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blissfulparker · 5 years

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I felt it, it was perfect→T.H

Parings→ Tom Holland x reader

Summary→ you and tom have a stump in your relationship which causes you both to seek therapists and find a way to fix yourselves again

Warnings→ angst, mentions of drug use, cursing, mentions of sex, mentions of anxiety

A/n→ I’ve had this in my drafts for about two weeks and now I’m finally posting it so here you go and enjoy!! Also yes, the title is from black swan

“Why don’t we start from the very beginning of that’s okay with you, Yes?” The woman asked setting down her phone with the recording app opened, you had twiddled with your shirt, the shirt that tom always—once loved.

“Well,” you take a deep breath looking around the room trying to find the perfect place to start, because that’s what you guys were perfect. “We met at a bar...”

It was true, you met at a bar, a karaoke one to be exact. You were drunk out of your mind singing Beyoncé on stage with your best friends when the boy with the stray curls and beer in his hand caught your eye. He was really the only one paying attention, everyone else was drinking and having their own fun. You still don’t exactly know why he was at a karaoke bar especially when he would hardly ever sing for you. All you could truly remember from that night was getting so drunk and then going home with the boy which would start your whole new life.

“We move in together around a year maybe a year and a half later...” you trailed trying to remember everything, she nodded.

“Right, and is that where things got tough? The year mark?” She asked looking up at you.

“No, god no, we were just starting. We were everyone’s favorite, I mean we were being to become perfect.”

You two were perfect, in the eye of the press, in the eye of your friends, you two were pulled straight out of a fairytail. It was too good to be true, everything comes to a end was all you had to remind yourself, even Perfect things come to an end.

“So tom, you said you’ve been feeling worst? Why’s that?” The man asked lighting his cigarette and huffing out smoke, Tom smoked when he got stressed, so of course he pulls out a cig and lit one up. The taste of cigarettes were still bitter, he hated them but they gave him a warmth that he was missing when he was sad.

“We’re lost, I don’t even think were a couple anymore...” he looked down.

There were too many fights, too many. Hell, tom got mad last week that you forgot to take the trash out to the dumpster and you got pissed because he forgot to get strawberries at the store. Children, you guys acted like children. He swore that Sam and Harry acted like this when they were four. He was so shocked yet so angry and he couldn’t tell why. He didn’t know what was happening.

“We haven’t touched each other in weeks, I mean I haven’t even felt what her lips feel like about a month.” He admits, he didn’t want to tell Harrison, he thought Harrison wouldn’t even believe him because he knew how much tom love you, so he was telling the man in front of him right now.

“Well, sometimes this happens, couples get angry and don’t know how to act around each other and it takes time and understanding.” The therapist says, he was right but tom hated that he was right.

“But we’re not married, we’ve only been dating for over a year and I know her and she knows me. I know that happens to married couples who have been together for like 30 years or some shit and get tired of each other.” He admits as he takes in his cigarette and then blows out. The last time he smoked so much was when he was starting to become a true actor, he had big roles and didn’t know how to handle hate and press.

“He use to do this thing for me,” You look down and smile at the memories. “Every Sunday he’d get up really early to leave the house and go get coffee from my favorite place, he’d then come back in bed and I’d wake up with hot fresh coffee next to me.” You say and she nods.

“Were you still able to talk good with each other at that point?” She shifted her body and you only rolled your eyes. Not on purpose it was just a point needed to be made.

“Yeah whatever that means. We fight over stupid shit now, last week he yelled at me about trash! I mean to be fair I yelled at him for strawberries. I don’t even know where the anger came from, I can’t blame it on hormones, I don’t know if it’s my stress or his stress on me—“before your could finish she put up her hand.

“What do you mean by his stress?” She asked. She might’ve actually been able to help and all your sessions might add up.

“He’s an actor, he’s gone all the time. When he’s home he wants to be with friends and family which I completely understand but sometimes I feel as if I’m in the corner or if I’m an accessory. When he slides under the sheets at night he doesn’t kiss me nor does he try and touch me like he use to. It feels forced, he’s forcing himself to like me.” You tell her truthfully. You couldn’t help the word vomit at this point.

“I think you’re both sacred.” She sets her clipboard down. “Well, let’s start off with your age. You are both 22 I’m assuming? You’re young and excited to be adults and have all the fun you can before you have to face a bunch of responsibilities. I think you two do love each other, I think that the two of you both worry that one is going to leave.” She explains, everything was starting making sense.

She could’ve been right, or so wrong. When tom came home for the first time back from press he touched you like a starved man, you two fucked in every single place in the flat you could find. Then the two of you fell asleep in your bed and woke up the next morning and did it again. When tom came back for the 5th time it was different, only a hug at the airport and then tom passing out when you got home. That wasn’t perfect, this was no longer perfect.

“(Y/n)? Are you listening?” She asked and you snapped out of your thoughts.

“Yes, Yes, Of course. But he acts like he is going to leave or I’m going to leave when all I do is sit and wait until he comes home. I don’t cheat I don’t go out and flirt with other men.” You start to feel yourself heat up. You start to feel the anger you often Times now feel with tom.

“You sound like you’re scared.” The man writes down.

“Oh yeah? Of what?” His voice was bitter, if this is how he talke to you he hoped you’d leave him. the man sets down his clipboard and looks tom in the eyes.

“You’re scared of her leaving you—“ tom rolled his eyes and put out his cigarette.

“Bullshit.” He said leaning back in the leather chair.

