Anything is possible when you're the heroine of a novel!

(Here's the original ad, you know you want to watch it again)

Jane Austen parenting tip #73: You've failed as a parent if the best excuse your children can give when you're suspected of murder is, "Our legal system is good enough here that he'd have been caught."

Read Northanger Abbey the other day and it is funny on so many levels.

First - imagine, 200 years later, if Twilight has fallen into obscurity but a book satirizing Twilight is still well-known and the source of most of some people’s knowledge of the genre. (Note: Should I read The Mysteries of Udolpho, just out of curiosity?)

Second - I don’t favour modern retellings of Sense and Sensibility or Pride and Prejudice because the plot and characterizations are so fundamentally connected to the time period - to the nature of marriage as an economic arrangement and the lack of options for gentlewomen to earn an independent living - that removing that element to focus just on the romance cuts out something central to the book. (Emma is independently wealthy, which is why a modern ‘retelling’ of the book like Clueless works better than for P&P or S&S.)

Northanger Abbey? Is perfect for a modern retelling. A teenage girl goes on a summer vacation, meets a new bestie, gets a crush, dives into Twilight, becomes convinced on the most flimsy of evidence that her new crush’s family are vampires. The exact nature of General Tilney’s misunderstanding about her can be finessed, and she and Henry don’t marry at the end they just start dating, but everything else works, down to the small details! Deciding which friends you want to hang out with, keeping your commitments to people, the pain of finding out that someone you trusted isn’t trustworthy! Henry Tilney going on a tear about the misuse of ‘literally’ or ‘like’! The main stories and conflicts of the novel fit easily into the present day.

Third - yes, Catherine’s Gothic assumptions and ideas are very funny, but General Tilney makes assumptions that are nearly as ridiculous about her, on just as little evidence, and with the benefit of far more life experience! He decides she’s madly wealthy and assiduously seeks to attract her for his son on the word of one guy - one fratbro no less, that’s not even an anachronism, John Thorpe is a fratbro - and then, when the same guy changes his story to ‘no, she’s practically destitute’, the general, instead of considering that maybe this dude is an unreliable source, immediately takes it as truth instead. Catherine’s credulity is driven by fantasy novels, General Tilney’s by worldliness, but they contrast each other very well!

Shoutout to the man-shaped plot device that is Eleanor's husband. They had an *actual* gothic romance complete with forbidden love, and sudden wealth resolution, and Jane Austen doesn't care. Cause considering Northanger Abbey is all about how gothic tropes play out in reality, we have to consider the real life tragedy behind the "character conveniently comes into money by sudden death of rich relation" trope. At least one, most likely several, members of that young man's family died a sudden early death. And what is Jane Austen's interest in the matter? It is joy over El being able to leverage his score or a husband's tragedy into a love marriage and mending Henry's and General Tilney's relationship. Otherwise he's only incidentaly of interesting cause it just so happens in his servant who left the disappointing laundry list Cathy found in that cabinet. RIP El's husband's family. You will hardly be remembered.

Sorry-- before i continue my reading today, i still need to process how off the rails Catherine went. This man allows you to stay in his cool gothic house with your friend and her hot brother. He is minding his own business, being an odd little man in his own home. Your friend mentions that her mother died in this house and that she happened to be away at the time.

And you immediately think "oh, this dad super killed her. He chained her up and locked her up in a dark room. He must've. There's no other explanation. I better investigate. Obviously a man like that would leave the evidence behind for five years. "

NORTHANGER ABBEY VISUAL NOVEL - MORE TILNEYS

General Tilney (Ch. 10)

“He was a very handsome man, of a commanding aspect, past the bloom, but not past the vigour of life;”

Captain Tilney (Ch. 16)

“a very fashionable–looking, handsome young man, [...] [Catherine] supposed it possible that some people might think him handsomer than his brother, though, in her eyes, his air was more assuming, and his countenance less prepossessing.”

