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peachyteabuck · 4 years

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a king is first a man [snippet]

summary: thor’s fighting a double-fronted war, desperately attempting to quell the flames of a revolution, and is grappling with his father’s long-since murder on the battlefield all those years ago. somehow, none of that compares to the trouble of his new queen.

this is a commission for @empyreanwritings who commissioned a snippet from the full work.

pairing: thor odinson x reader

words: 2507

trigger warnings: medieval au i did very little research for, brat taming that includes spanking as a punishment, allusions to breeding kink, angst related to social position if you squint.

notes: major credit to @spacelabrathor for allowing me to steal this concept and write a full fic for it. she’s legit the best and i can’t thank her enough for putting up with me - both in relation to this fic and the rest of our friendship. she’s legit THE shit and deserves everything.

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

She walks with the grace one would expect of someone like her: educated, precise, bored. Her back is straight as an arrow, feet silent, smile barely touching her cheeks as she hangs her head in feigned sorrow. In the dim lighting of the “secret” (known only to the highest of servants, the king himself, and, apparently, her) hallway she looks kind, mournful. If Thor did not know better, he might have offered his regards, asked if there was anything he could do to bring one of those toothy grins back to her bright face.

Unfortunately, Thor does know better. He knows as much about her as he does his greatest enemy – what they teach all the generals to learn before undertaking something serious as war: motivations, desired outcome, what leverage she holds over the throne and anyone dumb enough to occupy it. He knows what she thinks, why she thinks it, what she thinks will happen.

Despite this plethora of knowledge and years of military training and etiquette classes and warning from those he trusts the most, Thor loses himself as he backs her into the wall, never touching her but commanding the space between them with precision – just as he yields a sword during battle.

That’s how his heart feels, too, pounding in his chest as if his ribs were the bars separating him from his captor. He can feel heat course through his body, his hands flexing as flint strikes steel in each of his veins. He wonders, for a brief moment, if he is dying – if she had poisoned him just to fall into the very seat she claimed she loathed. No – he quickly realizes. That would be too easy. If she were to kill him, were to stop his heart or slit his throat or plunge his father’s sword into his chest, then were would be no game for her to play; there would be no place for her lightning to strike whenever she wished. She – Gods forbid – would be saddled with responsibility, something her childish bones could not handle. Like a house with no foundation she’d crumble, curling in on herself as servants and soldiers and saddle hands all pried for her attention.

“What?” she questions, arms folded across her chest. Her brow is furrowed, jaw set as she breaks Thor’s thoughts and wretches him back to the moment – back to her. It’s always her, isn’t it? Always has to be her, ever since she arrived on that carriage and turned her nose up at him and refused to kiss the family ring.

“You know what,” he snarls back at her, teeth bared as he leans in close enough to smell whatever the chambermaids had placed in her morning bath. Yesterday it was lavender – light and airy as she explored the castle as if she was a ghost peering through a window. Today was something stronger, something that bites at Thor’s nostrils just as she bites at his patience. “You know you are not supposed to attend meetings of a royal nature unless specifically given permission.”

Thor watches her carefully, watches as she doesn’t even flinch as she lets out a small laugh, rolling her eyes before returning the king’s gaze. It’s odd to see someone like her – someone so young – look back at him with such fire, determination. It had taken him years to reach that level of confidence, to develop the will to stand up to someone as powerful as himself. He can’t tell if he’s furious or impressed or both. Either way, he refuses to let her get the best of him.

Thor grabs her by the back of her neck, quickly flipping her around so her cheek is pressed against the smooth, cold stone, her hands pressed against the wall near her sides.

“If you want to act like a child-“ Thor hisses as each hand pins one of her wrists. “I am going to treat you like one.

The second she’s picked up and tossed over his one of his broad shoulder, she does her best to contort an exit for herself, thrashing and kicking like a cat that had been plunged into a freezing river. Thor, though, maneuvers her as if she was some inert object he was placing on a newly dusted shelf, keeping her wrists pinned behind her back and avoiding the kick of her heel as he carries her into the large chambers they now – whether she liked it or not - share. When he steps through the threshold, he ignores her cries for a moment longer, taking in the scent of her that had filled the room as he notices mused linen bedsheets and pillows strewn across the room, despite knowing it had been made by ever-attending servants when she had gotten up from her midday nap.

Had she been touching herself before she interrupted Thor’s meeting with the council? Had she plunged three fingers into her dripping center, chasing the world’s sweetest pleasure? Had she thought of her husband while she gushed over her hand? Had she whispered his name so the servants would not hear her shameful lust, or had she screamed it – hoping one of them would call upon him to make her stop? Did she think that they thought he had that much power over her?

Thor shakes his head, returning to his original mission. The king smoothly navigates the large room while making sure his bride doesn’t knock anything over (she had ordered many a plate of treats while she was alone, barely picking at any of them, even as the carts the servants placed them on filled the room). Like the minotaur in the maze, he carries her with ease. In the back of her mind she can’t help but admire that – as if he can predict her every physical movement with precision, even before she knows exactly what her flailing limbs plan to do.

Without warning, she’s dropped onto the center of the large bed. She sees her chance of escape, but her hope is quickly squashed when Thor grunts as he moves to pin her down, grabbing both of her wrists in one of his large, war-bitten hands. Something inside her can’t help but flutter as he manhandles her into the position Thor believes befits her behavior, one where he sits at the edge of the bed while her stomach is laid upon his muscular thighs. Her thin dress is torn without so much as a shrieking RRIIIIIPPP – as if even the fabric is surprised how efficiently it is ripped off the newly-appointed queen’s body. It sends a shiver down her spine, the knowledge of the king’s strength and size rusty in its age but easily shined with each exercise of Thor’s power.

“All you brats are the fucking same,” he growls through grit teeth as his large hands lay sharp slaps over her thin underclothes, preparing her for the punishment to come. “You push and you push and you get what’s coming for you and then you act as if you’re innocent.”

The queen gulps, still attempting to free her hands while her legs kick. Thor just laughs at her, pushing her wrists harder into the small of her back as he continues to smack her plump ass.

“Keep trying, my little morning dove,” the nickname given to her by the driver of the carriage she had road in on all those days before falls from his lips like blood after a swift kick to the face, pooling onto her back and in her center. “Eventually you’ll run out of fight and then this will go much easier.”

She huffs, dramatically yelling as the last of her fabric protection is stolen from her, exposing her to hot air in the room. “What on Earth are you talking about!? I didn’t do anything!”

Thor just snorts, leaving a few more smacks against her bare flesh. “This little innocent act you’ve been playing up all these years? It isn’t going to work on me.”

She scoffs, her next inhale sharp as his favorite battle sword with one final slap being laid against her. “I…I-“

The king just laughs deep in his chest, his hand moving from the round of her ass to between her now-trembling legs. Each ounce of golden defiance that once replaced the blood in her veins seemed to disperse as he touches her there, gathering the slick that dripped onto his pants. Suddenly, the clothing feels much tighter than before (though, whether it had occurred in that instant alone was unlikely) as he watched the pads of his wettened fingers reflect the torches along the wall. His face heats as the corners of his lips turn up into a smile – though he suspects the fires are not to blame.

“You took your retribution well,” he tells her, letting go of her now limp wrists to rub at the heated skin. She moans, pressing her face into the thickest gathering of blankets her limited movement grants her, last taste of insolence drying on her tongue. “I think I should show you what those who behave are rewarded with.”

She’s unable to process his words before she’s flipped again – Thor now on his feet while she remains on the bed, though now flat on her back. She’s completely bare but finds no shame in her exposure, watching her husband with fevered attention as he rips his shirt from his body.

Thor’s barely able to pull his linen pants under his ass before she’s begging for him, mumbling something that falls between a prayer and a spell to beckon the king closer to her – words low and desperate as they’re spoken into the heated air between them. He’s so hard it hurts, like his shoulder after he gets a newly weighted sword or his calves when he rides a new horse. It’s this simmering thing inside of him, water in a cauldron close to boiling but not quite there; his whole being existing on the precipice of something he can’t quite identify.

It’s not as if he has the time for introspection, though, because the second the air hits the skin of his hardened cock and she’s grabbing at him and pulling him to her, inside of her and for the first time since he was considered too young to be king his mind is-

Blank.

His mind is blank with a white-hot fire that blinds him as his guttural moans form a symphony with hers. Neither of them speak, neither of them can, brains preoccupied with their bodies and their bodies preoccupied with each other. It feels like battle almost, some carnal instinct commanding his every move while whatever consciousness keeps him tethered to the present surrenders itself to some orgiastic impulse. For the first time in a long time the monarch feels himself lose control as his hands roam her heated skin, as his war-torn palms feels the supple flesh of her chest and pinch at her pert nipples.

She inhales sharply at the small pinch of pain, the way she clenches around him encouraging him to continue.

“Oh!” she moans, loud and unabashed.

Thor had not taken a woman in a long while, too busy with his duties as king. He had moved bedrooms, in fact, since the last time he’d bed anyone, and had no idea whether the architecture granted him privacy from the staff. However, just as you practically waltzed into his highly contentious meeting, Thor allows himself to grunt and roar and curse without pity for the ears of those within the rest of the large castle.

One of his hands plants itself in the sheets, using it for balance as the other moves to rub at the most sensitive part of her. He revels in her screams of pleasure, in her pleas for him not to stop don’t stop don’t stop it’s yours take it please take it please!

A sense of pride swells in Thor’s chest, blossoming with the soil of watching her switch from rebellion to subservience with him having to do so little in such a short period of time.

Tightening in his abdomen distracts him from his preening, hips chasing the same peak she seems to be close to.

Thor tries to piece himself together enough to ask a question he wishes he didn’t have to. “Where do y-“

“Inside of me!” she immediately gasps, voice strained and desperate. “Please!”

Just as he wishes she would, he does exactly as he is told with nearly no hesitation – unloading inside of her just as she screams with her own release.

If the palace occupants could not hear them before, they surely heard the married couple then as they both shouted in vulgar unison. Deep and animalistic and wonderful, they both pant as they fall into a breathless kiss.

Her high recedes like the lake that runs through the kingdom at the beginning of dry season – slow and deliberate and leaving her with a dry mouth. She stares at the ceiling, noticing for the first time that a map of the kingdom has been painted there. It seems, just as she views the room, that she sees the rest of the world with a sharper eye; she wonders that if she were to be escorted outside by one of those ghastly ladies in waiting outside, she would see the night sky with more precision than ever before. If she could sift through the darkness, would she be able to draw the stars? If she were to look back down to Earth and attempt to traverse the forest, could she watch the fauna as they walked through the pitch black?

“Drink this,” Thor’s gruff voice cuts through the thick fog in her brain, handing her one of those obnoxious chalices. The metal and jewels adorning it are cooled by the chilled water inside of it, and she wonders how it stayed so cold despite the heat in the room. “You need to keep a clear head.”

She gives a little snort as she gulps the water down, small droplets spilling from her lips and down between her breasts. It takes all of the king’s minute willpower not to drink that down, too. “Why would I need that?”

Thor…does not have an adequate answer to that, at least one he can articulate. There’s a sense of dread that settles into his gut, winds its way through his gut and makes him feel queasy. He wonders if she hates Asgard just as her mother presumably hates his new wife’s home kingdom, if Thor had done something so devastatingly wrong to this poor young woman and the both of them would have to live in the choice forever.

“You know, if you’re going to spiral each time I say something like that, I’m going to need to behead you,” she jokes as she places the chalice back in Thor’s hands. Her arms shake just a little as she does so.

It takes a long while for the man to respond.

#a king is first a man #king thor #thor x reader #thor odinson x reader #cee tag #lukis does commissions #lukis writes stuff

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crygimethydgoode · 3 years

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Lover’s Fantasia Chapter 3 (Crystal Methyd x Gigi Goode RPDR12) Something About the Sunshine

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32286397/chapters/80491075

Summary: Two months after season 12 finished filming, Crystal and the Get Dusted Girls go to Los Angeles to visit Gigi and the House of Avalon. Meanwhile in Amsterdam, Crystal and Gigi are learning to be friends again.

seeing you in a whole new light

June 28th, 2021

Amsterdam

Crystal and Gigi sat in silence on the balcony for a few moments, not sure where to even start. Where do you start with someone you haven’t spoken to in almost a year? How do you face the person who had kept you awake for days and days? How do you open a wound that you tried so hard to stitch up? Gigi wasn’t sure if there was a right answer or an answer at all. Nonetheless, the hard part was over, she crossed the line. But where do they go from there? Thankfully, Crystal started the conversation.

“This isn’t how I expected my first day in Amsterdam to go,” She joked, offering a small smile. Gigi chuckled, nerves starting to settle.

“That’s the understatement of the year,” she muttered. They laughed together for a moment, it was nice. Gigi felt nostalgic, almost. She relaxed. “Uhm- Jaida and Michelle didn’t tell me you would be here. Granted, I don’t think they knew any better. They probably thought it would be a cool surprise or something,” Gigi joked. Crystal took a hit of her joint, not reaching Gigi’s gaze.

“I… didn’t tell anyone, only Lux, and Daya,” she whispered. “It just... it wasn’t easy to talk about. It still isn’t.” Gigi searched Crystal’s face for a hint at what she could possibly be feeling right now, but as always, she only drew blanks.

“Believe me, I know. I didn’t tell many either. Just the ones who mattered,” Gigi said. She wracked her brain searching for the right words, but every phrase she came up with seemed dumb or cringey. God, this was harder than she expected.

“Shit! Ouch ouch ouch!” Crystal yelped, burning herself on her joint. Gigi couldn’t help but smile. It was just... Crystal.

“I-Uh, I know we haven’t been okay,” Gigi started weakly. “We were both hurting and needed time and… and I was okay, but I hated not being your friend. And I know so many things have been left unsaid and trust isn’t built overnight but… can we just be fine for now?” Gigi looked out at the canal below them only to be greeted with the moon's reflection in the water. “Plus, look where we are!” she breathed, still in awe of the beauty of Amsterdam. “It’s not worth it, worrying about our past isn’t worth it when we have this… future,” Gigi said all in one breath. She looked up, Crystal just grinned at Gigi, eyes shining.

“So let’s be okay. We’ll move on… for now. Because I just- I’m so happy we’re here, even if we didn’t both mean to be here,” Crystal said, trying to hide the excitement in her voice. Gigi’s stomach flipped, but she ignored it. She had Crystal back, that’s what mattered. “God, I have so much to tell you,” Crystal laughed, taking another hit. Gigi found herself grinning wider than she had for an entire year.

“You’re not ready to hear some of the bullshit I need to tell you about,” Gigi said. Crystal looked at Gigi, it felt weighted. She smiled, scooting her chair closer to Gigi’s and passing her the joint.

“I’ve missed you,” Crystal said, fighting back a smile. Gigi hit the joint, simply looking at Crystal as she exhaled, feeling content.

“I missed you too,” Gigi said and fought back the urge to reach for Crystal’s hand.

‘Old habits die hard’

November 2019

Los Angeles

“Okay, Gigi. Now, I know that old habits die hard. But you’ve got this, okay?” Hunter said in the driver's seat, glancing at Gigi in the passenger seat.

“Okay,” Gigi agreed, but she couldn’t wipe that stupid smile off her face. In 20 minutes Crystal would be in LA, and Gigi would finally get to see her. Yes, it was only four days. But she knew those four days would be everything and more. Gigi couldn’t wait. She, Hunter, Rosy, Symone, and Rubber Child were piled into Hunter’s jeep, windows down, and Gigi swore the sun was shining just for them.

“Now Gigi,” Hunter began. “You’re not going to flirt and be all crazy for Crystal because...?” he prompted. With a roll of her eyes, Gigi answered.

“Because she’s unattainable.”

Hunter had been “coaching” Gigi in the weeks leading up to Crystal’s arrival. She couldn’t blame him either. Someone in the group had to have common sense. She did listen to Hunter and really was committed to not flirting with Crystal. In front of him.

Because while Gigi was listening to Hunter, coming up with diversion tactics, and swearing up and down she was over Crystal, she was also having sleepovers with Symone and Rosy, where they stayed up until the early hours of the morning wondering how things would go when Crystal came to L.A. Coming up with all the different ways Crystal might confess her undying love for Gigi. It was a really good balance.

“Okay OR, hear me out,” Rubber interrupted. “Convince Crystal to dump her boyfriend and FUCK HER!” Gigi, Rosy, and Symone burst out laughing while Hunter just shook his head, trying to fight back a smile.

“ALRIGHT, BUT YOU COULD DO IT GIGI! YOU COULD DO IT!” Symone got out between laughs. “I stalked the hell outta this Paul. He’s... he’s okay. But he’s got NOTHING on you, Gigi! AND he followed me on Tiktok! And I think he knows that I know it’s him,” Symone said scandalously.

“HE FOLLOWED YOU ON TIKTOK!?” Rosy screeched, eyes frantic.

“YES, AND IT TERRIFIED ME IT’S MY PRIVATE TIKTOK!” Symone yelled back as Rubber muttered “Stalker,” under her breath. Gigi slowly stopped laughing and shifted in her seat to look at the three girls.

“Yeah,” She breathed, a sad smile on her face. “But Crystal wants to be with him, so... I don’t know. I don’t like to think about him much. It’s like... he’s not relevant to... us. Ugh, that sounds cheaty. I don’t know…” Gigi trailed off. “Nothing is gonna happen between me and Crystal as long as they’re together, so…”

“So we’re gonna break them up?” Rubber asked, a shit-eating grin on her face. Before Rosy and Symone could start cheering, Hunter interrupted.

“NO. We’re not breaking anybody up. That’s horrible,” he scolded them. “But this is my whole point. Crystal is in a relationship. We know they’ve been together a while now. And you’re just setting yourself up for heartbreak, Geege. What are you gonna do if god forbid, someday she posts on Instagram and she has a wedding ring or something?”

“I would manifest Paul away!” Rosy exclaimed, grinning brightly.

“I would say 50% of marriages end in divorce,” Symone smirked, shooting Gigi a wink in the rearview mirror.

“I would kill him,” Rubber said easily. “Comforting a widow is so sexy.”

“RUBBER NO!” Everyone yelled, and then they were all laughing, wind whipping through their hair.

“Okay no to all of that. You would say ‘In another life.’ Dumbass,” Hunter tried to sound serious, but now he was grinning too, and Gigi knew he was excited, no matter how stern he’d been attempting to act.

“Well, I guess it doesn’t matter anymore, right?! I’m over her!” Gigi gave her biggest shit-eating grin to Hunter, who just reached up and lightly punched Gigi in the arm.

“You’re lucky I love you kid,” he shook his head. Gigi couldn’t contain her excitement as Hunter took the exit, turning back again to grin at Symone, Rubber, and Rosy who were bouncing in their seats. As soon as Hunter found a parking spot, Gigi was out of the jeep, speed walking into the airport. The group had to jog to catch up with her. She walked into the airport and looked around for a moment. The last time Gigi had been there, Crystal had been crying in her arms, not wanting to say goodbye but knowing she had to. The last time Gigi had been there, she was broken. Now she couldn’t stop looking in every direction, trying to spot a head of dark brown curls and a bright pink suitcase. Trying to find the small piece of herself that had been in Missouri for nearly three months now.

