How could you do this babe?

In Breakable Heaven chapter one! Here we go!

Summary: Reader’s ready to celebrate her anniversary with her boyfriend, but things don’t go as planned. 

Warnings: Cheating, swearing, drunk people

Word Count: ~2100

“…leave a message at the beep.”

You couldn’t help but be disappointed that he didn’t answer, but didn’t mind leaving a message. “Hey babe, I was able to close the bookstore early! I should be to yours in the next few minutes if you want to celebrate early. I know you like to have ample time to get ready, so I guess I just wanted to warn you. Anyway, I love you. See you soon.” You left the voicemail as you walked to your car. Tonight you are celebrating your three-year anniversary. You even changed into your brand new lingerie to surprise him, wearing a long coat to hide it in public. It felt a little bit wrong not wearing real clothes, but you were determined to make this the best anniversary celebration yet.

 The drive to his apartment was relatively uneventful. A light rain started about halfway through the five-minute drive. As you pull up to his apartment building, you notice the lights on in his room. “Good, he’s home” you think to yourself as you open the door, shuffling inside from the muggy DC weather. As you approach the apartment door, you can hear the soft music of the playlist you made last month featuring all of Taylor Swifts most romantic love songs. Your heart flutters as you think of the kind gesture. Of course, he would be thoughtful enough to put on music as you arrived at his apartment. Unlocking the door and untying your coat at the same time proved to more difficult than anticipated, but you managed to nudge the door open whispering “happy anniversary baby” in the sultriest tone you could.

 As you took in the rest of the apartment, your heart burst. There were roses everywhere. Candles lit a path to the bedroom. Maybe he did know how to be a romantic. Dropping your things on the counter and sliding your coat off the rest of the way, you tip toed into the bedroom to surprise him since he clearly did not get your message. The next sixty seconds felt as though time stopped. Or, more accurately, you froze and everything else in the world took on an impossible speed.

As you pushed open the bedroom door, three things caught your attention. First, you felt a surprising amount of resistant as you pushed the door over a bundle of clothes you didn’t recognize. Second, you heard the bed bouncing against the wall. Third, you saw streaks of auburn hair running through you’re boyfriend’s hands as he mercilessly pounded into a woman you didn’t recognize.

 Apparently, your entrance was too quiet for either of them to be interrupted. All you could manage was to slowly retreat into the living room, closing the door, but knocking into a side table.  You could hear them as they stopped moving, running to the door to investigate the noise. All you wanted was to get out of there though. Throwing your coat back over your lingerie, you grabbed your purse and keys, slamming the door shut. You didn’t even turn around when you heard him opening the door and calling your name. Whatever he had to say was not worth your time anymore.

 You couldn’t get the image of the two of them in bed together out of your head. You were feeling absolutely everything at once. You felt betrayed. You felt sad. A small part of you was actually glad you had a reason to end it. It had never felt like the kind of relationship that would move on. But still, you thought you were happy with him.

 But mostly, you were pissed. Rightfully so, but you had no idea where to go or what to do. Your blind adrenaline carried you to the car, and you wound up at a bar. You don’t even remember starting the car, much less driving, but you knew you needed something to drink. You ran inside, ordering tequila shots to drown the sadness, and sat at the bar. As you sat at the bar, contemplating your existence, a man walked up to sit next to you. You had your fair share of practice with this scenario. You had mastered the right mix “fuck off” and “sorry, I’m taken” to get men like this guy to back off with just a single look. But right now, all you could manage was a halfhearted grin that very clearly said “you do not want to deal with my emotional baggage right now.” It was all in the crazed look in your eyes, you were sure of it.

 Nobody else came up to you while you were there. You couldn’t help but think over the past three years with him for signs that he was unfaithful. You couldn’t come up with any, the cheating bastard. He must have been pretty good at hiding the secret phone calls and date nights. But then again, you had your own secrets. Not that they would have made him feel like you do right now.

 After sitting long enough to consume four shots of tequila, two vodka sodas, and one dark and stormy, reality set in. All you wanted was to curl up in a ball and scream. Or cry. You were obviously not returning to his apartment, but you couldn’t go back to your own either. There was too much there that reminded you of him. The idea of walking in there to see his sweatshirt on your couch made you feel sick. You were teetering on the edge of a full breakdown when the idea struck you. Penelope.

 Penelope Garcia is your best friend. You met her at a Doctor Who convention the same day you met he who must not be named. She was there with Kevin, but they broke up a while ago. The realization that you could go to Penny’s couldn’t have come at a better time. Ha. Penny. You only call her that when you’re drunk. She’ll know what to do. You opened your phone, barely able to call up the Lyft to take you to her apartment. It’s honestly shocking you didn’t fall asleep on the seven minute drive there. Whatever, all you needed now was to get inside and forget about him.

 After entering the building, you tried the elevator. Of course it was broken. It took you about thirty six minutes to hobble your way up two flights of stairs to Penny’s floor. With each step, you considered texting her to come get you, but you knew the second you saw her you would break down. You absolutely did not want to start sobbing on these stairs. Too many people could see you. Finally arriving to her door, you were exhausted. Mentally and physically drained. Knock knock knock “Penny?” Knock knock knock “Penny?” Knock knock knock “Penny?” you imitated the Big Bang Theory, knowing the small joke would make you smile, even if just for a second. When the door finally opened, you vaulted in for a hug, not even opening your eyes.

 As you squeezed Penny, you finally broke out into a fit of sobs. Whisper yelling, you told her as much of the story as you could remember. “Penny, thank god. I left wo-ork early to surprise Dr-Dr-Drew for our anniversary – hiccup – but he was having s-s-se-sex with someone else…” you let out a strangled sob, not noticing how stiff Penny felt in your embrace. You buried your head into her as you continued “So I got very drunk and came here. Was he cheating on me this whole time?” You asked as your tears turned back to rage. “I even went out and bought this stupid, uncomfortable underwear to surprise him” you shout as your coat had begun to fall open again. After what felt like an hour of crying, but in reality amounted to no more than 60 seconds, you finally noticed something was odd. Two things lead you to a simple conclusion that was somehow difficult to comprehend in your drunk state.

