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bnhayyy · 2 years

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A Line Uncrossed

Wordcount: 7.3k

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Notes: I used @eruriweek as my excuse to write this fic! It is a canon divergence AU, and I hope that the exact nature of the canon divergence will become clear as the fic unravels. It also has the potential to be turned into a series, so if you would like to see more in this universe, please let me know! Seriously - I’ll probably just leave it as a one-shot unless I know there’s interest. Also, thank you Jules for betaing!

Summary: After the battle of Shiganshina, Erwin faces a difficult decision: the life of a child or the legacy of the Colossal Titan.

Erwin didn't know how many times he had tried to wake up. It seemed like every time he fought his way up to consciousness, a haze of pain and heaviness dragged him back down seconds later. The last time, it had been a jolt that woke him up. He managed to open his eyes for a few seconds and was met by a warm blue sky speckled with clouds. When he turned his head, he saw the wooden siding of a cart.

He lost consciousness again before he was able to register anything else.

There was no jolt or disruption that woke him up this time, just the slow, gradual process of someone regaining awareness. Perhaps that was why, although the pain in his chest and side were gnawing, he did not feel the same exhaustion as the first few times. Even so, peeling his eyes open was only marginally easier.

Erwin was greeted by the sight of a tent ceiling, sunlight shining down on the material and casting a mottled pattern over it. Aching tendrils reached out from his wounds when he attempted to sit up, but he pushed forward anyway, only for a hand to reach out to grasp his own.

"Take it easy," came Levi's voice, caught on the border of comforting and scolding. "You lived, believe it or not. There's nowhere left to rush off to."

It felt like it should hurt to smile, yet Erwin's lips twitched upwards on their own accord. He decided to humor Levi and lay back down, and could not deny the relief that washed through his person when he took the extra strain through his body. Yet when he turned his head to face his partner's scowling voice, it was to quirk an eyebrow and ask, "Isn't there?"

"Not for you. Or I really will break your legs this time," Levi retorted.

Erwin's expression slipped into something heavier. There was a part of him that yearned to savor the moment, to joke with Levi and take comfort in his presence, but there was a far more urgent matter at hand, pressing him to ask the questions that needed to be asked before the tiredness that he could already feel building back up swallowed him once again. Voice grave, he asked, "Levi, what is the status of the mission?"

Levi looked upward. Erwin's heart twisted as a cloak of coldness settled over him, preparing himself for terrible news. Yet when his partner looked back down, there was a faint smile on his lips.

"Success," Levi said. "Wall Maria has been reclaimed."

Erwin blinked. The coldness began to fade away in favor of a soft, fragile warmth. It was accompanied by exhaustion, growing far faster than he would have liked, but he pushed back against it, for the ominous cold has not faded away entirely. Levi may have been smiling, but there was still something unreadable hiding in his eyes. "That..."

"Wasn't easy," Levi sniffed. "And people won't be living in that hellscape anytime soon. It took ages to clear away enough of the titans that damn monkey brought in to even get out of Shiganshina. But the wall is ours again. And we're in a good area, so we made a temporary camp to tend to the wounded, but we need to get moving again in a few days."

"That's..." Wonderful. Incredible. The result of everything they had been working for. Almost enough to justify all who had died to get them this far. (But not completely, never completely. Not when a greater threat rested just beyond the seas.) A great enough victory that he should have been moved to tears, regardless of his mounting exhaustion. And yet... "I am glad to hear it," Erwin settled on. "But there's something that you aren't telling me."

Levi didn't look even remotely ashamed. "And I'm not going to until you're well enough to actually do something about it."

Erwin frowned, only for tiredness to wash the expression off of his face almost as soon as it had formed. "Levi..."

"You don't need to know yet," Levi said. "You nearly died, and now you can barely keep your eyes open. So focus on the victory and get some fucking rest. Hanji and I can take care of everything else for now."

Erwin wanted to argue. Every waking part of him was screaming for him to argue, telling him that it was his duty as commander to take care of whatever problem may have arisen, to address the losses that they must have faced, regardless of what state he was in. Yet the waking part of him was rapidly fading and Levi's voice said that there would be no fighting him on this.

Ultimately, Erwin sighed and allowed his eyes to drift shut once more. "When I wake up..."

"You're in for a shitty time when you wake up," Levi muttered. "So sleep while you can."

Erwin really should have commented on that, but his body was too busy getting to work obeying Levi's order to allow him to do so.

The last thing he felt before he drifted into unconsciousness was Levi gently brushing his lips against his.

***

Erwin slipped in and out of consciousness several more times before waking up to find Hanji peering down at him. Bandages were covering one of their eyes, yet his friend's grin was wide and bold. They let out a bright laugh that didn't quite do enough to disguise the undercurrent of stress that resided there.

"Erwin! You gave us all a big scare, you know that?" Hanji reached down to place an overly gentle hand on his shoulder.

"My apologies," Erwin said, coaxing his lips up into a faint smile. "I assume you'll be able to recover?"

Hanji shrugged. "Ehhh... probably. Since you decided not to leave us after all." They paused, their tone slipping down into something more subdued. "How are you feeling?"

Tired. Erwin was tired, but not so tired that he felt like he might slip back into unconsciousness at any moment. That was good. It didn't mean that he was in good condition by any means; with pain twisting through his body at every small movement, he could already tell that standing up and walking was going to be a thoroughly unenjoyable task. Yet it was not the worst agony he had ever experienced, which meant that he could endure.

"Functional," he said. "Ready to hear whatever you need to tell me."

