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Chapter 43.4
The skies are darkening as I walk home from the food stall, carrying what is – despite the time – technically my breakfast. Hot steam is wafting up from the flimsy plastic bags in my hand, warming my cold fingers.
I’m still not used to San Myshuno’s seasons, but Samara told me that it’s unusually cold for being this late in Spring. In a way, it feels like the city has decided to match my mood, as if the dark and dreary weather is being sympathetic to how I feel.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and a robotic voice jarringly interrupts a sad love ballad to flatly announce that dad is calling. I sigh and tap my headphones, he’ll just call again later if I don’t pick up now.
“Hey, honey!”
My father’s voice is warm and comforting like a blanket, and I can hear faint birdsong and the rustling of the trees in the backyard. I briefly wish I could just move back home and be a kid again and leave all the worries to my parents.
“Hi, dad. How are you guys? House still standing?”
“We’re good, Kieran and Liam are busy worrying about prom so it’s been unusually quiet. Oh, and speaking of standing, Grayson can stand by himself now. He can even take a few steps as long as he’s holding on to something.”
He sounds so proud, almost as if he was the one learning to walk.
“Aww, he’s getting so big! Next thing you know, you’ll all be chasing him around the house every time they visit.”
“I’ll make sure to have your mother send you some pictures of him when I get back inside. She’s busy in the kitchen, Griffin and Daria are coming over for dinner. But how are you? We barely hear from you these days.”
“Oh, you know, I’m really busy with work and hanging out with people and such. I’ve just been out shopping for dinner, and then I’m seeing a friend later.”
I hear him hesitate, like he can tell that I’m lying.
“Alright. That sounds good. We’ve been a little worried about you. And especially today…”
“I know, it was really rough in the beginning, but I swear I’m doing fine, I-”
My voice breaks and I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and take a deep breath to get it under control.
“Oh, honey. Listen, sometimes relationships don’t work out, no matter how much you love each other. I can see where Paul was coming from, and your mother and I have been worried that you’d feel pressured into something you weren’t ready for. So I want you to know that we’re really impressed that you’re staying true to yourself. It can be… very hard to do the right thing when you love someone, I know that. So I’m proud of you.”
“I just miss him so much, dad.”
“I know. But maybe you don’t really miss Paul. Maybe you just miss a version of him in your head that he failed to live up to. If Paul Romeo was really so perfect, he wouldn’t have made my daughter so sad.”
My father reminds me to take care of myself and I promise to call more often before I end the call and pick up the pace slightly just as the rain starts falling.
I manage to make it home before getting too wet, but it’s still a relief to step inside the warm apartment.
My laptop sits on the dining table, and I eye it warily as if the deluge of messages could somehow escape containment and drown me.
I unpack my food and try to ignore the state of my kitchen. I don’t have the energy to deal with it right now, so I just kick off my shoes and take my food to the couch as usual.
I text Marten and eat a few bites while I wait. He replies almost instantly and within minutes, he’s online. It’s becoming my favourite part of the day.
We play for a few hours, and I almost forget to be sad. Marten never mentions Paul, he just talks about normal things like what the other guys in his fraternity are up to, his studies, new games he’d like to play. Easy topics. He’s also good at carrying the conversation when I’m quiet, like tonight.
Marten probably doesn’t even know what day it is today, and somehow that makes it easier.
Eventually, though, he has to leave. He tends to go to bed early, even on weekends, and I promise him to get some sleep too. My barely touched food has congealed into a solid cube in the box and I leave it on the table and try to decide how to spend the rest of the night. As if I don’t already know.
Finally, I give in.
I open my laptop, ignoring the notifications about the thousands of unread messages. I thought the sudden influx of hate-mail was bad when my relationship with Paul was discovered, but it has been nothing compared to after the news of the breakup.
I know I shouldn’t, know I’m just picking at the wounds, but my fingers move on their own, out of habit, and pure muscle memory is making them type Paul’s name into the search bar. All the links are already purple, of course, there is nothing new here, but I still click the first one. It takes me to his Social Bunny profile. Paul was never that active on social media, and his latest post is several weeks old.
I know it by heart.
“In response to the recent speculation, I want to clarify that Julia and I parted ways a while back. She’s an incredibly gifted and wonderful person, and I truly wish the best for her.”
The best.
“But you were the best,” I whisper.
I feel like crying, but it seems like I’ve finally run out of tears, emptied the reservoirs over the last couple of months, and now all that’s left inside of me is dust.
I go back and click the second link, then the third, cycling through the old articles and interviews as if I’m expecting to find something I haven’t seen a hundred times.
