if a human asks a gnome when gnomes reach adulthood, they'll probably pin it somewhere between 20 and 40, depending on how they're interpreting the question; if an elf asks, they'll say "oh, we don't"

Scragglmop the Destroyer

Once feared throughout the land, a great and terrible dragon grew tired of being endlessly hunted for his hoard and faked his death with the aid of a glory-hungry gnomish bard. Living on for centuries in the guise of a street cat, the dragon is now a hair's breadth from resuming his rampaging ways after the bard's descendants have lost the fortune he gave over to them for safe keeping.

Adventure Hooks:

A series of unexplained fires has wracked the city in recent weeks, which has both the guard and the populace on edge. Rumours swirl blaming arsonists, saboteurs from a rival kingdom, even an illegal duelling society of mages, but none have yet put it together that all of the workshops and businesses were all patronized in one way or another by the famed Candlebright noble family.

Coincidentally, Hignatta Candlebright, young head of that same noble house has sent an invitation to the party to join her at a famed teahouse to discuss a delicate matter involving the retrieval of stolen property. Hignatta has all but taken over the teahouse and its guestrooms since her own family home burned down near the start of the panic, and the party might begin to draw a connection when half way through their meeting the teahouse begins to fill with smoke, panicking patrons, and a booming, sourceless voice that demands "WHERE IS MY GOLD, CANDLEBRIGHT?!"

If you really want to mess with the party, consider introducing them to the fluffy street cat completely independently of the arson plot, making a nuisance of himself in the market while they're trying to shop, or catching mice in their store-room should they have acquired a residence in town. Have them befriend the cat as they might any bad-tempered stray, only to realize after the adventure is half way through that the mice he catches are always somewhat charred. Also imagine the looks on their faces the moment the party's home is broken into by an enemy and their housecat incinnerates a wave of intruders for disturbing his nap.

Background: Everyone knows the story about how the legendary hero Gailen Candlebright saved the realm from the tyrannical dragon Slaggrath, a beast known to devour whole armies and raze kingdoms in search of treasure. It's the ubiquitous tale against which all adventurers are measured against, made all the more ubiquitous thanks to the fact that the deed is memorialized in drinking ballads, children rhymes, and even a few folk operas. Gailen was a troubadour of not insignificant skill before he became a legend, and he had little trouble using that skill and hardwon fame to ensure his deeds would never be forgotten.

As with many tales told by the bards, Gailen left out quite a bit of the truth when concocting his tale: It was a late night in a roadside tavern and the young Candlebright was approached by a sourfaced man with a tangled beard and clothes that might have once been quite fine. Gailen had sung for his supper and then some, his hat was overflowing with tips from a long night's work and a greatful crowd, and the old man wanted to know how it was exactly that the Gnome hadn't yet been robbed; The roads were full of all sorts of rough types who thought that their strength entitled them to others' wealth, bandits yes but worse yet kingsmen, who took what they wanted sure that that they were above any kind punishment.

Seeing that the old man had fallen on rough times, likely having been robbed himself, Gailen spoke from the heart: He'd been robbed a few times yes, but he got by looking like someone that no one would bother to steal from, dressing in his fine clothes only on days he'd perform, and keeping most of his riches in the safe keeping of others, such as the caravan masters he frequently traveled along with.

The old man considered Gailen's words and the two sat up drinking through the night debating the merits of the Troubador's duplicity. Was it not better, asked the old man, to defend what was yours with strength and reputation, That everyone might learn from the failure of those that had trifled with you before?

Gailen looked at the many scars the old man bore and countered that fools never learned their lesson, they just thought themselves better than the last fool who risked it and they'd keep risking it till luck won out or they went to join all the fools that had come before.

It was dawn when the two parted ways, Gailen tottering off to bed thinking he'd given council to a reformed bandit chief, the old man slipping out of the inn and taking to wing thinking he'd concocted a brilliant scheme with the help of his newest, and perhaps first, friend.

i was a week (and one pants-shitting revelation over the old man's true draconic nature) later that the legend of Slaggrath came to an end: Gailen walking into that very same tavern bloodied, burnt, and with the broken off horn of the great wyrm held above his head as a trophy. The news spread like wildfire, the name Candlebright ascended to the shortlist of the realm's great champions, and not a soul questioned when the newly knighted Gailen comissioned the construction of an elaborate series of vaults beneith the castle he'd just been awarded. The bard had everything he wanted, and in return he and his family would hold the dragon's horde in trust, not touching a single copper and adding a little to it each year out of respect for the wyrm's generosity.

