“(647): The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.“

“Parker’s circumstance at Heartland is just weird. She got dropped off when her dad and step mom, Dr. Tricia Virani get married and go on their honeymoon. So, for what, two years, her dad never visits, calls, nothing? Then the writers just perpetuate her at Heartland with her crush on Logan. I think it would have been better for Katie to have the crush and phase out Parker.“

One Day - Heartland AU (Pt. 26)

Summary: Heartland is a horse ranch run by Jack and his grandson Ty dedicated to rehabilitating both horses and the criminals that work with them. It’s also the place Amy Fleming is banished to after getting herself into a situation that will change her life forever. Thousands of miles from home living with total strangers and an uncertain future, with the help of an unlikely group of people, she discovers what second chances are all about and strives toward a new beginning she never expected. Inspired by the Heartland episode 4.08 - One Day and based on Anne Howard Creel’s novel “The Magic of Ordinary Days.” Rating: PG-13 for language, drugs, and violence. Parts: 25, ... 27 Trigger Warnings: mentions of rape, references to abortion

“Okay, are you ready?” Dr. Virani asked, sitting in the stool in front of Amy who was now drier and warmer despite currently being dressed in a thin fabric shift. The positive side of living in the apartment above her own clinic, Dr. Virani explained, was easy access to her washer and dryer. And good coffee. So while doing Amy’s check-up and ultrasound, her clothes were upstairs getting dry. Small towns were weird.

At the doctor’s prompting, Amy explained her morning sickness woes, deciding to leave out the issues with anxiety and panic attacks. The two sessions she spent with a therapist before bailing on them pretty much told her what she needed to know about the reason behind those – not that Amy hadn’t figured that out on her own. Virani sympathized and offered some remedies to help ease the discomfort. Other than that there was no other reason Amy could come up with for wanting to reschedule. She was speaking with a doctor after all; any fake ailment she tried to give would be investigated.

“Sure,” Amy answered after a beat, shifting back on the table and planting her feet in the stirrups at the doctor’s request. Her knees pressed tightly closed as she watched the doctor gather her tools and start up the ultrasound machine. Her breathing became heavier at the memory of the last time she was positioned like this. Her body was bruised, broken, and half frozen; her nails torn apart and caked with blood and grime. DNA was swabbed from beneath them. A nurse held her trembling hand and stroked her wet, muddy hair while the doctor made her open her shaking legs to collect more DNA and make notes for the rape kit.

Amy stared up at the lights as she had then, willing herself to relax and breath slowly. Her hands balled her gown into her fists as she took in ragged breaths.

“Amy?” She jerked at a hand on her bare leg, glancing down her body at the masked doctor who was studying her with concern. “Are you all right?” God she wished people would stop asking her that.

“Fine.” Amy swallowed, making every effort to pull herself back to the here and now.

“Can you open your legs for me?” Dr. Virani asked gently, though her gaze remained assessing.

Blinking toward the ceiling again, Amy pried her knees apart to give the doctor access to her. She inhaled sharply as something entered her, spreading her open, trapping the air in her lungs. She was so focused on not watching what the doctor was doing she didn’t see the crease of her brow when she noticed the scars. Tricia didn’t comment at first, sliding the scope further in and turning her eyes to the screen. Then she darted a glance at Amy. Quickly, she finished her prenatal check before retracting the scope and letting Amy close her legs.

Sitting back, Tricia pulled the mask down under her chin. “Amy, can I ask you something?” Her voice was soft, careful. She didn’t want to upset Amy but it would help her do her job if she knew the truth.

Amy’s stomach clenched at the doctor’s tone and already her eyes began to burn with the threat of tears because she knew what was coming next. And she didn’t want to have to answer.

Without waiting for Amy’s response, Tricia went ahead and asked anyway. “Were you raped?”

Amy’s mouth clamped shut to swallow the sob that desperately wanted to escape. Tears forced their way out the corners of her eyes as she continued to stare up at the ceiling, refusing to meet Dr. Virani’s pained expression.

“Amy? Please answer me. It’s important I know.”

Unable to hold it anymore, Amy’s breath came out ragged and wet. But when she spoke her words were bitter, almost angry. “What do you think?”

“I think the scars in your vaginal canal don’t lie. They look to be from tearing due to forced penetration.” Amy flinched at the graphic description that jarred a memory.