And finally, she saw her. There Crystal was at the top of the escalator, stuck behind a crowd of people. She hadn’t spotted Gigi yet, she was also looking around the airport. Was she looking for Gigi?

Gigi waved an arm in the air, trying to make eye contact with Crystal. Finally, she saw them. Crystal’s bright brown eyes landed on Gigi, and her face immediately broke into a grin. And Gigi forgot how to breathe.

She knew Lux and Daya were behind Crystal, but barely noticed. Because suddenly Crystal was on the move, unashamedly pushing past people on the escalator, never losing her smile, never breaking eye contact with Gigi. And before Gigi even had a chance to comprehend everything that was happening, Crystal launched herself into Gigi’s arms, face burrowed in her neck.

“Hi,” Crystal said gruffly, arms wrapped tight around Gigi. All Gigi could do was squeeze Crystal harder, forehead on her shoulder.

She was here. She was here. She was here.

Gigi wasn’t sure who’s heart was beating faster, who was whispering “I missed you I missed you I missed you I missed you” like it was a prayer. All she knew was that she had never been hugged tighter, had never felt so relieved to see someone. Crystal pulled away, still holding Gigi in her arms, just grinning at her, studying every last detail of her face. Gigi pretended not to notice the tears in Crystal’s eyes.

“Hello,” Gigi whispered, and Crystal pulled her into another hug. She was shaking. Or maybe that was Gigi. And then they were ripped apart by Rosy and Symone, who were now crowding around Crystal. Gigi saw the Get Dusted girls come up behind them, Hunter and Rubber walking over to join them. And all of a sudden they were having a family reunion in the middle of the airport, despite the fact that none of them actually knew each other.

Luckily Gigi had stalked the hell out of Lux and Daya on social media so she could tell who she was hugging. Gigi could feel Crystal watching them, wanting them to like each other so much. As she laughed her head off with Lux and Daya, all Gigi could think was how on earth could she not love them?

Eventually, Gigi found her way back to Crystal, who was talking to Symone, laughing at something she had just said.

“I like this one!” Symone exclaimed to Gigi. Crystal gave a soft smile and turned to Gigi.

“Symone likes me,” she said matter of factly. Gigi just smiled and threw an arm around Crystal. She could see Rosy whispering something to Lux and dissolving into giggles. They were definitely laughing at Crystal and Gigi. Good. For the first time since August, Gigi felt complete again. The small piece of her heart that belonged to Crystal was back with her. Home.

What a weird concept, home.

Gigi felt like she had so many homes. Chicago, with her parents and brothers. Where she could laugh the day away, feeling safe and content, head in her mom's lap, home. And of course the House of Avalon, with Gigi’s chosen family. Late nights with everyone scream-laugh-crying in the living room, where Gigi could truly be herself and never feel insecure. Home.

And then Gigi just knew the feeling of home.

Legs tangled with Crystal in the back of the van, whispering back and forth. Holding Crystal’s hand in the untucked lounge, knowing it was the only thing keeping her grounded. Foreheads nearly brushing, passing a joint back and forth in the bathtub. Waking up to Crystal’s hand clasped tightly in hers. Crystal’s face buried deep in Gigi’s neck, neither of them wanting to let go, neither of them wanting to say goodbye. Crystal launching herself into Gigi’s arms in the middle of the airport, that familiar fire burning in Gigi’s chest. Home.

The group of eight made their way to Hunter’s jeep which seated five, and Gigi laughed as she realized just how tight the seating arrangement would have to be. Oh no. Oops.

“This is why I wanted you three to stay home,” Hunter said to Rosy, Rubber, and Symone who just mischievously grinned at Hunter.

“It’s okay! We can squeeze!” Rosy exclaimed.

“I WANNA SIT WITH GIGI!” Crystal burst out. Gigi just laughed and lifted her hand to run her fingers through Crystal’s curls.

“Good. Cause I have a surprise for you,” Gigi smirked as she pulled a pre roll out of her pocket. Crystal gasped, looking between Gigi and the joint. Could her smile get any bigger? Any brighter? Could she get any more beautiful?

“You’re the love of my LIFE GIGI GOODE!” Crystal laughed and immediately jumped into the jeep, Gigi closely following behind. Hunter was driving, with Rubber in shotgun on aux. Crystal and Gigi shared the window seat behind Hunter, Crystal practically on Gigi’s lap. Symone sat sandwiched between Lux and Daya, who were all silently shaking with laughter. Rosy pulled her knees to her chest, ducked her head, and sat on the floor, leaning against Symone and Daya’s legs.

A very safe seating arrangement, thank you very much.

When they were finally on the highway, Gigi lit the joint, holding it up to Crystal’s lips. When Rosy whined asking for a hit, Gigi just looked at her.

“Sorry Rosy, only people in the top three of RuPaul's Drag Race season 12 are allowed to smoke in the jeep,” Crystal replied easily. Everyone laughed, even Hunter, who had been trying to catch Gigi’s eye since they left the airport. Gigi knew he would give her shit later, knew he was cursing her in his head right now. But Crystal was so close, leaning over Gigi to blow smoke out of the window, wind whipping through her hair, a playful smirk on her face. So close. And Gigi couldn’t bring herself to care.

She was here. She was here. She was here.

Amsterdam

And so Crystal and Gigi were… friends again? Or they were trying to be. Jaida and Michelle had taken them all through Amsterdam, showing off their favorite spots and restaurants. Gigi had fallen completely in love with the tall, slanted buildings, leaning on each other like drunken sailors. Both Crystal and Gigi found themselves looking around the city in awe, crossing little bridges over the canal, the sun shining in their eyes.

It was alarmingly easy for them to fall back into their old habits, the two being attached at the hip again. Yes, they were still a bit hesitant. Crystal was different, Gigi couldn’t help but notice. But in a good way. She was much more confident, more sure of herself.

Gigi wondered if Crystal was thinking the same thing about her. Wondered if Crystal saw how much Gigi had grown up, how much she had transformed herself. She wanted Crystal to notice. Wanted Crystal to be impressed with her. And maybe she was noticing. Because every now and then Gigi would catch Crystal looking at her. But she’d never look away when they made eye contact. No. Instead, Crystal would shoot Gigi the biggest grin, eyes wild with excitement and wonder. And Gigi really had fallen in love with Amsterdam, her new favorite city.

Once Thursday hit though, Jaida made it very clear they were working Drag Queens now. On Saturday nights, they had a show at the Queen’s Head. Then a Sunday night drag show at Amstel54. On Tuesdays, they were hosting Drag Bingo at the Queen’s Head. Gigi knew Crystal was excited about that; it was one of her favorite gigs back in Springfield. Finally on Wednesday nights they had another drag show at Vrankrijk.

While Gigi would only work some weekends in L.A., she was excited to completely throw herself into drag nearly every day for two months. She just prayed her skincare routine was strong enough. She was also excited to meet all the Amsterdam queens. She had looked a lot of them up, along with binge watching Drag Race Holland, and knew they were all gonna get along fabulously.

So on Friday night, Crystal and Gigi shared a joint on the balcony and met Jaida and Michelle outside the coffeeshop.

“ARE YOU BITCHES READY TO GO?!” Jaida screamed when she saw them, a bright grin on her face. Gigi knew she’d been pregaming. “I can’t drive. I... cannot drive. And my Michelle is from New Jersey. So over my dead body is she driving. And I KNOW you two can’t drive. Gigi, you're a lightweight when it comes to weed and Crystal... I just don’t trust you driving the car. I know you too well. So I called an Uber!” Jaida grinned, and Michelle let out a cheer. Right on cue, the Uber pulled up, and they all climbed in. It was a pretty tight fit, considering they were all dressed up in bulky garments with big hair and in Crystal’s case, five pounds of jewelry. Gigi didn’t mind. Crystal sat between Gigi and Jaida, while Michelle sat shotgun, speaking fluent Dutch with the driver.

“What the fuck?” Gigi muttered, sharing a confused look with Crystal who was giggling.

“Michelle learned Dutch in quarantine. I don’t know why. She didn’t even know we were coming here when she learned it,” Jaida whispered, trying not to laugh.

“I’m trying to learn Spanish on Duolingo. I don’t... I don’t understand the sentences... they’re so weird,” Crystal commented, and the three dissolved into laughter in the backseat.

“Are you assholes talking about me?” Michelle turned around in her seat, shooting a playful grin to the back.

“NO!!” Crystal, Jaida, and Gigi yelled at the same time, doubled over in laughter. In five minutes, the car stopped, pulling up to the Queen’s Head. The street was so narrow, Gigi wasn’t sure if the car was technically allowed to be driving on it. It looked like a bike lane, just tall buildings and thin sidewalks on either side of the street. Jaida pointed towards the Queen’s Head, it was so small Gigi nearly missed it. But she could clearly see a white crown decal on the window, multiple rainbow flags hanging above the door.

“Cmon bitches! Let’s go!” Jaida grinned, leading them into the bar. The first thing Gigi could make sense of was all the red. Old, old red wallpaper, an old, glossy, cherry wooden bar. Deep, fluorescent red lights filled the room, with golden crystal chandeliers scattered throughout the bar . It was long and narrow, much like Gigi’s apartment. Much like everything in Amsterdam. There was a thin stage to the left, with glittery red curtains as a backdrop. And the bar was packed, bursting with energy. Gigi was immediately blown away.

Jaida led them downstairs, and into the smoking-room where a group of Drag Queens were sitting around. Gigi immediately recognized a few and realized these were the queens she would be working with for the whole summer. The queens immediately turned to them, letting out a cheer. Crystal and Gigi were pulled into the middle of the circle, being bombarded with hugs, kisses, and hurried introductions. Gigi wasn’t sure if they were speaking English or if she had just picked up the Dutch language really fast. After they had been passed around the circle, Jaida spoke up. “LADIES! I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO CRYSTAL METHYD AND GIGI GOODE!'' She exclaimed.

“OH you’re the queens who are dating, right?” One of the Dutch queens asked in English, her accent thick. Fuck. Gigi had forgotten about that. Luckily, Crystal swooped in, saving the day.

“We haven’t confirmed or denied anything. Gotta wait for All-Stars, you know?” Thank God for Crystal Methyd. Everyone laughed, and then they moved on, answering questions about how they liked the city, what area their apartment was in. Gigi got yelled at for not liking stroopwafel. And then, the show began. It was unlike anything Gigi had ever been to. Yes, she’d been to raging fun drag shows, but this was on another level. The crowd was electric, and it seemed as though a part of that electricity entered the queens, shocking them into giving the greatest performances Gigi had ever seen. There was lightning in the air when it came to the Amsterdam drag scene. And Gigi felt it.

When it was her turn to perform, she wasn’t nervous at all taking the stage. She was ready. As the opening notes to “Los Ageless” by St Vincent started playing, Gigi could already hear the crowd going crazy.

“In Los Ageless, the winter never comes. In Los Ageless, the mother's milk their young” Gigi lip-synced to the sultry song, collecting tips people in the crowd were already holding out for her. And there was Crystal, standing against the wall with Jaida, just watching Gigi fondly. But now wasn’t the time for Gigi to be distracted.

“How can anybody have you? How can anybody have you and lose you? How can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their minds, too?” Gigi had listened to this song so many times in the past year, driving through L.A. with Hunter, Rosy, and Symone. Thinking about... everything. Thinking about Crystal. Missing what could’ve been.

Gigi wished she had known about Crystal when she was choosing all the numbers for Amsterdam. And she soon found out that Crystal was feeling the exact same way. She took the stage, her song began, and Gigi immediately recognized it. Crystal used to play it every time Gigi gave her aux.

“Release me, release my body. I know it’s wrong, So why am I with you now? I say release me, Cause I’m not able to convince myself that I’m better off without you.” Gigi had laid in bed with Symone and Rosy countless nights, dissecting the song, “Release Me” by Agnes, wondering if Crystal thought about Gigi every time she listened to the song, the same way Gigi thought about her.

Crystal commanded the stage, entrancing everyone in the audience. Entrancing Gigi. And was Gigi crazy, or was Crystal really looking over at her every now and then, almost like she was serenading her? “I don’t know why I want you so. Cause I don’t need the heartbreak. I don’t know what addictive hold, you have on me I can’t shake”

What was this, fucking Glee?

Crystal finished her number to thunderous applause and joined Gigi at the bar. They sat in silence together for a moment, listening to Jaida and Michelle on stage.

“ALL RIGHT Y’ALL now I’m not much of a singer, but Miss Visage is. And we wanted to do something special for you tonight so...” Jaida trailed off, looking at Michelle.

“Plug your ears folks, Jaida and I are about to sing you a song!” Michelle cheered, and the karaoke track to “Nothing’s Gonna Stop us Now” by Starship started playing.

“Looking in your eyes I see a paradise. This world that I’ve found is too good to be true,” Jaida sang, and Gigi and Crystal couldn’t stop laughing. While Michelle had a stunning voice, Jaida’s singing had them both in stitches, tears in Crystal’s eyes. And once Jaida and Michelle started their impeccable choreo, Gigi had to grab Crystal’s arm so she wouldn’t fall out of her chair. Crystal’s hand met Gigi’s, and they just screamed their faces off for Michelle and Jaida. Then, Jaida did a dance move that made Crystal go absolutely wild, jumping out of her seat.

“SHE DID A JUST DANCE MOVE SHE DID A JUST DANCE MOVE!” Crystal yelled to Gigi, still holding her hand, doing the move over and over. And all Gigi could do was watch her, the biggest smile on her face. Gigi’s phone started to buzz, and she saw that Hunter was calling. With a shrug, she put down her phone and joined Crystal on the dance floor. And they were electric.

Los Angeles

Gigi was almost freaked out by how normal things were with Crystal. A part of her was nervous she’d make a fool out of herself, fawning over Crystal like an idiot. But the minute Gigi saw her at the top of the escalator in the airport, it was like they hadn’t been apart for nearly three months. It was like Gigi hadn’t spent every night missing Crystal, hoping she was thinking about her too. Because she was here.

Everyone adored Crystal, Lux, and Daya. Rosy always had the biggest grin on her face, sandwiched between Lux and Daya, laughing at everything they said. Symone was taking pictures of everything they did, sending them to Gigi at the end of the night, always saying the same thing. “I LOVE THESE BITCHES SO MUCH!” And Hunter made it his mission to learn everything about them, which Gigi was so grateful for. How did she not know Crystal was lactose intolerant? How did she not know she wanted to own a house in GERMANY? Gigi was a little concerned. How was she pining for someone she knew barely anything about? But with one look at Crystal, Gigi found she didn’t care. When she was with Crystal, everything made sense. Nothing else mattered. Because she was here.

She was here. She was here. She was here.

Of course, Gigi knew it was temporary. On Monday night Crystal would fly back to Missouri, and Gigi wouldn’t see her again until the Drag Race premiere. They had to make the most of these four days. So on Saturday night, after they finished another performance at one of the clubs In L.A., Gigi led the Get Dusted girls into the House of Avalon, and chaos ensued. What was a trip to L.A. without going to one of Avalon’s iconic house parties?

Daya immediately went for a bottle of tequila, pouring shots into her mouth. Of course, they had hotboxed Hunter’s jeep on the way back from the club, sharing another three spliffs. Gigi had never partied with Crystal like this before. She was radiant. Electric. Gigi could feel it.

Rosy was in the kitchen making vodka cranberries for her and Lux.

“Only the finest for us ladies!” Lux cheered, being pulled into a hug from Rosy. Hunter and Marko were setting up the dab rig, a Volcano. Symone was sipping at a white claw, occasionally taking a swig of Daya’s tequila. And Crystal went straight to the vodka, taking two double shots back to back, chasing them with a glass of Rosé.

“Holy fucking shit,” Gigi burst out laughing, wrapping an arm around Crystal. She turned facing Gigi, holding her in her arms.

“I like it!” Crystal grinned, eyes bright. Gigi was grinning too, completely enraptured by Crystal.

“What?” Gigi asked, leaning forward.

Crystal was leaning forward too.

Gigi’s body was on fire. Her hands, which had fallen to Crystal’s waist, were tingling. She couldn’t tell if this was because she was high, or because she was so close, so... golden. So close.

And then Crystal’s face was pressed into Gigi’s neck, and Gigi just prayed Crystal couldn’t feel her pulse, her heart was pounding so fucking fast. She also hoped Crystal’s makeup wouldn’t smudge. But she really didn’t care.

And then someone was tapping on her shoulder- Hunter, of course. He was holding the volcano bag out. Gigi shot him a dirty look, taking the bag. She took a hit, emptying half of it. As Gigi exhaled, all she could think was ‘don’t cough don’t cough don’t cough.’ Not in front of Crystal.

“OKAY GIGIIIIIII,” Crystal screeched, throwing her arms in the air, Rosé (not the Drag Queen. This is pre- season thirteen so i can’t even make a joke about her) dangerously splashing in its glass. Rosy, Lux, Symone, and Daya immediately started cheering, and all Gigi could do was smile, holding the volcano bag up to Crystal’s mouth.

She took a long hit, emptying the rest of the bag, blowing the smoke in Gigi’s face. She handed the bag back to Hunter and tried not to laugh at his bewildered expression as he slowly backed away with Marko, almost... impressed. Ha. “Are you gonna drink?” Crystal asked, holding her wine glass out to Gigi. Gigi chuckled, accepting a sip of the wine.

“I have a feeling I’m gonna have to take care of all of you. I like smoking better anyways,” she answered, smiling softly at Crystal. How was she so beautiful?

Was Gigi going to feel that fire burning in her chest every time she was with Crystal?

“Ohhhh okay. I like smoking better too,” Crystal was starting to get drunk. Her eyes were glazed over, a goofy smile on her lips. “I wish you woulda told me! I’d be... I’d be not drunk with you. I would. But I... I think it’s too late,” she giggled, and her laugh was contagious. Gigi joined, and they stood in the middle of the kitchen, just laughing in each other's arms.

As the night progressed, Crystal got drunker, Rosy’s laugh got louder, and Daya moved onto a second bottle of tequila, having poured most of its contents into all of the partygoers' mouths. Symone had crushed four more white claws and an undisclosed amount of shots from Daya’s tequila bottle, and Hunter and Marko had probably filled the volcano twenty times. Lux had gone to the bathroom sixteen times, taking a mirror selfie with everyone she’d seen in the bathroom. And Gigi... fell harder. She hadn’t known that was possible. But Crystal was just so damn funny and happy and bright. And once she had finished her second White Claw, Crystal was completely unhinged. “I WANNA PLAY JUST DANCE! I WANNA PLAY JUST DANCE! HUNTER!! HUNTER GET THE JUST DANCE!” she yelled, running through the house, Gigi laughing in her trail.

“I... I’m sorry, Crystal. We don’t have Just Dance,” Hunter said kindly while Marko silently laughed behind him, shoulders shaking. Crystal just gaped at him for a moment, before turning around to look at Gigi.

