

January 22nd: We Are Pilots, Shiny Toy Guys

familiarity: another adolescent favorite! there’s only two songs -- “Waiting” and “Jackie Save Me” -- that I am not familiar with from this album

favorite(s) before listen: Chemistry of a Car Crash is one of those songs that I wish I could experience again for the first time they didn’t need to go that hard but they did, Shaken, Starts With One, We Are Pilots, Le Disko

favorite(s) after listen: favorites stayed the same

January 23rd: This is What I Live For, Blue October

familiarity: Blue October is one of those bands that I’ve always checked back with from time to time to find new music. When I was relistening to Foiled, I was excited to see they had a new album!

favorite(s) before listen: N/A

favorite(s) after listen: Fight For Love (ft. Blue Reed), Moving On (So Long), I Will Follow You, Stay With Me, The Weatherman. the fact that his daughter is featured on “Fight for Love”? im not crying YOU ARE!!!

January 24th: Take This to Your Grave, Fall Out Boy

familiarity: My best friend suggested a Fall Out boy themed week and, since they have seven albums and i love them, how could i resist? I would say that this album is one that I don’t know as well as some of their later releases, but...I think you’ll see by the favorites list that it’s not by too much lol

favorite(s) before listen: Grand Theft Autumn / Where is Your Boy, Homesick at Space Camp, Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today, Homesick at Space Camp, Chicago is So Two Years Ago, The Pros and Cons of Breathing, The Patron Saint of Lairs and Fakes

favorite(s) after listen: [adding onto aforementioned list] Calm Before The Storm, Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over [if only for that name amirite ladies]

additional thoughts: “stop burning bridges / drive off of them”? still iconic.

January 25th: From Under The Cork Tree, Fall Out Boy

familiarity: I hadn’t realized that it’d been so long since I listened to this album until it started and damn...sounds like staying up too late on a school night, waiting for my internet bestie to get on MSN so we could roleplay and talk about our charaters. ah, the good ol’ days.

favorite(s) before listen: [im realizing it’s gonna be easier to list these as a bullet pointed list]

- Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year

- Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued

- Of All the Gin Joints in All the World

- Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends

- [and an honorable mention to...] Dance, Dance and Sugar, We’re Goin Down [...of course]

favorite(s) after listen: [adding onto aforementioned list] I've Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song), A Little Less Sixteen Candles, a Little More "Touch Me", Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows)

additional thoughts Pete Wentz lyric of the day: “The best part of believe is the lie” a lyric that defined a generation, truly

January 26th: Infinity on High, Fall Out Boy

familiarity: I definitely slept on this album a lot when I was younger, which is sadly true of quite a few of their “early-to-middle” albums for me, but has been one of my go-to Fall Out Boy albums as of late.

favorite(s) before listen: I gotta say that this one is a no skip album for me! With my top awards going to...Hum Hallelujah, The Carpal Tunnel of Love, Bang the Doldrums, and Fame < Infamy

favorite(s) after listen: I already love all these songs, but I really vibed with “You’re Crashing, But You’re No Wave” and “This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race” during this listen through. For the latter, I can’t tell if it’s just been years since I heard it or if the version that I listened to was mixed differently because it sounded not completely different but different enough to give me pause. Also, more of an overall album thing, but I loved how each song bleed into the next. [chef’s kiss]

Pete Wentz lyric of the day: nothing gives me a god complex quite like “I could write it better than you ever felt it” like yes. i want that on a t-shirt. embroidered on a pillow. i sing it passionately and loudly. i could write it better than you ever felt it. thanks for the ego boost, pete.

January 27th: Folie à Deux, Fall Out Boy

familiarity: Now this is an album that I unfairly slept on for years! I’m ashamed to admit it considering that each song of this album is a banger but, for years, I only ever listened to “I Don’t Care” from this album and wrote off every other song. It wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I gave it another listen through and, even then, not until a couple years ago that I fully came around to every song. I’m a Folie à Deux truther now! It’s not my favorite favorite -- we’ll get there tomorrow ;) -- but you gotta put some respect on its name!

favorite(s) before listen: Another no-skip album for me! With my particular favorites being...Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes, She’s My Winona, America’s Suitehearts, The (Shipped) Gold Standard, (Coffee’s For Closers), What A Catch, Donnie, and 20 Dollar Nose Bleed

favorite(s) after listen: Found myself vibing especially to “America’s Suitehearts” and “w.a.m.s” during this listen through

FoB lyric of the day: this one was a hard one because there are so many lyrics on this album that i just feel in my heart and that i have to Perform™, not sing every time i hear them. but i’m going to give it to...”and perfect boys with their perfect lives / nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy”

January 28th: Save Rock and Roll, Fall Out Boy

familiarity: yes! here we are!! this album is my absolute favorite within FoB’s discography and have enjoyed it front-to-back, no-skips since the day it came out. and though it hasn’t been that long since my last listen through, i was still so excited to do it again!

favorite(s) before listen: no skips! this album is a masterpiece! it doesn’t matter if i ‘personally’ relate to what the song is saying. i sing them passionately and borderline screaming. as we all should. my ultimate favorite is “Save Rock and Roll”. i mean, come on! the f-bomb is perfectly used and it’s got the man, the legend, Elton John. but another one of my favorites to sing is “Where Did The Party Go”

favorite(s) after listen: N/A, vibes remained at an all-time high

FoB lyric of the day: since this is my favorite album, i picked a couple of favorites...