 First, Penny felt taller. Second, she was wearing converse. Upon noticing these two facts, your hands traveled up the body you were hugging until you found shoulders. Turning your head up, your eyes followed the path your hands had just taken. This series of events lead to the obvious fact that whomever you were hugging was absolutely not Penelope Garcia. Penelope was in fact not even in the foyer, but rather a very attractive, tall man with slightly curly brown hair and eyes like honey was staring back at you. And you couldn’t take your eyes off him.

 --

Reid’s POV

 Spencer hadn’t actually had anything to drink since arriving at Garcia’s. No, he just drank prior to that point. Normally, he didn’t drink at all when his team got together, but this was just worth celebrating. Another serial killer was behind bars for life because of the work the team did today. Hell, even Hotch and Rossi stayed for a few hours before they left. As part of the “young crowd” on the team, he had stayed at the bar longer than the two older men before the group of you retreated to Garcia’s. Hers was the closest apartment, and everyone else wanted to keep the party going. Spencer couldn’t help but join them, not wanting to return to his empty apartment after the long day they all spent testifying.

 Finishing his second glass of water, he began to get up to get more and maybe some for the group when everyone heard the knocking. The group laughed as three consecutive “Penny’s” came from the door. “Reid, can you get that since you’re already up?” Garcia asked, motioning toward the door. “It must be Y/N. She always calls me Penny when she’s drunk.” He obliged. He obviously remembered Garcia mentioning Y/N before, but he had never met her. He swung the door open, expecting a drunk friend of Garcia’s. He was not prepared, however, for said drunk friend to throw herself at him, grasp him in an alarmingly tight hug, and start sobbing. He could barely make out what you were saying through the sobs hearing “surprise Drew”, “anniversary”, “sex”, and “drunk” before you practically screamed “I even went out and bought this stupid, uncomfortable underwear to surprise him.”

 It was clear you meant to be pouring her heart out to Garcia, but you hadn’t yet realized who answered the door. For the first time in his life, Dr. Spencer Reid couldn’t think of words to say as you ran your hands up his body to his shoulders. You were clearly taking in the information required to come to the conclusion that he is not in fact Penelope Garcia. As your eyes met his, all he could do was stare. He made every effort to keep his eyes level with yours, but one glace was all it took to be ingrained in his memory forever. He wouldn’t have looked, but the movement of your coat caught his eye as it revealed the exact type of surprise you had planned for whoever Drew was.

 The two of you were frozen, unsure of how to proceed. You looked just like he did- a deer in the headlights. Neither of you could move. Neither of you could speak. You could both hear Garcia’s voice as she stumbled down the hallway, but it sounded distant. It wasn’t until the mystery woman broke eye contact that he backed away. Trying desperately to control the blush he were sure had made its way to his cheeks.

 --

 Y/N’s POV

 The moment was broken as you felt Penny turn you towards her. The flush on your cheeks only grew as you kept your eyes on the tall man as he retreated into the living room, not having said a word. “Y/N… Y/N? Y/N!” Penny had to yell slightly to get your attention. “What happened? What are you doing here? I thought you were celebrating tonight?” She asked rapid fire. You could tell she was also a little bit drunk.

 You told her everything. The words practically falling out of you as you started crying again. “Oh babe, I’m so sorry. Here, let’s get you inside.” Penny started to guide you into the living room, but you froze “Wait! Can I borrow some clothes before I go in there? I don’t need to flash anyone else right now.” You whispered. Penny laughed, “Of course! Who did you fla- ohhh. Reid.” She said, trying to hold back the giggles.

 “Yes. If that is the very tall man with the perfect eyes and the completely tuggable hair.” You responded, not quite filtering your thoughts, as you were still very drunk.

 “I’ll be back in a jiffy!” Penny replied, not knowing how else to respond to the fact that you are very clearly attracted to the young doctor, but also going through shit right now. She would just file away this information for later.

taglist:

@mac99martin​ 

15x15: Gimme Shelter

Then:

Dean used his words to save the world once

Now:

At a food bank community center, three teens dole out food while stressing out about one attendant who’s breaking their cleanliness rules. Connor heads over to talk to the woman, but is stopped by the center’s pastor. The pastor challenges Connor’s motivation. ”We have rules, but we also have spirit too, right?” The pastor tells Connor to lead with compassion, so Connor brings the woman food instead of kicking her out of the building. 

Later, Connor walks home. Much like all other cold open walks, this one also involves a solitary alley. He hears someone calling his name. Trying to find the source of the voice, he trips and finds a talking teddy bear, and a metal hook around his neck.

Dean and Sam discuss research. Sam’s found a non-case, while Dean’s hit the jackpot in Atlantic City. Specifically, an unexplained blackout has him thinking that Amara’s enjoying her new gambling addiction on the East Coast. 

Cas pops up and thinks he should go with the brothers, but they tell him to stay put and babysit Jack. I say TFW is just better together, but I’m not writing this episode. Hrmph. The brothers are packed and ready to go, but Jack stops them in the war room to ask about the case Sam found.

Sam tells him it’s nothing. Dean encourages Cas and Jack to investigate --to keep Jack busy. Cas seems skeptical, but Dean insists.

Agents Swift and Lovato meet with the local law enforcement to learn more about the case. Sweet Jesus is it cute that Cas continues to use pop-star names. It’s cute that Jack takes after his father with the upside down badge. It’s cute that Jack recognizes the teddy bear and says he has one (Did Cas buy it for him? He has a history of buying stuffed animals for his quasi-children.) 