“Oh...” she was disappointed, and Gigi couldn’t help but feel bad. And then Crystal’s face lit up again. “I still know the moves!” She exclaimed, and started doing what Gigi could only guess were Just Dance moves. Rosy saw her first and rushed over to join Crystal. Symone, Lux, and Daya followed, dancing around Crystal, arms in the air. “GIGI DANCE WITH ME!!!” Crystal laughed, holding her hand out. Gigi immediately took it, allowing Crystal to pull her into the dance... clump. The Just Dance party? “Twirl baby, twirl!” Crystal cheered, twirling Gigi under her arm. Her face was on fire, and the floor was crackling with electricity, and Gigi didn’t know where her body ended and where Crystal’s began.

And maybe she never wanted to find out.

Gigi didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was the loud music. Maybe it was the dabs. Maybe Gigi just didn’t care. But something gave her the courage to lean forward, lips brushing against Crystal’s ear to whisper.

“You know we could always be like this?”

Amsterdam

Over the next few days, Gigi really started to feel at home in Amsterdam. She was having the time of her life, venturing further out, really getting to see everything the city has to offer. And by her side was Crystal, with Jaida and Michelle trailing behind, sunglasses on, cackling about the dumbest thing. Gigi loved it. Life was just better in Amsterdam. She loved going into random restaurants with Michelle and ordering takeout to bring back to Jaida’s apartment, where the four of them would sit around the small table, passing all the different food around.

“It’s like... Dutch food roulette,” Jaida wiped tears away from her eyes after spitting out some herring. “I don’t care for that fish,” she squirmed, sipping her drink. Everyone around the table just laughed. One day, Gigi did a museum crawl with Jaida while Michelle and Crystal took a cruise around the canals together, mimosas in hand. Jaida was surprisingly a geek going to all the museums, stopping to read every sign, discussing every exhibition in detail with Gigi, who really just liked looking at the cool sculptures and pretty paintings. But she pretended to care for Jaida because she owed her. It was easier to breathe in Amsterdam. Everything just... made sense. She knew she was meant to be there, growing into someone new, someone better.

“I told you, Hunter. Amsterdam is still my fresh start. Crystal isn’t gonna… uproot everything. All that shit we went through... it forced me to grow so much. I’ve got this! Amsterdam is about me taking a small break before my next big chapter, and where I’m going to start anew. It’s not about… like… I know I said I wanted to find my old self again, or whatever. But I was so young, so… I don’t know. I’m happier now. Why would I want to go back to who I was before?” Gigi was FaceTiming with Hunter while removing her makeup after the Sunday night show. Hunter was at a noisy 4th of July BBQ, screaming kids and adults alike running around behind him.

“It was never about going back to who you were, Gigi. It’s just… you finally found your joy again. We all saw it. And I was so happy because I had missed it. A lot. And I’m just worried that something is gonna happen and you’re gonna lose that joy again. But I trust you. And you do look happier, I see it. I’m happy for you, kid. Just...” Hunter trailed off.

“I know,” Gigi lied. “I’ve got this. I don’t see her all that much outside of work and meals anyways,” Why did she have to throw that in? “Alright, I’m gonna take a shower. I’ll talk to you soon, bye bitch!” Gigi hung up, blowing Hunter a kiss. She quickly went to the bathroom, taking a short shower. Once Gigi was changed, she heard the familiar sound of Crystal stepping out onto the balcony. She counted to ten, and like clockwork, her phone buzzed.

Crystal Methyd: come smokeeeeeee.

And then, like clockwork, Gigi counted to ten and joined Crystal on the balcony.

“Hi!” Crystal grinned the minute Gigi stepped outside.

“Hello,” Gigi said in a singsong voice, and fuck she was smiling too.

“I can’t believe it’s the Fourth of July. Like I don’t care about America at all but... Fourth of July picnics are pretty iconic with my family. There’s always drama, I’m always messy drunk, it’s just the best time,” Crystal took a long drag from the joint, handing it to Gigi as she exhaled.

“I know what you mean. I was FaceTiming Hunter, and he was at a barbecue. There were asshole kids running around with sparklers, and I could see some sixteen-year-olds trying to sneak beer out of the cooler and... I don’t know,” Gigi said, looking out at the canal as she took a hit. And she could feel Crystal softly smiling at her.

Gigi tried to shove down the burning fire in her chest, but it was just as bright as Crystal's eyes, bigger than her smile. And as that familiar buzzing feeling returned to Gigi’s head, making everything seem heavier but lighter at the same time, she found that no part of her wanted the fire to go away. And that terrified her. But now Crystal was standing, leaning against the balcony, looking out at the city.

Maybe she was scared too.

“What are you thinking?” Gigi’s voice was barely above a whisper. Crystal turned to look at her, the lights from Amsterdam behind her casting a soft glow around her body.

“Well, you brought up Hunter and I’m just thinking about... when I came to L.A. To see you. I remember in November, I got all the memories from the trip, and... it felt worlds away. Like some dream I was trying to remember. But being with you is bringing everything back and it’s... it’s a lot,” Crystal admitted, and god she was beautiful. “Like, how did you guys not have Just Dance? That should be illegal,” her face split into a grin, and Gigi burst out laughing.

“It didn’t even matter! You knew all the moves, you fucking loser,” she said between laughs, and now Crystal was laughing too, falling back into her chair.

“That trip was so fun. Lux and Daya loved you guys so much. And I just completely fell in love with Rosy and Symone and everyone else,” Crystal was smiling fondly, and it took Gigi right back to those four days in LA with her, nearly two years ago. Crystal came to LA and there was no turning back for Gigi. Her heart picked Crystal and never let go, no matter how hard she tried.

They sat on the balcony for what felt like hours, talking about the L.A. trip, remembering all of the dumb shit they got up to. “And then Symone was pushing me on the swings, and Daya joined, and they did an underdog and it WAS SO SCARY I WENT SO HIGH!” Crystal exclaimed, and Gigi could see it clearly in her mind, hiding on top of the slide while Lux and Rosy tried to sit on top of the monkey bars, dangerously swaying as they tried to get comfortable. Crystal screaming, flying in the air. “The minute I found out that Hunter and Marko had a playground in their backyard, I never wanted to leave. I didn’t want to leave L.A. I didn’t want to leave you,” Crystal was smiling, but her eyes were sad, and Gigi’s chest ached.

“I know,” she murmured, giving Crystal a sad smile. There was so much to be said, but they both stayed silent, just looking out across the city, passing their second joint of the night back and forth. And then Gigi saw it.

The sun was finally starting to peek over the horizon, swirls of orange and pink started to brighten the hazy clouds. The gulls were back in full force, flying through the sky and cawing as if it was their job to wake the whole city up. The sunlight was soft and golden, slowly casting a glow over the balcony.

“What’s up with us and sunrises?” Crystal let out a soft laugh, and Gigi just turned to look at her.

“We could say that about a lot of things, Miss Crystal Elizabeth,” Gigi pointed out, and Crystal playfully rolled her eyes.

“Shut up,” she muttered. Gigi just laughed, and they sat on their Amsterdam balcony, watching the sunrise over the city. “It’s almost as pretty as Venice beach. Almost.”

Los Angeles

It was about 5 a.m. when the party finally started to die down. Rosy and Lux had fallen asleep on an armchair together, a half-eaten piece of pizza in Lux’s hand. Symone and Daya were sitting together in the kitchen, trying to throw Chex mix into an abandoned solo cup. Hunter and Marko sat together, passing Hunter’s vape back and forth, just chatting with each other about nothing in particular. And then there was Crystal and Gigi, sitting together on the couch, leaning on each other. Gigi looked at the group of their friends. It was clear that the Get Dusted girls showed no intention of leaving anytime soon.

“You know... I bet no one would even notice if we left,” Crystal whispered to Gigi. Gigi’s heart dropped as if those weren’t the exact words she had prayed Crystal would say all night.

“Let’s go,” Gigi grinned. And so they walked out of the house, trying to draw as little attention to themselves as possible. Hunter gave Gigi a pointed look, but she ignored it. Luckily, Gigi’s house was right across from the House of Avalon. She had sobered up quite a lot by now, but Crystal hadn’t. She clutched onto Gigi’s arm and looked up at the sky as they walked down the street. It was a clear night, with no clouds in the sky. The street was dark, peaceful. Crystal stumbled slightly, falling into Gigi. “Hey, be careful,” Gigi giggled. Crystal kept smiling up at the sky, and Gigi swore she could hear her heart pounding so loud, the sound amplified by the empty street.

“But look, the stars are out,” Crystal said, pointing up at the sky.

“Yeah. They are.” They made it to Gigi’s driveway, but it was clear that Crystal had no intention of heading inside just yet.

“Geege...?” Crystal asked, a bright smile on her face.

“Do you want to go drive around?” Gigi asked, reading Crystal’s mind. Crystal was already running to get in Gigi’s car. Gigi took a moment to let the butterflies in her stomach calm down before joining Crystal.

“Can we go to Venice Beach? Like in Starstruck?” Crystal asked, words slurring.

“We can go wherever you’d like Crystal Elizabeth,” Gigi said, starting the car. “But you should know, I’m a terrible fucking driver.” Crystal laughed.

“This is gonna be fun.” They started the drive, and Crystal hooked her phone up to AUX. Immediately, “Midnight Memories” by the world famous band One Direction started blasting through the car speakers. Crystal cheered. Gigi reminded herself that she should be watching the road, not Crystal, but that didn’t stop her from stealing glances.

Crystal had rolled her window down, letting the wind blow through her curls as she leaned out. Crystal screamed along with the lyrics, her voice cracking terribly. Gigi watched as Crystal held her hand out the window, tracing the sky, the stars shining in her eyes. Could life get any better than this? Gigi driving a drunk Crystal to Venice Beach at four in the morning, watching as she made the world hers.

Maybe Gigi wasn’t as sober as she thought, or maybe Crystal just had that effect on Gigi. Crystal made Gigi feel... she just couldn’t put it into words. She made Gigi feel comfortable, safe, but at the same time, wild and brave like nothing was impossible. Because truly, Gigi thought nothing was impossible with Crystal at her side. She admired Crystal so much that she nearly went off the road.

“Gigi!” Crystal squealed. They both screamed as Gigi panicked, correcting the car.

“I’m sorry!” Gigi said.

“Gigi!” Crystal yelled.

“I’m sorry!” Gigi giggled.

“Gigi!” Crystal laughed, grabbing onto Gigi’s arm. They laughed together, so hard that Gigi’s ribs ached. Crystal’s hand found its way from Gigi’s arm to her hand, lacing their fingers together. Gigi tried to ignore how well they fit. “I missed you so much,” Crystal blurted. “I didn’t know what to do with myself for the first week. A thought would pop into my head and I would go to tell you, I’d stand up to knock on your door and I’d remember... like, oh she’s not here. It was just... I don’t know it just sucked,” Crystal whispered. Gigi’s heart was pounding. She didn’t even want to think about how it would feel to say goodbye to Crystal again. It couldn’t be worse than last time, right?

“Believe me, I know,” Gigi said, squeezing Crystal’s hand. Soon enough, the ocean came into view. There were a few people walking on the street, a few people using the bike path, but other than that they were alone. Crystal looked out the window, admiring the view. The sound of crashing waves echoed through the empty streets, harmonizing with the sound of the car stopping.

“Can we go on the beach?” Crystal asked. “Missouri is landlocked so I never go to beaches.”

“Of course, I should have a blanket in the back,” Gigi said. She grabbed the blanket and draped it over her and Crystal’s shoulders, each holding one side. They stumbled through the sand together, struggling to keep their footing and holding onto each other for support. They finally made it about 20 feet from the shoreline when they decided to lay out the blanket and sit. The waves rolled in, then out, then in again. Gigi breathed in the ocean air, letting it clear her lungs. They made it just in time, the sun had just started to rise. Crystal rested their head on Gigi’s shoulder as the morning sun reflected in her eyes.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Crystal whispered drowsily. Gigi rested her head on top of Crystal’s, it was nice. Crystal fell asleep five minutes later, laying back on the blanket, Gigi laid back with her. She watched as the sky turned purple, to pink, to gold. The Avalon and Dusted Girls probably knew they were gone by now, they would have a lot to say when they got back, Gigi was sure of it.

But she just laid there, playing with Crystal’s hair as she slept, watching the sky turn blue. Hunter could wait. The Get Dusted Girls could wait. The universe could wait. Gigi had a moment alone with Crystal, and she was going to cherish every second. So there they sat at Venice Beach, just letting the world spin around them. Crystal blinked awake a few minutes later, blinded by the sun.

“Gigi?” Crystal said, rolling over to face her..

“You dozed off for a second there, you missed the sunrise,” Gigi whispered, tucking Crystal’s messy curls behind her ear.

“Oh. W...was it pretty?” Crystal asked.

“Yes. Very pretty,” Gigi giggled. Crystal scooted closer to Gigi, burying her head in the crook of Gigi’s neck as if she knew that was Gigi’s weakness.

“I’m just gonna...sleep for another five... then we can...” Crystal dozed off again. Gigi wrapped a hesitant arm around Crystal. The universe could wait.

#gigi goode #Crystal Methyd #crystal methyd x gigi goode #crygimethydgoode #crygi #fanfic #fanfic rec #drag queen fanfic #crygi fanfic #rpdr12 #RuPaul Drag Race #RPDR #Lover’s Fantasia #please read this we promise you’ll love it

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silenthillmutual · 4 years

Text

@milk-teeths wanted dadniil comforting khan during a breakdown. i’ve never written khan before so i hope this turned out okay ;; --------------------

Victor means well. He always does. And Khan knows he's very lucky, to have a father that means well. But meaning well doesn't exactly help in all contexts, least of all this one. One that Victor is far from able to advise him on, and he is not, under any circumstances, taking this spiral of self-doubt to uncle Georgiy. It's not even that Victor had suggested it, but knowledge hung there in the air between them both as they explicitly did not talk about Georgiy "such a pity we have no male heir" Kain.

He'll apologize to his father later, if he must. If he feels the compulsion to, though he knows the man doesn't expect it himself. Right now he just needs to get out. He'd get out of Town, if he could, even with the voice in the back of his head screaming Irresponsible at him. He has a town to look after, a future, a people, and he just wants to run away from it all. There's no privacy here, no place where he can just let the mask go and be sixteen years old and not have to worry about any of this. About leading. About being an example. About people finding out.

And who is he kidding? In all probability, they already know.

The Polyhedron is gone, but the Nutshell at least still stands as a neutral territory. He's counting on Capella's feelings, her connections to reach out to him and tell people to leave the place undisturbed until he's ready to go. It's three hours until nighttime, but people hang around here anyway. He bites his lip as he rounds the corner, but it's blissfully empty.

He almost vomits in the corner. He manages to push back the wave of nausea by leaning his head against the wall. He's not feverish, but God forbid if his father or his sister or worse, Artemy Burakh learns he's nearly been sick. He'll never hear the end of it. He guesses he's glad for it; again, he's made to think about how fortunate he is. Notkin doesn't have this, Capella hasn't in years, but he can't stand the babying. It's how they treat the women here, all of them, and he doesn't know how they stand it. But he sure as hell doesn't want it directed at him.

Khan pushes off against the wall and undoes his shirt buttons, fingers shaking. He needs to unwrap these bandages before he suffocates. He hates that he can't manage it for long, when he knows it's only going to get worse the older he gets. When he's eighteen, at least, he'll be able to talk to someone about it. Burakh, maybe, or Rubin if he won't. They're Olgimsky men, ostensibly, and whatever happens between them all he trusts Capella not to let him down.

...But the idea, the idea of the Capital, of seeing a doctor there who can take this weight off of him...

The door slams open clumsily and he barely has time to tug his shirt back over his chest before he spins around, scowling. Speak of the devil, and he shall appear - but at least this doctor, though bumbling as the others, makes a habit of asking before entering. If, of course, he knows where he's going. Dankovsky blinks at Khan, rather confused, and sighs at himself, rubbing his forehead. "Not again," Khan hears him mumble, and sets his bag down for a moment to look at his map. Over a month now, and he still doesn't know the streets.

"Do you need directions, doctor?" Khan asks, trying his best through the pain to lower his voice.

"No, no, I'll get it!" he says, waving his hand. His face doesn't exactly betray confidence, though, brow furrowing. Khan hears him mutter the word "Whatever" before he shoves it back into his bag, and looks at him, still frowning. "I needed to speak with you anyway."

Oh, no. "I'm afraid it'll have to wait," Khan says, attempting authority in his voice. "I'm indisposed."

Wrong choice of words. Of course he shouldn't have assumed the doctor would be any different here - Capital man or not, he's still a doctor. "All the more reason for us to talk," he says, removing his gloves. He's spent too long around Burakh, putting his hand over Khan's forehead. "You're not running a fever, from what I can tell," he says, apparently oblivious to his own slip, and continues. "Where is it you don't feel well."

"That's none of your concern," Khan says, but as the only adult who hasn't treated him with condescension, he's never been good at sending Dankovsky off. "I didn't call for you."

"Well I'm not leaving," Daniil says. "That would just be ridiculous, and your father and sister would never forgive me."

"I thought you weren't on speaking terms with Maria?" Dankovsky scowls at him, but he can see the man's not going anywhere. "It'll pass anyway, doctor, it's just -"

"Hang on." His voice is coming out slow and suspicious. Khan is unnerved. The doctor walks around him, frowning, and he knows what it is he's got in hand before he shows it to Khan. "Have you been -? Khan, is this where all my missing bandages have gone?"

It's the fact that his voice sounds hurt that's got him to breaking. God damn this time of the month. "I'm sorry," he says, voice squeaking. He hates it.

"Oh - don't cry, please." He watches Daniil squirm uncomfortably, from where they stand a few paces apart, Khan looking elsewhere with his jaw clamped shut. "Just - why? Is there something going on I don't know about? Your... your... What do you call them again? Dog Ears? Are they hurt?"

"No," Khan says, words coming out a little too loud. "It's something different. You wouldn't understand."

"Please explain it to me. I'll try." Khan fidgets. "Casper?"

"I need to bind -" he blurts out. He cuts off his words with his teeth. "Something. It's - I have to do it very carefully. And if I use anything coarser than bandages, I'll hurt myself. Do you understand enough now?"

Things are very quiet for a moment. "I understand perfectly well," Dankovsky says softly. "Better than you know."

"You don't know anything! None of you do!" But what should come out as an angry retort is lost behind tears. He doesn't sound commanding, he just sounds pathetic. "All of it is such a mess now! Everyone's scattered, and even you aren't helping! With your alliance with Burakh, you've got Capella thinking the future won't work out the way we'd intended. And the Tower is gone, so there's nowhere for me to even run to anymore, and - no! You don't get it!"

Khan stops shouting, covering his top lip with his arm. He feels stupid now, having said so much when he's supposed to be... different. More mature. More in line. He hears Dankovsky's "Oh, dear," and feels his shadow shift as he walks closer to Khan. He doesn't have to move his body much to look Khan in the eye to say, "Well, you're right about something - I don't understand a word of what you just said. But that first bit, about the binding - I understand what you're doing, and even with bandages, you *will* hurt yourself. I'll be surprised if you haven't got some internal bruising already. How long have you been binding for?"

"For as long as it's been necessary," he says, tone sour.

"Oh, dear," Dankovsky repeats, "So earlier than I'd been."

