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ruinconstellation · 5 months

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Fic recs for The Hands of the Emperor

@rattyjol @wingedscribe @savrenim @far-sector @ariaste, and if you know an author’s tumblr handle and I haven’t yet tagged them, please do pass this along!

SPOIILERS AHEAD. Most of these contain spoilers for Artorin Damara's secret name, and some have other spoilers.

Trial by Fire by astrocryptographer. Rating: Teen and Up Audiences. No warnings. 4,040 words, 1/1 chapters. Relationship: Kip/HR.

Cliopher sayo Mdang trials as the Sun-on-Earth’s personal secretary. Incidentally, they learn that the taboo against eye contact has lifted, and that the one against touch has not.

Refraction by astrocryptographer. Rating: Teen and Up Audiences. No warnings. 9,249 words, 1/1 chapters. Relationship: Kip/HR.

“If each of my two natures, I told myself, could be housed in separate identities, life would be relieved of all that was unbearable.” -The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde In a lonely tower, a young man without a name mixes a potion out of an old alchemy book, and in the mirror Fitzroy Angursell looks back.

Hold on Forever by SunInGlory. Rating: Teen and Up Audiences. No warnings. 16,959 words, 2/2 chapters. Relationship: Kip/HR.

Kip hated the sense of desolation in the man's voice, the despair, the resignation at the foundering of the ship that was his ke'ea. No one should have to give up— “You could always stay here,” he offered. “No one would ever know.” The man’s head popped up in astonishment—and, for the first time since coming in through Saya Dorn's pantry, he looked right at Kip, directly into Kip's eyes. (in which the newly crowned Emperor keeps tumbling through to Saya Dorn’s house.)

In the Office of Friendship by astrocryptographer. Rating: General Audiences. No warnings. 3,079 words, 1/1 chapters. Relationship: The Imperial Household.

First Commander Omo suggested that his Radiancy retire, and that was bad enough, but then he just. Kept talking. Imperial Guardsman Elish was going to need a second vacation. If he survived this conversation.

Protocol One by astrocryptographer. Rating: Teen and Up Audiences. Warning: Major Character Death. 18,836 words, 4/4 chapters. Relationship: Kip & HR.

Protocol One: The Unexpected Death of the Lord Magus of Zunidh (the Last Emperor, the Lord of Rising Stars, the Sun-on-Earth, all ten thousand of his titles, his Radiancy, Cliopher’s dear friend)—how it is followed, and how it is not, and how the world somehow continues to turn.

Bloodstained Threnodies by astrocryptographer. Rating: Mature. Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings. 2,113 words, 1/1 chapters. Character: HR.

The Emperor of Astandalas died so that the Empire could live. The Empire in return sustained the Emperor with blood: a perfect, vicious symmetry which stabilized the magic of five worlds. We were never certain when precisely in our reign it could be said that we died. (The Emperor is a vampire.)

Arrest by astrocryptographer, complete series, 72,212 words, 2 works. The Arrest of Cliopher Mdang, rating: Teen and Up Audiences, no warnings, 69,381 words, 13/13 chapters. Acquittal, rating: General Audiences, 2,831 words, 1/1 chapters. Relationship: Kip & HR, the Imperial Household.

When the Last Emperor and Lord Magus of Zunidh declares Cliopher an enemy of the world, a threat to peace and prosperity, a Terror to rival those of the fallen Empire, what else can he do but live up to the legends? (or: the Moon Lady sets a curse on His Radiancy, causing him to hate Cliopher in an inverse of the love he bears. How can Cliopher break the curse?)

with a winged heart by celebros. Rating: Explicit. No warnings. 33,064 words, 6/6 chapters. Relationship: Kip/HR.

"Cliopher. Cliopher. Cliopher." I blink. It's Conju, standing with his hands on my shoulders, and I go to answer him and realize that I am already speaking, babbling, and Franzel is behind him, wringing his hands and looking near tears. I try to focus on what I'm saying, but it's like a stream, light and splashing past me, too quick to hold, not enough to catch, somehow, somehow – (A few weeks before the start of the viceroyship ceremonies, Kip finds himself the unwitting recipient of a truth serum.)

Inner Guard by rattyjol. Rating: Teen and Up Audiences. No warnings. 903 words, 1/1 chapters. Character: Ludvic Omo.

His grandfather had liked to say that every piece of wood had something beautiful inside it, calm and quiescent like a wingfinger on a cold morning. It took a sharp knife and steady hands to bring it forth, but it took a carver’s eyes to show it the sun and let it fly.

Friday Keeps Coming Next by rattyjol, complete series, 44,495 words, 2 works. Friday Keeps Coming Next, rating: Teen and Up Audiences, no major warnings (temporary character death), 38,198 words, 10/10 chapters. Thursday Won't Ever End, rating: Teen and Up Audiences, no major warnings (again, temporary character death), 6,297 words, 1/1 chapters. Relationship: Kip & HR.

On Cliopher's first day as imperial secretary, breaking the taboo of eye contact causes a perpetual time loop for Cliopher and His Radiancy. What could go wrong?

The Virtue of Being True by electropeach. Rating: Teen and Up Audiences. No warnings. 15,685 words, 3/3 chapters. Relationship: Kip & HR, the Imperial Household.

"You're under an enchantment, Cliopher. The good news is that the protections his Radiancy has placed on you have shielded you; the bad news is that the protections that block the spell are also reflecting it, meaning that instead of you it affects everyone who comes near you. You may have noticed an unusual propensity for candor in your vicinity today?" (A reverse truth serum plot leads to Cliopher having a very strange day.)