The sheriff tells them about the victim, and how the word ‘Liar’ was carved into him. 

Jack posits that this all seems demonic. 

Cut to Cas digging into the ground at a crossroads. Time to get some information. Cas buries a picture of himself that Dean took when he was wearing a cowboy hat (Don’t worry, Dean still has his copy, and keeps it safe…. for reasons.) and Jack sets up a social media account. He’s WAY under 13 years old, so he needs a parent’s permission. Cas grants it easily. (Also, ALSO!! ALSO, there are NOT too many cats on the internet. This writing is so OOC, smh.) 

A demon appears. 

He’s channeling his inner Crowley, and I suddenly miss the bugger for a moment. Zach, the demon, is very bored and desperately wants something to do. He’s not really British and tells the duo that no one's making demon deals right now. Rowena’s of the philosophy that “people will end up where they belong.” Cas realizes their mistake and moves to leave.  “Sam was right, it’s not a monster,” Jack laments. “He was half right. Sometimes humans can be the worst kind of monsters,” Cas adds. 

At the community center, a woman locks up, and grabs a whole lotta cash from the donation box before she bails. Once outside, she hears a voice call her name. She looks around but sees nothing. She turns back to her car to find a masked individual. A weird editing choice cuts back to her...and commercial. 

Cas checks in with the brothers. Dean tells Cas to be wary of those “Hallelujah types” and I’m like, wha? Cas is an ANGEL OF THE LORD. He’s been around the block, Dean. Lol for looking out for your BFF, tho. Also, second awkward moment of the episode when Dean just hangs up on Cas? I’m…

Sam voices his reservations about the whole finding Amara --lying to Amara --killing Amara plan. Say it louder for the brother in the seat next to you, Sam! 

(Boris: I’m just going to insert this in the middle of this recap and never mention it again. Can we trust Billie? Is her plan actually something that is GOOD for our TFW 2.0? What is her agenda and does it align with what we want? What if what SHE wants is as equally bad as what Chuck wants? What if we as an audience are getting played right now??) (Natasha: What if the strings she’s pulling are emotional and she’s playing a dangerous game of chicken with Dean’s rage and Chuck’s entitlement?)

Jack joins the community center. He watches Dr. Sexy the pastor in a prayer circle, and talks to a disillusioned young woman who asks him to fill out a form before walking away. 

Cas walks in separately and wanders over to Dr. Sexy the pastor praying with a parishioner, and tells him about the cash stealing Valerie. She never made it home. 

Cut to Valerie tied and gagged. Her hands are in an elaborate guillotine. She wakes. Her screams are muffled. A TV turns on and flashes the word ‘Thief’. And one of her fingers gets chopped off. A timer starts on the TV. AND WE ALL RECOIL. 

Jack finishes the paperwork and tries to talk to the girls working the food line. The one girl storms off, upset. Jack follows her and tells her that he didn’t mean to upset her. 

She tells him that Connor and her dated. Well, they watched a lot of old movies together.  (AHEM! AHEM! AHEM! “I’m your Huckleberry.” AHEM. Please stop the clowning, it hurts so much.) 

Jack confesses to the girl that he lost his mother. The girl tells Jack that her mom died three years ago, and now it’s just her and her emotionally unavailable father, the pastor. “I have more dads than most, and I’m always just feeling like I’m letting all of them down.” JACK!!!! The girl tells Jack to trust God, not people. 

And we laugh, and laugh, and, guh, laugh. 

Cas, meanwhile, meets with Dr. Sexy the pastor. 

Cas interrogates Dr. Sexy Pastor about whether anyone else has gone missing recently. Well, there was one guy who used to work for the “faith-based community” but they parted ways. Cas and the pastor enjoy a little god talk. Cas, the weary angel, opines that God just doesn’t care. The pastor has a different take on faith - it’s about the people of his church doing what they can to take care of each other. We learn that this church recently changed from a fundamentalist branch to something more welcoming. Connor was able to come out as gay due to the changes, so some good happened. (Hindsight thoughts: this makes his death and the “Liar” all the more awful.) “A saint is a sinner who keeps trying,” the pastor concludes...and if that ain’t the truth about Cas!

Sam and Dean are on the too-slow train to Atlantic City when Amara drops in during a gas stop and invites them out for pierogi. 

At Patchwork, the pastor asks Jack to share his journey of faith during a prayer circle. Jack falters, and Cas steps in. “I do know what blind faith is. I used to just follow orders. Without question. And I did some pretty terrible things. I would never look beyond the plan. Then, of course, when it all came crashing down I found myself lost. I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore. And then one day something changed. Something amazing. I guess I found a family. And I became a father. And in that, I rediscovered my faith. I rediscovered who I am.” BRB crying!

Later in the cafeteria, Jack asks Sexy Pastor, M.D. how he brought together so many people with different ideas of religion. “It’s not about what they believe. It’s what they do,” he reiterates. (I imagine, for a moment, an ending where Jack calls out to the whole world and all living creatures and Heaven and Hell unite to win the final confrontation and make a better world together.)

The tranquil moment is interrupted by the TV turning on to security feed footage of the victim. The timer runs out and she loses another finger and screams and screams. Jack rushes over to the TV and pulls out a USB stick from the back.

Meanwhile, the Winchesters dine with Amara.

They bring up Chuck’s destruction of the other universes and tell her they have a plan to stop him. They’ve got a nephilim on their side AND he’s super powerful. All they need is for Amara to help them trap Chuck and...WHAMMO. Amara gently refuses to betray her brother. She lays some new mythology on them. She and Chuck are twins - creation and destruction - and their splitting apart first brought life into the world. 

Cas and Jack barge into the church’s ex-AV tech’s room. And by that, I mean, Jack gets hurled through another door? Um. Okay. The part of me that grew up with 3 Stooges is HERE FOR IT, tbh. 

