#drawing him again got me excited about the arc he goes through in the sequels
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One year ago, day for day, Halfway Home, my Mass Effect fanfiction that took me seven years to complete from start to finish, began to be released on Archive of Our Own. I have dusted off a drawing of Shlee I had never managed to finish for the occasion, and finally completed it to celebrate!!
It's my little space frog and he's having Problems!!!
Truth be told, I wanted to do approximately eight billion things in regards to Halfway Home, and I have finished barely three in that very long list (one of them being: I made printing tests for the cover of the book and it looks way better than I feared!!! so when I do eventually move forward and make a physical copy, it will look good at least.)
To be quite honest, I think I needed a break from Mass Effect and this story in particular, and so I allowed myself to step away for a while. But! I have been (tentatively, and wayy less efficiently than I had hoped) making slow progress on the sequel, The Empire of Preys! It hasn't reached first draft stage yet, as it is an incredibly long and stupidly complex story --but we're getting there eventually. It may just take a little longer than I first anticipated.
Anyway: happy birthday Halfway Home!!!!! Happy birthday longest project of my life that taught me how to write and did so many good things for me in general in spite of being a story about wallowing in the Horrors!!!! Happy birthday!!! Happy N7 Day ten days too late!!! Woooo!!!!
#salarians#salarian oc#mass effect#halfway home#writing#salarian#my art#fanfiction#shlee#shlee t'selvi#my little guy ;;#I like him a lot I had forgotten how much I like him and then I drew him again and was like oh.................. baby#if you are interested in the fic I HIGHLY suggest you look for the content warning list#as it is a rough ride#drawing him again got me excited about the arc he goes through in the sequels#as we have left him in an extremely unhinged and destructive place honestly#but first!!!#the empire of preys#the problem is that one cannot work on teop casually#I need to refamiliarize myself with several political systems an entire timeline a financial crisis and aaaa#it's a lot#love this story but it's a lot#I know I have never made the post about how I feel about the story#I think I will eventually#but I needed time to digest it all
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So I just finished Empire of Gold and need to gush about The Daevabad Trilogy for a minute.
(I try to be vague, but that's exactly when I up and hit you with low-key SPOILERS, so be aware.)
My rambling is only barely organized into the format of randomly selected topics in order to provide a vague outline for my outflowing of affection for each book.
CITY OF BRASS
Favorite character: Definitely Nahri. I love a woman who isn't afraid to go after what she wants, and boy howdy do I love me a pragmatist. AND do I love me a girl who can keep her head on her shoulders even when she's in-lust with man. As much as she is truly falling in love with Dara, she never forgets the way he looked at her when he thought she was shafit and his relief when Ghassan said she wasn't. She would have married him if he had offered I think, but she was smart enough to make him take the first step to cross the gap that his prejudice had put between them.
Most impressive thing: The way the author uses her narrator to tell a story that the narrative character doesn't always fully understand. This mostly comes through Ali's chapters at this point cause he's a little naive, but it's really skillfully done.
KINGDOM OF COPPER
Least favorite thing: There are some moments that just felt... weirdly written. There's three big ones that come to mind...
At the beginning- the way the writing describes the environment. I'm paraphrasing because it's been a week since I read it and I don’t remember details, but it's like "the only sound in the graveyard was the distant sound of cats fighting" then, five minutes later "The only sound was the sound of coins jingling in her basket." Like, where were those coins five minutes ago?! Also, why does an experienced thief put coins in a jingly basket that is easy to steal or drop instead of hiding them on her person??? (That's super nitpicky, but it was the first chapter, so I noticed it more.)
The second big moment that annoyed me was... okay so Dara learns that Muntadhir is bisexual through mind-reading powers that he's never previously demonstrated? I mean, there are enough clues about how he does it, and it makes sense to the character's history that he can sense peoples’ desires, but it felt weird that this is the only time we really see him use this power- here, as the inciting incident to the third act, where so much of the plot revolves around it. Dara already knew that Ghassan was planning to force Nahri to marry Muntadhir, they'd already talked about this, so I'm not sure what about Muntadhir being in a relationship with a man, as opposed to the multiple women he’s slept with this week, was enough to make this prospect so immediately repugnant that Dara goes absolutely stupid about it and incites the climax of the book.