“Then there’s your answer.”

More like a non-answer, but Tricia took it. She knew what sexual assault looked like when she saw it. She might be a small town doctor now, but her residency and earlier half of her career was spent in the city where she dealt with it more than she cared to admit. And the scars Amy had weren’t very old. In fact, they looked just barely healed. If Amy was just over ten weeks pregnant then… Tricia’s heart broke for the young woman on her table.

“Okay,” she said quietly, not pressing the matter. It would be easier if Amy just confirmed it, but Tricia knew better than to try and pressure her right now, especially if it was still so fresh. She only hoped Amy was able to get the immediate care she needed following the incident. Obviously, some precautions were missed, or ineffective at least, but it was important for Amy to know there were still resources available to her. Hudson might be a small town, but they looked out for their own, no matter where they came from.

Tricia took a breath. “Do you still want to go ahead with the ultrasound? We can postpone if you want.” Now that she understood Amy’s situation, the hesitation from earlier made more sense.

Amy remained quiet, still trying to maintain control as painful memories of that night, and the days following, invaded her mind with no mercy. She wasn’t having the same severe reaction she did with Ty, which was odd since this doctor’s office was more triggering than anything she experienced so far. Maybe it was because of her negative previous experiences being alone with him, or the fact that he was a man. Tricia was a woman doctor, all of the things that should make Amy feel more relaxed in her presence.

“No,” Amy voice came out raspy. She cleared her throat. “Go ahead,” she clarified.

Tricia nodded and pulled the tube of gel from the machine. Slowly, she lifted Amy’s shift to expose her small bump. To anyone who didn’t know, it looked like she just ate a big lunch.

Amy’s abs tightened at the cold sensation of the gel on her skin. Dr. Virani placed the wand in the goo swirling it around and adjusting some things on the screen. When she was satisfied with the picture she turned the monitor so Amy could see. But Amy couldn’t bring herself to look. She fixed her stare on the wand’s movement.

“I-“ she choked. “Turn it back. Please.”

With a sad look, Tricia pulled the monitor back to face her. Amy’s reaction worried her a lot. She went on with her examination, checking the fetus’ vitals and measurements. “Would you like to hear the heartbeat?” She asked after a time.

Amy’s lip trembled. She was barely holding together. Part of her wanted to jump off the table and bolt out the door, but another part of her wanted to experience that moment of joy and awe other mothers did. Normal mothers. Mothers who wanted their babies and planned for months for their arrival. Amy suddenly felt guilty for the thought. She did want her baby. She did. She just wished it came a different way.

With tears blurring her vision, Amy nodded.

The sound that came through the speaker near her head shattered her. She was not prepared for the fast whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of the heart beating inside her. Her hands flew up to cover her face as she burst into sobs, drowning out the noise.

Quickly, Tricia flicked it off. “Sh-shh, Amy. It’s okay.” The doctor set the wand aside and went to Amy’s side. She placed a steadying hand on her head, the other rubbing her arm soothingly.

“It’s not.” Amy’s words sounded garbled through her tears. “I’m not sure I can do this. And I hate myself for thinking it.”

The agonized confession struck a chord in Tricia, but she focused on maintaining a professional, yet sympathetic demeanor. “There’s nothing wrong with being scared. You have every right to be afraid, especially after what happened to you. But, you know you don’t have to do this. You have options, Amy.”

The mere hint of suggestion splintered Amy’s soul. “No!” She gasped, taking a few deep breaths before sliding her hands away from her face and saying again with more conviction. “No. No, I won’t do that. I made a promise.”

“If you’re struggling this much to heal from the attack, maybe it would be for the best. For you. For your psychological health.”

“I said ‘no’!” Amy snapped, shooting a red-eyed, tear-stained glare at the doctor. “I’m not doing it.” Her hand lowered to rest protectively at the top of her belly. She was pretty sure that would wreak havoc on her psychological health.

Tricia conceded. “Okay. Then, there is always adoption.” When Amy didn’t snap again, she went on. “There are a lot of couples out there that can’t have children and are on extensive waiting lists to adopt babies – many of which that come from your same situation.”

“You mean give my baby to total strangers?” That thought also frightened her. How would she know they were being taken care of? What if the parents ended up being like her father – gamblers and drug addicts. Alcoholics. Child molesters. Sex traffickers. She couldn’t bear not knowing what became of her child.