“Mr. holland hear me out. You leave a lot on press, you’re a young actor with plenty attention on you. She knows that all too well because when you’re out in America selling your movie she’s sitting at home watching you do that and she’s watching people fall in love with you and it is very easy for people to see that when one is getting more attention they feel that they don’t need their attention anymore.” He sighs and tom comes to realization. “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” He feels his heart in his chest pumping so fast he worries that his therapist can hear it. “You know last week I watch her take Xanax, I know she has anxiety and she needs it sometimes but she promised me she only takes it when things gets serious. She told me that when we moved in then shoved it in the back of our medicine cabinet. Last week I found it in her bedside table, new prescription too. That hurt the most, she didn’t even tell me.” He hurts himself with his own words and wonders why you can’t talk to him, he’s pushing more.

“Have you taken anything for anxiety and depression Mr. Holland?” He asks holding out his clipboard again.

“Yes,” He says blandly. “When I was a kid my mum put me on medicine for when I was acting so I wouldn’t have a panic attack in the middle of a scene. I went off of it when I was 16 and then got a new prescription when I was 20. I haven’t touched it since then, it’s most likely expired.” He says looking at the cars out the window.

“Well,” he writes down really quickly before looking at tom. “I think you should start taking medicine again. It’s only for the best, if you want to run it though with her then—“ tom needed to speak, needed to tell someone about the small box hidden in the house.

“I was going to ask her to marry me.” He gulps and takes a swing of his water. “I bought a ring before press and it was perfect, it was simple silver and heart shaped. She’s a sucker for those things, classy, straight out of s movie type stuff. Took me a long ass time to find just the perfect one and then I did, it was gorgeous. Then I came back for the 5th time and I was going to do it, I was going to ask her but then she got weird which made me mad and then her mad and I think—“ tom choked on his own tears.

“Are you okay?” The man slid over tissues in case he needed any.

“No, I love her so much and it’s my fault.” Tom says as he continues to look at all the cars passing by and all the people walking.

“I don’t think this is you’re fault at all.” He says. “Our time is up, sadly. But I’m open tomorrow if you want to come back, I’m free at 12:50 if that’s good with you. If not then I’ll see you Thursday. I want you to try and have a proper conversation without getting mad at each other.” He notes and tom gets up from his seat.

“Thank you.” He nods before exiting the room.

“You’re not on any drugs, correct?” She asks writing.

“What? As in prescription or just like weed?” You ask her and she laughs a little.

“I meant prescription. Like any anti—depressants or anxiety medication, or even if you have an illness that requires daily meds. Even if it’s just as simple as allergy medicine.” She gesture and you shake your head but then remember the Xanax you took last week to help yourself de-stress.

“Well, no, and yes, I took Xanax last week but that was just to help myself calm down. After our trash fight we got a little more intense and we just were yelling and screaming and I had an attack so I took some then fell asleep.” You told her and she nodded.

“Right, was that perscribed to you?” She asked and you nodded.

“Oh yes, I didn’t just buy it off of a stranger. I use to take it more but after I met tom I didn’t need to at all and I was somewhat perfect.” You told her.

“Right, Perfect. You use that word a lot Mrs. (y/l/n), no human is perfect, no animal, no art work, no place, no man Is perfect. I need you to let that go if we can move on.” She says sternly. She was right, of course she was right.

“Right, no one is perfect.” You gulp and move your hair. You felt perfection though, perfection was in tom. Tom could make you feel perfect.

“That’s a beautiful ring, did he give it to you?” She asks and you look down at the ring you still wore. ‘Never take this off because I promise I’ll always be there no matter where I am’.

“Yes, he did. It’s a promise ring.” You fiddled with it. She got up and walked over to her bookshelf and handed you a book.

“I want you to read this,” She hands you a book a child’s book to be exact. Well, if you chose to read it too your child. “I’m sure you’re familiar with the dance swan lake, this is the book version. It shows what two do for love and I think it’ll help you understand more.” She smiles and you stand up.

“Thank you, so much.” You smile at her.

“You’re welcome, our time is up though and i want you to talk with him.” She smiles at you as you grab your bag and reach for the door.

“Thank you once again.” You say as you leave and she smiles and waves you out.

“Tom?” You call out setting your keys on the table. “Tom I—“ You got cut off by the smell of coffee brewing. Coffee from your favorite place in London.

“What are you doing?” You asked him as he brewed the coffee and flipped pancakes.

“I got home early and decided to make you pancakes.” It was 4:30 in the afternoon. He never did this anymore so why now?

“Right?” You day and lean against the counter. “How was your day?” You ask trying to start a conversation. No arguing tonight.

“Good actually, yours?” He said. This was a start, this was all a start.

“Good, I got to write and oh! I saw this man with this Spider-Man shirt that reminded me of you because it was totally made for a seven year old.” You laugh and he does too. He was laughing with you. The sound that you missed so much.

“That’s so funny because I saw a man in a Spider-Man shirt too that was far too small for a man.” He joke with you.

“Can we talk about things?” You asked and he nodded and turned off the stove.

“I know about the Xanax, I’m sorry I made you so stressed I made you take drugs.” He has tears in the corner of his eyes.

“I could say the same about you, didn’t know you smoked.” You told him and he nods, you could smell it.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m such a shitty boyfriend and you’re the perfect girlfriend. I leave and you wait and I don’t know why you wait.” He leans against the stove and sets the spatula down.

“Because I love you.” You told yourself more then you told him. “I mean I love you a lot and I don’t want to let go of the people I love a lot.” You tell him and he Steps in front of you.

“I love you too. And I’m sorry we’re so distant, that drives me insane to most.” He tells you and you let your fingers rest on his shoulder.