Samara and Miranda are probably having drinks at The Rooftop right now. Samara texted me an hour ago, asking me if I was sure I didn’t want to go out with them instead of stalking my ex for once. I replied with another lame excuse. I’ve been avoiding people for so long that it feels like I’ve forgotten how to function in society, like some sort of feral raccoon who only knows how to hide and eat trash.
I’ve gone through all the links. I refresh the search page. Nothing has changed, obviously, but I refresh it again and again, feeling like I’m desperately knocking on his door and trying to be let in. Then I start over at the first link.
“In response to the recent speculation, I want to clarify that Julia and I parted ways a while back. She’s an incredibly gifted and wonderful person, and I truly wish the best for her.”
Samara is right, I can’t keep doing this. It’s crazy. There’s only one thing to do. I move my cursor over the red button and take a deep breath. Then I block his profile before I can change my mind.
As his picture vanishes, the entire screen blurs. It would seem that I still have some tears left.
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#duchellilegacy#duchellichapters#duchelligen5#julia duchelli#it's been 84 years#so sorry#changing up my entire style takes time
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Chapter 43.2
Paul was gone. But I wasn’t heartbroken.
I was the daughter of a doctor, after all, and I knew that hearts don’t break.
Bones break.
But hearts?
Hearts are a muscle.
They tear, a slow agonising stretch of fibres fraying as they’re pulled apart under the weight of loss.
They rupture, leaving ragged edges in the tissue of our very being.
They bruise, the dull ache a constant reminder that something integral has been damaged, crushed by forces it was never meant to withstand.
Hearts don’t break.
Because a break sounds too clean, too easy, for what this was.
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Chapter 43.3
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Chapter 43.1
Midnight Blues
Winter was slowly relaxing its grip on the city. I stared at the grey skies and took a deep breath to steel myself. As always, getting from the hotel to the safety of a taxi was the scary part. Behind me, Paul was putting on his coat.
“Julia? Got everything?”
“Yeah, let’s go. But first…”
I moved in to kiss him and he kissed me back, the kind of kiss that reminded me why I kept doing this, why I put up with the endless hotels and paparazzi and anxiety. His hands were on my waist and I wished we had more time, that we didn’t have to keep saying goodbye every week.
He started pulling away but I wasn’t done, I would never be done with him, and I couldn’t help but make a small frustrated sound that made him smile.
“Wait, Julia, before we leave… You’re so very distracting, I completely forgot to talk to you about my birthday.”
“Your birthday? But that’s in what, two months?”
“I know, but since it’s the big 40, I was thinking about going to Tartosa for a few days, throw a party for the whole family. And I thought it’d be a good time for you to meet everyone. I know it’s a lot of people at once, but they’re going to adore you, I know they will.”
“Ah. Right.” My mouth went dry. Paul reached up and ran his fingers through my hair, looking slightly puzzled.
“Julia? Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, it’s just… it’s a big step, meeting your entire family. It feels so… serious.”
He frowned. His eyes, usually warm and inviting, suddenly had a wary edge that made my heart race.
“Yes? I am quite serious about this. About us. I thought I’d made that clear. I love you and I imagine a future with you in it.”
I swallowed hard, feeling the words catch in my throat.
“I love you too, Paul, I really do, but…” My voice trailed off as I searched for the right words. “I’m just not sure if I’m ready for things to get that serious.”
He lifted my chin, his eyes searching mine. “Julia… tell me, what exactly did you expect from this relationship?”
“I… I just wanted to be with you.”
He took a step back and it felt like an invisible wall had suddenly appeared between us.
“But for how long? Why are you still in this relationship if you’re not planning to be in it for the long haul? What are we doing here, Julia?”
Tears stung my eyes as I struggled to respond. I loved him, but the thought of deciding what the rest of my life would look like scared me more than I could express.
“I don’t know, Paul. I want to be with you, but I’m still figuring things out. I’m just… I’m not ready for that kind of commitment yet.”
There was a long, painful silence before Paul spoke again, quietly, his voice tinged with resignation.
“I can’t wait around forever, Julia. I’m sorry, but I need more than this, more than you’re able to give me right now. I think… I think it’s best if we part ways.”
I felt a wave of despair as the reality of his words sank in, threw my arms around him as if I could physically stop him from leaving me.
“No! No, Paul, wait, please, can’t we just…” I desperately tried to think of something to say, some magic words that would change his mind, but I knew it was useless. The deep sorrow in his voice told me that he’d already made his decision.