He blinks, and turns his head sharply to look at the doctor. His face is neutral. "Earlier than you'd been...?"

"Yes," Daniil says. "That's what I meant when I said I understood. It wasn't just a worthless platitude. I know how much those..." he trails off, looking for the right word, and ends with a flat, "Suck."

Breathing comes a little easier now, such an intense change that Khan almost feels light-headed. "How did you manage? Until you were able to -?" Khan gestures to his chest.

"Lots of layers," Daniil replies. "It helps that I'm usually quite cold, and that it fits my aesthetic. No one ever asks, and no one can tell." Khan nods. "So this sick that you feel, is it your cycle?"

And it's back to uncomfortable now, but at least it's the kind he can deal with. "Yes. I keep getting nauseous. It didn't used to be so bad in the Polyhedron, but now -"

"Closer to the twyre, yes. That *has* made things worse. I've prescribed lots of pain medications for headaches, cramps, insomnia - I don't know how you all stand it, here."

Daniil is shaking his head, but Khan notices he's smiling. "And yet, you stayed," he points out, and watches the man blush. "You're part of what ruined everything, you know."

"What a surprise," he deadpans. "Howso this time?"

"You and Burakh. Getting along, like Simon and Isidor used to. It's made Capella think there's other options for the future." He shakes his head. "Love matches, and that nonsense."

The doctor keeps blinking, flustered, for a moment before he continues, "Well, do you really want to marry someone you don't love, just for politics? That's hopelessly old-fashioned, and you're meant to symbolize the future -"

"It's not that. I have no preference for that sort of thing, really," Khan says. "I'm only sixteen. But it means I don't -" He stops himself short. This almost feels unsafe to talk about, but... Though he stayed, he is still an outsider, so maybe he can... Offer guidance... "I don't have any way to stand out, now. The Polyhedron is gone. In a few years I'll be too old for the gang. My sister is the mistress. My uncle is the only remaining founder of this town. My father still lives with the ghost of my mother's memory, and even he means more to the town than I will if I don't marry Capella."

Daniil takes a moment to listen, before he hums, and nods. "There are other ways to stand out, I'm sure, if you really want to." He stops. "But do you really want to?"

Khan's fingers clench and fight against each other. "Does it matter what I want? I'm a Kain. I'm going to, one way or the other."

"But then that solves your conundrum. By your name alone, you'll stand out."

"But I won't have made a mark for myself," he explains. "And I have to."

"Why?" Daniil shakes his head. "My dear child, you don't have to do anything. I think it's enough, really, to just be happy."

"I'm surprised to hear you say that," Khan admits. "You, of all people!"

"Doesn't that sort of illustrate my point?" Daniil asks. "I came here thinking differently, feeling differently. Things change. I can't say that the plague should have taught you something, that wouldn't be very fair of me. But - quam bene vivas refert, non quam diu. Don't worry so much about the future. There's no fate, Casper. It isn't set in stone. And I think you'll be happier if you allow yourself to just exist."

He shifts weight between his feet, uneasy. "I don't know," he says. "I'll have to think about it -"

"But promise me that you will," Daniil says.

Khan nods. "I will."

#icarus.txt #ok to rb #nori writes #khan kain #PLEASE give me guidance in writing him just. be gentle i beg u #daniil dankovsky #counts as pride month since they're both trans here #mine #icarus.docx

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youwerenevermeanttofeelalone · 5 years

Text

What Did They Do? | Cliff Booth

Pairing: Cliff Booth (OUATIH) x Plus Size Reader

Word count: 2,131 words.

Request: Hi. Could you write a Cliff Booth one-shot with the reader being bullied at work because of her plus size, and Cliff comforting her? (If it's ok with you). Thank you.

Warnings: Fatphobia, internalized fatphobia, angst, body-image issues, a little bit of fluff.

A/N: Listen, I didn't want to focus on how the scenes with the coworkers played, they're not the ones who suffer because of the words. ALSO: remember that it's your body, therefore your choice. If you want to try and change something about your routine or whatever, go ahead! But please do it for yourself, your happiness, and your health.

Weight was an issue, a metaphorical and literal one. You had fluctuated between Ignoring what everyone else said about your weight or body shape and obsessing over every little flaw they saw in you. It took a toll on you some days like on any other person who didn’t have what it took to be considered the standard for an attractive person yet the pressure of hearing comments constantly was getting too much.

A hostile work environment wasn’t new to you, school hadn’t been different, and sometimes even your family could get pretty annoying and borderline cruel with the topic.

The walk from your workplace to your house wasn’t long, but it sure as hell felt like it. Between the changing weather, how tired you truly were, and the weight of the comments and gazes you had to endure on a daily basis, the way home felt like sheer torture. You supposed it wouldn’t be too bad to move your body some more, maybe your workmates had a point when they told you you needed to lose some pounds although they could’ve been kinder while doing so.

Acting like you didn’t care was getting harder as the days passed, you didn’t know who were you trying to convince more when you said it didn’t matter. Many factors were at play, and their comments used every one of them to break you. You had tried to understand the reasoning behind those types of insults for years and at some point instead ended up believing they were simply the truth.

But why? Why did you have to be the one who changed instead of them? Why couldn’t Lorna understand that your body was different than hers? Why didn’t Michael accept that you didn’t exist for people to find you either attractive or not? Why couldn’t they just get over the fact that no one is the same and that not every single person can fit their personal standards? And why couldn't you either?

The lights from the living room were on and Cliff’s car was parked on the driveway. You sighed heavily, inwardly praying to not look like you cried all the way home even though you totally did. Before you could slide the key in, the door swung open. His bright smile greeted you, the usual kiss on your temple leaving your skin buzzing.

He said, very happily, that he bought your favorite dish from that dinner you love. You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to find an excuse as to why you can’t eat it. It would be rude to say you’re not in the mood when he had to make a detour to buy the food, but you don’t feel like eating ever again in your goddamn life.

“I’ll just take a shower, yeah?” You didn’t wait for him to answer and made your way toward your shared bedroom.

Mindlessly taking a clean pair of underwear and a pajama set you entered the bathroom not before kicking your shoes off. The clothes were placed on the countertop just beside the sink, your reflection staring back at you; you didn’t recognize the sad eyes boring into yours— your own eyes.

The warm water wasn’t of too much help. You had expected it to at least ease the tension on your shoulders enough for you to not feel like you’d crumble at any minute. The dreaded part of the shower began when, while waiting for the conditioner to set and do its job, you started to scrub your body. A sob escaped your lips, your hand clutching the extra skin on your stomach— god, Lorna was definitely right when she said you needed to be on a strict diet.

You didn't dare to get out of the shower just yet, too embarrassed by the fact that all those things your coworkers said to you were true. You felt like the filthy cow Michael called you, you truly did, and tears just kept streaming down your face. Avoiding your reflection in the mirror while you put your clothes on, the wonderment of what Cliff really thought of you came to your mind.

Reminding yourself that you needed to focus on the fact that he had never complained about anything you exited the bathroom with the idea of going to bed and hoping for the best. If you were lucky, getting some rest would help you see things clearly, be kinder to yourself like you logically knew you should be.

Cliff stared at you with a frown, you supposed he had entered the room to change into sleeping clothes too because he had discarded his patterned shirt and was now only in a pair of shorts and the t-shirt he had been wearing earlier. You grew nervous under his gaze like a child caught doing something they shouldn’t have even thought about.

“You want me to reheat dinner?”

Your stomach churned upon hearing the question, not helping the feeling of nervousness at all. Excuses escaped you, there wasn’t a good one other than saying you weren’t hungry which was just not realistic. Opting for just nodding in hopes of calming down when your boyfriend wasn’t staring at you, you waited for him to leave the room to let out a light groan.

You felt stuck. No one likes to feel like that and lately, that’s all you can really feel. Stuck between accepting yourself and changing everything people found flawed, between skipping meals and eating properly to be healthy, between looking for another job where you weren’t verbally abused on a daily basis and just accepting that it would keep happening if you didn’t change your body.

You wished you could tune it all out, you knew some people were able to and you knew their lives were a little easier because of it. You wanted to be able to feel comfortable in your own skin without being told you were harming yourself— oh, how you hated the way they looked at you when you wore a skirt instead of a pantsuit, and God forbid if you felt confident enough one day to wear shorts...

It was tiring, it added to the weight on your shoulders and in consequence, deteriorated your health. The irony of how much their comments that — according to them— came from a place of worry for your health were harming you would have amused you if you weren’t in so much distress.

The clearing of a throat startled you. Your eyes landed on Cliff’s face as you turned to look at the doorway. “I’ll be there in a moment,” you rasped, surprised by how hard getting the words out had been.

He pushed himself into the room and away from the doorway, standing in front you four strides later. His warm palm landed softly on your cheek, an attempt to either get you to talk or comfort you, perhaps both at the same time.

Your eyes closed out of habit, your brain processing the gesture as one of the few things that gave it serotonin. His free arm wrapped around your middle, pulling you closer. There was a moment of silence, not uncomfortable because nothing was with him, one that he used to asses what could possibly be wrong while you tried your hardest to not cry some more.

“What’s wrong, love?” Cliff asked, so lowly and softly, so tenderly that you believed Samantha when she said you didn’t deserve to have someone like him in your life.

You shook your head, the movement prompting your lips to brush against his palm for a few seconds. It was deeply embarrassing to tell him how bad you felt for being yourself, it wasn’t fair for you to go through it, any of it.

He encouraged you to speak still, “you can tell me anything.”

Stubbornly, you shook your head again. “It’s nothing. How was your day?” Your question came with the opening of your eyes. You knew you had to be convincing, you could cry some more in the morning while showering after all.

“It was great,” he deadpanned. “Now, is my girlfriend telling me what’s troubling her or do I have to beat her coworkers up to know?”

A shiver ran down your spine, not because you were scared of him but because he talking to your coworkers was your worst nightmare. They could easily open his eyes, make him realize he deserved someone better than you. Shit... Cliff deserved better than you, it was true. Someone he could show off, someone who didn’t struggle to find pretty clothes, someone who could wear his clothes without them being tight or stuck.

Your reaction seemed to make him realize what was wrong. You saw it on his face, and he probably saw everything on yours. It surprised you, how upset he looked as it dawned on him. “What did they do?”

And just like that, you let it all go because there was no point in saying everything was fine, you were sad, he was mad— things could go terribly wrong or perfectly fine and you needed it to just happen already.

He listened, all his attention on your face as you both sat on the bed, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of your hand. Your chest started aching as the hiccups began to interrupt you, between the crying and the eagerness to explain yourself now that you had the chance to let it out, you were desperate to find some relief.

Cliff shushed you, soothing sounds filling your ears. You heard him say he would get you some water to which you could only nod. You didn’t know how much time passed, you just knew you were still crying. Words flew out from your mouth when he was back, you hadn’t realized how many things you had bottled up until the moment you caught yourself speaking about your first day of work when everything had begun.

He hugged you tightly once the hiccups stopped, letting you cry some more on his chest as he played with your hair. Sweet nothings were whispered like second nature, how competent you were, how pretty, how attractive, how much he loved you. You even wondered why people called them sweet nothings when it truly meant everything to you.

“We’re going to find you another job, darling,” he assured, “don’t you worry your pretty little mind.”

You shrugged, knowing it wouldn’t change much. “Everyone will say the same,” you lamented.

“You can’t let them do that to you. I know it’s not your fault,” Cliff quickly clarified, “but we can’t please everyone and not everyone will like us. Maybe this is different and I can’t understand it because I’m not going through it, but I know it’s still true.”

Nodding, you looked down at your hands on your lap. It was easier said than done, no matter how well he meant he wasn’t the one who would go through it. “What if they’re right?”

You wanted to take the words back upon hearing his huff, wanting everything but to go through a fight that night. You were tired, drained actually, and fights with Cliff didn’t happen often but when they did you ended needing a lot of alone time to recharge.

“Look,” he sighed, clearly trying to mask his annoyance when he knew it wasn’t your fault, “if you want to make some changes to your routine, maybe become more active or eat healthier... that’s great, love. I will happily go through it with you.” His hand fell on top of yours, giving a squeeze to get the point across and to gain your attention so his next words were understood. “But if you don’t want to, if you feel fine, you don’t have to change a damn thing.”

“Can I make that decision later on?” you timidly asked. You weren’t ready to take such a big step, you truly just wanted to get some rest.

Cliff agreed, leaning to peck your lips in reassurance. You allowed yourself to smile which only made him kiss you properly that time around, hugging you by the hips when you kissed back.

Later that night, while laying on his chest, you focused on the sound of his heartbeat as he watched some TV. You were trying to pay attention to whatever was happening on the show but your mind was somewhere else. The next day would be big, you’d finally focus on what you needed instead of what people wanted and allow yourself to make a decision regarding what you would do to accomplish it.

The next day you’d finally start the journey to get what you truly deserved, and you would give it to your own self while your boyfriend accompanied you.

#cliff booth x reader #cliff booth x plus size reader #plus size reader #plus size reader fanfic #plus size reader imagine

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thebluelemontree · 6 years

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Ever since the 1st book Sansa was faced with the true/fake knight dichotomy: the KG beat her and her Knight of Flowers wasn't that honorable either (his mare trick). For some people that is one of the reasons why Harry is a good partner for her - he's honest and dislikes false courtesy (much like Sandor). But I fail to see how being honest about your dishonor makes you the TRUE KNIGHT. To me he's just as fake as all the others unlike Sandor who didn't give any vows to break. What's your opinion?

I guess we’re talking about a “good partner” in theory because I really don’t think the signs look all that great for Harry living much longer. If he shows up at the tourney joust on a red stallion, stick a fork in him. He’s done. Besides that, should we honestly expect a marriage option arranged by Littlefinger to turn out good for Sansa? When has any of his arrangements for her worked out in her favor?

Just so we’re being fair and this isn’t just about rooting for my OTP above other options, Sandor is also bluntly honest about some of the horrible things he has done too. Not taking vows is him making a protest statement against the institution, but he can sometimes use it to deflect attention from his own bad acts onto the hypocrisy of knights instead. It’s Sandor’s moments of choosing to be protective and helpful that make us see his potential for true knighthood. Not his cynical stance on the subject. He’s full of shit too sometimes. But as I’ve said before, we have very good reason to believe that Sandor is continuing his trajectory toward true knighthood at his death scene and on the QI serving under a former knight.

Not being a liar is good, but it’s a pretty low bar to pass. No one deserves a medal for this. Harry needs to show us way more than that if I were to believe he could actually be a “good partner.” I wouldn’t say he dislikes false courtesy. He’s thoroughly of the Vale and the conservative culture is all about appearances, pedigree, adherence to tradition and chivalric culture, which includes courtesy. He’s just plain rude is all. It’s not on principle against courtesy. He dislikes low born bastards who have the audacity to consider themselves worthy to seek the next Lord of the Eyrie for a marriage prospect. And he resents that circumstances have forced him to interact with Littlefinger’s bastard in particular. Obviously he doesn’t mind consorting with low born girls and may fancy himself in love with them at times, but there’s no indication he plans on marrying one of them. He’s a Hardyng, a minor landed knight house, that through dumb luck finds himself Robert’s heir. He wants a good marriage to a highborn and trueborn to shore up his pedigree. That’s why his shield is quartered with the Waynwood and Arryn sigils too. To emphasize his more prestigious relations. If he knew she was Sansa Stark he’d be treating her very differently, which was Sansa’s realization about her Loras fantasy. No Tyrell would ever love a bastard girl, no matter what. It always comes down to her claim, not her.

I don’t hate Harry and I don’t think he is the worst person ever, just as Loras isn’t a terrible person for cheating at a tournament. We’ve seen what truly terrible looks like. You can’t really get on Loras for cheating at a stupid joust and think that highly about Harry “earning” his knighthood in a tournament rigged for him to win. TWOW tourney is probably just as rigged. If Harry doesn’t realize the win was handed to him and that he’s being wooed for influence by Yohn and LF because he’s the next high lord, then he’s monumentally stupid. Accepting the knighthood when you know you didn’t actually do anything to earn it is just as false and shitty as what Loras did.

Hey, at least you can say Loras knew how to be faithful to his partner even after Renly died. I don’t think Harry would be abusive to Sansa, but he’s going to litter the Vale and probably the North too with his bastards and used and discarded women. It wasn’t “different with Saffron.” After Harry dumps Cissy for gaining pregnancy weight, Lady Anya arranged for her to be married off to one of her household guards. How did Cissy feel about that? Probably not good, but the dishonorable behavior got tidied up for Harry, didn’t it? Saffron is going to be left pregnant and dishonored too, after all of the words of love he probably gave her. If you look at the entire Alayne sample chapter there’s a running theme of used, dishonored, and discarded women beginning, middle and end.

Mya Stone arrives in Robert’s bedchamber with hay in her hair and a “scowl” on her face. Sansa knows Mychel Redfort is around. Poor Mya loved Mychel, thought he loved her, and had dreams of marrying him. She’s broken hearted and still longing to be with him, but the tumble in the hay makes her feel worse, not closer to him. She’s left with nothing but shattered dreams, a soiled reputation, and reminded that tumbles in the hay are all a bastard girl is good for.

Alayne sharply corrects Robert when he insists he can keep Alayne as his mistress if he can’t marry her. He’s still a little boy and only partially understands what he’s saying, but she’s giving him good parenting here. Just because he’s Lord of the Eyrie doesn’t mean he can treat women any type of way, even low born bastards. He’s not entitled to Alayne just because he wants her or has feelings for her.

Myranda Royce is slut shamed by her own father because her late husband died of an apparent heart attack while having sex with her, some of which she has internalized. I don’t think it was the dowry that Lady Waynwood found that unsuitable, because even cadet Royces are an ancient house that also have Stark blood. There’s more than dowry to think about. Lady Anya isn’t going to make the mistake of betrothing Harry to a girl he would find unpleasant (dowry or not) and sour a relationship with her future high lord. IMO, Harry might have rejected the match between them as well because she’s a heavier girl when you consider his intense fatphobia. Myranda is also not a traditional Vale lady either. She’s very forward, highly intelligent, sexy, funny, and self-confident as well as competent at running a household. She would be a joy of a wife for many a man and she’s rejected for the most shallow and judgemental reasons. It’s hurtful because she knows her own worth.

Then we end on learning about Harry’s character, Cissy’s fate, and what will probably happen to Saffron too. God forbid Sansa have his child and put on a few pounds. That doesn’t scream “good partner” to me. So even if he keeps his mistresses and bastards out of sight, he can still be shallow AF about a woman’s looks, which inevitably change over time. He already doesn’t think she’s that attractive anyway. Also if he finds out she’s really Sansa Stark and he suddenly starts treating her much better, that doesn’t say anything good either. This match is theoretically all good for Harry, but I fail to see how it works out that great for Sansa.

The chapter can’t be structured this way for nothing. George is giving us much to contemplate on about the treatment of women in relationships. How the stakes are so much higher for them in giving their hearts, bodies, hopes, and dreams to a guy that would be careless with them. Most of it happens before she even talks to Harry and gets to know him better. And Sansa is being faced with putting her trust and hope to go home on him and having to give up her body, her dreams, and allow him power over her in return for that gamble. If that doesn’t happen, she’s stuck in a loveless, faithless marriage in Eyrie, which she hates. As of right now, it’s the only option that she knows of. It also shows Sansa isn’t just thinking of what marrying Harry means for her, but she can also place herself in the shoes of other women and the bastard children. Society will not be kind to them, while men have their fun and make promises they can’t/won’t keep.

