#finally just had to suck it up and do it
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Things Are About To Get Significantly Fucking Worse
#sketchbook#artists on tumblr#illustration#acrylic painting#drawing#colour pencil#painting#my art#i imagine this as the lead up to the final boss of a video game you know the one where you die five times before you turn the difficulty#down to easy and then still die twice more#i may just be Bad At Video Games#also this sketchbook sucks to scan without the big boi scanners we had at uni it's all bent and i have to fix each one in photoshop. lame.#promise not to do any more ones with Foreign titles too guess that's a turn off#i taught myself to draw motorbikes for a project in 2013 and oh boy have i not retained that knowledge baby
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A silly guide on how I draw normal Riolu vs My sona
#Riolu#Doodle#The Mod#Do not use my sona thanks#Just wanted to give a silly doodle while I ramble#I admittedly made the last few daily pieces as basically a progression of my eyes for the last ~1.5 years#Keeping up with everything became harder because of my eyes#I only talked about this briefly on my main twitter#I was diagnosed with keratoconus#My eyes got worse over time#so I was squinting constantly and would get headaches trying to focus my eyes to draw or play half the games I did#it sucked. I slept a lot to get rid of pain and I felt like I couldnt do my normal work so it kept piling#I had surgery + got RGP Contacts to help me see normally this year tho!#So I can finally get my shit together and have been slowly trying to get everything going/sorted#Just to like... explain where I disappeared to#Ofc Its hard to do anything art or reading without my contacts in#tbh i didnt even know until December lol so it went for awhile and thought my prescription went from good to shit#so i took a minor break from social media to keep where my eyes used online to mainly discord
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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modern family is all fun and games until you get to the scenes where you burst into tears because the once-vaguely homophobic dad now refers to his son's husband as family, and also the academically gifted daughter realizes that her dorky, clumsy dad was always really proud of her and just never surprised because he just assumed she could do anything, and also the eldest daughter who eloped comes crawling back to her parents' room and whispers that she still wants her parents to be present for her wedding, and also the anxious queer lawyer character admits that he was terrified that his husband would just leave him alone with their baby daughter, and also that the once-vaguely grouchy dad looks at his stepson and tells him that what makes a family is who sticks around, not who you're blood-related to and anyways what was i saying
#caroline talks#modern family#god. . .. the way i really do love this sitcom. like have all the jokes aged well? ehhh not really#there are some jokes that land pretty badly now but i still do love this show so much and i'm so sad i'm on the final season#it's like. oh yeah. family is complicated! it's rough!#but everyone can change and grow. people can become better. it won't be perfect and it'll suck sometimes#but everyone is trying their goddamn best.#i will say though i burst into tears at hayley coming to claire and phil and going '. . . i was going to elope but i realized#that i really wanted you guys there :('#and god also how i love gloria and jay and claire and phil and mitch and cam's relationships#and like i love the kids but the adult relationships make me cry the hardest#because it's like. when claire explodes on phil bc 'YOU NEVER TAKE MY ADVICE YOU'RE ALWAYS FOLLOWING SOMEONE ELSE'S!!!'#and phil goes up to claire and presents her with this photo album and goes '. . . honey i'm ALWAYS following your advice.'#and when i think about mitch freaking out bc he thinks he might have had another kid and he thinks cam might ditch him for it#and cam is just like '. . .. mitchell i love you.' and is just like. we'll deal with this together.#and it's just like!!! ough!!! ough!!!
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A pic of my human whirl design and holomatter avatar whirl hanging out together! Cuz I thought that’d be cute! And I was right… it is!
#transformers#mtmte#whirl#tf whirl#humanformers#mtmte whirl#doodles#Srry it’s been so long since uploading anything. I got a job! last month#and! it’s been going good… but also I do not have as much free time…#also… I’m.. it’s at a daycare… and I got a 102 degree fever last LAST Tuesday#2 Tuesdays ago. and I’m still fucking coughing. every time I start feeling better I go back to work and the sickness like resets itself.#also one of the kids gave me pinkeye!!!#im… thinking about looking for a diff job lol#im rlly proud of how well I’ve been handling this one. and its def boosted my confidence!#but.. like… i live with old ppl. who have there own serious issues. also I have my own issues!#espec w the eye thing like i had to go to an eye doctor ever month for like 2 years cuz my eyes were screwed up#and finally last year i got the ok that my eyes were doing good! and they weren’t screwed up anymore. and then i get fucking pink eye!#that freaks me out!!!! and Ive been sick for 2 weeks straight! that sucks!!!#like.. ive just realized… this level of exposure to illness and bacteria.. is not worth it lol#ive still got to do like 2 weeks notice tho so hopefully im not fucking sick for 2 more weeks#I feel like that’s a possibility ghgh#anyway yeah I got a job that’s why arts been scarce. gonna get a new job after this one so art will probably still be scarce lol#it’s ok that just means it’ll be more of a treat when I do post! like u guys’ll cherish it more right? lol#absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that#maccadam
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When Matthew tells you he's been a bit stressed with debut preparations, you help him get his mind off of things. With some handcuffs and a torturous, never-ending hand job.
