Heartland - 7x02 - Living the Moment

“(561): My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"“

“I would enjoy a storyline where Lou and Tricia join forces to help their daughters. It would be great if they also were friends as both Katie & Parker and Georgie & Jade are.“

One Day - Heartland AU (Pt. 25)

Summary: Heartland is a horse ranch run by Jack and his grandson Ty dedicated to rehabilitating both horses and the criminals that work with them. It’s also the place Amy Fleming is banished to after getting herself into a situation that will change her life forever. Thousands of miles from home living with total strangers and an uncertain future, with the help of an unlikely group of people, she discovers what second chances are all about and strives toward a new beginning she never expected. Inspired by the Heartland episode 4.08 - One Day and based on Anne Howard Creel’s novel “The Magic of Ordinary Days.” Rating: PG-13 for language, drugs, and violence. Parts: 24, ... 26

Slowly, her breaths worked their way in and out of her lungs and her heart began to ease back into a regular rhythm. Water dribbled down her face and her hair was plastered to her head, but Amy felt none of it. This was the second panic attack in as many days – a new record for her. She made it the whole way from Vancouver without a hitch, but now it seemed like everything she left behind was catching up to her. Ty constantly bringing it up didn’t help, either. She thought she was stronger than this – she certainly made herself seem that way. But it was a front – a form of self preservation. She was fairly certain Jack realized that and didn’t doubt Ty would now too. At least he gave her the space she demanded, which helped her pull herself together a lot quicker. Him hovering over her in a panic didn’t help, in addition to the fact she didn’t want to appear as a mental case.

When the strength returned to her legs, Amy eased herself to her feet. The front of her jeans were soaked and stuck to her but, honestly, she didn’t even care. She stood in front of the open door, not looking Ty in the eye, afraid of what he would see or that it would invite him to comment.

Closing his phone from his third attempt at calling Jack, Ty stared at Amy, waiting for some kind of explanation or anything to let him know what she needed. Were they going to need to make an emergency trip? Go home? As tempted as he was to ask, his voice didn’t seem to want to work. Or maybe his subconscious knew better than to speak at all.

Inhaling deeply, Amy hauled herself back in the truck. Closing the door was a whole other obstacle. If she barricaded herself back inside would she just freak out again? God she hated this emotional train wreck of a person she became. Reaching for the handle Amy gradually pulled the door, freezing when it closed. She waited for the panic to resurface. Ty remained immobile next to her, his stare burning into her.

Neither of them moved or made a sound for an excruciatingly long time. To his relief, Amy was the first to break the silence.

“Let’s go.” Her voice was gravely.

Ty didn’t move. “Are we gonna-“

“Please,” Amy cut him off, taking a breath. “Please, can we just… go? I can’t... I can’t talk about what happened. At least not right now.” Maybe not ever, but it was too soon to make that assumption.

“I was just going to ask if we were gonna go back. You’re a bit of a mess.” He was referring to her sodden appearance but also realized the other meaning behind the statement. “You’re soaked,” he added for clarification so she didn’t decide to throw herself out of his truck again.

Amy looked down at herself. “Yeah.” The way she said it indicated she caught it too, but decided to ignore it. Instead she pulled the blanket around herself and leaned back. “It’s just rain. I’ll dry.”

“You sure? We can call and say you’ll be late.”

Amy shook her head. “No, let’s go. I can tough it out.” She dealt with a hell of a lot more than wet clothes. “Do you have a heater in this thing?”

“Yeah… but it doesn’t work. I haven’t had the time to fix it.” Also, he decided that summer was mere weeks away so why bother to fix it when he wouldn’t be needing it.

A nod was Amy’s response before she went back to looking through the window. Ty hesitated before putting the truck in gear and getting them back on the road. Two days ago he would have jumped down her throat, demanding an explanation for her shocking behavior. He also would have argued with his grandfather about taking her at all until Jack gave up and just did it himself and thus avoided this situation altogether. As it was, bearing witness to what he did then and before, Ty didn’t say anything. Clearly Amy was uncomfortable and Ty had a knack for making it worse. So he minded his business. For a while.

“Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba, baa ba, ba ba ba baaaa.” Ty glanced at Amy. “Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba, baa ba, ba ba ba baaaa.” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth when he saw her side eye him. “Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba, baa ba, ba ba ba baaaa.” He paused, waiting to see if she’d take over, resisting the urge to give her shoulder a shove of encouragement. But when her brow only creased he went for it. “I get up!” She startled, finally turning to stare at him as he thumbed a beat on the steering wheel. “And nothing gets me down. You got it tough. I’ve seen the toughest around. And I know! Baby, just how you feel.” He sang, poorly, but with passion. “You got to ro-o-oll with the punches and get to what’s real.”

Amy snorted, a hint of a smile on her lips as she shook her head at Ty’s attempt at a David Lee Roth impression.

She joined him for the chorus, hesitantly at first. “Can’t you see me standin’ here, I got my back against the record machine. I ain’t the worst that you’ve seen. Can’t you see what I mean?”

Then went solo. “Ah, might as well jump!”

Ty came in for background vocals. “Jump!”

“Might as well jump.”

“Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba, baa ba, ba ba ba baaaa.”

“Go ahead and jump.”

“You’re pretty good,” Ty said when Amy didn’t continue with the song. Honestly, he was surprised she liked Van Halen – she really didn’t seem the type.

“Thanks. You’re… not.”

Ty shrugged, taking no offense because she was right. Singing was not his forte. “Well, thankfully you don’t need to be a good vocalist for that song.”

“No,” she agreed, “but you should at least be able to follow the beat.” A ghost of a smile still lifted the corner of her mouth, but it was far from a full grin. Still, she felt better, more relaxed, after the mini jam session.

They pulled up in front of the Dr. Virani’s clinic some time later, Ty putting the truck in park then sitting back to look at Amy when she didn’t move to get out. “Are you going in?”

Amy’s heart began to once again thunder in her chest, her hands wringing in her lap as she stared out at the sign hanging in front of them. Ty’s question fell on deaf ears. Was it too late to turn back? It wasn’t like it was a quick trip to the corner store from Heartland. But, Jack did say Ty had other things to do while he was waiting on Amy; she could just go with him instead.

“Huh?” She snapped out of it after Ty called her name for the second time.

“You okay?” He cocked his head, his expression unreadable.

“Fine.” She didn’t look at him as she took a breath and pulled the blanket from her shoulders. She was still wet but barely noticed the chill that set in as she climbed out.

“I’ll run Grampa’s errands then meet you back here.”

“Fine,” Amy said again, absently.

Something was definitely wrong again. She seemed better after her episode. They put the radio back on at a more manageable volume and had an actual discussion about the songs that came on and the bands that performed them. For once, they were able to find something in common – music. Ty was surprised by her knowledge of not only classic rock but R&B and even some Indie bands he didn’t think anyone else ever heard of. The ice had significantly thawed between them. Now, Ty saw the wall slide right back up.

“Unless you want me to come in and wait?” He hesitated to offer, but he couldn’t ignore the look of unease on Amy’s face. He saw it often enough.

“What? No.” She was quick on the draw with that one, but sounded uncertain.

“Okay.” Ty slowly leaned over to look up at her. “Then could you close the door?”

Amy pushed the door shut and headed for the clinic. Ty waited for her to go inside but she stopped outside the door for so long he started to get out of the truck just as she turned around and bailed.

“I don’t think I can do it.” She shook her head when he met her on the sidewalk. She’d been so excited to get a glimpse of her baby but at the same time didn’t know how she would really react seeing the product of the worst night of her life for the first time. What if they looked like him? It was too early to make out distinguishable features, but just knowing it was also his baby could be enough to trigger her.

