#every time i do a group ask its a testament to my self control
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Stray Kids Members on GO LIVE and Making the Music They Want to Make
There's bedlam in the kitchen, as K-pop disruptors Stray Kids wreak delicious havoc on a sterile commercial space. They dance around wildly, waving stainless steel pots and pans in the air and tossing freshly pressed napkins and imaginary ingredients with relish and abandon. In the forefront, fiery rapper Changbin serves up his own potent sauce with a pummeling verse, while dancer Lee Know attempts to stir fry a handful of what appear to be rose petals behind him. A marching band, their plumes high and faces unbothered, carries on amidst the mess — a visual manifestation of the heavy bass ostinato that immediately invades the senses. It sounds disorienting, maybe even slightly dangerous. It looks like chaos.
Welcome to "God's Menu" ("神메뉴").
The Korean boy group's latest single boasts a big, brassy hook laced with trap beats and an addicting refrain ("this is our tang, tang, tang, tang," they shout), a recipe that has become their signature dish. A sonic successor to last fall's explosive "Double Knot," the track teems with a tireless energy and their hallmark bravado. The video imagines the eight members as chefs who confidently concoct their own art from scratch. "Taste so good, everyone loves it," Han raps, in a mix of Korean and English. "All our dishes taste so strong."
The culinary metaphor is laid on thick, bolstered by a charismatic performance that includes Korean formalities like "네, 손님" (which translates to "yes, sir and ma'am" in English) and TikTok-certified choreography that incorporates mixing, frying, seasoning, and, most notably, chopping. But for a group that's been cooking up homemade beats and flavorful lyrics in their bedrooms long before their 2018 debut, it's a savory declaration that feels more than earned. "We just keep on making new things," leader Bang Chan sings, cleansing the palate with a sweet melody. "Because we're one of a kind."
They bring that same level of confidence and clarity to their first full-length album Go生, a title that combines the English word "go" with the Chinese character for "life" and showcases the group's penchant for clever wordplay. Pronounced go-saeng in Korean, it translates to "hardship." The English title, GO LIVE, reflects their desire to move forward without any lingering inhibition. Consider the 14-track LP a reintroduction to Stray Kids.
"We tried to not think too much," Bang Chan tells Teen Vogue from Seoul, South Korea, where he's currently huddled in a room with members Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and I.N. It's late June, and they're in the middle of their first week of promotions for the album, which means early mornings, long nights, and a whirlwind of music show performances, interviews, radio shows, and virtual fan engagements. And yet, even as it nears midnight, the members, ranging in ages from 19 to 22, are still easily excitable. Australia-raised Bang Chan acts as the group's tireless translator, and despite recent concerns, his accent sounds as prominent as ever as he explains how Stray Kids adopted a fresh mindset in preparation for Go生. "Of course, we thought a lot about what to put in the album and how we wanted to make it, but we went with the flow," he says. "We wanted everything to feel a bit more raw."
Stray Kids made their official debut under JYP Entertainment with the riotous and self-produced "District 9," an angsty blend of hip-hop and EDM that would ultimately define the group's characteristic intensity, both musically and lyrically. It laid the foundation for 2018's I Am… trilogy of EPs, which focused heavily on the theme of identity as they charged away from systems that sought to control them. The Clé series followed in 2019, which threw Stray Kids head-first into the thorny, often exhausting labyrinth of adulthood. Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han, who comprise the group's in-house production trio, known as 3RACHA, write about their own experiences, etching their personal dreams and worries into a diverse discography that spans six EPs, multiple mixtape singles, and special releases. But with Go生, they've emerged with newfound perspective.
For years, their music was fixated on the idea of bulldozing through obstacles that stood in their way. They wanted to outrun their problems. Now, it's clear: Growing up isn't about overcoming anxieties and struggles. Instead, it's learning to live in spite of them — to run freely alongside them.
As a result, Go生 is a release bursting with color and vitality, a celebration of life's mercurial nature. There's a song for every craving, and a tracklist that demonstrates the members' prismatic talents as rappers and vocalists. "Easy" delivers boundless swagger over a trap beat (and it's already been immortalized on stan Twitter); "Airplane" is Stray Kids at their most relaxed, a chill summertime vibe that's also a tremendous showcase for singer Seungmin; main rapper and all-rounder Han lets his voice soar on "Phobia," an electronic-synth track that examines the paranoia of losing someone (it was also the final song added to the album); "TA" is all high energy and thunderous chaos, perfect for a future encore set; and "Blueprint" shines with its funky bass line, bright verses, and fierce optimism ("I'll proudly achieve my dream," Felix sings in Korean, as translated to English).
"We wanted to show what Stray Kids is really about," Bang Chan says. And in doing so, Felix adds, they "experimented with a variety of genres." The fellow Aussie, who Bang Chan affectionately calls his little brother and who fans (known as Stay) refer to as their "sunshine," speaks with a warm timbre. His flow is even deeper and more distinct, and it's been a solid entry point for Stay and locals alike. Felix is a commanding presence on "God's Menu," a testament to his growth as a rapper and performer. When asked about his five-star performance, he gets shy. "I think everyone put their all into this song and into the album," he says. "Sit down, be humble," Bang Chan jokingly sings beside him, a reference to Kendrick Lamar's 2017 manifesto "Humble" and a demonstration of the leader's persistent playfulness.
"We've all improved a lot in terms of our performance," dance captain Lee Know says, much to the surprise of his members. It's not that they don't agree, it's just that his eager contribution to the conversation catches them off guard. He's not always so talkative during press interviews. And there's an audible cheer among the group as he continues. "Our dancing has gotten stronger. Our vocals have gotten stronger as well. But we're still honing those skills. And we'll continue to grow."
Hyunjin, whose own development as a rapper, dancer, and vocalist with a mellifluous falsetto is well-documented on the internet, agrees. "As we get older, we want to show Stay more sides to us," he says. The lithe performer's strength is his versatility. He's highly adaptable, so it's not surprising that he's been working on writing and composing his own music under Bang Chan's watchful guidance. "I want to show [Stay] something different," he adds. (And that's a promise he intends to keep.)
Youngest member I.N thinks they're maturing in other ways too. "We've all gotten a lot more good-looking," the lively vocalist says, very matter-of-factly. Laughter erupts in the room, and Changbin's cackle is unmistakable. Undeterred, I.N carries on. "When it comes to performance, I've personally gotten a lot faster at recording and memorizing choreography," he says. Lee Know is quick to jump in. "I.N's performance in 'TOP' really surprised me," the elder says. "He's in the center position for the hook, and watching him I saw just how much he's improved. He's more confident now."
I.N is happy he gave off such an aura. "When we were preparing for this album there were times when I didn't feel so confident," he says. So he turned to his members, who listened to his concerns and offered him feedback. He feels much lighter now. "One thing I realized after watching our 'God's Menu' stages is that we all look like we're enjoying ourselves more. We feel more free on stage. And it just feels easier."
The album's most surprising and reflective moment comes at the halfway point, courtesy of Han. Written by the teen multihyphenate, "Another Day" is soft and simple, but no less introspective than his previous cuts ("19" and "Sunshine"). It depicts a feeling of restlessness caused by burnout and the inability to "rest without worrying."
Han's inspiration for the song was largely himself. "It's been a tough year, and I knew it wasn't just me who felt that way," he says. "So I wanted to put those emotions into the song."
In front of the camera, Han exudes relentless charisma. He's quick-witted and wickedly funny. Off stage, he's one of the group's two MBTI-approved introverts (the other being Hyunjin), and he prefers to relax in a controlled environment: his room. In fact, if he doesn't have a schedule or a song to work on, he'd prefer not to leave his bed at all, choosing instead to watch YouTube and anime on his phone. As someone who's deeply inspired by visual mediums, it's in these calmer moments where creativity often strikes.
"Everyone goes through times where things don't work out the way you want them to," he says. "But I think it's important to remember that while you're going through a difficult time, you need to take a breath. Go do something for yourself … Break out of that negative mindset and open yourself up to new possibilities."
Each of the members has their own way of dealing with feelings of stress and anxiety. Changbin works on music. "It's my healing," he says. And he hopes it can be healing for Stay too; he teaches fans the basics of rap during semi-regular streams on V Live. Lee Know prefers to do nothing at all. This is why the members often say the self-assured performer is like water — whatever is bothering him just washes away by morning. But I.N needs time away from the older members. ("Leave me alone!" oldest member Bang Chan whines, mimicking the moody teen.) Hyunjin finds comfort in sentimental music and Korean dramas, and he's especially adept at communicating with fans on Instagram and V Live, where he addresses their worries and offers support in both Korean and English. "That heals my heart," he adds softly. Felix has taken up cooking and baking, even going so far as to buy an oven for their shared apartment's kitchen. His brownies are already beloved by the members and JYP staff. "Making something for someone and getting to share what I make… even a small compliment will make me feel relaxed and good about myself," he says.
Meanwhile, Bang Chan has a bad habit of "brainwashing myself into thinking that I'm not restless when I actually am." So he relies on the members, or "the kids" as he calls them, to help keep him in check. "Our first week of promotions was really tiring, but when I look on stage and see them — see Hyunjin, Changbin, Lee Know, see them all — it gives me a lot of strength. They make me feel at home." (The kids coo in jest beside him. "That's right!" Han shouts.)
Seungmin doesn't often feel anxious, but when he does there's nothing that a long walk and a good playlist can't fix. Lately, he's been listening to "Another Day." "Han surprised me [with this song]," the dynamic vocalist says. "I listen to it often, and it has inspired me a lot." Han, never one to pass up a compliment, replies, "Thanks, man."
While 3RACHA are largely responsible for crafting Stray Kids' music, the members are all integral to the process. "It's not 3RACHA's music, it's Stray Kids' music," Changbin says in English. "So the members' feedback is very important. I feel the best when they like it."
Case in point: "God's Menu." The group had originally recorded a different lead single, and they were in the throes of comeback preparations when Changbin played a demo of "God's Menu" for some of the members. According to Bang Chan, this happens a lot: "We go home, we play a demo, and we party to it." It's as simple as that. But then something unusual happened: Upon hearing "God's Menu," Hyunjin immediately knew he wanted to perform it. This was Stray Kids. The other members felt it too. "The lyrics expressed our music and confidence best," Changbin says in English, as his members cheer him on. ("Go, Changbin!" Bang Chan encourages.) "It's a song only Stray Kids could perform.”
And it was a theme that personally resonated with Bang Chan. "Back in the day, when we were releasing songs as 3RACHA, I always liked to relate my producing process with cooking and science," he adds. "It's just a really fun concept." (Astute fans might recall the 2017 3RACHA deep cut "Alchemistry," in which the industrious leader declares himself a "mad scientist.")
So 3RACHA went straight to the top — to the company's founder J. Y. Park — and asked if they could change the single to "God's Menu." They didn't expect much; the single had already been locked. To their surprise, however, JYP agreed with their judgement. And so have Stay: "God's Menu" is the group's fastest music video to reach 60 million views, and Go生 broke their previous first-week sales record.
"It's a really funny and very warm feeling knowing that he believes in what we do," Bang Chan says of JYP's support. "And it makes us want to try out even more of our various ideas."
Producer Mike Daley (Baekhyun's "Candy") experienced 3RACHA's creative process and various ideas first-hand in Los Angeles last May when Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han spent a day with him in the studio following the U.S. leg of the group's Unveil tour. They worked on two tracks, one of which would eventually become "Easy." Daley played an unfinished demo for the trio, and the reaction was immediate. "A few of the guys just started rapping," he tells Teen Vogue. Bang Chan workshopped the hook and melodies with a few of Daley's friends and collaborators, while Changbin and Han wrote the verses. "Spear [Changbin] and Han were in their own zone on their phones, writing," he recalls. According to Daley, Spear — a reference to Changbin's 3RACHA moniker SpearB — laid down the first verse, and the atmosphere was electric. "He was going crazy in the booth," he says. "It had a ton of energy. And that got everyone amped up to make the hook have as much energy as the verses were bringing."
Daley, a veteran of K-pop songwriting camps, was surprised by just how involved 3RACHA were in the studio. "They knew how to produce really well, so we were all arranging it together," he says. He also observed their teamwork. "It seemed like they each had their role and worked together well," he adds. "Spear and Han were focused on the verses, but when they heard a melody they liked, they'd look at Chris [Bang Chan]. They knew how to get the song done."
And that sense of creative autonomy isn't just exclusive to 3RACHA. Through self-produced digital projects like "SKZ-PLAYER," all of the members are encouraged to express themselves through their art. "It's a really good platform for us to showcase what we want to show Stay, something that they haven't seen before," Bang Chan says. In May, he surprised fans with "인정하기 싫어," which translates to "Don't Want To Admit," a vulnerable piano ballad that laid bare his heartache. Last year, Lee Know released "Dawn," a slinky dance performance he choreographed himself. Seungmin covered his favorite band, and fellow JYP artists, DAY6. "I am very grateful that we are able to sincerely connect with Stay through music," the floppy-haired vocalist notes. As for Changbin, he recently dropped "Streetlight," a solo track in which he wrestles with feelings of loneliness. And Hyunjin released his own video — a contemporary dance he produced and choreographed to Billie Eilish's "When The Party's Over." He titled it "Empty."
"I wanted to express a different feeling, one that I couldn't show through our own performances," the perceptive dancer says. He choreographed the piece to convey his longing to perform. That loneliness that comes at the end of a party, he says, is the same emptiness he feels when he leaves the stage. "That void I feel sometimes, I wanted to express that through choreography."
Han's "Close" was inspired by the 2004 film Closer, specifically its opening scene, in which a young woman locks eyes with a handsome stranger across the street. The idea of human connection, of seeing someone and wanting to know everything about that person, struck Han, especially at a time when people feel farther apart than ever. But it was too raw to share. "I didn't originally want to release 'Close.' I wanted to keep it to myself," he says. "But after showing it to the members, they encouraged me, and that motivated me to share it."
And they continue to share their artistry with Stay. Fans are getting an intimate look at the members' songwriting and melody-making prowess in "Two Kids Song," a web series that splits them into pairs and challenges each team to write, produce, and record an original song. For Stray Kids, the desire to keep learning and pushing themselves — as songwriters, as performers, and as young adults navigating the world around them — both inside and outside of the practice room, comes naturally. "We're artists," Bang Chan says. "It's right for us to express whatever we want through our creative process."
However, with unfiltered access also comes moments of real humility, a reminder that the relationship between idols and the community they foster isn't defined in scenes of uncritical loyalty and fan service, but rather in instances where they hold one another accountable. In a June livestream, Bang Chan reminded fans, "I don't want you guys to spread negative energy around. Stays, you guys are better than that." That sentiment was recently reciprocated when the group participated in a July variety show segment that many Black fans deemed racially insensitive. Stray Kids apologized in a personal statement posted to the members' shared Instagram account, in which they rejected all types of discrimination with a promise to do better by their fans everywhere around the world. "We are still lacking in many things and we are trying our hardest to become better," they wrote in Korean and English. "We would like to apologize to anyone if we have stepped on a rake. It was never our intention but due to our lack of understanding."
It's this honesty that resonates most with their fans. It's woven into heartfelt lyrics, tearful ending ments, social media posts, virtual hugs, home-cooked meals, and earnest reminders to deal with — not run away from — things that are difficult. It is the lens through which Stray Kids see themselves: never perfect, but always sincere. Mainly, it's how they expel their innermost thoughts and feelings, the joy and the agony of everyday life. Whether that's by working on music, or choreography, or refining a new dish, or bettering themselves, that's ultimately up for them to decide. It always has been. Their appetites are insatiable, after all. "The fact that we have the chance to make the music we want to make and talk about the things we want to talk about is really special," Changbin says. "It makes me more excited for what's next."
A day after talking to Teen Vogue, Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han set the KCON:TACT stage ablaze with an opening performance that showed the world just how hungry they are. “They always say the same excuses, while they’re complaining we’re producing," Bang Chan sings, the Auto-Tune heavy. "The passion I give it, nobody can kill." It's a bold statement for any group to make, especially one as young as Stray Kids. And yet, it's that measure of determination that's defined their careers since they were teens trapped on a hellevator with nowhere to go but up. One day they'll reach the penthouse. For now, they're learning to savor the ride and embrace the mess.
"We're going to enjoy this freedom," Bang Chan says, "and eventually we'll fly high."
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Fr. Troy Beecham
Sermon, Proper 16 A, 2020
Matthew 16:13-20
“When Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” And they said, “Some say John the Baptist, but others Elijah, and still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” Then he sternly ordered the disciples not to tell anyone that he was the Messiah. “
In this morning’s Gospel reading, Jesus continues his ministry in Gentile territory. As we saw in last Sunday’s Gospel reading, Jesus extended his ministry beyond the Jewish people, and beyond Jewish ideas of who was loved by God and was acceptable as a companion (literally, one with whom you share bread). Jesus was willing to face rejection from his own people in order to teach them, and to teach the Gentiles, that the love of God is not constrained by our ethnic, socio-economic, linguistic filters, or any other filter that we might use to decide who God loves. Jesus later summarizes this by saying, “Do not judge others, for the measure that you use will be used against you”, referring to the Day of Judgment, when God, the only true judge, will call each of us before his throne to account for our lives. St. Paul extends the idea later by saying that we should not even judge ourselves, because our systems of judgment are all irreparably flawed, mostly by self-interest.
This does not translate into a loose interpretation of Jesus saying that all beliefs and behaviors are “ok” with God simply because God loves us where we are when we find him. The opposite is true; Jesus always said to a sinner who had either been rescued by him or who became his disciple “Go and sin no more”. Conversion of life is not a requirement of salvation. Not at all. Salvation is the free gift of God to all who place their trust in him. Conversion of life is, however, the sure sign that we have indeed become vessels of the Holy Spirit of God, who produces in us the “fruits of repentance”, which are love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
The teaching of Jesus that God loved all people was difficult for the Jewish religious leaders of the day, and for most Jewish folks, including his disciples, who were only interested in the salvation of the Jewish people. That Jesus regularly required his disciples to travel with him outside of Jewish territory and to become companions of unclean Gentiles was a tremendous strain upon their fidelity to him, even as much as they were in awe of him and the power of God at work in him. But Jesus is unrelenting in his requirement that all who would be his disciples must grow to love as greatly as he loves, and so in this Gospel reading, Jesus takes his disciples to a true ‘den of iniquity’, to the pagan Roman city of Caesarea Philippi.
Caesarea Philippi was a regional Roman trading hub, located along major trade routes that connected sea trade from Caesarea Maritima to the inland cities across the region. One of the distinguishing physical features of the city was a massive grotto and cave system, which every ancient culture considered to be the gateway to the underworld, literally called the Gates of Hades (Hell). In earlier eras, when that region was occupied by the Canaanites and the Syro-Phoenicians, there was a shrine dedicated to Baal, a deity who demanded human sacrifice, especially the ritual murder of infants and children. After the conquest of Alexander the Great, the shrine was rededicated to the Greco-Roman fertility deity Pan (literally, ‘the one who is all’). The religion of Pan was primarily a religion of fertility, a religion that exalted sex, power, and wealth, and that included ritual orgies as worship of the deity. For faithful Jews, the association of the Gates of Hell with pagan, Gentile religion was an easy one.