They discover the guy is dead, chained up in bed with cuffs, with the word “lust” painted above him.

Getting ready to leave town, Sam’s ready to accept Amara’s choice. Dean “Fuck Acceptance” Winchester heads back inside and corners Amara. He asks why she brought back Mary. 

Amara tells him that she wanted him to see that the apple pie dream life he’s always striving for isn’t real - that Mary was only human - and BETTER because of that. Amara thought that would help him to accept his life. Amara also thought that having Mary back would release Dean from his anger. 

He leans forward and lets her know that he’s furious. Everyone in this universe is trapped, he tells her - including her. And she’s doing nothing. Amara falters in the face of this, and then asks him if she can trust him. “I would never hurt you,” he LIES TO HER FACE. She tells him she’ll think about it.

That evening Sylvia, the pastor’s daughter, listens to her friend gush over the social media attention she’s getting after posting about the torture video. In a flash of rage, Sylvia stabs her friend and races away. Dr. Sexy Pastor finds the current (still alive) victim just as Sylvia catches up to him. She accuses him of laughing at her mother after her mother died from trying to heal by prayer rather than medical science. She accuses him of changing the church that her mother grew up in. Jack jumps into the fray and gets stabbed for his trouble. When Cas arrives, Sylvia is quickly subdued by his Vulcan forehead tap of slumber.

Cas yanks away the restraints from the victim (SOOOO strong) and then heals her fingers back on while the pastor looks on in wonder. 

For So Strong Science:

Later, they gather outside while Sylvia gets taken away in cuffs. The pastor still cares about his daughter and vows to get her help. The driver of the car is Zach the crossroads demon? Oookay. 

Cas and Jack drive home. In the truck of feelings, Cas asks Jack why he couldn’t share during the prayer circle. Jack confesses that he’s been lying. The spell Billie is doing with him is turning him into a bomb to be used against Chuck and Amara. It’ll work - they’ll cease to exist. But Jack will be obliterated too. “This is the only way they’ll ever forgive me,” he tells Cas. 

Cas is horrified. He can’t watch Jack die again! Cas refuses to watch Jack die again, but Jack seems to have fully embraced this as his necessary fate.

Back at the bunker, Dean heads for the whiskey bottle late at night when he spots Cas shuffling towards the exit. Jack’s settled in his room, Cas reports. Cas then tells Dean he’s going to look for “another way.” 

Oh AND, “In case something goes wrong and I don’t make it back, there’s something you and Sam need to know…” 

FADE. TO. BLACK.  

The Se7en Deadly Quotes:

You guys go Highway to Heaven that bitch

You look greener than Baby Yoda

“Did anyone find any tiny bags with chicken bones inside?” “Did anyone smell sulfur?” “Did anyone feel cold?”

There were too many cats

Where can I find the Kool-Aid?

I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person

It was a gift, Dean. Not a trial

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

It is long passed the time to say “no more”

There’s little argument to be had that 2020 has been a nasty year for most. As the pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel grows slowly larger, there is still adversity to face and conquer. Here in Newfoundland we have been both remarkably lucky and unusually compliant in our pandemic fight, and it has led to a very low (proportionally and in raw numbers) caseload. Some of that is no doubt due to the excellent leadership and swift decision-making of our two Premiers over the period, and mostly Doctors Haggie and Fitzgerald. The former, our Minister of Health, has even become a social media sensation for his quoteable sound bites that brought some levity to the early days of the pandemic. How there isn’t yet a YouTube compilation of those is a mystery to me.

With that said, Dr. Haggie has not been able to avoid controversy. Aside from going ahead with a fundraiser on the same day as he told people to cancel their work Christmas parties, he also made a couple of unfortunate comments about people coming to Newfoundland. I emailed his office at the time to explain why they were troubling (saying “if you come from away, you better stay away” when you are in a province that literally could not function if people took that literally is likely unwise), and to this day I have not received so much as an acknowledgement from him, his staff, my MHA Jim Lester or his staff.

Today, during the regular press briefing, Dr. Haggie was asked why people who are not from Newfoundland are still being allowed to come to the province. This was asked in light of the fact that we have seen a tiny uptick in cases (relatively speaking) over the last month, all of which are due to travel and many of which are due to non-residents coming to Newfoundland. Before we get into his answer, some context.

In the past couple of months, as cases have been identified in the province, we have seen the media reporting not just that the cases were related to travel, but also whether or not the person is a resident of the province. In some cases, we have seen from whence they arrived. Newfoundland can sometimes be an insular place at the best of times, but our relative success in managing the pandemic has joined with the “don’t bring the virus here” rhetoric to produce some truly nasty attitudes. It is not unusual, and I would venture so far as to say it is now commonplace, to see comments along the lines of “why are we letting outsiders in?” and “send them and their virus back where they came from.” Heaven forbid the traveler’s place of origin be Asia, because then the knives become barbed hooks.

As an immigrant who is now a citizen, this sort of rhetoric is scary enough. As a person with brown skin, it is worse. To see anonymous people extolling such hatred is genuinely terrifying. There is a word, a very ugly word, for the fear or distrust of people from other places:

Xenophobia.

That’s what I was worried about in the blog entry above, and that’s what we are seeing now. People with accents, non-Newfoundland license plates, non-white skin...all are being looked at with distrust and open scorn from this (for now) small segment of society. But it’s growing, and I fear the more cases we see identified as being from non-residents the worse it will get. 

Bringing it back to today’s question at the briefing, it would have been the absolute perfect time for Dr. Haggie to strongly and unequivocally denounce this growing sentiment. He and Dr. Fitzgerald could, and perhaps should, have taken the time to explain that these people are just that - people. If they are here, they are here for a reason and their presence has been approved. That they were unlucky enough to be sick is not because they aren’t Newfoundlanders. I’m sure some medical facts could also have been thrown in here. Explanations as to why we as a province need people to come here. Pleading with people not to scare away visitors, because when this pandemic is finally under control we are going to need them in the worst way.