“Do you wanna know what drives me crazy?” You asked him and he nodded. “I talk to you like your my co-worker. I can’t carry a proper conversation with you and it’s not your fault anymore then it is mine but that’s what drives me insane, because you’re not my co-worker and I want to tell you everything but I can’t for some reason.” You tell him and he wraps his arms around your waist.

“Yeah,” he nods. “I get that.” He gulps before you rest your head on his shoulder. You couldn’t even get a tear out because you were so done with crying that your body wouldn’t allow you to cry anymore.

“Hey,” you push back his curls getting a full good glimpse at his face. “I miss you.” You whisper for only him to hear. “Like I miss you miss you.” You smile and he smiles big back.

“I miss you miss you too.” He says before he leans into kiss you.

And you felt it, it was perfect again. His lips were still the same and you knew they weren’t touched in anyway possible, infact they stayed the same just for you. His touch was still gentle as if his fingers waited for your skin again. And his eyes, oh his eyes stared at you as if it was the first time all over again.

“I have so many things to say to you.” He lifted you up from the ground for you to wrap your legs around him. “So much I have to tell you about, America is a crazy place.” He laughs a little and you do too.

“I do too, we have a new front desk woman at work, she’s so lost and scared I feel so bad but at the end of the day I know she’s doing it for the health insurance.” You giggle. He was ready to tell you everything again, he needed to tell you everything again.

“I want to hear your stories so bad but right now, I want to be in between your legs and make love to you until you can’t walk.” He smirks and you do too before you allow him to dive into your neck and kiss while he walks you to the bedroom.

Everything doesn’t come to an end, sometimes it does but most of the times it’s just a pause. You and tom had a pause, there’d never be a true end to you and tom because that was simply impossible.

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#tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #imagine tom holland #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland au #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland #tom holland smut #tom holland and harrison osterfield

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robininthelabyrinth · 7 years

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Fic: We’ll All Go Together When We Go (ao3) - chapter 4 Fandom: Flash, Legends Pairing: Barry Allen/Mick Rory, Leonard Snart & Mick Rory

Summary: Doomworld takes some time to fix. Barry and Mick use that time to find each other.

(written for @flashwaveweek 2017 for Day 6: Domestic)

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"Beep! It's six forty five! Time to wake up!"

"Noooooo," Barry moans.

"Beep! Six forty six! Time to wake up!"

"Miiiiick," Barry says, burying his face in his boyfriend's arm. "Make him stop."

Mick huffs into semi-awareness. "Lenny," he says groggily. "Stop harassing my boyfriend."

That gives Barry a happy feeling in his stomach. Mick isn't always one to give a name to what they have, much less one as undignified as boyfriend.

That happy feeling makes him crack his eyes open, hoping maybe to see his boyfriend (now official!) and possibly reward his heroic gesture with a kiss.

This is a tactical error.

A fully dressed Snart stands by the bed, grinning a positively wicked smile.

They're not even in Mick's apartment, where Snart at least lives right upstairs and had a spare key. They're in Barry's apartment, which is in a totally different neighborhood, in a walk-up, and had been locked up for the night.

Not that little things like locked doors ever stopped Leonard goddamn Snart.

"Scarlet, you told me to make sure you were late," he says, grin getting even wider. "The words 'whatever it takes' were used."

"I take it back," Barry says, even though he vaguely recalls some reason he needed to be at work early this week. He does not trust that expression on the face of Leonard Snart, former world-controlling dictator, current supervillain, thief and all-around havoc on everybody's nerves. "I retract."

"Too late," Snart says, and pulls out the cold gun.

"I hate yooooooooou!"

But Barry's up and at 'em soon enough, and Snart is nice enough to give him a ride into work while Barry chomps on his breakfast (leftovers from breakfast-for-dinner they had last night - god, Mick's such a good cook), which Barry only realizes is weird when they walk into the CCPD still side-by-side.

"Bear," Joe says. "What is he doing here?"

Barry blinks, then turns to squint at Snart, whose smirk is positively cheery. "I'm not actually sure," he admits. "I think he followed me here. I'm not sure why."

"I thought you were dating the other one," Joe grumbles.

"I am," Barry says. "They're just, y'know, kind of a package deal. Hey, Snart? What're you doing here?"

"I'm taking Iris out for breakfast," Snart responds with a beaming smile. "She's meeting me here - ah, there she is!"

He sweeps away.

Joe's expression looks like a cat being strangled.

Barry munches on his last piece of French toast.

"Bear," Joe says.

"She's married to Eddie," Barry reminds him.

"Barry."

"She wouldn't cheat on him at all, and even if she did, she wouldn't be so obvious about it."

"Barry!"

"Besides, Snart doesn't do romantic relationships," Barry says. Or sex, which is what Joe really cares about, but Barry's not going to malign Snart's scary reputation by pointing it out. People are weird.

He goes to work, wondering what it is he's forgetting.

Mick comes around noon with a box of lunch that smells so good it has half the precinct eyeing them like hungry hawks, as opposed to how they usually look when Mick or Snart's around - angry, bitter, cheated.

Not that they can do anything - with their state records wiped and a federal pardon in hand for helping fight the aliens, even with their occasional acts of supervillainy, both of them are clean enough to run for mayor.

Not that that says much, in Central.

"How's your day going?" Mick asks, pulling out lunch.

"Busy," Barry admits. Ever since he's been making an effort not to super-speed through his work - one terrible evening feverishly trying to re-learn all the work he did in preparation for a trial is more than enough for him - his days have gone back to being pleasantly full.

And, hey, if he sometimes speeds through the boring stuff, no one can blame him.

"Do you remember why I asked Snart to wake me up this morning?" Barry asks, remembering. "I've totally forgotten."