Paul held me for a moment, but his body felt different against me now, distant and foreign like he was already a stranger. I breathed in the familiar scent of citrus and olive soap on his skin, clung to him until he gently but firmly removed my arms from around his neck.
“I get it, Julia. You’re right, you deserve space to find yourself without the pressure of my… expectations. You’re still so young, and you have every right to take your time. But I can’t wait in limbo. I have to move on.”
I sobbed into his chest, barely able to form words.
“Paul, don’t leave me. Don’t. Please. I love you.”
His voice was soft when he continued, but the finality in his words echoed in the hollow where my heart used to be.
“I love you too, Julia. So much. But I can’t spend years waiting for someone who has no idea whether they’ll ever want to be with me or not. I want someone who knows.”
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Chapter 43.5
Idiot.
The voice in my head is persistent. It’s been over two months but it’s not letting up.
I try to focus on the lines, struggling to keep the faint remnants of my Tartosan accent from creeping into Llama Man’s commanding voice. It’s always more difficult just after I’ve been home.
Idiot.
Images from the last year keep flashing by, little details seared into my brain. Her green eyes. Her smile. The delicate birthmarks artfully strewn across her face. I used to insist on kissing each of them goodbye before I left and it always made her laugh.
It was the best sound in the world.
Idiot.
The more recent images are a different story. Her tears. The look of shock and confusion in her eyes. She didn’t understand, of course, and some days I’m not sure I do either. Am I an idiot for leaving her? Or for letting myself fall in love with her in the first place?
Both?
“Alright, Paul, that was good, but let’s do an extra take just to be sure.”
I nod at the sound technician and start over.
“I’ve sent the files off to Mike. Personally, I don’t think he’ll demand another round, the last two takes were flawless.”
“Thanks. I’m sorry for dragging you in for pick-ups again, I’ve been feeling a bit off lately.”
“Hey, it’s a pay check. And I’m going to need it for the move. We want to get settled into the new house before my son’s wedding so we’re already packing.”
“Did you find a job in Henford yet?”
“Not yet, but my wife got an offer. We’ll make it work. My kid is the only family I have left, so if he moves abroad, we follow. And I never liked staying in one place for too long anyway, I get restless.”
“Well, best of luck over there, Charles. The new sound tech will have some big shoes to fill.”
“Thanks, Paul. It’s been a pleasure working with you.”
Charles leaves, and I turn on the coffee machine.
I’ve just finished pouring two mugs when Lee arrives.
“Oh, you must have read my mind, love, I am positively dying for a coffee right now.”
“When are you not?”
Lee settles onto the sofa with a sigh.
“It’s been one of those weeks, deadlines put such a damper on my creativity. But how was Tartosa? Did you have a nice birthday?”
“It was fine. I didn’t feel like making it a huge thing, but my mother had arranged a family dinner at the vineyard.”
“Ah, just an intimate and completely non-threatening gathering with fifteen to twenty people, then.”
I lean back against the counter and take a long sip of the coffee to avoid responding. It’s still too hot, and I grimace as the liquid burns my mouth. Idiot.
Lee isn’t so easily deterred, though.
“So, that’s it? You’re just never going to see her again?”
“Lee, first of all, she blocked me. On my birthday, no less. So I’m going to take that as a big fat hint and respect her wishes. Second, I broke up with her because it was a dead end. She’s not going to settle down for another decade, and when she does, she’s not going to pick some fifty year old relic.”
Lee raises an eyebrow.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Yeah, I said it. Sorry to break it to you, Lee, but you’re old. Ancient. Practically dust.”
“I’m choosing to ignore your hurtful remarks because you’re clearly heartbroken and out of your mind with grief.”
I snort. “Sorry. I’m fine, really, I’m just annoyed at myself.”
“For irrationally breaking up with the love of your life or for stubbornly refusing to reconsider?”
“For being an idiot in general, I guess. I knew it was a bad idea. I even told her as much the first time I met her. But then I just had to go back and talk to her again like a complete dumbass and she practically invited herself back to my hotel. How could I say no to that?”
Lee chuckles. “Oh, but you couldn’t, of course you couldn’t. I mean, she’s not exactly my type, but I can still appreciate the aesthetics, as it were.”
“Right? And that might even have been fine if it never went any further, but I got carried away and kept seeing her even though everyone could tell it was going to end badly. We’re both better off like this, I’ll get over it.”
Lee just looks at me over the rim of his glasses.
“Are you sure? I may be a dusty old relic but as far as I’m aware, the only way you could possibly know that she blocked you is if you spent your birthday trying to look her up.”
