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ijbolz · 1 day

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giver piwon... and what exactly they love to give

piwon hyung line x fem!reader 🌨️ some smut headcanons (mentions of piv, oral sex, fingering, etc) a bit self indulgent🫣

a/n: pls forgive me guys if my writing may seem a bit rough right now because im trying to ease back into it after being busy with finals a few weeks ago.! also this is my second time trying to make this post bc tumblr decided to be shitty and delete my draft🥲 oh well...

KEEHO ┊ what use would it be if he's spending hours sweating it off at the gym and he's not gonna use his arms to keep you in place. trembling underneath his hold with your bottom lip tucked in between your teeth. especially if you love a man that makes it clear that he's in charge, asserts control over you if his words aren't enough to do so, until he has no choice but to resort to manhandling you instead. unless that's what you're really aiming for, he's not that difficult to talk to.

have you seen kyo's hands? he'll play dumb and pretend he doesn't notice the way your eyes are almost always locked onto his veiny hands whenever you hang out or... accompany him while he works out. sometimes it becomes a surprise whenever a lil work out session doesn't end up with the both of you fucking.

oh… but when the two of you can't help the heated situation, then kyo's one to greatly enjoy catching you off guard. fucking you with his fingers too good until you fall apart—the weight of your frame leaning against his own as you get lost within the bliss from the repeated pump of his digits. and when you thought you couldn’t take it anymore than what he’s giving you, he’s quick to restlessly plow his fingers slick with your wetness while he watches you writhe from his unforgiving thrusts.

his other hand unabashedly snakes from the messy sheets and against the swell of your breasts before stuffing two digits inside your mouth, earning a high sob from your throat. fuck… if only you knew just how much effect you had on him, especially with the spit dribbling by the corner of your lips until kyo can’t help but urge himself impossibly closer to your figure.

“suck,” the warmth of his breath sends a shiver down your spine, doing so while his tongue traces the shell of your ear, the wet muscle a contrast to the trail of saliva hitting the cold air. kyo would teasingly try to mimic the way you’re swirling your tongue around his fingers, pressing his lips flush against your neck before sucking just the way you like it.

THEO ┊ if you want to have giver!theo then… work for it.

would all start from the moment he accidentally stumbles upon your little toy stash the time he’d be looking for something else in your shared apartment. i just know the gears in his head would be turning once he’d laid his eyes on your filthy little secret, silently pacing back into the living room where you’re situated on the couch, unknowing of what’s to come before you.

“so did you find what you were… looking for…” your words trail off the second your eyes met the object taeyang’s clutching between his fingers, an object far too familiar for you and yet you wanted to keep it a secret from him for now, heart hammering in your chest.

…because you know just how much your boyfriend can be a menace, especially when he gets you reduced to an adorable mess from his control. your muddied thoughts aren’t helping the situation.

and that’s how he’s gotten everything into a quick blur, your head thrown back on the surface of the couch, pillows forgotten on the floor and everything, while the weight of his hand keeps your trembling legs spread. your vision’s turning hazy from the shuddering pleasure of your vibrator taeyang repeatedly buries into your wet cunt.

“should’ve hid them better then,”

he mumbles, staring back into your beady little eyes like he knows the exact words swimming inside your mind. and what if you wanted him to discover them anyway?

“keeping a stash of toys and using them by yourself seems like no fun, you know you could always ask for my help, right?” he’s mean, asking in a tantalizing tone while your mouth’s stuffed with your panties the whole time.

and when he does really focus on your pleasure, it’ll take a while before he decides to give it his all, settling on using your toys with the promise of only sinking his cock into your hole once he’s satisfied with the amount of orgasms he’s able to get out of you first.

JIUNG ┊ if he's got something to want to endlessly give you, then it would be pleasure. which comes in different forms of course, but in this case, you won’t even have to beg him for it, he’d probably be the one to plead you to use his cock all you want to get yourself off.

he knows how much it drives you insane, so naturally he knows how to work it.

always talks about how he needs to have you in positions where he can plow you into the mattress better, so i don’t think it would be that much of a shocker if one of his favorite positions during sex would be to fold you into a mating press.

especially once he’s gotten his plan to put a ring on your finger out of the way, jiung’s quick to spoil you rotten. not like he's not already treating you delicately to the point he doesn't even want your foot to touch the bare ground… if that’s even possible.

anyway, he’s always one to dream about a future with you, wanting to settle down and move into your own home where he could spend more happy memories with you and of course, fuck you good undisturbed. enough of quickies at the dorm or whatever, where there’s a high risk of getting caught by other people.

he’s one to value his privacy especially when he’s the type to take his time especially during the act.

only and if only he could put into words just how much he loves staring down at you when you're blissed out of your mind. he jogs back to his memories of your disheveled frame tearfully moaning out underneath him while he struggles to keep steady thrusts with the plush walls of your cunt engulfing his length, pulsing around him harshly whenever he hits that one spot.

"just like that..." he'd hear you whimper out with trembling lips, sneaking in a few gropes on your ass with a gentle kiss on your forehead. fuck, he’d wanna keep at it forever. especially when he gets to witness your gasp for air every time he sinks his cock back into your needy hole. and with the sight of his warm cum seeping down the sheets once he pulls out from the sticky mess you’d made, he’s long gone from being sane.

INTAK ┊ in usual settings, intak loves to make you feel like such a princess to the point all of your friends can’t help but gush about how lucky you are. intak's never ashamed to admit you got him wrapped around your finger, pressing soft kisses on the crook of your neck while he tells you how he’s literally brought to this world just to serve you.

"and i want to make it known to you just how much i want to pleasure you all i can," he says to you with that familiar croak in his voice, and it may sound cheesy in other scenarios. yet it sends a different surge through your core when your boyfriend's got you meekly spread out for him, sopping cunt drooling perfectly while his warm breath hovers on your trembling skin.

his doe eyes are a sight for comfort, not like it ever leaves you, never ashamed to run his gaze from your flushed face over your bare figure. clothes long gone to reveal your chest heaving up and down, until his gaze locks back onto your pulsing cunt, clit swollen and needy just for him.

if only you could read his mind, know just how starved he feels for your essence drooling from your hole, glistening just to heighten the building desire from his throbbing cock even though he's eaten you out far too much that he can count.

intak's a very passionate lover. he'd let you know so obviously from the way he laps up like you as if it's the first time he's going down on his girl, like you'd purposely let him hung dry for days. when in fact he'd beg to eat you out almost everyday if you could, finding it difficult to deny especially when he'd stare at you with his dopey little grin you came to adore.

#p1h smut #p1harmony smut #keeho smut #theo smut #jiung smut #intak smut

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sminiac · 5 months

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hi!! can i request bf!hunter like the ones you did with the other members? thank you so much if you do 🥰

💌 — You’re so sweet, I’m so sorry this took me so long, hopefully it meets a few expectations :,) Also this is the last member for my Bf!Xikers, isn’t that crazy?

