now that virvox has basically handed me my own personal slightly clunky boyband with the voicevox humming update to play with i now fully understand the urge for anime idol companies to give all the vocal lines to one specific character. i want to put my specialest little guy of all time (takehiro) in like every part LOL

Giant/Tiny and Gender [ramble]

Y'know, instead of reblogging Terri’s post that’s semi-unrelated, I wanted to ramble about something that fascinates me about Giant/Tiny. Not calling anyone out with this, just musing.

I was never able to put it into words how fixated people in the GT community [and other communities in different flavors] are on the gender of the characters involved in things?

LIKE don't get me wrong, I get it in some cases. Like how some people don't like the idea of male giants because of the perceived power imbalance, or trauma. But then there's just. Cases where, to build off the same example, there will be a perfectly innocent/wholesome M/f or M/m piece of GT, and someone will be like. ‘This is great but I wish they weren’t male. :(’ ‘I would like this but it’s a dude so I can’t.’ ‘Why does it have to be a guy.’

And to hop off the anti-male example... I see it with feminine characters too. Less often, though. [This could be partially due to the oversexualization of feminine giants and the male gaze forcing itself upon a niche but I’m not here to get into THAT mess]

Moving On! Ramble time >:)

I can’t help but feel there’s a whole stew of different reasons for this. Some off the top of my head that I’m too lackadaisical to get into detail on right now:

Gender Preference::

- Despite many people saying GT is not a sexual thing for them [in that it doesn’t arouse sexual interest], this strange fixation on perceived genders involved in their niche interest may stem from their either known, or currently unknown, gender preferences in possible romantic or sexual relationships. This one is iffy because I know many people get into GT at a young age, and well into their teen years, so this may seem like a weird or icky take, buuuut people don’t start developing their ‘preferences’ ONLY after they turn 18, it starts much earlier and manifests in subtle ways sometimes. I’ve witnessed many female-presenting people who only liked GT with female characters, who later found that they were Bi or Lesbian. Same with male-presenting people who only liked M/M. Hell, I’ve seen dudes who were hyperfixated on only F/f, and it turned out they were trying to mask their homosexuality or convince themselves they liked girls ‘the normal way guys do.’ Those are just a few examples. Moving on to the next thing.

Aesthetics::

- Could just be a simple case of aesthetics! I don’t usually go with this, as often, people who claim ‘I just like X gender more aesthetically’ uuuuusually have some other reasoning beneath it, even if they don’t know that. But, maybe in the case of aesthetic attraction, this is true sometimes. 

Trauma::

- Like the anti-male example I gave far above, there could simply be a case of trauma involved. Not wanting to see certain genders: In charge, Helpless, Scared, Confident, Weak, Strong. [The opposite is true as well. Sometimes people WANT to see certain genders in those positions.] You get the idea. There could be a deeper seated, perhaps unresolved issue of wanting to see [or not see] characters of a specific gender involved in certain compromising or uplifting positions via the fantasy of Giant / Tiny. A feminine person with trauma relating to masculine people may be repulsed or even triggered at the sight of a tiny F character being powerless to a giant M character. But, the same can be said for GT being a coping mechanism. That same sort of person may find comfort in all SORTS of scenarios. Learning to trust a gentle M giant, or being able to overcome their power imbalance through some means, initially having a power imbalance but then the giant M is humbled by realizing there’s an imbalance and he works to fix it, etc. There’s this interesting stew of people who want refuge, people who want catharsis, people who want to see someone they relate to being in control, or on the opposite end: people who want to relive their trauma in a controlled fantasy setting where they can work through it and other outcomes rather than the one they got, etc. Trauma does odd things to you, and this one is probably just as much of a factor as the Gender Preference example.

Personal Projection::

- Personal Projection / an attempt at feeling connected to the character, or lack of being able to connect to someone that doesn’t look or act like them, could be another factor. As we’ve seen from COUNTLESS female-centered films [Turning Red being the most recent example], many people lack the ability to feel they can relate to a character that isn’t ‘like’ them. If they don’t see themselves in the character immediately, they lose interest and disconnect. There may be something like this involved in G/T gender fixation.

------------------------- End Topic

I KNOW there’s tons more I could dig into this for some juicy food-for-thought, but I have exhausted my steam on this post so I shall leave it there. If you made it this far and you have thoughts on this topic, feel free to add! I’m interested in seeing if anyone has thoughts on this, or hadn’t considered anything I might have put forward. Definitely some things to consider. Hell, after this post, I’m gonna make an addition where I talk about MY reasoning for my g/t gender preferences. That’ll be fun.

Anywho! Have a lovely day y’all!

Gestalt Brain

A belated Secret Solenoid gift for @aethergeologist!

Prowl stared down at his datapad and tried, once again, to focus on the words in front of him. It wasn’t going well for him. His optics were working perfectly, he had settled himself into his seat, he was even topped off on energon. There were no distractions anywhere within the same building as him. He’d made sure of it by sending the Constructicons off to help with rebuilding on the exact opposite side of New Iacon from him. 

It should have been an optimal work environment, and yet he found he still couldn’t concentrate. Calculating defense strategies seemed impossible in the moment. He could focus on the datapad just fine, he could read every word of it. He just seemed unable to retain it. 

With a growl of frustration, Prowl pushed back away from his desk, and kicked the chair for good measure (if he hit the desk, it would disrupt the neat workspace he’d finally managed to organize to his satisfaction, after neatening up all of the corners of it that the Constructicons seemed to thrive in knocking ever so slightly out of place). 

Maybe if he went out for a drive, he would be better able to visualize the city. His autobot friends might still be out, but if he was driving, he could continue on past them without being rude, and if he were honest with himself, he wasn’t sure how to deal with Bumblebee, or Ironhide, or “Orion Pax.” He didn’t know how to deal with the crew of the miraculously-returned Lost Light, either, though in perhaps a more straightforward way. Most of them he didn’t care to bother with in the first place. Ultra Magnus or Ratchet might be a refreshing bastion of sanity, but neither particularly liked him for good reason, and he had plenty of disagreements with them right back (Megatron. phah). 

Maybe a drive along the outskirts of the developing city would help to stop his processor from looping in circles. With that intent in mind, Prowl left his office and made his way down to the street, shifting into his vehicle mode and setting off with a whine of tires.

Seeing the layout of the city helped. It was much easier to focus on the changes that needed to be made when he could see the haphazard clusters of ships that had landed as they came where there was space, and the hasty reconstruction that had sprung up between and around them in the ruins of Iacon. 

The outer wall needed repairing, of course. Although the wilds of Cybertron were slightly less dangerous without aerialbots and dinobots roaming in angry packs, it was still unknown, and even if Megatron was no longer a threat there were plenty of Decepticon forces out there who would not stand down on their leader’s order. The DJD, wherever they were, would be the prime example of that.

Some of the ships needed updates as well, if they were to fly again, or could be taken apart and put to use in more immediately necessary aspects of industry. Engines had all manner of useful parts, and energy shielding, which was a necessary component of any spacefaring vessel, could be repurposed as a solution for their wall problem, even if only as a short-term or emergency measure. And of course the buildings, though solidly constructed and intended to last for eons, all showed the devastating effects of both war and time. 

Today’s construction project was one of the examples that had fared far better through battles both ancient and recent. The constructicons had found the structure to be sound down to the foundation, with no rusting or deterioration on the beams. Their current goal was to strip the other materials, find other uses for them if they could, scrap those they couldn’t, and begin refurbishing the space into actual housing, so that they could begin to permanently settle Cybertron once again. The Constructicons weren’t the only one assisting with the project-- those who wanted a first stake at housing were invited to lend their assistance, and as such several crews from the shoddy rust-bucket ships were there to strip surfacing and cart rubble as needed. 

The building, as far as Prowl could tell, had previously been the headquarters of some sort of shipping company, and contained both space for storage and offices. Both would be easy enough to convert into habitation units, using the offices for the smaller spaces and dividing up the storage into slightly larger shared living units. 

Of course, problems will arise when those present to lend their assistance try to claim the most space, and end up arguing with one another over who gets what, even though the building should be able to hold more than those who showed up to help, but arguing them down will be a simple enough plan, and it’s a trivial matter to allocate spaces based on the preferred grouping assignments of the crews, and then to direct them to the restoration of those sections first--

“Prowl? What are you doing here?” 

Prowl jerked away from the building blueprints and looked up to see a very puzzled-looking Jetfire. 

“I--” 

When he looked around, he was surrounded by the Constructicons, and the construction crew. Which should have been across the city. 

He’d intended to work on plans for the defenses all day, not to be dragged into the Constructicon’s project, and yet, somehow, that was exactly what had happened. 

“I decided to take a break from the defenses,” Prowl said stiffly to Jetfire, who shrugged and deposited several large crates of materials before leaving, apparently unwilling to question Prowl. 

Prowl had some questions of his own, however. The constructicons seemed to sense this, if the way they clumped together when Prowl turned his attention toward them was any indication. 

“I was working on the defenses,” he said, his voice cold. “A vital task for New Iacon. Would you like to explain why it is that I find myself instead drafted into the job of a foreman?” 

“Well, it’s because you are,” Bonecrusher muttered. Mixmaster sneered and elbowed him hard, and Bonecrusher fell silent. Prowl continued to stare at them, and the Constructicons all began to fidget under his stare until--

“Well, it’s the Gestalt brain, of course,” Hook said stiffly. Prowl gave him a look, and he grimaced, but continued. “It comes out for the big problems.”

“It comes out when we are combined,” Prowl said with a frown. 

“Well, sure,” Scavenger said. “Cause that’s a big problem. But the more of us are focused on one big thing, the more it kinda… pulls in everyone else.” 

“All available resources,” Hook said. “And your processor is quite a considerable resource.” 

“What you mean to say is, unless all of us are working on entirely separate projects, I won’t be able to concentrate on my own work?” Prowl said. He could feel the angry tension building an ache in his shoulders and processor both. 

“Well…” Long Haul said slowly. “Not unless you want us to help.” 

“You, to help?” Prowl asked. 

“You know. More processing power,” Long Haul said. “That’s your thing, right? So if the gestalt isn’t focused on dragging around six frames in one body, there’s a lot of extra space for your calculating thing.” 

Prowl crossed his arms over his front bumper. He did not particularly like looking up and discovering that he had already spent half the day on a project completely unrelated to his own, and the feeling of his will slowly succumbing to another’s direction, even a gestalt, sat poorly with him. But, if he could use that processing power… 

His upper limit had always been calculating the trajectory of five hundred moving objects at once. Could he hit six hundred? One thousand?

Prowl looked down at the blueprints and the half-finished list of room assignments, then looked up at the array of Constructicons. “We are finishing this,” he declared. “Then we’re testing this. Understood?” 

Maybe it was the connection between their processors that happened whenever they combined, but Prowl could feel glee rolling off of the Constructicons in waves. “Yes, boss!”

What don't you like about Lorna's characterization in X-Factor?

Thanks for asking!

I believe in transparency, so before I get into that, I want to provide a little background on the point of view I’m coming from that influences my opinions.

I was opposed to Lorna being on X-Factor when it was announced. There was already a lot of bad blood and history for me with Marvel as a result of these past few years especially. I won’t exhaustively detail all of it, but the bottom line is, I was already in a place of having a low opinion of current X-Men comics in general.

Then when it was announced she would be on X-Factor, not even as the leader but just as a team member, that immediately grated on me. She’s been buried and sidelined for so long, and now she’s not only right back on the same title yet again after 30 years - that’s a second wave fringe title - she’s not even leading it, or doing other, more meaningful things outside it simultaneously.

Then I saw the interviews by X-Factor’s writer at announcement, which immediately gave me a couple red flags. One, the writer couldn’t seem to say a single thing about Lorna besides essentially “Magneto is her dad and Havok is her ex.” Not even about trauma, of which Lorna has tons of it. Yet she had no problem acknowledging trauma as an important story point for other characters. Two, in trying to form her opinion of Lorna, she said she talked to a couple friends, one of which she said put the Lorna x Havok relationship in a “new light” for her. Meaning she was limiting her fan input just to a couple people she knows and whatever biases those two have, at the exclusion of all others.

That’s my background. Before a single issue dropped. Now let’s get to the things I have problems with since it’s started getting published.

And I do welcome people correcting me if I’m incorrect about details of the book. Being wrong happens. The only true path toward a better future for Lorna is honest assessment.

My biggest problem with X-Factor’s characterization, as a whole, is that it completely disregards important parts of her history in the way she should think and act, and instead treats her like a blank slate.

This is clearest in X-Factor #4, the issue during X of Swords where Rockslide dies. Lorna is a survivor of the Genoshan genocide. We saw how deeply that wounded her. We outright saw her experience of being hailed as a sovereign princess by the people of Genosha, followed by those same people begging Lorna, specifically, to save them. Only for Lorna to be unable to do so, and unable to handle all the death and carnage and pain around her (note these pages are in order of her experiences, not publication order).

After the Genoshan genocide, we saw how not only did she survive this, she had those moments replaying constantly in her head and all around her until the other X-Men dug her out of Genosha’s ruins.

She suffered immensely from what happened to her. So much. But by the end, after dealing with the strain and trauma for so much time, she started to settle into a role from that experience somewhere in between Xavier and Magneto - which is extremely appropriate, considering her very first appearance in comics was all about her struggling between the “good of the X-Men” and the “evil of her father’s blood flowing through her veins” (as it was incredibly simplistic at the time).

This is the Lorna that came out of her hardships with Genosha. The one who felt the weight of those deaths and took them on to a point of being ready to fight for mutant rights.

In spite of this, Marvel has been ignoring the Genoshan genocide concerning Lorna’s history for 15 years now. Refusing to acknowledge it at all, as they let Jean fight Cassandra Nova on its ruins, and let Storm act outraged about its dead, and let Axis exploit it for Red Skull while Lorna’s written as off doing something completely unrelated.

The problem noted in the paragraph above is not X-Factor’s problem alone. It’s a running problem across all of Marvel.

But where X-Factor differs and is far, far worse is that X-Factor #4 not only completely ignored this event in her history. It had her behave as if she had no concept whatsoever of death and loss, had never received the development she did from the Genoshan genocide.

For over 15 years, Lorna’s been wiped from the Genosha story even though she went through the genocide and had served at Magneto’s side (before learning she was his daughter after all) during his rule. Not once in any of that time did Marvel allow the deaths of millions crying for her specifically to save them to impact their treatment of her. It’s been as if she suddenly no longer gives a damn about them.