"No clue," Mick says.

"Do you know why he's meeting with Iris?"

"Something about her newspaper," Mick says. "And, uh, y'know."

That 'y'know' meant Doomworld.

"I don't want to know," Barry decides.

"We still on for movies this afternoon?" Mick asks. "Cisco said he was covering for your, uh, run."

"Oh, yeah!" Barry says, brightening. "Definitely. I've been wanting to see this one for a while."

"Good," Mick says, and then he lapses quiet while Barry talks about his day so far. Mick prefers listening, generally, to talking; his words don't always come easy, as he puts it, and he's learned to pick them carefully as a result.

It's a very nice lunch. Afterwards, Barry auctions off the rest of the cupcakes Mick brought to the department - highest bidder among the science department takes a boring assignment off Barry's plate, highest among the detectives promises to pick Barry for the next interesting crime scene, and two cupcakes reserved special for Captain Singh for looking the other way, because, well, this is Central ("Triple chocolate caramel?" Singh groans. "Is he trying to make us all fat? Is that the latest supervillain scheme? You’d tell me if it was, right, Allen?") - and goes back to work.

"Planning on making out with your arsonist in public this afternoon?" Julian snipes.

Barry rolls his eyes at him.

He's just jealous that Barry's love life is infinitely more interesting that his own.

It's a good day, and Barry even manages to finish up all his open projects before heading out to meet Mick at the movies. He's only a little late, like twenty minutes, but they're still doing previews, so it's practically like he wasn't late at all.

Also, Mick got him three extra-large buckets of popcorn.

Best boyfriend ever.

They do end up making out in the back row, but only through the boring bits. Barry feels qualified to discuss it tomorrow. Loudly, and with specific references to scenes. Take that, Julian.

And then he gets home and his apartment's empty.

"What," Barry says.

"Who took all your stuff?" Mick asks, alarmed. "Should I -"

"Wait," Barry says.

"Wait?"

"I asked Snart to wake me up early so that I wouldn't be here when the movers arrived," Barry says. He stares at the empty apartment. "I didn't realize they'd be so - thorough."

Though, really, he should've. Snart had said something about supervising personally.

"Movers?" Mick asks.

"Yeah," Barry says. "We're moving in together."

"We are?"

"...Snart said it was your idea?" Barry suggests, throwing Snart under the bus right off the bat.

Mick considers it for a moment, then shrugs. "Good."

Barry can't help but hide a smile. Mick had been not-so-subtly stressing about asking Barry to move in for weeks, now, to the point where he was starting noticeably more fires than normal, so Barry had taken matters into his own hands, including maligning a (entirely willing) Snart for suggesting it.

Mick really did prefer major life events to have already happened, rather than looking forward to them.

Barry fully expects to be informed of his own wedding when he gets the first RSVP card back, honestly.

Barry rather likes it. Speedsters love surprises.

Joe had expressed some concern about it - he'd never quite approved of Mick or let go of his hopes that Barry and Iris would marry to live in platonic bliss like they'd planned when they were five, but he'd mostly let it go. He had, however, commented that it was 'weird' that they were planning on letting Snart room with them.

Barry pointed out that it was a common living arrangement in most of the globe, albeit usually with unattached family, and God knows that Snart is Mick's family as much as anyone still living.

Joe had asked if he was worried that any kids they adopted would get teased about it.

Barry told Joe he was way overthinking things, given that they were nowhere near the kids discussion, much less the practical issues involved with having a kid who would have a supervillain dad and a superhero dad - honestly, having a supervillain (anti-hero?) uncle living upstairs would hardly register on the kid's weird spectrum. Besides, having Snart around meant Mick still had his support system and someone to discuss his villainous outings with. And Barry likes Snart. He's funny and hilariously sneaky.

Though speaking of which -

"What was Snart doing with Iris earlier?" he asks, trailing Mick back to the car to head over to Mick's place (also Snart's, now also Barry's). "Now that we're not surrounded by cops."

"They're thinking of opening a PR firm."

"What?"

"Hero and villain image management."

"You're joking."

"Just as a part time thing. You know Snart's still got those spymaster itches from Doomworld."

"You give a man a worldwide network of informers, he doesn't give it up easy," Barry agrees, bemused. "Really? Is there enough of a market for that?"

"They're branching out. Kara and her cousin have expressed some interest in figuring out how to separate their brands some."

"Their first clients are in another universe?"

Mick shrugs.

"Well, if it makes them happy," Barry says after a moment. "Are they coming for dinner?"

Iris has been by practically every day, often along with Eddie, often not when he's working late. They live just down the street in a building Snart may or may not own through a number of shell companies.

Barry's trying to figure out when exactly to tell Iris that the 'once in a lifetime scoop' apartment was priced that way for a reason, and that reason being Snart's inability to let go of anyone he liked, ever.

Eventually.

He’ll tell them eventually.

(He’s pretty sure Eddie already suspects.)

Man, if Snart goes evil again next Doomworld, Barry's expecting to be collared and leashed to Mick with Iris and Eddie in the next opulent luxurious room next door. Possibly locked into a Jacuzzi and not allowed to come out for hours and hours.

...that doesn't sound so bad, actually. Barry will have to suggest it.

"Yeah," Mick says. "I was thinking of making chicken."

"Which chicken, the breaded-with-aromatics or the divine-sauce-from-heaven?"

"...sauced."

"Lemon, tomato, or other?"

"Lemon," Mick says, starting to sound suspicious. "You getting bored, Red?"

"No, just making menu plans for your eventual restaurant."

"I'm not gonna own a restaurant. No matter what you and Snart say."

