#going for yelan next....... pray for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tflaw · 1 year

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AVAAAA omg i am very sorry i havent been in tumblr for a while bc i was rlly ... on the grind for raiden doing hidden quests n all that :// and i managed to farm a WHOPPING 20 pulls 😀 so yea ... ya girl finally got welkin now too n ngl im scared of losing the 50/50 but fuck it we ball !!

+ aaa since shenhe might unfortunately be jailed in their basement again i wanna pull for yelan :(( as much as i love hutao and xiao .. i cant pull off their playstyles at all 💔 but i dont think ill get too ambitious ADMKA raiden is coming but tbh if i do lose on her banner i'll just save it for yelan n build keqing instead .. yea sounds like a pretty good idea BUT HYV BETTER NOT JINX IT I WANT THEM BOTH

+ windtrace got me reaaally scared as well tbh 😭 i dont like co-op events at all it rlly makes my anxiety spike up for some reason .. i hope youre coping well w it though im pretty sure u were having a hard time w it 💔

+ and omg youre reading bsd :0 i havent read the light novels but the anime was rlly good too though hihi AND U LIKE MY BRO RANPO ??? i love him too he's just like me fr !! the moment i saw that man slacking while eating an ungodly amount of sweets i just went "i am you. and you are me" 💀 but yes omg ranpo's amazing he's soooo interesting AND FYODOR TOO GAWD u have taste ava i love ur taste u get me !! i rlly should read bsd as well bc i was an anime only :(( i miss them fr :((

+ and lastly, happy holidays ava !! i hope u enjoy christmas hihi i dont celebrate it but i still wanna send some good vibes by saying that im so, so grateful for meeting u <33 i love u sm ava i wish u all the best these remaining days of 2022 ♥️

AI MY LOVE MY BELOVED !! i really wish u get raiden :(( hyv should give u raiden !! she’s rly easy to build and so powerful i love love love her !! i’ve managed to grind at least 10 wishes . pulled . got c3 gorou . :))))))) no faruzan cons. i give up on kuni’s banner 😭

+ AYE im having second thoughts abt hu tao, too!! bcos fyodor . and ayato . same VAs im gonna go insane. and ayato can be a good support for ayaka if i build him right. but hu tao <//3 i’ve been wanting her since i first started playing. maybe i’ll get ayato next time. idk im so . sighs. i WANT ayato too 😭 shenhe might have a rerun after hu tao… i’m praying… i need her…

+ OH MY GOD windtrace. i rmb now why i hate this event 😭 the first game we were at the fatui camp near the jadeplume terrorshroom. i disguised as a box and nilou was the hunter. THANKFULLY the hunter didn’t catch any of us my heart was gonna burst 😭 and then the next we were at byako plain . i panic and transformed into the wooden barrel near the water stream. idk what’s happening at first bcos i can see the other rebel from where i’m at— they were using sayu. they were standing there with the npcs and the apparently the hunter just couldn’t see them? and then the childe one transformed to a chair . the hunter chased them every where and to the roof. i was the only remaining rebel after the game. pretty fun!!

+ i read then i decided to just watch !! IM ON SEASON 3 RN and halfway thru!! im so excited to meet the rest of the villains . this anime rly proves if villain why sexy. everyone is attractive . god. pls. I KNEW ID LIKE HIM !! ive seen photos of him before and he seems interesting as well as cool . i love him a lot :,)) he and fyodor . ai when i heard fyodor’s voice PLS i was ready to risk it all. HE HAS THE SAME VA AS AYATO. and u know how i feel abt ayato. i love him a whole lot i wanna give him babies.

+ i love you, too, ai!! happy holidays and i hope u and the rest of ur family are safe <33 m so grateful of meeting u and having to be ur friend :,)) i hope we can meet someday hihi ^^ i love u sm, too !! mwah !! mwah !!

#xoxo: ai.#✉️: hotmail.