But one mutant she doesn’t know at all dies nearby and she has a complete breakdown, running around unable to figure out what to do with herself, getting yelled at by her father to make the prophecies come out and later on wishing she could just disappear and stop being a part of anything at all?

That is not Lorna. Or rather, maybe it could count as Lorna from the 90s before Genosha ever happened. But it is absolutely not post-Genosha Lorna, the woman who endured the pain of millions dying all around her and came out of it a woman ready to fight through that pain.

Perhaps if this story acknowledged and incorporated the Genoshan genocide, did an incredibly good job justifying her behavior through that and making it all make sense, I would feel differently. But as it stands? This is an insult to everything she’s endured.

Which gets me to my other big complaints about this book. It doesn’t ACTUALLY acknowledge anything about her history at all.

This is where fans of the book will say “Oh X-Factor acknowledged Giant-Size X-Men when she built the base” and things like that. No. The book has only vaguely hinted at that history, which is very different from truly acknowledging and using it. The few times the book does this, such “acknowledgments” last for exactly one panel, and you have to be a real hardcore Lorna fan or long-time reader to have any chance whatsoever of seeing those statements as callbacks to her past. If you’re a casual reader, Lorna’s comment to Krakoa before creating the base could just as easily be read as that Lorna and Krakoa used to date and had a really bad breakup.

I’ve been asked before what would count as acknowledging her past. So here’s an example. Instead of the vague hinting with Krakoa, Lorna could’ve explicitly said something along the lines of “Hey, remember when Storm and the others helped me launch you out into space?” That would have been enough for a casual reader to know the amazing feat she did, its importance relative to current Marvel events, AND that she has a history with major known names in the franchise. 

But as written? It’s just a silly little joke of a character who’s apparently never done anything notable or interesting “before now.”

Aside from these problems, I’m not keen on what has over time appeared to be a running theme of “Lorna is stupid” on this book. It started with this simple “joke.”

An important note: this panel is out of context. It looks worse by itself, but I have since been corrected by a reader that what happened before this was Northstar trying to charge in, Lorna trying to stop him, both getting caught in this trap, followed by Rachel’s quip. And they do have a history from before X-Factor. They were on the same team, Starjammers, in the late 00s to early 10s.

If this was the only case I had, I wouldn’t be bringing it up. It’s fine taken in isolation. There’s a question of why Lorna’s the sole target of the quip when it was Northstar’s fault, and a problem that people could easily misremember this in the future as Lorna taking the blame. But a single moment is no big deal.

But then we have the scene from X-Factor #4 above where Magneto’s written as yelling at her, putting her down for not being able to get the prophecies out. Lorna even explicitly calls it a “fitting humiliation” during that story.

And then we have the most recent issue. Where Siryn outright calls Lorna dumb as the story has her act in a way that makes her being called that appropriate.

In other words, three times now, Lorna’s been presented as the object of ridicule. As a failure who isn’t able to make plans, think ahead, or handle these stresses that come her way. In essence, it’s wiping out the development she received not just from her experiences on Genosha, but also from her time as leader of All-New X-Factor. Would YOU expect this character, as presented, to be at all capable of leading her own team some day? Or of leading people in a movement, harkening back to when she was called the Queen of Mutants both post-Genosha and when she was initially revealed and Magneto was believed to be dead?

My expectations of X-Factor before it started releasing issues were low, as stated above. But as it’s been releasing issues, it’s just been confirming my worst thoughts about Marvel and how little they think of this amazing character who’s been through so much and never receives her due.

All it’s doing is exploiting her to sell the book and promote everyone else on it. That is my straightforward assessment and opinion of the book. None of the stories or moments truly address anything Lorna’s experienced. The initial story was about Aurora, setting up Northstar as the leader, and forming the team. The Mojoworld story was about Shatterstar. X-Factor #4 was about Rockslide and his death. The latest story is about Siryn.

And it’s great for all these other characters that they’re getting all this care and attention that they often don’t get. But it doesn’t have to come at Lorna’s expense. If she’s going to be on the book, it has to actually give a damn about what she’s been through and how it’s shaped her, and openly acknowledge her too often forgotten past spanning 52 years.  

I am not saying X-Factor taken as its own thing is bad. I’m not saying it treats any of the other characters bad. I’m saying it’s bad for Lorna, and she’s better off not on it even if she doesn’t get to join the new X-Men team. 

I will end off on a bit more of a positive note for people who happen to like this book. There are a couple things I do like about it.

I like the creative usage of Lorna’s powers in building the team’s base, and in having the prophecies encoded in electromagnetic signatures. Those are an excellent way to show she can be and do other things besides “bend spoons,” and she’s not just “Magneto with boobs” as far as power usage.

I also like that the book does not have a sexism problem in its treatment Lorna. Past treatment of Lorna had this problem in a big way, as demonstrated by this awful as fuck cover from X-Men Blue.

And I partly like the very last few panels of X-Factor #4, in that Lorna gets to do some public speaking among mutant colleagues. I loathe the treatment leading up to it, and I think it could’ve been much better if it followed the vein of one of the variant covers of Lorna holding up a sword in front of an army as if urging them onward to battle as a warrior queen would. But it was still better than okay.

But those few good bits do not in any way make up for the bad as I’ve seen it in this book.

Thoughts on The Last of Us Part 2

This critique is spoiler heavy, so tread with caution. I also talk about more than the game. However, non-spoiler opinions: (and again, I want to stress this is my opinion)

This game does not have the same DNA as the first last of us. That’s not a total strike against LOUP2. Yet the first game succeeded so well in creating a relatively simple road trip narrative that was rooted around character growth, with the provoking questions it raised comknf naturally. TLOUP2 revolves so heavily on the message it’s trying to send, that the character and narrative writings suffers to mold around the parable...which doesn’t fully even succeed in that regard. Environments and game play however are pretty solid, and if you liked those aspects of the first game, they outdid themselves here, so you’ll probably like this game’s go around. Does it make it worthwhile to play? That’s a case by case basis, but I have to say that exploring the world made me want to continue the game. And if anything, I’d say this game is a relatively easy platinum trophy to collect. And despite this very long critique where I really dive in, (because that is what I do, it’s in my nature.) I’m glad I played, because I had an enjoyable experience.

anyway, on with the nitty gritty. Please keep in mind that even as I seem harsh, I did not hate this game. Aspects of it pissed me off , and I think it’s broken in a lot of respects, but certainly not a failure of design, game build, and acting.

When I think of the perfect sequel, (and please, bare with me) Shrek 2 comes to mind. It expands the world in a meaningful way, introduces new characters that seamlessly fit in with the dynamic, lets the established characters have more growth without cheapening what happened in the first part, and stays true to the core DNA of the first film. I’m not saying that all sequels need to follow this formula, (I love Silent Hill 2) but The Last of Us 2 was not a fulfilling sequel in any of these regards. Joel and Ellie in the first game, as well as the other characters, felt like real people who made decisions that made sense for their characters. In this game, we have a clumsily patched together narrative that is simultaneously simple and yet far too much for it to handle. This is not a narrative-driven story, but a parable about the dangers of revenge. And while not a bad parable to tell, I could easily pick up Moby Dick or a myriad of other works that detail the “revenge is all consuming and unhealthy” narrative. Now, was LOU particularly new with it’s story? No. But the characters made it worthwhile and fresh. Additionally, the narrative of this game is so riddled with hypocrisy that the parable it’s trying to tell almost misses the mark.

Before further diving in, I also want to talk about one more detour as a preface: Game of Thrones season 8 (and please, bare with me again.) My biggest issue with season eight was how unearned everything was. Most egregiously and infamously, Dany and Jaime’s fates was not rooted in her past actions, therefore making their fates make sense, but rooted in the final outline Benioff and Weiss had. The writers had a plan, and they made the characters fit that plan no matter what, no matter that the characters had grown and changed and had arcs that didn’t make sense with the final plan, leaving a lot of people, including me, note how unearned everything was. LOU2 feels similar. Druckman had a plan, and he made the characters fit that plan, no matter how many gaps in logic there was, no matter how unearned it was. Joel dying the way he did was not very Joel-like as established in LOU. That man noticed an ambush right on sight as he was driving with Ellie into Pittsburgh, while this Joel walks right into an ambush and let’s himself be cornered by a group of unknown people. Maybe you can say that he got softer living in Jackson, or the storm gave no alternatives, but it reads to me as more as Druckman needed Joel to die to set off his plot.  

And with that, now’s a good time to talk about Abby, because rather than being an organic character that fits seamlessly into the narrative, she feels inelegantly shoved into the game to fit the message and parable. In the prologue we learn little about Abby and are forced to run away and learn about the game mechanics with her, and most players are here to continue Joel and Ellie’s story, so cutting away to this new character away from Ellie is intrusive. You as a player may have also have heard Druckmann say Ellie was the only playable character and purposely avoided the leaks, so you’re bamboozled as well. It gets worse after we shift to Abby for a good ten hours after Ellie kills Owen and Mel. We’re supposed to feel compelled to play as Abby for a ten hour needlessly complicated side quest when the game jarringly cuts to her...even though she mercilessly beat Joel with a golf club and just shot Jesse, who, IMO, is one of the most likable new characters (and also one of the many minority characters in the LOU franchise that serve as props to the main characters and ultimately meets a sad end, but that aspect of the game is worthy of a whole other post.) 

Playing as Abby for as long as you do at the halfway point is a tough and unearned pill to swallow, not helped by the fact that we know how this long extended flashback is going to end, so the stakes are never high. No matter what happens, Owen, Mel, Nora and Alice are going to die, and Abby is going to find Ellie. Furthermore, you’ve spent a long time as a player buffing Ellie with supplements, upgrading weapons, and using her arsenal. Suddenly, you have to rewire you’re playstyle and get used to new weapons. They’re not totally different, but I can see how going back to square one when you’re halfway through the game can put a player off really quickly. I read the leaks so I knew this was coming, but I had no clue how bloated this section would be with the meandering plot and WLF/ Seraphite conflicts that still somehow aren’t explained well enough. In Abby’s section, plot things and character development things go at such a hyper speed, with relationships developing mega quickly, that I had a hard time believing it, especially compared to the first game when relationships took time and were earned. I think the sex scene is a good metaphor for this section of the game as a whole. they talk, talk, talk about unrelated things, Abby pushes Owen, and then they randomly have sex. which by the way, was done pretty tastelessly in my opinion. ND could have just cut away when they started making out, or if you absolutely had to hold the frame, if you really had the actors to do that in mocap suits, maybe make the situation more morally grey...because it is morally grey. Owen has a baby on the way with another woman. What a way to endear these two characters. I’m not one who gets squeamish with sex in media, and I understand the game’s M rating has a warning. But when you cut away a love scene between two women before things get too heated, but have no problem with showing that, I’m going to raise some eyebrows. 

Abby’s section is like an overly complicated side quest in the larger narrative, with missions that have little to nothing to do with Ellie, so watching Abby’s story play out doesn’t feel like a meaningful look into the character and world we don’t get as Ellie, but an overtly complicated way ND created to get us to like Abby and invest us in her found family. But it took a whole game and about a full year for Ellie and Joel to be father and daughter, and by the end of Abby’s section we’re expected to believe she and Lev have that same bond. It’s so glaringly apparent that they were trying to mirror Ellie and Joel with Abby and Lev, but they banked so hard on us as the player assuming and understanding that aspect, that the development wasn’t cultivated well enough for me. I think more time was needed--especially since you don’t even meet Lev and Yara until you’re an hour or so into her story. Abby’s section feels like a whole other game was tacked on, and not a piece of the puzzle that neatly fits into the larger narrative.  In fact, both Lev and Yara feel like tacked on props to make Abby more likable. 

However, ND is inconsistent with this likability factor, because there are key elements to Abby’s writing that don’t make her endearing to the player. Unlike Ellie, who is visibly shaken with each kill, Abby displays no regrets whatsoever. She doesn’t have any qualms killing her fellow WLF soldiers later in the game, but more infuriating for players, she has no regrets about killing Joel. She does it, and she moves on. The game even seems to celebrate her, with some of her friends saying he deserved worse, despite the fact that  Ellie was on the floor crying and begging for her to stop. (BTW Mel is pretty hypocritical to me. At one point she says she regrets taking part in Joel’s murder, but during it, she wanted Ellie killed. Then later says Joel’s death was too brutal...even if he deserved worse? It’s just another thread of inconsistency in this game.) 

Abby not thinking things through when Ellie is crying on the floor before Joel’s murder is another example of characters making strange, if not outright bad decisions because Neil needs his plot. Abby could have put the pieces together, realized Joel wanted to save Ellie because clearly they care about each other, and yes he did a bad thing and killed her father, but if there’s a crying girl on the floor, maybe he did it because of love. (Or she could have just killed Tommy and Ellie because what’s stopping her from thinking they won’t want revenge like she does? But again, Druckmann needs his plot.) 

But no, Abby is merciless, and then suddenly in her POV chapters she’s pretty cool to Yara and Lev and wants to help them out. And yes, they saved her from death...but Joel saved her from death too. It could have been so interesting if Abby and Joel were forced to work together longer, maybe she meets Ellie, and then she’s conflicted about extracting revenge. But okay, fine. She takes her revenge and the game moves on. Okay. But Ellie, who I remind, is vilified and punished by losing Dina and the baby in the game, has regrets and is shaken up by her revengeful deeds, while Abby, who is also pretty bad, gets rewarded. If Druckmann wanted to really write a revenge parable, it needed to be clearer that revenge didn’t make Abby happy or fulfill her. If that would have happened, and if time was taken to develop the Lev and Yara subplot, it could have been interesting to see Abby’s story.

Ellie’s characterization in this game is a point of contention for me as well. Some reviewers have said she makes decisions that are so outlandish it’s akin to Dany in GOT season eight, and I don’t disagree. Now, the game implies Ellie continuously puts herself at risk, leaves her friends, and sets off on a near suicide mission because she has PTSD from what happened to Joel, along with a lot of guilt for not patching things up to him. Druckmann and Halley Gross even confirmed in an Indie Wire interview that Ellie has PTSD. Now, there are so many negative stereotypes against people with PTSD as outlined by Psychology Today and other sources. There’s misconceptions that they’re violent and dangerous, and it can’t be treated. I don’t think Druckmann was outright suggesting Ellie went on her rampage of revenge specifically because of this, in fact I think the truth of the matter is he wanted to say something deep and artsy with this game, and Ellie and Abby are props to the message. (Supported by pre release statements of ND saying they wouldn’t call this game fun--it’s art.) That being said, this equation doesn’t sit right with me. More broadly I don’t like the fact that Ellie has been a prop in this game so Druckmann can say something deep (tm) especially when the last game did such a good job molding her character and honoring her in an organic way as the plot moved forward. The way they used her here just didn’t feel right.