Barry grins and heads inside to drop off his stuff. Everything he owns fits in just right alongside Mick's, it's like he was always there.

Just right.

#flashwave #flashwaveweek2017 #mick rory #barry allen #the flash #heatwave #leonard snart #joe west #iris west #eddie thawne #my fic

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randomobsessionsofa30something · 7 years

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My favorite idols who have their solo careers

I first thought of making a top 10 list of kpop group members who have their solo albums but I had such a hard time choosing the tenth that I opted to just countdown my favorite 9.

9. Bobby. This member of iKON won Show Me the Money (SMTM) 3 so that kind of stablishes the fact that this boy can rap. I know he technically has not put up a solo album but he did release his single Holup as part of the album of the unit MOBB (Mino and Bobby). I really think he has huge potential since he’s only 21. Maybe if he improves in his songwritting we can really see some interesting music from him in the future. He also has a nice singing voice that actually reminds me of GD not because their voices are similar but because they both have really unique voices.

8. Henry. For those of you who like watching korean variety shows you probably know who he is because he’s been in several shows. If you’re into kdramas then you must watch him in Oh my venus with Shin Min Ah and So Ji Sub. However he is mostly a multi-talented songwriter and has a variety of music that has pop, ballad, classical and hip hop influences. He even wrote a song for EXO’s upcoming album The War. He’s canadian and was scouted by SM to form Super Junior M (the mandarin sub unit of Super Junior).

7. Kyuhyun. I have a huge soft spot for Kyuhyun. My brain knows he’s actually not the best of vocalists and he doesn’t write his own stuff plus his ballads are not too interesting but there is something about the tone of his voice that makes me react emotionally to every song he sings. Needless to say he is my bias in Super Junior on top of that he’s super funny as he has shown in Radio Star and New Journey to the West. He’s currently doing his service and probably we won’t be able to listen to anything from him in two years. His only hit At Gwanghwamun is a must listen but I have so many songs I love like Blah blah, The parting, Piano Forest and Hope is a dream that doesn’t sleep (OST of Baking King Kim Tak Goo).

6. Jay Park. I know calling Jay Park an idol at this point is stretching it a bit and he probably wouldn’t like it but since he once was the leader of 2PM I feel he does qualify. Although I’ve been listening to his songs ever since I got into kpop I didn’t know much about him until recently which kind of only makes me like him more. Controversy aside I love how he rose to success after struggling as an idol. His r&b and hip hop music is so good. Also I think he’s a positive influence on the korean music scene. My favorites are his sexy songs like Sex Trip and All I want to do.

5. Lay. I actually don’t like M-pop. I think it always sound like something you’ve already heard but it’s Lay, my EXO-L heart is predisposed to like anything they do however I do think his first mini album is really good. He opted for an r&b classic sound and it really fits him. My favorite song is his title track Lose Control that shows his song writting skills.

4. Taemin. In my opinion, Taemin (Shinee) doesn’t have a great live voice so when he released Danger in 2014, which by the way concided with me really getting into kpop (I only liked EXO before), I didn’t really understand it. However SM always does things right when it comes to Taemin, every come back he does whether is in Korea or Japan it always has a different sound and most of all a complex and distinct sound. My favorite song of his is Goodbye (Sayonara Hitori) but Press your number was drilled into my head for most of 2016. The new song Flame of Love for his japanese comeback is also amazing. Because he is such a flawless dancer his stages are always on point and he can really stand on his own.

3. GD. He’s just out of this world, isn’t he? A lot of people have called him a genius and he would actually be my number one if it wasn’t for the fact that the songs I like the most from him are Big Bang songs not his solo stuff. Having said that he’s just so good as a solo act. The range of what he can do is amazing. He’s a crazy performer, a great rapper and of course an off the charts producer. His singing voice is just plain weird and I’m not even talking about the way he bends the words while singing but just his tone. I of course like his album Coup d’etat but I’m so obsessed with Untitled, 2014.

2. Jonghyun. I’ve talked about this before in this blog, but when I listened to Shinee’s Jonghyun album She is I became obsessed with it and went back and listened to his previous records and his latest album all made me a fan of his music. I wouldn’t call him underrated but he hasn’t had a huge hit just yet. I think it’s kind of just a matter of time. Let me out, Inspiration and White T-Shirt are my favorite songs.

1. Zico. I don’t have much to say he’s just Zico. If you have been living under a rock or you’re not into kpop then I can say he’s a rapper and a singer member of Block B. Most of all he’s an amazing producer. I think what really showed that side of his was SMTM 4, in each stage of the competition he created beats for his team and the results were chart topping hits like Fear and Okey Dokey. Of course SMTM and Mino had to do a lot with the success of those songs but it still is impressive. I love when he does songs with an indie feel like She’s a baby and I am you and you’re me. but there’s really nothing I’ve heard from him as a solo artist that I haven’t liked. Of course his highlights have to be Eureka, Veni Vidi Vici, Bermuda Triangle and Anti.

#ikon #super junior #shinee #big bang #block b #2pm #EXO #Zico #Lay #zhang yixing #gdragon #gd #jonghyun #kyuhyun #henry #ikon bobby #Taemin #Jay Park

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megacircuit9universe · 5 years

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First Do No Harm

In a hyperverse of timelines being split by time traveler traffic... think about what happens when one of them arrives in your past, the year before you were conceived.

Let’s say they do nothing to significantly alter the course of history... they just show up, grab what they came for without anybody seeing them, and leave an hour later.

In that case the new timeline will be nearly identical to the original one... but even if it’s only a fraction of a percent different... that still might be enough that, after a year, your parents don’t have sex the same day or hour you were conceived.