Though Bf!Hunter’s exterior can be difficult to navigate your way around without knowing him first, because of how he’s truly such a soft, gentle being the crush to lover process is so enjoyable in every aspect. If you’re more on the introverted side he does his best in helping you toe that seemingly daunting line outside of your comfort zone, even if it’s by just a little, he’s so incredibly proud. The type to learn and pay attention to your boundaries and habits, how much you can and can’t handle and when. Just knows how to take care of a socially anxious partner because he’s so observant, so curious about the way your brain works which makes for a lot of long conversations about why you are the way you are, loves listening to you, because it means by the end of it he’ll be able to say that he knows you even better. He’s always so supportive if you manage to do something you find a little scary, or even not, “You don’t have to babe, I won’t be upset, promise.” Ugh he’s so.

Ex: Always so considerate of your state of mind, your social batteries running exceptionally low and you’re becoming a little too overstimulated by your surroundings and the boys? No worries, he’s already letting everyone know that the two of you are done for the night without over explaining why. The type to never be upset if the two of you end up leaving functions earlier than he anticipated, just wants to make sure you’re enjoying yourself and that you’re comfortable, loves how clingy you become when exhausted. Idk but he’s really built and tall right? Would be nice to be wrapped up in him after being out.

Bf!Hunter who would naturally be so protective and assertive for your sake, he’s so “Y/n doesn’t like that.” whenever the boys are pressing a little too hard about you trying something, or doing something new that can be a little irritating to the senses. The thing about it though is that he wouldn’t be mean about it either which is so whdhajsh!!! like he’d say it so politely but the firmness to his words doesn’t lessen by any.

Ex: This also makes me think of him having a habit of judging new foods based off of you taste without being asked to, he’s just so: “Mm, no, babe you wouldn’t like that,” and is quickly pointing out something else you’d like instead, he’d be so accurate with it too.

Bf!Hunter who would make you copy what he’s saying in a language you don’t speak fluently solely so he could feed into his own delusions before he knew that you liked him back. He’d be giggling so much, hands zipping up to cover his face from your sight, and he’d always refuse to tell you exactly what you said. With this, when the two of you are finally together he’d either mutter small compliments under his breath or with his whole chest in front of your face, and still, he’d never tell you what he’s saying.

Bf!Hunter who never fails to have the cutest, most visible pout whenever you’ve got any kind of lip product on because he doesn’t want to make you keep reapplying it over and over again. The same with skincare/face makeup, doesn’t want to ruin it but god does he want to kiss you so bad :( I think to compensate he’d just like to have his face as close to yours as possible without making a movement that would cause any disturbance to whatever you have on in the moment, settling for quick pecks to your neck, jaw, the back of your hand, your hair.

Ex: Has developed a habit of looking at your lips before he kisses you, sometimes he’ll notice you have something on and continues to kiss you anyways, pulling away with his pretty smile on display and a: “Thank you baby.”

Bf!Hunter who would somehow always find a way to get along with your siblings no matter what their age is, would put in so much effort to build a relationship with them and maintain it even when he’s away by returning with gifts and stories :(

Bf!Hunter who certainly has a habit of always ending up crushing you in the middle of the night because he loves being as close to you as possible when sleeping, but that means his limbs always find ways to be rested over top of you, whines out complaints whilst half asleep when you attempt to shift him off of you, and only falls back asleep if you’re the one making contact with him.

Ex: Scratching his head, rubbing his back, holding his hand, even just a hand on his face is enough, just needs some sort of contact with you 😞 despite adjusting him inevitably you’ll wake up with him clinging to you, arms wrapped significantly tight around you, face buried in your neck :(

Bf!Hunter who adores you so much that his love languages couldn’t possibly be wrapped up into just one.

Words of affirmation? He’s definitely very articulate when it comes to expressing his feelings with you, and he doesn’t like being hasty about it, so if you’re ever having any sudden thoughts or concerns he’s quick to walk away from whatever’s keeping him busy if he can to help make sense of the situation you’re struggling with.

Acts of service? Yes! I think he’s the type to purposely go out of his way to clear things off of your to-do list that are starting to pile up to the point of overwhelming you, reassures you that he wanted to, even grabs you a little treat so that you can’t possibly be upset about him doing something that you swore you would get to by yourself.

Gift giving? He’s horrible for it, when it comes to buying something for you the price of the item couldn’t be further from concern, it’s absurd. The type of boyfriend that any other boyfriend couldn’t compete with when it comes to gifts, takes pride in it too.

Quality time? Loves going on the most random dates with you when he has the opportunity, it will be a random Tuesday morning and he’s just like “Babe do you want to go feed some deer with me later?” He’d also spend time searching for good places to eat whether it’s from a mutual friend, family or a random website, loves making little hole in the wall restaurants your spot.

Physical touch? Everything about him screams that he loves teasing, playing footsies under the table with him, purposely stepping on the back of your shoe when he’s walking behind you, holding things above your head that the tips of your fingers merely skim over yet he doesn’t want to let go of your other hand for the life of him. Definitely has a habit of slipping his hand into the back pocket of your jeans when walking together, or having your arm looped through his, loves having you all over him, especially in public.

Bf!Hunter who is so… Boyfriend??? Like there’s no other way to possibly explain it.

#bf!xikers #finally getting to clearing out my drafts #hope this was okay at least omg #xikers hunter #papungkorn lertkiatdamrong #papungkorn lerkiatdamrong x reader #park hunter #park hunter x reader #xikers park hunter #xikers hunter x reader #xikers imagines #xikers x reader #xikers

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starks-hero · 2 years

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brother dearest

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x Reader

Summary: Mycroft had never considered himself to be overprotective. However, he isn't overly pleased with how smitten his little brother is with you...

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: John is the only one with any emotional intelligence and Mycroft is faced with the horrifying ordeal of realising his younger sibling is dating, so they're all idiots really

Mycroft Holmes could practically feel his blood pressure rising. Confidential documents had been stolen from the very hands of the British government, putting the democratic well-being of an entire nation in jeopardy. And his little brother wouldn't answer the phone.

The moment word of the breach had gotten to Mycroft his first plan of action was to call Sherlock. Of course, he could have hypothetically dealt with the issue himself had it not required leg work. But to his dismay, contacting the youngest Holmes seemed to be as unlikely as winning the lottery.

Tossing dignity to the wind in the name of restoring balance to the western world, Mycroft stooped to the, in his opinion, ever embarrassing low of visiting Baker Street himself. He ascended the stairs, his displeasure evident in the weight of his steps, and refused to practice the common courtesy of knocking before entering the flat. Sherlock had lost that privilege when he refused to pick up the bloody phone.

Mycroft tutted with annoyance when he found both the living room and kitchen empty. Sherlock's coat, with whom he refused to go anywhere without, still hung idle on the clothes rack. He was in the flat and Mycroft was going to find him if he had to tear away every brick.

With all the begrudgement of a man who'd had his morning routine seriously uprooted, Mycroft marched towards Sherlock's bedroom and swung open the door.

He almost immediately wished he hadn't.

Sherlock lay sprawled out on the bed, white sheets twisting over alabaster skin. His eyes were shut, his hair a tangled mess of curls and you lay by his side.

Mycroft's jaw fell so quickly he expected it to unhinge and clatter against the floor with all the comedic effect of a nineties cartoon.

Sherlock's head rested against your shoulder whilst the lower half of your face was largely hidden by his curls. Your lips brushed his forehead in a prolonged kiss and Sherlock's arm was thrown over you almost possessively. Your own hand curled softly around the nape of his neck.