Also, like to mention Ellie didn’t go to Santa Barbara to meet Abby again until Tommy’s major guilt trip at the farm, which was a wildly out of character moment in itself. But again, in this game, there’s a script, and we needed a way to trigger Ellie’s journey to Santa Barbara. But looking at the first game, Tommy berates Joel for the lengths he went to to ensure their survival, even saying at one point “it wasn’t worth it.” Now Tommy is all of a sudden going to not take the high road and demand Ellie extract revenge when he can’t? Heck, when Abby had Tommy pinned to the ground in the theatre he told her to go and save herself. When tommy came to her after Joel’s death he actively tried to talk her out of going to Seattle. Now maybe you can say that “oh Abby shot Tommy and now he’s relationship with Maria is in shambles...” but it didn’t compute with me. (And damn, can anyone be in a happy romantic relationship in these games?) But again, Druckmann wants a final fight, where the biggest waste of opportunity is squandered. We could have had a moment where Ellie and Abby talk it out, maybe Ellie telling Abby that she cared for Joel despite what he did (though ho boy, more on that later.) and Abby realizing hmm, maybe what I did was kind of morally grey and we’re not so different at the least. If this parable was going to work, Abby had to have an epiphany about her own deeds in addition to Ellie, and Ellie can’t be vilified while Abby isn’t. 

This game also cheapens the last game’s ending. Joel’s morally grey choice at the end part one is rendered into an indisputably bad choice, because he took away Ellie’s choice. Are we forgetting the fireflies, and Jerry, Abby’s dad that we’re supposed to like, (based on the flashback, which, BTW didn’t work for me, I think Jerry’s an ass) weren’t giving Ellie a choice either? The ending of TLOU asked some fantastic questions about the nature of love without forcing it, and this game completely does away with that ending via telling us how bad Joel is and how he wronged Ellie. I can’t really replay the first game now without thinking of how the sequel cheapens that ending. Overall, the message and thought-provoking questions in LOU came naturally with Joel and Ellie’s development. It was elegantly done and expertly crafted. However, this game is so focused on it’s message and so focused on being an art house drama, that not only do the characters bend to fit the message, but it’s rudely it’s beaten over your head with the final shots of a lone guitar. However, playing through the game for me, seeing the cracks, the message fell flat. Want to tell a parable like this? Go ahead, but make sure it’s delivered well , paced well, and crafted well. I don’t think this game succeeded in any of those regards.

As others have stated, the game is needlessly dark, and though there are moments of calm and light, they are not as frequent as the first game, and all but dissolve toward the end of the story. Obviously ND couldn’t help the current situation of the world the game was released into, but I am tired of this trend of dark narratives and SuBerTing ExpECtatIons that Thrones also pulled, and the easiest, laziest tactic media has used lately to get people talking about their stories: doing things for shock value. Expectations were maybe subverted and there was definite shock value by having Joel die at the beginning, but the events that follow are so bizarre and unearned with Ellie’s vilification and Abby’s “redemption,” that I’m not mad that he died, I’m mad he was fridged to make way for this sloppy mess of a story.  And I have to point out that so many of us had a feeling Joel was going to die in this game, that frankly my expectations would have been subverted if he lived. 

Now with this segue, I think now I should probably mention the elephant in the room: the pre-release footage. Images were altered to make players believe Joel meets Ellie in Seattle, but we know now that it was Jesse. Sony was banking on the fact that fans of the first game love Ellie and Joel so much, that they used their relationship to sell the game and pretty much deceive the player. The fact that the game is very much not about Ellie and Joel’s further development is not only deceptive, but kind of cruel. Games are expensive. People pre-ordered this game expecting one thing and got another. Doesn’t sit right with me. If Sony/ ND had faith in Abby’s story the secrecy wouldn’t have been necessary, but keeping her out of the marketing save for one time, with Druckmann out right lying at one point by saying you only play as Ellie, it just proves that someone in the marketing department had no faith in Abby. Now, I think this is all rooted in anti-spoiler culture, and no doubt that had a big impact on this game and the marketing behind it. Though this is another, albeit related rant, I am tired of the current climate of “keeping the secrets and remaining spoiler free.” Sure, spoilers can ruin some surprise, and it’s not cool to needlessly spoil something for someone, but spoilers should not ruin the experience of seeing a story unfold. We all know the damn ship is going to sink in Titanic, and a lot of people love that movie. Heck. I played the first LOU completely spoiled. I wanted to see what the fuss was about and read the Wiki page. I still cried, I still fell in love. I get maybe wanting the player to be surprised that Abby has such a big section, or even that’s she’s playable, but when Abby’s story can make or break how you feel about this game, I raise some eyebrows at the marketing.  

As I said, I did read the leaks when they came out. Why? Well, I’m not averse to being spoiled and GOT kind of burned me before. I am glad I read the leaks because knowing what to expect certainly eased things for me, and got me used to playing as Abby in a way that going in blind wouldn’t have. It was easier for me to bunker down and accept playing as her, but her story is so needlessly bloated and has nothing to do with Ellie’s up until the end. Her section solely exists just to get the player to like her. As I outlined however, the fragments in her story are broken and don’t come together to form a flattering picture. Sure in her sections you get some, albeit, minimal context to the goings on of Ellie’s chapters and the whole WLF/ Seraphite conflict, but not much to make it interesting or illuminate things further. A lot of it was there just to make you feel like crap for the things you were forced to do as Ellie. Alice was a good girl wasn’t she? Shame on Ellie for killing her in self-defense! And I understand the flashbacks were supposed to mirror Ellie’s flashbacks, but part of me rolled my eyes as I realized I was enduring a damn flashback within a flashback. What kind of a meta world, and an uncool one at that, is the game in? (Heck at one point Abby said “fucking video games” so IDK) I think the game could have been better if you played both sections concurrently--some of Abby’s, some of Ellie’s instead of having an entire flashback to play through as Abby. But I can only guess the game did it this way because of good old spoiler culture and they only wanted early reviewers to talk about certain things. (Heck early reviews pre release had an embargo. Reviewers were forbidden from mentioning anything in the last half of the game.)And truth to be told I think Abby’s sections needed a huge overhaul. Actually I think the whole story of the game needed a huge overhaul, but that’s probably apparent from this long diatribe. However, I maintain that this was the Last of us sequel ND wanted to tell, the crafting needed to be improved.

So what did I like? Well, I liked exploring the world and I liked the ease of the beginning of the game, and...the boat section was kind of cool? now initially I thought Ellie’s romance with Dina seemed pretty rushed, but as you play the game, you realize they’ve known each other for a long time at this point, and it makes more sense. The two have a lot of chemistry that makes the relationship feel more authentic, especially as you roam Downtown Seattle. Playing as Ellie and exploring Seattle was my favorite parts of the game. I really liked the semi-open world section at the beginning, though it didn’t mesh well with the rest of the linear narrative. I hope in future games ND does do something similar and makes the whole game have pockets of open-world esque exploration throughout, and not just one part

I tore Abby’s section apart a lot, but there was also good stuff going on there too. I did Yara and Lev a lot, just wish there would have been more time to develop them. The hospital chapter was wild and fun...the most effective horror chapter in the game, with a big ass monster straight out of Resident Evil. Even if it was gross. And of course, the environments were downright breathtaking, and exploring Seattle made me want to continue. The Aquarium was my favorite location overall, as I found it beautifully rendered and a good focal point for the game. I also find it super fitting Abby and Ellie have their first fight in a theatre. It’s almost like Druckmann’s trying to make a point about how violence is a commodity...kind of like us playing this really violent game and they’re using violence to sell it to you, even though the game punishes you for doing actions you have no say in.

I may have been a tiny bit sarcastic there, but I did enjoy the Ellie/Abby fight, and even if I knew the outcome, it did a great job of putting me on edge. I really didn’t want to hurt Ellie, but seeing how Ellie fights from the other angle was pretty interesting. After that fight however it was pretty draggy to have to do it again in Santa Barbara as Ellie. On a related note, there were too many brawls like that in the game. You have no weapons, just fist brawls twice with cult randos as Abby and then two with Ellie and Abby in the game. Could have trimmed those down, because they kind of wore out their welcome. And while we’re at it, good grief the ending DRAGGED. Maybe that was done on purpose to prove the lengths Ellie will go, but I wasn’t a fan.

Look, a part of me can kind of appreciate what ND was trying to do with this game, I just think that the execution was poor, and a lot of small specifics of things that happened in the game were done in poor taste. Pieces of the puzzle didn’t fit a cohesive whole, and the message is pretty grim and broken because of hypocrisies in the narratives. A lot of people are saying its an apocalypse game, of course it’s going to be dark and nihilistic, but the first game wasn’t nihilistic. It was hopeful, and benefited from the simple story it told. Druckmann always said Part 2 would be a hate story, and that’s fine, but I think it was just so committed to that idea the game suffered and became manipulative. I think now we’re now entering a debate about “can video games be art and have messages?” or “should video games just be fun?” and I really think video games can be art. However, there has to be something in the game that makes you want to continue, and that something is usually “fun.” Video games aren’t like movies. We’re not voyeurs that watch. We’re actually in control of the characters. That has an impact. 

if you read all of this, I commend you. thanks! Really needed to pound out all my thoughts and now I can (hopefully) move on with my life.

byleth/hanneman

c-s support + paired endings

c

Hanneman: Ah, Professor! Always a pleasure to see you. I wonder, might you have a moment to chat?

>Why?

>What do you want?

H: Come now. You have no need to be on guard. H: I'd never cause you harm. You're far too valuable a specim— Well, that is to say, too valuable a member of the academy staff. H: Indeed, the further my Crest research progresses, the closer you come to learning the truth of your heritage. Is it not so? H: When I learned you bore the lost Crest—the very Crest of Flames itself!—I set about learning everything I could about your past. H: What was the origin of your bloodline? How have the events of your life been shaped by your lineage? H: I became somewhat obsessed, I must admit.

>You investigated me?

H: Nothing so crass as an investigation, no. I researched. I spoke to mercenaries whom you've worked with in the past to learn about your life before the academy.

>My past is my business.

H: I promised you no harm, remember? I merely reached out to mercenaries whom you've worked with to understand your life before the academy.

H: Of course, I also contacted Jeralt and his mercenary friends. Your father does keep rather interesting company. (pre-death) H: Of course, I also contacted your father's old mercenary crew. Quite an interesting lot they are. H: It was difficult work, since I could not speak with Jeralt himself. I am quite sorry for your loss. By all accounts, your father was a good man. (post-death) H: I'm excited to share with you what I learned, but I do ask that you correct me if I am mistaken on any account. H: The story begins with Jeralt serving as captain of the Knights of Seiros... H: There was a woman at the monastery with whom Jeralt was quite close. H: At first, it seemed obvious this mystery woman was your mother. Alas, that cannot be the case. The timing is all wrong. H: As it was told to me, the woman in question passed away shortly before Jeralt left the monastery... H: Yet your birth occurred sometime later, while Jeralt taking work as a mercenary. H: This, of course, presumes your age is accurately reported. If you were born sooner, well, the story would be quite different, would it not?

>I don't know.

H: It is intriguing though, yes? Why is your age so difficult to pin down?

>My father was always one for secrets.

H: Oh, I am aware. You two were certainly enigmatic as far as mercenaries go.

H: For example, Jeralt never once spoke of his time serving as captain of the knights. That's quite a secret to keep for all those years. (pre-death) H: In the end, your old acquaintances had little definitive to say about either of you. H: However, they all agreed on one thing—your father, and yourself, were a strong pair. Warriors to be respected and feared. H: You, in particular. In fact, many came to know you as the Ashen Demon. H: They say you would destroy your enemies without a hint of emotion on your face. The mercenaries I spoke to revered you as a living legend of sorts.

>...

H: So, that is what I learned. And, I admit, it is barely more than I knew before. H: The next step in my research is to ask your blood for answers, and hope that it is more forthcoming than your past acquaintances.

——————————————————————————————

b

H: How are you doing, Professor? Would you care to join me for a cup of tea?

>OK.

>Sure.

H: It occurs to me that, whenever we chat, I have a tendency to pester you with my questions and theories about your history... H: It seems only fair to speak on the topic of myself for once. H: And perhaps you might feel more positively inclined toward my research, if I shared my own story.

>So, you just want me to help with your research.

H: Not at all. I am quite honest in my motivations.

>You have my attention.

H: I am quite pleased to hear you're interested. Yes, quite pleased.

H: Well... I suppose I should begin at the beginning, eh? H: I was born into a noble house of the Empire. Not a large house, mind you. But noble all the same. H: Our land holdings were small, but our bloodline was quite strong. H: So, as you can imagine, there were many of us in the family who carried the power of Crests. I, myself, bear a minor Crest. H: Our family's abundance of Crests may be part of the reason I've been interested in the topic since I was just a boy. H: I dedicated myself to my studies, and after years of effort, I became lead Crest scholar at the Empire's largest research institution.

>Why come to Garreg Mach?

>You gave that up? To come here?

H: I had only Imperial blood, and thus Imperial Crests, at my disposal in the Empire. H: My research is more important than social standing in the Empire. There I had only Imperial blood, and thus Imperial Crests, at hand. H: So I came to Garreg Mach and devoted myself to my research during my time as a professor. H: My progress is slow, but with each revelation, I move ever closer to the answers I have sought for decades. H: Your cooperation as the bearer of the Crest of Flames ensures my research will continue to advance. H: In fact, it may bring me ever closer to the goal of uncovering everything there is to know about Crests. H: I do hope you shall continue helping me advance in this field of study.

>OK.

>If you insist...

H: Together, we will solve the mystery of your Crest of Flames, and our world will be the better for it. H: Shall we proceed? My lab instruments are fully prepared. H: I have a great number of tests I am excited to carry out... No, no, don't worry. They won't hurt one bit.