Future Adventures:

Even before he charmed his way into unexpected riches, Gailen was an ardent follower of Garl Glittergold, god of ambition, wit, and wariness. Genresavvy bard that he was, he understood that this fabulous windfall wasn't just some gift from his god, it was a test, and that to keep his good fortune going he'd best abide by the exact deal he'd struck in that tavern. Gailen kept Slaggrath's treasure under lock and key all his life and made sure his children did the same despite never telling them where he got it, in accordance with his pact with the dragon . Feeling that the Candlebright family has sat on its laurels for far too long (especially since practical and buisness minded Hignatta has been increasingly questioning why her late grandfather insisted on keeping a giant pile of money in their basement and never spending it), the god has seen fit to shake things up, ensuring that some long lost blueprints for the vault have fallen into the hands of a group of thieves, who broke in and cleared the vault though the very same secret passages Slaggrath used to pop in every decade or so and make sure the count was up to date. The dragon is pissed, convinced Hignatta has reneged on her family's deal.. and all the while the thieves get closer and closer to escaping.

Depending on how the party handles it this situation could break bad in any number of ways: The dragon could give up on being Scragglmop and go on a rampage forcing the party to put him down, they could intercede on Hignatta's behalf and ensure the treasure is returned possibly earning themselves a cushy position as retainers of house Candlebright, perhaps most dangerously they could earn the attention of Garl Glittergold himself and end up being singled out for their own unstable blessing.

In addition to being motivated by the prerequisite desire to get rich, the thieves were hired by an ambitious mage who has long desired to get his hands on Gailen's Horn, the draconic trophy the bard thereafter used as the sigil for his house and hollowed out into a heavy instrument through which he channelled his most showy magic. The mage has designs on the horn as the centrepiece of a ritual drawing on the object's history of power and triumph. Given that the horn is in fact the centrepiece of a giant con it's going to bring some very unaccounted for variables into the mage's ritual which is liable to set off its own chain of problems down the line.

Art

so. i made a gnome generator

thank you to everyone who supplied me with gnome names (i am still accepting more in my ask box if you have one you'd like to share with the class)! i have been learning basic html stuff and have used my meager knowledge to create a clunky, yet functional, gnome generator. the gnome and their stats will change upon refreshing the page, but you can click the gnome gname button as many times as you like.

MAKE UR GNOME TODAY!

Chetney: Life can be long. It can be short, but boy, it can really be long sometimes.

One of the fun worldbuilding things I’ve been doing is figuring out how the different species life cycles work.

Like, humans are humans

Seafolk(mostly) hatch from eggs directly into a sort of toddler/older toddler stage. They have full mobility and gross motor skills and quite a few fine motor skills. Most species begin language acquisition while still in the egg, which is why it’s so important that they are cared for and spoken too in that stage (see: why Joel is kind of concerned that his new wife is maybe a little bit either crazy or possessed by a cursed artifact because she spends so much time sneaking away to go talk to and cuddle a vaguely glowing orb)

From there they usually grow very rapidly, reaching physical maturity in about half the amount of time it takes a human (this timeline does not apply to demi(?)-gods, who might, for example, be the equivalent of a pre-teen for a few hundred years at a time, to use a totally random example that has no bearing on the actual story at all 😇)

A lot of seafolk species don’t stop growing either, even after they reach maturity, growing larger and larger as they age. At all stages most Seafolk tend to both be fully capable of independent function and survival, while preferring to remain within a community and work together.

Most of these also apply to the Swamp Inhabitants, other than like, the witches.

And some more reptilian hybrid species or mollusk hybrid species.

-

Elves I took some inspiration from deer and combined it with Tolkein. Elves have very long childhoods, but their children are rarely seen, since they are fairly secluded for the first 60-70 years or so. During this time they do not tend to be very active and are quiet and mostly cling to their parents. They have a safe space, usually their room or a specific place in the family home and they Do Not leave that space. They are incredibly reliant on their parents during this time. Finding an unattended elvish child is a sign that something is Deeply Wrong. (Don’t think about smol bb Scott finding refuge in snowbanks nothing to see here :) )

After this stage they hit the development approximating puberty for humans (and it does have some of the same facets) and begin growing their antlers. Then they will begin to venture out of the home and into the greater world. This is also when ideally they begin socializing and engaging in the cooperative play and work. They tend to be very high energy and are usually raised extremely communally at this point, basically corralled together and passed from adult to adult in supervision shifts. It’s a stage that is entirely about building bonds with their peers and the adults around them. (Unless of course they never actually had a true safe space during their early development and so were never psychologically prepared for this stage and don’t deal with it by isolating :) )