Disbelief, embarrassment and anger chased each other across Mycroft's expression before he settled with complete mortification. He couldn't explain it, not really, but seeing his little brother in bed with someone made him feel ridiculously nauseous.

Sherlock shifted, stretching out his limbs like a content cat before nuzzling closer to you.

Having no idea what else to do, the eldest Holmes shut the door. After a quick and failed attempt to purge the last few moments from his memory, he made his way back towards the living room.

He was met by John.

The doctor quickly did away with his fresh bag of groceries in order to make small talk, much to Mycroft's disdain. When John got around to the reason for his visit, and therefore Sherlock's current whereabouts, Mycroft shifted awkwardly.

“He seems to be occupied.”

A look of confusion clouded John's expression. He glanced down the hallway, jutting his thumb in the direction of Sherlock's room.

“I'm fairly certain he's just–” John's words were dissolved by the bitter look that was thrown his way by the eldest Holmes. “–oh, he didn't tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Mycroft asked with a painfully fake smile.

John swallowed thickly, suddenly very unhappy with the fact that he was the one that had to break the news to possibly the most powerful man in Britain that his little brother was seeing someone.

“He uh– he didn't tell you about himself and Y/N?”

Mycroft blinked. “It would appear he left out that minor detail.”

The silence that followed was awkward at best and utterly painful at worst. John, who wanted nothing more for the interaction to end but had no idea how to make that happen, nodded. Mycroft cleared his throat and readjusted his hold on his umbrella.

He glanced back towards his brother's room and John didn't miss the subtle glare he was trying to hide. Ah, so that's what this was about. John may not have shared Sherlock's observational skills but he did have a sister. He knew what overprotectiveness looked like.

“Mycroft, you do realise that Sherlock is an adult.”

“If that's what you would like to call him.”

“Right,” John dismissed quickly. “But he and Y/N are together. They have feelings–”

What was very much beginning to sound like a new rendition of ‘the birds and the bees’ was shortened by a scoff on Mycroft's behalf.

"My brother is barely capable of understanding his own feelings, you think he can handle someone else's?"

“You'd be surprised.”

Surprised was certainly one word for it. Mycroft simply couldn't imagine his brother being emotionally involved with anyone, regardless of how much imagination he tried to employ. He failed to imagine Sherlock in any situation that involved intimacy or vulnerability, let alone with you.

As if the very thought of you had doubled as a summoning spell, you entered the kitchen, steps lazy and eyes tired. If you were surprised to see the eldest Holmes you hid it well.

“Mycroft,” you greeted with a tight-lipped smile.

“Y/N.”

Your eyes moved between him and John, trying to piece together what exactly you'd walked into. John cleared his throat. You fought the urge to just go back to bed.

“Can I get you anything?” You motioned to the kitchen.

“My brother, if it's no trouble.”

“Showering,” you yawned. You decided not to add the bit where Sherlock had mentioned needing to ‘cool off before facing the devil so early in the morning’ upon realising his brother was in the living room. “He won't be long.”

“I see. I hate to show up unannounced. But I tried to call this morning and it seemed he was unavailable.”

You smirked despite yourself. Mycroft's grasp on his umbrella tightened.

After a few agonising moments that consisted of you cluelessly making yourself a morning cup of tea, Mycroft glaring holes into your back and John all but hiding behind his newspaper, Sherlock joined you.

His hair was damp, curls frizzed up due to the warm water. Mycroft hadn't seen it in such a state since Sherlock was a child. The unruly nature of his hair, as well as its tendency to make him look far less intimidating and far more endearing, often led to embarrassment. Which is why Mycroft was so surprised to see him so at ease.

Sherlock didn't so much as acknowledge his brother's existence as he made a beeline towards you, accepting the tea you offered and leaving a lazy kiss against the side of your head. He was smiling fondly all the while.

Said smile immediately fell when he spotted Mycroft. Sherlock muttered something about god under his breath and took a long, almost purposefully so, sip from his mug before speaking.

“Terrorist attack or security breach?”

Mycroft raised an unamused brow.

“It's ten o'clock on a Sunday morning, from my understanding you should be having tea with the prime minister or something–” Sherlock waved his free hand around dismissively. “You wouldn't be here if it wasn't of national importance. So which is it? Suspected terrorist attack or a security breach?”

“That, brother mine, is something you would have already been clued in on if you'd learned how to answer my calls.” Mycroft intended for his words to be somewhat scolding but judging by how Sherlock reclined in his chair and crossed his legs he figured his attempt at exerting some sort of authority over his younger brother had failed. “Now, it's not as threatening as initially believed but still relevant enough to warrant some sort of investigation. Which is why I need you to–”

His words fizzled out at the sight of you moving to stand behind Sherlock's chair. Your stance was relaxed, comfortable, as if you felt you belonged where you stood, as some sort of watchful protector. Mycroft glowered.

You seemed unfazed and Mycroft couldn't tell which he hated more, your hand now on Sherlock's shoulder or the fact that his brother was smirking because of it.

By some miracle, he managed to make it through the rest of the briefing without giving away just how much he wanted the floorboards to open up and swallow him.

He didn't know why the sight of you both together irritated him so much but by god was it getting under his skin. The glances you shared that Mycroft knew had hidden meanings behind them. How his brother, who needed a week's recovery in his room after any social interaction, preened under your touch. The youthful look in his eyes, the boyish smile. It was somehow painful to look at.

Mycroft could still recall when he was the only one that could placate his brother. When they were children, spending hours in their garden estate, finding insects and frogs and recalling their Latin names. Anything to keep their brilliant young minds entertained. He remembered how Sherlock would light up with each new nugget of information Mycroft gave him. Even into their teenage years, he was the one Sherlock trusted, the one he looked to for help and guidance. It had always been him.

But now, now there was you.

He had you to confide in. To talk to. To irritate with a tirade of useless facts that anyone else would think irrelevant. He had you to look out for him and comfort him and Mycroft couldn't understand why this was angering him so–

Oh.

The notion that his little brother had, in fact, grown up and didn't need him anymore came as a very unwelcome realisation. Mycroft had the sudden desire to leave the flat as promptly as he could.

“Well,” he cleared his throat. “I should be getting on. I trust you'll fill me in on your findings?”

Sherlock groaned, in agreement or dismissal it was hard to tell.

Mycroft, who now wanted nothing more than to leave, turned to make his way to the door. “Good day, doctor Watson.”

John nodded, not failing to notice the change in Mycroft's stance.

‘He's copped on then.’

Partially because of your closeness to the door and partially in an attempt to rectify whatever you'd done to wrong Mycroft, you moved to show him out.

He passed you silently but as you stepped back to close the door, he stopped you.

He seemed uneasy, an emotion that looked unnatural and foreign on him. His nerves were infectious and you quickly found yourself growing anxious, expecting him to gift you with some horrific piece of information to pass on to Sherlock to save him from dealing with the mess of telling his brother himself.

His actual request was something much softer.

“Take care of him, will you?”

It took a few moments for you to blink away your surprise. As confused as you were, you nodded all the same.

“Of course.”