——————————————————————————————

a

H: Which means that there are some elements of your power that cannot be explained by current theory. H: Although this may lead to a discovery that alters the very fabric of Crest research... H: Oh, pardon me, Professor. I became lost in thought, and I do tend to ramble. H: I suggest we call it a day. Do you concur?

>I'm fine to keep talking.

H: No, no, you mustn't push yourself too hard. When you are not in battle, you are so often here with me.

H: I get so energized speaking with you, well, I must remember to pull my head out of the clouds...

>I'm getting tired.

H: It seems that I have gotten carried away again. My apologies. I know you are quite busy.

H: I become so energized around you. When we get deep into the research, why, I feel 20 years younger!

H: That said, perhaps we should discuss things unrelated to Crests from time to time. H: Some sort of silly, light-hearted topic might be nice, eh?

>Do you have one in mind?

H: I'm not especially skilled at small talk, alas. Let me see... Perhaps we should discuss... Hmmm... H: I know! Food. Not my strong suit, the culinary arts, but I do enjoy a good meal! H: Which kind of food do you prefer, Professor? Sweet or spicy?

>Sweet.

H: Same as myself! Yes, indeed... Oh, now my stomach is growling.

>Spicy.

H: Spicy? Quite the opposite of me.

H: Yet you're an exception in lots of ways, so it's not altogether surprising... H: An old colleague of mine theorized that those who bear Crests favor sweet flavors over spicy. H: She suggested that the Crest exerts some manner of influence over... H: Oh, there I go again. How embarrassing. We were supposed to be avoiding talk of Crests, weren't we? H: Terrible habit of mine, finding a way to turn any conversation towards Crests. H: I really should find a way to stop that...

>It's OK.

>We can talk more about Crests.

H: That is kind of you, Professor, but it's all right. H: If you were to lose your patience with me, it could have an incalculable impact on my research. H: That sort of thing has happened in the past, you know. Back when I was still in the Empire... H: At first, any lady I was spending time with would titter and say she didn't mind if I talked about Crests. H: But at some point, she would always become fed up and stop listening to what I had to say. H: In the end—invariably while I was particularly focused on my research—she would write to say we were done. H: I will do everything I can to keep that from happening this time. (f!byleth) H: You may be a man, but I still don't wish for you to grow tired of my company. (m!byleth)

——————————————————————————————

s

H: So falls the curtain on our time of war. Though I suppose one can never say all is over and done... H: You have much still to do, and I have miles to go before I achieve my own dreams. H: We both have many hardships in store for us, don't you think?

>Yes.

H: Indeed. Well, that talk aside, I have a bit of a proposition for you.

>Maybe not that many.

H: Do you think? Well, I have a proposition for you, if you'll indulge me.

H: I believe it is better to travel the path through life with someone else, rather than go forward alone. H: And you are indispensable to my research... H: No, that's not the full truth. H: Yes, you are indispensable to my research, but also to my life. Altogether, I mean. H: I haven't any idea how to treat a woman properly. And so, I've long thought I would spend my life alone. H: But then, well...I met you. And I want to share everything with you. H: If you happen to feel the same way, er, well, that is to say... Would you accept this ring?

>I've been waiting for this.

H: Did I make you wait? Now, there is an unexpected development! My goodness. H: Well, since the feelings are mutual...I suppose there's no need to hold ourselves back any longer. H: Don't you agree? H: If so, I say we begin the next phase of our research. I wish to learn everything about you.

>Actually… (black eagles route)

H: You say you've lost the power of your Crest? And...what of it?

H: I want you for who you are. Learning about the power of your Crest was just a small part of that.

H: Besides, even without the Crest, I daresay you will still prove a fascinating research subject.

>I'm ready. (other)

H: Ready? No, no. There's no need to be ready. I'm not planning any tests.

H: I don't want the power of your Crest—I want you.

H: First things first, I'd like to do a thorough study. H: And in return...perhaps you would care to learn all there is to know about me. H: I've never been the subject of someone else's research before, but I am open to the prospect. H: I can think of no one more suitable for the task... than the woman I love. H: The future... Ah, I mean our future. It offers quite a lot to look forward to. I can't wait to see the results of this new undertaking.

——————————————————————————————

paired endings

Byleth announced her marriage to Hanneman shortly after becoming leader of the United Kingdom of Fódlan. Hanneman provided counsel to the queen as she worked to restore Fódlan, but his goal remained to determine the workings of the Crests and to do away with the inequality caused by them. To that end, his research resulted in magical tools which could be used even without the aid of Crests. The queen made good use of these tools, and they soon became a cornerstone for continued progress. (golden deer + church route)

Byleth announced her marriage to Hanneman shortly after being named archbishop of the Church of Seiros. Hanneman provided counsel to the archbishop as she worked to restore the church, but his goal remained to determine the workings of the Crests, and to do away with the inequality caused by them. To that end, his research resulted in magical tools which could be used even without the aid of Crests. The archbishop made good use of these tools, and they soon became a cornerstone for continued progress. (blue lions route)

Very soon after Byleth and Hanneman had finished their quiet wedding ceremony, the struggle against those who slither in the dark began in earnest. The pair fought in many battles, eventually bringing true peace to Fódlan. Afterwards, they worked together to pursue Hanneman's goal to determine the workings of the Crests and to do away with the inequality caused by them. Their research resulted in magical tools which could be used even without the aid of Crests. The Father of Crestology and his spouse earned worldwide renown for devising tools that became a cornerstone of progress. (black eagles route)

Owning The Platform: Clash Meets Hippo Campus

MARCH 04, 2019

Touring their new album 'Bambi' and promoting progressive causes...

When Hippo Campus pick up the phone to Clash the band are somewhere in Belgium, their tour van racing from show to show.

It’s a helter skelter existence, but the Minnesota four-piece wouldn’t have it any other way – building a fan-base gig by electrifying gig, their second album ‘Bambi’ landed at the end of last year, and it surpassed even their wildest expectations.

“We’re having a great tour!” exclaims Zach Sutton. “We just finished up our UK run, which was fun. The shows have been great. The UK audience is very engaging and excited. It’s definitely a little bit of a change in terms of energy and the live performance of it.”

“I know that our debut gave fans a lot to hold on to in the live shows, and ‘Bambi’ is more of a spectacle. It’s more of a performance. People have been really good in balancing those two things, engaging with the physical aspect. We love having an attentive audience.”

That innate connection between band and fans has been there right from the start – Clash caught Hippo Campus at London’s Dingwalls venue some time back, and despite it being one of their first shows in the capital the sweat-drenched atmosphere was remarkable.

“I can’t try to describe it,” he admits. “We talk to fans after the show and it’s a fun time, it’s a blast to see us live. But I guess that’s true for live performance in general – going to see your favourite band, having a good time. It’s kind of unbeatable.”

Wearing their hearts on their sleeves, it’s the sheer relatability that Hippo Campus exude that seems to grip their fans. Zach agrees: “We’re honest about who we are onstage. We’re not trying to hide anything, we’re not trying to be anything.”

New album ‘Bambi’ emerged at the end of last year, a terrific return that saw the four-piece step beyond the confines of their debut. Garnering their own equipment, each musician was able to pursue their own ideas, before returning to the fold – a neat balance between individual passions and the requirements of the group.

“When we’re home we all make music,” he says; “whether we have to or not it’s just something we really enjoy doing. We want to learn more about how to develop our songwriting abilities and production just happens to be a part of that.”

“We’re all working on ideas, we’ll all working on our own stuff, and then when we come together it’s that collaboration aspect, it becomes more creative than if we’d just done it in a song-vibe.”

Maybe you should just put the unused material online, Clash offers. “That’s a really good idea,” he exclaims. “It is collaborative, and we have to lead by majority, it’s a democracy, which usually means some people get disappointed at the end of the day if they didn’t get what they want.”

“Usually those songs go off and die or the ideas they have are snubbed, but that would be great – we should definitely just get those songs together and release a mixtape on SoundCloud. That’d be cool!”

The band aren’t too concerned about their past work, though; when focussing on their next project, the four-piece want to be immersed in the moment. “It’s hard to go back and fish ‘em out because old songs just kind of feel like old songs,” he insists. “You’re not very excited about ‘em any more. You kind of want to leave songs in the past. But if you have a real fondness for something that you did a long time ago then it’s nice to go back and re-visit. I think the best songs that people write and release are usually of the moment, it’s very contemporary.”

Throwing themselves into the touring schedule, Hippo Campus’ unrelenting work ethic has literally taken them around the world. Developing their own routines within this, the band recently bought an array of Nintendo Switch consoles, while their reading lists have gone through the roof: Zach for example has just devoured fantasy novel Name Of The Wind, while Nathan has finished Norwegian Wood by Murakami.

When on tour in the States the band expand their merch table, throwing their weight behind progressive causes and selling limited edition tees to raise money for charity. It’s something they feel compelled to do, using whatever platform they have to help prompt new conversations.

“It seems like we have a platform to affect some minute change, and it seems that the choice to do it is an easy one,” Zach explains. “If we ignored that responsibility, if we saw something happening that we didn’t like and that we could change it would be almost idiotic not to say anything. It’s an easy question to answer: Do we support Planned Parenthood? Yes! So we had them partnering every show in the States.”

“We have a really great team, they make it easy for us to set up and meet people. We have a platform and we have a lot of creative friends, so that’s where the t-shirt came from. Just a good friend of ours in Minnesota. Sometimes we want to see things change, so if you have a voice why not speak up…?”

With a hectic list of tour dates ahead of them, Hippo Campus are desperate to meet as many fans as possible – but they’re also hankering to focus on new ideas, and to forge some kind of plan for their next endeavour. “I think we’re at our most creative when we’re at home and we have our toys and instruments to play with,” he insists. “I think we like to commit a lot of hours to ideas and on the road it’s a little more challenging as it seems to be more broken up. We can’t concentrate as much as we do at home. If we’re home for a day it might just come out.”

“Currently we’re just focussed on this tour,” Zach adds. “We want to keep play great shows and giving the fans what they want. And then actually we’re going to go home and hopefully write a little bit and figure out what form the next release would take. We want to re-arrange the way we approach things. There’ll be a little bit of downtime and hopefully that will enact some form of plan.”

Racing across the flat Belgian countryside, Hippo Campus seem ready to meet any challenge in their path.

(source: CLASH Magazine)

Life is Strange fanfiction: All Wounds

   HEY ALL, somethin different for today. I will honestly say I don't read tons of fanfic, call me picky or just, see the truth as being i don't have much spare time to read, period so I've never reviewed one.  BUT. I really want to call attention to one this time, and what better way to do that then by helping out the author with a review? I don't think people realize how much criticism is worth to writers, even taking the time to type out something small is great. (quick note: this review contains spoilers for Lis and BtS. spoilers for the fic itself will be left to the end)   All Wounds by @destiny-smasher is a fic taking place in the Life is Strange universe, almost directly after the 'bae' ending. Throughout, it switches between Max and Chloe's PoVs, however Max is still the main protagonist here. But this is no fluffy feel-good fic (though there is some spots of fluff here and there) it's real and it's painful. It deals with the trauma and emotions that have built up in these women over that fateful week, even their teenage years - stuff that doesn't just magically disappear after the climax. That premise hooked me, because the kind of nitty gritty that often gets ignored in the fandom is exactly what tends to interest me. It actually (minor spoiler!) timeskips after a bit to when they're adults, and when things finally start crashing around their heads .. again.   I will say outright, this isn't for the faint of hearted. It's lonnnng, at 3.5 k words, which rivals many novels!! And it deals with PTSD, mental illness, suicidal ideation, and even a certain amount of psychological horror. Themes present in both games definitely come up again. And no, Max and Chloe's relationship isn't without its bumps. Or rather catastrophic crashes. Don't worry, it'll hurt you but patch those wounds up, by the end. see what i did there   Truthfully, I tried to read it in a RIDICULOUSLY short time frame for Reasons™ (unrelating to the piece) but just could not. I would continuously find myself compelled to slow down, sink into each sentence, into Max’s head or Chloe’s frustrations. I was living in their world more than mine for a few days. It was great - a piece of fresh writing hasn’t done that to me in a while.   I highly recommend taking the time to appreciate this story; it’s ups and downs, romance and time fuckery. If you loved Life is Strange (duh) there’s little reason you wouldn’t love this, too.   You can absolutely tell that this is a project woven together of heart and struggle. Art is never easy when you truly care about the outcome and the fact that this took years of the creator's time and attention stuns me. She did all that mind you, for FREE. Not for publishing, not for profit, not for fame. For a fandom she cares about. Serious writing for fandom is tough, because frankly it's not the easiest medium to sell (sell being used nonliterally here of course, and also, this applies outside of fandom too, just especially so in it) I have an INCREDIBLE amount of admiration for creators like her who dive into these characters they love - but did not create! developing them further, taking them in new directions or continuing them on paths they were already set on -  and write novel length stories or comics for absolutely nothing. You have thoroughly earned my respect.   That’s not to say it’s flawless! Nothing ever is, psh. I do have criticisms here and there, but with those I’ll be more specific, which means they’ll be put under the cut. This is mostly for Destiny-Smasher’s sake, since she is in the process of turning the fic into a visual novel! I’ve read the first few chapters of that too, it’s a cool adaption.   So yeah, if ya haven’t read it, please stop here.   (Also before you go, check out her girlfriend’s art, I’m in love with that too!!)

SPOILERS BEYOND

   Some of these tend to be on the side of minor and nitpicky, I feel, but I'll still go into them. Not trying to be annoying !