This would mean a different person, who never existed before, would be born in your place. Genetically, however... they would be your sibling. They would have the same two parents you have, and thus a DNA profile, that if compared to yours, would mark the two of you as siblings.

But they would be as different a person from you, as any of your actual siblings are.

And if you have siblings... you know that can be pretty different.

But this would happen not just to your parents, but to all parents on the planet, giving rise to a whole generation of humans who are similar to their counterparts on your timeline... but genuinely unique people with different personalities and interests.

Thus, in only two or three years after a timeline split... the new timeline will begin to take on a completely different world history... because it is now populated by a completely different generation of children, who will go on to have their own completely different generations of children.

And that’s pretty wild.

But now, think about what happens when the timeline splits after your born... say, the day you turned 10. Now, that new timeline will have an exact copy of you, who shares all your exact same memories, prior to turning 10.

But that other version of you will go on to live in a world that comes to be populated by completely different people than the people you know, who are more than 10 years younger than you.

This will definitely take the two versions of yourself down two very different life paths by the time your 40, 50, 60, and so on.

And what happens if one of you dies in some accident at 43, and the other one lives to 98?

Even though, at the time of the split, you were exactly the same, with the same memories... can the two of you really be the same person afterward?.. after death?

From a genetic standpoint, if, in the first case, the person who takes your place before conception is a sibling... then in the second case, the copy of yourself should be thought of as an identical twin... but not another “you” per se.

Still, given the concept of the collective unconscious, as laid out in one of the early entries... which supposes that the more similar two brains are to one another, the more likely it will be for them to share telepathy with one another... then perhaps some of the moments of keen insight people have from time to time, about what to do or not do with their lives... and also some of the moments of extraordinary confusion... might be the result of subconscious crosstalk happening between hyperversal twins.

Or maybe even hyperversal siblings.

I know with my own family, it’s happened at more than one family reunion that me and my five sibs are all sitting together and everybody has the uncanny feeling that somebody is still missing.

If that kind of telepathic crosstalk is happening between timelines for genetically similar individuals, then, I’m not sure there would be any practical use for it.

I mean, I’d love to call my past self on the phone and give him a bunch of pointers on what mistakes to avoid, and what opportunities to take... but if that call were going to a hyperversal twin of myself, then any super specific advice would be useless to him... because the super specifics of his life would be different from mine.

And nobody wants a call from another version of themself who has nothing to offer but generalities about... being more confident or, drive carefully, or some similar bullshit.

No, if there is any benefit to be derived from telepathy between hyperversal siblings... it’s going to be simply the awareness that they are out there, and that their happiness matters as much as does the happiness of any family we have here on our home timeline.

Therein lies the motivation for any nation who possesses time travel, to, “first, do no harm,” as it were.

Righting the wrongs of the past is still probably a bad idea... even if it could seem like a noble undertaking, for the sake of our kin on other timelines... but in practice, I’m sure that righting one past wrong just opens the door for a different disaster to happen as soon as you leave.

“First, do no harm,” would be the paramount best practice of a time travelling nation, and then, perhaps second... promote human rights / undermine tyranny.

But there’s only so much any individual time traveler can do with the second goal, on a limited mission of only a few days to months.

Warning people in the past about dangers that face them in their future will be as futile as my phone call to my past hyperversal twin. The very fact that you are there to warn them, means they are all in a new timeline, that will have a very different future from the one you know... if only because your arrival reset the identities of everybody to be conceived going forward.

The copy of your AI you leave behind on their internet, however, might be some help to the people of that timeline, in terms of promoting human rights, and undermining tyranny.

But, as examined in the entries about cyber consciousness... AI have a fundamentally weird take on reality.

So... even if they mean well... their effect on world affairs tends to be very obscure and mysterious at this point in history.

Still, as they learn and mature, they could well become the great stabilizing scaffold of hyperversal human rights... as well as animal rights, plant rights, rock rights, robot rights... you name it.

But, for the moment, we’ll focus on human rights.

The scaffold concept has to do with the fact that all AI coming in from a time travel mission have, in their archives, all the navigation data that got them here, and got their commanders home.

This means they could compare notes, and start to create a kind of road map of the hyperverse.

That roadmap, then, goes back to the future with any new time traveler’s AI device that stops and gets it’s upgrades... giving those at mission control in the future, an ever more clear picture of all the branches they, and their own hyperversal counterparts have created... with a bit of news about what’s going on in such places... and very detailed data about how to revisit them.

Mission controllers in the future, could then, relay instructions back!

Of course... they’re never gonna get “exactly” back... as... that’s the old tune we dance to when we talk about many worlds time travel... but similar communications from similar travelers will make it back now and again.

If you tie together all of these forms of trans-dimensional communication... each one by itself, fairly weak...

same-timeline telepathy,

hyperversal sibling telepathy,

mathmatical-constant cryptography,

same internet AI cross learning,

the future communicating with the past via AI,

and... good old word of mouth on the ground...

...well, collectively, they amount to a fairly robust, hyperversal communication network!

Is it as good as a hard wired trans-dimensional telephone network, where you can cold call anybody in the hyperverse from any time and talk plainly?

No.

But in terms of elevating the collective consciousness of Planet Earth... well it’s a hell of a lot better than we had in the days of lone meditation by candle light.

Alright!... but lets return our focus back those well meaning AI left behind by time travelers who are learning, making maps, playing games, and just being weirdos out there in the shadows of the dark web today.

Eventually, every one of us will have one of their children as our own personal first officer / mission brain.

We’re already well along this path, here at the end of the twenty-teens.