In much the same way, it is easy for any of us to judge other peoples as being unclean, unworthy of God’s love, and worthy of destruction. Every people, every nation, every political party, every religion thrives, on some level, on the judgment of others ‘not like us’ and ‘dangerous to our way of life’. Human history is replete with examples of human wickedness perpetrated ‘for the good’ because of our human systems judgment. It is for this reason that Jesus is so clear that we must not judge each other because only God can judge. And the Day of Judgment is still on its way.
The entire history of the Jewish people as recorded in the Old Testament is the story of the faithfulness of God and of the Jewish people struggling to live as the covenant people of God, living according to the Torah rather than falling into living according to the beliefs and practices of the Gentile nations around them. The Prophets declared that the conquest of Israel and Judea some 600 years before the time of Jesus was because the Jewish people had repeatedly turned away from God to the worship of pagan deities and living lives that did not give witness to the covenant of God. The fact that Rome had conquered the Jews again brought up for them painful memories and even more painful questions about why had God seemed to abandoned them, again, and what would it take from them for God to save them from their oppressors. The summation of those questions had crystalized into expectations for the coming of the Messiah, the divinely anointed king and military leader who would drive out their enemies, restore their people’s freedom, and leave them unencumbered in their worship of God. As people living under occupation, it had become intensely important that the Jewish people lived visibly different lives from the Gentiles. Faithfulness to the Law and the Prophets had taken on an urgent intensity for the Jewish people.
With such an urgent, intense desire for redemption, the most important question for Jews during the time of Jesus was how to identify the Messiah. Jesus had recently warned his disciples about religious leaders who can foretell the weather but “cannot interpret the signs of the times”, and how they influence others with their flawed systems of judgment, leading them astray. This is the pressure cooker context of Jesus asking his disciples who the people, and who they, said he was. The Greek text shows that when Jesus asks the disciples, "Who do you say that I am?", the verb is in the imperfect, noting a repeated action. Jesus continually asks and continues to this day to ask: “Who do you say that I am?” The answers provided by the disciples are interesting. The people, which seems to mean Jew and Gentile alike, are unclear, but they are certain that at the least he is a prophet, a miracle worker. And so many people today, even many who call themselves Christians, are happy to consider Jesus a prophet, a miracle worker, a great teacher. But Jesus is clear that such simple ‘belief’ is not enough because it falls utterly short of the staggering Truth: Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God.
The implications for calling Jesus the Messiah are deep, and conflicted. In the Old Testament, kings and prophets, and even the High Priest, were all anointed when they assumed their office. The Hebrew word for ‘anointed’ is Messiah. Each of these offices were in their own small way individual parts of a whole that was expected of the true Messiah who would come at the end of time and usher in the Day of Judgment. So when Simon declares that Jesus is that very Messiah, and the Son of God, he is both giving words to the revelation of God and to the complicated hopes of his people. Such a revelation must surely be shouted from the rooftops! People have often wondered why Jesus then says, “Tell no one that I am the Messiah, the Son of God.” This was the greatest revelation in human history! This was the news that the Jewish people so desperately wanted to hear! Why keep it quiet?!?
Jesus commands them to tell no one because of their complicated ideas and hopes about who the Messiah is and who God is. Right up until the crucifixion of Jesus, the disciples were all excited about Jesus being the Messiah. Their hearts and minds were filled with generations of hope that inevitably required the deaths of their enemies and ended in their investiture with power and authority. How many times did Jesus rebuke his disciples for arguing who would be the greatest in the kingdom of God? For them, and, if we’re honest, for we ourselves, to say that God was on their side meant that God was going to destroy all the people who they hated, for certainly God shares all of our judgments against our enemies! Surely God justifies all of our violence because we are on the side of justice!
The Jewish people of the 1st century, as equally as we today, had very earthly hopes: they all wanted an end to the crushing oppression of the Roman Empire. Each internal group understood this happening in different ways, but ultimately they agreed that it was for the same reason. The long-expected Messiah was destined to overthrow Rome and put them on the top of the smoking pile of rubble, because rubble is always the only thing left when humans make war against each other. As N.T. Wright puts it, no first century Jew would have said: "I want the Messiah to come, die in a humiliating fashion, be resurrected and then promise us that if we follow him, we will die and then enter into a non-earthly eternity with God that will include lots of non-Jews.", and "Everyone knew that a crucified Messiah was a failed Messiah." The Messiah was to bring about the new reign of God on earth, not die as a victim of the intersection of empire and temple.
But that is the Messiah that God had intended all along, as Jesus so patiently tried to teach them. And the disciples were left with crushed hopes and dreams, and their trust in God broken. How often do we experience the same desolation when God fails to act in ways that we expect? And even knowing this, Jesus says to the disciples, “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” I want to avoid the dispute about papal authority as much as I can do. The Greek text “I will give you” is in the plural, meaning that Jesus gives to all of the apostles the authority to bind and loose, not Peter alone. So, what may we make of this contentious statement of Jesus?
In rabbinic traditions, the use of the terms “bind” and “loose”, or “oblige” and “permit”, have to do with the authority of the leader of the community to declare what is permissible or not in the believing community. Jesus confers authority to Peter and to all the Apostles to modify the still primarily Jewish Christian community's stance toward the Law, thus opening the way for Gentiles to be considered full members of the Church. At the time when Jesus commands them to “Tell no one”, such inclusion was still not accepted or understood by the disciples. That would only come later, after the Resurrection and the coming of the Holy Spirit. Matthew is here writing in retrospect to support the Apostle’s authority to declare that eating with Gentiles, and by extension other non-observance of the Law, is acceptable where it is in accordance with the teaching, example, and commandments of Jesus to love as greatly as he loved. Even then, the matter was not settled for the Jewish disciples of Jesus, authority of the apostles or not.
This came to the fore in the dispute over Peter's decision to visit to the Gentile Cornelius and to eat non-kosher, unclean food, and then to baptize him and his entire family without requiring first that they become Jewish. The report in Acts 11:2b-3: “the circumcised believers criticized [Peter], saying, ‘Why did you go to uncircumcised men and eat with them?’” Peter's initial response is predicated on his authority, given by Jesus, to determine that the Law was no longer binding on either Jewish or Gentile Christians. The matter was clearly not settled, as we see from the convening of the Council of Jerusalem (Acts 15, c. 45 CE). In the Acts account, Peter continues to speak from the position of his authority conferred by Jesus, even though he was once rebuked by Paul for temporarily giving in to the pressure of those who still believed that the Mosaic Law was binding. Although the ultimate decision of the Council still required abstention from blood, from strangled animals and from food sacrificed to idols, within a few generations all requirements from the Mosaic Law were abandoned.
What are we to make of these things in our own times, my friends? What are the new laws that we have created in our own image to determine who is acceptable and who is deplorable, who has privilege and who’s privilege must be burned down? How are our modern equivalents: critical theory, intersectional theory, Marxist/socialist/fascist philosophy, corporate capitalism, and so many others; how are these any different from the Law that the Early Church struggled to nuance, adapt, or reject? Who has the authority to say which of these are obliged and permitted? Are we any different from the disciples, still so filled with our ideas of justice and humanity, that Jesus tells us to not own him as the Messiah? What parts of our lives have still to be sanctified before our claims to be disciples of Jesus are worthwhile? How much does our proclamation that Jesus is the Son of God still reflect the vanity of human judgment? Who, looking at the Church, looking at me or you, can see anything of the Resurrected Savior who loves us all without judgment? These are weighty and essential questions for us to ask of ourselves. May God enlighten the eyes of our hearts that we might see the Truth and be transformed by him that we might be bearers of that Truth, who is Jesus.
Grant, O merciful God, that your Church, being gathered together in unity by your Holy Spirit, may show forth your power among all peoples, to the glory of your Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
#father troy beecham#christianity#troy beecham episcopal#jesus#father troy beecham episcopal#saints#god#salvation#peace
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Is Christianity and Catholicism compatible with Feminism and Socialism.
By Ramon Aguilar IV
As a Philosopher, a Catholic, and an American I have made a few view videos refuting and disagreeing with certain popular Catholic youtubers on the these grounds as my beliefs on these subjects are tied into my identity. This will be my strongest refutation of these men and their views to date. As recent issues in the Roman Catholic Church have raised their reactionary rhetoric to mutinous levels. Dr Taylor Marshall, Timothy Gordon, and Michael Voris, are Schismatic rabble rousers. Who are ultra-traditionalist disguised as YouTube scholars and theologians, exploiting current real and ugly controversies and scandals to grow an audience, get published and gain their works exposure. These men are doing more damage than good for the American Catholic community. Creating division were there should be unison against a growing tied of apostacy and blasphemy. As I can think of no worse blasphemy than evil priests using the name of God to justify sinful and wicked acts.
As of recent, these men have made certain claims about Catholicism, Christianity, Feminism and Socialism as they relate to each other in a type of pseudo, or proto, or postmodern-Liberation Theology that I would like to refute by looking at a definitional understanding of these terms. I used the Webster’s Encyclopedic Dictionary (1996), the Oxford Dictionary of Philosophy (2016), and Hardon’s the Pocket Catholic Dictionary (2013) to check my definitions, verbiage, and usage against.
Let us start with their claim of Catholicism being a religion of unchangeable doctrine best expressed in Latin vernacular.
For me, as is backed up by my sources mentioned above Catholicism: Is the faith, ritual, and morals of the Roman Catholic Church with Jesus as its head, the pope as its mouth piece, and its faithful members of the Church as its body. Intended for all human kind it is the general universal of broad, liberal, inclusive, practical, and metaphysical applications, Tradition, and doctrines through the lens of Christian theology. As for the Name Catholic being appropriate to this entity called the Roman Catholic Church it was coined by St Ignatious of Antioch between AD 35-107. While pertaining to the whole Christian body; it makes exclusive claims and has exclusive characteristics of Truth, Unity, Sanctity, & Apostolic Succession that includes the adherents to such faith and its Organization. It is the part of the Christian body that recognizes the Papacy and the other Patriarchs but is not Protestant. It also means that it is inclusive of Customs, Doctrine, and Dogma as long as those elements are considered to be Orthodoxy as defined by and explained by the Apostolic Fathers and continued in its Tradition as overseen by the Bishops as distinguished from heresy since the time of Christ. And it originally referred to the Undivided Church before the Great Schism of 1054.
Thus, their almost slavish dedication to the Oral Tradition as it is recorded in doctrine and dogma is equivalent to the Protestants’ devotion to Sola Scriptura.
Their claims about Christianity do not hold up much better as they describe a judgmental, wrathful religion with tyrannical doctrines, making them sound more Calvinistic than Augustine in their views of what Christianity is.
While what I have learned and been taught is that Christianity is the particular Christian religious system that claims faith in the Jewish Messiah Jesus Christ and the deposit of faith thereof, including its teachings, morals, & spirituality as relates to the beliefs, practices, principles, and conduct of the people who follow Jesus Christ. These people claim Christ Jesus as their Lord, God, and Savior and recognized the Trinity: that is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, as defined by the Apostolic Church Fathers and expressed (that is, evident) in the canonized Gospels and Epistles of the New Testament Biblical Scriptures.; including the rites and mainstream branches of Western Catholic, British-North American Protestant, and Eastern Orthodox Churches as well as its minor branches of Oriental and Coptic churches.
These men: Dr Taylor Marshall, Timothy Gordon, and Michael Voris have categorized Socialism, Communism, and Feminism as absolute evils and grave mortal sin and have all but accused Pope Frances as being members of or at least subject to theses movements and their philosophy. But what are these philosophical political systems and are they by definition diametrically opposed to Christian-Catholicism as these men claim?
Socialism: Is the theory and political system of social organization in which the means of production are not in private hands but under social control, as relates to wealth and power. This system demands the collective ownership of means, interest, production, and control by the community as a whole and advocates for the equal distribution of capital and land among said community. Usually as prescribed by Marx, Lennon, or Mao.
And while Marxism is opposed to Christianity by its very nature of being anti-religious, elements of socialism are compatible with Christianity just as elements of progressive social reform and social justice are compatible, utilitarian, and complimentary to democracy.
And what of its twin cousin Communism.
Communism or Collectivism: is a socioeconomic theory and system of communal self-government in which each connected community forms a federation based on state-ownership of property distributed down ethnic, gender, cultural, or economic lines expelling free-market mechanisms of control, supply, and demand. The is the exercise of the political principle of centralized, social and economic control.
And while the argument can be made that this type of political system leads to a type of social tyranny where every man and woman is their own tyrant the Church has stood up for Monarchy, Republicanism (representational governments), direct democracies, and other forms of National Governments its members have been subject to throughout the years. After all we render on to Cesare what is his, our souls belong to God not to the state.
But what of feminism. An evil movement that promotes abortion, promiscuity, the emasculation of men, and an end to motherhood and an end to traditional families. Well, lets take an homes and simple look at what Feminism is, or what the types of feminisms are at their core. Feminism philosophically speaking are the doctrines that advocate for social, political, and reproductive rights for women, and the organizations and movements who advocate for those rights. Feminism being originally concerned with the asymmetrical distribution of powers and rights that leads to the biases that subjugate women to subordination, and disparagement. And their goal being the end of that subjugation, subordination, and disparagement.
There is much here that is compatible with old and new testament, that is compatible with Judaism and Christianity. The incompatibility comes from two places, Genesis and Paul’s Epistles. And while some may point to Deuteronomy or Leviticus as the points of contention the principles and the place to find the potential reconciliation thereof lays in Genesis and the Epistles. As both men and women are asked to submit to God and to each other in obedience and respect.
That is without denying hard and even harsh realities.
So lets look at masculinity and femininity. Are they truly incompatible?
Masculinity: is that pertaining to the traditional attributes, characteristics, and qualities inherent to men and male individuals as relates to strength, boldness and gender.
While, Femininity: are the qualities of feminine womanliness seen collectively as a whole, as pertains to traditional female attributes as relates to sensitivity, gentleness, and gender.
I think it is a mistake to look at these means as virtues or vices on their but instead it is more preferable to look at these trait sets as simply quantifiable quantities that are complementary to each other. And while one sex or gender is more prone to one set or the other that does not make either set mutually excusive to the other.
But what are Catholics defending when we defend the Patriarchy, is it manly masculine Authoritarianism? No, here is what Catholics, Theologians, and Doctors of the faith mean by Patriarchy.
A patriarch is simply the male head of a family, tribe, rite, or Church. This is the founder or personage who has authority over other members of his group. For the early Church these were the Holy Fathers of Rome, Alexandria, Antioch, Constantinople, and Jerusalem who ruled over Catholic Sees as well as the heads of later Catholic sees such as The Coptic-Ethiopian, Nestorian, Armenian, and Russian sees. But more broadly these are the male elders of a community as a whole.
But does having a male only priesthood mean that we are against female leadership or a Matriarchy. Well, let’s look at what Matriarchy is. A Matriarch is simply a female head of a family or tribe, or a woman who is a founder of a community or a group. And a Matriarchal system or community where is one where a matriarchate has developed. This would be a family, society, community or state governed by a matrix (by the mother).
Now, the church has both mother’s and father’s of the faith, and women have been powerful doctors of the faith just as men have been. So, the idea of Matriarchs and Patriarchs ruling and guiding together is not antithetical to our faith. As both the masculine and the famine should be respected and protected. While a misogynist and misandrist order would not be tolerated by the church. So while I see and acknowledge the tension I do not see them as unreconcilable as I will now expand upon returning to the topic of feminism.
The goal of social, political, and reproductive rights for women, the right for women to organize and gather as a group, is something most Catholics throughout time would agree upon as a good. And again, most Catholics would agree to the goals of ending or preventing the subjugation, subordination, and disparagement of women. It only mater the aim and degree of the goal. For instance, if reproductive right is framed as ending State Mandated Abortions and giving women the right to choose to keep her child in societies where such right are not granted as self-evident then yes Catholics would and do support that, within that framing. Suffrage and having the right to vote is another universal most catholic would support for all women of the age of reason being weighted the same and equal to men of the age of reason. Just as Catholics support and fund monastery for monks so Catholics support and willingly fund convents for nuns. This framing and reframing can go on and one, but you get my point.
Yet there is another phase or factor to this refutation. These men Taylor, Timothy, and Michael have said that part of the problem were not just the isms but the toxic soup that they make called Liberation Theology. So what is Liberation Theology. Liberation Theology is a Christian and more specifically Latin American Roman Catholic movement that makes criticism of oppression, and the mission of social justice its central tasks. Its adherence seek justice and rights poor, minorities, and women. As well as, sometimes violent retribution against racism, sexism, oppression, and economic imbalance. The justify these goals and actions by emphasizing Biblical themes of liberation, social Christianity, and the preaching of the “Red Letter” social gospel. This religious socialism is based on the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth as taken separate from the Epistles or the Old Testament. Making a New Bible out of just the Four Gospels. These “Christians” believe capitalism to be idolatrous, rooted in greed, and a mortal sin. Christian socialists identify with the suffering inequality of the marginalized, minorities, and the oppressed. It is a synthesis of Christian theology and liberal socio-economic political theory, particularly Marx. Such theology found fertile ground in the 1970s in regions such as Peru, Brazil, Uruguay, and Spain. The evangelical context of liberation theology emphasizes evangelism and social responsibility. Similar theologies have developed in repressed and poverty-stricken areas such as the so-called Black Theology of South Africa and some US ghettos, PLT in Palestinian, Dalit in India, and Minjung Korea. Unfortunately, Liberation Theology reinterprets the bible in new ways departing from recognized Catholic, Christian, & Apostolic tradition. These are radical, revolutionary, anti-capitalist sometimes anti-governmental sects who have incorrectly and only partially interpreted the message of Jesus. They do this misinterpretation by divorcing the message of Jesus from the rest of the bible, viewing him as opposed to that more complete message most Christians and Catholics accept.
While I am sympathetic to Liberation theology, its cause and its main goal, I cannot deny that it is a perversion of Christianity. And to this point I must consider to these men, that in this toxic brew there are version of radical feminism, of Socialism, Communism, and Matriarchood that are incompatible and antithetical to Roman Catholicism there are also so called Christainties which are too. These Christianities fall outside of the definition I gave earlier and include Mormonism, Jehovah Witness, and Oneness Pentecostalism. But as religious and faithful we do not judge all of theism on the actions of Hindu Cult leaders, nor on the action Radical Muslim Sects, nor Christendom on the actions of the Witch Hunters or the incidents in the wars between Catholics and Protestants or Baptist and Anabaptist. So, we should not judge feminism, progressivism, nor even collectivism by the actions or goals of some of or even many of its more radical members.
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11/30/2019 DAB Transcript
Daniel 7:1-28, 1 John 1:1-10, Psalms 119:153-176, Proverbs 28:23-24
Today is November 30th. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It’s great to be here on a day where we’re ending a week and ending the month at the same time. And, of course, is the final day of the 11th month of the year, leaving only one month left in this year and one month left in our journey through the Scriptures this year. Today is the 334th day out of 365. And from the Old Testament we will move back into the book of Daniel, which we’re working our way through now and then we get to the New Testament we will be reunited with somebody that we got to know pretty well during this year, John. But we’ll talk about that when we get there. First, we’re reading from the New International Version this week, which is today. Daniel chapter 7.