Ty glanced up and down the street. Anywhere but at the distressed look on Amy’s face. Weren’t expectant mothers always the most excited when they went for ultrasounds? At least, that’s what the media always depicted. The fact the Amy seemed almost terrified of it was just another tally on Ty’s list of things to confirm his assault theory. He didn’t want to seem like a jerk by dismissing her distress, but he also wasn’t in the place to push her into doing something she didn’t want to.

“Okay, well I still need to get those errands done. So, if you’re skipping out on this then let’s go.”

“Amy, there you are!” A voice came from behind him as Dr. Virani poked her head out of the clinic. “I was worried you’d forgotten.” Her dark eyes flicked to Ty. “Hello, Ty. Nice to see you again.”

Ty tore his gaze away from Amy’s pale face at the doctor’s appearance. “Likewise.”

The doctor stepped out, waving them inside. “Come on in, everything is set up for you. No need to wait.”

“Actually,” Ty piped up when Amy’s voice seemed to die on her. “Is it possible to reschedule? Amy was just saying she wasn’t feeling so hot.”

“Oh?” Dr. Virani studied Amy with a practiced eye. “No wonder. You’re soaked! Did you walk here?” She threw the accusatory question to Ty who fumbled for an explanation. He knew Amy wouldn’t appreciate him taking initiative and telling the truth about what happened.

“We had some car trouble,” Amy spoke up, meeting Ty’s bewildered gaze. “I know a bit about cars so I got out to see if I could help.”

Ty’s brows shot up so high they almost disappeared into his scalp. She did? Another bit of surprising information to file away for later.

“Come in then, we’ll get you warmed up and you can tell me what’s been bothering you then we’ll decide if we need to reschedule the ultrasound.”

Ty glanced at Amy, who met his gaze. Defeated, she followed the doctor inside, leaving Ty alone on the sidewalk to process what just happened. He almost felt guilty for leaving her there, but he had things that needed to be done and she was in more than capable hands in the event of another meltdown.

The moment he walked in the back door at Maggie’s, though, Ty wished he would have opted to hang around the clinic. He went to the hardware store and post office, which were at the further end of town. Maggie’s was last on his list. But when he came face to face with Kit at the counter, he wished he would have made it his first stop.

“Kit. Hey,” he said to break the awkward silence that settled between them.

“Hi,” Kit replied curtly.

Soraya shifted uncomfortably behind the register, looking between the two. “Your order came in this morning, Kit.”

“Great, I’ll get it loaded.” Kit was talking to Soraya but her hardened eyes remained on Ty.

“Yours did too, Ty.” Soraya added.

“Thanks, Soraya,” his response was the same as Kit’s. “You want some help?” He asked her, offering an olive branch.

“No, thank you,” Kit’s irritation was obvious and Ty didn’t blame her for it. He really screwed up and still didn’t know how, or if, he even wanted to fix it.

Kit brushed by to head outside and claim her order. Ty glanced at Soraya who offered him a look of sympathy. Sighing, Ty followed Kit out back where his order would also be waiting.

A clerk rolled out two flat beds of grain and shavings; Ty and Kit began to toss the bags in their trucks in silence. Kit perhaps a little more aggressively than needed.

“Still have nothing to say to me?” Kit finally broke, glaring at him over the bed of her pickup.

Ty stiffened. “If you’re looking for an apology, I’m pretty sure that ship has sailed.”

Kit shook her head. “You don’t get it do you? I don’t want an apology, Ty. I want an explanation. I wasted two years of my life waiting for you to just talk to me. I thought you trusted me enough to confide in me; to tell me what was going on. Obviously, I was wrong about that. Which made me realize that maybe I was more committed to our relationship than you ever were and that hurts, Ty.” Her voice cracked.

Ty felt like an asshole all over again and had the decency to show it. He never meant to make Kit feel like that but he was aware of the hurt he was causing her every time he turned her away when she came to visit him in prison. He’d hoped that she would somehow give up on him and move on. That when he was released he’d come home to find her on the arm of someone else. It would have hurt, but it would have been easier in the long run. Coward. Yes, yes he was.