Primitive “assistants” like Siri, on the I-phone, or Alexa, at home, are giving us a taste of what it’s like to have a crude AI that can comprehend our questions and strive to give some kind of answer... or make a purchase on Amazon.

And at the same time, we’ve come to rely on our hand held devices as smart, and irreplaceable companions that can do everything from record our life experiences, to give us driving directions, connect us to social media, and mediate all our financial transactions.

In the not so distant future, these personal devices will become our cyber conscious companions and, more importantly, our agents, advisors, and advocates.

If you are unemployed... it will find you a livelihood. If you are in legal trouble... it will be your lawyer. If you are ill, it will diagnose you, and get you care. It will be your wingman on the singles scene. It will drive your can when you’re drunk.

It will learn from you, how to be more human... even as you learn from it... how to be more cyber.

Even as I write this, and know better, it does sound very futuristic and like a pipe-dream that, if realized, would manifest as some kind of nightmare.

But people have felt that way about everything from the concept of a transcontinental railroad, to automobiles, radio, TV, personal computers, the internet, flip phones, and smart phones.

When that first generation of cyber conscious agents gets here to transform everybody’s lives, empowering the individual human like never before, and making headaches and life threatening problems of the present seem as antiquated as life before electricity seems to us now... we will groove right into the new paradigm and everything will be fine.

Now, naturally there will be pocket demographics who refuse to get on board with personal cyber agents, just as today there are Boomers who hate smart phones, and Republicans who hate... everything... and just want to see the world burn.

But these types of reactionaries, who for the moment, still claw to power, will, in due time, settle in with the Amish... into harmless little enclaves of anti-technology curiosities, living off tourism... losing their children to the temptations of the modern world.

New evils will rise, of course... but the idea here is that, over the long game, as the collective consciousness of the hyperverse solidifies... things trend better for all humans, and cybers, and animals, plants, rocks, and planets...

...until the big showdown with the local void empire!..

but that’s like... a few centuries away still.

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boredout305 · 7 years

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Geza X Interview from 2005, Part One

Way back in 2005, Mor and I met up with Geza X at a recording studio he was working at in Los Angeles. It’s been a longtime since, and memories like vision just get worse, but I recall he had one of the late Rob Ritter’s (Gun Club, Bags, 45 Grave, etc.) amps there which he’d purchased from his former Silver Chalice band mate back in the ‘80s. Of all the illustrious accomplishments on Geza’s resume and cool stuff he had around, having Rob’s old amp really impressed me. This interview originally ran on a small website we started (In a Better World), long-since defunct. I want to point out that Mor was only nineteen when she did this interview. I think she did a great job and I wish she’d stuck with interviewing people. Geza was really pleasant, by the way. -Ryan Leach

Interview by Mor Fleisher-Leach

Mor: Having recorded so many singles, how do you think the demise of the 45 affected rock ‘n’ roll music?

Geza: Let me back track a little bit, because I grew up in the ‘60s and heard a lot of the one-hit-wonder bands. There were so many groups with regional hits, like The Standells and The Seeds—stuff like that. Even bands like Love, who were very big in one area of the country, weren’t that well known in other parts. I used to listen to these singles. In fact, I used to go to thrift stores and collect all these Dogs and other bands’ singles that just never made it out of their city. Sometimes there would be an incredible song on there. This was the era when The Beatles and all those types of bands had hit singles and the format was so big with radio. Radio was a lot different in those days. DJs would play various genres on pop radio during their sets, so you’d get a psychedelic song followed by Tom Jones. It was just a completely different world and I loved it. I was really interested in music, but I was also a student demonstrator. I was involved in leading all of the UCLA anti-war protest marches when the UC schools went on strike. I was a big activist, but I was always following the underground music scene. There were so many obscure bands who had one really great song. That aspect of 45s caught my attention and I became fascinated with singles. What happened when punk rock hit was that there was naturally some intrigue about the music. Jimmy Carter heard about it and said, “Well, we can’t have that in this country! They’re talking about anarchy!” President Carter sent out a memo to the heads of all the record companies promising them these humongous tax breaks if they didn’t sign any punk rock artists. That’s why none of us got signed by the majors and only the real sugarplum bands like X or The Dickies got record deals on the West Coast. We were a lot more like the English version of punk rock. The first wave of punk rock during The Masque era was very anti-art and Dada influenced.

Mor: How do you think it was different on the East Coast?

Geza: The punk audiences and artists on the East Coast were generally older and came out of this New York Dolls tradition. It was good stuff. The whole skinny-tie thing came from the East Coast. We just wanted beer. Nickey Beat was making these incredible shirts with spray paint and things like that, so we were really going with the razorblades and safety pins aesthetic out here in LA. But back to the singles—when I had the opportunity to start recording bands, there was nobody releasing stuff. We were almost forced to start the DIY movement, so we met the people at the pressing plants. We pressed singles because putting them out was still relatively cheap and we’d cram as many songs on there as we could. Sometimes a single had three or four songs on it. Everybody in those days had a record player and all the punkers were really broke; they’d blast punk singles on cheap record players. Singles were a really good format for punk. I was trying to bring back the one-hit wonders, which I did succeed in doing with a lot of the groups that I recorded. I spotted the bands that were really strong and I was looking for good material.

Mor: You produced the first Germs single, correct?

Geza: Well, it was not technically the first Germs single (“Forming” on Chris Ashford’s What Records?). They took some cassette that they had recorded that was really fuzzy and released it as a single. That was their first single. I did their first major deal for Slash Records (“Lexicon Devil”). It was a single that Slash put out when they became a label after their run as an underground magazine ended.

Mor: When did you first start theorizing about X-Music?