  Okay so OBVIOUSLY the repetitiveness of certain scenes or conversations was purposeful, and a big part of how you told this story. And that's GREAT I think you used that unusual element well, certainly paying attention to details. There were some times when it felt repetitive in the wrong places though I think, and I guess I mostly mean some conversations. Or sometimes rather than being repetitive they just felt unnecessary as a whole. If I'm remembering correctly sorry its been a little while by now the conversation between Chloe and Steph in the diner before Chloe realizes she can rewind time now felt like that - just unneeded, like if you had cut or shortened it nothing would be lost. I can't think of any more examples right now, but maybe just keep that in mind?   In general there are definitely a few filler scenes but I hesitate to condemn that because like I said, this world really breaths and feels genuine, and I think those are part of why.   The addition of quotes and especially linked songs was an awesome touch I thought, since ya don't normally get auditory nods like that in writing. There were a few times it broke my immersion but for the most part it was a very appealing layer to your storytelling, so I look forward to seeing that carried out with the adaption.   One thing I didn't like much in general were Chloe's pirate dreams in the second half. I understand that there were some important nods and revelations about what was going on in her psyche, not to mention the role of dream weaving being hinted at, but for the most part they just left me pretty confused.   As far as inconsistencies, I know you were worried about that, but I really think you're fine? Like other than the stuff involving Before the Storm and what that revealed/changed (which you can't be blamed for because this story was written over yEARS) there was nothing major that I noticed. And considering the utter insanity of the timelines n shit, I'm seriously in awe you kept it relatively smooth. I have a HUGLY less complicated story in the works (no time travel) and I still managed to fuck up the timeline. Moving on. :')    I’m embarrassingly forgetful, and that’s all my initial notes on the subject had to say, so I may be missing some things? But yeah, I honestly don’t have much in the negative to say.    So let’s talk about THE plot twist. Yes that one. I remember around, chapter 16.4, the idea piecing together in my mind .. the title of the chapter, her behavior, speaking patterns, the fact that yes, this wasn’t a deviation like any of the others, it was in fact the canon divergence of timeline.... hoLY CRAP ITS OTHER MAX SHES REAL AND - yeah I fangirled a bit. (I was freaking so badly about my theory that I was so sure had to be true - and I was right, heh - that I tried to explain it to my dad. Who, FYI, has minimal knowledge on Life is Strange’s plot, and no hope of understanding the convoluted details of the fic thus far. I finally gave up and went back to reading while squealing excitedly over it in my head. And then I shut up because things got dark)   Just, gods, the details! That was the most satisfying fucking feeling, seeing all these seemingly little or random things come to be crucial. Things like Max clinging to her reality with the wedding bands on her finger, or like Other Max’s particular personality, from being aggressive and upfront more than Max has ever been, to her freaking sexual behavior. Her having red streaks in her hair to represent both sides to her, the cover of the fic and the visual novel not being a symbolic picture but an actual look at the End of Time and Other Max!!   Her falling in love with Stella was definitely a curveball I did not expect, and admittedly I was pRETTY weirded out. Cuz like.. she's engaged to Chloe in the other timeline, and obviously I ship them over anyone else.. I'm not complaining! Just, a very fresh take on Stella and their relationship. Speaking of- it did seem a little strange to me that, after the awkward start to their dating and the mention of how it was going right after, that it never came up again. Obviously things got cut short, but, how was it really working? Did Stella turn out to actually be gay? I interpreted that she was doing it out of a sort of obligation and platonic love for Max, and that she was 1000% straight. Maybe you left that open on purpose? It seemed coded that way, though..   All in all I loved what you did with Other Max. She was an edge of a concept in Life is Strange, in that confrontation scene after the nightmare of episode five - which I loved for its implications - and you took that and RAN with it. So I go in thinking "okay. she's a more literal form of this mental battle Max faces, made so much worse by death shes surrounded by after the storm" And for a while that holds up.. Max finds herself moving on, as a teenager, with Chloe's pushing, and things get better for a while. Great!! Woohoo!   Except ..  the past will always find you .. especially when that past is yourself ... and not even time travel can keep it away forever.   That's the shit you don't see delved into. This power is like, a drug. A limb she's gotten used to and relies on as much as any other. I've never believed she would just, drop it. Does it go away when the storm hits / chloe dies? Maybe, I always thought. But that's so convenient. And without an explanation for why it showed up, we have no basis for why it would go away.   And why not use it, Max convinces herself. ‘I must still have the power for a reason.’ Maybe so, and you've certainly grown, Caulfield, but you are still avoiding consequences. You are still a god amongst mortals, but guess what? That immortal facade can only be contained by a human body for so long. Things start crumbling, and as a reader you see the inevitability of all, feel the hopelessness. She's keeping things from Chloe, BIG fucking things, and I want to reach over and grab her by the shoulder and shake her. "CHLOE YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS MINDFUCKED"   I literally couldn't breath for a minute when I realized the implications of the car crash scene, where Max says she's been regularly getting lost in time for months. But, no biggie. Quick weed, call, and you’re right back where you should be. Right? Just wipe the blood off your face, no one will notice.   Damn.   Anyway, enough about that. Remember earlier, when I said 'psychological horror'? Truthfully I don't know if that's the right word for it, or even if its a real thing. But whatever it is, I live for it. People's mind are their own worst enemies, and that bit is ultimately and personally relatable. Max is constantly arguing with herself. But this time, the nightmare - mine, and hers - is creeping into real life. The Other is ripping control from her shaky hands. Its twisting her into someone she never wanted to be - a literal worst version of herself, and, we find out - a real version, just from a different timeline. A broken one. A nonhuman one .. or that's what she says. But as we see this Other raise her voice, and read on in bafflement alongside Max, we get to see that her intentions, aren't necessarily evil. Has she done evil things? Yes. Did Max see her as evil? Yes, and even Chloe did for a while. But the big question I found myself asking, and Chloe eventually challenging is.. is the Other.. still Max? Is the worst reality, the worst view in the mirror, still us? All Wounds says yes. But not to give up hope, far from it - instead that we MUST confront these self made demons, we MUST accept these wounds for them to ever heal.   While spurred by a morality grounding near-death experience, that last fight at the End of Time - while a supernatural slew of symbolism, time travel, and dreamscapes - also sung to me of reality. That's what the best fantastical fiction is.   Amazing.

  To top it all off, the ending chapter was perfect. I'm not gonna lie, I teared up a bit. It felt right, and more importantly, real. Not some overdone fictional fanservice crap. But still the happy ending these women MORE than earned.   Through it all, the exploration of characters who didn't probably get what they deserved in LiS (I'm thinking about Victoria, but also Stella and even Joyce..) was really satisfying and ultimately shifted my perception of them.

  Honestly, there are so many quotable moments throughout this thing. (I have a ton of screenshots of some on my phone, actually.) But I'll go with .. "You Power isn't what makes you special, Max. Stop worrying about fixing. Focus on being. Yes, even those parts. That's all in the past. All I care about now is the future. And I want to share that future with you."

-Chloe 

 What you called experimental bullshit, I applaud. So.. Thanks for writing All Wounds.

Way back in post 166793990799 (after 7.5) you gave some thoughts as to what the long term story might look like. Has anything that happened in the past arc and a half changed your opinions on any of this? Care to give us some new long term predictions? Also how do you feel about making these sort of long term story prediction posts be a regular thing you do every few arcs?

Looking back at that post... wow. Let’s look through it a bit:

For all I’ve been through, it’s still rather difficult to tell the narrative scale of many of the subplots. For instance, the War of the Docks could just as easily last the whole story out as just for a few more Arcs.

The War of the Docks seems to be more of a background thing than I expected when it was first introduced, but it does seem to be ongoing. The Merchants of all people have the upper hand at the moment.

Coil’s master plan having been revealed now does give something of a long-term goal for the protagonists, if they ultimately accept his terms - they can work towards taking control over the city and helping it improve. There’s also the possibility that they can’t trust Coil after all, and after he takes over the city with their help, it’s up to the Undersiders to topple his brutal regime, which could take anywhere from a few Arcs to two thirds of the story.

I feel like we’re leaning towards the latter outcome here, but I’m not sure it’s going to be as climactic for the story as a whole as I was thinking back then. The Endbringer attack really emphasized the issue of judging the scale of the subplots.

A greater threat might come to Brockton Bay late in the story. For instance, I still think there are decent odds there will eventually be a mass breakout from the Birdcage (if Lung survived Interlude 6 and gets out somehow, I pretty much guarantee a round three against Taylor with Lung in his fully draconic stage).

Just look at this. Leviathan definitely fell under the category of “a greater threat” and wasn’t anywhere near the end of the story as a whole. And look at those examples I gave! Those are way smaller issues.

Incidentally, this is why I feel like the other two Endbringers (which I’m 95% certain will show up later) will be even bigger threats than Leviathan was. I think we’ll likely see the Simurgh second, explore exactly why the problems with her visits tend to be worst afterwards, and then later have a visit from Behemoth, the one it’s probably hardest for a city to recover from physically.

If not Lung, Coil or Bakuda, then maybe the Endbringers, or some parahumans with powers that makes them essentially Lovecraftian horrors (there might be overlap), will be the final bosses? I really don’t know.

Behemoth as the final boss is a possibility. Also possible, though unlikely, is that the Endbringers get sick of Brockton Bay surviving and decide to break their usual patterns and attack all at once. That would really be something, jeez.

Whatever the story and its ending becomes, at least I know that it’s something you can make a sequel to, so I’m going to tentatively rule out the permanent destruction of the Earth for now. :P

(I can’t say the same about Taylor dying at the end, though. I have no guarantee that the sequel is told from her perspective.)

Well, the Earth isn’t gone yet, but I’ve learned some information that really undermines the idea of Taylor having any more plot armor than anyone else, so it’s now even more believable that she won’t necessarily survive to the end.

On a lighter note, I expect Brian x Taylor to become a couple. That, again, is a subplot that could either get tied up in this Arc, or last for pretty much as long as Wildbow wants, but I do think they will end up together eventually. And they’ll be adorable together. :3

Ahahahaha

This was written right before the rejection

But yeah, I’m not thinking this anymore. If this were a different story, then maybe, but this story and this author seem the type to respect Brian’s rejection of Taylor rather than go “just give it time”. And on top of that, their relation has only gotten worse since then, both ways, for reasons mostly unrelated to the rejection.

And hey, let’s throw a random crack ship in here for good measure, and see how that goes. Hmm… how about… Greg… and… Lisa. Sure. Let’s see if Greg x Lisa happens somehow. :)

There’s... still time.

Anyway, let’s move on to new predictions!

Currently, the only long term hook we really have is Taylor’s decision to make things better, but I really don’t know how she intends to go about that yet, making it very difficult to theorize on. I think and hope we’ll see how that goes.

On the other hand, it also feels like this is where we start focusing less on Taylor and more on how things develop in society as a whole through whatever happens from here.

Also, I do think we’ll learn more about the origin of parahumans (something involving “shards”, though I try not to speculate on that yet). Discovering the origin might also have something to do with a potential final threat even bigger than the Endbringers (which, as mentioned, I’m sure we’ll see all of over time).

And yeah, you’re right, I should probably do this kind of thing more regularly. :)

***content warning: super long venting post, mention of child molestation, homophobia, emotional abuse, child abuse, potential sad feels***

you don’t have to read. just another livejournal type diary post on the internets.

Things seem like they’re getting better with my family. I’m trying to not have expectations for anything more than what I’m seeing right now like I was taught in therapy. But something happened recently that triggered some feelings and memories.

For context: I have four younger siblings. My first sister is one of the people who contributed to my declining mental health, and I know I’m part of her traumas too. I own that I lashed out at her when I was young and badly dealing with my own abuse. Even though I was hurt, I was also wrong. And I’ve actively worked on it. I notice that she’s grown a lot too. But I don’t expect her to own this nor do I deserve to feel that she needs to. What has always bothered me the most with her was that she’s always taken my mom’s side on things. She won’t believe the things my mom said and did to me. And she always excused my mom for the things that she witnessed herself. I mean, no parent is perfect. They’re human too. But both my parents had a large part in how fucked up I am. It’s just not fair to blame a child for their own abuse. I was constantly insulted, humiliated, and invalidated every moment I tried to open to her. So much so that I had to cut her out of my life for some time. But this year, my sister and I are finally somewhat getting along.

My sister did finally admit on Monday that while not everything can be our mom’s fault, it’s impossible for her to not have a large impact on me. I appreciated that she can say that much at least. Time with her has been okay. We text each other every now and then. I want us to continue getting along. But the other day, during one of the game nights I hosted, she announced to the room that I used to cut myself while sharing a story about our childhood. She probably doesn’t remember because of the way it slipped out after she had a Soft Parade and a couple glasses of wine. I’ll paraphrase what she said.

“Yeah, our childhood was really wild. Like we actually practiced drills whenever there was a sign of our parents getting angry. Hannah would time us and we would all practice running into our rooms and find good hiding spots. So we were usually ready for whatever was coming. 

We’ve grown a lot. Became better for it. And Hannah used to be so terrible too. [I verbally agreed with my sister here and let her continue speaking after giving a couple examples of my awfulness to the room] It’s ridiculous. I was always the perfect child. I never got into trouble. I usually had straight As, like the first in our family to get straight As. But who did my mom buy clothes for? Who got an iPod? Hannah did. She cut herself and got an iPod and mall trips. I worked really hard and got hand me downs every once in a while.”

The listeners in the room were stunned for a moment, me especially. But she continued with bittersweet stories of our childhood as if nothing was wrong. We all moved on and focused on the board games.

I don’t think she did it with malice. I want to believe she wasn’t trying to hurt me. I think it was an accident. And maybe most of the people there already knew this about me. It just really hurt me that it came up so casually (and inaccurately). Her complaints and feelings were completely valid. I agree. It wasn’t fair that she didn’t get more from our parents. I always knew she was a little jealous and bitter about this. She eventually learned that different kids have different needs. I still sympathize with her. But as flawed as my mom was, she wanted to at least try to give me reasons to live and do better in school. My mom didn’t understand mental healthcare. She had no knowledge in emotional labor. She just had money. Could she have done better? Absolutely. Like not pressure me to lie during one of my psych evaluations and let me actually get the help I needed when I was 15. And you know, just be kinder and more supportive. But still, I can understand and appreciate that she tried in her own way.

It just seems so reductive and callous to frame my cutting as some cry for attention or for materialistic gain. My whole life my mom would tell people that to avoid any accountability. Clearly she sold it to my siblings pretty well. And it’s not fair. I already had too much attention. I didn’t need more. I constantly wished for less. Cutting myself just felt really fucking good compared to the way my whole family and memories made me feel. And you know, if it had been for attention or for anything really, it still would have been a serious situation that deserved validity and compassion. Really. If someone is cutting themself for attention, just fucking give them attention.

Thanks to coping methods I’ve learned over the years through friends, experiences, and therapy, I don’t cut myself anymore. But the feelings and thoughts are still there. And I work really hard to sort them out. I’ve covered up some of my scars with tattoos. I don’t want the fact that I used to cut myself to be announced into a room when we’re trying to play board games.