Introduction to first John:
Okay. As we move forward into our New Testament reading, as I mentioned at the beginning, we’re being reunited with somebody that we know and we got to know him in the Gospels as one of the disciples of Jesus, John. And, so, we’ll begin the first of three letters that are attributed to the apostle John. Ironically, this letter that we’re about to read makes no mention at all of who it's from and it does not even specify at all who it's addressed to. So, it be would easy enough, like other books in the Bible, for example, the book of Hebrews, to conclude that this is an anonymous letter. We don't know. But church fathers in the second century, so just like about 50 years after this letter was written attributed the letter to John the evangelist and neither the letter nor its author were disputed when the New Testament was canonized, so when it was organized into the accepted New Testament that we have today. It's only been in more recent centuries that scholars have begun to ask questions as sciences develop. For example, stylistic or language differences between the gospel of John and these letters, the epistles of John. Part of the reason for not addressing the letter to a specific group of people may have been that it was intended to be circulated to many people throughout many churches. It's possible that the first readers were familiar enough with…with John that he didn't need to introduce himself in the letter. So, he would've known the people that he was writing to and was overseeing their churches and they knew who he was. It’s also possible that those who were receiving the letter weren't identified in case the letter fell into the wrong hands, so in order to protect the people from additional persecution. This first letter or this first epistle of John was probably written from Ephesus and it was probably very late in John's life. Most scholars would date the letter around the mid-90s and some even into the early 100s and John was writing this letter for one reason, he was addressing false teachings. Some of the earliest forms of teachings that we…we would now call Gnostic teachings had become a part of the conversation, especially this early view known as a Docetic view or Docetism, that Jesus wasn't really actually a human being in the same way that we are flesh and blood, but simply appeared to be that way. Or another earlier teacher, Cerinthus who taught that the spirit of Christ, the divinity, the God parts of Jesus actually united with the human part of Jesus when He was baptized. And, so, He was divine from that point all the way through to His crucifixion when this divine spirit, then departed this fleshly Jesus. So I'm…it's…it’s not so hard in our day and age to understand that there are various and very diverse views of the Christian faith all influenced by all kinds of things, tying being one of them. But we get a glimpse here looking backward to the early formation of the church in that early time and see that all kinds of questions were being asked and all kinds of theories were being put forward. John though, even though he's like a late in his life, is still alive and is in a unique position here, a position of authority because he was there, like he had been there, he was a part of Jesus inner circle. He had been with Jesus from the beginning of his ministry. So, although any number of things could be thought about Jesus, John…John was there, he saw it. So, he could dispel a falsehood about Jesus, basically because he had an eyewitness account. And that’s pretty much what he does here in verse John. But beyond just denouncing a false teaching, the letter offers contrasts, ways to test the postures of our heart in these matters while encouraging us forward and assuring us of our salvation because that was the heart of the matter here. All of these differing opinions in all of this discussion, which continues until today, confused people about where they were with God. And, so, as we as we finish this 11th month of our year let's reunite with an old friend. The last we heard of him…well…we learned about him and in the synoptic Gospels and the Gospel of John…told the story of Jesus life for the final time. Now some time has passed, the church is beginning to form, and we get to hear from him again. And, so, we begin. First John chapter 1.
Prayer:
Father, we thank You for another week in Your word and…and…and we thank You for another month in Your word. And as those two endings come together on this day, we are grateful, we are thankful, You have brought us through 11 months every single day and transformation is profoundly visible as we look inside. And, so, we’re thankful because it works, Your word is alive and is powerful and does reach down to the level of our identity and speaks truth to us there. And, so, we are so eternally grateful that You are, that You are raising us up so that we live with boldness and confidence, not only about who we are, but about who You are, which is so vastly more important because without You we can do nothing. And, so, we take this moment here at the end of a week and the end of a month just to offer our worship, just to offer our thanks, to offer our love. We thank You Father for Your presence in our lives at all times and we invite Your Holy Spirit now to continually make us aware of Your presence, and we pray these things in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.
Announcements:
dailyaudiobible.com is the website and that’s home base, certainly where you find out what’s going on around here. And it's Christmas time. So that's what going on around here
And we've released the Daily Audio Bible family Christmas Box for 2019 and I’ve been sharing about that for last couple of days. So, you have a sense of what's in there - a number of brand-new resources. In fact, this Christmas Box is full of things that have pretty much never been in a Daily Audio Bible Christmas Box before. And, so, super excited about it. It’s very…I don’t know…kind of comprehensive…it just touches all the…a lot of different areas of our lives in this Christmas Box. So, excited about it. Check it out at dailyaudiobible.com. In fact, in the Daily Audio Bible shop there is a Christmas section and it's got few Christmas related items in it, including the Christmas Box but also the Daily Audio Bible Christmas cards for 2019 and our own Christmas album that came out of our community called Family Christmas. So, you can get all those things or look at them anyway at dailyaudiobible.com in the Shop.
If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, then I humbly thank you with all of my heart for your partnership. We wouldn’t exist…we would not exist if we were not in this story together. And, so, I'm…I'm deeply grateful that we are. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996, Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.
And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment 877-942-4253 is the number to dial or you can press the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button of the top.
And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.
Community Prayer and Praise:
Hello wonderful prayer warriors out there. This is Vonnie from Northern California calling out to the woman from the Pacific Northwest. I’m sorry I didn’t get your name, but the Lord knows your name. You have been left by your husband with five children and my heart breaks for you. This is a very lonely time, very uncertain time. And dear Lord I pray for my friend in the Pacific Northwest. Lord Jesus please give her a freedom from fear, give her Your piece because You have promised to be the husband to the widow, the husband to the woman who’s alone and we trust You first to be our security, to be our safety, to be our intimate provider and protector. And I ask You to supply every need. Please do not allow her home to be taken. But we pray together that You would bring that man back to his senses. God, please reach out to him and minister to his hurting heart that is defying You and everything that he knows to be right and take away this desire for something that’s not of You. Bring him back to You God. I just ask in Jesus’ name that You’d break the enemy’s hold. Bring him back to his wife and family in Jesus precious name.
Good morning DAB family this is Married and Alone. I’ve been a listener for about four years, but this is the first time I’ve ever called with a prayer request. So, how do you fit 20 years of hard egg into a two-minute audio clip? My husband suffers from intimacy anorexia which is the active withholding of emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy from a spouse. And as a result, he has withheld love from me for our 20-year marriage. And instead they replace it with criticism and blame and they control you with anger. And if it weren’t for my Lord, I would have no self-esteem at all, but I know…I know God is with me, His grace and His mercy always there for me. And while my husband says I’m unlovable my Lord tells me He loves me. And while my husband makes me feel ugly my Lord tells me I’m beautiful. And, so, I thank God for…for that. I’m still recovering from the last verbally abuse session and haven’t been able to speak to my husband for a week. And, so, I know that that conversation needs to happen because Thanksgivings coming. So, pray for me that I would have the wisdom to say what I need to say and just hold us up in prayer. More to come. Married and Alone. Thank you DAB family. Love you.
What is peace? Is it a piece of cake, delicious gluten-free chocolate fudge cake? Is it a part of a puzzle? Are there are many different pieces that make a bigger picture? Don’t we all want peace? Then why do I fight to get my own way? Why do I strive to get the latest things? Why do I struggle against myself and the world? Why do I contend with those around me? I see the conflicts being waged worldwide, the discontent, the nonstop fighting, the suffering and death. Where is peace? Peace is not worrying about my family. Peace is not worrying about the future. Peace is not worrying about money. Peace is not worrying what people think. Peace is not worrying what to do. I want peace more than a delicious slice of gluten-free cake. I want the whole picture. I want the missing piece. I want to be complete. I want to find peace. Peace is a man named Jesus, a man who walked this earth and showed us how to live, showed us what it is to be human and paid the ultimate price for us our Prince of peace. Peace is choosing joy, celebrating the small things, reveling in the presence of our God and His blessings. Peace is living in expectation of His provision, trusting in His mercy and grace. Peace is sharing our thoughts and feelings with our Father and with our Prince and with our advocate. Peace is being grateful for what we have, it’s learning to be content, it’s remembering who I am, a daughter of the King. I want that peace from God, the peace that surpasses all understanding. The piece that will guard my heart and mind. So, I will trust in the Lord with all my heart and I will love the Lord with all of myself.
Hi this is Jack in Wisconsin. Heard today in the prayer section of a woman who’s going through a divorce. She’s got five kids. I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be praying for you and I’m really thinking of you. I have the perspective of this situation in that I was an unfaithful husband. And I am in the process of trying to put my marriage back together again with God’s grace and help. I am in repentance and I’m desperately trying to win the heart of my wife back, but it may not work. So, I would covet your prayers in return, that my wife’s heart opens and softens to me. Especially as we enter the holiday season it’s particularly hard. And again, for the woman, I just want you to know that I’m going to be thinking and praying for you and your family intently. And thank you for sharing. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Good morning Daily Audio Bible family this is his beloved and California. I just want to say happy Thanksgiving and I’m just so thankful for you, each of you, my family. It’s amazing. I just love and adore. And this is the beginning of my day every day and thank you to Brian and Jill for creating this amazing family here on earth that we are so connected in Spirit. Shanna from Oklahoma, when you called and said you got your job for…with the…calling in with a praise report and you said you might have shed a tear you opened the email, I shed a tear when I heard you got a job. I was so happy for you. I’m praying for you. So, that made me happy. Patricia from New Orleans, I love you call in. And keep calling in. You’re in my daily prayers for healing and also for your family situation. I looked up what you told us to look up and I am praying for you. Please pray for my son’s girlfriend Jenna’s mother who is not doing well with her cancer. And her daughter went home to be with her and take care of her. And I just ask for you to cover her in prayer. Also please pray for me. My mind is playing tricks on me with a recurring infection I’m getting. And, of course, I’m thinking the worst thing possible. So, I was up all night. Please pray for healing of my mind body and spirit in this and that the Lord would just heal me up and all would be well in that situation. I love all of you. Thank you, prayer warriors who call in. You know who you are, the staples here. God bless you all.
Hi, I’m calling, I’ve called many years ago and now is the first time in a long time. I’m going to call myself Finding Great Comfort. I want to thank this community because I can reach out in prayer to you. My heart is heavy as I lift this prayer. Lord God Almighty intercede for my daughter Colene. She needs your healing, sober mindedness, and courage to do the right things for herself, her family, and her children. Intercede Lord by your mighty grace for mothers like her suffering and causing suffering. I ask all these things in the name of Jesus Christ who came, lived, died, rose again, and lives and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty. I ask your mercy, your grace and restoration. As we finished up first Peter today it says love covers a multitude of sins. To love deeply. Loving deeply means that we are stretched beyond our understanding. And here we are Lord. I ask for your grace and your mercy. At this time of Thanksgiving I am thankful for family and even the sufferings of grace. Please cover us and restore us in Jesus’ name. Amen.
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Standing Tall Pt. 2.1
(Continued RP from Here)
“Pressure's on, pressure's high
Pressure's heavy on my mind”
Sir Sly “Expectations”
Wind catches the Ren’dorei’s hair as twigs, leaves, and underbrush break under her run. The morning dew from the thick underbrush masking the sweat as Allie increases the pace of her morning routine from a light jog to almost all out sprint. Rapid breaths accentuate each footfall, each twig snapping as the void elf pushed herself to be faster, better.
“Give up now, you will only know defeat”
Growling Allie pushes on, her goal just in sight at the top of the hill as her lungs strained for more air. The higher in elevation she went, the harder it came to maintain the pace she was holding. Finally, roughly two hundred yards from the top, the void elf slows to a walk inhaling deep breaths as her heart practically jumps from her chest. Sweat poured down her head as she put her hands on her hips and looked up at the peak, less than one hundred yards to go. Looking down at the ground for a moment she inhales deeply as one foot in front of the other pushes her forward, toward the summit.
“Keep pushing dammit, you can do this.” The athletic Elf says through labored breaths as she keeps pushing forward.
Little by little, step by step, Allie finally crests the summit of the hill and looks around in elation at her achievement. It was a testament to her devotion, to consistently improve and to become the woman Allie knew she could become. Sitting down, the Rendorei catches her breath and looks out at surrounding splendor. There was something about the estate in the morning hours that caused her to take a pause and reflect. Exhaling she nods as she looks around while getting to her feet, idly brushing herself off of debris. She had plans today, first to look for a new job, and to buy more ammo. Lightly moaning as she stood the Ren’dorei’s legs felt like jelly from the intense workout, she would definitely feel that all day.
Stormwind is already bustling by the time she arrives, its citizens scurrying from destination to destination. Low murmurs of news from Silithus causes her briefly to pause just feet from the gun and ammunition store. Biting her lip she exhales slowly and pushes the door open as her pack lightly brushes up against the door frame.
“Aye, what can I get for ye lass?” A gruff voice belonging to short, stocky and hairy man inquires as he steps up to the counter. Gaining a few inches it would be obvious he had stepped on a block of wood or something to be of equal height to the elf as she smiles warmly.
“Just the usual for me today Berdrik.” she says regarding him with an easy expression and warm smile.
The dwarf brings his left hand up to his chestnut colored beard and begins to gently stroke it as he eyes the woman up and down for a moment. Humming in thoughtfulness he bends down as a door on tracks opens up. “Ye been in ‘ere three times in less than two weeks for this amount o’lead.” he starts off grunting as he emerges once more. Placing a total of eight small boxes on the counter he looks her over once more “Ye in some sort o’ trouble lass?” he says with a trace of concern interwoven into his tone.
“Strangle him, he must cease to exist.”
Allie bites her lip as she softly chuckles placing the appropriate amount of coins on the counter for the man to count “No, I am not in any trouble, I promise, just some practice for now.” She says before swinging her pack around and opening up a side pouch to retrieve the rifle scope. Holding it up she smiles “And this, is a wonderful upgrade, how much for that additional lens you mentioned last week?” she asks in a thoughtful manner while starting to count out more coin.
Berdrik holds up his hands and shakes her head as he chuckles “Ye don’t ‘ave ta pay me fer that lass.” he says before stepping off his makeshift stepping stool. “Come with me aye?” he says before heading into a backroom pushing aside a curtain before motioning her forward.
“Now is your chance…”
Exhaling sharply, Allie’s nostrils lightly flared as she reluctantly swung her pack around and moved around the counter to follower the dwarf. The backroom was at least well lit, allowing her to check for any weapons he could easily reach for. Fearing a trap was about to be sprung she kept her wits about herself as she lightly leans her left side against the doorframe while casually placing her right on the handle of the revolver fastened in the holster, the void elf was done trusting and taking chances.
Berdrik didn’t seem to notice or didn’t seem to care as he shuffled through a couple of boxes on the floor from what appeared to be a delivery he had received recently. Seeming to find what he was looking for, the dwarf stands up and turns around offering out a small box and nods “Go on then, take it.” he says softly
Looking down at the item, Allie kicks off the wall and takes the box in her hands before opening it and pulling out the lens converter. “Are you sure about this?” she asks curiously before swinging her pack around to place the item inside.
Berkdrik nods as he exhales sharply putting his hands on his hips “Aye lass, ye need it more I suspect.” he says in a frustrated manner though conceding some that he would drop it.
Allie smirks as she slowly stepped forward before bending down to gently place a kiss on the top of the Dwarfs head “Thank you Berdrik” she says before standing back up.
Berdrik scoffs and waves his hand “Ye Ye, and use that ammo sparingly, a few asked why I was ordering so much.” he cautioned her as they both stepped out to the storefront once more.
Nodding, Allie takes her pack off and opens the main compartment to throw the boxes of ammo inside of it. “I will, this is just, surplus,” she says as her blue irises brightened for a moment while a smile spread across her face.
Once the items had been stowed, Allie picks her pack up and grunts from the additional weight she was now carrying. Exchanging pleasantries and goodbyes, the Ren’dorei offers a bow of her head before departing and heading to her next destination, the bar.
Allie was, in a way, happy that nobody had been around the last few weeks. Nobody to nag that her ever accelerating, out of control spin of self-loathing, doubt, and depression was bad for her. Nobody to tell her the obvious. She knew she was drinking too much, spending too frivolously, sleeping too little. Gone was the bright smile that was adorned her face every day, or the optimistic view of the city she had once called home. Gone was the feeling of being needed, or even wanted. All that remained for the last few weeks was doubt, an internal war waging in her heart and mind. Doubt that she could ever actually succeed at anything, or be useful. Doubt she could ever truly love someone. Reality and her own expectations for herself openly battled in her head from the time she got up in the morning, until the time she closed her eyes at night. A full night’s rest is a commodity the Elf had not had in recent memory, confidence gave away in her mind as loose gravel on a back trail does.
“Watch where you’re going!” came the growl followed by a small shove as she had idly been walking along, not paying attention to her own surroundings.
Glaring for a brief moment at the man Allie clenches her jaw as her nostrils flare. The urge to be mean and uncouth took over her expression before quickly melting away as a smile formed instead. “I am terribly sorry about that, I should have paid more attention,” she says before bowing her head. As she looked up the man stuck his middle finger at her before walking away with a smirk. Frowning Allie exhales and continues the short walk to the bar.
The Slaughtered Lamb was at first glance, just a normal tavern in Stormwind, nothing about it was overtly interesting. For Allie, this place had recently become one of solitude, allowing the Rendorei to fulfill her self-destructive behavior...
“Whiskey, please. Just plain,” she says starting to pull coins out of a pouch on her right side
“Her drink is on me.” A familiar voice calls out loudly from behind the woman.
Nodding to the man the bartender pours a whiskey neat for Allie and places the glass in front of her. Nodding her thanks, Allie picks the glass up and turns around to face Kevin. The two had a checkered history in the past, but slowly, he was growing on her. He had been the one friend to count on in recent memory that was easy to talk to. Holding the glass up in a toast she offers him and the company he was seated with a wave
“Mind if I join you?” Allie inquires as she starts towards the two humans and gnome already seated.
“Yes, I do.” A raven-haired woman says before snickering.
“Aww don’t do that, please, have a seat, Allie.” Kevin responds. Before starting to introduce the gnome and another human. But Allie didn’t hear any of it. “Allie this is London, London this is Allie.” he finishes motioning to the raven-haired woman with tattoos up and down her arms.
“Nice to meet you London,” Allie says holding up her glass to toast the group around the table. Taking a drink she sets it back down before the conversation unexpectedly shifts to the Rendorei.
The three spoke for what seemed like forever as the gnome and other human said their farewells and departed. As the conversation turned to tattoo’s Allie perked up, mentioning she had been wanting one recently but wasn’t sure what to get.
Long shrugs and takes a drink “If you ever want you, just tell me. I will happily do it for you.” she says as Kevin nods “We can use my office.” he offers out before looking at Allie.
Allie looks at the two for a moment before putting the glass to her mouth and drinking the remainder of the liquor. “Let's go,” she says standing up and grabbing her rifle.