The Ones We Call by Name by ketchupblood. Rating: General Audiences. No warnings. 7,222 words, 1/1 chapters. Relationship: the Imperial Household.

He was the Emperor, the Sun-on-Earth, and the Lord of Ten Thousand Titles. For just a moment, he let himself hope that someone might dare to call him by name. Or: his Radiancy realizes that his personal secretary and the groom of his chamber are... friends.

Dispatches from the Junior Secretariat by wingedScribe. Rating: Teen and Up Audiences. No warnings. 62,321 words, 8/14 chapters (no cliffhangers). Relationship: the junior secretaries (Gaudy, Tully, Zaoul, Eldo, Iro, Iri), Kip & HR.

Gaudy Vawen is leaving home to follow his uncle. Eldo Vardes is doing the same to defy his father. Zaoul wants to find the answers to questions only he is asking, and Tully wants to find problems only she can sort out. They collide in Solaara, where they find the Imperial Bureaucratic Service poised to aid the greatest transition in government since the Fall. And also, where they find themselves the somewhat-captive but very intrigued peanut gallery to the lives of both Cliopher Mdang and His Radiancy the Emperor. A retelling of parts of Hands of the Emperor through the the sometimes-comprehending, often-bemused, always-intrigued eyes of Gaudy, Tully, Zaoul, and Eldo as they grow and advance in the Service.

Epithalamion by oliviacirce. Rating: Explicit. No Warnings. 10,611 words, 1/1 chapters. Relationship: Kip/HR.

"Right," Zemius said. "So—when Dora asked His Serene and Radiant Holiness the Last Emperor if the regency ceremony was a wedding, it reminded me of something, and well, Kip, I don't think you're going to want to hear this, but the thing is—it was a wedding." (in which the Viceroyship ceremony was accidentally a wedding)

a buried and a burning flame by savrenim. Rating: Mature. No warnings. 16,538 words, 1/15 chapters. Relationship: Kip & HR.

Cliopher Mdang's hands were stained gold years before he came into the Emperor's service. (Or: the one where Kip went home after the Fall accompanied by Tor, a ghostly man, and returned to Solaara with golden soulmate marks on his arms.)

flies far, far home by nsmorig. Rating: General Audiences. No warnings. 5,576 words, 2/13 chapters. Relationship: Kip & HR.

In Astandalas in the years before the Fall, far from home and desperately lonely, Kip makes a friend. If the Emperor can be a man without a soul then, logically, Kip can be friends with a soul without its associated man. (daemon au, albatross style)

Not a fic. A Fancy-Man and Foreign: A Case Study of Cliopher Mdang by Ariaste. Nonfiction meta, an analysis of the cultural byplay in The Hands of the Emperor. 9,909 words.

soon, they said, if not today by Ariaste. Rating: Teen and Up Audiences. No warnings. 44,417 words, 4/4 chapters. Relationship: Kip & HR.

Cliopher passes the Imperial exams on the first try. It changes everything. (In which Cliopher Mdang meets the Emperor two years after his reign begins.)

one for sorrow, two for joy by Ariaste. Rating: Teen and Up Audiences. No major warnings (warning: imprisonment). 35,528 words, 4/4 chapters.

The Emperors of Astandalas did not have daemons. Cliopher knew this could not, technically, be true. Thinking this thought, even in the quietest whisper in his deepest heart of hearts, was undeniably treason, but…. facts were facts: The Emperors of Astandalas, though worshipped as gods on earth, were each of them born a human being before they were apotheosized by the crown and by law and custom. Every human being had a soul; therefore, every human being had a daemon. So the Emperors of Astandalas must have had daemons. But by tradition and ritual and magic and taboo: The Emperors of Astandalas did not have daemons. (daemon au, manatura style)

hélouzithe, hélouzanth by nsmorig. Rating: Explicit. No warnings. 7,546 words, 1/1 chapters.

In court’s long sleeves, the Astandalan greeting, gripping the forearms, might not involve any actual contact of skin, and Cliopher’s hands are holding his sleeves, but Cliopher is not in court’s long sleeves, and his fingertips spread across the curve of skin before the elbow.

Works containing At the Feet of the Sun spoilers that I haven't read yet but these authors are definitely skilled:

dream only of stars and songs by electropeach, 70k words, 3 works, rating: T.

when every no turns into maybe by Ariaste, 30k words, 5/5 chapters, rating: T.

Lastly: if you have any fic recs for HOTE, please add them to this post!

#long post #op #ruinconstellation recs #fic rec list #wow i haven't done these in a long while #the hands of the emperor #nine worlds #thote fanfic #hote fanfic

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squirmywet · 2 months

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i really struggle with feeling guilty after doing omo, how do you deal with this (if you actually need to)

that's a good question!!

Feelings are difficult, because even if you KNOW why they're not reflecting reality, you still HAVE them. However, there's a couple of things that Ive found useful when dealing with the prude in my head.

One is to make sure- before Ive started- that I know what Im doing, what Im going to allow, what my outs are in case I want them. This means that when Im down off the high and looking back, I can tell myself things like: okay, but nobody is hurt, yes? Okay, you didn't do anything you didn't want to, yes? So, the reason you're feeling bad right now isn't because you did anything wrong, or got hurt, but because of cultural expectations.