Mycroft responded with a nod of his own, offered a surprisingly genuine smile and then turned to leave. He'd descended the stairs entirely by the time you finally closed the flat door.

“What was that about?” Sherlock asked nonchalantly.

You shook your head. “Absolutely no idea.”

John took a sudden interest in his newspaper in an attempt to ignore just how hard he was biting his tongue.

thank you for reading!

Sherlock tag list: @miraclesoflove @ilovefanfictions @mylovelysnowflake @quentawewe @bakerstreethound @andreasworlsboring101 @doozywoozy @xxinvisiblexx @the-worst-critic @the-queer-dungeoneer @jellyfishbeansontoast @starrykitn @starryeddie @ladymercury8 @themorningsunshine @evelynrosestuff @mywellspringoflife @simp-for-scammanders @Xhz17x @allieberries @kealohilani-tepise

#finally starting to clear out my drafts to help me get back in the writing groove #sherlock x reader #sherlock holmes x reader #bbc sherlock x reader #sherlock imagine #sherlock x you #sherlock holmes x you #bbc sherlock x you #bbc sherlock imagine #bbc sherlock #1k

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atopvisenyashill · 2 months

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there's a really sad parallel theme running through arya and cat's stories and it's that both of them are considered to be Doing Womanhood Improperly and struggling at how to reconcile their own feelings with the expectations of the people around them...

cat spends her whole life with arguably more power than most women would have due to her atypical life; first, as heir presumptive of riverrun, then, as acting lady of riverrun, and finally, as ned's beloved wife. all of this gives her the freedom to do wild stuff like travel to KL in secret, take tyrion hostage (and outwit him at nearly every turn!), get involved in conspiracies and politics and help raise banners, to use her shrewd mind and her intellect in a way that challenges and excites her....but when ned dies, every single iota of power is stripped from her and handed to robb by law and there's nothing she can do to reign in her fifteen year old son who makes mistake after mistake and drowns out her voice because it conflicts with his....

and as she struggles through her complete loss of power, unable to decide for herself where her path will go, unable to give commands, unable to argue for the safety of her daughters, helplessly watching her father die, arya goes on her own journey that involves a complete loss of power. arya's womanhood is a constant threat looming over her head so she leans into her non conformity to save her own life and fears that her newfound strength and harshness will make her mother turn from her for Being A Lady Incorrectly, never knowing that her mother is so desperate to get her back that catelyn has decided she's through being a proper lady and starts arguing back, starts acting without asking, starts showing her resentment on her face and gets herself banished by her own son...

both of them spend all of the first two books struggling with their womanhood only to have a flashpoint of realizing they can simply stop following the rules because the rules are unfair - from arya's " I am a direwolf, and done with wooden teeth" to catelyn freeing jaime from the dungeons, they realize the Rules of Men will never help them, will never save them, and turn to their own intellect, their own grief, their own cunning and despair and violence, to do what the Rules of Men have never been able to do and that is to keep them as women safe.

And its with each other, I think, that they will only be able to lay down their despair and grief and find both peace and comfort in this new definition of womanhood that they've both carved out for themselves!

#valyrianscrolls #catelyn stark defense squad #been trying to make this post for like 8 months and could never figure out how to compare the two #catelyn stark #arya stark #mothers and daughters #getting on my soap box #i'm saying arya and lady stoneheart are going to meet that's what i'm saying #i know everyone says this but if i had to bet money on one (1) thing happening in twow it's arya and lsh being lsh's final scene #clearing out my drafts a bit here #well not everyone says this there's some absolutely stupid takes that jaime will kill lsh and i cannot even begin to explain why THAT #is not fucking happening

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bookshelf-in-progress · 8 months

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There's always a danger of caring too much about a story, and then getting paralyzed by the need to do it justice, so it never gets written.

I've solved this problem in the past by writing stories so fast that I don't have time to get too invested, or writing stories that I'm not that attached to.

But maybe the trick is to love the story so much that I want to share it any way I can, even if it's imperfect. To feel that any version of this story is better than the story never getting written at all. To get out of my own way and stop worrying about what other people will think of my writing, or even what I think of my writing, and love the story for its own sake, love the readers enough to want to have the joy of sharing the story with them.

Maybe it'll work. Maybe it won't. But so far it feels like a much better approach.

#adventures in writing #i think inklings has finally born fruit for me #other years i've stayed far away from beloved story concepts #for just this reason #and then i mentally shelved most of those story concepts #recognizing i'd likely never write them in a way that lives up to my imagination #and that probably gave me the distance i needed to pick some of them up again #for one thing the short time frame of inklings forces me to get down to the heart of the concept to fit it into a short story #and the long development time means i've had time to figure out what the core of the concept *is*#what keeps this story lingering in my imagination; which means i know what the good parts are #and then the deadline also forces me to try to write it fast and short #because if i don't write it for inklings i likely never will #and that's a tragedy i want to avoid #having such a clear concept of the story's core #means i can put up with ugly haphazard drafts #because i know what the overall story feels like; i've had years to develop it #so instead of a bad draft proving a story's not worth writing #i *know* that the story's worth writing because it's stuck with me this long #so the ugly drafts are just the building blocks necessary to create the final product #of course the danger is that i'll put out a story and it won't be as cool outside my head #and people will hate this piece of my soul i've poured out to them #but if i love it enough maybe it'll reach that special status #where it means so much to me personally that the wider audience reaction doesn't matter #but before i worry about this i gotta write a draft first

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skrunksthatwunk · 2 months

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why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone'#gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE.#MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time.#i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum)#eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit)#i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

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yzafre · 3 months

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Trying to wrap my head around my thoughts re: 2012 and Rise, and how they hit my brain, and it’s like...

The things I think these two series are missing/needed to improve on are what the other series did really well? Like, each show would be enhanced by borrowing from the other (an impossibility in one direction due to the linear nature of time, but you get me).

And now I'm going to post about it to hopefully trick my brain into thinking I talked to someone about it so that maybe it'll let me think about anything else.

Uhhh putting a read more because this is mostly just a brain-dump ramble to free my mind from the topic-loop and it got. Long.

Okay, exposing my biases ahead of time: while I very much enjoyed both series, I will admit that Rise appeals more to my personal taste. I do also like 2012! I liked it a lot, it’s just that, you know, I’m easily drawn in by cool 2d animation and anime bullshit, and also Rise’s humor matches mine better, which means it's the one I’m more likely to re-watch. However, that doesn't mean I think Rise is perfect.

Also, for the sake of this rant, we’re going to be ignoring the circumstances surrounding production. Yes, yes, we all know the executives specifically asked for Rise to have a much lighter tone, and that it got cut really short, and that affected how things panned out – but I don’t know enough about 12’s production to compare them fairly on that front. So.

MOVING ON FROM THAT.

Let’s start with ROTTMNT. I love Rise, love a good shenanigan, but... can you really deny that it would have been nice to have a more even split between pure shenanigans and more serious episodes? Even just getting closer to 50/50?

Don’t get me wrong, the shenanigans absolutely have their place and actually contribute to what I like about Rise’s writing (which I will talk about in the 12 section), but the overwhelming amount of them really messes with the pace of the show overall, and with the escalation of tension.