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chocoenvy · 2 years

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Unwanted

SAGAU!Kamisato Ayaka & Ayato

Notes: A lil drabble as an apology for Ayaka and Ayato. I'd love to pull for Ayaka but... Yelan... So here's an apology, I love you Ayaka and Ayato, maybe next rerun loves <3

Today was Ayato's debut, it was his time to shine. He had this, he knew he did. He had trained for years on end and perfected every facet of himself to be desirable, he'd get this. There was no doubt.

Even the people, who were iffy after... last time, believed in him. Yes, today would be perfect.

"Ayato?" A meek voice called to him, he turned and smiled at his sister.

"Yes, Ayaka?"

She frowned, her eyes not meeting his, "Will... you be okay?"

His smile faltered, but he maintained it and his eyes turned softer, "Ayaka," He put his hands on her shoulders, "I will be alright, and so will you. I know you're nervous but there's no reason to be." He gently tilted her face up so her eyes met his, "Everything will be okay."

He patted her head, "Now, I have to go, their grace is about to officially meet me."

He tidied up his clothes one last time before leaving the room, a confident and cool smile on his face.

Ayaka lingered, the shame from those days still burning into her. Her hands shook as they did on those days, those false praises, and finally when she felt your warmth for the first time it was the highlight of her life... but she never felt it again. Not even a bit of it.

While others, Thoma, Sara, the Shogun, got new weapons and things she could only dream of. She was stuck in her estate, as usual, alone and without your warmth.

You hadn't even tried for her, and her heart burned because of it. All of the hope was now on Ayato, he was so much more likelier to get picked than her, she knew it. He was better looking, stronger, more accomplished, more power, freedom. Any and all shortcomings she had, Ayato made up for tenfold.

He'd make the Kamisatos and the Yashiro Commission look good, where Ayaka had made them look unwanted.

Ayaka sighed and slumped, praying the best for her brother.

The words uttered when in a trial run were only shared with the person in the trial, and perhaps the people accompanying them.

Ayato heard your words, or lack thereof, clearly. A ringing silence in his head.

He heard you stretch and sigh, "Twenty primos for my baby let's goooo!"

But you never pulled for him, didn't even try for him. Not even a single pull, you were saving up your resources for someone else...

He'd failed, hadn't he? He was supposed to scrape together the Kamisato's name, to make Ayaka's life better. Yet here he was, a failure.

He'd failed the Kamisato's name, hadn't he?

The stares followed everywhere, Ayaka and Ayato, the rejects to their beloved god. Unwanted.

Kujou Sara, of the Tenryou commission. She was put out there and you took her into your warm embrace, Gorou of Watatsumi Island as well. Even Thoma, arguably the only saving grace of the Kamisato Clan, the reason their name wasn't dead in the dirt.

The Raiden Shogun, in particular, was highly critical of how their god seemed to not favor them. As her high status in their god's court granted her the ability to say whatever she wished, however publicly she wished. Her opinion and word held so much more weight than anyone could imagine due to her archon status and how closely she sat beside you.

Metaphorically that is, none of them had been blessed enough to witness your face or feel your breath. Not even your favorites and certainly not the Kamisatos, so far beneath you, you didn't even dare to glance at them for more than a moment.

And the entire month he was subjected to the burning shame as not even a single time he felt your godly presence. Only in other characters around him, when he'd watch as the Raiden Shogun pranced around Inazuma, or Sara shooting birds and sprinting and jumping victoriously. To see Thoma posing in the sunset, knowing it was you snapping a picture of him and not Ayato nor Ayaka.

He just wanted a scrap of your warmth, he wanted to give Ayaka a better reputation. If nothing else, he wanted to help his sister. It was his basic duty as her brother. That's all he wanted.

But no matter how much he prayed you never listened, and he and Ayaka were left as the unwanted Kamisatos.

Next month was another rollercoaster, Ayaka was pushed onto a pedestal, waiting for the tomatoes to be thrown at her and to be burning with shame for the entire month. Ayato had told her you were saving for someone else, you weren't going to wish or pull for her.

You didn't want her. It made her cry that night before her second "banner" as you'd called it. She knew she was going to be publicly embarrassed, as you spoke to her and looked upon her with your godly glow only to ignore her.