And thats reasonable (hint: all reasons to feel something are reasonable). Theres a lot of baggage in cultural expectations sometimes, especially when they're about shame. It doesn't mean I did anything bad (I already checked) if I feel this way, it means I live in a society that doesn't like what I'm doing. And now that I've figured that out, it doesn't feel like an overwhelming fog of doom that must be true o! nation.... just a feeling like any other. (TL;DR I try to define *what* Im feeling and *why*)

Another- and/or part of the above- is to limit my emotional engagement in situations where I'm not sure I'll be taken care of in the comedown. Drop happens. That's just one of many reasons aftercare is important. I'm going to assess what kind of aftercare is available to me *before* I begin kinking, and only kink up to the level I trust my aftercare to catch me. For me, making sure I have a shower and some food is important. It's harder to feel gross about myself when I'm clean and my blood sugar isn't crashing. So if I don't have food in the house, or the shower isn't working, for example, I don't hold and wet myself. (TL;DR aftercare is your best friend)

And then a third (or maybe second) thing is just....talk to more people. Especially kinky people, that's the most direct way, but honestly people in general too. Nobody fits the rules about what they should and shouldn't like, not really. Everyone is weird and strange and most of the time in ways youd never think of, because your brain isn't weird in the same directions. It's a lot harder to feel bad about having a piss kink when I'm like, oh yeah, got a friend who [insert thing] and do I care? No, good for them, I hope they get that. So good for me too for my thing. (TL;DR remind yourself you're not alone. You're no stranger than anyone else.)

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a-sweet-desperate-softie · 1 month

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Yooo can we get a storytime on that wetting pretty please with a cherry on top

Haha, sure! Because you said please, of course 😉

I'll start off by saying it wasn't a particularly memorable wetting in the grand scheme of things, but I'll do my best to be a descriptive and nuanced as I can be; it's the way I most enjoy to write these days and the pants wetters at large seem to enjoy it 🥰

***READ THIS*** I am only describing my experiences. I have spent years reading, practicing, and studying how to "play" safely. BY NO MEANS am I suggesting that you take anything that I say as instruction, direction, or anything of the sorts. Please, please, please, read about how much water/fluids are safe to consume in a given time period. ***PLAY SAFELY***

Context

I've been thinking a lot about the variety of sensations that I experience when holding/wetting and the ways in which different beverages cause my bladder to respond in distinct and manipulatable ways. For example, water is surely my favorite thing to hold. There are no irritants and it is not a diuretic, so therefore all you can really do to adjust your experience by drinking only water is control/effect how much you drink, how often you drink it, and how much and how often you're allowed to relieve yourself. Water is what I started with when first exploring omo and it is my control for all intents and purposes. There's nothing like having a bladder filled to the brim with little to no irritants rushing along the process. To quote Dr. Emily Nagoski, if "pleasure is the measure," then the pleasure of (safely) holding nothing but water and food is unmatched.

But yesterday I had a schedule I was keeping to. Sooo, I thought it might be fun to fill up decently with water and then see what would happen if I had some strong diuretic/irritant heavy beverages to see how it would feel to go from holding comfortably to an onslaught of irritation-based desperation. I've recently made the switch from traditional brewed coffee (usually iced/cold brew) to hot chai tea as my primary caffeine source. While coffee surely was a diuretic (and not in the fun, omo kind of way...), the chai I've been drink (Blue Lotus) just makes me have to pee, IMMEDIATELY. Like, for the last few weeks I've been rather quite on here because before I can even think about maybe holding, I already peed twice and feel like I need to go again. So, since my whole sexual journey has largely been shaped by my insatiable imagination thinking up wild, "un-winnable" situations and challenges for me to find pleasure in I thought, hey, fuck me up, Florida, I'll try it.

Story

After feeling the first wave of desperation crash through my body, I knew I could really start fucking with myself. I decided I would have one more big glass of water, then a hard iced tea (5% abv), then a really strong cup of chai with some extra honey to help it go down even quicker 🤤 With the first wave of desperation behind me, I had probably about 30 minutes before I could expect the next, as long as I stayed focussed.

Most of my wetting experiences have taken place in the bathroom, but since I had the place to myself, I decided that I'd try some more situational play.

I MUST keep my pants on.

I MUST keep them zippered and buttoned all the way up.

I MUST keep my belt exactly as it is.

I MUST keep washing the dishes until UNTIL I've leaked, THEN

I MUST put the front window shade all the way up, and

I MUST be visible through that front window as I wet myself.

I was wearing all dark clothing, and the front window is a long way back from the street/sidewalk, so I wasn't really risking being seen more than I was forcing myself to FEEL as though I could be seen. But ignore that if you'd rather imagine my in some cute pastel colors which all get SO DARK at even the smallest little leak.

Jumping ahead 25/30 minutes; I am feeling FULL, and I've finished both the hard iced tea and chai...

So there I was, scrubbing away at some dishes with warm water flowing freely down then length of my fingertips when I felt a gas bubble building. Let me tell you... I have never been more worried that my bladder was just going to collapse in on itself then I was when I tried to pass that little gas bubble! Oh. My. LORD!

The nerve clusters in my pelvic floor are SO well trained. Like, not for nothing, I've routinely done kegels for close to 20 years, can fully separate the sensations and experiences of orgasm and ejaculation (AMAB), and have enjoyed challenging myself with various styles/forms or edging, orgasm control, anal/prostate play, THE WORKS. However, my bladder was at it's limit, and everything felt so intense that I just couldn't make sense of the sensations and distinguish them in a way that I could confidently let that little fart out without risking absolutely flooding my pants.