Obviously, you can’t have every episode have the spectacle of an episode like, say Many Unhappy Returns, I'm pretty sure animating that shit's expensive, and early on it’s not like they really know what they’re slowly being dragged into, but... post Shadow of Evil, you’d kind of like them to acknowledge the stakes more, right? And even before the turtles themselves know, you’d like the slow build that only the audience is getting to be a bit more consistent, right?

You’d like the weaving together of the plot and character arcs episode-to-episode to just be a bit more well-thought out... wouldn’t you?

And that is what TMNT 12 is good at.

I personally think 12 peaked in season 2 (I was so engaged with that season, the buildup was phenomenal), but throughout the entire series it is obvious just how much effort they are putting into developing these interweaving plots, and it pays off. Every episode is a self-contained story, true, but even from season 1 you can see how even the most one-off episode is putting at least one thing into the Rube Goldberg machine that’s going to go off at the end of the season. It honestly impressed me how they balanced “you can watch any episode on its own because tv has re-runs" and “every episode leads into the next until everything blows up”.

The end of season 2, when the tension they've been ratcheting up inch by inch nearly every episode finally releases, and all the dominoes start falling and danger is coming from every direction? Mwah. Stellar. Like, devastating cliff-hanger of an ending, but also the satisfaction of seeing it all fall apart? It's gripping.

Also, they acknowledge the stakes. 12 is obviously going for a much more serious tone, and covers some heavier topics like revenge, obsession, healing, ect (in a kind of surface level way for young kids, yes, but this is a nickelodeon toy-selling series. Genre and intended audience matters). I may not always agree with the answers they come to, but they are trying! As opposed to Rise where the enemies feel... kind of out-of-sight, out-of-mind, in 12 the Shredder, and occasionally the Kraang, are a constant threat that they are always aware of.

While the setup is different (12!Shredder wants them dead specifically, whereas the Rise boys don’t really know what the Shredder will want other than mass destruction when the armor is complete), you kind of feel like the danger could have maybe been a little more acknowledged in Rise.

And like... the move into season 2 had them getting the Shredder armor "contained", which they used to go so far backwards on stakes which is... I mean, there were other choices they could have made.

You can argue that many shows reset the stakes when you beat the season boss at the end, but... Rise specifically went straight back to "straight shenanigans with little awareness of the outside world", repeating the "occasionally things are happening to build up to the end outside the turtle's awareness" and it's. It's a pacing and escalation, issue, again. And yes, we got some of my favorite episodes out of season 2! Season 2 had some good episodes! But also... I would have liked the stakes to progress just a bit?

When you finally had such a huge shift in the plot, and then suddenly you go ALL the way back down the where you started in stakes and tone it can be a bit... jarring. It's a pacing and escalation issue, again.

Also, if we’re going a bit more abstract, Rise could have had more serious episodes relating to their main theme/focus.

2012 was obviously focusing on their plot, and specifically the history between Splinter and Shredder, and the concepts of revenge and obsession. And it came up a lot! It was threaded through the majority of the episodes. I might not always personally agree with the conclusions they came to, but I can’t deny they treated it with gravitas.

Rise seemed to be focusing on family bonds and family baggage. And it's woven into a lot of the silliness. And there are also some episodes that address it seriously! And they’re GOOD! But, uh – there could definitely have been more. Especially for the Splinter-children relationships.

They went with a very risky play for Splinter and his arc, and while I personally liked the shape of it, I can understand the people who take a very negative interpretation of this Splinter because there were not enough episodes dealing with reconciling his relationship with his kids. They made a point to show that things were strained, made the theme family bonding, and then... didn’t put in enough episodes to finish off their main theme.

Don’t get me wrong, what Rise does have for their characters is very, very good. Again, I’ll be talking about it in the 2012 section. It’s just... the pacing of it all.

So, what I think Rise needed is what 2012 excelled at – pacing and interweaving of the plot, proper escalation of stakes, and time spent highlighting their main theme in more serious episodes.

Now, the other half of the equation: 2012.

I mentioned earlier that 2012 was going for a more serious tone, and that it was focused on the plot. And they did it well! It paid off! I just maybe, personally, think that came at the cost of the character writing.

It’s not that it’s bad. They’ve got a strong sense of character voice for their main cast. It’s just that when you go anywhere beyond that it’s really... average for a kid's cartoon, and when compared to the obvious effort they went to when weaving together the plot it sticks out. Of course, authors are allowed to lean into plot-based narrative over character-based, and this might just be personal taste again, but...

I’m going to put in a reminder that everything in this rant is based on how the writing hit my brain specifically. Different people will experience the same story differently, yes? Yes.

That being said, the character writing for 2012 hit me weird. There were “character episodes” in between the plot ones, yes, but they didn’t feel... connected? If the pacing of the plot in Rise felt weird and disjointed, the character arcs, if I could find them in 12, felt the same way. It’s like they would drop in a really interesting nugget for a character into a single episode, and I’d be excited to see where it went – and then it would either be shoved way in the background from there on out, or dropped completely. It often left me feeling like I’d missed a step going down the stairs, when I expected them to start working on a character arc and they just went back to the status quo. That’s not uncommon for a kids show, but... they put so much more effort into the intricacies of the plot!

What ended up feeling missing was a development of the characters from an internal perspective. That is, hm.

I mentioned earlier that there were narrative benefits to the shenanigan structure of Rise. The first half of this is because it lives and dies by its characters. They can’t depend on an engaging plot to capture your interest long-term, because the plot is only in select episodes, so by god you better be attached to these characters. While part of the humor is, yes, the situations they get into, the other part is the character dynamics – both the friction between them, but also the positive synergy between them. That’s not to say 2012 doesn’t have character interactions – they've got their banter – it's just that it doesn’t have to carry the episode the way it does in Rise.

The other half of the narrative benefits is that more episodes can be motivated by the character’s internal desires, rather than external forces. Stepping outside of TMNT to reference everyone’s favorite cartoon, Avatar, for every, say, Avatar Roku, you’ve gotta have a The Waterbending Scroll.

2012 is largely driven by its plot – which is a good plot! But what felt like, eh, 90% of the time? Everything that’s happening is motivated by what the antagonists are doing – the Kraang/Purple Dragons/Foot are doing this bad thing, or coming after us, and we have to stop them, because we’re the good guys/they’ll kill us if we don’t. Not bad, objectively, it certainly raises stakes! But also, it doesn’t really let us in on, like, the character’s internal world or what they want.

With Rise’s shenanigans...

Origami Tsunami happens because the boys got a taste of fighting and want to chase that high. Shell in a Cell happens because Raph loves wrestling, his brothers seem to like it well enough or otherwise want to hang out/humor him, and Leo is feeding his ego/fighting his insecurities. Repo Mantis is because Donnie and Mikey were hanging out while Donnie collected resources(?), saw something they wanted, and went balls to the walls to acquire it. The Purple Jacket happens because Donnie wanted to experience toxic academia and fashion. I could go on.

My point is Rise leaves more space for the episodes to be internally motivated, and that ends up telling us a lot about their characters! What did they want? How did they specifically go about trying to get it? Did they involve others? Who did they involve? It adds depth to them, even in the silly goofy show!

There is also one specific writing trick Rise uses which I wish could go back in time and be implemented into 2012, and that is: “line played for laughs in one episode” > “oh wait they were serious”.