She was nothing to you, and soon she'd be nothing to the rest of the world. Because if she didn't matter to you, she didn't matter at all.

"She's gonna come home! I swear it! 20 more primos for her! My baby!"

Her heart burned as you played her trial run. Your giddy voice would make her heart flutter if she didn't already know that the next month would be the worst of all her life. Two-time skipped banner, unwanted girl of the Kamisato clan. That's all she was to you and the rest of the world.

A golden star flew across the sky, she looked up in awe.

No way... no way-!

The golden glow landed on Ayaka and enveloped her in warmth. She felt your hand hold her and your excited squeal.

"The baby came home! She's home!"

"Welcome home Ayaka."

Tears fell down her eyes as your lasting warmth finally enveloped her fully. You cared for her, and she was finally wanted.

#sagau #genshin cult au #genshin sagau #genshin self aware #sagau x reader #self aware genshin #genshin impact cult au #kamisato ayaka #kamisato ayato #highkey based off of my account #bc lemme tell you raiden is treated like the queen she is on my acc LSDJFASFAS-#LISTEN ELECTRO WOMEN GOT ME IN A CHOKEHOLD-#if there's an electro woman that comes out and i don't pull for her then it's not me #if you ever hear me say im not pulling for an electro woman THAT'S NOT ME IT'S AN IMPOSTER #evil choco: hydro boys amirite

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andthepetalsfall · 4 years

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disappointment, a lump swallowed with each bite

Summary: Syaoran’s relationship with Yelan is complicated.

A/N: I had a friend post this a while back on AO3 as an orphaned fic (she came up with the title), mostly because I felt I might have revealed too much about myself. But I feel there’s so much about Syaoran’s Cantonese heritage left unexplored, both by fandom and CLAMP, that I want to tap into it myself. Writing this felt a little raw, but it meant a lot that this resonated so much with Canto readers I thought I’d share it here. I hope you enjoy.

[AO3]

Syaoran’s life has been a series of disappointments, one after the other.

Disappointment is the first memory his mother shares with him over dinner. “When I married, I moved to Hong Kong to be with your father’s family,” she explains.

He nods as he ravenously shovels roast pork into his mouth and his eldest sister reminds him to chew slowly.

“But I was originally from Shanghai. I tried to teach you Shanghainese when you were very small, but you never used it.”

“You used to cry, ‘I want to talk to Mama!’ because she doesn’t understand Shanghainese,” the second eldest suddenly remembers with a bright smile.

“Yes, and she would tell me, ‘You married into a Cantonese family, let the boy speak what he wants. You have to teach him Mandarin and Japanese later on anyway.’ You were so resistant, your Mama asked what the point was of teaching you Shanghainese when your sisters spoke it but never used it.”

His mother reaches for more gailan. Although his mother and grandmother had shown nothing but respect for each other, he’d always noticed a cold air between them. “I remember I was very...”

She doesn’t need to finish the sentence. Syaoran doesn’t say anything and picks up the pork more delicately.

…

It’s the third Qing Ming Jie since his father’s death and he can’t relate to any of the stories his sisters and mother laugh over as they lay out the food and incense.

“Didi, you remember?” his Ga Jeh asks. “All our cousins were playing with each other, but you stayed in the corner practicing your magic by yourself. You were two.”

“You always wanted to be alone, even back then,” the second sister adds.

“Baba was laughing at you and called you his little lone wolf,” the fourth sister says.

“Oh, is that where ‘Syaoran’ comes from?” His family never used his real name, it was baobei to his mother and didi to his sisters. On occasion they called him Syaoran or Siu Long, dialect chosen on a whim.

But when he frowns, they see he doesn’t remember any of it, so they silently reach for the incense and pray. He looks at the red name etched on the tombstone and the emptiness he feels hits him like a train. How must Baba feel knowing his only son doesn’t remember him?

He already knows the answer and as he takes the incense, all he can think is, I’m sorry.

…

“Again.”