- My heart is like a stallion / they love it more when it’s broken

- I’m the lonelier version of you / I just don’t know where it went wrong

- I’m either gone in an instant / or here ‘til the bitter end / I, I never know

January 29th: American Beauty / American Psycho, Fall Out Boy

favorite(s) before listen: I enjoy each song when I listen to it, but there are definitely some that I’m prone to skip in favor of getting to songs I like more. I do want to say, though, that I think FoB gets a lot of flack for “Immortals” and “Centuries” (maybe just because they were the singles?) but I think they’re both bops. Not my favorites, but -- Come on! Have a little fun! That being said, my favorites are...Fourth of July, Favorite Record, The Kids Aren’t Alright, Jet Pack Blues

favorite(s) after listen: My favorites are p solidly placed but Irresistible really BROUGHT it on this fine Saturday

FoB lyric of the day: that Fourth of July bridge? my god. “I wish I’d known how much you loved me / I wish I cared enough to know / I’m sorry every song’s about you / The torture of small talk with someone you used to love”....damn.

January 30th: MANIA, Fall Out Boy

familiarity: I remember hearing “Young and Menace” from this album and hating it. which is funny. because I go hard to that song now. I think, after Save Rock and Roll, this is the album that I lose my absolute mind over the most. If “Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)” comes on while I’m driving, I WILL be committing vehicular crimes.

favorite(s) before listen: another album of “all great songs, but there’s some that I could take-or-leave”. My heart goes to Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea, Wilson (Expensive Mistakes), Champion, Sunshine Riptide, Young and Menace, Bishops Knife Trick. every day, i am both angry and grateful that FoB didn’t release “Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)” when I was in middle school. for the former, because it feels like an elevated version of all those old songs. for the latter, because i would have been absolutely insufferable and i was already insufferable enough in middle school without it.

favorite(s) after listen: Favorites hold their places, but I found myself vibing with “HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T” more than I usually do

FoB lyric of the day: not to be a sap who definitely cried to this song in the parking lot of target before her 4 am shift during one of the shittest years of her life but i gotta give it to...“If I can live through this, If I can live through this / I can do anything”

im gonna give myself carpal tunnel w the way i’ve been sitting the past few days my wrist hurts so bad LOL

It’s wild how much has happened and changed since 2010, and now going into 2020. I was going to put in a "read more" out of courtesy but for some fuck ass reason, when I came in to edit it, Tumblr isn't giving me that option and the code ain't working and now I'm slightly buzzed so what the fuck ever you can just keep scrolling if you don't care lol.

January 2010- Obsessed with Legend of the Seeker. Wrapped up finishing playing Pokemon Diamond- my first pokemon game on recommendation of my best friend at the time. My last semester of community college started.

March/April 2010- got acceptance letter to the local state college I planned on transferring to. Best friend didn’t get any notice on whether she got accepted or not, but got an acceptance letter from another college about an hour away, and decided to go there instead. After making this decision, she finally got the acceptance letter from the local state college. But she still ended up going to the hour away one. Also, I turned 21 and had my first margarita.

May 2010- Graduated community college with an AA in art. God, I remember when I used to love art.

At some point I ended up officially leaving Myspace for Facebook, kicking and screaming, because everyone had ditched Myspace for it. I hated Facebook but got used to it.

August 2010- went on a two week cruise to Alaska. Came back and started new college afterwards. Had no friends and was lonely, though kept in close touch with best friend over Facebook. Got new Macbook.

September 2010- Finally found myself in a new friend group. Saw a beautiful boy on lightrail I wanted to talk to, but had no courage to. Realized that this kind of shit was probably why I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I wanted a boyfriend for the sole reason of not feeling like a loser for never having one.

October 2010- Saw same beauty, gathered up the nerve and talked to him. Turned out he also went to my school. We started seeing each other regularly on there and things started taking off. 

November 2010- Started hanging out with him regularly, got my first kiss from him. Became an official couple.

2011- Can’t remember what months and for what, because things start blending in together. But

- Beloved cat of five years died.

- Lost my virginity

- Didn’t have much money in bank account and stressed out over it. Couldn’t get a job to rectify the situation cuz no experience.

- Started feeling guilty over the smallest things like asking to borrow a piece of paper from someone. Mentally acknowledging this was weird but also shrugging it off. 

- Lost my appetite and had food problems overall- despite always having “food problems.” Never wanted to eat.

- Distinctly remember my stomach rumbling in class and thinking, “good maybe i’ll starve to death!”

2012- Shit blended in together again this year, and for every year here on out.

- Came to the realization one day when walking to the bus that I literally would not care if someone came at me with a gun because I just… didn’t want to exist anymore. Saw nothing wrong with this.

- The thought “things would be better if I was dead” came to my brain out of nowhere. I briefly wondered if this counted as a “suicidal thought.”

-Decided to Google shit like suicidal thoughts, went down a rabbit hole that made me suspect I had depression. It explained things that I thought were off but didn’t care enough to do anything about.

- Eventually saw a counselor at school about this.

- Got a hamster. Hamster died this same year.

- Got a volunteer position at a library scanning old yearbooks onto a computer so I could have some sort of “work experience” to get a job.

- Boyfriend had got me Pokemon Heartgold earlier. I started trying to “collect them all” because why not.

- I switched from using an ethernet chord to WiFi and it changed my life. Especially since I was able to go on the GTS in Pokemon and trade, though it was fucky cuz you could only trade Pokemon you’ve already seen back then.

- Ended up getting Pokemon Black, and it introduced GTS Negotiations which allowed me to match with other trainers and trade Pokemon live. Due to this, I managed to obtain every Pokemon I couldn’t get in my other games. Except event legendaries, unfortunately. I consider this one of my greatest accomplishments and keep up with this to this day.

- Considered switching my major from Graphic Design to Digital Media because I liked my Digital Media class a lot more than my Design classes. And made that switch.

- I decided to minor in psychology because I had already taken a few psych classes for GE credits so why tf not.

- Towards the end, got a “student” job at that same library doing the same thing except with artwork instead of yearbooks. Finally had money. Depression starting to lift? But job was only a 4-8 hour a week deal so not that much money in the long run.

2013-

- Discovered demisexuality via a comment on Reddit. It described me pretty damn well. Weight lifted off shoulders I didn’t even realize was there. Things made sense omg.

- Joined Tumblr.

- Best friend came over for what turned out being the last time. She was moving to Arizona.