“Say something!” Kit couldn’t stand his silence anymore. It was driving her mad.

“You’re right. You do deserve an explanation.” Throwing up his tailgate he wandered over to her truck, pulling off his gloves. “I was in a bad place when I got busted. You know how fucked up I was back then. But prison it… it broke me, Kit. I had a lot of time to hate myself and the decisions I made. Mostly, I hated that my stupid actions affected you, too. I hated that you cared so much. Hated that you tried so hard when I did nothing to deserve it. I was ashamed of the person I was and the stupid shit I did with no regard for what it did to the people around me. I wanted you to hate me. It would have been easier if you hated me.”

Kit’s hard expression softened somewhat as she finally got the explanation she’d been waiting so long for, but her scowl remained. “I loved you too much to hate you.”

Ty’s expression fell. “I know.” He figured, anyway. No one would do what Kit did if it wasn’t love. No one would have hung on that long. “I was too much of a coward to face you.”

“Yes, you were.” Kit slammed her tailgate closed and walked around to the driver’s side to hop in the cab. “And you know what? You got your wish.” She slammed the door shut. Ty stepped back so she didn’t run over his foot, but Kit didn’t speed off. Rather she sighed, staring through the windshield. “Just tell me something. This has nothing to do with that Amy girl, right?”

Ty jerked his eyes up. “Why would you think that?”

Kit lifted a shoulder. “People in town are talking.”

What else was new. Any time someone new wandered into town the rumor mill cracked wide open. That was small towns for you: nothing to do but mind other people’s business. “You of all people should know to take that gossip with a grain of salt.”

Kit looked at him, her gaze serious. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“No.” Ty answered firmly. “It has nothing to do with Amy. I never met the girl until a few days ago.”

His answer seemed to make Kit relax. “Okay. Good.”

“Would it bother you so much if it did?” Ty realized his mistake too late when Kit stiffened right up again.

“Would it bother me if you’ve been jerking me around for the last year all the while you were cozying up with some other girl? Yes, Ty, it would.” She snapped, her voice laced with venom.

Ty inhaled sharply. Shit. “I didn’t mean it like that. That was a poor choice of words.”

“No kidding. You have fun with your new toy.” Kit started the truck, failing to hide the hurt expression spreading over her features.

“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded,” Ty tried again, though bristled a bit at Kit referring to Amy as his “new toy.” Not only was that insulting to him, but also demeaning toward her for no reason. “She’s just staying with us for a while. One of my grandfather’s strays.” Ty rushed to clarify the situation but Kit no longer cared to listen.

“Goodbye, Ty.” Putting the truck in gear she drove off, leaving Ty to stare after her. Wait. Wasn’t that what he wanted all along? For Kit to let him go and move on. So why had he tried so hard to explain himself? He should have just let her think there was another woman. But, that wasn’t fair to her since it would be a lie. More so, it wasn’t fair to Amy. Obviously that rumor was already gaining ground, the last thing he needed was to help it along. Although, the way things just ended with Kit, he didn’t think he did much to stomp it out. Crap.

Review: Heartland Ep. 1204—Risk & Reward

Risk and Reward saw the return of some faces we have not seen in a while, namely Jade, Caleb, Peter, and Jen. The latter two seem to be bonding over pie choices and their teens' growing pains; the former two butt heads with Tim at the rodeo school. Confession: I like Jen heaps, and I think she and PW would make a cute couple. It would make things exceedingly awkward for Georgie and Wyatt, but Heartland never made things easy on its characters, did it?