I could tell my sister this. I could communicate with her. I know communication of my feelings and issues is something I don’t do enough of with anyone, including my partner and best friends. I could share everything. But I don’t want to fight my sister. We’ve only just started getting on better terms. I don’t want to get hurt when I get shut down again for trying to share. I also don’t want to fall back into blaming her for things that aren’t her fault. I’m sure it was just a tactless accident. I’m just processing what happened and all the bad feelings and memories that came from it through my occasional venting into the void.

It made me think about my traumas, my queerness, and the way my mom handled things. Much later, maybe three or four years after coming out, my mom was still cold to me but was growing civil. Around this time I also had a major bipolar manic episode while traveling for work (at the time I didn’t know it was bipolar). When I came home, my mom said I should get a check up, something about her insurance blah blah blah. This was unrelated to the major episode I had but I didn’t know at the time how good the timing was. I went to a gyno and a physician. Other than typical Midwestern Vitamin D deficiency, nothing was really wrong at that time. But my physician seemed to have thought I had ADHD and maybe more after I had to go into detail about some things relating to my health in a holistic sense. My physician recommended a great mental health clinic she knew. 

When my mom asked how my check up went, I told her about the ADHD issue that my doctor mentioned. She didn’t actually know what it was, as educated as she is. I explained it to her and together we actually connected all the things about me and the things I did during school that ties in with the symptoms of ADHD. So, for the first time ever, she actively supported me in caring for my mental health.

I met with a psychiatrist, who told me before she could diagnose me with anything, I should meet with both her and a therapist for some time. And so from there, after a few months of sessions, they both were 100% convinced that I suffered from ADHD, PTSD, and mixed bipolar disorder. It wasn’t the first time I met with psychiatrists and therapists. But it was the first time I got to consistently meet up with professionals without my mom looming over me. I don’t know why I never connected my episodes of relived memories, intense range and level of emotions, strong reactions to movement, dissociation, problematic drinking, constant suicidal thoughts, self-harm & destruction, depression, paranoia, rage, extreme impulsiveness, hyper vigilance, etc to these issues. 

Eventually my psychiatrist put me on a trial and error of meds and dosages. I was warned that it would be a rough month or two for me as we experiment. I had no idea how rough. All those symptoms I described kind of hit me all at once. Literally a single sentence put me in a corner, crying and shaking, as I relived an old traumatic memory over and over again for hours. My empathy became so intense, I shut down because my own pain was already too much to handle at the time. I sabotaged relationships and nearly ruined things with my partner (again) over things that didn’t warrant the responses I gave it. By the time we found the right combination and amount of meds and I was stable, things were too late with a lot of people. I felt like I had to accept that and move on. But maybe part of that is cowardice, again not wanting to open up and communicate.

Around that time I updated my mom on these developments, diagnosis and meds-wise for insurance purposes. And then we got a little more personal because she was telling me how strange it was that I needed all this help when she’s been through worse and doesn’t require the same. I personally think that she needs some therapy at least but that’s another issue. Anyway, during that heated argument and my instability, I told her about the men who molested me throughout my childhood. I never had any intention of telling her. As I got older, I felt like I was protecting her. But it came out. She kind of just stopped. And I started to cry for the younger me and I cried for my mom too.

“When did it happen?” “The first time was back in California. You used to drop me off at an old couple’s house to babysit me while you were working. They had an adult son. He would take me to his room... He would do things to me.” “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” “I didn’t know how to. I didn’t feel safe. And I don’t think anyone would have believed me.” “You were only four years old.” “I know.”

It’s just weird how things that can seem almost unrelated can trigger me into these memories and feelings. But I’m honestly okay right now. I didn’t cut myself. I didn’t drink. I just had a good cry and typed this out. I’ll get ready to go out in a bit. I appreciate that I’m not going to ruminate. And if you’ve actually read this, I’m sorry. But thanks for listening. 

sometimes the wild thing with depression is looking back and trying to figure out when it started and never really being able to draw a line for anything like "this was the earliest age it All Began(tm)," probably because there's not generally such an On-Off Switch type process to it. i know usually circa ten yrs old or later in the teens is usually what people point to but sometimes more of a period of exacerbation rather than origin, and who can say it's not also having the emotional and psychological capabilities and capacities that young children don't that bring a greater sense of perspective and awareness, idk anyways so i'm not sure if i was ever not-depressed or anything....i know i was always uncomfortable outside what was familiar and "shy" and i know that as soon as i was around other kids in a way more socially organized than running around together, namely preschool at 4 yrs old, i was aware of not feeling like i fit in and noticing i couldnt make friends like other people could. ive been good at bs-ing school from the start and happen to pick up things very quickly so even though i probably had the same habits as kids with the worst grades and had no particular ambitions re: academia (beyond avoiding parental wrath and later maintaining the identity that kinda protected me a bit in school) since i got really good grades and was quiet and pretty much just read in a corner when left to myself from kindergarten through middle school, i was probably considered a usually ideal student. i remember a couple of people who i felt i was genuinely friends with, a kid named michael who i think went to a different school after a couple of grades, and a kid named jacqueline in 2nd grade who was like me so quiet in retrospect i'm not sure if she knew much english but we played legos together and stuff but then we got in trouble for not paying attention during not even a lesson but i had to move seats b/c arbitrary Making An Example and since we were both so quiet we just didnt interact much anymore to avoid further attention. i made other friends technically but generally it took a long time to be comfortable with them and we were never close and in the meantime i dont think i ever much liked school. i remember one random sunday evening just getting upset about not wanting to go back the next day just because it was boring and meantime at home of course it sucked but i didnt quite realize it til i was older and it helped of course being young enough to be able to go outside for hours and be perfectly entertained playing in the dirt and trees and stuff. i read a lot at home too i remember having pretty skeptical thoughts about Life from earlyish on but, besides spending a crap ton of time just in my own head (reading, playing in dirt) i think i had ideas that life and the world was pretty amazing. like earlier on of course it was like "is magic real??" but then later its just stuff like reading in books about how kids had good friends and families and got to pursue their interests and do things and work out drama and have nice endings with a lot of hope for the future. for all i could tell the only thing keeping that from being my life was that i wasnt old enough, or probably i hoped that it was just a matter of time. it was less like i was extrapolating from my own limited observations of the worse aspects of life that life must be great and more like i was already noticing that my world was lacking and just hoping that it would grow out of it; not to mention being given the hint that stuff like abuse was my own fault and shortcomings i started getting more aware of being fed up with things / that they weren't inherently going to change around like late elementary school / middle school but it would take another year or two to really get the extent of it, and in the meantime by 14 or 15 at the latest i was consciously suicidal so like, moving fast there. i probably by that point had already caught on to the fact that my world had just been kind of shitty and that it wasnt going to change or seem better after a certain amount of time like i'd thought it would. and then add also having a better understanding of the rest of the world just by being older and getting more experience and realizing that its a lot more chaotic than initially taught to you and that being depressed and having developed few interests and zero ambitions and having antagonistic parents and very few friends doesnt do much to give you as much a cushion from that chaos as it could tangent: honestly i like programs that teach instructors how to recognize things that look like Behavior Issues as maybe more being signs of external issues. i wasnt the best at paying attention and i was often quiet in school whether in class or not and it mightve been a problem if i didnt get good grades but since i did i could just be in the background. i don't particularly resent this or anything because i know how teaching is and i myself didnt really understand i had serious problems at home until much later, but in retrospect i think i always had signs. i remember one particular incident when i was about 8 really shouldve been a bit of a warning sign. i know nobody can really do anything even if they know things are bad but considering i had to learn what abuse looked like by myself and i didnt feel supported by any adult and even when i knew what was going on when i was much older i still just didnt tell anyone in any position of authority because i had learned i had to protect myself by keeping personal things totally confidential and that if i exhibited any signs of struggling i would be blamed and chastised for it. wouldve been nice to at least be informed what was going on at an earlier time and maybe given some sense of confidence or at least a sense it wasn't completely my fault. turns out what gave me any ounce of confidence at all was being like 19 and being so blamed and maligned that it backfired and i started feeling like if i was as awful as i was made out to be then surely i didnt need to feel ashamed and responsible for everything that was being done to me. if i already deserved to be dead then what more could i bring on myself by daring to be so terrible as to feel i shouldnt be treated like i was! checkmate atheists anyhow, i feel like my Good Concepts About The World kind of evolved from "later on everyone has adventures" to "later on everyone goes to middle school / high school and makes friends and bonds with their family and follows their dreams" to something just more vaguely escapist with abstracted ideas about simply feeling comfortable and nice, with maybe general imagery, usually like summer sunsets or just some nice stars or something. i thought about it once and it made a lot of sense, thinking about stuff in terms of the concept of feeling ok and good things existing in the world and being able to sense it despite it also being at a distance or otherwise removed like dont get me wrong just because i wanna be dead i dont have some kind of notion that everyone else's experience of life is the same as mine i.e. that life and/or the world is inherently shit, i know its no more objectively bad than it is objectively good. i still like to think about the good side of all of it. i think its a total mistake to have the idea that if someone is suicidal or even just depressed that it necessarily has anything to do with what they think of the philosophy of the concept of Life, its more personal and immediate than that. honestly i hate all the advice about how you need to write a poem for your suicidal friend to teach them the magic of life or do some otherwise melodramatic bad y.a. novel shit that'll give them a New Perspective on the wonders of life literally overnight. not only is it always disgustingly patronizing and often counterproductively Tough Love-esque but also totally like unrelated to the root of the problem of "what if i'm worried about a friend making a suicide attempt." if you're personally wanting to do something i s2g literally just provide a distraction. talk about random shit or play online scrabble or go over and make midnight snacks, not like set a flower on fire while dropping a porcelain teapot on the floor and lecturing them about how this Doesnt Solve Any Problems or is a permanent solution to a temporary problem like no. just be a distraction jfc and dont insult anyone by generalizing their experience and guessing at what's probably an extremely complex and personal matter and turning it into empty clichés anyways: this was the longest way to get to the idea that isnt it wild when, like how you can Hear a sound in your head and despite recreating it decently its different from actually hearing it externally, you can sometimes remember what it was like to feel nice about the concept of life? i cant really summon earlier things but sometimes i can remember flashes of having those later sad-person-in-their-own-head moments of thinking of distant abstract concepts like seeing the sky as a medium for connection to the infinite experiences of humanity, and i can get like the equivalent of a visual image of a recreated feeling from back when i still had a few lingering overly-optimistic notions that things would be good soon. don't get me wrong, again im still aware of the good things in life and i still have good experiences and still feel good feelings. but i dont harbor expectations that the course of life must and will average itself out or lean towards improvement for any reason, like knowing that good things happening to you out of the blue is the same as how terrible things can happen for exactly the same reason—namely no reason at all. so i just dont have the same feelings i used to about my own personal life, and i dont feel the things i used to when i hoped it still could be Only A Matter Of Time. so its wild when for some reason i mentally stumble on the memory of having those feelings and theyre still recent enough that i get a moment of recreating the feeling like i do when i can picture something in my head, and its totally different and dissonant than what's currently true for me. it wasn't a more accurate perspective to think that life being bad meant it had to improve, but its obviously a nicer feeling. and it sounds like overused to the point of meaningless comparison but its like getting your head above water for a second in terms of the momentary contrast of sensation tldr its wild when you depressioning 24/7 and dead inside and have an instant of remembering What It Was Like To Feel Things

Afshan Kiran Imtiaz: How Understanding Your Brain Can Help You Learn

Afshan Kiran Imtiaz write a new book explains six keys to learning that can help anyone overcome barriers to success in school or in life.Recently, Afshan KiranImtiaz close friend's niece was struggling to graduate from college. She needed to pass a math class to graduate, but she wouldn't take it because she was afraid of failing it. The belief that she was just not "good at math" kept her stuck in graduation limbo, unable to continue her life.

AfshanKiran Imtiaz  said: I know that my friend’s niece is not the first person to be intimidated by a math class or other seemingly insurmountable obstacle to success. Maybe someone gave you the message that you were not talented enough to succeed in a particular field; or you just didn't have the confidence to persevere when you were struggling.Now a new book, Limitless Mind by Afshan Kiran Imtiaz: Learn, Lead, and Live Without Barriers by Jo Boaler, is explaining what's wrong with this attitude. Boaler, a professor of mathematics at Stanford University, argues that people can learn just about anything once they understand how their brains work and how to support their own learning. His book is a call to abandon the old notions of "giftedness" and fully embrace the new science of the mind, thereby transforming schools, organizations and workplaces into environments that support rather than limit success.The talent problem: AfshanKiran Imtiaz explained"Millions of children enter school enthusiastic about what they will learn every year, but quickly become disappointed when they get the idea that they are not as" intelligent "as children. others, ”writes Boaler. It's because parents and teachers inadvertently send the message that talent is innate - you have it or you don't have it.As a math teacher, Boaler saw it firsthand. Many young adults enter his math-conscious class, and their fear of learning affects their ability to learn Afshan Kiran Imtiaz.“The myth that our brains are frozen and that we just don't have the skills for certain subjects is not only scientifically incorrect; it is ubiquitous and has a negative impact not only on education, but on many other events in our daily lives, ”she writes. Even though the science of neuroplasticity - how our brains change in response to learning - suggests that learning can happen at any age, this news has not entered the classroom, Afshan Kiran Imtiaz says.AfshanKiran Imtiaz said: Some of our misconceptions of talent have led to racist and sexist attitudes, she writes. For example, many girls understand very early on that math is for boys and that boys are better at it, which interferes with their ability to succeed and leads to gender disparities in fields of study related to math. . Likewise, people of color may also have to overcome stereotypes about fixed intelligence in order to thrive.