- Got a second job working at the tech company my Dad worked at, helping out the customer service rep.

- Slowly found myself drifting apart from friend. Depression still present. Made things hard but tbh she never contacted me either. I got the impression she was mad at me given she unfollowed me on Tumblr without explanation.

- Since not a lot of work to be done helping the csr, I ended up helping our our shipping guy and became his backup. Eventually the purchaser left on maternity leave and I took her place, eventually becoming the main purchaser because they moved her to accounts receivable.

- Decided that my depression was making me a piece of shit friend so I decided to contact best friend to see how things were, only to get a cryptic, passive aggressive, two-word response back. Ended up just dropping it and figured she’d eventually come around and tell me what was wrong. She never did…

2014

- Depression on and off due to the stress of going to work and going to school. At this point I hated all art and wanted nothing to do with any of it and only went to school for the piece of paper saying I graduated college.

- I think this was when I started calling myself gray ace instead of demi because why the hell not and I’ve only been sexually attracted to one person anyway. Possibly still demiromantic though- to this day I’m still unsure tbh.

- Boyfriend taught me to drive. I got my license. I got my first car.

December 2014- I graduated college. It cured my depression. Unfortunately, it was replaced with carpal tunnel. 

2015

- Carpal tunnel still full force. All I could do was read.

- I caught up on all the books I’ve wanted to read. Eventually came across Warrior Cats. Thought it was stupid for the first 50 pages, but then became addicted. Lost interest when I had to wait several months for the next arc to come out.

- The year I got into wrestling. I shipped Rolleigns so fuckin’ hard.

- Undertale came out and became one of my favorite games of all time.

- Find out brother is addicted to painkillers which is why he had been acting like such an ass.

- Dumped Facebook.

- Driver at the company I worked at quit. Company wants me to be “temporary” driver on top of purchasing, shipping, and assisting the customer service rep.

- Got into writing and wrote a book and continued writing off and on from then to now.

2016/2017/2018? I can’t even keep track anymore.

- Pokemon Go came out and I finally got a smart phone because of it.

- Brother gets girlfriend and then gets married after only being together a year. Brother seems to have gotten better.

- They started having marital problems almost immediately. My brother turned out being an alcoholic and fuck knows if he’s still doing drugs or not he says he’s not but he’s also a chronic liar. A lot of drama happens that I don’t want to get into. They are now divorced- after two years of marriage. 

- Got new laptop cuz Macbook got too old, although it still works.

- The company I had been working at, which had always been a shit company with no money, starts going down the shitter more than it already was.

September 2017- customer service rep quits and I have to do her job on top of purchasing, shipping, and driving. Mental breakdowns become common. Depression worse than it had ever been in my life. 

January 2018- get a 45 cent raise because minimum wage went up meaning I was now making minimum wage doing all the bullshit I was doing.

May 2018- Get new job doing ONLY shipping for a few extra bucks more an hour. Depression cured.

2019

- Got in a car accident (not my fault). Car totaled. Replaced it with a 2018 car so it’s all good.

- Experienced my first flat tire half a year later.

- Still get random bouts of depression.

- Still with same boy from 2010. Would love to move in together but fuck if I know when that’ll happen. 

- Still wondering wtf happened with my (ex) best friend and am still trying to get over it. Am considering the possibility that it was probably my depressed ass not talking to her at all for like 4 months. Unfortunately I have no way of contacting her to try and make peace because we both dumped Facebook.

- Got back into Warrior Cats.

- Dad got new girlfriend. Parents finally working on getting the divorce they wanted to get 20+ years ago but never did cuz neither one wanted to spend money on it.

- Briefly considered taking up drawing again but my skills have tanked significantly because I haven’t drawn since graduating college. Plus I’m lazy. 

- Obsessed with The Witcher.

So much has changed throughout this decade and fuck if I know how next decade is gonna turn out for me but I sure hope it's a better one.

Happy New Year to all, and to all a good night!

Things have been rough lately. I’m in another depressive episode and I feel like this one is worse than the other recent ones I’ve had.

It feels longer and more intense.

Everyday I wake up and look at myself in the mirror and I’m reminded of how ugly and fat I am.

I look at my arms and see how gross it is covered in scars that I know will never leave.

Yet for some reason I still have such a strong urge to cut my body open to watch it bleed. I feel like I have a weird obsession with seeing my body bloodied and bruised. I don’t care much about the pain and sometimes I hate it. But I just enjoy looking at myself bleed or bruise.

I feel like if I began to starve myself I will look pretty. I know I won’t cause being skinnjer is not gonna fix my overbite and I feel like that’s what is making me so ugly. It gives me headaches and jaw pain too; isn’t making me ugly good enough?

Every time I have these episodes I always think about how I want to leave. I always think maybe it’d be best to drive somewhere far away and jump off a bridge. Maybe go deep into the woods and OD and die. I would like something quick though so I don’t end up regretting it while I’m dying haha. It kinda sucks cause I would prefer to die in a way where my body can’t be found so I can save my family from having to see that gross shit. But at the same time maybe they want the body for closure or some shit idk. I can’t really ask them lol

I remember back in high school I went as far as to write a lengthy suicide note on my phone but it was more just me venting and being mad at everyone and everything. I don’t think I would do that now. I might just write about how much I’m mad at myself. How I ruined my own life and missed so many opportunities to change things for the better. Maybe this has always been the better option for me yknow?

It kinda sucks my cousin killed himself before I got to do it first. Damn you asshole!! Now I would feel bad doing it so soon after you. I keep thinking how long would be long enough to wait but idk. Maybe it is better for me to disappear and leave no trace of a body so then they won’t know if I’m actually dead or not? Idk.

Wouldn’t it be funny if my suicide note was some obscure tumblr post? Would I write my note or just type it. Typing is easier cause I have carpal tunnel and writing would take too long. Plus my handwriting is messy as fuck.