While George might be playing with some aspects of the Loras/Sandor dichotomy in Harry, Harry himself is a poor imitation of either. Loras could be faithful and his deep, abiding love for Renly is one for the ages. Sandor cares nothing for her claim and it was never her appearance that drew her to him. In fact, her highborn status is a frustrating problem that kept him from being closer to her. Harry is somewhat more like Robert Baratheon without the martial talent, easily attracted to the next shiny new thing. So there might be some playing with the Robert/Lyanna dynamic thrown in as well, because there’s no reason to suggest that however charmed he might be by Alayne now that the feeling will last.

The being said, it would be interesting to see if Harry ends up doing something true knight-ish before he goes down. (I’m 90% sure he is going down.) If it is the case that Harry has a bit of hero in him, it’s still a tragedy of wasted youth and potential, arrogant and douchey though it may be. I wouldn’t be shocked if Sansa mourned Harry a bit, because that’s just who she is. Maybe that kind of ending to his story will allow us to think of Harry a little more fondly rather than see the reality of what marriage to Sansa would be like a few years in. We didn’t think that highly of Waymar Royce at first, but when it mattered most, the guy went down with real courage. I’m sad about Loras’s potential fate in Dance, cheating at a tourney be damned. All these guys have their arrogance and failings, but they could also rise to the occasion too.

#sansa stark #harrold hardyng #harry the heir #loras tyrell #sandor clegane #twow spec #misogyny in asoiaf #Anonymous #sansa stark meta

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daficswap · 6 years

Text

@sunlian‘s entry for @julissayne featuring their Felicius Trevelyan and Dorian post Trespasser.

20 years. That’s how long it took to track him down and box him in. 20 years of endless cat-and-mouse, sabotaging operations, cutting losses and abandoning plans, a seemingly endless back-and-forth, a war fought nearly entirely in the shadows.

They were all here, mostly. Those who had been in this fight from the beginning, when there was still a barely-stable hole in the sky. More had joined, when the true enemy was revealed. Many more fell.

For years, this is how so many thought it would continue; they couldn’t catch Solas, and maybe they couldn’t fully stop him, but they could slow him down, indefinitely. Delay and delay each plan, plot and ploy, keep his forces occupied in a cold war, fighting small skirmishes on the occasions where blades truly did clash.

Until today.

Fitting that he’d been finally pinned on a tiny island off the Tevinter Coast, so small that it was not even named. Maybe there’s some dramatic irony in that, pinning a god down on a such an insignificant patch of rock and sand, but Dorian isn’t concerned about dramatic ironies at this point.

He’s far more concerned about his family. More importantly, he’s concerned about his child.

He’s worried about Trevelyan as well, of course, but his amatus was always a fighter; he lived for it, found a near unparalleled joy in proving himself in combat, even in his age. He was where the fighting was thickest; holding off the forces of Fen’Harel on the coast, preventing them from reaching their leader. Where he belonged, when he was not at Dorian’s own side, of course.

(He’s much more worried than he wants to admit, and maybe he will, when this is all over and they return to Minrathous. The three of them, together, because they will all make it through this.)

The small trawler rocks as the sea churns, broiling from mana-storms and violent spellcasting. It makes the small wounds Dorian sustained in the push to the boat that little bit worse, and he makes an obvious effort to not wince, when he catches Felicius staring at the blood coating their shortsword. He reaches over, pulling out a kerchief and offering it to them with a smile.

“Better get that clean. Remember what your father taught you about clean blades and the like?”

The young adult nods and wordlessly accepts the offered cloth, gently dragging up and down the length of the blade, into the small groves where lyrium-etched runes were molded and stamped into the pale steel. It was a fine blade, despite its age now; a gift when they turned sixteen, presented by a beaming Trevelyan. It was beautiful, and yes, practical; Dorian had no delusions that they would use that blade in earnest one day.

He could’ve never imagined that it would be against a god.

———

Maybe “patch of rock and sand” was too dismissive; just because it’s small on a map of Thedas doesn’t mean it’s something that be traversed quickly with something akin to a light jog. That being said, Dorian is entirely too old for beach assaults. Assaults of any kind, really.

Nevertheless, the air crackles and sparks as he flings arcing lightning into the scattered forces on the shore, wading through the small breakers and onto the pebbled shore. In front of him, Felicius has leaped into the fray, a whirling force of finesse and carnage, equally. The sight fills him with equal parts pride and panic, a panic that Dorian quashes down with a spin of his staff, blasting a charging elf into the air. He uses the momentum to spin his staff yet again and slams the blade into the ground, blue light flaring as he feels the familiar buzz of barrier magic envelop him and Felicius, just in time to deflect a dagger thrusted towards them. The assailant is quickly struck down as the pair push forward.

“I thought they were supposed to be the leftover forces!” Felicius shouts over the din, leaping forward into a roll, ducking under a greatsword and behind its’ owner, thrusting their shortsword through their chest.

“They are, they’re just more than we might’ve expected! Just keep moving up!” Dorian calls back, casting a collection of glyphs on the beach before him. There were a more than he expected. A lot more. They were dispatching them quickly enough, but they’re weren’t even supposed to encounter anything like this. Their window of time to corner Solas was shrinking with each second spent skirmishing on the beach.

But, that was probably why they were fighting so fiercely. Solas certainly likes his followers devoted.

Dorian smirks to himself as the glyphs explode into crackling purple light, frying the unlucky trio who decided to accost him, readying himself to re-animate the bodies as they fall. They’ve made progress up the coast, definitely. Was it enough? Felicius cuts down another with a shout, harsh red-orange light flaring from their hand as as they turn and lash out, forearm engulfed by aclawed limb of vicious light, ripping and tearing into the poor bastards chest.

Not that Dorian has enough time to fully admire the Reavers’ carnage; the last of the poor fools caught in the glyphs falls back as the bolt flung from his staff hits them square in the chest. The nercromatic magic is already coiling into and reanimating the dying flesh as they hit the ground, three of their slain comrades already risen, rushing back into the fray, swinging and clawing at the remaining fighters. It takes their foes by surprise, the sudden flanking by their dead allies.

Felicius shouts something, a thanks, perhaps. Dorian can’t tell, over the pounding blood in his ears, the sudden weight in all of his limbs. He wasn’t out of practice, Maker forbid, but he’d forgotten how draining that particular spell was.

“Kaffas,” he curses under his breath. He really is getting too old for this

———

Dorian had almost forgotten how fun it was to poke fun at Solas.

The battle on the beach was short and brutal, but it still cost the duo precious time; there was no way that those inland didn’t hear the commotion, so they made a furious pace for the centre of the small island, miraculously avoiding anymore fights.

If he was being truthful, Dorian didn’t actually believe the reports about a weakened, potentially injured Solas. It just didn’t seem possible after two decades of endless searching and frustratingly fruitless chases.

But as Felicius broke into a clearing, skidding to a sudden halt, and as Dorian falls in beside them, trying to hard how hard he’s breathing, a grin breaking across his face.

There he is. The bald bastard himself, turned away from a very broken eluvian at the sound of their approach, looking very much the worse for wear. The pelt was tossed to the side, torn and bloodied, and the Sentinel armour was definitely scuffed and dented, dried blood clinging to the golden metal like rust.

Dorian doesn’t bother reading the expression on his face as he realises who (and who hasn’t) come to confront him; why would he bother when they’re about seven different incredibly witty things he just has to say before the inevitable fight.

“So I’m curious, did someone break that mirror for you, or did you manage that all on your own? No wait, don’t tell me! One of your own tripped in the Crossroads, and you plan to blame it on the Dalish. Am I close?”

Solas’ scowl deepens, and then again when Felicius laughs under their breath. Dorian won’t lie and say he’s not nervous, but the fact that Solas truly is injured fills him with a second wind.

“Not remotely, Magister Pavus,” the god replies, eyes flicking to his child before back to him,”I know better than to take ‘one of my own’ into situations they aren’t ready for.”

Well now, that’s just crossing a line, isn’t it. Felicius grumbles beside him, settling in a combat ready stance. There’s a curious look in Solas’ eyes, as if he’s asking if he’s asking Dorian if they, if he, really wants to do this.

No, he really doesn’t.

But then again, he absolutely does.

The bitter evening explodes with magic and violence, and for the first time in a long time, Dorian feels real hope blooming in his chest.

#dragon age #dorian x in #pavelyan #sunlian #julissayne #round ten

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pisati · 5 years

Text

I suppose it's a product of the society we live in, but I feel messed up in some ways for not wanting my own children. Not liking babies, not even really thinking they're cute. Being terrified of pregnancy. I almost wish I could be 'normal' about it, in the same way I sometimes wish I could be 'normal' about sexual attraction and drive. It would make things so much less complicated, feels like. I looked it up. Just a few scattered articles about women who don't want children (some of which say "it's perfectly normal!"). A lot of the justifications some of these women give are... honestly really pretentious. Some of these people just think babies are plain gross. And they can be; they're little poop machines, they puke, they blow mucus everywhere... but I saw one article that was like "they're gross and inconsiderate and selfish" like... fucking duh? They're infants. They don't know how to control their bodily functions quite yet and they don't know how else to communicate their needs. "You're a baby. You have nothing to do. If you're tired, just sleep instead of crying about it" like how fucking stupid are y'all? Have you ever tried falling asleep when you're tired but your brain just won't let you? Did it occur to you that infants have to learn things as basic as the concept of object permanence, and maybe they cry when they're tired because they just don't know what else to do about it? Being tired fucking sucks. Even at 25 I sometimes get so tired I want to cry. Fuck off. And "inconsiderate"?? As if babies have even the slightest concept of "considerate"? They are wired to survive. To need their parents to provide for them. That is what they know how to do. "Considerate" is learned. God. Those things are not an issue I really have with babies. I get kind of secondhand embarrassed when babies do stupid things, but I understand they're learning. I get super grossed out by the idea of diaper blowouts and spit-up and faces covered in snot and every food they try to ingest, but... I know if that were my child it'd be a little easier to deal with. I'm fine with my pets' bodily functions, I don't see why, if I loved something enough, it should really be a problem. Some people don't get that. But they say they love their pets in a way they don’t care for children; makes me wonder how they actually treat them. Some people think babies are life-ruiners, but of course they're going to be if they're not wanted, you absolute fucking morons. They are work. Some women love being a mom but hate motherhood, and that's understandable. Some people don't want to give up their careers, because honestly, raising children is a full-time job in itself. Babies maybe won't ruin your life's work, but they certainly can derail it and be a weight you have to carry around for a lifetime. Not everyone is ready to commit to that. But that's not an issue I seem to have with them either. If I wanted them, they'd be worked into my future plans. It wouldn't be ruining my life if that was the way I wanted my life to go, you know? The people that think it's the worst thing that could happen to their career... shouldn't have them, lmao. Those kids are going to grow up knowing they're resented. Knowing that you had things you wanted to do with your life, until they came along. They're going to feel like a burden on you, and you’ll probably take out your regret on them at some point. Your feeling like you "need" to have a child because of societal expectations doesn't trump the wellbeing of the child you're bringing into this world. There's the tantrums. The crying, the screaming, the not listening to reason. That's one thing I can actually agree with. I can't deal with babies crying. Some say that the cry of a baby draws people in; it makes mothers want to go to them and comfort them. I have the opposite reaction. I hear a baby crying, I want to get far away from it. I don't think I'd be very good at perceiving a baby's needs. They wouldn't stop crying, I'd get impatient and frustrated. You can't reason with a crying infant, you have to find the off switch by guessing at which needs aren't being met. I wouldn't be able to deal with tantrums or an indignant child, but I feel like any child of mine would know better than to give me the business. Who knows, though? Who knows what I'd end up with? I was a good kid. Afraid of consequences, sensitive, obedient, for the most part, if not a little stubborn (ok, very stubborn). What if my kid was the exact opposite? What if no matter how much love I gave them, no matter how attentive I tried to be towards their needs, no matter how many lessons I tried to teach them, they ended up a little brat? A gigantic asshole? God forbid, a white supremacist or some other horrible thing? Sometimes people really do their best and still it doesn't matter.

I just. I don’t have those instincts towards babies. I really don’t. I wish I did, sometimes. But that’s just not how I was wired. They scare me too, possibly because of unfamiliarity, but more because I don’t have the energy or the money to be as good of a parent as I’d want to be for an infant. I do think I have maternal instincts though. I know I try to take good care of my rats and I love caring for them. Spoiling them, making sure they have what they need, making sure they're happy and healthy. I can't see myself ever not having pets. But by that same token... just thinking about it. I've been saying for a while now that I think my maternal instincts are misdirected towards animals instead of humans (ha ha), but I don't think that's actually true. My heart breaks for older children in the foster system-- older children being kids that aren't babies. Any child in the foster system, of course, but I’m more drawn personally to the older ones. Kids that have known abusive parents or never even knew who their parents were, kids that grew up in foster care, bouncing from place to place, knowing they don't really have a family. Children have a lot of needs growing up, and emotional needs are a big one that people sometimes overlook. Kids can get hurt, bad. They feel a lot of things, and deeply. I remember being a kid myself, and I was always one to feel things extraordinarily strongly. I remember dad got me two Polly Pocket sets for.. maybe my birthday one year. And I'd thrown out the little plastic insert that one of them was packaged with-- you know, just opening a box, discarding the packaging. And I realized later that the insert would've been perfect for keeping the little rubber doll pieces organized, and the regret over having thrown it out hurt so bad I cried. Like... kids are growing and they're complicated and I can't even imagine having that made harder by parents or lack thereof. Knowing that kids are growing up in those conditions makes me want to take them in. Like my friend’s family, who’s taken in a whole bunch of foster kids and adopted them all. I'd want to bring a child home, and let them know that this is their home and would always be their home. Give them some stability on a fundamental level. Show them love they may not have received yet. Do their hair, have little makeover days, movie nights, game nights, craft nights. Surprise them with things they like, watch their face light up knowing they're listened to and cared about. Listen to them talk about their interests, try to guide them towards things that make them happy; spark that interest and let them explore and grow; not try to mold them any way I think they should be. Help them with homework, work through problems together, because lord knows I'd probably struggle with some of them too. Hope they'd trust me enough to come to me with emotional issues-- not like how I could never talk to my mom about boys. Try to help them heal from whatever trauma they may have experienced. I don't know how I'd handle behavioral issues, if that were to happen, but I know the best course of action is educating myself and trying to be understanding. I do think I'd be a good mother. Just not to an infant, lmao When I was still in school, I'd let my rats run around my apartment during playtime. I'd leave my plastic shopping bags on the floor in the kitchen once I'd put groceries away, because I knew Jay liked to hoard them under my couch. And sometimes I'd take my phone flashlight and look around under there at the mess he made. I wouldn't touch it (until cleaning day came, usually, or unless there was a receipt I realized I needed). I'd just look at the organized chaos his little rat brain told him to create. I was witnessing the physical manifestation of his personality-- something he created himself. He put those bags right where he wanted them, and I could hear him rustling around down there sometimes, arranging them how he liked. He would grab mouthfuls of food and stash them in piles under the couch too, in specific places. I think I'd be the type of person to do the same for a child. I couldn't ever tell them what to do or how to be, necessarily. I'm sure I'd just marvel at anything they created; anything their mind produced. I'd want to know them for them, and love them just the same, even if they were nothing like me. Hell, I'd probably be happy if they were nothing like me (in some regards). Reminds me of that scene from Ladybird. I just. I wish that you liked me. Of course I love you. But do you like me? I want you to be the very best version of yourself that you can be. But what if this is the best version? Parks & Rec: I love you and I like you. One day I'll be able to say that. I hope.

#don't know what prompted this one #maybe tv; maybe some posts I scrolled past #I need to learn to be more honest with myself #stop drawing such hard lines #especially where none need to be drawn #it always seems like 'all or none' with this kind of thing #either you want them or you don't-- at all-- ever #but that's just not the way it is sometimes #I'm learning to acknowledge that and the fact that it's okay to feel like this #mostly just relieved that there are people that are WAY bigger assholes about it #people that think they're better than others because they don't have kids.... need to shut the fuck up lmao #cool if it's not the thing for you but maybe cool your jets about other people's choices #and the fact that-- yes-- sometimes other people's choices in that regard will encroach upon your lifestyle #like I can't wait to never be pregnant or have to deal with an infant #but I........ actually think I could one day do the mom thing #I could definitely see it as enriching and a positive addition to my life #and hopefully equally as if not more beneficial for the kid #girl's got a heart after all

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sparkesink · 4 years

Text

Chapter 11:

Use Pens, Not Pills

In Which Way Do A Accurately Expect To Finish Writing This?

(The Ultimate Seven Year Question…)

Scratch That:

Going On Eight Years Now,

(Fantastic.)

How Does One Used Eight Years Of Writing…

(And Still Not Understand What To Make Of It.)

Today Is One Of Those “Shitty”Kind Of Days:

Wake Up,

(Pleasant:)

One Thing Or Another,

All The Suppressed Stress Pokes It’s Nasty,

(Gruesome,)

Head Out,

Snarling.

(Evolution Of A Nasty Demeanor.)

Not All Negative Outcome Has Come From Instances Such As this,

However:

Had This Not Occurred…

I Would Have continued Procrastinating This,

(Now Eight Year,)

Procrastinated Dream…

(Completion.)

Today Was Not A Good Day.

My Face Split In Two,

(As I Coward Within The Bathroom.)

“It’s Not Him.”

“He Won’t Love You.”

The Whole World Is On Fire,

(You’re Nowhere To Be Seen.)

Like Hot,

(Molten,)

Tar,

Clinging To My Flesh,

(As The Feathers Are Stripped Away,)

Blistered,

(Obscene.)

You Turn A Head,

(Whilst I Scream For Help.)

You’re Pointless Bullshit,

Too Important To Spare A Look,

(My Way:)

To Understand The Pain You’ve Caused…

As A Child,

(Determining Right From Wrong,)

You Cannot Even Admit,

Your Actions Have Been Passive,

(For Far To Long.)

So I Sit Here,

(Foundation,

Crumbling From Beneath.)

You Cannot Even Respond:

Claiming A Position Of The Victim,

(She’s Got No One To Listen.)

If She Dies,

(A Little More Inside,)

And No One Is There To See…

Do Her Requests For Chivalry,

Even Matter,

(Within The Grand Scheme?)

Don’t Pay Her Any Attention,

(The One You Broke On Purpose.)

You Isolated The Prey,

Take Your Shot,

Don’t Sway,

(Don’t Miss.)

Over And Over,

(And Over And Over Again…)

Till The Poor Thing Lay,

Helpless,

Hemorrhaging,

Until Its Very,

(Final,)

Last Breath.

You Sit Upon Your Thrown,

(Made Of Self Justification And Deceit,)

Remember Who’s Fur You Stole:

Purposeful For Nothing,

But Simply Warming The Creases,

Upon Your Seat.