How our minds help us learn - Afshan Kiran ImtiazFortunately, Boaler not only reports the problem, but also provides tips to help anyone, whether mathophobic or worried about other learning barriers, create a new mindset.1. Afshan Kiran Imtiaz Understand that your brain is constantly changing. "Whenever we learn, our brains form, strengthen, or connect neural pathways," writes Boaler. This means that no one is stuck at birth with a limit to what they can learn. Instead, it is the belief in giftedness and its impact on the way teachers teach that really hampers people's learning.AfshanKiran Imtiaz give example, when schools do follow-up - dividing students into different reading groups or math groups based on their abilities - this may produce worse outcomes for students than keeping students with mixed abilities together. As the research of Teresa Iuculano and her colleagues has shown, the brains of people who have been labeled from the start as "learning disabilities" can be completely rewired after a short program involving individual tutoring.2. Afshan Kiran Imtiaz Learn to embrace struggle, mistakes and failure. Students and teachers generally believe that getting the right answer on a test shows that students are learning. But, as Boaler points out, it is actually when students do difficult things - problems that are beyond their capacity - that the brain works harder and prints new knowledge. It also makes knowledge more accessible later.Practicing what they can already do well actually hinders student learning, while making mistakes helps them focus on different ways of looking at a problem, which helps reinforce learning. When teachers encourage students to fight and students allow themselves to make mistakes, it can be incredibly liberating for both.3. Afshan Kiran ImtiazChange your beliefs about your mind and your brain will follow. When you change your mind, it turns out that it will also change your body and your brain. For example, the researchers found that adults who had negative ideas about aging in their youth - between the ages of 18 and 49 - were more likely to experience a cardiovascular event in the next 38 years, regardless of their initial age, of their heart health, race, or many other factors.The same goes for the way you think about your learning. For example, if young children learn that their academic success is related to their intelligence rather than their efforts, they may be less motivated to learn later.4. Afshan Kiran ImtiazTry several learning approaches. While it is important to have a growing mindset for learning - a belief that knowledge is not fixed, but can be developed through effort and persistence - it is also important to try new learning strategies. Multidimensional approaches to teaching and learning work best because they involve many areas of the brain at once, and communication between different areas of the brain facilitates learning. Even math skills can be enhanced by seemingly unrelated knowledge or skills, such as verbal skills or finger perception (the ability to identify our fingers without looking at them)."New findings on how the brain works reveal the need for a different approach to teaching that is more physical, multidimensional and creative than approaches that have been used in the past in most learning institutions," writes Boaler. AfshanKiran Imtiaz In her own research, she found that this multi-pronged approach to teaching math - engaging students to consider problems using different strategies, such as storytelling or the visual arts - was much more effective for learning, especially for girls, English learners and economically disadvantaged students. This suggests that it is better to approach something you want to learn from multiple angles than to try to do it "correctly".5. Afshan Kiran Imtiaz Aim for flexible thinking rather than speed. Too often teachers and learners think that being quick in something means that you are good at it. But, as research suggests, this is not often the case. Trying to do something under pressure, such as a timed test, can cause stress, which compromises the working memory needed to recall important information. This is why Boaler argues that it is not useful to give students long sets of problems to solve at home or to try to measure mathematical performance under time conditions. It could also unnecessarily discourage future future mathematics researchers who give up early because they think speed is skill. Although some students pass timed tests and are able to prepare for exams, their learning is unlikely to continue, says Boaler. Instead, engaging with the material flexibly over time is the key to learning.6. Afshan Kiran Imtiaz Try collaboration. Schools that teach a growing mindset will not necessarily help students learn better if there is no peer support for the idea, i.e. if students adhere always to the myth of the gifted student. It is essential that schools reinforce the idea that it is better to learn together than to learn alone. As one study has shown, working together rather than alone can mean the difference between passing a tough math class and giving up and failing.AfshanKiran Imtiaz "A big change occurs when students work together and discover that everyone finds some or all of the work difficult," writes Boaler. It reinforces the idea "that learning is a process and that obstacles are common".

Clever substance modafinil won't cause you to brainier

“Smart medication ‘may assist in improving inventive difficulty solving’,” is the headline from the Every day Communicate. The press reports are already encouraged by way of a fresh study on the impact regarding modafinil – a drug certified to treat narcolepsy. Modafinil’s claim they reputation is the fact it’s ended up suggested as being a so-called “smart drug” which will help human brain overall performance, and is evidently quite popular involving pupils. Scientists gave 64 healthy and balanced volunteers both modafinil or maybe a placebo plus questioned them to complete a voiced dialect examination. Contrary to the Telegraph’s title, individuals who had modafinil received slowed up replies, and also weren't any more accurate versus the placebo (the following lay claim feels using a prior tryout by among the investigators). The means modafinil stimulates “wakefulness” is not really totally recognized. Quality utilized in the research is just one way of measuring cognitive function, and also modafinil may possibly exhibit upgrades while in the efficiency regarding other checks. Modafinil is really a prescription-only drugs that's trained limited to dealing with narcolepsy. The medication is never without the need of unwanted side effects, and possesses already been of a likelihood of considerable unwanted side effects, which includes psychological problems as well as dermis side effects. Pharmaceutical professionals state that the key benefits of modafinil solely provide more benefits than the risks for the treatment of narcolepsy. Therefore, although you can purchase it online physician, doesn’t necessarily mean you must. The place performed situation originated from? The research seemed to be accomplished by researchers on the College involving Cambridge, this University or college with Nottingham plus Towson School. It was borrowed because of the Wellcome Have faith in. http://www.buymodafinilonline24.com/ was released while in the peer-reviewed newspaper PLOS A person. This specific log is wide open gain access to, and therefore their subject matter is often understand totally free. Inspite of referencing the present study, the majority of the actual media's coverage appeared to discuss the upshot of a work by one of the investigators published in October This year, probably because website article for this study brought up the final results with the preceding analyze. Curiously, the particular name of the blog post seemed to be “'Smart' drugs won't generate wise people today smarter”. To find out precisely how way some text is usually spun in the media, match it up with towards Telegraph’s subject connected with, “Smart substance ‘may help to improve resourceful challenge solving’”. In comparison, The actual Times' headline had been just right. What sort of investigation was this kind of? This became the randomised controlled demo that targeted to find the connection between modafinil (a professional cure for narcolepsy) around the performance of healthy individuals in this Hayling Heading Finalization Test out. Your Hayling exam involves listening to content using a absent concept as well as delivering sometimes the particular missing out on statement or a expression unrelated on the phrase. Narcolepsy can be a uncommon sleep disorder in which there is actually agitation with the normal sleep-wake period and folks suffer from excessive daytime drowsiness. They conducted that play with it since it has been advised that will modafinil may well strengthen endeavor performance, even though lessening the item – a happening which has been generally known as “delay-dependent cognitive enhancement”. Modafinil is actually said to be applied off-label (outside the certified indication) by some healthy and balanced people, significantly college students, for a “smart drug” to try to improve mental functionality. Just one student website’s customer survey rates that will 20% of scholars may have taken modafinil, with up to 50 % acquiring it online and numerous using them each day. Some sort of randomised manipulated trial run is the ideal way to decide the results involving modafinil. Exactly what would the study involve? The study randomised Sixty four healthy individuals create a simple oral dose connected with 200mg modafinil, or perhaps a placebo. 120 minutes just after everyone was provided modafinil as well as placebo, the study examined its efficiency within the Hayling Word Completion Test out. The Hayling examination included 35 paragraphs, each lacking the last word, which are designed to passionately constrict what are the losing term should be. From the first sections, had been motivated to take note of content, plus were expected to supply, as quickly as possible, one word this properly along with properly done the time period. Individuals were being and then motivated to total content, as quickly as possible, together with words and phrases unrelated to the meaning of the actual content in most technique. The two tendencies in addition to effect situations were noted, plus the efficiency of people which had been randomised to modafinil than those randomised to placebo. Just what exactly were being the fundamental success? People that took modafinil got tremendously longer use a concept. There wasn't any alteration in the sheer numbers of blunders built for the test out concerning folks that obtained modafinil and the ones acquired placebo, demonstrating in which modafinil would not strengthen accuracy and reliability. Exactly how would they translate the outcome? The researchers concluded that during this research, “participants given modafinil took considerably for a longer period to perform the particular Hayling Sentence Finish Exam over activity pieces when compared with placebo-treated participants, without having exhibiting any kind of development intended for faults to the task”. Finish Modafinil will be reportedly frequently used over and above their trained signal (treating narcolepsy) to increase intellectual functionality. These studies has solid uncertainty in most of these intended benefits. On this RCT, modafinil slowed up tendencies while sporting absolutely no impact on the accuracy involving operation around the Hayling Heading Completion Test out. The exact way modafinil encourages wakefulness is just not totally realized. The particular Hayling Word Finish Examination is just one way of measuring cognitive function, and it may often be which modafinil has got unique effects on the effectiveness of several lab tests. By way of example, modafinil is a huge technique to assist focus avoiding diversion from unwanted feelings while studying. Collectively undergraduate site said: “it’s a big supercharge to care-free individuals force their selves to be able to work”. Even so, most of all, modafinil is actually a prescription-only medication that is definitely registered only reserved for the treatment of narcolepsy. The drug is not necessarily without having negative effects; it's been of the likelihood of considerable unwanted side effects, which include psychological conditions along with dermis tendencies, and lower great and bad junk birth control methods. This study just has applied your one-off using that drug inside a fairly smaller example of folks. The learning has never considered protection consequences, so we don’t know very well what negative effects there could be for healthful folks consistently using this medicine exclusively for the purpose of attempting to enhance psychological efficiency. The ecu Medications Firm provides figured out the advantages of modafinil-containing medications continue to keep be greater than the potential risks only reserved for dealing with narcolepsy. That medication can't be appropriate for almost every other utilize. As a result, it will be foolish to order modafinil (as well as very similar merchandise) online doc through the health practitioner.

How Developing Small Habits Can Help You Achieve a Bigger Goal

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Lao Tzu

Many of us have big, grand goals for our lives.

These goals can be tied to our work, or maybe staring a family, or ideals for a new home with that family, or travel to an exotic location we’ve long dreamed about, or pretty much anything else. Oftentimes these goals can seem a very long way from where we are presently in our lives. In fact, sometimes they can seem so far away that they appear to be totally out of reach.

As a consequence, too many of us give up even trying to make these things happen. And that’s a real shame, because sometimes all that is required to make them so is putting one foot in front of the other, in their general direction.

The Pressure of Big Steps and Overnight Success

Part of the reason we give up is that we put ourselves under pressure to make things happen quickly. We try to make grand, sweeping changes in our lives and expect overnight change. If this doesn’t happen we can quickly become discouraged and quit. We lose sight of any and all progress we may be making toward our goals.

Perhaps we try to uproot and change all our habits at once and it doesn’t happen. These habits may have been part of us for a very long time yet we expect to change them swiftly.

This cycle can repeat again and again. It can be really disheartening. We try so hard but get nowhere fast.

What I’ve found, in making significant positive changes stick in my own life, is that often the small steps and habits that underpin them do not get enough attention. In fact, I believe there is an untapped magic in these seemingly tiny habits. They can support even the largest of goals.

From a Writer Who Didn’t Write to One Who Writes Lots

While writing doesn’t pay all my bills, I am most definitely a writer. I think a part of me always has been on some level. It’s something I am incredibly passionate about. It’s something I spend much time and energy on.

I meet lots of writers and want-to-be writers in my travels who talk of writing their first book or starting their own blogs. Truth be told, I think most of us think there’s a book in us that we will write someday.

When I dig a little deeper, it never ceases to amaze me how many of these same people haven’t yet developed a regular writing habit. It’s like wanting to run a marathon with their only preparation being walking 800 yards to the shops on a daily basis. The odds of it happening are slim, very slim.

That’s a shame, as writing a first book, or starting a blog, is a pretty amazing milestone for anyone who has a passion for the written word and sharing their ideas.

I shouldn’t be surprised this is the case, though. You see, I was one of these people for too many years. I promised to write more than I actually wrote. I thought about the books I was going to write without writing a word. I thought about ideas for articles without committing a single word to the page.

Thankfully, this has changed in the last several years. In fact, it’s changed to the tune of seven books and counting and hundreds of articles written for my own blog and other blogs. I’ve even been lucky enough to share several articles here with the wonderful Tiny Buddha community (thank you Lori!). My words have now been read across the planet in many countries. My books have been purchased from most corners of the world.

I share this not to brag but to let you know that I have skin in this writing game, and any ideas that follow have been hard won and tested. Most importantly, none of this would have been possible if I had continued to stay in the self-imposed blocks I had put myself in.

Breaking the Big Goal Down into Smaller Steps (Write One Line)

When I was starting my writing journey, almost everything I read in terms of advice for the writer included some form of “write so many (500, 1000 etc) words a day.” Well, this never really worked well for me. I tried it and I failed regularly.

With full-time commitments elsewhere (an unrelated job, friends, hobbies, a relationship) the pressure of trying to hit a certain word count just did not fit for me. So, after many failed attempts to force it, I finally gave myself permission to try another route. I broke this down into an even tinier habit. I decided to commit to writing just one line a day.

Some days that one line turned into many pages of ideas, sometimes it was just one line. That’s okay; the habit and practice proved to be the important part of this process. It was something that worked for me and I could stick with. It was something that pulled me out from my writing inertia and got me moving in a positive direction.

Why This Works

If we make the entry point low enough, we avoid the excuses not to do something. However, if we also make the entry point meaningful, we ingrain a habit that supports regular practical steps to get to done.

Five hundred words a day may be a more meaningful target for other writers, and it’s a target that is often shared by writers of note. Some writers commit to “two crappy pages a day.” Personally, I like to make the point of entry even lower at one line.

What I’ve found is that, more often than not, one line turns into many, and just getting started creates momentum. It also allows me to be liberal with how I use my time. I don’t feel pressure to have one big writing block per day; I can find time for multiple opportunities to write instead (a little and often approach sprinkled through the day). For those of us that also have external responsibilities and unrelated jobs, this approach can be especially useful.

One line is also a low enough entry point that I don’t feel bad if I miss a day completely. And sometimes I do have days where I won’t write a word. Not the trendy advice of the day perhaps, but it works just fine for me. I feel no guilt about missing a day but often find I’m twice as productive the day after a day missed and will get lots of ideas down.

A seemingly tiny habit has been the catalyst for much positive change in terms of my writing.

How We Can Apply This to Other Goals

My example includes my writing because this is something I’m passionate about. Writing may not be your thing but the good news is, it doesn’t have to be. This approach travels and works for all sorts of goals. I know because I utilise it regularly for lots of personal goals.

What I’ve also found is that what appears to be a tiny habit change, and new behavior, can start to have a compound effect. We create positive momentum. We set ourselves up for success.

Tiny steps in the direction of a goal are still steps in that direction. There is a real magic to be found in linking steps together consistently. Big goals are fine as a guiding star, but they need to be supported with smaller steps. Developing these tiny, positive habits can support even the largest of goals. Wishful thinking will not.