Then there's the epilogue that basically just exists to point out what we already learned about Muntadhir and Jamshid. I thought that was kind of unnecessary, as no one in this epilogue scene, including the reader, doesn't already know about this relationship. Though the epilogue does also contain what I think was supposed to be foreshadowing, but which sent me off on a weird mental tangent where I spent most of the second book thinking Jamshid was the reincarnation of Rustam...
Favorite character: Muntadhir, hands down. There is one scene in particular, where he sasses Dara while dying of poison that is just my favorite scene in the entire book. I mean, I think part of my enjoyment was that I had been worried that he was about to be a victim of the Bury Your Gays trope, so when he shows back up still not dead I was so relieved to see him I literally squeeeed, and then he's bragging to Dara about something I explicitly know didn't happen, just actively involved in assassinating his own character because he has nothing else he can give to save his brother at that point except trying to distract Dara by enraging him... omg, do I love me some brotherly feels- my second favorite scene was the three siblings in a closet plotting a coup.
Least favorite thing: Dara lying to himself and justifying Manizheh's actions for the entire book. I get that the fact that he was lied to and betrayed by the people in power that he should have been able to trust is a big part of his arc, but I was not excited to have his POV added to this book just to have him and everyone around him spout off more prejudiced victim narrative bullshit every time I flipped to his chapters, like I wasn't getting enough of that from practically every other character in the story.
Most impressive thing: The author draws some really great parallels and contrasts between the 3 main characters and their journeys that I absolutely love. In chapter 2, Nahri says something like "Where's your sense of adventure?" to her new friend and then literally in the next chapter Ali says "Have you no sense of inquisitiveness?" to his new friend. (I don't like to call ships that early in the story, but I was like- these two are fated to be best friends if not something more.) A bit later in the story, Dara is presented with a choice: to do the easy thing or to do the Right thing, and he chooses the easy path even though he knows that it's wrong. After this, Ali is presented with a choice: to do the easy thing or the Right thing, and he does the Right thing, even though he knows that it ultimately probably won't help. I just really love that this story always feels like every narrative POV and every chapter fully develops the character and contributes to the world.
I also really love the twists and turns that Ali and Nahri’s relationship has taken over these first two books. They really have grown as individuals, and have believed the best and worst of each other, and understand each other in a way that is a great foundation for a truly lasting friendship (which is, of course, the best bedrock for building a more intimate relationship).
EMPIRE OF GOLD
Favorite character: Sobek. I have a soft spot for unrepentant murderers who have a soft spot for the people they find interesting.
Least favorite thing: It ended? I know this book was long enough to be an entire trilogy on its own, but I would have loved more at the end from the side characters. Like, I want 100 more pages just about Jamshid and Muntadhir. I was explicit confirmation of what Zaynab and Aquisa are up to, and a sequel trilogy about their adventures. I want more about Fiza and what her plans are for the future. I want orchard shenanigans with Mishmish. I want more about Sudha and her family. I want more about Nahri conning everyone into making a functional government, and I want more about the trials of everyone in the city learning to not hate and judge as a first reflex. Just MORE!
Most impressive thing: Overall I was just impressed with this entire book. If I had to pick one thing, I would probably say I was most impressed, and pleasantly surprised, by Dara's ending. By this point in the story, I was certain that Dara had transgressed every transgression that it was possible to transgress, and lied to himself the entire way, only deciding upon the Right course of action when it was exactly 2 minutes too late, so I was prepared for him to find Redemption in Death. But once again I was pleasantly surprised at this story's refusal to follow popular story tropes, when it instead granted him true freedom as he perhaps had never known in his life, and the ability to choose who he would live that life in service of- choosing to help those who, like him, had been victims of the ifrit.
I want more stories like this, about characters who are unforgivable, but who are forgiven- not by people or by those they have wronged, but by the narrative itself. Who are able and allowed to rededicate their lives to something, choosing to see their own actions and commit to helping people instead of just blindly following.
OVERALL
Favorite character: I want to say Nahri, though I also really appreciate Ali and his quiet growth from being naive and kind of annoying to a man who is finally comfortable with and understands himself. But I think I’m going to have to choose Jamshid. I really like characters who are honest with themselves about their motivations, and I really admire his willingness to be open to change, to having his entire world and beliefs be turned upside down and try to go with the new way of being instead of holding on to the past, to confess his sins and be honest with Nahri, to believe in the people he knows rather than in what others say about them when Manizheh tries to manipulate him, to have been through everything he's been through and still retain a sense of humor and a generally upbeat personality.