Hanji's smile faltered. It crawled back into place over the next few seconds, but all of the light had drained from it, leaving something thin and morose. "Right down to business then. I'm sure Levi already told you that we reclaimed the Wall. We avoided massive casualties, but it wasn't... it wasn't a perfect victory."

Grief flickered in their eye, enabling Erwin to brace himself for what came next before the words even left Hanji's lips.

"My squad was lost. Moblit... he died to save me." The corner of Hanji's mouth twitched in something that fell just sort of mirth as they tapped just below the bandages covering their eye. Eyesocket, if Erwin's suspicions were correct. "But hey, at least I'll always have something to remember him by."

Erwin's chest ached in a way that had nothing to do with his injuries. "I'm sorry," he said, allowing a sliver of grief and more than a touch of sympathy to leak into his tone. "He was a good soldier."

"He was a good friend," Hanji murmured. "That's not the big news though." They opened their mouth to keep talking, only to shut it an instant later, sigh heavily, and run a hand over their face, setting their glasses crooked in the process.

Silence reigned for several long moments before Erwin prompted, "Hanji?"

"Yeah," Hanji murmured, dropping the hand from their face. "It's just... some things aren't even easy for me to explain. Zeke flooded the area with titans - remember that?"

"Of course," Erwin said.

"Right." Hanji sighed, the strain of whatever they were trying to say glimmering visibly behind their eye. "There were too many. And, well… Bertolt got eaten."

Erwin allowed a moment for the statement to wash over him, to digest the implication. Then, because there was no point in stewing when he didn't know all the details, he asked, "What happened?"

"The details aren't entirely clear," Hanji said. "Mikasa and Armin witnessed it, but Armin's rattled, and Mikasa's been... preoccupied, so I haven't gotten the full story from them yet. What I did gather was that Bertolt sacrificed himself for Armin."

"I see," Erwin murmured, pursing his lips. Dying to save a friend, especially one who you had wronged as severely as Bertolt Hoover had wronged those from Shiganshina, was an honorable sacrifice. However, from a strategic standpoint... Armin Arlet was a promising young recruit, one who Erwin suspected may hold the potential to one day be more valuable than even himself. But he was not a greater asset than the Colossal Titan.

But Bertolt probably wasn't thinking that way at his point of death.

"Yeah, I know," Hanji murmured. "I'll try to get the full story later, but they're the only ones who saw it, and I'm not certain that even they understand what he was thinking."

Erwin nodded. "And the others...?"

"Bertolt's the only shifter we lost. Eren struggled with the titans and ultimately wasn't able to leave a mark on Zeke, but he got out alive. Reiner had a close call with the Cart Titan, but Jean saved him from the sound of it." They paused, lips thinning as they considered their next words, but ultimately shook their head and sighed. "Honestly, you know I don't like questioning you, but I don't know if leaving Ymir behind was a brilliant decision or a reckless one."

"If we brought her, we likely would have lost two shifters instead of one," Erwin evenly pointed out. "Her titan is too small to withstand the degree of combat that the others can, but large enough that it makes an easy target. She's better used guarding Historia and the interior from threats."

Erwin forced himself to pause then, for although everything they were talking about was worth discussing, none of it touched upon the most important matter on the table. The subject that he was beginning to suggest that Hanji was trying to avoid broaching. Erwin couldn't say he blamed them; a part of him dreaded the answer to that next question. But that only told him that it was that much more important to ask it.

"And Hoover's successor?" he asked.

Hanji's smile faded away completely. It was replaced by a grave expression and a shadow that flickered in their eye. "That's the thing. She was successfully retrieved, but... Erwin, she's young."

The ache in Erwin's chest was back. "How young?"

"A child. Seven or eight by the looks of it."

A child. A child now possessed the Colossal Titan. A child from a foreign land, cast away to an island painted as hell because Marley had decided to condemn her to a fate worse than death. A child who it was now his duty to condemn for a second time, as leaving her in possession of the Colossal Titan would be beyond reckless.

A child.

"Erwin?" Hanji whispered.

"What can you tell me about her?" Erwin asked, his voice more even than it should be. Practiced as a devil.

"Not much," Hanji admitted. "She was a warrior candidate before Marley got to her - she told us that in between calling us all devils. But aside from that, she's done a pretty good job of clamming up. Won't tell us her name or anything else about her life prior to, well, prior to this." They chuckled uncomfortably and rubbed the back of their head. "She's doing a good job of putting on a brave face, all things considered, but I think she's a lot more scared than she lets on."

She shot Erwin a look then, the question there plain as day. Did she have a reason to be scared?

Erwin truly wished that he could say no. Instead, he sighed heavily and said, "Take me to her."

Hanji frowned heavily. "Erwin, you're still-"

"I'm still Commander. This is something that needs my attention."

"...Alright," Hanji said after a long moment. "But I want a medic to look you over first."

***

It was two hours of a medic checking over Erwin's wounds before Hanji returned. He was sitting on the edge of the overwrought pile of bedding that served as his makeshift sickbed and caught in the painful process of pulling a fresh shirt on when they entered the tent. At the sight of his slow, jerking progress, they raised an eyebrow and frowned. "Are you sure that you want to do this now?" they asked. "We could always do this when we get back to headquarters."

Erwin didn't respond until the shirt was on. It was baggy enough to make a less than professional first impression, but considering that the alternative was a garment that would brush against his wounds, he was willing to tolerate it. Looking up at Hanji, he said, "No. I need to do this now."