The night air was refreshing as the three set out for Kevin's office, continuing to carry laughter and conversation all the way to the door. As Kevin pulls out a key he places it into the lock and turns the key before opening the door.
The office was well lit, clean and had plenty of conveniences within it. Moving to a chair, Allie takes her rifle and pack off and gently sets them down before her hands idly move to her waist to unbuckle and lay her two revolvers down as well.
London quietly sets her belongings down and starts removing ink, needles and other supplies she would need as the gnomish tattoo gun practically falls out. “Do you have anything for her to lay on Kevin?” she asks as Kevin nods and disappears for a few moments.
Biting her lip, Allie crisscrosses her arms grabbing at the bottom of her shirt before pulling it up and off her body as London starts wiping down need and gun with nearby wipes.
“Is this going to hurt?” she asks softly as Kevin reappears offering a pillow out to the elf.
“Aye, just a lil’sting. It’s addictin’. Kevin replies as London takes a seat and nods in agreement with Kevin.
“It’s highly addictive, but where you want it is going to hurt like a bitch,” she adds as Kevin nods
“Aye, ribs are sensitive,” he replies as he takes a seat near Allie.
Instinctively, Allie holds out her hand to Kevin for him to grab as the human turns the machine on dipping the needle in black ink. Inhaling deeply Allie bites her lip at the noise the tattoo gun made before exhaling.
“Okay, are we all set?” London asks Allie as she puts on gloves and begins wiping the Rendorei’s side with hygienic wipes to sterilize the area.
Inhaling deeply Allie nods as Kevin grabs her hand “Yes, I am ready.” she says softly before lightly squeezing the mans hand.
London picks up the tattoo gun and smiles as she turns the machine on. Placing her free hand on the girl side and makes sure the skin is taut before placing the needle against the Rendorei skin starting the outline of a rifle bullet
The initial pain and shock of the needle repeatedly stabbing her in the side causes Allie to lightly squeak in pain while her eyes clenched shut. The vibration of the machine against her ribs was so intense she was certain her ribs would burst out of her body. Breathing through her nose, Allie could feel Kevin's hand gently caressing hers as the outline was nearing completion. Once done, London grabs a bottle of liquid and cloth and starts applying it to the fresh ink
“Oh, that's my favorite part,” Kevin said as London smirks and nods in agreement.
Once completed, London would pick up the machine once more and smile “Okay, just have to do some finishing touches, here we go.” she says as she begins work once more. Some more time passes and Allie fell into a rhythm, opening her eyes she loosened her grip on Kevin's hand and places her other hand on her hip while London did the remainder of the work. Finally, after another long moment the tattoo gun shuts off and London starts reapplying some of the soothing liquid a few times to make sure the area was clean of all access ink and any blood before placing a gauze pad over it and taping it in place.
“That's it, you’re done,” London says cheerfully as she begins to clean up. the area
Opening her eyes, Allie smiles in a warm fashion before letting go of Kevin's hand and sitting up. “Thank you very much,” she says warmly as she gets up and moves to the other end of the office before putting her shirt on and then her pack and weapons. “I should be getting home now.”
Saying their farewells Allie slips out of the city and to a portal she had contracted for safe passage back to her sister's estate like she had done every night since moving back out there. Walking through the door she heads to the kitchen and grabs her bottle of whiskey and starts to pour a drink.
Suddenly a door upstairs would close and Allie stops pouring for a moment listening to any sounds.
“Allie? Is that you.” A very familiar voice calls out downstairs.
Lyriah was home.
To be continued...
@bastard-blackstone @london-riker @tychon-altham @lyriahbloodthorne @felsidruyar @protectermaji for mentions or relevance
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Love is a protest against the world’s madness and deception.
(Love is Light)
it is True illumination.
and as people made in the image of our Creator we are meant to be like God, yet we are never to try to be God. people in this world are naturally tempted to go against Love’s truth, just as many children tend to disobey their parents as they grow. and we’ve been given a conscience that speaks within but not all listen. we have the Spirit as a friend who guides us to see but only as we embrace the courage of humility.
Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 16th chapter of the book of John:
“I’ve told you these things to prepare you for rough times ahead. They are going to throw you out of the meeting places. There will even come a time when anyone who kills you will think he’s doing God a favor. They will do these things because they never really understood the Father. I’ve told you these things so that when the time comes and they start in on you, you’ll be well-warned and ready for them.
“I didn’t tell you this earlier because I was with you every day. But now I am on my way to the One who sent me. Not one of you has asked, ‘Where are you going?’ Instead, the longer I’ve talked, the sadder you’ve become. So let me say it again, this truth: It’s better for you that I leave. If I don’t leave, the Friend won’t come. But if I go, I’ll send him to you.
“When he comes, he’ll expose the error of the godless world’s view of sin, righteousness, and judgment: He’ll show them that their refusal to believe in me is their basic sin; that righteousness comes from above, where I am with the Father, out of their sight and control; that judgment takes place as the ruler of this godless world is brought to trial and convicted.
“I still have many things to tell you, but you can’t handle them now. But when the Friend comes, the Spirit of the Truth, he will take you by the hand and guide you into all the truth there is. He won’t draw attention to himself, but will make sense out of what is about to happen and, indeed, out of all that I have done and said. He will honor me; he will take from me and deliver it to you. Everything the Father has is also mine. That is why I’ve said, ‘He takes from me and delivers to you.’
“In a day or so you’re not going to see me, but then in another day or so you will see me.”
That stirred up a hornet’s nest of questions among the disciples: “What’s he talking about: ‘In a day or so you’re not going to see me, but then in another day or so you will see me’? And, ‘Because I’m on my way to the Father’? What is this ‘day or so’? We don’t know what he’s talking about.”
Jesus knew they were dying to ask him what he meant, so he said, “Are you trying to figure out among yourselves what I meant when I said, ‘In a day or so you’re not going to see me, but then in another day or so you will see me’? Then fix this firmly in your minds: You’re going to be in deep mourning while the godless world throws a party. You’ll be sad, very sad, but your sadness will develop into gladness.
“When a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there’s no getting around it. But when the baby is born, there is joy in the birth. This new life in the world wipes out memory of the pain. The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you’ll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you. You’ll no longer be so full of questions.
“This is what I want you to do: Ask the Father for whatever is in keeping with the things I’ve revealed to you. Ask in my name, according to my will, and he’ll most certainly give it to you. Your joy will be a river overflowing its banks!
“I’ve used figures of speech in telling you these things. Soon I’ll drop the figures and tell you about the Father in plain language. Then you can make your requests directly to him in relation to this life I’ve revealed to you. I won’t continue making requests of the Father on your behalf. I won’t need to. Because you’ve gone out on a limb, committed yourselves to love and trust in me, believing I came directly from the Father, the Father loves you directly. First, I left the Father and arrived in the world; now I leave the world and travel to the Father.”
His disciples said, “Finally! You’re giving it to us straight, in plain talk—no more figures of speech. Now we know that you know everything—it all comes together in you. You won’t have to put up with our questions anymore. We’re convinced you came from God.”
Jesus answered them, “Do you finally believe? In fact, you’re about to make a run for it—saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I’m not abandoned. The Father is with me. I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.”
The Book of John, Chapter 16 (The Message)
Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 6th chapter of the book of Ecclesiastes:
Teacher: I have seen another injustice under the sun, one that is a real burden upon humanity. Sometimes God gives money, possessions, and even honor, so that we have everything a person might desire; nothing is lacking. But then, for reasons God only knows, God does not allow him to enjoy the good gifts. Rather, a stranger ends up enjoying them. This, too, is fleeting; it’s a sickening evil. If a person has one hundred children and lives for many years but finds no satisfaction in all of the good things that life brings and in the end doesn’t have a proper burial, I say that it would be better if that person had been stillborn because the stillborn arrives in a fleeting breath and then goes nameless into the darkness mourned by no one and buried in an unmarked grave. Though the child never sees the sun or knows anything, it still had more rest than the person who cannot enjoy what he has. Even if a person were to live one thousand years twice over, but could find no satisfaction, don’t we all end up going to the same place?
Teacher: As the saying goes, “All of our toil is food for our mouths.” We eat; we drink, and yet deep down we do not feel satisfied. What good is it to be wise? Are the wise better off than fools? And what do the poor know that others do not when they conduct themselves before the public? It is better to enjoy what our eyes see than to long for what our roving appetites desire. This, too, is fleeting, like trying to embrace the wind.
Whatever exists has already been named. Human nature, as it is with its strengths and limitations, is already known. So no one dares to dispute with One so much stronger than he. The more a person speaks, the more breath is fleeting; and what advantage do a lot of words bring us? For who knows the best way for us to live during the few days of our fleeting lives? After all, we pass through them like shadows. For who can say what will happen under the sun after we are gone?
The Book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 6 (The Voice)
my personal reading of the Scriptures for Tuesday, may 25 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms
A post by John Parsons that looks at True hope in a temporal world:
The Scriptures declare that though the “outward self” (ὁ ἔξω ἡμῶν ἄνθρωπος) inevitably wastes away (διαφθείρω), the “inner self” (ὁ ἔσω ἡμῶν) is being renewed (ἀνακαινόω, i.e., “raised up in newness of life”) day by day (2 Cor. 4:16), which implies that we have nothing to fear regarding our perpetuity and acceptance as God's beloved children. Therefore we do not “lose heart” (lit., act badly, from ἐκ, “out” + κακός, “badly”). Despite the shadows of this world, we take hold of the words of our Savior, who said: “I give you eternal life, and you will never be destroyed (ἀπόλλυμι), and no one will snatch you out of my hand” (John 10:28). And in another place he likewise said, “Everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die (οὐ μὴ ἀποθάνη)" (John 11:26).
God has redeemed you, friend, and he has called you by your name; he knows you intimately, and you belong to Him. God does not call groups, but rather individuals. The Spirit calls out, “follow me...” The Lord never leaves nor forsakes those who trust in Him, even if they should face waters that seem to overwhelm or fires that seem to devour and consume. [Hebrew for Christians]
5.25.21 • Facebook
Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research
May 25, 2021
Instruction Contrary to Knowledge
“Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge.” (Proverbs 19:27)
One of the saddest realities in the modern world is that many of the leaders of evolutionary and humanistic thought were raised in Christian homes, where from an early age they were exposed to the truths of Scripture. Testimonies without number have been chronicled of Christian students going to universities where they were taught to doubt and then to disbelieve the faith of their parents. Perhaps all these students ever knew of Christianity was a set of rules; maybe they never understood the reasons their parents held certain views or the basis for these beliefs. Certainly the foundational teaching of creation has been missing in many Christian homes and churches.
Our primary goal as parents should be to establish a godly heritage—to teach the truths of God in such a way as will be believed and cherished by our children so that they will “keep that which is committed to [their] trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called” (1 Timothy 6:20).
Certainly a more effective way of teaching is to continually point the child or student back to foundational principles rather than to list a set of dos and don’ts. We must teach those under our influence to be grounded in the Word so that they can make sound judgments when away from our watchful eyes. No greater aid to serious study, no better primer in careful reasoning exists than in Scripture. Using it and other supportive materials, a child can learn to think carefully and critically. Not only will they learn information, but here they can learn wisdom and knowledge and understanding. “For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding” (Proverbs 2:6). JDM
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Best Games of 2020
2020 was a lot. It will be remembered for many things far above and beyond video games. COVID-19 shut the world down in a way never seen in my lifetime. It changed day to day life for many of us, and cost many of us loved ones. It was also the year when the ugly parts of our capitalist society were shown in broad daylight. It feels like 2001 again in that our lives will be divided into pre-2020 and post-2020.
For me personally, I was able to keep my job and work from home, and no one close to us died to the pandemic. We stayed home as much as possible, wore masks, wiped down groceries, and did our best to control what we could. It can be hard to talk about stuff like video games and sports with the usual sort of fervor when the world feels like it’s falling apart around us. It feels like playing the violin aboard the Titanic. But self-care is especially important in times like these, and it’s healthy and necessary to close Twitter, or for-the-love-of-god fucking Facebook and get a breather sometimes. Finding a balance where I could stay informed without completely submerging myself in misery wasn’t always easy.
And so. 2020 was a pretty good year for games, though it must be noted that there is a cost to that escapism - the industry is rife with stories of abuse, burnout, and coverups from companies such as Ubisoft and CD Projekt Red, Naughty Dog, and many others. That can add an additional layer of exhaustion to what is supposed to be a relaxing escape. So I can understand the people who say they don’t want to hear about abuse in industry, they just want the games. But also, fuck those people. “I don’t care if you suffer to entertain me, I just don’t want to hear about it.” Fuck the whole entire way off.
But I digress. Like most years, I played a lot of games. I played a lot of coop beat-em-ups with my kids this year. Minecraft Dungeons and Streets of Rage 4 didn’t make the list, but I spent hours playing them with my middle child. And it wasn’t a 2020 release, but I had a blast playing River City Girls with firstborn. It was a good year for fans of tactics games with stuff like Gears Tactics, Troubleshooter, Wintermoor Tactics Club, and Fae Tactics. 2020 also saw new console releases, though the launch lineups were especially thin.
Gaming-wise, 2020 was the year of Xbox Game Pass for me. I spent most of this console generation (justifiably) dogging Xbox for their lack of platform exclusives, but I decided to pursue an Xbox Series X before a Playstation 5. Game Pass is the main reason for this. The “Netflix for games” thing has finally become a reality, and Sony just doesn’t have an answer for the bonkers value of Game Pass. We head into the new console generation with Microsoft leaning heavily on Game Pass subs, Sony still banking on a few console exclusives, and Nintendo, uh, doing their own thing over there. What a fascinating time for the industry.
Honorable Mention
It’s an honor just to be nominated.
Monster Sanctuary
If you start with Pokemon, strip away the anime, and mix in a healthy dose of metroidvania, you have Monster Sanctuary. This means there are monsters to collect, level, and evolve, and lots of combat revolving around elemental strengths and weaknesses. And I am here for that shit. A game like this lives and dies by its combat, and it’s very satisfying here. The game has plenty of choices about which skills to focus on for each monster, which gear to equip, and which monsters to keep in your active roster.
That said, between a couple of nasty difficulty spikes and some super-frustrating puzzle rooms, I was close to walking away from the game on multiple occasions. It’s a testament to the game’s quality that I kept coming back to it.
Animal Crossing
Animal Crossing on the Gamecube is one of my favorite games ever. Each game in the series since the first has felt like a small incremental change from the original. I played Wild World on the DS quite a bit, City Folk a bit less, and A New Leaf not at all. I was thinking that maybe enough time has passed that I could get wrapped up in New Horizons, but I fell off it after a month or two.
I’m wondering what I would want from a new Animal Crossing game, and the answer is nothing. How much can you change the game and still have it be Animal Crossing? I don’t think the game is bad by any means. My whole family shared an island community for a couple of months. It’s impossible for a new game in the series make me feel the way that first game did.
The most memorable part of New Horizons is the museum. The museum is huge and absolutely lovely, with fish, bugs, fossils, and art each having their own wing. There were a few nights where the tranquility of the museum made for a nice end of the day.
Tell Me Why
My wife, firstborn, and myself have made a nice routine of playing through “choices matter” games together (starting last year with Detroit Become Human and following up with Life is Strange 2). Tell Me Why is the latest one one of these we tackled as a group. These game have created some memorable moments for us; who could forget their child yelling for them to “shoot the hooker”? (thank you, Detroit Become Human).
Tell Me Why was on my radar because it’s One of These, but also because it features a transgender protagonist. As a parent of a trans child, I was both excited at the prospect of this and also worried that it is such an easy thing to fumble. I’m pleased to report that DONTNOD handled the writing of the trans person very well without being hamfisted, preachy, or tryhardy with it. The character of Tyler is a believable trans man, and the topic is spoken of matter-of-factly without placing special focus on it; being trans is a part of Tyler’s story, but it’s not the entirety of his identity.
Less impressive to me was the story itself - especially the way it wrapped up its main conflict. The game trades in the idea of memory being imperfect, which is fascinating in and of itself, but I did not like it as a game mechanism. How did this REALLY happen? One character remembers it one way, and the other remembers it differently. Choosing between them felt cheap and hollow to me; I want you to tell me what happened, don’t ask me to choose. Still, I enjoyed my time with the game, and it feels like a step forward in mainstream storytelling for LGBTQA characters.
Ghost of Tsushima
Ghost of Tsushima is flat out gorgeous. Practically every area and every moment in the game is begging to screenshotted to the point where it can sometimes pull me out of the game world a little bit. That’s not necessarily a complaint because, as I said, the game is freaking beautiful. But every part of the world looking like a painting makes it feel more like it takes place in a fantasy world and less like a game from feudal Japan.
I also had some ludonarrative dissonance going on with the game; you play as Jin, one of the few surviving samurai in his homeland which has been invaded by the Mongols. His uncle is being held prisoner, and combatting the occupying force would be impossible without using dishonorable techniques like hiding, attacking from a distance, and ambushing from the shadows. I, however, have no qualms and savored every opportunity to catch my foes unaware. So Jin voices his doubts, then goes into a camp and proceeds to cut his enemies down from shadows as I cackle with glee.
Ghost of Tsushima also combines dark souls-esque* combat with Ubisoft-style open world gameplay where you’re hunting down icons on a map. That kind of open world game is hard for me top stick with, especially after I spent ~30 hours with Assassin’s Creed Origins early in the year. All of makes it sound like I’m pretty down on Ghost of Tsushima, which I’m not. I’m hoping I’ll come back to it at some point when I have more of an appetite for One of These.
Crown Trick
My Dungeons of Dredmor hole has not been properly filled in a long time. Chcocobo’s Mystery Dungeon is the closest I think. These games are what I think of as roguelikes, though the progression between runs makes them roguelites. *tips fedora*
Crown Trick is a turn-based dungeon crawler where the map is a grid, and each time you act, the enemies act. Add to this clockwork puzzle gameplay a good variety of weapons, relics, and events and you’ve got a lot of replayability. It doesn’t have Dredmor’s ridiculous combination of skill classes, but it does have a neat Mega Man-esque system where you defeat minibosses and add their skill set to your build.
Top 10
10. Star Renegades
Star Renegades was not on my radar at all until I heard Austin Walker talk about the game on Waypoint Radio. Two things gave me pause:
- It’s a sci-fi-ass game. It’s a setting I don’t care for. Star destroyers and aliens and galactic battlecruisers aren’t my jam.
- Austin Walker’s enthusiasm is infectious. I’ve tried games after hearing him gush over them and those games haven’t worked for me.** That’s not an indictment, he and I just have different tastes.
Star Renegades ticks a few important boxes for me: it has a lot of characters to unlock, it’s highly customizable, and the combat is turn-based with a twist. Every action, whether friend or foe, appears on a timeline. Some attacks will push their target’s action back on the timeline, so there’s a puzzle element to the combat that keeps it feeling fresh. You can choose the makeup of your party on each run, which helped give the game a buttload of replay value.