I’m talking the “my first positive reinforcement from a parent-aged adult. EVER.” to Turtle-dega Nights pipeline. Minotaur Maze to Many Unhappy Returns for Leo. Arguably Pizza Puffs to the series finale for Raph, if you follow me. Reparin’ the Baron to Hidden City’s Most Wanted.

Even in the jokes, the throw-away lines, Rise is exposing what makes the characters tick. And then when it hits, it hits. This is why, while the Rise arcs are kind of incomplete, the writing still feels more consistent to me and I find it easier to see the intended arc they were going for.

And I so so so wish 2012 had that kind of thing, or ANY more focus put on character development, because, not to harp on this again, but they’ll drop in this one really interesting line or action from a character in a single episode focusing on them, then never mention it again or develop on the concept, and it kind of makes me feral because, like -

I want to gather up all these weird little scraps they give about these characters and pin them up conspiracy-board style and go: why didn’t we get a plot line about this? Or this? Did you notice how a lot of the time Raph is pushing for more action against their enemies, he brings up that they’re out there hurting more people? And that could indicate a unique empathy for the victims, which would have been an interesting expansion on the vengeance theme of the showing, looking at justice v vengeance when ti comes to people without the ability to fight back? Leo has a lot of tension between wanting to be a good leader and wanting the freedom to make impulsive choices and chase what he wants, which is interesting when you also look at moments we see with his two role models the sci-fi hero (who is kind of an asshole) and Splinter (who, while wise, has baggage that sometimes affects his decisions), and it feels like somewhere between all that there could have been an expanded storyline that actually resolved that tension between responsibility and personal desire that would have lead to his own version of leadership? What about getting a focus on the few lines Donnie gives about his insecurities/stress re: his scientific abilities/role, rather than dragging him into his extremely bland romantic b-plot? Can we address the weird way Mikey did chemistry magic two or three times but it’s never brought up outside that, or that one line by the anger-persona in his mind explicitly saying he tries to repress his anger because he doesn’t like the way it feels, or, or -

Why do they keep dropping these really interesting inciting incidents for character arcs and then not going anywhere with them I am losing my mind I am shaking the writers why do you keep teasing me like this -

Ahem.

Additionally... well, I mentioned above that Rise has a main theme of family bonds, where... 2012 kind of struggled to convince me of any relationship. Or, no, that sounds harsher than what I really mean.

I also want to clarify that I am not saying I think they dislike or don't care about each other, or any of the extremely negative takes I’ve seen thrown at the 12 characters dynamics. That’s not it at all. It’s just that they all felt... very surface level? Sometimes it felt like the show wanted you to just accept that the characters were close without putting in the work to really show it. And definitely not to explore it in depth. (And I know, I know, I know! It’s a Nick kids show! But! They put so much effort into the plot!)

Again, I think this is affected by the lower usage of internal motivation for episodes. Characters doing things because they want them, then seeing how those different desires interact, gives you a better view of their relationships than just seeing a team work together because they have a common enemy.

Again, it’s not that 2012 never does this. We see glimpses of them playing around – competing to do flips when running the city, watching their tv shows, playing pinball (was it pinball? Or an arcade game?). It’s just that the emphasis on the plot (not an objectively bad thing!) leaves less room for episodes based on them just... doing things together, because they want to. And less room for engaging in personalized interests together, rather than separately, and seeing how that plays out.

I think I’m devolving into senseless rambling at this point, so to sum up:

2012’s emphasis on plot – which it generally excels at! – leaves less room for exploring stories based on internal motivations, which I find necessary for consistent character arcs or relationship development and are the elements Rise kind of lives on when its plot is running thin.

Hopefully none of this is taken as an attack on/dislike for either iteration. I like them both! It’s just they both drive me a little bit crazy with what could have been!

Of course, this is all down to personal taste and interpretation. I am fairly aware of my biases, I think. I am very much attracted to character-driven narratives, and even in plot-based ones I have a tendency to care more about the character implications than the plot itself. There’s a reason Days (the oops all character writing game) is my favorite Kingdom Hearts story!

(I do, also, really, really like anime bullshit, so do with that what you will.)

I am also aware that I binge-watched this series as an adult years after it ended, and that combination of factors may affect my reception. (Admittedly I did that for both series, but). Your experience might be very, very different, but I’m trying to understand the way these two shows are hitting my brain.

Thinking it over also gives me a hypothesis (which other people have probably already figured out) of why certain people are drawn to one series of the other: 2012 probably appeals more to people who are engaged by continuous, interconnected plots and careful pacing in a story, while Rise probably appeals to people who are more engaged by pure character pieces (and anime bullshit).

#maybe if I get this out of my head #my brain will clear and I can finally get back to work on my kh fic #I've got less than 10 chapters left to draft but turtles Will Not Leave Me Alone!#rottmnt #tmnt 2012 #yza talks about a thing #not posting this mean my brain continues to spin in circles as the thoughts are trapped...#but contemplating posting all these opinions is making me queasy...#fuck it post it and immediately walk away #like you do with scary work emails #go straight to bed do not pass go do not collect your anxiety #tmnt

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hollowfaith · 11 months

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「✧」 And what did they have here? Eight feet tall, glowing eyes, a disagreeable symbol gracing his symbol—it's enough to send most of Aurelius' internal alarms ringing, though the outright lack of malice from the giant stays his hand.

"Pardon me," he said conversationally, stepping next to the silent, armored figure while dressed to the nines.

"You wouldn't happen to be a demon, would you?"

It was painfully direct, but one could learn a lot about a man from the answers he gave to awkward questions.

@redhorseman ໒꒱

#redhorseman #redhorseman 𓆩⟡𓆪 01 #𝔉𝔞𝔠𝔞𝔡𝔢 𖥨ํ ic #hiiiii finally cleared my drafts so i can write this starter hahaha #might as well get the burning question out and over with

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sevnthhart-a · 1 year

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» @cloudvii asked: ❛ i've never done anything to hurt you — & you're still scared of me. ❜

there was a flash of guilt that etched her features. she didn't expect it — nor did she really know what to say. words failed her. she couldn't apologize for feeling afraid & she couldn't simply take it back. it was there. everytime she watched him interact with anyone that wasn't her. some part of her truly believed, if he could bring harm to them, he could do the very same to her.

they were enemies — or supposed to be. she didn't think enemies asked each other questions like that. there was a soft inhale, knuckles white. ❛ ... what do you want me to say, cloud? ❜ her voice was small — a tone unintentionally upset & fearful. she was still harboring the idea that one word could set him off.

it would've been so simple if all her feelings towards him were based solely around fear. no — she just couldn't help but worry about him as well. that complicated things, but she would rather have him frustrated with her than forget about her entirely.

it was a vicious cycle, dancing between caution & concern.