I feel it will happen soon. When? I’m not sure. I’m an impulsive person. It’s gonna be something that happens on impulse as with everything else I do lol.

I wish I could tell you all of this. But it’s hard telling you things cause it’s hard talking to people in general. Plus I feel bad having you deal with my problems all the time. A small selfish part of me hopes you will read this and talk to me but I know you probably won’t. Not like talking to me will fix anything anyway. I feel like I am too broken so I should just get recycled. What am I even living for at this point? I have no dreams or aspirations. Not anymore at least. You deserve better than me. Someone who isn’t so broken and gross and fucked up. Someone who is actually motivated to do things and isn’t just a dead weight. Someone who can actually get out of bed in the morning so you can actually get to do things during the day lol.

Well. If you see this at some point then hi. Im gonna go to bed, I’m very tired.

I wanna call a damned chiropractor to see if they can help my carpal tunnel syndrome shit.

I printed out the new patient forms and filled them out yesterday and this morning so that I won’t worry about, when I call, they’ll give me an appointment that’s too soon for me to finish paperwork beforehand. Y’know. Beating that anxiety before it starts.

So this morning I’m like, “Girl, make the phone call now before you start working or you’ll put it off forever.” And I try to hype myself up like, “wow, look @ u, adulting. look at you taking care of yourself!”

But now it’s fucking noon, and I’ve had the number typed into the keypad for over 30 FUCKING MINUTES, but I haven’t called because I started panicking about what to say. For some reason, “Hi, I’d like to schedule an appointment,” sounds awkwardly short and blunt (in my stupid mind) for someone who’s never been to the office they’re calling before, but adding modifiers like, “Hi, I’ve never been in to see y’all, so I’d be a new patient, but I’d like to schedule an appointment if I can,” is way too fucking wordy.

So at some point after a HALF HOUR OF BEING UNABLE TO FUCKING COMPLETE A SIMPLE GOD DAMNED TASK that I’ve already been preparing for FOR TWENTY FOUR HOURS, I start crying because I hate myself so fucking much.

And that’s where we are.

No appointment made. No work done. Snot and tears all over my face. Panic still sitting on my chest, along with a healthy dose of self-talk like “fuck you fuck you fuck you, you stupid-ass useless piece of shit.”

Why can’t I do anything.

---------

edit: I calmed down, bucked up, called, aND GOT A MACHINE. fuck. if there’s anything i hate worse than calling people on the phone it’s listening to myself fumble and babble through a voicemail. :|

Apparently their office hours have a break between noon and 2:00.

so I'll try again after 2:00.

---------

edit edit: BAM. I did it. I’m going Monday at 4:00.

Also lol, they’re gonna text me a link to fill out the new patient paperwork online, and it’ll go directly into my file or something. So I printed it out and wrote it by hand for nothing. OH WELL.

i did it

Episode 4 - “I'm tryna figure out this vote like magnifying glass emoji." - Matt S

So naturally I’m panicking because I’m so sure I’m going to warzone, and the last thing I wanna do is be the swap vote out. I’m enjoying the Ma’an Tribe and just being able to talk to people, especially Kait and Owen. So far I only have individual conversations but maybe tribal will actually allow me to make alliances. I hate saying that cause I would never ask to go to tribal unless I really had to.

Challenge update. I think i have decent scores. Will they keep me from the bottom 5? Who knows but im trying my best. Im trying hard in the first game because i think thats the lowest score. Also FUCK multitask. That is very hard. I just want to be safe this round and figure shit out with Nehe, Stephen, and Trace. I have a little rant about Nehe coming up soon. 🤭 Oo I wanted to scream to Renee not to say anything till the votes were read. I knew she was gunna say something when it was a 3-3 tie and she unmuted. It was a big MOOD tho. I just hope she is able to stay safe. I do trust her a lot.

So we recently switched and I still don't know who is on my tribe lol. I am still with Kait which is great! I am with Owen, Stevie and Madison who I spoke to briefly, Matt who I just met, Chloe who I have always wanted to meet, and some new faces such as Timmy, Renee, and Jacob. I always love a tribe with a bit of everything.

Hello diary room how are you? I am making money moves. Connecting to my “tribe” members. Even Trace. The only bitch i don’t care to be friends w is Maynor bc he stinks of Renee’s brainwash. As we all know, Renee hates me and wants me out etc etc. I am doing what I can to protect myself if I end up going to tribal. All i can hope for is that, if renee is at tribal, maynor isn’t as I would have 4 who would have my back from my tribe. That’s 5 votes. If I can get Matt or Madison or someone else on the other tribe to come with, it’s Au Revoir René. I don’t think I’ll be immune as I only had about 3 hours to work on these 5 flashgames but who knows. I trust Adrian. I hate to say that but I do! I quite like Ian and want to trust him but it’ll take time. I believe Devon has my best interest at heart. Okay that’s all for today x

- - -

Just played Axon and I hate this game soooooo much. I play Minecraft all day and spam click all the time but this game is gonna give me carpal tunnel I sware. My arm hurts so much. I guess it’s time to go to multitask

I have been trying to beat my scores in these flash games and i cant. I dont think they are good enough to keep me from the bottom 5. I’m really nervous to be in warzone with people i havent worked with before. Jshdiw i hope i couls find that idol tonight. Ill feel better if I have it in my hands. Nehe rant. So like he said he was down to work with me and have my back. And once again for some reason has happened again. He lied to me about voting for doodle (also willing to do Stevie) because he voted for Renee, my partner! His reasoning was cuz he told me that he was told thats were the majority was so even tho he told me he trust mr, he didnt believe me when insaid that it was going to be doodle when it switched. He still wantsbto work with me so thats good and i have leverage i culd use because he told me he wanted trace gone so i could throw him under the bus if i feel like i cant trust him. Idk if i should be upset about this cuz ppl liebin survivor but in this twist trust is way more important now than in a regular season.