The sooner they decided what to do about the new Colossal Titan, the better.

Except that wasn't really the issue, was it? Erwin knew what the smart thing to do was. They had a vial of titan serum; he could easily select a new inheritor and have the Colossal passed on without ever getting out of bed. Or he could go a step further - he could choose to take on the mantle himself and have all of his injuries washed away so that he was good as new.

This wasn't a matter of strategy, but a question of morality. It wasn't an enemy soldier that they were dealing with, but a child. Erwin needed to make himself look her in the eyes before he stole her second chance away from her. He owed her at least that much.

He suspected that Hanji realized that as well, that it was why they hadn't said anything even though he knew that they must be well aware of what he was considering.

Next to Levi, Hanji was the person who Erwin trusted most in the world. His chosen successor. They would follow him through thick and thin - but would they stand by while he condemned an innocent child to death? He didn't know, and quite frankly, he doubted that they did either. They had danced around the subject and tried to put his involvement off because they were afraid that he would, but hadn't actively said anything because they hoped that he might not.

A dark, bitter part of Erwin was inclined to say that their hopes were in vain. He had already led so many people to their deaths; what was the life of one child when her death could buy them so much? And yet, he was choosing to face her before he made his decision. There was every chance that it wouldn't do anything, yet the faltering of his heart told him that there was also every chance that it would.

To be an intelligent leader or to be a kind one. It was a decision he had made many times over, yet today promised to be different, if only for how much more it would haunt him.

Hanji didn't say anything. Neither did Erwin. He focused all of his energy on not grimacing at the volley of aches that ran through his body when he stood up. Then, like a machine, he focused on taking one step forward. And then another. He was halfway to Hanji when they closed the rest of the distance between them and ducked down to loop his arm over their shoulders.

"Hanji-"

"Don't you even try to complain," Hanji interrupted. "You're lucky that you're being allowed up and about at all. I'm not letting you injure yourself more trying to walk across camp."

Despite the circumstances, Erwin chuckled. "Alright, then. Thank you."

Hanji smiled. "You're welcome."

The camp was in the middle of a forest. Much like every other that the Survey Corps had made in the past, it struck a tenuous balance between haphazard and careful. At the edges, he could make out the forms of sentries perched in trees, on guard for any approaching titans. A fair number of concerned glances were mixed in with the salutes he received as he and Hanji walked, but no one actually tried to stop him. Even so, progress was slow and tedious.

Eventually, a large tent came into view, a fair distance away from the rest. Its entrance was guarded by an armed, extremely tense looking Mikasa Ackerman and Reiner Braun. Mikasa's gaze drifted toward them, and Hanji stilled with a sigh.

"Is there something else you'd like to tell me?" Erwin asked.

Hanji's voice came out as a tired, tense, frustrated murmur. "Most of the newer recruits are emotional right now, but those two, Armin, and Eren have been very protective of the child." Hanji's voice was not that of a person who was making a harmless observation.

"What happened?"

Hanji chuckled, faint and mirthless. "Nothing that could get anyone arrested for insubordination. Levi and I managed to diffuse the situation before it could get that far."

"I see," Erwin murmured.

No one had been arrested for insubordination, but it had been a close thing. If Hanji felt the need to note that they were protective of the child, then that meant that they were afraid that something would happen to her. That Erwin would have her eaten in order to pass the Colossal Titan on to a member of the Survey Corps.

Levi and Hanji had diffused the situation for the time being, but if he did choose to kill the girl, he may well have a revolt on his hands.

"I can't say I don't understand their behavior, if she's as young as you say," Erwin said.

"That's part of it. But Mikasa... she was the one to dig her out of the titan that ate Bertolt. She wouldn't even let her go until we gave our word that we wouldn't do anything hasty." Hanji sighed and shook their head. "I've been letting them take turns guarding her with Levi. Some small means of appeasement."

"Levi?" Erwin questioned.

"He's in there with her now. He only left her side to see you."

Of course. She was the Colossal Titan, and Levi was their strongest soldier. But the issue went deeper than that, just as everything seemed to on this day. This child had gone through a truly unforgivable trauma and washed up in the middle of the battlefield. There was no way that Levi would leave her side for long until he knew that she would be alright.

Or had confirmation that she wouldn't be.

No wonder he had refused to tell him what had happened. He probably expected him to have the girl killed. Erwin wondered, did Levi hope that he would choose to be kind rather than smart, just this once? Or had he already accepted the type of person that he was?

If he hadn't, what would it mean for them if Erwin committed this act of strategic cruelty?

Erwin focused on the physical pain in his chest in order to make that other ache a little less acute. He felt it burn as he forced himself to let go of Hanji and stand up straight. "In that case, let's give him some company."

Hanji turned to him with a gaze that spoke of wariness. "Erwin-"

"There's no time to waste," he cut in, offering a small smile before stepping forward. His legs were weak and unstable, but with tensed muscles and knees that were all but locked, he forced himself forward anyway. A sigh sounded from behind him, then with a flurry of footsteps, Hanji was by his side once again.

Two gazes bored into them as they approached the tent. Erwin met them dead on and examined them for all they were worth.

Mikasa's expression was blank, but there was a fire burning in her eyes. It sparked Erwin's curiosity, for although he could not fault her for wanting to protect an innocent child, passion to that degree had to be sparked by something more. But what? What had Bertolt's death triggered within her? It was curious, but he supposed that it didn't matter at the moment. What mattered was that one glance was all it took for Erwin to know that Hanji had not been exaggerating when she spoke of her desire to protect the girl.