❛ i'm trying... ❜ to do what? she wondered. no attempts had been made to push him away, despite knowing it was the safer choice ( it was selfish on her end. saying goodbye is much too permanent for her liking. ) ; & she wasn't actively working to get rid of any ill feelings — but it wasn't like it lingered every moment he was around. only when circumstances were right.

trying... she shook her head. it felt like she wasn't really trying at all. ❛ yeah... i guess i am still scared of you... ❜ honesty. a refreshing change of pace on both ends. ❛ so... what do we... do about it? ❜

#cloudvii #𓆩*: ♡ holy water — plastic flowers. you got what you were running after ... [ 𝐕: 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. ]#hey check me out finally getting verse tags in order HA #a crumb of angst as i clear out my drafts :))

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cursedxartist · 2 years

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plotting/starter call

ok, finally got my queue filled up through early january, and all of the aesthetic/musings posts in my drafts tagged and queued, and turns out i have a LOT less actual rp-related drafts than i thought i did so like this post to plot/for a starter! multis please specify <3

#[ 🌹 | for it is you who is the author of my misery { OOC } ]#[ 🌹 | but opening up means trusting others { STARTER CALL } ]#[ i had over 100 drafts just sitting there. for so long. got them cleared n turns out only 9 of them are actual rp drafts ]#[ most of which were at the very bottom ]#[ finals are getting pretty close so i cant guarantee ill get to those super soon BUT. my muse is high and getting all of that --#-- shit cleared out has made looking at my drafts much less daunting so it will be done soon-ish ]#[ well soon by my standards anyway FDREFVBVGF ]

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dr-lizortecho · 1 year

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actually, the quickest way to get blocked is to make some dumbass statement about how Michael was or should have been the main/lead character on rnm

#and don’t get me wrong I loved and adore Mikey #it’s the principle of the thing #anyways not in response to anything in particular #I just cleared out my drafts of everything 4x13 related that helped me vent and like…#I’m finally in a place where I’ve fully come to terms with that finale #and seriously it’s like Taylor Swifts song Daylight for lack of a better analogy #so be prepared for me to make a really really long and sappy Liz/echo post after work #cause I just have to give tribute to her character and Jeanine #which I hadn’t been able to do post series

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promiscxous · 2 years

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MOBILE DATING GAME:

TAGGED BY: Nobody, I stole it from myself off of Mika’s blog since it was something I did a long time ago. TAGGING: @fonzeworth, @trandafirs, @anomieheld, only do it if you want to.

route start: “Good evening. I humbly welcome you to the Holy Church of Heiliger, where we express our greatest gratitude to the current Goddess, Heiliger, in the absence of our true Goddess, The Sacred One. Now then, please, feel free to let me know if there’s ever anything I can assist you with.” route switch: “Are you taking your leave? ...Very well then. May the Goddess protect you in your traveling endeavors.”

menu interface, poke a: “My apologies, I didn’t notice you there.” menu interface, poke b: “Do you need something? What can I assist you with?” menu interface, poke (repeatedly): “Goodness, do you really need to do such things? If there’s something you wish to discuss, all you have to do is say so.” menu interface, poke max ♥: “My, my~. It seems that someone desires my attention a little more than they should, but... I can’t say that I mind all that much. Though, if you really do desire my attention, you’ll have to wait until after hours, only then can I properly compensate you~.”

completed scene , +♥: “It’s always a pleasure to spend time with you like this. I hope that we can continue this relationship further.” completed scene, -♥: “Perhaps I shouldn’t have wasted so much time on someone like you...? You have my apologies, I didn’t expect things to turn out this way. I have work to get back to, now if you’ll excuse me.”

gift (neutral): “A... gift? Are you certain you wish to give me something like this?” gift (disliked): “...Just what exactly do you take me for? Did you really think that something like this would appeal to me? Clearly you don’t know me as well as I originally thought you did. My mistake.” gift (liked): “Oh my... did you really go out of your way to get me this? Surely you understand just how difficult it is to acquire something like this? You shouldn’t have troubled yourself so much, yet... I can’t help but feel so very flattered. You have my most sincere thanks.” gift: (their birthday): “Hm? Oh, have you truly come all this way to celebrate with me? My, how generous of you~. To think that you’ve asked around to discover when my birthday was... It’s rather flattering in truth. I don’t believe that I’ve ever spend my birthday with anyone other than my family, so this shall be a first for me. You have my thanks regardless.”

birthday: “Happy birthday, [Insert Name Here]. I heard that today is your birthday so I thought it best if I come to grant you a wish personally. I also have a gift for you. I do hope that you like it, I put a lot of thought and effort into crafting it. Perhaps once you’ve spent time with everyone else... you would enjoy going somewhere with me? Where? That’s a surprise~.”

#.♡ ~ [ ' sᴀɪɴᴛ ᴏғ ғᴇʀᴛɪʟɪᴛʏ; ᴄᴜʀsᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ sɪɴ ᴏғ ʟᴜsᴛ. ' ] - ✡ ᴋᴏᴜɪ ʏᴜᴍɪsʜɪ ✡#.♡ ~ [ ' “ɪᴛ’s ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ; ᴏʜ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ғᴇᴇᴅ!” ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴏᴋᴇʀ ᴀᴄᴄᴜʀsᴇᴅ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ғʀᴀɴᴛɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ sᴄʀᴇᴀᴍ. ' ] - ✡ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴs #{ I finally finished doing a version for Koui. }#{ This has been sitting in my drafts for a while now. }#{ But I finally got it finished. }#{ It was really fun to do again. }#{ As for why I did it? Because I wanted to. }#{ That's all the reason that I need. }#{ Hopefully I can continue to clear out Koui's drafts. }#{ Just like I'm trying to do with Mika and my multimuse. }#{ Also the first time y'all get to see Koui's new icons. }

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wcvensouls-archive · 2 years

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can i stop procrastinating and be productive again fr

#out of candy : ooc .#my goal first is to finish the starter call from ages ago even tho #ppl prob forgot about it at this point :sob:#but i wanna do that and then clear out #my drafts which arent that many thankfully #so that i can finally add the muses #onto their pages bc i have added abt 10+ muses and have not put them up yet #bc i keep procrastinating #i just rly miss being productive here and having threads #and interactions with people #but i'm struggling really hard to do that #i thought about moving blogs but i dont think that is the issue and it wont rly help #so i just need to get started somehow ig #i have my first #psychiatrist appointment this week so i'm excited for that #maybe i'll finally have some semblance of normality in my life soon #cos this anxiety and adhd aint it #tbd .#anyways i rambled but #i gotta do some things first and then i'll try to do things here afterwards

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dontflirt · 3 months

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hyunie spam today (bc I missed yesterday) and bc I’ve had so many sets saved in my drafts for years 🙄

#m.💬#time to clear out!#back to 300 again #since I finally got my other blog I order I can get back to this one #and go though my tag and drafts

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wordsarefakeokay · 9 months

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The universe told me to stop and reflect. The universe told me "don't escape the safe place you've built, learn to see it as home again. Reinforce the barricades and the borders, define your home, name your boundaries. Define what is safe for you and cut what is not. Be okay with your decision and while you do that learn to walk again"

My hands are my voice. I'm finding my peace in the writing. These thumbs have written more essays and fairy tales than on this here heaven and earth Horatio....or at least at a computer. There's no end to the strength and dexterity of my thumbs on my phone. Instead of telling trolls on that inconsequential app Twitter off I spend my time playing with words like preschool blocks and building castles out of cardboard. I am a kid again putting the voice to the thoughts I was too scared to express, to scared to share. I was blinded by the idea of happily ever after and that once the girl gets her prince or resolves her issues, that's supposed to be the end of the story. Aren't you happy now you have a man? Aren't you happy now you had one meaningful conversation with your mom, isn't it all water under the bridge by now?