Jade Virani has come a long way from the first time we saw her. She was unimpressed with "Roy Rogers" Tim (how'd she even know who Roy Rogers was, I wonder!) the first time she met him when he was dating Tricia. He wasn't all that impressed with her, either. Now, they look upon each other almost as family. This is why Tim goes the road of "tough love" on his young protege. First, by having her ride a very "rank" bronc after Caleb voices his dissent. Second, by barring her from rodeo practice until she gets medical clearance. Stubborn and cash-strapped Jade won't heed his advice and insists on going to the Ponoka Stampede. To make matters worse, Tim gives Caleb the cold shoulder when confronted with the imprudence of the choice in bronc. Caleb won't be Tim's "yes-man", and impetuously quits, since he feels his opinions count for squat in their "partnership". He dumps all his Tim Fleming memorabilia on Jack, perhaps hoping for a little pity, or even some intervention. Meanwhile, Ty, Amy and Baby Lyndy take off for a weekend "camping trip" (in a trailer with all the amenities). Ty gets a little obsessive about planning the perfect trip, as he wants this to be something his daughter will have happy memories of. (Ty, please don't turn into Lou. We have enough OCD traits on the show. Thanks.) A lost, injured puppy throws a tiny wrench into those carefully crafted plans. Burned burgers and a missed sunset also threaten to make this the Worst Trip Ever, but we get a tender memory from Ty as he tells Amy about the One Perfect Trip he once had with his folks before Brad abandoned them. I missed it on the first watch, but I noticed a tear actually trickles from Ty's eye as Amy consoles him and assures him he will give Lyndy a lifetime of good memories. Small detail, but speaks volumes about where Ty's head and heart are as he navigates these waters of fatherhood. Coach Kim and Georgie. Oh, dear. I do not like the trajectory I see. A magazine article about Kim speaking about fitness in both horse and rider has the Olympic hopeful changing up her routine. She's skipping desserts. She's going to bed early and rising early so she can go for a run. Nothing wrong with any of those things, but I hope someone will be there to bring balance to Georgie's new self-imposed regimen, because it can quickly spiral out of control. Jack was mostly in the background this episode, but Tim's "temporary" presence is starting to grate on his nerves. It comes down to Tim's lack of consideration, which Jack angrily points out after being taken for granted one too many times. That seems to get to Tim, who not only (finally) puts his boots away like a normal human being, prepares dinner, makes coffee (!) and comes clean about the breakdown of his relationship with Casey. Peter also wants to hear from Jack about how he dealt with Marion's teen-aged years, because it seems like Georgie is avoiding him the entire time he's been there. Jack wisely advises he invite Georgie to join him in an activity they both enjoy. Back to the camping trip: a post Amy made about the found pup scores a hit, and they re-unite "Penny" with her owners. (Lyndy is once again stinkin' cute, what with all her "puppy" babbling and gesturing. The Spencer twins are too precious in this role.) Tim's concern for Jade continues, and asks Georgie to keep an eye on her at the diner. Georgie recognizes signs of concussion in her friend and begs her not to go to Ponoka. Jade angrily blows her off and leaves. Later, Jade texts Georgie to come get her. She's having second thoughts, but is terrified she will never be able to rodeo again. Georgie consoles her and agrees to accompany her to the doctor's office. The verdict is indeed concussion, which means Jade is out of the sport for the season. She's crushed. Tim tries to convince her to stay on at the school to help mentor the younger students; to show them injury is part of the sport, and to respect the healing process. But Jade won't hear any of it. (I'm hoping she reconsiders after she rides out the disappointment of not being able to compete right now.) By the episode's conclusion, Peter joins Georgie on her morning run, so I'm hoping he might be able to head off any extreme health choices she might make in the pursuit of excellence. Tim calls on Caleb to return all the Tim Fleming stuff, and to mend fences. He wants Caleb back, and from now on, they will choose the broncs for the school together, and they will not let the students ride until they both agree the kids are ready. Caleb reacts like a happy kid on Christmas morning at the offer, which he accepts. Final thoughts: Lou is back in NYC, and Katie is with her, which is why we still have not seen the child from a story line perspective. Lisa is still in Istanbul with Evelyn, and we get the tail end of a phone call from her with Jack. No mention of Cassandra, though we can assume she's still kicking around somewhere and she and Caleb are hunky-dory. (Though I wonder how she would have reacted to Caleb's news that he was temporarily unemployed.)