It’s not flawless by any means. The writing tries a little too hard to be cheeky and ends up feeling tryhardy and a little flat. A decent run in the game would often take 2-3 hours, which makes it feel deflating when it ends in failure - which it frequently did. The sections of the game where you move between zones on an overhead map feels needlessly clunky, and sometimes I ended up with movement points I couldn’t spend because of how the game handles that system.
I enjoyed Star Renegades a lot, but my time with it was weird. The game has unlockable characters, so unlocking them all was my first priority. The game’s runs are pretty long, I was playing sub-optimally trying to unlock things, and the game is more difficult than I’d expected. It took me a long time to complete the unlocks, then I had a hard time actually finishing a run successfully. Eventually I was ready to be done with it and turned the difficulty down to easy**** just to finally get a W. Still, the positives far outweigh the negative here, and Star Renegades is one of my favorite games of 2020.
9. Immortals Fenyx Rising
Man, something happened to me this December. I’m currently finding myself playing a lot of Forza Horizon 4, Destiny 2, and Immortals Fenyx Rising. None of these is My Kind of Game. Immortals is probably the least surprising of these, because it at least has swords and bows and stuff.
Still, I dismissed and mocked Immortals Fenyx Rising when it was first shown. It was called Gods & Monsters back then, and the idea of Ubisoft making yet another open world game, this time aping Breath of Wild was not appealing at all. I only ended up with the game after trading in Cyberpunk 2077 for Xbox credit and looking into Immortals because I was very surprised to see it on Game Informer’s game of the year list.
To get a few things out of the way, it absolutely recycles a lot from Breath of the Wild: you’ll be hang gliding, scaling walls as a stamina meter drains, finding shrines that contain puzzles and combat and climbing towers to get a vantage point and find points of interest on the map. The latter feels the most fumbled in this game - you can zoom in and survey the landscape, and your controller vibrates when you are looking near a point of interest. Move the cursor over it and press a button to reveal it on the map. They split the difference between Assassin’s Creed’s “all the icons pop in automatically” and Zelda’s wonderful “manually mark places that look interesting to you on your map” system and ended up with something neither functional nor interesting.
That’s where my complaints end though. The game’s art style is similar at a glance, but it’s vibrant and gorgeous, and never feels like Breath of the Wild. The combat is snappy, responsive, and challenging. The puzzle design is often creative, clever, and rarely frustrating; most of my frustration has come from my overthinking the puzzle solutions. There is plenty of gear to find, and the game’s cosmetic options are intuitive and welcome. The game’s narrative is better than I expected; it feels like a B-tier Disney movie. The writing has made me smile a few times, and made me roll my eyes a few times. Zeus as comic relief is a pretty major miss, but it’s fine apart from that. It helps that I’m already familiar with Greek mythology.
It’s a huge, beautiful world where traversal and combat feel great. It’s sometimes hard to get anything done because I am constantly distracted by tracking down an icon on the map, or just exploring because I saw something cool or strange. Not all of the puzzles and challenges work, but that’s okay because I can move onto something else. Immortals Fenyx Rising is this year’s Dragon Quest Builders 2: gaming comfort food where it feels good to sit back and check things off a list at the end of a long day. Still don’t like the name though. And fuck Ubisoft.
8. Atomicrops
The first mention of Atomicrops I remember was “What if Stardew Valley was a twin stick shooter?” which is bullshit, because the games bear no resemblance beyond “there’s farming”. Beyond that first blurb, what appealed to me is the idea that the game’s days take place in 2 phases: during the daytime, you go out and fight baddies to gather seeds, and at night the baddies invade your farm and you fight them off while planting and watering crops.
It’s also a run-based roguelike, and I am 1 of 26 remaining people who is still psyched to play those. Give me a challenge, mix up the details, let me upgrade stuff between sessions, and turn me loose. The game has a good variety of weapons and the challenge is satisfying and rarely feels unfair (apart from the bullet hell problem of too much stuff on the screen at times). I don’t love the art style, but the music sure makes up for it.
7. Wintermoor Tactics Club
A game needs more than charm to be memorable and enjoyable. Charm can go a long way though, and Wintermoor Tactics club has it in spades. It takes place at a small college, and you play as a girl named Alicia. She and her friends are members of the school’s tactics club, and much of the game takes place around a table littered with graph paper, rulebooks, and snacks. As someone who loved tabletop RPG’s in simpler times, and never had the traditional college experience, a prettied-up version of that appeals to me in a huge way. It’s not wholly idyllic though, and it touches on issues of discrimination and what it’s like to be an outcast.
The gameplay itself is pretty straightforward tactics stuff and it works fine but isn’t really the draw here. I was propelled through the game largely by a desire to meet the next character, get the next story bit, and keep basking in the game’s wonderful aesthetic and smart writing. There’s something lovely about sitting around the table and playing a game with friends, and this game really captures that.
6. Ratropolis
Ratrpolis is “A fusion of roguelite, tower defense, city-building, and deck-building!” which sounds like a hodgepodge of nonsense. And it kind of is. It’s a city building game where you are periodically being invaded from either the left or right side of the screen (or both). You choose from 6 leaders, each with their own pool of cards and play style, start with a basic deck of cards and slowly evolve it. The cards consist of buildings, military units, and various economic and military buffs. The major things that set this apart from favorites like Slay the Spire are that it happens in real time, and there is an economic aspect to manage. Tax money comes in every few seconds, and it’s possible to make poor decisions early on and not understand why you feel hamstrung later.
I spent a lot of games like that, not really understanding why I’d be doing okay and then get overwhelmed. I had a few rage quits early on, but I could tell that there was something there. I started approaching it with the mindset of building an economic engine in the early game, and I started having a lot more fun and success. Each of the 6 leaders feels distinct, and figuring them each out has been a lot of fun. Runs are usually no more than about 30 minutes, which feels about right.
5. Final Fantasy VII Remake
Despite identifying as a big JRPG fan, I’ve never enjoyed a mainline Final Fantasy game enough to finish it. This year I finished 2 of them: Final Fantasy XV and the Final Fantasy VII Remake.*** I played the original Playstation Final Fantasy VII release, I think I got through disc 1 and a little ways into disc 2. It didn’t resonate with me, so I came to this year’s remake with no reverence for the game. When many of the original game’s fans got upset with how much the remake changed the script from the source material, I didn’t have a horse in that race.
The remake is gorgeous, the combat and upgrade systems are engaging, and the story is interesting enough to keep me wanting to see what’s next. The 1997 release of the game had some stuff that isn’t going to play the same in 2020 like the scene where Cloud is crossdressing, the game’s themes of environmental activism, and, uh, the entire Don Corneo storyline come to mind. But the game handled all of this pretty well. I’m glad to say that this is one of the best RPG’s I played this year, and I look forward to the next entry whenever the hell it comes along. Cloud is still an unlikable punk though.
4. Monster Train
Slay the Spire was a surprise hit a couple of years ago, and inspired a lot of folks in the indie space to take a crack at the deckbuilding genre. Monster Train managed to to take inspirations from Slay the Spire but still feels like very much its own thing. Both games have you progressing through a series of encounters consisting of battles, shops, or small events trying to defeat the big bad at the end of a journey. You start with a deck of basic cards and upgrade them and add new cards along to way. You can’t really start a run planning on making a certain style of deck, you just choose from the cards available and watch the strategy form. The way this process tickles my brain makes these games endlessly replayable. The “one more run” is very strong here.
Monster Train differentiates itself in a couple of ways. First, where Slay the Spire was always just your one character battling one or more enemies, here you are summoning multiple creatures on the lower 3 levels of a 4-level train (I don’t know either). If the enemies reach the top floor of your train, they attack your core directly and eventually defeat you. This adds a strong spatial planning element - now you’re thinking about which combatants you want on each floor, and in what order.
The other notable difference between the games is that while Slay the Spire has four heroes, each with their own unique pool of cards, Monster Train has five factions. It’s one better. The first three factions feel pretty standard from a creativity point of view - red/green/blue are fire/nature/ice. The last two factions you unlock feel wholly unique though: there’s a faction that summons weak, cheap units and feeds on them for combat bonuses, and one that is made of candle beings who are powerful, but melt away. Okay, the real reason is that each time you play, you’re choosing a main faction (each has 2 champions to use from) and a secondary faction (you don’t get their champion, but you get access to their pool of cards). This makes each run feel unique and makes the game feel endlessly replayable. Even after unlocking all of the factions and their cards, and winning a run on the hardest challenge setting with each faction, I’m still playing Monster Train.
3. Spiritfarer
If Kentucky Route Zero is my “It’s Not You, It’s Me” game this year, Spiritfarer might be my “Love at First Sight” game of the year. The game’s striking visuals grabbed my attention immediately when I first saw the trailer at E3 2019, and it was billed as a game about saying goodbye. My only reservation was that it was coming from Thunder Lotus Games, whose previous titles (Jotun and Sundered) both fell flat for me.
Spiritfarer ended up being everything I was hoping for. You play as the newly-appointed ferryperson for the boat that transports souls from the land of the living to the land of the dead. Your ship acts as your base of operations, and you build living quarters, a kitchen, a forge, and lots of other facilities on it. The beings who join you on your ship are anthropomorphized animals, each with their own story. Your job is to help them be at peace, then send them to the next life once they’re ready.
In practical terms, you’re spending a lot of your time sailing from island to island to talk to people and find resources. There’s a plenty of crafting and time sinks in the game, and I appreciated the excuse to luxuriate in this game world. No game made me cry this year, but Spiritfarer (Alice’s story in particular) sure did try. It was the perfect respite for the nightmare that was 2020.
2. Yakuza: Like a Dragon
A lot of Yakuza fans were concerned over this game’s switch from the series’ usual brawling combat to turn-based RPG combat. I was not one of them. Everything about this game sounds like the sort of fan fiction someone like, well, like me would come up with on a late night drunken bender. “What if it was Yakuza, but like, JRPG battles? Why would that happen.....OH oh oh what if the main character was a big fan of DRAGON QUEST so he just, like, saw the world in those terms? You could have party members, and a Pokedex of all the weirdo scumbags you fight, and you could change jobs by going to a temp agency!”
All of that is in Yakuza: Like a Dragon. And I love it. The series’ producer says they decided to pivot to a turn-based combat system after positive reaction to an April Fools Day Yakuza RPG joke they put online. And there are some rough spots. Your party members get caught on the world’s geometry sometimes, and combatants are constantly milling around so AOE abilities feel like a crap shoot. The Yakuza series has always had about 30% too much combat, so translating it into a genre known for grindy gameplay feels like a perfect storm of sorts. Thankfully, I’m a fan of grindy RPG’s so all of this is directly in my wheelhouse.
This eighth game in the Yakuza series is the first with a new protagonist - goodbye Kiryu Kazuma, hello Ichiban Kasuga. Where Kiryu was very stoic, Ichiban is a hothead with the perfect mix of kindness, earnestness, and stupidity for a JRPG hero. He is an incredibly likeable and charismatic character, and I hope Ryu Go Gotoku Studio tightens up the battle system and keeps this iteration of the series running.
1. Hades
Hades seemed like a slam dunk. My favorite studio was making an action RPG based on Greek mythology. The announcement was the best possible version of “AND you can play it right now!” I bought it (in early access) immediately and played it a bit, but I didn’t want to burn out on it so I only briefly checked in on it every few months. As a result, my hype was pretty low when the game reached its 1.0 release.
Once I decided to fully engage with the game though, I was unable to put it down. SuperGiant’s games have the best writing, music, and voice acting in the business. That’s a pretty high bar to aim for, and they hit it once again with Hades. Both of their post-Bastion games (Transistor and Pyre) are games that I have to recommend with an asterisk though; the gameplay parts of each game is an acquired taste and will put some folks off.
Hades, however, I can give a full throated recommendation for. The gameplay is tight and the combat feels good. There’s a lot of variety in the weapons, so you can either find one that fits your style and stick with it, or do what I did and change it up every run. They also managed to achieve something incredible - they largely took the sting out of losing in a run-based game. There are things to unlock between runs as you’d expect from a roguelite. I found myself enjoying chatting with the denizens of hell as much as the moment to moment action gameplay. I’d respawn back home and make my rounds, taking to people and spending my cash. I had a route I’d travel each time, and that route ended with Skelly in the weapons room. Oh, the gauntlets grant a bonus if I use them this time....the door to start a new run is just right over there....okay I can do one more run tonight.
That personality and dialogue is sprinkled throughout the runs themselves too, in the form of the various Greek gods you talk to and get boons from. The variety in weapons and boons give the game tremendous replayability and give the game a deckbuilding feel. Every character in the game is incredibly well developed and well-acted. Zagreus is a likeable and relatable protagonist. He wants to get away from his disapproving father and find his estranged mother, and he and his father can’t see eye to eye.
The story and gameplay in Hades do equal lifting, the game is an incredibly complete package. The game also provided a couple of the most memorable moments of the year. Hades might just be SuperGiant’s best game. It’s certainly their most complete game.
*It’s very much on the lighter side of this gameplay style, akin to 2019′s Star Wars: Jedi Fallen Order. Plus there are difficulty settings, which I appreciate.
**Invisible Inc, Dragon’s Dogma, and The Outer Wilds come to mind.
***Final Fantasy VII Remake is only the first installment in a series
****Cloaked in shame and failure.
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Wicca & Whispers: My Unexpected Month as a Pagan Convert
My first and, to date, only, experience of a spiritual revelation happened in the summer of 2017.
Half an hour into a meditation session, eyes closed, legs crossed, I had a startlingly clear image of a gigantic oak tree growing out of the ground in front of me, unfurling its leaves and stating in a deep voice: I am Mother Earth. I am the one true religion. Convert to the Wiccan Faith.
This spiritual revelation, crystal clear in my mind’s eye, was a little unexpected…not least because that meditation session was part of a Christian retreat. When we went round the circle afterwards sharing any godly moments we’d had during our prayerful meditation I, unsurprisingly enough, kept quiet. Right sort of experience. Wrong religion.
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With no small amount of trepidation and some curiosity, I recently asked around my friend group and requested that they describe me in one word. Some responses were:
Focused
Self-Assured
Unique
Creative
Warm
Versatile
Funny
And, my favourite:
“Essa”
…Fair enough.
Now, this is a wide reaching list, but there was one word that didn’t make a single appearance from anyone: religious. I am not surprised by this. I am generally known as the cynical one, the sardonic one, the pessimist, the sensible thinker, and rightly so. (I am Scottish, after all.) Essa the logical. Essa the skeptic. Many, if not most, of the people who meet me in my day to day life would probably expect me to be agnostic, even atheist.
And yet.
And yet the institution of the church and Christianity itself has had a profound and far-reaching importance in my life. My mother is a lay-reader, church organist and choir leader. My dad is also a church organist. My Mum’s family are Church of Scotland Elders, My Dad’s folk are Salvation Army, some of them even founding members of the London branch of the institution. My family tree is heaving with religion, my own childhood spent in church buildings and prayer meetings. I was playing violin in the praise band at aged 4, playing the organ and helping run local church summer workshops by age 12, arguing on theological issues with church camp youth leaders by age 13. When people ask what my relationship is with the church, I usually just say, “I grew up in the church and my family is very involved with our local church community” and leave it at that. At that point most folk presume this to mean that I have given up on religion myself and leave the matter be, much to my relief.
And yet.
And yet I do still go to church, when I can. I am a congregation member of a very liberal C of E church in London, the type of church where God is referred to by female pronouns, people don’t guard ‘their spot’ on the pew and metropolitan gay couples bring their aesthetically flawless children with them every Sunday morning. I don’t tend to experience much great spiritual uplifting during the service but I enjoy the sermon, which usually has a disruptive, feminist slant, the sense of community, the feeling that here is a group of people who care about each other and are trying to just generally be nicer to everyone. I’ve told myself for years that there isn’t a need for a powerful sense of the otherworldy, of godliness, to make church worthwhile: surely a sense of that community and a reminder to be kind is a generally good thing, worthy in of itself.
I was the church organist for this tiny yet friendly congregation in Tayport between the ages of 15-17. They did excellent cups of tea. I’m the one with the ginger hair. (2013)
And yet.
And yet since I was very small, I have yearned for that ‘aha!’ moment. That euphoric experience of spiritual enlightenment where I would know that God was out there in the world. An unmistakable KA-POW.
“You just need to send one sign!” I remember fervently bartering late one night when I was about eight during my bedtime prayers. “Just send one sign to show you exist and I won’t ask again and I’ll be extra good!” I was unaware then, in the midst of my doubt, of the irony of my paternal grandmother’s maiden name: Thomas. (Theology joke).
Years passed, and my wish for clear ‘godly proof of life’ faded into the background but didn’t entirely dissipate. From the ages of 10-13 I went to increasingly evangelical church summer camps where everyone else and their pet dog had seemingly had a personal meeting with Jesus, throwing myself into bible study groups and arm-waving to cheesy pop worship songs in the desperate hope that some sort of visitation from the Holy Spirit might eventually happen by Day 9 of camp. Nothing.
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My teenage diaries are filled with fears of a malignant God, or a long-dead God, or a God that simply had decided that I personally was worthy only of being ignored. By seventeen I had given up on God entirely and announced myself agnostic. …This proved to be a very short-lived phase. Homesickness and a wish to find that specific sense of belonging that only churches can truly give led me to my current liberal C of E church in 2014, but that wish for that ‘just one sign’ was still a background hum.
You can perhaps appreciate my frustration, then, when I finally got my sign in that prayer meeting in 2017. This was it. The visitation I’d been waiting for since eight year old me had laid down the gauntlet, demanding proof. It was just such a shame that it was the wrong bloody religion.
What would you do?
On the one hand I was a church goer, who came from a church family, who had been brought up in the Christian faith.
On the other hand I had been wanting a spiritual sign from the heavens for about 14 years by this point and there it was. Ridiculous in nature and almost certainly brought on from a combination of severe sleep deprivation, high caffeine intake and end-of undergraduate-degree existential stress, but there nevertheless.
Reader. I went for it.
As my girlfriend at the time watched in mild, and then moderate alarm, I went out on what can only be described a ‘Wiccan Spree’, where in the space of about three weeks I obtained four spell books and a brand of incense called ‘Dragon’s Blood’, started following about eight different ‘Witchy Aesthetic’ Instagram accounts, watched countless YouTube spell videos, joined a Facebook group called ‘Divine Goddesses’, signed up for a MeetUp event where you joined a ‘coven’ and casted spells in woods, guilt-read a blog called ‘So You Used To Be Christian And Now You’re Pagan: An Introduction To Your New Faith’, collected leaflets for a Pagan festivals that included activities such as ‘Tree Yoga’, drew my very own pentangle, made a wand and repurposed tea-light holders as containers for random household items that I decided represented the four elements. I was, in retrospect, almost certainly having some sort of small nervous breakdown, but at the time the sense of sudden purpose was truly wonderful. Wonderful, that is, until I got to the chapter about gender roles in my new, shiny Wiccan textbook.