“Thanks, detective. It was a moment of weakness, you don’t need to rub it in my face.”
“I’m not trying to rub anything in your face, love, I know it’s not your thing. But you were clearly serious about her if you were planning to bring her to Tartosa. And just because the poor girl understandably got slightly intimidated, you drop her like a newborn giraffe. Why not give her some more time?”
“I didn’t… Lee, it was the sensible thing to do! I just turned forty, I can’t just spend years waiting for her to make up her mind and hope for the best.”
“I don’t share your fetish for monogamy, but I believe all relationships are like that, you can never be certain. But you’ve always been stubborn so I’ll just give you the usual break-up advice. Get a haircut, hit the gym, put yourself back out there. Will you at least see my stylist?”
“Never. I am not brave enough to let Jessica Clemons near my wardrobe.”
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#duchellilegacy#duchellichapters#duchelligen5#paul romeo#charlie ward#lee thompson#oh hi charlie#bye charlie?#two protagonists? in this economy?#it's more likely than you think
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Samuel spent every night with me for weeks and every morning I was amazed to see him there and slightly afraid of doing something that would make him disappear again.
This morning I woke up to him smiling at me, but he made no move to get up and head to the hospital.
“Good morning. I took the day off.”
“Wait, you can do that?”
He laughed.
“Don’t sass me, woman! We need to talk.”
“Sorry. You’re right.”
“I’ve been thinking about where we go from here. I mean, we should probably decide what we’re doing and what’s going to happen next. What we even are now. Because I can tell you’re scared, and honestly, so am I.”
“You’re scared?”
“Of course I am. Freya, I love you. I’ve loved you for half my life. But you hurt me more than anyone else ever could. Divorcing you was the hardest thing I’ve done but you left me no choice. And now we’re here and I am terrified of giving you back that sort of power over me.”
I was afraid to ask, but I had to.
“Do you… do you want to stop this? Wait and see if you can trust me again? Because I can understand if you need more time. I love you, I really do, but I’m struggling to see how you can ever love me again after what I did.”
“Freya, I don’t get to choose whether I love you. I just do. I always did. You hurt me, yes. It was horrible, and it definitely left a scar. But I didn’t stop loving you. I can’t. I can, however, choose whether to trust you again or not.”
“But how can you simply trust that I’d never cheat on you again?”
He arched an eyebrow.
“Are you planning on cheating on me again?”
“No! No, of course not!”
“Then I guess I’ll just have to trust that.”
“Do you also trust that I love you?”
I almost added ‘this time’, but stopped myself. Samuel just smiled and hugged me to his chest.
“I don’t have to trust that, I can feel it.”
I kissed him, desperate for him to understand how serious I was about never hurting him or letting down again.
He kissed me back before reluctantly pulling away.
“Don’t get me too excited now, we need to finish this conversation first. Freya, my love may be unconditional, but my boundaries are not. I am making the choice to trust you, but I need you to promise me that if anything ever changes, if you ever find that you don’t love me any more or if you want out of this relationship, you will tell me instead of self-destructing and taking me and the girls with you in the fallout.”
“I promise. I’m sorry. And I also promise not to be all resentful and passive-aggressive and shit.”
“Good. And I promise not to be condescending and belittle your feelings just because I disagree or don’t understand them. Because I wasn’t handling you very well either.”
“Samuel, you shouldn’t have to ‘handle’ me at all.”
“Well, whatever you want to call it, I should still be more mindful of what you need instead of just assuming I know better. At least if we want to give this another try.”
“I do. Do you?”
“Yeah, I do.”
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When Marten realised that it was my first time at GeekCon, he appointed himself my official tour guide.
I decided to let him. He was cute in a geeky way, and I missed having a nice boy pay attention to me. I hadn’t dated anyone since my ex Oscar went to uni, and the creepy DMs from random people definitely didn’t count.
The first booth was a promotion for Dusk Glow 2: Moonrise. Marten ignored the two people dressed up as vampires and kept going.
“Not a fan of vampire romance?”
He waved a hand dismissively.
“Nah, I mostly read serious fantasy, and this is a bit too much for me, you know? I want A Song of Hot and Cold, not Wands of Desire.”
I made a mental note to pick up a copy when Marten wasn’t around. I also decided not to mention that I owned all forty-three books in the Wands of Desire series and had pre-ordered the forty-fourth.
Suddenly, a booming voice rang through the gallery.
“Stop right there, Black Shadow! What devilish scheme have you cooked up this time?”