(Mind Throbbing.)

Fuck This Untested,

Experimental Project.

A Raw Attempt To Dive,

Inside Out:

(Finding The Basis Of A Tormented Soul.)

From A Third Perspective,

Nothing Is Sensible.

Whilst Experiencing,

(This Puzzle Of Self,)

I Find It Most Unfaltering,

(Crude.)

It Comes Within Waves,

(Drowning,

Salt Written,)

Waves.

Crashing Upon My Skull,

(A Pressure Of A Thousand Suns:)

Hundreds Of Gallons,

Smoldering Water,

(Never-Ending.)

Gasping For Help As My Airways’ Fill,

Grasping For The Tiniest Molecule,

(Oxygen,)

The Waves Power Through Me,

Whirling Through,

(Vastness,)

Of An Origin Unknown.

I Shall Work Through My Story,

(Simultaneously Observing,)

My Own Life Crumble,

(Scatter Amongst This Learning.)

How Am I Suppose To Help Anyone?

(I Can’t Even Help Myself.)

Secluded From Everyone:

(No Outlet From My Silence.)

Thoughts Raging:

Faster,

The World Spins,

(The Great Always Fall,)

Skidding My Face Amongst The Pavement.

(It’s All My Fucking Fault.)

I Had This Inept Idea,

By Finishing This Fucking Project,

I Would Find Self Peace:

Experience Happiness Once More.

I Can’t Remember The Last Time I Smiled,

Without My Heart Bloody,

(Gruesomely Tore.)

If I Cried Forever,

Would Anyone Ever Care?

The Next Best Video Will Drop,

This World…

Just Disappears.

“How Are You Doing?”

“Are You Okay?”

(The Half Hearted Gestures,)

Enough To Make Me Stay?

My Baby Smiles,

A Tragic Mother,

A Beautiful Story,

(For Another Day.)

So If I Sit Here,

Within Myself…

“Who Am I?”

“What Is My Purpose?”

I Cannot Seem To Find Viable Truth.

If My Existence Is So Insignificant,

(My Presence A Nuisance,)

If The World Doesn’t Stop,

To Woe An Insignificant Existence…

Why Am I Here?

I Once Believed,

It Were For The Hope Of True Love,

Some Other-Worldly Purposeful Greatness,

Some Shift Of Conscious,

A Good,

(Always Too Far.)

(Unprovable.)

Not All Sheep Are Born Within Black Wool.

I’m A Fraud,

I’m Something, I Am Not.

I Could Take The Pills,

Dull the Pain,

Mask The Fact:

I Got A Shitty Hand.

It Is My Fault,

My Responsibility.

I Let You Hurt Me.

I Allowed Myself To Play Victim,

Allowed Myself To Stay…

Longer,

And Longer,

Until The Only Thing I Had,

Belonged To Whom I Write,

(For Sake Of “Love”,)

This Very Day.

(No One Will Understand.)

If Money Is The Root Of All Evil,

Time Is Money,

Human’s Break Under Financial Strain,

Wasting Time,

Making Tireless Money...

Is The Time Spent,

Seeking More,

And More,

(AND FUCKING, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE!)

It Will Never Be Drenched In Happiness…

Why Wake Up?

Why Get Dressed,

Why Go Outside?

A Realization…

(You Have Nothing Valuable,)

A Heart Of Broken Strings…

A Castle,

(Turned Dungeon.)

Gold,

(Turnt Soot.)

Showering In Ash,

Disappointment,

(To Heavy To Loot.)

I’m Sure I Could Fake This “Happiness”,

Lost Within Friends,

(Saturated In Constant Forgiveness.)

A Love Who Fails To Reach For My Hand,

Another Fall,

(Amongst The Blood, Soiled, Dirt.)

A Roaring Audience,

Hollering Obscenities,

(Every Which Direction.)

Am I In Love With The Idea Of Love?

The Character Built Up Within My Heart Will Never Exist,

And No-one Will Ever Amount To “Him”…

That Idea Of “Him”,

That “One” I Urned For Since Before I Could Understand,

What Love Even Meant.

What Is Love?

When Is Love Not Love?

When Does Love Become An Addiction?

The Lines Of Heartbreak And Withdrawal,

Blur As One.

Is This Love?

Or Dependence?

Do We Even Exist?

When The Knot Within My Gut Wreathes From Within Me,

What Would I Do Without My Daily Dose Of Serotonin?

That Hug,

When Your Stupid Face Makes Me Forget My Own Judgement,

(Just Moments Before.)

How Can You Be My Heaven,

And My Hell…

Simultaneously….

You Will Never Be The Man I Want You To Be,

(Within My Own Mind,)

You Will Never Change To Be That Man…

I Cannot Continue To Pretend,

You Won’t Ever Be The Man I Need You To Be.

And You Don’t Want To Bend.

It’s Time For Me To Fly.

Because When I Sat In That Tub…

You Weren’t There.

And That Was Fine,

And When I Died That Night…

(When I Believed The Pill Would Taste Better In Bulk.)

My Wounds Were To Fresh,

(To Handle The Stabs You Had Dealt.)

And This Is All Probably Just A Bunch Of Shit,

You Never Understood What My World Looked Like After Being Hit.

You Never Sat In That Cold Bathtub,

Shaking Under Boiling Rainfall.

You Never Knew How Much You Effected Me,

Because You Never Cared To Ask.

You Never Cared To Check,

(To See,)

If I Was Slamming My Head Against The Wall,

(To Beat.)

I’m Just Another Teenage Tragedy,

Make Up 13 Reasons,

While Raking Millions Like Last Season’s Leaves.

“She Thought Too Much,

That Poor, Smart Girl.”

“She Lacked Religion.”

As If Not A Single Person Had Any Blame.

Like Just One Mother Fucker,

One Fucking Person To Worry…

When That Addiction Doesn’t Pass.

When They Don’t Wake Up,

(From A Drug Induced Nap.)

She Was Never Wanted,

(In The First Place,)

Why Pay Her Any Attention?

Then Cry At The Funeral Like,

“We Were So Close,

I Never Saw This Coming.”

Just Another Statistic…

Just Another Overdose.

Another Sad Story,

Another Trauma For Their Children,

Broken,

(As If We Didn’t Make Them.)

The U.S Military Guard Poppy Farms In The Middle East,

And Then Shifts A Head To The Opium Crisis.

“Such A Tragedy,”

(A Simple Travesty.)

Your Politicians Pocket Their Cash,

(The Real Drug Dealers.)

The Profit Of Misery.

I Fucking See You!

I See Your Childish Game.

It’s Easier To Murder The Victim,

When You Spent Valuable Time,

Sedating,

Tormenting,

Feeding Sickness To Their Beautiful,

(Impressionable,)

Mind Space.

A Fucking Dollar Earned Mad,

Right?

We Don’t Need Your Chemicals.

We Don’t Need Your Phycho-analysts,

(If Your Only Solution Ends In Sedation.)

We Need To Feel.

We Need To Process,

We Need Time,

(To Heal The Broken Bits Of Our Self…)

We Need To Hit It,

(Full Force,)

Take That Fucking Bull By The Horns.

We Need To Fix Our Selves,

Because Everything Else…

Is Nothing More Than A Cowardice Copout.

A Shortcut,

(An Addiction,)

With Psychosis On The Withdrawing Menu.

I Am So Fucking Sick…

The Excuses We Create To Avoid Confrontation,

(Especially With One’s Self.)

God Forbid,

We Be Human.

God Forbid,

We Allow Ourselves To Be Raw.

God Forbid,

We Figure Out…

Who We Are;

That Our Truth Is Our Purpose.

Those Who Understand This Assimilation Of Writing,

Understand The World In Which We Exist Within.

Nothing Matters,

(In Direct Contradiction,)

It Is The Only Thing That Has Ever Mattered…

The Memories,

Those Fuzzy,

Simple Thoughts,

They Get Sweeter,

(The Longer They Age.)

You Don’t Need To Savor So Intensely,

(Upon Those Darkest Of Pages:)

Desperate For Someone To Love,

Unable To Be Loved In Return.

A Turntable,

Flowing One Way…

Scratching To Reciprocate,

A Passion.

Left Empty…

Tucked Inside A Dust Sleeve,

Filed Carefully For Further Enjoyment,

(When Left Alone.)

A Lifetime’s Belittling Weight,

Piled Through The Galaxy,

(Upon My Heart.)

Haunted By A Love Story,

In Which,

(Consequentially,)

Will Never Stop Ending.

When The Antidepressants,

And The Antipsychotics,

The Antispasmodics,

And The Countless Diagnostics,

Peg You As A Lifetime Customer,

Causing Manics Upon Withdrawal…

Banking In On Your Torment,

(Your Soul.)

A Sea Of Prescription Zombies,

Hazing Everything,

(Including Your Light Of Day,)

Drug Dealing Billionaires,

(Masking The Façade,)

Pulling Your Pennys For An Endless List,

(Of Side Effects.)

Constant Fear,

(Failure,)

A Beast With Four Mouths.

Constant Reassurance Of My Failure,

Achievable Exclusively By Breaking Through Rambles:

(The Consistent Chatter Ringing As Church Bells.)

It May Be Nothing But A “Silly Dream.”

It May Be Nothing More Than “A Waste Of Time And Money.”

It May Be Nothing To Anyone More Than Myself…

Fighting,

(Scraping By,)

Shot Back In The Dirt…

(Back Where I Started.)

An Inspiration Sprouted Through Hunger,

Unable To Afford Nourishment For Those I Love,

(Those I Am Responsible To Care For,)

Till My Next Insignificant Paycheck Rolls Through.

A Thought To Myself:

“Such A Fucked Up World Is This?

You Receive One Day Off Per Week,

(If You Are Lucky.)

You Still Cannot Feed Your Family.

After All Of The Bullshit That Steals Your Money,

Before You Even Get A chance To See it.

The Crippling Student Debt,

The Medical Bills,

The Various Insurance Bills,

The Utilities,

The Shelter…

What Does One Do?

A Beautiful Daydream Of A comfortable Life,

A Life Of Beauty,

Helping The World See The Purpose Of Their Own Existence Here…

Write,

Just Write.

(What Other Choice Have I Been Given?)

Regardless Of Failure,

(Rejection By The Masses.)

At The Close Of all Of This…

I Will Be Able To See My Story…

Sitting Upon My Bedside,

(Till’ The Day I Perish From This Existence.)

I Will Fulfill My Greatest Challenge,

(Reap The Gratitude Of My Greatest Accomplishment.)

Not A Damn Soul Will Ever Be Given The Power To Remove That From ME.

So,

Here It Is.

(A Young Woman’s Most Intimate Reality.)

Pieced Together.

One Part At A Time.

I Am Here.

Finishing This Shit.

I Will End This Fucking Story.

I Will Finish Telling My Truth.

I Will Heal From This Journey,

(Silent,

Hidden Away…

For Too Long.)

I Will Wake Up.

I Will…

Use Pens…

Not Pills.

0 notes

love-transparentstudentarca-blog · 6 years

Text

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Including insurance and how much do you think the down payment will be

""Im a new driver and my insurance in 1600 or above, i have tried all the cheapest cars!?""

i have just passed my driving test and i am looking for a cheap run around car to start me off, ive tried all the cheap cars (fiestas, peugeots and much more) but nothing seems to take my insurance lower, does anyone have any ideas...???? thanks.""

""Car insurance cancellation, what to do?""

Alright so I had my insurance policy through my mom with Allstate. Today we got a cancellation letter from them, and it was because of a reckless driving charge put against me. What should we do, what is the next step of getting a new policy? My mom also just got a new car about three years ago and i know for sure that she does not have it payed off. Will she be in endangerment of losing her loan. Lastly, if we do get new insurance, what do you purpose the figures maybe?""

Should i move to California?

im a senior in high school, i just finished my junior year so its the summer in between lol. i really want to move to california. i also want to go to college there too but im just worried about it. its really been stressing me out alot lately. so do you have any advice or suggestions?""

Can i use my car insurance to pay for damage to my car?

Some idiot decided not to own up to denting my car at the weekend, so now i am left to foot the bill which judging by the damage is not going ot be cheap. The moron whoever he/she is has dented both passenger side doors. As i have never been in this situation i am not sure if i can use my car insurance to pay for the damage, especially as i dont know who damaged my car in tyhe first place. I am fully comp with Tesco.""

How much money would it cost to get car insurance im 18?

my grandmother is wanting to add me onto her insurance and let me drive her car, how much is it going to cost she has nationwide and the car is a 2001 honda accord lx sedan 4 cylinder i also never had a permit and im just going to get my license after i get my insurance, im white and a guy. Thanks for the help its much appreciated.""

""Best insurance business (All State, Farmers or State Farm)?""

I am seriously considering becoming an insurance agent for State Farm, Farmers or All State, but I don't know which company is the best choice for me, I am bilingual in Spanish, so I am looking for a company that is going after the Hispanic Market. I have heard some bad things about Farmers, so my decision might be State Farm or All State. Nationwide is doing a great advertising campaing in the Spanish market, does anybody know if they offer agency jobs. I am open to other suggestions. Any help/Suggestions is very much appreciated. Gracias""

Best Health Insurance For Self Employed?

I really need help finding a good health insurance option. I started my own company in 2009 and have kept it active and grew it slowly ever since. I was, until recently, employed at a large bank where I had good health and dental benefits. I recently left the job to take my business full time and scale it up. I am doing that full time now and it's been about a month since I left my job. I elected to keep my dental insurance through COBRA, because it will only cost me about $23/month. However, to keep my health insurance through COBRA would cost me almost $500/month and I felt that was too much. I have read all the paperwork and believe that I can still elect COBRA for my health insurance for about another month. They give you 60 days from your last day. However, I believe there has to be a better/more affordable option. I am 26 years old and healthy, but God forbid anything ever happened, I want to be covered. Also, if my girlfriend ever got pregnant and I had a child, I would want to be able to sleep at night knowing that I have the health insurance for this. What are my options here? Are there good companies out there that are more affordable than the $450+/month I would have to pay if I kept the United Healthcare plan that I had at my previous job? All advice is appreciated. Thanks!""

What company has the least expensive auto insurance for young drivers?

Does anyone know of an insurance company that is reasonable with it's rates for a young lady driver with a good driving record but bad credit? Full coverage is needed on the vehicle. Thank you for your time and your answers.

How do the candidates expect to make everyone buy health insurance?

Health insurance costs are extraordinary, Hillary and OBama want to force people to buy health insurance (and subsidize the costs for some) but they fail to address the reasons health insurance is so expensive. Medical malpractice insurance costs doctors more than most people make a year, and Insurance companies answer to their stockholders before their customers are two of the main reasons it is so expensive. It seems that insurance companies are the ONLY winners in the field of medicine. The democrat solutions to the health care crisis only masks the problem.""

Can I drive under my parent's insurance?

I'm 18, have a license and my dad bought a car for me to drive. If my dad registers it all under his name(title and insurance) will I be able to drive it? I don't want to be added into the insurance, I just want to drive it all under my dad's name. I'm in California, can this be done? If I get pulled over, will the police not hassle me over it?""

How long do you have to have SR22 insurance? It's really expensive and my case was settled over 2 yrs ago.

How cheap can u get???

What is the cheapest car insurance for teenagers that u can get??? What company??? If it matters, I live in NC.""

Is car insurance you buy online instant cover?

Hi, I'm interested in buying a car at 4pm after a viewing. I would obviously have to set the insurance to start on today's date but does it happen instantly or does it not activate for hours/days? Just being careful because I dont want to be stopped! It's with Igo insurance btw thanks""

How much do you pay for auto insurance for teen?

im 17 almost 18 looking to drive soon? how much would I pay if.... -no good student discount -3 cars -1 boat -live with parents under whom which ill have co-sign my insurance for now out of predictions, how much do teens usually pay for auto insurance?""

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Does anyone know of a health insurance company that will insure me even though I am pregant?

My husband and I make a little over the income requirements for medicaid in our state(SC), we also own two cars so our chances of getting medicaid is very slim. I was just wondering if anyone knew of a health insurance plan that will take on a policy for me even though I am pregnant....we were in the process of looking for health coverage, but ended up getting pregnant in the mean time...thanks for your help...please serious and honest answer only...we are in the state of south carolina. thanks""

Car insurance question?

My mom just bought a new car and she wants to add me (a new driver) to her policy. How much would our insurance increase/decrease comparing to as if I bought the car myself.

Is insurance a must for everybody to have?

Teen Car Insurance + Accidents Clarification?

I'm a 16 year old girl who just got her license in March. A week after I got my license, I rear ended another car while driving my mom's new car that is insured. We got it fixed and only had to pay the 500 dollar deductible. I do not have my own car. My sister, who is 19, has her own car that is not covered on our insurance. My dad's car is not covered either. My sister just got into an accident, rear ending someone as well. I really need to get a car next year for work and such but my parents said my insurance would be high enough already with both of me and my sister's accidents. Couldn't I just buy a car on my own and not insure it like my dad and sister's cars? I really don't know how car insurance works at all, i only know what my parents tell me, so any help would be appreciated :)""

Lapsed insurance....?

ok so basically i sideswiped someone the other day and my insurance was lapsed, but their insurance is going to cover it but send me the bill right.... so how does that work?""

How much is a ticket for not having insurance on your car in oklahoma?

I'm writing a paper for my law study class and was wondering how much the average ticket for not having insurance on your car in oklahoma is? Thanks for the help!

""In Texas, does the responsible insurance company have to pay for the storage fees for our totaled car?""

I was just recently involved in an accident and the insurance company that is responsible to pay for the damages is saying that I need to move my car from storage, because they do not have to pay for the car to remain in storage. Since I live in an apartment complex the car would have to be moved twenty minutes away, which is going to cost quite a bit and then we would have to move it again to an auto body shop back to the area I live in. So I called the place where it was stored to get a quote on how much it would cost to move it and the guy said that our car looks to be totaled and that for them to tow it I would have to pay out of pocket and I will never see that money again. Also, he said, in Texas, it is state law for the insurance company to pay storage and towing fees, he said the insurance is just saying that to get us to move it so they don't have to pay those extra fees. I don't know who to believe and I couldn't find anything online about it.""

""Who has the cheapest car insurance in Houston, Tx?

I have Geico right now.. I am a 17 year old boy who has a car accident on his record (in june 2010).

This country needs affordable health care...so why are hospitals so lavish and extravagantly fancy?