So, I took a deep breath, gently pressed on my tummy a little above my bladder, and finally, the fucking tiniest amount of gas passed from me, and I was still dry!

Now, for anyone who is familiar with that particular sensation—the feeling of relief on your bladder as the pressure the gas had been providing is finally relieved—but it makes me feel as though I can hold forever, lol. Suddenly, I went from what felt like a 9.5, mere seconds away from uncontrollably wetting myself, down to what felt like 4!

But that relief only last so long...

Within 3 minutes, I went from that 4, RIGHT BACK TO A 9.

It was unreal.

I RAN to the window and through the shade up, stood back so I could stretch my arms up over my head and place each hand against the top of the door frame I was standing in. As I reach my arms up, I could feel the space in my tummy being stretched upward, and like everything that can stretch, as something gets longer, the volume gets narrower (we're all just fleshy rubber bands, people). As my tummy elongated, the pressure against the front of my bladder finally pushed it to it's limit.

I wish I could remember what the wetting itself felt like, but my adrenaline was so off the charts than it just felt like I was in a haze. Either way, I THOROUGHLY enjoyed myself. :)

Long story short, I wanted to be able to enjoy being full, enjoy the sensations of pleasure and desperation building from my toes up, through the shivers and squirms, gasps and grabs. But I also didn't want to have as much control at the end as I usually do. When I'm just holding water I can make that last portion of a hold—the imminent wetting—last for pretttty long, and rather than rapid desperation where I get too ahead of myself and don't allow myself to enjoy the hold as much because I can't wait for the wetting, adding the irritants/diuretic at the end seems to be a really wonderful and hopefully repeatable way to get the best of both.

#omorashi #omo #pants wetting #desperation wetting #pee accident #intentional wetting #stoned omo #a sweet desperate anon

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clandestinker · 1 year

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Romantic Doctor Teacher Kim Season 3 EP 1 🩺

(낭만닥터 김사부 S3)

My favorite KDrama series of all time is backkkk!!! From Season 1 up to now, I still have the same excitement and love for this. The 1st episode is so good. A very good build up, introduction and continuation. Here are some of my favorite parts of the episode:

First, I am amazed in this ultrasound tech. Omo, the upgrade! I remember the old one where they need to slap the machine to work. I'm so dramatic!

Kim sabu surprising the new characters with his magnificent ways which we are so used to but still feels incredible everytime!

Yes, he can!

The fact that the trauma center is connected to the doldam hospital! It is indeed a memorable way of opening this unfinished building with the odd 1st emergency case about NK defectors and the emphasis on medical and political conflict. Omooo I'm so invested! Doesn't disappoint everytime!

Of course, our reset couple now with 3 years relationship. And now living together. Finally in the dating era. Accckkk!

New problematic character. You failed to annoy me because I know you will change. I just know.

Dr. Bae and his bones! He brought it to the plane y'all, his personal scratcher! Jessieee~ Elizabethhhh~

The way Head Nurse Oh used reverse psychology on Dr. Yang. Hahahaha this is so funny!

Cha Eun Jae's father being Kim sabu's rival in Goesan university. This is gonna be good. Will he be an ally or an enemy?

Looking forward to all episodes. I feel nice. ❤️

Recommended 1000/10 all seasons!

#dr romantic 3 #romantic doctor teacher kim #Kim sabu #kdrama #낭만닥터김사부3 #disney plus

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puppyluvstummies · 8 months

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hey hunnies! you can call me pink. thx for checking out my blog ♥️ please read this before following/messaging me!

🍄 you must be 18+ to interact w me or you’re getting blocked, no exceptions.

🍄 yes, this is a kink blog for feedism. i’m a fat admirer/feeder, i am not a feedee.

🍄 if i rb something from you and you want it removed for any reason, pls dm me!

🍄 i’m currently in a relationship. i’d love to make platonic friends within the community, but i already have a piggy to feed, please respect that.

what am i into?

🍰 soft/domestic feedism, weight gain, general fat admiration

🍺 burps/eructo

🍩 belly sounds

🍔 farts/eprocto occasionally

🍕 emeto occasionally (will tag #emeto)

💦 mild omo occasionally (will tag #piss or #omo)

🐮 soft pig/cow/pet play

⛓️ soft bdsm (will tag #bdsm)

🍃 intox (will tag #intox)

🐷 mild humiliation (will tag #humiliation or #bdsm)

fine but nah i’ll pass

❌ immobility

❌ death feedism/health play

❌ fat planet stuff

❌ vore

❌ scat

❌ r*pe kink (some cnc is okay)

❌ furries

❌ ddlg/age regression

absolute no-no’s that’ll get you blocked

🚫 racism of any kind (i’m black)

🚫 sexism of any kind (i’m afab)

🚫 homophobia/transphobia (i’m bi & nb)

🚫 ableism of any kind

🚫 fatphobia of any kind

🚫 creep-shots of fat people incl. celebrities without their permission

🚫 kink art of real ppl/celebs

🚫 pro-ana/pro-ed

🚫 stolen/ai generated art

🚫 stolen content from models (if you think something i rb is stolen, pls lmk!!!)