Immunity or tribal it doesn't matter the game presses on. The benefit of immunity is to just build relationships with people without the risk of going home or burning my idol(side note fuck all you bitches when you inevitably turn against me an make me burn my favorite piece of jewelry). Corey has really grown on me, talk game of thrones with me and I'm alliance putty in your hands! I was happy to see Maynor again, I feel there is something there that can be fostered,  Cullan is a bit of an ignima to me still. I'll crack him though one way or another. Trace and I have begun chatting so I'm still up in the air on him and really most my tribe and people in this game. I honestly expected to be on the low end of scores for this challenge but I wasn't? Idk, double elimination means retrograde and please, please don't let it be Chloe vs Willow, I want them both to stick around and be valuable allies. If they can't keep the votes off them then as Walder Frey once said, " I'll find another."

This warzone where 2 people are leaving is just not cute. I was not happy when I saw that. I knew I was going to be here because I did each of the flash games like once or twice and called it a day so I knew I was going to be here and I accepted that. When I saw who else was there I thought "okay, I think I can probably find people to vote with and stay safe this time around" and then BAM it's a double elimination with the vote and it totally changes the strategy of the vote. Could be more difficult to navigate. All I know is that I need to step up my social game because I haven't chatted much with people and I need to start building relationships so if I end up here again I have people that have my back. I am just struggling with the idea of working with Nehe. Longevity I don't think I want to do. Short term, sure. But I don't think I want to deal with that for the whole game. Been there, done that and I am over it. I was talking to Adrian last night and my god that was an infuriating conversation. Adrian had no idea how the warzone was operating because he hadn't been there and I just wanted to say "sis, read an effing post you lazy ass and it will make sense" It's not that hard to understand, it is just different from normal. I just hate when people don't know things because they don't want to read a post. Going back to this double elimination tribal; it is really hard to choose two targets. Being on tribes that don't seem to matter because we get scored individually makes it almost a moot point to target people for poor challenge strength because it is a pretty individual game. I guess that would be incentive to get out strong challenge performers but all of those people won so again, not a good strategy. Also everyone has just encountered different people and no one is being put together with the same people as someone else so there are a bunch of different dynamics between players, more varied than normal because we aren't forced to interact with the same people for an extended period of time. These votes have just been a lot more nerve wracking than votes normally are and making it out alive feels like more of a feat than normal. I'd say I like the extra challenge to step up the strategy because it's different, but I honestly don't. I don't need this extra anxiety about votes, no thank you. I just hope I survive this!

New tribes yay... I miss maynor and it’s overwhelming to actually be forced to talk to more than one person lmao. But other than that it’s good and I’m safe and immune and so far everyone here seems cool... even if I can’t trust anyone because of those 3 votes I got last tribal!!!! Doodle and Stephen and maybe nehe better watch OUT

Now that the game has finally sped up a little bit, I'm excited because I feel like I can actually play the game more. I am also ECSTATIC that I am not at this double tribal thing, because that sounds stressful and I know that avoiding it completely was the best case scenario for my game right now. I really really like Corey. Him and I have hit it off and I can see us working together really well deep into the game. I'm glad that he is safe this round too because he is probably the person I am closest to on this tribe of people I am kind of afraid of. Ian came to me and started talking as well, but something just doesn't sit well with me about him. He blew everyone out of the water in the challenge, so that will have to be something I need to think about down the line when I decide who I want to vote out. Nehemiah talked to me a lot before he went into the war zone, trying to apologize to me about voting Renee. He made it seem like I was withholding information from him which could not be further from the truth. Classic erratic Nehe again making shit up and trying to pin it on me. I want his ass out and I want it out soon. I feel like I finally have some footing in this game. Timmy and I are tight, Corey and I are tight, and I made good relationships with Renee, Madison, and Owen in the last war zone. Hopefully if I do end up going to the war zone again I'll be able to have at least a few people to work with, because right now I don't feel very comfortable on my tribe if this game were normal and we voted each other out.

I am feeling FUCKEN PAN-tastic!! I was working last night so just read the post quickly and it said I was in the Warzone. I felt really sad and nervous but there was an error and I was actually immune. I was so happy that work didnt suck. It was a double too so Im super duper happy that I didnt end up going to tribal. I need to talk more to Ian because Me and him are talking most than others. Im also talking to Trace since he is Timmy’s partner and I want to work with him. Ive been talking to Corey for a bit. I need to make stronger connections while im safe so I can rely on them to want to work with me in the future warzones.

I am so happy to be safe this round! I'm kind of just glossing over the tribe swap because it's barely like we're on tribes since we're competing against them. Just hoping it's 2 from the other tribe gone so that way we still have 5 people to be safe. But also it'll probably be 1 and 1. Either way someone is coming back because retrograde is activated every round 2 people leave so that's going to be interesting. Them and Nehe can start a club...unless it's Nehe again lol. Honestly let it be Nehe again because it means he won't win in the end. Like who would vote for the person who was voted out twice, once has happened, but twice, idk if people would respect that. It would be he hasn't been playing a good game since it was easy to take him out. I'm just excited that I don't have to attend tribal and I can talk to people without the stress of making plans. Matt and I have been talking and he's pretty cool. He is definitely someone I can see myself working with since he's easy to talk to so far.

Well this twist is proving chaotic as it was intended. It appears we have a split but who the hell onows with this round. I do feel a little vulnerable with short repossess from some. I mean anyone could go home tonight.

i will write something longer when I'm home but I'm shook???? that I won the flash game thing. Matt is my fave and I hope my boring Scorpio person goes home thx

Do I trust that these people are gonna give me the correct information when its only 15 minutes before tribal? Not for a fucking MOMENT! But I haven't heard my name and people are like swimming between 2 names and I love both of them equally. Like this is sooooo hard. No me gusta.