At the next booth, someone dressed as Llama Man was pointing at me.
“Ah, Llama Man, my arch-nemesis. You always were quick to spoil my fun.”
The man smirked under the mask.
“Typical. I should’ve known you’d try to crash the party.”
I strode towards him, returning the smile.
“Oh, I intend to do more than crash it. What are you going to do about it, alpaca boy?”
“We all know how this ends, Black Shadow! With you behind bars!”
“Is that so? You’d have to catch me first!”
I blew him a kiss, and he smiled broadly and started walking around the table.
I quickly turned and ran.
He sprinted after me as other con-goers turned and stared.
“Fear not, citizens! Llama Man shall not rest until Black Shadow is brought to justice!”
A few people laughed and cheered, and I ran to the end wall and turned around.
“Blasted! A dead end! You win this time, Llama Man!”
He came closer, laughing as he pulled off his mask.
“You truly are a villain. Don’t make an old man run like that, I’m not quite in movie shape these days.”
I was shocked for a moment. I thought he was just another cosplayer. Did I just make Paul Romeo himself chase me through the Casbah Gallery?
“You look great, I mean, you look in great shape to me. I mean…”
I blushed helplessly as he sent me a dazzling smile. Then he leaned in and lowered his voice, gently lifting my chin.
“You know, sometimes heroes and villains have more in common than they realise.”
My eyes flickered to his mouth, now so close I could feel his breath on my skin with every word. Silly costume or not, Paul Romeo definitely still had it.
He continued softly. “They are both driven by passion… by the thrill of the chase.”
Then he pulled back, a playful twinkle in his eyes.
“Sadly, it seems fate had other plans for us, Black Shadow, and I don’t want to be another has-been actor who dates women half my age. Besides, I think your companion is getting impatient.”
I had forgotten all about Marten.
He was staring at us, his face unreadable.
Paul gave my hand a brief squeeze.
“Until we meet again, Black Shadow.”
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#duchellilegacy#duchellichapters#duchelligen5#julia duchelli#marten rouse#paul romeo#llama man has arrived!
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We had decided to stay in Sulani for almost a week after the wedding to make it a proper vacation. We never really had the chance to travel together before and we wanted to make the most of it.
The days flew by, and I felt closer to Samuel than ever as we spent every moment simply enjoying each other’s company.
I thought about last summer, how far we’d come since Hailey started school. And now Samuel and I were back together and Ivy was about to start school as well. It almost felt unreal.
We took a long walk on the last afternoon of the trip. The Sulani sunsets were truly gorgeous. The islands became bathed in an orange glow as the sun slowly disappeared behind the mountains.
Samuel put an arm around me and looked at the horizon thoughtfully.
Tomorrow we would be flying back to Copperdale, back to our jobs, our house, our daughters. I wondered what the future would look like as the waves gently lapped at our feet.
“You’re very quiet, Freya. What are you thinking about?”
“Going home. You?”
He sent me a mischievous smile.
“I’m thinking I want us to get married again.”
“Samuel… was that another accidental proposal?”
He laughed and picked me up.
“No, it was very much intentional this time. But you didn’t answer.”
“Yes, of course!”
“Great, follow-up question – how do you feel about another baby?”
“Samuel, you’re crazy. I love you, but you’re crazy.”
“I am. Crazy enough to marry you twice.”
“Touché.”
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Chapter 37
This Love
When we entered the bedroom, I anxiously wondered if it would break the spell. Maybe being back in this room would remind Samuel what happened, what I did to him.
[mild spice below cut]
But he just kept kissing me, almost aggressively, and I wanted him to never stop.
He pushed me down on the bed, slowly, his eyes searching my face. I recognised that look, knew he was worrying about being too much for me, too intense. But I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him closer, begged him to let himself go, to stop holding back on me.
He groaned and threw me onto the middle of the bed, pinning me down with his body.
Samuel had been right about me all along. I had been keeping him at arm’s length because I hadn’t loved him and he had felt it, known me better than I knew myself.
It made sense, now, that he had been so restrained around me, that our marriage had felt so fragile.
But now the restraints were off and we both threw ourselves into whatever this was with wild abandon, barely managing to keep quiet so we wouldn’t wake up the girls.
That night we slept in each other’s arms and nothing had ever felt so right.
The next morning, Samuel left before the girls woke up. I could feel myself starting to worry. What if this changed everything? Or worse – what if it didn’t? But he smiled reassuringly.
“See you tonight. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Then he kissed me goodbye and it felt like a promise.