Where Mikasa looked placid aside from her eyes, Reiner was the inverse. The exhaustion and wariness written across his face were profound enough that Erwin doubted he could hide them no matter how hard he tried. His eyes, on the other hand, were empty. It reminded him that, although Annie Leonhart was technically still alive, in practice, Bertolt's death meant that Reiner was the only one from his group who still remained alive. It was the look of someone who had come too far and lost too much.

One of them was a driven individual who had found yet another reason to fight. The other was a broken person who was clinging to his last shreds of purpose. Both of them would be a problem if he did not handle them very carefully.

Reiner offered a weak salute when they reached the front of the tent. Mikasa didn't move a muscle.

"At ease," Hanji said, stepping forward in front of Erwin. "And try to settle down a little, will you? The Commander's just here to meet our guest and-"

"-Decide if she gets to live," Mikasa cut in, voice cold, but low enough that it would not travel into the tent.

Reiner cast Mikasa a wary glance. However, when his gaze shifted back over to Erwin, something hard and cold had found its way into his hollow eyes.

Hanji chuckled and smiled tensely. "I thought we'd discussed this, Mikasa."

"Yes," Mikasa said. "We did." Her hand began to inch toward the blades on her hips. It made Erwin wonder if she and Reiner had been ordered to wear their gear, or they'd simply refused to take it off.

"No decisions have been made as of yet," Erwin said, taking a step forward. The jolt of pain that it sent through his torso forced him to clench his jaw to refrain from grimacing. "I'd advise you against making assumptions and doing something that you can't take back."

"Are you saying that you aren't going to pass on the Colossal Titan?" Reiner asked. His voice was almost as empty as his eyes, yet he managed to muster a touch of urgency that grabbed Erwin's attention.

"I'm saying that I would like to consider all options," Erwin said, unsure if it was a lie. "If the two of you wish to revolt, at least wait to make sure that the outcome is not already in your favor."

"Not just us," Mikasa warned.

Erwin smiled thinly. "I don't doubt it."

Despite the tribulations of the past year, the 104th had been a tightly knit group once, and tragedy had a way of pulling people back together. Eren and Armin's involvement was already a given, but it also wasn't a stretch of the imagination to assume that Jean, Sasha, and Connie would follow their comrade's leads and act out as well, especially considering how empathy-prone the three were.

Mikasa nodded and dropped her hand back to her side, seemingly content with her threat. Reiner glanced over at her, then back at Erwin, before finally looking away at nothing. Erwin took that as a sign to go ahead and enter the tent, Hanji close at his heels.

As soon as he had stepped inside, he almost wished that he hadn't. A young, brown-haired girl was sitting cross-legged on the middle of a sleeping bag, glaring down at the ground with all of her might. That glare immediately snapped up to bore into Erwin. It might have been intimidating if her form wasn't so slight, if her brown eyes weren't rimmed with red, if her clothes weren't so tattered.

Hanji was right - she couldn't have been more than seven or eight. That young, and Marley had condemned her to be "sent to paradise."

Why? What crime could a child have possibly committed to be given such a sentence?

Levi was sitting on a chair beside the girl. That was where Erwin chose to direct his attention after a few seconds of staring. "You should have told me about our guest sooner."

"Hanji should have told you later," Levi corrected. "I'll bet you raced out of bed the second they told you. Dumbass."

"This sort of thing is worth racing out of bed over."

"Not when you've nearly been pulverized by some giant monkey."

"I did try to stop him," Hanji cut in, stepping forward and holding a placating hand up.

"Not hard enough," Levi grumbled.

Not hard enough? No - there would have been no point in trying harder. Erwin could have had his remaining arm cut off and he still wouldn't remain in bed when there was a matter like this to be dealt with.

He forced himself to look back at the girl. The girl who couldn't possibly have committed a crime worthy of receiving Marley's very worst sentence for Eldians.

Unless, of course, it wasn't her who committed the crime. Ymir had told him that Marley often punished entire families for the actions of one individual, and Bertolt had confirmed that that practice hadn’t changed since her day and age. However, he had also said that they sometimes offered families the chance to redeem themselves by sending their children into the warrior program. This girl was the right age for it; had already been part of it if her claims of being a warrior candidate were the truth.

Erwin forced himself to look back at the girl. He only focused on her raw, furious eyes for a moment before dropping his gaze down to her clothes, to the tattered yellow armband just barely clinging to her upper arm.

This wasn't just a matter of a family member committing a crime. Marley had discarded a potential asset. Someone had done something truly unforgivable, something deserving of a message.

There were only a handful of crimes he could think of that were that severe, and a smaller handful of people who could have committed them.

"I know we might not have anything that fits, but can we find something better for her to wear?" Erwin asked.

"I'm not wearing devil's clothes!" the girl exploded. "I'm not-" One of her hands clenched into a fist while the other reached out to clutch her armband. "I won't dress like I'm one of you!"

Levi shot Erwin a flat look. "Does that answer your question? I didn't particularly like the idea of wrestling her just for a change of clothes. Although..." He cast her a wary glance, taking in the smudges of grime on her face, smears of ash and gunpowder in her clothes. "If she goes much longer without a bath, I might have to."

"Try it," the girl hissed. "Touch me and I'll-"

"No one's going to do anything!" Hanji exclaimed, taking a step forward. "No one's going to do anything to you that you don’t agree to first."

The girl cast Hanji a glare filled with disbelief and accusation. Hanji didn't let their smile drop, but Erwin did notice it falter under the weight of her intensity.