The author does a good job of presenting all of the characters as fully rounded people so that there isn't really a character that I find poorly written. I definitely disagree with a lot of characters, and dislike them as individual people, and Manizheh comes the closest to being someone I truly hate, but you can see the paths that brought these people to be who they are. There are some great lines- where I think it's Nahri who notes that Ghassan's father make him like he was by his abuse, as he had twisted Manizheh up with his own abuse, and that Muntadhir could have easily become just like his father. All people have the potential inside of them to be good or to be evil, and they are formed by the circumstances of their lives, the choices they make, and the power they give to the relationships they have. I also loved that, once she learns the truth about her parents, Nahri notes how much of herself she gets from her Egyptian mother, just as much as she got her Nahid heritage from Rustam, and that it's a part of her that she can be proud of and celebrate.
Most impressive thing: I don't like "realistic" fantasy, where lots of people die, because that tends to be an excuse for the book to just be really depressing. This story really surprised me by being realistic but in a way that was still full of hope. Sometimes people are terrible, or they are broken by the world and can no longer see anything beyond their pain, and a lot of the time the institutions we have created are terrible and are built on terrible things. But there is still always a need for people who do the right thing, who stand up for those who are being treated unfairly, who are willing to make sacrifices to break down the "us" and "them" that divides people. Who are willing to see change not as something to be feared but as a beautiful potential.
Least MOST favorite thing: As Chakraborty herself notes in her afterward: "There are days when it feels silly and selfish to spend my days crafting tales of monsters and magic. But I still believe, desperately, in the power of stories. If you take any message from this trilogy, I hope it is to choose what's right even when it seems hopeless - especially when it seems hopeless. Stand for justice, be a light, and remember what it is we were promised by the One who knows better.
“With every hardship comes ease."
I also believe in the power of stories, and I’m so excited to have been able to experience this one. <3
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Coming Attractions!
First Monday of the month (and year. Thank every known deity in the universe.)
...ahem.
Yeah. It’s been a...well, 2020. But it is now officially a new month and year, and time for a Coming Attractions post!
The big news, obviously, is that I actually finished Precipice. \o/ ...well, the first seven arcs, anyway.
As I’ve discussed before, and explained in my very long author’s note at the end of the final chapter on Ao3, the next steps for this AU are a series of seven one-shots which will be released as ‘Preludes,’ covering the six-year timegap before Arc Eight. These mostly deal with Rebels characters (although I’m slightly rethinking one of them because I should probably include Mara Jade in it...), as well as Sidious’ fifth apprentice and possibly Maul.
I’ll also be starting the sequel, entitled either Protectors or Promises (it’s been Protectors for a while, but now I’m waffling? IDK). Anyway, that picks up with arc Eight, Escalation, six years after the end of Precipice. I’ll probably post a preview snippet sometime this month because Why Not.
There will be a hiatus (an actually Planned one this time, lol...). I’m aiming to start posting in April, but we’ll see how things go.
Anyway, moving on to other plans!
Other Star Wars Projects:
our faces like a mirror
I totally planned to start posting that this year <.< On the plus side, I don’t...think the Siege of Mandalore arc (or the stuff from the Mandalorian) really Jossed anything I had planned? Especially given the fact that it’s set from 5 years pre-TPM (I recognize that Lucasfilm has made a timeline decision but given that it’s a stupid-ass timeline decision I have elected to ignore it) to about 5 years post-TPM, so I wasn’t really expecting it to, but it was a vague concern of mine. Anyway, I’ll rewatch to be sure before I post, probably. But, yeah, I’m all the more excited about my girl Bo-Katan now, so hopefully I’ll get some momentum on this.
2021 SWBB:
I finally figured out a general shape of the plot, lol! And I have about...just under 4k of miscellaneous text in this AU (like, actual Story text, not just random notes and scribbles of which I have. A Lot). I need to get another 2k by Sunday, but that shouldn’t be a problem.