Heartland - 7x02 - Living the Moment

Heartland - 7x08 - Hotshot

Heartland - 7x02 - Living the Moment

Heartland - 7x08 - Hotshot

“I think Heartland needs to spend more time developing its side characters. Like, with Ashley we saw her with just her and her mom or just her and Caleb. Compare that to Cassandra, we have maybe a handful of scenes with her and Caleb, and most of those include the main cast being around and we know nothing of her background (or Caleb's, I guess). We know Tricia, Jade's Mom, but we don't see her and Jade interact. The main characters take over every single story now and I think it makes the show weaker than it used to be.”

Heartland - 7x08 - Hotshot

“Parker’s circumstance at Heartland is just weird. She got dropped off when her dad and step mom, Dr. Tricia Virani get married and go on their honeymoon. So, for what, two years, her dad never visits, calls, nothing? Then the writers just perpetuate her at Heartland with her crush on Logan. I think it would have been better for Katie to have the crush and phase out Parker.“

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers, stepmothers, adoptive mothers, foster mothers and grandmothers!

Heartland - 7x08 - Hotshot

Heartland - 7x05 - Thread The Needle

One Day - Heartland AU (Pt. 26)

Summary: Heartland is a horse ranch run by Jack and his grandson Ty dedicated to rehabilitating both horses and the criminals that work with them. It’s also the place Amy Fleming is banished to after getting herself into a situation that will change her life forever. Thousands of miles from home living with total strangers and an uncertain future, with the help of an unlikely group of people, she discovers what second chances are all about and strives toward a new beginning she never expected. Inspired by the Heartland episode 4.08 - One Day and based on Anne Howard Creel’s novel “The Magic of Ordinary Days.” Rating: PG-13 for language, drugs, and violence. Parts: 25, ... 27 Trigger Warnings: mentions of rape, references to abortion

“Okay, are you ready?” Dr. Virani asked, sitting in the stool in front of Amy who was now drier and warmer despite currently being dressed in a thin fabric shift. The positive side of living in the apartment above her own clinic, Dr. Virani explained, was easy access to her washer and dryer. And good coffee. So while doing Amy’s check-up and ultrasound, her clothes were upstairs getting dry. Small towns were weird.

At the doctor’s prompting, Amy explained her morning sickness woes, deciding to leave out the issues with anxiety and panic attacks. The two sessions she spent with a therapist before bailing on them pretty much told her what she needed to know about the reason behind those – not that Amy hadn’t figured that out on her own. Virani sympathized and offered some remedies to help ease the discomfort. Other than that there was no other reason Amy could come up with for wanting to reschedule. She was speaking with a doctor after all; any fake ailment she tried to give would be investigated.

“Sure,” Amy answered after a beat, shifting back on the table and planting her feet in the stirrups at the doctor’s request. Her knees pressed tightly closed as she watched the doctor gather her tools and start up the ultrasound machine. Her breathing became heavier at the memory of the last time she was positioned like this. Her body was bruised, broken, and half frozen; her nails torn apart and caked with blood and grime. DNA was swabbed from beneath them. A nurse held her trembling hand and stroked her wet, muddy hair while the doctor made her open her shaking legs to collect more DNA and make notes for the rape kit.

Amy stared up at the lights as she had then, willing herself to relax and breath slowly. Her hands balled her gown into her fists as she took in ragged breaths.

“Amy?” She jerked at a hand on her bare leg, glancing down her body at the masked doctor who was studying her with concern. “Are you all right?” God she wished people would stop asking her that.

“Fine.” Amy swallowed, making every effort to pull herself back to the here and now.

“Can you open your legs for me?” Dr. Virani asked gently, though her gaze remained assessing.