For the thirty-fourth time in a row (he’s been keeping track in his head), he strikes his sword into the ground and in a split second the faintest trace of a magic circle glows beneath him. Then, just as suddenly, it fades.

His mother rubs her temples and Syaoran braces himself for the lecture coming to him.

“How many times have we tried this and you still don’t understand it?”

He doesn’t protest that he’s trying, because she’ll only counter that he’s not trying hard enough.

“Your mind is off somewhere else and you’re not focusing properly. Do you not understand how vital it is that you get this right? Don’t you know what it means to be a descendant of Clow Reed? The only magic child of this family, no less!”

He doesn’t say that technically, they’re descendants of his mother’s family, and that Syaoran’s own mother wasn’t related to him either, just married in.

Still, his mother somehow senses what’s on his mind and says, “I know it is not my bloodline. But when I married your father, his family became my family. You think your Mama just let any random outsider marry her only son? No, it didn’t matter that I had magic in my veins. It took me ten years to perfect my magic and even be considered worthy of the prestige of the Lei clan! And now you have a chance to be Master of the Clow because it is your birthright! What did I work so hard for if all you want to do is throw it away?”

Syaoran bites his lip and feels hot shame welling up inside him. He fixes his stare at the ground so his mother doesn’t see his wet eyes.

“Don’t look at the floor. Look at me.”

He complies and sniffles.

“Do you want to be Master or not? Answer me.”

“I do,” he whispers, unable to control the shakiness in his voice. All he wants is to be like any other second-grader and go play at the park or something.

“Masters of the Clow don’t cry. Go again.”

The thirty-fifth time isn’t much better than the last, and he can slowly feel his mother giving up.

…

As he holds the results of his Japanese exam, his hands tremble. He’s not worried about his other scores, but he’ll need to work twice as hard in this area if he wants to keep up with his Japanese classmates next year.

That semester had been a flurry of sleepless nights, cramming and studying over and over to perfect his language skills. It had been one of the few times in his life when his mother relaxed her strict exterior, quietly bringing a bowl of sweet pears to his room and placing it on his desk.

“Study hard, baobei.”

He sharply inhales as he opens up his results, and exhales when he sees the red 100 on his kanji scores. His eyes scale down to keigo.

96.

Four points. He was only four points away.

He’s far, far from the bottom of his class, but it’s not enough. The endless complaints from his classmates, none of whom he’s ever played with or been friends with, saying, “My mom always asks why you can’t be like your classmate Lei!” or praise from his teachers, “Let’s all follow Lei tung hok’s example,” are never enough for the Lei clan.

He neatly folds the exam and slides it into his backpack.

…

When he submits his papers to Tomoeda elementary he gives them his real name. It sounds foreign even to him.

“Rei—” the office lady frowns. “Sorry, how do you pronounce that?”

Maybe he shouldn’t have started off with Cantonese. And then he has the craziest idea. “Ah—never mind,” he says, furiously scribbling out his name. “Use this one.”

She purses her lips into a tight line. “Ookami?”

“It’s, ah, a traditional name,” he lies through his teeth, hoping his accent isn’t too heavy. “Li Syaoran.”

“The Chinese use such interesting kanji,” she murmurs, scribbling down some notes. He doesn’t remind her that kanji came from China first.

“Well, you’ll be in Terada-sensei’s room, Li-san. It’s down that way.”

It all fits, in a way. When has he ever been worthy of his own name?

…

“He speaks kinda funny.”

“Chiharu-chan, he’s from Hong Kong. You can’t expect him to speak perfectly on his first day,” the quiet girl with chestnut colored hair reminds her.

“I heard Terada-sensei saying if he needed help he could talk to Tomoyo-chan,” the one with glasses interjects. “The way he repeated her name was sooooo cute. Daaai-daaau-jiii.”

It’s not malicious, the way they’re giggling. But he keeps his expression stony and vows not to say any other name.

...

His face is burning as he runs. He’s failed to retrieve the cards on his first day, and the boy…

The boy was beautiful.