“They don’t have to be strangers,” Tricia explained. “You can pick them out yourself, meet them, learn about them, get to know them. And if you want you can request an open adoption so you can get photos and records of their life, even be an active part of it.”

Amy settled back with this fresh perspective running through her brain. She was aware of the option to adopt, but always viewed it as handing her child off to a nurse as soon as they took their first breath and never seeing them again.

“You don’t have to make the decision now,” Tricia said when Amy didn’t respond. “I can send you home with some material and websites to browse. Take the time you need to think it over. Just know that if you’re planning to stay in Hudson, and at Heartland, you’ll have a pretty great support group - no matter what you choose.” She offered Amy a reassuring smile before leaving her to clean the lube from her belly while she ran upstairs to retrieve her clothes from the dryer.

Strangely, Ty was sitting in the waiting room when Amy emerged. He flipped the magazine he was reading closed and stood up, regarding her carefully. Her eyes were red and puffy like she’d been crying, but she looked quickly away upon seeing him to the receptionist.

“Oh, Amy.” Dr. Virani emerged from the back with a yellow legal-size envelope she handed to Amy, along with a business card that she’d scrawled her personal number on the back of. “If you ever have questions or just want to talk, about anything, don’t hesitate to reach out.”

Amy nodded, accepting the items. “Thank you,” her voice was still a bit hoarse, but sincere. The ‘thank you’ referred to more than the business card.

Ty hovered by the door, unsure if he was supposed to ask how it went. Amy saved him from having to choose.

“I thought you were gonna meet me at the truck,” she said when they stepped back out in the drizzle.

“I wasn’t sure how long you were gonna be so I figured I’d check out their reading material.” No need to mention his Kit encounter or the fact he didn’t want to leave himself exposed in case she decided she had something more she wanted to say after all in the form of a closed fist.

What he didn’t anticipate was her still being in town and witnessing him walk out of the clinic with Amy as she left the pharmacy across the street. Kit’s arms fell to her sides as she watched with a hurt frown while they climbed in Ty’s truck and drove off together. Liar.

Full Review 1108: Truth Be Told

(cross-posted over on Facebook) Really good episode with great performances, all ‘round. Shocker of the day: Tim’s more surly than usual, but not because he’s had a relapse. His symptoms led him to think it had to do with all the concussions suffered during his rodeo years, but Dr. Virani has a different take when the MRI results come in. Tim probably has a brain tumour; (and it’s looking quite certain it is a tumour) if so, he’ll need surgery. Tim categorically rejects this necessity. He’s understandably freaked out by the possible outcomes, and holds Tricia to the doctor-patient confidentiality code. (I can only guess how poorly this is going to play out with Casey and the rest of the family.) But how very like Tim to just suffer the symptoms instead of the possibility of losing more of himself if he gets his brain operated on. Other important plots: Amy has to deal with snooty equestrian lady, Paula. Holloway the well-bred horse is not going to be the jumper Paula hoped for, and she is appalled when Amy suggests he be a bucking bronco. Visions of dollar bills dance in Paula’s head when Amy convinces her a horse with Holloway’s bucking talent can make LOTS of money on the rodeo circuit. Oh, and Paula has an equally snooty daughter named Peyton, who comes with a passel of snooty equestrian friends who think the Okotoks event was low rent in comparison to the Southern France. (No kidding.) Also: Georgie is frustrated with Wyatt’s standoffish attitude since The Kiss. Turns out young Wyatt is still sorta seeing someone else back in Calgary. He didn’t have the guts to break it off with that poor lass, leaving Georgie to feel mightily used, upset, betrayed, etc. But never fear, Georgie. I think young Dylan (conveniently nephew to snooty Paula) is already taken with your big, brown eyes. If Wyatt won’t screw up his courage and call it quits with Calgary Girlfriend, I’m sure Dylan won’t mind taking a chance on courting you. (Yes, Dylan is a cute fellow with a charming accent that probably makes girls swoon.) Jade and Avery have hit it off after their rough start in the rodeo school. Their team-roping prowess improved by the end of the episode, and they’re probably going to have some really good success. I like that these two young ladies are becoming good friends instead of rivals, and it was good to see their mutual concern for Tim when he exploded at them for a poor run. I hope the Show is able to have more moments of friendship like this. Lastly, Attila, the Mongolian horse (YES, we know they couldn’t get a REAL Przewalski’s Horse for the show, 'cause you know, they’re endangered, and not something the average wrangler is going to have in the stable on the off chance a TV series is going to need one) is evidently having serious respiration problems after being transported. No surprise, they need Ty to come look after the problem. This time, however, Amy gets to come along. We knew from spoiler-y pictures from the set this would occur, so I was not surprised. What does surprise me is that Chris Potter was also spotted during this time. Whether he was there solely as director (?) or also as Tim remains to be seen. (Would Tim take the risk of traveling knowing he’s got serious health issues looming in the background?!) Final thoughts: I really liked how Jack eventually took a softer approach to find out what was up with his ex-son-in-law. Seeing how Jack knows Tim was in to see Tricia and knows there’s an MRI that happened, this isn’t something Jack will let slide. Tim mightn’t be forthcoming, but Jack had better be dogging him, especially if Tim isn’t able to hide his symptoms. Dr. Virani! Where have you been? Good to see you again, Doc. Don’t be such a stranger. Casey is going to be really, really hurt when she finds out Tim didn’t want to confide in her about what’s going on. Hopefully, she’ll still be there for Tim when this all goes south. I suspect he’s going to need her. So bravo once again for another lovely and entertaining episode, cast and crew! Wow, next episode and we’ll be half-way through Season 11! My, does time fly.