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#duchellilegacy#duchellichapters#duchelligen4#freya duchelli#samuel ward#sims spice#tumblr better not have a fit#hope all this denim on denim isnt too spicy
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It was getting colder, the leaves would be turning brown soon. I had started staying out a bit later after coaching, just so I wouldn’t have to face Samuel.
Being near him was almost painful, and I didn’t trust myself not to reveal everything, throw myself at him and beg for forgiveness. But sooner or later I had to go home.
Samuel had to leave as soon as I returned that evening, and I immediately took out the wedding picture as usual and put it on the table in front of me.
I had looked at it so many times in the last few months and I still didn’t recognise the two people staring back at me from the photo. It felt like a dream. I could barely remember half the wedding, I had been too anxious. Had I even been happy? Had Samuel been happy when we said the wows? Had he believed in us, believed in me?
I looked at the smile in his eyes, his smooth face. How had it only been seven years since this? We looked so painfully young. So stupid. The whole thing had been a fairytale, dreamt up in our minds with no basis in reality. Samuel hadn’t known me at all, I hadn’t even know myself. And I certainly hadn’t known or even cared who he really was.
And now it was too late. I saw the future stretch out in front of me, years and years of…
“Freya?”
I spun around. I hadn’t even heard the door.
“Sorry, I forgot my phone… Why are you looking at that?”
I scrambled to my feet.
“Oh! It’s nothing. I was just…”
My voice faltered.
He hesitated for a second. Then he came closer, and it felt like he was looking right through me.
I was frozen in place, had no idea what to say.
“I’ve seen the way you look at me, you know. At first I thought I was imagining things. I figured it couldn’t possibly mean anything. After all, you said you never loved me… But you also never looked at me like this before.”
He put his arms around me.
“Freya?”
I saw the question in his eyes and felt the solidity of his body against mine.
Unlike the photo, this Samuel was real, not fiction. And I loved him.
The first kiss was brief, tentative. My nose bumped into his and I felt his lips form a smile against mine. We began kissing with an intensity that had never been there before until we both had to stop for breath.
“Fuck,” he mumbled. “I am probably the biggest idiot who ever lived, but fuck if I don’t want you back.”
Tears started running down my cheeks and Samuel held me close.
“I’m so, so sorry”, I whispered.
“I know.”
He held me until I stopped crying. I wanted to burrow into his chest and never leave.
“Freya, my eyes. Look into my eyes. There. Tell me, what do you want?”
His eyes were almost black in the low light and it felt like I was standing on the edge of the edge, the abyss only a heartbeat away.
There’s a way out of everything, but there’s rarely a way back.
“You, Samuel. I want you back. I love you.”
His lips met mine again and I surrendered myself to him completely.
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It was nice being outside in the cool night air after sitting in the stuffy room. My clothes smelled like whatever he and Kari had been smoking.
I felt a little lightheaded as well.
As we walked back to the house, Charlie told me about touring, about trying to make it big. He told me about getting into trouble and running from the police. It was still baffling to me that he could laugh about things like being arrested, like it was all a big joke to him.
He also talked a little about Samuel. It felt like he was trying not to, but couldn’t stop himself. It sounded like his feelings about Samuel were just as complicated as Samuel’s feelings about him. There was definitely the same mix of resentment and envy.
After we got back to the house and I thanked Amelia for watching the girls, Charlie followed me upstairs to get a glimpse of his nieces. They were both sleeping peacefully.
In the hallway outside their room, he turned and looked at me with those mismatched eyes, one brown, one green.
“Cute kids. I know I haven’t been much of an uncle, but I’ll meet them properly tomorrow. My brother has always been the lucky one.”
I felt the lump in my throat. Tell that to him, maybe he would be here now. Maybe he would still care.
“Is something wrong? Freya? Hey, what’s up?”
There was actual concern in his voice. A voice that sounded so much like Samuel’s, except Samuel’s voice was causing me nothing but pain lately. I felt the tears coming.
“I’m sorry, Charlie, I’m a mess these days. It’s just – I don’t know if Samuel and I are going to last, and…”
He put his arms around me, and I leaned into him as I tried not to cry.
It felt good.
Samuel rarely held me when I was upset, he just explained why I shouldn’t be.
Charlie lifted my chin.
“My brother has also always been a fucking idiot.”
Then he kissed me.
Hard.
Insistent.
This was nothing like Samuel’s gentle kisses, bore no resemblance to his constant restraint. Or to his complete absence lately.
My knees buckled as Charlie continued kissing my neck, his other hand slowly, deliberately, untucking my shirt.
