*heavy breathing* I decided to try to find a workaround for the long covid brain fog tonight.
Aka a new pot pot strain a friend recced to see if it would help me out with this.
It worked.
Do you know how well?
I just came up from a fucking five hour writing spree.
I'd planned to edit TRT's new chapter. And I did for a bit. But it wasn't enough. I had that itch, one that had been rattling around under my skin for months.
I needed to CREATE.
I NEEDED TO WRITE.
So I turned my eyes to the Raven fic's final chapter, where I'd been slowly working on adding the new scenes I wanted and redoing a few to match the new ones.
I didn't just enter the writing zone. I blew that fucking door off its hinges. I saw the scenes in my mind's eye, and I typed the words that came, and even when the words didn't show up, I waved it off, slapped in a placeholder, and blew past it. My hyperfocus latched on like a gator and did fifty thousand death rolls.
I wrote FOUR. POINT. EIGHT. THOUSAND. WORDS.
IN FIVE HOURS.
I may have forgotten to drink or eat anything so that's familiar too
This proves it. Getting TRT's new chapter written, if not edited, proved the words were still there in my head. And THIS proves I can still enter that miracle zone that makes everything worth it oh god i missed the zone. As best I can tell looking over it, this didn't fix my 'what word did I want here???' problem that I continue to struggle with. I still have a lot of placeholder words. But what it did do was remove my frustration, my anxiety, and my long pauses when I couldn't find a word I wanted. It was far easier to just continue on. It also gave me, for just a few hours, the ability to focus, enough that even as it slowly wore off I'd built enough momentum to keep going for a while.
Now I just gotta find a way to get there more regularly like I used to, without the herby nudge. Tomorrow I'll try the same thing though, only with editing instead, now that my itch has been thoroughly scratched.
And if anyone hears triumphant howling tomorrow evening, just know that it is I, Pasta, summoning the words again.
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I have, a genuine question for you. Do you acknowledge the racism in the original AYTD or at least know about it? Like how MsKingBean uses slurs and racist stereotypes?
hey, so, i'm a bit apprehensive about answering this because...it doesn't feel like a very geniune question to me, if i'm being honest. "do you acknowledge x thing" is a question that is inherently set up so that i'm meant to answer "yes, i acknowledge that x thing is true," because the alternative is saying "no, i don't acknowledge that x thing is true," which is already framing this interaction as if to disagree with you would be a kind of failure on my part to do some due diligence of engaging critically with a text. and the fact that you say mskingbean89 used slurs in atyd shows me that you haven't even engaged with the text, because that simply...isn't true.
if what you're referring to when you say "slurs" is the anti-romani stereotypes--this is coming from an extra chapter in the bootleg tapes focusing on greyback, where there is a slur used to describe his living situation + he + his family were portrayed as nomadic irish people in a way that was insensitive. people who read that chapter and then went back to the canon story with that characterization in mind rightfully pointed out that it was fucked-up. mskingbean89 addressed those criticisms by adding this note to the beginning of that bootleg chapter:
personally, i think this was a good way to take accountability + acknowledge the mistakes she made with that portrayal. she was a human being who made an ignorant mistake, which then just happened to get absolutely blasted to millions of people--she did not have sensitivity readers or editors looking over her fanfiction, because she did not write it expecting it to reach the level of popularity that it has. to be honest, i am not really sure how she could have better acknowledged her mistake, aside from just....not having made it in the first place. she explains her intentions without acting as though that intent cancels out harm, owns up to the fact that the stereotyping was harmful regardless of intention, and provides resources to learn while also committing to be more mindful + educate herself moving forward. honestly, that's exactly the response i would hope to see from someone who makes a mistake like this one.
i agree with you that people reading atyd should acknowledge + understand the racism regarding romani stereotypes stemming from that bootleg chapter, which is why i think it's great that there is a note literally built into the beginning of that chapter acknowledging it! but i feel as though there's been this like...game of telephone happening online when it comes to atyd, where there are now people who have never even read the story talking about things that quite literally do not appear in the base text itself. i've also seen people acting as though mkb herself did not address these issues when they were raised to her, which is just...patently false.