It’s going to be in four parts, plus prelude/interludes/coda, because that is the Structure that my brain at like 4AM gave me the other night, lol. While I don’t know the details, I have a general idea of What Happen in parts one, three, and four; except for tying in some Mandalore stuff and making some Decisions about who I want to draw in at various points. Part Two is also up in the air. I know how it needs to end to set up part three, but not so sure about what should actually go in there. Possibly I’ll end up cutting Part Two and just having a three-part story, but eh, we’ll see.
Anyway, I’m having fun with this, especially since I’ve discovered the Plot, so we’ll see how things go from here :)
Other SW Fanfics:
I am...hoping??? to resurrect Distaff and/or the Ventress outline at some point this year, because I’m very fond of those AUs and they deserve some more love. Possibly also another Devoted story. We shall see.
AtLA Fanfic Projects:
As I’ve mentioned a few times over the past few months, I’ve fallen back into this fandom (which was my primary fandom for...like...four to six years????) And I definitely want to write more in it. I’ve already done one AU outline, and I have plans for a couple fulltext fics (...discounting the super-self-indulgent crossover stuff I don’t super plan on sharing outside a very small circle lol). I don’t have much actual, uh, Text on anything yet, but I’m hoping to start posting one or more of those at some point this year, too.
Project One is an Avatar Zuko AU; Aang is around for reasons that do get explained in story; Zuko finds out a couple months before the duel with his father when accidental water or airbending happens (he’s in a sailboat, there’s a storm, I haven’t worked out the details yet). He decides That Clearly Didn’t Happen and proceeds to ignore it...until he manages to accidentally waterbend again when in the infirmary post-duel. At which point he decides he Does Not want to be just...used as a weapon. He figures he has about three and a half years before the comet, he can use that time to figure out what to do next; maybe come back with the comet and Prove his Worth at that point.
He goes to the WAT first, to see what he can figure out about airbending from any texts/mosaics/whatever that are still there; then he heads to the NWT; then he’ll probably pick up Toph because I love their dynamic. He plans to spend a year on each other element (not enough time for mastery but that comet deadline looms large). Obviously, over the course of those three years, his plans change.
And then things get thrown even more off the rails when Aang emerges from the iceberg before Zuko’s year of earthbending is up.
There will be a fair number of OCs hanging around (both to give him someone to talk to at the WAT and I think he’s going to learn from a less-prominent master than Pakku when he gets to the NWT), as well as Iroh trying to find his nephew, and various other familiar faces from the show.
Project Two is about Lu Ten, and a lover he had during the Siege of Ba Sing Se, and what happens to her (and her daughter) after his death. I’ve talked about that one in a little more detail in other posts, I think, hence the comparatively short summary, lol.
Original Stuff:
I am hoping to get more origfic posted this year than I did last year. I’ve got these universes I love exploring, and I feel like they should get more attention, lol.
...I think that about covers it! At the end of last year, I set myself some Goals, which were. Well. 2020 happened, soooo...
Anyway, because I am an Optimist, I’m going to set goals again for this year. And I guess go over how well I did on the ones I had??? A lot of my goals will probably be repeats from last year, because...yeah.
2020 Goals
1. Finish Precipice; complete Arcs 8 and 9 in Protectors/Promises/Precipice II; put out some level of Arc 7.5/Preludes content.
I did finish Precipice! I did not do the other things.
2. Write at least 10k of origfic content.
Not quite--I ended up with 8,129 words.
3. Start posting OFLAM
Nope, that did not happen.
4. Revive a semi-hiatused fic (i.e., Distaff; Auxiliaries; Phoenix!Verse; one of the BSG fics I keep meaning to go back to if I ever actually sit down and rewatch the series; if I add an actual sequel/companion to Deja Vu… that probably counts…)
Did not happen.
5. Finish updating Lux and Farglass Cycle archives; keep them updated through the end of the year as new content gets added.
Nope.
6. At least four AU outline installments of some kind; preferably including a continuation of Ventress and Her Tiny Time-Travelling Conscience and actually writing up the main part of Let’s Go Steal a Crossover; but any outline will count.
I did put up one AtLA outline, as mentioned before; and I also posted a massive timeline for the Jedi of Valdemar AU, but nothing else.
7. Complete BB submission and keep an eye out for other challenges/exchanges.
Did complete BB, and one giftfic exchange over the summer.