🚫 zoos, b*astiity, p*dophilia

tl;dr i just want this blog to be a respectful, safe space (for me) to express this kink (it’s my blog). always keep in mind that there are human beings on the other end of what you post and we all just want to have a good time horny-posting. thanks for reading, loves!!

#mine #about me #rest in pickles old about me post

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omo-robin · 5 months

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new fic out. these keep turning out to be twice as long as i expect them to be lmao

#omorashi #fictomo #omo story #dr omorashi #dr omo

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kink-scientist · 4 months

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The Letter Confrontation

WARNING:

This fic has content featuring pee and pee desperation. Mind the tags and don't like, don't read.

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Characters and Pairings: Ted Lasso, Dr. Sharon Fieldstone

Rating: Teen

Word count: 4594

Tags: Omorashi, Ted desperation, Scene rewrite, s2e11 spoilers, Humiliation, Partial wetting, Male Omorashi Made it just in time, Too stubborn/angry to say go, He lets ego get the better of him just a bit

Summary: A scene rewrite were Ted was much more desperate to pee in the s2e11 when he was angry at Sharon and confronts her.

Part of an on going collection of stand alone omo fics for the Ted Lasso fandom!

Ao3 Link here or read below

The Letter Confrontation

Ted was currently with his therapist, carrying her weird folding bike up the stairs. It was unusually quiet for an interaction with Ted for two reasons. One: Ted was fuming mad. Two: Ted was using the rest of his focus and free hand to not wet himself on these steps.

The moment Ted heard that Dr. Sharon had left without a word he was mad. Ted honestly couldn’t remember the last time he was that angry, and it showed as he stormed into the office to grab his stuff. Before anyone could question him he was already running out the doors and to Sharon’s flat in a huff. Unfortunately, she happened not to be home at the time, but he was still mad and stubborn when he wanted to be so that left him to wait outside for her to come back. Even more unfortunately for Ted he had left the club in such a rush that he forgot about stopping by the bathroom before he left. It wasn’t all his fault really, he had expected them to have a party after and was going to visit the bathroom after getting the Doc. Once he was told of her absence he was so angry he had completely forgotten about his plan in favor of confronting his therapist. It wasn’t until he was leaning against the fence and time calmed his mind that he realized he still had to pee and that he was going to have to wait. The need wasn’t horrible at first, just a slight pressure in his abdomen that he could easily ignore with some mild distractions. His phone worked well enough to provide them for a time, playing games on his daily puzzle app. Eventually as time passed and his need grew and standing still became harder so was focusing on his sudoku, the ignorable pressure growing into an almost constant thought of need. His feet shuffled briefly as he tried to switch to an idle game hoping to find more distractions to keep his mind off this full bladder. It took less time for this app to start being inadequate as a distraction, but it didn’t stop him from trying as his leg bounced faster and faster. A sudden wave of desperation hit him and pulled him from his idle game, his thighs involuntarily squeezed together as his hand clenched around his phone. Once the wave passed he quickly put his phone in his back pocket and shoved both hands in his pants pockets. Something in him, either manners or shame, kept him from grabbing himself outright, so he hoped to indirectly hold himself via pockets.

The one benefit of him being alone while waiting was he could move without drawing attention to himself. Even with there being a path close by he was still alone and a guy just shuffling around wasn’t something a bystander would look twice at. His hands grabbed his groin in his pockets as he slowly paced back and forth, combatting any wave of need with a quick march in place.

At the time he hadn’t even debate trying to find a public bathroom, what if while he was gone Dr. Sharon would show up and he missed her. No, he was determined to speak with her and he would stay put until he did.

Even with all his fidgeting at the time he was still confident in his ability to hold it. His movement was more to make him feel better as he waited anyway, it’s not like he couldn’t keep still if he needed to.

Everything was fine.

Everything was not fine.

Ted had not tried to look at his phone since putting it away, but if he had to guess how much time passed he would bet money on an eternity. He was seriously regretting not stopping by the bathroom before making his way over, hell he was regretting not finding a public bathroom sooner. There was no way he could find one in his current state so now he was left with no other option but to wait for Dr. Sharon and he really really hoped she would get here soon.

The fidgeting, he was sure was controllable before, was now erratic and felt like a need as he crossed and uncrossed his legs. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets, pressing as hard as possible against himself to keep his khakis dry. God, had his belt always been this tight? Its buckle was pressing harshly into his already full bladder, if he wasn’t out in the open he could have reached to loosen it. It was one thing to practically be hopping in place, it was a whole different thing to undo his belt out in the open. He really didn’t have a choice but to fold his legs, tightly squeezed them together.

A spasm in his bladder forcing an involuntary quiet groan, “O-oh, jeez louise.” his body hunched in on itself with his right knee banding and barely crossing over the other. As the heels of his hand pressed harder against his crotch, bunching the front fabric of his pants together, he thought that maybe it was time for him to cut his losses and find a bathroom if he even had time for that. He took deep breaths to try and calm his mind without relaxing his muscles as the spasm passed and he let up the pressure of his hands. His muscles were getting weaker, he could feel how tired his abdomen and thighs were and the stretch in his bladder was near unbearable. If he was gonna move he had to go now. With one last deep breath he unhooked his knee, planted his right foot on the ground and lifted up his torso.

Now that his head was up it seemed that, finally, Ted’s luck had turned around because just now rounding the corner of the path was Dr. Sharon on that folding bike. And luckier still she hadn’t seen him yet.