Blinking toward the ceiling again, Amy pried her knees apart to give the doctor access to her. She inhaled sharply as something entered her, spreading her open, trapping the air in her lungs. She was so focused on not watching what the doctor was doing she didn’t see the crease of her brow when she noticed the scars. Tricia didn’t comment at first, sliding the scope further in and turning her eyes to the screen. Then she darted a glance at Amy. Quickly, she finished her prenatal check before retracting the scope and letting Amy close her legs.

Sitting back, Tricia pulled the mask down under her chin. “Amy, can I ask you something?” Her voice was soft, careful. She didn’t want to upset Amy but it would help her do her job if she knew the truth.

Amy’s stomach clenched at the doctor’s tone and already her eyes began to burn with the threat of tears because she knew what was coming next. And she didn’t want to have to answer.

Without waiting for Amy’s response, Tricia went ahead and asked anyway. “Were you raped?”

Amy’s mouth clamped shut to swallow the sob that desperately wanted to escape. Tears forced their way out the corners of her eyes as she continued to stare up at the ceiling, refusing to meet Dr. Virani’s pained expression.

“Amy? Please answer me. It’s important I know.”

Unable to hold it anymore, Amy’s breath came out ragged and wet. But when she spoke her words were bitter, almost angry. “What do you think?”

“I think the scars in your vaginal canal don’t lie. They look to be from tearing due to forced penetration.” Amy flinched at the graphic description that jarred a memory.

“Then there’s your answer.”

More like a non-answer, but Tricia took it. She knew what sexual assault looked like when she saw it. She might be a small town doctor now, but her residency and earlier half of her career was spent in the city where she dealt with it more than she cared to admit. And the scars Amy had weren’t very old. In fact, they looked just barely healed. If Amy was just over ten weeks pregnant then… Tricia’s heart broke for the young woman on her table.

“Okay,” she said quietly, not pressing the matter. It would be easier if Amy just confirmed it, but Tricia knew better than to try and pressure her right now, especially if it was still so fresh. She only hoped Amy was able to get the immediate care she needed following the incident. Obviously, some precautions were missed, or ineffective at least, but it was important for Amy to know there were still resources available to her. Hudson might be a small town, but they looked out for their own, no matter where they came from.

Tricia took a breath. “Do you still want to go ahead with the ultrasound? We can postpone if you want.” Now that she understood Amy’s situation, the hesitation from earlier made more sense.

Amy remained quiet, still trying to maintain control as painful memories of that night, and the days following, invaded her mind with no mercy. She wasn’t having the same severe reaction she did with Ty, which was odd since this doctor’s office was more triggering than anything she experienced so far. Maybe it was because of her negative previous experiences being alone with him, or the fact that he was a man. Tricia was a woman doctor, all of the things that should make Amy feel more relaxed in her presence.

“No,” Amy voice came out raspy. She cleared her throat. “Go ahead,” she clarified.

Tricia nodded and pulled the tube of gel from the machine. Slowly, she lifted Amy’s shift to expose her small bump. To anyone who didn’t know, it looked like she just ate a big lunch.

Amy’s abs tightened at the cold sensation of the gel on her skin. Dr. Virani placed the wand in the goo swirling it around and adjusting some things on the screen. When she was satisfied with the picture she turned the monitor so Amy could see. But Amy couldn’t bring herself to look. She fixed her stare on the wand’s movement.

“I-“ she choked. “Turn it back. Please.”

With a sad look, Tricia pulled the monitor back to face her. Amy’s reaction worried her a lot. She went on with her examination, checking the fetus’ vitals and measurements. “Would you like to hear the heartbeat?” She asked after a time.

Amy’s lip trembled. She was barely holding together. Part of her wanted to jump off the table and bolt out the door, but another part of her wanted to experience that moment of joy and awe other mothers did. Normal mothers. Mothers who wanted their babies and planned for months for their arrival. Amy suddenly felt guilty for the thought. She did want her baby. She did. She just wished it came a different way.