#you know what. maybe i am delulu but the more i listen to this the more i think it sounds like him. oh whale#caption kinda sucks but you get the gist. the one i had before was even worse because brain no worky#it's also almost 6am and i just worked a wink shy of 12 hours so who knows if i'm even in the right headspace to even be editing and postin#i just kinda remembered that it's been a minute since i proposed it and i'm in a fuck-it-we-ball kinda mood#if it's a flop kindly let me know and i will delete in the morning i.e. when i wake up#whenever that'll be#i'm like 82% percent sure it's a flop though#so don't be afraid to tell me if it sucks bc trust me i already know#ayo have i ever rambled this much in my smut post tags? i think i've finally lost it#in my flop era for sure because what is this. what am i doing. why am i the way that i am#def going to bed now#pls don't hate this as much as i think y'all are going to#zb1 smut#zerobaseone smut#seok matthew smut#kpop smut
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also imagining FC1, in the Tense Meeting i definitely think he had with Edward off-screen, concluding that he can't think of a worse punishment than Edward having to do Thomas's job (deal with the big engines and their shit) for a while
and Edward (who could have definitely thought of something worse, by this point if he'd been grounded in the sheds for even a single day he would have instantly turned to dust) just scarcely, for the sake of pure friendship, trying to work up the nerve to venture to hint that maaaybe the fact that Thomas's job is the worst punishment FC1 could think of was the entire fundamental problem here
#i don't think edward DID have to work up the nerve#like i'm joking here but also i do think fc1 like... felt this#the moment he saw that runaway train he knew in his gut which pot on his stove had finally boiled over#WAIT IS THIS WHY HE DIDN'T WANT TO REPLACE THOMAS after the branch line allocation#lmao he's like 'that job actually sucks. no one can do it without going a little mad. the big engines can just clean up after themselves.'#(narrator: ... but the big engines couldn't)
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who let my flatmate host a houseparty surely i would have vetoed that. walking into the carnage of my living room and letting out a delicate gasp
#HELL AND HORROR. I quietly turned around and went back to my room#i am NAWT cleaning that up 😂😂😂#it wasn’t even that good of a party basically it was her 21st bday so she invited all her sports society friends#(already a red flag. sports societies have never once produced a tolerable person)#and they are SO CLIQUEY but also weirdly awkward with each other?#like me and my mate had our own little pres hiding in my room for a bit bc the start of parties is always so awkward#and we were like we’d rather skip that and go down when everyone’s a little looser#but my flatmate was clearly dead stressed bc it was her party and she was hosting#and she’s always banging on about how much she likes these people and they’re sooo crazy#and soo fun and better than us etc etc like she’s RUDE about it#but last night she was so clearly stressed and trying to impress them and i was just like girl. is it ever that serious#so me and my mate finally came downstairs i shit you not EVERYONE WAS JUST ON THEIR PHONES#HELLO??? and we started talking and getting people to blow up balloons and shit and suddenly everyone was partying#we fr were the life of the party it was so odd 😭#my flatmate though omdsss this girl was doing key after key#she came into my room at the start and i shit u not looked like she’d been punched in the nose#I was like girl i KNOW your ass is on ket gtfo#but yeah. generally a mediocre night. me and my mate made the most of the fact everyone else sucked#hella goes to uni
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My and @shinynymphia's Sweet no Death characters!
The sheep is mine! Bo (she/her) makes clothes. is a "sweet baby who's never done anything wrong in her life, ever". dating Lambchop. best friends with Fawkes.
The fox belongs to Phia! Fawkes (they/them) a librarian. is actually a sweet baby who has never done anything wrong. dating Ruuuby. best friends with Bo.