The enthused, evangelical pages about the powerful, strong energy of men and the sensitive, delicate energy of women left a sour taste in my mouth, particularly when it became clear that male and female energies were always expected to ‘intertwine’ exclusively with each other. I’d thought I was pursuing a fresh, exciting new way to explore my spirituality, a way that left the more archaic views and beliefs of the church behind. It was a disappointment, then, to discover that heteronormative expectations of gender and sexuality permeated more than just the ‘mainstream’ religions. Wicca wasn’t going to be my ‘true path’, after all. The vision of the tree suddenly seemed like a silly figment of my imagination, and I was glad that I’d kept it mostly to myself. The spell books quietly and sheepishly went to the charity shop.
…And yet.
As I write this here in late 2019, there is still, somewhere in my brain, that eight year old child who is waiting for the moment of indisputable proof of a higher power. I am, of course, in good company, as countless Christians have searched for exactly that proof right from the beginning of the faith: the New Testament is chock-full of disciples needing massive, indisputable signs from the Heavens before they’ll believe practically anything, much to Jesus’ frustration. In John 20:29 a newly resurrected and very irritated Jesus says to Thomas, a disciple so skeptical that he’s known as Doubting Thomas (…told you my earlier Thomas joke was a theological one) and who has refused to believe in the resurrection of Jesus right up until the moment Jesus literally appears in front of him, “ Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed!”
…A phrase probably written into the Bible for the early Christians, encouraging them in their belief in a Messiah they hadn’t personally met, and a phrase that still holds comfort for Christians around the world today.
It’s one of those deceptively easy-sounding sayings, ‘Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed’.
I’ve always been someone who’s a stickler for facts - for instance, I worked out that Santa didn’t exist when I was five and then couldn’t understand for the life of me why everyone else was perpetuating a lie that was, in my mind, simply unnecessary. (It took quite a lot of persuading from my parents for me not to share my newfound knowledge with my friend group. I settled for pitying looks and pointed questions along the lines of, “But how exactly does he get down the chimney, Karen?”)
People who are Fact People don’t like the concept of blind belief. We don’t like it at all. It makes us feel exposed, and icky, and foolish, and like we’re being played for suckers.
I am a Fact Person. I am also not many people’s typical idea of a Christian.
I have tattoos. I am openly queer. I believe abortion and birth control are fundamental human rights, I don’t believe Mary was a virgin or that non-believers need ‘Saving’, I consider the Bible to be a fascinating tapestry of sociological history best read with the expectation of cross-culture misunderstandings rather than it being the undiluted Word of God, and I think that in institutionalised religion there is often too much fixating on a possible future Heaven when Hell is already happening now, in this lifetime, to so many people who need Earthly help rather than lofty prayer.
I am, in short, too much of a questioner to ever be a ‘true believer’. Blind Evangelical faith is just never going to come easy for this Doubting Thomas.
And as for my tree vision?
My queer, feminist relationship with gender and gender roles stopped me from identifying as Wiccan, the restricted binary expectations making that path an instant no-go.
And yet. I am far from an atheist.
Me (now with blue hair) at a spiritual retreat with members of my current church community (Spring 2019)
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As I move away from my teens and deeper into my twenties, I can slowly feel a subtler understanding of what God might be beginning to lap at the edges of my understanding of the world. Be it Mother Earth, be it the Holy Trinity, be it whatever you want to call it, I have noticed the small things I do in day to day life to honour the unexplainable.
The fact that I knew that lighting a candle and conducting my own small service for the flat I was about to leave after living there for 3 years was absolutely the right thing to do, despite the fact that that building was theoretically just bricks and mortar? Unexplainable.
The fact that I sometimes enter a house and go “yep, this is good” and sometimes am like, “ABSOLUTELY NOT, NOPE, DO NOT WANT TO STAY HERE THIS HOUSE DOES NOT LIKE ME”? Unexplainable…and ridiculous to witness.
The fact that, every so often, in the woods or on a deserted beach, I get a strange sense of flickering connection? A sense of an electric undercurrent that could be sparked into life if only two wires were connected? Unexplainable, unexplainable, unexplainable.
Celtic Christianity, that ancient and now largely forgotten Spiritual meeting-place between Christianity and Paganism, has a term for these moments where the Other can be felt, if only for a half-second: they are ‘thin places’, the places ‘in the world where the walls are weak’.
In the words of 1 Kings 19:12,
After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.
And after the fire came a gentle whisper.
I’m beginning to suspect that perhaps in all my straining, in all my looking for divine ‘massive earthquakes’ and ‘impressive firestorms’, I’ve missed countless gentle whispers.
My relationship with faith is destined to wax and wane. The only certainty is that it will never stay the same. That, I’m beginning to realise, is allowed. Normal, even. For now, unsure of what the future may bring, I am content to search for those thin places and whisper into the quiet.
You never know. I might hear a whisper in return.
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Under the Depression Helmet
The last two weeks have been frenetic for Bre Hushaw, who is now known to millions of people as the girl in the depression helmet.
Hushaw has been hearing from people all around the world who want to try it, or at least to know how it works. Her life as a meme began when she agreed to an on-camera interview with the local-news site AZfamily.com for a story headlined “Helmet Approved by FDA to Treat Depression Available in Arizona.” The feel-good tale of Hushaw’s miraculous recovery from severe depression was tossed into the decontextualizing maw of the internet and distilled down to a screenshot of a young woman looking like a listless stormtrooper.
Jokes poured in. Some of the most popular, each with more than 100,000 likes on Twitter, include: “If u see me with this ugly ass helmet mind ur business.” “Friend: hey everything alright? Me, wearing depression helmet: yeah I’m just tired.” “The depression helmet STAYS ON during sex.”
Hushaw has been tracking the virality, sometimes cringing and sometimes laughing. She replies to as many serious inquiries as she can, while finishing up her senior year at the University of Northern Arizona before starting a job in marketing. A year ago, she didn’t think she was going to live to graduation. Back when she was 10 years old, her mother died. Her depression symptoms waxed and waned from then on, and they waxed especially when she heard the gunshots on her campus during a shooting at the school in 2015. She tried many medications over the years—14, by her count.
“From age 15 until I was 20, I was extremely suicidal, and I was self-harming,” she told me last week. She recounted multiple related hospitalizations, and a gradual loss of faith in the medical system.
So last year, when Hushaw learned of a helmet that promised to magnetically rewire her brain, she saw this as an obvious yes. The helmet contains magnets that exert energy on the electrical functioning of the brain, a process known as transcranial magnetic stimulation, or TMS. Hushaw went to a clinic and absorbed electrical impulses for 20 minutes every (business) day for six weeks.
[Read: Why a ‘lifesaving’ depression treatment didn't pass clinical trials]
Though Hushaw likens the feeling to being “tapped” by a pencil, the chin strap makes it appear as if the helmet is going to blast her with energy. This didn’t help with the jokes. I retweeted the news story with, “After wearing it you feel like a weight has been lifted off you.” That made me feel clever until I actually read the story and saw that Hushaw said almost exactly the same thing—“I felt like there was a huge blanket that was lifted off my shoulders and I felt completely free”—referring to suicidal depression.
Hushaw is okay with it. Despite the mockery, she’s overall thrilled by the attention given to the helmet. The image above is a recreation—she went back to the clinic to take the photo, and she sent it to me. I didn’t ask her to do this. But she is passionate: “I just want to make sure that people are getting help,” she said. “I had a friend commit suicide on my campus and I just never want that to happen again.”
As she put it multiple times, “It actually, really saved my life.”
The attention Hushaw’s story received is testament to how few people know what to make of TMS. Even when I surveyed physician friends about it, several hadn’t heard of it, and no one had seen it used in more than a rare case. It is certainly not woven into typical treatment plans.
Researchers at some academic institutions are taking the technology seriously. Yale has a Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation Research Clinic, and the service is offered at Johns Hopkins. There have been numerous studies suggesting promising clinical uses, including one this week in the journal Neurology. But the mechanisms proposed are vague. TMS may be beneficial in treating addiction, according to a 2017 paper in Nature Neuroscience Reviews, by “influencing neural activity ... throughout the brain.” According to the Mayo Clinic: “Though the biology of why TMS works isn’t completely understood, the stimulation appears to impact how the brain is working, which in turn seems to ease depression symptoms and improve mood.”
Yes, TMS seems to impact how the brain is working. These statements are not abdications of explanatory burden, but come close to the extent of what is known. Serenity Mental Health Centers, the Arizona clinic that provided Hushaw with the electromagnetic treatment, claim that “people with depression often have areas of their brain with decreased activity, and people with [obsessive-compulsive disorder] often have overactive areas of their brain, so TMS stimulates and resets those regions of the brain.”
The notion that the device has dramatic effects on the structure or function of the brain is at odds, though, with the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s classification. In March, the regulatory agency issued a rule deeming them Class II medical devices, along with electric wheelchairs and pregnancy tests, which means that they are presumed to be safe. Most therapeutic devices that affect human physiology are Class III, which would certainly be the case with anything that “resets the brain.” The FDA argued that a Class II designation would “enhance patients’ access to beneficial innovation, in part by reducing regulatory burdens by placing the device into a lower device class than the automatic Class III assignment.”
BRE HUSHAW
The first TMS helmet approved by the FDA, Neurostar, was for treatment of major depressive disorder, in 2008. Others have been since, as the market began to boom. On Tuesday, Brainsway, the company that made the helmet used by Hushaw, announced its initial public offering. Brainsway was also approved for obsessive-compulsive disorder in August of 2018, and the publicity efforts around this approval were what eventually led to Hushaw’s news fame, according to the marketing director of the clinic that provides the helmet, Sunrise Mental Health Centers.
This marketing director, Candise Miller, has her own miraculous personal story of recovery via TMS. “My life is forever changed. I’m a completely different person,” she told me. She asked me to include a link to the clinic’s home page, which features her testimonial but does not mention that she is director of marketing.
Until the FDA’s new classification this year, the agency had reigned in marketing of such health claims by requiring pre-market approval for TMS devices. Manufacturers had to submit evidence that the devices had no immediately obvious adverse effects and at least a small amount effectiveness. For instance, the FDA said it based approval of Brainsway for OCD on a single study of 100 people, which showed improvements in some patients. A control group wore actual TMS helmets that secretly weren’t turned on. Presumably due to placebo effect, this group also saw an 11 percent decrease in symptoms.
Like most treatments in psychiatry, there is value in showing up, and in believing you are being treated. These and other mechanisms are mysterious, and the effects are unreliable—attesting to the complexity of mental illness, and the many factors that go into causing and treating it.
The basic idea of shocking the system into compliance has deep roots. Since electroconvulsive therapy was introduced almost a century ago, the approach has been shown to unreliably but sometimes dramatically effective for treatment of severe depression. At least partly due to its barbaric connotations and the uncertainty of the outcomes, electroconvulsive therapy remains one of the most controversial treatments in medicine. It isn’t practiced by most psychiatrists.
The electrical charges delivered by TMS are meant to be more focused, but still very powerful. Inside the helmet, a series of looped wires are connected to capacitors that pass electrical currents through them in bursts. Pulses generate a secondary electric current that alters the electric fields in the brain, depolarizing neurons and causing them to fire. The scalp and skull do not shield the electrical processes in the brain from such a force any more than a cubicle wall shields your ears from a colleague who is incapable of keeping their phone on silent.
Whether or how TMS would cause lasting change in brain function is not entirely clear. The concept was introduced in 1985 at the University of Sheffield, in England, as a diagnostic and mapping tool for the motor cortex. The technology can reliably be used to make a person’s legs jerk, but the ostensible aim of the current treatments is to reach beyond transient cortical activity and fundamentally alter the brain’s circuitry. And unlike the invasive neurological procedure of deep-brain stimulation, which has proven useful in treating OCD as well as Parkinson’s disease and other conditions, the helmet doesn’t require any holes in the skull and electrodes planted in the brain.
But TMS’s marketing claims raise questions about how the helmet’s electrical currents could reach the brain’s emotion-driving portions without causing any unwanted cortical activity or serious adverse effects. In electroconvulsive therapy, a person must be anesthetized and made to convulse, and this was always seen as an unfortunate byproduct of the attempt to reset deeper parts of the nervous system. TMS requires no sedation, and only rarely causes seizures. (The sessions are still supposed to be closely monitored by a licensed technician—and the helmet is not supposed to be worn in public, as was implied in most of the jokes that hit the internet last week.)
The only people who claim to know precisely how these helmets treat such complex sociocultural-behavioral conditions as depression and anxiety are the ones selling treatment with the machine, or machines themselves. As TeeJay Tripp, the medical director of Arizona’s Sunrise Mental Health Centers who treated Hushaw, understands it, TMS activates the prefrontal cortex, which can lead to downstream effects that ultimately impact the amygdala or other deep structures tied to emotion.
The lack of understanding about what might be happening in those deep structures is paired with uncertainty about what parts of the cortex should be stimulated in the first place. The common wisdom among TMS practitioners is that depression occurs in the right side of the brain and anxiety on the left. Depending on which you have, the energy needs to be focused on one side. But this two-sided model of the brain is not supported by any neuroscience text I can find.
In addition to treatments for depression and anxiety, Sunrise Mental Health Centers also offers to provide TMS for: “ADD/ADHD, addiction, Alzheimer’s disease, anxiety, autism, bipolar disorder, chronic pain, eating disorders, multiple sclerosis, schizophrenia, stroke rehabilitation, and substance abuse.” The FDA has only approved TMS for depression and OCD, but the approach can still legally be used “off-label.” When asked where in the brain electricity should be applied for these various conditions, Tripp says he bases his treatment on a mix of trial and error, along with whatever small studies have been done on any particular condition. Most notably among these uses, he and other practitioners have begun putting the helmets on children with autism.
I asked Tripp if he was concerned about potential long-term repercussions, or simply about rewiring the wrong area. He cited the fact that the FDA had approved the helmet 10 years ago (for use in depression), and there has been no research showing long-term harm yet. Miller, Sunrise’s marketing director, believes that TMS’s overhead so far has prevented it from being more widely known and used; she put the ballpark cost of a Brainsway at $200,000. She also contends that uptake has been slow because of “Western medicine’s reliance on pharmaceuticals,” and the insurance companies’ unwillingness to pay for it.
Insurance companies are increasingly covering the treatment, though. Direct-to-consumer marketing has increased demand in recent years, practitioners tell me, and many plans will cover the $10,000 to $12,000 treatment for people who haven’t responded to trials of medications and therapy.
This is how LeeAnn Tucker afforded six weeks in the helmet. A 47-year-old former elementary school teacher in the Houston Area, she spent two decades “on and off of every antidepressant,” she says. She has been diagnosed with bipolar II, and she also has generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and panic attacks. The anxiety has led her to develop agoraphobia. “I don’t leave my house unless I absolutely have to. It’s just bad,” she says. “Sometimes if I’m in the grocery store I will have to leave my cart and just go home.”
Tucker has also been suicidal. “The suicidal thoughts were so severe that I never told anyone,” she told me, “not my doctor, not my husband. Because when you tell someone, then they’ll try to save you.”
A few years ago, she began seeing a new psychiatrist who had a video commercial for the Neurostar TMS helmet playing on a loop in his waiting room. (Neurostar provides all marketing material for patients. Clinicians buy the machine, and they also pay for each use of it.) She was convinced to try it. She was “tapped,” as they call it, “on the left side for depression, and on the right side for anxiety.” She sent me a video from her phone of her undergoing treatment. Her face is expressionless, and the piercing blasts sound like laser guns.
After six weeks of daily treatment, Tucker saw no improvement. “I would love to say it worked, but I felt no different when it was over,” she says. “I’m still depressed as fuck.”
One thing that did help, though, was that Tucker made friends with her technician, Allison Rose Zartier, over the course of weeks of treatment. “Having someone like Allison administer TMS was actually the best part for me,” Tucker says. Zartier, who is now the TMS coordinator at a business called Elite Medical Wellness in Lake Charles, Louisiana, says she finds it unbelievable that some practitioners leave people alone during the 20-to-30-minute treatments. Some of the biggest benefits she has seen have come through talking to people while the magnets are firing. She says that a recently retired CEO needed to find a way to have purpose with all of his free time. Another extremely isolated person felt better after Zartier recommended a dog.
Advocates of the depression helmet consider the treatment great if it ends up actually helping even a small number (and harming fewer than it helps). For ECT and TMS, and anything that proposes to offer a hard restart to your central nervous system, the health risks cannot be zero—and should be expected to be significant. TMS and other high-tech, high-cost treatments also have the potential to divert focus from social, structural, and preventive support—the basic elements of health that, when ignored, often manifest as depressive symptoms.
[Read: The diet that might cure depression]
The medical model of depression tends to offer treatments that imply they can fix emotions that may actually be related to a need to feel valued and secure. Addressing these and other basic imperatives—to sleep and eat well, and be physically active and socially connected—is the first priority for treating and preventing most illnesses, mental and otherwise. This emphasis can be lost when an expensive magnetic helmet that promises to make the feelings somehow simply go away is seen as anything other than a last resort.
Zartier went through TMS herself, and told me she was able to stop taking antidepressants shortly after. She now runs a Facebook support group for TMS patients, in which Hushaw is also active. Zartier says the shared experience of having gone through this process fosters a sense of community. It’s also a tool for recruiting prospective patients. Zartier says the $12,000 cost can be well worth it. She tells people it’s like “going to the gym, but for your brain.”
That community is growing. “It keeps climbing faster, especially in the last four months. The word is finally getting out there,” Zartier says, which she believes is partly because Neurostar is now running television commercials. And she’s seeing ever more parents in the concerned Facebook community bringing in children.
“I had a 10th grader who was suicidal, and I saw the pain in her eyes,” she says. “The younger you are, the more the brain can be affected—their brains seem to want to change.”
from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/04/depression-helmet/587242/?utm_source=feed
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Under the Depression Helmet
The last two weeks have been frenetic for Bre Hushaw, who is now known to millions of people as the girl in the depression helmet.
Hushaw has been hearing from people all around the world who want to try it, or at least to know how it works. Her life as a meme began when she agreed to an on-camera interview with the local-news site AZfamily.com for a story headlined “Helmet Approved by FDA to Treat Depression Available in Arizona.” The feel-good tale of Hushaw’s miraculous recovery from severe depression was tossed into the decontextualizing maw of the internet and distilled down to a screenshot of a young woman looking like a listless stormtrooper.
Jokes poured in. Some of the most popular, each with more than 100,000 likes on Twitter, include: “If u see me with this ugly ass helmet mind ur business.” “Friend: hey everything alright? Me, wearing depression helmet: yeah I’m just tired.” “The depression helmet STAYS ON during sex.”
Hushaw has been tracking the virality, sometimes cringing and sometimes laughing. She replies to as many serious inquiries as she can, while finishing up her senior year at the University of Northern Arizona before starting a job in marketing. A year ago, she didn’t think she was going to live to graduation. Back when she was 10 years old, her mother died. Her depression symptoms waxed and waned from then on, and they waxed especially when she heard the gunshots on her campus during a shooting at the school in 2015. She tried many medications over the years—14, by her count.
“From age 15 until I was 20, I was extremely suicidal, and I was self-harming,” she told me last week. She recounted multiple related hospitalizations, and a gradual loss of faith in the medical system.