He thinks of his mother’s warning. “Don’t play around with girls.” She’d wrinkled her nose. “Especially Japanese girls. You remember what they did to our country?”

She’d never thought to warn him about boys. It would never cross her mind he would tell her something like that.

He prays, prays, prays he’ll never need to.

...

The ocean wind is icy and pinches at his skin, but he’ll never show weakness like the girl beside him. How was this whimpering thing, who was never raised with a quarter of the discipline he has, deemed more worthy to be Master than he was?

But the more she talks, the more he realizes he has never known a night like this. A night of no training, no studying. Just the crashing of ocean waves and a light conversation under the moonlight.

He’s not thinking when he says, “Well, I feel that way about him too, but…”

He freezes as he realizes and holds his gaze at her, anxiously waiting for her response. What will she say? Will she tell people? What if, Heaven forbid, it gets back to his family?

But she carries on like it’s nothing. He’s brave enough to press her further about her infatuation, and she asks him the same.

“Both you and I are so much younger than Yukito-san, but we can’t help it,” she says. “We just… like him.”

When she smiles, it’s genuine. It’s serene. There is no judgment in her jade eyes.

When his form reappears in the cave, she doesn’t reprimand him for not having the strength to fight off the card. She thanks him.

It’s a foreign feeling.

…

“They call me a different name, Ma.”

Even though she’s only on the phone, he knows she’s frowning. “Oh? And what’s wrong with the name we gave you?”

“They can’t pronounce it. It has nothing to do with you.” With the safety of distance, he can be a little bolder.

“And this new girl? How does she have the cards?”

“Cerberus chose her. There’s really nothing I can do about it, especially a Guardian made by Clow himself.”

“Hm. Are they treating you well?”

He thinks of those jade green eyes. “The people in Japan are very nice, Ma.”

“I see.”

An awkward silence hangs between them.

“Baobei?”

“Mm?”

“Have you eaten yet?”

“Yes,�� he lies, eyeing the sword he’s been practicing with all night.

“Never forget to eat, Baobei. You need your strength.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Ma.”

...

She’s shocked when he tells her he lives alone.

“Then you have to do all the laundry and cleaning and cooking all on your own?”

Okay, maybe it’s a little odd for a ten-year-old to live alone in an apartment, but it’s not like she doesn’t do housework either.

“Well… yeah.”

“That’s so cool!”

There’s not an ounce of sarcasm in her voice, which flusters him.

“But… don’t you get lonely?”

Lonely?

He’s never been asked that before. He thinks of the phone call with his mother the night previously, where she instructed him to keep an eye on “the new girl” and reminded him to dress warmly.

“Not really.”

“So cool!” the girl gushes.

It’s such a trivial thing, housework. Maybe she’ll praise anything, but she’s never commented on his shortcomings.

Before he can say anything, her stomach grumbles. It makes the corner of his lips twitch.

…

His hands are trembling as he tells his mother the news. No, he won’t be Master of the Clow.

Sakura is.

He has a million counterarguments backed up in his head—no, he didn’t just give up. (Okay, maybe he did.) Yue deigned it. He was not about to go against two Guardians of Clow’s own creation. Clow predicted this would happen, anyway.

But she doesn’t yell. She doesn’t scold.

“Good,” she sighs. “I’m glad you were able to help this Kinomoto girl achieve her birthright.”

“Her birthright?” Syaoran asks, half surprised and half amused.

“Aiyooh, if Clow wanted it, who are we to go against him? He ought to have left some hints, though!”

He almost laughs.

“You did your best, baobei. And you helped the new Master. For that I’m grateful.”

Syaoran doesn’t know what to say, but maybe no words need to be said.

“Now, this Kinomoto—you certainly talk about her a lot.”

“What are you saying, Ma?”

“Is she your girlfriend?”

“MA!”

“Aiyah, don’t be like that, I’m your mother! You have to tell me everything!”

#cardcaptor sakura #syaosaku #syaoran li #sakura kinomoto #syaoyuki #fanfic #yeah i have diaspora pain #and what the fuck are you gonna do about it

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