WHERE ARE YOU NOW? MOODBOARDS

ellie nash // 35 years old // leo // depressed alcoholic, fragile yet strong, stubborn, smart, emotionally damaged, & a journalist/novelist who writes columns for lots of different publications

ellie nash is in crisis mode. she had been for a long time at the start of the story. she's the girlfriend of sean cameron, best friend to alex nunez, and her life and potential are slowly cycling down the drain. she's recently picked up even more bad habits and is cursed and doomed by her mother's past alcoholism because now she's also succumbed to drinking away her troubles and can't stop on her own, even if that's her wish. she fears what happens if and when she stops, will he still be there or is he only around because he fears her hurting herself or killing herself through her drinking and other vices. she's racked up a record with public intoxication and incidents at local establishments. there are places she can't go because she's been drunk and a little disorderly. she's tired of being put second but is too cowardly to speak on it.

(resume biography under the cut!)

for a few years she had managed and was seemingly under control, she'd see it become an issue but she surrendered after finding sean isn't as in love with her as much as she loves and thinks the world of him. maybe because it finally dawned on her that she's not the girl he fell in love with deep down, or the girl he fell for at all and serves him as a placeholder. she would hate to say these bitter words out loud, and for a time she hardly saw sean because he works a lot, late, what is supposed to think? ellie feels underappreciated and it isn't for a lack of trying. she can see that her alcohol dependence is ruining her life and the relationships both personal and professional, she can't find the strength to stop, she hates herself and her confidence is nonexistent. she has so much potential, and she's literally pissing it away, even sean can see she's a shell of who she has he has a hard time sympathizing because there's so much damage there and he doesn't want to enable so he leaves it, the topic alone. he knows the signs because of his own parents that she's in the throws of it, and ellie needs help, so for a long time he put up with her drinking because he didn't want to argue or felt like his urging and pushing for her stop would cause a fight, or simply stuck it out with her, even when it nearly broke him. he loves her, she knows that, otherwise why would he stick by her all these years?

she hates the idea of confronting with what she knows in secret, such as a hidden photo in the sock drawer and the kitchen junk drawer, for fear he'd get angry with her, as well as little comments and things she remembers from the past, and leave and abandon her too like most everybody. ✨

"How the fuck do you know my name?” Dean hisses. The man doesn’t look scared. He is watching Dean like there is nothing else worth watching, lips a little parted, eyes a little soft. And blue. Real blue, like the ocean on a postcard. The ice spreading down Dean’s spine makes him shiver.  “I suppose you could say I’m your guardian angel,” the man murmurs. His breath fogs pale between them. All of him is unnaturally warm, like Dean’s touching somebody with the sun sewn up beneath their skin. “I have known you, Dean Winchester, for a very long time.”

"PSALM 40:2" by unicornpoe - ALL FIC MOODBOARD GIFSETS -  

- FEW MORE GIFS UNDER THE CUT - ( SPOILER ALERT!!! PLEASE DON’T LOOK IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE FIC BUT PLAN TO! THIS WILL RUIN MANY THINGS FOR YOU! PLEASE!!! READ FIRST! OK?! OK!!!)

seriously 

you’ve been warned!

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"...reminds me of this other time, someone was telling a joke, and it went, 'what do you call a man with no head who goes out driving his automobile on the highway' and we didn't even realise Novak was listening, but he comes past and goes, “Improbable, mostly”. Jesus. It's in the way he says it, trust me. All straight-faced and serious, somehow it's hilarious. Anyway, good to hear you're feeling a little better now, write as soon as you hear from dad, and you take care – of yourself and of Jess. Or else. Charlie and Joe say hi. Bitch. T-4 Sergeant Winchester 91W1O, Company B, 116th Infantry Regiment 29th Infantry Division United States Army" ‘NINETY ONE WHISKEY” by komodobits ALL FIC MOODBOARD GIFSETS

- I want to be clean, and the sea, it comes in and it swallows me - "A COMPLETE KINGDOM" by komodobits 

ALL FIC MOODBOARD GIFSETS

"..Maybe we take baby steps,” he suggested, remembering Sam’s words. Cas’ forehead lined, that cute little vertical wrinkle creasing the bridge of his nose.  “What baby steps?” Dean could practically hear the air quotes. He shrugged again, overlooking Cas’ skepticism.  “How about dinner? I can cook something.” Cas was looking at him like it was the most unfathomable idea on the planet.  “You wanna cook for me?” “Sure,” Dean said.  “We’ll just need to go to the store.  Tell you what, you can pick out whatever, and I’ll throw something together.” Cas thinned his lips again, and looked off like he was grappling with the notion of it. Something was making him uncomfortable about it, and Dean’s stomach tightened in the fear that Cas would reject him again. 

"EVANGELIST" by emmbrancsxx0 @valleydean - ALL FIC MOODBOARD GIFSETS - 

- 💗 MAKING OF UNDER THE CUT 💗 -

1. Okay, I know it’s a college AU, and they’re supposed to look younger. And I was very excited about looking for footage from circa early 2000 and have much fun!!! But.. There was a liiiittle problem I haven’t thought of. Tiny! As we all know, mr. Collins is fcking BLONDE!!😤 So yeah... I made two gifs with him younger but... God, it honestly felt and looked so WRONG omg 🙄🤦🏻‍♀😂. And I ended up using just SPN footage to stick with the fic look. Sorry!)) Just pretend they look younger, I guess, haha! 2. As for other characters, yeah, I was determined to find as much as possible cool shots from other films/series! Yay! Cop Billie!!! Michael, Raphael and Anael! Cutie pies Sam & Eileen! Even Meg and Azazel)) 3.Yeah, baby Claire and baby Jack! 💞 I BABYFIED JACK! They are so cute I can't! probably the gif I'm proud of the most! 4. This is my comfort fic. I read it recently, during my vacation, and honestly it was so lovely😇 Probably, the most satisfying slow burn ever! And the writing style! And the plot itself! Adore ittt! All the ❤️ to author! So yeah, rec you to read it persistently, it will warm your heart this winter and make you smile ridiculous amount of times!  5. That was FUN!

❤️

Ta-daa! Ok that's all, folks. Thank you for your time, I hope you liked it! Rants in tags and in askbox are welcome! 😘 Anz