So last year, when Hushaw learned of a helmet that promised to magnetically rewire her brain, she saw this as an obvious yes. The helmet contains magnets that exert energy on the electrical functioning of the brain, a process known as transcranial magnetic stimulation, or TMS. Hushaw went to a clinic and absorbed electrical impulses for 20 minutes every (business) day for six weeks.
[Read: Why a ‘lifesaving’ depression treatment didn't pass clinical trials]
Though Hushaw likens the feeling to being “tapped” by a pencil, the chin strap makes it appear as if the helmet is going to blast her with energy. This didn’t help with the jokes. I retweeted the news story with, “After wearing it you feel like a weight has been lifted off you.” That made me feel clever until I actually read the story and saw that Hushaw said almost exactly the same thing—“I felt like there was a huge blanket that was lifted off my shoulders and I felt completely free”—referring to suicidal depression.
Hushaw is okay with it. Despite the mockery, she’s overall thrilled by the attention given to the helmet. The image above is a recreation—she went back to the clinic to take the photo, and she sent it to me. I didn’t ask her to do this. But she is passionate: “I just want to make sure that people are getting help,” she said. “I had a friend commit suicide on my campus and I just never want that to happen again.”
As she put it multiple times, “It actually, really saved my life.”
The attention Hushaw’s story received is testament to how few people know what to make of TMS. Even when I surveyed physician friends about it, several hadn’t heard of it, and no one had seen it used in more than a rare case. It is certainly not woven into typical treatment plans.
Researchers at some academic institutions are taking the technology seriously. Yale has a Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation Research Clinic, and the service is offered at Johns Hopkins. There have been numerous studies suggesting promising clinical uses, including one this week in the journal Neurology. But the mechanisms proposed are vague. TMS may be beneficial in treating addiction, according to a 2017 paper in Nature Neuroscience Reviews, by “influencing neural activity ... throughout the brain.” According to the Mayo Clinic: “Though the biology of why TMS works isn’t completely understood, the stimulation appears to impact how the brain is working, which in turn seems to ease depression symptoms and improve mood.”
Yes, TMS seems to impact how the brain is working. These statements are not abdications of explanatory burden, but come close to the extent of what is known. Serenity Mental Health Centers, the Arizona clinic that provided Hushaw with the electromagnetic treatment, claim that “people with depression often have areas of their brain with decreased activity, and people with [obsessive-compulsive disorder] often have overactive areas of their brain, so TMS stimulates and resets those regions of the brain.”
The notion that the device has dramatic effects on the structure or function of the brain is at odds, though, with the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s classification. In March, the regulatory agency issued a rule deeming them Class II medical devices, along with electric wheelchairs and pregnancy tests, which means that they are presumed to be safe. Most therapeutic devices that affect human physiology are Class III, which would certainly be the case with anything that “resets the brain.” The FDA argued that a Class II designation would “enhance patients’ access to beneficial innovation, in part by reducing regulatory burdens by placing the device into a lower device class than the automatic Class III assignment.”
BRE HUSHAW
The first TMS helmet approved by the FDA, Neurostar, was for treatment of major depressive disorder, in 2008. Others have been since, as the market began to boom. On Tuesday, Brainsway, the company that made the helmet used by Hushaw, announced its initial public offering. Brainsway was also approved for obsessive-compulsive disorder in August of 2018, and the publicity efforts around this approval were what eventually led to Hushaw’s news fame, according to the marketing director of the clinic that provides the helmet, Sunrise Mental Health Centers.
This marketing director, Candise Miller, has her own miraculous personal story of recovery via TMS. “My life is forever changed. I’m a completely different person,” she told me. She asked me to include a link to the clinic’s home page, which features her testimonial but does not mention that she is director of marketing.
Until the FDA’s new classification this year, the agency had reigned in marketing of such health claims by requiring pre-market approval for TMS devices. Manufacturers had to submit evidence that the devices had no immediately obvious adverse effects and at least a small amount effectiveness. For instance, the FDA said it based approval of Brainsway for OCD on a single study of 100 people, which showed improvements in some patients. A control group wore actual TMS helmets that secretly weren’t turned on. Presumably due to placebo effect, this group also saw an 11 percent decrease in symptoms.
Like most treatments in psychiatry, there is value in showing up, and in believing you are being treated. These and other mechanisms are mysterious, and the effects are unreliable—attesting to the complexity of mental illness, and the many factors that go into causing and treating it.
The basic idea of shocking the system into compliance has deep roots. Since electroconvulsive therapy was introduced almost a century ago, the approach has been shown to unreliably but sometimes dramatically effective for treatment of severe depression. At least partly due to its barbaric connotations and the uncertainty of the outcomes, electroconvulsive therapy remains one of the most controversial treatments in medicine. It isn’t practiced by most psychiatrists.
The electrical charges delivered by TMS are meant to be more focused, but still very powerful. Inside the helmet, a series of looped wires are connected to capacitors that pass electrical currents through them in bursts. Pulses generate a secondary electric current that alters the electric fields in the brain, depolarizing neurons and causing them to fire. The scalp and skull do not shield the electrical processes in the brain from such a force any more than a cubicle wall shields your ears from a colleague who is incapable of keeping their phone on silent.
Whether or how TMS would cause lasting change in brain function is not entirely clear. The concept was introduced in 1985 at the University of Sheffield, in England, as a diagnostic and mapping tool for the motor cortex. The technology can reliably be used to make a person’s legs jerk, but the ostensible aim of the current treatments is to reach beyond transient cortical activity and fundamentally alter the brain’s circuitry. And unlike the invasive neurological procedure of deep-brain stimulation, which has proven useful in treating OCD as well as Parkinson’s disease and other conditions, the helmet doesn’t require any holes in the skull and electrodes planted in the brain.
But TMS’s marketing claims raise questions about how the helmet’s electrical currents could reach the brain’s emotion-driving portions without causing any unwanted cortical activity or serious adverse effects. In electroconvulsive therapy, a person must be anesthetized and made to convulse, and this was always seen as an unfortunate byproduct of the attempt to reset deeper parts of the nervous system. TMS requires no sedation, and only rarely causes seizures. (The sessions are still supposed to be closely monitored by a licensed technician—and the helmet is not supposed to be worn in public, as was implied in most of the jokes that hit the internet last week.)
The only people who claim to know precisely how these helmets treat such complex sociocultural-behavioral conditions as depression and anxiety are the ones selling treatment with the machine, or machines themselves. As TeeJay Tripp, the medical director of Arizona’s Sunrise Mental Health Centers who treated Hushaw, understands it, TMS activates the prefrontal cortex, which can lead to downstream effects that ultimately impact the amygdala or other deep structures tied to emotion.
The lack of understanding about what might be happening in those deep structures is paired with uncertainty about what parts of the cortex should be stimulated in the first place. The common wisdom among TMS practitioners is that depression occurs in the right side of the brain and anxiety on the left. Depending on which you have, the energy needs to be focused on one side. But this two-sided model of the brain is not supported by any neuroscience text I can find.
In addition to treatments for depression and anxiety, Sunrise Mental Health Centers also offers to provide TMS for: “ADD/ADHD, addiction, Alzheimer’s disease, anxiety, autism, bipolar disorder, chronic pain, eating disorders, multiple sclerosis, schizophrenia, stroke rehabilitation, and substance abuse.” The FDA has only approved TMS for depression and OCD, but the approach can still legally be used “off-label.” When asked where in the brain electricity should be applied for these various conditions, Tripp says he bases his treatment on a mix of trial and error, along with whatever small studies have been done on any particular condition. Most notably among these uses, he and other practitioners have begun putting the helmets on children with autism.
I asked Tripp if he was concerned about potential long-term repercussions, or simply about rewiring the wrong area. He cited the fact that the FDA had approved the helmet 10 years ago (for use in depression), and there has been no research showing long-term harm yet. Miller, Sunrise’s marketing director, believes that TMS’s overhead so far has prevented it from being more widely known and used; she put the ballpark cost of a Brainsway at $200,000. She also contends that uptake has been slow because of “Western medicine’s reliance on pharmaceuticals,” and the insurance companies’ unwillingness to pay for it.
Insurance companies are increasingly covering the treatment, though. Direct-to-consumer marketing has increased demand in recent years, practitioners tell me, and many plans will cover the $10,000 to $12,000 treatment for people who haven’t responded to trials of medications and therapy.
This is how LeeAnn Tucker afforded six weeks in the helmet. A 47-year-old former elementary school teacher in the Houston Area, she spent two decades “on and off of every antidepressant,” she says. She has been diagnosed with bipolar II, and she also has generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and panic attacks. The anxiety has led her to develop agoraphobia. “I don’t leave my house unless I absolutely have to. It’s just bad,” she says. “Sometimes if I’m in the grocery store I will have to leave my cart and just go home.”
Tucker has also been suicidal. “The suicidal thoughts were so severe that I never told anyone,” she told me, “not my doctor, not my husband. Because when you tell someone, then they’ll try to save you.”
A few years ago, she began seeing a new psychiatrist who had a video commercial for the Neurostar TMS helmet playing on a loop in his waiting room. (Neurostar provides all marketing material for patients. Clinicians buy the machine, and they also pay for each use of it.) She was convinced to try it. She was “tapped,” as they call it, “on the left side for depression, and on the right side for anxiety.” She sent me a video from her phone of her undergoing treatment. Her face is expressionless, and the piercing blasts sound like laser guns.
After six weeks of daily treatment, Tucker saw no improvement. “I would love to say it worked, but I felt no different when it was over,” she says. “I’m still depressed as fuck.”
One thing that did help, though, was that Tucker made friends with her technician, Allison Rose Zartier, over the course of weeks of treatment. “Having someone like Allison administer TMS was actually the best part for me,” Tucker says. Zartier, who is now the TMS coordinator at a business called Elite Medical Wellness in Lake Charles, Louisiana, says she finds it unbelievable that some practitioners leave people alone during the 20-to-30-minute treatments. Some of the biggest benefits she has seen have come through talking to people while the magnets are firing. She says that a recently retired CEO needed to find a way to have purpose with all of his free time. Another extremely isolated person felt better after Zartier recommended a dog.
Advocates of the depression helmet consider the treatment great if it ends up actually helping even a small number (and harming fewer than it helps). For ECT and TMS, and anything that proposes to offer a hard restart to your central nervous system, the health risks cannot be zero—and should be expected to be significant. TMS and other high-tech, high-cost treatments also have the potential to divert focus from social, structural, and preventive support—the basic elements of health that, when ignored, often manifest as depressive symptoms.
[Read: The diet that might cure depression]
The medical model of depression tends to offer treatments that imply they can fix emotions that may actually be related to a need to feel valued and secure. Addressing these and other basic imperatives—to sleep and eat well, and be physically active and socially connected—is the first priority for treating and preventing most illnesses, mental and otherwise. This emphasis can be lost when an expensive magnetic helmet that promises to make the feelings somehow simply go away is seen as anything other than a last resort.
Zartier went through TMS herself, and told me she was able to stop taking antidepressants shortly after. She now runs a Facebook support group for TMS patients, in which Hushaw is also active. Zartier says the shared experience of having gone through this process fosters a sense of community. It’s also a tool for recruiting prospective patients. Zartier says the $12,000 cost can be well worth it. She tells people it’s like “going to the gym, but for your brain.”
That community is growing. “It keeps climbing faster, especially in the last four months. The word is finally getting out there,” Zartier says, which she believes is partly because Neurostar is now running television commercials. And she’s seeing ever more parents in the concerned Facebook community bringing in children.
“I had a 10th grader who was suicidal, and I saw the pain in her eyes,” she says. “The younger you are, the more the brain can be affected—their brains seem to want to change.”
Article source here:The Atlantic
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Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
"Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
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i was just wondering if i bought a Honda CBR 125r and i got a provisional license ad done the CBT would i need insurance to ride on the roads for 2 years or would i not need insurance until i could save up money for lessons, theory and practical test....???""
How much would a person pay for car insurance?
Let's say I buy a BMW M5 made from the year 2006, how much would I pay for the insurance? Also, let's say it's a new car, too... If you just buy a brand new car, how much do you pay every month? (I'm doing a research... so, please help me)""
Does anyone know of a good health insurance?
I broke my wrist 2 years ago and ive been meaning to have it fixed. It healed cruked and the pain bothers me from time to time. Does anyone know of a good health insurance that would imedietaly cover this injury. I have no insurance and want one but dont know which one will help me the most.
How much on average does a 34'-36' sailboat cost? What about insurance rates roughly?
How much on average does a 34'-36' sailboat cost? What about insurance rates roughly?
Mustang gt insurance be liability only. i own car?
how much will it be to put liability insurance only on a mustang gt 2002. I own the car and im 16 male
After a motorcycle wreck how much will my insurance go up?
After a motorcycle wreck how much will my insurance go up? I'm 21 and just got the bike a few months ago.
Health insurance for immigrant children?
can someone please help me out im a 17 years old immigrant in florida and i want to try out for soccer and i need insurance but i don't have it what is the cheapest solution you can give me
What is a non-standard property/casualty insurance company?
How can you find out if your insurance company is non-standard? What makes a company non-standard?
What factors affect car insurance premiums?
My mom is going to give me her old car once she gets a new one, and she said insurance is about $100/mo. My friend asked what insurance would be and I told her, and she thought that was really low The car is a 1999 saturn SL1 and it's standard, is the insurance cheap for this car? My mom has a great driving record I'm now wondering what affects car insurance premiums? I know age, gender, driving records, and other stuff.. but what else?""
If I own a business will I be forced to pay health insurance on my employees?
If I own a business will I be forced to pay health insurance on my employees?
""Car insurance help, Private broker or big name company?""
I'm currently in the process of renewing my car insurance, and i'm wondering if small privately owned insurance brokers are cheaper than the bigger named companies? I'm 27yrs have a clean license and 2yrs no claims. Shocked at the current prices. Any ideas welcome. Thanks""
Mustang GT Insurance? Buy or no buy? HELP?
Hey, I've been driving for almost 2 years now, I have a MG ZR at the moment but want to upgrade it in the next year or two. Been looking at the 1996 Mustang GT, Im from the UK and all these seem to be right hand drive? Is this a big issue when driving in the UK? will this effect my insurance? What sort of insurance rates would i be looking at? Anyone got any other car ideas that are similar to the ford Mustang GT, I have a real fondess for american muscle, a lot of people will probably disagree with me but i think it's because there not vastly seen here in the UK.""
Insurance?
how much does insurance cost for a novice driver in nova scotia? i just got my license today and i need to know how much its gonna cost me...im 16 yrs old and im gonna have my own car and im gonna be the only driver.
HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST IF A PERSON GOT A TICKET FOR DRIVING UNDER SUSPENSION AND NO INSURANCE?
I HAVE BOTH OF THESR AND WANNA KNOW WHATS THE MAXIMUM FEE
How much money have you saved on insurance rates because of seatbelt laws?
Please give me a figure and proof that insurance costs have been lowered since the mandatory seatbelt laws. Or helmet laws. How much money do you save per year since you have given up your right to choose?
I am looking for a second hand HOT-HATCH for around about 1250 (not worried about insurance cost)
Which cars in this price range do you recomend. Thanks
Cheapest insurance company for young drivers?
Just wondering what the cheapest place for a young driver to get insurered is from people's experience, thank you""
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
Auto insurance for teens?
OK so i will be getting my license in around 2 months. So i have began to look for cars. My parents and i have decided to cut the cost 50/50. But my question is what do i do about insurance? Do i go onto their plan? My dad doesn't want to buy a car yet cause he doesn't want to have to pay for the insurance as soon as we buy the car. I do want to buy the car somewhat soon so that i could practice with it for my driving test. So could someone just explain how we should go about getting insurance? Should we put the car under my parent's plan and will it be very expensive? (I live in NJ btw) Thanks!
When a car is wrecked and the insurance people come to look at it.... ?
what value do they compare damage to in order to decide if it is a total loss.. for example, do they look at what the kelly blue book is on trade value?? or on the private party value (how much i can sell it for)??""
Do I have to wait until after I get a car to get auto insurance?
I do NOT have a vehicle yet but I am planning on getting one within the next few months. So I've been trying to research auto insurance rate quotes but they all ask me what I kind of a car I have, how long I've had it and what security features are with the car under the assumption that I already own something. So I can't just research different companies without having a vehicle already. However, I thought you had to have car insurance BEFORE I buy the car. Is this false?""
What is the cost of general liability insurance for a small business?
My history class is doing a business plan project, and I'm wondering what the cost of liability insurance for a softball training center would be?""
How much on average would liability insurance cost after 2 dwi's (5 years ago)?
It's been over 5 years (and sober!). I'm on a tight budget though and need a car for work now. I already figured what the interlock will cost me, but I have no idea on insurance. I don't know if it will be $100-$300 a month. After the first DWI (bad college years), it was about $125 a month I think. So I'm really hoping it stays under $250 at least a month just for liability. Anyone have any ideas? Thanks :)""
How much is a g35 coupe insurance?
I am a 17 male and am about to buy a 2004 g35 and was wondering how much insurance was. I have a clean slate, no accidents or tickets. I have farmers insurance and was wondering how much my monthly insurance would be roughly? I have a good gpa of above 3.0 so doesn't that give me a discount?""
Car insurance question?
Im an 18 year old female and insurance is ridiculously high priced, and I was wondering, at what age will it star to get cheaper. I understand that insurance is gonna be more expensive for younger driver, but isn't 350 a month a bit much? At what age will my insurance start to get cheaper?""
How much is my motorcycle insurance going to be in Alberta Canada(rough estimate) please help!?
Hi I live in Alberta Canada and i im 15 and have my learners, when I am 16 I am planing on getting my motorcycle license i have nothing on my driving record (crashes, speeding tickets, ect). The bike I am planing on getting is a 2010 Kawasaki ninja 250R and Im looking for a rough guess on how much it would cost to insure for a year. Thanks""
""How much would basic homeowner's insurance cost per month on a $100,000 home?""
How much would basic homeowner's insurance cost per month on a $100,000 home?""
Health insurance for my daugter?
ok heres the deal, icurrently have my 14 month old daugter on my insurance that im offered at work i only pay like 9 bucks for myself but for her i have to pay 80 dallors a week its killing me is there something i can do about this? My insurance is Kaiser permanente. Would it be beetter for me to take her off my insurance and go directly to Kaiser and try to get it? THANKS""
17 year old car insurance prices ?
im comparing cars on moneysupermarket because im 16 an need a heads up on insurances costs etc... but i compared a classis mini 1.0- annual: 6000 and Monthly: 650 also, 2007 vauxhall corsa 1.0- annual: 8000 Monthly: 852 and a 1993 Ford Fiesta 1.1- annual: 12000 Monthly: 1152 now i can sort of understand the price for the mini, due to its a small car with a small engine, but the corsa's like brand new? how can the insurance be sort of lowish. but why are they charging huge amounts for a fiesta that is older than me and is probably falling to piece's slowly ? im so confused :S can some one help me and please explain this i really want to be able to have a first car at 17 but at this rate i might be stuck on a motorcycle for a few years then maybe have enough money to afford a car :/""
How does progressive auto insurance work?
i have never bought insurance for myself, i am on my moms insurance. i want to get my own insurance and when i did a qoute in the progressive site it said like 56.02 for a 6 month policy but then i see it says 178.54 a month....sooo....i dont get how that works....so if you have progressive do you like it? and this is a stupid question but are you able to buy it online and it just automaticaly starts covering your car? because i see they have a buy online button and then im assuming they can take monthly payments from your card or something. basically all information you can give me please.""