Was this the attitude that the girl had retained ever since they found her? If so, it was impressive. Not helpful, but impressive. It took a certain strength of will for someone to cling to their fury rather than crumbling entirely under circumstances such as hers.

Erwin stepped forward and kneeled down at the edge of the sleeping bag, slowly, so as to make sure that the pain that laced up his side didn't stop being an agony that he could force his way through and turn into something utterly unignorable. "Hello," he said. "I am Erwin Smith, the Commander of the Survey Corps."

"You're the leader of the devils," the girl growled.

"No," Erwin corrected, "Our leader is Queen Historia. I'm just in charge of the Scout Regiment."

The girl sneered. "I thought it was the Survey Corps."

Erwin smiled. "They're the same thing. Now, if you don't mind me asking, what is your name?"

"Good luck," Levi muttered.

The girl grit her jaw and glared in silence. Erwin allowed the seconds to drag on, wanting to give her the opportunity to change her mind and tell him herself. But as he waited, he also thought back to that small handful of people who could have harmed Marley in a way that would merit something like this, people who Marley still had the ability to hurt .

Ymir was a non-issue. Everyone from her past life was long gone, and Zeke would have figured out that her predecessor was dead by now. It was unlikely that Marley would discard a warrior candidate just because their relative had perished.

Annie Leonhart could also be ruled out. Having retreated into her crystal prior to Zeke mobilizing, she wasn't with the recruits at Utgard, so her failure to return to his side at that time wouldn't have carried the same implications as Bertolt and Reiner. She hadn't fought with them during the rebellion either. It was possible that they had written her off as a traitor, but the fact remained that they had no proof. It seemed unlikely to Erwin that Marley would risk condemning her family and turning her against them when there was a possibility that the Female Titan remained loyal. Furthermore, even if they did assume that she was acting with her comrades, he had been told that her only family was her father.

Bertolt Hoover also had his father as his only remaining family. If what Erwin was beginning to suspect was true, then he doubtlessly would have been sentenced to the same fate as the girl. Unless, of course, he had succumbed to his sickness before word of his son's betrayal had reached the mainland. In the grand scheme of things, it didn't matter either way, but for his sake, he hoped it had.

Reiner Braun had a good-sized family. No father, but a mother, an aunt, and an uncle. A cousin who had been three years old when he left her for the mission to Paradis, five years ago.

What had her name been?

Erwin smiled. "In that case, I'll just have to guess. Is your name... Gabi?"

Fear flew across the girl's face, raw and visceral. Her hands slammed against the sleeping bag and scrabbled against the material as she scooted a few inches back. "Mind-reading devil!" she cried.

Levi snorted.

"I'm not a mind-reader," Erwin said, taking care to keep his tone even. "I was able to guess because I know your cousin-"

"Reiner," Gabi whispered. Her expression flickered, and for a moment, Erwin caught a glimpse of pain. It was promptly absorbed by a wave of fury that consumed her fear and made her lean forward onto her knees, fists clenched and teeth bared. "Reiner's a traitor! " The girl screamed. "He's a traitor who sided with you devils, and now the whole family's dead because of him!"

There was a faint thud from outside the tent.

Erwin glanced over his shoulder. Levi was tense and on-guard, while Hanji was staring at Gabi in poorly disguised horror. However, their gaze flickered over to Erwin's when they noticed him looking. A moment passed, and they gave him a small nod before stepping out of the tent.

Gabi was still talking. "He was supposed to make things better, he was supposed to be a hero, but he - he wasn't. He chose you evil things over his own family and-"

"I promise you that there is more to it than that," Erwin said, turning back around to look at Gabi.

"No it isn't!" Gabi shouted. "He betrayed Marley, and everyone was - everyone was turned into-" Her breath hitched as tears started streaming down her face. "It's all his fault!"

It took a strong will to hold onto your fury and refrain from crumbling completely when you lost everything. But no one could hold onto it forever, especially a child. As Erwin watched, Gabi's fists unfolded into shaking hands. He only glimpsed them for a moment before she grabbed onto the sleeping bag again. When she did, she started to fold in on herself, only to force herself to sit back up and glare at Erwin through tear-filled eyes.

She wasn't sobbing yet, but it was only a matter of time. And, with a painful sinking sensation, Erwin realized that he had no clue how to handle this. He doubted that it would help if he explained that Bertolt had been the one to strike the deal with the Survey Corps, that Reiner's worsening identity disorder had left him with little choice but to go with them. If he hadn't, if he had returned to Marley, the Armored Titan would doubtlessly be passed on, a new shifter would come to target the walls, and his family likely would have been punished for his failure anyway. He didn't expect her to understand mental illness, or the fact that her family may have been doomed anyway. Even if he did, he couldn't expect her to care.

This wasn't someone he could charm or inspire. There was nothing he could say that would sway her. This was a little girl who had just had her entire world destroyed, and there would be no reasoning with her in this state. He didn't even know how to help her.

The pain in Erwin's chest was getting worse, reaching further into his chest and spreading deeper the longer he remained crouched. It paled in comparison to the ache that deepened as Gabi's tears began to fall faster.

"He didn't want anything to happen to you," Erwin tried. That much he knew to be true. Although Reiner had complied and followed orders since the deal was struck, it was no secret that he had been fearing for his family the entire time. It might, he hoped, be some balm to Gabi's wounds.

It wasn't.