8. Write at least one holiday fic (Valentine’s Day; Mother’s Day; Father’s Day; Halloween; New Year’s; etc.) and post on the appropriate day.
Did not do the thing.
2021 Goals
1. Post Arcs 8 and 9 in Precipice!Verse as well as at least half of the Preludes stories.
2. Write at least 10k of origfic content.
3. Start posting OFLAM.
4. Revive a semi-hiatused fic; preferably Distaff; but Auxiliaries or Phoenix!verse or one of the BSG fics would also count (Serenissima, Other Battlestar, For Sorrow Sung rewrite...)
5. Start posting at least one AtLA fulltext fic.
6. Finish updating Lux and Farglass Cycle archives; keep them updated through the end of the year as new content gets added.
7. Find a title and set up an archive for Untitled Intrigues Story
8. At least four AU outline installments of some kind, preferably including a continuation of Ventress and Her Tiny Time-Travelling Conscience
9. Complete BB submission and keep an eye out for other challenges/exchanges.
10. Write at least one holiday fic (Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween, New Year’s, etc.) and post on the appropriate day.
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Thanks for recommending Gideon the Ninth! It was so good! Do you have a book rec tag I could check out? :)
honestly i should, huh? i’ve read more books than probably ever before this year and i’ve talked about ‘em intermittently, but not with a consistent tag. i’ll recommend some right now, though, with a healthy dose of recency bias!
sf/f
the priory of the orange tree by samantha shannon - a truly epic fantasy novel with one of the most beautiful, satisfying f/f romances i’ve ever read. the novel takes account nearly everything i hate about fantasy as a genre (overwhelmingly straight, white, and male centric, bland medieval European settings, tired tropes) and subverts them. incredible world-building, diverse fantasy cultures, really cool arthrurian legend influence. one of my favorite books i’ve ever read tbh.
gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir - which you’ve read, obviously, but for posterity’s sake i’m keeping it here! sci-fi + murder mystery + gothic horror. genuinely funny while still having a super strong emotional core and more than enough gnarly necromantic to satisfy the horror nerd in me. makes use of some of my favorite tropes in fiction, namely the slowburn childhood enemies to reluctant allies to friends to ??? progression between gideon and harrow. absolutely frothing at the mouth for a sequel.
the broken earth trilogy by nk jemisin - really the first book that helped me realize i don’t hate fantasy, i just hate the mainstream ‘medieval europe but with magic’ version of fantasy that dominates the genre. EXTREMELY cool worldbuilding. i’ve definitely described it as like, a GOOD version of what the mage-vs-templar conflict in dragon age could have been, with a storyline particularly reminiscent of “what if someone got Anders right?”
this is how you lose the time war by amal el-mohtar and max gladstone - i’m not usually big on epistolary novels, but this one really worked for me. spy vs spy but it’s gay and takes place between time traveling agents of two opposing sides of a war. the letter writing format really plays to el-mohtar’s strengths as a poet, the unfolding love story is weird and beautiful. it’s a really quick read, too, if you’re short on time or attention.
empress of forever by max gladstone - i just finished this one this week! if you’re in the mood for a space opera, look no further. imagine if steve jobs was an asian lesbian and also like not a shitty person. this is where you start with vivian liao. you get the classic putting-the-band-together arc with beings from all across the universe, your romances and enemies-turned-friends and uneasy alliances all over the place. really satisfying character development and some extremely cool twists along the way. it’s just a fun good time.
the luminous dead by caitlin starling - this one rides the line of horror so it’s closest to that part of the list. it reminds me of the most inventive low budget horror/sci-fi films i’ve loved in the best way possible because it makes use of the barest narrative resources. it’s a book that takes place in one primary setting, featuring interactions between two characters that only meet each other face-to-face for the briefest period. the tension between the two characters is the most compelling part of the story, with competing and increasingly unreliable narratives and an eerie backdrop to ratchet things up even higher. the author described it as “queer trust kink” at one point which is, uh, super apt actually and totally my jam. the relationship at the center of the book is complicated to say the least, outright combative at points, but super compelling. plus there’s lost of gnarly sci-fi spelunking if you like stories about people wandering around in caves.