Dr. Haggie did none of that. Instead he opted to list reasons we need to let people in to the province, and then moved on to another question. He, and Premier Furey, need to speak up now. It needs to be a clear and loud denunciation of this xenophobic behaviour. We cannot allow this concept of “dirty foreigners” to fester, because that infection will spread faster than COVID. 

Dr. Haggie, Premier Furey, you’ve done well so far leading this province through the quagmire of a pandemic. This is a crucial part of your leadership, and you must act before flashpoint is reached. It’s time to lead. 

The Sword of Swift Justice

Thoughts on episode eight, ‘Winter of Our Discontent’:

This episode was like the ghost of predictions past for me…

The promo picture called Cheyenne Jackson’s character ‘Dr. Rudy Vincent’, but his name in the show is Dr. Vincent Anderson. Surely this was done to preserve the surprise reveal. Right away, we find out that Vincent is innocent of all but being a lousy shrink. But even then- wait. Is he a lousy shrink? He’s exasperated by Ally, to be sure- but so were we. So was Ivy, for all that she had other issues as well. Rosie, beaming, said that Vincent cured her and he responded by praising the work she’d put in. I thought he had to be loading Kai up on Adderall if nothing else, but nope. Kai steals prescription pads from him. Vincent’s eventual fate stings because it comes right when he’s trying to atone for mistakes he is just realizing he made. I reasoned early on that Vincent might not actually be involved in the cult, but I kind of assumed I was overthinking the whole thing. Nope again. Although… there was something a little creepy about the description of “pinky power” (which sounds even sillier than pinky promise), in my opinion. At any rate- RIP, Vincent.

I guess Bebe Babbitt… went missing? I don’t know, but the ladies of the cult are still pissed about being pushed aside. It’s gotten worse, actually, because now they’re stuck cooking for and serving Kai’s army of blueshirt drones. Ivy mentions The Handmaid’s Tale, which I’ll get back to later, and Beverly relates how Kai is manipulating the city council into going along with his decisions. The bit about the gated community is decent class-war commentary. Then it’s time for story time with Winter.

How did Kai-That-Was become the Kai we know? I think it was after the trailer’s release that I called Kai a manipulative whackjob with a messiah complex. But then back in ‘11/9′, we were given the impression of relative- if perhaps dreary- normalcy until Ms. Anderson commits a murder-suicide. This definitely effects him. A mutual of mine (@loonyloomis) pointed out that this was when Kai stopped cutting his hair- Adam Sheppard tease!- and he later gets into peddling fraudulent prescriptions. But he seems to bounce back for the most part, despite living in a house with two rotting corpses. Then the two younger Anderson siblings go to Judgment House on a lark, which Winter presents as the defining turning point in Kai’s life. Symbolically, it makes sense. In a twisted parody of a church, a horror *house of judgment*, Kai is stripped down to his essence- and found wanting. His first instinct upon realizing that Pastor Charles is torturing and killing people is to rescue them, which he does while Winter runs to save herself. This is Kai at his most genuinely heroic. He saved four people, including Winter, from terrible torment and death- not to mention any other victims Pastor Charles would have found. Now just take a minute to imagine how differently things might have gone if Kai had done as the female victim suggested and called the police. But he didn’t, because the better angel of his nature fails. Instead of shining a light on a great evil, he becomes it. He denies Pastor Charles’ victims the justice they choose to do as Winter suggests and kills him, becoming a killer. This- not his parents’ death- is the crack in Kai’s soul, the fissure in his mind. Everything since has been psychodramatic fallout and Kai bringing others down with him. He’s trying to convince himself and everyone around him that he’s on the rise when he is in free-fall.

I’m not sure how prevalent they are overall, but (fake!) Judgment Houses do definitely exist in the South. I specifically remember going to one that was split between heaven and hell. Everyone kept wandering back to hell because the heaven side- white sheets with scripture written all over them- was boring. Parts of Judgment House reminded me of ‘Se7en’, specifically Sloth. That’s undoubtedly deliberate, especially since Winter already name-dropped Fincher last episode. And randomly, AHS co-creator Brad Falchuk dates Gwyneth Paltrow. Others have mentioned similarities to the ‘Saw’ series, but I’ve never seen any of those. Rick Springfield was fine, but Pastor Charles would have been a nice little role for Denis O’Hare.

Anyway. Winter wants to try to reach Kai, because she believes that can happen. They’re all members of a murderous clown cult, but what do I know? Ivy and Beverly agree to give her some time. Winter and Kai meet, and we learn that Kai definitely knows how Harrison died and doesn’t care. They do a pinky power session and shit gets strange fast. Kai has decided, apropos of nothing, that they need to have a messiah baby. And for whatever reason, Winter has to be its mother. Logically, one’s mind goes to incest. But no- it’s going to be so much weirder than that! Kai says they’re going to have a threesome with Detective Samuels but somehow Winter will remain pure. At first I thought maybe Kai was just looking for an excuse to have sex with Samuels, but later events in the episode turned that idea on its head. Winter eventually calls the whole thing off because it gets to be too much nonsense for her. (I mean, it wasn’t until then?) Between the robes and the song and the behavior of all involved, it was undoubtedly one of the most bizarre AHS scenes ever- cringy as hell, but also hysterical and… oddly fitting in a satirical way? In the popular imagination and in reality (to a lesser degree), cult practices are often oddly sexual, cobbled together, and perversions of religious rituals. Kai has a degree in religious studies. Is he trying to sanctify what he and the cult are doing? His opening salvo during pinky power might lead us to believe he’s simply testing Winter, but I don’t know. The whole scenario also evokes ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’, a modern classic about women’s disenfranchisement via reproductive slavery.