"Why did he do it then? H-He-" Gabi's entire body flinched as a sob finally tore its way out of her chest. "He chose them over us, and now everyone's gone, a-and- you're going to kill me." Despite the tears, it seemed that Gabi still had a little fury left in her. She tilted her head up to glare daggers at Erwin as she said, "I'm not a traitor like him. I'll never help you. So you - you'll have to kill me if you want to get my titan back." The shaking in her hands had spread to her entire body. Even so, she raised her voice to scream, "Do you understand? You're going to have to kill me!"

With that, for one of the first times he could remember, Erwin Smith found himself at a loss for words.

Fortunately, his partner wasn't. Levi heaved a heavy sigh as he dropped down from his chair to kneel beside Gabi. She turned her head to glare at him, but all it did was cause a flicker of sorrow to appear behind his eyes. "We aren't going to do anything to you, and you're free to keep screaming and crying until you realize that. God knows you've held it in for long enough."

Gabi shook her head. "N-no. You're going to-"

"No. We aren't."

That was the final straw. Gabi wrapped her arms around her chest and leaned forward, sobbing violently. With a sigh, Levi wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. She let him.

Erwin had seen enough. He stood up, his body screaming out in both pain and relief at the change of position, and offered Levi one last long look. "Come find me when you're done," he said.

"Might take a while," Levi murmured.

"That's fine."

With that, Erwin turned around and walked out of the tent.

The sight that greeted him there was little better than the one inside. Reiner had fallen to his knees and was staring off in the middle distance. Hanji crouched beside him, expression caught between sorrow and uncertainty. That much was not a surprise. Hanji may not have any fond feelings for the Armored Titan, but they were also too empathetic to not be moved by the tragedy at hand.

The surprise came from Mikasa. She had backed up several paces, but there was genuine sorrow in the way she was looking at Reiner. Erwin had seen her cast him no small amount of distrustful and hateful glares since his identity had come out. Their apparent alliance over Gabi's safety was the first time he had seen her look at him as a comrade since then, and this was the first time he had seen anything close to caring.

It was all lost to Reiner, of course. He wore the expression of a dead man. Or someone who had received confirmation that he had caused his loved ones to be condemned to a fate worse than death.

There was truly nothing to be said that could remedy this situation. Too bad the Commander could not afford to be silent.

"You have my condolences, Braun," Erwin said, voice about as soft as he could afford right now.

Reiner nodded faintly, the only sign that he had heard him.

Erwin started forward. Hanji's gaze followed him, but he paused long enough to shake his head, and they reluctantly turned their attention back to Reiner.

It was a slow, uncomfortable walk back to the medical tent, but in a way, Erwin was grateful for it. The short journey grounded him, gave him the time and space to think.

And think.

There was no truly correct answer to a problem such as this. Yet by the time he returned to the medical tent, he knew what he was going to do.

***

Erwin returned to his bed, but refused to let himself fall asleep no matter how strongly exhaustion came to grip him. Instead, he passed the time by cataloging his injuries, making small talk with the medic as she came and went, and running through what he planned to say when he spoke to Levi.

The sun was in the final stages of setting by the time his partner entered the tent. Levi's features were heavy with stress and exhaustion. Only one of them had suffered serious injuries during the battle of Shiganshina, yet at that moment, Erwin was certain that they looked equally wretched.

Levi looked up and away from Erwin as he sat down at the foot of his bed. "Do you plan on making a liar of me, Commander?"

Erwin didn't respond. When a moment passed, Levi turned to pierce him with a heavy gaze and pressed, "The Colossal Titan is an asset. If you give it to a loyal, competent soldier, it would be worth more than a hundred men. Are you really going to leave it in the hands of a brainwashed child?"

That voice, so cold and indifferent at a glance, held an edge of challenge that Erwin couldn't ignore even if he tried. It was the voice of someone who was making a dangerous bet and daring his lover to join him.

It made the pain in Erwin's chest lessen ever so slightly, allowed him to shake away the shadow of doubt that was clinging to him.

Even if he was making a mistake, at least he wouldn't be making it alone.

"Yes," Erwin said, "I am. Gabi is young and her mindset is problematic, but Marley has done her a great wrong. If we are patient and treat her well, she could become the best asset we could hope for. Furthermore, she is the only family Braun has left. Sheltering her would secure his loyalty beyond any doubt, whereas passing her on would guarantee that he would turn against us along with a good portion of the 104th."

Levi nodded slowly. "You're right about all that shit. But there's something you forgot to mention."

Erwin's lips twitched faintly. "And that is?"

"You don't want to be the one to take that kid's second chance away." Levi crossed his arms. "Don't try to deny it, Erwin. I saw it in your eyes when she started screaming about how you were going to kill her. You've finally found a line that you can't cross."

Erwin sighed. Levi really was able to see through him unlike anyone else. "I'm not denying it. I thought that I could, but..."

"It's fucked up that things got to this point, but you finding your limit isn't a bad thing." Levi uncrossed his arms and fixed Erwin with a glare that was half fond, half scathingly judgmental. "Maybe you can use it to remind yourself that you're human too."

"Maybe," Erwin said, smiling. For the first time since before the battle, his chest almost felt light. The sensation faded rapidly as reality set back in. Just because he had decided not to kill Gabi didn't mean that all was settled.

Expression and tone settling back into something grave, Erwin continued, "We do have a problem though."

"Do we?"

"We need someone to care for Gabi. We already take recruits younger than I would prefer - I'm not willing to stoop to Marley's level and start training her until she's at least twelve. She needs to be watched by someone capable, trustworthy, and close enough that we can monitor her growth and intervene should any problems arise. However, as it stands, we cannot afford to take an active soldier out of duty in order to provide the degree of supervision that I would prefer."