The joy he felt from seeing her, and knowing relief was so close, was short lived as he remembered why he was here. Quickly he felt anger bubbling up again. Apparently that was the only thing that could distract him from how badly he had to pee, the reminder of how mad and hurt he was for being abandoned. With sheer stubbornness to be taken seriously, and embarrassed to be seen doing the potty dance, he clenched his muscles and thighs together and took his hands out of his pockets to cross at his chest. He couldn’t suppress a quiet whimper from the removal of his hands and his legs were trembling but he could keep a brave face.

“Well well well. Look what the weird bike rode in.” He spat at Dr. Sharon as she finally saw him and dismounted her bike to walk it over. A twinge in his bladder reminded him of his predicament, an uncomfortable squirm rocked his legs for a moment. Oh he was well past the point of staying still.

“Ted,” She watched him curiously as one leg crossed behind the other, the toe of his sneaker tapping against the cement behind him, “how long have you been standing out here?” The reminder of how long he had waited made him squirm again. He flushed as he realized there was no way he was going to hide this, he needed to use the bathroom now so there was no time for subtleties.

“A long time.” He fought the urge to grab himself as his bladder begged for the relief he knew was near, but he was still very upset. “And I really gotta use the john too, but I’m gonna hold it a little longer cause I’m so dang ticked off at you!” She seemed either shocked or confused as she looked at Ted’s shifting form. Perhaps not very shocked about his statement of need, but still a little thrown off by the direct anger from Ted. She snapped out of it pretty quick as honestly she should have expected him to want to reach out, even after the letter. Some of it was unexpected but so was life.

“Let’s go to my flat, Ted.”

“Please.” He said, still sounding angry despite really needing something she had more than ever.

He was able to walk pretty normally for the most part, the movement helping to ease some of the pressure. The moment ended once they got to the stairs and stopped, the swollen feeling caught up with him, to his horror Dr. Sharon was bending down and folding up her dumb bike. He uncrossed his arms as his hands almost flung to clench his fists at material against his front thighs, thighs that were now slightly shifting as another spasm hit his bladder. “Ah, why don’t I just carry it up.” He didn’t want to know how long it would take her to fold that thing up but he had definitely carried it before, he could do it again.

Probably.

“Ted, that's nonsense.” She didn’t even look up as she continued to fold the bike, “You said it last, it is much easier to carry when folded. It will just be a moment.” Ted almost groaned. He couldn’t keep still as he waited for her to finish with that bike, shifting from foot to foot tapping the tip of his toe behind him with every shift.

To her credit the bike was folded very quickly, and he even saw a way to hide a helping hand. “I’ll still carry it.” He reached forward and grabbed the handle before Dr. Sharon could, holding the mess of metal to his lap, “We can go quicker that way.” Subtly he put his free hand back in his pocket, celebrating at the help of his hand once again.

“Fine,” She knew better than to argue with Ted, especially now with his…predicament, “follow me.” She did her best to move quickly up the stairs with Ted close behind, pausing half way up to ‘catch his breath’.

“I was right. It’s a lot easier to navigate that hallway,” Ted set down the bike against the wall, “with this thing all folded up.” His bladder screamed at him knowing how close relief was, all he had to do was ask where her bathroom was.

“Thank you for carrying that up-”

“Why did you just leave?” He was talking with one hand while the other stayed in his pocket pressing at his groin, shifting to different positions every few seconds.

It felt like the longer he stood there the more full his bladder became, every second getting more and more desperate. But his emotions seemed to want to come first, his anger clouding his impending need as it snowballed around him. He was furrowing his brow and tried not to fully dance in place, deciding instead to bounce on his heels.

“Sorry, I’m not good at goodbyes. Ma-” She was going to offer the bathroom before he cut her off.

“Well, when I was a baby, I wasn’t good at walking and talking,” The hand in his pocket dug harder as he felt his bladder spasm again, “b-but I stuck up with it and look at me now.” He regretted that last statement, seeing as how he was currently holding himself through his pants and dancing like a child to keep from messing his khakis. Heat rushed to his face at the realization that he could end this but he was just refusing to.

“Did you get my letter?” Dr. Sharon was almost starting to sound angry at Ted’s insinuations.

“Yes.”

“Did you read it?”

“No!” Now could be a good opportunity to excuse himself from the conversation and ask for the bathroom, he thought as he paused for a moment.

“We had a whole thing planned for you.” Apparently not, his free hand shaking as he gestured, sweat was starting to grow on his forehead as his squirming worsened, “Do you know how hard it is to get grown men to learn choreography? Almost impossible.” reaching into his pocket, taking out an envelope doing small marches the entire time as he couldn’t reach it right away. This movement stretches his already aching abdomen making his bladder throb with need. He promised himself another minute. “Heck, we even got you a gift.” He threw down the envelope immediately once he grabbed it along with the letter she wrote, since his movements were a bit jerky at the moment. “Spoiler alert. It’s a bunch of cash.”

Sharon was in a tough spot. Part of her was very concerned about Ted’s obvious need for the loo but he was acting quite emotionally already. She didn’t want to make him feel worse by saying something directly when he still obviously had big things on his mind he wanted out. She knew he didn’t like when he felt his feelings got ignored and she wasn’t about to do that to him. Come what may she was here for what Ted needed. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” He looked at her expectantly, willingly letting another opportunity miss him.

“But, Ted, you knew I was leaving.”