Catherine is honestly too funny. Ooooo a chest? In my room in this disappointingly modern and not creepy abbey? What could it contain?

Umm Catherine, babe, it’s in a bedroom I’m thinking linens. Like what does she expect lol I adore her

General Tilney is evidence that age doesn’t always mean wisdom. This man trusted the word of a guy he barely knows (I'm not 100% they never knew each other before this but I think so) about Catherine’s wealth without seeming to bother checking. Maybe it's just me but if what I cared about was money and wealthy connections, I'd double check that these people my children and I associate with are truly wealthy.

Northanger Abbey text posts

The three Tilney siblings drinking together sometime after Henry's wedding.

Henry: Hey, did I ever tell you that when Catherine first visited our house, she got it into her head that our father either murdered our mother or had her locked in the attic?

Frederick and Eleanor look at each other

Eleanor: He isn't... that bad.

Frederick: I wouldn't put it past him.

Henry: Yeah... my only real defense that was someone would have noticed if he murdered her.

Frederick: Facts

Another silence

Eleanor: So... given our current situations, what do you think is the least number of days we can visit the abbey without being seen as outright rude?

May I present to you the Austen fathers! Sir Walter Elliot at the moment is insalling his 64th mirror (I mean having a servant do it, of course). Here we see Mr. Woodhouse convinced he has yet another unheard-of disease and pointing out a random draft. Mr Bennet’s locked himself in his library for two days straight. And if you’re wondering, we locked out General Tilney and Sir Thomas Bertram- we’re planning on throwing eggs at them later.

finished northanger abbey. last of austen’s main 6 novels i needed to read and a hell of a book, no notes. no one asked but here is my final ranking of the austen leading men:

george knightley (certified old man, also certified king)

henry tilney (so genre savvy he could look you right in the eye off the page)

colonel brandon (a little melancholic but he’s got the spirit. eventually.)

frederick wentworth (brick-headed jock. so in love he blinds HIMSELF)

fitzwilliam darcy (actual clown. he gets better. eventually.)

edward ferrars (speak up we can’t hear you over your family)

edmund bertram (lol)

thanks for tuning in, gonna go accuse my crush’s father of killing his wife now yours &c. bolt

General Tilney: *minding his own business in his house*

Catherine:

Watched the 1980s Northanger Abbey because 2007 is (APPARENTLY) no longer on Britbox and: what a strange experience

I have never seen a better illustration of the word "simpering" than Isabella Thorpe

The scene in the baths?! Mixed gender in all wet clothes with their hats and little plates of food?? (It's REAL, I'm SCREAMING)

Dont forget the 80s soundtrack!!

Cathy was so very gawpy in the first half, all eyes and teeth, but I didn't hate it, and kind of liked how she changed by the end

However, did kind of dislike Mr Tilney (though in fairness how does one compare to JJ Feild) He had a stagey quality that I've noticed in a number of Classic Who actors: an odd affectation in the tone, with occasional trills to hammer home how fancy they are.

Robert Hardy (General Tilney) was the only good actor

The 2007 version so clearly took cues from this one with the Gothic fantasy scenes but while 2007 always shot them in a way where they were clearly fantasy, in this there were a couple points I'm genuinely unsure about (the cartwheeling servant boy? The actual ending?) and that's such an interesting choice. I feel like they almost directed Felicity Jones and even cast her to look like the other actress even though they're styled so differently... but their expressions make them look really similar sometimes!

John Thorpe barely existed, as is only right, but they even cut his kinda-proposal, and changing his chat with the General from self-deluded boasting to intentional mischief completely changes his character

Isabella speedrunning friendship with Cathy so we never actually got to know her makes her pretty cut and dry insincere. I like getting to see them bond over books before James pops up

How dare you take away the Tilneys' genuine fortune and make the General a gambler who's going to ruin them all, is being a terrible father not enough

That French Lady

I want to watch 10 review videos starting with a review of the dance scenes

reading northanger abbey and catherine is so out of pocket