#it's done! oh god I finished it! phia knows how long this took me! so so long!#been going through a really really bad dry spell for drawing and it sucks#I think I'm finally getting through it but it's still here#before anyone asks I don't like stella with lambchop like at all that's not even in play for me#no hate if you do! I don't care! I just really don't have bo instead#bo is mine so I can talk about her! yes she is named after little bo peep#I would have gone with a different animal mainly was thinking about a fox tbh#until I thought up the name and I just *had* to make a sheep there was no way around it#we don't talk about what's in bo's basement or where she gets her 'faux' leather no nope :3#she may or may not have a 'farm' that she maintains maybe maybe~#bo and fawkes are best friends! touch fawkes lampchop and you might be kicked/stabbed#sweet no death#lambchop#ruuuby#fan characters#bo#fawkes
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need to get a metaphorical flag that just says IM TECH LITERATE on it to wave around
#i swear to god. why does everyone think gen z is tech illiterate#actually thats kinda correct. ive had to teach people how to save documents before.#but not meee i know how computers work.#and if i dont know. i just ask my dad. or like. google it.#cant wait till i start working and have people by default try to explain how computers work to me#also genz sucks at writing. apparently???#i think i write kinda mid but then every adult EATS it up like its candy#its wild like ??? ? ?? is this really that good???#and then i read what my friends are writing and im like. oh. ohhhhhh.#thank you final fantasy xiv and its usage of big words#i think its great a lot of genz stereotypes dont really apply to me. like idk what the rest of us are doing but im chilling.
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what is there to even say lol. rip jenny schecter, always in my heart
#someone should've gone to prison for her ''murder'' for the lols#the season would've been so much better had they done the 3 months or whatever flashbacks + flashforwards in each episode instead of just#the first and the last. it was all just super weird#and i'd heard that the finale sucks but it's different when you're watching that mess with your own two eyes#poor jenny for once she wanted to do the right thing :(#also i genuinely think shane x jenny would've worked had they started dating around s02-03 before jenny started completely losing it#also NO DANA???????#anyway that's a wrap on girls in tight dresses ig 🚬#the l word lb#the l word#how much you wanna bet that i will start rewatching s01 in ~2 weeks#i guess the moral of the story here is don't get involved with lesbian friend groups because you'll end up dead in a pool during a party#rip jenny schecter you would've loved the [insert song here] but you're drowning in a pool yt videos
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JUSTICE FOR DAVINA CLAIRE I'M SO FUCKING SERIOUS FUCK OFF OH MY FUCKING GOD
#CAMI AND DAVINA GONE IN ONE EPISODE??!?!!??#YOU CAN'T BE FUCKING FOR REAL#(davina perma died an episode later both they both died in one episode right before that)#also this season has been slacking on marcel and the ep post-davina's death kicked him up several notches#he said all the shit i take issue with about the always and forever family bs#he hit that shit out of the park#also camille's death being all about comforting klaus fucking pissed me off#it was until she was scared right at the end that it was more about her#and her last words COULD have beenthe immortality line. but then they had to have her bolster klaus again instead#at least we got others mourning her after#but davina????#those bitchass ancestors forced her boyfriend to kill her then nearly shredded her soul#and she could've been resurrected. but of course fucking family came first#she had to die screaming for mercy alone as the ancestors tried to carve her soul from fucking existence#(and though i'm mad at elijah and freya for it it makes sense for them to do it#(what pissed me off was them and klaus then telling marcel that they were justified and he should just suck it up and understand)#(like no take the consequences let the man mourn)#(freya claiming family to kol too like girl i don't know you. and this 'family' loves you more than it ever loved me)#(y'all only love me on my deathbed)#(if being family means we kill each other's partners [which happens time and time again] then fuck being in this family)#like i don't actually want the mikaelsons dead. but also i hope super vampire marcel kills you all#hope kol gets away from you people because you are not family to him. you aren't.#but mostly davina. poor fucking davina#her and kol are my bonnie and enzo - finally finding someone who will choose them not just use them#only for death at the hand of allies#davina clair was an abused teenager you all used and who justifiably hated y'all#and she deserved more than to die like this. die basically three fucking times over still helping in the end#truly have not seen a witch this blatantly used and mistreated since the bonnie bennet#davina claire#the originals
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starting the week off ✨wrong✨
#guess who started their week off by accidentally spilling acid all over their chest? >this idiot<!!!!!#man. i sure wasn’t expecting that tbh. i was just placing a beaker of that acid into this box for washing.#then that bugger of a beaker slipped out of my hand and bounced back up to spew out its contents over my front#god. thank goodness for ppe and masks else i’d have been a goner for sure#though. i have no idea if i accidentally swallowed some of the acid#it prolly got onto my mask at least bc its ‘aroma’ was really strong. though there was also a sour taste in my mouth too… so. um. yeah#so if this is my final unqueued post on here… you know ✨why✨~~~~~~~#then again. it’s been a few hours since it happened and im somehow still alive. so. hm. well. lol#but damn. why do i keep getting acid splashes on my chest dammit#first it was that small droplet of [other acid] from a couple weeks back. and now…#man. i had a feeling that today would suck when my lunch delivery got delayed earlier. but i didn’t expect it to be like this help
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.