I should have pushed him away, told him to stop.
But I didn’t.
Somehow we reached the bed.
I had never felt this wanted, this desirable. All my frustration, doubt and hesitation obliterated.
As I wrapped my legs around Charlie, I knew this was wrong, this was a disaster. But all it did was turn me on more.
Charlie demanded instead of asking, ordered instead of suggesting.
Praised instead of criticising.
I let go of everything, lost myself completely in his arms, my mind blank, my body frenzied.
He looked up at me, eyes shining in the dark, as I moved my hips furiously, my nails digging into his skin.
“Fuck. If only my perfect little brother could see what his perfect little wife is doing right now.”
His harsh words cut through me without mercy, slicing through all the ties that had ever bound me.
They say the truth will set you free.
I had spent my life running from the truth, telling myself that everything would be fine if only I could find a way to be perfect.
I guess there’s nothing as freeing as accepting that you’re just a horrible human being.
Or maybe I was just human.
Flawed.
Broken.
Never meant to be perfect.
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“Mr. Romeo? Lee Thompson is at the gate.”
“Thanks, Jeff. Ask him if he brought any new tunes for the party.”
“Mr. Thompson, any fresh melodies for tonight?”
“Only if Paul promises not to sing along this time!”
“He’s brought harsh truths, Mr. Romeo.”
“Ouch. We better let him in, Jeff. And tell him my singing’s improved!”
Paul turned from the intercom, still chuckling, and pulled me close.
“Now, remember,” he urged softly, “You’re just meeting my friends. There’s no need to be nervous, they’re very nice and they’ll adore you.”
“I’ll try. It’s just that all your friends are major celebrities.”
He smiled and tucked a few stray hairs behind my ear.
“They’re also just people. There’s nothing to worry about. We’re going to have fun.”
I nodded and kissed him, trying to ignore the way my heart felt ready to leap out of my chest. I wasn’t even sure what I worried about the most, the fact that these people were famous, or that they were Paul’s closest friends. What would they think of him being with someone like me?
Lee Thompson exuded the same intensity he brought to his music. He’d composed some of the most memorable scores of the last two decades, including the original Llama Man theme tune and the new version for the animated series. He moved gracefully, like a dancer, and his handshake was surprisingly gentle. I thanked him for more or less writing the soundtrack to my entire childhood, realising only too late what I was implying, but he was delighted and didn’t seem to notice.
I’d barely recovered from my embarrassment before Jeff announced the next arrivals, and Lee sauntered off to open the champagne.
I clung to Paul’s arm as Sierra Moss and her husband, Dave Richardson, entered. Somehow, I even managed to mumble a polite greeting.
Dave’s smile was warm and welcoming. “It’s good to meet you. Paul has told us so much about you.”
Sierra laughed. “In fact, he never shuts up about you.”
Meeting Sierra Moss felt surreal. I had seen all of her movies, I even had a poster of her in Cop & Llama on my walls at home. Well, Dave was technically on the poster as well, but the llama costume meant that he wasn’t as instantly recognisable as Sierra, especially since he’d stayed on the other side of the cameras since the series ended. Sierra, on the other hand, had starred in dozens of movies and was a household name.
I straightened my back and desperately hoped that I looked like someone who was both a proper adult and perfectly chill about the fact that my childhood idol was standing in front of me and teasing my boyfriend about thinking he could keep me a secret for long.
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#duchellilegacy#duchellichapters#duchelligen5#julia duchelli#paul romeo#lee thompson#jeff the security guard#sierra moss#dave richardson
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Chapter 35
This Is Me Trying
When I found the rose, I knew that Samuel had been there.
I could imagine all too well what he’d seen.
I never meant for it to happen like this. I knew that what I did was the end of my marriage, knew that I was giving up on it the moment I kissed Charlie back instead of pushing him away, but I obviously hadn’t meant for Samuel to witness any of it.
I should have given up a long time ago. Then none of this would have happened.
It took two days before Samuel came home. The girls were asleep by the time he walked into the house after work, almost as if he hadn’t been gone at all.
I fully expected him to yell at me, to be furious. It would only have been fair. But he never even raised his voice.
I would have preferred if he did, if he’d punished me somehow.
Instead, his voice was calm. Resigned.
“Freya, we’re done. I’m done. I’ve filed for divorce.”
“Samuel, I -“
“Shut up. Just shut up. I am no longer interested in anything you have to say. For once, just listen to me.”
I was taken aback. For once? It felt like I had done nothing but listen to Samuel’s lectures throughout our marriage. I was about to protest, but he continued.