That stage passes relatively quickly, lasting only 20 years or so and ending usually between the 90-100 year mark at which point their antlers mature beyond prongs and they are considered adults. (But like, baby adults. College kids. You don’t rate adulty-adult until you’re at least 150, which is usually also the age where courtships begin happening.)

felt like making a dunmeshi sona :^) i'm a tired lil gnome that loves seafood and walking mushrooms

What if sarcean was just a tolkien elf but evil and gay

on my extrapolating about characters arc so im thinking about. gorgug and riz. do u ever think of them

gorgug who grew up knowing intimately how much he stuck out like a sore thumb. riz who can count all the goblins in elmville on one clawed hand.

riz who hides behind walls and in dark corners because he cannot stand in a crowd and simply blend in; gorgug who wakes up his whole childhood in a room too small. two people who garner attention that they aren't seeking. riz the rogue whose keen eye notices, knows how people will stare if given the opportunity. gorgug who more often than not sits timidly with his headphones on and hands in his hoodie pocket, who hates the stomach flip when someone assumes he must be a barbarian, and hates the fact that he proves them right.

riz and gorgug who are different in their upbringings, but share the same quiet sense of unbelonging, in green skin and craned necks and cruel cruel assumptions

me: I kinda wanna commit to the bit and design myself as a full gnomesona as if I were a proper dnd gnome, with a little outfit and fun eccentric jewelry and my skills and interests put into the context of fantasy worldbuilding and

also me:

So I finished half life Alyx but the gnome is too aware. My thoughts?

..

It was FUCKINH beautiful. Genuinely a work of art. I cannot believe it took me this long to watch it. It has the classic hlvrai humour mixed with that gorgeous existential dread. It’s really well written with a cool build up to the end. I loved the gnomes, I loved gordyx (that’s Gordon alyx to me) and it was so fucking funny. If any rtvs or even hlvrai fans haven’t seen it yet- PLEASE do so. It’s genuinely so good.

@wayneradiotv fantastic work. Truly. I know I’m going to end up watching it all over again soon. (And that ending- Ough-)

btw i have a new chapter of remote access for u. read it now

A GNOME TEAM GW REALLY A GNOME TEAM

LIKE OBVIOUSLY IM HAPPY CUZ NEW BLOOD BOWL CONTENT BUT LIKE A GNOME TEAM?????? THATS SO CRAZY BUT I LOVE IT

sam kissing tara's forehead sam Kissing tara's forehead sam kissing tara's forehead sam kissing tara's forehead sam Kissing-

had just the worst idea the other day so naturally that meant i had to draw it and share it with the world

[Image ID: A black-and-white digital ink drawing of Dr. Habit from Smile for Me, dressed as Alyx Vance from Half-Life. He is holding puppet Habit, who is dressed like the gnome from Half-Life Alyx. Puppet Habit is smiling widely, while regular Habit has an exhausted smile and dead-eyed stare. End ID.]

What is cue the sun? 👀

I need you to know I am kissing you on the mouth rn (platonically) -- I've been rotating this plot in the microwave since like. mid-august.

It's transcendence au (obvi) but here's the basic hook:

The year is 7098. The last Mizar (Fang Wu -- and shoutout to aba_daba_do for making a kickass OC) has been dead for four years now, and Alcor has been MIA for about the same amount of time. In their absence, the North American continent has broken out into a full-on, cross-continental war, with the main players being the Greater Austinian Monopoly (formerly known as Texas) and the Alaskadian Collective (Alaska, plus some parts of Canada and north-eastern Russia).

In a last-ditch effort to find some long-forgotten piece of magical information that could win the war, Alaskadian scientist Fatima Tursynbekova (an r!Ford) is sent to the abandoned site of what used to be Gravity Falls, accompanied by her troubled teenage daughter Olya (an r!Gideon). They're expecting to find little more than scant remnants of a town that was razed to the ground over thirty years before -- not much better than an archaeological expedition if anything.

However, what they find instead is a thriving small town -- the inhabitants of which are all completely and utterly convinced that it's the year 2016 (feat. the OG Mystery Twins and an extremely sus Stan Pines).

Anyways blah blah blah romance, secrecy, interpersonal drama but COME LOOK AT THE MAP I MADE I spent entirely too much time on it and I've been dying to share:

(Plus better quality image link for if tumblr steals all my pixels)