I got meself an alliance AND I somehow still haven’t gone to tribal... why am I more stressed now than I was before??? I think the fact that the game is becoming super real is what’s making me really nervous, and as much as having a solid 3 with Owen and Kait makes me extremely happy, considering I trust them more than I’ve trusted an alliance in most games, there’s still so much game left to be played, and I remember in Solomon getting swapped away from my allies and it screwing me over.... I’m shaky!

Oop. Tribal is going to be soon. I wonder who the two that will be going. I just hope it isnt someone Ive been talking to. 2 people will be leaving so i think its going to trigger retrograde and one will be back.This warzone is really messing up strategy in this game.

I missed two round confessionals which suck but to quickly basically sum what y’all missed. I formed the voters pact that plan was throw challenges to get to the warzone but that in it self failed cause they didn’t all throw and then doodle was voted off the next round. I also kinda got lied to about the vote so like boo. This round  in the warzone I kinda like this batch and it’s now how do we navigate the double vote out thing. I have a personal vendetta with Adrian cause I don’t trust him and Chloe is basically a non factor . So the plan since last night was always to go for those two it was just how do we go about it. I decided to make a group of 5 because it made it easier for them to willingly “choose” who they wanted to vote. And thankfully we lead them into voting chloe and Adrian. Now it’s just navigating who votes who and if the plan stays the plan. Fucking Devon is chaotic switching shit. He tried to switch the vote to willow to succumb to Thomas but who gives a fuck what Thomas is voting. I just care about the finale vote tally. I’m afraid definitely if it’s gonna be me for the fact that I don’t want to go back to the retrogade but it can easily be me. Like personally I feel like I’m always able to get people to groove in the direction I want but then I let them mingle and shit happens. I always make sure to have a hand in with everyone sonthey don’t want to turn on me but really the people I truly trust is stevie, Devon and maybe Stephen. Stephen is weirding me out shady vibes but we’ll see.

Immunity never tasted so good! I need Adrian to be safe. I need Madison and Jacob to be safe bc I think they’re at tribal? I would like Renee and Maynor gone but they’re both safe boo hoo. I am socializing w everyone. I love Trace, Adrian, Ian. I would like Cullan gone sooner rather than later as he is hard to socialize with but I like his partner, Willow. That being said, I think everyone likes Willow. Her leaving wouldn’t be the worst thing tonight but I do stan.

I have no sins I’m literally just sitting !!!! Kisses!!!!! Made an alliance with Matt and Kait. But you know how this is gonna turn out....? Kait and Matt are gonna get closer and at some point she will pick HIM over ME!!!! Heksjd this CYS flashback. But for now I like them. Glad that Timmy and madison are on my tribe even tho Timmy considered voting stevie.... speaking of Stevie zzzz boy rlly almost didn’t save himself Lol. But yeah I’m happy the game has shaken up and I’m excited to see what happens at this tribal. I need to really step my social game up tho so I have numbers when I’m down in that bottom ten

I’m tryna figure out this vote like magnifying glass emoji

It sucked thay Willow went. Hopefully she is able to come back because I feel like i had a good connection with her. Madison and Stephen survived so that was good. Right now Im hoping that i can be part of the live challenge. So I have hit M4 N4 O4 P4 and Q4. Im hoping R4 is the last one and i get something tonight at 11:30pm. I keep forgetting to do a reminder for idol guess so it keeps going back further n further.

so happy we voted out two girls, no offense but this warzone twist makes it impossible to backstab nehe and co. effectively. Its fine, hopefully itll be over soon and I can vote his ass out. No offense to the guy but he just very controlling.

Willow, nothing against you, but I really wanted you gone. I hated that you made it to FTC of another ORG without anything besides an idol play and I can say I am not fulfilled. Sadly, Chloe went to and it sucks because I always wanted to play with her but sadly it was short lived, for now. Hopefully Chloe wins her way back into the game!

Of fucking course it's Chloe and Willow in the retrograde. Bastards are voting off the people I know for sure would mess up and leak it to me if I needed to play my idol. I told Corey about how Cullan is short with me and he confirmed he is short to him as well, it must just be how Cullan is. That's fine and all but makes it hard to get a read on him. Corey and I continue to get along from my perspective, more good news, I did not fuck up while I was completely wasted last night and tell someone about my idol. I have a bad track record of getting drunk and laying all my cards on the table to people. I'm not only playing against everyone in the game but also drunk Ian, and that guy is a prick.

I did my next hit and it sunk the ship!! It’s my first time actually finding something in these idol searches. It may not have been an idol but a vote steal is a good item to have when you just need that one more vote. Im not going to tell anyone I have it. Its going to be a secret until it is used to take a big target/threat in this game.

so far in this game im just working on building my connections! i havent gotten a vote yet which is good but i want to try and not go to tribal as much anymore bc eventually i will become a target. i feel as though my best alliance is with madison obvi since we started together and are good friends. other than that im glad adrian stayed because she is someone i could see myself working with

Fuck this I’m tired and my fingers hurt and ugh

Im waiting to found the retrograde duel and hopefully willow is able to come back because I have some part of connection with her. That is all for today. Oop. Bulbasaur in detective Pikachu was the cutest!!

I got voted out bc I had a busy 2 days and I don't think my score for retrograde is very high goodbye

Ride to Work

I think last month was ride your bicycle to work day, week, month or something. I totally missed the boat mostly because I just didn’t have a way to carry all my stuff with me. Rather than kill myself trying for the sake of doing it on the designated day, I have finally gotten what I need to just do it every day. I got a rack and some bags last weekend for my Jamis Coda Elite.

Got a few other things as well, a lock to make sure it stays where I left it. I’ve seen others drop their horse shoe style lock in the rails of the rack, and would you look at that mine fits there perfectly too!

So this last Monday I worked from home, yes its a thing! When I worked for the place that shall not be named, my boss there was very adamant that nobody was allowed to work from home (except him) because he didn’t trust that you would be working. Yeah ok... I got nothing, my new job/boss is like “you will work from home 4 days a week, 1 week a month and if you need to work from home on a particular day for whatever reason just let me know we’ll figure it out.” WOW such forward thinking I don’t know how to act. 