Levi scoffed. "I don't see how that's a problem at all."

"Do you have an idea, then?"

"You take care of her."

Erwin blinked. "Excuse me?"

Levi's expression hardened. It was the look that he had seen on his face before they left for battle, but fiercer, utterly unmovable. "Look at yourself, Erwin. There's no way that monkey didn't do some lasting damage. You got lucky this time, but if you go out and fight again, you will die. And as long as you're commander, you won't stop fighting."

"Levi..."

"No." Levi stood up and walked over to stand inches away from his face. "Before the battle, you said that Hanji would be Commander if you died. You were ready to hand over the reins then, so step down and let them take over. I know that you don't want to retire, but it's time. You've done your part, and your chance to die a big honorable death is gone. If you keep blindly pushing forward, you'll just be wasting your life, but if you step down and take care of that kid, you'll be contributing to humanity in a way that no one else can."

Erwin swallowed heavily. "I thought that you didn't want kids."

"I thought that we shouldn't have them when we're risking our lives every other day. But shit changes. Besides..." Levi reached out and grasped Erwin's hand. Erwin squeezed it gently and entwined his fingers with his. "If anyone stands a chance of wringing all that Marleyan crap out of that girl and turning her into a half-respectable human being, it's you."

Erwin stared at Levi's face and considered. He considered the current moment, everything that had brought them there, everything that he didn't want to let go of, and everything that he wanted to hold on to.

He thought about the future.

"Alright," Erwin whispered. "I'll do it."

#eruri #levi ackerman #erwin smith #eruriweek2021 #gabi braun #hanji zoe #mikasa ackerman #reiner braun #attack on titan #snk #snk fic #my fic #my writing #it's angst with some fluff sprinkled in #amidst 7k of erwin deciding whether or not he's going to kill a child for humanity

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theerurishipper · 3 years

Text

Eruri Week day 1: Domestic

Erwin wakes to the shrill ring of the alarm clock stationed next to his bed and can only wonder how the hell he got there. He groans, turning over and stuffing his head back into his soft, fluffy pillow. He feels like he's just run a marathon. He groans again. "Serves you right for getting so wasted, you dumbass." Erwin musters up enough energy to turn his head ever so slightly, and finds his tiny husband standing beside him, brandishing a feather duster in one hand. The other reaches out to grab hold of his warm blanket, and Erwin can't help but squeal as the cold air hits his body as fast as lightning once Levi ousts the blanket off him.

"Levi!"

Levi stares at him unimpressed. "That's my name." His husband can truly be quite cruel sometimes. "Give me back my blanket, dear. Please?" Levi isn't swayed. "Not a chance, old man. I think you've slept long enough. Today we're cleaning, and you promised you'd help. Get the fuck up."

There's a noise and the sound of feet padding across the floor as Levi leaves the room. Erwin makes sure he's gone before pushing himself up slowly and looking around for his blanket, and finds, to his utter dismay, that Levi has taken it with him. He flops back onto the bed with a whimper. Levi returns armed with a cup of coffee and shoves it at him unceremoniously. "Drink up. There's a shitton of work to do." To anyone else this might have seemed rude, even cruel, but only Erwin saw the care and love in the gesture. Levi might be tiny and mean, but he was very sweet at the same time, and Erwin loved that about him. In the time it takes for Erwin to drink his coffee, have a shower, and come back feeling like a human being, Levi has arranged all his cleaning supplies meticulously along the wall. He's tied his signature handkerchiefs around his head and mouth and is currently getting ready to sweep. Erwin doesn't personally see why he has to; the floor seems perfectly fine to him. But he knows too, that Levi has a sort of obsession with keeping things spotless. It's something Erwin finds endearing, but it's times like this that make him want to complain about Levi's eccentric habits. "Why can't you do this some other time?" He slides over to Levi and wraps his arms around his waist, resting his chin on Levi's soft hair. "It's Sunday, and I want to do something nice with you." "Cleaning is nice enough," Levi sniffs, pulling down the cloth covering his mouth. Erwin takes the opportunity to capture it in a kiss. "No darling, for most people, cleaning is a chore. And besides, I hardly think this floor needs cleaning at all. Why, I can see my reflection in it right now!" "Tch. Don't be stupid. There are germs everywhere, and we're going to get sick and die like idiots unless I clean every other day. You were the one who stopped me from cleaning every day, so you don't get to talk." Erwin pouts. "Darling, it's Sunday." "That's not my fucking problem." "Please?" Erwin begins to trail soft kisses along Levi's neck. "I'll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise. Let's take it easy today. Spend some time together." Levi tilts his head to the side to give Erwin better access. "I wanted to get this done today." Erwin presses a kiss to his lips, effectively cutting off whatever he was going to say. "I'll help you tomorrow, I promise." Erwin rejoices deep in his heart when he sees Levi's eyes soften almost imperceptibly. "Fine. But you promised to help me tomorrow, don't forget it." Erwin finally turns Levi toward himself and lifts him up. Levi's legs lock around his waist and Erwin takes the chance to kiss Levi again. Levi returns the kiss with fervour, and soon they're making out passionately.