Hope (Jack One-Shot)

Ty’s accident brings back some memories for Jack. Set around 10x17. Characters: Jack Bartlett, Lisa Stillman, Lyndy Bartlett, Ty Borden and Amy Fleming. Warnings: mentions of death and illness. Rating: PG A/N: I wrote this before the premiere, but thought it would be a nice timing to publish this in the light of 11x01.

* * * *

Jack knew the light blue walls of the hospital were supposed to bring everyone a calmer state of mind, but they did very little to him as he sat in the waiting room. He didn’t like hospitals; in fact, he hated seeing a doctor, even if he knew that at his age and with his medical history, it was a necessary evil.

Thankfully his doctor, Dr. Tricia Virani, did home calls as Jack would rather be surrounded by the familiarity of his own house and not a doctor’s office, but the loathing for these institutions still remained.

But when Ty had returned from Mongolia, feverish and almost close to dying, Jack knew he couldn’t avoid going to a hospital if he wanted to see his granddaughter’s husband, who had almost become like a son to him. Right now, the whole family was waiting for Amy to give them news about her husband’s condition, but unfortunately it didn’t look good for Ty. Everyone tried to remain hopeful and refused to give up on Ty, but the fear still remained.

Jack didn’t like this feeling. While hope was usually a good thing, it felt like sometimes it was a dangerous thing to possess, too. When Marion had died, any room for hope had vanished instantly as her death had been so sudden and there had been no chance of her revival. Amy had thankfully survived the accident, and Jack had tried his best to support her in her recovery, but Marion wasn’t the only loss Jack had suffered.

Lyndy.

His sweet late wife. The first one, that was. While he'd been able to find love again with Lisa Stillman, Lyndy still had a place in his heart.

He missed her, often and quietly, but when he was faced with a hospital waiting room, the memories of mourning were harder to avoid: he'd spent Lyndy’s last days at her bedside, holding her hand and watching her heaving painfully before letting out her final breath. Jack had known he was supposed to let someone know as soon as that happened so they could call her time of death, but Jack hadn't been in any hurry. That had been his last moments with his wife, after all, so he'd lingered. It wasn't like he'd been eager to go on with his lonely life.

Jack knew the doctors and nurses had done their best when it had come to Lyndy’s treatments as there was no fighting the inevitable, but Jack still couldn’t walk inside a hospital and inhale the smell of them without feeling nauseous. While he'd tried his best to keep it together today, especially for Amy’s sake, there was no fooling Lisa.

“Jack,” she said, leaning against his shoulder as they were sitting on the waiting room bench. “You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“Sorry. I’ve just been lost in thought," Jack said, even though he knew Lisa didn’t expect him to entertain her overall but especially now when the family was facing an uncertain future.

“You don’t have to apologize," Lisa said, now turning to face Jack. “The reason why I said anything was because I was wondering if you’re feeling okay. You’ve barely eaten anything or slept. I’m just worried.” She knew Jack hated fussing, but Lisa still couldn’t help herself.