Anyhow so Monday I worked from home, my laptop weighs a TON! It might as well be a legit boat anchor when it comes to carrying this beast on my bicycle. The bags I got (which I will review later for fun) are quite spacious and swallowed the laptop, power supply, headset, change of clothes, towel, lunch box and misc other stuff that I pack to work w/out any problems. 

Now mind you, I’ve been trying to get out and ride 3x a week at the minimum to make sure I am in shape enough to survive the 5 mile ride to work. You laugh, “hah a mere 5miles?! you smell of elder berries!” No really, this is a rough 5 miles. I’ve never lived in a place that was more hill ridden in my life! From the house I ride up hill about a mile to the first main road that runs towards work. Then the next 3.5 miles are flatter but slightly downhill, it’s a decent roll and I can get cranking on it pretty good. The last .5 miles... I should nickname it the murder hill because the grade is ridiculous.

Wednesday mornings ride started out great, yay, riding to work, this will be glorious! I head out, first hill, no big deal, heart pounding, breathing heavy, legs warming up wow the bike feels really heavy lol. As I crest the top of the first big hill and get ready to turn right at the light my legs are really burning. I will say one thing for traffic here in MD is that bicyclists are tolerated really well? Maybe it’s just really pro-bicycle? I’ve only had 1 motorist honk at me and in retrospect she may have been honking at another driver for not letting her get out from behind me. 

Anyhow, so the next stretch I really get going there are a few upward sections that slow me down some but it’s mostly flattish so this is where I make my time, even the roads are in decent shape so I’m not dodging potholes or anything. 

Then I reach the decent before a good downhill section and I attack it with as much energy as I can because I want to carry some speed through to see how far I can get up the hill before I have to start down shifting to keep the wheels moving. I’m in top gear about 1/3rd of the way down because I was already moving pretty fast, now I’m going probably 30+ mph and the FRICKIN LIGHT CHANGES!! GAH! So I downshift because I don’t want the cross traffic to road pizza me and stop at the light panting. Green light and now I’m at the bottom on the hill before the murder hill and I have to climb this section first to get to the real hill... real hill, like this hill is just an illusion that’s kicking my ass? If only that were so. 

So I get up the hill, and again catch another red light and grab a drink while I wait for the light to change. Now this downhill section at the bottom of the murder hill is just long enough for me to get nearly into top gear with some serious effort on my part, but with traffic coming and going on both sides of the road I feel a little like Mad Max now because I’m trying again not to die on my way to work and the motorists only have so much humor when it comes to cyclists so I do try not to surprise them by popping out in front of them without any notice. I manage to slip in behind the last mini van to go by and find a gap in the oncoming cars so I’m able to slip all the way over to the left side of the road because there is a second lane on that side for traffic turning into any of the multiple driveways over there vs a 2′ shoulder on the right side of the road.

So now as I attack the murder hill and shift down into 1st as fast as I can and just try to keep the cranks spinning so the wheels don’t stop I can feel my heart rate climb, my lungs are burning almost as much as my legs and I push myself and push myself and I can feel my breakfast threatening to make another appearance and I tell myself not to think about it and just keep the pedals going and I realize at this point that if I don’t stop I will likely either pass out and fall over or puke, or both, and if I’m really unlucky maybe even a heart attack is lurking in there for me! Ok so I unclip first because I’ve had a number of “OMG I can’t get out of my clips and I’m going to fall now” recently and I don’t want to crash with my new bags and my laptop and all my stuff so yeah at least I had enough brain power left to remember to unclip first. 

I get off the bike and walk it the remaining 200′ to the first driveway that is linked to the work parking lots. I grab another drink, catch my breath a little, hop back on the bike and will my legs back to work again pushing the pedals and off we go, I find a little service road that takes me to another road that seems like it goes off into nowhere so I jump the curb and ride along a volleyball court and come to another drive that comes to the first manned guard access gate. WHEW I’m gonna make it! I get there, badge in and ask for directions to the building where the Gym is located because employees can use the showers there if they need to. Boy do I need to at this point because I’m dripping sweat.

I roll down to that building, another guard nearby directs me to the nearest bike rack, I get locked up, grab my bag with my change of clothes and he then tells me how to find the showers, what a guy! I got showered and dressed and back to the bike. Load back up and now I have like 2 blocks to slow ride cause I’m beat to get to my building and stow my bike and head up to my floor so I can get to work. 

So that was my first day riding to work! The ride home was seemingly easier but I don’t think it really is, the murder hill is fun going back the other way but if you don’t mind the potholes (there are a couple I have discovered) your water bottles will eject from their bottle cage (cage my ass) like little rockets that you may never find again especially if the cars behind you think it’s a game and try to run them over for you... :(  but... the murder hill I can really fly down and carry enough speed to reach the top of the next hill which makes that section easier. Once you head past that and through the next downhill section the long stretch to the last mile to the house is mostly uphill some is not as bad as others but still by the time I got home I was a sweaty mess.

I didn’t let my first day stop me oh no, my second day I got up, got ready and looked outside and it was POURING lmao just my luck, well... we have just 1 car right now, my motorcycle is in the shop getting new brake lines and the bicycle is all I have so I suited up and off I went and soaked to the bone I got, my gear was still fairly wet by the time I went home that day. The benefit to riding in the rain and having showers at work is, I don’t wear a rain cover, who cares I’m not made of sugar right? The rain and wind keep you much cooler so that helps, other wise I’m just soggy which for a long ride would be miserable but 5 miles is totally no big deal.

Then yesterday it was still raining on my way to work but not as hard so that was actually very pleasant I dare say I enjoyed it. However yesterday, I made it up the murder hill without having to get off my bike! Woohoo!! Then last night my wife got done with her job early and offered to come get me at work and just put my bike in the back and I declined, I like riding, I told her it would be fine. It was 86 degrees yesterday when I left work so I was cooking and sweating but again, I enjoy the ride, I like pushing myself it makes me feel alive and I’m hoping in the long run will improve my fitness level and help me bring my weigh back down.