horror
the ballad of black tom by victor lavalle - we all agree that while lovecraft introduced/popularized some cool elements into horror and kind of defined what cosmic horror would come to mean, he was a racist sack of shit. which is why my favorite type of ‘lovecraftian horror’ is the type that openly challenges his abhorrent views. the ballad of black tom is a retelling of the horror at redhook that flips the narrative by centering the action around a black protagonist.
lovecraft country by matt ruff - more of what i just described. again, lovecraftian themes centered around black protagonists. this one’s especially cool because it’s a series of interconnected short stories following related characters. it’s getting a tv adaptation i believe, but the book is definitely not to be missed
rolling in the deep / into the drowning deep by mira grant - mermaids are real and they’re the ultimate deep sea predators! that’s really the whole premise. if for some reason that’s not enough for you, let me add this: diverse cast, a romance between a bi woman who’s not afraid to use the word and an autistic lesbian, really cool speculative science tangents about mermaid biology and myth.
the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson - it’s halloween month so i’m thinking about hill house again. one of the greatest american ghost stories ever written. especially worth the read if you follow it up w the 1964 film adaptation (the haunting) and then the 2018 netflix series.
the hunger by alma katsu - i’ve always been fascinated by the donner party even though we now know the popular narrative is largely falsehoods. still, this highly fictionalized version of events scratched an itch for me and ended up surprising me with its resistance from the most expected and toxic racist tropes associated with donner party myth.
wounds / north american lake monsters by nathan ballingrud - nathan ballingrud is my favorite horror writer of all time. one of my favorite writers period regardless of genre. in ballingrud’s work the horror is right in front of you. you can look directly at it, it’s right there. but what permeates it, what draws your attention instead, what makes it hurt is the brutally honest emotional core of everything surrounding the horror. the human tragedy that’s’ reflected by the more fantastic horror elements is the heart of his work. it’s always deeply, profoundly moving for me. both of these collections are technically short stories, but they’re in the horror section of the recs because delineations are totally arbitrary and made solely at my discretion.
short stories
her body and other parties by carmen maria machado - tbh i almost put this in w horror but there’s enough weird fiction here for me to be willing to straddle the line. it was really refreshing to read horror that centered queer women’s perspectives. the stories in this collection are really diverse and super powerful. there’s an incredible weird fiction piece that’s like prompt-based law and order svu micro fiction (go with me here) that ends up going to some incredible places. there’s the husband stitch, a story that devastated me in ways i’m still unraveling. the final story reminded me of a more contemporary haunting of hill house in the best way possible. machado is a writer i’m really excited about.
vampires in the lemon grove by karen russell - my friend zach recommended this to me when we were swapping book recs earlier this year and i went wild for it! mostly weird fiction, but i’m not really interested in getting hung up on genres. i don’t know what to say about this really other than i really loved it and it got me excited about reading in a way i haven’t been in a while.
the tenth of december by george saunders - i really like saunders’ work and i feel like the tenth of december is a great place to start reading him. quirky without being cloying, weird without being unrelatable.
misc
the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid - there’s something really compelling to me about the glamour of old hollywood. this story is framed as a young journalist interviewing a famously reclusive former starlet at the end of her life. the story of how evelyn hugo goes from being the dirt-poor daughter of cuban immigrants to one of the biggest names in hollywood to an old woman facing the end of her life alone is by turns beautiful, inspiring, infuriating and desperately sad. by far the heart of the book is in evelyn finally coming out as bisexual, detailing her decades-long on/off relationship with celia st. james, another actress. evelyn’s life was turbulent, fraught with abuse and the kind of exploitation you can expect from the hollywood machine, but the story is compelling and engaging and i loved reading it.
smoke gets in your eyes by caitlin doughty - a memoir by caitlin doughty, the woman behind the popular ‘ask a mortician’ youtube series. it was a super insightful look into the american death industry and its many flaws as well as an interesting, often moving look at the human relationship with death through the eyes of someone touched by it early and deeply.
love and rockets by los bros hernandez (jaime and gilbert and mario) - this was a big alt comic in the 80s with some series within running on and off through the present. i’m not current, but this book was so important for me as a kid. in particular the locas series, which centered around two queer latina girls coming up in the punk scene in a fictional california town. the beginning starts of a little sci-fi-ish but over time becomes more concerned with slice-of-life personal dramas.
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