Levi breaks their kiss at some point, ignoring Erwin's pout. "What did you want to do anyway?" "I was going to sleep in, but I'm up for anything as long as it's with you, dear." Levi rolls his eyes, but Erwin notices the barest hint of a smile on his face. Levi always looks so cute when he smiles. Before Levi or Erwin can say anything further, they are interrupted by Erwin's stomach which, deprived of sustenance for a considerable amount of time, chooses to voice its dissatisfaction in the form of a growl. Erwin turns a delicate shade of red as Levi snorts, sliding out of Erwin's arms and back onto solid ground. "How romantic, Ervy." Erwin can't help but chuckle. "Nothing but the best for you, my dear." Levi heads off into the kitchen, presumably to make something for Erwin to eat, since the appropriate time for breakfast has long passed. Erwin, for lack of anything better to do, follows Levi, despite having been banned from setting foot into the kitchen owing to his rather innovative imagination which resulted in the destruction of many of Levi's plates and a rather nasty case of food poisoning. Erwin positions himself comfortably by the door as he watches Levi mill about the kitchen, putting together some sandwiches. Erwin loves watching Levi work. There's something so mesmerizing about the way Levi gracefully manoeuvres through the confines of the room, so naturally and with such skill, so at ease in his body. Sometimes, Erwin feels like the world is too small to hold Levi down. He always seems as though he glides through the air while doing anything, always so free and beautiful, even if it is something as simple as making sandwiches. Even his seemingly small and fragile frame hides a well-toned body, compact and powerful. He is perfectly proportioned, all corded muscle and no fat. And to Erwin's personal delight, he comes in a very fun size. Very space efficient, Erwin thinks, imagining Levi in his arms, and smiles. Levi is the most breath-taking person he's ever seen. "What are you staring at, pervert?" Levi demands, as he places a slice of bread onto a plate, corners removed of course. Erwin likes his bread soft. He doesn't stop admiring Levi, instead choosing to grin and step into the kitchen to hold Levi in his arms again. "Oi, you aren't allowed in here, remember?" Levi chastises him, but doesn't make any move to throw Erwin out like he would have done with Hange. Erwin grins. "I just wanted to kiss you again." "Tch." Levi huffs, in seeming disapproval, but doesn't object when Erwin presses a chaste kiss to his forehead. He grabs Erwin's collar and pulls him down for a proper one, and Erwin can’t help but agree with this course of action.

Levi hands Erwin his plate of sandwiches and grabs a mug of tea for himself. They sit themselves down on the couch, and Levi immediately folds his legs into himself, leaning his head on Erwin’s chest, hands wrapped around the mug. It is inconvenient in this position to hold it the way he normally would, but he still refuses to use the handle. Erwin can’t resist smiling fondly as he wraps his arm around Levi, quite used to his husbands’ quirks. He takes a bite of the sandwich, barely holding back a moan when the flavour pervades his mouth. It really does taste excellent and Erwin marvels at his husband’s ability to make a simple sandwich taste like a five-star meal. It is not surprising in the least considering Levi is a chef, but Erwin will never tire of Levi’s food or the way his face turns the perfect shade of red when Erwin compliments him.

Even now, as one of Hange’s beloved romcoms blares on the TV, Erwin can’t help but admire the man tucked under his arm. “You really are amazing, dear. I love you.” Levi turns red as expected, and Erwin soaks in the sight. “Yeah, I don’t hate you either, I guess.” Knowing that that’s as good a confession as he’s going to get right now, Erwin decides to kiss Levi again.

Before he can though, Levi puts his finger on Erwin’s forehead and pushes him away. Erwin watches in confusion as Levi pointedly sets down the mug on the table with a clink. He looks at Erwin expectantly, and Erwin knows what he wants. He also knows that he’s more than ready to comply with the request.

They kiss gently, softly. Erwin admires the softness of Levi’s lips, soft and smooth despite the rough words they help produce. After they part, Levi smiles amusedly at him. “Playing around so soon, are we?”

Erwin laughs. “You know me, that’s all I do.” Levi reaches up to brush a stray strand of golden hair out of Erwin’s eyes. “I hope the games we play are more fun than the ones you play with those shitty brats at your school,” he huffs. Erwin wraps his hands around Levi’s waist and pulls him into his lap. “You know I enjoy playing with the kids, Levi.” He trails kisses down his jaw, mouths at his neck. “But it could never compare to the games I play with you.”

Levi huffs a laugh. “Smooth bastard,” he says fondly, and Erwin understands what he wants. He doesn’t need to be told twice, as he pushes Levi down onto the couch and straddles him, hands slipping under his shirt. Levi throws his arms over Erwin’s shoulders, locking them around his neck. They kiss again, fiercely this time.

Erwin is suddenly overcome by the intensity of his feelings for the man below him, as he usually is many times a day. He loves Levi so much, he truly does. He loves listening to him speak, he loves the feel of his touch, he loves the small sounds exiting Levi’s mouth right now. He simply loves everything about him, from the colour of his hair to the kindness in his heart. Erwin is grateful for many things, but he’s most grateful for Levi.

Sunday’s have never been Erwin’s favourite day of the week, since he quite enjoys working towards his goals, days filled with nothing to do have never appealed to him as much as they should have. But right now, he wishes that the day never ends, so that he can be with his husband forever, never letting go of him even for a moment.

On the TV, the protagonist tearfully confesses her feelings to her crush as they stand in the rain, romantic music blaring through the speakers.

Too captivated by each other, Erwin and Levi pay it no mind.

Also posted on AO3

#Eruri #SNK #Levi Ackerman #Erwin Smith #Fanfiction #Eruriweek2021 #Eruriweek #Eruriweek2021nsfw #Cause better safe than sorry #This is pretty tame though XD

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