“It’s finally clear to me that you don’t love me. Maybe you never did. You’ve told me again and again that I don’t care, and nothing I said or did could ever convince you. It was never enough, because nothing is ever enough for you. You just take.”
“The way I see it, there are two options. Either you don’t fully realise what you’ve done, or you did it on purpose. You’ve ruined our marriage, you’ve robbed me of any chance I ever had of having any kind of relationship with my brother, and whatever happens, you will have hurt Hailey and Ivy.”
“If you did this without realising the consequences, I worry about you. If you did this fully realising the consequences, I worry about you even more. But either way, I’m done with you.”
“We should never have been together in the first place, never have gotten married. I’m merely correcting a mistake.”
“I’ll come by tomorrow after work and spend some time with my daughters. Meanwhile, consider getting help.”
“No, wait, that’s an order. Get help, Freya, get your shit together. For my children’s sake.”
“Or I will have to keep them safe from you.”
Then he left. Somehow, the quiet click from the door closing behind him was louder than if he had slammed it in my face.
I had finally seen a Samuel that no longer cared about me, and it chilled me to the bone.
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Five days later I found myself back in Paul’s arms. I’d been looking forward to seeing him again, but also slightly worried that it wouldn’t be quite the same, that the connection we shared for one night couldn’t bear closer scrutiny.
But there had been no need to worry. He walked out of the airport and put his arms around me, kissing me passionately before quickly pulling me into a taxi so we wouldn’t be seen by too many people.
It didn’t take long before Paul would fly in from Del Sol Valley almost every weekend, spending as much time as possible with me before flying back for work.
During the week, our days and nights were filled with messages and phone calls, both of us hating every second apart, always waiting impatiently for the next weekend so we could see each other again.
Paul was great at finding secluded spots where he could be anonymous, away from prying eyes. We would go to botanical gardens at night, long walks just talking and holding hands.
Sometimes we’d rent a car and go on long midnight drives with no destination in mind, just getting out of the city and enjoying the last warm summer nights and each other’s company.
He insisted on trying to teach me a Tartosan dance that his father taught him when he was younger, his eyes sparkling as I did my best to follow the complicated footwork.
As the weather got colder, we could spend entire days in small book cafés and read each other passages from our favourite books, and I’d make him do different voices for every character.
It didn’t really matter what we did, as long as I was with him.
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By the time we entered Paul’s hotel room, the atmosphere had shifted. The lively energy from GeekCon and our animated conversation outside seemed worlds away, replaced by a nervous tension.
Paul took my coat and gestured at the sofa. I had a look around the room while he closed the blinds. Zenview Heights Hotel was old but well kept, and while the furniture was somewhat dated, it was neat and clean.
Paul’s suitcase and a few items of clothing had been placed in the wardrobe, but it was clear that this was a short stay. Most of his things hadn’t even been unpacked.
Over the bed, a picture best described as an art was clinging to the wall like it knew exactly how badly it was failing its sole purpose of being decorative.
Paul followed my gaze.
“If I’d known I would get company, I’d have chosen a fancier hotel.”
“It’s fine. I’m not here for the decor.”
He ran a hand through his hair, a gesture I was already beginning to recognise as one he made when he was nervous.
“I’m gonna be completely honest, Julia, I have no idea why I let you come back here with me. I wasn’t expecting my day to end like this.”
I laughed. “What? You didn’t expect to – let me see – meet a random cosplayer, chase her through GeekCon, have dinner with her, talk to her all evening, and then bring her back to your hotel room?”
He chuckled, the sound warm and genuine. “Exactly. Despite all the hypothetical scenarios I imagine on a daily basis, I never saw that particular chain of events coming. But I’m still glad our paths crossed.”
He threw his jacket over a chair and sat down, and I felt the unmistakable pull of attraction between us. It was almost too much. I tried to lighten the mood.
“Tell me, are you always this intense, or am I just special?”
He smirked, playing along.
“Well, you do make a compelling argument for special. I can’t recall the last time I felt so drawn to someone.”
The compliment made me giddy, but I also sensed his hesitation.
“But?”
He sighed.
“Look, Julia, you’re incredibly attractive, smart, and funny. But I was actually serious about not dating women half my age… the last thing I want is for you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”
“Paul, I’m an adult. I make my own choices. I very much chose to be here, in fact I basically followed you home like a stray cat. I appreciate the chivalry, but you can safely drop it.”
His lips quirked up. “I can’t. I’m a superhero, remember?”
“Well, I’m here now. What are you going to do about it?”
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