Now I can say no one breakthrough is not a solution. It's an epiphany and how you respond afterwards is your truth. Will you wake up and try better, wake up and try at all, or will you think that the epiphany is enough and that therapy is a quick fix solution. Will you try at all or stay the same. Will you be there or will you be present, aware, active, engaging. Will you just sit in the room and think that's enough or will you try. Your response tells us everything.

So I sit here in my princess and the pea bed of mattresses and it's soft and home and clean and safe. I still watch fairy tales but now I look at all the characters and think about who's storyline has helped me grow the most in that hour and a half. Who's growth is going to help me with my own and now I find that it changes day to day. I am the hero of my own story and sometimes that means I'm the side character for someone else because my relationship with them matters to me, they matter to me but also by listening to my dear ones woes I can reflect on my own. The advice I give them also helps me. And I practice this when I'm watching a movie. It's not just observing cinematic experience in a moment, it's learning how the story unfolds based on how the director sees it and understanding the use and importance of dialogue. Only the best shows make it hard to choose which storyline applies that day because everyone and everything about the story is working in perfect harmony. And everytime I am different, unique, feeling a singular train of thought that day and the movie, the story takes me somewhere else. They still come with a sick beat and melody to match so some things stay the same. It is me who is different and wiser now. And that is okay. That is called growth.

So that is why it must be that the universe said "nah honey take a chill pill" and zapped me with the fortune of a few broken foot bones and some joint fractures for measure. When they bury me in the ground my right foot will look different from my left. Those bones don't look the way they do when I started this trainwreck rollercoaster called life. So I stay comfy and I wait and I wait. I manage pain and I wait and I wait. I see my doctor take the medication eat food and I eat the right food and I wait. And wait. And wait until my doctor says otherwise. I'm healing, and mending skeletal framework and rewiring my muscles. And everytime I get a little closer to having a normal life again I go right back to bed before waking up to try again. Can't you see that I'm trying?

So you're not welcome here. Your presence isn't safe. You aren't a safe space for me anymore and looking back on it I don't really think you were. I don't know how you clearly must be for other people. You are a volcano ready to erupt at a kids science fair at the earliest sign of Pepsi on Mentos. You are a fire hydrant who's lug nut did not get properly tightened on it's last task. You are a hallowed antique store that is precious to your small community that I'm terrified to enter because I'm not worthy. Because the person behind the counter is analyzing my every move my every breath and tallying every close call or smudged foot print I leave. They're preparing to sanitize every surface, polish every piece, freaking sage your safe zone from the enemy that apparently was me all along. I was walking on eggshells in your safe space, even when you opened it up to me. I was holding my breath Incase I breathed funny and triggered something in you. I was recounting verbal chess moves to see where everything went wrong. And at the end of the day I learned

We are not good for each other. We are not safe for each other. Your china shop is at your exact specifications and new elements are not welcome in your life. And that's your problem because you missed out on knowing me. You missed out on really knowing me. You saw what you could gather in a year and you told me I wasn't good enough. You told me the four deadly words to anyone's soul: you're not good enough. You asked me to change and never wondered what I needed from you if we were gonna stay in each other's lives. Stay as family. Be a family. Family makes room in the shops for you to visit. I wanted to look at your antiques and doodads and any memory you ever wanted to share that was neat or painful or funny or raw. Any memory that told me about you. Your antique shop was in black and white while I was there and all I wanted to do was know what colors went where. I wanted to know who you were in all the funny or scary or weird or nice microcosms about you. What makes you a person and can I be good in your life like I thought you would be in mine.

I guess we answered that question the day I broke my foot. It was the day you tried to fix things. It was the day you broke my heart. The kind of break you've been through before but you thought was behind you. The hurt that reminds you of your mom, the mom who's better over there out of my own book store.

And the worst part is that I know if I told you this you'd tell me that the antique china shop I described is actually a mom and pop OG game stop before game stop became popular. Itd be the hit place with the kids in the district or the kids in the group home or the kids in the after school DARE program rode their bikes and scooters and skateboards to while laughing at lessons and thinking about drugs and how the things "you're too young to mess with" are actually something you can get at the guy from the 711 on the way to the mom and pop store. You'd tell me that the antiques found in here we're the treasures of your youth, that the retro pieces of my time were the norm in yours. That every day nostalgia for you was an era away that I can appreciate like a fine wine. We are different and I was trying to understand what was in your store. I was trying to understand why this mom and pop shop stayed at this block with this community and supported this family and these kids. Why is this a safe place for others and not a safe space for me. I was trying to understand. Do you hear that? I was trying. to. understand. And you let me explore for a little bit I think I sneezed or laughed with you about something or maybe it was a comment or my body language or my attitude but I also could have just breathed wrong and you put up hazards saying "this place isn't safe with my little sister anymore" with everyone in your life on alert to figure out how to keep a sniper rifle trained on me. And from that first offense, every little mistake I made got worse, there was no end to punishments or tough fam conversations. I left a job because of that kind of treatment why are you surprised I blocked you? Why did you make your hurt my problem at the end of everything when I told you it was over and that I was done. Why are you like this? I hope you answer that question later for yourself one day so I'll say it again for spiciness. Why. are. you. like. this? Why can't you change?

The worst part about it is I know how you'll respond to all this and it goes a little something like this: you'd respond in a way that would make it about you just so you could have the last say and end this on a note where your hurt is my problem (again) and you would end it in a way that would prompt me to respond. You talk to hurt and be right so you can sleep at night and I talk to heal and grow. We're different. And when things go bad, things are worse before the bull breaks the retro shop.

The bull was you all along. Please know that before we talk again.

#things i wish i could say #things i wish i told my sister #a word in edgewise #i think i was writing a warm up earlier about something else and then this came out #so this became my first draft of something i wish i had told my sister when i finally cut her off #monologues #monologuesque #id write a soliloquy in ny sleep if it would mean she would change #i wanted to work things out so badly #honestly just for her wife at the end but still. i found two big sisters for the price of one #and her wife was more a sister to me than my actual sister was #her wife gets angry but she doesnt get mean #and she would never yell at me #or make me feel like im not enough #i got the message loud and clear from my own mother if my sister is just gonna keep telling me that everytime we talk and not also try to #fix her shit at the same time or value my trauma as the same as her own well #fuck out of my life the doors right there #and i dont need you to contact me so ill block your ass on the way out ya asshole #dont be surprised when i dont want to try if you wont either #that kind of relationship is not worth my time until you change yourself #fuck you for hurting me and then thinking you can brush it away with an apology #the hurts still there dickhead #okay im done #theres obviously a lot left unsaid and i wish more than anything i could just out it behind me once and for all #but things still feel unresolved and i just know #i just know. shes going to show up after a cool enough period when things are good for her and shes feeling a high and she wants to brag #and tell me shes right and that she was kind of wrong but shes still right and i know that mentality will be sooo hard for her to break bc #its the only mechanism she has to help her sleep at night #anyway grrr #writing

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