“I did, but I thought I was gonna get a chance to say good- O-oh oh goddess golly geez.” His face froze in a gasp as a spasm stronger than any before wracked his body. His bladder was done being ignored as it gave a strong contraction, demanding full attention and to its need. "I-I can't-" The free hand flew quickly to his crotch as he practically crouched with his legs crossed tightly together. Red flushed across his cheeks as he tried to steady his breathing and held very still.

“Oh dear.” Sharon muttered to herself, she didn’t want to over step but at this point had no idea what she could do to help him, “Ted are you alright?” She stood where she was, keeping her composure as neutral as possible.

Ted couldn’t care right now that he was grabbing himself in front of Dr. Sharon, all of his focus was in clenching his muscles as hard as he could to keep from giving up. But he was starting to lose this fight, for even with all his efforts he felt his muscles fail for only a second or two. Enough for a significant leak, not enough to feel any blissful relief but enough for his briefs start to feel wet. A loud hiss escaped his clenched teeth as he sucked in a breath, clenching his throbbing muscles to stop the flow. By that time he was panting and shaking where he was bent over as the horrible truth filled his head. He was out of time ten seconds ago.

“Ted?” His head snapped up at his name, face flushed and eyes dewy but with anger at her still in his face.

“I-I’m still upset with you, and I am not even close to done talking about this,” he winced as another wave of desperation hit him making his legs squirm together, “but full transparency I really, really have to pee like now, I’m gonna probably explode. Where-”

“Door to the left.” She pointed down the hall next to them, before she could offer help Ted was already dashed down the hall, hand still between his legs as he slammed the door behind him.

The instant Ted was in the bathroom his hands flew to his belt as he danced in place to keep his control. Yanking at the buckle desperately as he hopped from foot to foot, his knees shifting against each other. After a mild struggle, his belt was undone and he was grateful his button and zipper were an easier challenge. Finally free he took an overconfident step to the toilet.

That’s when it happened, another spasm from stretching his legs. He went rigid as he felt another leak start to escape him, his hand flew back to his crotch to stop the flow and his legs crossed tightly. But this one was far longer and harder to stop, no matter how hard he clenched his muscles were too weak to stop this.

“S-shit. No no no nonononot like this.” Ted clenched as hard as he could, his hands squeezing himself hard enough to hurt. His whole body trembled with his struggle to stop the flow, feeling warmth pool onto his hands and down his thigh. He hardly breathed as his mind spun thinking the worst. The last thing he wanted at this point was to wet his unzipped, unbutton pants less than two feet from his therapist’s friend’s? toilet after yelling at her.

By some miracle he managed to stop the flow, but now he was feeling the pain, muscles exhausted and bladder cramping steadily and burning. Some distant part of his brain realized that there was definitely damage done to his khakis after a slip like that, and hopefully the floor wasn’t wet. But a more urgent part of him was just waiting for the urgency to pass so he can get to the toilet without fully wetting himself.

“O-okay. Deep breath" he muttered a pep talk to himself, "You can do this.” He repeated it a few times, worried that moving would cause another leak. Even if he wasn’t 100% sure himself he had to believe he could make it. He can't quite while this close. Once the throbbing in his bladder passed he took a deep breath before unknotting his legs and taking one step closer to the toilet, doing a full and honest to goddess potty dance the last few steps. The movement was enough to keep him from leaking again, but his quivering muscles were only seconds away from failure. By the time another spasm hit his bladder he had already pulled himself out and aimed into the bowl of the toilet. And he got there not a moment too soon.

As he finally let his body surrender, relaxing his tired muscles with a low moan that he hoped wasn’t audible from the other room. His arm rested against the wall to support himself, his legs shaking beneath him as the relief fully washed over him. Using the wall to keep himself up as the sheer rush of his release nearly sent him to his knees before he was finished.

It felt amazing, near orgasmic, almost brought a tear to his eyes, and Ted would rather drop dead here than admit any of that to anyone. After what felt like hours, the flow finally slowed and tapered into a trickle and then nothing, leaving Ted panting over the toilet bowl and only a little wet.

Oh god right, his khakis.

After regaining his breath Ted cleaned off, flushed the toilet and tucked himself into his pants, cringing as he felt the cold dampness of his briefs and his thigh. Really he didn’t want to look, he knew whatever it looked like there was visible damage. He remembers feeling his hands dampen so he knows there is at least a sizable wet spot on the front. Stepping away from the toilet he took a look at his pants, “Oh, gee whiz.” on his khaki’s was a sizable and very dark wet spot reaching all the way to his mid thighs. Luckily ? he managed not to pee on the floor so that’s a check on the old positive side of things.

At this point he wasn’t sure what to do and as he washed his hands and looked at his flushed face in the mirror he thought about just that. He couldn’t go out there and be seen like this, not after everything that just happened and he just said. But he didn’t have any other way of getting out and there were definitely still some words unsaid. With a sigh he sat on the toilet seat and rubbed his face with his hands.

He had no plan, unanswered questions and wet pants and he wasn’t sure what to do about any of those individually much less all at once right now. This was embarrassing as heck and he was starting to feel ashamed that he let his emotion get the better of him to such a degree. Ignoring his own body in favor of anger, nearly causing him to have an accident. Part of him felt so pathetic for letting it go that far, and while he was right by the bathroom too. How could he be so-

A soft knock at the door drew his attention away from self loathing thoughts, “Ted?” Dr. Sharon called through the door, “It’s been some time, I want to make sure you are alright.”