and so what i'm wondering here is what you're looking for from me when you ask a question like "do you acknowledge the racism in atyd." anyone who actually reads the texts has to acknowledge the racism in that bootleg chapter, because mkb puts that acknowledgment front and center at the beginning. and also like...in the part of the fandom i'm in, in the conversations i've listened to or taken part of regarding atyd, people have acknowledged the issues with that bootleg chapter and the ways it reflects back on the main story. so what do you mean by "acknowledge" when so many people, including mkb herself, have already... acknowledged it? what action are you calling for, and who are you calling for it from?
because like. if what u actually want to say here is that atyd is Irredeemably Problematic and we should all like....shun it? universally agree that it's Bad? then it's just like. it is up to each individual reading the story to decide whether that specific portrayal of greyback in the bootleg chapters is something that ruins the story completely for them or whether they still think the story as a whole holds worth. personally, i feel like i can acknowledge that there are issues with mkb's portrayal of greyback and i need to be mindful of that when reading the story so as not to internalize harmful stereotypes while still finding atyd to be a masterpiece that really beautifully deals with a lot of nuanced issues regarding class and disability and systems of power. this is just part of thinking critically when you read; many famous and beloved works of fiction contain the biases of their authors or have mistakes or issues in the way they portray things that are a product of ignorance. and i know everyone reading marauders fanfiction should understand this, because if u genuinely think that a character being negatively stereotyped means u should throw the entire work in the trash, then none of u would be touching harry potter fanfiction with a five foot pole in the first place.
so, anon - if you have actually read atyd, and there are issues with racism that you have found that i am unaware of, and not just telephone-game twitter posts of people taking shit out of context that you're accepting as truth without bothering to engage with the work yourself--if you want to have a real conversation about it, i would invite you to come to me as an actual person and not an anonymous ghost in my inbox. my dms are open, but when it comes to talking about serious issues, i tend to find it more genuine if the person coming to me actually cares enough and believes in what they're saying enough to say it as themself. and if you haven't read atyd and are just parroting things you've heard other people say online then i would invite you to actually sit down and read the work and form your own opinions on it before getting back to me. i know that might sound harsh, but honestly i'm just completely fed-up at this point with all the bad-faith takes and misinformation that i've seen people spreading about atyd just because they think it's cool to dislike a popular thing.
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Dorm-inspired Outfits (from my Closet)
A few months ago, I put together a few things from my closet based on the different twst dorms. I posted them to Reddit, but now, they shall also have a home here on Tumblr :) But I'll also add a bit more info on the inspirations behind my use of the various pieces here, just for fun. Also, pardon the socks; I didn't bother picking shoes to go with the outfits. I'll describe what shoes I would wear with each look, though!
Also, uhh... body reveal? Before showing my cosplay (whenever it is that I finish it lol)
Heartslabyul
For this outfit, I wanted to feature the clashing patterns and fabrics of the dorm uniforms, while also incorporating an Alice in Wonderland-esque aesthetic. I used a yellow fabric belt, similar to the yellow sash of the dorm uniform, and added a scarf with a rose pattern and the same colour scheme as the rest of the outfit. I also retained my watch (which I really should have switched out for one of my analogue watches, but... oh well) and my "Save The Bees" bracelet, since it seemed to fit with the theme and I wear it on basically a daily basis, so...
I would pair this look with these white socks and my saddle oxfords.
Savanaclaw
With the Savanaclaw outfit, I wanted an active and somewhat more masc look. I tried to stay true to the warm colour scheme, and reference the leather vest of the dorm uniform using the sleeveless flannel I had. I also kept my watch and bracelet for this outfit, but I added two necklaces - one with a celtic knot pendant, and one with a piece of quartz, though if I had a tooth or bone necklace, I would have used that instead.
I would wear my brown leather boots with this outfit.
Octavinelle
This outfit is one of the closest to how I normally dress. The dress is black with lavender flowers, with a gather in the skirt on the left side, giving the heavy material more movement - it just feels "Octavinelle". I added a braided belt with a silvery buckle to give a little more definition, and a pearlescent pink and purple necklace, along with white gloves. I also wore my cream coat over my shoulders as a coat-cape, à la Azul Ashengrotto.
I would not wear socks with this, but instead stockings and my black and white pumps.