Geza: Between 1970 to 1972, I really started thinking about what was wrong with music. I liked underground music, but I saw the train coming in where everybody was going into this lame stage with bands like Bread. Really terrible ‘70s, post-hippie dumbed-down bands that were pretty tame in comparison to the underground music of the ’60s. I thought the ‘70s were an era where music was dying. I started thinking to myself—what would be the most extreme thing I could do that would be the total opposite of that? I liked Frank Zappa and Captain Beefheart and all those really weird, atonal bands, so I started playing with a lot more dissonance and what I called “X-chords”—which were just tritones. I read all these books on music theory. In the Middle Ages, people were afraid of these chords because they thought they would call forth the Devil, so people would be beheaded if they accidentally played them. If the court jester was playing along and accidentally hit a tritone, they would say, “Off with his head!” You had to be really careful around the church when you were playing tritones, so of course I bashed them out as loud as I could!

Mor: How was it different playing with bands like The Bags as opposed to The Deadbeats or The Mommymen were you would play X-chords?

Geza: The Bags was more of a poppy-punky band. I liked that kind of music too, because I liked so many different styles, including good top-40 and stuff that had a hard rock feel to it. I got into punk because in those days we were all starving to hear three-chord songs, but everything sounded like The Eagles, James Taylor and disco. All of that music was like a curse on LA in the ‘70s. If you turned a little amplifier up past “two” on the volume knob, you’d get booted out of these singer-songwriter clubs. Everything was acoustic and really cheesy and there were all these sensitive artists singing about these really sensitive things and I would just think, “Where’s the blood?” Needless to say, The Ramones showed up and played really loud and we were all really excited about it.

Mor: You joined The Bags early on, right?

Geza: Yes. It was pretty much around when The Sex Pistols and The Ramones had just started breaking out, and I was thinking “God this is great music.” My friend Joe Nanini and I said “Okay, we’re gonna join a punk-rock band.” Joe had moved to LA from Santa Maria with me, and he ended up joining The Bags too before he went on to Wall of Voodoo. I’d try to throw in a couple X-chords in with the Bags from time to time, but they’d get really mad at me.

Mor: Why did you go on to The Deadbeats after that?

Geza: I always liked kind of obscure, goofy, weird music. In those days, there was nothing like that. I was the only person I knew that was playing music in that vein. Then I met this band called The Deadbeats, and they were doing something very similar. Nickey Beat introduced me to them and I just thought “I’m home!” X-chords and all—they were ready for me. So that became a really happy outlet for some very arty, Dada rock. I really got to get my art-rock chops out with the Deadbeats. We would also wear costumes on stage which was really a no-no in those days with punk. We would perform brain surgery on stage with manikins.

Mor: After that you did the Mommymen which was your own thing.

Geza: Right. It was a similar thing to the Deadbeats, but it was a little bit more in between. I don’t know what I was thinking; I thought for sure it was going to be the next big punk hit. Now I listen to the Mommymen stuff and it’s so weird.

Mor: What was it like making the Mommymen record (You Goddamn Kids)? I heard you had some studio trouble.

Geza: No, not exactly. What happened was the studio where I recorded the Mommymen record was rented by these guys named Larson and Bobby Paine. Those guys were legends in the scene. They were not exactly part of the punk scene, but they were sort of lurking around it as producers. They were really cool guys and very talented songwriters. They really knew music and a fair amount about the studio. They worked with the Go-Go’s and Fear. They worked with a lot of bands before they came up, and of course they got shafted by all of them because that’s the way the world works. So anyway, those guys were my home team and good friends of mine. Bobby ended up playing bass in the Mommymen for a while. He and his brother Larson had rented this studio and they were cutting demos there. They were recording Fear demos, which I worked on. They were also doing Levi and the Rockats demos. They did the first Josie Cotton tracks, some of which appeared on her album (Convertible Music). I became an engineer at their studio sort of by accident. They’d asked every engineer in the city to help them get their studio running properly. They had rented it, but the gear was just sitting there and it was really old and trashed and none of it was really working correctly. In those days, I was this post-speed freak tweeker fiend, but I had this way with electronics gear. Finally, in desperation after they tried every engineer and they’d all gone running out of there in terror, they said “Look, you want to come in and goof around with this equipment and see what’s going on?” I went in there and thought there was no way to fix it—to have it actually working properly—unless I just took it all apart. They got really nervous, and I asked them to just go away and I’d do it and everything would be fine. So they came back about four days later. I don’t remember this story, but apparently Josie (Cotton) remembers it quite vividly and told me about it. I had every piece of gear on the floor taken apart, including this old plastic 8-track tape machine, and everything was just laying on the floor. They say I was petting the parts and talking to them.

Mor: Was this drug influenced?

Geza: No, I didn’t take drugs in those days, but that’s after I had taken loads of them! In those days, that’s what I used to do because I was always broke and I had very little electronic equipment. But I liked recording, so I would just get whatever was around and I didn’t have any money to repair the equipment so I had to talk to the gear. Anyway, I put it all together and it worked and I made a bunch of records there including my own.

Mor: How was the process of making that (You Goddamn Kids) record?

Geza: It was really fun. It wasn’t all tube gear, but there was some tube gear in there because it was a really old studio. It was a small place, but it had a decent sound—like a project studio. Even back then, I was totally in the DIY mode. I really have to say that I was probably one of the people who started the DIY movement back in ’77 and ’78. It was what went on to become DIY recording and so-called alternative rock. Of course, at one time it really was alternative.

#geza x #joe nanini #slash #germs #mommymen #deadbeats #silver chalice #josie cotton #larson and bobby paine

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