With tears blurring her vision, Amy nodded.

The sound that came through the speaker near her head shattered her. She was not prepared for the fast whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of the heart beating inside her. Her hands flew up to cover her face as she burst into sobs, drowning out the noise.

Quickly, Tricia flicked it off. “Sh-shh, Amy. It’s okay.” The doctor set the wand aside and went to Amy’s side. She placed a steadying hand on her head, the other rubbing her arm soothingly.

“It’s not.” Amy’s words sounded garbled through her tears. “I’m not sure I can do this. And I hate myself for thinking it.”

The agonized confession struck a chord in Tricia, but she focused on maintaining a professional, yet sympathetic demeanor. “There’s nothing wrong with being scared. You have every right to be afraid, especially after what happened to you. But, you know you don’t have to do this. You have options, Amy.”

The mere hint of suggestion splintered Amy’s soul. “No!” She gasped, taking a few deep breaths before sliding her hands away from her face and saying again with more conviction. “No. No, I won’t do that. I made a promise.”

“If you’re struggling this much to heal from the attack, maybe it would be for the best. For you. For your psychological health.”

“I said ‘no’!” Amy snapped, shooting a red-eyed, tear-stained glare at the doctor. “I’m not doing it.” Her hand lowered to rest protectively at the top of her belly. She was pretty sure that would wreak havoc on her psychological health.

Tricia conceded. “Okay. Then, there is always adoption.” When Amy didn’t snap again, she went on. “There are a lot of couples out there that can’t have children and are on extensive waiting lists to adopt babies – many of which that come from your same situation.”

“You mean give my baby to total strangers?” That thought also frightened her. How would she know they were being taken care of? What if the parents ended up being like her father – gamblers and drug addicts. Alcoholics. Child molesters. Sex traffickers. She couldn’t bear not knowing what became of her child.

“They don’t have to be strangers,” Tricia explained. “You can pick them out yourself, meet them, learn about them, get to know them. And if you want you can request an open adoption so you can get photos and records of their life, even be an active part of it.”

Amy settled back with this fresh perspective running through her brain. She was aware of the option to adopt, but always viewed it as handing her child off to a nurse as soon as they took their first breath and never seeing them again.

“You don’t have to make the decision now,” Tricia said when Amy didn’t respond. “I can send you home with some material and websites to browse. Take the time you need to think it over. Just know that if you’re planning to stay in Hudson, and at Heartland, you’ll have a pretty great support group - no matter what you choose.” She offered Amy a reassuring smile before leaving her to clean the lube from her belly while she ran upstairs to retrieve her clothes from the dryer.

Strangely, Ty was sitting in the waiting room when Amy emerged. He flipped the magazine he was reading closed and stood up, regarding her carefully. Her eyes were red and puffy like she’d been crying, but she looked quickly away upon seeing him to the receptionist.

“Oh, Amy.” Dr. Virani emerged from the back with a yellow legal-size envelope she handed to Amy, along with a business card that she’d scrawled her personal number on the back of. “If you ever have questions or just want to talk, about anything, don’t hesitate to reach out.”

Amy nodded, accepting the items. “Thank you,” her voice was still a bit hoarse, but sincere. The ‘thank you’ referred to more than the business card.

Ty hovered by the door, unsure if he was supposed to ask how it went. Amy saved him from having to choose.

“I thought you were gonna meet me at the truck,” she said when they stepped back out in the drizzle.

“I wasn’t sure how long you were gonna be so I figured I’d check out their reading material.” No need to mention his Kit encounter or the fact he didn’t want to leave himself exposed in case she decided she had something more she wanted to say after all in the form of a closed fist.

What he didn’t anticipate was her still being in town and witnessing him walk out of the clinic with Amy as she left the pharmacy across the street. Kit’s arms fell to her sides as she watched with a hurt frown while they climbed in Ty’s truck and drove off together. Liar.