Here is a link to the hospital if you think I am exaggerating..... http://www.henryfordwestbloomfield.com/body_wbloomfield.cfm?id=52381 I don't have insurance, and neither does my husband because we can't afford $600 month premiums for insurance that doesn't even KICK IN until you pay $5000 out of pocket! But it is really hard to sit and listen to everyone complaining about the EXPLODING cost of hospitals these days with all the hospitals in my area that are constantly renovating and competing to be the most lavish or fancy or architecturally beautiful when what people really need are just some common sense medical care from good doctors who will take a few minutes to listen to them. For Example, I recently visited a friend who was in a local hospital in my area that has expanded to include the following...A boardwalk with HUNDREDS of exclusive shops (required a trolly inside it was so huge!), marble fountains and floors and glass elevators and railings, live TV shows in their own Greenhouses and celebrity kitchens, multiple conference centers complete with reflecting pools, grand pianos and atriums with full size trees indoors, a pediatric wing that was bult to look like a giant tree house, complete with Tree shaped doors, private rooms with twenty foot long leather couches that curve along the wall for visiting relatives, 72 inch plasma TV's in the room along with Xbox, and complete cable/internet access, Floor to ceiling bay windows for a panoramic view of the gardens and lakes on the property. Now my friend could NEVER have afforded to stay in a hotel this nice, and couldn't pay for health coverage either. Thank God she qualifies for to be insured thru a medicaid program that covers this...but who is paying for all this excessive stuff? The taxpayers in the United States. I can't help but think that she could get really good care at a reasonable cost at a less fancy hospital...but who is going to tell the hospital where it spends it's money if someone is willing to say its necessary to have an UBER fancy hospital in order to give our citizens modern up to date medical care ?""

What will a car insurance company check?

I've just made my first claim ever for a car accident, I was rear ended at a traffic light and the other driver accepted liability immediately, however what details will their insurance company check about me? I've made the claim through my insurance but want it to be handled stress free! Thanks in advance!""

How much will I have to for car insurance?

I'm 19 and I just got my permit. So in 6 months I will have my license. By then, I will have car. Which insurance will be cheapest and how much would I have to pay a month? I know nobody can put an exact price on it, but maybe an estimation?""

At fault driver's car insurance won't pay for my damages!?

Hey guys and gals, My wife was in a car accident on 10/8 driving our truck with liability only insurance (IE: not full coverage because the truck is only worth ~$3000 and it's paid for). She was turning right and had slowed down to turn (with her turn signal on) when a speeding truck slammed into the van behind her, ramming the van in to our truck. The police filed a report, in which the driver of the speeding truck (an 18 year old kid, that had just left his house less than 1/4 mile away) was determined to be at fault. It is worth note that this happened in front of two different auto body shops, and within sight of the house the at fault driver had just left. Their insurance company, state farm, finally contacted us on 11/8 after not returning our phone calls for nearly two weeks saying they had determined he was in fact at fault and would send an adjuster the following Monday. He came, inspected the truck, determined it was repairable, then said we would hear from their office later that day. When they called they told us the damage was more than 75% of the vehicles worth so it was considered total and they would send the required paperwork to my email address to begin payment. Within 3 hours, the claim agent we had talked to the previous Friday said an owner of one of the auto shops had came forward (all of a sudden, no mention of a witness before) and that he had a notarized statement saying the van struck our vehicle before the truck struck the van. The insurance company now will not pay us for the damages. We tried to call the witness and get a copy of his report because State Farm would not give us the copy. Then we called the other auto body shop and both the owner and one of his employees both seen the accident and say that the truck was at fault, and the owner overheard the driver say specifically that it was his fault. When we bring this to the agents attention, she claims this is not evidence because they know the at fault driver. We found out that the first witness also knows the driver, but can't prove it. Ours is a small town, you don't have neighbors that you don't know or speak to. It seems we are at an impasse, and I have been without a truck for nearly 6 weeks. What should I do in this instance? Get an attorney? Our insurance agency is adamant about not intervening since we did not have full coverage insurance. It may be worth noting that my wife has had back and neck pain since the accident and went to the hospital the day of the accident, the family doctor twice since, and has an appointment with a chiropractor next week (all of which our insurance has paid for.)""

""Roughly, How much do you think my car insurance will cost?""

I'm getting my license when I turn 18 in may, I'm prob. gonna have a honda, or an ultima.. i live in raleigh. nc that is.. this will be my first time getting my license.. i work at walmart(if that matters) make 9.00 and hour.. i didn't take drivers ed i never had a permit.. how much do you think it's gonna cost me??.. and also.. would it be cheaper if i get on my moms insurance???""

Very simple for car insurance expert heeelp!!!?

hello thank you for entering in my post I've been in England for 2 years now but I've never driven here however I had driven for 11 years in my country but on the opposite side of the road and with a car with left-hand drive and I've never had an accident before to choose which car to buy I'd like to know roughly how much they would charge me for a 1.2 engine because if they will charge me too much I could opt for 1.0 engine or even smaller for my first 2 or 3 years and then when my isurance cost goes down I will get a bigger car I've alredy have a UK driving licence however, if I do a driving course with a driving school could I get a little discount for my insurance? any suggestion according this matter will be very appreciated thank you very much in advance for your help""

Do i need car insurance in my name?

My brother and me are sharing a car, I just got my license and my mom says i dont need to worry because the insurance covers the car not the driver, i live in texas, is this true?""

Renters insurance cant get homeonwers?

im about to payoff my mobile home and own it but i cant get homeonwers insurance since i own my mobile home could i just get renters insurance and protect my belogings inside my trailer. keep in mind in paying a month lot rent fee for my trailer to sit on someone elses property.

Mistake on insurance- value of car?

recently i was involved in a car accident where another driver drove into the back of my car and since then it has been written off. the problem is i undervalued the car on my insurance by accident (as it was a present and was unsure of the true value) can i explain this to the insurance company and get the money paid for the car? or will i just get how much i said the car was worth? thanks

Can you leave modifications off your car insurance if your car is modified?

I am just wondering, if you have to name modifications to your car on your car insurance, or can you leave them off to make the insurance cheaper. And is it against the law to leave them off your car insurance? Thanks for any help :)""

Insurance????? Help please ?

I'm 18 thinking About insurance and just wondering if I get my mum to go under the insurance do I still get my no claims discount after a year? Cheers rob

Full coverage car insurance?

my daughter 27 years old was in a car accident was not injury,but the car was total and had full coverage insurance,because it was finance. she owned about $10,000 on the car now the insurance will only pay $7,000 on the car because the blue book say that what it is worth. i have never heard of that, full coverage is full coverage. so has anyone ever heard of this? we live in indiana thank you""

Car insurance?

I am trying to get a quote for car insurance, but am a bit stuck. I got my South African licence in 2002 and exchanged it for my UK one October last year. When they ask you how long you have held your licence....do I say 5 years or less than 1 year. Does the South African one count....I really hope so. We drive on the same side of the road and everything. Thanks""

Is a 2000/2001 BMW 323ci an expensive car to insure?

I know insurance costs depend on a number of factors, but, all that aside, does anyone know if this car is expensive to insure? (or any of the other higher up 3 series like the 330ci )""

How much does car insurance cost for a new driver?

How much does car insurance cost per month for a new driver (16 years old) in california?

Is there drivers insurance for infrequent drivers?

I'm currently in LA, and my family is here too. So, I've been an insured driver since I was 15, for the last 13 years... In August I will begin grad school in Boston, and will be without a car. But, perhaps during winter break, Thanksgivings, summer, I may return to LA to visit family and friends. I can easily borrow one of my parents' cars while I'm visiting, but I don't want to have to maintain car insurance year round for several hundred dollars just to drive a few times a year. Are there any reasonably priced options for someone in my situation? As far as I know, most car insurance terms are 6 months. Thank you!""

How much would motorcycle insurance be for a 19 year old male in NY.?

If i am a 19 year old male and have insurance on my car and i have no tickets and one small accident that was my fault over a year ago how much would it be to add a motorcycle to this insurance, but im only getting as much insurance coverage that is required. I will not be getting collision or anything as bike as fairly old and if it gets recked i wont fix it. If you arent completely sure speculate as to how much you think it would be, any info helps.""

Mobile Alabama Cheap car insurance quotes zip 36685

How do you get proof of car insurance without a car ?

...so will no longer be using my car . the insurance company is requiring...

I can't get car insurance because of where I live what can I do?

I am 17 (boy) and passed my test on 15.08.2013 and I cannot get a quote under 4000 because of where I live. Don't try saying its my age or the car I want (Mini One 1.6l) because they seriously don't change a lot. I've tried every car possible with a 1.4l and lower engine and the prices don't go below 4000. If I change the address to my friends house who lives like 2miles away the price goes down to 2700 and if I change the address to my Nans address who only lives 15minutes away it goes down to 1500. I am seriously thinking of putting my Nans address down for insurance because there is no other way I can see myself driving and I know it's insurance fraud but how else am i suppose to get f***ing insurance. Someone please help and don't just tell me stuff I already know.

Teenager driver and car insurance?

my stepson just got his learner's permit, he may be driving my husband's truck once in a while to learn, (I think he'll be driving mostly when he's at his mom's house), a mile here and a mile there. We have geico insurance, do we need to add him temporarily? i tried to look at our coverage and get a quote, but it won't let me without actually adding him as a driver. i'm not about to add him without a quote since he's only 16... way too young to be driving in my opinion, but that's another issue...""

What is the car insurance system in UK? How much and what else?

Let's say I bought a car with insurance group 20 what do I have to pay per year. I know for the 1 st year I need to pay 1000 and then half of it for the later years. Except that what taxes and all do I have to pay? How much is it gonna cost to afford a car with all the legal issues?

What would be more affordable?

a 2003-2004 mustang v6? or a 2006-2007 chevy cobalt? insurance wise. serious answers only please. thanks.

How much will my car insurance cost?

So I'm 16 now, and I'm looking at cars I could get. I can afford a used, BMW 3 series saloon. I'm a male, and live in Surrey. (obviously I'd be 17). How much do you think my car insurance would cost, because it is in insurance group 20. (which may or may not be too much). Thanks""

16 year old male car insurance question?

My mom has Gieco car insurance. I was wondering how much car insurance would be for me on a 1998 Jeep Wrangler with a security system, and 4x4 drive. I tried to get a quote yesterday on the fone but they made me wait like 40 minutes so i hung up and it never works online so please help me.""

Can I get insurance on somebody elses policy?

OK, I'm 17 and would like to start driving when I pass my test. So as a new driver, can I insure a car on my mum's policy? (In the UK) I hear it's a lot cheaper, so how much would I save if I insured a 1 litre VW polo on my mum's policy? Compared to a policy of my own. Thanks in advance.""

How much will it cost to insure my car?

My cars is a 1987 Vauxhall Astra mk2/Opel Kadett E wagon, with a 1.2 litre engine, developing 80 horsepower. When it gets insured I'll be 17. How much will this cost annually in the UK? Also, the car is left hand drive.""

How much would insurance cost for a Toyota Celica GT?

Ok so I have asked this question a couple of times now and I guess I should be more specific. I am getting my license soon and will probably be getting a Toyota Celica GT 2000 or 2001 and I was wondering the insurance price for a new driver (who is a girl) for this type of car. Not like what the price is based on but an actual estimated price. I am not expecting anything to be exacted just a guess. Plz help, thank.""

How much is the average car insurance if I'm 18?

Can a health insurance company deny emergency medical coverage based on the final diagnosis?

I went to the emergency room for symptoms suggesting a life-threatening illness. It turned out I did not have a life-threatening illness and the ER doctor diagnosed something much ...show more

Will my insurance pay off my car?

My car was considered totaled due to fire damage in the engine, i only purchased the car about 2 months ago wich means my policy is also new, will my insurance pay off the car or what will happened? Has any one experience something similar??""

Is car insurance more expensive when your on a provisional and can i get it for a few months only?

im learning to drive soon and am buying a car to practise in with my friend who can drive for over 3 years. but im confused about insurance. will it cost me more? and will i have to upgrade it once i pass my test? i might only be on the provisional for a few months.

What car can i get as a 18 year old which wont kill me on insurance?

please help all the quotes i been getting are well above 5 grand , also if you got any tips or ideas on how to lower my insurance quotes that would be greatful""

Why are insurance companies obsessed with ripping off young drivers in the UK?

I have four years no claim, the insurance people still want to rip me off at 1000-3000 pound for car insurance. It's actually cheaper to buy a second hand car and have it crushed for having no insurance. Then the road tax costs 250 on a car i barely drive. Is it any wonder that young people drive uninsured?""

""I'm 17, is there any way I can get my own car insurance?""

I live in Sacramento, California. The reason i'm asking if i can get my own car insurance is because my mom is afraid if she puts me on her insurance & I get into an accident, she can lose her house. So her putting me on her insurance is out of the question.. Someone please help me find a car insurance company that will cover me?? Thank you""

What vehicles have the lowest insurance rates for teenage drivers.?

How much money would Insurance cost annually for a 150cc Scooter?

Right now i am 15. I want to buy a 150cc Scooter when i turn 16. I need to know how much money on average would insurance cost annually for a 150cc Scooter.

What is the best automobile insurance for a classic car?

I have a 1953 Ford Customline, chopped. I currently have Mercury, but it is not for classic cars, so they will only pay ACV.""

How much would it cost to insure a used Aston Martin Vantage?

I have decided to get the Aston Martin Vantage (Used). it is around 34000. My salary is around 30,000 a year. I was wondering if insurance is expensive?""

How much would it cost to insure a 07-08 Corvette.?

Considering also there is mileage around 5,000-26,000.. I am a 17 yr old girl and I was looking at the corvette and it really caught my eye! Sporty, fast, and just all over good look for me... What would be ( around / guesstimate ) the monthly payments & insurance because I heard it's cheaper for females to be insured than men.? Thanks!""

Why is health insurance so high?

I live in Idaho, I'm a college student, work part time and my wife works full time. We bring home about 1900 a month. Rent is 540, my car + insurance costs 150, gas is about 175 (my wife commutes to work) and groceries are about 300 every month, phone + internet + electric is 175. I have to have medical insurance while I goto school except it costs $250 a month. HOLY CRAP it's alot, and I still have to save for tuition, we usually only have 200-300 a month left over. Why is health insurance so high and what can I do to get it lower?""

Temporary car insurance?

i am trying to get my boyfriend insured on my car for 1 week. there are many companies that do tempoary car insurance but i have been told that you can not have 2 policies on one car? i have Fully comprehensive car insurance but my insurers will not insure both of us on my car as we are under 25 so if i went with another insurance company who specialises in short term cover would this cover my boyfriend on my car?

How much would it be to insure my first car?

I'm looking at getting a Vauxhall Corsa, a couple of years old. How much do you think I'm looking at in insurance? Also, has anyone done passplus and found it saves them alot on there insurance?""

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How can i sell truck insurance?

appointed agent to sell truck insurance

What Insurance company automatically covers anyone who drives your car? What is a cheap insurance company?

I'm tryin 2 get insurance for the 04 stratus that i'm buying, but my rates are high because i'm 18. I heard about an insurance who covers anyone who drives your car, like that i coul mak my dad take it then i'd be able 2 drive it. If you know a cheap company for people my age i'd appreciate it. The company dosnt have to be popular.""

Best Job description for a full time eBay seller? (For car insurance quote)?

I'm about to renew my car insurance but need to find the most appropriate and accurate job description for my trade. I am self employed as a soul trader (UK) and my main income is achieved through making small hand crafted items (mostly material based) and sell them on eBay. So far I've been using the job description of 'artist' In the 'manufacturing' industry, but I was wondering if there was a more accurate one on the standardised job description list?""

Good maternity insurance in Michigan?

We are looking for good affordable maternity insurance here in Michigan. Everything that I've found has a huge waiting period, and they still expect me to pay through the entire time. Any help?""

Cheapest way to get car insurance!?

I recently just passed my driving test and a know car insurance isnt cheap. The cheapest i have been quoted is a little under 5000 on a 1.2 Vauxhal Corsa. I know there is a way if you make one of your parents the main driver on your car and you are a named driver but by doing that its illegal (if you are really the main driver) and if you crash they will not cover you. Is there any other way which isnt illegal to get cheap insurance!? Even anything under 3000 would be defined as cheap for me!

How much does it cost a mo for auto insurance when your 18?

On a 2005, sport compact. Texas""

""Im a 21 yea old female, what would cost more; insurance on a 2010 camaro, or a 2007 mustang?""

also how much do you think would cost? no tickets, no wrecks, nothing on my record. thanks!""

2000 grand prix insurance?

how much would it cost a 16 yr old to insure on a 4 door 2000 grand prix GT. we have statefarm and are just trying to get an idea of the price. he has good grades and took the driving class also.

Will home owners insurance or the drivers insurance pay for my dogs med. bills?

my dog was hit by car and we were yelling and screaming for her to slow down but she was not paying attention and my dog who was standing on the side of the road bc there was another dog across the street was hit. this woman was not paying attention and bc of that my dog is now in surgery. it is very expensive, is there anyway my home owners insurance or the womans car insurance will pay for the bills?""

How much will my insurance cost for a ninja 250?

I'm about to buy a bike soon and I am just adding up all the expenses... sales tax, insurance, registration, etc. If I buy a Ninja 250r (probably a 2008-2012 model) I have Liberty Mutual insurance company. My car is an 03 Toyota celica GTS and I pay about $1,300 a year. I know you guys can't give me a direct estimate (obviously!) But can you give me just a guess. Thanks!""

Going on my grandmothers car mobility insurance?

Hello, I'm 17 soon, male and living in the United Kingdom. If I was to buy a car and take out insurance, the prices would go through the roof and we don't have that much of a budget to spend. However, my grandmother is disabled and her husband drives a car. So, we concluded that it would be best for me to go on my grandfathers insurance to keep the insurance bill down? Is this a good idea? What are the downsides of this? However, my mother was talking to her friends in work and they said if my grandmothers cars is a Mobility Car I can go on their insurance for free? Is this correct? What is my best option here? My mother nor my father drive and the only person in my family can drive is my grandfather and he hasn't claimed on his insurance for over 20 years. How much would it cost me if I was to go on my grandfathers insurance (Say if he never had a mobility car) and would it be free if he did? Thanks in advance.""

Individual Health Insurance in Indiana at 18?

How can I apply for individual health insurance at 18? I'll graduate from high school next year. I want to be responsible for me at that age and not be dependent by my guardians ...show more

Car Insurance problem?

Yesterday my dad was in a car crash but thankfully no injury. The victim who crashed into our car had escaped and dashed off bout 6miles. The point of this story? The victim had stolen a car from a rental place and had been driving really fast probably. Figuring that this guy has no money and insurance, can not pay for the damage of my car. (I had bought it about a year ago, and used car) It seems Like we would have to pay 1mill yen (Japan) for this whole crap. Obviously this does not seem right at all, and should not be paying anything at all! Our insurance covers the accidents we get into, but not the damage of our car. So that means, our insurance doesn't cover it, the victims or the company (toyota) might not be covering it either. This case is rare supposedly and we're still figuring it out. And their on a hunt for this guy so hopefully we'll see what he has. Can you hear me out on this one? Can you give me things that might question this case? thnx a lot""

Gerber life insurance company?

is this even worth doing has anyone ever done this...i need feed back and ideas i have a one year old little boy and i want him to have something to fall back on when he gets older, weather its college or whatever The insurance says they can cash it out for the premium. So should i sign up or just get him a savings account?""

Anbody have Good2go auto insurance?

My fiance and I recently found out that our policy has been cancelled (literally had no idea) so we have to find a cheap car insurance fast. Good2go is known for being cheap- but does anybody have it??? Please let me know how you like it- it almost looks a little sketchy lol. If anyone else knows how to get CHEAP car insurance in NJ please speak up! We just had 21st Century. He has a perfect driving record, I have made some mistakes in the past- which is why everything is so high for us. If anyone knows a loophole or anything let me know! Thanks!""