As for Winter, what’s her deal? Why was she trolling “social justice warriors” with Kai? Sibling bonding? She seemed to be enjoying it. Was she perhaps also changed by Judgment House? Was her response to the trauma a hard left turn? But she swears to love and be loyal to her brother, who is politically on the opposite shore. In ‘11/9′, she told Ivy she wants to serve someone powerful. It’s all rather baffling. Regardless, Winter wearing a dunce cap and throwing recycling on the side of the road because Kai “doesn’t believe in global warming” is one of the funniest damn things I’ve seen all season. The following confrontation between her and Samuels- especially the line about losing when Hillary did- might suggest she would get more radical and truly join forces with the other women, but that’s not what happens. Instead, she… sells Beverly out? What? In turn, Beverly reads both Kai and Winter for filth.

We *finally* get a little backstory on Samuels, which I’ve been waiting for despite not caring about the character. I suspected he was a Nazi type way back in ‘Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark’, and I was right. He was also a dirty cop pre-cult, although it’s a little rich for Winter to accuse him of being a criminal when- once again- they’re both members of a *murderous clown cult*. He life is complicated by being gay and internalizing homophobia. Kai sees this and immediately goes to work, feeding Samuels a line of misogynistic bullshit and then fucking him for good measure. Kai seems particularly into it as well, which is interesting. I rather wonder how Evan would describe his character’s sexuality. So did Samuels just not care about Harrison at all? It didn’t seem like their involvement was only physical. I specifically remember them cuddling on the couch and discussing their favorite housewives. Eh. RIP, Samuels.

Finally, we have Ally to consider. We see her holding one of Oz’s toy trucks before inviting Kai over to rat Vincent out. She claims to be afraid of nothing now, and that’s after Kai has already noted a change in her. Their little exchange about Manwich is cute, as is her deliberately calling Speed Wagon ‘Aerosmith’. (Seriously, where did the drones’ names come from?) In the final scene, we see that that some drones have taken to wearing the masks of fallen clowns. Ally, staring Ivy down, is wearing the mask of Kai’s former “favorite”- the only one who impressed him. That’s no coincidence. Rise, Ally.

Lord, grant me tenacious winsome courage as I go through this day. When I am tempted to give up, help me to keep going. Grant me a cheerful spirit when things don't go my way. And give me the courage to do whatever needs to be done. In Jesus' name, Amen. - Dr. Ray Pritchard  "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

[Psa 21:1-13 NKJV] 1 To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David. The king shall have joy in Your strength, O LORD; And in Your salvation how greatly shall he rejoice! 2 You have given him his heart's desire, And have not withheld the request of his lips. Selah 3 For You meet him with the blessings of goodness; You set a crown of pure gold upon his head. 4 He asked life from You, [and] You gave [it] to him--Length of days forever and ever. 5 His glory [is] great in Your salvation; Honor and majesty You have placed upon him. 6 For You have made him most blessed forever; You have made him exceedingly glad with Your presence. 7 For the king trusts in the LORD, And through the mercy of the Most High he shall not be moved. 8 Your hand will find all Your enemies; Your right hand will find those who hate You. 9 You shall make them as a fiery oven in the time of Your anger; The LORD shall swallow them up in His wrath, And the fire shall devour them. 10 Their offspring You shall destroy from the earth, And their descendants from among the sons of men. 11 For they intended evil against You; They devised a plot [which] they are not able [to perform]. 12 Therefore You will make them turn their back; You will make ready [Your arrows] on Your string toward their faces. 13 Be exalted, O LORD, in Your own strength! We will sing and praise Your power.

[Jer 8:4-17 NKJV] 4 "Moreover you shall say to them, 'Thus says the LORD: "Will they fall and not rise? Will one turn away and not return? 5 Why has this people slidden back, Jerusalem, in a perpetual backsliding? They hold fast to deceit, They refuse to return. 6 I listened and heard, [But] they do not speak aright. No man repented of his wickedness, Saying, 'What have I done?' Everyone turned to his own course, As the horse rushes into the battle. 7 "Even the stork in the heavens Knows her appointed times; And the turtledove, the swift, and the swallow Observe the time of their coming. But My people do not know the judgment of the LORD. 8 "How can you say, 'We [are] wise, And the law of the LORD [is] with us'? Look, the false pen of the scribe certainly works falsehood. 9 The wise men are ashamed, They are dismayed and taken. Behold, they have rejected the word of the LORD; So what wisdom do they have? 10 Therefore I will give their wives to others, [And] their fields to those who will inherit [them]; Because from the least even to the greatest Everyone is given to covetousness; From the prophet even to the priest Everyone deals falsely. 11 For they have healed the hurt of the daughter of My people slightly, Saying, 'Peace, peace!' When [there is] no peace. 12 Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? No! They were not at all ashamed, Nor did they know how to blush. Therefore they shall fall among those who fall; In the time of their punishment They shall be cast down," says the LORD. 13 "I will surely consume them," says the LORD. "No grapes [shall be] on the vine, Nor figs on the fig tree, And the leaf shall fade; And [the things] I have given them shall pass away from them." ' " 14 "Why do we sit still? Assemble yourselves, And let us enter the fortified cities, And let us be silent there. For the LORD our God has put us to silence And given us water of gall to drink, Because we have sinned against the LORD. 15 "[We] looked for peace, but no good [came]; And for a time of health, and there was trouble! 16 The snorting of His horses was heard from Dan. The whole land trembled at the sound of the neighing of His strong ones; For they have come and devoured the land and all that is in it, The city and those who dwell in it." 17 "For behold, I will send serpents among you, Vipers which cannot be charmed, And they shall bite you," says the LORD.