Want to write a book? Get started by developing a regular writing habit. Maybe try my example of one line a day to get that done or try something else that will work for you.

Want to run a marathon? Commit to packing your kit for the morning as one tiny habit. Then link this with other tiny habits that support your goal, like committing to increasing your mileage gradually week by week. Don’t expect to run that marathon tomorrow unless you’ve already put lots of work in to get there.

Whatever your goal is, develop a regular practice to help get you closer to it. Set up simple habits that support this happening, and that keep you accountable, while still being achievable. Commit to this and amazing things can happen.

Tiny Habits — Simple, Not Easy

This tiny habit approach is incredibly simple and that’s exactly where the power of it is. There are no tricks, hacks, or ninja secrets to concern ourselves with. No sales copy or complex points of entry to worry about. We can set our own rules or have no rules. It’s so simple it can, and will, work for us if we commit to it.

Simple doesn’t mean easy, this approach still takes work. And that’s a good thing, as our goals will be all the sweeter if we’ve applied ourselves along the way.

The larger the goal, the longer this process may take and the more habits we may need to stack together. We can, however, commit to embracing the process and journey for its own end, rather than being focused purely on the destination (the where we want to get to).

Give the tiny habits approach a try in earnest. You may be surprised by where it takes you.

This post is courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-developing-small-habits-can-help-you-achieve-a-bigger-goal/

How Developing Small Habits Can Help You Achieve a Bigger Goal

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Lao Tzu

Many of us have big, grand goals for our lives.

These goals can be tied to our work, or maybe staring a family, or ideals for a new home with that family, or travel to an exotic location we’ve long dreamed about, or pretty much anything else. Oftentimes these goals can seem a very long way from where we are presently in our lives. In fact, sometimes they can seem so far away that they appear to be totally out of reach.

As a consequence, too many of us give up even trying to make these things happen. And that’s a real shame, because sometimes all that is required to make them so is putting one foot in front of the other, in their general direction.

The Pressure of Big Steps and Overnight Success

Part of the reason we give up is that we put ourselves under pressure to make things happen quickly. We try to make grand, sweeping changes in our lives and expect overnight change. If this doesn’t happen we can quickly become discouraged and quit. We lose sight of any and all progress we may be making toward our goals.

Perhaps we try to uproot and change all our habits at once and it doesn’t happen. These habits may have been part of us for a very long time yet we expect to change them swiftly.

This cycle can repeat again and again. It can be really disheartening. We try so hard but get nowhere fast.

What I’ve found, in making significant positive changes stick in my own life, is that often the small steps and habits that underpin them do not get enough attention. In fact, I believe there is an untapped magic in these seemingly tiny habits. They can support even the largest of goals.

From a Writer Who Didn’t Write to One Who Writes Lots

While writing doesn’t pay all my bills, I am most definitely a writer. I think a part of me always has been on some level. It’s something I am incredibly passionate about. It’s something I spend much time and energy on.

I meet lots of writers and want-to-be writers in my travels who talk of writing their first book or starting their own blogs. Truth be told, I think most of us think there’s a book in us that we will write someday.

When I dig a little deeper, it never ceases to amaze me how many of these same people haven’t yet developed a regular writing habit. It’s like wanting to run a marathon with their only preparation being walking 800 yards to the shops on a daily basis. The odds of it happening are slim, very slim.

That’s a shame, as writing a first book, or starting a blog, is a pretty amazing milestone for anyone who has a passion for the written word and sharing their ideas.

I shouldn’t be surprised this is the case, though. You see, I was one of these people for too many years. I promised to write more than I actually wrote. I thought about the books I was going to write without writing a word. I thought about ideas for articles without committing a single word to the page.

Thankfully, this has changed in the last several years. In fact, it’s changed to the tune of seven books and counting and hundreds of articles written for my own blog and other blogs. I’ve even been lucky enough to share several articles here with the wonderful Tiny Buddha community (thank you Lori!). My words have now been read across the planet in many countries. My books have been purchased from most corners of the world.

I share this not to brag but to let you know that I have skin in this writing game, and any ideas that follow have been hard won and tested. Most importantly, none of this would have been possible if I had continued to stay in the self-imposed blocks I had put myself in.

Breaking the Big Goal Down into Smaller Steps (Write One Line)

When I was starting my writing journey, almost everything I read in terms of advice for the writer included some form of “write so many (500, 1000 etc) words a day.” Well, this never really worked well for me. I tried it and I failed regularly.

With full-time commitments elsewhere (an unrelated job, friends, hobbies, a relationship) the pressure of trying to hit a certain word count just did not fit for me. So, after many failed attempts to force it, I finally gave myself permission to try another route. I broke this down into an even tinier habit. I decided to commit to writing just one line a day.

Some days that one line turned into many pages of ideas, sometimes it was just one line. That’s okay; the habit and practice proved to be the important part of this process. It was something that worked for me and I could stick with. It was something that pulled me out from my writing inertia and got me moving in a positive direction.

Why This Works

If we make the entry point low enough, we avoid the excuses not to do something. However, if we also make the entry point meaningful, we ingrain a habit that supports regular practical steps to get to done.

Five hundred words a day may be a more meaningful target for other writers, and it’s a target that is often shared by writers of note. Some writers commit to “two crappy pages a day.” Personally, I like to make the point of entry even lower at one line.

What I’ve found is that, more often than not, one line turns into many, and just getting started creates momentum. It also allows me to be liberal with how I use my time. I don’t feel pressure to have one big writing block per day; I can find time for multiple opportunities to write instead (a little and often approach sprinkled through the day). For those of us that also have external responsibilities and unrelated jobs, this approach can be especially useful.

One line is also a low enough entry point that I don’t feel bad if I miss a day completely. And sometimes I do have days where I won’t write a word. Not the trendy advice of the day perhaps, but it works just fine for me. I feel no guilt about missing a day but often find I’m twice as productive the day after a day missed and will get lots of ideas down.

A seemingly tiny habit has been the catalyst for much positive change in terms of my writing.

How We Can Apply This to Other Goals

My example includes my writing because this is something I’m passionate about. Writing may not be your thing but the good news is, it doesn’t have to be. This approach travels and works for all sorts of goals. I know because I utilise it regularly for lots of personal goals.

What I’ve also found is that what appears to be a tiny habit change, and new behavior, can start to have a compound effect. We create positive momentum. We set ourselves up for success.

Tiny steps in the direction of a goal are still steps in that direction. There is a real magic to be found in linking steps together consistently. Big goals are fine as a guiding star, but they need to be supported with smaller steps. Developing these tiny, positive habits can support even the largest of goals. Wishful thinking will not.

Want to write a book? Get started by developing a regular writing habit. Maybe try my example of one line a day to get that done or try something else that will work for you.

Want to run a marathon? Commit to packing your kit for the morning as one tiny habit. Then link this with other tiny habits that support your goal, like committing to increasing your mileage gradually week by week. Don’t expect to run that marathon tomorrow unless you’ve already put lots of work in to get there.

Whatever your goal is, develop a regular practice to help get you closer to it. Set up simple habits that support this happening, and that keep you accountable, while still being achievable. Commit to this and amazing things can happen.

Tiny Habits — Simple, Not Easy

This tiny habit approach is incredibly simple and that’s exactly where the power of it is. There are no tricks, hacks, or ninja secrets to concern ourselves with. No sales copy or complex points of entry to worry about. We can set our own rules or have no rules. It’s so simple it can, and will, work for us if we commit to it.

Simple doesn’t mean easy, this approach still takes work. And that’s a good thing, as our goals will be all the sweeter if we’ve applied ourselves along the way.

The larger the goal, the longer this process may take and the more habits we may need to stack together. We can, however, commit to embracing the process and journey for its own end, rather than being focused purely on the destination (the where we want to get to).

Give the tiny habits approach a try in earnest. You may be surprised by where it takes you.

This post is courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2Q1cLJI via IFTTT

Tiny Habits Can Support Big Goals

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ~Lao Tzu

Many of us have big, grand goals for our lives.

These goals can be tied to our work, or maybe staring a family, or ideals for a new home with that family, or travel to an exotic location we’ve long dreamed about, or pretty much anything else. Oftentimes these goals can seem a very long way from where we are presently in our lives. In fact, sometimes they can seem so far away that they appear to be totally out of reach.

As a consequence, too many of us give up even trying to make these things happen. And that’s a real shame, as sometimes all that is required to make them so is putting one foot in front of the other, in their general direction.

The Pressure of Big Steps and Overnight Success

At least part of the reason this happens can be that we put ourselves under pressure to make things happen quickly. We try to make grand, sweeping changes in our lives and expect overnight change. If this doesn’t happen we can quickly become discouraged and quit. We lose sight of any and all progress we may be making toward our goals.

Perhaps we try to uproot and change all our habits at once and it doesn’t happen. These habits may have been part of us for a very long time yet we expect to change them swiftly.

This cycle can repeat again and again. It can be really disheartening. We try so hard but get nowhere fast.

What I’ve found, in making significant positive changes stick in my own life, is that often the small steps and habits that underpin them do not get enough attention. In fact, I believe there is an untapped magic in these seemingly tiny habits. They can support even the largest of goals.

From a Writer Who Didn’t Write to One Who Writes Lots

While writing doesn’t pay all my bills, I am most definitely a writer. I think a part of me always has been on some level. It is something I am incredibly passionate about. It is something I spend much time and energy on.

I meet lots of writers and want-to-be writers on my travels that talk of writing their first book or starting their own blogs. Truth be told, I think most of us think there’s a book in us that we will write someday.

When I dig a little deeper, it never ceases to amaze me how many of these same people haven’t yet developed a regular writing habit. It’s like wanting to run a marathon with their only preparation being walking 800 yards to the shops on a daily basis. The odds of it happening are slim, very slim.

That’s a shame as writing a first book, or starting your own blog, is a pretty amazing milestone for anyone to reach that has a passion for the written word and sharing their ideas.

I shouldn’t be surprised this is the case though. You see, I was one of these people for too many years. I promised to write more than I actually wrote. I thought about the books I was going to write without writing a word. I thought about ideas for articles without committing a single word to the page.

Thankfully this has changed in the last several years. In fact, it’s changed to the tune of seven books and counting and hundreds of articles written for my own blog and other blogs. I’ve even been lucky enough to share several articles here with the wonderful Tiny Buddha community (thank you Lori?).   My words have now been read across the planet in many countries. My books have been purchased from most corners of the world.

I share this not to brag but to let you know that I have skin in this writing game, any ideas that follow have been hard won and tested. Most importantly, none of this would have been possible if I had continued to stay in the self-imposed blocks I had put myself in.

Breaking the Big Goal Down into Smaller Steps (Write One Line)

When I was starting my writing journey, almost everything I read in terms of advice for the writer included some form of “write so many (500, 1000 etc) words a day.” Well, this never really worked well for me. I tried it and I failed regularly.

With full-time commitments elsewhere (an unrelated job, friends, hobbies, a relationship) the pressure of trying to hit a certain word count just did not fit for me. So, after many failed attempts to force it, I finally gave myself permission to try another route. I broke this down into an even tinier habit. I decided to commit to writing just one line a day.

Some days that one line turned into many pages of ideas, sometimes it was just one line. That’s okay; the habit and practice proved to be the important part of this process. It was something that worked for me and I could stick with. It was something that pulled me out from my writing inertia and got me moving in a positive direction.

Why This Works

If we make the entry point low enough, we avoid the excuses not to do something. However, if we also make the entry point meaningful, we ingrain a habit that supports regular practical steps to get to done.

Five hundred words a day may be a more meaningful target for other writers, and it’s a target that is often shared by writers of note. Some writers commit to “two crappy pages a day.” Personally, I like to make the point of entry even lower at one line.

What I’ve found is that, more often than not, one line turns into many, and just getting started creates momentum. It also allows me to be liberal with how I use my time. I don’t feel pressure to have one big writing block per day; I can find time for multiple opportunities to write instead (a little and often approach sprinkled through the day). For those of us that also have external responsibilities and unrelated jobs, this approach can be especially useful.

One line is also a low enough entry point that I don’t feel bad if I miss a day completely. And sometimes I do have days where I won’t write a word. Not the trendy advice of the day perhaps, but it works just fine for me. I feel no guilt about missing a day but often find I’m twice as productive the day after a day missed and will get lots of ideas down.

A seemingly tiny habit has been the catalyst for much positive change in terms of my writing.

How We Can Apply this to Other Goals

My example includes my writing because this is something I’m passionate about. Writing may not be your thing but the good news is, it doesn’t have to be. This approach travels and works for all sorts of goals. I know because I utilise it regularly for lots of personal goals.

What I’ve also found is that what appears to be a tiny habit change, and new behavior, can start to have a compound effect. We create positive momentum. We set ourselves up for success.

Tiny steps in the direction of a goal are still steps in that direction. There is a real magic to be found in linking steps together consistently. Big goals are fine as a guiding star, but they need to be supported with smaller steps. Developing these tiny, positive habits can support even the largest of goals. Wishful thinking will not.

Want to write a book? Get started by developing a regular writing habit. Maybe try my example of one line a day to get that done or try something else that will work for you.

Want to run a marathon? Commit to packing your kit for the morning as one tiny habit. Then link this with other tiny habits that support your goal, like committing to increasing your mileage gradually week by week. Don’t expect to run that marathon tomorrow unless you’ve already put lots of work in to get there.

Whatever your goal is, develop a regular practice to help get you closer to it. Set up simple habits that support this happening, and that keep you accountable, while still being achievable. Commit to this and amazing things can happen.

Tiny Habits—Simple, Not Easy

This tiny habit approach is incredibly simple and that’s exactly where the power of it is. There are no tricks, hacks, or ninja secrets to concern ourselves with. No sales copy or complex points of entry to worry about. We can set our own rules or have no rules. It’s so simple it can, and will, work for us if we commit to it.

Simple doesn’t mean easy, this approach still takes work. And that’s a good thing, as our goals will be all the sweeter if we’ve applied ourselves along the way.

The larger the goal, the longer this process may take and the more habits we may need to stack together. We can, however, commit to embracing the process and journey for its own end, rather than being focused purely on the destination (the where we want to get to).

Give the tiny habits approach a try in earnest. You may be surprised by where it takes you.

About Carl Phillips

Carl writes short books full of big ideas. He is also the proud owner of Frictionless Living which is focused on helping readers find and live their own version of a simpler, good, life.

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