QUESTION ABOUT CAR INSURANCE?

i was involved in an accident a couple days ago, and it wasn't my fault, well my son was drivin my car and hes not in mygo inicy, he got his own car his own insurance and everything , anyways, so i called the insurance and they said they were goin' to call the other person whom my crashed with, later my insurance called me tellin' me that my car won't be fix because the other person insurance has expired??? and because my son was drivin my car, they also told me that because my son its not in my policy?? i told them But My car has full coverage??....Why Wouldn't they fix my car??..can i get a lawyer for this??""

Does anyone know the cheapest auto insurance?

In florida that is? i'm 18 and trying to buy my first car. I'm almost to my car cost mark and I know that i'm going to have to be ready to buy auto insurance....and I'm not 'bankin'' lol.

I have a question about the Subaru Wrx Sti and Insurance?

Hi, My name is Adrian and I'm 20 years old and just go recently got 2008 scion TC 2 months ago, and yes I made a mistake because I should have gotten the used Subaru Wrx Sti 2005 and has 23,000 miles or above with modded exhaust. They are selling for 19k... Guys Do you thinks its ok to trade in my Scion Tc for subaru wrx sti??? I dont have credit and currently building it up by paying my car, insurance and cellphone... My insurance cost for my Scion Tc is $239 i know its high because 21 century consider it as a sports car not 3 door hatchback... Do you think my insurance will lower since the Subaru Wrx sti is older and its sedan... Thanks you!!!! BTW THIS IS THE SUBARU THAT I WANT TO TRADE IN http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/ctd/3418522562.html""

Would someone's car insurance cover....?

a banana (yes dont ask) being flung into the grill of the car, being sucked into the engine and other parts and causing damages worth about 15-17 grand? a friend threw a banana at a guys car and it did as described and im praying that the guy's insurance would cover it so that he gets off with a manageable fine. if he cant pay the guy, hell end up doing time which i really dont want to see him do. :( pleae HELP this is a serious question unfortunately :(""

How do you get cheap car insurance for an 18yo?

I need to find cheap car insurance for an 18yo female who owns outright an $11000.00 car. Any suggestions?

I need cheap motorcycle insurance. Cant afford the ridiculous $1500 insurance for a $3000 bike.?

And I need full coverage. Any idea? I'm getting the new 2008 ninja. I'm an experienced rider, but I have no record of motorcycling at all. I used to ride in my country. But here, nope. no record. All i can do to reduce my insurance cost is take the MSF course. Dont even have an american driver's/motorcycler's license yet.""

What used 4 door sedans are cheap on insurance?

Im 18 years old, turning 19 in december and need a car for college, what would be a good 4 door sedan, 4 cylinder, that is good on gas, cheap on insurance and cheap on repairs, reliable. What would be a good first car? Im not staying and living at the campus, im coming back home everyday.""

Where can I find cheap car insurance? ?

I live in Cleveland, OH... im 18""

My car got hit from the back. they have no insurance. They want me to sign an agreement. should I sign?

My car got hit from the back in traffic during snow. She asked me if I can not calling the police and insurance company because the car and insurance is not under her name. Since mine is a SUV, I do not have much damage except the rear bumper and bumper bar. So I agreed and she will pay for my car's damage. I took all the necessary photos about the accidents on that day as backup. Couple days later, she recommended to fix my car and hers together at her's friends shop to get a lower price. I am fine with that too. On that day, I went with her. But she wants me to sign an agreement stating that This letter is intended as a follow-up to our agreement, in regards to the incident which occcurred on Tuesday December 10, 2013. We agreed to the following provisions: Lawrence and I agreed that the rear bumper will be repaired and there will be no further action and claim against me and my insurance now or in the future. After the repair is completed, a receipt will be issued and signed by both parties. I am not a lawyer, I just wonder will there be any catch on this? If I signed this and she claims that my car hit her instead and went through their own insurance. What is my protection?..""

What are the cheapest cars to insure as a 17 year old male that wants to buy a car in a budget of 1500 pounds?

i know insurance insurance is sky high but which cars can i get with a maximum budget of 1500 pounds that are good reliable cars and have a good name like VW etc i wluld prefer not to have a vauxhall renault pegeout etc and ford is last resort only

Mobile Alabama Cheap car insurance quotes zip 36685

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/ca-you-had-insurance-car-repossessed-do-u-still-have-pay-howell/"

0 notes

unlikelydreamlandcreation-blog · 6 years

Text

Where can I find drivers programs that will help me lower my car insurance rates?

"Where can I find drivers programs that will help me lower my car insurance rates?

I am a high risk driver. I am 20 years old, and would really like to lower my monthly payments. Could you please tell me of any programs in Kansas or national programs that I could participate in that would lower my insurance? BTW, idk if it matters but i get my insurance thru dairyland.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolution.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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If not, then why is so many people opposed to free universal health care like in France, UK, etc? How many of you can pay $100 doctor visits or (god forbid) $500,000 surgeries, not counting expensive prescriptions?""

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Ok...My car was parked at my work which is privately owned. An ex employee who was inebriated, backed into the driver's side quarter panel. Now, my car has a HUGE dent and it won't lock. I left it at the body shop and the adjuster told me it might be considered totaled. My car was in immaculate condition, mechanically, as well as cosmetically. In addition, my car has less then 93,000 miles on it. What should I expect? I am a student and I rely on this vehicle for my only means of transport. I know the insurance company is going to take advantage of my ignorance on insurance jargon. PLEASE HELP, I NEED ADVICE!!! Thanks~""

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I know this isn't the right catagory (I posted it in the correct one also) but I usually get good, helpful answers here so please try to help me! I am a single mother and I do work, but it's only seasonal, as of right now (there is talk I might be hired on full time but the hours would be very slim for a while after the holidays...it's retail). I was attending college online and I paid 6 months of car insurance with my living allowance from my student loans...well..my (ex) partner lost her job and we had to move and I was going through too much stress with a newborn and moving and everything that I had to quit school...now in December my insurance is due again and I am not going to have the money. I just started working so I haven't made any money yet. Is there anything to help me pay car insurance? I am trying my best make a better life for my daughter and I, but it gets soo discouraging working but still stressing soo much over money. I am trying to take care of my student loan but I have to come up with like $1500 to pay at least half of what I owe before they will give me another loan to go back to school and get a degree and I do not have that kind of money and with little family support no one will loan me that much. Please help me I dont' know what my options are right now.""

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If anyone works for an insurance company or knows how much this will be please help? Just passed my text and am 17years of age, how much to insure the car below? Nissan Micra 1.0 S 3dr Hatchback 51 reg Manual Petrol 35k miles""

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What are some Big name Insurance companies?

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Is this a good insurance quote ?? from quinn direct!!!?

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Car insurance for a new driver?

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Can you get insurance before you buy the car ?

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Where can I find drivers programs that will help me lower my car insurance rates?

Where is the best place for auto insurance quotes?

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How much might insurance cost for an 18 year old for a middleweight cruiser?

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What is the best car insurance company in Britain?

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Why is car insurance so expensive??? Help!!!?

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Medicaid health insurance? for pregnant teen?

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How much would insurance be for a 16 year old in GA?

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How to find best Insurance Companies?

Many years try to find good insurance companies but not found any best companie, please some one help me.""

Car insurance america?

I'm thinking of going to America for six months and want to buy a car to get about, but insurance is expensive could I get a resident of America to put me on there insurance then insure themselves on the car I just bought. Is this possible? If not any suggestions would be amazing thanks I'm from UK and 22""

New jersey car insurance do I need drivers license? I have a new york drivers license buy car insurance for Ny?

New jersey car insurance do I need drivers license? I have a new york drivers license buy car insurance for Ny is the highest ever.My sister lives in Nj is it possible I can use his address to get cheaper Car insurance...Or do I need a new jersey drivers license as well??

Does anyone know some cheap insurance companies for drivers who just passed?

UK only please :)xx

Is this good fuel consumption & cheap insurance group?

I have found a car and the specs sa the following fuel consumption and I wanna know if it is good or not as im looking for something more economical. Fuel consumption (urban) 43.5 mpg Fuel consumption (extra urban) 65.7 mpg Fuel consumption (combined) 55.4 mpg Also it says the insurance group is 7, is this going to be quite cheap?""

Should i go through insurance?

Some guy jumped on and dented my hood. Its gonna cost $900.00. He is t paying. I filed a police report and will file charges. Two witnesses no video tape etc. Should i file with my insurance and pay the $500 deductible or just pay it all? Im scared that my insurance will skyrocker and it wont be worth it.

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I have an 06 Toyota Prius and I pay around $450 a month in car insurance. I live on Maui. Is this normal?

What will happen if i dont pay my car insurance this month?

I am a student and find it financially. I recently had to get my car repaired so I now do not have enough money to pay my insurance this month (192.10) I was thinking of asking if I can skip this month and request double payment this month? What are the consquences of not paying the insurance for a month. My friend believes it can damage the policy and they may ask for the full ammount? Im with quinn direct

""No license, but yes insurance?""

What happens if you drive a car that does have insurance but you don't have a license, and, lets say you crash.""

Where can I find drivers programs that will help me lower my car insurance rates?

How insurance affects life of people?

i need it for my project so plz give me brief inforamtion

Insurance question?

do you have to be married to someone to be on their health insurance?

How much will my insurance go down if i am on my dads policy ?

Hi i have just passed my test and obviously looking to get a car, i will be most probably having a friends car as he is getting a new one, its a 1.6 W reg Citroen saxo, if i have my own insurance (third party only) its around 3500.00 which is well out of my price range, if i did go on to my dads or moms policy, how much less would it be roughly, my dad lives in a nice area but did lose his licence for 3 months a few years back, my mom lives in a mediocre area but has no points and no history of any problems, i am 19 and i work as a clerical officer if that helps at all :S""

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How much would car insurance be for a 16 year old male? The car is a 2010 Ford mustang V6 Premium. If it matters, im a straight A student. Would the car being a convertible change the price, if so by how much? Thanks!""

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Hey guys, I want to ask, is it possible to get a Mini Cooper convertible with car insurance. I'm 20 and I passed my test in November 2012. I'm planning to buy a mini but will they let me have the insurance ? All answers would be very helpful, thank you X""

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Ladies has anyone every really saved on car insurance when applied to Sheila's Wheels or Diamond?

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Can you have 2 different cars with different insurance?

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Car insurance beginner.?

i am a 16 year old, good grades, i might get a Honda civic hatchback, does any one know where i am able to get a good insurance company and still pay low amounts in california""

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17 year old male car insurance?

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Cheap Insurance companies for a Piaggio NRG 50?

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Cheap cars to insure at 18?

Im looking for some cheap cars to insure for an 18 year old. Stuff like 106 quicky's, gti's, corsa,punto,saxo,clio. Ive been wanting a clio williams but there very dear on insurance if u can give me a price for any of these cars from the top of your head it would help thanks.""

What is to stop people from taking the fines instead of paying for insurance?

it seems like they are not much different then a high deductible insurance plan

Car insurance?

what company is the best to get car insurance from? I want to fill out the progressive direct (as they show you online) but I am nervous about my credit score going down. Help.

Will the healthcare reform change the age limit on children on parents insurance?

I'm 25 and one of the great things about the affordable care act was that I was allowed on my parents insurance until I'm 26... Will this change? I'm still in school and there is no way I can afford insurance on my own!!!

What is the average insurance cost for a 2012 Chevy Cruze?

I will be turning 21 in June. No tickets or accidents on my record. What would the average monthly payment be for insurance?

Where can I find drivers programs that will help me lower my car insurance rates?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/when-car-insurance-invalid-mattie-maldonado"

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aeltonhqapps-blog · 7 years

Photo

Bab.a | 20 | EST | She/Her/They

Desired Character: Gaara Suno The Series They Are From: Naruto

THEIR AGE: 21 LOCATION: Pearl District, Avalon Hill ARTIFICIAL OR NATURAL: Natural IDOL CLASS: Epsilon BRANCH NAME/PROFESSION: (FORMER)Political and music branch, training for position of ambassador in the future, pianist PUPIL SHAPE: Barely visible diamonds, since the white pattern clashes with his eye color.

WHAT TECHNIQUE DO THEY RESPOND TO?: Though it doesn’t seem that way, Gaara is actually eager to please the authority figure in front of him, and if spoken to in the right way, then it will only encourage him further on. But don’t let that curve you from taking the necessary steps of disciplining him when he does happen to step out of line, no matter how rare the occurrence is.

PERSONALITY:

If you’re waiting for him to break the ice and strike up a conversation, then you’ll be waiting for a long time so kick up a chair and bust out the joke book, because the moment Gaara actually contributes to the conversation is the day hell freezes over. He’s a QUIET soul, the true definition of a ‘man of few words’, and while it’s not necessarily a bad thing, his silence is often confused for him being ‘stuck-up’ or standoff-ish. Do not take his silence to heart, especially during conversations, I assure you he is listening to you.

Gaara is, when it comes to the average social standards, SOCIALLY INEPT. While his default setting is set to ‘always polite’ and is constantly on his best behavior, Gaara does not understand all of the social cues and points when it comes to private interactions that are not business based. He is self-aware of this, which, if the wrong thing is said, will cause him to become nervous and tempted to flee the scene before he embarrasses himself any further.

He’s rather dedicated to what he does when he puts himself into it, which makes him EFFICIENT at his job. This trait ties in with his need to be valued, mainly by those who he deems he needs to impress; his managers and higher ups are all good examples of who he wants attention from. But, if he finds himself feeling that particular way to a fellow peer, then he will most definitely try to gain their attention (and possibly their affection) through his hard work.

He is LOYAL to a T, but his loyalty isn’t cheap, it has to be earned through persistence and dedication. Gaara is not easily trusting, but if you somehow manage to prove yourself to him, then he will stand by your side through thick and thin. But God forbid that you betray his trust, because if you do, then you have automatically lost yourself an ally. Gaara greatly values his trust, and who he gives it to.

More often than not he wears a blank expression that can come off as unfeeling or INTIMIDATING. But I promise you he will not hurt a fly, he raises cacti after all. Gaara has a very stern and indifferent air about him, mainly because his expression rarely changes from its default and his stance sometimes does not come off as friendly. Him being quiet, also does not help his case, and just adds on to the visual illusion.

Though Gaara appears strong, he does not hold himself in high regards, in fact, his opinion of himself is rather low. Gaara is very INSECURE, and will go even as far as to loathe himself because of how he views himself, but will not cross that line into self-pity. It’s not so much his appearance, but rather his personality and events that happened prior to his life. He feels as if he could mess up at any moment, leaving him to want constant confirmation by trusted sources.

BIOGRAPHY:

Ripped from her womb, brand new and unprepared, he was not supposed to make it through the birth.

They did not expect him to take his first breath, to open his tiny mouth and let go a chilling wail that would rattle their bones and shake them to their very core. He was pale, smaller than average newborns, and he was loved the moment he was placed into her hands. He fit there perfectly. To her he was perfect, but to her husband; the father of her children, and a retired diplomat who believed appearance was everything, thought otherwise. In fact, he was disappointed in the outcome of what they had paid Adamas for in the first place; what he had expected was to have an Alpha– or at the very least a Gamma. What he wanted was a strong, capable child with a respectable class, not something so frail that it passed the bar of being a health risk.

‘Weak' was the first word that came to mind, pitiful and sad– this was no child of his and he had no problem making this clear. His declaration of distaste only strengthened when his wife passed away soon after the birth.

A confession here is to be made; Gaara was fully aware that he was not well liked by his father.

That to this man he was but a burden and a selfish mistake, and if you thought about it the way Gaara did, it made sense. In a way, it was Gaara who had taken his mother’s life and ruined whatever it was that kept his father stable. It was Gaara, who is as selfish as his name, who decided to defy the doctor's predictions and live through the odds; and traded his mother’s life for his. It was his fault, he knows this and has already come to terms with this fact.

His early life wasn’t that bad, in fact, it’s the only moment in his life where he can confidently say he had felt at peace. His nanny was nice enough to be considered a proper parental figure, and he wasn’t smacked around or treated poorly, and his biological relatives weren’t cold-hearted monsters either. Yes, they avoided him, or rather, they were kept from him, thanks to his father’s influence, so he can’t say anything ill towards them.

The only person who was brave enough to ignore Rasa, Gaara’s father, and his words of warning, was Gaara’s uncle; Yashamaru, who was the only one who’d take the time out of his schedule to go and visit his sister’s child. He would always play with Gaara and made sure to give him the attention that his caretaker would sometimes forget to give. To this day, though he has grown older and there are some parts of his childhood he’d like to forget, Gaara cannot help himself but look back on those days with that man with such fondness. Gaara’s uncle, his mother’s brother, was a kind and gentle person, and it was no secret to anyone that was quite attached to this man.

So you could only imagine his surprise when he woke in the middle of the night to find the man who he trusted more than anyone, with his hands firmly wrapped around his neck and his knees pressing into his thighs and working as weights.

It took Gaara a moment to register what was going on, but once he realized the situation he could slowly feel the panic set in. But the odd part; he didn’t make a fuss- or rather, he couldn’t. The thought crossed his mind, sure, to scream, kick and plead for help but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Maybe it was because he didn’t feel threatened, or maybe because he knew that his uncle would get in serious trouble if he were caught. He had silently accepted death.

But it didn’t come.

One, two, three minutes had passed and nothing happened, the silence in the room was just as suffocating as the tension between them and it was only getting heavier by the second. Yashamaru, the man who was usually so calm and would never let Gaara catch him without a smile, was hovering above him with his hands on his nephew’s neck and a look that screamed he was suffering from mixed emotions. The sound of heavy breathing could be heard after a while, and soon after, the tears started to fall and a broken voice after that.

“My sister would still be alive if it weren’t for you. You’re nothing but a poor reminder of her regrets.”

There was a sharp, bitter tone in his voice when he said this; like he regretted the fact he couldn’t physically bring himself to strangle the last connection to his sister who just so happened to be the reason why she had died and was angry at himself because despite everything he still felt something towards the mistake that took his sister away. The moment Yashamaru let go of the small child, he slipped from his bed, out his room door, and out of the house.

Gaara has not spoken to, nor seen his uncle since then. He hasn’t spoken of this incident to anyone else but his caretaker.

Growing up, Gaara has not seen much of his father; in fact, he’s not even sure if the man is even alive, which wouldn’t be much of a surprise considering how long he’s been absent from Gaara’s life. He might as well have been dead. Gaara has been brought up by both his caretaker and the political figures that, out of the kindness of their hearts, and the sour request of Rasa (As well as their own obscene curiosity), had taken him under their wing in order to prepare him to try and live up to his father’s name.

STATS:

Popularity 76% | A lot of Gaara’s performance songs were featured in a lot of television dramas and movies, he’s won an award for the soundtrack of two big hit dramas | Gaara is one of the very few Idols to attend important meetings with political figures from America, Britain, France, Japan, and Russia | Gaara has performed in concerts as both a solo act and as a part of orchestras every year in New York

#AeltonHQ: Application post #AeltonHQ Idol App

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