#have been attempting to make a self-tape for this audition for DAYS#after a whole helluva lotta bullshit having to do with hunting down a time+space+camera to film with i Finally managed to get some takes#then some weird bullshit with the camera's sd card happened where i wasnt able to pull the files off onto my laptop#FINALLY able to copy the files to my laptop. FINALLY able to access playback (the video camera i borrowed wouldnt let me access its gallery#FINALLY watching them... they all kinda suck so far but thats Fine at least i Have Them yk#get to take 7 and its actually not nearly as terrible as the previous 6!! feelin pretty good abt this one!! dont get hopes too high ofc but#i mean hey this ones acceptable if the last few arent any good either & just in case i cant go thru with my plans for tmrw to do a reshoot#so yk i start to rename the file so i can tell which clip it is!#Whole Laptop Crashes#WAHOO#typed this up to avoid freakin out while carefully rebooting her. bbg dont do this to me#luckily i already saved multiple contingency copies just in case (bc ive already had so many issues i was feelin Extra Cautious)#so i at least dont have to worry about dealing with the sd card bullshit Again. ugh#EDITING TO SAY: SHE LIVES!! laptop is fine after powering back up & files are unscathed!! was able to retitle & keep on truckin no problem#god i hate dealing with video as a medium#*this* is why im a stage performer not a screen actor lmao#fuck this shit. juust gimme a floor and an audience and ill make it worrk#cameras are fickle creatures on-par with printer machines#im rly excitednervous abt this audition tho; only submitted my resume+headshot on a whim & didnt rly think anything would come of it#but they contacted me and asked for a tape!! so im like !!!!! okayy sure id love to send that !!! i just have to face The Horrors first#if i dont get it then thats not the end of the world or anyth; but itd be SO FUCKING COOL if my v first submission landed me my first gig!!#so uhh. pls put out a good thought to the universe for my self-tape landing me the chance to perform in this queer play festival !!#bee speaks#🤞🤞🤞
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Man getting old sucks. You finally get to the point where you want to do shit like deep clean the bathroom and you're looking forward to the day when you'll finally have time to get it done and then once you do finally get a chance to do it you throw your back out cleaning the tub. A cruel irony from whoever is in charge of my spine
#i got this new scrubber brush set and i was SO excited to use it#it has three detachable brush heads. one thats bristled for getting in between grout/cracks#one thats kinda like a scouring pad for cleaning off soap scum#and one thats just a regular sponge for polishing the shiny bits#it finally came in and i was rly excited to get to use it but i just had to wait until i had time#finally had time this weekend and i had a fucking BLAST. our tub/shower has probably never been so clean#im really glad i got to do that and i feel really proud of how good it looks#but now this morning i woke up with severe back pain and ibuprofen is only helping slightly ;-;#almost called in to work it was so bad but i think i can sit at my desk with a heating pad#ive got a chiropractor appointment today tho (had to reschedule my last one) so hopefully thatll help#just sucks that now that i finally WANT to clean my body can no longer handle it as well lol...#start out being able to clean but not wanting to and end up wanting to clean but not being able to 😔#rambling
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yeah guys idk I'm just thinking maybe the lightheadedness and desire to sit down about halfway through putting away groceries my whole life might not have just been a reaction to the way my parents were when i was a kid and the accompanying anxiety and sudden flurry of movement, but also possibly maybe i have a Health Thing about this...
#thank god i finally scheduled that doctor's appointment#Jan 15 cannot come quickly enough tbh#like i've streamlined getting shit put away and i hurry as soon as the wooziness starts hitting because i know i'm on borrowed time#and that's when the trauma reaction kicks in of ''i can't stop halfway through i'll be in trouble'' anxiety#because i *enjoy* putting away groceries and organizing the kitchen#i just also can't without a lot of assistance and plenty of spoons and time to prepare myself physically and mentally beforehand#this post brought to you by i had this realization doing the groceries and now i'm having like a lot of thoughts about it#i can't do it all in one go ever and i have never been able to without someone else handling about half of it#no matter how much i get or of what i can only get about half put away before time's up and i gotta sit down#it's why so much of my food was non-perishable when i was on my own#cause i'd get the cold things put away because they *had* to be#and then i couldn't physically do any more - especially if the groceries that week were more cold than non-perishable#but like yeah if i had to stop or take a break in putting away the groceries (despite also having gone to the grocery store#and walked around the whole store and grabbed items AND carried the heavy things into the house because i was the heavy lifter#AND i was in sports and had probably either just done a lot of exercise or was still in recovery from the day before/earlier that day)#i got fussed at for not helping out#so that's fucked up and fuck my mom actually she sucks#ugh
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