[1Co 6:12-20 NKJV] 12 All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. 13 Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body [is] not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14 And God both raised up the Lord and will also raise us up by His power. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make [them] members of a harlot? Certainly not! 16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body [with her]? For "the two," He says, "shall become one flesh." 17 But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit [with Him]. 18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit [who is] in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

You should have a wird of reflection in every twenty-four hours, for which you should set aside one or more hours. The best time for reflection is the one in which are the least pre-occupations, worries, and more potential for the heart to be present, such as the depths of the night. Know that the state of one’s religious and worldly affairs depend upon soundness of one’s reflection.

Anyone who has a share of it has an abundant share of everything good. It has been said : ‘An hour’s reflection is better than a year’s worship.’ ‘Ali, may God ennoble his face, has said: ‘There is no worship like reflection.’ And one of the gnostics; may God have mercy on them all, said: ‘Reflection is the lamp of the heart; if it departs the heart will have no light.’

The ways of reflection are many.

One, which is the most noble of them, is to reflect on the wonders of God’s dazzling creation, the inward and outward signs of His Ability, and the signs He has scattered abroad in the Realm of the earth and the heavens. This kind of reflection increases your knowledge of the Essence,

Attributes, and Names of God. He has encouraged it by saying: Say: Look at what is in the heavens and the earth! (10:101)

Reflect on the wondrous creations He has made, and on yourself. He has said: In the earth are signs for those who have certainty, and in yourselves; can you not see? (51:20-21)

Know that you must reflect on the favors of God, and His bounties which He caused to reach you.

Remember the favors of God, that you may succeed. (7:69)

Should you (attempt to) number the favors of God, you would not be able to do so. (16:18)

All good things that you possess are from God. (16:53)

This kind of reflection results in the heart filling with the love of God, and continuously rendering thanks to Him, inwardly and outwardly, in a manner that pleases and satisfies Him.

Know that you should reflect on God’s complete awareness of you, and His seeing and knowing all about you.

We have created man, and We know what his soul whispers to him; and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein. (50:16)

And He is with you wherever you are, and God sees what you do. (57:4)

Have you not seen that God knows what is in the heavens and the earth, and no three (persons) converse but that He is their fourth? (58:7)

This kind of reflection results in your feeling ashamed before God should He see you where He has forbidden you to be, or miss you where He has commanded you to be.

Know that you must reflect on your shortcomings in worshipping your Lord, and your exposing yourself to His wrath should you do what He has forbidden you.

I created jinn and men only to worship Me. (51:56)

Do you think We created you in vain, and that to Us you will not be returned? (23:115)

O man! What is it that has deceived you concerning your Generous Lord? (82:6)

This kind of reflection increases your fear of God, encourages you to blame and reproach yourself, to avoid remissness and persevere in your zeal.

Know that you must reflect on this worldly life, its numerous preoccupations, hazards, and the swiftness with which it perishes, and upon the hereafter, and its felicity and permanence.

Thus does God render the signs clear to you, that you may reflect on this world and the hereafter. (2:119-220)

But you may prefer the life of this world, when the hereafter is better and more abiding. (87:16-17)

The life of the world is but distraction and play; while the Last Abode is indeed the Life, if but they knew. (29:64)

This kind of reflection results in losing all desire for the world, and in wishing for the hereafter.

Know that you should reflect on the imminence of death and the regret and remorse which occur when it is too late.

Say: The death that you flee will indeed meet you, and you will then be returned to the Knower of the unseen and the seen, and He will inform you of that which you had been doing.(62:8)

Until, when death comes to one of them he says: ‘My Lord! Send me back that I may do good in that which I have left!’ No! It is but a word he says. (23:99-100)

O you who believe! Let not your wealth or your children distract you from the remembrance of God! up to: But God will not reprieve a soul whose time has come. (63:9-11)

The benefit of this kind of reflection is that hopes become short, behavior better, and provision is gathered for the Appointed Day.

Know that you should reflect on those attributes and acts by which God has described His friends and His enemies, and on the immediate and delayed rewards which He has prepared for each group.

The righteous are in felicity, and the depraved are in hell.(82:13-14)

Is the one who is a believer like the one who is corrupt? They are not equal. (32:18)

As for the one who gave, had taqwa, and believed in goodness, We shall ease him into ease, (92:5-7) up to the end of the sura.

The believers are those who, when God is mentioned, their hearts tremble, up to: they will have degrees with their Lord, and forgiveness, and generous provision. (8:2-4)

God has promised those among you who have believed and done good works that He will make them rulers over the earth as He made those before them rulers. (24:55)

Each we took for their sin; on some we sent a hurricane, some were taken by the Cry, some We caused the earth to swallow, and some We drowned. It was not for God to wrong them, but they wronged themselves. (29:40)

Hypocrite men and hypocrite women proceed one from another; they enjoin evil and forbid good, up to: God curses them, and theirs is a lasting torment.(9:67- 68)

Believing men and believing women are helping friends to each other; they enjoin good and forbid evil. up to: and good pleasure from God which is greater; that is the supreme gain. (9:71-72)

Those who do not expect to meet Us, are content with the life of the world and feel secure therein, up to: and the end of their prayer is, Praised be God, the Lord of the Worlds! (10:7-10)

The result of this kind of reflection is that you come to love the fortunate, habituate yourself to emulating their behavior and taking on their qualities, and detest the wretched, and habituate yourself to avoiding their behavior and traits of character.

Were we to allow ourselves to pursue the various channels of reflection we would have to forgo the brevity which we intended. That which we have mentioned should suffice the man of reason.

You should with each kind of reflection, bring to mind those verses, hadiths and other narratives relating to it. We have given an example of this by quoting some of the verses related to each kind of reflection.