Do I really need Car Insurance?
I live in Kentucky. My car is not drivable at the moment and has not been for months. Since I can't even drive the piece of ****, do I even need Insurance? I'm paying to much for it anyway and I don't think I should be paying for something I'm not driving!""
How quick is an auto insurance company to drop you?
I have had 3 claims in 4 years, however, only 1 claim with my current insurance company. None of the three claims were huge...one wasn't even my fault, I was the victim of a hit and run. Anyway...How does getting dropped work? How frequently do you have to wreck, how many wrecks give you a high wreck average ?? As a side note...i've never received traffic ticket, so I'm clean in that area...""
Car insurance premium went up because of the state?
I noticed that my monthly car insurance bill increased by about $40. When I called my insurance company to ask why my premium went up (since there were no accidents, changes in cars or policy/discount changes), the rep told me that it was because of the state. I knew he meant government and he said it's been happening all across the country but the increases are highest in California, New York, New Jersey and Florida. I live in California. Has anyone else experienced this? Can someone explain to me in specifics what the government may have done that lead to the increase?""
Insurance company and liability coverage on a leased car?
My sister is leasing a car and she changed insurance company last month. Don't know how this insurance Company gave her liability on a car that's not her's but they did it. She said they didn't even ask if she was leasing and when she asked how but full coverage was she said it would be to much. So lets just get this one. Now she just got into and accident on xmas day and her car is damage badly. The insurance people said they cant do anything with her car because of the coverage but I think that's not fair because she is still leasing on that car. What can be done can she sue the company on is it just her lost.
Looking for Maternity Insurance?
We're wanting to get preggers in the near future. We're trying to look at our financial options for insurance. Currently we don't have major medical insurance (I don't need any comments on this, it's not what I'm asking about). I'm hoping to get a type of maternity insurance that will cover a couple thousand dollars. We're also planning on home birthing (again, this isn't my question, so I'm not interested in opinions on this matter). Does anyone know any carriers that I could get some maternity insurance from for the states of Utah and/or New Mexico?""
Cheapest Car Insurance in California?
I just moved to Los Angeles and I'm wondering what is the cheapest car insurance company in general? Thanks in advance!
Rent a car or insurance for behind the wheel test in California?
Hi, I got my instructional permit from the DVM of CA. However what is the best way to pass the behind-the-wheel test? Rent a car? And if so, where can I rent a car that allows me to pass the test? Use a friend's car? And if so, how to I get the insurance? Thanks for any help !""
Car insurance and registration question?
Hi, I'm going to get my car registered today. I was wondering if when I go to get the proof of insurance if it will cost anything today for that? It will be 177 a month for insurance, and 303 for the license plate and registration and all that. But I wasn't sure if you get any charges right then and there for insurance?? Thanks. I also live in MA and I'm going with commerce if that helps.""
HELP PLEASE. AUTO INSURANCE FOR NEW DRIVER. I NEED A GOOD ANSWER?
how much a year would a 1998 chevrolet camaro base, not z28, be for a new driver. any ideas? and also a 2002 dodge intrepreped es 4 door cost? please.""
What is the most affordable cancer insurance for a girl in her 30s in japan?
not including shakkai hoken and kokumin hoken. i got those already. i want supplement insurance
Which auto insurance companies in California offer auto insurance for international driving license?
I already called a few but they tell me there don't offer auto insurance for someone w/ IDL
Health Insurance for Summer Camp?
i need to know if health insurance is a MUST (no other way) for summer camp at school it asks in the physical exam and stuff
First time buying car insurance?
I'm looking to go on my own Car insurance plan, Unfortunately I have no idea what a decent plan should cover. So what're the basic's that I should add to my plan?""
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
""Car accident, insurance rate?""
ive been driving 2 years, no tickets, no accidents....so tonight i got in an accident, rear ended a car....my fault,,,how much will my insurance go up? i have Allstate.""
Can I put my mom in my health insurance?
Can I put my mom in my health insurance?
Primary and Secondary Health Insurance?
This has been a big complication for a few months, but back in October of 2008, I had a physical exam and my provider billed, what I assumed at the time, my primary insurance company (Horizon NJ Health). However, two years later, Horizon took back that money and my provider has been billing me for that physical back in 2008. I called Horizon and apparently they took back the money because I had another health insurance, and Horizon was no longer my primary. I had not known about my other health insurance company, Aetna student health care, since they never gave me any information or membership details, and I was automatically enrolled for it when I entered my university. When I contacted Aetna, they told me that they weren't the primary insurance company because they were just student health care. After several phone calls back and forth between Aetna and Horizon... I STILL haven't figured out who my primary insurance company is since they both claim to be the secondary insurance (and they seem to have endless reasons why the other is primary). I contacted my provider and asked them who they have listed as my primary, and they seem to be clueless about it too (when I spoke to the receptionist and asked, they kinda changed the topic). Is it possible to have two secondary insurance? If not, who should be my primary insurance? If Horizon is my primary, doesn't that mean they shouldn't have taken the money back for the physical exam?""
How will a 30+ day lapse in insurance coverage affect switching insurance companies.?
I was with State Farm and they suddently raised my insurance from 87 dollars (this is liability and renter's insurance) to $117 to 200+. I was never able to pay that amount at once seeing as I am a student with a part time job. I have recently been looking for a new insurance company and notice they are asking about lapses in coverage. I have not had car insurance (and not been able to drive)since December 10th. How will this affect my next insurance rates.
What company has the cheapest car insurance for a teen in north carolina ?
What company has the cheapest car insurance for a teen in north carolina ?
Best Car Insurance For young Couple ?
Me and my fiance are starting to get estimates for major bills we'll know will be high (rent,car insurance, etc) What's the best car insurance for a young couple (20 year & 19 year old) for just basic coverage Im in the process of getting just a plain normal 4 door car like ford Taurus (1998-2000).. He has a ford 86' truck without 4wheel drive Neither of us have tickets, nor pricy sport cars But I've almost 20 and only been drving for 2 years (due yo bein homeschool, it was hard to get into drivers ed_) He's 19 and been driving less than year (cause hes school schule didnt allow for extra class like drivers ed)""
""Where Can i Get Non-Owner's Insurance in Austin, Texas?""
Where Can i Get Non-Owner's Insurance in Austin, Texas?""
""I need some cheap car insurance. I have a 2005 suburvan, a 97 chev pickup and a 97 mercury tracer.?""
I need some cheap car insurance. I have a 2005 suburvan, a 97 chev pickup and a 97 mercury tracer.?""
What insurance is going to play ?
I confided my 2 cats to a friend in Liverpool. My cats ripped him tapestry of his wall. Will take my insurance the damage because they are my cats ? Or his insurance because he is given custody of my cats ?
Is this car insurance thing true?
I heard online that in Texas if you drive less than 35 miles a day, you'll get a HUGE discount in your insurance. It this true? Or is this just a lie?""
Do I need to be on the insurance to get my license?
Im about to be 18 and I have an appointment at the California DMV to get my license. I've had my permit for a year. my boyfriend wants to take me. his car is registered and everything is fine but his insurance doesnt cover other people driving his car. can I take the DMV test in his car or not?
How much will my car insurance be when I turn 23?
I hear your monthly car insurance payments go down significantly once you're 23. I turn 23 in a few months and currently pay $65/month. How much can I expect it to be after I'm 23?
What's the average cost of car insurance for a 20 year old male?
I'm shopping around for car insurance and I'm trying to get an idea of what's average. I'm a 20 year old male living in Florida with no points on my license.
Will it cost a lot to start car insurance coverage again?
My boyfriend let his car insurance policy expire because his inspection ran out. He's working out of town, doesn't drive his car, and didnt have a chance to get it inspected.""
How much is insurance for a 17 year old ?
im looking forward to buying a mitsubishi galant 1999-2003 but before anything i would like to know how much is the insurance , because im paying everything myself ,so it would be under my own name .""
What would it cost to add someone who has a drink drive conviction to my car insurance for a couple of weeks?
It would be third party fire & theft; the same as me.
2000 Mitsubishi Eclipse RS. Need Reviews & Insurance prices?
Hi, im 16 I am thinking of buying a 2000 Mitsubishi Eclipse RS Mileage: 72,130 Transmission: AUTO $3,960 Is this car good for a teen? Is maintenance expensive? Will my insurance rate be higher than usual? Thank you.""
Can you get your drivers license without any insurance?
I live in West Virginia 17 and I have had my learners for almost a year and have got all my hours so would it be OK if i got my license w/o insurance
How much does third party insurance cost on average?
Does it depend on the car you buy? How much on average would you pay per year for third party insurance? Thank you
""My car was a total loss, my insurance wants to go for a settlement? ?""
My car was a total loss, my insurance wants to go for a settlement? how do i know that they are giving me a fair settlement? do i check the blue book value for my car when it was brand new, or as a used car(coz i bought my car as a used car with 23,000 mileage), or would they pay it as used plus the current mileage when my car was declared a total loss (it has 30,000 mileage). I bought my car, a 2005 honda accord coupe with 23,000 mileage <--- how much do they normally settle with this car?""
Inifiniti G37 insurance for 18 year old?
Ok i live in new york and im 18 and a new driver.... i keep hearing that it would cost over 700 dollars a month to insure it ..... is that true ? i know there is alot of variables but i wanna know is it possible ?
How do you find affordable medical insurance to cover family after the breadwinner becomes disabled?
How do you find affordable medical insurance to cover family after the breadwinner becomes disabled?
Do I need a drivers insurance?
I have my learner's permit and I live in California.... My parents have Triple A insurance as their auto insurance company and I was wondering if I have to have insurance in order to drive the car.... or do I get added when I get my drivers' license?
Insurance on a 2004 nissan 350z?
OK... I'm a 17 yr old male, have a solid part time job during school and full time I'm summer... I have found a 2004 Nissan 350z tourister with 58,000 miles, the owner is asking 10,000 for it it great condition... I would be putting 3k down and financing the rest... I would like an estimated price on monthly insurance... I'd be with both my parents and 4 other vehicles I believe, I don't know if its possible but any estimate is good... Thanks""
Cheapest motorcycle insurance?
I'm looking forward to getting a motorcycle and I was wondering what's the cheapest insurance you can get. I'm not looking for companies at the moment, I just want to know what's the cheapest plan for almost any insurance company. .""
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
Holland Iowa Cheap car insurance quotes zip 50642
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/rodeo-insurance-aaron-hoffman/"
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college final grade calculator
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; Source, Certainty, Utilization, and Justification. 3 uvre. This involves communicating your line using appropriate language. Its beta that your activity provides grounds that you make been thought at the arrogate storey (see tip box beneath and Ch 22). 4 Intro. You gift be expected to submit your product to a sharp grownup regular and any marks testament commonly be awarded for this panorama. Aspects of papers penning Usage of Field-Based Programs and Partnerships Finisher course with the facility were orthodox in the preparation and transfer of the promulgation.
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grade calculator with percentages
Students’ philosophy beliefs were measured both at the kickoff and at end of the organization. Results showed, that students’ philosophy beliefs active publication and quality of nsis became author urbane at the end of the object significant that students rapt departed from the beliefs that knowledge was indisputable and existed in extraneous polity. Withal, there were no remarkable changes in evolution and justification in sub-dimensions.
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How Paul Ryan Won Over Every House Republican (Except For One)
WASHINGTON ― In October 2015, with Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) vowing that he would restore regular order and give members more control over the House, nine Republicans ― 10, if you count one member abstaining ― said no to Ryan becoming speaker.
On Tuesday, only one Republican voted against him.
When the House GOP held their internal elections behind closed doors in November, at least four conservative lawmakers left the room so they wouldn’t have to audibly register their discontent with the speaker. Reps. Thomas Massie (R-Ky.), Walter Jones (R-N.C.), Paul Gosar (R-Ariz.) and Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) went into an antechamber of the sprawling Ways and Means Committee room and waited until the vote was over.
But exactly seven weeks later, only Massie, who is not part of the Freedom Caucus, spoke out in public opposition to Ryan.
“To drain the swamp, Daniel Webster,” Massie said, voting for the same Florida representative who ran for the speaker’s job in 2015. Webster didn’t win then either, but the desire to reform the closed procedures of the House that he ran on helped derail former Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio).
A little more than a year since Webster’s bid, not much has changed in the House. Contrary to his promises, members of the House Freedom Caucus told The Huffington Post, Ryan hasn’t opened up the legislative process. He may have even clamped down on it further, with GOP leaders now restricting which amendments can get a vote on appropriations bills.
That makes Ryan’s seemingly stronger position in the Republican conference just 14 months after his first speaker election all the more remarkable, especially when you consider the coup that Freedom Caucus members were plotting just before Election Day. The caucus chairman at the time, Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), was supposed to run for speaker and prevent Ryan from rounding up the 218 votes necessary to keep his gavel. The thought was that the more-conservative lawmakers could at least negotiate for something if they blocked Ryan.
Then Donald Trump won the presidency, and the conservatives fell in line.
Members of the Freedom Caucus noted throughout 2016 that the procedural concerns they’d had with Boehner weren’t really improving. So if the conservatives was so concerned with process and regular order when they founded their group, and if those matters didn’t get better, why did every Freedom Caucus member vote for Speaker Ryan on Tuesday?
The answer for most members seems to be that Trump’s victory has changed what’s important.
“Right now, there’s a hope that we can all be unified and get some things accomplished in the first 100 days,” Rep. Mark Meadows (R-N.C.), the caucus’ new chairman, told HuffPost this week.
“We’ve been in a divided government. I think everybody was willing to look at the 115th Congress in a new light with the understanding that more conservative legislative solutions will be ruled in order,” Meadows said.
Rep. Justin Amash (R-Mich.) said he felt it was reasonable to give Ryan some time with this new administration, and Rep. Raul Labrador (R-Idaho) said the caucus wanted to give Ryan a chance “to prove that they can do the right thing.”
Neither Amash nor Labrador tried to suggest that Ryan had actually restored regular order in the House, although some caucus members did note that Ryan had made more of an effort to communicate with them than Boehner did. But members of the Freedom Caucus generally pointed to the idea of supporting Ryan as a sign of unified government when asked why they backed the speaker.
Of course, the other answer is that Ryan is actually stronger now. After Trump won the presidency and Republicans maintained a sizable majority in the House, it became much harder to argue that Ryan needed to go ― especially since Trump has seemingly made peace with the speaker, too.
Voting against Ryan when there’s no real push to get rid of him risks isolating yourself, and self-preservation is one of the strongest motives for a politician.
In the case of Walter Jones, an independent-minded Republican who has voted against his party’s choice for speaker in three elections, voting for Ryan this time around was a matter of political choice.
“The price you pay if you don’t support the speaker of the House, and the speaker of the House has no real opposition, it’s not very politically wise,” Jones told HuffPost.
“Get a strong vote, then that gives you some power,” he added. “But if you got one or two people voting no, it’s like a gnat,” he said.
Jones knows well the price of being a gnat. He’s been skipped over for an Armed Services subcommittee chairmanship for years and was removed from the Financial Services Committee in 2012. But Jones has a mission this year: He is trying to get a debate on the House floor over withdrawing troops from Afghanistan.
“So to me, I’d rather take my chances of at least asking the speaker to let me talk with him, and he looks at me and says, ‘Well, you know, Walter voted for me this time, so I might give him five minutes,’” Jones said.
The price you pay if you don’t support the speaker of the House, and the speaker of the House has no real opposition, it’s not very politically wise.
Rep. Walter Jones
For other House members who walked out on the House GOP’s internal speaker vote in November, this week wasn’t the time to take a stand.
“You had an election in November. You have a president that’s shown a willingness to try to get leadership here to coalesce and work together. And I think you got to give him a shot,” Gosar told HuffPost.
Gosar, who is also part of the Freedom Caucus, didn’t pretend that Ryan had taken care of his procedural concerns, but he said he felt he had to give Ryan a chance.
As for Gohmert, he actually had a conversation with Ryan on Tuesday, the day of the speaker vote, in which he said Ryan assured him that the Trans-Pacific Partnership was “dead” and that the House wouldn’t legalize any undocumented immigrants before Trump had a chance to build a wall.
Gohmert said Ryan also threw in a commitment not to bring up any legislation that doesn’t have the support of a majority of Republicans. That’s the so-called Hastert rule, named after disgraced former Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) ― although Gohmert said Wednesday, “I’m not sure I want to call it the Hastert rule.”
Either way, Ryan’s promises got Gohmert to yes, and that is perhaps a testament to Ryan’s open door policy.
Ryan spent a significant part of September trying to bring in every Republican House member for a quick meeting.
“On September the 29th, I had a meeting with Paul Ryan over what committees I was on and what committees I wanted to be on,” said Rep. Randy Weber (R-Texas), one of the nine Republicans who voted against Ryan in 2015. “I told him at that time ... ‘I’m going to support you, Paul, for speaker.’ He said, ‘Well, I didn’t call you in here to ask you that.’ I said, ‘I know.’”
“I’m going to tell you,” Weber continued, “this is the time for us to come together and do what the American people want us to do.”
Weber also mentioned that in the 2015 election, he had made a commitment to Daniel Webster to vote for him and hadn’t wanted to go back on that ― which mirrored the explanation from another Freedom Caucus member, Rep. Ted Yoho (R-Fla.), who also voted against Ryan in October 2015.
Yoho seems to have been won over by some of Ryan’s lighter touches, like the revolving dinners the speaker has hosted with congressional lawmakers and his attempts to meet regularly with Freedom Caucus leaders.
You’re always on a short leash.
Rep. Raul Labrador, on the position of the House speaker
Some Freedom Caucus members really do feel Ryan has taken strides to create a more open process. In October 2015, Rep. Dave Brat (R-Va.) laid out 10 principles for the next speaker that he said were essential to winning his vote. Even if some of those priorities remain unchecked ― like broadening opportunities for all lawmakers to offer amendments ― Brat feels good about changing his mind and voting for Ryan this time around.
“The process stuff I’m less worried about now, because the process is unified, right? The president and Ryan, the Trump agenda coupled with [Ryan’s] Better Way agenda, is going through. Everyone’s in agreement on that,” Brat said.
Still, if this detente feels a little forced, it probably should. Ryan has not truly resolved the most significant procedural issues that Freedom Caucus members have decried since their group was formed in early 2015. Massie, who’s keeping a low profile after being the single vote against Ryan this week, cited procedural concerns as his reason for standing against the speaker in November. And other House members who voted for Ryan acknowledge that things still need to change.
“You’re always on a short leash,” Labrador said.
The question is who’s holding the leash. Granted anonymity to discuss Ryan’s standing in the Republican conference, two House members independently said they would expect any anti-Ryan coup to originate with Trump. And if Trump isn’t asking for Ryan to go, it’s not his time.
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