Scarabia
I wanted to follow the colour scheme and ~vibe~ of the dorm and its uniform for this Scarabia-inspired outfit. The floral skirt may seem to be an odd choice, but the deep orange of the flowers and the satin material seemed to fit with Scarabia. I also added more jewellery - multiple rings, and two necklaces, all golden in colour - to complete the look.
I would probably wear either my tan scandals, or white ankle socks and my heeled leather oxfords with this outfit.
Pomefiore
I felt like Pomefiore needed a classic, powerful look - what better way to do that than with a black pencil skirt? That, I paired with a sheer blouse with satin cuffs, and a (mostly) purple, high-necked, sleeveless knit. The orange, cream, and golden stripes in the knit also reflect the gold detailing of the Pomefiore dorm uniform.
I definitely wouldn't wear socks with this - it's another job for the black and white pumps, or maybe even my black heeled boots, depending on the vibe.
Ignihyde
Ignihyde just SCREAMED for the use of my CrankGameplays "Soft Boi" shirt. It's light blue, plus it's gamer merch - the perfect combo. Add in some black jeans, headphones, and a blue and white scarf in the pocket, and Ignihyde is complete!
I'd wear either my pink skate shoes, or maybe my brown leather boots with this one, I think.
Diasomnia
Finally, Diasomnia. I simply needed to use my green turtleneck with this one, but I knew I had to use black for the rest of the outfit. So, black trousers and a black cardigan (again, over the shoulders) were the other components I used, as well as a black braided belt - both to add a little texture, as well as a hint of silver, as is featured in the Diasomnia dorm uniform as well.
I'd wear black socks and my black heeled boots with this outfit.
And with that, we're complete! Let me know your thoughts - did I capture the spirits of the dorms in these outfits? :)
(I didn't include Ramshackle, but I could also make an outfit for that at some point, which I may do later)
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hi!! pride post, coming to you from your weird professional activist neighbor who never shuts up about their experiences
this year, i want to specifically highlight what everybody can do to make this pride special: examine and criticize whatever organization runs your local pride event. search their social media--find out who it is run by and where it is through, because chances are, you may not like what you find out.
allow me to take you on a little journey: my city (a major city in the Northeast US) had been run by a pride organization for quite a while. i had actually worked with them in my earlier years, organizing high school volunteering events, gone to meetings, spoken to their leaders. i had small doubts--seeds of curiosity that had tickled me, but i was young. 15 when i first started joining them, and didn't think i had the voice to speak with.
then, as time went on, i became more cautious. kept up appearances, but started talking to other people. local people, queer businesses and artists who tried to work with them. found out they overcharged for displays, yet openly supported the local police department for tabling. gave those police extra help, and headlined them. come to find out one of their head members supported tr*mp. the majority of leaders lived in a different state, and didn't actually know, nor represented, the lives of people in my city. fishy, and confusing. i stopped volunteering when i left for college in a different city.
it stayed in my mind. they used keith haring art for promos, touting that they held the licensing for it. i ended up emailing the haring estate--they did not. kept the hushed whispers around the city, asking questions
then--the big bad. the big bad that shouldn't have had to happen. they made a pride post about stonewall's anniversary, misgendering the individuals there. spending most of the post praising the police officers there that night, calling them "brave". stonewall.
was i shocked? no. but i was kicking myself. i'd seen the signs half a decade before. i'd met with the group and been uncomfortable with how white the leaders were, not representing the identity of our city. the city--our city--was the one that released the more colors more pride flag, yet the largest pride group was uplifting the police, was lying, was actively harming the individuals from the city in order to promote more and more force and rainbow capitalism.
we joke a lot about pride being overrun by rainbow capitalism--but what hides underneath is more egregious. it may not be on the surface of discomfort, but by fuck is it there right below the skin.
they disbanded. local run events started cropping up more prominently. it isn't fully what it should be, right now, but it's starting to get there. it took longer than i think any of us wanted, sadly, but it's happening
i implore you to peel back that layer. look, just a little deeper. find the roots and pull them up. i don't want it to come to hateful media presentations to have to take down the elements--maybe just as simple as choosing to find a different road. a different event. see who is actually representing our community as a whole, not trying to sift through to find their own powers. it's not a big action as an individual, but as more people come together, they break down the walls built around our frustrations. the dam has to break some day, hasn't it?
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