Beware of reflecting on the Essence of God and His Attributes in the wish to understand their nature and how they exist. No one ever became enamoured of this without falling into the abysses of negation (ta’til) or the traps of anthropomorphism (tashbih). The Messenger of God, may blessings and peace be upon him, has said: ‘Reflect on the signs of God, and do not reflect on His Essence, for you will never be able to give Him His due.’

Source: Imam ‘Abdallah Ibn ‘Alawi al-Haddad, The Book of Assistance, translated by Dr. Mostafa al-Badawi.

Face to face with a deadly King Cobra - Childhood memories by Dr Jose Poulose

The villages of Karnataka are very scenic, full of luscious green trees and seasonal rains, especially in the regions of Malnad, the central agrarian belt of the state. I was born and raised in a tiny village called Kogally, which is a picturesque hamlet full of rain forest, belonging to Chickmaglur District. My parents had moved down there from the neighboring state of Kerala, also known as, 'God's own country'. Chickmaglur received international attention in 1978, when the late Mrs. Indira Gandhi used it as a launching pad for her historic come back after the humiliating defeat of 1977. I have many fond memories of my childhood, which includes a quiet walk through the jungles, finding bird nests, fishing expeditions, enjoyable times with Grandpa who was a famous hunter, and also of being in the audience of 5 people during one of Indira Gandhi's road side speeches at our village bus stop! As they say, " You can take a boy out of the village, but you can never take the village out of the boy". Literally true in my case! Our village was also famous for Cobra's, the deadly, poisonous snake. "Agumbe", which is world famous for King Cobras, is less than two hours drive from our village. Our house is located in the midst of a sizable area of land where snakes wandered through often. My father, a renowned social worker in the area, also had a part time hobby- that of killing Cobras, every time he spotted one! It was a familiar scene back in the days of him chasing a deadly Cobra! On the edge of our land, we had a tiny pump house, where a motor pump was set up, which was used to pump water for house hold needs. It only had one entrance door. Immediately after you enter, there was a wooden beam that ran across the tiny room, right beneath the roof. I was 5.10" and had to bend slightly while entering so that I would not hit my head against the beam. As kids, one of the big tasks my brother and I had to perform was to turn this pump on and off. One day, during the first year of my medical school, I was home for vacation and on a certain evening, I entered the pump house to start the motor. After starting it, I immediately turned back to come out and to my horror, found a King Cobra hanging down from the beam. It had a furious look and had coiled itself around the beam. Story has it that Cobras take revenge when its partner is killed and my father had recently taken down one in the area! During the next couple of minutes that followed, I faced probably the scariest moment of my life! I realized that it was a King Cobra when I saw its hood. There was no way of getting out without passing under the beam on which the Cobra had positioned itself. When I made a small move to the left, the Cobra moved to the left, intensely gazing towards me while hanging down from the beam. Same if moved to the right! It only had one goal and that was to attack me with a deadly bite! I screamed and called out for my parents and my older brother, but our house was far away from the pump house. We had people working in our farm, and they may have helped me to tackle the crisis, but they had finished work a few minutes before I stepped into the pump house. There was not a single soul anywhere near who could come to my rescue! For the first time my life, I concluded that I was going to die. Death was staring me in the face and the King Cobra had perfectly positioned itself for the ultimate strike! I said my prayers and thought of ways to get out. I realized that I had no choice than to make a swift move to get out. As I tried to sit down to position myself for an escape, the Cobra stuck its tongue out and got ready! I have no idea to this day as to how I did it, but in one of the fastest moves that I have ever made in my life, I squatted for a moment and leaped out of the pump house. I was almost 100% sure that the King Cobra would jump down on me during my way out. As I stepped out, I found a metallic pickaxe lying right outside the pump house within my reach and I immediately grabbed it. As I made a rapid turn towards the pump house, I saw the Cobra within striking distance, positioning itself for the mortal strike on me. I had no option but to kill it and in a rapid split second move, I struck its hood. The rule in killing Cobras is that you have to get it right during the first strike and I was right on target. It was all over within seconds and the King Cobra lay flat on the ground, after I crushed its head repeatedly to make sure that it was dead. Feeling like a hero I picked it up to show it to my family. When I came home, everyone was amazed that I was able to take it down. My mom cried initially and said that she had spotted this particular Cobra lurking around in the area a few times before this! We thanked God almighty for His mercy. He is the creator of all beings, including the King Cobra! Although a section of the society still worships Cobra as a god, it is after all one of the deadliest creeping creatures you can find on the face of the earth! If you want to worship it, go for it! But remember that it can take you down at the most unexpected moments. Little over 2000 years ago, on the Mountain of Calvary, Jesus crushed the head of the other serpent, the devil! The enemy of our soul, that ancient serpent has been defeated, thus fulfilling the ancient promise that God gave to Adam and Eve in that Garden of Eden after their disobedience. “And the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” So the LORD God said to the serpent: “Because you have done this, You are cursed more than all cattle, And more than every beast of the field; On your belly you shall go, And you shall eat dust All the days of your life. And I will put enmity Between you and the woman, And between your seed and her Seed; He shall bruise your head, And you shall bruise His heel.”” ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3:13-15‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ I thank God almighty for preserving my life from that mortal attack. I thank my Lord Jesus, whose invisible hand of protection had been over my life, even during the moments I was unaware of it. During the final year of my medical school, I felt convicted of my sins one day and suddenly the fact that Jesus died on the cross for my sins became a reality! I confessed my sins to the Lord Jesus Christ and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior! He left the glories of heaven and angels worship to come down to the Cross to die the most miserable and painful death. He was forsaken of the Father and crushed for our sins. Do you know this amazing Savior? If not, come to the cross. There is still room there for you! With His arms open wide and nailed to that old rugged cross, Jesus is waiting for you! Do you feel that gentle knock at the door of your heart? Jesus says, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” ‭‭Revelation‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ May the Lord Jesus bless you and your family! May you know Him and the power of His resurrection! Amen.