“I’m okay, Lis," Jack assured her. “I just don’t like hospitals, is all.”

“Well, I can’t blame you," replied Lisa. She knew Jack’s feelings toward doctors and their opinions about his health, but more than that, she felt like she had an idea about the loss he carried within. “Ty’s going to be okay, you know.”

“I wish I could be as sure as you are," Jack said, forcing himself to smile a little. “I don’t mean to be pessimistic, but I’m just afraid to hope for anything right now.” He'd told Ty that he'd been afraid to let him go to Mongolia in the first place as there was no guarantee he would come back in one piece, and then... this had happened.

He couldn’t say that to Amy, of course, but after hoping Lyndy’s condition would get better and they would have many more years together, hearing her diagnosis and realizing what “terminally ill” meant in her case, something in him had changed. And so, his mind wanted to protect his heart from another unexpected loss as it would almost be too much to bear.

If he expected it, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much, Jack figured.

“Well, you'll see," Lisa said, bringing her head back to his shoulder. Of course, she couldn’t be sure either, she knew, but compared to Jack, Lisa wasn't afraid to hope. “Ty will get better and things will go back to normal.”

Jack let out a low murmur that resembled an agreement, just so he wouldn’t bring Lisa down with him. Nothing was worse than watching your loved one realize that what would happen would hurt like hell and there was nothing they could do about it. Jack had seen it once and he didn’t ever want to see it again.

For a while he just sat there, Lisa’s head on his shoulder as she drifted off to a sleep. The long day turned into night and hours passed. They waited for what seemed like an eternity before Amy walked out of Ty’s room with a bloated face and short breaths.

When Lisa nudged Jack, he realized he too had fallen asleep at some point. Lisa was on her feet fast, and Jack's eyes automatically followed his wife to see what the situation was. When he saw Amy standing before them, looking pale and as if she'd been crying, Jack's eyes focused on her. It was clear that Amy was waiting till she had everyone's attention as this was going to be important.

"What's the word, honey? How's he doing?" Lisa asked.

There was a silence.

Jack remembered that at the time of Lyndy's passing, he'd thought he'd been way too young to lose his wife--and that was after they'd had many good years of marriage together. Even at the funeral, everyone kept telling him how this was not how it was supposed to be and how life was unfair.

But Amy... she was even younger. Barely over twenty. Jack wished there was a way for him to protect Amy from all that hurt he'd gone through as he knew how dreadful it was. 

Jack tried to read her expression, hoping to get some direction for her words. When the corners of Amy's lips turned up and relief poured out of her eyes, Jack held his breath.

 "He's gonna be okay," Amy finally informed them, choked up.

The whole family hurtled into a hug around her, all happy and excited, laughing and showering Amy with love.

"That is so good to hear," Jack told her sincerely, giving Amy's head a kiss.

The future was uncertain, Jack knew, and some day Amy would have heartaches, not the kind he could always prevent, but thankfully that day was not today. She too would hopefully have many more years with Ty, as Jack had had with Lyndy, and they wouldn't have to worry about losing each other for a while.

Not many things warmed an old man's heart as much as realizing that even if he would lose hope, it didn't mean hope would lose him.

“(510): I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.“

“(435): I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.‘

“Tricia: My body is very attracted to your body, but when you speak, my brain gets angry.“

“Tricia: What part of your head hurts? Tim: The part above my shoulders.“

“(305): The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.”

“Tricia: What do you call sabotage and vandalism? Jade: A hobby. Tricia: ... Jade: ...that I do not engage in.“

“(936): I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.“

“Jade: Yes mother I have slept for thirteen hours straight but Jesus slept for three days straight and started a religion so I don’t wanna hear it”

“(703): I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic“

“Tricia: All right, so I have good news and bad news. First off, you're--well, you're going to die. Tim: Lovely! What's the bad news?“

“Tricia: Coca-Cola can remove rust from metal. Imagine what it’s doing to your body. Tim: Pfft, getting rid of the rust! Tricia: THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Tim: Hmm, I’ve been drinking soda and my body’s rust-free…not sure where you’re getting your facts from… Tricia: Blood is rust! Hemoglobin is vitamins and minerals, like iron, plus oxygen, and it's rust. We’ve literally got rust running through our veins! Tim: Awful bold of you to assume I have blood.“