“Y-yeah.” He cleared his throat, how much time had he spent in the bathroom? “I’m fine.” His voice sounded raspy and heavy for some reason. “Hey out of uh curiosity…”

“Yes?” She prompted after a long pause.

“Do you, uhh,” He swallowed, his mouth felt very dry and all his muscles thoroughly exhausted, “think you will be needing the bathroom in the next, oh I don’t know,” Ted pretended to ponder with his voice even as he sat with his hands over his eyes, “30 minutes to an hour?”

There was a long pause, much longer than the one before from Ted. “Doc?” He probed.

“I don’t imagine I will, no.” She gave no reaction, her voice was steady like a rock.

“Ok, ok.” Ted took a shaky breath, “I think I’ll, uh, just spend some time in here if it’s no difference to you.”

“Makes no difference to me.” There were a few moments of silence and Ted’s heart pounding in his ears, “Is there anything you need? Or can I help you with anything?”

Ted chuckled, she definitely assumed the worst had happened. Not far from it but it did help give him a better perspective on the situation, things definitely could have been worse. “Nah I’m fine. Nothing serious.” he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, “Just need some time in here.”

“Ok, I’ll leave you-”

“Aye aye aye not so, fast speed racer.” Ted stood up remembering why he was even here in the first place, his sore legs shaking under him, “I said I was still upset with you and dang it I am.” He stepped closer to the door as if it was the target of his conversation, “I want to finish our conversation right now.”

“Right now?”

“Yes. I do.” He could feel the anger boiling up again, but this time it wasn’t as strong, “It wasn’t fair what you did. My dad left me. My wife left me.” He was still angry but his voice was still soft. “I know you were leaving but I thought I would at least get to say goodbye.” He leaned against the door and slid down it to sit on the floor, his abs already feeling aches from their workout today. “You more than anyone in the world knows how I feel when I get abandoned. And you just left.”

“I wrote about that.” With a shrug and sigh she took her own seat on the floor, her back leaning against the door. The letter she wrote to him held in her hand’s looking far more wrinkled than when she last saw it, “It’s all in the letter I left for you.”

“Oh oh you mean-” He shuffled around checking every pocket, but couldn’t find the letter, “I don’t have it. But that doesn’t matter because I wasn’t going to read that letter. Ever. Okay?” He turned to face the door, moving his hand between him and the door. “You got something you wanna say to me, just say it to my face. Or door- through your door to my face.” She nodded to herself holding the letter gently letting Ted finish his entire thought. “I thought we had a breakthrough.”

“You did.” Her voice was brighter than it’s been the whole time, “You confronted things you had nev-”

“No no no!” His voice was raised, louder than the rest of there through the door conversation, “Not me. I’m talking about us.”

That statement had weight to it, Sharon really wished Ted would just read the letter. At least this was good practice for saying goodbye, “We did Ted.” There was a small ‘Yeah’ from the other side. Sharon straightened up and took a quick breath, “Thanks to you, I’ve learned that expressing my vulnerabilities can help my patients with theirs.” she turned to the door as if Ted could see her making eye contact, “You helped me become a better therapist. And that’s saying something, because I was already fuckin brilliant.”

Ted could feel some of his anger melting away as she spoke and couldn’t help the small chuckle at the end. “That’s nice of you to say.” The sticky sweet feeling only lasted until he remembered. The only reason he knows that now is because he almost partially wet his pants waiting out in the cold to get a proper goodbye from her. “And yet you were gonna leave without letting me know any of that.”

“Ted,” She managed to keep her voice calm, “it’s all in the letter.”

“It’s all in the letter!” His head hit the door with a thud as he threw his hands up in frustration, “It’s all in your le- If I still had the letter I would read it just to get you to stop talking about it.” As if on queue, some paper was slid under the door next to him. He groaned, “Okay, well, fine!” he snatched up the letter from the floor and started to open it, “I’ll read your stupid-ass letter.” Muttering under his breath with frustration as he unfolded the oh so important letter and held it up to read.

Ted made a few overly dramatic ‘hmm’ and ‘mmm’ sounds as he started the letter, “You spelled ‘favorite’ wrong.” The scoff on the other side showed she was listening to his reading. What followed for Sharon was the longest few minutes of her life as Ted read the letter. She held her head in her hands, part of her wished she could see Ted’s face as he was reading and another was grateful for the bit of emotional protection it did provide.

At least they were both vulnerable today.

By the time Ted got to the end of the letter he was sure of two things. One: Dr. Sharon had no intention of abandoning him even when they were in different parts of the world. Two: He really acted like an absolute ass earlier. “It’s a,” he sniffed, his voice getting shaky, “It’s a very good letter.” It was almost too soft for her to hear through the door.

“I feel more comfortable writing goodbye than saying it.” Sharon didn't want Ted to feel like he did anything wrong. She wasn’t considerate in the way she handled this given what she knew about Ted. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Ted neatly folded the letter, gently tucking it into his dry jacket pocket, “I understand.”

There was a few minutes of silence where they both sat together in the quiet, just letting the big emotions settle and disappear in the space. “My train to Royston doesn’t leave till midnight.” Sharon finally spoke up, “Wanna grab a drink? I’m buying.”

“Yeah, okay.” Ted scoffed, “If I can stop by my place, grab different pants, that’d be nice.”

“Yes Ted.” She chuckled, “I think we can manage that.”

#omorashi #Ted lasso omorashi #male omorashi #pee holding #Ted lasso #particle wetting #Richmond Hold

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