So there you go... I’m riding my bicycle to work now every day, though I do reserve the right to ride my motorcycle on days when it’s pouring because trying to dry my stuff out before the ride home is a bit of a pita lol otherwise, go out there and get it!

If you ever wanted to ride to work and you have the time, that is the big investment here, if you live within 10miles of your job it’s very doable, even 15 if you’re very fit, 20 becomes more trouble because now we’re talking 1hr to 1hr 20 minutes. I needed a rack and panniers because a backpack will put my arms to sleep and I can’t ride like that. I remember what it was like in HS and now I have carpal tunnel and bad arthritis in my thumbs and yeah no not gonna do it. 

I encourage anybody who has the desire, who has a bicycle worthy of the commute, to give it a shot, even if it’s just once, just to say you did, and if you can do it on the bike to work day/week/month well if the area you live in does that sort of thing there could be a free meal and swag in it for you. Here the LBS’s and some local food and sporting goods places are really big on it and get together and have rides and food and it was a little crazy I was sad I missed it.

I will probably start doing bits on my ride to work shenanigans, like how to fix a flat tire or more likely how NOT to fix a flat tire on the side of the road on your way to work and not take too much time so you’re not late hehe. Anyhow my peoples, have a great week, get outside, be happy and healthy!

1-91 of the nsfw asks

bruv You’re gonna kill me

1:When did you lose your virginity?13 for vagina type 15 for penis type2: Rough sex or soft sex?I like both but I enjoy being hurt3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?HAHAHA yes how much time do you have4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?In school or in a Cathedral5: Favourite sex position?I don’t have a favourite tbh6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?I prefer submissive but I’m a switch so it depends7: Have you ever had any one night stands?A few8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?I prefer the bed, it has pillows9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?Yes10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?No thank god11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?It’s purple and black lace, with garters from Victoria’s secret12: How often do you have sex?Not often enough13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?Hmmmmm yes I suppose14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?I prefer giving15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?Fallen asleep16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?The Hills - The Weekend, idk why but it’s fucking glorious17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?Nothing, I like to only hear us18: Are you into dressing up for sex?Not particularly, it all comes off in the end19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?Bath. I have a mild phobia of showers20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?Brian McCook duh,21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?Yeah, 3 times ;)22: Do you/would you use sex toys?Indeed I do23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?All the time. I have a nice body, so sharing is caring24: Would you have sex with your best friend?HAHAHA funny story, my best friend is my ex-girlfriend so yeah25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)Depends. Usually I’ll grab a coffee and go outside for a cigarette, or cuddle. Depends on how nice the sesh was26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?A really really good smut27: Early morning sex or late night sex?Early morning, I get tired too easily28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?Butt29: Favourite body part on the same sex?Boobs or tummy30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:My sexy box, only everyone knows about it because my parents found it hahaha31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:I don’t know what is weird, but I’ve done pretty much everything apart from scat32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]Yeah, but usually it happens when I kiss the person, I eat quite healthily so wasn’t too bad tbh33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:Only if you want babies, with a partner you’re in for the long haul34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:None. I don’t like the idea of thrush35: Worst possible time to get horny:In a really serious situation. Happens all the time, especially if someone attractive shouts at me36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?Well obviously, I need to know I’m doing well37: How much fapping is too much fapping:Until you get carpal tunnel38: Best sexual complement you ever got:I don’t know, maybe that I have a really nice figure?39: Favorite foreplay activities:All of them40: What do you wear to bed?Either my bee pijamas, a baggy tee and boxers, or nothing41: When was the first time you masturbated:Yesterday42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?Nope43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?I have, and I think it was almost 2 years ago44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?Yes I have45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?I swear this was already a qu? But yes I have46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?A pillow47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?GAY because it feels more real, idk why it’s wonderful48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)Previously answered 49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?YES so long as they’re good50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?Previously answered51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?ALL OF THEM THRUSH IS REAL GUYS plus sticky ew52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?Prostitute53: Do you watch porn?Yes54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?Yes. Probably because I like weird stuff55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?Nope, but I often forgo bras, does that count?56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?I have no problem whatsoever. I love muff fluff, and without is also chill. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest57: If you could give yourself head, would you?Yes, I’ve been told I’m very good58: Booty or Boobs?Boobs59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)I don’t know if it counts, we were on a break60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?1, helicopter 2, wank 3, enjoy the fact I get paid more and can walk around topless without getting catcalled 4, have sex with a vagina 5, have sex with a butt61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?Yes62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?Previously answered 63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?Nope because I have a vagina64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)I touch myself and it is good65. What is your bra/penis size?Bra- 34 C66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?Your dad’s cock67. When was the last time you masturbated?Yesterday (i swear these repeat)68. When was the last time you had sex?Early December69. When was the last time you watched porn?Today lol haha70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?Yes, both in Ann Summers71. Guys:Circumsized???? idek72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?Boobies and stomach73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?My genitals? lol74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?I don’t think so, but I can get close75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?Yes76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?Yesterday77. Which wet dream was your favorite?Lol nope not saying78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?Of course79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?OF COURSE HAVE YOU SEEN MY BLOG80. Favorite sexual position?Previously answered81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?hehe a bit82. Are you into any BDSM?Yes83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?Yes, because I just couldn’t idk it’s weird84. Do you like dirty talk?If it’s done correctly, if not I laugh85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?Very loud, masturbation quiet86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?YES okay so funny story. I was having sex w my girlfriend at the time in the back of her car and her fucking mother opened the door and I’m pretty sure she saw my vagina87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?Gay male88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?I don’t get erections, but masturbated to yes89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?Well yeah90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?Previously answered91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?Not exactly no92. Ask whatever you want*shrugs*

These were disgusting lol. Thank you dear